I know of a psychiatrist who almost certainly was - retired about 30 years ago, thank God! Was obviously keen on abusing their power and very judgemental.
I used to be shocked on how narcissistic anti social students from sociology studies usually come across.. but hey, they say they studied for it so they know better then anyone else because they have some silly paper that says so.. so any arguement is kinda useless from the start as they think thats social behaviour to them.. but it's an interesting mental loophole worth exploring, where care becomes corrupted..
I was married to one who was good at what she did but in an interpersonal relationship she caused havoc behind closed doors the mask would slip and her true nature would come out.
My therapist, whom I did some rounds of emdr with, just texted me about a month ago that she has raised her price because she has gotten involved with a project she cared about, and "had to take less patients"
My old girlfriend blames my therapist for causing the break up. I am the one wanted out of the relationship. He was recommended by by the old girlfriend. Girlfriend felt she was victimized by my therapist. She said she will not be a friend/hate me if I continue to see him. Thoughts?!?!
My mom (a malignant narcissist) is a psychology profesor at a (sort of) prestigious university. The sad thing is she knows how to distinguish between right and wrong, crazy and fair in THEORY, but not in every day life. She speaks of others she believes are wrong without noticing she's literally describing herself. She speaks of morals and then does literally the opposite.
I’m right there with you ❤️ my mom is a therapist and a narcissist. She believes she is an emotional martyr because she is a therapist and therefore can do no wrong, but in reality she has caused pain to all of her family and friends. It’s kind of a unique situation to be in as her child but I’m glad I’m not the only one.
My dad is a psychologist too, but weirdly enough never really apply it to his personal life, even denying when I have depression. He didn't want to deal with me so he sent me to his friend, another therapist to talk to me. Super strange.
Being a counselor/therapist seems to almost be a perfect career for a narc; there's plenty of supply and their career is a mask of protector. Similar to a wolf in sheep's clothing, so you're not likely to be on guard or feel the need to protect yourself. Protect yourself by any means necessary!
except that being a therapist requires lots and lots of listening, something that narcs aren't good at and don't have too much patience for. I think a 'helping' career where one is teaching/ preaching/ leading is more attractive to narcs, because that way they can do the talking, show their 'expertise'/ superiority, and have control and the spotlight.
@@devidaughter7782 around the 2 year mark I started noticing my narc therapist would get this glazed face when I started talking like she was looking thru me, she also pressured me to join her private group of "friends" made up of former/current clients and other weird stuff... at one point it felt like she was trying to make me jealous of her life and compete with me when I'd be opening up about deep traumas...she gave the vibe that she simultaneously was more wounded than me/I was being a baby AND she was better than me because she had more money, was working in the profession I was trying to enter, has a husband etc.... it was weird as hell
@@fernanne08 wow! so many flags there!!! learning to trust ourselves even when that means distrusting/ being critical of an authority figure like a therapist is such a MAJOR breakthrough -against all the self-doubt and self-gaslighting that 'they must know more because they are the experts', etc. I have found with many of the professional therapists whom I've worked with, that I've reached a very uncomfortable moment when something they said or did just didn't resonate for me, and I've had to decide whether I choose to believe/ align with my own perception/ truth/ reality, or defer to them as the 'higher authority'. I actually think this is part of the therapeutic journey- learning to trust yourself and validate your own reality even when the 'professional' isn't able to do this for/ with you! Its like at some point we must all walk away from our teachers, and take that courageous step of independence, and maybe the more we've deferred to them (and distrusted ourselves), the more we need to make this uncomfortable break....
@@izi.z2384 I hope that you can find the courage to say to your therapist what you have written here, and to pose these questions to her directly. either your therapeutic relationship will rise to a new level of clarity, respect and mutual understanding, or you will find that she is not compatible with what you are needing. you don't need to pay someone to just have a 'light and pleasant' conversation! we contract to work with therapists in order to work on the most difficult and tender issues of our lives, and its imperative to have a 'safe space' to do so! I know it can be SO scary and uncomfortable to challenge a therapist, and yet the times I have done so, I look back on with great pride. all therapists are imperfect, all have blind-spots, and yet this should be a safe space to be heard, to practice honesty, 'being real' and 'speaking our truth'. if the relationship or person can't handle this, then you have the clarity you need to find another more compatible therapist for where you are at right now (I did this, and was so glad I did). not every therapist is best suited for every person; we have to find the ones we really resonate with and feel safe with (and if we don't feel safe, we need to be able to talk about it with them).
I met a therapist who was nice the first session so I felt comfortable talking to him. Then every session thereafter, he got ruder and ruder. I felt foolish for sharing so much, so soon. It really taught me to not overshare...even with a mental health professional!
That's terrible your therapist did that to you. I have seen therapists off and on throughout my life and even if it didn't work out, all of them wanted me to talk and share as much as I could. If I got off track they asked questions for me to answer, but they always wanted to know. I feel badly for you that you lost trust with a therapist just for talking and sharing. Therapists know that patients need to talk and often let the patient say whatever is on their mind. I hope you are able to find a better one, and remember that you can ask questions to the therapist too. You can tell them what happened at the previous therapist and ask if it will happen again. Or you can ask what the therapist wants you to talk about. I hope you're feeling better after some time has passed, and are able to try again. Take care, and be kind to yourself.
My first therapist was a narcissist, and I was seeing her before I truly knew what narcissism was. This therapist had schadenfreude so bad, she would always become giddy, lively and excited while I was telling her about my problems and misfortunes. She would try to convince me to put myself into dangerous and toxic situations, she tried to get me to cheat on my boyfriend with other men. She would try to gaslight me into believing things about myself that were untrue, rewrite my own past and try to convince me that I was abusive and toxic and that I should be constantly ashamed of myself. She was very dismissive of my concerns, she was entitled and condescending. She used my cptsd and childhood trauma to her advantage.
...because they need to keep people feeling harassed, disturbed and confused so they can keep themselves in a career. At some point in all that training, in quiet contemplative epiphany moments at home in the evenings, they realize that if all therapists did the brilliant job they originally set out to do at the start, over the space of say 5-10 years the world would be a happy place, everybody supported and feeling great by actually relaying the expert knowledge (by said awesome therapist(s)) of how to even help other people in their community with the same depth of emotional support (human love) through emotional crises as every therapist would then be out of a job, a career, a house and home, able to live the dream of a lavish lifestyle (at other people's expense in so many ways), and a pension nest egg and still all that schooling debt to pay off (well that's for the ones *with* any document qualifications...as opposed to real life existential, experiential qualifications...of narc abuse) and also then have to retrain into a different career. It's easier to become resentful of the *existential threat* sat in front of them on the couch and just keep them confused rather than supported, helped and healed. I'm sure the power of holding this key knowledge about how things could turn out, is a huge turn on for them...... Listening to RUclips is more helpful for narc-abused people to mutually support each other through existential experience with their existential knowledge (albeit it could all be different but there will a core of mutual understanding and support) to the point of healing, because there aren't near enough experts out there trained (experienced, first hand, on the receiving end) in narc abuse. Why would they want to be when so many of them are covert narcs? It defeats the object. Their career is a conflict of interests, through and through.... Isn't there something in the Bible about deceiving Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. I'm not religious. I am spiritual and this reeks of the opposite in Spiritual psychology. And with me the Spiritual IS political. Stick with RUclips and mutual mar sufferers/victims/survivors who can help each other through ✨💞☀️🌸😊👌🏽
Jesus this was my story just from a guy’s point of view. I’m on the autism spectrum and the narcissist counselor used that to gaslight me like crazy. Six years this woman abused my whole family and took so much money from us. This woman was GIDDY in a zoom divorce session over the height of covid. Had the gall in a separate private call to me to say my wife had a boyfriend.
Please do a hard hitting video of the very real damage narcissistic therapists inflict on clients.Its a very specific and isolating experience and it has to be addressed by somebody eventually.
Narcissists can be therapists - my mother is one of them. Busy telling people how they should be living their lives while she was abusing me and my sister.
@ElysianFibres Isn't that what they do anyway? >> "telling people how they should be living their lives"? Now they get paid for it, and get to pretend that they're even greater than they thought they were before.
The feeling of power and control over another person, people, situations, and the power of controlling THE NARRATIVE. Psychology Professions are perfect for all of this, because they can hide behind the fact they are in the field of “helping people”, so no one suspects it. Not all are bad, but some are terrible for the field.
Well if you really HAVE brought it all on yourself, then that’s a different story, basically “tough love” for lack of a better term. And sometimes, we need that and will respond well to it. But if you haven’t, and you know you haven’t, and they say that, then that’s definitely incorrect and not beneficial
@@EphemeralProductions The person made a comment because they already KNOW that they didn't bring it on themselves. Your victim blaming bullshit has no place here. It's disgusting.
@@jaymanz9779 Not necessarily... It could be that they did bring x upon themselves and are in denial. You could be right, but there are other possibilities
They're supposed to be 'helping us', we're better off donating our hard earned money to those in need, that would be far more rewarding and not self-inflicted damage.
I can explain why everyone hates you and it has nothing to do with psychology. Thats just another one of satans distractions/deflections. John 15:18-21 “If the world hates you,(A) keep in mind that it hated me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you(B) out of the world. That is why the world hates you.(C) 20 Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’[a](D) If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also.(E) If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. 21 They will treat you this way because of my name,(F) for they do not know the one who sent me.(G) Heck Evolution is a proven hoax and the c-eye-a has been Hiding Noah's Ark since 1949. Old earth, Big bang,etc. Everything is a lie EXCEPT the bible. It was hard to admit that our family were sadistic freaks, but we insisted on the truth regardless of how ugly it was. Well keep going!! You wont be thwarted by a world full of flying monkeys that try to shame you into silence/submission with labels like "Conspiracy theorist or crazy Christian" will you? en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piltdown_Man www.google.com/amp/s/losangeles.cbslocal.com/2014/07/24/scientist-alleges-csun-fired-him-for-discovery-of-soft-tissue-on-dinosaur-fossil/amp/ www.aa.com.tr/en/vg/video-gallery/3d-images-of-noahs-ark-to-be-shown-in-documentary/0
Yeah but not all fields have as many as psychotherapy/medicine/law enforcement/politics/religion. None do, as a matter of fact. The only close ones are teachers/journalists and homemakers.
My narcissist ex girlfriend is a therapist (LCSW). At work, she’s all smiles and everyone’s favorite person (As far as I knew), but to those closest to her, she was pure poison.
Not sure if she was actually a narcissist, but I used to see a therapist who was very invalidating and judgmental. She didn’t do me any favors and would even make me feel more inadequate. I eventually quit and started looking for other professionals. It felt like leaving an abusive partner and finding out a whole new world of tolerance and compassion.
