I'll never forget when a guy I know said to me, "you never post pictures of your husband, why?" His further line of questioning painted the picture that because we didn't make big social media moves/photos with each other that there was some kind of trouble in paradise lol. I've found, it's the opposite lol we've been together over a decade. We don't have to show anyone anything. We don't have to post everything..or anything lol. Happy people don't have to tell anyone they're happy. No one hears anything about us because there's no need. We're living lol.
I can understand his question. This is what I've noticed regarding how women use social media. Firstly, there's postings of the "single-girl" life. They're partying with friends, traveling, etc. Then there's the serious boyfriend/fiancé/newly-weds. Women post photos of their significant other everywhere. Next, there's the pregnancy. The social media postings then change to the new parents and the baby. Suddenly, postings change to only the mother & baby. The final state is when she's only posting photos of herself and sometimes of her children. Women tend to show the best of themselves on social media. Today, if you don't at least occasionally post photos of the husband, it may come across as he's just that...an afterthought. The fact is "you're posting pictures" but also say "we're living" (as to say you don't have time to post pictures). I'm not saying you're in an unhappy marriage, I'm just saying....I can understand his question.
@@YellowToucanmaybe confident secure woman don’t need validation from other people. Why post for all to see? I always saw that as conceited, most people are an afterthought to others they’re not the main character. I’ll have my man and I on my profile pic on WhatsApp or wallpaper but I don’t need to post for likes. Most people I know who constantly post pics of themselves are not that happy they’re looking for attention and validation and most and up breaking up down the road 😂
@@Bunny11344 Some people use picture instead of photos as symbols. For example if a woman thinks her husband is not a good husband, she will only post about her and her children in pictures, not in photos. That's the similar to the second comment said. A husband is just an afterthought or even worse disturbance of life or anything negative for the woman's life
@@Bunny11344if you don’t need validation don’t post anything online. The reality is you post on social media for validation from others, having any sign of a husband on there shows how much you crave validation from other men. Not one photo of your significant other? That’s a red flag. Too many photos of them? That’s a red flag also. Not even one holiday shot together? Interesting
@@crazypato3752if you drop a coin in an empty can it makes a lot of noise, if you drop a coin in a full can, it’s quiet. The proverb essentially means stupid people talk a lot and make a lot of noise.
3:01 my cousin!😅 you would think she's in the most loving, romantic relationship that ever existed online but at family events does nothing but put this man down. And meanwhile she acts shocked my fiancé and I seem so in love in person but she doesn't "see it online". Yep! I am too busy being in person than posting online constantly.
I know countless couples like this. All they do is brag online and in person when its just one of them. And yet... when they're together in public or you talk to the one who isn't doing all the bragging (typically the man) you hear how u happy they are and how all they do is fight or someone's cheating or suspected of cheating etc.
@@YogawithAliBealeNot really, the cheaters just move they never remember what they did wrong to the people. And they're really good at blaming the victim
This! It is SO refreshing to listen to him talk! It gives me faith in humanity :) What he says is so true, everything is just performance now and empty. I love listening to him, wonderful discussion ❤
Marriage is an obsolete concept that has no place in contemporary society. Have the same girl/boyfriend for life, fine. EVERY day you wake up you make a choice to WANT to be together, not the law saying you HAVE to be together. WTH kind of phucked up system is that? Anyone thinking marriage is "good" is either a gold digger (male or female) or an insecure SIMP (male or female). Not to mention the stupid and Antiquated and unfair laws that go along with such a contract.
Marriage is an obsolete concept that has no place in contemporary society. Have the same girl/boyfriend for life, fine. EVERY day you wake up you make a choice to WANT to be together, not the law saying you HAVE to be together. WTH kind of phucked up system is that? Anyone thinking marriage is "good" is either a gold digger (male or female) or an insecure SIMP (male or female). Not to mention the stupid and Antiquated and unfair laws that go along with such a contract.
I deleted my social media 2 years before I started to date again after my last break up, I met my boyfriend and he also didn’t have any social media. We didn’t do it for each other, we made those decisions on our own terms way before we met each other. It’s been the healthiest relationship I have EVER been in, 0% jealousy.
@@HeyokaGirlSpeaksThe last serious relationship I was In had all those things. Little did I know about the other guy experiencing them with my girl as well 😂. I could be miss interpreting things but the last few serious relationships I have had have ended toxic but started great. It always seems to start going down hill as soon as I start putting in more effort or feeling like marriage is a possibility/id die to save her. It sucks to think you could marry your person after three years only to discover you are not the only one... it almost seems like every guy 35 and younger will be used, cheated on, or left alone. I do not know any man that age or younger who has never been cheated on or divorced in his marriage.
@@HeyokaGirlSpeaksthe context in the video is that cheating hurts both parties and both families and has financial implications as well. The incentive is that you’re more likely to be happy and financially stable (if you’re not bad with money) in the long term if you don’t cheat.
@VonJay if that was true then guys wouldn't cheat. Most people hook up or marry because they are desperate for a relationship and that destroys it from the word go.
@ I don’t think you watched the video, he even gave an example of people who abuse drugs, that they don’t think about it being illegal or bad for their health while they’re abusing drugs, but they do it anyway. Same with cheating, you know the risks involved if you get caught, but people, men and women, do it anyway.
My wife and I don’t use social media much, we don’t care about what other people have or do. My live a modest life and are happy with our two kids. If we go on a vacation, we don’t post about it. It’s freedom, freedom of not giving a F, not needing others approval.
