lessons from a queer, to you
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- Опубликовано: 23 июл 2024
- ten things I think are very valuable lessons from the LGBT+ community x
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shaaba. shaaba jamie jammidodger lgbt lessons learnt 10 things be yourself ru paul drag race drag queens make up high heels fashion pina colada
Fun fact: If you feel a marriage is "the end of your life" and something "you have to do" - DON'T GET FRICKIN MARRIED!!!!!
A-FRICKING-MEN! Preach!
I told my coworker that I was married and he was like "sorry to hear that" like???? I couldnt be happier with my marriage...
Alex Witteveen djtjgnx im sorry for you skdtjg
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE KARENS IN THE BACK!!!
Holding someone's hand in peace is a privilege.
Facts
Amen to that!
i’ve never been able to hold hands in public with any of the partners i’ve had without getting dirty looks or rude comments
It's so sad but true!
@@thatchaoticqueertheatrekid5870 can we be friends
I have been questioning my sexuality for about 2 years and have now finally confirmed it to myself. So if you don't mind, I'm gonna come out to all you first...
I'm bisexual.
:)
Congrats :)
Always remember you are amazing and treasured and loved regardless of what people say
You are awesome never let anyone tell you otherwise
Stay safe 💛
Congrats! The sweet potato army love you!
Hey, so am I. We have your back.
Congrats Min! Good luck with everything. Love is love and I support ya!
Marriage being a privilege is also very relevant to the disabled community. In some places disability benefits are taken away if your income is over a very low threshold, and that includes your spouse's income. This means getting married very often takes away the much needed and all to small disability benefits that people sometimes need so badly
Eve Moodie I am disabled and when we had kids I was told that I should divorce my husband because then I would be able to get the help that I needed. My husband made too much money to pay for help but too much to get disabled benefits. I stuck it out. 35 years now and my kids are grown. I still remember the shock of being told this.
I think another important lesson found in the LGBTQ+ community (specifically in the aspec part) is that friendships are just as important than romantic relationships, and that you aren’t any less of a human for not being in a relationship. The friends you surround yourself with are equally as important to your life as the people you date, and we shouldn’t hold romantic relationships in a massive pedestal as something that everyone should have if they don’t want to be seen as lesser.
Tbh I don't think this is just an LGBTQ thing, many people experience this in their lives, especially if they come from dysfunctional or broken families, which is extremely common.
Lady Pinkymoe
I agree that it isn’t specifically LGBTQ+! But it is a sentiment most commonly found in LGBTQ+ (especially aspec) that friends are equally as important as romantic partners.
@@annoyingloudmicrowaveculti4373 Oh I see, that makes sense :)
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Finally someone who sais it! Friendships are not worse than romantic relationships, but as important.
About No.3 the original “blood is thicker than water” quote was “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”, meaning the bonds you make are stronger than your genetic ties to people. And then it got changed for some stupid reason.
Edit: sorry, I just realised it’s an interpretation, so just a guess at what it might have originally meant, not the definite original meaning. I still think that this quote has a lot more value than the more commonly known one though.
@@ChaosundSandale help a fello german out. What is the german equivalent to this saying?
@@DeerOfDoom "Blut ist dicker als Wasser". Exactly the literal translation. Maybe its a regional thing and therefore it seems for me quite common and for you rather unusual.
@@DeerOfDoom e.g. my grandmother, who was born in Silesia (Schlesien), said it all the time
english.stackexchange.com/questions/147902/original-meaning-of-blood-is-thicker-than-water-is-it-real
A search gave me this, apparently the 'covenant' interpretation is fairly new (or at least there were no sources found that would contradict that...)
Please correct me if I'm wrong/if you found any sources proving your point.
In any case, though, people can interpret that saying however they want^^
A - ya I does seem that the covenant interpretation is more recent. From what I’ve found, the oldest version of ‘blood is thicker than water’ dates back to 1180 and is in ‘Reinhart Fuchs’/‘Reynard the Fox’ by Heinrich der Glîchezære. It appears in the form ‘ouch hoer ich sagen, das sippe blůt von wazzere niht verdirbet’ or ‘I also hear it said, kin-blood is not spoiled by water’ which could refer to distance (e.g. travelling overseas) not changing one’s responsibilities to family.
