You gotta be careful with people. They can use your honesty and vulnerability against you. They pretend like they understand and then can easily play you.
@@MrXXUknownXx Wow. You missed the entire point of her statement. It has nothing to do with a the hood. People are manipulative and you don't share all of the intimate details of your life with just anyone. A narcissist, let's say, could use that vulnerability easily. Everyone should be careful sharing their life with essentially a stranger. Smh.
Agreed. The show Love is Blind is a classic example. Lauren and Cam were vulnerable and they inspired all of us but they were also RIGHT for each other. Damian and Gigi is a different story. She shouldn't have shared certain things with him cause he weaponized everything against her whenever they had an argument, smh.
A person laying out their baggage on a first date is looking for a crutch, not a date. They are looking for healing to their emotional wounds, and they will drain you completely.
I think there's a difference between airing your "baggage" and revealing your inner self to someone. I believe that's what Jeannie was talking about. She seems like the type of woman that would not even go on a first date unless she felt comfortable doing that.
Don't listen to Jeannie. First dates are strictly to determine if the person is interesting enough to get 2nd date in order for you to get to know them. First couple dates are like job interviews.
Wtf is this before christ thinking 💀 First dates are whatevr you make it. Some people just wanna be all surface & pretend theyre not fucked up, i aint got time for that. I have bonded with people way better than those that never wanna get deep💀
@@AndresLopezZarate it's called common sense and valuing yourself. You don't tell anyone your business just because you're on a date. You could be talking to the devil.
I still don't know why jeannie opinion is valid 90 percent of the things she says i dont agree with or say to myself "Girl u just don't get it" what a "Pickmeisha attitude she has"!
@@thatgirl4567 and the devil isnt real😂 you guys let your baggage define you , clearly you care lot about others perceptions 💀 I completely see where jeannie is coming from & i value myself a lot , you probably dont if youre too busy caring about someone using your baggage against you 💀if you really learned and moved past it you wouldnt have a problem , clearly some people never move on, as for me I moved on , learned & grown from anything in my past & i will always own it & share it & if anyone wants to use it against me they can try , but words only hurts as much as you let them 😉 now am i saying i tell them on the first date EVERYTHING no🙄
She's actually talking about a person that has enough depth to have more than superficial conversation and show introspection, it's a skill that dosen't require telling all....
@@lastnamefirst9423 exactly. I can see where Jeanie is coming from. I need more from a guy on a first date than a sense of humor and him being kind. Lol. The date will bore me and there's nothing about him that make me want to go and a 2nd date with him
@@deltriciasmith5021 That's her. I remember her talking about how she likes to have under the surface conversations right when she is getting to know the guy.
Nella J exactly. You’re going to have to completely put yourself in a different category than the rest of these dudes out here and give me a side of you that intrigues me soo deeply that I would even want to go on a 2nd date with you. Because fact is I get bored and turned off very easily, maybe entirely too easy tbh.
I agree with Adrienne, a first date should be light and fun, it's about getting to know the person. By the third date, the conversation can get deeper once you KNOW that you can trust that person.
I think people should just let it flow naturally. If you end up having a deep, emotional conversation see where it leads you. If you are just having a good time laughing and all, see where that leads you. I don’t believe in taking up too much emotional space in a persons life, but I do think authenticity is important. Just do what feels right in the moment: learn how to read a situation.
THIS. THIS IS WHAT I MEAN. People just dont get that sometimes you meet someone & you click, you can talk about anything & everything & it doesnt have to go anywhere but at least you leave knowing theres someone out there that thinks just a little bit like you do
I completely agree with this!!! I don’t think Jeannie means lay everything out there but be authentic! If the conversation arise and you spill well great!! When you are keeping/holding things back on purpose you might still be hurt by it and you are letting the situation define you but when you don’t hold it back on purpose and you can let the conversation about your pain lead to a greater discussion about life/God/Future I think that wins 💯 hands down!!
I think it doesn’t necessarily need to be the first or second date, but a couple dates in, after you get to know each other, you can slowly (as you feel comfortable) reveal parts of you that you don’t share with the general public 💁🏽♀️
Jeanie only saying that bc she’s 40 and doesn’t have time to waste. I’m not here for all of that. I agree with Amanda. Ppl have to earn information about me
Jasmine H lol that’s right!! She over here almost 50 years old sounding like a 10 year old when men in this climate are alligators waiting to devour desperate, and emotionally vulnerable women who looove to be honest to appear as “good women” not knowing they getting played.
Ruru Home I’m saying it has to do with age because she doesn’t want to waste time. I don’t think she wants you to dish out your trauma she actually made that clear. She says fun and light and laughing doesn’t impress her, vulnerability impresses her. I don’t get it but I think we need to really grasp what she’s saying bc I feel like ppl are taking what she said too far. I don’t want vulnerability on the first date. I want to laugh and that’s very important to me bc not everyone can do that. I think she’s looking for something different.
