This loyalty to your children, delighting in them, and “having their heart” that you speak of often has been the most impactful idea that you have communicated through your content. You guys have blessed me in several ways but this is the best. And it’s not just this video, your content is dripping with this heart posture. I’m praying that my delight in my children will continue to grow and that my child training will adjust accordingly. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
I have been around parents whose children are elevated above the adults. The parents make them the center of attention, allowing them to interrupt and derail adult conversations. They sometimes act like everyone is basically there to see and admire their children, almost like watching a talent show. Grandparents typically enjoy that sort of thing, but not other people. It's okay for adults to converse and for children to listen quietly or go play.
This is a good topic. My oldest is still only a toddler, and so I DEFINITELY crave adult-only time when I can get it. One of the biggest lessons I've learned so far in motherhood is to schedule in separate adult time and to not assume it can just happen in the midst of playdates or whatever. I used to think that and it often left me feeling frustrated and resentful of the "interruptions." Sure, I am teaching my daughter manners and limitations in mixed company, but now I just know that when we are in family atmospheres, that is not the time for me to expect peace, quiet, and flowing conversation, lol.
Agree with much of this except there’s some mentality I don’t which is that the insertion of one of your children that he wants to take part but isn’t ready to speak at the level of adults. Every kid is so different and I was and I have one child who is like me and is born a very old soul. A great quote to help guide you is “If I treat you as you are I help keep you in that place, If I treat you as you are what I believe you could become I help you become that” so while it’s great to exclude children guiding what’s appropriate and engaging in adult conversation being included is how you guide and teach the way you should speak mannerisms and maturity. It doesn’t just happen without that time with the adult table.
Abigail Shrier, Bad therapy! I just got that book! I haven't been able to start it yet but she seems so intelligent and like what she has to say is so very important to families and our society!
You two have so many valuable things to share when it comes to parenting. I really appreciate this conversation and it has made me reflect on ways I can improve that bond with my children. Love it!
This is really interesting, I think there might also be a question to what is appropriate behaviour for a child of a certain age? Especially not interrupting a conversation, when should they start to be able to not interrupt?
This was such a practical podcast for me. I love how you guys always bring up topics that may not seem so important at first glance but you give them depth, and give practical ideas. I feel like I have been doing several of these things because it seems like the right thing to do, but just not with the intentionality you talk about. Thank you for these reminders to be intentional with our kids in these areas.
Love how deep you went into this. I was just thinking of this very think after a few family events where my eldest (almost 5) told me she doesn’t enjoy going to visit that side of the family when everyone’s there (they’re the only children too)…no one really spends much time with them and they aren’t bonding with anyone and it’s definitely made me realize how guilty I am too of sitting down with the adults, and tuning childlike things off for that amount of time…at the detriment of my littlest!
On the topic of giving your children excuses for failure etc, I agree it's a good idea to do as you aspire to: not putting them down but encouraging them to maybe work harder or what's appropriate to the situation. Hovever, I also am very thankfull my parents did give me 'excuses' from time to time, as it helped me see how the world works. As Elisha said: those points ARE valid, and kids need to learn how the world works, and sometimes the world is unfair and the jury was biased or someone is just always kinda looking down on kids because of their age or whatever the situation is. I think it's helpful to give your kids both: the true world 'excuse' and the encouragement to take responsibility.
When I was growing up, I never understood why adults didn't want children in their conversations. Now that I have three children, I do highly understand why. I believe children can be an asset to a conversation depending on what the conversation is about. At times, I see when children are talking about certain topics they don't actually know what they're saying and then they would throw off the other adults in the room to say get this child out of adult conversations. One day, I had my older cousin over to our place and she was saying get out of grown folk conversation to one of our children. I thought to myself why is she telling our child to get out of grown folk conversation and we weren't even talk about nothing that important that they couldn't even listen to. I believe that adults say these things to children because they just want to have their time to themselves and not time with the children. In my opinion I said why bring the children around if we can't talk with them all around. I feel like if we're talking about something in particular you know it is around the children and they can hear us, they could be a part of the conversation. I would never leave my children out of adult conversations unless I am talking to my husband about something that's important they we don't want our children opinion or don't need their input on, but then I will just go in my bedroom and close the door and have that kind of coversation when our children are sleep or not around. If I want to bring up something up and they around, they should be able to respond and be a part of the conversation as long as they are being respectful. How else would they learn to be social with older adults. I want them not to be afraid of coming to any adults if they have a situation.
