Gen Z Doesn't Know How To Make Friends And It's Getting Sad...
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- Опубликовано: 1 июл 2024
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Hey Rummates, today we're here to talk about Gen Z's loneliness epidemic and why we suck at finding connection and making friends. let's talk about it!
Timestamps:
0:00 intro
1:51 what's been going on with gen z
4:23 special message
5:22 impacts of loneliness
5:54 why is gen z so lonely?
15:35 the lack of intimacy
17:49 how loneliness impacts different communities
20:01 what can we do about loneliness?
#imurgency #genz #millennials #commentary
Social media will be the death of human connection. It was created to stay in contact with those you care about from afar and just turned into another means to market themselves to get famous/validation.
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Very sad and very true.
Don’t worry. Once more people become homeless, you will all join up and have real conversations at Planet fitness! You are just lonely right now because you are paying $1,000 plus for you apartments and therefore never want to leave except for work. You get what you pay for! 😂
I have a good analogy here: my parents met in Europe and then wrote letters to each other for four years between Australia and Canada before they met and subsequently married (many cons I wouldn’t recommend not dating your future spouse in person 🥴). But the excitement and love and yearning behind all the letters is palpable. In contrast I went against everything I ever said and met a boy while I travelled last year and fell head over heels. But we had Insta so we would text constantly and be on FaceTime for hours a day. And the yearning and love was there but the accessibility without effort was too. So we couldn’t be together but we’re always digitally together and it just really turned stale after a few months. We only just ended things and I keep comparing what happened with us versus what happened with my parents who literally had to wait days before hearing from each other.
I also think because it’s made everything and everyone completely disposable. When there’s too many options, there’s an illusion of choice. We begin to ditch anyone at a moment’s notice thinking we can easily jump into something else so quickly.
as a gen Z who tries to socalize with people in my age group its like people dont even fucking want to be friends then they whine and complain about being alone after ignoring people who do try to give them time of day
As a Millenial, I present your companion: bitter cynicism.
Sorry, but he hates you, hates EVERYBODY, and no matter how much you want to push it away, he will haunt you.
Sameeee 😭
Fr I try to talk to people at school, work, wherever and no one wants to talk anymore , ppl are just glued to their phones all the time and then complain when they don’t have friends…
My 17 year old daughter has no friends. She says it’s because her age group think it’s weird if you just start talking to someone you don’t know. Sad.
@@northernshocksouthcoasteng7473 I am in my mid twenties and I love talking to random people. When I tell my friends I met this new person they go like "why did you randomely start talking to them?"
People geniuenly think it is weird to talk to people randomely as they think that they are bothering others when they do.
The hardest part though, is hanging out with friends. They are too busy. They dont want to hangout, because they want to be by themselves. One of the things I hear most often when it comes to people being vulnerable and unwilling to take care of each other is "I have my family to do that with" .
Which makes me wonder how much peoples loneliness is affected by the fact that many young adults now live with their parents for long periods of time and thus solely rely on them.
For example: I know all my neighbours. I dont have family, so I made sure to know incase something happends, I know who to go to (and vise versa). Most of my friends would think that is weird, because they "don't need their neighbours" they have their family.
Now replace neighbour with friends. People don't want to be vulnerable and talk to their friends "I have my parents to talk to".
I also think that the stress of todays work life and student life plays a roll. Many people are also just to ecxhausted and burned out to do anything. People also just dont have the money to do something fun as everything has become very expensive.
Nothing is natural anymore some people are more focused on how many friends they have instead of the connection the bond the feeling you get from a person
People have always been like that. Social media just makes it easier for people who do have that mindset
It’s very simple but they’re all choosing to be less social. It’s not like bars, parks, and malls disappeared. They’re choosing to not interact with each other
@@thatwage A lot of malls actually did disappear, of course not all of them but there’s a bunch of abandoned malls sitting around the U.S. at least
@@_kaleido they probably disappeared because people chose not to go.
I think what we’re witnessing is extroverts trying to live an introverted world where previously introverts were learning how to live in an extroverted world.
People chose social media over being social.
I'm in my early 20s and girls my age care about relatability and aesthetics of a friendship group more than great connections, good thought provoking conversations and green flags great characteristics and healthy habits of a person in a friend.
I hate that third places have the barrier of entry of needing to buy something. coffee shop? have to buy a coffee. bar? have to buy a drink. when groceries and rent are more expensive than ever, the unnecessary expenses will always be the first to go - and with that goes the opportunity for connection. there’s literally an economic barrier for making new connections.
This!! Capitalism is a huge factor here
Where do you live? Bigger cities have more options to meet people like museum free days, cultural events, free festivals, etc. I never used to pay going out except to take the train when I lived in Chicago. You have to get creative.
Try church. It’s free.
Especially since the cost of living has soared so paying for extra stuff isn't as feasible
Very true. You’re the first person I’ve seen state that! But it’s a huge problem
I have repeatedly dealt with people who claim to be just really really lonely. They want a friend or two very badly. What I've come to learn with dealing with a lot of people is that they want to have friends, but they don't want to do what is needed to be a friend. Everybody wants to be the garden, Not many people want to be the gardener. It takes energy and investment and not constantly prioritizing yourself to be a good friend and to have a friend. You have to be a friend.
ALL OF THIS!! I keep seeing this discourse on Twitter and Insta of people saying they shouldn’t have to talk to their friends more than once every few months to a year plus and if you expect more than that you’re clingy. My mind is constantly boggled by how people could complain about doing the bare minimum to maintain a friendship but then go on to complain about being lonely as if their loneliness and their refusal to do something as simple as sending a quick text aren’t connected 🤯
Haha, yep, quite often be the same people who fail at relationshis cause they're only focused on what a partner can do for them.
i’ve tried texting so many people trying to put my foot in the door to get to the know them so we could possibly be friends but it never gets past the phone. i will meet someone pretty cool and try to reach out the them and mention meeting up to hang out. i’ll hear, “omg that sounds amazing i would love to sometime!”. then radio silence for weeks to months until i text them again. i just assume people are busy with their own lives and i dont expect anyone to give me their attention. heck maybe they dont really care for me that much and just couldn’t say it. however its getting ridiculous that its happened with 10+ people my age and i haven’t been able to make any progress in finding friends for over 2 years now. i live in the midwest so theres not much to do or see but i cant seem to meet anyone to make connections with at all.
Yeah I know a person that is constantly complaining about not having anywhere to go and not having friends.. but then days later will repost memes that talk about "even if people invite me places I am not going to go, but it makes my ego feel better to still get the invitations"
I was like wtf. That's exactly why you have no friends .. you don't put in any effort
I and my friends don't send messages everyday, but it's because we always were like bad at it, we always reply after, sometimes after days or in completely different hours, but continued the conversation anyway, now we teying to send more frequently because after some years from school we aren't seeing each other much with the work and college, in last year we just only seen three times personally in the entering year. So now we're trying to talk more, even making more group calls, because even we understand each others for a lot of years, we want to matain our friendship better.
It's because NO ONE is available. I'm a parent of a gen-alpha, and honestly, it's one of the most frustrating things about parenting. I have to beg people for playdates, and if I don't do it, they NEVER will. I can see how this problem would be impacting gen-Z as well. Maintaining relationships is just so unsustainable between long work hours, tons of extra curricular activities, and competition from things like social media and streaming services. It's next to impossible to find people who are actively trying to maintain relationships, which means all of the work is on YOU if you want to have them, and it gets exhausting. I'm honestly deeply sorry that I brought a kid into this mess. It's been so hard to find friends and connect with her peers, largely because their parents aren't interested/are unavailable. I don't see it getting any better as she gets older, and with no siblings, she is destined for a really lonely life since she's neurodivergent and an introvert. It's so sad that this is how the world operates now.
agree
You're a millennial, right?