LMAO I peeped that also and rewinded it to make sure I heard what I heard. I reply the same way to some things. I swear me and Amanda are so similar. Esp bc many ppl misinterpret her regular state of being for combativeness or sass. Naw, it's just who we are. I love her
Jeannie is wayyyyy to deep lol. First date needs to be fun, lets get to know. A LITTLE ABOUT ONE ANOTHER, and maybe second or third date we can get more in tune with certain things. I agree with Amanda that people need to earn certain things about you.
Amanda is 100% correct, Jeannie get ur life luv u tho, because ur gonna run into people who didn’t deserve to get to know u on a certain level. U need to earn my vulnerability so i can know ur trust worthy..and Loni the jokes are falling flat be more serious the timing isn’t right
I’m with Amanda and Adrienne. Yeah no vulnerability on the first date. Yes talk about life like normal people, but Im not putting my whole self out there on a first date. I don’t know you like that! I would rather try to have fun and do something extracurricular that we know we both enjoy. That’s actually a great bonding activity.
Steve Harvey said the purpose of a first date is to determine if you enjoy someone's company. Period. I agree. Jeannie enjoys dark conversations because she has darkness somewhere within so maybe that would help her enjoy a date's company. Most people like light and fun.
This is the problem a date is supposed to be fun not a therapy session 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️❗& telling a complete stranger your problem like WTF this is why some ppl know ur issues then uses them against u..bc u don't even know the person or know if they are trustworthy yet you gonna tell them all your insecurities 🤦♀️What a Moran 😂❗
PLEASE Do not listen to Jeanie on this. She needs to stop living in lala land and utopia. Men (or these alligators) don’t care about your feelings/vulnerability nor do they want to share their vulnerability with YOU when they first meet you unless they are faking it for cool points so you can trust them easily. DO NOT volunteer your bad experiences or important information to a man you just met and don’t even know where he comes from. He will play the part so you can drop your guard and get on your back. You gotta wait 6months + to open up deep information and that man should earn information from you.
I like this discussion. I love the different perspectives. I like how there isn't just one view on this topic. These are the type of discussions I like
I agree with Jeannie, when you are open and honest no matter what the response or opinion of the other person is, it showcases your character. It doesn't even have to be that deep but like she said shows maturity in what or who you want in your life moving forward.
Jeanie was totally off with this one. You definitely shouldn't met someone and on the first date tell them everything and all of your baggage ect. Then she says those topics don't have to be heavy it definitely won't be light especially since this person doesn't know you. It's overwhelming and awkward. Like Amanda says over time those things are discussed as trust is earned.
She's always in competition with Amanda, being oppositional to Amanda's thoughts merely bc she's threatened by Amanda. And she flubbers her words bc there is no logical rationale for mist of her bs opinions, which makes the optics on her character extremely murky.
I don't like Tam's outfit today, but well back to the topic : Well I agree with Jeannie, I think honesty and openness is acceptable on a first date, and sharing a baggage should wait until you know a person better🤷♀️
I honestly completely agree with Amanda 100%, people should earn it, it's nice to see that it would be okay to tell someone something. But if for some reason you feel you're not ready because you can't trust them with it, then wait till you're ready
Very insightful comments from Adrienne and Amanda! My history and experiences are personal and you have to prove that you are worth the time and effort before I share that with you.
Yes you need to peel back the layers of yourself overtime and through trust. Be honest with yourself but don’t lay everything out on the table all at once. Your morals and self worth show through and express you as a person
Amanda gets so much hate, I've seen, because she is very outspoken in such a direct way about things that are serious/important that y'all see her as this negative, angry figure. But much like she explains here, she's light. People will come up to bat when they have something to come up to bat about, and she cares deeply about so many things that it shows when she speaks. Which is amazing! Don't define her tenure on the show only in times when she seems angry (which is warranted most of the time btw and don't police people's feelings yall, sit with your own and think why am i uncomfortable!), take the whole picture. And here she is sweet, very incisive, and very humane in a way that is super charming and interesting to watch. I'm so glad she's on the show! Let people be complex, and let her live yall.
Rose Xo she doesn’t care for black issues and never speaks up for the black community , I wish Tia was chosen for the show instead of her . Tamera is a disappointment 😪
I agree with Amanda though because you can’t just let people know everything about me. You have to earn my trust first and you also have to reassure me that this will last between us because if not then what’s the point of you knowing my whole story if you gonna leave? You don’t deserve that. Jeannie nothing wrong with being vulnerable but that’s different from being a open book and giving them a whole summary of all your chapters without them taking their own time to learn and read your book. If they want something serious and long term from you I think they should atleast try to get to know you first and your past experiences without you being the one laying it all out for them on the first date
Jeanie I get it, steps please and be patient. You have to earn a person's story so be patient. Don't make a first date feel like a therapy session. In the end, we have to be able to meet the right people by expressing our values and if vulnerability is one of yours then hopefully you are going to meet someone who also shares similar sentiments. Dating requires effort so put in the right effort and be as authentic as you can and then hope for the best!
I get what Jeanie means. Some first dates are light and fun, and then some are more insightful and filled with deep convos because you guys naturally click and the convo can easily flow to different topics that may include both of your pasts. She doesn’t put everythingggg out there the first date but maybe give a bit of insight of who she is, what’s she’s been through and what she’s looking for.
i agree with amanda on this one you're not gonna tell your past to every first date, you can spend a lifetime with a person without telling your past, sometimes you prefer to keep it to you, you can be with someone and control your past and emotions and the rest.