@@nancyvega1247 Mucho mejor! El nuevo terapeuta és más comprensivo, ético y profesional. Tengo evoluido mucho en la regulación de las emociones y, como consecuencia, mi calidad de vida ha mejorado. Pero es un trabajo continuo, no se puede bajar la guarda.
A narcissist therpist can be fatal. They can literary kill. My first therapist treated me horribly. She let me leave the sessions crying repeatedly. I felt horrible - and was not sure if this was part of the therapy. When I told her I struggled with her approach she gave me a "stone-face"... I only realize today (having listened lots of Dr R's videos) that she used many of these gaslighting tactics like invalidation and minimisation. She twisted my life story and used my own words agains me. I ended up so confused and desperate (was already depressed), had I had suicidal tendencies, I would not be here today. I was lucky with my GP tackling the situation and placed a complain in my behalf. Now I am very worried for her other patients... My second therapist was a super kind and fantastic person, we worked together brilliantly. Do not give up therapy: look for someone who respects you and helps you forward, not backward.
I totally believe you and I'm sorry for what you've been through...I know what you're talking about. And when you realize their manipulations they tell you that you're under psychosis or that you're paranoid or whatsoever. You know, someone might struggle with trust or relieve their past traumas , but what a coincidence using this against a patient as soon as the patient (because of experience), notices a pattern of extreme manipulations and gaslighting. It is easier to make you feel responsible for all of this and to take advantage of someone when it is in a very vulnerable place. It can be fatal for some people having to deal with these individuals already in a romantic, friendship, work environment relationship , imagine when you should feel safe and give all of your trust during therapy so you can process your traumas and you end up in these individuals hands. It is important to not give up on relationships and on therapy only because of these sick individuals but at the same time it is very, very important to identify them , to trust your gut and to leave. Notice red flags and apply the deal breakers to those red flags as soon as they are getting infringed. As Dr. Ramani says, everybody can be a narcissist it doesn't matter which positions they occupy. Just be careful and don't lose trust in humanity! Because there are still are a lot of good hearted people in this world 🌎 It is painful to deal with these individuals but think about it: now you gained knowledge about their disorder and patterns and learnt how to identify them , it is just harder to put it into practice but we must trust the process and be compassionate with ourselves. Everything happens at the right time. Hugs 🤗❤️
*Answering the title question......YES YES YES.....I just broke up an 18 year non committal relationship with a know it all, arrogant , mind game playing Psychotherapist !!!!!!! Finally remembering who I am.......He was a .....#GrandManipulator
Thank you!!!! I've had 2 narcissistic therapists, I just couldn't see it, it was so traumatising all the gaslighting just consolidated all my self doubt and self hate. I can't believe it still when I say it, I feel I'm making it up but I know I'm not
I used to think this was impossible, reasoning that you would need high empathy to be a therapist, and that it would be impossible otherwise. Wow, I was wrong…
@@kathleenreardon8943 I agree wholeheartedly with You! Unfortunately, this is not the case... Furthermore, clients/patients are ill informed - and ascribe doctors and therapists with traits/knowledge that's simply not accurate... which is why it's so important (for every single one of us...) to be our own Health Advocate, and to find a (mentally...) healthy therapist and/or doctor that has the client's/patient's best interest at heart - not kick backs from Big Pharma, or their own narcissistic agenda... 💙💛🌹💜🍎🇺🇸
If there was a hardcore screening years ago and graduate schools or licensing boards were to deny these deplorable trash their undeserved license, so many civilians who were mentally and emotionally damaged by these criminal quacks would not be struggling with PTSD or emotional distress. They would all be fine and safe.
@@Khalfrank I agree! The problem is that there is no "screening" - and the same goes for all other Health Care Professionals... However, the upside is that the majority of Health Care Professionals are most likely NOT narcissists - and they are eager to learn about (and listen...) to their clients/patients... The sad truth is that Medical School and Graduate School (thus far...) does not have a mandatory course on "Narcissism"... if they did, this world would be a very different (and better...) place. For this very reason, Dr. Ramani's sincere attempt to educate and inform is invaluable... My heart goes out to You (as a Health Care Professional and a fellow human being...) if You've had to suffer due to a narcissistic doctor/therapist... 💙💛🌹💜🍎🇺🇸
They have to much power!Maybe they should set it up threw state government that its mandatory that an official sits down with you with confidentiality and makes sure that everything is on the up and up and if red flags arise deal with them threw fines and up to including loss of license to practice.Therapist can and do take advantage of confidentiality to hurt there client and others.Its probably a very good idea to have someone make sure your getting the proper treatment.People who are severely depressed ECT may not see that things are going off the track.
One of my previous therapists made me so uncomfortable I was trying to find a way to end the session within the first 15-20 minutes. I gave him broad brush strokes of the relationship I had with my mother (who I've come to identify as a neglectful narcissist) and told him only one or two instances of how she hurt me with what she said to me. This was our very first session together, and immediately he went into lecture mode with a tone that put my teeth on edge. He told me that "no mother wants to hurt their child. I've seen it. I've seen young women become mother's and when they see there baby they fall in love." I asked him to clarify if he was telling me that absolutely no mother has ever or would ever desire to hurt their child in any way whatsoever, and he said that that was indeed what he was saying....and he confirmed it. He actually became almost combative with me. I even asked him about psychopaths who reproduce but he was adamant that I was wrong and that no woman ever in the history of the world wants to hurt their child or is remorseless about any harm they do cause or unwilling to amend harm caused. I was relived to get out if his office.
I think narcissistic therapists feel personally threatened when somebody is talking about intentionally abusive parents, because they abuse their children and call it "love"
Yes!!! And they are BRUTAL! They get your whole life story and then rewire you to see it differently (negatively), and tell you your perception was wrong and they are correcting you. They feel like an authority over you. Total gaslight!
Yes, that has also happened to me. I have learned that narcissistic behaviors do not make up a large range, so it's not too difficult to remember the patterns and detect new narcissists as they come into my life. I am so grateful for Dr. Ramani sharing her knowledge and wisdom.
...because they need to keep people feeling harassed, disturbed and confused so they can keep themselves in a career. At some point in all that training, in quiet contemplative epiphany moments at home in the evenings, they realize that if all therapists and counsellors did the brilliant job they originally set out to do at the start, over the space of say 5-10 years the world would be a happy place, everybody supported and feeling great by actually relaying the expert knowledge (by said awesome therapist(s)) of how to even help other people in their community with the same depth of emotional support (human love) through emotional crises as every therapist would then be out of a job, a career, a house and home, able to live the dream of a lavish lifestyle (at other people's expense in so many ways), and a pension nest egg and still all that schooling debt to pay off (well that's for the ones *with* any document qualifications...as opposed to real life existential, experiential qualifications...of narc abuse) and also then have to retrain into a different career. It's easier to become resentful of the *existential threat* sat in front of them on the couch and just keep them confused rather than supported, helped and healed. I'm sure the power of holding this key knowledge about how things could turn out, is a huge turn on for them...... Listening to RUclips is more helpful for narc-abused people to mutually support each other through existential experience with their existential knowledge (albeit it could all be different but there will a core of mutual understanding and support) to the point of healing, because there aren't near enough experts out there trained (experienced, first hand, on the receiving end) in narc abuse. Why would they want to be when so many of them are covert narcs? It defeats the object. Their career is a conflict of interests, through and through.... Isn't there something in the Bible about deceiving Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. I'm not religious. I am spiritual and this reeks of the opposite in Spiritual psychology. And with me the Spiritual IS political. Stick with RUclips and mutual mar sufferers/victims/survivors who can help each other through ✨💞☀️🌸😊👌🏽 Watch up to 2:29 and you have it in the bag....then the cat is out of the bag! 😊👌🏽✨💞☀️♥️ ruclips.net/video/qbFBOAmmu7Y/видео.html
@@danielkaiser8971 ...because they need to keep people feeling harassed, disturbed and confused so they can keep themselves in a career. At some point in all that training, in quiet contemplative epiphany moments at home in the evenings, they realize that if all therapists and counsellors did the brilliant job they originally set out to do at the start, over the space of say 5-10 years the world would be a happy place, everybody supported and feeling great by actually relaying the expert knowledge (by said awesome therapist(s)) of how to even help other people in their community with the same depth of emotional support (human love) through emotional crises as every therapist would then be out of a job, a career, a house and home, able to live the dream of a lavish lifestyle (at other people's expense in so many ways), and a pension nest egg and still all that schooling debt to pay off (well that's for the ones *with* any document qualifications...as opposed to real life existential, experiential qualifications...of narc abuse) and also then have to retrain into a different career. It's easier to become resentful of the *existential threat* sat in front of them on the couch and just keep them confused rather than supported, helped and healed. I'm sure the power of holding this key knowledge about how things could turn out, is a huge turn on for them...... Listening to RUclips is more helpful for narc-abused people to mutually support each other through existential experience with their existential knowledge (albeit it could all be different but there will a core of mutual understanding and support) to the point of healing, because there aren't near enough experts out there trained (experienced, first hand, on the receiving end) in narc abuse. Why would they want to be when so many of them are covert narcs? It defeats the object. Their career is a conflict of interests, through and through.... Isn't there something in the Bible about deceiving Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. I'm not religious. I am spiritual and this reeks of the opposite in Spiritual psychology. And with me the Spiritual IS political. Stick with RUclips and mutual mar sufferers/victims/survivors who can help each other through ✨💞☀️🌸😊👌🏽 Watch up to 2:29 and you have it in the bag....then the cat is out of the bag! 😊👌🏽✨💞☀️♥️ ruclips.net/video/qbFBOAmmu7Y/видео.html
Many therapists and doctors like yourself are also 'Taught' to fake empathy. Empathy is very important in such professions that's why it is taught and many narcs have learnt how to fake it very well. I think it's called 'deep acting'. I trust no therapist.
@@andreavanda4722 The crazy part is she told me that part of her Masters degree was actually going into therapy. Why didn't they filter her out then? Now she's on the wrong side of the desk.
My aunt told me that when I said I wanted to study psychology. I thought about it and decided she was right and studied physics instead. I really needed therapy myself.
I told my therapist about this RUclips channel and how much I learned, and she suggested watching one of your videos during one of our sessions, if it would help :) I am lucky to have her. The therapist I had before her was a dumpster fire.
Man, therapists in my country *SIMPLY DO NOT CARE* . It's *ALL* about the *MONEY* . They simply did not pay attention to me . This was beyond mere narcissism. Not only did they not focus on helping me find solutions, they also dragged their feet and went as far as shifting blame onto me while I was dealing with narcissistic abuse at work *FOR YEARS* . I'm sorry but I am disillusioned. I read as many books as I can, watch videos, take online courses to learn tools to deal with my anxiety, depression and trauma but will no longer put myself at risk.