So while it seems that the covenant interpretation is definitely not the original that doesn’t mean you can’t use it. As A - ya said you are free to interpret things as you want.
“It’s ok to change your mind.” I think people trying to find their true selves sometimes forget that and the rest of us need to be mindful of it as well.
Ive learnt this recently, in a mind bending kind of way. And I agree, the more people know its ok and normal the better
Oh yeah, I was out as a lesbian for 3 years (16 to 19) and am now really happy with my boyfriend - and that does not mean, that I don't like girls/ women anymore! :D A lot of my friends (plus me) were very confused in the beginning. Now the label pansexual is probably the most fitting for me, but I don't really care about labels anymore :D
" If the gay community did that, nobody would go out with anybody"
*lesbians sweat nervously*
Right?! 😆🏳️🌈
She's so calm and patient and matter of fact with these lessons. I might be silly for saying so but I get strong comforting 'Mama Shaaba' vibes from this video. (Parentally speaking, haha)
My biggest fear is being judged so when you said “people will judge you “ that hit hard
Always remember you are amazing and treasured and loved regardless of what people say
You are awesome never let anyone tell you otherwise
Stay safe 💛
But there will be always people who won’t judge you for who you are those are the people that are important
What I learned from a class mates is i can't change the world but I can pick my fight. I know that some people will judge me for things I didn't chose and thing I did chose . I will ignore it. That doesn't mean that it not hurt when the spit on my. But I know it will hurts more when I don't live my live my own way
MsSimL beautiful words that you have said
People who you do not want in your life will judge you for what you are, while people that truly care about you judge you for your character. You are you and never change for anyone but yourself.
Re #3
People often tout the "blood is thicker than water" to guilt people into being around their toxic blood family.
The original saying has the opposite meaning to what the abbreviated one does: "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb"
Family of the heart ftw!
so, i agree 99% of what your saying, except for the statement “if you can’t love yourself how can you love someone” it’s an outdated statement that doesn’t take into consideration the amount of effort it takes to love yourself. i think if you can love someone, regardless of their flaws and then you can use that as a blueprint to loving yourself. you should not use that persons love to substitute loving yourself but you can use the love you give as a way to look at yourself and say i deserve that. especially as a nuerodivergent person learning how to love myself when i can freely and easily love others. it’s alittle tone deaf tbh.
I agree - it took years of my boyfriend loving me unconditionally before I realised I was actually worth loving, and could then start to learn how to love myself.
If this isn't something you were taught in childhood (or if you have / had other challenges) then sometimes you need someone to teach it to you at a later date and you might not be able to figure it out for yourself.
maddythelion same! or if you don’t have a partner, you can see the love you give to someone and sit back and go “wow, they do this thing that triggers my self-hate but i still love them maybe i’m being too harsh on myself” ya know? like use the love given to teach love.
I definitely was 110% on board until she got to the “love yourself” one. Like everyone says it and sometimes just being neutral is okay. Also I’ve always called bullshit on “if you don’t love yourself how can you love someone else?” Because I love my boyfriend immensely so and definitely don’t have that much self love. It’s not as easy as it sounds and I feel like more people could respect that. Especially for people with depression or other difficulties/struggles.
Agreed! I got a late autism diagnosis and have some catching up to do on the loving myself department. It does not mean I am incapable to or unworthy of love.
Yes! I just made a comment about this. That idea is not only untrue but harmful. It made a previous partner of mine feel like they weren't capable of loving anyone and that they were heartless because they couldn't love themself.
I love this. As an intersexed person, so much of this is my lived experience. Though I have "passed" as a cis gender woman since my mid 20's after my electrolysis, hormone treatments (ongoing) and surgeries. At 60 years old, I have not been much a part of the LGBTQI Community, I just never felt that I could because I felt like an outsider. Though as a young person, I was a "Christian" and because of how I presented, because of my XX/XY chromosomes and how I looked before treatments, I was "accused" of being a "Lesbian" by the Church and forced to go to a "Christian Gay Rehabilitation group" i was not gay, i knew it, i tried to tell them. I kept saying, "I am an intersexed person, I have XX/XY chromosomes, I am attracted to men. I just look masculine because of my physical condition. " they didn't understand. The women in the "Christian Gay rehab" who were Lesbians totally got me. They completely understood that i wasn't a lesbian, but was an intersexed person who identified as a woman. That was my exit from "Evangelical Christianity" that and becoming a nurse. Because, well, science and education. Anyway. Long story, old history. Your and Jamiedodger's wonderful, very educational vids are helping me to find my self, at 60 years old. Thank you.
