my fear of abandonment came from losing about 5 of friends because they moved away and we lost contact. im constantly afraid that my new friends (i am very attached to them) will move away and im constantly asking them if they're gonna leave anytime soon.
@@jeniferpangelinan4575 no....love yourself ^-^💜💜💜pls i myself found that i can relate to the video 10 out 10 but idc cause ik i like who i am justbdont go down on yourself
Me too. Or I’ll think I’m being a bad person or too dramatic about it and I’m just trying to change something about them. And that will make them feel uncomfortable around me bc they can’t be themselves anymore and they’ll eventually leave. Now idk if things hurt me or I’m being too sensitive.
This is so true, I'm even scared of making jokes to someone or a friend because I'm afraid I might offend them and they'll leave me, but theyll often think I'm boring and end up leaving me anyway. And the pattern continues..
Us bruh us.. literally I'm feeling this rn and I didn't realise I had this for years God am I too late to make things right ... I'm feeling so much anxiety
I definitely understand what you’re going through because I do that too. I realize that, if I think about the situation logically, it’s most likely something simple that happened to prevent, distract or delay them from coming home or answering the phone, but still my mind always runs wild and my imagination goes to the most extreme and awful explanations for their disappearance.
Step 1: How are you feeling? Write out how ur feeling Step 2: How would an outsider see this situation? If you told a close friend about the ENTIRE situation, what would they say? Step 3: What do you need right now? Do you just need to breathe or to talk to someone? What do you need him to do? Step 4: How do want to cool off? What do you want to do to take your mind off the situation? Step 5: implement step 3 Once you've decided on what you want to do, cool off and do it
I didn’t think number 1 counted for me until you said something like “You try too hard in your relationships and you put others needs before yours” Then it clicked.
im afraid to be vulnerable because i don’t want to be hurt anymore. i know there is good in this world but everyone i encounter makes me regret opening up to them.
i struggle with “my” friends having other friends. like it didn’t hit me that my friends can have other friends... i would struggle with jealousy in friendships and end up loosing them when i want to join in the things they are into. i guess i was always meant to be a loner.
omg same i thought i was the only one:( i rlly hated myself for being this way, i didnt know other people were the same. i do get jealous now and then but i learned my lesson to not act on it🧎♂️
Well i dont think i have serious abandmont ship issues but i feel that my best friends talk to another friend of theirs way more. I feel jealous and sometimes i hate them for that but ik its not their fault for being to popular.
As someone who has had abandonment issues my whole life (I’m 30), but who has made the steps to work on myself despite that, the best thing you can do is to learn to value your connection with yourself FOR yourself over valuing your connection with other people. You’re so afraid of people leaving because you value them being in your life over yourself. You need to change that. It doesn’t mean you can’t find happiness with other people, and it doesn’t mean you “don’t care”, we’re human, breakups are always gonna be hard. Just work on yourself and learn to love yourself so you won’t throw all of yourself into another person. It’s not easy, it’s hard work and takes a long time…not many people are willing to put in the work. But trust me, it will be worth it.
You made me break in tears realized I spent half my life like this. I mao traumatized and I feel like I don’t deserve my life and I just can’t I need help but I’m scared to tell people because the only people I told were my besties but they don’t care.
"... as long as it gets them to stay." For some reason, that part hit so hard. I don't really cry often, but that just made me cry, because no one ever stays. They all leave as fast as they came.
The one thing I noticed when I first became Muslim.. Is that no matter where I move to (I’ve moved a lot) as long as there’s a mosque I’d always have people that love and care about me genuinely. Even though they know me from nowhere. I remember first thinking it was some kind of setup like why is everyone so nice to me and caring lol. But now After being Muslim since 2013 it’s Just a normal thing now. There’s nothing like Islam just people don’t look into it and just believe the media. I invite you to Islam bro I promise you would never be left.
I discovered I had abandonment issues when my sisters jokingly asked if them moving out when I was very young (because of a big age gap) made me afraid of abandonment and I uncontrolably started crying. That was pretty fun.
summary: 1. You are a people pleaser 0:37 2. You struggle with insecurity 1:03 3. You find it hard to trust people 1:31 4. You are afraid to be vulnerable 1:56 5. You look for reasons to leave 2:27 6. You move on too quickly 2:51 7. You cling to unhealthy relationships 3:21 Recommend watching to learn more 🖤
I think being OVERLY attached to loved ones is also a telltale sign of abandonment issues. Or even expecting too LITTLE of loved ones, and not criticizing them when they do something wrong.
Akine Main UnanGugel Not quite, but yes - they are very similar. I meant more emotionally attached, like you put them on a pedestal and try your hardest not to say ANYTHING wrong.
That resonates with me. I don't expect them to even try to love me, I just let them have their free will, and leave if thet want. I have given up on being liked by everyone, and being "popular". But there's a benefit: I don'y care about the stupidity that all teenagers have to do. I just do it if I feel like it. I don't need anyone to accept me. I just like to find good connections. God bless you all!
*To anyone with abandonment issues: please remember you are worthy of love. If they are true friends, they'll stay. If not, they're not worth having in your life anyway.* ❤️
7 signs you have abandonment issues 1. You’re a people pleaser 2. You struggle with insecurity 3. You find it hard to trust people 4. You’re afraid of intimacy 5. You look for reasons to leave 6. You move on too quickly 7. You cling to unhealthy relationships
Or thinking that any mistake you make will give others a reason to leave you so if you miss an event for reasons out of your control you will feel really really bad for missing said event (sorry if this sounds like a personal experience for me because it is) it’s hard for people to get to know me because I feel like the second I let my guard down they will leave me for someone more interesting
Sounds like anxious attachment style which was kinda expressed by the first few points. Some of the few points toward the end describe more of an avoidant attachment style.
I feel like whatever I do, all the people I love hate me, and are just looking for a way to get away from me. And now I’ve started to push people away, not wanting to open up to anyone. I keep looking for someone who won’t leave me and are there for me, someone who I can talk to and share everything with, but I won’t find anyone before I ‘fix’ myself. I think I’ve gotten these things from a bad friendship when I was 5-9. I got lied to all the time, and almost controlled, and after some time, abandoned because I wasn’t cool enough.
My partner complains on how I don’t care and how I don’t speak my emotions but it’s sooooo hard for me to express my feelings and instead I deal with it by myself .
I relate to almost all of them. Luckily I have a beautiful relationship with my boyfriend, he's always here to give me reassurance and to make me feel loved. But I've noticed that since our relationship started, all my abandonment wounds came up. I wasn't aware of that at all. Everytime I wondered "why do I keep having these bad behaviors?" well now I know why. It's really hard dealing with abandonment issues. For everyone who is reading this, just know that having these wounds does not make you less worthy of love in any way. You are not a bad person. You are simply seeking for the love you didn't receive and deserved as a child. Remember that you can heal from this. You're resilient, strong and beautiful in every possible way. You are valid. You are loved. You are worthy. 💕
How do you get over to all of your insecurities? Mine well I just have a very bad past, I really hope it stop I started to feel such serious suspicion, there are voices in my head that is giving me the negativity, and I thinks I'm having PTSD from my traumatic past.
Sometimes we just need to see ourselves from an outside perspective because we shape our identity around our trauma and we need to understand it’s not who we are, it’s what we’ve been through.
This video touched my heart and made me cry in despair inside. All of my life I always thought people will abandon me, one way or another. I caught myself sweating in fear, so many times, with past boyfriend's, that after every argument they would leave me and never come back :( I hate good-byes overall. I m having big trouble to trust others. I was a huge people pleaser in the past, there was no mercy, I'll do anything for others if it meant they wouldn't leave me . God how much did I have to suffer.. :( It touched a row nerve the whole video and it reminded me again how I am terrorized by the frequent fear of getting abandon completely :( My heart goes out to all people suffering from such a nightmare, it is NOT your fault
Bring all this wonderful energy of love, help and support to yourself first before all your friends. I find that sometimes we do too much to prevent others from abandoning us, in the end we lose ourselves but yet the only person who will never leave you (if we become our best friend) is ourselves. Hoping to have help you, love, courage
@Soleilsonira oh dear. I must tell you something. The reason why you didn't know of this before is simply because we don't want to show to others how truly insecure we feel inside, how vulnerable we are. And that's because we think that if we tell our partners how we fear they will abandon us they will use it against us at every chance. I ve never confessed to my past relationships how much I feared they will get tired/ bored, whatever, of me, and they will abandon me. You do not confess such a thing to your partner.. unless you know the person for years and you feel confident enough to project all the flaws in your soul, how deeply insecure you truly are as a human being. If the fear is intense though after a bar argument or after some relationship situation where she doesn't get your attention enough to keep the fear limited, she will act in panic and you will notice that, doing anything it takes to keep you with her because the fear of you abandoning her in her soul is that enormous that it even exceeds her judgement of being still in love with you still herself or not if for some reason the relationship isn't going well. I had and still have but to a bit lesser extent the fear of abandonment not only with relationships but also with friend's, I always deep inside fear that for some reason they will forget about me or they will simply leave me and stop calling overall. But I'm working hard on it and I try to catch the thought of this fear right at the moment, as soon as it tries to take over and make me sweat in fear. I can also tell you where it comes from. It's our parents. Poor or wrong parenting. It is always them! My mother, when I was a kid, used to have bad fights with my father in front of me and she used to threaten him also in from of me that she would leave him and me altogether...I didn't know I ve still had memories of it as a child, with Psychotherapy I recalled all these faint but painful memories. Apart that, she used to put her own personal life above me and used to leave me very much alone when I was younger after school, to this day I'm still mad at her and when we fight I always automatically tell her she should have never become a mother and how much that hurt me continuously and for years till I was 14 and didn't just care anymore if she's home or not. It almost always comes from wrong pathogenic parenting. Talk with your girlfriend, open an honest and brave conversation about it with her, slowly and progressively, ask her if her parents did something to hurt her when she war younger, talk to her into opening her soul to you and all the dark secrets will progressively but for sure come to the surface and you will be truly surprised. Not only that, but that will help her trust you and go much easier with your relationship, she will be filled with deep appreciation and love for you cause she will notice that you truly care... That for us suffering to that thing is truly huge! We don't trust people, we always assume the worse is about to come. It will take your relationship into a much more deeper, more open, more honest and truly human and mature stage where you are both in they level that you can enjoy your relationship deeply with no fears and insecurities but joy and trust
@@5MARYANNA5 You're welcome, it's normal to help people, I'm super happy to do that! Congratulations on your personal successes, it's not an easy fight to fight, you have to be strong and hold on and it's great that you can have done all of that I think everyone should do psychotherapy because we are everyone realizes at some point in our life that we have open wounds. I hope it's English what I'm saying (because I'm French and I'm helping myself by google translate xD) I wish you the best
@Soleilsonira Girls or boys, everyone can have abandonment injuries that are often related to childhood it seems. It's great that you inquire for her, to help her but it will not be for you to do the work for her Of course, you can support her, listen to her, advise her to go talk about it to specialists. (psychologist, therapist ...) But be careful not to be the "savior". She must give herself more love to herself, not be afraid of being alone, she must be her own best friend , she will be able to count on the person whom she will know will never leave her: herself. And then, if someone ever abandons her, since she will be her best friend, she will be able to console herself. oneself instead of clinging to someone else, which could later create abandonment or even addiction. Hoping to have help you, love, courage
@Soleilsonira It is very nice and beautiful to help people, but without being the "savior" because you risk putting pressure on yourself and a worry that does not belong to you, and I know, we tend to listen to it more. other, to help other than yourself. So, always listen to yourself, love yourself first and of course afterwards you can help and support her. I think a good advice is to give her time with herself sometimes, to work on her anxieties and even to have a good time with herself, see that she doesn't necessarily need people. around her to be well! Maybe this attachment reveals an addiction? You're welcome, it's normal. Thank you too, I wish you the best and that she will be better.
