Great video (and excellent question from whoever posed it). About three years ago I discovered that I was an empath surrounded by narcissistic people. I went into a deep dive on narcissism and also being an empath. But it was only recently that I realised I carried many codependent traits, kind of a shocker because I was already recognising who was a codependent in the people I know. Having this awareness about myself was another step in the healing process. Peace!
You were speaking directly to me in this video. I have all the characteristics of an empath and codependent. I wanted to become a nurse from my earliest memory. In therapy I realized I could not protect myself or siblings from abuse, but as a nurse I could help others. Later in discussions with coworkers, many of us married alcoholics, drug abusers, people with mental health issues, etc. Boundaries have always been a problem for me and I have always put others’ needs first. I continue trying to recover. Thanks for all of your videos.
I think I know why I grew up to be codependent and now an empath. It's because my mother chose me to be her confidante and interpreter at age 7 or 8. My father was an alcoholic and a cheating spouse. I'm an elementary school special education teacher. I also have trouble identifying my feelings. However, I feel other people feelings. I think I need boundary work.
We really have to be careful with the labels we invent and allow ourselves to ascribe to. I recently uploaded a video breaking down this issue, "flaws in modern psychotherapy approaches", I see many people picking up the term "empath" and running with it, as if they have some super power that others don't, and this is very dangerous to establishing unbiased social awareness. We all have a capacity for empathy, we are not "empaths", like we are not "arcturian pledian starseed lightworkers"... Anyways lol. Thanks for your efforts as always this channel rocks!
Yes, I do agree it is helpful not to "label" but sometimes a "label" can point us in the right direction in terms of what might be useful for us. Agree re the comment that empaths are not supernatural :) What did you think of my video What is An Empath?
@@BarbaraHeffernan yes, this is the double-edged sword of psychotherapy; the DSM-5 as well as simple cultural terminology provides us with useful labels as well as adoptable labels that can both be used as excuses to not work on ourselves and as ego-bolstering identity boosters that make us feel superior. It really is a conundrum. As for the term "empath," I find it more divisive than beneficial, unfortunately. We must be careful how we introduce these terms to clients, "I have capacities for empathy that everyone has, I am sometimes more sensitive than others. I can encourage others to improve on their empathy and relation abilities becuase of this, but I am not an" empath".
Not everyone does have empathy, that's a flaw in this argument. Labels are there to explain the extremes of human behaviour argument nd in regular life to describe traits. It's argument nd mistake to say everyone has empathy, they dont
@@bereal6590 everyone has a capacity for empathy because empathy works in everyone's favor, even if you pretend to be empathetic, you still have to have theory of mind. Everyone can be taught to relate to others more anyways, even if it's less than others. We have to be really careful about cutting people off from having certain capacities because it may stunt their growth (this is called the growth mindset vs fixed mindset in various therapies) I hope this makes sense, I'm sure there can be exceptions with TBIs like the Phineas Gage story, but that's different from a disorder.
the awareness is key , if you go around "connecting" with everyone and everything; it will drain you and drive you nuts. as someone who experienced ( as many im´sure) the scenarios Barbara described(alcohol dependency , masking and avoiding rather than confronting in family our members and ourselves) i have reached the point i can use it for my benefit , it´s a great tool if you are in costumer service and sales, againg detaching yourself from stuff ( which is hard cause ego wants to be always right)...but i know now that i have to identify where it comes from ( THANKS BARBARA FOR POINTING THE WAY) and just do the best thing for me and others as a human that understands that we all in the same boat , but some people ( direct core family members( and everyone till proven tehy don´t listen): mom,dad,brother; deserve the truth if i see something i will say it but in the end is up to them if they want to take the information(or how long will it take for the seed to grow) . just like i understand it took me years to change my thought patterrns....btw great hair barbs looking good ;) and thanks for these videos , they are very helpful
I like the way your comment balances the empathy for others and understanding we are all in the same boat, while also acknowledging some don't make great choices, and it isn't helpful to let ourselves sink :) You are very welcome re the videos - so pleased they are helpful! And, yes, re the hair, some days letting it go curly :)