I'm with the #ATeam on this! You need to earn my trust layer by layer at a time. A first date is meant for feeling each other out and seeing if there's compatibility.
The definition of what "baggage" is differs from person to person. Some people can deal with it right off the bat, and some people would rather you reveal it over time after they get to know you better. The truth is WE ALL come with some sort of baggage, whether we open it up on the first date or not.
I agree with Amanda on this topic.. but I also agree with Jeannie to an extent, when it comes to vulnerability.. She mentioned not sharing baggage, but just where you are in your life and how you got there ..just showing a sense of maturity and openness..but that depends on the 2 people, the circumstances, how they are connecting on the date, and also if it feels right.
The first date is purely to have fun and get to know that person. If I don't see myself going the distance with you, why would I give you the privilege to see me in my most vulnerable state and know my deepest secrets. People have to earn that right. If you tell everyone you meet every little thing about you, what makes friendship and kinship special. Your significant other and/or best friends know everything about you because they have proven themselves to be trustworthy and reliable enough to handle me at my worst and my best
I met a guy and the first conversation we had was about his baby mother and the guy she cheated on him with. He went on to give me details about how he found out and how he confronted her. And that was the last time he ever heard or saw me. The whole conversation was extremely off putting and I could tell emotionally he was not over the whole ordeal.
I like deep talks like Jeannie. I like to feel connected spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I'm ok with surface level talks at the beginning but eventually it should lead to deeper ones. That's the only time we can truly connect as humans when we are vulnerable. You can have small talk or surface level convo with any stranger, anybody anytime so it doesn't mean much to me.
All of your answers is all over the place. I use to tell it all up front. But now that I have lived and experienced different type of people. I've learned to be a little more reserved in the beginning.
Don’t EVER tell somebody you’re dating or in a relationship with what the last person did to you or how wrong people do you in general because TRUST they will do the same or WORSE. idk why but it happens waaay to often
It's a first date. Not an engagement. I just want to know if I like you first. You never know, we might never get on the second date so spare both us the emotional breakdown. On a first date, I just want to know basic facts like hobbies, work, family, if we have the same moral standing and goals. Thats it. If we liked each other then we can progress to the more emotional stuff.
Jeannie, I love you, but your advice is not only dumb but could be straight out dangerous. There are predators out there, narcissists, who are willing to gain all that information in order to harm you. You just got lucky with your boo that he's a good man but the rest of us knows what's out there and that we need to be more careful and discerning
I agree with Jeanie about vulnerability but not on the first date. If we make to a second or third date then we can try that just not on the first date.
Timeka Roberts agree!! 1st dates are more to see if you like each other’s energy and make a connection im order to make it to the 2nd date..in my opinion.
someone once said trust is like gates. Once they get through the first gate, see how they respond through the first before you open up the second gate. I'm not gonna lay it out there if he hasn't gone through the first gate and I'm not gonna want him to lay it out there, if I hadn't been through that first gate either.
Jeannie didn’t understand Amanda’s point. I’m not mentioning my anxiety and past depression on my 1st date. As Amanda said, that person hasn’t earned that.
When Amanda says they have to earn it sometimes o have to make sure you have a certain level of maturity before I invite you in.. I yes I should already be emotionally taken care of when it comes to my baggage but it’s my partners job to create an environment where i can handle whatever I have to handle so yes you kinda have to test the waters to see if you can trust them with your vulnerability to where they won’t make you feel more damaged, ashamed, or push you to reverse in your healing process .. you don’t have to spill all your tea to see if they are capable of handling it .. in fact if you listen to THEM talk long enough you can tell whether or not you’re a trust worth person .. so bring the baggage.. just don’t spill all your tea right away.. That doesn’t mean you can’t be open .. especially if the conversation calls for that .. but I don’t suggest opening your spirit up to people until you know if they can handle it
Hopefully it won't get that far to month three. Haha. I need to find out fast if the man has children or a criminal record or if he is a clingy man. Lol. I hate to have my time wasted with the wrong men.
This reminded me the time that I had a guy cry after the second date, he was going through something and I knew we were in different spaces. Instead of seeing as baggage I see it as blessing for me.
I personnally believe that a lot of people are afraid going deeper than the surface, especially on first dates. I'm someone who observe a lot, who is very intuitive. I agree with Jeannie. IT IS therapeutic. Yes, tell me what is going on in your life and how did it take you to get there. That is very sexy and vulnerable to me. The fact that that this person opens up about something important brings up other interesting topics and you get to know even better the person you're on a date with. Not all of that superficial crap in my opinion
I feel you, but I think the pushback they were giving was based on timing. I'm an introvert and love deep convos, but I don't think the very first date is the best time to go in depth about how you were a domestic violence victim, emotionally abused by your parents, a recovering sex addict, etc. Trust should be earned through time and consistent positive behavior. There are vultures out in the world who will sit back and take stock on your insecurities/trauma just to weaponize them against you. Everyone isn't worthy of your story.