I had it ever since I can remember, even before the roots of depression started showing, it's bc of all the shit the happened when I was a kid, and my OCD makes it worse...
The reason why we feel that way is because we were lead to believe that we will always get hurt from the repetition of pain and trauma in the same areas. When we loved naturally, it was abused and tortured. Now we are left fighting for our hearts to not be broken and by doing so, the results may not be as positive to others or to ourselves but it is because we are in an unfortunate situation. We want to love and be loved but the fear of doing so feels traumatic. If we did not continuously get abused in such a beautiful and sweet place at our core, we would have a better gauge on things. The bigger issue here goes outside of us. The issues are the people who are narcissistic and nonchalant which are more common and a higher percentage of people than those who actually cares.
this is starting to really affect me and i don't know why, i thought if i just repressed everything id be fine. but it feels like everything is happening again and again and again
I always knew I had deep rooted abandonment issues originating from my childhood, so much that I had to do what I despised the most, which was abandoning my childhood best friend. Not because she did anything wrong or was at fault, but because I knew that my issues would’ve sabotaged our friendship one way or another. I tried to please her for years, changed my interests to align with hers, kept her to myself in fear that she’d leave me for someone else etc... I knew that my obsession with making her dependent on our friendship was unhealthy, even when she was too naive to see that. So I just left, which was one of the hardest but most relieving decisions ever. She deserved better and I knew that, maybe then I could finally cope with my childhood trauma in a healthy way
i am struggling with this exact situation right now, i'm debating myself, i don't know if i should leave or stay, i'm trying my best not to bother her with my issues but it's so painful that i can't speak, i want her to see me and care for me but she just doesn't know how much troubled i am and i think i will keep it that way no matter how much it will hurt, she doesn't deserve to feel bad because of me
If I ever met someone that said they loved me and wanted me to be happy, I'd think they're trying to trick me and leave me once they're done Lots of love from a small youtuber💕I hope the coming days fill all the cracks of your heart and you are reminded that you are not alone ,because you are loved 💖🌈
A guy in my friend group did that, then when his ex asked him to take her back he dumped me by note in class. Ruined the whole day for me. And it was right after valentines day
A few years ago, I was diagnosed with BPD. One of the check marks was if you had abandonment issues. At the time, I didn't believe I did at all. Now, after years of confusion as to why I felt certain ways or did certain action, it finally clicked. I actually have major abandonment issues. It's quite horrifying when all these situations you could never understand, just all of a sudden click and make sense.
My mom and dad almost got divorced when I was 8, and just when it all started to get better, my dog died, I had no one to talk to. In my whole school life I hade these 2 best friends, one of them got transferred to a different state when I was 10 and after an year the other one moved to a different city as well. I was lonely for a year, got bullied in school (but I always tried to take a stand for myself), developed some serious issues, idk what to call them, as none of them are diagnosed. But now I'm 17 and better, but I still am afraid of commitments and still get reminded of those memories from time to time. I tend to leave people before I get too attached so I don't get hurt once again. But I'm sure it'll be just fine. I shared my story so that people don't feel they're alone in this. My problem might seem very small to some people and big for others but a problem is a problem and you have to deal with it, don't run away, it'll only infest and come out ugly someday so just try to solve it. Good luck! (and thanks for reading hahaha)
1. You're a people pleaser 2. You struggle with insecurity 3. You find it hard to trust people 4. You're afraid to be vulnerable 5. You look for reasons to leave 6. You move on too quickly 7. You cling to unhealthy relationships
My boyfriend ended our relationship when I needed him the most. Everything was going great and then all of a sudden he decided he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. He doesn't even say it's because of me. I guess his trauma and shit caught up to him. I feel so abandoned by the one person I needed the most in my life.
The person you need the most in your life is God. He loves you more than anyone else will, so much so that he sent his only son to die for you. Focus on a lasting relationship with God and accept his love for you. Human love is fickle, selfish and conditional, God's love is eternal, kind and patient.
I feel this way… My best friend came over to my house for the first time and meet my mom. They got close and started hanging out I didn’t see anything wrong with it but they jokingly said “I’m gonna steal your mom” I felt weird but just laughed and said “Yeah right, you can try” Because I knew that they would never replace me. But they started calling my mom the same way I call her “Má” And my mom wants them to come over even when I say I don’t want to invite them because I want time for myself . My mom called them a nickname today at night that they only called me .. It kinda daunt on me…when I felt the pain in my chest… I played it off by laughing and joking with them but right after I got out the shower I started crying…. I didn’t want to feel jealous and be selfish.. Idk why I’m so hurt but the feeling of being replaced… it was like I feeling of betrayal that I felt, I didn’t want my friend to come over at my house anymore and I wanted to make them think that my mom didn’t like them that much and make them stop calling my mom “Má” …. Not even my brother calls her that and I don’t get jealous with him and my mom being together and bonding. It was just my friend that made me feel that way…I know my mom wouldn’t replace me but it just my own insecurities… The same friend also did the same when talking to my cousin… I felt the same feeling but it hurts more when they do that with my mom. They also…kind of make me feel guilty when I share my achievements with them because they didn’t do well and start thinking negative. They compare themselves to me, specially in one class…soccer..Idk why but when I accidentally ran 6 laps on try outs instead of 5 they said, “I’m gotta make sure I run 6 laps or more too” and I just looked at them and my other friend seemed to notice that they wanted to compete with me at everything… It feels like they try to have and take things that I got…Idk if I’m being over dramatic..
It sounds like it is your friend who might have some issues. Maybe their own family doesn't accept them so they see you and your life as perfect, and obviously want that too. It is not okay when it makes you feel this way but i believe that no one's trying to deliberately hurt you, so I think you should try talking this issue out. It might make your friend hurt and exposed so you may want to start with noting the way it makes you feel, and also talk to your mum? Of course, it'd be ideal if you could also access a psychologist or anyone who's actually capable of giving professional advice in the matter - unlike me 😅 Wish you all the best!
I feel you! I used to have a cousin which a friend as well who is like that! I feel you so much and you're not being dramatic! Your friend is definitely playing with you whether unconsciously or not! I say set a distant with them lest you'll be like me who developed trust issues. Perhaps maybe you are well-loved in your family and his isn't so he try to be like you and take those people who is capable of loving someone, he is jealous of you... If you're like me you might have a good heart and might say share your lives with him, save him, but trust me you cant... you'll feel your life is threaten every seconds and it'll affect your self esteem! If ever, let him find his own worth and let him search for the love he crave, never give yours... leave or distant yourself immediately from those kind of people before its too late for you... or is it already :
So i relatie to all of them, is a Voice in your head constantly telling you "she hates you, they hate you, everyone hates you" a part of this or something else
I would search up social anxiety if I were you as people with social anxiety tend to have the voice in their head! I deal with neglect issues so I usually hear my father's voice, teasing everything I say and think which gets tiring...
My voice doesn't say that, it bearly talks.. Well, when it does, it's when I want to share my deep feelings and insecurities. The voice says "You sound so fake right now" "That just sounds like you want pitty" "You are just saying it because you want to seem edgy" and I am really not sure with myself.. There is a part of me that believes the voice and other that says "You are not okay, you aren't normal. You need to change".. I can ghost easily. I am eather overly attached or just plain gone, no in-between. But even now I am thinking to myself that this sounds so fake and so much like I want attention.. and I honestly believe it, maybe I do want attention.. but then why would I also feel unsertainty about sharing these feelings if that where 100% true? Why would I even look at videos like these if I knew I was being manipulative? I also connected with the video on the part that I move on too quickly and find the next exiting thing to do.
honestly i believe it could be both! in related terms, it could be that you have a fear of loosing someone, and that is causing you to subconsciously convince yourself/over analyze things to try and be extremely cautious around others to prevent attachment and possible loss to happen again, or putting walls and distance around yourself so that you don't get overly attached to someone - which could possibly make another potential loss hurt less (a sort of self defense mechanism that can end up being very harmful to yourself and your relationships.) in unrelated terms, it could be that you possibly have really bad confidence issues, anxiety, or trauma. i don't believe its something that can be linear, i personally believe that it can be many different things, and related to many different things! but what you are going through is very serious, and it can be extremely harmful to your mental health and being as a whole, so please please seek out help regarding these issues. best wishes! edit: i"m sorry if some of the stuff i said doesn't make sense, i wrote this really late at night
@@verdynn Oh I so wish I could get help. I swear if it was in my capacity to do so I definitely would have already.. It will cause too many problems for my family if I where to seek help right now.. So I guess I'll try and seek help whenever I'm older and can pay for the expenses of my own f-ed up brain. Thank you. What you said really made me think about my life and I believe you are right!.. Thank you for hearing my online rambling. Really means a lot ^^
I know this is late but i'm actually glad I found a video I could relate too. I relate to majority of what was said. I am scared and always having a thought in the back of my head "they'll leave you" or "they're lying to you" or "they'll just ghost you like everyone else did" ... My expectations are way too high and I have way too many standards that need to be met in a relationship. I always feel like i'm getting used or that the other person just won't last with me
I've known it for a long time. My dad, then my friends, caused them. Now I'm stuck with them Ironic, the only thing I dont worry about abandoning me is my abandonment issues
Honestly I relate to all of the signs. I been going through some personal issues, and when I say something about it to my friends I'll laugh it off and say I'm fine.
Don't be like that, just tell someone. If you're going through something, just share it with someone you're comfortable with. It's better than keeping it to yourself.
@@SarahRodriguez-1619 I wouldn't tell strangers on the internet that they have a serious personality disorder, based on one symptom. Abandonment issues are just one part of borderline personality disorder. There are other symptoms too.
The trust issue and vulnerability is there...I was more loyal to them than they were to me. However, as I've gotten older, I have a hard time letting go. I'm now prefer my own company.
When I start talking to guys seriously I always have a deep fear that they don’t actually like me and want to leave, I feel like they liked me in the beginning but are now going to just leave me because I’m not good enough or something. I feel like it makes me more anxious and annoying and causes problems in my relationships.
this is me all the way. the big problem for me is the fact that it's happened to me like 4 times so it's difficult to not have that fear. so how do you break the cycle? because not being able to control that anxiety can do harm in relationships. but then some people are just going to do that no matter what.. so you have to just not care but you can't just not care/have the fear. :(
@@getrealgetright I just started to not get full on feelings early in a relationship/talking, and just decided that if they leave it’s their loss because most of the times guys who do this have issues and I can’t do anything about it. I’ve noticed from my end that the guys who all left tend to not be fully confident in themselves (due to them not being out or fully out or other reasons) and that it’s probably best that they left since I finally understand myself and am fully myself everywhere I go.
@@stephenduran8026 yeah I do think that it would be best for me personally given those fears and past experiences to move slower in relationships. To sort of pump the breaks on feelings and expectations at first like you said and not do anything super soon that ties you to the person very much. Nothing wrong with taking things slow. I get what you're saying about guys not being confident/ready for relationships for reasons that we can't control and have nothing to do with us. I guess all anyone can do is build happiness for themselves outside of relationships, not take things too personally, and then hopefully at some point something will fall into place.
Number 4 is me. I start to pull away whenever I start getting close to someone, because I don’t want them to leave and I don’t want to be hurt. All interpersonal relationships end eventually, in some way. It seems so naive to think otherwise. I feel like this might’ve happened because of my mom marrying my stepdad when I was 10. I cried a lot because we were really close and now some dude I didn’t know very well was taking her on dates until ungodly hours of the morning (we shared a room at the time due to limited space). I cried a lot because I thought she’d never come home. They got married and nothing got better because he’s a toxic ass. In a way, that just confirmed my fears. She didn’t LEAVE, but our relationship changed.
