"venting or having an emotional release, like screaming in your bathroom, is another good way to deal with upsetting emotions" Thank you for adding that part in. Those words were exactly what I needed to hear to stop feeling crazy for having my own feelings. Thank you.
Right?! Rocking the whole outfit! Love your content, as someone with bipolar 1 (ultradian rapid cycling), BPD/EUPD, PTSD etc) and your content has helped keep me motivated with all the mad shit going on currently and has given me more insights into my mental health disorders etc, So again,- Thank you 🙂 have a great day
😑still working on my coping skills. Alcohol is my vice🤦♀️ I use my garden as a positive coping mechanism. SO GLAD U MENTIONED GARDENING!!🌻 if only I can live in my garden 🤔
That can be pretty adaptive as a higher level of coping. Too much of it can become a problem sometimes if the person is always making jokes and you never know when they’re serious about something. That doesn’t sound like what you’re talking about but that’s just a way joking can be a problem.
@@DrTraceyMarks hey Doc how are you and this sounds like me, I find myself in a lot of bad situations over the entirety of my life so I’ve learned to make jokes in my worst situations to the point people laugh at what I say as I’m going through it and not that I blame them for I am really funny, but it’s like the quote says sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying, would you say this is bad or good? And what should be my next steps
Ooh, it was helpful to hear that "intellectualization" isn't a mature strategy. I do this a lot. So I try to see where the person is or could be coming from when I feel confused or hurt by something they've said or done while not assuming it is with bad intent. That helps me cope with my negative feelings. My therapist said to me, "Sure, but that doesn't mean you put up with it." This was . . . news to me.
Hi Martha. On one hand showing that kind of empathy is helpful and youre giving people the benefit of the doubt. But it can also keep you from connecting with or recognizing your true feelings about something because you analyze the situation as if you’re talking about someone else.
Thank you for expanding the Projection issue Dr Marks. I've been making a conscious decision, Every time I begin feeling like I'm going to have an emotional outburst,and it usually feels like my feelings are a soda bottle that's been shaken, I've decided to just wait before speaking. At first it wasn't easy because the urge is so strong to get my feelings heard, but I've allowed myself to purposely be quiet until that urge passes and strangely after a few Minutes it does. And once the feeling has passed I'm actually able to think more clearly and realise that I may have saved myself and those I love possible hurt. And usually the thoughts that come during those urges are distorted and not true. Just by purposely waiting for the urge to pass. Then I'm able to communicate my feelings and thoughts better. I've found these videos so helpful
That's awesome Ron. It feels amazing when we become more aware of our behaviour patterns, start interrupting them and see a positive change. But your comment got me thinking - how would we explain to someone the difference between childishly acting/speaking out when we get emotional and actually expressing our needs and feelings? Extreme example - we don't like when our partner chats for 10-20min with strangers of the opposite sex when we go out. We raised this issue few times, but it always ended up in argument, so we stay quiet now. Time passes, emotions go down and we rationalize in our head "it's not a big deal, I'm just being unnecessarily jealous", basically we gaslight ourselves. It can't be a distinction on the basis of *what* bothers us, because it's all subjective. So is it about the level of emotions and control we have when sharing our feelings? But we can project in a quite, calm manner as well. Thanks for the comment!
@@kalash_nikov Hello Sir :-) wow, that explanation made a world of sense. And you're right. There is always a "what". I greatly appreciate your advise and will remember it.
I appreciate your videos so much. The fact that you keep them down to less than 15-20 minutes long is perfect for me. I have a borderline person in my life whose behavior is very primitive a lot of the time, but never in the company of others. It’s frightening.
I'm no psychologist with 20 years of experience, but if someone can control their behaviour in certain circumstances, than it's very unlikely it's an actual syndrome. People with borderline syndrome, schizophrenia, etc. cannot choose when they do and do not have those unfortunate episodes. I used to shout and even swear at my mom in the past when she would keep saying something I didn't like or agree with, but I'd never act this way with friends or strangers. I didn't/don't have a syndrome. I was just being a dick because I knew I can act any way I wanted to, and my mom would still love me and want to talk to me in the future.
@@kalash_nikov being borderline thats not how it is at all, i also never blow up with people not close to me, because of the way i was socialized, its out of fear not out of valid self controll. sure i could be terrified of my partner as well and act "normal", but id like not to
I have someone that acts like he has been ran over by a train every night. The only thing that gets him going with me is sex. After decades and menopause, my ability to want to get him going or smile is nonexistent. I stated that to say that I sure know what you mean about he never acts that way in the company of others. Thanks for your comment.
Thank you Doctor. I see people lashing out. To deal with stress I like to exercise, play cello and violin, dance and take a fun class. I tend to be a pleaser and I now realize I need to take care of myself as a priority. I love my husband and he likes to control and I am a live and let live type of personality. In my disagreements I observe his behavior. To get my needs met I choose my arguments carefully. I will go along with his behavior much of the time but not always. I am happier now that I have set some boundaries.
Thank you, Dr. Tracey - I have just started Ketamine infusions for treatment resistant depression and chronic anxiety. The response to the treatments has been nothing short of miraculous. It is as though the darkest elements of depression have been switched off. The treatments have opened a window of opportunity to see the world in a more positive light. My challenge now is to continue to redirect negative thinking and thoughts so that I can modify my perceptions. Your video is very timely and I thank you. I intend to download and utilize the coping skills chart you shared. Thank you, Dr. Tracey!
May I ask what state you live in? I have tried to find that or micro-dosing and dont know where to go . My state does not provide anything like tha. I have heard it really helps people! The best to you
Thanks, @Smiya Coron and @Gluebubble. It has been a tremendous relief for me. It doesn’t work for everyone but has a quite high efficacy rate. I have hope again. @Jay Byrd. I’m from North Dakota. I found a clinic by searching for ‘Ketamine infusion clinic’. I hope you can find what you’re looking for but must say this video is foundational to mental wellness. Negative thoughts and thinking creep in and do so much harm. Peace to you.
Hello Dr. Tracey! I've been looking for your new video! Through each one of your video, I get to know myself and people around me better psychologically, so tha k you thank yoy thank you so much! Stay healthy! ♥
Thank you for this... what you said at the 1:22 mark reminds me of the US Sprinter in the news... what she did to cope because of the stress of trials and learning her biological mother passed away just resulted in more problems. In the short term, yeah, she felt calmed by using cannabis - but, she's out of the Olympics... this wasn't just a regular track meet...it's the Olympics! Had she learned other ways to cope with stressors in life, she may have been on her way to multiple Olympic Gold. Now - will she bounce back...probably, but this was a hard lesson to learn! Your videos really help me for sure!! Thanks again.
