I always remember watching the ending of "Mrs Doubtfire", and being moved by the closing message of your parents always loving you, but simply wanting different things in life, or no longer wish to be together. Sometimes, it really is the best solution for everyone involved, and they rarely get back together in real life, contrary to what "The Parent Trap" would have you believe.
When Alicia spoke about self betrayal, that resonated with me. I am working on that, too. Something I tell myself sometimes is, "Well, the good thing about me being the problem is I'm also the solution."
Exactly! I always said, "I'd rather be the one that's wrong than someone else be wrong because at least I know that I will change, where there's no guarantee others will."
My grandparents realized they were better as friends than spouses, and they divorced amicably and remained co-parents. They divorced before any of the grand kids were born, and it is truly one of the greatest gifts they gave to our family. Their ability to laugh together and remain deep friends meant that they were able to attend all family functions together with joy, and it showed all of us how relationships could evolve. Seeing their divorce helped me never fear divorce. and I am so thankful for their influence in our lives in that way. They both remarried and their spouses had similar divorces previously, so it was great to have such an open and honest blended extended family. Your experience sounds very similar to theirs and it is wonderful to see another great example of an evolving relationship.
This was very eye-opening, I've never seen anyone get divorced in such a healthy way and with so much love and respect for the other partner. Thank you for sharing
You guys are so freaking brave. I divorced my husband because he became addicted to drugs and gave up trying. He decided he'd rather get divorced than go to rehab. Divorce turned out to be the rock bottom he needed to move forward - and now he's sober in another state with a large sobriety network of old friends and family. We are still friendly, there is still love and respect, and this absolutely baffles people. I was definitely treated as if I failed somehow, because if he's not a monster I guess I gave up easily. And I did NOT. He was dangerous to both of us. But I also think it's healthy to leave before you hate the person. My parents have also gone through divorce so my vows were carefully worded. It's a foolish act of immaturity and naivete to make bold promises of "forever" because life is both short but also very long.
I am proud of you leaving. My parents had the same thing. (My dad is an alcoholic.) I had wished for the divorse of my parents for years. I had lived years on my own, when they finally divorsed. I was already desperate as I saw my mum and youngest brother suffering, when living with him. I started to wish he was not alive. 😭 Yes, I agree. Horrible thought, but I have forgiven myself. I did not see any other way out as my mum was not divorsing him even if situation had been horrible for years and years. Luckily, finally my mum divorsed him about 10 years ago. It took him about a year after that that he finally reached the bottom. Now he has been sober for about 9 years. Both are in loving relationships with partners, who is much better fit with their current selfs. 🥰 My parents are in friendly terms with each other. I have easy time inviting them to same party if I want. Even when they were not in super good terms, they always put us kids first. Never did they show us messy parts of their divorse. Only years later, my mum shared tiny part, where SHE had been acting not nicely during divorse. I love them both. I see them both when I have time. Divorse of my parents was best thing that could happend to them (and us kids). If they had not divorsed, I don't think my dad would be alive (he would have drinked himself dead) and my mum would have much harder time getting back to her feet. And it might be that my relationship with them would have gone bad if they had not divorsed.
@@emmi3785 What a great example! Yes, divorce does not have to mean failure, either. Relationships can end, and they can also change and evolve. I'm so glad it worked well for your parents and your dad got to become the parent you always deserved, even if it was very late!
I almost cried when you started talking about how you recognized attributes that you brought to the marriage that led to broken trust and spoke about it in a way that wasn’t resentful or trying to place blame elsewhere. It’s so hard for people to do that and especially to see a man do it in a society that tells men they’re not allowed to express things like that feels like the healthiest display of masculinity I’ve ever seen. The two of you are really inspiring and it was very touching to watch this video and hear you guys talk about your experience. As a fellow member of the LDS church it’s heartwarming to know that news of your divorce was met with compassion, love and understanding as it should be. Thanks for sharing! ❤
Lots of people in the comments saying they are so sad about your divorce so I’m going to counter that and say I’m so happy for you on your successful and healthy divorce!🎉 (Just to add that’s not a criticism of people feeling sad about it, their feelings are valid too)
I'm right in the middle. I'm so happy they're having a healthy divorce, but I would be lying if I said it didn't make me sad that it didn't work out as a marriage.
@@SailorCetra this is where i fall im sad to hear it and i think maybe things can be worked through if so amicable and so much love still there but i also realize not everyone is meant to be together. im glad they are both choosing a healthy path not only for themselves but for all the kids as well.
Thanks for sharing your story, Jonathan and Alicia. Divorces are difficult for everyone involved, but as long as the children know that both of their parents love them, but need to be apart, then it gets easier.
My late sister, who was not typically a source of wisdom, used to say, “It’s better to be from a broken home than in a broken home.” That isn’t to say every couple who parts has truly broken their home, but the truth of the sentiment remains.
As someone who is potentially getting married in the near future, it's challenging to see individuals who I perceive as emotionally healthy and mature decide to get a divorce. The gut feeling I get is "if they can't do it, what hope do I have?" This isn't meant as criticism, but just honest reflection. I appreciate the video, thanks :)
I think that that sentiment is understandable. I think that maybe remember that all humans are different can help You with that sentiment. Even Jono and Alicia were different when they married. They married without previuos doing all the work in themselves, with all the hurt and false forms of thinking that make the Two of them have difficulties in their relationships, with theirs way of living and with themselves included. You only can see now the Jono and Alicia after and still doing the work to heal the hurts, think different and being better in their relationships. And for that they are people that could make a divorce without broke their family, their friendship and their business and that, to me, have a Lot of merit and speak about their great progress. So, the point of all that is: try to not be afraid for your posible future married by Working in yourself right now. That is the Best thing You can do for that posible partneship. Pd. I'm a costarican, so sorry if my English was off.
If it helps, I can offer one small nugget of wisdom to put your concerns at ease. "Divorce" is not necessarily the "failure" to make a marriage work. It can be that, most certainly. But sometimes it is merely the emotional maturity to objectively look at who you both have grown into and say "this doesn't benefit anyone involved anymore and continuing on is either being selfish, or playing pretend." Both of which eventually lead to resentment. It's going to sound weird, but the best advice I can offer is to view marriage as a sort of business merger. Bear with me. You MUST be objective going into it as to whether or not your visions for the future are the same and that the path you're about to travel are going the same direction. That doesn't mean being identical in every way. But it typically DOES mean having similar life goals, an understanding and respect for eachothers values and similar enough values to not step on eachother's toes constantly, and the understanding of both your partner's needs as well as your OWN and the ability to communicate those things. Unspoken expectations are just premeditated resentments. But eventually you also have to be able to look at what you've built together and assess whether or not you are both growing in the same direction. And if not, then you have to assess if it's manageable, tolerable, or destructive. Seeing that a marriage has become destructive and admitting, this isn't working and it probably CAN'T work, is not a sign of failure. Just that things changed and who you both became is not as healthy together as who you both were. And that happens. So try and make sure you're always growing together and don't do things that will cause regret. I wish you luck in your marriage. I hope you found your forever person. 🥰🙏
This. I know I've historically not been a great partner in past relationships. I did a lot of work on myself and now I'm in a really great relationship. We plan to get married. But I've seen so many marriages dissolve and change for the worse. I'm honestly really terrified about how I could potentially get hurt if this relationship doesn't work. Which is a me issue to fix, I guess.... I like what was said right there, how "divorce isn't failure of marriage"... but a redirecting of two people. I do my best to be as honest and forward and real about my thoughts and feelings and unhappinesses when they come, with all my people. I've worked really hard to get to that. I don't know. I'm happy they aren't giving up on each other. That's really great. But I guess I just need to know that a good happy, emotionally stable and caring, marriage can exist.
Incompatibility plays a massive role imo. People need to have compatible set of needs. Especially if those needs are something that can’t be outsourced to friends to meet. Such as incompatible sex drives. Or if one persons life goal is to live on the road and the other person is a homebody and neither enjoys connecting over the phone, it just can’t work.
Just because you get divorced doesn't mean you can't be friends. It's better in the long hall for the kids if the parents can get along thats great for them mentally and emotionally.
@@jenaiasabin I think it’s great for the kids to see their parents getting along and both being there for them but I wouldn’t say being friends is the best thing for anyone. The kids may get confused as to why their parents can’t be together if you’re still in each other’s lives and bringing new partners into the mix would be uncomfortable for everyone involved. Be friendly not friends.
This is very refreshing to me. I work as a legal assistant, primarily in divorce law. It's nice to know that the ugliness I see every day isn't the case for everyone.
Very inspired by the maturity and compassion you both have for each other, your children, your families, and even your audience. I'm sure this is still so hard, but you've handled it with grace and it's comforting to know the possibility of divorce exists where you can still collaborate, be friends, support the family you've built together, and still move forward with new life paths. Bravo you two, i wish you both the best.
I haven't been married, yet. But I was dating someone I love and we recently broke up because we weren't as aligned as we initially though. Sharing common core values, wanting the same things out of life or at least things that are compatible is huge!!! Working on undoing my codependency and self-sacrificing habits have been huge in my own healing journey
This is a relatable sentiment for me as well! I’ve always self-sacrificed in my relationships, and being single after my first really serious breakup last year has been such a gift of self-discovery!
9:52 i had never heard of selflessness to the point of self betrayal in this context, but it made a lot of sense and allowed me to put into perspective a lot of situations i’ve observed around me, thank you for sharing your experiences, you don’t know how helpful it is to hear people discuss divorce with such honesty and clarity
Thank you for your video. I did not know you guys have transitioned to co-parenting. I have huge respect for you guys and your thoughtfulness for one another and your family throughout the process. I wish we have more culture like this in Vietnam where I am from
When my parents were married my father treated her horribly. Always verbally abusing her, cheated on her, etc. It was a horrible sight to see as a child. Even after he left he didn't do her the dignity of getting a divorce for years because he didn’t want to pay spousal support. The kindest thing he has ever done for her was finally giving up and getting a divorce from her, but only as he was getting ready to marry another woman. I hope and pray that someday I can get married and have it be healthy amd loving, but Only if I'm certain they will not hurt me the way my father harmed my mom.