All relationships do not end. I've had some friends since my early teen years now well into my 30s. Sometimes friendships go thru seasons of being closer or more distant. Some ppl are friends or married for life
About a month ago, my girlfriend started being unsecure and emotionally distant... Now, about a month later, she confirmed that she's afraid of being hurt if someone leaves her, and she got emotionally distant from me because she's afraid I'll leave her too... I wish I could help her, and to change things...
Perhaps it might help if you reassure her that you're not going anywhere, and to back that up with action. It might also help to go with her to counseling, if you/she feel(s) that might be helpful. My last relationship was the same. I hope yours works out and the two of you do well together. Take care! 🙂
Unfortunately i have all of these signs. I hate how i always got jealous over the simplest thing. I always got scared that people secretly hate me like they used to in primary school. Now all these waves come back as i turned 15 this year. I can't even stop myself from oversharing. Thank for this video for opening my eyes though:)
Hi Psych2go, thanks for everything you have done. A little suggestion here. Perhaps near the end of the video or even the next video, it will be wonderful if you guys can talk about some methods of tackling the issues you talked about. In this way, there will be videos like this one that can help identify the issues and also videos that tackles the same issues. Thank you for reading!
Ive found, from this channel alone. That i have trust issues and abandonment issues but this is making me constantly spiral into a sort of smiling depression and self hate. But ive also found that ive learned alot of lessons sense I found these out and im working on fixing myself. I think its awsome that there are a whole group of people (us) with mental issues like this, although its sad, It's awsome that we can all help eachother and make eachother feel better when things are getting preticularly bad.
Same i know i have abondment issues but when i think about what could have caused it all i think up is how much people i care about died do you think thats where my issues are coming from
I mean I got left multiple times. 1. my dad he left me when I was 3 2.I haven’t seen my grandma in now 3 years and she’s in the hospital so I’m super scared 3.I did have to leave a close friend 4. I never see my grandparents the only time is 5 And sometimes I overthink things
I think I have abandonment issues. I was in a serious relationship with my ex 3 years ago and I honestly thought that I was gonna marry him. We had so many break ups and patch ups through our relationship. One day he told me that he loved me, and two days later he left me. The only person I really loved actually left me. Now I get easily attached, always look for red flags/flaws (so I can find an excuse to leave them before they leave me), I need confirmation all the time that they still interested in me, if they don’t text me for one day I’m afraid they lost interest and would leave. So I start to get pushy And clingy, and it ends up with me scaring them away.
I feel uncomfortable when people try to get close to me even though I want to be left alone & I’m too much of a people pleaser to push them away so I form these very bad friendships with people using me. I know it’s my fault for it happening and I hate myself for it. Idk how to handle it tho
Hello! I'm the person that gives people bad advise that has ruined my healthy relationships so why can't it ruin some abusive ones? Step #1: If the relationship is online just ghost them little by little! Tip for step #1: (Make sure to have a hobby ready to keep your mind off of the person!) Step #2: If you are too afraid to block them just mute them and delete their phone number and text messages! :D Yeah I don't actually do this but I 100% do step number 1 to my healthy relationships subconsciously soooooo
When I heard 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th sign, I resonated with them so much. I am struggling with abandonment issues and I have acknowledged that. I am still trying to get over it. But everyone who is suffering through the same thing, I want y'all to know that it was the person who was wrong, not love. Don't despise love just because the person you were attached to left you behind...
I’ve learned so many terms & issues I have from my childhood with this channel. I appreciate knowing there are names for these issues but having to remember & address them isn’t going to end well. I’ve most likely repressed a lot more than I know, & trying to find help is a pain.
I can’t speak my mind or be vulnerable around anyone because I’m scared to show who I am in case I get rejected or laughed at. I over analyse every word I say, filtering my words carefully. I can’t afford to slip up and made fun. It’s actually easier if I Disengage from conversation
The reality is that being vulnerable is a scary thing and something I've had to work on over the last few years. However, when someone doesn't put you down for opening up to them there are few feelings that are better.
I desire a healthly strong bond with someone. I often idealize them at first so that I might see the flaws later. Like a self fulfilling prophesy, that leaves me broken hearted. 😢 However, I know there is hope for change and a better outcome. I’ve truly begun to see my patterns and emotions towards others. Often overlooking the red flags that I blamed in previous relationships. It’s me…my mindset and perspective, how I talk to myself and often abandon myself for the sake of “saving” others. I’ve committed to remembering how to love myself and getting my life together before getting into another relationship and causing harm, destruction and pain for us both. Thank you for the video and reminder that I’m not flawed, nor is there anything wrong with me. But the patterns I have are just not working anymore. I’m important too!!
I’ve got a severe fear of abandonment, and it was made worse when all of my friends collectively decided to forget about me. I still do my best to please them and make them happy, even though they hurt me every time I give them a chance, because I don’t want to be alone.
I feel ya... But don't bother with them, try to find new, good friends or just try to patiently wait and you'll surely find the right friends. Best of luck to you
Please don't stay, later you will feel so tired that you won't even feel like being with anyone at all so find the right people for friendship and all kinds of relationship.
Take your time to find better relationships.. You deserve better treatment and if they keep hurting you, they're not your friends.. I had this problem And you should let them go, they don't deserve someone like you nor to use you.. Hope you'll get better buddy ! I send you lots of love
that's okay to leave people sometimes when that's not good for you.You need and you deserve better friends , but the most important point is BE your best friend ,self love. Talk to you like you're talking with a close friend,be nice with you. The only person who will never leave you will then be yourself Love, Courage ,respect.
The key is learning 2 love urself for who u are acknowledge ur greatness n ur issues.. with this u will start treating urself better holistically.. you will then find the power to realise what is important in ur life.. therapy affirmations of the good traits is good. Until we find ourselves n love ourselves n accept our past family events which allowed repetitive behaviour of low self esteem we repeat attracting the people who may not deserve us in their lives.we also have to check our behaviour which can have an impact on people. Hope this helps . I am a therapist.
Ever since I was really little, I had a huge fear of abandonment. When I would go to stores I was glued to my parents, I would never leave their side. I'm 15 now and through continuous hard work pushing through those thoughts and feelings and having a phone. I've gotten a lot better, as far as not wanting to stay in the car by myself. I do tend to push people away though and have trust issues. I was emotionally and mentally abused and sometimes physically by my aunt and cousin. It started when I was like four or five, up until very recently and sometimes still happens. I'm continuing to fight through it and trying to be the best version of myself and doing a lot of self-love. Especially reaching out to people when I need too and not isolating myself.
Yup. I tend to sabotage close relationships like I will leave you before you leave me. Or become detached or vague when someone gets to close to me. Fortunately, I am willing to address these issues so I can have meaningful relationships 🤓
I was 'abandoned' at the age of seven through a process called grade retention. Unworthy, unwanted, unloved...failure became my default belief system. I suffered variations of some, not all, of the seven signs you site. Everything came with a component of fear. Individualized permutations of the rest mark me as definitely abandon-fearful. Discovering the source of my dysfunctions started around the age of fifty. It has taken me two decades to reset my belief system to a healthier one. The sorrow over a lost life almost overshadowed the loss itself. I am now free to enjoy what time I may have left. Global attention to psychological pathologies, their causes, expressions and healing would go a long way to making this a better world.
1, 2, 3, and 7 all resonated with me. And, even for a couple of the others, while I am not afraid of being vulnerable, and do not push people away, I do often fear that someone I am trusting might leave me like so many others have. Recently, I have started to try talking about my concerns with some friends in the hope that they might understand. Abandonment issues really hurt for those who have to live with them. 🥺
I didnt realize how much I was afraid to be alone. I'd do anything to make friends and for people to like me. It was thanks to this channel and friends I made online who accepted me for who I was and helped me that i got better. I'm still changing, but its thanks to those things that I'm changing in the first place :3
The feeling of wanting to be alone but being so lonely There's something deeply bothering me but i don't know or at least don't wonna know why , i just wonna bury it and stop the pain
i personally thought that i had already gotten over my trauma. but when i watched this video i realized that all my insecurities i have with friendships stem from fear of abandonment. ive turned into a people pleaser just so others wouldn't leave. ive also noticed that im incredibly jealous when my close friends hang out with others because im afraid they'll leave me since they've found someone better. but what i hadn't realized is that that is due to me having abandonment issues and that its because of my past trauma. thank you for making this video to allow me to become aware of this
When my mom and my sisters dad got divorced and he took my sister.. I blamed myself for it.. I never knew my real dad and a lot of step dads walked out of my life.. it’s hard knowing that someone might leave me.. a lot of people left me when I needed them most since I kept pushing them away.. I accused my ex’s of cheating on me.. and my current bf.. his happiness is way more important than my own happiness.. I’m all of the signs..
Most ppl just truly dont know how i operate. I have a lot of anger pent up, i guess. It prob is out fear. But i could easily get grossed out by anyone. You could be attractive, you could be nice, you could be alot of things, it doesnt matter to me. Im vulnerable. I just dont always want to allow myself to feel that way. .. So, for me its a combo of things. Those feelings can come out of no where too. But I know ppl who have gone through some of the same things as me. & We sure as hell dont operate the same way. They are fueled by others. Thats def never been me.
It always happens to me in middle school!! everytime I see my friend named Juliana is with someone that wasn’t me her other friend is Eunice. And when I see Juliana and Eunice hugging or cuddling, I ended up acting I don’t belong in their friendship because I don’t get cuddles or hugs I always say “I want some hugs too…” in the soft quiet way.. I just wanted so many attention and just be obsessed by every friend for the rest of my middle school life. And when I see my friends having attention to each other I ended up crying softly and ran into the boys bathroom and say “IM NOT IMPORTANT IM NOT COOL!” And the next day I see my friends being themselves and not saying “hi” in the excited way. Every time my friend Ellie walks in to class she doesn’t even say “hi” to me she was acting I don’t exist… and I always feel like I’ll be judged and not loved because I might say “besties I really need some comfort and loving because I’m having abandonment issues and jealous syndrome” it’s like I’m needing them too much… everytime my friends don’t always get my many attention I feel like I’m not important to them… if my friends/besties don’t always look at me so they could talk to me (i have no choice but to commit suicide…) and it will be the end of me…..and yes I’ll have Suicidal Issues too.
I told my close friend that I was having a suicidal breakdown and after, he proceeded to not bother messaging me and even ignored my messages. It's been like two weeks. EDIT: After I posted this comment, I tried to talk to him one more time and he ignored it. We aren't friends anymore.
Do not think about this friend and focus on yourself, send yourself love, be your best friend, promise yourself for example to always be there for yourself, to listen and to pass on before your loved ones. If you don't feel good with your friends, say so. If they don't listen, find other better ones. Courage, love, hoping to have helped you
Always remember in times of stress to stop whatever you are doing, breath, take a break if needed and most inportantly lowering your brain activity, ie, relax and stay calm. + remember that you don’t need to rely on friends or anyone to know you are valuable person. Because you are
Mental health is something that you need to experience yourself to understand. A lot of people just don't go through this so they write you off as being crazy or weird. You don't need these people in your life, people who are unwilling to understand.