You can do this on your own. Everything you need is on you tube. This channel of course is fantastic therapy. The one that helped me the most is SAM VAKNIN. Binge watch his stuff. ITS OUTSTANDING. GOOD LUCK. It took about 6 months to find the best of me for me. The quicker you watch the quicker you can heal.
@@thesecrettragedyclothingco7194 I disagree . It is *NOT IDEAL* to do it on your own if you are already broken and trying to fix yourself. You simply will not be objective enough to identify your own shortcomings. Or give yourself a false sense of validation even when you are not making progress. If I could afford good therapists, I would. Unfortunately in my situation, money made no difference as almost all of the therapists and facilities were not interested in producing HEALED patients but instead were interested in keeping them DEPENDENT so they could make more money. The quality of therapy with these incentives was always detrimental to me because it was obvious that they did as little work and preparation as possible and were always watching the clock to shove me out the door .
@@MazBringsby why waste the money. Many arnt trained enough for this. Why listen to one when you can listen to them all. Good luck either way. Knowledge is power no matter how you get it. It's not ideal but it worked for me.
@@MazBringsby Yes this same thing happened to me the therapist actually said I was playing the victim by sharing what happened to me in my relationship LOL that was the end of therapy.
Books have helped me a great deal. I have read dozens of self help books written by therapists. Everyone has different opinions. I am not a big fan of the "should" therapists. i.e. you should be this way and that way. I know there are people that will not agree with this way of healing but it has worked for me.
Had a treatment "professional" come completely unhinged on me when she heard me saying something, while on a break, that contradicted her treatment philosophy. Made a scene in front of the entire group and even cut the session short because she was just so upset. I was so embarrassed, humiliated and somewhat traumatized. It took a while for me to trust therapists again.
Hey Doctor Ramani, I don't know you but you are definitely NOT a narcissist. You radiate sensitivity and intelligence as well as genuine humility and it is obvious to me that all of your work goes through a process of discerning and pondering to evaluate the scope and impact that your words will have on your whole audience. Thank you very much for having the courage to address this topic! To add to the issue, my narc mother was a self-annointed psychotherapist (the title is not regulated in the country where I live) without any qualifications or diplomas. Her clients were to her a huge narcissistic supply and she revelled in the "guru" posture. She also used psychological concepts to manipulate, gaslight, invalidate, ridicule or shame people depending on her needs. As the scapegoat/empath/truthteller in my family system, I was labelled a "schizoid" child who could be bullied/molested because she said that I could not feel anything, that all my emotions were fake and manipulative and/or did not exist. If someone dared confront her, that someone was "paranoid", "psychotic" etc etc. Using psychological concepts made her super powerful. So yes this topic is very real to me ! Many thanks for your analysis and the tools that you give us !
Dear Dr. Ramani thank you so much for this video. It's like you read my mind. Aside from the narcissistic individuals in my personal life, I have a degree in psychology and am studying a master's degree in CBT. I've had a narcissistic therapist, teachers in college, and colleagues. As a matter of fact a friend and I were talking about this the other day. We even decided to investigate this phenomenon of narcissism in psychotherapists. I will definitely share this video with her and other colleagues. PS: Of course you aren't a narcissist.
Barr’s love careers where they are the hero or get to hold power over people and make decisions as to whether they’re good or bad . Nurse , cop , social worker , air traffic controller .. just a few examples
I had a roommate 20+ years back, who would say that she wanted to be a 'high-powered therapist' (whatever that means 😉). My therapist at the time said to me: "power" think about that word, power. That is where she is really coming from."
As a therapist myself, who has encountered a fair few narcissistic therapists as colleagues, and of course has had narcissistic moments at times, I think you dealt with this very tricky subject very sensitively and constructively...thank you...no gas lighting, and empowering ourselves and others is always the goal.
Contentious, dismissive, invalidating, controlling, gaslighting, boasting, boundary violations, talking about herself all the time, manipulative, entitled, lecturing, scolding, agenda driven, demanding loyalty, siding with and enabling the abuser, god complex, shaming and blaming, arrogance, grandiosity, validation seeking, antagonistic… My former therapist checks every single one of those boxes. Three years later I feel like I am finally able to see her this way and step back into trusting myself. Thank you so much for this video. It was so powerful hearing all of these characteristics and seeing them in my former therapist. I can feel my mind mending and reconnecting with my heart.
Actually it's relatively easy to spot a narc therapist in the first few sessions. Ask the therapist about their qualifcation and work experience, the way they respond can give some insight if they are huble and realistic or too full of themselves, apply constructive critizism or ask if you don't understand something. The reactions to that should unveil the narcs among them, too. In fact I provoked some nice narcissistically wounded and passive aggressive blowups that way. Narcs are fairly easy to unveil. If you suspect there might be a bear, just poke a bit and you shall see.
lol thats how I trigger my narc mother. I did it infront of my uncle one night so he could see... Just start standing up to them basically, and they cant take it. They melt like the wicked with of the west. Its like clock work.
I met one. He was misdiagnosing my brother with a learning disability as having autism and when I asked how to tell the difference between an autistic meltdown or just anxiety and he tried to manipulate the dialogue that I was trying place truama on my brother yet he wasn’t even answering the question because it was valid. They don’t like to be challenged.
I had a friend married to a PhD in Clinical Psychology. He ran a whole counseling center. He was clear caught for insurance fraud, sleeping with patients, and this was just the tip of the ice verg. He also use to testify in courts and have children taken out of their homes. Man was probably a straight up psychopath. When he went away to prison, I couldn't help but wonder about his "colleagues"...
Yes , my therpist and a supervisor is a narc. When I pointed it to him that I dont feel good when he is not suportive and is critisizing of me he denied it all and became angry & said its all in my head. Lack of emphaty towards my pain, saying that abuser did not abusers me but it was all in my head-I couldnt take anymore. I had to find another one
I come from a family of narcissists, unwittingly married one and many of them are in the medical, therapeutic and pastural professions. What has always amazed me is how they are so self centred they are in the family context, how invalidating, the gaslighting... but walking into the professional scene there is a switch...all charm, all empathy, all helpful .. because they love the attention, the self validation that the patients give...the contact is short which suits them fine. Nobody is looking at their weaknesses.... and I have to admit, they actually do their professional work extremely well and help countless people... it's just a bit sad on the home front when the narcissists comes home and the charm is switched off because they are tired and the sugary tongue suddenly becomes forked, they start shooting orders and expect people to wait on thrm. ..it hard to trust people when you live the switching hourly.
I've had two narcissist "therapists" (both licensed) of the Grandiose persuasion - one female, one male. Both were "Guru-wanna-bees" that thought they held the only key to the secrets of the Universe (or Enlightenment or whatever). In the Big Picture, I learned something useful from each of them (mostly to Stay Away!) - but in the Short Run, they both did HUGE Damage that I've had to come to terms with. In hindsight, I don't think it was worth the price - I stayed too long with each of them. UPDATE: I want to clarify. I've also had two AMAZING therapists - both of whom have helped me enormously. My current therapist REALLY GETS IT about Narcissistic Abuse & that has made all the difference. The intended point of my post was to say Beware of Guru-wanna-bees posing as therapists & get out sooner rather than later.
Had a family member die drunk, from complications caused by active drinking, who was going for being an a & d counselor.. was very definitely the guru type. Zero self awareness, very humorous, covert narc. Educated my family very heavily, by using his self pity to obtain flying monkeys. But he was going to tell others how to live because he had such esoteric "wisdom" smh ffs
Another therapist, during my recovery from heroin asked me one question which lit my world up "What are you interested in?" because of him inspiring me, I have for the last twelve have been studying different courses at university. Because of him I developed a deeper sense of self and my place in the world. My new therapist for CPTSD is going to support me with discovering my self belief. She is a very kind woman.
Sounds like the optimum experience that all are looking for when they go for therapeutic support. Blessed be. Too many find the opposite, with deadly damages done, or this video wouldn't exist. Too many experts in life that have zero morality
OMG! I've had one!!! She would compare my problems to hers. She even CRIED during MY session telling me how her daughter didn't speak to her anymore. At the time I didn't even know what narcissism was. So sad she wasted my precious time. I am so glad you are talking about this!!!
My ex MIL is a narcissistic and therapist in a smallish town. She got off on the fact that she knew peoples personal stuff and felt superior knowing all the ins and outs of many families in that town. She would comment on people to me about things this person or that person was going through. Absolute shocker. Definitely came across as being superior to everyone she counselled.
Yes, excellent advice Dr. Ramani- safeguard yourself. Many years ago I had a longtime therapist. After seeing her for about 7 years, I felt like we weren't making any progress and she began talking about herself for the first 10 minutes of every session. Then one day she made a point of telling me "one of the friends in your social circle is also a client of mine now". That statement pushed me to look elsewhere immediately. I politely explained at our next session that since she was moving into the same town and our kids were the same age, it would be best if I found a new therapist (she understood and agreed it would be awkward ). In hindsight I should have told her that her vague comment about a new client was unsettling), but didn't need any drama (it was beginning to feel like a 2 way relationship and not professional). Since we had a "good longstanding relationship", she offered to give any input into the therapists I was interviewing (aka being nosy). She said she had never heard of my new therapist. The new therapist, likewise, also said had never heard of my former therapist. Weeks later, I bumped into both therapists, in a restaurant, having lunch together!!!! It was clear that they were old friends and knew each other well. Therapists can be friends, but the lying made me suspect they also might be discussing my personal information. I immediately left and then bounced around until I found a very respected, trustworthy and ethical therapist. Yes, there are bad apples , but there are many good therapists out there.
I worked for several years in a psych hospital & the treating staff were often worse thanthe patients in terms of mental illness (at least the patients were trying to deal with their issues!)
Heck yes!!! I ran into several of them through the years. They thoroughly gaslight you as well. I got trounced! Also; most therapist who are not narcissist, are not trained or experienced enough to recognize a narcissist period. Only a few are actually experienced and trained; rare. When seeking a therapist for any type of trauma bond, especially due to being around a narcissist.... interview the therapist first!!!! Also, do not take a narcissist with you to therapy; a total waste of time, and you will pay dearly. Took me a while (32 years!😭) to figure out why therapy was not working for me.🤕
@@robertb3773 It’s important to find a qualified therapist, who is familiar with Narcissism, Narcissist, NPD Abuse, Trauma Bonds, Codependency and Stockholm Syndrome. Yellow Bird is symbolic for me, because I was “Yellow Bird In a Red Cage” for many years married to dark narcissistic woman, who owned the key to the cage. I’m free now and no longer in the cage. Yellow Birds are bright and colorful and cheerful.🐥
My sister studied psychology in college and told me I should be in the field since I can catch narcs real easily. I don’t agree with how the practices are in psychology as the body can self heal through the vagus nerve such as somatic expirencing or EDMR.