I completely agree with Amanda on ppl having to EARN information about you. Why would a tell a relative stranger my innermost thoughts, fears and experiences, that make no sense to me. I also agree with what Adrienne said it depends on what you're looking for that may be good for you Jeannie but it wasn't what I was looking for on my first date with Israel, she wanted to laugh and just have fun!
On a first date you don't even know each other. For a potential partner I wouldn't like to have the feeling that they are in the habit of telling strangers their business because one day his business will come our business.
PREACH! Oversharing with the wrong person/trusting people completely unearned is dangerous and that becomes a risk if you get with someone like that. What Jeannie is saying comes across as a boundaries issue to me.
Chantelle Barnett literally!! What should it always be a therapy session? Does she not know men and that they don’t care about feelings especially when they just metyou? This lady too old to think like this I swear.
In another segment, Jeannie said that she’s that type of person who likes to get into deep conversations like showing vulnerability. It really depends on some people. I personally would make an effort to open up but I know I won’t lay out all my baggage I front of him on a first date. I agree with Amanda
Jeannie what lol...you want someone to air out their dirty laundry on their FIRST DATE? you barely KNOW this person and you can't just say everything. Someone has to earn your trust and you open up OVER TIME. Adrienne and Amanda are spot on!
I agree with Amanda and Adrienne , it should be earned and not be on the table right away. You don’t really know how that person is going to react to it on the first date.
I agree with jeannie, I hate small talk , I’m not saying tell your most traumatic story on the first date but tell me about what has led you to becoming the person you are today.
I feel Jeannie and all, but all of that on a first date leaves nothing for the second and so forth. I think good vibes/chemistry, laughter, light conversation, great food and drinks is sufficient enough for a good first date.
You gotta be careful with people. They can use your honesty and vulnerability against you. They pretend like they understand and then can easily play you.
This is a date, the guy is there to be interested in you, surely with no intention of playing you. Hood dating isn't the only dating out there.
@@MrXXUknownXx Wow. You missed the entire point of her statement. It has nothing to do with a the hood. People are manipulative and you don't share all of the intimate details of your life with just anyone. A narcissist, let's say, could use that vulnerability easily. Everyone should be careful sharing their life with essentially a stranger. Smh.
Ashley H so it’s called dating. Deal with it
Facts
Amen
I agree with amanda and Adrienne , you have to earn my trust so I can be vulnerable with you! Some people don’t deserve to know that side of you!
Agreed. The show Love is Blind is a classic example. Lauren and Cam were vulnerable and they inspired all of us but they were also RIGHT for each other. Damian and Gigi is a different story. She shouldn't have shared certain things with him cause he weaponized everything against her whenever they had an argument, smh.
this gets more relevant the older you get
I agree with Jennifer Romo
Jennifer Romo don’t deserve yeah thanks for the mess
Agreed 👏🏼👏🏼💯💯
A person laying out their baggage on a first date is looking for a crutch, not a date. They are looking for healing to their emotional wounds, and they will drain you completely.
Amen
Words of wisdom 💯
I agree
ive cried on a first date- I definitely think I still needed healing. Lol how awkward I did that to someone on a first date
I think there's a difference between airing your "baggage" and revealing your inner self to someone. I believe that's what Jeannie was talking about. She seems like the type of woman that would not even go on a first date unless she felt comfortable doing that.
Don't listen to Jeannie. First dates are strictly to determine if the person is interesting enough to get 2nd date in order for you to get to know them. First couple dates are like job interviews.
Wtf is this before christ thinking 💀 First dates are whatevr you make it. Some people just wanna be all surface & pretend theyre not fucked up, i aint got time for that. I have bonded with people way better than those that never wanna get deep💀
True you can't assume someone's gonna enjoy you showing your vulnerability or take it seriously !
@@AndresLopezZarate it's called common sense and valuing yourself. You don't tell anyone your business just because you're on a date. You could be talking to the devil.
I still don't know why jeannie opinion is valid 90 percent of the things she says i dont agree with or say to myself "Girl u just don't get it" what a "Pickmeisha attitude she has"!
@@thatgirl4567 and the devil isnt real😂 you guys let your baggage define you , clearly you care lot about others perceptions 💀 I completely see where jeannie is coming from & i value myself a lot , you probably dont if youre too busy caring about someone using your baggage against you 💀if you really learned and moved past it you wouldnt have a problem , clearly some people never move on, as for me I moved on , learned & grown from anything in my past & i will always own it & share it & if anyone wants to use it against me they can try , but words only hurts as much as you let them 😉 now am i saying i tell them on the first date EVERYTHING no🙄
Jeannie, laying out your emotional baggage on a first date is a sign a person needs therapy
Mgmt Girlyeah true
I agree... They're looking for a Crutch.. someone to help on an emotional level. Without love..
Therapy 💀💀💀bitchhh no
Andres Lopez Zarate f.haaaqqq no
Knowing that Jeannie has traumatic past experiences I think vulnerability in someone is her bonding mechanism. Which really isn’t very healthy
If he don’t tell me he got kids until like a month later that’s wrong and I’m out lol
Me too lol
Lol and if u didnt know without him telling it then he isnt supposing them. One toy in his apt says he has kids
Kids aren't baggage they are your LIFE! Part of you. That should be first date info like your first and last name🤷🏿
that girl period
A month. Tell straight up u got kids.
