When a child is raised by a parent who resents them, they don’t hate the parent, they end up hating themselves. Selfish parents negatively impact their children in a profound way, so this message needs to be spread far and wide
I love this so much, your so honest… I’m only a 17 year old Christian girl but I want children … I’m a little scared because people tell me it’s hard but rewording but no one explains what makes it hard and that it’s ok, Its ok to have enough but u have to push through and not be so selfish, now days it’s all about us us us . Thank you 🫶🏽
It's not easy. But of all my life experiences, marrying my wife and raising my children are the greatest accomplishments I could have. Honestly, being a parent has taught ME more than I could teach them. I was shown where I was selfish with my time and desires, where I was impatient, and where I was too aggressive. It's has shown me how our Father surely sees us. Children that should be grateful, but constantly asking for more and rebelling and making mistakes. And that knowledge has helped me love God so much more. My children give me so much joy. The 1st was hard. Big change. Now we are expecting our 5th! If you grow with your children, nothing becomes better than having them.
Some of the hard parts are sometimes as a mother you feel like you're not doing enough and navigating your own feelings. Sometimes they need you and you don't feel like you have the mental and/or physical energy to be there for them. Like Jasmyne said at the beginning, we recognise our kids deserve so much better and it's that feeling that's hard to go through. BUT, overall you learn to get through all those tough thoughts and feelings and if you're blessed with a supportive and loving partner then that also makes it easier. At the end of the day, we love our children and will go through whatever it takes to provide for them and love them and help them grow healthy and happy 😊
Jesus called that non-jewish woman a dog in Matthew 15.24-26 and Mark 7;26-27 for being a non-Jew. Sorry Christians, Jesus said his teachings of salvation was only for the Jews. John 4:22. Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews.
I agree with almost all of this! HOWEVER, and maybe it's a separate conversation, but I do believe that it's really important to stress that a mother absolutely SHOULD support herself adequately by pursuing her own interests and taking the time to take care of her own body, mind, and soul. It should not lead to your children being deprived obviously, but it needs to be a priority that both you and your husband push for so that you don't get burnt out. 🌷
I recommend dad take the kids for like a half a day every week. Mum can get a bit of extra sleep and do her weekly beauty routine. Just a Saturday morning/afternoon to herself makes such a difference.
I did everything natural and had a natural birth and found breastfeeding easy, I stayed at home and found it easier to just put everything into my kids, I loved it but also found some parts sooo difficult a dealing with screaming baby or toddler when you are exhausted is harder than I ever imagined. So glad I was a stay at home mother as now I have teenage kids I see how much difference it has made, they are so easy to get on with and I didn't really have any of the 'teenager problems' that we a lead to believe are normal and I put it down to having such a stable home-life
My mom was a devoted SAH and both my sister and I have a strong relationship with her. There was always a lot of trust and I could confide in my mother about anything. Now as an adult I love her a lot and feel protective of her. Because she was so selfless for us. Was always there like a rock.
My ex and I decided to have a baby and I got pregnant with my daughter had an awful pregnancy that was extremely hard on my body. My birth and breastfeeding journey was very easy but the lack of sleep the pressure to still cook every meal and clean while working with little to no help from my ex made me go literally insane. I had wanted to be a mother for so long and postpartum almost took all my joy. Discovering my child father cheated on me during the height of my PPD at 5 month was the literally icing on the cake to my misery. Her dad even threw in my face when we broke up "you are the one that wanted her." it still disgusts me. I was so lost and did not know how I could be a mother alone and depressed. I too thought I should surrender my daughter at points. However, almost 2 years later with Gods grace I promise I have never been better physically, mentally and financially. I am the happiest I have ever been. God has changed my heart so much. I am truly the best version of myself and without that massive change I went through I would never be here. Motherhood like you said has made me face flaws I did not realize I had and made me 1000% a better human. I even have met and started dating the man of my dreams who loves and accepts my daughter.
I'm just over 39 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I'm so glad I watched this video. I know the transition will be hard but I want to do what is best for my child. He deserves a momma who wants him.
I’ll go ahead and be vulnerable. I have a 3yr old and a 2yr old thirteen months apart and I still 100% do not enjoy motherhood. My husband and I became homeless when I lost my job after our first born. I was also pregnant with our second baby. we eventually found an apartment after the birth of our second born. My marriage has fallen apart to the point where we are divorcing. I am stuck in our small apartment 24/7 with two toddlers and one of them being special needs. I have no support because my husband moved us away from ALL of our support and the people at my church doesn’t help. I did not want to move out here but he thought it was best. It was best for him but not our family. We barely get by financially so I’m trying to find work but then I’ll just be working for daycare. Only one car so the most I can do is go for a walk and closes park is 8 miles away. I have had so many breakdowns and the home has become so unhealthy I have to send my kids off to our babysitter whom loves on our boys so much. They do deserve a better mother. I just don’t think I was meant to be a mom. At least not in this moment. I was not ready not even a tiny bit for motherhood and I struggle every single day. I push through just so they can survive but that’s about it. It really does take s village. Worse part is if I open up to any other mother (Christian or not) about how I feel. I just get bashed to the point where I went to take my own life. There is one thing I think people do need and that is money. Not a lot, but enough to where you can have access to resources outside the home. So you can buy a cheap dress you always wanted, go get a pedicure, get your hair done, whatever it may be that isn’t super costly. You need money!
💕🫶🏾 I felt all of this and I’m only a dog mom… (4 “kids” including my 2 turtles 🐢). My heart goes out to you, and I pray that support finds you. I pray life gets easier for you, and that you create your own happiness in the midst of your storm. Sending you lots of love and light 😘
I pray for a better situation for you ❤ please don't think motherhood isn't for you just because of a bad situation. This would be so hard for anyone. It doesn't mean you aren't meant for motherhood. Your sorrow is clouding your judgment. ❤ I have had hard times where I thought I'd made a mistake too. Everything got better by the grace of God. Trust in the Lord. What I've found is He cannot lead you if you do not trust that He has a plan for you. God bless.
As a 19 year old Christian girl, I cannot have kids due to my autism diagnosis. Maybe I’ll adopt or foster children one day with my spouse but not so much give birth. Financial situations is definetly a necessity when having kids and I pray God will open many needed doors for you and your family in 2024 ❤🎉 IN JESUS NAME
So sorry youre in this situation. And so sorry your church family is unhelpful. If you have access to the internet, try seeing if there is a compassion inspiring action facebook group near you. My county in NC has one and its where people post their needs and things they need help with and other people volunteer to help them. If you need food some churches have blessing boxes. Also, if youre divorcing, can you move back home for help? It sounds very unhealthy to be with that man. I assume he uses the 1 car which leaves you with no easy to get around. I dont know your situation but this sounds reminscent of abuse. I pray you can get away safely with your children and have a better life
37 weeks here, eyyyyy! We’re getting there!🫠 I’m actually looking forward to the sleep after my daughters born more than the [lack of] sleep I get now. It’s SO uncomfortable!!!
@@alexiatrott2714 Oh my goodness, me too!! I think sleeping with a newborn will be so much better than this late third trimester “sleep” haha!! I can’t wait to meet her ❤️ I hope you have a lovely rest of your pregnancy and birth!!!
I'm on my fourth pregnancy right now, and I can tell you that the transition from not being a mother to being a mother is the hardest thing. Every additional kid is actually easier, in my opinion. I fell into alcoholism and had the worst identity crisis as well when I had my first. I was 21 and had no idea what I was doing. Despite it being a planned pregnancy within marriage that I was very excited about. You are not alone in that. And don't worry, it gets better, it really does. Those first 4 months with a newborn are like an out of body experience with the lack of sleep. It'll get easier.
I was born to a mother that resented me the moment she knew she was pregnant. She even went into pre-term labor because she refused to take off of work despite doctor's orders. I was immediately placed in the care of two extended female relatives while my mother went up the ladder. Thankfully, these two female relatives were grounded in God and never once let me feel unwanted. However, I struggle to find female friends that view femininity and motherhood positively. Both of my female relatives have passed on. I desperately seek motherhood, but the fear of doing it alone without other women paralyzes me. I pray daily for strength and bravery, but it's hard.
I don't think it is normal for a woman to be home alone in a house in the suburbs with a baby, it's incredibly isolating. This is many times the case in America these days and many western countries. I can see why women feel so much fear when becoming new mothers and don't want to give up their old pathways for sociality and life. This is a problem largely because we do not have intergenerational households anymore and our living quarters and organised too much around the nuclear family structure and not around the extended family/ a real community not based around the 9-5. I plan to have kids but I honestly do think about using some daycare if I don't have enough support.
You are right. If you are without support you really have to find a network of people who will help each other. I think a local church is great for this. There are a lot of women out there that feel this way so it's just a matter of finding them and then creating some sort of assistance for each other.
As someone who had an almost identical experience, let me say this for any who is either planning on having kids or just had a kid and is in the throes of feeling like they regret motherhood… Let me tell you that it does get better. I feel like our modern society has made it so that motherhood is so honest to God horrible sometimes. My postpartum experience left me feeling as if I had made a horrible mistake. I was in so much pain and because of that when I found out that I was pregnant again only 10 months later, I was extremely concerned. My second child is almost 2 months, and I have to say this time around it is so much better! I opted for an unmedicated birth of the birth center, and even though I did tear, I felt as if I was back to normal within a week of giving birth. Pitocin is no joke. Being able to experience an unmedicated birth the second time around has made me want to have more kids.
I do agree that after having my second child, it does feel much easier. My children are the same age difference (10 months apart) however my younger child is 15 months now and I am finally confident in my mothering skills, my role in their lives, and embracing motherhood fully and happily. Congratulations on the new addition to your family!
I have oftentimes wondered if it was the epidural that made me feel so horrible after my birth. Like some weird unnatural feeling-chemical imbalance I felt afterward when it wore off. Who knows.