I've been at all of these stages, Dr. Marks. Thanks for making such a clear and relatable video on these coping and defense mechanisms. In recent years, when I've felt I can't make any progress on the big challenges in the world, I've begun asking myself, "All right, then what _can_ I do?" And that often is, keep a clean house, get caught up on the bills, get out a fav book and do some enjoyable reading. The so called little things can become big accomplishments.
I just came from being able to explain that from over the last three decades here in the now is "I'm the engine and the creator higher power is the mechanic" this explanation pertaining to human spirit. Rather than my human spirit is perfect it's the most perfect one in the whole universe! I was able to ponder on about here after graduating my eight semesters of college the plans ever since jr.high school pertaining to once getting here the plans being then go into engineering psychology!🧑🔧 Terrill TC!
Used to listen to music to get me through my work day now I learn and this is waaaaayyy better I loved psychology in highschool and college but didn’t wanna go all the way with it so I love learning more about it from a real Doctor. 😄
I really like the format of these videos- a brief introduction and getting straight to the point. Topics are discussed briefly with options to watch videos that go into more detail. Thanks
Thank you for making these concepts easy & relatable. It’s one thing to understand concepts and another skill to communicate it to people who haven’t sat through psychology classes. You are very good at all of the above. Thank you Doc.
I’m really trying to heal from the things I’ve experienced not only for myself but also for my siblings who now look up to me for example. It is so hard but videos like these help a lot thank you.
@@sleverlight its prity hard for anybody to give a totally unbiased opinion at least without explaining there bias and that isent eazy to explain to children, and that in general is the difference between education and brain washing when someone is trying to push there opinions on you , thats when its brainwashing you into thinking "that's just the way it is" ect , in terms of school and primary education its prity much brainwashing particularly if its a religious school. collage is prity much the same you normally have to look at where there funding comes from, for example state funded schools are aimed at making people fill low end jobs. in higher education it can be genuine education , however again if you pay attention to where the funding comes from and the type of education it can often just be brainwashing as well. an example of this is when you see someone with a degree or even a masters degree ect , driving a buss or driving a garbage truck... for minimum wage. coz that state funded education system was aimed at getting them into a low end job... not actually educating them to think for themselves. just something you might here the government say to prove my point here but "where putting 3 million into education to help lower the unemployment rate" the funding is being put there to get them people working , not to educate them as nice and the notion may seem on the surface, they are investing into making public servants. all that being said there is a chance you just get a good teacher.
These might seem basic to some, but it is surprising how many people who believe themselves perfectly mature cannot manage these things. Thank you for your insights, Dr. Marks
Thank you Dr. Marks, your videos are soooooo helpful. I love the zero judgemental ways you describe how people function so I can realize how I am me without putting a stigma on myself. A good metaphor for your assessments is like building the border to a 1000 piece puzzle while at the same time showing the picture of what the puzzle should look like.
I just now found your videos. I only needed to watch one video to know that I want to subscribe to you. You are very well spoken and incredibly knowledgeable.
That's the reason why you're my favorite😘😘😘😘 The jewelry of knowledge that you wear all the time and aren't afraid,don't hesitate to share it with anyone!!!!!!💞💞💞💞 LOTS OF LOVE FROM INDIA ❤❤❤❤
Hey Dr.Marks, you're the first person who's been able to help me and I've been searching for years..! You don't gobbledegook, you just get straight to the point. I'm so grateful for your videos 💞 I've showed you to all my friends and they all love you too!!! Thanks is much.. Also if you do have time would you please go into depth about bulima and dissoation disorder? I struggled with both for years on the extreme end. Thanks for reading 💞
Good for you smart lady, to us single people the phrase “at least the car didn’t get towed” means “I suppress any concern for what I’ve done and getting cars towed is where I now draw the line”. While yes, in a relationship it’s nice to comfort your partner while he is sorry, although if he’s not, better not enable that kind of behavior. Maybe that partner is in need of every kind of guidance in this world. Kindness will enable that sort of partner to degrade into complete irresponsibility.
Thank you for not demonizing us. I feel that it's possible to improve when you know someone like you can listen. Some... other...very popular Doctor on RUclips uses words that make me want to antagonize her. She's brutal in her approach and makes me feel like a pest that lives AND ENJOYS to hurt other people. I know, it's super childish but again, that's why I'm here... Also the passive aggressive insult at the end is how I roll. I used to be sure I was "funny" but in reality I wanted to get back at people and insult them in the wittiest, snappiest, in your face comments. I like sarcasm/cynicism/dark humour because it allows someone like me to use my negative outlook to make myself laugh. I try to not make it at the expense of others, but I take everything so personal that I always feel I have to go for the jugular.
Thank you so much for these videos, because of you I've realized I am a little bit sadistic (which is something I kind of knew, but didn't fully realize/accept), I have a weak ego (which I knew a bit more) and I'm very interested in being able to improve myself so that I can stop pushing away people around me that I love and want to be around. I can't afford therapy right now, but until then I want to include practices in my life that might help me gain insight and reflect on how to heal and change for the better. Thank you Dr. Marks
Your busy shirt is keeping my adhd brain focused with tour calm pace and stationary camera. Aside from that I feel personally called out by the section on inappropriate coping methods.....
When I had a terrible job I would say to myself "at least serfdom is over, at least I won't get flogged". This must have been compensation, but it provided only a temporal relief.
Amazing video. One of my favorites so far. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD & recently I also meet the DSM-5 criteria for BPD. ~I find myself engaging in splitting behaviors with a girl from my past I have regrets & frustration about how my life unfolded at that time with her. Your videos on psychological defense mechanisms have helped me understand myself a lot better in how I subconsciously act in certain aspects of my life. So thank you for that Tracy. 😊
I only started watching these videos a couple of weeks ago, but im really liking it so far. The quick and understandable facts makes it easy to sit through the videos and even recognise some of the behaviors in others and in yourself too. Very interesting
You are amazing. You are so generous with teaching people about important your knowledge in this field. I can really tell that you want to help people. This is such an act of altruism. We need more people like you. Can you imagine? We even get a free coping mechanism handout. *wipes tears* I can't really afford seeking a psych right now... I live in the Philippines where access to free or affordable healthcare is unimaginable. :) As much as I wanna dish out money for psych services, it'll mean cutting down grocery funds. Oh look, the handout is blocked for my country. Thanks anyway! :)
Thank you for this Dr Tracey, I've learned so much about myself from both this and the projection video. More light bulb moments. I'd love for you to do more videos on the primitive coping skills, could you possibly do one on eating disorders? I struggle with anorexia and have BPD as well. I feel like my BPD rallies my eating disorder behaviors as they are around control and you could say anorexia is part of my coping skills. I do self harm and seem quite destructive. So a video on how they may link would be really helpful figuring out the puzzle that is my personality disorder. Thanks again again your videos, I am in the UK and check in each week for your new content as it is always helpful for me. Jennifer x
You are beautiful inside and out Dr. Marks!!! To top it off, Your outfit is gorgeous. 😍 Thank you so much for this video. It was extremely insightful, as I'm working on this myself. 😊 ☺️
Hi Dr Marks! I’d love to see a video on Tardive Dyskinesia, it’s causes, presentation and treatment! It is a problem that crops up with a lot of people like myself who take antipsychotics and I feel as if we don’t really ever get properly informed of the risks or told about possible treatments. I started to develop a facial twitch on one antipsychotic and it luckily stopped when I discontinued this specific medication and switched to another, but I know that some people aren’t so lucky and that it can be irreversible. I feel as if you could shed a lot of light on the matter. I love your channel and keep up the good work!