I didn't know about your divorce and I'm sorry. It takes strength and growth to take a painful experience and try to make the best of it by sharing it with others ❤
As a 23 year old woman in her first relationship, I don’t fully understand how you know if it’s that kind of love for a relationship and marriage, or if its platonic love, maybe physical attraction and you just get along with each other well. Me and my Partner want different things in life. But I am hopeful about the idea that we can live our different dreams during the relationship. I have so many insecurities about that topic and I would be so happy hearing about different perspectives and experiences.
I'm going to be very honest with my opinion here. Speaking as a woman in my late 40s, I was engaged to be married in my early 30s and we ended up breaking it off after over 8 years together. I've had other shorter relationships since that time but have learned a very valuable lesson. No person will ever fulfill you through time. You both will continue to change over the years and you're counting on your morals, values and sense of logic staying consistent over that period of time, and hoping the same for your partner. If you want children, that is a discussion to be had since that will change the dynamics. Luckily, I have never been definite about needing to have kids so it made my situation less complicated. If I did want children, I would count on myself to raise them properly. The only one you can rely on in life is yourself. If you find love and peace within yourself first and foremost, you will be able to overcome any uncertainty that might occur in your relationship. If your partner gets fickle down the road, you will have the confidence in yourself to be able to have boundaries and make sound decisions for your own good.
My parents grew up in the same small town and were neighbors growing up. Their parents and siblings still lived in town when they divorced after 10 years of marriage. There was a lot of frustration and resentment that caused the divorce but they still respected each other and each other’s families. My dad moved in next door and they stayed friends. They said it wasn’t easy at first but they knew it would be important for their kids. They also knew it set the tone for the entire family on how to handle their divorce. Until my parents each got remarried my dad still came over for Christmas morning and he always came over for cake on our birthdays. I’m so grateful with how they handled their divorce ❤
I just told my husband that I want a divorce this last Sunday. We have been going through the initial stages of grief, more him than I, since I already knew what I wanted. Still, I can't wait to continue watching more of this series as they air. I would love to be able to come out of this with both of us having learned more about ourselves and how we can show up for our next relationships. I'm truly looking forward to seeing more of this series. You guys are wonderful. Thank you so much for being open and vulnerable when you really didn't have to. It's greatly appreciated 💙.
I’ve been through hell. If anyone told me she wants a divorce, I’d move out immediately. Then, I’d ask her what she wants and give her everything she wants and be gone. I’d lose her number right away. I’d make sure she has no chance to ever talk or see me again and then work on moving on with my life.
My ex-husband and I are still best friends. I consider him my family and I still think he is one of the best humans out there. He's just not 'my' human. He and I are too different to make a marriage work but we're awesome as friends.
As someone who converted to the LDS church and has been divorced, I truly believe that God would prefer we are happy than prefer we are married. There is no reason to force yourself to stay in an unhealthy relationship of any kind. And I’d much rather my kids say “yeah my parents are divorced but they’re best friends” instead of “my parents can’t even be in the same room together.” Thank you so much for sharing! Wishing you and your family all the best!
As a therapist, an issue my clients bring up to me often is feeling like they "failed". (They made a commitment in front of their families to be married until death. They did everything they could, but couldn't make the marriage work. etc). I would like your perspective on feeling like a failure.
as they mentioned in the video and someone else said here in a comment i liked very much (tanadarko6991): maybe consider reconsidering the vows/promises one has made in the first place. Is "forever" realistic considering what we now know about the psychology of our development in life as human beings? Ultimately it comes between being true to yourself and being true to a vow you took. Is that fair or healthy or good for anything..?
and sometimes in addition to all this we fail.. in many little or big ways that lead to a certain result. I think there is nothing wrong with that. It a part of life and a huge opportunity though to be made aware of what still needs work.. Both making mistakes and feeling badly about it are essential to a human beings chances to improve/develop in life. (Otherwise you're stuck or a psychopat..)
I'm so sorry. Please read our community posts here on RUclips where we announced this six months ago. We've continued to work together, make videos, and be a family. We're doing well :) But it's okay to mourn and be said. I feel you.
Havent really gotten into the video yet, but as someone who is dealing with the end of a 8 year relationship, where we are working to transition from a couple to friends, this kind of thing is beautiful to see and very hopeful
Our sympathies. We know that path! Thank you for the kind words. We're rooting for you and we're here for you. If you're keen, we've got an entire video course called "Hope After Divorce" on our membership site as a resource for you.
@@MendedLight thank you! I have been meaning to join your membership! This video was definitely helpful for me 🥰 im trying my best to remain kind to my ex. The way you two work together on this gives me hope!
So frickin' healthy. Your kids are lucky to have you both, and I'm so glad you were each able to show up for each other in a loving way through this painful growth process. It is so healing for me to see you laugh together and just - ah! Sending hugs or high-fives from Oregon! :)
I think the whole comment section prooves law of attraction. Everyone seems compassionate to yours vulnerable story. If I were in your place I would be worried that people won't understand, business and community would be ruined by the image of "lack of legitimacy and failure" (I saw very different reactions in similar cases). My point is, its really healing and amazing to see your growth and community that apreciates that. And also your journey shows how much power we have when it comes to building relationships and how much we don't since you sometimes just can't "make it work" and being single may be better choice for growth
So many great thoughts here! Our community is amazing. I think Alicia and my biggest contribution is our commitment to not being fake. Authenticity, vulnerability, and accountability people tend to respond very well to. These are essential for healing and thriving.
It's healing understanding that divorce can be a loving act. I recently broke off a long term relationship because I knew that what I was asking of my partner was impossible for him and making do without my needs would take away my livelihood. It's really hard because neither of us were bad or lacking commitment and love, but staying together would be a sacrifice for both of us. What I struggle with is committing to a relationship, or ever getting married because I'm so afraid of losing myself while trying to make it work. I don't have faith in "forever" or "monogamy". I think asking one person to meet such a large part of our needs puts so much strain on the relationship that it makes us get nasty and selfish. How do you get out of that mindset that the end of the relationship means that the relationship was wrong to begin with.
I think it is important to understand that the person we are is not static. People change and grow over time shaped by their life experience. Sometimes that means a couple grow together and sometimes they grow apart- it’s not good or bad it’s just life and it’s ok.
Thank you for sharing and I'm wishing you both the best on your journeys. I hope your videos can help social media couples who may feel trapped together but don't know how to have a post-marriage relationship especially when they're faces in the media as you two are.
Maybe there already is a video out there where Alisha explains more about how she learned to draw these boundaries, because that would interest me: how to tell apart doing helping acts out of love and when it just becomes self-sacrificial and self-sabotaging - and how to relearn a healthy narrative around "no, you're not a horrible being just because you refuse to go over your personal limit" Also: clearly the fitness program is working out (ba dum tss) for Jono, huh
Yes! I second this. This video is exactly what I needed today. I don’t like conflict and people think I’m crazy when I tell them I want a divorce but I still want to be friends and coparents. Divorce really doesn’t have to be messy especially if you are coming from a healed place.
My parents divorced because one of them realized they were gay and it was honestly the best decision they could've made for me and my sibling. They are definitely soulmates :) although working better as best friends than romantic partners. They always put us and our needs first, we've always celebrated christmas and b-days as a family although we weren't living together anymore, they were very clear and transparent to us about the whole thing... and the list goes on. Their relationship is healthy and always has been, they truly love each other, just in a different way :)
As someone who has been divorced and tried to work toward having what you both have now, my heart hurts for you and is also happy that you are both mature enough to view the situation objectively while still maintaining a relationship that is civil and mutually respectful. My heart hurts despite that part because I recall the feeling of being in that place. Of friends and family insisting, if we can be that, why can't we "just work it out", having no idea how much had changed and that the things that had brought us together and kept us together just weren't present anymore. And that the decision to divorce was NOT one made lightly, so the implication in their suggestion was that we had essentially NOT tried to fix it and were just treating our vows and commitment as disposable. An undertone that, frankly, felt insulting on top of the emotional struggle i felt just from feeling like a failure and as though i WAS a liar for abandoning those vows. I don't think anyone goes into a marriage hoping it will fail. And when it does, no matter how bad things got, i think the parts that remember when things were good always ache. I'm sorry it went that way for you both. I pray you both find healing and peace, and can maintain a supporting and caring relationship even as your life paths branch to different places. 🙏
Thank you for this! This is exactly what I went through in the past few months during our divorce, and it made me feel so incredibly alone.. it really helps to hear the same experiences from someone else
I just KNEW you guys were lds!!! I am as well, and I've felt so inspired by your content. I can tell you are genuine Christian people, and you have spread so much light. May the Lord continue to bless you and your family during this often challenging estate we call mortality.
Please do not worry about talking about your faith on here! It's a big part of so many people's lives, and it's worth talking about when talking about divorce.
The day I got married and the day I got divorced is my saddest day vs the best feeling ever. Being co-parent and friend with my ex husband is the best thing ever, we were just never compatible in a romantic way. Now he’s about to re-marry and I’m very happy for him and I think his wife to be is great😊
You’ve kinda danced around this topic a lot but I’d like to know how one balances healthy sacrifice/service for the other person (in any relationship really) and setting boundaries, taking care of yourself, and avoiding burnout? How do you pick your battles?
I haven’t watched the video yet, and I have never been married but I want to share that I have been in one romantic relationship for a year and 10 days before breaking up with my now ex. 8 months later we are still close friends even though it was really hard at first. We still love each other even though a romantic relationship isn’t in the cards for us at this time, and possibly not at all.
I am sure that this isn't easy for you two, but seeing you both being so honest, mature and self-aware in all of this is such a breath of fresh air. ❤️ I am wishing you both the best from the bottom of my heart. Love your channel, and remember Jono & Alicia keep shining - we need your light too💜💙
Thank you so much for sharing your story! It must be hard to dig into the pain again by talking about it. I admire you both for your self-discipline which really seems to be an important part of a friendly divorce.