@@hollythebordercollie2257 As a new mother it difficult at first, but it gets smoother, your body naturally heals and your able to better help your body and your baby. You dont stay in that place, the same way women naturally around their 40s go through natural depression called mid life crisis, even the brain pattern of the women changes and it lasts up to 2 to 5 years, but its simply natural as a woman to go through it. All women, being single, celibate, married, pregnant, or cohabiting experience biologically and naturally heavy depression called mid life crisis during these age stages aswell as increase in s*xual arousal around the 30s. Are these all hard and difficult? Yes it is. But is it as a women impossible to endure or overcome, no. Its not. We are women and biologically go through this, therefore we have the ability to overcome it properly. Our bodies will go back to its natural state. Hope that helps❤
@@hollythebordercollie2257 Sorry for the long winded paragraph. I simply am stating that difficulty as a woman or man its impossible to avoid. The ability to overcome those difficulties are a choice. Biologically women will go through natural/biological depression around their mid 40s and lasts up to 2 to 5 years. It’s called the mid life crisis. This isn't escapebable, however the ability to navigate though it to get back to a natural and functional state through it is possible. The same with women naturally and biologically in their mid 30s enter their s*xual peak and experience heightened arousal. These are difficult but not bound in making being a woman impossible to do nor navigate through life impossible.
as a man it instruct me on why I need to make more money to offer the possibility to my future wife ( I dont even have a girlfriend lol ) to not work AT LEAST during the first 1 or 2 years of mothering.
This is all so accurate to my own situation, I could cry! I just had my first child at 30 and I have felt all the negativity you describe and come to the same conclusions in the end. I always thought I was mature, until I had to give up everything for another person’s wants on their terms and time. Then I learned how selfish I really was. And the feeling that I am lazy and not contributing financially because I’m a stay at home mom hits me everyday, I feel like it is for sure how I am being judged by the other women in my sphere who tell me my job isn’t hard because I don’t work and do daycare. Thank you for articulating everything so wonderfully.
Your honest thoughts are appreciated. I’m 28, been married for almost 3 years. We are planning to try and get pregnant next year. I’ve been wanting to start a family and have a baby but we have been waiting and spending the last 2 years getting our finances together, saving money and my husband is working on a masters degree so he can support us so that I can stay home. It’s been hard to wait when I keep thinking about how i want to have a baby, but like you said in the video, day care is a serious decisions so if I’m going to stay home we have to be financially prepared. Anyway, thank you again for sharing your experience.
Absolutely agree with this!! Unless it's completely necessary, I don't agree with daycare. I'm so glad I have the blessing of being able to be a stay at home mom in the future 👏
Love this video! As a mom of a 2 year old and also 33 weeks pregnant, I can say that as soon as I knew I was pregnant with my first it just felt unnatural to me to have her in daycare. I chose to put my work on the shelf and I’m a stay at home mom now, I only work literally for 4-6 hours one day a week, when my husband is able to stay at home with her. I started doing this a few months after she turned 1 years old as I was exclusively breastfeeding her and she wasn’t eating solid foods that much (we started introducing it when it’s recommended). Anyway I plan to stay at home with my children the first years of their lives. I think one thing is so important to remember for us who are at home with our children, and that is if you choose to stay at home with them, it is crucial not to put them in front of a video game or a screen. My mother did that to my youngest brother and now is constantly judging me for not putting my child in daycare as she has seen the “damage” that has been done to my brother, but doesn’t understand that it’s not because he didn’t go to daycare, it’s because she literally just left him all day in front of the tv screen.. I also think for the ones of us who haven’t been blessed with a mother of our own who enjoyed being a mother, and instead had a negative approach to it, only saw it as a burden, we have to do even more of a work on ourselves to be able to learn what it means to be a mom. As soon as I had given birth to my child, my grandmother and mother immediately had to tell me “you see how hard it is being a mother? How exhausting it is?” Yes of course it is hard and exhausting at times, but there are so many wonderful aspects to it which makes it all worth it, yet they never mentioned those to me. They come from a culture or family where one self sacrifices for children, BUT it is done with resentment. Anyway long comment. Just wanted to say I totally agree with you and loved the video🙏🏻🫶🏼
Becoming pregnant is exactly what I needed! God knew I needed this baby for so many reasons. I'm due any day now and I'm so happy to come across this video. Thank you so much, so beautifully articulated.
I've been married 31 years. I've been a mother for 29 years and I've been a Christian for 33 years. I felt some of the ways that you're describing about a loss of identity and not really knowing who I am, so your story is very relatable. But the other thing that I was struggling with at the same time that I didn't really have a grip on was perfectionism and I had a tendency to look at my flaws and my faults and not put them in a realistic perspective. I also had a tendency to overemphasize the things and the sins that I needed to work on instead of looking at the grace and the healing that God had given me in areas of my life that we're going to be beneficial for my son and later on children . Every woman when she becomes a mother has flaws. She carries those flaws with her into motherhood. What children do though is they help us change. God uses them to slough off those character issues. I've homeschooled all of my kids. I've got six and God used that to teach me patience. when people are like. Oh my gosh, you must be so patient. You homeschool. no I homeschool and through that God uses that as the crucible to teach me patience. Your daughter and any other children you have are going to help you grow, change and become more of the woman of God that He intends for you to be so in essence, baby girl, just chill a little bit and enjoy your daughter.
I’m not a mother but I just love love love your honesty in this video. My younger sister is trying to have a baby and this is what I’m trying to express to her because she’s still a little immature and still is a little selfish.(nothing wrong with that.) but being a mother requires a lot of self sacrifice and self denial. Which is why I don’t wanna be a mother right now, no matter how much I love children. I think all children deserve mothers who want to be with them all the time and want to be self-sacrificing. It’s great to see people having honest conversations about motherhood.
Every video of Jasmyne is so uplifting and based on truth. In all honesty all these lost femme roles in life based off of God's own purpose for our lives should be incorporated more into our lives as women. And might I add how the message from this video and the little goofy end just makes me want to be a mother when I'm so far from that stage yet??? It's a beautiful thing to be a woman and God bless you Jasmyne for being so bold in bringing true femininity back. I appreciate you.
I needed to hear this. Thank you for the God honoring advice. I’m planning on getting married soon and I’ve found myself afraid of the possibility of becoming a mom. This was uplifting and deeply encouraging for me.
I’m currently 3 years below you & admire you incredibly as if I think about having a baby in 3 years it scares the heck out of me. I love and admire your lifestyle so much. Godbless you and your family. 💗
Mom of 7 here! Amen Jasmine! I grew up so differently than how my children are; and that is by the grace of God. He provided mentors (from church and through books) that helped me to understand the things you are staying in this one video. We are a blessed generation.
A big problem I want to point out with this video is that not all stay at home moms are good moms. My mom stayed at home with 7 kids and homeschooled all of us and even though she took care of our basic needs, she was verbally & emotionally abusive and none of us had a good relationship with her. My Mom in law also stays at home with my 6 & 11 year old sister in laws and she won't even cook them meals or play with them. Her house is a mess and the kids watch youtube all day. My 11 year old sister in law has already tried to self harm and wanted to move in with my husband & I since she was 7 years old. I don't mean any of this against you as a person, you seem very kind. I just think it's important to add that some stay at home moms are hurting their children more than helping them 💔
I'm so sorry you went through that. However, if what your seeing is true. Family or not you need to confront them on this and if no change is happening report them to child protection services immediately. If the child has attempted suicide and only you know, please tell the child protection services in your country, for the sake of the child. You can even state that you'll take legal responsibility and take the kids in if your afraid that they'll separate them. Please do this quickly and rationally. Plan the steps to do it for the sake of the kids. ❤
This is so true. Motherhood really puts a spotlight on all our flaws. But it’s ok, you work through it eventually although motherhood keeps challenging you forever, every phase of child’s life is a new challenge. But it made me realize how shallow my life and my identity was before becoming a mom so i don’t regret it in the slightest. That said, the first couple years were a nightmare and my heart goes out to all women who didn’t expect how hard being a mother is. Just know that it does get better and it’s a 1000% worth it.
You are right about the world really sending the message we need to have and do it all as mothers and that is really destroying many women mentally and physically cause everyone keeps saying yes but you are also a person beside being a mother and you need to have something for yourself outside motherhood like work... I personally just wanna embrace being a mother and try to be the best I can be to my son Great video❤
This is such a good and truthful video, and I pray that it will help many women. I have three beautiful children (two daughters aged 7 and 5, and a 14 month old son). While I loved the first few years of motherhood, I was often very anxious and saw myself as a victim during the hard moments. Over the years, I have continually asked the Lord to grow me in all of the areas that are a struggle for me, and He has truly helped me so much and shown such a loving grace. There were weaknesses and faults in my character that I had no idea were there before I became a mother! Motherhood can be a sanctifying and beautiful journey, it is just so important to humble ourselves and allow the Lord to transform us in His ways. Of course we will still make mistakes, but it's just about truly devoting ourselves to our role and trying our best each day.
Me as a Kindergarten teacher can only agree! Came to the same conclusions like most other Kindergarten teachers I know. If you ask a Kindergarten teacher, they would never put their child into daycare before 3 years old and most of them are so relieved that their own children are in the same daycare that they work in.
I love this. Im married and 26... Part of my reason for not having children (at least yet) is because I realized I'm not mature enough yet. Thinking about motherhood currently makes me mourn my current life which let's me know I'm not ready. I'm not actively planning but moreso in a state of, "I'm doing what it takes to prevent it. If it happens, then it's because God felt it was time". If I am destined to be a mother, it will happen.
I just wanted to let you know that children will mature you. I think most people are immature when going into parenthood because the ultimate challenge to maturity IS having kids. As long as you truly have the best in mind for your children they will cause you to mature.
Hey jasmyne I really want to say I am so happy I found you because you have taught me so much about godly femininity that my mother couldn't. In this video the part where you said if mothers don't enjoy being mothers the children will think it's there fault, it spoke to me because my mother would always regret giving birth or being a mom b/c she suffered so much because of it. All my life I have believed and I still do that I am the reason for her suffering.But I am so thankful to her. So I am scared to be a mother but seeing this video has helped a lot so God bless you and thank you so much.