Does Jeannie realize that she's pretty much saying let it all out practically to a total stranger? Like yea NO. That's a no from me.
She's actually talking about a person that has enough depth to have more than superficial conversation and show introspection, it's a skill that dosen't require telling all....
Jeannie gives me the impression that she would not even agree to go on a date until she feels she can be open and honest with you on a deep level.
@@lastnamefirst9423 exactly. I can see where Jeanie is coming from. I need more from a guy on a first date than a sense of humor and him being kind. Lol. The date will bore me and there's nothing about him that make me want to go and a 2nd date with him
@@deltriciasmith5021 That's her. I remember her talking about how she likes to have under the surface conversations right when she is getting to know the guy.
Nella J exactly. You’re going to have to completely put yourself in a different category than the rest of these dudes out here and give me a side of you that intrigues me soo deeply that I would even want to go on a 2nd date with you. Because fact is I get bored and turned off very easily, maybe entirely too easy tbh.
Amanda and Adrienne are spot on!
"People have to earn stuff about you" Spot On.
I agree with Adrienne, a first date should be light and fun, it's about getting to know the person. By the third date, the conversation can get deeper once you KNOW that you can trust that person.
I think people should just let it flow naturally. If you end up having a deep, emotional conversation see where it leads you. If you are just having a good time laughing and all, see where that leads you. I don’t believe in taking up too much emotional space in a persons life, but I do think authenticity is important. Just do what feels right in the moment: learn how to read a situation.
AMEN
That’s great advice
THIS. THIS IS WHAT I MEAN. People just dont get that sometimes you meet someone & you click, you can talk about anything & everything & it doesnt have to go anywhere but at least you leave knowing theres someone out there that thinks just a little bit like you do
I completely agree with this!!! I don’t think Jeannie means lay everything out there but be authentic! If the conversation arise and you spill well great!! When you are keeping/holding things back on purpose you might still be hurt by it and you are letting the situation define you but when you don’t hold it back on purpose and you can let the conversation about your pain lead to a greater discussion about life/God/Future I think that wins 💯 hands down!!
100% agree!
I'm with Amanda you need to earn the right to know some things about people.
lilian makori Me too!
Exactly cause what if they dont end up in your life.
Same
I think it doesn’t necessarily need to be the first or second date, but a couple dates in, after you get to know each other, you can slowly (as you feel comfortable) reveal parts of you that you don’t share with the general public 💁🏽♀️
Samantha Murphy-Keller it should be the first date dumb bitch 🤨
Hikkrz Minzzy You don’t need to cuss her out Samantha Murphy-Keller has the right to her opinion
Ze she is giving young women the wrong information
Jeanie only saying that bc she’s 40 and doesn’t have time to waste. I’m not here for all of that. I agree with Amanda. Ppl have to earn information about me
Jasmine H lol that’s right!! She over here almost 50 years old sounding like a 10 year old when men in this climate are alligators waiting to devour desperate, and emotionally vulnerable women who looove to be honest to appear as “good women” not knowing they getting played.
Evabelle15 exactly !!! 💯
Ruru Home I’m saying it has to do with age because she doesn’t want to waste time. I don’t think she wants you to dish out your trauma she actually made that clear. She says fun and light and laughing doesn’t impress her, vulnerability impresses her. I don’t get it but I think we need to really grasp what she’s saying bc I feel like ppl are taking what she said too far. I don’t want vulnerability on the first date. I want to laugh and that’s very important to me bc not everyone can do that. I think she’s looking for something different.
I like Amanda at the table. She took on a lot being the new girl in an established space and she’s doing really well. Love it! ♥️
lmfao when jeannie said "no" and shook her head to amanda and amanda said "yes" lmfaooooooo
LMAO I peeped that also and rewinded it to make sure I heard what I heard. I reply the same way to some things. I swear me and Amanda are so similar. Esp bc many ppl misinterpret her regular state of being for combativeness or sass. Naw, it's just who we are. I love her
ELIZA Jeannie is annoying af
@@eyeAm0 yep lol
Jeannie, you’re tripping. A first date might not even get a second date. They do not need to know all your personal business.
MsFears Exactly. Jeannie is definitely not an introvert.
and jeannie why would someone want vulnerability on the first date? adrienne is right. we here for a good time not therapy time.
Jeannie is wayyyyy to deep lol. First date needs to be fun, lets get to know. A LITTLE ABOUT ONE ANOTHER, and maybe second or third date we can get more in tune with certain things. I agree with Amanda that people need to earn certain things about you.
No Jeannie. I think you need to be careful with people.
I agree with Amanda 👏🏾 people have to earn the trust to get to know my “baggage”
I feel like Ananda is getting more open....nice chemistry
Milaharr Martijn yeah the work with her therapist suits her well ! I love to see it :)
All the ladies are great but I just love Amanada she's always on point
Looooool Amanda "like Black Planet. . .but not Black Planet"
I was dying...and I was just talking about BlackPlanet the other day.