This video should be renamed to "Shaaba makes sex puns for 3 minutes - and other useful things about the LGBTQ Community!" lmao
Love the video
I totally agree with no.2! Obviously I agree with them all - or I will, I'm not even at no 3
but a lot of people seem to tell trans men that they can't have long hair, they can't be feminine, dress in skirts and dresses. If someone were cis? Oh yeah, that's fine. But then they tell trans men the opposite!
If you wear dresses, you are not any less trans than a trans man who does not. ♡︎
Thank you! I really needed to hear that actually :,)
I really needed to hear that today too - it sucks being a closeted but quite feminine trans guy. Everyone just thinks I'm a weird girl, but I just want to scream at them that I'm not... I watch and listen to a lot of K-pop, especially BTS, and they are generally quite feminine, especially on stage, and it reminds me that cis guys can be fem too. I forget that cause I come from a very traditional household with a mum a dad and a brother and a sister, and my brother and dad are very much masculine and think that they have to be in control (I'm a submissive lil' gay bottom (I reckon) trans guy 😂) and it sucks. Anyway enough of my rant! Love the vid as always and I hope you have a good day (especially if you read all of my rant 😂🙃) luv y'all! X 😘
@@noahangus3618
are we..like...the same person? i am also obsessed with kpop, a very feminine gay trans bottom - well, bi, but yknow - i just?????????
@@noahangus3618 that's exactly how I am too. I denied that I was trans for a long time cause I liked dresses when I was younger and makeup. last year I finally figured out that I want to be seen as a man wearing a dress, not a feminine woman. I ignored my dysphoria for so long and I'm glad that I learned about fem trans guys or I might've still been confused. and I'm a kpop fan as well
@@hideakisorachi3953 honestly I love hearing a) other people realizing that they are trans and being proud of it and b) I love finding people who have had similar struggles to me. I was really confused by dysphoria at first and I just thought it was because I'm not the skinniest or prettiest girl out there, but once I acknowledged that that was dysphoria and realized that I'm trans I then had a whole new set of doubts about why do I like to wear more feminine clothing some of the time, and then when I saw people like in BTS it kinda all fell into place. (For a while I identified as genderfluid but kinda between male and enby, cause I thought that that was more realistic if I was more feminine)
As a white/Cis/heterosexual person think a big lesson for me to learn was, stop trying to relate to the LGBT+ community and start affirming. My struggles are not the same and I do not need to equate to appreciate! Thank you for sharing, Shaaba!
I find it so strange that anyone can think that the sex I have with my girlfriend is somehow less than penetrative straight sex or "just foreplay". There are so many different things we can do and there's so much emotion and connection, nothing could possibly be more than it. And the whole idea of virginity makes no sense when it comes to relationships involving only people with vaginas (not sure the correct way to put that sorry!)
I can relate to that :D The "foreplay" is the best part and I'm so happy, that my boyfriend knows that :)
Lesson learned:
Many straight and cis people may not be able to consume kids.
Really though, you speak of such important things in such a motivating and loving (if that makes sense?) way and ahhh, I just wish I had someone like you as a close friend! That would be fantastic♥
I hope you meant to type conceive because if hetero cis people are eating kids... I'm worried!
Ya I wanna be her friend too :) I obviously don't know anything about you and I completely understand if you don't want to be friends with a stranger. But I'll just put the offer out there...if you want a new online friend, here I am :) Take care
@@bean2954 I was just joking, referring to how she first said consume instead of conceive. Hopefully there aren't actually any people eating children...