Great video 🥹. Many moms struggle to hear it, but it’s true for so many of them. My mom ran a home daycare and I remember hearing her trying to help moms feel better about their children calling my mom “mom”. Their hearts would break. Sometimes their babies wouldn’t even want to leave my mom. This scarred me. Moms in the moment work through the guilt and they don’t talk about it. They don’t tell other young women how hard it actually is and those young women grow up to do the same not realizing how hard it truly was. Just because we sometimes believe that something is necessary doesn’t mean we can talk about how wrong it feels.
This is so true, especially about the immaturity and selfishness. I don't have my own child, but I'm 23 and my parents have a baby. As the older sibling I had to take on most of the babysitting when she was born, and I had know idea what taking care of a baby was like. Of course my parents were present, but we were also a big family. Boy was I HUMBLED. It showed me how selfish and immature I was, all I wanted to do was play my video games and do what I usually do--- and believed that she wa Zs sucking my life away. She's 2 now, and I learned so much in the eyes of a mother. Kids deserve all your attention, all your time, and all your love!
It’s so TRUE. Motherhood is so incredible because you either pony up and be the person they need you to be or you face recreating those issues in your child. I felt the exact same way when I had my first. It took me four years to even want another one because it was four years of being ripped apart, and having to rebuild my whole understanding of myself. Only made it through by the grace of God and my husband who never lost faith in me.
I had a very hard time accepting motherhood. Some of if came from the sheer exhaustion that a baby brings in the first few months, but so much of it was me! I had to let go of my desire to continue living for me, continue living my old life. It was very difficult to let the old me go and begin forging my new life with my daughter... but now she's five and motherhood is not only normal but the best thing I could have imagined. Surrendering to motherhood was hard but it was such a blessing 🧡
Loved this video!💜 People who resent becoming parents have no one to blame but themselves and need to stop projecting that regret onto others. In regards to daycare, the fact that it is so expensive and there are way too many kids in one vicinity is enough for me not to pursue in the future. I rather develop a lifelong relationship with someone who’s going to help me with my babies and only my babies. I believe in mothers having help. I plan on hiring a night nurse/ nanny once I have kids (even as a stay at home mother). I’m so excited for motherhood🥰
I always enjoy listening to you Jasmyne 💗You're able to articulate the thoughts I have in my mind that I can't quite put into words myself. Wish I had friends like you nearby 🤗
The obstetrical system does not benefit from informing mothers about breastfeeding. That means they would have to treat you like a human while in birth which means no induction, no drugs, no unnecessary interventions and no coercion. That’s way less money in their pockets and it pays big bucks to interrupt and micromanage the birth. The best breast feeding journey is after physiological birth and that’s virtually nonexistent within obstetrics. Once a mother is treated like a foolish woman who is sick and needs to be saved and like birth is a high risk emergency instead of the everyday occurrence that it is, breast feeding becomes tarnished. How could it not?
This was the most perfect video for me to watch right now. I’m currently preparing for pregnancy and motherhood and this video helped me see where I still need to grow before having a child. ❤ thank you!
Beautifully said. This is a well needed conversation. I have 6 beautiful children and because of my selfishness I resented being a mother but also yearned it ( only our Lord can show us how to love) I understand the blessing now and my mind has been renewed to His truth on motherhood and the absolute blessing it is and how His plan for family is so wonderful. My children are grown (I still have my 16 year old twin boys at home) it’s been a journey for sure but in it all God has rebuilt my family and even blessed me with a grand daughter. God bless you and your precious family may His love, truth and ways help it to grow into the blessing your hearts desire 🌷
This was really refreshing. To be honest I put off watching this video because I was concerned I would be hearing yet another testimony of how difficult motherhood is and how society is to blame and mothers are all martyrs …. This was a much more honest, refreshing and wise take. This is so true - motherhood is hard because it requires selflessness, and we are selfish. And selfishness is not morally neutral - it is evil, and fosters misery. Praise the Lord for a better way.
I love that you are a young mother teaching other young women and young mothers, it would be so great to get an older mother or grandmother with multiple children or years of experience to do a sit down with you to fill in the gap. This will bring an insight into some areas you haven't encountered yet. Your beautiful and doing a great job. Signed mom of 5 (biological and adoption) children.
The lies you were told: - birth needs to happen with a certain time or else - a membrane sweep can start birth - waters breaking means birth HAS TO START and contractions HAVE to be begin right away. - Pit is needed to start contractions (it would’ve started naturally without any infection, yes) Do you not see that your birth was a money grab? It pains my heart and im so sorry all of this happened to you. Did you know that within psychological birth, as the baby is slowly and peacefully descending, it activates chemicals in the brain to further facilitate bonding and an easier transition into motherhood. Every woman deserves this. You are a strong, healthy and fruitful woman and they treated you like you were dying and needed saving 💔
TLDR; yes, but hospitals save lives of mothers and babies too. The best way to have a hospital birth is to educate yourself as much as you can beforehand, know your own rights and personal boundaries, and if possible choose a hospital that supports natural births. And even if you think you’ll have a home birth, educate yourself about hospital births just in case. You’re right that these are all lies. It’s a tragedy that so many women (I’m not including Jasmyne) don’t educate themselves and put themselves at the mercy of the hospital staff. That said, hospitals do have a place in childbirth. They do save lives. This doesn’t mean that everyone needs a hospital to give birth safely, but I did. Without hospitals each of my three births would have ended in death. This is not fear mongering, but just my personal experience. This is not just what doctors told me, it was self-evident. In one I developed a life-threatening infection (at home, before I went to the hospital). In the other two my babies would not have been saved by any technology available in a home birth. I would have loved to have had successful home births, but each time I approached the decision with prayer, God put on my heart to go ahead and go to the hospital without fear. And we are here today because of it. Praise God!
I appreciate your honesty. I felt very similar and I experienced a lot of shame because of these feelings. I held this is in all my life even though I believe I can’t be the only mother who feels this way. This should be discussed as a part of motherhood.
My baby turns 2 this month and you put how I have felt since he was born into words so well. Thank you. It feels cathartic to know I’m not the only one feeling this.
Some mothers WANT to be home with their babies. Not all mothers feel daycare is this luxury they can use to get rid of their kids for most of the day. Sometimes daycare is their only choice right now due to financial reasons-you need money to take care of children and therefore some mother HAVE to work. Let’s think about all of the single mothers, the mothers who don’t have the best to financial situations who are still mothers and they do everything they can to be there and present for their child because they exist.
i had my first born as a very immature 20 year old. i missed my old life so much especially since nobody else i knew were in the same place as me in life. i was exhausted from lack of sleep, depressed from having a hard time breastfeeding, and did not easily connect to my son when he was a baby. i remember live in those really early days are brutally boring and tiring. it was HARD. i had so much growing up to do. now i'm 25, and my son is 4 and i have a 2.5 year old girl too. LIFE IS SO MUCH EASIER. yes, i went through some really difficult phases, as my own mom was very verbally abusive, and would find myself so easily triggered and screaming at them. having kids DOES put your issues on full and obvious display. i felt similar to you, wishing they had a better mom. i have worked so hard to become that mom. i love my sweet kids and i'm trying for another baby now. i am now in a phase where i am not fully and completely centered on myself, and it is such a relief. i am doing my best to just CHILL OUT and take my time with my kids. it's going to be okay moms!!! i stay at home with my kids too. it's my favorite thing ever w
Great advice! Very well spoken, I have a two year old. I am a work from home single mom. And I have always sacrificed career and money for my child. I want the best for him and he needs his mom more than ever. GREAT advice as someone who also went from the switch of being a single women to now a mother it’s a whole mental shift no one prepares you for. Until now!
I am going to get over this maiden mindset thank you for this it’s time to throw myself into motherhood especially now that I’m out of the first trimester..... it’s time to change...
I'm only just a few minutes in and I can already relate. I sometimes find myself in seasons where I feel as though my children deserve more. Mainly because I feel like I'm still figuring out the basics. I aspire to be a wife and mother I NEVER witnessed, I'm working to cultivate behaviors and instill routines for my children that I was never taught. I sometimes think of how much smoother things would be, how much more rich this time would be if I was a fourth or fifth generation traditional family that had a mother and a grandmother to turn to for advice. Looking forward to hearing the rest of your video! Thank you Jasmyne for your thoughts! Happy almost birthing day❤❤
I an vain and have terrible time management. It makes me scares to be a mother, wife even. Everytime i think about it, i get scared. I'm happy you made this video
Oh my gosh. I am the same! But I am trying 😢. We need to keep trying our best and to trust God's help❤. Children are a gift from God, he can help us know how to care for that gift.
Perfectly said. Thank you for sharing some of your more vulnerable thoughts from early motherhood. One of the hardest things about those types of thoughts and feelings is that you feel even more incompetent for having them, because you feel alone in them. Knowing that I'm not the only mom who has thought "why did I do this to myself" makes me feel like less of a failure Eta (because I can't wait to finish a video before commenting 🤦🏼♀️): this also humbled me because with my newborn I find myself getting so overwhelmed by the constant need for someone to be touching me. I think, "why can't I just be alone for 5 minutes!" Because I made this commitment to have this child and I owe him the closeness he needs.
My friend has worked in daycare for years. She thinks it’s the worst thing you can do for your child. Most states have a 4 to one ratio of babies to daycare worker. There will always be at least one kid not getting what he needs.
So right! If a woman had twins/triplets/quadruplets we’d all agree she would need help… but we act like daycare workers are somehow magical beings who can handle that many babies.
Motherhood is the epitome of life. Put in the hard work, do the right thing, and put children first… and you’ll have great results. Or be lazy, make bad choices, and be selfish… and you’ll have a hard life.
Modern society has made it difficult to rear children. My biggest discovery going through motherhood is that the more I did things in a way that made sense from an evolutionary perspective, the easier motherhood became. Beginning with birth, having a home birth led to a quick recovery and avoidance of post partum depression. Then sleep, cosleeping allowed us to get the sleep we both needed and also allowed us the opportunity to breastfeed more often, which lead to my daughter rarely getting sick. The decision to breastfeed itself makes a lot of things easier, because they rarely get ill! Do things the way nature intended (as much as is possible) and motherhood becomes easy!