British athiest here who had parents who divorced in one of the ugliest ways they could of, I wanted to say a few things. 1. Them divorcing was still one of the best things they ever did, even if they didn't do it for me. 2. It's so heartwarming and touching to see two practicing christians being able to be such progressive, educated and kind people when it comes to mental health - I was shocked to hear you are Mormon just based on all the content of you both that I've seen. I know this isn't unheard of, one of best friends is a practising christian and he is one of the most open minded, accepting people I personally know but being 100% honest, it is super rare to see. I would actually be really curious to hear more about how you both work within your faith's whilst also embracing modern day therapy practice and education.
I wish you both all the best as you work on this life transition together. I appreciate you sharing this with all of us because there's probably a lot of people who need to hear this, but don't be afraid to take a step back if you need to. Even with both of you working together on this, it's not going to be easy.
Thank you for showing a healthy example of a healthy divorce. I can only imagine all of the pain and tough days you had in order to get where you are now. Congratulations Jono and congratulations Alicia to your new journey!
I am so impressed with the maturity and clarity it must have taken for you both to come to this point in a healthy manner. My parents got divorced when I was a child, and the hostility and conflict of that process really impacted me and my views on relationships. I have found plenty of silver linings over the years, not least my two step-parents whom I never would have known otherwise, but I can only imagine how much better things would have been if my parents had tried to reach a healthy accord as separated co-parents instead of ignoring each other as much as possible and getting territorial when they couldn't. Well done to both of you, and best of luck with everything!
You guy's personalities/dynamics were a carbon copy of me and my boyfriend (which is harder to find sometimes) so I have looked up to you. But, I'm glad you're doing what's right for your life! I wish you the best and I'll keep watching for sure ❤
🤔It sounds to me that you are both saying that you could do everything right in terms of putting in the work, loving each other and being willing to be better for each other and it still not work out. My question is then, what is the point of getting married? Why try to form this relationship that is supposed to be life-long if the outcome could be dismal? I am really confused on this.😪
I’m just going to say it-Jono is a good dude. He has helped so many people (including myself, out here in the internet, even though we’ve never met in person) and he doesn’t deserve to be *constantly* dragged through the mud. I’ve watched a bunch of these videos, and that’s what happens all the time. Something just isn’t right here. It’s just not right. I’ve been in my share of awful relationships, and something really, really bothers me here-really resonating with my experiences in a bad way. And it kills me to see such a good dude be dragged through the mud and constantly made to feel so bad. All. The. Time. How can you ever truly rebuild yourself and your self-esteem if your flaws are constantly rubbed in your face, and you’re not appreciated for your strengths and how hard you’re trying? No amount of education and helping people can fix being made to feel bad about yourself all the time, you’ve just got to distance yourself from it. Man, I truly hope from here, he finds someone who genuinely appreciates the person he is, and who doesn’t make him feel so terrible about himself. Jono, if you see this, know I mean this-she’s set her boundaries, you’ve got to set yours. Please stop dragging yourself through the mud. You deserve someone who respects and appreciates you, who forgives you and who isn’t *constantly* making you rehash your flaws, and *who gives as much as you do.* *Don’t settle for anything less.* *You’re an awesome person!* You deserve someone who makes you feel as awesome as you are, and you deserve the best of happiness.
There's a bit of projection and misconception in this well-meaning comment. If I believe Jono to be a good dude (clearly, he is) then I respect him as his own man who is kind enough to show parts of his experiences intentionally, to help others grow. Some of us have never seen someone verbalizing what it's like to be an actively engaged, accountable, growing person. That makes me even more thankful that both Jon and Alicia have thoughtfully chosen to share parts of their journey in different ways on this channel. Grief, vulnerability, joy -- all of it is universal, but rarely do we get to see two different people verbalizing parts of their journey together in such a generous way. All of us are at a different point in the same journey, whether we're single or otherwise, and it's a gift to have a small window into the wonderful relationship they have with each other and themselves. I'm just going to say it -- Jono and Alicia are obviously loved, appreciated, and supported by each other, themselves, and many other people, or they couldn't be giving us this specific gift. I respect their privacy and beautiful courage. Whether or not someone has a public channel, we owe each other respect -- we can take loving care of ourselves as adults without assumptions about others based on our own challenges. Peaceful wishes on this human journey to everyone.
@@Pen-and-Hat Nope. I am not projecting. I am making observations after following CinemaTherapy and Mended Light for a couple of years. I have been anxiously watching multiple videos waiting for Alicia to show some accountability, and she never does. Alicia has been wearing on me over time, because over and over again, she lets Jono bully himself while she never takes any accountability, ever, for anything. He always puts her up on a pedestal, and she's happy to stand on it and look down on him from it. I've known people like that. I thought *maybe* this video would prove me wrong. Maybe she'd open up and talk about how her flaws contributed to the end of their relationship, but her great flaw was that she was "too selfless." That's like showing up at a job interview, being asked what your biggest weaknesses are, and saying "I work too hard." Please.... So, yeah, after this video--I said something. Look, and I know what it's like to give too much of yourself. I grew up in a household where I pretty much raised myself and have been a parent to my parents on many levels. I've been used up and taken advantage of many, many times by different people and it was killing me, and I have had to learn how to draw firm boundaries. So I actually know *exactly* what she's talking about--but let's be real! This is also a flaw that society applauds, it's not the same as admitting the things Jono admits to. That takes a lot of bravery. Claiming this is it, this is all she's guilty in their relationship of while *regularly* watching Jono stab himself with his sins, is the easy way out. And I understand why he does it, he's helping people! But if you watch all their videos, he does it *a LOT.* And with this whole thing, he is pretty much laying all the blame on himself and she's just letting him do it. Someone accused Jono of tr*uma-bonding her--I disagree. I believe he was the one in the tr*uma-bond. He's admitted in another comment (not video, comment) that he was trying so hard to be what she wanted him to be... it just makes me sad. And then you say it's none of our business--you're right. I'm just calling out the observations I've made while watching a bunch of the videos they've chosen to share over a large period of time, and it's pretty amazing what little snippets into a person's life can show you if you're paying attention. And I believe Jono deserves to hear that he matters, and that he needs to stop putting himself down and blaming himself for a while so he can heal. And I just truly hope he heals. He's helped a lot of people heal; he deserves to heal, too. If you want to glimpse who a person really is, don't just listen to what they say, watch what they DO. If you watch what she does and how she actually treats Jono in these videos, you see a lot.
I am really glad you said that divorce can be healthy. I'm not divorced because i never was married, but I'm not with the father of my child anymore. And our break-up and us not being a couple anymore is much healthier than our couple was. But people seem to have trouble understanding that. Our relationship wasn't successful, but the co parenting is, and I'm kind of proud of this (Sorry if my English is weird, I'm french)
Thank you for being so transparent. I am currently going through a divorce and we are striving for the healthy post divorce relationship you have. Your openness is a real gift.
I can see how professional You both are, how gracefully You're speaking about the topic, almost academically analyzing all the feelings, but I can hear a lot of hurt. I'm not married. Being a wife means a lot for me, maybe too much. I understand why couples get a divorce to protect themselves, how it can be healthy, I've seen it in my family. On the other hand, just imagine starting a family with your special person and living happy, safe life, knowing that they would never leave you, for any reason. Just like a parent, sibling, kid. (Unless it's something extreme, of course.) Much can happen, but You are always a family.
Y'all are allowed all of the privacy you want/need. That said, I so appreciate you sharing this with us! (And as a fellow religious person, I appreciate the response involving your church, without promoting it. well done!)
This feels very similar to my marriage and divorce experience. Although we were not able to change the dynamics that we identified within the marriage, we did so much therapy and talked so much. We loved each other then and still do now. But we concluded that we were not compatible and that lack of compatibility was hurting both of us. Separated for two years, we still own property together and offer each other support through our friendship, but we live separate lives and that is really working for us. Divorce isn’t necessarily giving up, sometimes it’s just letting go.
Question: how can a divorced couple stay friendly and continue to collaborate without confusing young children or giving the children false hope of getting back together?
Communication. When my ex-husband and I were in the process of separating, I had a lot of conversations with my oldest child about what was happening and a surface level of why. Now, that he and I are both dating separate people, I still have conversations with my oldest to make sure that he is comfortable with both relationships and to address any potential issues with that.
It's not super hard as long as you're honest with the kids. "Mom and Dad don't want to be married anymore but we always want to be friends and be your Mom-and-Dad'. Then, if one or the other begins to date again, the ex-partner says things like 'I'm glad mom/dad is dating! I hope they meet somebody awesome and that their new person loves you just as much as we do!'.
The people making passive aggressive remarks because you divorced and “broke your vow” ….. It literally amazes how people are still so blinded by old religious beliefs that do not hold any real weight. Also, not everyone is a Christian or religious 😂 it literally baffles me when I hear people say things like that. There are a million and one reasons to divorce. It does not make you a bad person.
@@MendedLight 😂😂😂 My mom is a Christian (Catholic) and she still divorced my dad when I was 5 because of his treatment towards our family. I’m 28 now, my mom is 53 and she does not regret it in any way. Nor does she think that she broke her vow. My father did with his poor treatment of us. I have met so many Christians over the years who do support divorce, I’m kind of shocked that that many people are still against it?
I think a lot of the outrage could be from that they claim Christianity as their religion and then go and get divorced over something other than abuse or infidelity. Marriage as a concept is intended to parallel Christ and His church (also referred to as the Bride of Christ). However the church of the Latter Day Saints/Jehova’s witnesses/Mormons (or religions stemming from Joseph Smith) have added things to the Bible that are not true scripture and believe some very strange (and unbiblical) things as a church. So I guess their sect must have different views about marriages as well… considering polygamy was very common amongst their followers back when it was legal. Calling Mormonism and related religions “Christianity” is a stretch to say the least.