👏 Thanks! Very Informative! I have almost 6 of them. My father got away when I was 8-9 and my mom was very sick, and she spent too much time waiting for him. She was a good mother but at some point she forgot herself waiting for him to come back. As a result, I grew up detached, very independent so I could watch for myself without anyone. I am also very pleasant to others, until I started forgetting my needs and emotional health. That's when I searched for help with psychologists. Now I feel good alone, maybe because of the inner fear to be abandoned, I don't know. But at least, I'm not pleasant anymore and I got away from unhealthy relationships. If I stay in a relationship, I need it to fulfill my emotional and spiritual needs. I worked my insecurities, jealousy and selfsteem. I'm now another person. Still working on me to fix that damage. Blessings for all of you 💗
Recently my Therapist told she leaving now got the feeling of abandonment I'm screwed first my partner died, my mom died, and my social worker leaves, and now therapist leaving .Yes got trust issues ,don't keep my those don't want to stay with me or they ,take for granted ,and have hard time let them go emotionally don't tell them they hurt me and get self destructive . behavior binge eating, smoke, self harm, cry in my sleep to bed and becoming disengage and avoid them before reject me completely .
My abandonment issue is mainly because my dad left my mom when I was 11 months old. I always felt like I had to work twice as hard just to make up for the emotional support that wasn't there. But looking back at it now, I'm thankful because it gave me the desire and drive to succeed and achieve my goals. I still struggle with trusting people, but I'm working on it by praying and reading books on emotional healing.
@@eternityschildlv the thing is, you shouldn’t need to test people. You shouldn’t need to keep them in check. That’s unhealthy and replaces genuine connexion with control.
@@eternityschildlv It's a bad idea not to let anyone in your life..we are social creatures, no one can handle too much loneliness. Just work on finding the right people..
Wow at 49 I still carry some of these signs and I thought I was getting better. My mother left me when I was 8. I would leave a relationship first before they could leave me. I figured that had to do with abandonment issues but thanks to your video it validated it.
I can here because my husband was diagnosed with abandonment issues and I want to learn more about it so I can be there for him the way he needs me to be. Now I'm realizing I may be struggling with it myself.
The clinging to bad relationships hit me. Over the past 4 years after highschool ended and I slowly saw my closest friends less and less, I got into friendships that were honestly s**t for me. I was basically being used as a sponge by all these other lonely people who only called me for that purpose. It's like we both acted as eachothers life lines whenever more interesting things weren't going on. I knew these particular friends didn't have any interest in me, and when I chose to quit smoking weed and drinking beer, I realized there was zero purpose of me really chilling with them. One relationship was basically just going in the guys car and driving around to places to smoke weed out the window. This particular person stopped smoking weed near the same time as me, and we both actually realized there wasn't much of an incentive for us to see eachother after that. We didn't excersize together, play video games together, have similar movie interests, he never drank, I had never been to his house, the only real thing about me and him seeing eachother after weed ended, was to play some basketball and catch up on the past couple weeks we've had. I do feel like that chunk of my life left behind some intense nostalgia, the nostalgia of being a year out of highschool, being invested in dank weed and sitting in your buddies 2011 nissan ultima just ripping bong hits and getting baked together, and just listening to new music and driving around, then getting heavy tasty munch and then getting dropped off after the parents were in bed, baked basketball too, it was a nostalgic vibe I'm actually sad I'll never return to. I still see the guy though twice a month or so, as I mentioned. The other guy was a similar scenario but he had a small unit he paid rent for. I basically just came around whenever he wasn't doing anything particular, which was actually alot. We sat in his dark room with the Xbox One on, basically watching criminal minds on netflix, or streaming NHL or NBA and betting on it. He'd always win his bets, I'd always lose. I lost $1000 total until I quit entirely. We'd just sit there ripping poppers and green bowls out the bong, then I'd drive home at 2-4:00AM. I'd get drunk there for no reason sometimes, just being depressed. I worked with him at a landscaping company, until he decided he didn't wanna see me anymore, so he spread a rumor about me to the boss and got me fired and then told me YEEET as he got me fired. I had also quit smoking as much around that time. After I got fired because of his lie, and was off poppers especially, I noticed this guy was a bad and lonely a** dude who didn't give a s*** about anyone. It's weird how you don't really come around to those analyzations whenever you're getting high af with him. I probably acted different too in general whenever I'd see this guy every day. Now I was seeing this guy at another time then my other friend up above. I seemed to be on and off weed entirely depending on if I was becoming friends with another lonely guy who was a stoner. I wouldn't smoke weed if I wasn't seeing them. The last guy was a narcissist who'd have me over after work, almost nightly, as he just needed a sponge before going to bed. on weekends or important days, I didn't exist much to him, and he kind of kept the fact he had me over to chill every night a secret from his family and other friends (who I knew). You'd enter his house through the garage, and it led into his basement, and upstairs was off limits. You'd rip poppers in his garage, then go inside and do basically whatever he wanted to do. Only when I stopped poppers, I started seeing that it was actually a pretty garbage relationship we had, we didn't actually have much in common, in terms of laughter or interests, we just ripped poppers and then I'd sit there like an object as he did whatever he wanted to do. I'd watch him play Warzone in an xbox live party with his other friends for an hour or two sometimes, just sitting there like I didn't exist. I still see that guy sometimes, but It took me effort to turn it from seeing him nightly, to once every two weeks. On some sort of objective level, we are still friends, but now that i'm sober I don't have a filter for just sitting around there in his basement doing what he wants to do, especially considering we dont have common interests and stuff. Lastly pretty much my best friend growing up, he moved into a house by the local college we all went to. I'd visit him everyday practically with the "drive around" guy I mentioned at the top. I thought we were all keeping the good times alive with my best pal from growing up, but in reality, things were changing in the friendship. He quickly became addicted to drugs and changed overall as a person, he was no longer absorbed into life back at home. We still saw this guy all the time until the actual friendship part about it didn't seem to be there, his room was trashed and not taken care of, and basically people came around to rip poppers. When it was all said and done, he moved back home where we lived, but would only contact us twice a year after that. So it's crazy how any friendship I thought I was in zen with, where I'd see whomever nearly on the daily, wasn't really a friendship and it was just dependency on both sides of it. Once the slightest thing about it changed, you'd realize there wasn't really anything there in the first place.
Dear 1 sub before 2021?, You are an extraordinary individual. Thank you for leaving kind and caring notes! You are an altruistic person who only deserves the best!!
I did watch the whole thing and I did take my ADHD medication. Thanks for the complement if it is still applicable with you. Actually, abandonment issues resonate with certain types of narcissistic personality disorders.
Whenever my mother finds a new boyfriend, I always have this feeling that they're just going to leave and never come back. I just want an actual father figure in my life but I'm afraid that it won't ever happen :'(
What’s the biggest fear you have in terms of abandonment? Comment below⬇️⬇️
All of them
Can you guys make a leafy plush he's cute and must be our friends!!
That I, in fact, AM actually the reason people leave.
my fear of abandonment came from losing about 5 of friends because they moved away and we lost contact. im constantly afraid that my new friends (i am very attached to them) will move away and im constantly asking them if they're gonna leave anytime soon.
I just avoid people so I don't hav3 to worry about being abandoned again
Admit it, we're only here because we just wanted validation for what we already knew.
Wow, this hits hard.
dont expose me or others ¥_¥pls
this video knows me alot
Yeah. But what do we do now?
@@jeniferpangelinan4575 no....love yourself ^-^💜💜💜pls i myself found that i can relate to the video 10 out 10 but idc cause ik i like who i am justbdont go down on yourself
I’m always so scared to tell people when they upset me because it may upset them and they’ll leave me
Me too. Or I’ll think I’m being a bad person or too dramatic about it and I’m just trying to change something about them. And that will make them feel uncomfortable around me bc they can’t be themselves anymore and they’ll eventually leave.
Now idk if things hurt me or I’m being too sensitive.
I can relate
Exactly what I feel
This is so true, I'm even scared of making jokes to someone or a friend because I'm afraid I might offend them and they'll leave me, but theyll often think I'm boring and end up leaving me anyway. And the pattern continues..
Fr
Whenever my boyfriend doesn’t talk to me for a day, I get so anxious imagining the worst possible situation and my whole day gets ruined.
This is exactly me right now. Now I even feel like he's seeing other girls.
Us bruh us.. literally I'm feeling this rn and I didn't realise I had this for years God am I too late to make things right ... I'm feeling so much anxiety
😭😭
I definitely understand what you’re going through because I do that too. I realize that, if I think about the situation logically, it’s most likely something simple that happened to prevent, distract or delay them from coming home or answering the phone, but still my mind always runs wild and my imagination goes to the most extreme and awful explanations for their disappearance.
Step 1: How are you feeling?
Write out how ur feeling
Step 2: How would an outsider see this situation?
If you told a close friend about the ENTIRE situation, what would they say?
Step 3: What do you need right now?
Do you just need to breathe or to talk to someone? What do you need him to do?
Step 4: How do want to cool off?
What do you want to do to take your mind off the situation?
Step 5: implement step 3
Once you've decided on what you want to do, cool off and do it
I read this somewhere: "Abandonment trauma will lead you to sabotage your relationships as a way to affirm your fears."
Hm...
Frick..
Can confirm.
yup
Effff
“It all started when i was born”
DITTO!!
😄...right
Lol
People with emotional issues are usually funny as hell
Yeah....Squidward 🙄
I didn’t think number 1 counted for me until you said something like
“You try too hard in your relationships and you put others needs before yours”
Then it clicked.
im afraid to be vulnerable because i don’t want to be hurt anymore. i know there is good in this world but everyone i encounter makes me regret opening up to them.
I COMPLETELY understand.
🤗
Same here.
yeah, since middle school, shit has been rough as fuck so I can't show as much emotion I did since that time. i understand how u feel dude
Same, I just don't want to get hurt by the fact that I'm not good enought to people.
i struggle with “my” friends having other friends. like it didn’t hit me that my friends can have other friends... i would struggle with jealousy in friendships and end up loosing them when i want to join in the things they are into. i guess i was always meant to be a loner.
Same I relate...it’s like I created an expectation on them to not have friends but that’s a toxic habit as if I’m controlling
@@annanguyen2819 😔 yh
omg same i thought i was the only one:( i rlly hated myself for being this way, i didnt know other people were the same. i do get jealous now and then but i learned my lesson to not act on it🧎♂️
me too! I thought it was normal for a very long time
Well i dont think i have serious abandmont ship issues but i feel that my best friends talk to another friend of theirs way more. I feel jealous and sometimes i hate them for that but ik its not their fault for being to popular.
As someone who has had abandonment issues my whole life (I’m 30), but who has made the steps to work on myself despite that, the best thing you can do is to learn to value your connection with yourself FOR yourself over valuing your connection with other people. You’re so afraid of people leaving because you value them being in your life over yourself. You need to change that. It doesn’t mean you can’t find happiness with other people, and it doesn’t mean you “don’t care”, we’re human, breakups are always gonna be hard. Just work on yourself and learn to love yourself so you won’t throw all of yourself into another person. It’s not easy, it’s hard work and takes a long time…not many people are willing to put in the work. But trust me, it will be worth it.
How did you work on it, if I may ask?
You made me break in tears realized I spent half my life like this. I mao traumatized and I feel like I don’t deserve my life and I just can’t I need help but I’m scared to tell people because the only people I told were my besties but they don’t care.
"... as long as it gets them to stay." For some reason, that part hit so hard. I don't really cry often, but that just made me cry, because no one ever stays. They all leave as fast as they came.
The only one, infallible, truth. Everyone leaves...
I'm sorry, honey. Please believe that it won't always be this way.
@@merediththomas501 what do you d o to change it and stop history repeating? Otherwise it is always that way
The one thing I noticed when I first became Muslim.. Is that no matter where I move to (I’ve moved a lot) as long as there’s a mosque I’d always have people that love and care about me genuinely. Even though they know me from nowhere. I remember first thinking it was some kind of setup like why is everyone so nice to me and caring lol. But now After being Muslim since 2013 it’s Just a normal thing now. There’s nothing like Islam just people don’t look into it and just believe the media. I invite you to Islam bro I promise you would never be left.
Right? That sentence made me stop and feel a tear
1. You're constantly begging your Animal Crossing villagers to stay every time they try to move.
So true
LMAO!