Does society still allow us to wonder across the neighborhood unsupervised?
Like in the 00's?
That's how I made a lot of friends when I was a kid 😅
It doesn’t matter… stop preparing children for world that won’t exists , the world is progressing the way it is supposed to if not we would still have marauders and barbarians running around…nothing is wrong and your aren’t doing anything wrong this is just the progression of humanity/society
@@thisisgunnabeachannel362 If this is the progression of humanity, I don't want to be a part of it anymore. It is NOT an improvement in my opinion. My and my child's mental health have declined in recent years, and I worked at a high school where literally HALF of the students were on suicide watch at any given time. You couldn't even let them go to the bathroom without an escort. We had multiple instances with guns as well, including a student who was shot and killed by their own father. This is NOT how humans were meant to live. If it was how we were meant to live, don't you think we'd be happier and more content? Don't you think the world would be more peaceful and less divided? Progress isn't everything. Those so-called "barbarians" of the past enjoyed more equality, more social acceptance, and at the very least, had their basic needs met through participating in and contributing to the overall community, regardless of what their roll in said community was. Just because something is the "old" way of doing things doesn't mean it's a bad way of doing things.
@@fairywingsonroses it’s tought I get what you’re saying. But we live in a capitalistic society that has created this world we live in now if it wasn’t an advantageous condition for the powers that be we wouldn’t be in it. All I’m saying is do not prepare the future (kids) for the past , it is not the world we live in now as sad as that sounds
I honestly think one of the major issues is that people are way too quick to judge and way too quick to cut people off when they make a small mistake or they disagree on certain things. I understand that certain beliefs are make or break, but being around people who have different opinions and outlooks on life than you makes you a more well rounded person. GenZ is too concerned with image, perfection, and validation. As a collective we need to become more comfortable getting uncomfortable. We will not grow or make meaningful connections if we never leave our comfort zones.
I absolutely agree with this, this happened to me so many times it’s kinda ridiculous 😅
@@fangirlcocoa975 Right! I think people also forget that relationships take work. Even healthy relationships are going to have bumps and challenges, life isn’t meant to be a live-action instagram feed.
I think people are generally insecure for many reasons which is the problem
so often i see gen z talking about cutting people off and ghosting people for the smallest of slights. everything is seen as gas lighting and abuse even if it's not even if it's just a human mistake. sure friends can be manipulative and bad and yes you should evaluate them in your life but to equate someone canceling a lunch plan or not being able to hang out a particular date as the same as someone being abusive and toxic is just really damaging
So f*cking true, you would get instantly blocked if you do or say something normal that is considered weird to people.
get off social media, go out and start doing an activity with other people and do it CONSISTENTLY - keep showing up to church, or your book club, or the intermural sports league. and do more than one of these! learn to enjoy interacting with a variety of people. stop worrying about whether these people will be ride or die for you or whether theyll validate you, and just be with them in the moment, again and again.
That should be easy for people without mental issues.
yeah fr it's harder but we still have to try at least if u wanna get out of it@@marquisjackson7169
@@marquisjackson7169it’s still not easy because not everyone who is going through loneliness has “mental issues”. And there are a lot of people with mental issues who are still very social. It depends on the person
@@marquisjackson7169That’s not fair to the people with “mental issues” who have friends or who have seen social progress while also being dismissive of those who aren’t struggling psychologically but have a hard time connecting with others.
@@ville__ew spam
My issue is that I have nothing in common with 95% of people I meet
Edit: I am glad so many of you guys can be friends with people you have nothing in common with but it never worked out for me. I have even lost friends because they thought that my interests are weird. I really have tried my best but people either are not interested or make fun of me
Real
I feel this. lol
.
Ditto
I feel this! I’m 25 and want to read and do puzzles or play board games but a lot of people my age (that I know) just don’t want to do stuff like that 😅
I think its good to practice discernment with "protecting your energy" because many ppl dont share even basic things about themselves beyond surface level to protect their energy but after a certain point you're just keeping your energy away from people you could've had a genuine connection with.
You have to protect your energy, mind and heart if you've experienced a negative situation in the past. I would suggest to proceed with caution and just feel the person out
Okay at this point, I think this whole “protecting your energy” sentiment is vaguely just sheltering ourselves from life in general. I am in no way trying to condone or advocate for constant negativity, but at some point we all kind of have to just accept that life is gonna “life”. Just my opinion at least.
@@Sonicfanboy2001facts too much cutting corners with folks
@@marklouis1890Sounds like a trauma response
Protecting your energy all the way to isolation and loneliness. Same goes for matching energy too. Because ppl end up matching energy that isolates, shields, and causes any relational pain and discomfort. So by matching we end up giving out that same energy that makes people want to protect themselves. There’s just a lot of individualist language being used on the guise of spirituality to justify it.
I can relate to this tho. Cause let me tell you I’m in my early 20s and it’s SO HARD to just make new friends especially have a GENUINE connnection with someone. I feel like we’ve come to the point in society where ppl think it’s inappropriate just to talk in general. Like if I go up to a stranger and try to make conversation-ppl would view me crazy. But in previous generations ppl approached strangers and that how they made friends in the first place
I tried talking to strangers too multiple times and i noticed that talking to younger generations is impossible, they just give you a weird look when approaching them. Like i’m an alien or something, there was definitely nothing wrong with my social skills cause i actually got the conversation going for a long time but it’s hard to connect with my peers 😭 i also had conversations with older generations and that went perfectly fine, i ended up talking to someone for i think an hour and they asked me if i come here (at the park) often, trying to connect with me again.
it is scary for someone to approach you randomly in public and start a conversation. it is a stranger danger thing. it is also always awkward and many people my age just want to mind their business in public. I think most of us have crippling social anxiety so doing that is scary.
@@fuzzymelon1261 then stay lonely and dont complain about it. Friends start off as strangers. Meet people. Make connections.
one of my best friends initiated a conversation with me in public while i was eating lunch. approaching strangers randomly is a great way to make friends yet I don’t do it. im scared to even ask the names of the cool people that work in the coffee shop i go to everyday
Or they accuse you of over sharing behind your back for daring to connect with them on a genuine human level to deflect their own insecurity in their cowardice to do the same 😊
I think another issue with forming connections is how weird conversing over text is nowadays. I remember back in the early days of texting (I'm an elder Gen Z), we would actually send "brb" or "gotta go, bye" texts, formally pausing or ending the conversation. Nowadays, sending a "bye" text is weird because we basically just have these neverending conversations that stop and pick back up arbitrarily. So asking to hang out can feel more daunting because if you were the last person to send a text, you don't want to seem needy by double-texting, or if you forgot to respond to something before, you might feel too awkward to bring something new up without continuing the previous conversation (just to name a few examples). It's just this minefield of social awkwardness, especially if you're talking to someone new
You nailed it
Great point. And in a perverse way it's also meant that response times have massively increased. Instead of having a 5 minute conversation on text and then going away, I'll respond and then get blanked for an hour. Then respond again and not hear back for a while day. If I complain people say they don't wanna be available 24/7. Which is totally fair, but by not formally ending the conversation it becomes hard to have a REAL conversation because it's always starting and stopping, and people are also too scared to just say they're busy for some reason. So many people turn off read receipts but then they won't even give you the courtesy of telling you when they're free to talk. It's actually incredibly frustrating. Like just text "talk later" and I'll get it, but when response times vary from seconds to days with no rhyme or reason I think things are entering a really silly and unreasonable place.