People have a desire to be envied by others, because they are envious of others. That leads people to make decisions that don't truly make them happy, but might be perceived as happiness or being successful. Having that fancy sports car, big truck, or luxury SUV in the driveway might impress the neighbors for about a week. I had neighbors growing up that thought we were jealous of every little new thing they bought.
Relationships are transactional, especially nowadays, when everyone is capable of taking care of themselves. If the transaction doesn't benefit the individual enough, they will look for a better one.
You can also hide your relationship on social media so you appear single. Though I cringe at performative posts on social media too. There is a balance.
Ten years ago my GF would always want me to post her every other week and I was young n dumb smh whole time she was being promiscuous n very manipulative. I got out and was able to enjoy my 20s the way I wanted to 😊 so yah he’s right.
NOBODY is able to feel "in love" ALL THE TIME. It's humanly impossible to feel happy or jubilant on a CONSTANT basis, even when we're not coupled! Self-actualized, rational ADULTS know that expecting this level of intensity throughout an entire relationship is unrealistic. Borderlines (people with only a toddler's level of emotional development) on the other hand, presume the relationship is OVER, if they cannot experience dramatic/intense sensations of being "in love" with their partner, on a continuous (24/7) basis. BTW... High-Conflict divorces ONLY occur when one or both parties has BPD features!
I'm 55. No debt, nice car, no kids, own my condo outright, six figure income, still got a pretty good six pack, very fit and toned, still got all my teeth and most of my hair. I'd say I'm in the top 5% of middle aged men in terms of lifestyle, health, and the freedom to do what the fuck I want. When I met my GF, she said that one of the things she liked most about me was that all the social media I had was a Facebook account that I post on maybe five times a year. No Instagram or any of the other crap. Too many people post their supposedly awesome life all over social media, and the fact that I had zero interest in doing so was a real attraction for her. As James said above money talks....and bullshit walks.
I'm 38, beautiful family, humble reliable car, mortgage, not sure how I rank percentage wise, put on a little weight and no social media. Today, life is good.
I'm sad to see all the negative and cynical comments about marriage. Marriage is a lot of work but there is no better way in life to learn and grow and become a better person than by striving and living with someone else who you truly love. And it's a lot of work. It's really, really, really hard. At this point in my life, I can't imagine not having a partner to share the hard times.
With everything in life, there of a cost/benefit analysis. In past times marriage was a net benefit, maybe even the only way to survive. But nowadays the cost exceeds the benefits. The pro-marriage crowd loves to paint marriage as something that is a reward unto itself, and for this reason it has to be challenging. Compared to bygone eras, maintaining a marriage nowadays is more challenging than ever. Men are now finding that is not worth putting up all this effort just to be handed divorce papers less than 10 years down the road. And this idea that women are going to stick with you through tough times is laughable. Modern women aren't like our grandmothers.
@@3308redaryep. Very well said. Married 36 years. Contrary to much said here not so hard. Why? We chose wisely. Romance is not marriage. Its a part, and can fade. Spent years as a marriage and family pastor. My wife was by my side, literally. Our observation is people don't choose a spouse well and end up miserable and divorced. My grandparents had character, todays culture can barely pronounce that word. We work together, serve each other and as we do we appreciate and love each other even more. For us faith is a big part of it and we see each other as a gift to each other. Today, selfishness and self love rule. Marriage will fail every time in that scenario.
I think you're missing the point of the sceptics. You can absolutely be "striving and living with someone else who you truly love" without being married. You can have "a partner to share the hard times" with without being married. So... what's the point of marriage? Most marriage end in divorce, and divorce can be catastrophic.
I just don't understand why people want relationships that are really, really, really hard. It makes life so much more miserable, and it certainly isn't a selling point to people who have never been married. I divorced my toxic spouse because the relationship was really, really, really hard, and my life is so much better. Living with a wonderful, supportive, kind man and it is really, really, really easy. No more marriage for me.
Men expect to keep their marriage AND get something on the side. Women "cheat" with the intention to rebuild her self-esteem to get OUT. HUGE DIFFERENCE.
There are consequences... like divorce. What's weird is I've heard ppl admit to cheating because they don't want to deal with divorce. Yet down the line, they get caught, get served divorce papers, then turn around & claim they were blindsided... as though they didn't create the reason for their spouse to divorce them 🤔
Marriage wasn't made a sacrement until like 600 years ago. It's incredibly stupid to have in the first place outside of economic incentives and to center it around an emotion like romance of all things is the height of foolishness.
Totally fine if you want to believe that . like it is 100% your prerogative but it is a church created policy. Bible scholars will tell you in the actual scriptures marriage never once is referred to as sacred nor essential. In the early church it was considered a legal contract the church wasn't involved at all. So while Christianity is obsessed with marriage believe me the Bible is not. And while I do think marriage can be beautiful, I don't want my spouse staying because divorce isn't an option or they believe our marriage is a sacrament . if my spouse decides to stay it's because they have free will to stay . Not "I can't leave because God will be mad. " Love and commitment must be an actual choice not forced.
@nikkio.9990 I think marriage in a sacred sense and a marriage in a legal sense are not the same. It's two different kinds of contracts.Spiritual and legal. Sorry I didn't make it more clear.
I’ve always found the making it illegal doesn’t stop anything and interesting argument because there is a lot of things I do not do because it’s illegal
6:43 stealth wealth is mostly a myth, perpetuated by those without means in the effort to virtue signal. If you work hard and take risks, you should be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor, despite society constantly telling you to hide it.