This has limits. I mean. Violet goddamnit I threw a party when she finally left, 3 months after she came. This game is on hard node sometimes 😂
Lol
This hit a different way
I discovered I had abandonment issues when my sisters jokingly asked if them moving out when I was very young (because of a big age gap) made me afraid of abandonment and I uncontrolably started crying. That was pretty fun.
summary:
1. You are a people pleaser 0:37
2. You struggle with insecurity 1:03
3. You find it hard to trust people 1:31
4. You are afraid to be vulnerable 1:56
5. You look for reasons to leave 2:27
6. You move on too quickly 2:51
7. You cling to unhealthy relationships 3:21
Recommend watching to learn more 🖤
:c ;-; :< T-T
Thanks for taking the time to do that
ThePlaylists no problem 😊 im glad that these help you!
xywowpig the edgy anime dude you’re welcome 💗💗
tchalamet Thank you for your summary list.
I think being OVERLY attached to loved ones is also a telltale sign of abandonment issues.
Or even expecting too LITTLE of loved ones, and not criticizing them when they do something wrong.
Yeah that's definitely me. 100%
That the no1 if I understand it right
Akine Main UnanGugel Not quite, but yes - they are very similar. I meant more emotionally attached, like you put them on a pedestal and try your hardest not to say ANYTHING wrong.
That resonates with me. I don't expect them to even try to love me, I just let them have their free will, and leave if thet want. I have given up on being liked by everyone, and being "popular". But there's a benefit: I don'y care about the stupidity that all teenagers have to do. I just do it if I feel like it. I don't need anyone to accept me. I just like to find good connections. God bless you all!
@@GabrielsEpicLifeofGoalssame, it's like what they call 'more expectations more disappointment, or expect the worse and you can find all the good'
I just want that one person in my life who never leaves me no matter how hard it gets for that person and understands me better than anyone else🥺
*To anyone with abandonment issues: please remember you are worthy of love. If they are true friends, they'll stay. If not, they're not worth having in your life anyway.* ❤️
❤🤗
💛🙌🏽
*Subscribed* but your bell doesn't work.. 🔕🤷🏾♂️
Thank You
I have friends who “stay” but at the same time it gives me the feeling of forceful.. Staying out of pity..
when abandonment issues get to you, you truly believe all everyone wants to leave you and feel some way towards you
7 signs you have abandonment issues
1. You’re a people pleaser
2. You struggle with insecurity
3. You find it hard to trust people
4. You’re afraid of intimacy
5. You look for reasons to leave
6. You move on too quickly
7. You cling to unhealthy relationships
Absolutely
Me.
I disagree with number 6. What if you just don’t grow attached to people?
I guess I have an abandonment issue 😭
I score only 6 out of seven...hmm...so, it could have been worse! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
You missed all the important ones. Such as, being clingy and not wanting to let go. Being overly attached to everyone
😭😭😭 WHY DOES THIS SOUND LIKE ME SO MUCH, GODDAMNIT?!?!
Huh? They said this in the video
Or thinking that any mistake you make will give others a reason to leave you so if you miss an event for reasons out of your control you will feel really really bad for missing said event (sorry if this sounds like a personal experience for me because it is) it’s hard for people to get to know me because I feel like the second I let my guard down they will leave me for someone more interesting
@@spicypancakeproductions5057 Interesting name... You seem like someone I may have gone to school with... 🤔😅
Sounds like anxious attachment style which was kinda expressed by the first few points. Some of the few points toward the end describe more of an avoidant attachment style.
I feel like whatever I do, all the people I love hate me, and are just looking for a way to get away from me. And now I’ve started to push people away, not wanting to open up to anyone. I keep looking for someone who won’t leave me and are there for me, someone who I can talk to and share everything with, but I won’t find anyone before I ‘fix’ myself.
I think I’ve gotten these things from a bad friendship when I was 5-9. I got lied to all the time, and almost controlled, and after some time, abandoned because I wasn’t cool enough.
Me: "Her voice is so calm I could fall asleep to this."
My brain: *the chance of a jumpscare scream is low, but never 100%*
Lol,!! The trama! XD same tho UwU
@Alkalez oh you’re right lol, nvrmind me I’m dumb like that
*A loud ad swoop in*
Don't you mean 'never 0%'?
@@daph0307 yeah that’s what I meant, guess my brain wasn’t working 100% when I commented
2:25 “You may struggle with commitment and act detached and indifferent when you really do care.” Bullseye. It’s my biggest problem.
My partner complains on how I don’t care and how I don’t speak my emotions but it’s sooooo hard for me to express my feelings and instead I deal with it by myself .
This is ALL of this is me. Especially the running part. I'd rather be alone than deal with the possibility of being left.
"No matter how many people you lose, you have no choice but to keep moving on"
-Kamado Tanjiro
Thank you 🙏
I can't afford to....
Nice quote but when did he say that
Yo weeb
dang tanjiro is emo
I relate to almost all of them. Luckily I have a beautiful relationship with my boyfriend, he's always here to give me reassurance and to make me feel loved. But I've noticed that since our relationship started, all my abandonment wounds came up. I wasn't aware of that at all. Everytime I wondered "why do I keep having these bad behaviors?" well now I know why. It's really hard dealing with abandonment issues.
For everyone who is reading this, just know that having these wounds does not make you less worthy of love in any way. You are not a bad person. You are simply seeking for the love you didn't receive and deserved as a child. Remember that you can heal from this. You're resilient, strong and beautiful in every possible way.
You are valid.
You are loved.
You are worthy. 💕
Thanks! especially today, I needed that 😊
@@221BSam you're very welcome!♥️♥️
How do you get over to all of your insecurities? Mine well I just have a very bad past, I really hope it stop I started to feel such serious suspicion, there are voices in my head that is giving me the negativity, and I thinks I'm having PTSD from my traumatic past.
❤️❤️❤️ thank you
Thanks for your comment. It warm my heart 💐❤️
Sometimes we just need to see ourselves from an outside perspective because we shape our identity around our trauma and we need to understand it’s not who we are, it’s what we’ve been through.
This video touched my heart and made me cry in despair inside. All of my life I always thought people will abandon me, one way or another. I caught myself sweating in fear, so many times, with past boyfriend's, that after every argument they would leave me and never come back :(
I hate good-byes overall. I m having big trouble to trust others.
I was a huge people pleaser in the past, there was no mercy, I'll do anything for others if it meant they wouldn't leave me .
God how much did I have to suffer.. :(
It touched a row nerve the whole video and it reminded me again how I am terrorized by the frequent fear of getting abandon completely :(
My heart goes out to all people suffering from such a nightmare, it is NOT your fault
Bring all this wonderful energy of love, help and support to yourself first before all your friends.
I find that sometimes we do too much to prevent others from abandoning us, in the end we lose ourselves but
yet the only person who will never leave you (if we become our best friend) is ourselves.
Hoping to have help you, love, courage
@Soleilsonira oh dear. I must tell you something. The reason why you didn't know of this before is simply because we don't want to show to others how truly insecure we feel inside, how vulnerable we are. And that's because we think that if we tell our partners how we fear they will abandon us they will use it against us at every chance.
I ve never confessed to my past relationships how much I feared they will get tired/ bored, whatever, of me, and they will abandon me.
You do not confess such a thing to your partner.. unless you know the person for years and you feel confident enough to project all the flaws in your soul, how deeply insecure you truly are as a human being.
If the fear is intense though after a bar argument or after some relationship situation where she doesn't get your attention enough to keep the fear limited, she will act in panic and you will notice that, doing anything it takes to keep you with her because the fear of you abandoning her in her soul is that enormous that it even exceeds her judgement of being still in love with you still herself or not if for some reason the relationship isn't going well.
I had and still have but to a bit lesser extent the fear of abandonment not only with relationships but also with friend's, I always deep inside fear that for some reason they will forget about me or they will simply leave me and stop calling overall. But I'm working hard on it and I try to catch the thought of this fear right at the moment, as soon as it tries to take over and make me sweat in fear.
I can also tell you where it comes from. It's our parents. Poor or wrong parenting. It is always them! My mother, when I was a kid, used to have bad fights with my father in front of me and she used to threaten him also in from of me that she would leave him and me altogether...I didn't know I ve still had memories of it as a child, with Psychotherapy I recalled all these faint but painful memories.
Apart that, she used to put her own personal life above me and used to leave me very much alone when I was younger after school, to this day I'm still mad at her and when we fight I always automatically tell her she should have never become a mother and how much that hurt me continuously and for years till I was 14 and didn't just care anymore if she's home or not.
It almost always comes from wrong pathogenic parenting.
Talk with your girlfriend, open an honest and brave conversation about it with her, slowly and progressively, ask her if her parents did something to hurt her when she war younger, talk to her into opening her soul to you and all the dark secrets will progressively but for sure come to the surface and you will be truly surprised.
Not only that, but that will help her trust you and go much easier with your relationship, she will be filled with deep appreciation and love for you cause she will notice that you truly care... That for us suffering to that thing is truly huge!
We don't trust people, we always assume the worse is about to come. It will take your relationship into a much more deeper, more open, more honest and truly human and mature stage where you are both in they level that you can enjoy your relationship deeply with no fears and insecurities but joy and trust
@@5MARYANNA5 You're welcome, it's normal to help people, I'm super happy to do that! Congratulations on your personal successes, it's not an easy fight to fight, you have to be strong and hold on and it's great that you can have done all of that I think everyone should do psychotherapy because we are everyone realizes at some point in our life that we have open wounds.
I hope it's English what I'm saying (because I'm French and I'm helping myself by google translate xD)
I wish you the best
@Soleilsonira Girls or boys, everyone can have abandonment injuries that are often related to childhood it seems.
It's great that you inquire for her, to help her but it will not be for you to do the work for her Of course, you can support her, listen to her, advise her to go talk about it to specialists. (psychologist, therapist ...) But be careful not to be the "savior". She must give herself more love to herself, not be afraid of being alone, she must be her own best friend , she will be able to count on the person whom she will know will never leave her: herself. And then, if someone ever abandons her, since she will be her best friend, she will be able to console herself. oneself instead of clinging to someone else, which could later create abandonment or even addiction.
Hoping to have help you, love, courage
@Soleilsonira
It is very nice and beautiful to help people, but without being the "savior" because you risk putting pressure on yourself and a worry that does not belong to you, and I know, we tend to listen to it more. other, to help other than yourself. So, always listen to yourself, love yourself first and of course afterwards you can help and support her.
I think a good advice is to give her time with herself sometimes, to work on her anxieties and even to have a good time with herself, see that she doesn't necessarily need people. around her to be well! Maybe this attachment reveals an addiction?
You're welcome, it's normal. Thank you too, I wish you the best and that she will be better.
Since I got depression, I carry a dreadful fear of being left alone.
I can relate only, I'm used to being alone.
I had it ever since I can remember, even before the roots of depression started showing, it's bc of all the shit the happened when I was a kid, and my OCD makes it worse...
Depression is cripling in every aspect of life
I'm so sorry I hope you learn to be happy again
You're the total opposite from me, you must be a *Pisces* ♓🤷🏾♂️
The reason why we feel that way is because we were lead to believe that we will always get hurt from the repetition of pain and trauma in the same areas. When we loved naturally, it was abused and tortured. Now we are left fighting for our hearts to not be broken and by doing so, the results may not be as positive to others or to ourselves but it is because we are in an unfortunate situation. We want to love and be loved but the fear of doing so feels traumatic. If we did not continuously get abused in such a beautiful and sweet place at our core, we would have a better gauge on things. The bigger issue here goes outside of us. The issues are the people who are narcissistic and nonchalant which are more common and a higher percentage of people than those who actually cares.
this is starting to really affect me and i don't know why, i thought if i just repressed everything id be fine. but it feels like everything is happening again and again and again
Same.