Oh wow, I’ve been on antipsychotics for a few years and have never heard of this or been informed of this, despite knowing a little info on my own antidepressants, I didn’t think antipsychotics could have different problems/symptoms/treatments ! Thanks for informing me I will definitely have a search into this topic! Wishing you the best on your journey!
Thank you, for taking the time to produce these videos. Your videos has helped me understand my bipolar diagnosis. Recently, I was diagnosed as having ADHD as well. My mind is all over the place but I am able to watch your videos with no issues. Also, I purchased your book.
My son is in the hospital now and they have not medicated him at all. He is manic and I feel that no meds will lengthen his recovery. He is an adult and thank God I have a POA. Can you make a video for things to do when a loved one is admitted in the hospital? What should a stay in the hospital look like? Any good tips you can give to help would be great. What should people with mental health issues do to make sure they get good care in case they are admitted?
@@cellogirl11rw55 the doctor never saw my son or examined him. They called me today and said " if you let the Doctor hive him antipsychotic injections and transfer his care with our hospital then he can stay longer or if you want to stay with his Doctor then we will discharge him." They were basically kicking my son out unstable in full manic episode if he wanted to stay with his Doctor. They would not return his Doctors calls at all. It was the most distressing situation I have ever experienced.
@@jettabanker I read this 23 hours after you posted. I so hope everything worked out. This place sounds like a nightmare come true and needs to be reported to the appropriate authorities. I am so sorry. I hope you found some help!
Hi Dr. Marks! I love the way you explain concepts and conditions in mental health. Your channel has been a Godsend. Would you please consider doing a video that focuses on borderline personality disorder? I want to learn more about how it presents, develops and how it can affect someones life and the lives of those around them. Also, it would awesome if you could talk about strategies that people who have boderline family and friends could use to maintain healthy and happy relationship. I have a family member who i suspect is dealing with this and it has been challenging to say the least. Thanks so much!
Hi Gluebubble. Thanks a lot. It gives me a lot of pleasure knowing my videos have been helpful. Check out my borderline personality playlist. I have a few videos talking about borderline personality. ruclips.net/p/PLazcP3-djRZ13W32JLF6SO2N0NHKl2fxM How to deal with family members is harder to cover because what you do depends on the issues and the dynamics.
I'm so glad I found your channel and I've been watching many videos I have borderline personality disorder and this video is extremely helpful I hope you expand more on these things because explaining the all the coping mechanisms and give me examples is extremely helpful thank you
I love the example used with sublimation, "I am thankful that you have a high paying job....," but could the example become a passive-aggressive comment? I had to laugh at myself. Thank you for the examples; they are great skills to employ in every situation.
I really enjoyed this video and am looking forward to more on this topic. I have found many of your videos extremely helpful to look at myself and break down thoughts emotions and behaviours. Bonus it also helps me understand others better as well.
I'm so glad Jordan. That's exactly what I want the information to do. Help you understand yourself and others better. BTW I'm working on that transgender video now.
My main defence mechanism (taht I don’t really use anymore) was to pretend like I was unempathic and heartless. Pretend to not experience emotion so people wouldn’t know you are vulnerable. I physically cannot be vulnerable around people, it makes me anxious and feel weak. I cannot vent or talk about my issues properly in person, it makes me feel guilty and undeserving. I cannot experience any negative emotion other than anger without feeling stupid or worthless or useless or unworthy of love.
Another amazing video! Your channel is my go to place before exams. Thanks for always putting out such high quality educational content. Actually lately I've been struggling with keeping my faith in the field, since many leading theories and practices of the field seem so unscientific. Even the research testing the efficacy of many therapies are disappointing, with lack of randomised controlled trials. If you could make a video on the scientific validity and reliability of different theories(Freud, gestalt, Beck, etc) and practices(projective tests, drawing analysis, therapies) of the field then that'd be awesome.
Hi Dr Marks, I'm not sure if you have already done a video about this, but in this video you touch briefly on regression and was wondering if you could dive a little deeper into what that means/looks like
Dr. Marks, what should a person do when they're suffering from a situation that they have almost no control over and precludes any of the mature defense mechanisms you mention here? I've been reaching out to therapists, but they never really know how to help me since all those mature defense mechanisms are not an option in my case. The vast majority of the time when I have a complicated medical issue, I only find a good solution after I do my own research and suggest something to the professionals trying to help me. So I would really like to hear what you would do for a patient who can't use those 3 mechanisms you listed.
Maybe examine with your therapists WHY you cannot use the mechanisms suggested. Explore the obstacles and see how to overcome them or like the other two people suggested, look at other alternatives like on the link Dr Marks has.