For millions of years, there was no mortgage, taxes, income, vehicles, work week. This is all relatively new for mankind existence. It's not natural and the bond between a man n woman was never supposed to be built on this. Hence divorce rates and poor bonding.
Very good point👍 I’ve been married 30 years it’s definitely a balance of wearing different hats to cope with all these different roles. Take away the stress of all of that and we still love each other like when we first met.
My parents had a terrible divorce. I’d never want to marry. To me, the only point of marriage is establishing who is responsible for the children. If there aren’t going to be children, just be unmarried but together. I wasn’t raised going to church, so concepts like living in sin or marriage being sacred always seemed odd.
I don‘t think, there is anything wrong with romantic love, if it goes along with respect, frindship and building your life together. It might even work out or better grow.
I’ve been married 30 years romantic love only gets you so far. I liken marriage to sailing it is exactly like that but we have a higher purpose to be steering towards that keeps the wind in our sails.
@@elizagoodytwoshoes9140totally agree! I’ve been married 25 years and it’s only getting better. Dr Willard Harley a psychologist has books on marriage that have been invaluable though for keeping the romance and friendship alive.
They're not different. You betrayed your partner, broke your vows, and shattered your partner's trust and heart into a million pieces. It's way bigger than "just sex" or love. You ruthlessly stabbed your ride or die in the back. The reason is inconsequential.
I never understood... why not just stay single or break up if you do cheat. I won't tolerate it and it happened to me; I was sleeping with the enemy and didn't realize it. I suspected it but wanted proof. If you even have to suspect it... you're probably right. I'm so glad I knew not to marry him. I knew I would never marry him. 4:35
The reason people cheat instead of getting out of relationships is because they still see their relationship as a net benefit. Convenience, company. They often don't want to give up their option until they have fully secured another option that is better. Or they lack empathy and just don't care about the other person's feelings.
Sometimes I think the people who run the world have orchestrated it so less people will get married and less people will stay married. When I look at the reality tv shows my missus watches … ‘desperate housewives of xyz’, ‘90 day fiancé’ , ‘love at first sight’. And when you watch these shows for a few mins and see all the arguments and drama, I just know it’s messing with her head!!
I’ve been married 30 years I watch to see how badly they don’t understand how to be in a relationship. Work on being an actual adult and you’re already winning. We think it’s funny when they complain about the other not having their back, it’s called empathic support or being a friend, you can’t demand that 🤦♀️
Lay off those shows fam. Low IQ or ver emotionally broken people will mostly create a dumpster fire out of everything. The people in those shows are selected precisely for that.
If you want your relationship to be successful, keep other people out of your relationship. Keep in mind that a ship sinks when the water that is supposed to be outside makes its way inside.
My father was a serial cheater. He slept with any and every woman that gave him any sort of attention. It messed me up good. I was left wondering if everything he had ever taught and told me was a lie. To this day I’m still trying to figure it out.
@venuselectrificata I know a woman caught her husband cheating on her after she got tested for STD. Yeah, respect is important. But your body is important as well.
Infidelity is adults behaving like children, they only know how to chase self gratification a very selfish way to be. People do not know how to be adults. I’m nearly 60 and it astounds me how many dysfunctional people live on this planet. Drugs and alcohol is literally the poison that takes them down that path.
@@Utubedeletescomments only from your perspective, my husband is way more expensive than me, he eats like a horse, fishing trips, boat, cars and smokes. I’m the one who is patient plus I’ve always worked while running my business and raised two healthy young adults. You have no idea what you’re attracting with that attitude, loneliness I would say and a very narrow mind indeed.
@@erinwill6743 some marriages a man has more than one wife. Some marriages a woman has more than one husband. Look it up it's a Chinese cultural norm I. The stepp mountains.
Marriage should come with a cheating fine and public shame, so the guilty party makes known they were the cheater, and other people can make knowledgeable decisions should they decide to date them.
@@Victor-it6bv That would fundamentally change your culture. Are you ready for that level of restraint and pragmatism? Functional Sharia does not arise in a degenerate culture , it requires multiple generations to come together for a cause.
However, the corollary is that if your partner has never ever posted on you on social media once, then he or she doesn’t want their public network or other people to know that you / the relationship even exist.
Wait, so which signs..? He didn't even say that throughout the video. I'm so done with your clickbait titles. I'm gonna dislike and click not to suggest your channel any ore. Seems like a useful time-spender when in return is a time killer. Everybody could sit there and talk like this guy. I thought I'd get something educational out of it.
What's the deal with 9 minutes videos? Why changing the format of your video? Very disappointing. So much greed from people! More money, more money! Like DOAC is not making enough money. I will have to unsubcribe...sad.
As a modern man, don't get married specially if youre financially well off when u first get together. Just keep her around until she decides to leave. When she leaves all her financial benefits are cut off UNLESS u have children with her OR, you two built something together. Then n only then does she deserves some financial benefits. If she gave u no children and didn't help u build anything, then she deserves NOTHING. Period.
No, since he’s a lawyer, I assume it’s a divorce, lawyer and if he’s been doing it for a couple of decades, I imagine he’s seen plenty of examples, and that is what he’s talking about. If he’s observed old is destruction, do you think he would do that to his own life.
If you listen to the entire interview he says he’s also divorced and “did stupid things”. The way he talks about infidelity definitely resembles someone that’s done it themselves
@@elizagoodytwoshoes9140 Nonsense I'm afraid, I know women who cheat impulsively and without a thought. And what about those guys who have two families are they just winging it?