I read somewhere: “you don’t say anything to avoid conflict and live in conflict because you don’t say anything”.
same.
And it will keep happening as long as you repress it
Sameee 😫
If you’re reading this: Just wanna let you knoe that you’re worth something, you are important and amazing!
Thank you. Let my tears be happy moments for you, because that's what every word you said made me;happy. 💗
I don’t feel like I’m worth something or important
KaroneTheNeko you are
xywowpig the edgy anime dude Honesty I felt like that since I was 5.. and since then I accepted it
Thanks you too
It's nice to have someone take all the things I feel everyday, and make them into coherent sentences
I always knew I had deep rooted abandonment issues originating from my childhood, so much that I had to do what I despised the most, which was abandoning my childhood best friend. Not because she did anything wrong or was at fault, but because I knew that my issues would’ve sabotaged our friendship one way or another. I tried to please her for years, changed my interests to align with hers, kept her to myself in fear that she’d leave me for someone else etc... I knew that my obsession with making her dependent on our friendship was unhealthy, even when she was too naive to see that. So I just left, which was one of the hardest but most relieving decisions ever. She deserved better and I knew that, maybe then I could finally cope with my childhood trauma in a healthy way
i am struggling with this exact situation right now, i'm debating myself, i don't know if i should leave or stay, i'm trying my best not to bother her with my issues but it's so painful that i can't speak, i want her to see me and care for me but she just doesn't know how much troubled i am and i think i will keep it that way no matter how much it will hurt, she doesn't deserve to feel bad because of me
If I ever met someone that said they loved me and wanted me to be happy, I'd think they're trying to trick me and leave me once they're done
Lots of love from a small youtuber💕I hope the coming days fill all the cracks of your heart and you are reminded that you are not alone ,because you are loved 💖🌈
Same Energy. 💯👏🏼🌟
exactly!!
Or even when people compliment me and I think they're lying
A guy in my friend group did that, then when his ex asked him to take her back he dumped me by note in class. Ruined the whole day for me. And it was right after valentines day
I can't believe anything good that my boyfriend says to me, even when I know he has good intentions. It's pretty sad 😔
A few years ago, I was diagnosed with BPD. One of the check marks was if you had abandonment issues. At the time, I didn't believe I did at all. Now, after years of confusion as to why I felt certain ways or did certain action, it finally clicked. I actually have major abandonment issues. It's quite horrifying when all these situations you could never understand, just all of a sudden click and make sense.
i just had this today, it’s both horrifying and amazing at the same time
I’ve literally never been in a relationship because I’m so scared theyre going to leave...
I’m here to validate you. It’s true. I was just dumped after months of them telling me they loved me and would never leave
I was cheated on 5 years ago. That’s why I’m here and dealing with a lot of these issues
I don’t expect girls to love me apart from my family. 🥺
Took me a while to realize the intro said Hello and not the- other one...
Hell Psy
_CONSPIRACY THEORY CONFIRMED: PSY IS THE ANTICHRIST OR SOME OTHER EVIL PERSON!_
@@greatwavefan397 What-
@@superabi5214 XD Don't worry about it; it was a joke.
@@greatwavefan397 Ok you had me for a minute there lol XD T-T
Lol
My mom and dad almost got divorced when I was 8, and just when it all started to get better, my dog died, I had no one to talk to. In my whole school life I hade these 2 best friends, one of them got transferred to a different state when I was 10 and after an year the other one moved to a different city as well.
I was lonely for a year, got bullied in school (but I always tried to take a stand for myself), developed some serious issues, idk what to call them, as none of them are diagnosed.
But now I'm 17 and better, but I still am afraid of commitments and still get reminded of those memories from time to time. I tend to leave people before I get too attached so I don't get hurt once again.
But I'm sure it'll be just fine.
I shared my story so that people don't feel they're alone in this. My problem might seem very small to some people and big for others but a problem is a problem and you have to deal with it, don't run away, it'll only infest and come out ugly someday so just try to solve it.
Good luck!
(and thanks for reading hahaha)
1. You're a people pleaser
2. You struggle with insecurity
3. You find it hard to trust people
4. You're afraid to be vulnerable
5. You look for reasons to leave
6. You move on too quickly
7. You cling to unhealthy relationships
My boyfriend ended our relationship when I needed him the most. Everything was going great and then all of a sudden he decided he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. He doesn't even say it's because of me. I guess his trauma and shit caught up to him. I feel so abandoned by the one person I needed the most in my life.
Hes not for you there are plenty of fish in the sea
The 1 person you need the most in your life is yourself. Look after that person and when you can do that you will be ready to let someone else in
The person you need the most in your life is God. He loves you more than anyone else will, so much so that he sent his only son to die for you. Focus on a lasting relationship with God and accept his love for you. Human love is fickle, selfish and conditional, God's love is eternal, kind and patient.
same situation :(
I feel this way…
My best friend came over to my house for the first time and meet my mom.
They got close and started hanging out
I didn’t see anything wrong with it but they jokingly said “I’m gonna steal your mom”
I felt weird but just laughed and said “Yeah right, you can try”
Because I knew that they would never replace me.
But they started calling my mom the same way I call her “Má”
And my mom wants them to come over even when I say I don’t want to invite them because I want time for myself .
My mom called them a nickname today at night that they only called me ..
It kinda daunt on me…when I felt the pain in my chest…
I played it off by laughing and joking with them but right after I got out the shower I started crying….
I didn’t want to feel jealous and be selfish..
Idk why I’m so hurt but the feeling of being replaced…
it was like I feeling of betrayal that I felt, I didn’t want my friend to come over at my house anymore and I wanted to make them think that my mom didn’t like them that much and make them stop calling my mom “Má”
….
Not even my brother calls her that and I don’t get jealous with him and my mom being together and bonding.
It was just my friend that made me feel that way…I know my mom wouldn’t replace me but it just my own insecurities…
The same friend also did the same when talking to my cousin…
I felt the same feeling but it hurts more when they do that with my mom.
They also…kind of make me feel guilty when I share my achievements with them because they didn’t do well and start thinking negative. They compare themselves to me, specially in one class…soccer..Idk why but when I accidentally ran 6 laps on try outs instead of 5 they said, “I’m gotta make sure I run 6 laps or more too” and I just looked at them and my other friend seemed to notice that they wanted to compete with me at everything…
It feels like they try to have and take things that I got…Idk if I’m being over dramatic..
It sounds like it is your friend who might have some issues. Maybe their own family doesn't accept them so they see you and your life as perfect, and obviously want that too. It is not okay when it makes you feel this way but i believe that no one's trying to deliberately hurt you, so I think you should try talking this issue out. It might make your friend hurt and exposed so you may want to start with noting the way it makes you feel, and also talk to your mum? Of course, it'd be ideal if you could also access a psychologist or anyone who's actually capable of giving professional advice in the matter - unlike me 😅 Wish you all the best!
I feel you!
I used to have a cousin which a friend as well who is like that!
I feel you so much and you're not being dramatic! Your friend is definitely playing with you whether unconsciously or not! I say set a distant with them lest you'll be like me who developed trust issues.
Perhaps maybe you are well-loved in your family and his isn't so he try to be like you and take those people who is capable of loving someone, he is jealous of you...
If you're like me you might have a good heart and might say share your lives with him, save him, but trust me you cant... you'll feel your life is threaten every seconds and it'll affect your self esteem!
If ever, let him find his own worth and let him search for the love he crave, never give yours... leave or distant yourself immediately from those kind of people before its too late for you... or is it already :
probably get yourself a new best friend? your best friend seems to have some issues here
So i relatie to all of them, is a Voice in your head constantly telling you "she hates you, they hate you, everyone hates you" a part of this or something else
I would search up social anxiety if I were you as people with social anxiety tend to have the voice in their head! I deal with neglect issues so I usually hear my father's voice, teasing everything I say and think which gets tiring...
Is the voice in your head yours or someone else’s?
My voice doesn't say that, it bearly talks.. Well, when it does, it's when I want to share my deep feelings and insecurities. The voice says "You sound so fake right now" "That just sounds like you want pitty" "You are just saying it because you want to seem edgy" and I am really not sure with myself.. There is a part of me that believes the voice and other that says "You are not okay, you aren't normal. You need to change".. I can ghost easily. I am eather overly attached or just plain gone, no in-between. But even now I am thinking to myself that this sounds so fake and so much like I want attention.. and I honestly believe it, maybe I do want attention.. but then why would I also feel unsertainty about sharing these feelings if that where 100% true? Why would I even look at videos like these if I knew I was being manipulative? I also connected with the video on the part that I move on too quickly and find the next exiting thing to do.
honestly i believe it could be both! in related terms, it could be that you have a fear of loosing someone, and that is causing you to subconsciously convince yourself/over analyze things to try and be extremely cautious around others to prevent attachment and possible loss to happen again, or putting walls and distance around yourself so that you don't get overly attached to someone - which could possibly make another potential loss hurt less (a sort of self defense mechanism that can end up being very harmful to yourself and your relationships.) in unrelated terms, it could be that you possibly have really bad confidence issues, anxiety, or trauma. i don't believe its something that can be linear, i personally believe that it can be many different things, and related to many different things! but what you are going through is very serious, and it can be extremely harmful to your mental health and being as a whole, so please please seek out help regarding these issues. best wishes!
edit: i"m sorry if some of the stuff i said doesn't make sense, i wrote this really late at night
@@verdynn Oh I so wish I could get help. I swear if it was in my capacity to do so I definitely would have already.. It will cause too many problems for my family if I where to seek help right now.. So I guess I'll try and seek help whenever I'm older and can pay for the expenses of my own f-ed up brain. Thank you. What you said really made me think about my life and I believe you are right!.. Thank you for hearing my online rambling. Really means a lot ^^
I’ve learned to not fear friends leaving, but to automatically Assume they will leave or I push people away before they can leave in the first place
*that part*
That's because they all do. All friends leave eventually, one way or another
Omg me too
So true :(
It's true though, they always leave
I know this is late but i'm actually glad I found a video I could relate too. I relate to majority of what was said. I am scared and always having a thought in the back of my head "they'll leave you" or "they're lying to you" or "they'll just ghost you like everyone else did" ... My expectations are way too high and I have way too many standards that need to be met in a relationship. I always feel like i'm getting used or that the other person just won't last with me
Me before video: PFT, I don't have abandonment issues!
After the video: Guys...I think I have abandonment issues...
I've known but is still don't like it. It'll drive away the few people I know cause i doubt they want to deal with my problems
were u abandoned? can u have the issues without being abandoned?
@@theywalkongold9728 Yeah, you can
I've known it for a long time. My dad, then my friends, caused them. Now I'm stuck with them
Ironic, the only thing I dont worry about abandoning me is my abandonment issues
@@skythedragon7897 I feel you to the greatest extent :')
Honestly I relate to all of the signs. I been going through some personal issues, and when I say something about it to my friends I'll laugh it off and say I'm fine.
Don't be like that, just tell someone. If you're going through something, just share it with someone you're comfortable with. It's better than keeping it to yourself.
You are not alone, Alexis
Get new friends. Keep searching. You'll find the right people to enhance your life and listen to you.
@@SarahRodriguez-1619 I wouldn't tell strangers on the internet that they have a serious personality disorder, based on one symptom. Abandonment issues are just one part of borderline personality disorder. There are other symptoms too.
I understand. I will tell my honest feelings as a joke so that I don't feel awkward....
This was scary and also validating. It’s painful to think our childhood has this much sway over our adult lives.
Once the video finished I was like: "No, don't leave me!"