I spent seven years with the most wonderful therapist In. The. World. My marriage was ending, my mother was dying... and my therapist got me through it stronger and more prepared than I thought I could be. Our relationship ended 32 years ago, but I still hear her voice asking questions, offering insights and bolstering me as if it was yesterday. I wish everyone could experience therapy as I did.
I went to a therapist after being strangled manipulated and emotionally abused by a narcissist for a year by an abusive parter which resulted in me having a miscarriage before I could see how dangerous it was, grew up with narcs so, there’s that. This therapist, when I asked her for help from threats of violence and verbal assaults that the police and management of my housing situation were refusing to help me with, she suggested connecting me to the baptist church for deliverance. When I suggested I was dealing with physical violence she suggested that I was being spiritually targeted by demons and the church had helped her. When the narc threatening to hurt me and intimidating me hit me with a harassment law suit - she suggested I bring a letter I wrote for my health care providers to the police and we were both treated with contempt, dismissal and misogynistic response she said she would go to court and support me. On the day of court she didn’t show up. Following that, when I asked for my files, she told me if I didn’t “trust someone like her” I would always be a victim. So YES, therapists can be narcissistic and full on narcissists in action. Very dangerous to ask for help from someone like that, especially when so vulnerable. I ended up loosing my home and health insurance due to having to relocate, and am still recovering from trauma.
Diana Pythia Oh my god. I am so sorry to hear that that happened to you. I understand if you didn’t, but I would strongly encourage you to report that. That is beyond SCARY. Almost cult-leader like. As a therapist I am horrified. I am sorry that happened to you.
I have learned how to always be responsible for myself; nobody else can do this for me. What are my values? What are my boundaries? Who is my tribe, are my trusting friends? What are my goals? What are my non-negotiables in relationships? People are teachers. People offer advice, but I'm responsible for my life. A student surgeon learns to cut from a professor. In the operating room he must harness the scalpel confidently, know biological boundaries. Like a surgeon holds a scalpel, I take hold of my life, boldly, skillfully, with all I've learned. Remembering I'm human..helps me be flexible to imperfections or the unexpected and seek wisdom from those whom I trust/or a higher power. Dr. Ramani "integrity" you've taught me how to take back the reigns of my life;-)
Nadosh Hemeda yes I know that she can be reported, I’d rather her just not have any impact on my life anymore, reporting her would cause more harm to me than good.
@@soul7530 I totally understand. A court is a narcissists playground and any type of official process like that would only make the narcissist 10XX more aggressive and then they would go on the offensive now that they were TRULY under threat. As much as you want justice, you know that there is a good chance that the narcissist would talk their way out of it anyway and the abuse you would endure as revenge would be severely damaging to you. Just run and don't look back
Mad Lib Yeh that’s exactly the reason I don’t want to take her on it’s too big of a risk, I have no doubt that she would do all she could to destroy me. Plus I don’t want to waste anymore life on her, I wasted too many years and then further time recovering from the damage done.
Pretty sure there is a person with strong vulnerable narcissistic traits in my program at school and while she’s been through remediation for her counseling skills, they can’t find a solid reason to keep her from graduating and practicing. As her cohort of students, we’re so frustrated 😭
The decision makers all just keeping themselves in a job cos they have to keep the student supply coming until someone has a better answer to the problem. It's all financial spin. Someone else on this comment thread said universities are a hub for narcissists going into these professions. And a lot of the individuals who are already in these professions, seemingly, are not doing right by their patients, because maybe they realize that if they did what was right and people healed then helped each other with mutual support and advice (through their own personal experience from rare good therapists) there'd be no more need for any type of therapists. Now if you've been through college and university and got into debt and need this job to keep a roof over your head and have a pension you're not going to want to jeopardize that are you...and the people who really shouldn't be in the profession are not stupid enough to not realize that they don't want to be the first out of a job if populations of people rapidly started to heal and pass on the knowledge and experience of what it takes to just be a good, non-judgemental, emotional-supportive ally to all and sundry, where everyone can just bloom 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 Do you catch my drift? 😉
Yes my boys father and I went to one who was so NPD...my husband was in the late stages of alcoholism and repeatedly lied about it but according to the therapist "it didnt matter because all your problems were you" meaning me....
I feel as though learning about Narcissism has been a blessing and a curse for me. Dr. Ramani is correct, in that anyone can be a narcissist regardless of their occupation. I look at the world and the people in it very differently now. I am guarded anytime I meet someone new.
I have that worry too. However I have met some wonderful people throughout my life aswell. So whenever such notions get the best of me I simply think of the good one's. And the more you experience, learn and heal, the better you can handle yourself no matter what you may meet.
My narc mom told me a story of her therapist and how the therapist advised her to get pregnant by her boyfriend to trap him into marriage to secure the future to be financially supported !!! I was sitting there wide eyed and silent knowing this women had to be a narc . My narc mom lined up w narc therapist 🤦🏼♀️
Well, maybe this was literally just a story your mother told you. Maybe her therapist never said that, and she made up that story to blame her bad behavior on someone else (as narcs do).
@Go Guerilla Foto yes I walked out at the second session when she told me to get over it about something and cut me off in the middle of a sentence to try and schedule another session and started to explain how she forgot my file and what she does when she gets home so that maybe she can find time to do a phone session. Because she smiled this evil smile when she said she was all booked for in person sessions anytime soon. I walked out. I did find someone better when I went out for coffee with friends and found a business card for a domestic violence center in the area and she's been amazing.
@Go Guerilla Foto it really was horrible though she was gaslighting me about making appointments and saying I never made them. Got irritated when I had a panic attack and mostly talked about herself how the governor picked her to do child abuse cases and how many she's won. She said she makes money even if I sleep on the couch. I wasn't sure if I was being dramatic or something finding issues with her so I didn't leave right away. Its not the first time a therapist made me feel worse.
@@Barbara-oi3yi Eugh. She sounds like a freak. I think the fact that she said she didn't have time for in-person sessions, she was attempting to cover for her actions after asking you out for wings, to make it look like she wasn't trying to come onto you or having some sick need to be near you when it sounds like it was the one thing she attempted to do. She should be sacked from the profession!
Of course!! I saw one for a couple of months, like two years ago. When I change to a new psychologist, she told me: "Are you sure that he has a diploma?" Because he crossed boundaries and didn't help me really. Sometimes he was angry for things I didn't know why. He talked a lot about himself, his personal life. He forgot my appointments, he was late quite often. After a year I realized how many wrong things he did wrong. Actually one time I think he was doing a doodle on his ipad during my sesion.
I'm so glad your still making videos on narcissicm I know alot of people have gotten scared to go to the therapy because they dealt with a narc therapist
I could write a novel about what my narcissistic therapist said and did towards me in therapy. What I wondered about was the end of this video, when you say we do not need to “write a yelp review”. I’m not sure that is right. My therapist was toxic in a dangerous way but I was not able to break free and thrust my instincts before I broke down in front of someone else crying about the sessions I had. This other person told me that this therapist was infamous in the therapeutic community for being toxic. It was even a kind of joke at conventions and workshops how this therapist she had a stile of “confronting” her clients when it was clear to her colleagues that what she did was using her patients for her own well being. After leaving her I needed therapy to figure out what was true and lies of all the horrible things she had said to me and about me and the way I behaved towards other people. Turned out it was all lies and gas-lighting. Some time after I met a person who had also ones been her patient, then at an institution. And worse, she had another friend who also was her patient there, she tried to commit suicide and it seemed related to this therapists behavior towards her. This other friend finally broke free from her grasp. The therapist did not accept this, she broke the rules, started calling her up and talked her into being her therapist ones more. All the time I had felt awful for not going to the health authorities about my experience, but I was still terrified of her, had nightmares and the thought of her getting to know that I had complained made me shake all over. In my country there is no way of doing a thing like this anonymously. But after talking with this person about her experiences and the experiences of her friend we did call the organization of psychologists and ask if there were anything they might do. It was not. This is all soon 20 years ago, but I still at times feel bad for not reporting her. I had written down enough for there to be a serious case- I hate the thought of other people living trough what I did with her. I do wish there had been something like a yelp review I could have written at that time. I sure would have done that if it was possible. Having such tools is important for patients. If I had read about her from others I would have broken free much, much sooner. A strange silver lining thought. At times she said something about my family dynamics and situations that really made me see it clearly, and that still are helpful all these years later. And those things are what is left today, together with even more knowledge about such behavior as hers. I will never again be fooled into thinking I am the problem and the bad one in such a relationship.
Sorry you had to go through that. Hard enough to have these problems without having a therapist, the person who is supposed to be helping you, to make it worse. You are a brave person.
I have therapists so toxic that i get my medicine through a G.P. This was just a one time appointment with a psychiatrist for medicine.She started scolding and getting angry and raising her voice. Her reviews indicated the same things from others patients Still it was upsetting. It seemed like it was more about her being in control.She was borderline abusive.
It breaks my heart to read your story. I am going through something less intense than what you described, but I know the deep anguish and betrayal you felt from this experience. This therapist was asking you to abandon yourself which is awful. I am glad you survived that and I hope you are well wherever you are. Yes, we must listen to ourselves and be very skeptical of those who actively encourage us NOT to listen to or trust ourselves in the pattern and who poke us in a space of deep vulnerability. I am so sorry this happened to you or anyone reading who can relate..
I have so many horror stories about all the unprofessional, harmful therapists I encountered during my life. I agree with you. They need to be called out and, if necessary, expelled from the Register of Psychologists. I wish I had a therapist like Dr. Ramani.
I’m not sure my counselor was narcissistic, but I’ve recently felt gaslit by mine and don’t feel it is a safe space any longer. I can tell that she thinks I’m crazy and I don’t like it
When I was a teenager we had a family therapist that was fantastic. That has been my only experience so far. : ) My mom interviewed several and got recommendations and chose an excellent man as our therapist.
aah yes! that really is the core of it! too often I have 'pedestalized' therapists, seeing them as 'way above' me (only much later to see them come crashing down)! feeling so badly about myself, its been easy to idealize them and see them as so much better than me, to see them as the opposite of everything I have felt badly about in myself!
I had a therapist who got close and she would give me a ride home a few times. I liked her a lot, but being borderline friends made it more difficult and when she moved out of state to accept a new job, it was devastating. Please don’t ever be friends with clients or therapists. Clients can’t always help it, but therapists should be able to maintain that control. I have huge attachment issues and it hurt so much. As BPD we often have a favorite person that makes or breaks our world. Sad, but true.
Absolutely true! The first therapist I saw told me 3 months into therapy that he had been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder years prior. “It didn’t bother me at all,” was his explanation. He runs personal development retreats for companies promising “deep work” and has published many books. So, yeah, like Dr Ramani says, they can be anywhere. Look after yourselves, dears!