@@elysia4982 Aww that's so sweet! I wouldn't mind a new friend :)
Thank you so much for this ♥ I'm a lesbian from Czechia, we have something like a 'registered partnership' which is basically the same as being in a relationship on FB. Although there is a proposal to change the law, our politicians have been ignoring it for 2 years now, so unless they finally get to read it and vote, no one can do anything. And they can still deny it, our president already said that even if it would pass, he would exercise the veto. It's really frustrating, so I'm glad you mentioned that people who can marry should value it more.
I almost went to Czechia this year. It’s a same I won’t get to visit it. I hope your beautiful country improves, and that you get your deserved rights to marry.
Love, from Spain.
I love Lizzo's take on that RuPaul line - If you can love me, then you can love yourself!
Can Shaaba and Jamie adopt me? I'm a nonbinary asexual and my family won't use my pronouns or accept that I don't feel sexual attraction. 😔
That’s too bad hope you’ll find friends that do accept you just know that this community accepts you for who you are
If Jamie and Shaaba don't see the comment, then I will adopt you. Yes I'm probably younger than you, but oh well.
you will find your family, the community has your back
Those people aren't your family until they can accept you. You're perfect exactly the way you are! You'll find your true family, whether it's in the community or it's irl friends. You'll always belong somewhere and love you for who you are, not who they want you to be.
I'm also nonbinary and ace, lets adopt eachother
hey you scrolling through the comments!
- i love you
- you look great today!
- no one but you can know your identity / sexuality etc
- take your time
- have an amazing day :D
also, what's something positive going on right now in your life or just generally ?
Thank you you are so nice
Doesn'treally Matter Aw ty + np I hope you’re good :)
Thank you - I've been doing a lot of photography stuff which I really love recently so I'm more happy than before - life's not perfect but I'm happier now
Kenisha Ghotey that sounds really cool and I don’t think life is ever perfect but I’m glad you’re happier :)
That's sweet😊
“Constructing the mac and cheese” is what I’m calling now. Forever.
Awesome video!
I really hope one of those lessons is where to buy those cool patterened buttonups. If anyone has any ideas please tell me im desperate.
I get a lot of my patterned button up shirts from thrift stores around my city! Also don't be afraid to look in every section because clothing is genderless 💕 I hope you have a lovely day!
thrift stores FTW! I just got one from forever 21 that I'm obsessed with, but it's mainly thrift stores
After watching gay wlw tiktoks for a couple hours straight this was the cherry on top for me
this is so important!! thank you shaaba!!
Yes,dress for you. There will always be someone who hates on what you are wearing no matter what it is. In a group I saw a post that said say something nice and the pic was a nice looking Male in a mini skirt outfit wearing heels. I'd hate to see some of the comments that was made by others for that pic to be chosen.
"Putting the card in the envelope" I will remember this for the rest of my life.
Love the video. You said what has to be said. Remember to love yourself. Do what you want, wear what to want, nobody has the right to pressure you for doing something you don't really want to. Be the king/queen/royalty you are ❤️.
And remember the most important thing : You are the only one that will stay with yourself your entire life. So live for yourself.
But... BUT...
'' riding the poney ''
'' stroking the monkey ''... Shaaba sweetie... No❤️
Almost a year ago I proposed to my boyfriend. Unfortunately we can't get married in our country, and even if we'd got married in a different country our marriage wouldn't be legally recognised in a place we call home. This makes being patriotic a very difficult thing and makes me thinking about emigration... On top of all of this now we have a homophobic and religiously fundamentalistic government, in a XXI century, in a middle of Europe...
Łukasz Lupa Damn hopefully you can figure things out I’m sorry you have to deal with all of that virtual hugs to you and your boy friend
damn, im sorry to hear that you have to go through that my guy.
This is so horrible. I really hope things get better for you (and other LGBT+ people in your country). ♥️
Her videos are always so wholesome
I hope no one is consuming children
haha, yeah not a good idea
Y U M M Y
@@MrThemovie321 😂😂😂😂
What does that mean!
@@lesedintuli1464 consuming you know like eating
Hello! Good to hear these. Have a good morning/afternoon/night!