OMG I never thought of it this way. This is totally how my friends and I text. And it's kinda exhausting because sometimes I'm not interested in what we were talking last time but I have to answer all those built up messages. I would say another thing is all the memes. My friend will send me 50 Instagram reels at a time and then like 10 TikTok links and it feels like a chore to go through it all.
@@crazyowlgirlcncownerthen don't go through it all. this is a completely artificial problem that for some reason people participate in. you don't have to follow all these awkward texting rules just cuz everyone else is awkward af lol
That is so pathetic. I'm so glad I'm not you people.
Born in 1990 here…look it’s expensive to do everything right now….its even expensive to hang out.
Also..yall fake as hell.
So true like I be sending a pack on one hang out just for some ice and food why??
@ch3rrybmbbthis links back to the ridiculous increase in the cost of housing and the increase in people being anti-social. And by antisocial I mean people complaining about people having parties or just having gatherings. If you're the wrong type of person just having a few friends around can cause big issues with your neighbours. Once upon a time they would have got involved, but now people are so standoffish they keep to themselves or just complain to management/the council/the police. It's really sad and hard to build community when other people are actively working against it.
There are places like the park
It’s expensive to walk through a park? To get a small coffee together at a shop? To someone’s home? There’s so many things to do that are free. Some museums even have low cost or free entry.
In my opinion, I believe Social Media has made people see themselves as a brand. We have taken our image on Social Media more seriously than our face to face interactions. It has created a culture of parasocial relationships, and the monetization of our time. We now value ourselves based on our subscribers and likes, which normally come down to looks or status. People crave attention, but not connection. We see more information in a day than ever before, and it creates a fear of FOMO. People don’t commit to people anymore, we commit to the algorithm.
There’s a great film with Robin Williams called “One Hour Photo”. It is an incredible, and disturbing look at loneliness and the way seeing other people’s lives can disconnect us from our reality.
“No one ever took a picture of something they wanted to forget”
Exactly! People are more focused with having a lot of friendships, or even when making new friends they want instant connection. Instead of seeing it as something that's built.
Similar to that quote, I read a different one that went like “if you want to know what a person values, look at what they photograph”
I recently made a video about this and I think the "lack of intimacy" part is so spot on. I think in general, gen z has a really hard time being vulnerable and building deep connections
I’ve had the same experience with millennials and gen x folks
Women can form deep connections if they want, they just don't want them. Men just want to form deep connections with women, they are not really interested in being close friends with men.
Yeah and don't forget the covert-narcs lurking to hear about vulnerabilities and past traumas so they can use them against you... yeah people are 💩 better to start trusting your instincts
Have you seen the world out there? Who wants to connect and build with this economy?
I was like that until I deleted social media. I don’t wanna sound like an old person, but it really does kill your social skills. My friendships improved and I’ve gotten more confident.
I agree, I removed myself from IG. I let my friends know that they need to communicate with me more because I can no longer see what they're up to. My friendships improved and has been better than ever.
We gotta stop this shaming of old peoples advice. They have more experience and would logically know their stuff better
@@vinnie9458 well, old people can have some great advice. But most of them are humans and in the end will just unnecessarily complain. It's what we like to do.
I like not having social media because that means to know what my friends are up to I HAVE to text them
@@vinnie9458 But the only barrier is older people grew up without the tech we have now. They could never know what it's like to be born into technology and smart phones. Although their advice is good... it's just them being biased. Social media is a great way to connect but people just spend too much time on it. Hence, "Chronically online"...
Everybody's busy, sometimes I feel like I'm doing nothing with my life because I'm always available, unlike my friends. You have to schedule 6 months ahead to see people. So even if you do see people, it's still 6 months of loneliness. There's no more spontaneous hangout. It's just a competition of who is enjoying their youth more. And we can say what we want, messages and calls aren't the same.
I just scheduled a hangout with a group of 4 and its 3 months in advance. 😂 All the weekends filled up because life only happens on the weekends.
@@foreveryoung1215that’s honestly crazy and sad
“Everybody’s busy”
Bullshit. They are home watching Netflix or on instagram
Or RUclips. They aren’t too busy but more lazy and don’t want to put effort into leaving the house
@@brianmeen2158THIS 🎯
@@brianmeen2158😂😂
Book clubs, running clubs, walking groups, crafting meet ups, chess clubs, queer outdoor groups, work happy hours, rec sports, etc! There are plenty of group meet ups centered around a shared interest - it just takes putting yourself out there and showing up consistently to slowly build community (which is scary! but rewarding). Yes, they can be awkward or cringey at times - but that’s just how humans are! Try to keep an open mind :) You have to be purposeful about making friends at these events too and not be afraid to show interest and put in effort to get to know someone or make plans outside of the event.
Another tip is to push yourself to show up alone to these events and not cling to a friend or partner, as that will limit your chances to connect with others and make you appear less approachable if you’re already talking with someone.
++
i'd throw in board game clubs as well. there's a board game shop that hosts the queer community biweekly (every other week), and other general board game groups. i'd like to think people are down to teach others new board games and play old classics.
Yes ! I was lonely throughout my teenage years till my early twenties and I was tired of this loneliness so I decided to join an English speaking club and found many friends :)
Not true. All these types of groups in my area are all over 40 year olds. There’s not really any place to meet young people like me.
@@will506 are there places in your city that host regular things on the calendar? (cafe / bar / bookstore / etc)
aside from those, where i'm at there's a board game meetup that sets themself up at a restaurant and they play for a good amount (reserved in advance) if board games are your jam.
I’ve done it. Never got a response back from these people
I'm an introverted millennial so I don't really fully resonate with Gen Z's feelings around loneliness but what has helped me connect with friends (and even family members) who live in a different state as me is scheduling monthly FaceTimes. For one friend we speak the last Monday of every month at a specific time. It's a low commitment and every convo is so fun and fulfilling.
Other than that, I think the lack of hobbies and intentionally making an effort to make friends is what gets people in this state. Making and keeping a friendship takes effort especially as an adult. I think you almost have to see it as learning a new skill. You show up to a 3rd place whether it be a class, hobby group, coffee shop, etc. *consistently* for a (sometimes long) period of time. If you keep showing up and committing, you will make a friend eventually.
yeah i agree with the hobby thing cause that's one of the biggest thing people bong over and meet in hobby clubs
Better to be alone than surrounded by toxic people
@@laverdadbuscadoryes, I wish it weren’t this way and I’m not even a mom but have had jobs where I work long hours 😢
@@laverdadbuscador to keep you “shackled and unproductive after work” …sadly I think that is the point 😢. It certainly is not a badge of honor but it’s pushed in our society 😖. Even me, as someone that wants to date, I’m interested in a guy and he in interested in me and it’s hard to coordinate time together…I’m almost too exhausted to date. What a life 🙁
I hate introverts
i don’t think it’s social media. i’ve always felt isolated from people since i was a kid.. i remember forcing myself into friendship groups..
That’s called autism. That’s was me throughout the 2000’
Friendships out of convenience never work. And eventually you all move apart and never connect again. This is my case. That's why I never will make friends out of convenience again, and when I promised myself that I notice that nobody truly is your friend in the end of the day.