I feel that in my experiences; with severe traumas throughout childhood; teens and adulthood; major and rare losses etc; being the rescuer; we typically attract avoidant ; or narcissists and we aren’t getting connection / intimacy from our SO and our SO is a mirror. So we are seeking it elsewhere; rather than meeting our needs; and letting go of relationships that aren’t able to give us the intimacy and connection we desire. We just keep at the person who won’t give it Re creating or living out the childhood need we couldn’t get. We are actually very strong and have great character traits and are emotional gifted. I learned I can give the same love to myself and empathy for myself too. When you do that you start to make yourself more a priority and understand that this is why it often gets worse or more painful. We didn’t get it the first time; or second time or third; you find those with even stronger traits that seem so polar opposite to you; you’ll finally learn the lesson. These things will hero showing up stringer and stronger = more pain. Once you do you realize how much of an emotional powerhouse you are; and your value and worth; you tend to respect yourself and you’ll eventually desire that from others. Connect with ourselves and give those gifts we are so good at giving everyone; your SO; your children; the server ; the stranger in line at the store. What helped me was really understanding why I m so able to give I have so much heartache in life. Working through huge traumas is essential but just a shift in for once rather than only having high view of others searched up what ones character meant. I actually posses so much of those traits it’s really something to celebrate and have a healthy good view of myself. In the process one may find some if not many relationships; including the romantic one isn’t healthy or helping you or the other. Unless they are too willing to do the work; one will grow the other will stay stagnant. When you know what you don’t want; it’s a good start to finding out what you do want. I know I need intimacy in my relationships and the void is painful and lonely. To be lonely in relationship is painful even when filling up your own side with healthy ways. Hope that makes Sense. Great vid. Great comments. Love 💕 xo
Taking the room temperature and trying to make people happy. Recovering codependent, cause my helping isn't always helpful 😮 I'm learning to stay in my own lane.😅 Thank you for this teaching.❤
Hi! 🙋♀️ I love this video.... It s crystal clear.... Many ideas come to my mind... One is.... There are soo many resources to make people be more generous, to share more, to give more.... And as an empath with codependent traits... I need to stop in the tracks of getting lost again as many times before, either mentally or for real in the exaggerated, exhaustive fantasies of helping others so much, i could forget myself again... There isn t many charities or people in charge of this who would help you with your codepency by asking in a so to say neutral way... No, they go all the way showing you images of poor children, in Africa maybe, and now I can survive better this attempts and try to be reasonable between my emotions about it and the detachment that... That s not my fault nor my responsability... This could lead some codependents into a guilt trip(not a pleasant place to be)... Another observation is that when there is no one to help, I don t even want to work... Exhaustion is not a foreign word for codependents or empaths... And limits exercises and books are a most, as you mentioned... Thanks for the email inviting me... Kind regards 🤗🙋♀️🌷😁🤸♀️
When I was healing enmeshment/codependency in emdr I continually had dreams of an octopus! Could you discuss the difference between enmeshment/trauma bonds (especially in siblings) and codependency ❤
I'm an empath,both my parents were,I had a great childhood,no trauma,I ended up with looking after my mother with dementia which was one of the best experience in life,it really helped me with my boundaries it sort of moved me into another level
Empath is the characteristics of an individual since birth whereas co-dependant is a learned behaviors when one is young and weak or one is unable to stand on one's own feet INDEPENDENTLY into adulthood..Therefore, it is not surprisingly to see CODEPENDENT or INDEPENDENT individual who is also an Empath..I often see this in my observations of my own patients pools of different ages, cultures and genders..Period..
Codependency is based in the necessity to gain validation through external means through the validation and acknowledgement and acceptance of others , rather than a healthy internal validation, given unto yourself by the acknowledgement and acceptance of your wounded inner feelings/ child and as you validate acknowledge and accept with loving kindness the wounded inner feelings / child that love and acceptance allows the feeling to transform from wounded to healed as you permit your wounded feelings the love , acceptance and space to process.
I’m an empath, as is my daughter who has been noticeable since 6. My son claims he is but my daughter and I tease him that he just intuitive. I say this because my daughter and son have not had any real trauma in their lives other than a divorce . Certainly nothing that I did
Hate secular phycology, I’m an empath according to secular phycology. my gift is from the Holy Spirit which is mercy with discernment Im very sensitive to others its from God its not a mystery. The only time being a empath is bad is when a narcissist shows up. Wanting to help someone isn’t a bad thing.
I encourage you to read Brain Energy by Dr. Christopher Palmer, MD. The thesis of the book: ALL MENTAL ILLNESS (anxiety, depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, alzheimers....) is due to metabolic dysfunction. The key to relief/remission/cure, repair that dysfunction. (How? Diet, exercise, sunlight, supplements.....) I believe that Dr. Palmer's thesis is correct.
Great video (and excellent question from whoever posed it).
About three years ago I discovered that I was an empath surrounded by narcissistic people. I went into a deep dive on narcissism and also being an empath. But it was only recently that I realised I carried many codependent traits, kind of a shocker because I was already recognising who was a codependent in the people I know.
Having this awareness about myself was another step in the healing process.
Peace!