“Loyalty and respect is earned.” yes. Thank you so much for underscoring this.👏🏻🏳️🌈💜
the loving yourself first then someone else thing - meh. personally, I rather learned that you shouldn't rely on someone else doing the work of loving yourself for you - ie getting into a relationship because it gives you self worth, not because you actually love the other person. I was madly, selflessly, truly in love with my best friend, it didn't work out, my only internal sense of identity (loving someone) shattered, I realized that I needed to reconstruct my inner self, and then when a complete stranger showed slight interest in me I immediately clinged to the possibility of someone doing my work for me and it resulted in a brief but horrible relationship and extra months of me trying to build myself up again afterwards. you absolutely can love someone else before you love yourself. it can be a real and true love. it just might be self-destructive.
Love your videos, Shaaba! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 Very informative and bringing awareness ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Shaaba is the older sister I wanted when I was really struggling in my teens. I hope I can be the Shaaba in someone's life someday.
I love you and jamie!
I really Appreciate this video!!! Thank you!!! Sending love!!!❤️❤️❤️
Never undervalue yourself - one I learnt from the homemade dice community actually
As a D&D player, you have my attention.
@@joycelinlgbtq XD
Also, loving yourself is important, but one bad day of feeling particular not great about yourself doesn’t erase all of the work you’ve put into into loving and supporting yourself. :)
A friend of my father's married his then-girlfriend because "no one better will come along". Needless to say, she cheated on him several times and in the end left him.
😞
May I just say, I have a complete crush on you! You smart and beautiful human 😍
After watching this I told my mom that I want to make a rainbow face mask, and I was nervous about bringing it up, but then she said “I want a rainbow face mask too! Let’s make some!” I’m really happy to have supportive people in my life 🌈
Thank you Shaaba, I needed that today ♡
you feeling alright?
@@mightbeavampire Thank you for asking. I'm Feeling pretty crappy rn. I've been figuring myself out but I am afraid to share it because I'm afraid of sounding silly. Because there's so many more important things I should focus on. Also my mom is turning into rightwing religious extremists Who is cobstantly watching conspiracies and gets more irrational and hateful every day. I am afraid for her sanity and also afraid of her. On top of that my bf and I just had a silly Argument and I feel like he treated me unfairly. It's a lot for me rn but I don't get taken seriously so Shaaba's encouraging video was the only nice thing happening today and I am thankful.
Hana May hopefully your day gets better ok
@@hanamay9069 you are completely valid for all you are feeling
just because someone has it worse dosent mean that what you're dealing with isn't a struggle for you
*virtual hugs*
im sorry about your mum, just remember that her views don't have to be yours
i hope your day will get better and everything will be okay with your bf
look after yourself
@@shycricket05 thank you ♡
" How dare you do this to me?" that's one of my biggest fears regarding coming out to my mum, frankly a big reason i'm still in the closet. Luv ya Shaaba
I really needed this right now! Thank you, Shaaba!
are you doing okay?
I hope you're feeling better and your pfp is really cute ❤️
Alice Bourne thank you🥰
I have so much respect for you and the LGBTQ community. I see you more as a big sister a worldly, knowledgeable, friendly, strong sister. Someone who'll fight for what's right even if people disagree and try to stop you. This video resonates with me so much I'm actually in tears. I spent 30 years trying to be the person my family wanted me to be, spent years being feminine when inside I didn't identify female. It all came to a head in April and I got out. I'm finally able to be the true me, and seeing this video hearing you talk. Thank you, just thank you and thank you Jamie. You both are advocates and the world is richer for having you both. ❤️🌈🏳️🌈
Grab opportunities with both hands!! This isn't to say jump in without thinking or considering the consequences, but if something good comes along, don't let the nerves hold you back!
My life's motto, unoriginal tho it may be, is 'never say never'. Trying new things can open you up to so much. Closing off from them before giving them a try is boring and unfulfilling.
Thank you for this! I can't get married in my country and I'm always jealous of my straight friends because of that : /
Thank you so much, seriously. ❤️
I can’t wait to watch this. Love your vids so much
2:50 Was that a Mulan 2 reference?
like a rock you must be hard, like an oak you must stand firm, cut quick like my blade, think fast, unafraid.
My best video ever Shaaba. Love you 💙
Ooh, excited for the video!
love your videos!! thanks for all you do!