@@DrawinskyMoon not diagnosed
i deleted all social media off my phone like facebook, instagram. having friends and seeing them perform online and never having the energy to genuinely communicate was annoying. i don't feel lonely, i just understand that a lot of our generation is exhausting themselves with looking a certain way instead of expressing their genuine self or unmasking around others in person. everyone is thinking about their online image... and how others can add to the aesthetic of being friends. i dont know. y'all need to learn to communicate your needs in any relationship, y'all wouldn't feel so lonely if you understood what you need instead of what you "want". move with intention not habit
💯💯💯
I was blocked on all social media anyway, so that solved it for me.
In high school, about a year ago, I felt sooo lonely although I had many "friends", but never felt close to them or that the feeling was reciprocated. It was only a few months ago when I started my first semester in college that I met people who actively sought me out, offered to help me when I needed it, who I started feeling so comfortable being myself around, and who just invite me to do things spontaneously. We also just do hw together, eat at dining halls together, and grocery shopping. Compared to back in hs, I no longer feel lonely, not even when I am alone. You just have to put effort and love in the right people and they will return it! :)
i am having the opposite experience. I made friends in HS, some of which were deeper friendships, but I cant make friends in college no matter what I try. I think it is the people at my college because NONE of my HS friends went to college and I never got along with the kids at the same academic level as me (AP kids)
I can understand the comment above, i made friends in school but just two i matains constantly contact, just one didn't go to college and the other one is a different college from me, so i didn't make friends in college and also i made college online.
@@fuzzymelon1261 Same. All my close friends are from middle school and high school. I graduated college and made 0 friends
Bitter medicine, but it’s true… put the phone down, leave the house, spark conversation with strangers. I’m an introvert with social anxiety so I know how daunting it is, but the more you do it the easier it becomes. The FOMO that comes from not being on social media and not being aware of world trends does not compare to the loneliness that comes from staying isolated from human touch. Exchanging hellos with a stranger, receiving a smile, making small talk in an elevator… even these things can make us feel more connected to others.
Without third places though if you have no money where are you going to socialize for free?
@lexa_power I live in SF so I go to parks quite often! I know Golden Gate Park like the back of my hand. Walk the streets, have a picnic on a random hill. My friends are just as broke as I am so it's kinda fun to come up with new (inexpensive) ways to hang out. We bring our own chess board, or painting supplies, or cards to play. But you're right, there is a severe lack of communal spaces that don't involve spending money. Even more so when you're stuck in the suburbs and forced to drive everywhere.
Go to you local library if you have one!
Thanks for typing this. I’m also an introvert (but really an introverted extrovert) with social anxiety and I also agree!
@@lexa_power just uno on your coffee table is fun..
I hate it when people complain about having friends, but then when someone makes an effort to be friends with them they don’t put in the same weight. The issue is that yall want to be friends with specific people, and when you can’t have those people you get mad and ignore others that actually like you back!
People want to be friends with specific people for a reason.
There are some parents who would not let their son interact with other kids because their son is too innocent and others kids pushes him. They rather he watch laptop all day after school, while they work then go out and interact with other kids. The kid is truly a loner.
Well, that makes sense sometimes, because certain friendships are bad influences, although totally banning friendships is wrong.
Lol thats my childhood plus being homeschool
@@juanmanuelmoramontes3883"bad influence" friendships are an excuse of garbage parents who didn't teach their children properly.
@@juanmanuelmoramontes3883 @Rossenfolds I understand that, but my parents intentionally isolated me from making friends, favouring grades & success over happiness.
I understand this point isn’t completely bulletproof, there are some “free” things like parks and the beach and book clubs etc etc. but I think a huge factor as to why we don’t meet in person - the cost of living. I live in Sydney and I know the second I walk out the door I’m spending MINIMUM $10. Starting with petrol/public transport to get to a place will be minimum $10, a single coffee is upwards of $6, any food will cost money obviously. Even hosting dinner parties costs a lot and again you’re not even at a third place.
All in all there are work around but not everyone can arrange casual hangouts with their schedules nor find “free” activities in their area.
I understand for rich countries but doesn’t explain countries like mine where a expresso is 0,80€, diesel is 1,70€/L and we still have loneliness problem maybe a lower rate but we definitely have it, third spaces aren’t a problem this is Europe after all so we have plenty,malls are still alive and we don’t forbid kids from entering them
There’s nothing worse than being surrounded by a crowd and still feeling alone.
Whenever i see those "last day of school 1990" videos of people just recording and fooling around, or generally any of those times people recorded their own interactions, it seemed like you could get away with being "weird" or spontaneous. Now everyone is so cold and in their own worlds. Its harder just being myself, people get turned off so easily.
Us olds still do that and you call us cringe lol and we are so old we know we are cringe and can't be bothered. Don't worry, hopefully you will get old as hell too.
I’m 23 and live away from my family and close friends while I finish university and I am not lonely. The main reason being that I actually get off social media and put myself out there and put effort into making community. I know it’s not easy, I’m autistic and this largely doesn’t come naturally, but you have to actually try. Don’t just text friends, but I pick up the phone and actually call them and we can talk on the phone for hours. I’ve joined a sports team and make an effort to talk to and make friends with the people on the team. I joined a volunteer leadership position at my uni. I reached out to people and said hi to everyone and have made friends with people who I wouldn’t meet otherwise. I make sure to hang out in person: studying together, going for walks and hikes, cooking together, most of these things don’t require money. I even approach people I don’t know, like asking to sit with someone at the library or share a table with someone at a cafe. When you stop relying on social media for connection and actually try to meet people in a variety of different ways you probably will make friends. Not everyone I meet becomes my best friend, but even knowing people enough that we can smile and wave at each other as we pass by makes such a difference
OK....really, youmg gen z here (just entered high school), and I need to get this OUT. I really hate social media, well, the state that it's in now. I hate it so much cause i look around in the cafeteria, and the majority of the people are on their phones. EVEN MY OWN GODAMN FRIENDS ARE ON THEIR PHONES. Waiting for the bell to ring to change periods, THEIR ON THEIR PHONES.
Or even at home, i come out of my room and the tvs on, but my family is on their phones. I know myself that im probably just as bad, but I wish that maybe someday the world will go back to normal.
90's-early 2010's seemed like a good time to live.
Older Gen z but holy shit do I agree. I remember jumping from friend group to friend group in highschool specifically because everyone was on their phones. It became so depressing and disheartening. It definitely is the thing I miss about 2000-2010
Millennials used to hang out at the mall. We usually didn't buy anything we were teenagers. Most people didn't have a phone it was chill. My friends and I would spend a lot of time listening to music at the music shop. I definitely miss it.
Learn to play spades and dominoes or get in a fight over an uno game lol. That was like all my older family members did since they didn't have tv or internet. We played a lot of board games and we would just sit and listen to music together or go rent a new movie and watch it with snacks. Not needing to go rent a movie kind of sucked a lot of social time out of life because we all had to have watch parties back then lol. We would also just go outside for walks together, go rollerblading. Just walking to the gas station together to get some hot cheetos was a great time. Most of the stuff we did is still attainable you just have to be willing to try weird stuff.
Community is the foundation of society, so without it, society will crumble
Of course, that is why majority of us feel so disconnected isolated and even more lonelier. It is because many developed countries tend to experience isolation, dissatisfaction, and capitalist burnout. Plus experiencing capitalist burnout and economic poverty.