Im glad you made something like this. I love the idea of raising children, but my selfishness scares me. Reading the bible makes me feel a strong desire to be a mother but not long after i wonder how much pain i would have to go thru because of my selfishness. I have so many fears but u also long to understand what being a mother is like. Ive felt more at home taking care of children than i ever have at work but i keep telling myself "at least one ends after x amount of hours". I would love to see you make a video specifically on how you overcame those emotions after you gave birth ❤️
Where were you 30 years ago when I had my first born son.... I really enjoy watching your videos. My vocabulary has increased because of you 😊😊😊 and I'm grateful to God that there are people such as yourself that will speak the truth. Speak it in love. I'm the mother of two grown children and I had the privilege to stay at home while they were young until school age. I did put them in daycare around 4 years old just so they can get used to being around children when they went to school. Thank you so much for sharing and being so vulnerable with us. I really appreciate it. Smooches 💋
It’s true I got an epidural, unfortunately with my first, and she was not interested in latching. I had to exclusively pump for her for one year, and it was the most exhausting yet rewarding thing of my life however, both of her sisters were born at home without epidurals and latched perfectly.
Lord, as your body was broken for your children, let also my body be broken for mine. ❤ After a forced C-section I struggled with painful breastfeeding for 3 months. But I emerged victorious afterwards, as we all eventually do, if we just aim for it. Hang in the mamas!
Hello beautiful, I want to comment to say thank you for this video. Everything you said was so spot on! I pray your days are made easier and fulfilling as you navigate motherhood ❤ I was (am still, kinda) a nurse and now with my 1yo and another one brewing, I'm trying to find a way to make income at home because I definitely cannot picture myself going out of home for work anymore 😅 but purely as an extra. Bless my husband for his hard work in providing for all of us 😊 keep up with the great content ❤
What a lovely woman you're Jasmyne.. I feel so empowered by your amazing content. Thank you so much. Eagerly waiting for more & more videos on femininity 💗
I had my first child at 22. It was an unplanned pregnancy and I was definitely scared. However, when I gave birth to my baby girl I couldn’t think about anything else but doing what was best for her. Just pray for God’s grace, mercy, and wisdom to guide you and you both will be just fine 💕
Our society rush young women to have children but this is why having children older I think helps a lot of this. I got out all of my selfishness or living my life out of way. I’m going to be an older mom but this was the perfect timing for me. I agree with many of these points. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
It's funny because I have found it to be the opposite! I have three children, my first at 22 my second 24. I just had my third at 30 and I definitely feel like the exhaustion of newborn and toddler life while older has made me more 'selfish'. I guess the situation is different for everyone, though! Good for you for making introspective choices!
So right after you give birth to a baby, your hormones are changing a lot. It’s probably easier to focus on your flaws when you’re sleep deprived and going through all those hormonal changes I encourage you not to be so hard on yourself.
Ditto. I hear ya. So right. I lost myself to ground zero after my first child....but guess what...I have 5 kids under 8 now, and they are one of my greatest joys and unmeasurable love. I wish I could have shared any advice for you to have spared you that fall. *Empathetic bear hug!!*
I know you like psychology. I wish you'd talked more about attachment theory and the strange event experiment. I think this plays into understanding what "joy" in parenting really is. Not so much being happy all the time, but always putting a child first and ensuring them of your presence, attention, and provision of safety. I know many mothers who suffer postnatal depression but are still able to provide an environment of secure attachment for their children.
2:00-3:51 Although I don’t want to contest these experiences that you’ve had- saying that you felt after having your baby like you didn’t want her or wanted to adopt her away- I understand if you couldn’t help feeling that way. But part of me thinks that that may be less due to feminism and more due to post partum depression. I think that’s what that feeling was. And I’m not a feminist or anything, and who knows, working around social media and observing social topics while your mind is in overdrive with hormones from just having a baby may culminate into doing that. But even before social media or feminism there were women who felt the way that you did. And that misery wasn’t a choice it was a product of their genetics and just having a child.
7:50 I don’t think that “not enjoying parenthood” necessarily makes you a selfish or immature person. I think that there could be some biological factors that contribute to it. Especially in the first year. I think there’s a statistic that said in the first year of parenting parents get between 3-6 hours of sleep. Not getting enough sleep increases cortisol levels. And on top of that, babies are a lot of work, you’re taking care of a baby already on low fuel, and you may not be able to care for yourself the way that you used to which was probably healthier. Those things can impact your hormones and as much as you love your baby and you tell yourself that you may just be missing the energy that fuels the hormones that allows your feelings to match your thoughts. So you feel incongruent. I think that some people who say that “I don’t enjoy parenting” are just saying how their body is feeling in that moment, but that doesn’t mean that they’re necessarily selfish and don’t love their child.
I was forced to go back to work out of necessity very shortly after my baby was born and I regret it every single day of my life. It absolutely breaks my heart every time I have to leave her, and although I’m very fortunate that my husband is an amazing father and takes such good care of her so she has never had to go to daycare, I am not and never will be a career woman, and at heart all I care about is being a wife and mother. I’m grateful my daughter and I still have a very close bond and I cherish the time we are able to be together, but I work extremely hard to afford the basics and my dream is that one day I can find a way to stay home to be there for my family.
General question: Why is it that working moms are considered to have two full-time jobs but this is not the case for working fathers? I believe children need to develop secure attachment with both parents and each parent has a role and sacrifice to make, yet I hardly hear much about men as fathers in this light. In fact, I struggle to understand what the father’s role is outside of providing resources and playing with (instead of actually taking care of) children - this can create the single mom experience for married women because of inactive fathers in the home.
Your honesty and beautiful articulation were so needed today! Thank you 💛 Also please don't blame yourself for your rough breastfeeding journey. Some babies just don't get it. I had C-sections with all 3 children and the first 2 fed like a dream until 1 year old but this 3rd has been problematic from the start. Did lots of lactation consultants etc like you did and nobody has an explanation 🤷♀️ Babies are all different. It might be totally different with your next, regardless of what happens in birth. You've done an incredible thing bringing life into the world! Don't feel any guilt at all there x x x
Thank you for sharing! It was very insightful. I admire your critical thinking abilities and would love to know more about how you cultivated them. Great content!
I think there’s a mischaracterization of feminism here…part of the point is that not all people are worthy or ready for the role of parenthood and that giving women the space to mature and choose motherhood instead of falling or being pressured into it is ultimately better for women and children. Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone really thought about the gravity of the responsibility, like you’re talking about, and whether they have a stable income, relationship, and mind before having kids.
Even though I want kids, pregnancy, giving birth and the postpartum stage terrify me. What terrifies me even more is being abandoned by my future husband as I go through my worst nightmare alone (I have abandonment issues).
Had no idea epidural affects latch! Thank you for your transparency. As a single with no kids (yet, Lord willing), you've given me some great advice to consider when the time arrives!
We are all influenced by this world, because we are all born in it. Saying not to blame feminism or whatsoever is not right. We all live by what this world gives us, and we are how we are for the things we are shown and told in this world. None is born knowing by itself anything, this world gives us everything. Feminism main characteristic is selfishness because its focused on the self! Its all about me me, everything in this world its all about ME.
I had my 2nd baby 5 months ago. It has been so much easier this time. The 1st baby I swore I would hate breastfeeding for life. The 2nd I have no problem with and am fine feeding until I want to be fertile again. The 1st I missed 2 nights of sleep from contractions so I was too tired to focus on feeding. This one came faster and I had the energy and mindset to make sure feeding was established early. Also having 2 makes dedicating yourself to motherhood so much easier. I embrace it more instead of trying to juggle family and self.
Your videos always are so worth listen to! Thanks for sharing your experience! Its sad children are seen as burden! I cant blame parents, we live in a fallen world and full of faults, sins we are, but the impact is profound in a child how is treated, raised!
The midwife I had during my second birth made ALL the difference. I was able to birth without an epidural. My first breastfed for years and I had an epidural with her. Her latch was very bad at the beginning but I am so grateful we made it through. There are free breastfeeding resources, La Leche League is one, and many breastfeeding groups online to ask for help/support. I pray your breastfeeding journey is better with your next should you choose to have another. 🙏 you did the best you could with the knowledge you had ❤
![BLACK BAG - Official Trailer [HD] - Only in Theaters March 14](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Du0Xp8WX_7I/mqdefault.jpg)
When a child is raised by a parent who resents them, they don’t hate the parent, they end up hating themselves. Selfish parents negatively impact their children in a profound way, so this message needs to be spread far and wide
Yes, it affects us in the worst way possible well into adulthood. The worse part is the self-hate that never goes away.
I love this so much, your so honest… I’m only a 17 year old Christian girl but I want children … I’m a little scared because people tell me it’s hard but rewording but no one explains what makes it hard and that it’s ok, Its ok to have enough but u have to push through and not be so selfish, now days it’s all about us us us . Thank you 🫶🏽
It's not easy. But of all my life experiences, marrying my wife and raising my children are the greatest accomplishments I could have. Honestly, being a parent has taught ME more than I could teach them. I was shown where I was selfish with my time and desires, where I was impatient, and where I was too aggressive.
It's has shown me how our Father surely sees us. Children that should be grateful, but constantly asking for more and rebelling and making mistakes. And that knowledge has helped me love God so much more.
My children give me so much joy. The 1st was hard. Big change. Now we are expecting our 5th! If you grow with your children, nothing becomes better than having them.
I too want to be a wife and have children ❤️❤️
Some of the hard parts are sometimes as a mother you feel like you're not doing enough and navigating your own feelings. Sometimes they need you and you don't feel like you have the mental and/or physical energy to be there for them. Like Jasmyne said at the beginning, we recognise our kids deserve so much better and it's that feeling that's hard to go through. BUT, overall you learn to get through all those tough thoughts and feelings and if you're blessed with a supportive and loving partner then that also makes it easier. At the end of the day, we love our children and will go through whatever it takes to provide for them and love them and help them grow healthy and happy 😊
Jesus called that non-jewish woman a dog in Matthew 15.24-26 and Mark 7;26-27 for being a non-Jew. Sorry Christians, Jesus said his teachings of salvation was only for the Jews.
John 4:22. Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews.
@@JesusisaMuslimyou are grossly misusing scripture, go back to the context of the text sweetie.