Marriage is an obsolete concept that has no place in contemporary society. Have the same girl/boyfriend for life, fine. EVERY day you wake up you make a choice to WANT to be together, not the law saying you HAVE to be together. WTH kind of phucked up system is that? Anyone thinking marriage is "good" is either a gold digger (male or female) or an insecure SIMP (male or female). Not to mention the stupid and Antiquated and unfair laws that go along with such a contract. END OF DISCUSSION.
It works I know, we’ve raised a family, built a life, own a business and have same values. I can not imagine having done all of that without him. Jordan Peterson reiterates that with facts, an adult relationship brings more to the table than hurt people to scared to create a relationship.
This guy doesnt say much really, does he? Thought he was going to make a poignant point about what men value vs women and then spun it into some pure waffle.
He does tell the truth, which most people are not going to do. He did say a lot of things actually. This facade of happy people on FB or Instagram, he is saying they are not happy at all, it is big poignant. Most people are falling for it, are not aware of it and doesn't even come close to think about it. We already know what man value and what woman value, he wouldn't say much by listing those things out. But since you are waiting for it, most man value a young beautiful woman, virgin if possible, honest, loyal, helpful and caring for his men, to create a familly. The older she is and the more guys she did sleep with, the less attractive she become, it goes against the value of most man, I mean a man respecting himself and whishing a happy familly. Woman value nice status, tall guy, clean with white teeth, smelling good, and most of all with a lot of money. If you are a small shy guy asking a beer to the bar like this ''Excuse-me!'' and no one is responding to you, this goes against the value of woman.
It’s a social commentary on relationships and the generational shift to couples now putting more effort into having a happy online relationship than actually putting that effort into having a happy relationship. Frauds. Narcissists. Dishonest people. Attention seekers.
Watch the full episode here - ruclips.net/video/-MGyiqVjdKI/видео.html
I'll never forget when a guy I know said to me, "you never post pictures of your husband, why?" His further line of questioning painted the picture that because we didn't make big social media moves/photos with each other that there was some kind of trouble in paradise lol.
I've found, it's the opposite lol we've been together over a decade. We don't have to show anyone anything. We don't have to post everything..or anything lol.
Happy people don't have to tell anyone they're happy.
No one hears anything about us because there's no need. We're living lol.
I can understand his question. This is what I've noticed regarding how women use social media.
Firstly, there's postings of the "single-girl" life. They're partying with friends, traveling, etc. Then there's the serious boyfriend/fiancé/newly-weds. Women post photos of their significant other everywhere. Next, there's the pregnancy. The social media postings then change to the new parents and the baby. Suddenly, postings change to only the mother & baby. The final state is when she's only posting photos of herself and sometimes of her children. Women tend to show the best of themselves on social media. Today, if you don't at least occasionally post photos of the husband, it may come across as he's just that...an afterthought.
The fact is "you're posting pictures" but also say "we're living" (as to say you don't have time to post pictures). I'm not saying you're in an unhappy marriage, I'm just saying....I can understand his question.
@@YellowToucanmaybe confident secure woman don’t need validation from other people. Why post for all to see? I always saw that as conceited, most people are an afterthought to others they’re not the main character. I’ll have my man and I on my profile pic on WhatsApp or wallpaper but I don’t need to post for likes. Most people I know who constantly post pics of themselves are not that happy they’re looking for attention and validation and most and up breaking up down the road 😂
@@Bunny11344 Some people use picture instead of photos as symbols. For example if a woman thinks her husband is not a good husband, she will only post about her and her children in pictures, not in photos. That's the similar to the second comment said. A husband is just an afterthought or even worse disturbance of life or anything negative for the woman's life
@@LalalandDream27368 those women are weird then and don’t have much going on if u gotta post in symbols
@@Bunny11344if you don’t need validation don’t post anything online. The reality is you post on social media for validation from others, having any sign of a husband on there shows how much you crave validation from other men. Not one photo of your significant other? That’s a red flag. Too many photos of them? That’s a red flag also. Not even one holiday shot together? Interesting
‘ Money talks and wealth whispers’ great phrase
That and "Empty barrels make the most noise"
@@cdv5514 we used to say ‘ empty vessels make most noise’ up north
@doro
I concur, that's priceless.
@@dorothyb.-
We used to say "An empty wagon rattles the loudest."
"Empty barrels make the most noise." That's a good saying.
They “beat” that into you in Asia.
What does It mean ?
Empty vessels make the most noise
All hat and no cattle.
@@crazypato3752if you drop a coin in an empty can it makes a lot of noise, if you drop a coin in a full can, it’s quiet.
The proverb essentially means stupid people talk a lot and make a lot of noise.
3:01 my cousin!😅 you would think she's in the most loving, romantic relationship that ever existed online but at family events does nothing but put this man down.
And meanwhile she acts shocked my fiancé and I seem so in love in person but she doesn't "see it online". Yep! I am too busy being in person than posting online constantly.
@@jennifers1040 I loved when he said in the video, "Empty barrels makes the most noise." It's so true when it comes to social media and relationships.
I know countless couples like this. All they do is brag online and in person when its just one of them. And yet... when they're together in public or you talk to the one who isn't doing all the bragging (typically the man) you hear how u happy they are and how all they do is fight or someone's cheating or suspected of cheating etc.
My mom always says ppl try and convince others of what they try to convince themselves.
“Cheating is its own penalty.”
I like this quote a lot but would maybe add: IF you have a conscience.