Our issues are even more is individualized instead of collective on a societal basis and scale. It is getting more complicated and complex..😮💨🤕😵💫
@@MariamArt_ which is why socialism is becoming more of a great idea because of late stage capitalism
You know young people are more conservative and against socialism, have you looked at Europe recently although we never had true socialism in my country also I don’t hate capitalism, I prefer capitalism with socialist aspects social capitalism if you will, second unless you say social media ads are a product of capitalism I don’t think capitalism is the reason.
@weird-guy I'm 21, and I'm socialist. even if that's social capitalism because that's a march in the right direction compared to what we have now
it’s hard when you don’t even know what your passionate about either bc your still recovering from past trauma and finding out who you are & consumed with working in this economy and graduating. the only thing I know i’m passionate about is a lonely type of passion🤣
ugh LITERALLY!!! i feel like society in america is so disconnected and unfriendly. everyone thinks talking to strangers is weird (even tho that’s how friends are made!) i can’t wait to move to the caribbean / south america where everyone is SOOOO friendly!! it’s so easy to make friends there and everyone loves to have others around…no stress!
A solution to fix it would be honesty and choice. It is harder to make friends and keep friendships going when you get older and may feel it may be best to let go
To be honest it seems like this loneliness is happening more in America then anywhere else. I used to live in the US (currently living in brazil and also used to live in spain) and the ppl in brazil and spain actually try to get to know each other and actually plan things to do
To all the people who are saying ‘get off your phone and go outside’ - that’s not an option for a lot of us considering we need a damn car to go LITERALLY ANYWHERE. That and there’s a lack of third places for many of us to go to, especially considering that inflation has made everything immensely more expensive.
i have a car there's just not really anywhere to go
And where do you even go anymore where people want to actually get to know you?
You can blame low income apartments with no land or trees. And let’s be real. Parks are for small children anyway.
Lots of old people sit in parks and play chess together. Let me tell you. My family was poor as hell and rural and they found things to do that didn't require anything aside from an initial investment in something you can buy at a thrift store like a pack of cards or a set of dominoes. You can go on a walk with your friend. You can dance together in your living room. You can play tic tac toe or beer pong or orange juice pong. You are just unwilling to open your mind to possibilities, probably because you think it's cringe. I hate this word your generation uses because you always say it in the most asinine ways, but this is cope. You have no idea how many broke ass people without cars all around the world find ways to make friends and entertain themselves. You have to be creative and most of all willing. It's very privileged and entitled to think you need a car to make friends i am sorry. Like sure, it is a barrier, but it can be overcome.
@@leotardbanshee it's too hot where i live to be at the park. also i can't be in the sun for more than 5 minutes
i've been feeling lonely for as long as i can remember now and at this point i'm just learning how to deal with it while also hoping i won't feel this way anymore.
I can help you not ever feel it again if you want. I don't like to tell people lately. They don't really give a damn but I'll tell you if you want to hear it
I THINK another reason is because Beaty standards and standards in general are getting too high even to the point where normal every day Average person can’t connect with people because people want to have a certain lifestyle and hang around a certain group of people mostly pretty people or people with money. It’s like why bother trying to get out and make a connection where people only want to give time to certain people. People focus to much on the looks nowadays
A counterpoint to social media split everyone, but a lot of people of my age I've met just wanted to hang with other white people and only the rare POCs around me would befriend me. Social media actually helped me to talk to people who went through discrimination too or who are more open-minded.
I don't blame social media, I blame the lack of empathy in today's society (which is more spread by social media and the hunger for fame though).
Don’t seek friends based on the colour of their skin - super strange.
@@will506 Tell that to white people lmao
I get that. The thing is, is that social media should be a tool. Something used to find other like-minded individuals. Whether it be through scrolling through Instagram or by keeping up with social events in your area. It shouldn't be your only source of communication with them (unless of course, you have no means of getting out of you're extremely white town. In that case, you gotta do what you gotta do.)
@@will506 Well that's too bad because a lot of people are like that and I'm not one of them
Not gonna lie - the younger generations today are more warped in their thinking than my generation was.. race and ethnicity wasn’t that important to us back in the 90s - if someone lived near us and had similar hobbies we hung out.. that’s it
Most people forget that socialising is becoming more and more unaffordable... People don't even have he income to do certain things. Going to third spaces typically requires money.
Then how do people in worse economic situations globally make friends????????? Seems to be something else people forget???
@@leotardbanshee typically they have less less electronics and lower cost of living
Millennials are a victim of this as well. In high school was when phones and social media became really prevalent. Almost immediately the whole social arena changed. As a millennial I never recovered and still have issues making friends and just having conversations to people in public or face to face. It’s damaged millennials greatly. I can’t imagine how much worse it is for younger generations
I feel this way due to COVID. I only received two “normal” years of high school and feel like I lack social skills at 20. I get nervous speaking to people outside my intimate family and just try to keep the conversations short. I know I should practice but I honestly run out of things to say easily
This is so relatable!!
Same
You're only 20, give it time. Talk about things you know a lot about or that you like. It could be even a TV show or genre of music
There are lots of articles and books on this subject, just like any skill you can learn and improve with practice. I am sure you can find an article about 20 things to say to make friends with strangers fairly easily it requires time and effort and desire and making yourself uncomfortable
Poverty makes you really lonely. I feel like friends, an active social life, dating are only for rich people.
I have to say unfortunately it is hard for people to make friends because people have ulterior motives. There’s no way to tell if someone really wants to be your friend (with all its ups and downs) or just be your friend for their own selfish reasons. It’s also very popular for people to expose people nowadays which makes it hard to trust people. Unfortunately, for me, the opportunity for me to make new friends was taken away from me because my whole hometown along with other random people have made a pact to sabotage any new friendship I try to make. This takes form by pretending to be my friend to gain access to my personal life so they could gossip about it and recruiting people so that there is literally no one for me to make friends with. I don’t mind not being friends with the people they recruit because I don’t want to be around people who gossip about people that they don’t know. However, they mention the fact that I don’t have friends and it seems like they feel bad about it while at the same time committing the same crime.
I love that you mentioned doing mundane things together. I noticed when I visited my family in the Dominican Republic, sometimes a cousin would stop by and take me to do something mundane like the grocery store. The sense of community is soooo big there. My great aunt always had someone calling her, people were always coming over, daily!
Same, I’m American, but my family is from Barbados and the community culture is strong there. And like you pointed out, it’s not always formed by a big social gathering or activity. Sometimes it’s just doing errands or just sitting in someone’s house or porch catching up. People actually greet each other when passing on the street too. And social media is used there (like everywhere else), yet there’s still strong community. So to some degree, people here are going to have to choose to open up, not just spend less time on social media.
I'm genz and it's safe to say that working hours, trying to survive and not be homeless, and covid really fractured my relationships and making adult friends is so difficult
i would feel alone too if i stopped partaking in hobbies, socializing, or spending time with family and friends that i care for.
when are people gonna learn that consuming content 24/7 and staying inside is NOT the answer to a happy life
Never. The moment alternatives were introduced was the moment the decline started.
Social media, high cost of living, 6 day work weeks, etc.
It's not going to change.
Some people find it hard to make friends also some people don't have family because their family is toxic
One of my favorite forms of parallel play is to facetime or call friends who live far away and clean/organize my room (or kitchen, bathroom, etc). For reference, I graduated college last year and since I moved back home to save money on rent, I live in a different time zone than most of my friends. I've put a lot of effort into maintaining those connections throughout college (zoom school) and post-college because I know that if I don't reach out, I could lose those relationships that I've worked hard to build. That being said, I deeply miss seeing friends in person and living in a walkable community
yeah it's just not the same when you can't meet in person!