You were speaking directly to me in this video. I have all the characteristics of an empath and codependent. I wanted to become a nurse from my earliest memory. In therapy I realized I could not protect myself or siblings from abuse, but as a nurse I could help others. Later in discussions with coworkers, many of us married alcoholics, drug abusers, people with mental health issues, etc. Boundaries have always been a problem for me and I have always put others’ needs first. I continue trying to recover. Thanks for all of your videos.
I think I know why I grew up to be codependent and now an empath. It's because my mother chose me to be her confidante and interpreter at age 7 or 8. My father was an alcoholic and a cheating spouse.
I'm an elementary school special education teacher.
I also have trouble identifying my feelings. However, I feel other people feelings.
I think I need boundary work.
We really have to be careful with the labels we invent and allow ourselves to ascribe to. I recently uploaded a video breaking down this issue, "flaws in modern psychotherapy approaches", I see many people picking up the term "empath" and running with it, as if they have some super power that others don't, and this is very dangerous to establishing unbiased social awareness. We all have a capacity for empathy, we are not "empaths", like we are not "arcturian pledian starseed lightworkers"... Anyways lol.
Thanks for your efforts as always this channel rocks!
Yes, I do agree it is helpful not to "label" but sometimes a "label" can point us in the right direction in terms of what might be useful for us. Agree re the comment that empaths are not supernatural :) What did you think of my video What is An Empath?
@@BarbaraHeffernan yes, this is the double-edged sword of psychotherapy; the DSM-5 as well as simple cultural terminology provides us with useful labels as well as adoptable labels that can both be used as excuses to not work on ourselves and as ego-bolstering identity boosters that make us feel superior. It really is a conundrum. As for the term "empath," I find it more divisive than beneficial, unfortunately. We must be careful how we introduce these terms to clients, "I have capacities for empathy that everyone has, I am sometimes more sensitive than others. I can encourage others to improve on their empathy and relation abilities becuase of this, but I am not an" empath".
Not everyone does have empathy, that's a flaw in this argument. Labels are there to explain the extremes of human behaviour argument nd in regular life to describe traits. It's argument nd mistake to say everyone has empathy, they dont
@@bereal6590 everyone has a capacity for empathy because empathy works in everyone's favor, even if you pretend to be empathetic, you still have to have theory of mind. Everyone can be taught to relate to others more anyways, even if it's less than others. We have to be really careful about cutting people off from having certain capacities because it may stunt their growth (this is called the growth mindset vs fixed mindset in various therapies)
I hope this makes sense, I'm sure there can be exceptions with TBIs like the Phineas Gage story, but that's different from a disorder.
Hello Barbara! Thank you so much for sharing this valuable content
You are so welcome!
the awareness is key , if you go around "connecting" with everyone and everything; it will drain you and drive you nuts. as someone who experienced ( as many im´sure) the scenarios Barbara described(alcohol dependency , masking and avoiding rather than confronting in family our members and ourselves) i have reached the point i can use it for my benefit , it´s a great tool if you are in costumer service and sales, againg detaching yourself from stuff ( which is hard cause ego wants to be always right)...but i know now that i have to identify where it comes from ( THANKS BARBARA FOR POINTING THE WAY) and just do the best thing for me and others as a human that understands that we all in the same boat , but some people ( direct core family members( and everyone till proven tehy don´t listen): mom,dad,brother; deserve the truth if i see something i will say it but in the end is up to them if they want to take the information(or how long will it take for the seed to grow) . just like i understand it took me years to change my thought patterrns....btw great hair barbs looking good ;) and thanks for these videos , they are very helpful
I like the way your comment balances the empathy for others and understanding we are all in the same boat, while also acknowledging some don't make great choices, and it isn't helpful to let ourselves sink :) You are very welcome re the videos - so pleased they are helpful! And, yes, re the hair, some days letting it go curly :)
I feel that in my experiences; with severe traumas throughout childhood; teens and adulthood; major and rare losses etc; being the rescuer; we typically attract avoidant ; or narcissists and we aren’t getting connection / intimacy from our SO and our SO is a mirror. So we are seeking it elsewhere; rather than meeting our needs; and letting go of relationships that aren’t able to give us the intimacy and connection we desire. We just keep at the person who won’t give it Re creating or living out the childhood need we couldn’t get. We are actually very strong and have great character traits and are emotional gifted. I learned I can give the same love to myself and empathy for myself too. When you do that you start to make yourself more a priority and understand that this is why it often gets worse or more painful. We didn’t get it the first time; or second time or third; you find those with even stronger traits that seem so polar opposite to you; you’ll finally learn the lesson. These things will hero showing up stringer and stronger = more pain. Once you do you realize how much of an emotional powerhouse you are; and your value and worth; you tend to respect yourself and you’ll eventually desire that from others. Connect with ourselves and give those gifts we are so good at giving everyone; your SO; your children; the server ; the stranger in line at the store. What helped me was really understanding why I m so able to give I have so much heartache in life. Working through huge traumas is essential but just a shift in for once rather than only having high view of others searched up what ones character meant. I actually posses so much of those traits it’s really something to celebrate and have a healthy good view of myself. In the process one may find some if not many relationships; including the romantic one isn’t healthy or helping you or the other. Unless they are too willing to do the work; one will grow the other will stay stagnant. When you know what you don’t want; it’s a good start to finding out what you do want. I know I need intimacy in my relationships and the void is painful and lonely. To be lonely in relationship is painful even when filling up your own side with healthy ways. Hope that makes Sense. Great vid. Great comments. Love 💕 xo
Very helpful, appreciative new sub, THANK YOU!