@@thomas232 I think it takes a mental toll no matter what as long as they have a conscious.
@@YogawithAliBealeNot really, the cheaters just move they never remember what they did wrong to the people. And they're really good at blaming the victim
This! It is SO refreshing to listen to him talk! It gives me faith in humanity :) What he says is so true, everything is just performance now and empty. I love listening to him, wonderful discussion ❤
Marriage is an obsolete concept that has no place in contemporary society. Have the same girl/boyfriend for life, fine. EVERY day you wake up you make a choice to WANT to be together, not the law saying you HAVE to be together. WTH kind of phucked up system is that? Anyone thinking marriage is "good" is either a gold digger (male or female) or an insecure SIMP (male or female). Not to mention the stupid and Antiquated and unfair laws that go along with such a contract.
He is so knowledgeable - learn something new every interview.
"Performative Culture".... 100% spot-on! That is the dominant culture in most of the (Western?) World currently!
And just think of the impact it’s having on our kids!
So true ! I don't always buy what I see on social media. I have understood this for a long time now!
Marriage is an obsolete concept that has no place in contemporary society. Have the same girl/boyfriend for life, fine. EVERY day you wake up you make a choice to WANT to be together, not the law saying you HAVE to be together. WTH kind of phucked up system is that? Anyone thinking marriage is "good" is either a gold digger (male or female) or an insecure SIMP (male or female). Not to mention the stupid and Antiquated and unfair laws that go along with such a contract.
I deleted my social media 2 years before I started to date again after my last break up, I met my boyfriend and he also didn’t have any social media. We didn’t do it for each other, we made those decisions on our own terms way before we met each other. It’s been the healthiest relationship I have EVER been in, 0% jealousy.
He is spot on in all levels . The humble don’t stumble
James Sexton is absolutely spot on and he nailed it.
“There should be sufficient incentives in a relationship to not cheat.”
Yes. Like regular and routinely being affectionate and loving and as much sex as possible. ❤
@@HeyokaGirlSpeaksThe last serious relationship I was In had all those things. Little did I know about the other guy experiencing them with my girl as well 😂. I could be miss interpreting things but the last few serious relationships I have had have ended toxic but started great. It always seems to start going down hill as soon as I start putting in more effort or feeling like marriage is a possibility/id die to save her. It sucks to think you could marry your person after three years only to discover you are not the only one... it almost seems like every guy 35 and younger will be used, cheated on, or left alone. I do not know any man that age or younger who has never been cheated on or divorced in his marriage.
@@HeyokaGirlSpeaksthe context in the video is that cheating hurts both parties and both families and has financial implications as well. The incentive is that you’re more likely to be happy and financially stable (if you’re not bad with money) in the long term if you don’t cheat.
@VonJay if that was true then guys wouldn't cheat. Most people hook up or marry because they are desperate for a relationship and that destroys it from the word go.
@ I don’t think you watched the video, he even gave an example of people who abuse drugs, that they don’t think about it being illegal or bad for their health while they’re abusing drugs, but they do it anyway. Same with cheating, you know the risks involved if you get caught, but people, men and women, do it anyway.
My wife and I don’t use social media much, we don’t care about what other people have or do. My live a modest life and are happy with our two kids. If we go on a vacation, we don’t post about it. It’s freedom, freedom of not giving a F, not needing others approval.
.."white teeth and bleeding gums.." describes just about everything you see in public and online
That’s a good one!
People have a desire to be envied by others, because they are envious of others. That leads people to make decisions that don't truly make them happy, but might be perceived as happiness or being successful. Having that fancy sports car, big truck, or luxury SUV in the driveway might impress the neighbors for about a week. I had neighbors growing up that thought we were jealous of every little new thing they bought.
Relationships are transactional, especially nowadays, when everyone is capable of taking care of themselves. If the transaction doesn't benefit the individual enough, they will look for a better one.
You can also hide your relationship on social media so you appear single. Though I cringe at performative posts on social media too. There is a balance.
This was one of my favorite episodes.
Ten years ago my GF would always want me to post her every other week and I was young n dumb smh whole time she was being promiscuous n very manipulative. I got out and was able to enjoy my 20s the way I wanted to 😊 so yah he’s right.
Good for you👍 good lesson learnt early!
How did they get Robert De Niro to play the part of the divorce lawyer
Slightly bisexual Robert Deniro
@@datboiklaus8002 do you think the lawyer is slightly bisexual? What gives you that impression?
He's not this good
Some real pearls of wisdom! Enjoyed this interview, very interesting ❤
I’m glad I don’t have a instagram or social media. I’d worry and talk about things like this
Absolutely! I got off Social Media in 2017! Now I see why people are miserable because it’s everyone else fantasy that would brainwash you.
NOBODY is able to feel "in love" ALL THE TIME. It's humanly impossible to feel happy or jubilant on a CONSTANT basis, even when we're not coupled! Self-actualized, rational ADULTS know that expecting this level of intensity throughout an entire relationship is unrealistic. Borderlines (people with only a toddler's level of emotional development) on the other hand, presume the relationship is OVER, if they cannot experience dramatic/intense sensations of being "in love" with their partner, on a continuous (24/7) basis. BTW... High-Conflict divorces ONLY occur when one or both parties has BPD features!
I didn’t ask wether he was in love or not, he was out as soon as I could get him out! You know they’ve slept with them!
One of the smartest man I have listened...
One of the worse pains of cheating is how much it hurts the person who did it.
I don't understand why you'd want to complicate your life more.