My mom got a divorce from her first husband before I was ever born. People always thought it was so strange that they stayed friends afterwards, but they just realized while they were really good friends, they were not a good married couple. It's a bit sad after watching Cinema Therapy for a long time and listening to you talk about your family so much but I'm glad y'all are staying amicable and friendly.
You talked about how you did the work and realized that it wasn’t a marriage but a different type of relationship that it led to. What did that look like for you both? I don’t want to pry into the specifics, but when you achieved a healthy dynamic, what were the differences that caused it to be more of a friendship and partnership instead of a marriage?
Haven't kept up to date on the videos but a few months ago I could see this in how you to communicated and said you guys do what's best for you. I'm not surprised you both chose divorce. I just wanted to say you both look better especially YOU. Before you wouldn't make much eye contact with your ex and would look to be zoning out when she commented. Whatever therapy or discussions you have had off camera you look much better mentally. My parents would fight verbally and slam doors for years until finally they divorced. I really think divorcing quicker would have been much more clean and healthy. I can see you'll are in a better place now. What ever happens with the channel is fine as long as you both are doing well. If you keep making videos together fine....if it's only one that's fine also....if the channel is done that's also fine. I want y'all to be the best you can for your kids. You look much better in this video together then a few months ago. Take care and God bless!
I just like that in our society today we can break through some of the stereotypical templates for relationships and be given an example of something else that still works and can be healthy and good. Thanks for modeling that and being open.
Really great video. It's way better to have a healthy breakup than stay in a marriage that isn't right for both of you. Thank you for sharing your journey so that other people can know that a healthy divorce is possible.
I love this. As a child of divorce whose parents remarried and had my brother when in actuality they should of stayed divorced, it gave me a skewed view of relationships which was only unpicked tecently in my 40's.
Thank you guys for sharing something so private. I got divorced recently after a 13-year marriage. We love each other very much, but in a different way. We are still friends and doing our best to co-parent. Even though my ex husband is really respectful and supportive of me going further with my life, it is still really hard for him to hear that I'm seeing someone else. I try to be careful and not share more than what is necessary, still it gets awkward sometimes. It makes me really sad to see him struggle because of this, but at the same time, I want to take care of my own life and enjoy it. I wish there was an easy way... but I guess we just need to live through this? 🤷🏻♀️
It’s really refreshing!! This definitely took away my fear of divorce, which I didn’t even know I had. I loved that you both did the work, and now you know for sure that it wouldn’t work. I also love how you decided to continue your relationship, adjust to a different way. Bravo!
As someone who got divorced a year ago and currently in the "what do i actually want out of life" exploration phase (and feeling confused, adrift, and depressed some days)... i would love to know what you two have done for yourselves to begin to answer this question ❤
My parents are still married but my father has been abusive towards myself, my siblings and my mother all my life. Unfortunately, she is deeply involved in her church, and her friends and family have always convinced her to stay in her marriage. I believe it would have been healthier for all of us if they’d divorced, but the pressure from the church definitely didn’t help that happen. I remember a close family that my parents were friends with, who they stopped talking to after the divorce because they believed it would damage their relationship, as if divorce is contagious. I was previously monogamous but now I’m polyamorous. I can honestly tell my partner that I can’t promise them my romantic love for the rest of my life. I’ve told my therapist I wish I could skip to the happily divorced and co-parenting companionate love phase of a relationship. She told me it sounded like I wanted a friend to raise children with. And honestly, that’s exactly what I want. I wish more people could be honest about that and promise things that are a bit more realistic.
Another reason why I have a serious bone to pick with religion. So sorry to hear that! As a child of divorced parents, I have been affected by my parents' divorce in more than one way.
The UK loves you three 🥺 thank you for being brave enough to share your story, we need to normalise divorce being the best outcome for some people/ marriages I'm so happy your church have been supportive on all fronts. I'm currently divorcing my abusive husband and attending the same church as I always have done (from even before I met my first husband) and the reaction of Christian people who I thought were close friends has been astonishing in a bad way
It's so great to be friends! You've demonstrated how to work together amid a breakup. On the flipside--I'd love to hear how you are growing now that you are apart. How are you able to create new boundaries that are different from a couple? How will you navigate the friendship and allow space for any potential new relationships?
Makes me think about my relationship with my friend. We tried being a couple and it was killing us. We were so tired of working so hard for this relationship. It was working until I grew enough to behave in a way that made us unfit for a couple together. We were a couple when we were still working as traumatized people. Our compatibility was possible if none of us was actually being themself. We are still friends. It works better, it's less frustrating. Plus we are not attracted to one another. We only were when we experecienced the same amount of disconnection from our true selves. We deserve better than that. And it won't be together.
Hey there, can I just say I'm glad that you guys both have come to a place where you're comfortable sharing this with your audience. Not only because you guys seem to share strength with one other by telling a piece of your story, but because it also imparts strength to people who don't have an understanding of a healthy marriage or a healthy, long-term relationship. I've never really had a close personal example of a long-term marriage from my parents or grandparents - or the coupling and uncoupling relationships in friends and family - that worked for the health and wellness of both individuals involved, and as such I've always looked on at long-term romantic attachments and the idea of marriage at arm's length with immense apprehension. But hearing you guys speak from a place of mutual respect and experience makes me think that perhaps it won't always be this way. Perhaps there is a hopeful, realistic, and enduring way to approach the idea of marriage that doesn't put it up on an idyllic pedestal and gives it the space it deserves to be a loving, complex, and worthwhile thing to work at regardless of however long it lasts.
Thank you for talking about this. The first couple I ever met that divorced were best friends and did all the family things together. He even stepped up to take care of her in the end when she came down with cancer for the last time . This was in the 70's/80's
"we decided to transition from married couple to friends and co-parents" This sentence is so devastatingly sweet. Talk about inspiring amicable splits, this is break-up goals lol I wish you both the best of luck
thank you so much for speaking up, i applaud you for continuously working on having as healthy of a relationship as you can. i know a couple who, arguably, has lost all their integrity, not because they got divorced, but rather because they didn’t, and there is so much hurt that could have been avoided if they had had your maturity and awareness
I have so much love and respect for you both and what you do with your lives and this channel. You should feel very proud of your marriage, I don't see your divorce as a failure or a absence of integrity, but more as a mature decision and a mark of growth. You have handled the divorce with maturity and grace, setting an example for many :)
I feel…like this is a little touch of heaven here, how God’s plan and healing is possible here on earth. I might be wrong, but this feels like love and honor. Love to you both. Alicia, are you still planning on doing Shine Your Light?
I am heartbroken but also... I completely understand. I watched your video "Marrying Your Opposite: Should We Have Gotten Married?" when it first came out a year ago, as I was struggling with that exact same question about my own marriage. It felt like we were in the same situation: two people who fell in love but were so wildly different that, yeah, we probably shouldn't have gotten married, but we were still trying to make it work. Until it didn't work anymore. Until the desire to get OUT outweighed everything else. So about a month ago, we decided that divorce was the best option. Especially for me. He still had hope, but... staying with him for as long as I did (10 years) had already taken a severe toll on my mental health, and I could not do that any longer. So this is painful, but it's such a relief. And that's how I feel seeing this video, too. I had no idea you guys were getting divorced. It's a huge punch to the gut. I viewed you guys as an example of how to make it work. But I guess our situations really are similar. So... this is validating. My soon-to-be-ex-husband and I are keeping things very amicable, too. It's not always easy! But this video is going to be very helpful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Good luck with everything.
What advice do you have to support friends or family of those going through a situation similar to yours? You I mention your friends, family, and faith community being supportive, but what did /does that look like for you? I feel like that would be extremely helpful advice to have. Your vulnerability and candor in your videos are always so good!
I always remember watching the ending of "Mrs Doubtfire", and being moved by the closing message of your parents always loving you, but simply wanting different things in life, or no longer wish to be together. Sometimes, it really is the best solution for everyone involved, and they rarely get back together in real life, contrary to what "The Parent Trap" would have you believe.
I LOVE the ending of Mrs. Doubtfire.
100%. What An amazing movie
When Alicia spoke about self betrayal, that resonated with me. I am working on that, too. Something I tell myself sometimes is, "Well, the good thing about me being the problem is I'm also the solution."
That's deep. I love it.
this is wonderful
Exactly!
I always said, "I'd rather be the one that's wrong than someone else be wrong because at least I know that I will change, where there's no guarantee others will."
My grandparents realized they were better as friends than spouses, and they divorced amicably and remained co-parents. They divorced before any of the grand kids were born, and it is truly one of the greatest gifts they gave to our family. Their ability to laugh together and remain deep friends meant that they were able to attend all family functions together with joy, and it showed all of us how relationships could evolve. Seeing their divorce helped me never fear divorce. and I am so thankful for their influence in our lives in that way. They both remarried and their spouses had similar divorces previously, so it was great to have such an open and honest blended extended family. Your experience sounds very similar to theirs and it is wonderful to see another great example of an evolving relationship.
Your grandparents sound awesome! ❤
That’s so rare. I’m glad you had that experience
This was very eye-opening, I've never seen anyone get divorced in such a healthy way and with so much love and respect for the other partner. Thank you for sharing
You're very welcome, and thank you for saying so!
You guys are so freaking brave. I divorced my husband because he became addicted to drugs and gave up trying. He decided he'd rather get divorced than go to rehab. Divorce turned out to be the rock bottom he needed to move forward - and now he's sober in another state with a large sobriety network of old friends and family. We are still friendly, there is still love and respect, and this absolutely baffles people. I was definitely treated as if I failed somehow, because if he's not a monster I guess I gave up easily. And I did NOT. He was dangerous to both of us.
But I also think it's healthy to leave before you hate the person.
My parents have also gone through divorce so my vows were carefully worded. It's a foolish act of immaturity and naivete to make bold promises of "forever" because life is both short but also very long.
I am proud of you leaving.