I am curious about the cigar setting. I really struggle with this with my husband. I’ve been trying to search that out. I personally don’t feel comfortable with it and would prefer him to not.. I just don’t picture Jesus smoking.. is where my brain goes to 🤷🏼♀️
I think that is more of a preference than a sin of his part. Is it healthy? No, but neither is sugar and we dont villainize that as much as we should. We also don't see Jesus dunking at a basketball game with the apostles but it doesn't make it bad if our husbands do. If he truly enjoys it than maybe change your perspective on it. Or come to an agreement for a healthy medium. Like only at night when the kids aren't around. To be a bad influence on them.
My husband used to smoke alot it wasn't till the fourth child pointed out and asked him why... and he didn't have a good answer for her. And he just quit. I had asked him to for several years. 😂 I think a light bulb just switched. Take it up to prayer and ask the Lord to help you in how you should address it with him.❤
I’m disappointed you dissed your extended family publicly rather than giving an anonymous example. Perhaps with so many kids your aunts and uncles were afraid your family would trash their place. Some places are more kid friendly than others. I have a relative with a Museum like Victorian house. Of course I didn’t allow my children to run wild. We met at our house or in the park. As a child I personally enjoyed playing with my cousins. My aunts and uncles with only two kids and a perfect house had nieces and nephews over one on one. I enjoyed getting to know them personally. Of course my families had a lot of fun times and laughs that included all, but in my opinion there’s nothing the matter with having a designated place where kids can be kids. In my own family, we were the ones to host the entire family most of the time. We also had family fun times such as canoe and biking activities, Perhaps that’s what your parents should have done and included all the cousins since you had such a large family.
This loyalty to your children, delighting in them, and “having their heart” that you speak of often has been the most impactful idea that you have communicated through your content. You guys have blessed me in several ways but this is the best. And it’s not just this video, your content is dripping with this heart posture. I’m praying that my delight in my children will continue to grow and that my child training will adjust accordingly. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
This was so convicting to me as a mom of 3 to be careful how I speak of my children. Thank you for sharing your wisdom! God bless y’all!
I have been around parents whose children are elevated above the adults. The parents make them the center of attention, allowing them to interrupt and derail adult conversations. They sometimes act like everyone is basically there to see and admire their children, almost like watching a talent show. Grandparents typically enjoy that sort of thing, but not other people. It's okay for adults to converse and for children to listen quietly or go play.
This is a good topic. My oldest is still only a toddler, and so I DEFINITELY crave adult-only time when I can get it. One of the biggest lessons I've learned so far in motherhood is to schedule in separate adult time and to not assume it can just happen in the midst of playdates or whatever. I used to think that and it often left me feeling frustrated and resentful of the "interruptions." Sure, I am teaching my daughter manners and limitations in mixed company, but now I just know that when we are in family atmospheres, that is not the time for me to expect peace, quiet, and flowing conversation, lol.
This was really good I love the topic of how our society treats kids like an inconvenience and the impact that can have on an entire society.
Agree with much of this except there’s some mentality I don’t which is that the insertion of one of your children that he wants to take part but isn’t ready to speak at the level of adults. Every kid is so different and I was and I have one child who is like me and is born a very old soul. A great quote to help guide you is “If I treat you as you are I help keep you in that place, If I treat you as you are what I believe you could become I help you become that” so while it’s great to exclude children guiding what’s appropriate and engaging in adult conversation being included is how you guide and teach the way you should speak mannerisms and maturity. It doesn’t just happen without that time with the adult table.
Abigail Shrier, Bad therapy! I just got that book! I haven't been able to start it yet but she seems so intelligent and like what she has to say is so very important to families and our society!
Great discussion. I really struggle with being resentful of kid interruptions in my limited family adult time.
You two have so many valuable things to share when it comes to parenting. I really appreciate this conversation and it has made me reflect on ways I can improve that bond with my children. Love it!
This is really interesting, I think there might also be a question to what is appropriate behaviour for a child of a certain age? Especially not interrupting a conversation, when should they start to be able to not interrupt?
ASAP! They can understand from very young… when they are first talking! You can show them with a hand gesture to wait! 😊
Little obsessed you all do a great job! Thanks for all the tips and encouragement!!
This is so good! As a 53 yo mom of a 10 yo with all the rest of the kids grown, I needed these reminders!
This was such a practical podcast for me. I love how you guys always bring up topics that may not seem so important at first glance but you give them depth, and give practical ideas. I feel like I have been doing several of these things because it seems like the right thing to do, but just not with the intentionality you talk about. Thank you for these reminders to be intentional with our kids in these areas.