It's cultural. In the Global South, loneliness is never an issue. Community is huge there. You will NEVER be alone.
First world embraces individualism and competitiveness, third world embraces collectivism
Same with many African Countries. People sit out for hours and just talk about everything. Western culture is almost entirely a rat race that’s it’s almost weird to just sit and talk. I also think whether is a factor, I’m from UK and the weather is most dull so people spend a lot of time indoors.
I’m from southern Europe so we are a mix between Africa community and usa individualism, young people watch a lot of usa/uk content so nowadays they are more individualistic, money angry and importing non issues here from the usa and applying it here.
Because the world has changed there’s also a disconnect between young and old people that further the divide, still overall unless you are loaded and single, family is still very important although not like the older days, a lot of people still rely on parents financially or to help with kids ect.
You want to meet young people you need to like sports,parties,bars,nightclub the rest will be filled with “old people”.
I can’t get dates.
I can’t get a boyfriend.
I can’t have a friend to talk to
I’ve tried EVERYTHING.
I moved cities, tried new things, make plans, etc and am ALONE
People fucking suck 😅
@Bri-ve7ox cool! I think you’re talking about the rule of attraction and manifestation.
I dress to impress, I begin conversations. I make plans so…. I try to act confident.
I have to stay positive I guess
@@Im_Julissa it will happen, nothings wrong with you. And don’t think you’re flawed because of it, you just haven’t found your right people.
i honestly don't care about dating
Your a women so you can definitely get dates you just want men above your level not average men completely different then having no options which is what most men have
It’s easy for women to get dates you jut probably high delusional standards and try to get with men out of your League instead of dating average men
This is interesting because where I live in Germany I see people of all ages hanging out all the time. Especially in cafes, that's just the thing to do here. My friends and I go out for brunch/dinner at least once a week. I'm sure there are still people here experiencing loneliness but it doesn't seem as obvious here.
i think it is due to the fact that you need a car to go anywhere in america (except major cities)
es gibt’s viele Menschen die an Einsamkeit leiden , nur weil viele draußen sind heißt es leider nichts
Ja weil die meisten Menschen die einsam sind nicht wircklich rausgehen
I think the causes of the loneliness is:
1. Lack of sunlight by simply being outdoors
2. Superficial connections
3. Lack of self love
4. Mental health issues
But the main 💯% is the superficial connections because you don’t have someone you can truly trust and open up to and i personally think it has a lot to do with hookup culture etc because it teaches people to avoid meaningful connections
Ok i got further and the other thing is people need to learn how to converse so that way it can get better and easier to make friends
Genuinely this kinda beings me solace, seeing that people feel as alone as I do, but to be honest. My best advice is just deleting social media as a whole. It helps you feel less pressures for a specific kind of friendship.
I would see people be in freindships that seemed so close and dear and I'd put expections on what my relationships should look like, I'd not let my friendshios actually develop and instead I'd fixate on what it should end up as putting it in a box.
And another thing I realized is the overall focus on having friends and depending on others to make you happy. It sounds so stupid but first, I try to focus on making myself happy before anything else. Because than when I'm happy with myself, I'm happy being alone, which means I'm far less desperate for connection with others. Because when your desperate for something, you'll settle for anything.
Which lead me to having some really shitty friendships and even relationships out of a full on fear of being alone. It doesn't mean that you won't be lonely sometimes of course you will be, but once you start to see friends as something you create and cultivate instead of something you find and stick with.
Your not gonna be stuck forever being alone, if you have a hobby try and look for people you have those things in common with. Don't stick with people you don't feel important to or happy around just to not be alone. Allow yourself to figure things our and slowly things will follow through.
Again, I'm just 17, and hell I feel this, way too. But i also look at the connections i do have. I only have 3 close friends. Just 3, and for a while I tried to force myself to connect quickly with others instead of taking the time to know someone better.
So *TLDR; Don't let everything around you make you feel like shit because you don't have a lot of friends or no friends at all. Focus on yourself first, learn to be happy with yourself or else you'll be desperate for others to make you happy.*
the pivot to adam & eve lmaoooo
my personal experience with this, and myself being in my own solitude, has two reasons
1. Social media
2. Snakes (our gen is literally filled with snobby snakes which is now getting spilled over to the younger gen as well)
It is better to be in comfort with your own solitude than to try involving yourself with people you don’t feel a connection to.
It is called bad experiences, personal experiences, and trauma bonding. You can easily make friends through trauma bonding but some people don’t have the energy or time to be trauma bonding with someone or somebody if they are way too easy.
If they are too busy or too apathetic to care, what is the point of them having to care about someone else’s trauma when they are struggling and dealing with their own trauma. They might too emotionally exhausted or tenderly hurt to even care about someone else’s own personal pain and issues. Everyone is too emotionally exhausted to care about wanting to dealing with someone else personal trauma and familial abuse from their own family members..
2019 was last year with "natural life"
Lonely? Me? Nah, I just work all week and spend every saturday night at my parents' house
i would so want to see how loneliness combats with romantic relationships! i believe that 100% too. i think loneliness is also a big part of how we grew up. our generation has the most (by their hand) death rates, and it definitely affects how we seek out help. i know lack of intimacy has been a big part in why i don’t feel vulnerable enough to talk to others. being queer too has also played a big part in insecurities and safety.
I’m Gen Z and I honestly just steer clear of people my age. I can only seem to relate to people that are way older than me even if we share nothing in common. Completely baffled I can carry a deep conversation with a 40+ year old gangster but a regular dude my age that’s already introduced himself to me is going to act like he’s never seen me in his life when I greet dude. But all smiles when they’re sidetracked by a woman. Brotherhood seems dead on top of not being able to trust anyone in the first place. I tend to set myself apart rather than be a part of this generation.
Being a "leader "in College is your best shot.
I spent 6 harsh years in the world since graduation 2018. I sharpen my people skills and mental fortitude.
Now 2024 I'm at community college,
Being 6 years above average I naturally took on the "big brother" role. getting high grades, paying for school supplies, reminding,helping, encouraging and tutorling people. Because of if my leadership I gotten 2 girl phone number. And planing on going on a date.
Tldr: come out your shell, take on a big brother role and people and girl will flock to you in college
Of course make your needs are above others.
I may be in the minority here, but I also feel like a lot of clubs and organizations have developed the “you can’t sit with us” mindset to new people, of course this isn’t everyone but it’s this sense of not belonging since your new.
Yep
oh no definetly (i still cant spell that word lmao), its blatantly obvious everywhere you go, like just see what fans of a certain artist or band say when youre joining the fandom, its so cruel.
Just commenting to say: I really appreciate the work you did on this video, Rumi! I got a lot from it. My intention is to check in with that friend after work today - see how they’re doing. 💛
I deleted all social media 2 month ago and I swear life is so much better and intense, basically like the ease feeling I had when I was a child I actually talk to my friends for hours on end when we meet up and I at least meet up with someone 3-4 times a week besides work. I also just have so much more time because I don’t invest hours on end scrolling
Gods this was satisfying. The actionable advice about “parallel play” for adults and that final “better to reach out and feel annoying” is spot on. Meanwhile, I appreciate the acknowledgement that we cannot“fix” societal problems on an individual level. Balanced and compassionate takes all round.