Shit me too 😭😭😭
Me too
😭😂😂
Lol😂😅😄😄
The trust issue and vulnerability is there...I was more loyal to them than they were to me. However, as I've gotten older, I have a hard time letting go. I'm now prefer my own company.
Me too ,my own company has become my only loyal friend I can count on.
When I start talking to guys seriously I always have a deep fear that they don’t actually like me and want to leave, I feel like they liked me in the beginning but are now going to just leave me because I’m not good enough or something. I feel like it makes me more anxious and annoying and causes problems in my relationships.
this is me all the way. the big problem for me is the fact that it's happened to me like 4 times so it's difficult to not have that fear. so how do you break the cycle? because not being able to control that anxiety can do harm in relationships. but then some people are just going to do that no matter what.. so you have to just not care but you can't just not care/have the fear. :(
@@getrealgetright I just started to not get full on feelings early in a relationship/talking, and just decided that if they leave it’s their loss because most of the times guys who do this have issues and I can’t do anything about it. I’ve noticed from my end that the guys who all left tend to not be fully confident in themselves (due to them not being out or fully out or other reasons) and that it’s probably best that they left since I finally understand myself and am fully myself everywhere I go.
@@stephenduran8026 yeah I do think that it would be best for me personally given those fears and past experiences to move slower in relationships. To sort of pump the breaks on feelings and expectations at first like you said and not do anything super soon that ties you to the person very much. Nothing wrong with taking things slow. I get what you're saying about guys not being confident/ready for relationships for reasons that we can't control and have nothing to do with us. I guess all anyone can do is build happiness for themselves outside of relationships, not take things too personally, and then hopefully at some point something will fall into place.
I did not need this video cause I already knew this about myself
I realy hate myself sometimes
I'm sure you're a really *great* person. ✊🏾🖤
@@jnocapmac4783 thanks
N/p @@thetalkativefos716 I'm learning things get better with time.. ☝🏾
Same, but you are an important life who is loved deeply and I just want to tell you that you are so important.
same lmao sigh
The one about sabotaging own relationships for fear that they may leave applies to me. Also the intimacy part.
Number 4 is me. I start to pull away whenever I start getting close to someone, because I don’t want them to leave and I don’t want to be hurt. All interpersonal relationships end eventually, in some way. It seems so naive to think otherwise.
I feel like this might’ve happened because of my mom marrying my stepdad when I was 10. I cried a lot because we were really close and now some dude I didn’t know very well was taking her on dates until ungodly hours of the morning (we shared a room at the time due to limited space). I cried a lot because I thought she’d never come home. They got married and nothing got better because he’s a toxic ass. In a way, that just confirmed my fears. She didn’t LEAVE, but our relationship changed.
All relationships do not end. I've had some friends since my early teen years now well into my 30s. Sometimes friendships go thru seasons of being closer or more distant. Some ppl are friends or married for life
About a month ago, my girlfriend started being unsecure and emotionally distant... Now, about a month later, she confirmed that she's afraid of being hurt if someone leaves her, and she got emotionally distant from me because she's afraid I'll leave her too... I wish I could help her, and to change things...
Pray with me:
My environment change. I can change. But i can`t change others
please do so its really hard for people with these issues
Therapy helps.
Perhaps it might help if you reassure her that you're not going anywhere, and to back that up with action. It might also help to go with her to counseling, if you/she feel(s) that might be helpful. My last relationship was the same. I hope yours works out and the two of you do well together. Take care! 🙂
Watching videos from this channel makes me feel like I have depression, anxiety, abandonment issues, low self esteem.. ....basically, Everything!
Unfortunately i have all of these signs. I hate how i always got jealous over the simplest thing. I always got scared that people secretly hate me like they used to in primary school. Now all these waves come back as i turned 15 this year. I can't even stop myself from oversharing. Thank for this video for opening my eyes though:)
Hi Psych2go, thanks for everything you have done. A little suggestion here. Perhaps near the end of the video or even the next video, it will be wonderful if you guys can talk about some methods of tackling the issues you talked about. In this way, there will be videos like this one that can help identify the issues and also videos that tackles the same issues. Thank you for reading!
I second this
I third this
I fourth this
Fifth
Apart from depression I have abandonment issues quarantine is killing everyone :))
Ive found, from this channel alone. That i have trust issues and abandonment issues but this is making me constantly spiral into a sort of smiling depression and self hate. But ive also found that ive learned alot of lessons sense I found these out and im working on fixing myself. I think its awsome that there are a whole group of people (us) with mental issues like this, although its sad, It's awsome that we can all help eachother and make eachother feel better when things are getting preticularly bad.
Me: *relates to everything* "I-" o_o
Also me: *has no idea where the fear is coming from*
Same i know i have abondment issues but when i think about what could have caused it all i think up is how much people i care about died do you think thats where my issues are coming from
@@animefreaknalu4497 possibly
mommy issues for me 😔
@@nasina6699 Stay strong💕
I mean I got left multiple times.
1. my dad he left me when I was 3
2.I haven’t seen my grandma in now 3 years and she’s in the hospital so I’m super scared
3.I did have to leave a close friend
4. I never see my grandparents the only time is 5
And sometimes I overthink things
Who else be crying even at the illustrations because they remind you of your childhood?
Not me. It is what it is and life goes on. Being a loner is a choice. Not an affliction. Embrace your uniqueness and individuality.
I think I have abandonment issues. I was in a serious relationship with my ex 3 years ago and I honestly thought that I was gonna marry him. We had so many break ups and patch ups through our relationship. One day he told me that he loved me, and two days later he left me. The only person I really loved actually left me. Now I get easily attached, always look for red flags/flaws (so I can find an excuse to leave them before they leave me), I need confirmation all the time that they still interested in me, if they don’t text me for one day I’m afraid they lost interest and would leave. So I start to get pushy And clingy, and it ends up with me scaring them away.
I feel uncomfortable when people try to get close to me even though I want to be left alone & I’m too much of a people pleaser to push them away so I form these very bad friendships with people using me. I know it’s my fault for it happening and I hate myself for it. Idk how to handle it tho
Hello! I'm the person that gives people bad advise that has ruined my healthy relationships so why can't it ruin some abusive ones?
Step #1: If the relationship is online just ghost them little by little!
Tip for step #1: (Make sure to have a hobby ready to keep your mind off of the person!)
Step #2: If you are too afraid to block them just mute them and delete their phone number and text messages! :D
Yeah I don't actually do this but I 100% do step number 1 to my healthy relationships subconsciously soooooo
When I heard 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th sign, I resonated with them so much. I am struggling with abandonment issues and I have acknowledged that. I am still trying to get over it. But everyone who is suffering through the same thing, I want y'all to know that it was the person who was wrong, not love. Don't despise love just because the person you were attached to left you behind...
I’ve learned so many terms & issues I have from my childhood with this channel. I appreciate knowing there are names for these issues but having to remember & address them isn’t going to end well. I’ve most likely repressed a lot more than I know, & trying to find help is a pain.
I can’t speak my mind or be vulnerable around anyone because I’m scared to show who I am in case I get rejected or laughed at. I over analyse every word I say, filtering my words carefully. I can’t afford to slip up and made fun. It’s actually easier if I Disengage from conversation
The reality is that being vulnerable is a scary thing and something I've had to work on over the last few years. However, when someone doesn't put you down for opening up to them there are few feelings that are better.
Work on finding close friends and relationships. Practice will help you open up
I desire a healthly strong bond with someone. I often idealize them at first so that I might see the flaws later.
Like a self fulfilling prophesy, that leaves me broken hearted. 😢
However, I know there is hope for change and a better outcome. I’ve truly begun to see my patterns and emotions towards others. Often overlooking the red flags that I blamed in previous relationships.
It’s me…my mindset and perspective, how I talk to myself and often abandon myself for the sake of “saving” others.
I’ve committed to remembering how to love myself and getting my life together before getting into another relationship and causing harm, destruction and pain for us both.
Thank you for the video and reminder that I’m not flawed, nor is there anything wrong with me. But the patterns I have are just not working anymore.
I’m important too!!
I’ve got a severe fear of abandonment, and it was made worse when all of my friends collectively decided to forget about me. I still do my best to please them and make them happy, even though they hurt me every time I give them a chance, because I don’t want to be alone.
I feel ya... But don't bother with them, try to find new, good friends or just try to patiently wait and you'll surely find the right friends. Best of luck to you
Please don't stay, later you will feel so tired that you won't even feel like being with anyone at all so find the right people for friendship and all kinds of relationship.
Take your time to find better relationships.. You deserve better treatment and if they keep hurting you, they're not your friends.. I had this problem And you should let them go, they don't deserve someone like you nor to use you.. Hope you'll get better buddy ! I send you lots of love
that's okay to leave people sometimes when that's not good for you.You need and you deserve better friends , but the most important point is BE your best friend ,self love.
Talk to you like you're talking with a close friend,be nice with you.
The only person who will never leave you will then be yourself
Love, Courage ,respect.
The key is learning 2 love urself for who u are acknowledge ur greatness n ur issues.. with this u will start treating urself better holistically.. you will then find the power to realise what is important in ur life.. therapy affirmations of the good traits is good. Until we find ourselves n love ourselves n accept our past family events which allowed repetitive behaviour of low self esteem we repeat attracting the people who may not deserve us in their lives.we also have to check our behaviour which can have an impact on people.
Hope this helps . I am a therapist.
Ever since I was really little, I had a huge fear of abandonment. When I would go to stores I was glued to my parents, I would never leave their side. I'm 15 now and through continuous hard work pushing through those thoughts and feelings and having a phone. I've gotten a lot better, as far as not wanting to stay in the car by myself. I do tend to push people away though and have trust issues. I was emotionally and mentally abused and sometimes physically by my aunt and cousin. It started when I was like four or five, up until very recently and sometimes still happens. I'm continuing to fight through it and trying to be the best version of myself and doing a lot of self-love. Especially reaching out to people when I need too and not isolating myself.
good for you im happy for you
That’s the spirit!! Good luck
I’m a kid and I always feel abandoned. I really appreciate your video. Thank you.
Yup. I tend to sabotage close relationships like I will leave you before you leave me. Or become detached or vague when someone gets to close to me. Fortunately, I am willing to address these issues so I can have meaningful relationships 🤓
I was 'abandoned' at the age of seven through a process called grade retention. Unworthy, unwanted, unloved...failure became my default belief system. I suffered variations of some, not all, of the seven signs you site. Everything came with a component of fear. Individualized permutations of the rest mark me as definitely abandon-fearful. Discovering the source of my dysfunctions started around the age of fifty. It has taken me two decades to reset my belief system to a healthier one. The sorrow over a lost life almost overshadowed the loss itself. I am now free to enjoy what time I may have left. Global attention to psychological pathologies, their causes, expressions and healing would go a long way to making this a better world.
1, 2, 3, and 7 all resonated with me. And, even for a couple of the others, while I am not afraid of being vulnerable, and do not push people away, I do often fear that someone I am trusting might leave me like so many others have. Recently, I have started to try talking about my concerns with some friends in the hope that they might understand. Abandonment issues really hurt for those who have to live with them. 🥺
I didnt realize how much I was afraid to be alone. I'd do anything to make friends and for people to like me. It was thanks to this channel and friends I made online who accepted me for who I was and helped me that i got better. I'm still changing, but its thanks to those things that I'm changing in the first place :3
The feeling of wanting to be alone but being so lonely
There's something deeply bothering me but i don't know or at least don't wonna know why , i just wonna bury it and stop the pain
DW
i personally thought that i had already gotten over my trauma. but when i watched this video i realized that all my insecurities i have with friendships stem from fear of abandonment. ive turned into a people pleaser just so others wouldn't leave. ive also noticed that im incredibly jealous when my close friends hang out with others because im afraid they'll leave me since they've found someone better. but what i hadn't realized is that that is due to me having abandonment issues and that its because of my past trauma. thank you for making this video to allow me to become aware of this
When my mom and my sisters dad got divorced and he took my sister.. I blamed myself for it.. I never knew my real dad and a lot of step dads walked out of my life.. it’s hard knowing that someone might leave me.. a lot of people left me when I needed them most since I kept pushing them away.. I accused my ex’s of cheating on me.. and my current bf.. his happiness is way more important than my own happiness.. I’m all of the signs..