My parents had the same thing. (My dad is an alcoholic.) I had wished for the divorse of my parents for years. I had lived years on my own, when they finally divorsed. I was already desperate as I saw my mum and youngest brother suffering, when living with him. I started to wish he was not alive. 😭 Yes, I agree. Horrible thought, but I have forgiven myself. I did not see any other way out as my mum was not divorsing him even if situation had been horrible for years and years.
Luckily, finally my mum divorsed him about 10 years ago. It took him about a year after that that he finally reached the bottom. Now he has been sober for about 9 years. Both are in loving relationships with partners, who is much better fit with their current selfs. 🥰 My parents are in friendly terms with each other. I have easy time inviting them to same party if I want. Even when they were not in super good terms, they always put us kids first. Never did they show us messy parts of their divorse. Only years later, my mum shared tiny part, where SHE had been acting not nicely during divorse.
I love them both. I see them both when I have time. Divorse of my parents was best thing that could happend to them (and us kids). If they had not divorsed, I don't think my dad would be alive (he would have drinked himself dead) and my mum would have much harder time getting back to her feet. And it might be that my relationship with them would have gone bad if they had not divorsed.
@@emmi3785 What a great example! Yes, divorce does not have to mean failure, either. Relationships can end, and they can also change and evolve. I'm so glad it worked well for your parents and your dad got to become the parent you always deserved, even if it was very late!
@@tanadarko6991 😭 Thank you for your kind words! Means a lot! 🥰
My parents divorced and they were best friends until the day he died. They loved each other and they loved us. This was such a great way to grow up
I almost cried when you started talking about how you recognized attributes that you brought to the marriage that led to broken trust and spoke about it in a way that wasn’t resentful or trying to place blame elsewhere. It’s so hard for people to do that and especially to see a man do it in a society that tells men they’re not allowed to express things like that feels like the healthiest display of masculinity I’ve ever seen. The two of you are really inspiring and it was very touching to watch this video and hear you guys talk about your experience. As a fellow member of the LDS church it’s heartwarming to know that news of your divorce was met with compassion, love and understanding as it should be. Thanks for sharing! ❤
You are very welcome! Thank you for seeing that and for voicing it.
Lots of people in the comments saying they are so sad about your divorce so I’m going to counter that and say I’m so happy for you on your successful and healthy divorce!🎉 (Just to add that’s not a criticism of people feeling sad about it, their feelings are valid too)
Thank you!
I'm right in the middle. I'm so happy they're having a healthy divorce, but I would be lying if I said it didn't make me sad that it didn't work out as a marriage.
@@SailorCetra this is where i fall im sad to hear it and i think maybe things can be worked through if so amicable and so much love still there but i also realize not everyone is meant to be together. im glad they are both choosing a healthy path not only for themselves but for all the kids as well.
Thanks for sharing your story, Jonathan and Alicia. Divorces are difficult for everyone involved, but as long as the children know that both of their parents love them, but need to be apart, then it gets easier.
You are welcome and SO true!
My late sister, who was not typically a source of wisdom, used to say, “It’s better to be from a broken home than in a broken home.” That isn’t to say every couple who parts has truly broken their home, but the truth of the sentiment remains.
As someone who is potentially getting married in the near future, it's challenging to see individuals who I perceive as emotionally healthy and mature decide to get a divorce. The gut feeling I get is "if they can't do it, what hope do I have?" This isn't meant as criticism, but just honest reflection. I appreciate the video, thanks :)
I think that that sentiment is understandable. I think that maybe remember that all humans are different can help You with that sentiment.
Even Jono and Alicia were different when they married. They married without previuos doing all the work in themselves, with all the hurt and false forms of thinking that make the Two of them have difficulties in their relationships, with theirs way of living and with themselves included. You only can see now the Jono and Alicia after and still doing the work to heal the hurts, think different and being better in their relationships. And for that they are people that could make a divorce without broke their family, their friendship and their business and that, to me, have a Lot of merit and speak about their great progress.
So, the point of all that is: try to not be afraid for your posible future married by Working in yourself right now. That is the Best thing You can do for that posible partneship.
Pd. I'm a costarican, so sorry if my English was off.
If it helps, I can offer one small nugget of wisdom to put your concerns at ease.
"Divorce" is not necessarily the "failure" to make a marriage work.
It can be that, most certainly.
But sometimes it is merely the emotional maturity to objectively look at who you both have grown into and say "this doesn't benefit anyone involved anymore and continuing on is either being selfish, or playing pretend."
Both of which eventually lead to resentment.
It's going to sound weird, but the best advice I can offer is to view marriage as a sort of business merger.
Bear with me.
You MUST be objective going into it as to whether or not your visions for the future are the same and that the path you're about to travel are going the same direction.
That doesn't mean being identical in every way. But it typically DOES mean having similar life goals, an understanding and respect for eachothers values and similar enough values to not step on eachother's toes constantly, and the understanding of both your partner's needs as well as your OWN and the ability to communicate those things.
Unspoken expectations are just premeditated resentments.
But eventually you also have to be able to look at what you've built together and assess whether or not you are both growing in the same direction.
And if not, then you have to assess if it's manageable, tolerable, or destructive.
Seeing that a marriage has become destructive and admitting, this isn't working and it probably CAN'T work, is not a sign of failure. Just that things changed and who you both became is not as healthy together as who you both were. And that happens.
So try and make sure you're always growing together and don't do things that will cause regret.
I wish you luck in your marriage. I hope you found your forever person. 🥰🙏
This. I know I've historically not been a great partner in past relationships. I did a lot of work on myself and now I'm in a really great relationship. We plan to get married. But I've seen so many marriages dissolve and change for the worse. I'm honestly really terrified about how I could potentially get hurt if this relationship doesn't work. Which is a me issue to fix, I guess.... I like what was said right there, how "divorce isn't failure of marriage"... but a redirecting of two people. I do my best to be as honest and forward and real about my thoughts and feelings and unhappinesses when they come, with all my people. I've worked really hard to get to that. I don't know. I'm happy they aren't giving up on each other. That's really great. But I guess I just need to know that a good happy, emotionally stable and caring, marriage can exist.
Incompatibility plays a massive role imo.
People need to have compatible set of needs. Especially if those needs are something that can’t be outsourced to friends to meet. Such as incompatible sex drives. Or if one persons life goal is to live on the road and the other person is a homebody and neither enjoys connecting over the phone, it just can’t work.
A couple can do everything they possibly can, and still realize the best option is divorce. That’s just reality.
Just because you get divorced doesn't mean you can't be friends. It's better in the long hall for the kids if the parents can get along thats great for them mentally and emotionally.
100% agree.
You wouldn’t be able to move on being friends with them.
long haul*
@@mega408It depends. Some people can't but it's up to the people splitting up.
@@jenaiasabin I think it’s great for the kids to see their parents getting along and both being there for them but I wouldn’t say being friends is the best thing for anyone. The kids may get confused as to why their parents can’t be together if you’re still in each other’s lives and bringing new partners into the mix would be uncomfortable for everyone involved. Be friendly not friends.
This is very refreshing to me. I work as a legal assistant, primarily in divorce law. It's nice to know that the ugliness I see every day isn't the case for everyone.
When I say I'm looking for my soulmate I really mean my very best friend.
So beautiful.
Very inspired by the maturity and compassion you both have for each other, your children, your families, and even your audience. I'm sure this is still so hard, but you've handled it with grace and it's comforting to know the possibility of divorce exists where you can still collaborate, be friends, support the family you've built together, and still move forward with new life paths. Bravo you two, i wish you both the best.
Well, now I'm crying! Thank you. - Jonathan
Big hugs, Jono! @@MendedLight
I haven't been married, yet. But I was dating someone I love and we recently broke up because we weren't as aligned as we initially though. Sharing common core values, wanting the same things out of life or at least things that are compatible is huge!!! Working on undoing my codependency and self-sacrificing habits have been huge in my own healing journey
So true! Thank you for sharing this!
This is a relatable sentiment for me as well! I’ve always self-sacrificed in my relationships, and being single after my first really serious breakup last year has been such a gift of self-discovery!
Also going through a breakup and just trying to be kind to myself ❤ hang in there
As a fan and a nosy person, I’m so glad you released this! It’s so rare to see an amicable divorce, thank you so much for sharing.
You're very welcome.
9:52 i had never heard of selflessness to the point of self betrayal in this context, but it made a lot of sense and allowed me to put into perspective a lot of situations i’ve observed around me, thank you for sharing your experiences, you don’t know how helpful it is to hear people discuss divorce with such honesty and clarity
Thank you for your video. I did not know you guys have transitioned to co-parenting. I have huge respect for you guys and your thoughtfulness for one another and your family throughout the process. I wish we have more culture like this in Vietnam where I am from
Thank you for this! Where in Vietnam are you from? We spent time in Ho Chi Minh City, Da Nang, and Hoi Ann.
"She left us!" 😂 Jono simply cannot stop Cinema Therapy-ing hahaha ❤
When my parents were married my father treated her horribly. Always verbally abusing her, cheated on her, etc. It was a horrible sight to see as a child. Even after he left he didn't do her the dignity of getting a divorce for years because he didn’t want to pay spousal support. The kindest thing he has ever done for her was finally giving up and getting a divorce from her, but only as he was getting ready to marry another woman. I hope and pray that someday I can get married and have it be healthy amd loving, but Only if I'm certain they will not hurt me the way my father harmed my mom.
I didn't know about your divorce and I'm sorry. It takes strength and growth to take a painful experience and try to make the best of it by sharing it with others ❤
Thank you!
As a 23 year old woman in her first relationship, I don’t fully understand how you know if it’s that kind of love for a relationship and marriage, or if its platonic love, maybe physical attraction and you just get along with each other well. Me and my Partner want different things in life. But I am hopeful about the idea that we can live our different dreams during the relationship. I have so many insecurities about that topic and I would be so happy hearing about different perspectives and experiences.