I have no idea what that is so definitely before my time lol googling now
D. L. 🤣😂😂
Amanda is 100% correct, Jeannie get ur life luv u tho, because ur gonna run into people who didn’t deserve to get to know u on a certain level. U need to earn my vulnerability so i can know ur trust worthy..and Loni the jokes are falling flat be more serious the timing isn’t right
Yesssss for a comedian her joke timing is HORRIBLE
I’m with Amanda and Adrienne. Yeah no vulnerability on the first date. Yes talk about life like normal people, but Im not putting my whole self out there on a first date. I don’t know you like that! I would rather try to have fun and do something extracurricular that we know we both enjoy. That’s actually a great bonding activity.
I agree with ur advice, thanks.
Too many narcisstic people out there that will pretend and use your weakness against you
That's another thing people miss about sharing too much too soon. Let them earn hearing your full story. Trust is built on track records.
👏👏👏👏👏
Baggage shouldn'tdnt be at the front door as amanda said...get to know them before u start pouring your life story...it can be a turn off
Steve Harvey said the purpose of a first date is to determine if you enjoy someone's company. Period. I agree. Jeannie enjoys dark conversations because she has darkness somewhere within so maybe that would help her enjoy a date's company. Most people like light and fun.
Showing ur baggage on ur first date is a red flag. I 100000% agree with amanda & adrienne
This is the problem a date is supposed to be fun not a therapy session 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️❗& telling a complete stranger your problem like WTF this is why some ppl know ur issues then uses them against u..bc u don't even know the person or know if they are trustworthy yet you gonna tell them all your insecurities 🤦♀️What a Moran 😂❗
PLEASE Do not listen to Jeanie on this. She needs to stop living in lala land and utopia. Men (or these alligators) don’t care about your feelings/vulnerability nor do they want to share their vulnerability with YOU when they first meet you unless they are faking it for cool points so you can trust them easily. DO NOT volunteer your bad experiences or important information to a man you just met and don’t even know where he comes from. He will play the part so you can drop your guard and get on your back. You gotta wait 6months + to open up deep information and that man should earn information from you.
I like this discussion. I love the different perspectives. I like how there isn't just one view on this topic. These are the type of discussions I like
I agree with Jeannie, when you are open and honest no matter what the response or opinion of the other person is, it showcases your character. It doesn't even have to be that deep but like she said shows maturity in what or who you want in your life moving forward.
Amanda is so stinking cute 😍😍😓ughhh. Gorgeous!!!!
Jeanie was totally off with this one. You definitely shouldn't met someone and on the first date tell them everything and all of your baggage ect. Then she says those topics don't have to be heavy it definitely won't be light especially since this person doesn't know you. It's overwhelming and awkward. Like Amanda says over time those things are discussed as trust is earned.
what do you know about dates??
what dat mouf do?
She's always in competition with Amanda, being oppositional to Amanda's thoughts merely bc she's threatened by Amanda. And she flubbers her words bc there is no logical rationale for mist of her bs opinions, which makes the optics on her character extremely murky.
I don't like Tam's outfit today, but well back to the topic : Well I agree with Jeannie, I think honesty and openness is acceptable on a first date, and sharing a baggage should wait until you know a person better🤷♀️
I honestly completely agree with Amanda 100%, people should earn it, it's nice to see that it would be okay to tell someone something. But if for some reason you feel you're not ready because you can't trust them with it, then wait till you're ready
Very insightful comments from Adrienne and Amanda! My history and experiences are personal and you have to prove that you are worth the time and effort before I share that with you.
Yes you need to peel back the layers of yourself overtime and through trust. Be honest with yourself but don’t lay everything out on the table all at once. Your morals and self worth show through and express you as a person
PAUSE. Peep Amanda’s hair tho!!! 😍😍😍😍
These are the topics I’m here for. 🙌🏼 it’s not always about super serious topics 🙄
Amanda gets so much hate, I've seen, because she is very outspoken in such a direct way about things that are serious/important that y'all see her as this negative, angry figure. But much like she explains here, she's light. People will come up to bat when they have something to come up to bat about, and she cares deeply about so many things that it shows when she speaks. Which is amazing! Don't define her tenure on the show only in times when she seems angry (which is warranted most of the time btw and don't police people's feelings yall, sit with your own and think why am i uncomfortable!), take the whole picture. And here she is sweet, very incisive, and very humane in a way that is super charming and interesting to watch. I'm so glad she's on the show! Let people be complex, and let her live yall.