I agree with almost all of this! HOWEVER, and maybe it's a separate conversation, but I do believe that it's really important to stress that a mother absolutely SHOULD support herself adequately by pursuing her own interests and taking the time to take care of her own body, mind, and soul. It should not lead to your children being deprived obviously, but it needs to be a priority that both you and your husband push for so that you don't get burnt out. 🌷
I recommend dad take the kids for like a half a day every week. Mum can get a bit of extra sleep and do her weekly beauty routine. Just a Saturday morning/afternoon to herself makes such a difference.
I did everything natural and had a natural birth and found breastfeeding easy, I stayed at home and found it easier to just put everything into my kids, I loved it but also found some parts sooo difficult a dealing with screaming baby or toddler when you are exhausted is harder than I ever imagined. So glad I was a stay at home mother as now I have teenage kids I see how much difference it has made, they are so easy to get on with and I didn't really have any of the 'teenager problems' that we a lead to believe are normal and I put it down to having such a stable home-life
This 👆
As a teenager myself, I don’t have the many problems that my peers often have - glad to see that it exists ❤
My mom was a devoted SAH and both my sister and I have a strong relationship with her. There was always a lot of trust and I could confide in my mother about anything. Now as an adult I love her a lot and feel protective of her. Because she was so selfless for us. Was always there like a rock.
@@jenniferthompson5146 Ahh - hope my kids see me like that good solid relationships are so important
My ex and I decided to have a baby and I got pregnant with my daughter had an awful pregnancy that was extremely hard on my body. My birth and breastfeeding journey was very easy but the lack of sleep the pressure to still cook every meal and clean while working with little to no help from my ex made me go literally insane. I had wanted to be a mother for so long and postpartum almost took all my joy. Discovering my child father cheated on me during the height of my PPD at 5 month was the literally icing on the cake to my misery. Her dad even threw in my face when we broke up "you are the one that wanted her." it still disgusts me. I was so lost and did not know how I could be a mother alone and depressed. I too thought I should surrender my daughter at points. However, almost 2 years later with Gods grace I promise I have never been better physically, mentally and financially. I am the happiest I have ever been. God has changed my heart so much. I am truly the best version of myself and without that massive change I went through I would never be here. Motherhood like you said has made me face flaws I did not realize I had and made me 1000% a better human. I even have met and started dating the man of my dreams who loves and accepts my daughter.
Wow...God is good
@@RN_We_got_it sorry about what you went through. I’m happy you are in a better place 🙏🏾
I'm just over 39 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I'm so glad I watched this video. I know the transition will be hard but I want to do what is best for my child. He deserves a momma who wants him.
💛💛
I’ll go ahead and be vulnerable. I have a 3yr old and a 2yr old thirteen months apart and I still 100% do not enjoy motherhood. My husband and I became homeless when I lost my job after our first born. I was also pregnant with our second baby. we eventually found an apartment after the birth of our second born. My marriage has fallen apart to the point where we are divorcing. I am stuck in our small apartment 24/7 with two toddlers and one of them being special needs. I have no support because my husband moved us away from ALL of our support and the people at my church doesn’t help. I did not want to move out here but he thought it was best. It was best for him but not our family. We barely get by financially so I’m trying to find work but then I’ll just be working for daycare. Only one car so the most I can do is go for a walk and closes park is 8 miles away. I have had so many breakdowns and the home has become so unhealthy I have to send my kids off to our babysitter whom loves on our boys so much. They do deserve a better mother. I just don’t think I was meant to be a mom. At least not in this moment. I was not ready not even a tiny bit for motherhood and I struggle every single day. I push through just so they can survive but that’s about it. It really does take s village. Worse part is if I open up to any other mother (Christian or not) about how I feel. I just get bashed to the point where I went to take my own life.
There is one thing I think people do need and that is money. Not a lot, but enough to where you can have access to resources outside the home. So you can buy a cheap dress you always wanted, go get a pedicure, get your hair done, whatever it may be that isn’t super costly. You need money!
💕🫶🏾 I felt all of this and I’m only a dog mom… (4 “kids” including my 2 turtles 🐢). My heart goes out to you, and I pray that support finds you. I pray life gets easier for you, and that you create your own happiness in the midst of your storm. Sending you lots of love and light 😘
I pray for a better situation for you ❤ please don't think motherhood isn't for you just because of a bad situation. This would be so hard for anyone. It doesn't mean you aren't meant for motherhood. Your sorrow is clouding your judgment. ❤ I have had hard times where I thought I'd made a mistake too. Everything got better by the grace of God. Trust in the Lord. What I've found is He cannot lead you if you do not trust that He has a plan for you. God bless.
Pedicure? Girl, please!
As a 19 year old Christian girl, I cannot have kids due to my autism diagnosis. Maybe I’ll adopt or foster children one day with my spouse but not so much give birth. Financial situations is definetly a necessity when having kids and I pray God will open many needed doors for you and your family in 2024 ❤🎉 IN JESUS NAME
So sorry youre in this situation. And so sorry your church family is unhelpful. If you have access to the internet, try seeing if there is a compassion inspiring action facebook group near you. My county in NC has one and its where people post their needs and things they need help with and other people volunteer to help them. If you need food some churches have blessing boxes.
Also, if youre divorcing, can you move back home for help? It sounds very unhealthy to be with that man. I assume he uses the 1 car which leaves you with no easy to get around. I dont know your situation but this sounds reminscent of abuse. I pray you can get away safely with your children and have a better life
38 weeks pregnant and so thankful for this video! ❤️🙏🏼
Hi Claire! Wow, you’re so close. I’ll pray for you and your baby!
@@JasmyneTheodora Thank you so so much!!! I’ll pray for you and your family as well ❤️🥰🙏🏼
@@clairelovins8139hey !! 34 wks here 🙌 hope you have an easy and safe labor and may God bless you and the little bundle of joy. ❤❤❤
37 weeks here, eyyyyy! We’re getting there!🫠 I’m actually looking forward to the sleep after my daughters born more than the [lack of] sleep I get now. It’s SO uncomfortable!!!
@@alexiatrott2714 Oh my goodness, me too!! I think sleeping with a newborn will be so much better than this late third trimester “sleep” haha!! I can’t wait to meet her ❤️ I hope you have a lovely rest of your pregnancy and birth!!!
I'm on my fourth pregnancy right now, and I can tell you that the transition from not being a mother to being a mother is the hardest thing. Every additional kid is actually easier, in my opinion. I fell into alcoholism and had the worst identity crisis as well when I had my first. I was 21 and had no idea what I was doing. Despite it being a planned pregnancy within marriage that I was very excited about. You are not alone in that. And don't worry, it gets better, it really does. Those first 4 months with a newborn are like an out of body experience with the lack of sleep. It'll get easier.
I was born to a mother that resented me the moment she knew she was pregnant. She even went into pre-term labor because she refused to take off of work despite doctor's orders. I was immediately placed in the care of two extended female relatives while my mother went up the ladder. Thankfully, these two female relatives were grounded in God and never once let me feel unwanted. However, I struggle to find female friends that view femininity and motherhood positively. Both of my female relatives have passed on. I desperately seek motherhood, but the fear of doing it alone without other women paralyzes me. I pray daily for strength and bravery, but it's hard.
I’m so glad she gave birth to you ❤️
I will pray for you to find a peaceful women friendships :)
I don't think it is normal for a woman to be home alone in a house in the suburbs with a baby, it's incredibly isolating. This is many times the case in America these days and many western countries. I can see why women feel so much fear when becoming new mothers and don't want to give up their old pathways for sociality and life. This is a problem largely because we do not have intergenerational households anymore and our living quarters and organised too much around the nuclear family structure and not around the extended family/ a real community not based around the 9-5. I plan to have kids but I honestly do think about using some daycare if I don't have enough support.
You are right. If you are without support you really have to find a network of people who will help each other. I think a local church is great for this. There are a lot of women out there that feel this way so it's just a matter of finding them and then creating some sort of assistance for each other.
@@khubbs5660 totally! 💖
As someone who had an almost identical experience, let me say this for any who is either planning on having kids or just had a kid and is in the throes of feeling like they regret motherhood… Let me tell you that it does get better. I feel like our modern society has made it so that motherhood is so honest to God horrible sometimes. My postpartum experience left me feeling as if I had made a horrible mistake. I was in so much pain and because of that when I found out that I was pregnant again only 10 months later, I was extremely concerned. My second child is almost 2 months, and I have to say this time around it is so much better! I opted for an unmedicated birth of the birth center, and even though I did tear, I felt as if I was back to normal within a week of giving birth. Pitocin is no joke. Being able to experience an unmedicated birth the second time around has made me want to have more kids.
I do agree that after having my second child, it does feel much easier. My children are the same age difference (10 months apart) however my younger child is 15 months now and I am finally confident in my mothering skills, my role in their lives, and embracing motherhood fully and happily. Congratulations on the new addition to your family!
I have oftentimes wondered if it was the epidural that made me feel so horrible after my birth. Like some weird unnatural feeling-chemical imbalance I felt afterward when it wore off. Who knows.
Having a traumatic birth is bound to make being a new mother much more difficult
@@hollythebordercollie2257
As a new mother it difficult at first, but it gets smoother, your body naturally heals and your able to better help your body and your baby.
You dont stay in that place, the same way women naturally around their 40s go through natural depression called mid life crisis, even the brain pattern of the women changes and it lasts up to 2 to 5 years, but its simply natural as a woman to go through it.
All women, being single, celibate, married, pregnant, or cohabiting experience biologically and naturally heavy depression called mid life crisis during these age stages aswell as increase in s*xual arousal around the 30s.
Are these all hard and difficult? Yes it is. But is it as a women impossible to endure or overcome, no. Its not. We are women and biologically go through this, therefore we have the ability to overcome it properly. Our bodies will go back to its natural state.
Hope that helps❤
@@hollythebordercollie2257
Sorry for the long winded paragraph. I simply am stating that difficulty as a woman or man its impossible to avoid. The ability to overcome those difficulties are a choice.
Biologically women will go through natural/biological depression around their mid 40s and lasts up to 2 to 5 years. It’s called the mid life crisis.
This isn't escapebable, however the ability to navigate though it to get back to a natural and functional state through it is possible.