I'm going to be very honest with my opinion here. Speaking as a woman in my late 40s, I was engaged to be married in my early 30s and we ended up breaking it off after over 8 years together. I've had other shorter relationships since that time but have learned a very valuable lesson. No person will ever fulfill you through time. You both will continue to change over the years and you're counting on your morals, values and sense of logic staying consistent over that period of time, and hoping the same for your partner. If you want children, that is a discussion to be had since that will change the dynamics.
Luckily, I have never been definite about needing to have kids so it made my situation less complicated. If I did want children, I would count on myself to raise them properly. The only one you can rely on in life is yourself.
If you find love and peace within yourself first and foremost, you will be able to overcome any uncertainty that might occur in your relationship. If your partner gets fickle down the road, you will have the confidence in yourself to be able to have boundaries and make sound decisions for your own good.
"Keep shining, we need your light." Thank you for that.❤
Ditto. Every time they say that, it warms my heart.
Like, I know they're not talking to specifically me directly, but still...
My parents grew up in the same small town and were neighbors growing up. Their parents and siblings still lived in town when they divorced after 10 years of marriage. There was a lot of frustration and resentment that caused the divorce but they still respected each other and each other’s families. My dad moved in next door and they stayed friends. They said it wasn’t easy at first but they knew it would be important for their kids. They also knew it set the tone for the entire family on how to handle their divorce. Until my parents each got remarried my dad still came over for Christmas morning and he always came over for cake on our birthdays. I’m so grateful with how they handled their divorce ❤
I just told my husband that I want a divorce this last Sunday. We have been going through the initial stages of grief, more him than I, since I already knew what I wanted. Still, I can't wait to continue watching more of this series as they air. I would love to be able to come out of this with both of us having learned more about ourselves and how we can show up for our next relationships. I'm truly looking forward to seeing more of this series.
You guys are wonderful. Thank you so much for being open and vulnerable when you really didn't have to. It's greatly appreciated 💙.
I’ve been through hell. If anyone told me she wants a divorce, I’d move out immediately. Then, I’d ask her what she wants and give her everything she wants and be gone.
I’d lose her number right away. I’d make sure she has no chance to ever talk or see me again and then work on moving on with my life.
@@mega408it's different if you have children. Hopefully.
My ex-husband and I are still best friends. I consider him my family and I still think he is one of the best humans out there. He's just not 'my' human. He and I are too different to make a marriage work but we're awesome as friends.
As someone who converted to the LDS church and has been divorced, I truly believe that God would prefer we are happy than prefer we are married. There is no reason to force yourself to stay in an unhealthy relationship of any kind. And I’d much rather my kids say “yeah my parents are divorced but they’re best friends” instead of “my parents can’t even be in the same room together.”
Thank you so much for sharing! Wishing you and your family all the best!
As a therapist, an issue my clients bring up to me often is feeling like they "failed". (They made a commitment in front of their families to be married until death. They did everything they could, but couldn't make the marriage work. etc). I would like your perspective on feeling like a failure.
as they mentioned in the video and someone else said here in a comment i liked very much (tanadarko6991): maybe consider reconsidering the vows/promises one has made in the first place. Is "forever" realistic considering what we now know about the psychology of our development in life as human beings?
Ultimately it comes between being true to yourself and being true to a vow you took. Is that fair or healthy or good for anything..?
and sometimes in addition to all this we fail.. in many little or big ways that lead to a certain result. I think there is nothing wrong with that. It a part of life and a huge opportunity though to be made aware of what still needs work..
Both making mistakes and feeling badly about it are essential to a human beings chances to improve/develop in life.
(Otherwise you're stuck or a psychopat..)
I didn't know and i'm honestly kinda heartbroken.
I'm so sorry. Please read our community posts here on RUclips where we announced this six months ago. We've continued to work together, make videos, and be a family. We're doing well :) But it's okay to mourn and be said. I feel you.
Speaks to the maturity with which it's approached. Wish you all the best to each of you on your personal journey and as co-parents.
Thank you!
Havent really gotten into the video yet, but as someone who is dealing with the end of a 8 year relationship, where we are working to transition from a couple to friends, this kind of thing is beautiful to see and very hopeful
I'm currently going through a divorce. I hope this is helpful advice! Love your channel!!!
Our sympathies. We know that path! Thank you for the kind words. We're rooting for you and we're here for you. If you're keen, we've got an entire video course called "Hope After Divorce" on our membership site as a resource for you.
@@MendedLight thank you! I have been meaning to join your membership! This video was definitely helpful for me 🥰 im trying my best to remain kind to my ex. The way you two work together on this gives me hope!
So frickin' healthy. Your kids are lucky to have you both, and I'm so glad you were each able to show up for each other in a loving way through this painful growth process. It is so healing for me to see you laugh together and just - ah! Sending hugs or high-fives from Oregon! :)
I am so sad you are divorcing, and I respect your decision to choose what is healthiest for both of you. Thank you for sharing.
I think the whole comment section prooves law of attraction. Everyone seems compassionate to yours vulnerable story. If I were in your place I would be worried that people won't understand, business and community would be ruined by the image of "lack of legitimacy and failure" (I saw very different reactions in similar cases). My point is, its really healing and amazing to see your growth and community that apreciates that. And also your journey shows how much power we have when it comes to building relationships and how much we don't since you sometimes just can't "make it work" and being single may be better choice for growth
So many great thoughts here! Our community is amazing. I think Alicia and my biggest contribution is our commitment to not being fake. Authenticity, vulnerability, and accountability people tend to respond very well to. These are essential for healing and thriving.
It's healing understanding that divorce can be a loving act. I recently broke off a long term relationship because I knew that what I was asking of my partner was impossible for him and making do without my needs would take away my livelihood. It's really hard because neither of us were bad or lacking commitment and love, but staying together would be a sacrifice for both of us.
What I struggle with is committing to a relationship, or ever getting married because I'm so afraid of losing myself while trying to make it work. I don't have faith in "forever" or "monogamy". I think asking one person to meet such a large part of our needs puts so much strain on the relationship that it makes us get nasty and selfish. How do you get out of that mindset that the end of the relationship means that the relationship was wrong to begin with.
I think it is important to understand that the person we are is not static. People change and grow over time shaped by their life experience. Sometimes that means a couple grow together and sometimes they grow apart- it’s not good or bad it’s just life and it’s ok.
Thank you for sharing and I'm wishing you both the best on your journeys. I hope your videos can help social media couples who may feel trapped together but don't know how to have a post-marriage relationship especially when they're faces in the media as you two are.
I hope so too! Thank you for the kind words :)
Maybe there already is a video out there where Alisha explains more about how she learned to draw these boundaries, because that would interest me: how to tell apart doing helping acts out of love and when it just becomes self-sacrificial and self-sabotaging - and how to relearn a healthy narrative around "no, you're not a horrible being just because you refuse to go over your personal limit"
Also: clearly the fitness program is working out (ba dum tss) for Jono, huh
I say this with my entire chest: y’all are amazing
Thank you!
Yes! I second this.
This video is exactly what I needed today. I don’t like conflict and people think I’m crazy when I tell them I want a divorce but I still want to be friends and coparents. Divorce really doesn’t have to be messy especially if you are coming from a healed place.
My parents divorced because one of them realized they were gay and it was honestly the best decision they could've made for me and my sibling. They are definitely soulmates :) although working better as best friends than romantic partners. They always put us and our needs first, we've always celebrated christmas and b-days as a family although we weren't living together anymore, they were very clear and transparent to us about the whole thing... and the list goes on. Their relationship is healthy and always has been, they truly love each other, just in a different way :)
As someone who has been divorced and tried to work toward having what you both have now, my heart hurts for you and is also happy that you are both mature enough to view the situation objectively while still maintaining a relationship that is civil and mutually respectful.
My heart hurts despite that part because I recall the feeling of being in that place. Of friends and family insisting, if we can be that, why can't we "just work it out", having no idea how much had changed and that the things that had brought us together and kept us together just weren't present anymore.
And that the decision to divorce was NOT one made lightly, so the implication in their suggestion was that we had essentially NOT tried to fix it and were just treating our vows and commitment as disposable.
An undertone that, frankly, felt insulting on top of the emotional struggle i felt just from feeling like a failure and as though i WAS a liar for abandoning those vows.
I don't think anyone goes into a marriage hoping it will fail. And when it does, no matter how bad things got, i think the parts that remember when things were good always ache.
I'm sorry it went that way for you both. I pray you both find healing and peace, and can maintain a supporting and caring relationship even as your life paths branch to different places. 🙏
Thank you for this. You get it. A lot of hard-won experience and wisdom there.
Thank you for this! This is exactly what I went through in the past few months during our divorce, and it made me feel so incredibly alone.. it really helps to hear the same experiences from someone else
I just KNEW you guys were lds!!! I am as well, and I've felt so inspired by your content. I can tell you are genuine Christian people, and you have spread so much light. May the Lord continue to bless you and your family during this often challenging estate we call mortality.
Please do not worry about talking about your faith on here! It's a big part of so many people's lives, and it's worth talking about when talking about divorce.
The day I got married and the day I got divorced is my saddest day vs the best feeling ever. Being co-parent and friend with my ex husband is the best thing ever, we were just never compatible in a romantic way. Now he’s about to re-marry and I’m very happy for him and I think his wife to be is great😊
You’ve kinda danced around this topic a lot but I’d like to know how one balances healthy sacrifice/service for the other person (in any relationship really) and setting boundaries, taking care of yourself, and avoiding burnout? How do you pick your battles?
I haven’t watched the video yet, and I have never been married but I want to share that I have been in one romantic relationship for a year and 10 days before breaking up with my now ex. 8 months later we are still close friends even though it was really hard at first. We still love each other even though a romantic relationship isn’t in the cards for us at this time, and possibly not at all.