Doctor Ramani, my gratitude for what I am learning and finding here! ..And yes, I left my therapist although I did not resolved my problems..Feeling embarassed, frustrated and like not saying what she wanted to hear..And this after 4 months with regulary councelling. More, I felt kind of release when I ended up with.. But still the main problem , a narcissist husband (whos personallity shows to deteriorate) versus me (as a foreigner wife stuck into a 12 Years marriage in his own land and his own house) becomes a huge and blody hell..Thank for sharing all theese here. And lucky me that I was learning english in school so I can understand your precious advices.🌹
I understand what you are saying very well. Excellent English, congratulations! I'm sending you a hug. You sound strong ! Stay strong and never give up !
What do you think she means by that? How has her love language changed after working with narcissistic relationship for many years? Doesn't make sense to me. At first I thought she said "sanity".
These videos are so valuable because many people suffering narcissistic abuse cannot afford therapy or we don't have access to control the finances... these videos are often our only help...
...because they need to keep people feeling harassed, disturbed and confused so they can keep themselves in a career. At some point in all that training, in quiet contemplative epiphany moments at home in the evenings, they realize that if all therapists did the brilliant job they originally set out to do at the start, over the space of say 5-10 years the world would be a happy place, everybody supported and feeling great by actually relaying the expert knowledge (by said awesome therapist(s)) of how to even help other people in their community with the same depth of emotional support (human love) through emotional crises as every therapist would then be out of a job, a career, a house and home, able to live the dream of a lavish lifestyle (at other people's expense in so many ways), and a pension nest egg and still all that schooling debt to pay off (well that's for the ones *with* any document qualifications...as opposed to real life existential, experiential qualifications...of narc abuse) and also then have to retrain into a different career. It's easier to become resentful of the *existential threat* sat in front of them on the couch and just keep them confused rather than supported, helped and healed. I'm sure the power of holding this key knowledge about how things could turn out, is a huge turn on for them...... Listening to RUclips is more helpful for narc-abused people to mutually support each other through existential experience with their existential knowledge (albeit it could all be different but there will a core of mutual understanding and support) to the point of healing, because there aren't near enough experts out there trained (experienced, first hand, on the receiving end) in narc abuse. Why would they want to be when so many of them are covert narcs? It defeats the object. Their career is a conflict of interests, through and through.... Isn't there something in the Bible about deceiving Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. I'm not religious. I am spiritual and this reeks of the opposite in Spiritual psychology. And with me the Spiritual IS political. Stick with RUclips and mutual mar sufferers/victims/survivors who can help each other through ✨💞☀️🌸😊👌🏽
Of course! Narcs like to be in positions of power. They like superiority. They can be therapists, church leaders, doctors and nurses, and anything else! Compounding this is the fact that so few therapists understand narcissism. I've had bad therapists. The worst one used to make fun of me during sessions and say "Hello, McFly!" She was extremely condescending and even got angry with me sometimes. She did all the talking and was not even interested in hearing my story. I don't know if she was a narcissist but she was toxic as hell and I stopped seeing her after a few sessions.
...because they need to keep people feeling harassed, disturbed and confused so they can keep themselves in a career. At some point in all that training, in quiet contemplative epiphany moments at home in the evenings, they realize that if all therapists did the brilliant job they originally set out to do at the start, over the space of say 5-10 years the world would be a happy place, everybody supported and feeling great by actually relaying the expert knowledge (by said awesome therapist(s)) of how to even help other people in their community with the same depth of emotional support (human love) through emotional crises as every therapist would then be out of a job, a career, a house and home, able to live the dream of a lavish lifestyle (at other people's expense in so many ways), and a pension nest egg and still all that schooling debt to pay off (well that's for the ones *with* any document qualifications...as opposed to real life existential, experiential qualifications...of narc abuse) and also then have to retrain into a different career. It's easier to become resentful of the *existential threat* sat in front of them on the couch and just keep them confused rather than supported, helped and healed. I'm sure the power of holding this key knowledge about how things could turn out, is a huge turn on for them...... Listening to RUclips is more helpful for narc-abused people to mutually support each other through existential experience with their existential knowledge (albeit it could all be different but there will a core of mutual understanding and support) to the point of healing, because there aren't near enough experts out there trained (experienced, first hand, on the receiving end) in narc abuse. Why would they want to be when so many of them are covert narcs? It defeats the object. Their career is a conflict of interests, through and through.... Isn't there something in the Bible about deceiving Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. I'm not religious. I am spiritual and this reeks of the opposite in Spiritual psychology. And with me the Spiritual IS political. Stick with RUclips and mutual mar sufferers/victims/survivors who can help each other through ✨💞☀️🌸😊👌🏽
@@earthed_soul I think you are absolutely right and some of them do see the world that way! They come from a place of lack, so of course they would see the healing of the world as a threat that would erase their career. The same way people in the logging industry see hemp as a threat, or the way oil companies see alternative fuels as a threat, even though they are far less harmful and destructive to the environment. In reality, if everyone in the world was healthy and happy, maybe we wouldn't need to work so hard just to get by. Maybe we would create a world where everyone could live together in peace and prosperity without poverty, war or other hardships which humans invariably create.
The biggest narcissist I dated was a former Pastor! He was a con artist and looks amazing on Facebook. Trust is not a given anymore. I don’t know if I can trust again.
Barbara like dr Ramani said, therapists shouldnt jump in without knowledge. Why are you taking the side of the therapist without knowledge of the conversation? Proves my point!
@Barbara Cant agree with you Barbara. It is all about framing as Ramani said. Those kinds of comments are not just direct, they are borderline confrontational and antagonistic. Gaslighting is definitely present in the comment 'are you convincing me or yourself', because the word 'convincing' is like saying 'you are making it up'. If the therapist noticed a guilty look, they should then be exploring the issue further with that being their internal evidence without sharing that to the client. It sounds like a fairly unskilled therapist to say those kinds of comments.
@Barbara That's why it all comes down to framing. The original statement to me is very much framed as a rejection and a denial of what that person has said, which is gaslighting in its most simplest form. The idea is not to tell someone that what they have said is untrue, as that is a form of invalidation and shaming. This is the case even if you sense they aren't being truthful because they may very well believe the lie consciously even if they do not believe it subconsciously. Instead, the idea is to challenge the belief and lead the person to come to another conclusion themselves with appropriate prompting. I know the way I go about something like that is to examine the roots behind the statement and provide alternative interpretations. Validation is not about necessarily telling a person that they are right, but it is very much about avoiding telling someone they are wrong outright. PS. you dont have to be narcissistic to gaslight someone. It can be unintentional
Queenofbeauty Good call. You are completely correct about that " therapist ". I hope you dropped that one and have found a good one. Sorry that happened to you, stay strong : )
My sister was a therapist years ago, before she had kids. She is also a narcissist, and uses her background in psychology and counseling to be incredibly slick and clever in her gaslighting of me. Once, I showed a string of emails from her to me to a counselor, and this counselor told me that my sister was a “professional gaslighter.”
@DoctorRamani I must say you look refreshed 🌟 Always a pleasure to watch your videos and thank you for your candor, sincerity and the wealth of knowledge you bring to such a complex topic as this. Thank you and looking forward to more!
Omg Doctor!! I was waiting SOOOO LONG for this video! Hehehe omg you just won't leave an aspect about narcissism, that you won't reveal!!! i just LOVE YOU! hehe thank you for getting into my life even if through RUclips only!! 🌸🌸🌸💚💚💚🌸🌸🌸
Agreed @Amjad.....truer words....THE most intelligent, empathetic NON-NARCISSISTIC therapist on the planet. What I would give for Dr. Ramani...or her clone....to be my therapist. Sadly across the waters in France.
My most recent narcissist was a social worker who works with troubled teens. Her career deflects her self reflection in the disguise of “helping” others. It was part of her mask,
There’s a seat in hell for my former LCSW If she ever attempted to see clients again, I will stop her. Some here act like trying to protect the innocent is where the crime is.
Agreed (mine is an LISW). I was disappointed that Dr. Ramani said "you don't need to go there," referring to calling out the therapist's behavior. I was previously diagnosed with PTSD and social anxiety and was really vulnerable when I first started seeing my therapist. She lovebombed me and I got attached to her quickly. As soon as I got attached, she started telling me I would never get better. When I disagreed, she said that she's been a therapist for a long time so she knows better than I do and people like me don't get better. She said the only thing I could do was to keep coming to see her, I wouldn't get better but she could help keep me stable at least. I saw her weekly for 8 years and never had therapy goals or a treatment plan. She consistently invalidated and dismissed my experiences. If I tried to discuss how her behavior was making me feel, disagreed with her in any way, or said I didn't think something she said was helpful, she became defensive and angry and turned it all around on me. Once she accused me of causing my own rape because I wouldn't vote for the same political candidate as her. She pressured me to keep going to college even though I was failing all my classes due to my mental health, reminding me that I would lose my insurance and wouldn't be able to see her if I dropped out (now I have over $200,000 in student loan debt). She pressured me to end the majority of my friendships and familial relationships, and eventually I felt like all I had was her so I kept going back. I convinced myself I was overreacting because she was a therapist and therapists aren't supposed to act like that. But not all therapists want to help people, therapists like mine and yours should be reported and given negative online review. They're dangerous, I feel like she ruined my life. I've tried to find another therapist to help me heal from my therapist's abuse but they've seemed dismissive, like they don't believe me ("If you stayed with her for 8 years it couldn't have been that bad," according to one therapist). I have no idea where to go from here, so now I'm leaving a rambling reply on a 1 year old RUclips comment at 3:00am.
@@KumaKhameleon I think there are therapists out there who are understanding of other therapists being awful. I had one who betrayed me too, gave me bad advice that ruined my life, was cruel and traumatizing in ways that ruined my mental health and my life until Jesus healed me. I also had one that changed my life for the better. There needs to be a massive calling out of the corruption in the industry, very concerning that there's little accountability and yes some therapists choose denial of others" abuse and pathology
@@janedoe3648 I'm sorry you've experienced this too, but I'm glad that Jesus has given you healing! It really is scary that there is so little accountability. It's kind of weird that you commented today, providing a reminder that there are good therapists out there, and that Jesus heals. I ended up leaving my therapist in January and, coincidentally, had my first session with a new therapist today. I had been praying about returning to therapy and it kind of feels like a sign from God that you would reply to my 11 month old comment the exact day I reentered therapy. I very rarely check the email linked to my RUclips account, but I had given it to the therapist so that she could send me some paperwork, which is the only reason I saw the email notification about your comment. Thank you, and may God bless you with continued healing and peace!
I work in the mental health field. I have met my share in grad school and at work. It was a hell of a way to learn that being in a profession that people might consider noble doesn't mean everyone in it is noble or empathetic. It is one thing to see it depicted on TV/movies or hear hear it on the news; It's another to experience it firsthand.