This episode hit me harder than I expected. The advice I needed and didn't know I wanted.
what makes me feel lonelier is that I always had third places. But i cant make friends easily, because i cant interact like normal people can
I’m 29 I’ll be 30 next Saturday I’m a millennial but a lot of these gen z issues that are happening is a lot of things that I too am going through I thought after high school I’d find my people in college but that didn’t happen and been working ever since and still trying to find my people one day i hope i do
If you're a guy I'm sorry.
If youre a chick you have no excuse shut up lol 😂
It’s just so draining talking to people plus if I see everyone as my enemy no knifes can hit me in the back
That sounds healthy. Ever tried therapy?
@@indigoechos6796 a lot they aren't there to help its a paycheck for them thats all plus if i wanted to believe that they have anything they could offer me id see through it its not ment to help if ur a guy
this is such a succinct, well-put together video on probably what is one of, if not the biggest issue of our generation. I hope more people see this and propel themselves out of their comfort zone, I'm trying my hardest.
The thing is I know a lot of people, but I don't consider them friends. Humans use the word too loosely. I would tell the people I wanna see and care about text me more. Because every time I stop texting them they don't reach out. When I meet new people and ask them to be my friend, and I message them, I get ghosted. It's not my fault anymore I'm putting in work and no one wants to bite so giving up seems like the best option. Plus I've been isolated and alienated for so long when they did an imaging test for my brain it was red and yellow at the places where it lights up for social interaction. I remember one day I went 2 weeks without seeing and talking to anyone. I think it's safe to save I'm the only creature that doesn't need a human contract. I want it but relationships are two way streets, so I am truly alone. The worst part is that no one knows what I did for my country, and people. One of the most valuable creatures, yet no one wants to get to know me. Also, my exes would dehumanize me very often which questions my existence as a human. I look like you, but I'm not treated like one of you. Hence why I am the alien born on earth.
Probably because you can’t keep up a friendship by just texting. Most of my friends don’t text me or each other; we prefer to just meet in person. Try using text to make plans instead of making texting the friendship. I can guarantee you that most people don’t text nearly as much as you think or expect them to.
@@Window4503 I only text to make plans and they tell me they are busy or make excuses, or not reply. And even then that to me still sounds like a bad friend because how come I'm only one texting first? Also I promise you people are texting more than you think. Everyone is on their phone, so that seems impossible to me.
I've 100% experienced this too. I think everyone is burnt out and just letting newly formed social relationships flop. I think you may have to keep initiating even though it's disappointing when it doesn't work out. For example, I've noticed people judge me as being unapproachable and, hence, don't invite me to stuff but they really appreciate when I invite them. So you may just always have to be an initiater.
Omggg yes! I feel so much. Dude you always know exactly how I feel 😅
Also literally recently had issues with friends about closeness and intimacy. It’s so real. I’m married but still feel lonely because of lack of connection with friends
The internet and internet culture has made people far too comfortable with kind of just ghosting friends. Like, just not putting in the effort to maintain your friendships. Not meeting up together, not emotionally supporting each other when you need to vent, straight up just never responding to a question. Of course the pandemic worsened this issue and if you live in the US, live in a place where nothing is in walking distance, and you have no car you're double f*cked. I do feel like it accelerated an issue that already existed. I do wonder if some of these issues will disappear with time.
Part of my problem is that I moved toward the end of last year for college and while I stay in touch with my friends from my last place, I just recently started making acquaintances and going to malls with them. Even then, I had to wait for our breaks for that. We may not be able to do something like that for like, another 2 months. I'm going on vacation with my old friends in the summer time and it's been the only thing that's kept me going. I'll likely never be able to do that again because money and time. Working any day I don't have school is terrible and makes you constantly tired.
For those of you who have the time, just go ahead and reach out to people. Even if they seem perfect, even they seem distant, even if they never respond, just ask if they want to hang out. It's okay if they never do. You don't need them in that case. It's a two-way street and it takes two parties that are interested, but eventually if you talk to enough of your classmates or coworkers, OR PEOPLE IN THE GYM, PART OF GOING TO THE GYM IS THAT YOU'RE WORKING OUT WITH A COMMUNITY AND NOT BY YOURSELF SO INCELS THAT'S NOT AN EXCUSE, at least one person will be willing to get some McDonalds with you.
Lol, he said that at the end of the video, but fr, he's right. If you have the means, going out more in general, like going on walks in your area, or just heading to local coffee shops can help you feel more fulfilled. It may not get you immediate friends, but it helps you gain new experienced and connections, even if they aren't deep. People will start to recognize their little e-girl regular at cafe pompass.
I'm lonely because I shut everyone out and I'm depressed
binging your essays rn. love them!
I would like to point out that with the increase of mass shootings and general murder, parents have also gotten more protectice in terms of how often they let their children out and when so I think this partly plays a role in this, ever so slightly.
no cuz Rumi you ATE W THAT LINE ABOUT INITIATINGGGG. I blame covid for our “social fitness drought” but YALL I promise if you take that chance of reaching out first people will be impressed fr ! You WILL bag that friend! You WILL get that person’s number!!! You WILL fall on your face and look like an ass sometimes but those people just weren’t meant for u 🤲🏽✨🫶🏽
This one hit good, and honestly I just heard exactly what I needed, I have already plans on meeting more friends this year but this video just already helps me feel good about it, and yes please do follow up I want more!
"Soooo, what's the problem?"- me, an introvert. 😂 Seriously though, the problem is these young ones today aren't comfortable or know how to enjoy being alone by themselves. Ultimately, we are alone in this world. So instead of "feeling lonely " they need to focus in their passion and pick up a skill they enjoy doing. Better yet, go outside and meet like minded people who share the same passion. It's really not that hard once you put the phone down.
Maybe the reason they aren't comfortable being alone is because human beings aren't meant to be, and are social creatures? Why do you think tribes and villages exist? And truly nobody wants to be alone, that's why people even get dogs and cats.
My biggest problem is that anyone I meet doesn't hold the same integrity as I do. Most women I've met and try to befriend, all they do is complain about their man that they've left and gotten back with 50 times, and I'm not an enabler. I will say, "That's dumb, stop doing that," which makes me an asshole. Most men I've met and tried to befriend pretend to be my friend just to sleep with me. And most people in general just over share and trauma dump on me all the time. Just complain about how bad their lives are. I have problems too, we all do, but I'm not going to give you my entire life story when I've only known you 2 days. I'm sick of being the therapist friend
I understand why people over share - they want to make a connection very quickly. But I want the friendship that takes months to years to fully develop
I agree 100%. People use you to feel better about themselves and then discard you when they don't need you anymore. There's no loneliness epidemic; humans are social creatures 'tribally', not in unnatural mega societies where you live amongst hundreds of thousands to millions of different strangers. This is what causes social anxiety because it's not natural. Honestly most people creep me out, it's like they're sucking the life force out of you and when you resist they can sense it and then suddenly they stop talking to you because they can't drain you anymore.