Thank you for sharing this. It is truly beautiful :)
If more members were like this guy I might still be Mormon lol
I am sure that this isn't easy for you two, but seeing you both being so honest, mature and self-aware in all of this is such a breath of fresh air. ❤️ I am wishing you both the best from the bottom of my heart. Love your channel, and remember Jono & Alicia keep shining - we need your light too💜💙
Thank you so much!
I have so much love and respect for both of you. I hope you can keep growing individually and supporting eachother. ❤
Thank you so much for sharing your story! It must be hard to dig into the pain again by talking about it. I admire you both for your self-discipline which really seems to be an important part of a friendly divorce.
You are welcome and yes, it really is :)
Thank you! You guys are so generous in sharing with us.
You are very welcome. Thank you for the kind words!
British athiest here who had parents who divorced in one of the ugliest ways they could of, I wanted to say a few things.
1. Them divorcing was still one of the best things they ever did, even if they didn't do it for me.
2. It's so heartwarming and touching to see two practicing christians being able to be such progressive, educated and kind people when it comes to mental health - I was shocked to hear you are Mormon just based on all the content of you both that I've seen. I know this isn't unheard of, one of best friends is a practising christian and he is one of the most open minded, accepting people I personally know but being 100% honest, it is super rare to see. I would actually be really curious to hear more about how you both work within your faith's whilst also embracing modern day therapy practice and education.
😊 I am a LDS too, now I know why I like your vibe.
I wish you both all the best as you work on this life transition together. I appreciate you sharing this with all of us because there's probably a lot of people who need to hear this, but don't be afraid to take a step back if you need to. Even with both of you working together on this, it's not going to be easy.
Thank you for showing a healthy example of a healthy divorce. I can only imagine all of the pain and tough days you had in order to get where you are now. Congratulations Jono and congratulations Alicia to your new journey!
I am so impressed with the maturity and clarity it must have taken for you both to come to this point in a healthy manner. My parents got divorced when I was a child, and the hostility and conflict of that process really impacted me and my views on relationships. I have found plenty of silver linings over the years, not least my two step-parents whom I never would have known otherwise, but I can only imagine how much better things would have been if my parents had tried to reach a healthy accord as separated co-parents instead of ignoring each other as much as possible and getting territorial when they couldn't. Well done to both of you, and best of luck with everything!
You guy's personalities/dynamics were a carbon copy of me and my boyfriend (which is harder to find sometimes) so I have looked up to you. But, I'm glad you're doing what's right for your life! I wish you the best and I'll keep watching for sure ❤
🤔It sounds to me that you are both saying that you could do everything right in terms of putting in the work, loving each other and being willing to be better for each other and it still not work out.
My question is then, what is the point of getting married? Why try to form this relationship that is supposed to be life-long if the outcome could be dismal? I am really confused on this.😪
Sooo good when people can transform into friends and keep the friendship. It doesn´t have to be all or nothing.
I’m just going to say it-Jono is a good dude. He has helped so many people (including myself, out here in the internet, even though we’ve never met in person) and he doesn’t deserve to be *constantly* dragged through the mud. I’ve watched a bunch of these videos, and that’s what happens all the time. Something just isn’t right here. It’s just not right. I’ve been in my share of awful relationships, and something really, really bothers me here-really resonating with my experiences in a bad way. And it kills me to see such a good dude be dragged through the mud and constantly made to feel so bad. All. The. Time. How can you ever truly rebuild yourself and your self-esteem if your flaws are constantly rubbed in your face, and you’re not appreciated for your strengths and how hard you’re trying? No amount of education and helping people can fix being made to feel bad about yourself all the time, you’ve just got to distance yourself from it. Man, I truly hope from here, he finds someone who genuinely appreciates the person he is, and who doesn’t make him feel so terrible about himself. Jono, if you see this, know I mean this-she’s set her boundaries, you’ve got to set yours. Please stop dragging yourself through the mud. You deserve someone who respects and appreciates you, who forgives you and who isn’t *constantly* making you rehash your flaws, and *who gives as much as you do.* *Don’t settle for anything less.* *You’re an awesome person!* You deserve someone who makes you feel as awesome as you are, and you deserve the best of happiness.
There's a bit of projection and misconception in this well-meaning comment. If I believe Jono to be a good dude (clearly, he is) then I respect him as his own man who is kind enough to show parts of his experiences intentionally, to help others grow. Some of us have never seen someone verbalizing what it's like to be an actively engaged, accountable, growing person. That makes me even more thankful that both Jon and Alicia have thoughtfully chosen to share parts of their journey in different ways on this channel. Grief, vulnerability, joy -- all of it is universal, but rarely do we get to see two different people verbalizing parts of their journey together in such a generous way. All of us are at a different point in the same journey, whether we're single or otherwise, and it's a gift to have a small window into the wonderful relationship they have with each other and themselves.
I'm just going to say it -- Jono and Alicia are obviously loved, appreciated, and supported by each other, themselves, and many other people, or they couldn't be giving us this specific gift. I respect their privacy and beautiful courage. Whether or not someone has a public channel, we owe each other respect -- we can take loving care of ourselves as adults without assumptions about others based on our own challenges. Peaceful wishes on this human journey to everyone.
@@Pen-and-Hat Nope. I am not projecting. I am making observations after following CinemaTherapy and Mended Light for a couple of years. I have been anxiously watching multiple videos waiting for Alicia to show some accountability, and she never does. Alicia has been wearing on me over time, because over and over again, she lets Jono bully himself while she never takes any accountability, ever, for anything. He always puts her up on a pedestal, and she's happy to stand on it and look down on him from it. I've known people like that. I thought *maybe* this video would prove me wrong. Maybe she'd open up and talk about how her flaws contributed to the end of their relationship, but her great flaw was that she was "too selfless." That's like showing up at a job interview, being asked what your biggest weaknesses are, and saying "I work too hard." Please.... So, yeah, after this video--I said something. Look, and I know what it's like to give too much of yourself. I grew up in a household where I pretty much raised myself and have been a parent to my parents on many levels. I've been used up and taken advantage of many, many times by different people and it was killing me, and I have had to learn how to draw firm boundaries. So I actually know *exactly* what she's talking about--but let's be real! This is also a flaw that society applauds, it's not the same as admitting the things Jono admits to. That takes a lot of bravery. Claiming this is it, this is all she's guilty in their relationship of while *regularly* watching Jono stab himself with his sins, is the easy way out. And I understand why he does it, he's helping people! But if you watch all their videos, he does it *a LOT.* And with this whole thing, he is pretty much laying all the blame on himself and she's just letting him do it. Someone accused Jono of tr*uma-bonding her--I disagree. I believe he was the one in the tr*uma-bond. He's admitted in another comment (not video, comment) that he was trying so hard to be what she wanted him to be... it just makes me sad. And then you say it's none of our business--you're right. I'm just calling out the observations I've made while watching a bunch of the videos they've chosen to share over a large period of time, and it's pretty amazing what little snippets into a person's life can show you if you're paying attention. And I believe Jono deserves to hear that he matters, and that he needs to stop putting himself down and blaming himself for a while so he can heal. And I just truly hope he heals. He's helped a lot of people heal; he deserves to heal, too.
If you want to glimpse who a person really is, don't just listen to what they say, watch what they DO. If you watch what she does and how she actually treats Jono in these videos, you see a lot.
I am a patient of mended light and I could not work through the videos which had her in then because of how ‘haughty knowitall’ she came off in them.
I am really glad you said that divorce can be healthy. I'm not divorced because i never was married, but I'm not with the father of my child anymore. And our break-up and us not being a couple anymore is much healthier than our couple was. But people seem to have trouble understanding that. Our relationship wasn't successful, but the co parenting is, and I'm kind of proud of this
(Sorry if my English is weird, I'm french)
two amazing people being amazing and just not being married ❤ and working together to create a better dynamic too!
Thank you for being so transparent. I am currently going through a divorce and we are striving for the healthy post divorce relationship you have. Your openness is a real gift.
Thank you!
I can see how professional You both are, how gracefully You're speaking about the topic, almost academically analyzing all the feelings, but I can hear a lot of hurt. I'm not married. Being a wife means a lot for me, maybe too much. I understand why couples get a divorce to protect themselves, how it can be healthy, I've seen it in my family. On the other hand, just imagine starting a family with your special person and living happy, safe life, knowing that they would never leave you, for any reason. Just like a parent, sibling, kid. (Unless it's something extreme, of course.) Much can happen, but You are always a family.
Y'all are allowed all of the privacy you want/need. That said, I so appreciate you sharing this with us! (And as a fellow religious person, I appreciate the response involving your church, without promoting it. well done!)
This feels very similar to my marriage and divorce experience. Although we were not able to change the dynamics that we identified within the marriage, we did so much therapy and talked so much. We loved each other then and still do now. But we concluded that we were not compatible and that lack of compatibility was hurting both of us. Separated for two years, we still own property together and offer each other support through our friendship, but we live separate lives and that is really working for us.
Divorce isn’t necessarily giving up, sometimes it’s just letting go.
So I didnt think I needed this, but I feel some closure, cause your relationship was core to this channel
Still is, I dare say. It's just a different relationship :)
True that. Thanks for being open to have this conversations ❤ @@MendedLight
I have so much respect for you guys. There is so much hate and misunderstanding in the world right now, this is just what we need xx
Question: how can a divorced couple stay friendly and continue to collaborate without confusing young children or giving the children false hope of getting back together?
Honesty.
Communication. When my ex-husband and I were in the process of separating, I had a lot of conversations with my oldest child about what was happening and a surface level of why. Now, that he and I are both dating separate people, I still have conversations with my oldest to make sure that he is comfortable with both relationships and to address any potential issues with that.
It's not super hard as long as you're honest with the kids. "Mom and Dad don't want to be married anymore but we always want to be friends and be your Mom-and-Dad'. Then, if one or the other begins to date again, the ex-partner says things like 'I'm glad mom/dad is dating! I hope they meet somebody awesome and that their new person loves you just as much as we do!'.
FINALLLLYYY!!!!! I have waited for this for AGEEEEES! thank you!!!!!! Lot of people will be able to learn from this!!!