I worked with a woman as a coach/ counsellor and in that role she was amazing at 'holding space' for me to speak and be heard. I also knew her personally, and after our work together I moved in with her. That's when I felt her contempt, superiority, domination, intimidation, meanness, coldness, and total lack of empathy. Both parts of her were true, but they were disconnected. She could bring the best of herself and employ her communication skills in the counselling office, but not in her home life, where those around her felt like we were 'walking on eggshells'. Unless we live with someone, we don't know how much their 'professional skills' or 'empathic persona' match their personal life, and that is where 'communication skills' and 'unconditional positive regard' matter most!
Absolutely. My first therapist was extremely narcissistic and considered himself to have a histrionic personality disorder. He made every meetings about himself, loved to talk about other patients and tried to set me up with one of his patients. Gross
I just had a first (and last) session with a therapist who was stronlgy judgemental. The session felt like an interrogation, her questions dominated and what I told her was barely given attention to. All she did troughout the whole session was trying to get things out of me that she wantet to hear by critically questioning me and my behaviour and 'confronting' me. Within split seconds she had formed her judgement about me. I did not hear a single word of empathy even though I told her things that hat hurt my very much. I wish I could take it all back she did not deserve to see me vulnerable.
One my therapist was trying to get me back to my severely narcissistic mother. I told her I think my mother is narcissistic, but she never said even word about it.
andrea vanda OMG! He was the same! He said many details about his life that I didn’t ask about. He also was a misogynist! He gaslighted me badly. I thought there was something wrong with me all these years but I am relieved now.
This is the best video and most important subject in this. This is the place where you are meant to have freedom from narcissism, especially if that is what you are trying to escape from. People gaslight a lot saying "their a therapist or a doctor or a..." so that you have to accept that you are just crazy and gaslighting doesn't exist at all and that be the gaslighting end game.
Yes yes and yes! My ex who I’ve been wholeheartedly destroyed by is a social worker (Cps) and a covert narcissist! I struggled and questioned it myself because I’m like how can she care about kids and seem to care about kids but has very little empathy etc. But with some time I’ve figured out she loves the challenge, the power and the praise she gets fro the job more than she actually cares about anyone else.
Thank you for bringing this to light, Dr. Ramani. In the past, I had tried to "talk it over" with some friends, another friend with psychology education background, and also some psychiatrists. To my amazement, the communication couldn't get through. That is why I am very reluctant to find a counseling. Praise God, that I found you in You Tube and all the NPD exposure, that now I understand what I have been through. Have a wonderful day, Doc, and God bless you.
Yup therapists can be narcissist.I don’t know if my previous therapist was one but she would get mad and turn red when I’d tell her how I felt as far as being a single mother. She came off as if I should be ashamed of having difficulties adjusting to motherhood at a young age (15)...Maybe I needed a therapist of a different Caliber (PTSD, Trauma, etc )
When I was a child my mother took me to many therapists, she would take a lot of time 1 on 1 w my therapist explaining my issues at the start. they would discover through sessions with me that I was being raped and abused at home, confront my mother, and I would never see that therapist again. I found out later she told them I'm a pathological liar and she was so good at lying she convinced them enough to not trust clear red flags but if they started to get suspicious and question her then she moved on, me in tow, with some excuse (moving, etc). None of those therapists helped me, they ruined my life and should've rescued me. They literally couldn't see child abuse or a pedo narc right in front of them. Most therapists are useless with useless ideas. Thats why I love this channel, actually helpful advice that makes sense and cares. Channels like this have been changing my views on therapists. Thank you Dr ramani.
It must've been torture for you. I'm glad you're still here. Your safe here on RUclips where all victims can mutually counsel each other in a safe environment ✨♥️☀️🌸
Narcissists gravitate towards positions of power, control and influence. So yes, many therapists may be narcissistic.
Sure where else can you accurately do more damage and also be so well, financially rewarded!
🚮🌈🎠
Narc Survivor YES!
I know of a psychiatrist who almost certainly was - retired about 30 years ago, thank God! Was obviously keen on abusing their power and very judgemental.
I used to be shocked on how narcissistic anti social students from sociology studies usually come across.. but hey, they say they studied for it so they know better then anyone else because they have some silly paper that says so.. so any arguement is kinda useless from the start as they think thats social behaviour to them.. but it's an interesting mental loophole worth exploring, where care becomes corrupted..
I was married to one who was good at what she did but in an interpersonal relationship she caused havoc behind closed doors the mask would slip and her true nature would come out.
A judgemental or dismissive therapist can be the reason a person decides not to try therapy again.
This is why I didn’t want to try therapy
Thank you for acknowledging that.
Yup
My therapist, whom I did some rounds of emdr with, just texted me about a month ago that she has raised her price because she has gotten involved with a project she cared about, and "had to take less patients"
My old girlfriend blames my therapist for causing the break up. I am the one wanted out of the relationship. He was recommended by by the old girlfriend. Girlfriend felt she was victimized by my therapist. She said she will not be a friend/hate me if I continue to see him. Thoughts?!?!
I saw a therapist last year that said I was being childish for complaining about my (narcissistic) parents. Got fired.
My mom (a malignant narcissist) is a psychology profesor at a (sort of) prestigious university. The sad thing is she knows how to distinguish between right and wrong, crazy and fair in THEORY, but not in every day life. She speaks of others she believes are wrong without noticing she's literally describing herself. She speaks of morals and then does literally the opposite.
@@chachiejoanie4190 When I was 12 or so. Learned my lesson to keep quiet when I was 13.
I’m right there with you ❤️ my mom is a therapist and a narcissist. She believes she is an emotional martyr because she is a therapist and therefore can do no wrong, but in reality she has caused pain to all of her family and friends. It’s kind of a unique situation to be in as her child but I’m glad I’m not the only one.
Wow my mother is a narc and therapist too. It’s like ppl can’t comprehend how she can do what she does and be a narc. Ugh.
This makes me wonder if some narcissists choose helping professions for the protective and virtuous 'halo' they provide.
My dad is a psychologist too, but weirdly enough never really apply it to his personal life, even denying when I have depression. He didn't want to deal with me so he sent me to his friend, another therapist to talk to me. Super strange.
Being a counselor/therapist seems to almost be a perfect career for a narc; there's plenty of supply and their career is a mask of protector. Similar to a wolf in sheep's clothing, so you're not likely to be on guard or feel the need to protect yourself. Protect yourself by any means necessary!
Very true! I'm a therapist. I've met many narcissistic therapists, especially in Los Angeles. Many are former aspiring actors. Many seek TV fame.
except that being a therapist requires lots and lots of listening, something that narcs aren't good at and don't have too much patience for. I think a 'helping' career where one is teaching/ preaching/ leading is more attractive to narcs, because that way they can do the talking, show their 'expertise'/ superiority, and have control and the spotlight.
@@devidaughter7782 around the 2 year mark I started noticing my narc therapist would get this glazed face when I started talking like she was looking thru me, she also pressured me to join her private group of "friends" made up of former/current clients and other weird stuff... at one point it felt like she was trying to make me jealous of her life and compete with me when I'd be opening up about deep traumas...she gave the vibe that she simultaneously was more wounded than me/I was being a baby AND she was better than me because she had more money, was working in the profession I was trying to enter, has a husband etc.... it was weird as hell
@@fernanne08 wow! so many flags there!!! learning to trust ourselves even when that means distrusting/ being critical of an authority figure like a therapist is such a MAJOR breakthrough -against all the self-doubt and self-gaslighting that 'they must know more because they are the experts', etc. I have found with many of the professional therapists whom I've worked with, that I've reached a very uncomfortable moment when something they said or did just didn't resonate for me, and I've had to decide whether I choose to believe/ align with my own perception/ truth/ reality, or defer to them as the 'higher authority'. I actually think this is part of the therapeutic journey- learning to trust yourself and validate your own reality even when the 'professional' isn't able to do this for/ with you! Its like at some point we must all walk away from our teachers, and take that courageous step of independence, and maybe the more we've deferred to them (and distrusted ourselves), the more we need to make this uncomfortable break....
@@izi.z2384 I hope that you can find the courage to say to your therapist what you have written here, and to pose these questions to her directly. either your therapeutic relationship will rise to a new level of clarity, respect and mutual understanding, or you will find that she is not compatible with what you are needing. you don't need to pay someone to just have a 'light and pleasant' conversation! we contract to work with therapists in order to work on the most difficult and tender issues of our lives, and its imperative to have a 'safe space' to do so!
I know it can be SO scary and uncomfortable to challenge a therapist, and yet the times I have done so, I look back on with great pride. all therapists are imperfect, all have blind-spots, and yet this should be a safe space to be heard, to practice honesty, 'being real' and 'speaking our truth'. if the relationship or person can't handle this, then you have the clarity you need to find another more compatible therapist for where you are at right now (I did this, and was so glad I did). not every therapist is best suited for every person; we have to find the ones we really resonate with and feel safe with (and if we don't feel safe, we need to be able to talk about it with them).
I met a therapist who was nice the first session so I felt comfortable talking to him. Then every session thereafter, he got ruder and ruder. I felt foolish for sharing so much, so soon. It really taught me to not overshare...even with a mental health professional!
That's terrible your therapist did that to you. I have seen therapists off and on throughout my life and even if it didn't work out, all of them wanted me to talk and share as much as I could. If I got off track they asked questions for me to answer, but they always wanted to know. I feel badly for you that you lost trust with a therapist just for talking and sharing. Therapists know that patients need to talk and often let the patient say whatever is on their mind. I hope you are able to find a better one, and remember that you can ask questions to the therapist too. You can tell them what happened at the previous therapist and ask if it will happen again. Or you can ask what the therapist wants you to talk about. I hope you're feeling better after some time has passed, and are able to try again. Take care, and be kind to yourself.
same thing with me , i overshared has well , a huge lesson learned
Aren’t we suppose to share a lot with therapist?
@@yuanyuan23191212 if they are a bad one they will use your issues and trumas you have reveal against you.
We're suppose to share so if you feel you shouldn't have shared so much, it's something wrong with that therapist and not you.
My first therapist was a narcissist, and I was seeing her before I truly knew what narcissism was. This therapist had schadenfreude so bad, she would always become giddy, lively and excited while I was telling her about my problems and misfortunes. She would try to convince me to put myself into dangerous and toxic situations, she tried to get me to cheat on my boyfriend with other men. She would try to gaslight me into believing things about myself that were untrue, rewrite my own past and try to convince me that I was abusive and toxic and that I should be constantly ashamed of myself. She was very dismissive of my concerns, she was entitled and condescending. She used my cptsd and childhood trauma to her advantage.