Soleilsonira Thanks for the advice
Soleilsonira It does make sense
Take care of yourself 💕
The ‘moving on too quickly’ definitely struck a chord. Alway better to leave than to be left, amirite?! 😔
Most ppl just truly dont know how i operate. I have a lot of anger pent up, i guess. It prob is out fear. But i could easily get grossed out by anyone. You could be attractive, you could be nice, you could be alot of things, it doesnt matter to me. Im vulnerable. I just dont always want to allow myself to feel that way. .. So, for me its a combo of things. Those feelings can come out of no where too.
But I know ppl who have gone through some of the same things as me. & We sure as hell dont operate the same way. They are fueled by others. Thats def never been me.
It always happens to me in middle school!! everytime I see my friend named Juliana is with someone that wasn’t me her other friend is Eunice.
And when I see Juliana and Eunice hugging or cuddling, I ended up acting I don’t belong in their friendship because I don’t get cuddles or hugs
I always say “I want some hugs too…” in the soft quiet way.. I just wanted so many attention and just be obsessed by every friend for the rest of my middle school life. And when I see my friends having attention to each other I ended up crying softly and ran into the boys bathroom and say “IM NOT IMPORTANT IM NOT COOL!” And the next day I see my friends being themselves and not saying “hi” in the excited way. Every time my friend Ellie walks in to class she doesn’t even say “hi” to me she was acting I don’t exist… and I always feel like I’ll be judged and not loved because I might say “besties I really need some comfort and loving because I’m having abandonment issues and jealous syndrome” it’s like I’m needing them too much… everytime my friends don’t always get my many attention I feel like I’m not important to them… if my friends/besties don’t always look at me so they could talk to me (i have no choice but to commit suicide…) and it will be the end of me…..and yes I’ll have Suicidal Issues too.
I told my close friend that I was having a suicidal breakdown and after, he proceeded to not bother messaging me and even ignored my messages. It's been like two weeks.
EDIT: After I posted this comment, I tried to talk to him one more time and he ignored it. We aren't friends anymore.
Do not think about this friend and focus on yourself, send yourself love, be your best friend, promise yourself for example to always be there for yourself, to listen and to pass on before your loved ones. If you don't feel good with your friends, say so. If they don't listen, find other better ones.
Courage, love, hoping to have helped you
Always remember in times of stress to stop whatever you are doing, breath, take a break if needed and most inportantly lowering your brain activity, ie, relax and stay calm.
+ remember that you don’t need to rely on friends or anyone to know you are valuable person. Because you are
Not a friend, please talk to a professional. Don't f**k around with this- ever!
Mental health is something that you need to experience yourself to understand. A lot of people just don't go through this so they write you off as being crazy or weird. You don't need these people in your life, people who are unwilling to understand.
LoveThomas if u need to talk u can talk to me if u want to let me know and I’ll comment my snap
1:53 this is why I feel like a bad friend because I feel like they are going to leave me! This makes so much sense
👏 Thanks! Very Informative! I have almost 6 of them. My father got away when I was 8-9 and my mom was very sick, and she spent too much time waiting for him. She was a good mother but at some point she forgot herself waiting for him to come back. As a result, I grew up detached, very independent so I could watch for myself without anyone. I am also very pleasant to others, until I started forgetting my needs and emotional health. That's when I searched for help with psychologists. Now I feel good alone, maybe because of the inner fear to be abandoned, I don't know. But at least, I'm not pleasant anymore and I got away from unhealthy relationships. If I stay in a relationship, I need it to fulfill my emotional and spiritual needs. I worked my insecurities, jealousy and selfsteem. I'm now another person. Still working on me to fix that damage. Blessings for all of you 💗
I thought the intro said: “HELL 😊”
Underrated
hell :)
WHAT IS IT THEN ???
oh its hello ??? wtf
Thats what life is
Recently my Therapist told she leaving now got the feeling of abandonment I'm screwed first my partner died, my mom died, and my social worker leaves, and now therapist leaving .Yes got trust issues ,don't keep my those don't want to stay with me or they ,take for granted ,and have hard time let them go emotionally don't tell them they hurt me and get self destructive . behavior binge eating, smoke, self harm, cry in my sleep to bed and becoming disengage and avoid them before reject me completely .
Feel sorry for your loss 😔
@@professionaldebil6125 Thanks for condolences to you best wishes and successful recovery
I hope things get a lot better for you. I don't know what religion you are but is it okay if I pray for you?
@@totallycrazystudios1801 I will humble and gratefully honor your prayers thank you .
@@sagitariosolitario774
Your welcome
It's been traumatizing too hard that a small instinct feels like a sign of abandonment.
My abandonment issue is mainly because my dad left my mom when I was 11 months old. I always felt like I had to work twice as hard just to make up for the emotional support that wasn't there. But looking back at it now, I'm thankful because it gave me the desire and drive to succeed and achieve my goals. I still struggle with trusting people, but I'm working on it by praying and reading books on emotional healing.
0:04 ”hell”
Yes
"Hell🙂"
NAH i was gonna comment but i checked the timed comments to see if i was alone
“hello” with the face. like hell🙂
oh
"You put everyones needs ahead of yours as long as it gets them to stay" * insert crying in the club meme here *
I was like bitch 😂😂I got hella offended
611 likes and no comments? Let me fix that 😊
2:16 😭😭💔 this is what i did i feel so immature but i dont have anything to do, i feel numb I dont deserve his attention so i sabotaged our connection
Crying right now people always leave me am done forcing them to stay
Suggest you do not let anyone in your life or test them hard before you let them into your life.
@@eternityschildlv the thing is, you shouldn’t need to test people. You shouldn’t need to keep them in check. That’s unhealthy and replaces genuine connexion with control.
@@eternityschildlv It's a bad idea not to let anyone in your life..we are social creatures, no one can handle too much loneliness. Just work on finding the right people..
Wow at 49 I still carry some of these signs and I thought I was getting better. My mother left me when I was 8. I would leave a relationship first before they could leave me. I figured that had to do with abandonment issues but thanks to your video it validated it.
I can here because my husband was diagnosed with abandonment issues and I want to learn more about it so I can be there for him the way he needs me to be. Now I'm realizing I may be struggling with it myself.
That's why Reassurance should be a part of all our relationships.
Tell them you love them and that you can sometimes feel hurt by certain actions.
Why is it that every time I’m having problems you guys have a video come up at my worst hours? Thank you❤️
The clinging to bad relationships hit me. Over the past 4 years after highschool ended and I slowly saw my closest friends less and less, I got into friendships that were honestly s**t for me. I was basically being used as a sponge by all these other lonely people who only called me for that purpose. It's like we both acted as eachothers life lines whenever more interesting things weren't going on. I knew these particular friends didn't have any interest in me, and when I chose to quit smoking weed and drinking beer, I realized there was zero purpose of me really chilling with them. One relationship was basically just going in the guys car and driving around to places to smoke weed out the window. This particular person stopped smoking weed near the same time as me, and we both actually realized there wasn't much of an incentive for us to see eachother after that. We didn't excersize together, play video games together, have similar movie interests, he never drank, I had never been to his house, the only real thing about me and him seeing eachother after weed ended, was to play some basketball and catch up on the past couple weeks we've had. I do feel like that chunk of my life left behind some intense nostalgia, the nostalgia of being a year out of highschool, being invested in dank weed and sitting in your buddies 2011 nissan ultima just ripping bong hits and getting baked together, and just listening to new music and driving around, then getting heavy tasty munch and then getting dropped off after the parents were in bed, baked basketball too, it was a nostalgic vibe I'm actually sad I'll never return to. I still see the guy though twice a month or so, as I mentioned. The other guy was a similar scenario but he had a small unit he paid rent for. I basically just came around whenever he wasn't doing anything particular, which was actually alot. We sat in his dark room with the Xbox One on, basically watching criminal minds on netflix, or streaming NHL or NBA and betting on it. He'd always win his bets, I'd always lose. I lost $1000 total until I quit entirely. We'd just sit there ripping poppers and green bowls out the bong, then I'd drive home at 2-4:00AM. I'd get drunk there for no reason sometimes, just being depressed. I worked with him at a landscaping company, until he decided he didn't wanna see me anymore, so he spread a rumor about me to the boss and got me fired and then told me YEEET as he got me fired. I had also quit smoking as much around that time. After I got fired because of his lie, and was off poppers especially, I noticed this guy was a bad and lonely a** dude who didn't give a s*** about anyone. It's weird how you don't really come around to those analyzations whenever you're getting high af with him. I probably acted different too in general whenever I'd see this guy every day. Now I was seeing this guy at another time then my other friend up above. I seemed to be on and off weed entirely depending on if I was becoming friends with another lonely guy who was a stoner. I wouldn't smoke weed if I wasn't seeing them. The last guy was a narcissist who'd have me over after work, almost nightly, as he just needed a sponge before going to bed. on weekends or important days, I didn't exist much to him, and he kind of kept the fact he had me over to chill every night a secret from his family and other friends (who I knew). You'd enter his house through the garage, and it led into his basement, and upstairs was off limits. You'd rip poppers in his garage, then go inside and do basically whatever he wanted to do. Only when I stopped poppers, I started seeing that it was actually a pretty garbage relationship we had, we didn't actually have much in common, in terms of laughter or interests, we just ripped poppers and then I'd sit there like an object as he did whatever he wanted to do. I'd watch him play Warzone in an xbox live party with his other friends for an hour or two sometimes, just sitting there like I didn't exist. I still see that guy sometimes, but It took me effort to turn it from seeing him nightly, to once every two weeks. On some sort of objective level, we are still friends, but now that i'm sober I don't have a filter for just sitting around there in his basement doing what he wants to do, especially considering we dont have common interests and stuff. Lastly pretty much my best friend growing up, he moved into a house by the local college we all went to. I'd visit him everyday practically with the "drive around" guy I mentioned at the top. I thought we were all keeping the good times alive with my best pal from growing up, but in reality, things were changing in the friendship. He quickly became addicted to drugs and changed overall as a person, he was no longer absorbed into life back at home. We still saw this guy all the time until the actual friendship part about it didn't seem to be there, his room was trashed and not taken care of, and basically people came around to rip poppers. When it was all said and done, he moved back home where we lived, but would only contact us twice a year after that. So it's crazy how any friendship I thought I was in zen with, where I'd see whomever nearly on the daily, wasn't really a friendship and it was just dependency on both sides of it. Once the slightest thing about it changed, you'd realize there wasn't really anything there in the first place.
To the one person who is seeing this you’re honestly intellegent
Dear 1 sub before 2021?,
You are an extraordinary individual. Thank you for leaving kind and caring notes! You are
an altruistic person who only deserves the best!!
Verwyn Undomiel thx
not really
I did watch the whole thing
and I did take my ADHD medication. Thanks for
the complement if it is still
applicable with you.
Actually, abandonment
issues resonate with certain types of narcissistic personality disorders.
At least you didnt beg for likes i respect you
The commentator voice😍. My god is so cozy and relaxing🙏. Love that person💙
I see a consistent theme of trying to make people blame themselves, when sometimes it really is that someone else was being awful.
Whenever my mother finds a new boyfriend, I always have this feeling that they're just going to leave and never come back.
I just want an actual father figure in my life but I'm afraid that it won't ever happen :'(