Thanks, everyone, for your responses.@@RedtsunamiTed, @Smiya Coron & @Wendy Lee Connelly: What's the print-out you're talking about? I see the one called Positive Coping Activities, in case that's what you all meant, but I don't see anything more about the "mature defense mechanisms" I was talking about than just the 3 in the video. The coping activities sheet isn't particularly useful to me, because those are just distraction techniques to help you ignore the problem for a little while rather than help you actually deal with it. I've been in a constant state of trying to distract myself, doing all the things on that list that I have the mental energy to handle, but 80% of the time it doesn't work, and the other 20%, the entire problem just comes back again once I've stopped the distracting activity. Moreover, my doing these things constantly means that I can't take care of any of the important things I should be doing (I'm lucky I live with my mom, but she can't do my schoolwork, brush my teeth, or open my graduation cards for me). When I finally get myself to start trying to do something, I start, it's hard, I keep going until it gets too hard (2-10 mins later), I go back to distraction, try again, and find the task too painful again. So "coping strategies" just aren't doing it for me. Crisis hotlines are useless because they either tell you to do one of those things to distract yourself and save the problem for another time, or they just listen and say that what you're going through "sounds really tough." When I tell them I need _actual_ psychological help NOW, they tell me to just look forward to hopefully finding a therapist who will be able to actually help in the future (since the ones I've already tried haven't). When I tell them that's not working and repeat that I need real help now, they tell me to just be hopeful I will find it. _Sigh._ You're always told to reach out when you're desperate, but the places they tell you to reach out to (these crisis numbers) don't even offer real help. I've been wondering what the hell people even do to help deal with psychological issues in therapy beyond just chatting about problems until you feel better about them. This video really got my attention, because the primitive & less primitive defense mechanisms jumped out at me as things I'm doing that I know aren't productive ways to deal with my problem in the long run, but they're all I've been able to do in order to not be in acute suffering. So I got really excited to hear what the "mature" mechanisms would be, as it seems that's the thing I need most, but unfortunately in my case "Compensation" and "Sublimation" won't be helpful. As for "Assertiveness," i.e. communicating exactly what you need, that's exactly what I've been trying to do for months as I reach out to different sources asking for help, as I did when I asked Dr. Marks my original question. So, assertiveness hasn't really gotten me anywhere yet, but it could help me find out a real way to deal with the problem. I just need to find out what that is. :-/ (I am on medication, by the way, but antidepressants don't solve these types of complex issues, plus my psychiatrist agrees it's more of a therapy problem and not really a medication problem).
@@jacobjohnson8686 There's no secret. It really is just working a program. EMDR, CBT, DBT. Exercise, mindfulness, scheduling. Getting an accurate diagnosis. And yes, some talk therapy but that's more for maintaining. There are different therapies that work differently for different people. It sounds to me like you need a diagnosis so work on that first. And if you are actively in crisis, yeah the "distraction" as you call it is really the only thing for it. But, engaging in something, anything that can push you forward is all you can hope for. Sometimes progress looks like going backwards but really you're moving forward. So my best advice? WORK a program and I mean work it like your life depends on it because it does. No one has a cure, no one has a secret, this is what it is. It is work and it is HARD.
Could you talk about memory loss with stressful or traumatic situations? Some memories seem burned in, while others seem distant, or non existent. Thank you for your videos and for considering my question.
Thanks for this vid. I was going to a PhD who told me my joking was defensive, but I see nothing wrong with making people grin or laugh with an unexspected comment or observation. I do know when to be serious though. In these odd times, life is to laugh.
Something to take with that and it’s not a criticism either-but they could be responding that way as to not upset you or it could be their own defensive response. I often laugh or smile when I’m uncomfortable as to try to defuse the situation. My dad will make inappropriate comments and jokes during the worst times like funerals and other serious situations… but everyone sort of smiles or laughs because if we don’t my dad will get offended and pissed off. I think laughter is good, but when it’s used as a way to avoid the actual issue it can be a problem.
Wow, so long ago I had to look up what I wrote. When someone doesn't respond I just assume they don't have the same sense of humor I do. I don't get mad. If your dad wants to get mad that's up to him as a grown human being.
Screaming at the top of my lungs in the car is so helpful. I take a ride by myself, buckle up so I'm safe, and scream my lungs out. I'll even scream anything I'm thinking or feeling that I dont actually stand by or believe to be true, it's a wonderful purge, I dont hurt anyone feelings or make a fool of myself, and hearing some of those things said out loud I think "well damn, now I say it out loud it doesnt resonate at all."
"venting or having an emotional release, like screaming in your bathroom, is another good way to deal with upsetting emotions"
Thank you for adding that part in. Those words were exactly what I needed to hear to stop feeling crazy for having my own feelings. Thank you.
Side note... Love the hair!!
And the dress.
Right?! Rocking the whole outfit! Love your content, as someone with bipolar 1 (ultradian rapid cycling), BPD/EUPD, PTSD etc) and your content has helped keep me motivated with all the mad shit going on currently and has given me more insights into my mental health disorders etc, So again,- Thank you 🙂 have a great day
How wonderful it’s coincidentally follicle awareness week! Let’s all say yes to hair
I was going to say I love the outfit!!
My first thought
I‘m really happy that you’re putting out more psychoanalytic content lately :) thank you!
Thanks Christopher. It’s actually more my lane than the medically based content 😊
@@DrTraceyMarks I’m happy to see these types of videos as well and I brings them. ☺️
My favorite doctor in the whole wide world 🌎❤️✨
😊
😑still working on my coping skills. Alcohol is my vice🤦♀️ I use my garden as a positive coping mechanism. SO GLAD U MENTIONED GARDENING!!🌻 if only I can live in my garden 🤔
i just started gardening and im in love! it gives me so much peace
Mines too
cracked up at the passive aggressive response, you got me lol
I've noticed that one of my big defensive mechanisms is making jokes/saying funny things to calm myself in stressful or scary situations
That can be pretty adaptive as a higher level of coping. Too much of it can become a problem sometimes if the person is always making jokes and you never know when they’re serious about something. That doesn’t sound like what you’re talking about but that’s just a way joking can be a problem.
@@DrTraceyMarks hey Doc how are you and this sounds like me, I find myself in a lot of bad situations over the entirety of my life so I’ve learned to make jokes in my worst situations to the point people laugh at what I say as I’m going through it and not that I blame them for I am really funny, but it’s like the quote says sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying, would you say this is bad or good? And what should be my next steps
Same I tell jokes in stressful situations
Me too
Yup
Ooh, it was helpful to hear that "intellectualization" isn't a mature strategy. I do this a lot. So I try to see where the person is or could be coming from when I feel confused or hurt by something they've said or done while not assuming it is with bad intent. That helps me cope with my negative feelings. My therapist said to me, "Sure, but that doesn't mean you put up with it." This was . . . news to me.
Hi Martha. On one hand showing that kind of empathy is helpful and youre giving people the benefit of the doubt. But it can also keep you from connecting with or recognizing your true feelings about something because you analyze the situation as if you’re talking about someone else.
Thank you for expanding the Projection issue Dr Marks. I've been making a conscious decision, Every time I begin feeling like I'm going to have an emotional outburst,and it usually feels like my feelings are a soda bottle that's been shaken, I've decided to just wait before speaking. At first it wasn't easy because the urge is so strong to get my feelings heard, but I've allowed myself to purposely be quiet until that urge passes and strangely after a few Minutes it does. And once the feeling has passed I'm actually able to think more clearly and realise that I may have saved myself and those I love possible hurt. And usually the thoughts that come during those urges are distorted and not true. Just by purposely waiting for the urge to pass. Then I'm able to communicate my feelings and thoughts better. I've found these videos so helpful
Excellent Ron. Pausing and giving yourself a chance to process is a basic but very effective tool. All the best 👍🏽😊
That's awesome Ron. It feels amazing when we become more aware of our behaviour patterns, start interrupting them and see a positive change.