Love how deep you went into this. I was just thinking of this very think after a few family events where my eldest (almost 5) told me she doesn’t enjoy going to visit that side of the family when everyone’s there (they’re the only children too)…no one really spends much time with them and they aren’t bonding with anyone and it’s definitely made me realize how guilty I am too of sitting down with the adults, and tuning childlike things off for that amount of time…at the detriment of my littlest!
On the topic of giving your children excuses for failure etc, I agree it's a good idea to do as you aspire to: not putting them down but encouraging them to maybe work harder or what's appropriate to the situation. Hovever, I also am very thankfull my parents did give me 'excuses' from time to time, as it helped me see how the world works. As Elisha said: those points ARE valid, and kids need to learn how the world works, and sometimes the world is unfair and the jury was biased or someone is just always kinda looking down on kids because of their age or whatever the situation is. I think it's helpful to give your kids both: the true world 'excuse' and the encouragement to take responsibility.
These topics yall have been discussing are so beneficial to hear. Thank you
You are glorifying God through this and encouraging so many families. Thank you
The loyalty thing is great, value your perspective :)
Thank you, Katie and Elisha! You guys are awesome.
I always love hearing from you guys. You ROCK. Thanks for sharing such important info w others~
so good
When I was growing up, I never understood why adults didn't want children in their conversations. Now that I have three children, I do highly understand why. I believe children can be an asset to a conversation depending on what the conversation is about. At times, I see when children are talking about certain topics they don't actually know what they're saying and then they would throw off the other adults in the room to say get this child out of adult conversations. One day, I had my older cousin over to our place and she was saying get out of grown folk conversation to one of our children. I thought to myself why is she telling our child to get out of grown folk conversation and we weren't even talk about nothing that important that they couldn't even listen to. I believe that adults say these things to children because they just want to have their time to themselves and not time with the children. In my opinion I said why bring the children around if we can't talk with them all around. I feel like if we're talking about something in particular you know it is around the children and they can hear us, they could be a part of the conversation. I would never leave my children out of adult conversations unless I am talking to my husband about something that's important they we don't want our children opinion or don't need their input on, but then I will just go in my bedroom and close the door and have that kind of coversation when our children are sleep or not around. If I want to bring up something up and they around, they should be able to respond and be a part of the conversation as long as they are being respectful. How else would they learn to be social with older adults. I want them not to be afraid of coming to any adults if they have a situation.
So good!
One of my greatest memories of growing up was when i was allowed at the adults table❤
Did anyone ever tell you that Matt Howard from the Unplanned podcast looks like he could be your younger brother? 😮
I am curious about the cigar setting. I really struggle with this with my husband. I’ve been trying to search that out. I personally don’t feel comfortable with it and would prefer him to not.. I just don’t picture Jesus smoking.. is where my brain goes to 🤷🏼♀️
I think that is more of a preference than a sin of his part. Is it healthy? No, but neither is sugar and we dont villainize that as much as we should. We also don't see Jesus dunking at a basketball game with the apostles but it doesn't make it bad if our husbands do. If he truly enjoys it than maybe change your perspective on it. Or come to an agreement for a healthy medium. Like only at night when the kids aren't around. To be a bad influence on them.
My husband used to smoke alot it wasn't till the fourth child pointed out and asked him why... and he didn't have a good answer for her. And he just quit. I had asked him to for several years. 😂 I think a light bulb just switched. Take it up to prayer and ask the Lord to help you in how you should address it with him.❤
Why is it our bad habits are so catered to in our Hedonistic society?
❤❤
I’m disappointed you dissed your extended family publicly rather than giving an anonymous example. Perhaps with so many kids your aunts and uncles were afraid your family would trash their place. Some places are more kid friendly than others. I have a relative with a Museum like Victorian house. Of course I didn’t allow my children to run wild. We met at our house or in the park. As a child I personally enjoyed playing with my cousins. My aunts and uncles with only two kids and a perfect house had nieces and nephews over one on one. I enjoyed getting to know them personally.
Of course my families had a lot of fun times and laughs that included all, but in my opinion there’s nothing the matter with having a designated place where kids can be kids.
In my own family, we were the ones to host the entire family most of the time. We also had family fun times such as canoe and biking activities, Perhaps that’s what your parents should have done and included all the cousins since you had such a large family.
Wow you have a lot to say! Maybe you should start your own podcast 😌
Hey i just wanna ask what would you do if your kids come out as queer or wanna do activities that aren’t necessarily masculine or feminine…?
They did a video on gender . Go back and search it. It was well done