The same with women naturally and biologically in their mid 30s enter their s*xual peak and experience heightened arousal.
These are difficult but not bound in making being a woman impossible to do nor navigate through life impossible.
as a man it instruct me on why I need to make more money to offer the possibility to my future wife ( I dont even have a girlfriend lol ) to not work AT LEAST during the first 1 or 2 years of mothering.
You got this!
This is all so accurate to my own situation, I could cry! I just had my first child at 30 and I have felt all the negativity you describe and come to the same conclusions in the end. I always thought I was mature, until I had to give up everything for another person’s wants on their terms and time. Then I learned how selfish I really was. And the feeling that I am lazy and not contributing financially because I’m a stay at home mom hits me everyday, I feel like it is for sure how I am being judged by the other women in my sphere who tell me my job isn’t hard because I don’t work and do daycare.
Thank you for articulating everything so wonderfully.
Raising children is (unpaid) work. Please be encouraged its hard work but rewarding work! Hold on to that truth❤
Im a medical doctor and i can honestly say being a mother is the hardest job in the world.
Your honest thoughts are appreciated. I’m 28, been married for almost 3 years. We are planning to try and get pregnant next year. I’ve been wanting to start a family and have a baby but we have been waiting and spending the last 2 years getting our finances together, saving money and my husband is working on a masters degree so he can support us so that I can stay home. It’s been hard to wait when I keep thinking about how i want to have a baby, but like you said in the video, day care is a serious decisions so if I’m going to stay home we have to be financially prepared. Anyway, thank you again for sharing your experience.
Absolutely agree with this!! Unless it's completely necessary, I don't agree with daycare. I'm so glad I have the blessing of being able to be a stay at home mom in the future 👏
Absolutely!!
I agree
Isn't it good for socialising the child?
I think it depends on the circumstances of the situation.
@@EchelonPandoragotta be careful who you're socializing them with. Not all socialization is good.
Love this video! As a mom of a 2 year old and also 33 weeks pregnant, I can say that as soon as I knew I was pregnant with my first it just felt unnatural to me to have her in daycare. I chose to put my work on the shelf and I’m a stay at home mom now, I only work literally for 4-6 hours one day a week, when my husband is able to stay at home with her. I started doing this a few months after she turned 1 years old as I was exclusively breastfeeding her and she wasn’t eating solid foods that much (we started introducing it when it’s recommended). Anyway I plan to stay at home with my children the first years of their lives. I think one thing is so important to remember for us who are at home with our children, and that is if you choose to stay at home with them, it is crucial not to put them in front of a video game or a screen. My mother did that to my youngest brother and now is constantly judging me for not putting my child in daycare as she has seen the “damage” that has been done to my brother, but doesn’t understand that it’s not because he didn’t go to daycare, it’s because she literally just left him all day in front of the tv screen.. I also think for the ones of us who haven’t been blessed with a mother of our own who enjoyed being a mother, and instead had a negative approach to it, only saw it as a burden, we have to do even more of a work on ourselves to be able to learn what it means to be a mom. As soon as I had given birth to my child, my grandmother and mother immediately had to tell me “you see how hard it is being a mother? How exhausting it is?” Yes of course it is hard and exhausting at times, but there are so many wonderful aspects to it which makes it all worth it, yet they never mentioned those to me. They come from a culture or family where one self sacrifices for children, BUT it is done with resentment. Anyway long comment. Just wanted to say I totally agree with you and loved the video🙏🏻🫶🏼
Becoming pregnant is exactly what I needed! God knew I needed this baby for so many reasons. I'm due any day now and I'm so happy to come across this video. Thank you so much, so beautifully articulated.
I've been married 31 years. I've been a mother for 29 years and I've been a Christian for 33 years. I felt some of the ways that you're describing about a loss of identity and not really knowing who I am, so your story is very relatable. But the other thing that I was struggling with at the same time that I didn't really have a grip on was perfectionism and I had a tendency to look at my flaws and my faults and not put them in a realistic perspective. I also had a tendency to overemphasize the things and the sins that I needed to work on instead of looking at the grace and the healing that God had given me in areas of my life that we're going to be beneficial for my son and later on children . Every woman when she becomes a mother has flaws. She carries those flaws with her into motherhood. What children do though is they help us change. God uses them to slough off those character issues. I've homeschooled all of my kids. I've got six and God used that to teach me patience. when people are like. Oh my gosh, you must be so patient. You homeschool. no I homeschool and through that God uses that as the crucible to teach me patience. Your daughter and any other children you have are going to help you grow, change and become more of the woman of God that He intends for you to be so in essence, baby girl, just chill a little bit and enjoy your daughter.
I’m not a mother but I just love love love your honesty in this video. My younger sister is trying to have a baby and this is what I’m trying to express to her because she’s still a little immature and still is a little selfish.(nothing wrong with that.) but being a mother requires a lot of self sacrifice and self denial. Which is why I don’t wanna be a mother right now, no matter how much I love children. I think all children deserve mothers who want to be with them all the time and want to be self-sacrificing. It’s great to see people having honest conversations about motherhood.
Every video of Jasmyne is so uplifting and based on truth. In all honesty all these lost femme roles in life based off of God's own purpose for our lives should be incorporated more into our lives as women. And might I add how the message from this video and the little goofy end just makes me want to be a mother when I'm so far from that stage yet??? It's a beautiful thing to be a woman and God bless you Jasmyne for being so bold in bringing true femininity back. I appreciate you.
I needed to hear this. Thank you for the God honoring advice. I’m planning on getting married soon and I’ve found myself afraid of the possibility of becoming a mom. This was uplifting and deeply encouraging for me.
I’m currently 3 years below you & admire you incredibly as if I think about having a baby in 3 years it scares the heck out of me. I love and admire your lifestyle so much. Godbless you and your family. 💗
Mom of 7 here!
Amen Jasmine!
I grew up so differently than how my children are; and that is by the grace of God. He provided mentors (from church and through books) that helped me to understand the things you are staying in this one video. We are a blessed generation.
A big problem I want to point out with this video is that not all stay at home moms are good moms. My mom stayed at home with 7 kids and homeschooled all of us and even though she took care of our basic needs, she was verbally & emotionally abusive and none of us had a good relationship with her. My Mom in law also stays at home with my 6 & 11 year old sister in laws and she won't even cook them meals or play with them. Her house is a mess and the kids watch youtube all day. My 11 year old sister in law has already tried to self harm and wanted to move in with my husband & I since she was 7 years old. I don't mean any of this against you as a person, you seem very kind. I just think it's important to add that some stay at home moms are hurting their children more than helping them 💔
I'm so sorry you went through that. However, if what your seeing is true. Family or not you need to confront them on this and if no change is happening report them to child protection services immediately.
If the child has attempted suicide and only you know, please tell the child protection services in your country, for the sake of the child.
You can even state that you'll take legal responsibility and take the kids in if your afraid that they'll separate them. Please do this quickly and rationally. Plan the steps to do it for the sake of the kids.
❤
This is so true. Motherhood really puts a spotlight on all our flaws. But it’s ok, you work through it eventually although motherhood keeps challenging you forever, every phase of child’s life is a new challenge. But it made me realize how shallow my life and my identity was before becoming a mom so i don’t regret it in the slightest. That said, the first couple years were a nightmare and my heart goes out to all women who didn’t expect how hard being a mother is. Just know that it does get better and it’s a 1000% worth it.
Just started my 3rd trimester! I'm extremely excited. Thank you so much for this video. Being a mother should be empowering for women💗
It really is! Giving birth naturally was by far the biggest accomplishment of my life!
I didn't even think that I could finish it during but I did!
You are right about the world really sending the message we need to have and do it all as mothers and that is really destroying many women mentally and physically cause everyone keeps saying yes but you are also a person beside being a mother and you need to have something for yourself outside motherhood like work... I personally just wanna embrace being a mother and try to be the best I can be to my son
Great video❤
This is such a good and truthful video, and I pray that it will help many women. I have three beautiful children (two daughters aged 7 and 5, and a 14 month old son). While I loved the first few years of motherhood, I was often very anxious and saw myself as a victim during the hard moments.
Over the years, I have continually asked the Lord to grow me in all of the areas that are a struggle for me, and He has truly helped me so much and shown such a loving grace. There were weaknesses and faults in my character that I had no idea were there before I became a mother!
Motherhood can be a sanctifying and beautiful journey, it is just so important to humble ourselves and allow the Lord to transform us in His ways. Of course we will still make mistakes, but it's just about truly devoting ourselves to our role and trying our best each day.
Me as a Kindergarten teacher can only agree! Came to the same conclusions like most other Kindergarten teachers I know. If you ask a Kindergarten teacher, they would never put their child into daycare before 3 years old and most of them are so relieved that their own children are in the same daycare that they work in.
I love this. Im married and 26... Part of my reason for not having children (at least yet) is because I realized I'm not mature enough yet. Thinking about motherhood currently makes me mourn my current life which let's me know I'm not ready. I'm not actively planning but moreso in a state of, "I'm doing what it takes to prevent it. If it happens, then it's because God felt it was time". If I am destined to be a mother, it will happen.
I just wanted to let you know that children will mature you. I think most people are immature when going into parenthood because the ultimate challenge to maturity IS having kids. As long as you truly have the best in mind for your children they will cause you to mature.
You will never ready or mature enough 😂 growth honestly happens in the thick of it
Hey jasmyne I really want to say I am so happy I found you because you have taught me so much about godly femininity that my mother couldn't. In this video the part where you said if mothers don't enjoy being mothers the children will think it's there fault, it spoke to me because my mother would always regret giving birth or being a mom b/c she suffered so much because of it. All my life I have believed and I still do that I am the reason for her suffering.But I am so thankful to her. So I am scared to be a mother but seeing this video has helped a lot so God bless you and thank you so much.
Great video 🥹. Many moms struggle to hear it, but it’s true for so many of them.
My mom ran a home daycare and I remember hearing her trying to help moms feel better about their children calling my mom “mom”. Their hearts would break. Sometimes their babies wouldn’t even want to leave my mom.