But your comment got me thinking - how would we explain to someone the difference between childishly acting/speaking out when we get emotional and actually expressing our needs and feelings? Extreme example - we don't like when our partner chats for 10-20min with strangers of the opposite sex when we go out. We raised this issue few times, but it always ended up in argument, so we stay quiet now. Time passes, emotions go down and we rationalize in our head "it's not a big deal, I'm just being unnecessarily jealous", basically we gaslight ourselves.
It can't be a distinction on the basis of *what* bothers us, because it's all subjective.
So is it about the level of emotions and control we have when sharing our feelings? But we can project in a quite, calm manner as well.
Thanks for the comment!
@@DrTraceyMarks Thank you so much Dr for the kind response and encouragement! :-)
@@kalash_nikov Hello Sir :-) wow, that explanation made a world of sense. And you're right. There is always a "what". I greatly appreciate your advise and will remember it.
@Abigayle Williams thanks so much for sharing that.
Thank you for making these uploads. Not too long and not too short. Very insightful and helpful.
I appreciate your videos so much. The fact that you keep them down to less than 15-20 minutes long is perfect for me. I have a borderline person in my life whose behavior is very primitive a lot of the time, but never in the company of others. It’s frightening.
I'm no psychologist with 20 years of experience, but if someone can control their behaviour in certain circumstances, than it's very unlikely it's an actual syndrome. People with borderline syndrome, schizophrenia, etc. cannot choose when they do and do not have those unfortunate episodes.
I used to shout and even swear at my mom in the past when she would keep saying something I didn't like or agree with, but I'd never act this way with friends or strangers. I didn't/don't have a syndrome. I was just being a dick because I knew I can act any way I wanted to, and my mom would still love me and want to talk to me in the future.
I am borderline myself. These videos have been helpful.
@@kalash_nikov Absolutely!
@@kalash_nikov being borderline thats not how it is at all, i also never blow up with people not close to me, because of the way i was socialized, its out of fear not out of valid self controll. sure i could be terrified of my partner as well and act "normal", but id like not to
I have someone that acts like he has been ran over by a train every night. The only thing that gets him going with me is sex. After decades and menopause, my ability to want to get him going or smile is nonexistent. I stated that to say that I sure know what you mean about he never acts that way in the company of others. Thanks for your comment.
Thank you Doctor. I see people lashing out. To deal with stress I like to exercise, play cello and violin, dance and take a fun class. I tend to be a pleaser and I now realize I need to take care of myself as a priority. I love my husband and he likes to control and I am a live and let live type of personality. In my disagreements I observe his behavior. To get my needs met I choose my arguments carefully. I will go along with his behavior much of the time but not always. I am happier now that I have set some boundaries.
Thank you, Dr. Tracey - I have just started Ketamine infusions for treatment resistant depression and chronic anxiety. The response to the treatments has been nothing short of miraculous. It is as though the darkest elements of depression have been switched off. The treatments have opened a window of opportunity to see the world in a more positive light. My challenge now is to continue to redirect negative thinking and thoughts so that I can modify my perceptions. Your video is very timely and I thank you. I intend to download and utilize the coping skills chart you shared. Thank you, Dr. Tracey!
Thats excellent! I’m so happy you are doing better 😄
May I ask what state you live in? I have tried to find that or micro-dosing and dont know where to go . My state does not provide anything like tha. I have heard it really helps people! The best to you
Thanks, @Smiya Coron and @Gluebubble. It has been a tremendous relief for me. It doesn’t work for everyone but has a quite high efficacy rate. I have hope again. @Jay Byrd. I’m from North Dakota. I found a clinic by searching for ‘Ketamine infusion clinic’. I hope you can find what you’re looking for but must say this video is foundational to mental wellness. Negative thoughts and thinking creep in and do so much harm. Peace to you.
These are some of the best mental health videos on youtube
true that, I love the way she explain so clearly
Hello Dr. Tracey! I've been looking for your new video! Through each one of your video, I get to know myself and people around me better psychologically, so tha k you thank yoy thank you so much! Stay healthy! ♥
So happy to hear this Fabian. Helping you to understand yourself better is exactly what I aim to do. Keep watching. 👍🏽😊
Dr. Tracey be out here just helping people all willy nilly! And we appreciate it..
I'm sorry this is a little off topic but I just love you, I just want to say thank you so much for everything that you do. God bless you all.
just incredible explanations from the good Doctor Tracey Marks here! Thankyou so very much Dr. TM!!
You're most welcome!
Thank you for this... what you said at the 1:22 mark reminds me of the US Sprinter in the news... what she did to cope because of the stress of trials and learning her biological mother passed away just resulted in more problems. In the short term, yeah, she felt calmed by using cannabis - but, she's out of the Olympics... this wasn't just a regular track meet...it's the Olympics! Had she learned other ways to cope with stressors in life, she may have been on her way to multiple Olympic Gold. Now - will she bounce back...probably, but this was a hard lesson to learn! Your videos really help me for sure!! Thanks again.
You make a great point. This is a very hard, sad lesson.
Dr. Tracey Marks: these informations are VERY IMPORTANT for MANY PEOPLE!
I've been at all of these stages, Dr. Marks. Thanks for making such a clear and relatable video on these coping and defense mechanisms. In recent years, when I've felt I can't make any progress on the big challenges in the world, I've begun asking myself, "All right, then what _can_ I do?" And that often is, keep a clean house, get caught up on the bills, get out a fav book and do some enjoyable reading. The so called little things can become big accomplishments.
I just came from being able to explain that from over the last three decades here in the now is "I'm the engine and the creator higher power is the mechanic" this explanation pertaining to human spirit. Rather than my human spirit is perfect it's the most perfect one in the whole universe! I was able to ponder on about here after graduating my eight semesters of college the plans ever since jr.high school pertaining to once getting here the plans being then go into engineering psychology!🧑🔧 Terrill TC!
Used to listen to music to get me through my work day now I learn and this is waaaaayyy better I loved psychology in highschool and college but didn’t wanna go all the way with it so I love learning more about it from a real Doctor. 😄
I really like the format of these videos- a brief introduction and getting straight to the point. Topics are discussed briefly with options to watch videos that go into more detail. Thanks
Thank you for making these concepts easy & relatable.
It’s one thing to understand concepts and another skill to communicate it to people who haven’t sat through psychology classes.
You are very good at all of the above.
Thank you Doc.
Dr Marks, your channel is really helping me in many ways. I am impressed and really love your work.
the content in this channel is GOLD. I had to slow the playback speed to 1.25x (from the default 1.75x all videps) to grasp it fully
I’m really trying to heal from the things I’ve experienced not only for myself but also for my siblings who now look up to me for example. It is so hard but videos like these help a lot thank you.