I'm 55. No debt, nice car, no kids, own my condo outright, six figure income, still got a pretty good six pack, very fit and toned, still got all my teeth and most of my hair. I'd say I'm in the top 5% of middle aged men in terms of lifestyle, health, and the freedom to do what the fuck I want. When I met my GF, she said that one of the things she liked most about me was that all the social media I had was a Facebook account that I post on maybe five times a year. No Instagram or any of the other crap. Too many people post their supposedly awesome life all over social media, and the fact that I had zero interest in doing so was a real attraction for her. As James said above money talks....and bullshit walks.
I'm 38, beautiful family, humble reliable car, mortgage, not sure how I rank percentage wise, put on a little weight and no social media.
Today, life is good.
Who cares ?
@ you care enough to comment.
@@themancuniancandidate2744 i couldn’t care any less, writing that comment to a bunch of strangers is wild
Toot that horn
I'm sad to see all the negative and cynical comments about marriage. Marriage is a lot of work but there is no better way in life to learn and grow and become a better person than by striving and living with someone else who you truly love. And it's a lot of work. It's really, really, really hard. At this point in my life, I can't imagine not having a partner to share the hard times.
With everything in life, there of a cost/benefit analysis. In past times marriage was a net benefit, maybe even the only way to survive. But nowadays the cost exceeds the benefits. The pro-marriage crowd loves to paint marriage as something that is a reward unto itself, and for this reason it has to be challenging. Compared to bygone eras, maintaining a marriage nowadays is more challenging than ever. Men are now finding that is not worth putting up all this effort just to be handed divorce papers less than 10 years down the road. And this idea that women are going to stick with you through tough times is laughable. Modern women aren't like our grandmothers.
@@3308redaryep. Very well said. Married 36 years. Contrary to much said here not so hard. Why? We chose wisely. Romance is not marriage. Its a part, and can fade. Spent years as a marriage and family pastor. My wife was by my side, literally. Our observation is people don't choose a spouse well and end up miserable and divorced. My grandparents had character, todays culture can barely pronounce that word. We work together, serve each other and as we do we appreciate and love each other even more. For us faith is a big part of it and we see each other as a gift to each other. Today, selfishness and self love rule. Marriage will fail every time in that scenario.
Amen
I think you're missing the point of the sceptics. You can absolutely be "striving and living with someone else who you truly love" without being married. You can have "a partner to share the hard times" with without being married. So... what's the point of marriage? Most marriage end in divorce, and divorce can be catastrophic.
I just don't understand why people want relationships that are really, really, really hard. It makes life so much more miserable, and it certainly isn't a selling point to people who have never been married. I divorced my toxic spouse because the relationship was really, really, really hard, and my life is so much better. Living with a wonderful, supportive, kind man and it is really, really, really easy. No more marriage for me.
i would definitely get a prenup because when you marry youre essentially getting into a prenup with govt laws-so may as well set up your own laws .
Punishments aren't just about creating disincentives - they're also compensatory and just punitive.
Used to be that “fame is the aroma of heroic deed’s”
Now it’s just a cheap aftershave
Money talks, wealth whispers....
Men expect to keep their marriage AND get something on the side.
Women "cheat" with the intention to rebuild her self-esteem to get OUT. HUGE DIFFERENCE.
No point in it being illegal to cheat.
There just have to be consequences, like dissolving financial obligations.
There are consequences... like divorce. What's weird is I've heard ppl admit to cheating because they don't want to deal with divorce. Yet down the line, they get caught, get served divorce papers, then turn around & claim they were blindsided... as though they didn't create the reason for their spouse to divorce them 🤔
Love this guy. Truth. 💯 ❤ 😢
Marriage is a sacrament, sacred. Don’t get married if you don’t understand this. It’s like baptism.
Marriage wasn't made a sacrement until like 600 years ago. It's incredibly stupid to have in the first place outside of economic incentives and to center it around an emotion like romance of all things is the height of foolishness.
It’s a business deal in a dress.
It’s just a business deal in fancy dress.
Totally fine if you want to believe that . like it is 100% your prerogative but it is a church created policy. Bible scholars will tell you in the actual scriptures marriage never once is referred to as sacred nor essential.
In the early church it was considered a legal contract the church wasn't involved at all.
So while Christianity is obsessed with marriage believe me the Bible is not.
And while I do think marriage can be beautiful, I don't want my spouse staying because divorce isn't an option or they believe our marriage is a sacrament . if my spouse decides to stay it's because they have free will to stay . Not "I can't leave because God will be mad. "
Love and commitment must be an actual choice not forced.
@nikkio.9990 I think marriage in a sacred sense and a marriage in a legal sense are not the same. It's two different kinds of contracts.Spiritual and legal. Sorry I didn't make it more clear.
I’ve always found the making it illegal doesn’t stop anything and interesting argument because there is a lot of things I do not do because it’s illegal
6:43 stealth wealth is mostly a myth, perpetuated by those without means in the effort to virtue signal. If you work hard and take risks, you should be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor, despite society constantly telling you to hide it.
For millions of years, there was no mortgage, taxes, income, vehicles, work week. This is all relatively new for mankind existence. It's not natural and the bond between a man n woman was never supposed to be built on this. Hence divorce rates and poor bonding.
We are supposed to be intelligent beings but we are the only species that has to pay to eat 😀
@@venuselectrificata every species pays. It's called survival of the fittest.
Very good point👍 I’ve been married 30 years it’s definitely a balance of wearing different hats to cope with all these different roles. Take away the stress of all of that and we still love each other like when we first met.