One rhetoric I keep reading online is this idea of “cutting people off” and “breaking up” with your friend. I find this very weird. Just because someone does not meet your expectation of a bestie or a close friend does not mean this person can’t be part of your network and still bring benefit to your life. When it comes to relationships, I feel like people have very black and white thinking, and are willing to torch potential friendships if that friendship is not perfect. Friendships are not the same as romantic relationships. They do not need to be mutually exclusive. Yet, the way people talk about friendship…it’s like you expect your friend to be your significant other. That’s not normal, and I think that’s why I a lot of people are disappointed. They expect the same level of emotional intimacy in a romantic friendship in a platonic friendship. And that’s just not realistic. My advice is to stop taking friendship so seriously and having such high expectations. Just go and talk to people, and expect that as you get older, people are not going to get close to you quickly. We aren’t kids anymore. By adulthood, you’ve reached a level of maturity where you know that people are capable of burning you, therefore you are willing to take your time getting to know people. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Can I just say, I love the way you city sources. I love a good opinion piece but it's really nice when people can back up what they're barking about! Keep up the fabulous work Rumi😌🫶🏾
I’m Gen z, I got married right at 18 so my social life as an adult has always been very different from my peers. I love my family, but they’re the only people in my life, and it’s so fucking lonely. My job is as an individual provider so I don’t have coworkers. My partner is my best friend but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a part of me that aches for purely platonic relationships
Being involved in the local Rave scene has been a great treatment for the loneliness crisis. Still have lonely moments, but I am constantly meeting new people and having new experiences 😊
First World embraces individualism and competitiveness while Third World embraces collectivism
This! It’s all a late stage capitalism issue not a gen z issue!
@@lexa_power Two things can be true at once. We can be in a crappy late-stage capitalist system while also being bad at making friends. The video acknowledges that. The video acknowledges that people have little to no free time in young adulthood. The first world doesn't always have to be about competing. You can go to community events where none of that is present.
@@lexa_power Gen Z did it to themselves by using social media that ruins our societies
You aren’t going to make friends or get bf/gf if you are always inside, there’s no other way around it and if you already have friends you aren’t going to keep them if you don’t call them often ect.
Besides if usa social reflects reality you guys are cray crazy, inventing terms for everything, complaining about every tiny mistake a person makes ect😂 btw I’m from Europe
@@lexa_powerit’s the cultural Marxism and the hatred of religion, heritage and country along with the embracing of deviances from the normal human condition that’s causing this
Great thoughts and great video!🙂
Great video
And on the other side of the spectrum
Solitude is very necessary for self regulation/ improvement/ peace
Finally someone said it, thank you.
It's one thing to realise loneliness/causes of it, but literally no one seems to grasp mindset of individuals valuing their sense of solitude and building themselves alone. I'm that kind of person and honestly understanding value of alone time, how you van improve/get to know yourself is such underappreciated skill nowadays. Everyone wants company. A group to hang out with. To *make memories* (which I frankly find embarrassing as an expression bc it is about making CERTAIN TYPE of memories aka sns aesthetically pleasing ones to flaunt to others).
At the same time...I guess everyone is different and has different social desires/attitudes. I'm an introvert whose social skills are okay, but I do not need constant stimulation and group/company, so I'm not seeking it. I have an office job that 'fulfills' my social quota (and often drains my social battery too lol) enough plus I have a specific hobby that makes me socially connected in ways I desire/I'm okay with in first place. Which I think is tge most important feature when it comes to socialising: finding ways/time to do it suiting your liking and capacity.
I agree that its so hard to find people to do stuff with, part of that being there are no 3rd spaces to meet people or hang out.
I'm a big fan of theme parks, and plan to move 2000+ miles to Orlando, mainly so I can spend all my time hanging out in the parks there, meeting others who do the same.
I’m mad early! Excited for another upload tho 😌
welcome backkk
My friends and I always try to hang out. We will try to find the best time for all of us when we're free and just listen to music or have a game night
The parallel play thing at least anecdotally has a lot of credence to it. I’m in college rn and most of the semester my classes have been pretty dry in terms of people interacting with each other even when we’re forced into groups, however we recently have been working on this project at the library where we all have our own topic to study and we’re not required to talk to anyone else but since a lot of us are all sitting next to each other on the same table doing our own work, conversations just started naturally popping up and I’ve already made a few friends simply by just sitting next to them and doing my own work. It’s strange but it might have something to do with less anxiety because when your forced to communicate it can feel awkward and like you have to say or behave a certain way but when everyone is just kinda doing their own thing with no expectations to talk to one another, I feel people just naturally feel more comfortable to open up and chime in with things organically.
It’s better for the Gen Z. Nothing like a true friendship anywhere. Seek for a mentorship rather than friendship. Friendship sometimes breeds envy and deceit. True friendship does exist but very rare.
I do have friends who I text every day, but they live in another part of the country so I rarely see them. Social anxiety is kinda hindering me from making intimate connections with people at my new work for example or dating. My anxiety got better of the years because I used to have a social job as a cashier, but now that I'm working in an office, I feel like I'm back at level one 💀
I was planning on going to a pilates course by myself but it's always at times where i don't have time cuz i have to get up early for work. Shit kinda sucks but at least my mental health is better due to my new job lol
Little steps
My loneliness is not by choice. I had friends but they said mean things about me when I was nothing but nice to them and one of them ignored me. I was kind and supportive but then I just get it thrown back in my face.
I realize they just don't exist. So use Ai friends.
I think a good point is many people already have established friendships so when your in that circle your sort of ignored or they’re not interested
Making friends is an issue for everybody! I’m in high school and have so trouble actually making connection in school or at work. My younger brother and sister (middle and elementary school) struggle to make friends as well. I work with kids and the struggle is real even for young children. The kids I see making friends the easiest are toddlers. (2-5 year-olds) 😭
I’m so thankful to have my parents cuz without them I’d have not a single friend at 25. Even when trying to make friends, people just say they are too busy or blow you off. I’m just used to it at this point.
This!! I noticed that my parents keep asking me why I don't have any real friends and I haven't been going out. Because until I was 20, I was very busy studying, and the absence of any extraneous meetings and relationships was perceived as normal (although a few acquaintances led a very active social life). When I was 21-23, Covid-19 quarantine came to my university. We were all sitting at home, trying to study in an incomprehensible mode. I communicated mostly only with my parents and sister. All other communication was only in social networks using text. I'm used to being physically alone now. And I feel comfortable communicating with my parents. But even their friends (who are about 45-55 yo) do not understand why young adult children tend to their parents, and not to their friends or to a party.
The lack of wanting to have fun and kick back has seemingly surged. Thats also a big problem amongst other points shared below.
I was lonely in the city with a busy life with friends etc.
I found peace and fulfillment in the country and I’m never going back to the city. I truly believe that being surrounded by nature slow you down and you don’t feel the need to be surrounded by people all the time
Unpopular opinion but I think there is a loneliness epidemic because people are placing too much expectations and responsibilities on friendship. If you are not whole as a person, then no one will be able to fill your cup. The problem is people expect their friends to be perfect. There’s no room for grace, mistakes, imperfection. There’s also no conflict resolution, and people are willing to build resentment, create narratives in their head, and then cut people off, instead of having open and difficult conversations. Also, a friend is not the same as your romantic partner so expectations should not be the same. I think people just need to chill, work on themselves, and enjoy other people’s company at the level they’re willing to give you, without this wild pressure to expect people to fix the void in your life and be your everything. That’s no one’s responsibility.
Yeah conflict resolution is a BIIIIIIIGGGGG thing that has ramifications beyond just your personal relationships
With the increase of violence and people setting up their friends to get robbed and murdered I think a lot of people are protecting their energy. Gen Z won’t settle for fake friends. They want REAL and GENUINE friends or would prefer to stay on their own.
Well to get real genuine friends, you can't ""protect your energy"" whatever the fuck that means. You need a NETWORK of friends if you don't want some rando to steal your shit and get away with it.