Hangups Of Being The Oldest Child | Ep. 278
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- Get it All Done Club: Stop drowning in motherhood and start thriving!
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Mentioned during podcast:
- "The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are" by Dr. Kevin Leman - amzn.to/3POEa2p
- "Things Parents Of Multiple Children Overlook" - • 195: Things Parents Of...
Katie, love what you said in one of your previous videos about how your mother made a point to tell you how special it was that you were the first born and that God had chosen you for that role. Hearing that made me start saying that very thing to my eldest too. ❤
My parents very much focused of fairness and it sucked a lot for me as the oldest. It was "fair" for me to need to do more chores but it was also "fair" for me to make sure I shared all of my toys and was patient when my younger siblings threw tantrums (because they wanted my things) because "I was the oldest and shouldn't expect xyz from them because they're little". It was like I was taken from doubly and it bred a lot of resentment in me. I really like the idea of extra rewards with extra responsibility. It makes sense.
Can you talk about 2nd borns? I've done an unscientific study of 2nd born sons. They tend to be trouble in both my experience and observation and talking to others. Oppositional. Etc. I don't know if it's rivalry, insecurity, jealousy or what. Was Elisha a problem child? I'm sorry if this sounds negative, but parents of 2nd born sons need help. I struggled with mine from 2 to 18. He did have a complicated, forceps delivery, so that may be part of the issue.
Y'all are right!! Too much emphasis on psychotherapy. People give the impression that every millennial in America went through child abuse, war, and famine.
This is interesting to hear. My 2nd born son is definitely my strong willed one. He's only 3 so that's considered in but out if my 3 he's definitely the one that challenges me but he also loves on me the most.
@slee7991 My 2nd is also very affectionate. When the trouble started, he was 2. Which is normal, but 2 became 3, and 3 became 4 and so on. I kept waiting for him to grow out of it. We had a lot of trauma when he was 1 to 2 (I got diagnosed with celiac disease, my dad was murdered, we moved far away for school for my husband, his sister was born). I think he felt lost in the shuffle and was the middle child for a while. He learned to seek negative attention, and I was so overwhelmed I didn't make time to give him that extra affection and attention he needed. Then we fell into a pattern of him being naughty, attention seeking, and oppositional and me being hostile because I was so over it. Sigh. It didn't get better the older he got. He became more verbal, and we fell into a pattern of arguing endlessly. When we've talked about it since, he said, "I was a child!" And my response was, "Just because I was an adult doesn't mean I understood you or knew what to do." Looking back, I wish I'd read more books, depended more on the Holy Spirir for wisdom and patience, and fasted and prayed.
@@RCGWho I definitely agree with your previous statement i notice a lot of rivalry jelousy competition between my two. Ive also been told this is "normal" its hard to know what normal is though. I met one man who had 10 sons and i made a brief mention to him regarding this and all he replied was "oh that's what boys are suppose to do" but that wasnt very encourageing for a young mom just trying to keep a peaceful homelife lol! I also know a mom of 7 but they are all girls and the oldest is their only boy. She always told me she doesnt believe in "terrible twos, trying threes etc" she believed it was a discipline issue. However, honestly if i went that route id be spanking my 2nd son nonstop. Which leads me to ask how did you go about discipline with yours? Did you allow for a lot of grace or did you go the super disciplined route?
Im so sorry for all thise challenges you face(d) that does sound like a lot of trauma.
A side note related but not -have you ever looked into dnrs for celiac/trauma. Im going through my own troubles and Brea Katrins dnrs testimony online which helped her heal is amazing. Im actually doing the program right now to see if it helps. Im sure many others would benefit from it seeing that youve been through a lot.
Im only 3 years in with my second and i am starting to feel "over it" however that program i mentioned above is helping me seek more time alone with God. The lady who recommended it to me said how much better of a mother she became afterward.
How is your relationship with him now? Is he resentful etc?
Thank you for being so open and sharing!
I resented being the oldest because I felt like I was to blame for everything. I should have been a better example, or I should have known better, or I should have told an adult or I should have stopped my brother, etc. It felt like the standard on me was way higher and impossible to reach in comparison to my brother. Its like the expectations didn't scale down. I did so many chores starting young and my brother didnt clean a bathroom or do laundry until he was 11. I had to.point it out to my mom that I'd been doing those things since I was 9. It quickly changed 🙄 I really appreciate when I hear parents parenting in a way that prioritizes sibling relationships because I think the way my parents raised me kinda pitted us against each other.
This was great! Can you share more about "punishments". I have the hardest time thinking of "good" punishments.
I'm glad I'm seeing this video now since my second baby is due next month. I want to be able to treat all of my kids appropriately, and birth order certainly seems to throw in various dynamics!
Spot on with the influences teaching our children to have these "common" hang ups my children were not afraid of the dark until they were read a book about being afraid of the dark!
Amazing episode! I loved the insight about what exactly you do to instill these habits and values in the kids. Id love to hear more about how you break down responsibilities for various ages/birth orders and how you get them to collaborate. I’d love to hear from you separately, how you handle it when you’re alone.
This is a great episode I'm going to immediately listen to it again! Also your hair is super cute in this one Katie Babe 😊
Thank you so much for this episode. It was so needed for our family.
Ive been running on røros norwegian butter brother. Its sooooo good.
Where do you get it??
Why here? Why now?
The the 😘