My parents had a terrible divorce. I’d never want to marry. To me, the only point of marriage is establishing who is responsible for the children. If there aren’t going to be children, just be unmarried but together. I wasn’t raised going to church, so concepts like living in sin or marriage being sacred always seemed odd.
Stop buying into romantic love. Everything is temporary
I don‘t think, there is anything wrong with romantic love, if it goes along with respect, frindship and building your life together. It might even work out or better grow.
Feel better
I’ve been married 30 years romantic love only gets you so far. I liken marriage to sailing it is exactly like that but we have a higher purpose to be steering towards that keeps the wind in our sails.
@@elizagoodytwoshoes9140totally agree! I’ve been married 25 years and it’s only getting better. Dr Willard Harley a psychologist has books on marriage that have been invaluable though for keeping the romance and friendship alive.
Dont do social media, we arnt meant to see it and its all a lie.
Jlo made an entire musical just to prove how happy they were…
Shannan and Chris Wattts comes to mind as a couple feigning love , happiness and financial wealth.
They're not different. You betrayed your partner, broke your vows, and shattered your partner's trust and heart into a million pieces. It's way bigger than "just sex" or love. You ruthlessly stabbed your ride or die in the back. The reason is inconsequential.
Well said
I never understood... why not just stay single or break up if you do cheat. I won't tolerate it and it happened to me; I was sleeping with the enemy and didn't realize it. I suspected it but wanted proof. If you even have to suspect it... you're probably right. I'm so glad I knew not to marry him. I knew I would never marry him. 4:35
The reason people cheat instead of getting out of relationships is because they still see their relationship as a net benefit. Convenience, company. They often don't want to give up their option until they have fully secured another option that is better. Or they lack empathy and just don't care about the other person's feelings.
Sometimes I think the people who run the world have orchestrated it so less people will get married and less people will stay married.
When I look at the reality tv shows my missus watches … ‘desperate housewives of xyz’, ‘90 day fiancé’ , ‘love at first sight’. And when you watch these shows for a few mins and see all the arguments and drama, I just know it’s messing with her head!!
Tell a vision…television is for telling visions that are not our own
I’ve been married 30 years I watch to see how badly they don’t understand how to be in a relationship. Work on being an actual adult and you’re already winning. We think it’s funny when they complain about the other not having their back, it’s called empathic support or being a friend, you can’t demand that 🤦♀️
Totally agree. That’s why I’ve started to turn off the noise and read more of my Bible.
Lay off those shows fam. Low IQ or ver emotionally broken people will mostly create a dumpster fire out of everything. The people in those shows are selected precisely for that.
I love listening to this guy…..
If you want your relationship to be successful, keep other people out of your relationship. Keep in mind that a ship sinks when the water that is supposed to be outside makes its way inside.
I don't have a cheating clause with a penalty. Because I am not married.
Title of the the video is misleading
What was the sign🤔
I blame porn addiction and everything that stems from that issue
There is no economic penalty for the woman when either spouse cheats.
Watch this video twice or even three times.
My father was a serial cheater. He slept with any and every woman that gave him any sort of attention.
It messed me up good. I was left wondering if everything he had ever taught and told me was a lie. To this day I’m still trying to figure it out.
I’m a woman and I don’t give a F*^% if he is in love or not….I just want to know if the equipment is now tainted?!
This comment has WISDOM!
What is equipment ?
I wouldn’t risk it. Lol
Who cares about the equipment! What about respect
@venuselectrificata I know a woman caught her husband cheating on her after she got tested for STD.
Yeah, respect is important. But your body is important as well.
Morals at an all time low all around
Pre-nups ftw!
Infidelity is a low IQ sport. You have to have a low IQ to participate.
Dumb men can't get many women. Women cost patience , money & time . Seems like you're the one that's low IQ.
The opposite is actually true based on a recent academic research conducted in US.
Infidelity is adults behaving like children, they only know how to chase self gratification a very selfish way to be. People do not know how to be adults. I’m nearly 60 and it astounds me how many dysfunctional people live on this planet. Drugs and alcohol is literally the poison that takes them down that path.
@@elizagoodytwoshoes9140 women cost time, patience & money.
@@Utubedeletescomments only from your perspective, my husband is way more expensive than me, he eats like a horse, fishing trips, boat, cars and smokes. I’m the one who is patient plus I’ve always worked while running my business and raised two healthy young adults. You have no idea what you’re attracting with that attitude, loneliness I would say and a very narrow mind indeed.
In an open marriages it's not an issue.
Open marriage is not a marriage lol
@@erinwill6743 some marriages a man has more than one wife.
Some marriages a woman has more than one husband.
Look it up it's a Chinese cultural norm I. The stepp mountains.
found the hotel chair
Marriage should come with a cheating fine and public shame, so the guilty party makes known they were the cheater, and other people can make knowledgeable decisions should they decide to date them.
Americans calling something like a jeep grand Cherokee mid.
It is 40k new 25k used.. i do get the non awareness tho..lol
Wow he and a psychologist have nearly the same wiew
Infidelity should be a crime
We should adopt muslim law
@@Victor-it6bvhell no
@@Victor-it6bv That would fundamentally change your culture. Are you ready for that level of restraint and pragmatism? Functional Sharia does not arise in a degenerate culture , it requires multiple generations to come together for a cause.
If you cheat you are selfish. If u are a selfish person dont get married.
No shit Erin
Marrage is an outdated concept. People stay together 7-10 years then move on.