This scarred me. Moms in the moment work through the guilt and they don’t talk about it. They don’t tell other young women how hard it actually is and those young women grow up to do the same not realizing how hard it truly was. Just because we sometimes believe that something is necessary doesn’t mean we can talk about how wrong it feels.
This is so true, especially about the immaturity and selfishness. I don't have my own child, but I'm 23 and my parents have a baby. As the older sibling I had to take on most of the babysitting when she was born, and I had know idea what taking care of a baby was like. Of course my parents were present, but we were also a big family. Boy was I HUMBLED. It showed me how selfish and immature I was, all I wanted to do was play my video games and do what I usually do--- and believed that she wa Zs sucking my life away. She's 2 now, and I learned so much in the eyes of a mother. Kids deserve all your attention, all your time, and all your love!
It’s so TRUE. Motherhood is so incredible because you either pony up and be the person they need you to be or you face recreating those issues in your child. I felt the exact same way when I had my first. It took me four years to even want another one because it was four years of being ripped apart, and having to rebuild my whole understanding of myself. Only made it through by the grace of God and my husband who never lost faith in me.
Facts sister. As a future mother, this is exactly the stuff I’ve been learning about to prepare.
I had a very hard time accepting motherhood. Some of if came from the sheer exhaustion that a baby brings in the first few months, but so much of it was me! I had to let go of my desire to continue living for me, continue living my old life. It was very difficult to let the old me go and begin forging my new life with my daughter... but now she's five and motherhood is not only normal but the best thing I could have imagined. Surrendering to motherhood was hard but it was such a blessing 🧡
Thanks for sharing!!
Loved this video!💜 People who resent becoming parents have no one to blame but themselves and need to stop projecting that regret onto others. In regards to daycare, the fact that it is so expensive and there are way too many kids in one vicinity is enough for me not to pursue in the future. I rather develop a lifelong relationship with someone who’s going to help me with my babies and only my babies. I believe in mothers having help. I plan on hiring a night nurse/ nanny once I have kids (even as a stay at home mother). I’m so excited for motherhood🥰
I always enjoy listening to you Jasmyne 💗You're able to articulate the thoughts I have in my mind that I can't quite put into words myself. Wish I had friends like you nearby 🤗
The obstetrical system does not benefit from informing mothers about breastfeeding. That means they would have to treat you like a human while in birth which means no induction, no drugs, no unnecessary interventions and no coercion. That’s way less money in their pockets and it pays big bucks to interrupt and micromanage the birth.
The best breast feeding journey is after physiological birth and that’s virtually nonexistent within obstetrics.
Once a mother is treated like a foolish woman who is sick and needs to be saved and like birth is a high risk emergency instead of the everyday occurrence that it is, breast feeding becomes tarnished. How could it not?
This was the most perfect video for me to watch right now. I’m currently preparing for pregnancy and motherhood and this video helped me see where I still need to grow before having a child. ❤ thank you!
Yeah. Postpartum is a real thing love. It’s not just being miserable. The hormonal change is what causes it believe it or not
Beautifully said. This is a well needed conversation. I have 6 beautiful children and because of my selfishness I resented being a mother but also yearned it ( only our Lord can show us how to love) I understand the blessing now and my mind has been renewed to His truth on motherhood and the absolute blessing it is and how His plan for family is so wonderful. My children are grown (I still have my 16 year old twin boys at home) it’s been a journey for sure but in it all God has rebuilt my family and even blessed me with a grand daughter. God bless you and your precious family may His love, truth and ways help it to grow into the blessing your hearts desire 🌷
I’m so glad you made this video. I’m 3yrs into this…& I still struggle with the thought my best isn’t always enough. I just take it a day at a time.
One day at a time, exactly!! You’re doing superbly
Thanks, I'll stay childfree :)
A good choice for many people
@@JasmyneTheodoraabsolutely, some people have zero business being a parent
This was really refreshing. To be honest I put off watching this video because I was concerned I would be hearing yet another testimony of how difficult motherhood is and how society is to blame and mothers are all martyrs …. This was a much more honest, refreshing and wise take. This is so true - motherhood is hard because it requires selflessness, and we are selfish. And selfishness is not morally neutral - it is evil, and fosters misery. Praise the Lord for a better way.
I love that you are a young mother teaching other young women and young mothers, it would be so great to get an older mother or grandmother with multiple children or years of experience to do a sit down with you to fill in the gap. This will bring an insight into some areas you haven't encountered yet. Your beautiful and doing a great job. Signed mom of 5 (biological and adoption) children.
The lies you were told:
- birth needs to happen with a certain time or else
- a membrane sweep can start birth
- waters breaking means birth HAS TO START and contractions HAVE to be begin right away.
- Pit is needed to start contractions (it would’ve started naturally without any infection, yes)
Do you not see that your birth was a money grab? It pains my heart and im so sorry all of this happened to you.
Did you know that within psychological birth, as the baby is slowly and peacefully descending, it activates chemicals in the brain to further facilitate bonding and an easier transition into motherhood.
Every woman deserves this. You are a strong, healthy and fruitful woman and they treated you like you were dying and needed saving 💔
Huge $ grab. We were finally able to pay off our bill recently lol. Lesson learned, no more hospital births for me 🙌
This does break my heart but we know better now
TLDR; yes, but hospitals save lives of mothers and babies too. The best way to have a hospital birth is to educate yourself as much as you can beforehand, know your own rights and personal boundaries, and if possible choose a hospital that supports natural births. And even if you think you’ll have a home birth, educate yourself about hospital births just in case.
You’re right that these are all lies. It’s a tragedy that so many women (I’m not including Jasmyne) don’t educate themselves and put themselves at the mercy of the hospital staff. That said, hospitals do have a place in childbirth. They do save lives. This doesn’t mean that everyone needs a hospital to give birth safely, but I did. Without hospitals each of my three births would have ended in death. This is not fear mongering, but just my personal experience. This is not just what doctors told me, it was self-evident. In one I developed a life-threatening infection (at home, before I went to the hospital). In the other two my babies would not have been saved by any technology available in a home birth. I would have loved to have had successful home births, but each time I approached the decision with prayer, God put on my heart to go ahead and go to the hospital without fear. And we are here today because of it. Praise God!
I appreciate your honesty. I felt very similar and I experienced a lot of shame because of these feelings. I held this is in all my life even though I believe I can’t be the only mother who feels this way. This should be discussed as a part of motherhood.
My baby turns 2 this month and you put how I have felt since he was born into words so well. Thank you. It feels cathartic to know I’m not the only one feeling this.
Some mothers WANT to be home with their babies. Not all mothers feel daycare is this luxury they can use to get rid of their kids for most of the day. Sometimes daycare is their only choice right now due to financial reasons-you need money to take care of children and therefore some mother HAVE to work. Let’s think about all of the single mothers, the mothers who don’t have the best to financial situations who are still mothers and they do everything they can to be there and present for their child because they exist.
She did mention that at 13:05
i had my first born as a very immature 20 year old. i missed my old life so much especially since nobody else i knew were in the same place as me in life. i was exhausted from lack of sleep, depressed from having a hard time breastfeeding, and did not easily connect to my son when he was a baby. i remember live in those really early days are brutally boring and tiring. it was HARD. i had so much growing up to do.
now i'm 25, and my son is 4 and i have a 2.5 year old girl too. LIFE IS SO MUCH EASIER. yes, i went through some really difficult phases, as my own mom was very verbally abusive, and would find myself so easily triggered and screaming at them. having kids DOES put your issues on full and obvious display. i felt similar to you, wishing they had a better mom. i have worked so hard to become that mom.
i love my sweet kids and i'm trying for another baby now. i am now in a phase where i am not fully and completely centered on myself, and it is such a relief. i am doing my best to just CHILL OUT and take my time with my kids. it's going to be okay moms!!!
i stay at home with my kids too. it's my favorite thing ever w
Great advice! Very well spoken, I have a two year old. I am a work from home single mom. And I have always sacrificed career and money for my child. I want the best for him and he needs his mom more than ever. GREAT advice as someone who also went from the switch of being a single women to now a mother it’s a whole mental shift no one prepares you for. Until now!
I am going to get over this maiden mindset thank you for this it’s time to throw myself into motherhood especially now that I’m out of the first trimester..... it’s time to change...
itssalva calls this maiden mindset “girls of complaint” and “women of solution”
the ending was the CUTEST THING EVER!
Only for people who watch until the end 🤗
Thank you for teaching lost female Education dear
Thank you for watching.
I'm only just a few minutes in and I can already relate. I sometimes find myself in seasons where I feel as though my children deserve more. Mainly because I feel like I'm still figuring out the basics. I aspire to be a wife and mother I NEVER witnessed, I'm working to cultivate behaviors and instill routines for my children that I was never taught. I sometimes think of how much smoother things would be, how much more rich this time would be if I was a fourth or fifth generation traditional family that had a mother and a grandmother to turn to for advice.
Looking forward to hearing the rest of your video! Thank you Jasmyne for your thoughts! Happy almost birthing day❤❤
Funny as a man working like a maniac on a startup I relate a lot to what you say.
I an vain and have terrible time management. It makes me scares to be a mother, wife even. Everytime i think about it, i get scared. I'm happy you made this video
Oh my gosh. I am the same! But I am trying 😢. We need to keep trying our best and to trust God's help❤. Children are a gift from God, he can help us know how to care for that gift.
Perfectly said. Thank you for sharing some of your more vulnerable thoughts from early motherhood. One of the hardest things about those types of thoughts and feelings is that you feel even more incompetent for having them, because you feel alone in them. Knowing that I'm not the only mom who has thought "why did I do this to myself" makes me feel like less of a failure
Eta (because I can't wait to finish a video before commenting 🤦🏼♀️): this also humbled me because with my newborn I find myself getting so overwhelmed by the constant need for someone to be touching me. I think, "why can't I just be alone for 5 minutes!" Because I made this commitment to have this child and I owe him the closeness he needs.
My friend has worked in daycare for years. She thinks it’s the worst thing you can do for your child. Most states have a 4 to one ratio of babies to daycare worker. There will always be at least one kid not getting what he needs.
So right! If a woman had twins/triplets/quadruplets we’d all agree she would need help… but we act like daycare workers are somehow magical beings who can handle that many babies.