Taking the room temperature and trying to make people happy. Recovering codependent, cause my helping isn't always helpful 😮 I'm learning to stay in my own lane.😅 Thank you for this teaching.❤
Hi! 🙋♀️ I love this video.... It s crystal clear.... Many ideas come to my mind... One is.... There are soo many resources to make people be more generous, to share more, to give more.... And as an empath with codependent traits... I need to stop in the tracks of getting lost again as many times before, either mentally or for real in the exaggerated, exhaustive fantasies of helping others so much, i could forget myself again... There isn t many charities or people in charge of this who would help you with your codepency by asking in a so to say neutral way... No, they go all the way showing you images of poor children, in Africa maybe, and now I can survive better this attempts and try to be reasonable between my emotions about it and the detachment that... That s not my fault nor my responsability... This could lead some codependents into a guilt trip(not a pleasant place to be)...
Another observation is that when there is no one to help, I don t even want to work... Exhaustion is not a foreign word for codependents or empaths... And limits exercises and books are a most, as you mentioned...
Thanks for the email inviting me...
Kind regards 🤗🙋♀️🌷😁🤸♀️
When I was healing enmeshment/codependency in emdr I continually had dreams of an octopus! Could you discuss the difference between enmeshment/trauma bonds (especially in siblings) and codependency ❤
Interesting re the octopus! Good topic - the link, as codependency is often learned in a traumatic environment.
I'm an empath,both my parents were,I had a great childhood,no trauma,I ended up with looking after my mother with dementia which was one of the best experience in life,it really helped me with my boundaries it sort of moved me into another level
Me too!
You should have been more careful
thank you barbara
You are welcome! Hope you found it useful!
@@BarbaraHeffernan yes very much
Empath is the characteristics of an individual since birth whereas co-dependant is a learned behaviors when one is young and weak or one is unable to stand on one's own feet INDEPENDENTLY into adulthood..Therefore, it is not surprisingly to see CODEPENDENT or INDEPENDENT individual who is also an Empath..I often see this in my observations of my own patients pools of different ages, cultures and genders..Period..
OMG, you have just discribed me
Codependency is based in the necessity to gain validation through external means through the validation and acknowledgement and acceptance of others , rather than a healthy internal validation, given unto yourself by the acknowledgement and acceptance of your wounded inner feelings/ child and as you validate acknowledge and accept with loving kindness the wounded inner feelings / child that love and acceptance allows the feeling to transform from wounded to healed as you permit your wounded feelings the love , acceptance and space to process.
I’m an empath, as is my daughter who has been noticeable since 6. My son claims he is but my daughter and I tease him that he just intuitive. I say this because my daughter and son have not had any real trauma in their lives other than a divorce . Certainly nothing that I did
It doesn't always have to come from trauma!
2:29 WHY we have empathy seems to be for the survival of the species. Why some DON'T is the mystery to me.
I agree completely!
What is the difference between enneagram type 2 and empath? Is there one?
The enneagram is a tool that is/ was used by people in the occult. Its hocus pocus
How about codependent vs trauma bond for a video?
Good idea! Do you have a specific question about it that I could address?
is there a difference?
To your point I could barely finish the video because I felt I had to send it to my mom who I thought we did help promise I am still messed up
Hate secular phycology, I’m an empath according to secular phycology. my gift is from the Holy Spirit which is mercy with discernment Im very sensitive to others its from God its not a mystery. The only time being a empath is bad is when a narcissist shows up. Wanting to help someone isn’t a bad thing.
I encourage you to read Brain Energy by Dr. Christopher Palmer, MD. The thesis of the book: ALL MENTAL ILLNESS (anxiety, depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, alzheimers....) is due to metabolic dysfunction. The key to relief/remission/cure, repair that dysfunction. (How? Diet, exercise, sunlight, supplements.....) I believe that Dr. Palmer's thesis is correct.
It comes from a wounded inner child and exercise and supplements can definitely help but not cure.
Ya…sorry bro. Not happening.
Super irritating voice😢
Huh?