Man, this info is NOT taught at school. Empaths listen up, or quit everything.
As an empath I’m so glad to have found this channel. It’s answered a lot of questions for me.
Bruh I never met another empath. Internet saved me.
School just teaches you to agree with the system, universities teaches critical thinking
@@sleverlight its prity hard for anybody to give a totally unbiased opinion at least without explaining there bias and that isent eazy to explain to children, and that in general is the difference between education and brain washing when someone is trying to push there opinions on you , thats when its brainwashing you into thinking "that's just the way it is" ect , in terms of school and primary education its prity much brainwashing particularly if its a religious school. collage is prity much the same you normally have to look at where there funding comes from, for example state funded schools are aimed at making people fill low end jobs. in higher education it can be genuine education , however again if you pay attention to where the funding comes from and the type of education it can often just be brainwashing as well. an example of this is when you see someone with a degree or even a masters degree ect , driving a buss or driving a garbage truck... for minimum wage. coz that state funded education system was aimed at getting them into a low end job... not actually educating them to think for themselves. just something you might here the government say to prove my point here but "where putting 3 million into education to help lower the unemployment rate" the funding is being put there to get them people working , not to educate them as nice and the notion may seem on the surface, they are investing into making public servants. all that being said there is a chance you just get a good teacher.
@@D34DF0X17 Hmmm makes sense, but maybe thiss just in the US. Idk tbh about other countries if theyre following same things
These might seem basic to some, but it is surprising how many people who believe themselves perfectly mature cannot manage these things. Thank you for your insights, Dr. Marks
You’re welcome Anete. You’re right, I think it’s easy to take these thing for granted and over look them.
Finally someone that can explain things clearly and too the point.
Thank you for your time and effort 🙏
Dr. Marks you are one outstanding psychotherapist.
This is what the world needs right now, thank you. God bless 💜
Thank you Dr. Marks, your videos are soooooo helpful. I love the zero judgemental ways you describe how people function so I can realize how I am me without putting a stigma on myself. A good metaphor for your assessments is like building the border to a 1000 piece puzzle while at the same time showing the picture of what the puzzle should look like.
Thank you Dr. Marks. I hope this video helps many people as it has helped me understand positive responses to emotional upset.
Another masterpiece. Dr. Marks is the best!!
I just now found your videos. I only needed to watch one video to know that I want to subscribe to you. You are very well spoken and incredibly knowledgeable.
That's the reason why you're my favorite😘😘😘😘 The jewelry of knowledge that you wear all the time and aren't afraid,don't hesitate to share it with anyone!!!!!!💞💞💞💞
LOTS OF LOVE FROM INDIA ❤❤❤❤
I’m so thankful I found your channel. Your voice is relaxing to listen to and your content is more helpful than I could ever say in a comment. 🙏🏼
I look forward to more videos in this series. Thank you.
I’m glad Gale. Stay tuned. 👍🏽
Hey Dr.Marks, you're the first person who's been able to help me and I've been searching for years..! You don't gobbledegook, you just get straight to the point. I'm so grateful for your videos 💞 I've showed you to all my friends and they all love you too!!! Thanks is much.. Also if you do have time would you please go into depth about bulima and dissoation disorder? I struggled with both for years on the extreme end. Thanks for reading 💞
Good for you smart lady, to us single people the phrase “at least the car didn’t get towed” means “I suppress any concern for what I’ve done and getting cars towed is where I now draw the line”.
While yes, in a relationship it’s nice to comfort your partner while he is sorry, although if he’s not, better not enable that kind of behavior. Maybe that partner is in need of every kind of guidance in this world. Kindness will enable that sort of partner to degrade into complete irresponsibility.
Thank you for not demonizing us. I feel that it's possible to improve when you know someone like you can listen. Some... other...very popular Doctor on RUclips uses words that make me want to antagonize her. She's brutal in her approach and makes me feel like a pest that lives AND ENJOYS to hurt other people. I know, it's super childish but again, that's why I'm here...
Also the passive aggressive insult at the end is how I roll. I used to be sure I was "funny" but in reality I wanted to get back at people and insult them in the wittiest, snappiest, in your face comments. I like sarcasm/cynicism/dark humour because it allows someone like me to use my negative outlook to make myself laugh. I try to not make it at the expense of others, but I take everything so personal that I always feel I have to go for the jugular.
Thank you so much for these videos, because of you I've realized I am a little bit sadistic (which is something I kind of knew, but didn't fully realize/accept), I have a weak ego (which I knew a bit more) and I'm very interested in being able to improve myself so that I can stop pushing away people around me that I love and want to be around. I can't afford therapy right now, but until then I want to include practices in my life that might help me gain insight and reflect on how to heal and change for the better. Thank you Dr. Marks
Tracey You are the best ❤ you dont know how much you’re helping me thanks 🙏🏾
Dr. Tracey you are already uber successful already, but oh my you are going places! Your content is so useful. You deserve every success.
So happy I’ve found you on here... I’m 27 and I want to go back to school for my PhD in psychology so bad !!! Thank you Tracy for these videos
Your busy shirt is keeping my adhd brain focused with tour calm pace and stationary camera.
Aside from that I feel personally called out by the section on inappropriate coping methods.....
What is "reaction formation"? Could you go into detail on some of these defense mechanisms, especially the "less mature" category?
Great video had a sutuation less than a week ago and this help me to more readily understand the other person thank you...
When I had a terrible job I would say to myself "at least serfdom is over, at least I won't get flogged".
This must have been compensation, but it provided only a temporal relief.
Thanks again, Dr. Marks 💕😇
Great video. I'm saving this so I can replay when I'm upset.
Great Violet. I’m glad I can be a resource
Your videos help me have a better understanding of myself and others in my life. Thank you. ❤️
realised i use compensation and sublimation a lot, thanks for clearing these out🙌🏻
Amazing video.
One of my favorites so far.
I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD & recently I also meet the DSM-5 criteria for BPD.
~I find myself engaging in splitting behaviors with a girl from my past I have regrets & frustration about how my life unfolded at that time with her.
Your videos on psychological defense mechanisms have helped me understand myself a lot better in how I subconsciously act in certain aspects of my life.
So thank you for that Tracy. 😊
I only started watching these videos a couple of weeks ago, but im really liking it so far. The quick and understandable facts makes it easy to sit through the videos and even recognise some of the behaviors in others and in yourself too. Very interesting
You are amazing. You are so generous with teaching people about important your knowledge in this field. I can really tell that you want to help people. This is such an act of altruism. We need more people like you. Can you imagine? We even get a free coping mechanism handout. *wipes tears* I can't really afford seeking a psych right now... I live in the Philippines where access to free or affordable healthcare is unimaginable. :) As much as I wanna dish out money for psych services, it'll mean cutting down grocery funds. Oh look, the handout is blocked for my country. Thanks anyway! :)
Thank you for this Dr Tracey, I've learned so much about myself from both this and the projection video. More light bulb moments.