...because they need to keep people feeling harassed, disturbed and confused so they can keep themselves in a career. At some point in all that training, in quiet contemplative epiphany moments at home in the evenings, they realize that if all therapists did the brilliant job they originally set out to do at the start, over the space of say 5-10 years the world would be a happy place, everybody supported and feeling great by actually relaying the expert knowledge (by said awesome therapist(s)) of how to even help other people in their community with the same depth of emotional support (human love) through emotional crises as every therapist would then be out of a job, a career, a house and home, able to live the dream of a lavish lifestyle (at other people's expense in so many ways), and a pension nest egg and still all that schooling debt to pay off (well that's for the ones *with* any document qualifications...as opposed to real life existential, experiential qualifications...of narc abuse) and also then have to retrain into a different career. It's easier to become resentful of the *existential threat* sat in front of them on the couch and just keep them confused rather than supported, helped and healed. I'm sure the power of holding this key knowledge about how things could turn out, is a huge turn on for them......
Listening to RUclips is more helpful for narc-abused people to mutually support each other through existential experience with their existential knowledge (albeit it could all be different but there will a core of mutual understanding and support) to the point of healing, because there aren't near enough experts out there trained (experienced, first hand, on the receiving end) in narc abuse. Why would they want to be when so many of them are covert narcs? It defeats the object. Their career is a conflict of interests, through and through....
Isn't there something in the Bible about deceiving Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. I'm not religious. I am spiritual and this reeks of the opposite in Spiritual psychology. And with me the Spiritual IS political. Stick with RUclips and mutual mar sufferers/victims/survivors who can help each other through ✨💞☀️🌸😊👌🏽
Jesus this was my story just from a guy’s point of view. I’m on the autism spectrum and the narcissist counselor used that to gaslight me like crazy. Six years this woman abused my whole family and took so much money from us. This woman was GIDDY in a zoom divorce session over the height of covid. Had the gall in a separate private call to me to say my wife had a boyfriend.
I felt this
Sounds like a therapist alright. Do not trust these people. Do not give them access to anything that you value. Save your money AND your sanity.
The exact same happened to me! I'm schocked!
Please do a hard hitting video of the very real damage narcissistic therapists inflict on clients.Its a very specific and isolating experience and it has to be addressed by somebody eventually.
Narcissists can be therapists - my mother is one of them. Busy telling people how they should be living their lives while she was abusing me and my sister.
My mom abused me while going to school to become a therapist. It was a special kind of ironic hell. You’re not alone ❤️
🤣🤣🤣
SAME BIGGGG SAME
@ElysianFibres
Isn't that what they do anyway? >> "telling people how they should be living their lives"? Now they get paid for it, and get to pretend that they're even greater than they thought they were before.
The feeling of power and control over another person, people, situations, and the power of controlling THE NARRATIVE. Psychology Professions are perfect for all of this, because they can hide behind the fact they are in the field of “helping people”, so no one suspects it. Not all are bad, but some are terrible for the field.
Yes. My psychiatrist was one. He told me I brought this all on myself and how could I have let this happen.
Well if you really HAVE brought it all on yourself, then that’s a different story, basically “tough love” for lack of a better term. And sometimes, we need that and will respond well to it. But if you haven’t, and you know you haven’t, and they say that, then that’s definitely incorrect and not beneficial
@@EphemeralProductions wow, just wow....unbelievable! We do not all bring this on ourselves. Sometimes we are born into bad situations.
@@EphemeralProductions The person made a comment because they already KNOW that they didn't bring it on themselves. Your victim blaming bullshit has no place here. It's disgusting.
@@jaymanz9779 Not necessarily... It could be that they did bring x upon themselves and are in denial. You could be right, but there are other possibilities
😂😂😂😂
All career fields have bad apples.
And bad apples can ruin the bunch!
They're supposed to be 'helping us', we're better off donating our hard earned money to those in need, that would be far more rewarding and not self-inflicted damage.
I can explain why everyone hates you and it has nothing to do with psychology. Thats just another one of satans distractions/deflections.
John 15:18-21
“If the world hates you,(A) keep in mind that it hated me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you(B) out of the world. That is why the world hates you.(C) 20 Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’[a](D) If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also.(E) If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. 21 They will treat you this way because of my name,(F) for they do not know the one who sent me.(G)
Heck Evolution is a proven hoax and the c-eye-a has been Hiding Noah's Ark since 1949. Old earth, Big bang,etc. Everything is a lie EXCEPT the bible. It was hard to admit that our family were sadistic freaks, but we insisted on the truth regardless of how ugly it was. Well keep going!! You wont be thwarted by a world full of flying monkeys that try to shame you into silence/submission with labels like "Conspiracy theorist or crazy Christian" will you?
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piltdown_Man
www.google.com/amp/s/losangeles.cbslocal.com/2014/07/24/scientist-alleges-csun-fired-him-for-discovery-of-soft-tissue-on-dinosaur-fossil/amp/
www.aa.com.tr/en/vg/video-gallery/3d-images-of-noahs-ark-to-be-shown-in-documentary/0
Yeah but not all fields have as many as psychotherapy/medicine/law enforcement/politics/religion.
None do, as a matter of fact.
The only close ones are teachers/journalists and homemakers.
Natalia Alfonso, Iots of them in the military too✌🏼
My narcissist ex girlfriend is a therapist (LCSW). At work, she’s all smiles and everyone’s favorite person
(As far as I knew), but to those closest to her, she was pure poison.
Not sure if she was actually a narcissist, but I used to see a therapist who was very invalidating and judgmental. She didn’t do me any favors and would even make me feel more inadequate. I eventually quit and started looking for other professionals. It felt like leaving an abusive partner and finding out a whole new world of tolerance and compassion.
She definitely was.
¿Dime sí te fué mucho mejor con el nuevo terapeuta?
@@nancyvega1247 Mucho mejor! El nuevo terapeuta és más comprensivo, ético y profesional. Tengo evoluido mucho en la regulación de las emociones y, como consecuencia, mi calidad de vida ha mejorado. Pero es un trabajo continuo, no se puede bajar la guarda.
Same!! She made me feel WORST SHE HAD TO GOOOOOOO THEN WAS UPSET LOLO
She cost me 10 years, rewounding, thousands of dollars and unlived life, under constant abuse and gaslighting.
sends hug
Wow, that's awful. I hope that you're finally finding healing somewhere else.
Who did? (You're not referring to dr ramani, right? 😃)
@@chavsmusic oh I wish I had someone like ramani...
@@mamalex5 finally yes.
Never be surprised by who can turn out to be a narc they lurk anywhere and everywhere in all types of professions
@@Oceans780 trust your gut instinct , and you are right they give oscar winning performances everyday
It’s pretty damn scary.
Be grateful for what you have.
"Don't gaslight yourself" I really need to hear that.. 🙏
A narcissist therpist can be fatal. They can literary kill.
My first therapist treated me horribly. She let me leave the sessions crying repeatedly. I felt horrible - and was not sure if this was part of the therapy. When I told her I struggled with her approach she gave me a "stone-face"...
I only realize today (having listened lots of Dr R's videos) that she used many of these gaslighting tactics like invalidation and minimisation. She twisted my life story and used my own words agains me. I ended up so confused and desperate (was already depressed), had I had suicidal tendencies, I would not be here today.
I was lucky with my GP tackling the situation and placed a complain in my behalf. Now I am very worried for her other patients...
My second therapist was a super kind and fantastic person, we worked together brilliantly. Do not give up therapy: look for someone who respects you and helps you forward, not backward.
I totally believe you and I'm sorry for what you've been through...I know what you're talking about. And when you realize their manipulations they tell you that you're under psychosis or that you're paranoid or whatsoever. You know, someone might struggle with trust or relieve their past traumas , but what a coincidence using this against a patient as soon as the patient (because of experience), notices a pattern of extreme manipulations and gaslighting. It is easier to make you feel responsible for all of this and to take advantage of someone when it is in a very vulnerable place. It can be fatal for some people having to deal with these individuals already in a romantic, friendship, work environment relationship , imagine when you should feel safe and give all of your trust during therapy so you can process your traumas and you end up in these individuals hands. It is important to not give up on relationships and on therapy only because of these sick individuals but at the same time it is very, very important to identify them , to trust your gut and to leave. Notice red flags and apply the deal breakers to those red flags as soon as they are getting infringed. As Dr. Ramani says, everybody can be a narcissist it doesn't matter which positions they occupy. Just be careful and don't lose trust in humanity! Because there are still are a lot of good hearted people in this world 🌎 It is painful to deal with these individuals but think about it: now you gained knowledge about their disorder and patterns and learnt how to identify them , it is just harder to put it into practice but we must trust the process and be compassionate with ourselves. Everything happens at the right time. Hugs 🤗❤️
Same happened to me
Yes they can be. That’s why I don’t go. 🤣 Rather listen to Dr Ramani 😍🙌🏼💃🏽
YES! UWU
😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
@Joey Barszcz I bet!! There are some amazing healers out here online 🙏🕊
Absolutely. Can’t afford to make their boat payments.
@@user-ey4rc5tu4t 🤣 exactly. Makin MY OWN boat payments!! 😂⛵
*Answering the title question......YES YES YES.....I just broke up an 18 year non committal relationship with a know it all, arrogant , mind game playing Psychotherapist !!!!!!! Finally remembering who I am.......He was a .....#GrandManipulator
Thank you!!!! I've had 2 narcissistic therapists, I just couldn't see it, it was so traumatising all the gaslighting just consolidated all my self doubt and self hate. I can't believe it still when I say it, I feel I'm making it up but I know I'm not
Wolves in sheep's clothing. They're everywhere!
More like a wolf in sheepdog costume. You expect help, and get eaten.
I used to think this was impossible, reasoning that you would need high empathy to be a therapist, and that it would be impossible otherwise. Wow, I was wrong…
🌹🤝💯🗽😉
Not wolf just criminals.
"Therapists are people, and graduate schools do not screen for narcissism..." - well said (and oh so very true...), Dr. Ramani!
💙💛🌹💜🍎🇺🇸
They should and are not taking responsibility for the power they have to protect people.
@@kathleenreardon8943
I agree wholeheartedly with You!
Unfortunately, this is not the case... Furthermore, clients/patients are ill informed - and ascribe doctors and therapists with traits/knowledge that's simply not accurate... which is why it's so important (for every single one of us...) to be our own Health Advocate, and to find a (mentally...) healthy therapist and/or doctor that has the client's/patient's best interest at heart - not kick backs from Big Pharma, or their own narcissistic agenda...
💙💛🌹💜🍎🇺🇸
If there was a hardcore screening years ago and graduate schools or licensing boards were to deny these deplorable trash their undeserved license, so many civilians who were mentally and emotionally damaged by these criminal quacks would not be struggling with PTSD or emotional distress. They would all be fine and safe.
@@Khalfrank
I agree! The problem is that there is no "screening" - and the same goes for all other Health Care Professionals...
However, the upside is that the majority of Health Care Professionals are most likely NOT narcissists - and they are eager to learn about (and listen...) to their clients/patients...