That's true, the idea of bodily autonomy comes from a self relational POV, but we need to live for the sake of others not just ourselves.
Motherhood is the epitome of life. Put in the hard work, do the right thing, and put children first… and you’ll have great results. Or be lazy, make bad choices, and be selfish… and you’ll have a hard life.
Modern society has made it difficult to rear children. My biggest discovery going through motherhood is that the more I did things in a way that made sense from an evolutionary perspective, the easier motherhood became. Beginning with birth, having a home birth led to a quick recovery and avoidance of post partum depression. Then sleep, cosleeping allowed us to get the sleep we both needed and also allowed us the opportunity to breastfeed more often, which lead to my daughter rarely getting sick. The decision to breastfeed itself makes a lot of things easier, because they rarely get ill!
Do things the way nature intended (as much as is possible) and motherhood becomes easy!
Im glad you made something like this. I love the idea of raising children, but my selfishness scares me. Reading the bible makes me feel a strong desire to be a mother but not long after i wonder how much pain i would have to go thru because of my selfishness. I have so many fears but u also long to understand what being a mother is like. Ive felt more at home taking care of children than i ever have at work but i keep telling myself "at least one ends after x amount of hours". I would love to see you make a video specifically on how you overcame those emotions after you gave birth ❤️
This was AMAZING. Such a wonderful and refreshing painting of motherhood and what it should look like!
I’m 29 years old and married woman and I appreciate the truth. I have no children yet.
What a necessary and gracious message! I wish you the world of success with your channel. We need more publicity on your niche. 💕
Where were you 30 years ago when I had my first born son.... I really enjoy watching your videos. My vocabulary has increased because of you 😊😊😊 and I'm grateful to God that there are people such as yourself that will speak the truth. Speak it in love. I'm the mother of two grown children and I had the privilege to stay at home while they were young until school age. I did put them in daycare around 4 years old just so they can get used to being around children when they went to school. Thank you so much for sharing and being so vulnerable with us. I really appreciate it. Smooches 💋
It’s true I got an epidural, unfortunately with my first, and she was not interested in latching. I had to exclusively pump for her for one year, and it was the most exhausting yet rewarding thing of my life however, both of her sisters were born at home without epidurals and latched perfectly.
Lord, as your body was broken for your children, let also my body be broken for mine. ❤ After a forced C-section I struggled with painful breastfeeding for 3 months. But I emerged victorious afterwards, as we all eventually do, if we just aim for it. Hang in the mamas!
Hello beautiful, I want to comment to say thank you for this video. Everything you said was so spot on! I pray your days are made easier and fulfilling as you navigate motherhood ❤ I was (am still, kinda) a nurse and now with my 1yo and another one brewing, I'm trying to find a way to make income at home because I definitely cannot picture myself going out of home for work anymore 😅 but purely as an extra. Bless my husband for his hard work in providing for all of us 😊 keep up with the great content ❤
What a lovely woman you're Jasmyne.. I feel so empowered by your amazing content. Thank you so much. Eagerly waiting for more & more videos on femininity 💗
Pregnant with my first child at 22 and going into motherhood feels so scary. Thank you for the insightful video
I had my first child at 22. It was an unplanned pregnancy and I was definitely scared. However, when I gave birth to my baby girl I couldn’t think about anything else but doing what was best for her. Just pray for God’s grace, mercy, and wisdom to guide you and you both will be just fine 💕
Our society rush young women to have children but this is why having children older I think helps a lot of this. I got out all of my selfishness or living my life out of way. I’m going to be an older mom but this was the perfect timing for me. I agree with many of these points. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
It's funny because I have found it to be the opposite! I have three children, my first at 22 my second 24. I just had my third at 30 and I definitely feel like the exhaustion of newborn and toddler life while older has made me more 'selfish'. I guess the situation is different for everyone, though! Good for you for making introspective choices!
So right after you give birth to a baby, your hormones are changing a lot. It’s probably easier to focus on your flaws when you’re sleep deprived and going through all those hormonal changes I encourage you not to be so hard on yourself.
It was good actually! Helped me zero in on what I really had to start changing.
Ditto. I hear ya. So right. I lost myself to ground zero after my first child....but guess what...I have 5 kids under 8 now, and they are one of my greatest joys and unmeasurable love. I wish I could have shared any advice for you to have spared you that fall. *Empathetic bear hug!!*
I know you like psychology. I wish you'd talked more about attachment theory and the strange event experiment. I think this plays into understanding what "joy" in parenting really is. Not so much being happy all the time, but always putting a child first and ensuring them of your presence, attention, and provision of safety. I know many mothers who suffer postnatal depression but are still able to provide an environment of secure attachment for their children.
2:00-3:51 Although I don’t want to contest these experiences that you’ve had- saying that you felt after having your baby like you didn’t want her or wanted to adopt her away- I understand if you couldn’t help feeling that way. But part of me thinks that that may be less due to feminism and more due to post partum depression. I think that’s what that feeling was. And I’m not a feminist or anything, and who knows, working around social media and observing social topics while your mind is in overdrive with hormones from just having a baby may culminate into doing that. But even before social media or feminism there were women who felt the way that you did. And that misery wasn’t a choice it was a product of their genetics and just having a child.
7:50 I don’t think that “not enjoying parenthood” necessarily makes you a selfish or immature person. I think that there could be some biological factors that contribute to it. Especially in the first year. I think there’s a statistic that said in the first year of parenting parents get between 3-6 hours of sleep. Not getting enough sleep increases cortisol levels. And on top of that, babies are a lot of work, you’re taking care of a baby already on low fuel, and you may not be able to care for yourself the way that you used to which was probably healthier. Those things can impact your hormones and as much as you love your baby and you tell yourself that you may just be missing the energy that fuels the hormones that allows your feelings to match your thoughts. So you feel incongruent. I think that some people who say that “I don’t enjoy parenting” are just saying how their body is feeling in that moment, but that doesn’t mean that they’re necessarily selfish and don’t love their child.
I was forced to go back to work out of necessity very shortly after my baby was born and I regret it every single day of my life. It absolutely breaks my heart every time I have to leave her, and although I’m very fortunate that my husband is an amazing father and takes such good care of her so she has never had to go to daycare, I am not and never will be a career woman, and at heart all I care about is being a wife and mother. I’m grateful my daughter and I still have a very close bond and I cherish the time we are able to be together, but I work extremely hard to afford the basics and my dream is that one day I can find a way to stay home to be there for my family.
I hope you achieve that dream !
This message is incredible! You've help me understand how this affects generations down the road. Although, change is possible ❤
General question:
Why is it that working moms are considered to have two full-time jobs but this is not the case for working fathers? I believe children need to develop secure attachment with both parents and each parent has a role and sacrifice to make, yet I hardly hear much about men as fathers in this light. In fact, I struggle to understand what the father’s role is outside of providing resources and playing with (instead of actually taking care of) children - this can create the single mom experience for married women because of inactive fathers in the home.
Thank you for sharing your experience!
Your honesty and beautiful articulation were so needed today! Thank you 💛 Also please don't blame yourself for your rough breastfeeding journey. Some babies just don't get it. I had C-sections with all 3 children and the first 2 fed like a dream until 1 year old but this 3rd has been problematic from the start. Did lots of lactation consultants etc like you did and nobody has an explanation 🤷♀️ Babies are all different. It might be totally different with your next, regardless of what happens in birth. You've done an incredible thing bringing life into the world! Don't feel any guilt at all there x x x
The thumbnail makes my heart melt ❤❤ You look so beautiful and feminine
Thank you for sharing! It was very insightful.
I admire your critical thinking abilities and would love to know more about how you cultivated them.
Great content!
I think there’s a mischaracterization of feminism here…part of the point is that not all people are worthy or ready for the role of parenthood and that giving women the space to mature and choose motherhood instead of falling or being pressured into it is ultimately better for women and children. Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone really thought about the gravity of the responsibility, like you’re talking about, and whether they have a stable income, relationship, and mind before having kids.
Your Honesty Is So Pure And Real, God Continue To Bless You And Yours 🙏🙏🙏
Even though I want kids, pregnancy, giving birth and the postpartum stage terrify me. What terrifies me even more is being abandoned by my future husband as I go through my worst nightmare alone (I have abandonment issues).
Had no idea epidural affects latch! Thank you for your transparency. As a single with no kids (yet, Lord willing), you've given me some great advice to consider when the time arrives!
Thank you for sharing these truths. Your humility and honesty is much appreciated. God bless🕊
We are all influenced by this world, because we are all born in it. Saying not to blame feminism or whatsoever is not right. We all live by what this world gives us, and we are how we are for the things we are shown and told in this world. None is born knowing by itself anything, this world gives us everything.
Feminism main characteristic is selfishness because its focused on the self! Its all about me me, everything in this world its all about ME.
Wonderful video. Thank you for your vulnerability and wisdom.
37 weeks pregnant. This video arrived just in time!
thank you for being vulnerable with us 💚💚💚
I had my 2nd baby 5 months ago. It has been so much easier this time. The 1st baby I swore I would hate breastfeeding for life. The 2nd I have no problem with and am fine feeding until I want to be fertile again. The 1st I missed 2 nights of sleep from contractions so I was too tired to focus on feeding. This one came faster and I had the energy and mindset to make sure feeding was established early. Also having 2 makes dedicating yourself to motherhood so much easier. I embrace it more instead of trying to juggle family and self.
Having kids and being married highlights alll the flaws 😆 Just had baby #5 and each kid changes the dynamic of the family.
I could not have articulated it better myself ❤
Your videos always are so worth listen to! Thanks for sharing your experience!
Its sad children are seen as burden! I cant blame parents, we live in a fallen world and full of faults, sins we are, but the impact is profound in a child how is treated, raised!
The midwife I had during my second birth made ALL the difference. I was able to birth without an epidural.
My first breastfed for years and I had an epidural with her. Her latch was very bad at the beginning but I am so grateful we made it through. There are free breastfeeding resources, La Leche League is one, and many breastfeeding groups online to ask for help/support. I pray your breastfeeding journey is better with your next should you choose to have another. 🙏 you did the best you could with the knowledge you had ❤