Me: *sees title*
Also me: "Mother shaaba please bless us with your wisdom"
Great lessons, thank you for this episode!!! 💕
Marriage is hard work it's not just to sit on your bum and think it will be awesome then married life aint for you straig gay bi trans setc etc don't matter if you are not ready to put in sweat tears and a heck of love patienc
Yaaas family don't mean blood 🥰🥰
Thank you for this video ♥️
What happen with my spelling I men I'm dyslexic but I wonder if I had to much coffee while writing that 😂
Thank you. I needed to hear this today.
Thank you for this Shaaba, I loved this video.
so wholesome! i love you shaaba!
I really needed this today Shaaba. Thank you.
Constructing the Mac and cheese? 😂😂 Love it
So much wisdom!!! You made my night so much better!
I really needed these reminders, so thank you. :D You're a very cool and very smart person
Thank you Shaaba
i need this as my alarm ,very motivating
These lessons are so important!!! Also, love your positive vibes :)
I love your content, it just makes me genuinely happy so thank you! Needed a smile today and you gave me that 😊
Hi Shaaba! 💕
So very well said, Sooo true on all fronts! Thank you
Shaaba,at the moment you are and Jamie are helping me along my questioning journey and I would like to thank you!
Thanks Shabba
God, I needed this
Haha! This is so great and also so funny! I only subscribed yesterday and after this I am so glad I did!
Why did I let it pass so much time before watching this video..
Thank you so much Shaaba, have a great day you too ☺
You are a gift to this community, Shaaba.
And you, reading this comment, you too are a gift to the community and to the world!
The number of times while watching this video when I out loud said "God, I love you Shaaba" (or some variation) is absurdly high.
Lesson from (but not exclusively!) the ace & aro communities: Platonic relationships are just as valuable as romantic/sexual ones. In a lot of "straight culture", especially with how relationships are portrayed in media, there seems to be a hierarchy of which relationships are more worthy of being prioritized, talked about, and celebrated than others. Developing healthy and meaningful friendships is just as important as developing a relationship with a SO. There are lots of different kinds of love, and more ways of going about showing it than canoodling (my favourite word for my least favourite activity XD). Society's obsession with sex/romance as being more important than any other kind of relationship is potentially harmful to everyone; "our struggle for human connection is tangled up in a culture of sexuality." (ruclips.net/video/VLI09O8bMkU/видео.html)
I love this content so much! 😍
You're really relatable, Shaaba. Thanks for making the video xxx
im just so very happy to find you here :") thankyou so much
You are such a beautiful person Shaaba, thanks for the great life lessons :)
I was having a not good day and this just 🥺🥺 made it a whole lot better
I love this video and I love you!
I'm so glad you brought up the point that people don't automatically deserve to be in your life and family. For a long time, I've found that idea difficult to understand. The more I understand it, the more I see just how valuable it is to know that.
This made me happy
Words are powerful! Thank you! I learned this the hard way when I realised how damaging my ex´s words really were in the long run and how damaging it is when smeone just ignores your boundaries...
Shaaba you are a ray of sunshine and your videos are precious. Thank you so much for putting them out there!
I needed to hear the last point. Thanks Shaaba. ❤️💕 You gotta live your life for yourself.
amen sister. love all these points
Shout this from every rooftop across the globe! This is the educational, fun and fantastic queen we’re here for. Perfectly said👏🏼✨
Thank you Shaaba for your kind and brilliant words.
I love your videos so much! Xxx
Hi Shabba I've recently found your channel (and Jamie's) and you are both wonderful people and I couldn't agree more with your videos. I appreciate your approach of nuance, learning and kindness. You're both examples of how alot more people should be. Your videos are a source of education and positivity. Thank you so much! And best of luck with your wedding and marriage!
Needing help from other people isn't weakness
I´ve just pushed the like count from 2020 to 2021 and it felt very satisfying :)
Also you are wonderfull Shaaba!
No matter what journey you're on, don't wait to be happy! Too many people say "I'll be happy when..." Know that you can be happy while you find your way!
I feel like I've heard these lessons a lot of times. But thanks for the reminder, I needed that.