I'd love for you to do more videos on the primitive coping skills, could you possibly do one on eating disorders? I struggle with anorexia and have BPD as well. I feel like my BPD rallies my eating disorder behaviors as they are around control and you could say anorexia is part of my coping skills. I do self harm and seem quite destructive. So a video on how they may link would be really helpful figuring out the puzzle that is my personality disorder.
Thanks again again your videos, I am in the UK and check in each week for your new content as it is always helpful for me.
Jennifer x
Thanks Thanks Thanks So Much for sharing this Wonderful Truth So Plain this is Excellent Truth Explained leaving no room for Misunderstanding
You are beautiful inside and out Dr. Marks!!! To top it off, Your outfit is gorgeous. 😍 Thank you so much for this video. It was extremely insightful, as I'm working on this myself. 😊 ☺️
Thanks Dr.
I am always learning something
Helpful, 🌹❤️🙏
Thank you Dr. Marks. On point as always. I appreciate you so much.
I really need this. Thank you Dr. Marks
You’re welcome!
You are very kind to share these. Thank you.
The positive coping mechanisms are really helpful - thank you ☺️
Yet another great video. Very beneficial indeed. Much appreciated. 🙏
Hi Dr Marks! I’d love to see a video on Tardive Dyskinesia, it’s causes, presentation and treatment! It is a problem that crops up with a lot of people like myself who take antipsychotics and I feel as if we don’t really ever get properly informed of the risks or told about possible treatments. I started to develop a facial twitch on one antipsychotic and it luckily stopped when I discontinued this specific medication and switched to another, but I know that some people aren’t so lucky and that it can be irreversible. I feel as if you could shed a lot of light on the matter. I love your channel and keep up the good work!
Oh wow, I’ve been on antipsychotics for a few years and have never heard of this or been informed of this, despite knowing a little info on my own antidepressants, I didn’t think antipsychotics could have different problems/symptoms/treatments ! Thanks for informing me I will definitely have a search into this topic! Wishing you the best on your journey!
This excellent information. These are great things to know for self improvement. As always I love you and your work! Thank you Dr. Tracey
Problem focused coping mechy 👍🏼✌🏼🙏🏻🕉️😀Wow thank you Dear Doc Tracy Marks ✌🏼✌🏼✌🏼❤️😀🕉️🕉️🙏🏻Radhe Krishna 🙏🏻🕉️
Thank you, for taking the time to produce these videos. Your videos has helped me understand my bipolar diagnosis. Recently, I was diagnosed as having ADHD as well. My mind is all over the place but I am able to watch your videos with no issues. Also, I purchased your book.
Thank you so so much, seriously, thank you! This is very helpful and insightful.
Thank you Dr. Marks....
My son is in the hospital now and they have not medicated him at all. He is manic and I feel that no meds will lengthen his recovery. He is an adult and thank God I have a POA. Can you make a video for things to do when a loved one is admitted in the hospital?
What should a stay in the hospital look like? Any good tips you can give to help would be great.
What should people with mental health issues do to make sure they get good care in case they are admitted?
I can't speak to your situation, but, sometimes, doctors will take patients off of medications when they're not sure what's working and what's not.
Also, be open to phone calls. Some hospitals have very limited visitation hours.
@@cellogirl11rw55 the doctor never saw my son or examined him. They called me today and said " if you let the Doctor hive him antipsychotic injections and transfer his care with our hospital then he can stay longer or if you want to stay with his Doctor then we will discharge him." They were basically kicking my son out unstable in full manic episode if he wanted to stay with his Doctor. They would not return his Doctors calls at all.
It was the most distressing situation I have ever experienced.
@@cellogirl11rw55 I have been on the phone but they wont let me speak to the Doctor.I have never experienced anything like this in my life.
@@jettabanker I read this 23 hours after you posted. I so hope everything worked out. This place sounds like a nightmare come true and needs to be reported to the appropriate authorities. I am so sorry. I hope you found some help!
Hi Dr. Marks! I love the way you explain concepts and conditions in mental health. Your channel has been a Godsend.
Would you please consider doing a video that focuses on borderline personality disorder? I want to learn more about how it presents, develops and how it can affect someones life and the lives of those around them. Also, it would awesome if you could talk about strategies that people who have boderline family and friends could use to maintain healthy and happy relationship. I have a family member who i suspect is dealing with this and it has been challenging to say the least.
Thanks so much!
Hi Gluebubble. Thanks a lot. It gives me a lot of pleasure knowing my videos have been helpful. Check out my borderline personality playlist. I have a few videos talking about borderline personality. ruclips.net/p/PLazcP3-djRZ13W32JLF6SO2N0NHKl2fxM
How to deal with family members is harder to cover because what you do depends on the issues and the dynamics.
@@DrTraceyMarks thanks 🙏🏽 😊
I'm so glad I found your channel and I've been watching many videos I have borderline personality disorder and this video is extremely helpful I hope you expand more on these things because explaining the all the coping mechanisms and give me examples is extremely helpful thank you
Hi Rosanne. Yes I plan to cover the other defenses. Stay tuned
How can we deal with stress and anxiety if nothing wkors anymore? Thanks for the helpful video.
Thank you for your videos. They have really helped and i appreciate your expertise.
This was very insightful. I’m a person with BPD in recovery so this is very helpful.
I love the example used with sublimation, "I am thankful that you have a high paying job....," but could the example become a passive-aggressive comment? I had to laugh at myself.
Thank you for the examples; they are great skills to employ in every situation.
Thank you for these awesome videos. I'm in a PMHNP program and your videos really help to understand.
Thats great to hear Rob! Best wishes with the program
Thank you Dr. Marks!
I really enjoyed this video and am looking forward to more on this topic. I have found many of your videos extremely helpful to look at myself and break down thoughts emotions and behaviours. Bonus it also helps me understand others better as well.
I'm so glad Jordan. That's exactly what I want the information to do. Help you understand yourself and others better. BTW I'm working on that transgender video now.
@@DrTraceyMarks awesome, thank you.
Thanks for the video; I love it!I I love the negative or unhealthy emotion focused coping skills and primitive defenses!
Thanks a lot MDavid. I’ll have more to come on this.
@@DrTraceyMarks Thank you!
Thank you for making such great videos! 👌 Greetings from 🇸🇪
Thank you for another great video. Oh, and lovely blouse Dr. Marks!