I agree w/ Amanda let ppl earn things. First dates should be lite
Still can’t believe Tamera said Adam is woke because he continued kissing her despite feeling a track in her hair 🥴🥴 I really can’t with her
Shut uppppp 😂🤣😂🤣😂😂🤣 omg
😂😂😂😂
Rose Xo she doesn’t care for black issues and never speaks up for the black community , I wish Tia was chosen for the show instead of her . Tamera is a disappointment 😪
What do you mean feeling a track? Is there a video?
the1theonly _princesseri it’s hair extensions & this is the video ruclips.net/video/zjm3t7qfI-U/видео.html
love Amanda's message on this one..powerful
I agree with Amanda though because you can’t just let people know everything about me. You have to earn my trust first and you also have to reassure me that this will last between us because if not then what’s the point of you knowing my whole story if you gonna leave? You don’t deserve that. Jeannie nothing wrong with being vulnerable but that’s different from being a open book and giving them a whole summary of all your chapters without them taking their own time to learn and read your book. If they want something serious and long term from you I think they should atleast try to get to know you first and your past experiences without you being the one laying it all out for them on the first date
Jeanie I get it, steps please and be patient. You have to earn a person's story so be patient. Don't make a first date feel like a therapy session. In the end, we have to be able to meet the right people by expressing our values and if vulnerability is one of yours then hopefully you are going to meet someone who also shares similar sentiments. Dating requires effort so put in the right effort and be as authentic as you can and then hope for the best!
I get what Jeanie means. Some first dates are light and fun, and then some are more insightful and filled with deep convos because you guys naturally click and the convo can easily flow to different topics that may include both of your pasts. She doesn’t put everythingggg out there the first date but maybe give a bit of insight of who she is, what’s she’s been through and what she’s looking for.
Exactly
i agree with amanda on this one you're not gonna tell your past to every first date, you can spend a lifetime with a person without telling your past, sometimes you prefer to keep it to you,
you can be with someone and control your past and emotions and the rest.
They all made really great points, but I really love what Amanda said about "earning."
Watching this episode made me realize what a great addition Amanda was to the show. 👌
I agree with Jeannie. A vulnerable man who’s in touch with his emotions is so damn hot. It just gets me.
I'm with the #ATeam on this! You need to earn my trust layer by layer at a time. A first date is meant for feeling each other out and seeing if there's compatibility.
What in the grand jury is Tamera wearing ?
The definition of what "baggage" is differs from person to person. Some people can deal with it right off the bat, and some people would rather you reveal it over time after they get to know you better. The truth is WE ALL come with some sort of baggage, whether we open it up on the first date or not.
I agree with Amanda on this topic.. but I also agree with Jeannie to an extent, when it comes to vulnerability.. She mentioned not sharing baggage, but just where you are in your life and how you got there ..just showing a sense of maturity and openness..but that depends on the 2 people, the circumstances, how they are connecting on the date, and also if it feels right.
The first date is purely to have fun and get to know that person. If I don't see myself going the distance with you, why would I give you the privilege to see me in my most vulnerable state and know my deepest secrets. People have to earn that right. If you tell everyone you meet every little thing about you, what makes friendship and kinship special. Your significant other and/or best friends know everything about you because they have proven themselves to be trustworthy and reliable enough to handle me at my worst and my best
Yes I agree with Amanda. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Honestly, Amanda handing out all the GEMS!!!!!!!
A first date is not a therapy session. It's a job interview.
I met a guy and the first conversation we had was about his baby mother and the guy she cheated on him with. He went on to give me details about how he found out and how he confronted her. And that was the last time he ever heard or saw me. The whole conversation was extremely off putting and I could tell emotionally he was not over the whole ordeal.
I like deep talks like Jeannie. I like to feel connected spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I'm ok with surface level talks at the beginning but eventually it should lead to deeper ones. That's the only time we can truly connect as humans when we are vulnerable. You can have small talk or surface level convo with any stranger, anybody anytime so it doesn't mean much to me.
Amanda right!!! A first date with a stranger not that deep! Why disclose everything???? that should be common sense
All of your answers is all over the place. I use to tell it all up front. But now that I have lived and experienced different type of people. I've learned to be a little more reserved in the beginning.
Don’t EVER tell somebody you’re dating or in a relationship with what the last person did to you or how wrong people do you in general because TRUST they will do the same or WORSE. idk why but it happens waaay to often
I agree with Adrienne, a first date should be light and a good time
It's a first date. Not an engagement. I just want to know if I like you first. You never know, we might never get on the second date so spare both us the emotional breakdown.
On a first date, I just want to know basic facts like hobbies, work, family, if we have the same moral standing and goals. Thats it. If we liked each other then we can progress to the more emotional stuff.
"Jeannie Mai" In Tamera's voice sounds so cute 😂😂😂
Jeannie, I love you, but your advice is not only dumb but could be straight out dangerous. There are predators out there, narcissists, who are willing to gain all that information in order to harm you. You just got lucky with your boo that he's a good man but the rest of us knows what's out there and that we need to be more careful and discerning
Linda B thank you. I swear, those men are alligators waiting to devour women who are honest about their lives.
I agree with Jeanie about vulnerability but not on the first date. If we make to a second or third date then we can try that just not on the first date.
Timeka Roberts agree!! 1st dates are more to see if you like each other’s energy and make a connection im order to make it to the 2nd date..in my opinion.
Wow Amanda that is key... Been doing the same. Laying out the negatives I don't wanna see from onset.
someone once said trust is like gates. Once they get through the first gate, see how they respond through the first before you open up the second gate. I'm not gonna lay it out there if he hasn't gone through the first gate and I'm not gonna want him to lay it out there, if I hadn't been through that first gate either.
I’m HERE for Amanda and her diff POV🤧👌🏼
Jeannie didn’t understand Amanda’s point.