This guys moves his hands and face just like Louis C.K.
Holy shit I was just thinking the same exact thing!
He's like Louie doing his 'annoying guy' voice 😂
Lol so true
A condo 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
However, the corollary is that if your partner has never ever posted on you on social media once, then he or she doesn’t want their public network or other people to know that you / the relationship even exist.
Is he married? I don’t see a ring.
He’s divorced
@@MzAquaand decided not to remarry, but his ex wife is remarried. Tells you a lot
Wait, so which signs..? He didn't even say that throughout the video. I'm so done with your clickbait titles. I'm gonna dislike and click not to suggest your channel any ore. Seems like a useful time-spender when in return is a time killer.
Everybody could sit there and talk like this guy. I thought I'd get something educational out of it.
So erudite and handsome❤
The best pre-nup is NO MARRIAGE.
This!
😊
I’m sorry for whatever happened to you that gave you this perspective. And I’m not being facetious, I mean that - I’m sorry.
Ever heard of common law?
The best cyber security is no phone or computer
it’s an old clip, why i posting it now? podcast was release 1 year ago
I’m a woman and he’s wrong about my first question when it comes to cheating lol
So many ppl seeking validation in the comments lol the same ppl with social media “tell me how happy I am!” Syndrome
Cheating should have a prison sentence for both parties involved.
Women cost money, time & patience, I'M CHEATING !
Yeah that will fix it!
@@Utubedeletescommentsaren’t you cheating with other women that cost money and time?
Or are you cheating with men?
@@beaniesonna3052 That's why American men go to other countries , cheaper.
@@beaniesonna3052 That's why we go to countries where it's cheaper
✝️👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
What's the deal with 9 minutes videos? Why changing the format of your video? Very disappointing. So much greed from people! More money, more money! Like DOAC is not making enough money. I will have to unsubcribe...sad.
As a modern man, don't get married specially if youre financially well off when u first get together. Just keep her around until she decides to leave. When she leaves all her financial benefits are cut off UNLESS u have children with her OR, you two built something together. Then n only then does she deserves some financial benefits. If she gave u no children and didn't help u build anything, then she deserves NOTHING. Period.
It’s hypocritical that he’s on podcasts and social media trying to garner fame himself.
interesting i've always heard the opposite, man want to know if you love him and women want to know if you slept with the other women!!!
This guy seems like he cheated on his wife 🤣🤣
No, since he’s a lawyer, I assume it’s a divorce, lawyer and if he’s been doing it for a couple of decades, I imagine he’s seen plenty of examples, and that is what he’s talking about. If he’s observed old is destruction, do you think he would do that to his own life.
If you listen to the entire interview he says he’s also divorced and “did stupid things”. The way he talks about infidelity definitely resembles someone that’s done it themselves
There is no cheating in Arab countries. We really can learn something from them about how to treat women.
Yeah because they are forced to marry and have no freedom
You dont want a women, you want a slave lol
Men cheat; women betray.
That you, Tate?
Cheating is a form of betrayal.
What does that even mean
@@gomperhoobletmost men don’t think about what they’re doing they just do it, women plan it out meticulously.
@@elizagoodytwoshoes9140 Nonsense I'm afraid, I know women who cheat impulsively and without a thought. And what about those guys who have two families are they just winging it?
Marriage is an obsolete concept that has no place in contemporary society. Have the same girl/boyfriend for life, fine. EVERY day you wake up you make a choice to WANT to be together, not the law saying you HAVE to be together. WTH kind of phucked up system is that? Anyone thinking marriage is "good" is either a gold digger (male or female) or an insecure SIMP (male or female). Not to mention the stupid and Antiquated and unfair laws that go along with such a contract. END OF DISCUSSION.
Marriage is crucial for a family foundation. Children need a healthy foundation
It sounds like someone got dumped for being a lazy, boring man.
It works I know, we’ve raised a family, built a life, own a business and have same values. I can not imagine having done all of that without him. Jordan Peterson reiterates that with facts, an adult relationship brings more to the table than hurt people to scared to create a relationship.
This guy doesnt say much really, does he? Thought he was going to make a poignant point about what men value vs women and then spun it into some pure waffle.
He does tell the truth, which most people are not going to do. He did say a lot of things actually. This facade of happy people on FB or Instagram, he is saying they are not happy at all, it is big poignant. Most people are falling for it, are not aware of it and doesn't even come close to think about it. We already know what man value and what woman value, he wouldn't say much by listing those things out. But since you are waiting for it, most man value a young beautiful woman, virgin if possible, honest, loyal, helpful and caring for his men, to create a familly. The older she is and the more guys she did sleep with, the less attractive she become, it goes against the value of most man, I mean a man respecting himself and whishing a happy familly. Woman value nice status, tall guy, clean with white teeth, smelling good, and most of all with a lot of money. If you are a small shy guy asking a beer to the bar like this ''Excuse-me!'' and no one is responding to you, this goes against the value of woman.
Why is he so angry about people parading their bullshit relationship as better than it i?
Given that people can't help comparing themselves to others, it has a negative effect on society.
It’s a social commentary on relationships and the generational shift to couples now putting more effort into having a happy online relationship than actually putting that effort into having a happy relationship. Frauds. Narcissists. Dishonest people. Attention seekers.
This dude watches too many movies
he's a divorce lawyer bud
If you break the Gravity's Law, no matter how much you deny the consecuences you will still suffer them. 🪐
yep
Dont do social media, we arnt meant to see it and its all a lie.