My main defence mechanism (taht I don’t really use anymore) was to pretend like I was unempathic and heartless. Pretend to not experience emotion so people wouldn’t know you are vulnerable.
I physically cannot be vulnerable around people, it makes me anxious and feel weak. I cannot vent or talk about my issues properly in person, it makes me feel guilty and undeserving.
I cannot experience any negative emotion other than anger without feeling stupid or worthless or useless or unworthy of love.
I loved it! I always learned something and understand better with your video. Thank you ❤️
Another amazing video! Your channel is my go to place before exams. Thanks for always putting out such high quality educational content. Actually lately I've been struggling with keeping my faith in the field, since many leading theories and practices of the field seem so unscientific. Even the research testing the efficacy of many therapies are disappointing, with lack of randomised controlled trials. If you could make a video on the scientific validity and reliability of different theories(Freud, gestalt, Beck, etc) and practices(projective tests, drawing analysis, therapies) of the field then that'd be awesome.
Hi Dr Marks, I'm not sure if you have already done a video about this, but in this video you touch briefly on regression and was wondering if you could dive a little deeper into what that means/looks like
I would love to know that too!
Great video! Glad to be a subscriber!
Thank you. Glad to have you on board ❤️👍🏽
Dr. Marks, what should a person do when they're suffering from a situation that they have almost no control over and precludes any of the mature defense mechanisms you mention here? I've been reaching out to therapists, but they never really know how to help me since all those mature defense mechanisms are not an option in my case. The vast majority of the time when I have a complicated medical issue, I only find a good solution after I do my own research and suggest something to the professionals trying to help me. So I would really like to hear what you would do for a patient who can't use those 3 mechanisms you listed.
There are like 20 on the print out she has linked above.
Maybe examine with your therapists WHY you cannot use the mechanisms suggested. Explore the obstacles and see how to overcome them or like the other two people suggested, look at other alternatives like on the link Dr Marks has.
Thanks, everyone, for your responses.@@RedtsunamiTed, @Smiya Coron & @Wendy Lee Connelly: What's the print-out you're talking about? I see the one called Positive Coping Activities, in case that's what you all meant, but I don't see anything more about the "mature defense mechanisms" I was talking about than just the 3 in the video. The coping activities sheet isn't particularly useful to me, because those are just distraction techniques to help you ignore the problem for a little while rather than help you actually deal with it. I've been in a constant state of trying to distract myself, doing all the things on that list that I have the mental energy to handle, but 80% of the time it doesn't work, and the other 20%, the entire problem just comes back again once I've stopped the distracting activity. Moreover, my doing these things constantly means that I can't take care of any of the important things I should be doing (I'm lucky I live with my mom, but she can't do my schoolwork, brush my teeth, or open my graduation cards for me). When I finally get myself to start trying to do something, I start, it's hard, I keep going until it gets too hard (2-10 mins later), I go back to distraction, try again, and find the task too painful again. So "coping strategies" just aren't doing it for me.
Crisis hotlines are useless because they either tell you to do one of those things to distract yourself and save the problem for another time, or they just listen and say that what you're going through "sounds really tough." When I tell them I need _actual_ psychological help NOW, they tell me to just look forward to hopefully finding a therapist who will be able to actually help in the future (since the ones I've already tried haven't). When I tell them that's not working and repeat that I need real help now, they tell me to just be hopeful I will find it. _Sigh._ You're always told to reach out when you're desperate, but the places they tell you to reach out to (these crisis numbers) don't even offer real help.
I've been wondering what the hell people even do to help deal with psychological issues in therapy beyond just chatting about problems until you feel better about them. This video really got my attention, because the primitive & less primitive defense mechanisms jumped out at me as things I'm doing that I know aren't productive ways to deal with my problem in the long run, but they're all I've been able to do in order to not be in acute suffering. So I got really excited to hear what the "mature" mechanisms would be, as it seems that's the thing I need most, but unfortunately in my case "Compensation" and "Sublimation" won't be helpful. As for "Assertiveness," i.e. communicating exactly what you need, that's exactly what I've been trying to do for months as I reach out to different sources asking for help, as I did when I asked Dr. Marks my original question. So, assertiveness hasn't really gotten me anywhere yet, but it could help me find out a real way to deal with the problem. I just need to find out what that is. :-/ (I am on medication, by the way, but antidepressants don't solve these types of complex issues, plus my psychiatrist agrees it's more of a therapy problem and not really a medication problem).
@@jacobjohnson8686 There's no secret. It really is just working a program. EMDR, CBT, DBT. Exercise, mindfulness, scheduling. Getting an accurate diagnosis. And yes, some talk therapy but that's more for maintaining. There are different therapies that work differently for different people. It sounds to me like you need a diagnosis so work on that first. And if you are actively in crisis, yeah the "distraction" as you call it is really the only thing for it. But, engaging in something, anything that can push you forward is all you can hope for. Sometimes progress looks like going backwards but really you're moving forward. So my best advice? WORK a program and I mean work it like your life depends on it because it does. No one has a cure, no one has a secret, this is what it is. It is work and it is HARD.
Thank you for sharing these informations.👏
I really enjoy your videos.
This is one of my favorite clips. ^^
Most pple tend to do these types of behaviors.
Could you talk about memory loss with stressful or traumatic situations? Some memories seem burned in, while others seem distant, or non existent.
Thank you for your videos and for considering my question.
Thanks for this vid. I was going to a PhD who told me my joking was defensive, but I see nothing wrong with making people grin or laugh with an unexspected comment or observation. I do know when to be serious though. In these odd times, life is to laugh.
Something to take with that and it’s not a criticism either-but they could be responding that way as to not upset you or it could be their own defensive response. I often laugh or smile when I’m uncomfortable as to try to defuse the situation. My dad will make inappropriate comments and jokes during the worst times like funerals and other serious situations… but everyone sort of smiles or laughs because if we don’t my dad will get offended and pissed off.
I think laughter is good, but when it’s used as a way to avoid the actual issue it can be a problem.
Wow, so long ago I had to look up what I wrote.
When someone doesn't respond I just assume they don't have the same sense of humor I do. I don't get mad. If your dad wants to get mad that's up to him as a grown human being.
Screaming at the top of my lungs in the car is so helpful. I take a ride by myself, buckle up so I'm safe, and scream my lungs out. I'll even scream anything I'm thinking or feeling that I dont actually stand by or believe to be true, it's a wonderful purge, I dont hurt anyone feelings or make a fool of myself, and hearing some of those things said out loud I think "well damn, now I say it out loud it doesnt resonate at all."
Love your top this week!
Thanks Donovan!
Always clear explanations 👍
Thanks for your sharing 👍❤️