I’m not mentioning my anxiety and past depression on my 1st date.
As Amanda said, that person hasn’t earned that.
When Amanda says they have to earn it sometimes o have to make sure you have a certain level of maturity before I invite you in.. I yes I should already be emotionally taken care of when it comes to my baggage but it’s my partners job to create an environment where i can handle whatever I have to handle so yes you kinda have to test the waters to see if you can trust them with your vulnerability to where they won’t make you feel more damaged, ashamed, or push you to reverse in your healing process .. you don’t have to spill all your tea to see if they are capable of handling it .. in fact if you listen to THEM talk long enough you can tell whether or not you’re a trust worth person .. so bring the baggage.. just don’t spill all your tea right away.. That doesn’t mean you can’t be open .. especially if the conversation calls for that .. but I don’t suggest opening your spirit up to people until you know if they can handle it
If you put all this out on the first date, what is going to be like at month three. 😭
A Hot Mess!!!🤦🤦🤦
Hopefully it won't get that far to month three. Haha. I need to find out fast if the man has children or a criminal record or if he is a clingy man. Lol. I hate to have my time wasted with the wrong men.
AMANDA LOOKS AMAZING ❤️
This reminded me the time that I had a guy cry after the second date, he was going through something and I knew we were in different spaces. Instead of seeing as baggage I see it as blessing for me.
I'm with Amanda, not everyone derserve to know your stuff if you don't know them.
"JEAnnIe MAi" 😂😂
Yes! Amanda got it right....it’s true. Leave the baggage behind. ✨
I personnally believe that a lot of people are afraid going deeper than the surface, especially on first dates. I'm someone who observe a lot, who is very intuitive. I agree with Jeannie. IT IS therapeutic. Yes, tell me what is going on in your life and how did it take you to get there. That is very sexy and vulnerable to me. The fact that that this person opens up about something important brings up other interesting topics and you get to know even better the person you're on a date with. Not all of that superficial crap in my opinion
I feel you, but I think the pushback they were giving was based on timing. I'm an introvert and love deep convos, but I don't think the very first date is the best time to go in depth about how you were a domestic violence victim, emotionally abused by your parents, a recovering sex addict, etc. Trust should be earned through time and consistent positive behavior. There are vultures out in the world who will sit back and take stock on your insecurities/trauma just to weaponize them against you. Everyone isn't worthy of your story.
@@marissar.359 It sure depends on how you see it
I absolutely agree with Amanda on the fact that spilling the tea out before trusting the person is a BAAAD idea.
That was a very Capricorn answer of Jeannie lmaoo
I completely agree with Amanda on ppl having to EARN information about you. Why would a tell a relative stranger my innermost thoughts, fears and experiences, that make no sense to me. I also agree with what Adrienne said it depends on what you're looking for that may be good for you Jeannie but it wasn't what I was looking for on my first date with Israel, she wanted to laugh and just have fun!
Yeeessss Amanda getting round of applause after round of applause 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾😂
On a first date you don't even know each other. For a potential partner I wouldn't like to have the feeling that they are in the habit of telling strangers their business because one day his business will come our business.
PREACH! Oversharing with the wrong person/trusting people completely unearned is dangerous and that becomes a risk if you get with someone like that. What Jeannie is saying comes across as a boundaries issue to me.
I love Amanda she's real and very educated...
Jeannie seems like she just wants every situation to be a therapy session. I'm with Adrienne and Amanda.
I noticed that she mostly likes to disagree with Amanda.
Chantelle Barnett literally!! What should it always be a therapy session? Does she not know men and that they don’t care about feelings especially when they just metyou? This lady too old to think like this I swear.
In another segment, Jeannie said that she’s that type of person who likes to get into deep conversations like showing vulnerability. It really depends on some people. I personally would make an effort to open up but I know I won’t lay out all my baggage I front of him on a first date. I agree with Amanda
This group of ladies together would have been a perfect cast 😭❤️
Jeannie what lol...you want someone to air out their dirty laundry on their FIRST DATE? you barely KNOW this person and you can't just say everything. Someone has to earn your trust and you open up OVER TIME. Adrienne and Amanda are spot on!
I really think Amanda and have been through the same experiences. She’s been through it and she did that self work! I see you Amanda sis!!
Everybody does NOT deserve to know who you are. That should be earned, because most don’t care and the rest may use it against you. 👌🏽
You can be vulnerable without telling everything.
Lmao I feel Adrienne. On the first few dates I'm just tryna have fun! Vulnerability can come later😂😂😂😂😂
First time I comment for Amanda 💖Thanks!!!! I liked how you talk here Missy!! Keep it up!! 💪💪💪
I agree with Amanda and Adrienne , it should be earned and not be on the table right away. You don’t really know how that person is going to react to it on the first date.
Humans are like books. You can’t find everything in chapter one yo. I will be nice without having to disclose everything
I agree with jeannie, I hate small talk , I’m not saying tell your most traumatic story on the first date but tell me about what has led you to becoming the person you are today.
I feel Jeannie and all, but all of that on a first date leaves nothing for the second and so forth. I think good vibes/chemistry, laughter, light conversation, great food and drinks is sufficient enough for a good first date.