Thank you for your patience with the wait. We wanted to take our time and look after ourselves and our family first, before pivoting to this.
@MendedLight Fully understood, and please know, I didn't mean this as complaint ❤️ I love you both!
The people making passive aggressive remarks because you divorced and “broke your vow” ….. It literally amazes how people are still so blinded by old religious beliefs that do not hold any real weight. Also, not everyone is a Christian or religious 😂 it literally baffles me when I hear people say things like that. There are a million and one reasons to divorce. It does not make you a bad person.
Is it ironic if I say "amen?"
@@MendedLight 😂😂😂 My mom is a Christian (Catholic) and she still divorced my dad when I was 5 because of his treatment towards our family. I’m 28 now, my mom is 53 and she does not regret it in any way. Nor does she think that she broke her vow. My father did with his poor treatment of us.
I have met so many Christians over the years who do support divorce, I’m kind of shocked that that many people are still against it?
I think a lot of the outrage could be from that they claim Christianity as their religion and then go and get divorced over something other than abuse or infidelity.
Marriage as a concept is intended to parallel Christ and His church (also referred to as the Bride of Christ).
However the church of the Latter Day Saints/Jehova’s witnesses/Mormons (or religions stemming from Joseph Smith) have added things to the Bible that are not true scripture and believe some very strange (and unbiblical) things as a church. So I guess their sect must have different views about marriages as well… considering polygamy was very common amongst their followers back when it was legal. Calling Mormonism and related religions “Christianity” is a stretch to say the least.
My mom got a divorce from her first husband before I was ever born. People always thought it was so strange that they stayed friends afterwards, but they just realized while they were really good friends, they were not a good married couple. It's a bit sad after watching Cinema Therapy for a long time and listening to you talk about your family so much but I'm glad y'all are staying amicable and friendly.
You talked about how you did the work and realized that it wasn’t a marriage but a different type of relationship that it led to. What did that look like for you both? I don’t want to pry into the specifics, but when you achieved a healthy dynamic, what were the differences that caused it to be more of a friendship and partnership instead of a marriage?
Haven't kept up to date on the videos but a few months ago I could see this in how you to communicated and said you guys do what's best for you. I'm not surprised you both chose divorce.
I just wanted to say you both look better especially YOU. Before you wouldn't make much eye contact with your ex and would look to be zoning out when she commented.
Whatever therapy or discussions you have had off camera you look much better mentally.
My parents would fight verbally and slam doors for years until finally they divorced. I really think divorcing quicker would have been much more clean and healthy. I can see you'll are in a better place now.
What ever happens with the channel is fine as long as you both are doing well. If you keep making videos together fine....if it's only one that's fine also....if the channel is done that's also fine.
I want y'all to be the best you can for your kids. You look much better in this video together then a few months ago. Take care and God bless!
I just like that in our society today we can break through some of the stereotypical templates for relationships and be given an example of something else that still works and can be healthy and good. Thanks for modeling that and being open.
Really great video. It's way better to have a healthy breakup than stay in a marriage that isn't right for both of you. Thank you for sharing your journey so that other people can know that a healthy divorce is possible.
I am and always have been single. But I still appreciate this so much.
Thank you!
Love you guys. Grateful for your healthy relationship model: as a married couple, friends, and post-married couple. ❤️
I love this. As a child of divorce whose parents remarried and had my brother when in actuality they should of stayed divorced, it gave me a skewed view of relationships which was only unpicked tecently in my 40's.
Thank you guys for sharing something so private.
I got divorced recently after a 13-year marriage. We love each other very much, but in a different way. We are still friends and doing our best to co-parent.
Even though my ex husband is really respectful and supportive of me going further with my life, it is still really hard for him to hear that I'm seeing someone else. I try to be careful and not share more than what is necessary, still it gets awkward sometimes. It makes me really sad to see him struggle because of this, but at the same time, I want to take care of my own life and enjoy it.
I wish there was an easy way... but I guess we just need to live through this? 🤷🏻♀️
It’s really refreshing!! This definitely took away my fear of divorce, which I didn’t even know I had. I loved that you both did the work, and now you know for sure that it wouldn’t work. I also love how you decided to continue your relationship, adjust to a different way. Bravo!
I think this is beautiful, the connection and the respect shows
As someone who got divorced a year ago and currently in the "what do i actually want out of life" exploration phase (and feeling confused, adrift, and depressed some days)... i would love to know what you two have done for yourselves to begin to answer this question ❤
My parents are still married but my father has been abusive towards myself, my siblings and my mother all my life. Unfortunately, she is deeply involved in her church, and her friends and family have always convinced her to stay in her marriage. I believe it would have been healthier for all of us if they’d divorced, but the pressure from the church definitely didn’t help that happen. I remember a close family that my parents were friends with, who they stopped talking to after the divorce because they believed it would damage their relationship, as if divorce is contagious. I was previously monogamous but now I’m polyamorous. I can honestly tell my partner that I can’t promise them my romantic love for the rest of my life. I’ve told my therapist I wish I could skip to the happily divorced and co-parenting companionate love phase of a relationship. She told me it sounded like I wanted a friend to raise children with. And honestly, that’s exactly what I want. I wish more people could be honest about that and promise things that are a bit more realistic.
Another reason why I have a serious bone to pick with religion. So sorry to hear that! As a child of divorced parents, I have been affected by my parents' divorce in more than one way.
The UK loves you three 🥺 thank you for being brave enough to share your story, we need to normalise divorce being the best outcome for some people/ marriages
I'm so happy your church have been supportive on all fronts. I'm currently divorcing my abusive husband and attending the same church as I always have done (from even before I met my first husband) and the reaction of Christian people who I thought were close friends has been astonishing in a bad way
I'm so sorry this has been your experience :( I hope you have spiritual peace in your decision, regardless of what others may say!
It's so great to be friends! You've demonstrated how to work together amid a breakup. On the flipside--I'd love to hear how you are growing now that you are apart. How are you able to create new boundaries that are different from a couple? How will you navigate the friendship and allow space for any potential new relationships?
Makes me think about my relationship with my friend. We tried being a couple and it was killing us. We were so tired of working so hard for this relationship. It was working until I grew enough to behave in a way that made us unfit for a couple together.
We were a couple when we were still working as traumatized people. Our compatibility was possible if none of us was actually being themself.
We are still friends. It works better, it's less frustrating. Plus we are not attracted to one another.
We only were when we experecienced the same amount of disconnection from our true selves.
We deserve better than that. And it won't be together.
Hey there, can I just say I'm glad that you guys both have come to a place where you're comfortable sharing this with your audience. Not only because you guys seem to share strength with one other by telling a piece of your story, but because it also imparts strength to people who don't have an understanding of a healthy marriage or a healthy, long-term relationship. I've never really had a close personal example of a long-term marriage from my parents or grandparents - or the coupling and uncoupling relationships in friends and family - that worked for the health and wellness of both individuals involved, and as such I've always looked on at long-term romantic attachments and the idea of marriage at arm's length with immense apprehension. But hearing you guys speak from a place of mutual respect and experience makes me think that perhaps it won't always be this way. Perhaps there is a hopeful, realistic, and enduring way to approach the idea of marriage that doesn't put it up on an idyllic pedestal and gives it the space it deserves to be a loving, complex, and worthwhile thing to work at regardless of however long it lasts.
Amen! Loved every word.
Thank you so much for this. Currently working on not enabling in my marriage right now and it's not easy. I appreciate your honesty.
Thank you for talking about this. The first couple I ever met that divorced were best friends and did all the family things together. He even stepped up to take care of her in the end when she came down with cancer for the last time . This was in the 70's/80's
I hope the best for you guys! 🙏
Thank you!
"we decided to transition from married couple to friends and co-parents"
This sentence is so devastatingly sweet. Talk about inspiring amicable splits, this is break-up goals lol I wish you both the best of luck
thank you so much for speaking up, i applaud you for continuously working on having as healthy of a relationship as you can. i know a couple who, arguably, has lost all their integrity, not because they got divorced, but rather because they didn’t, and there is so much hurt that could have been avoided if they had had your maturity and awareness
Had no idea! Well, if anyone can have a healthy friendship/co-parenting relationship work, it's you guys! Sending positive vibes 💜
I have so much love and respect for you both and what you do with your lives and this channel. You should feel very proud of your marriage, I don't see your divorce as a failure or a absence of integrity, but more as a mature decision and a mark of growth. You have handled the divorce with maturity and grace, setting an example for many :)
I feel…like this is a little touch of heaven here, how God’s plan and healing is possible here on earth. I might be wrong, but this feels like love and honor. Love to you both.
Alicia, are you still planning on doing Shine Your Light?
I am heartbroken but also... I completely understand.
I watched your video "Marrying Your Opposite: Should We Have Gotten Married?" when it first came out a year ago, as I was struggling with that exact same question about my own marriage. It felt like we were in the same situation: two people who fell in love but were so wildly different that, yeah, we probably shouldn't have gotten married, but we were still trying to make it work. Until it didn't work anymore. Until the desire to get OUT outweighed everything else.
So about a month ago, we decided that divorce was the best option. Especially for me. He still had hope, but... staying with him for as long as I did (10 years) had already taken a severe toll on my mental health, and I could not do that any longer. So this is painful, but it's such a relief. And that's how I feel seeing this video, too. I had no idea you guys were getting divorced. It's a huge punch to the gut. I viewed you guys as an example of how to make it work. But I guess our situations really are similar. So... this is validating.
My soon-to-be-ex-husband and I are keeping things very amicable, too. It's not always easy! But this video is going to be very helpful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Good luck with everything.
She keeps cutting him. Im curious to know how new partners can feel about this dynamic
What advice do you have to support friends or family of those going through a situation similar to yours? You I mention your friends, family, and faith community being supportive, but what did
/does that look like for you? I feel like that would be extremely helpful advice to have.
Your vulnerability and candor in your videos are always so good!