The sad truth is that Medical School and Graduate School (thus far...) does not have a mandatory course on "Narcissism"... if they did, this world would be a very different (and better...) place.
For this very reason, Dr. Ramani's sincere attempt to educate and inform is invaluable...
My heart goes out to You (as a Health Care Professional and a fellow human being...) if You've had to suffer due to a narcissistic doctor/therapist...
💙💛🌹💜🍎🇺🇸
They have to much power!Maybe they should set it up threw state government that its mandatory that an official sits down with you with confidentiality and makes sure that everything is on the up and up and if red flags arise deal with them threw fines and up to including loss of license to practice.Therapist can and do take advantage of confidentiality to hurt there client and others.Its probably a very good idea to have someone make sure your getting the proper treatment.People who are severely depressed ECT may not see that things are going off the track.
One of my previous therapists made me so uncomfortable I was trying to find a way to end the session within the first 15-20 minutes. I gave him broad brush strokes of the relationship I had with my mother (who I've come to identify as a neglectful narcissist) and told him only one or two instances of how she hurt me with what she said to me. This was our very first session together, and immediately he went into lecture mode with a tone that put my teeth on edge. He told me that "no mother wants to hurt their child. I've seen it. I've seen young women become mother's and when they see there baby they fall in love." I asked him to clarify if he was telling me that absolutely no mother has ever or would ever desire to hurt their child in any way whatsoever, and he said that that was indeed what he was saying....and he confirmed it. He actually became almost combative with me. I even asked him about psychopaths who reproduce but he was adamant that I was wrong and that no woman ever in the history of the world wants to hurt their child or is remorseless about any harm they do cause or unwilling to amend harm caused. I was relived to get out if his office.
His mother was probably a mess
Sounds like he’s got his head up his arse. He literally is ignoring daily evidence about bitches who do all kinds of crazy shit to their kids
Wow
I think narcissistic therapists feel personally threatened when somebody is talking about intentionally abusive parents, because they abuse their children and call it "love"
Yes!!! And they are BRUTAL! They get your whole life story and then rewire you to see it differently (negatively), and tell you your perception was wrong and they are correcting you. They feel like an authority over you. Total gaslight!
Yes, that has also happened to me. I have learned that narcissistic behaviors do not make up a large range, so it's not too difficult to remember the patterns and detect new narcissists as they come into my life. I am so grateful for Dr. Ramani sharing her knowledge and wisdom.
...because they need to keep people feeling harassed, disturbed and confused so they can keep themselves in a career. At some point in all that training, in quiet contemplative epiphany moments at home in the evenings, they realize that if all therapists and counsellors did the brilliant job they originally set out to do at the start, over the space of say 5-10 years the world would be a happy place, everybody supported and feeling great by actually relaying the expert knowledge (by said awesome therapist(s)) of how to even help other people in their community with the same depth of emotional support (human love) through emotional crises as every therapist would then be out of a job, a career, a house and home, able to live the dream of a lavish lifestyle (at other people's expense in so many ways), and a pension nest egg and still all that schooling debt to pay off (well that's for the ones *with* any document qualifications...as opposed to real life existential, experiential qualifications...of narc abuse) and also then have to retrain into a different career. It's easier to become resentful of the *existential threat* sat in front of them on the couch and just keep them confused rather than supported, helped and healed. I'm sure the power of holding this key knowledge about how things could turn out, is a huge turn on for them......
Listening to RUclips is more helpful for narc-abused people to mutually support each other through existential experience with their existential knowledge (albeit it could all be different but there will a core of mutual understanding and support) to the point of healing, because there aren't near enough experts out there trained (experienced, first hand, on the receiving end) in narc abuse. Why would they want to be when so many of them are covert narcs? It defeats the object. Their career is a conflict of interests, through and through....
Isn't there something in the Bible about deceiving Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. I'm not religious. I am spiritual and this reeks of the opposite in Spiritual psychology. And with me the Spiritual IS political. Stick with RUclips and mutual mar sufferers/victims/survivors who can help each other through ✨💞☀️🌸😊👌🏽
Watch up to 2:29 and you have it in the bag....then the cat is out of the bag! 😊👌🏽✨💞☀️♥️
ruclips.net/video/qbFBOAmmu7Y/видео.html
@@danielkaiser8971 ...because they need to keep people feeling harassed, disturbed and confused so they can keep themselves in a career. At some point in all that training, in quiet contemplative epiphany moments at home in the evenings, they realize that if all therapists and counsellors did the brilliant job they originally set out to do at the start, over the space of say 5-10 years the world would be a happy place, everybody supported and feeling great by actually relaying the expert knowledge (by said awesome therapist(s)) of how to even help other people in their community with the same depth of emotional support (human love) through emotional crises as every therapist would then be out of a job, a career, a house and home, able to live the dream of a lavish lifestyle (at other people's expense in so many ways), and a pension nest egg and still all that schooling debt to pay off (well that's for the ones *with* any document qualifications...as opposed to real life existential, experiential qualifications...of narc abuse) and also then have to retrain into a different career. It's easier to become resentful of the *existential threat* sat in front of them on the couch and just keep them confused rather than supported, helped and healed. I'm sure the power of holding this key knowledge about how things could turn out, is a huge turn on for them......
Listening to RUclips is more helpful for narc-abused people to mutually support each other through existential experience with their existential knowledge (albeit it could all be different but there will a core of mutual understanding and support) to the point of healing, because there aren't near enough experts out there trained (experienced, first hand, on the receiving end) in narc abuse. Why would they want to be when so many of them are covert narcs? It defeats the object. Their career is a conflict of interests, through and through....
Isn't there something in the Bible about deceiving Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. I'm not religious. I am spiritual and this reeks of the opposite in Spiritual psychology. And with me the Spiritual IS political. Stick with RUclips and mutual mar sufferers/victims/survivors who can help each other through ✨💞☀️🌸😊👌🏽
Watch up to 2:29 and you have it in the bag....then the cat is out of the bag! 😊👌🏽✨💞☀️♥️
ruclips.net/video/qbFBOAmmu7Y/видео.html
Many therapists and doctors like yourself are also 'Taught' to fake empathy. Empathy is very important in such professions that's why it is taught and many narcs have learnt how to fake it very well. I think it's called 'deep acting'. I trust no therapist.
I was married to one. Even she told me that most therapists get into the business to fix themselves but fail.
I think there's a lot of truth to that. Most of the therapists I went to school with had serious mental health issues themselves.
@@andreavanda4722 The crazy part is she told me that part of her Masters degree was actually going into therapy.
Why didn't they filter her out then? Now she's on the wrong side of the desk.
My aunt told me that when I said I wanted to study psychology. I thought about it and decided she was right and studied physics instead. I really needed therapy myself.
Too much cliche.
@@arnonuhm4022 When things become cliché, it means it's common enough to become that way.
I told my therapist about this RUclips channel and how much I learned, and she suggested watching one of your videos during one of our sessions, if it would help :) I am lucky to have her. The therapist I had before her was a dumpster fire.
Ooh my goodness, my eyes glowed soon as I saw this. Isn't this scary.
I loved "my eyes glowed" because that's the writing of an expressive person.
@@cymbolichuman433 thank you😇🙏🏾
Man, therapists in my country *SIMPLY DO NOT CARE* . It's *ALL* about the *MONEY* .
They simply did not pay attention to me . This was beyond mere narcissism.
Not only did they not focus on helping me find solutions, they also dragged their feet and went as far as shifting blame onto me while I was dealing with narcissistic abuse at work *FOR YEARS* .
I'm sorry but I am disillusioned. I read as many books as I can, watch videos, take online courses to learn tools to deal with my anxiety, depression and trauma but will no longer put myself at risk.
You can do this on your own. Everything you need is on you tube. This channel of course is fantastic therapy. The one that helped me the most is SAM VAKNIN. Binge watch his stuff. ITS OUTSTANDING. GOOD LUCK. It took about 6 months to find the best of me for me. The quicker you watch the quicker you can heal.
@@thesecrettragedyclothingco7194 I disagree . It is *NOT IDEAL* to do it on your own if you are already broken and trying to fix yourself.
You simply will not be objective enough to identify your own shortcomings. Or give yourself a false sense of validation even when you are not making progress.
If I could afford good therapists, I would.
Unfortunately in my situation, money made no difference as almost all of the therapists and facilities were not interested in producing HEALED patients but instead were interested in keeping them DEPENDENT so they could make more money.
The quality of therapy with these incentives was always detrimental to me because it was obvious that they did as little work and preparation as possible and were always watching the clock to shove me out the door .
@@MazBringsby why waste the money. Many arnt trained enough for this. Why listen to one when you can listen to them all. Good luck either way. Knowledge is power no matter how you get it. It's not ideal but it worked for me.
@@MazBringsby Yes this same thing happened to me the therapist actually said I was playing the victim by sharing what happened to me in my relationship LOL that was the end of therapy.
Books have helped me a great deal. I have read dozens of self help books written by therapists. Everyone has different opinions. I am not a big fan of the "should" therapists. i.e. you should be this way and that way. I know there are people that will not agree with this way of healing but it has worked for me.
Had a treatment "professional" come completely unhinged on me when she heard me saying something, while on a break, that contradicted her treatment philosophy. Made a scene in front of the entire group and even cut the session short because she was just so upset. I was so embarrassed, humiliated and somewhat traumatized. It took a while for me to trust therapists again.
Hey Doctor Ramani, I don't know you but you are definitely NOT a narcissist. You radiate sensitivity and intelligence as well as genuine humility and it is obvious to me that all of your work goes through a process of discerning and pondering to evaluate the scope and impact that your words will have on your whole audience. Thank you very much for having the courage to address this topic! To add to the issue, my narc mother was a self-annointed psychotherapist (the title is not regulated in the country where I live) without any qualifications or diplomas. Her clients were to her a huge narcissistic supply and she revelled in the "guru" posture. She also used psychological concepts to manipulate, gaslight, invalidate, ridicule or shame people depending on her needs. As the scapegoat/empath/truthteller in my family system, I was labelled a "schizoid" child who could be bullied/molested because she said that I could not feel anything, that all my emotions were fake and manipulative and/or did not exist. If someone dared confront her, that someone was "paranoid", "psychotic" etc etc. Using psychological concepts made her super powerful. So yes this topic is very real to me ! Many thanks for your analysis and the tools that you give us !
“You can almost feel it, but you can’t name it” absolutely an amazing Line! I did one of these 👌
Dear Dr. Ramani thank you so much for this video. It's like you read my mind. Aside from the narcissistic individuals in my personal life, I have a degree in psychology and am studying a master's degree in CBT. I've had a narcissistic therapist, teachers in college, and colleagues. As a matter of fact a friend and I were talking about this the other day. We even decided to investigate this phenomenon of narcissism in psychotherapists. I will definitely share this video with her and other colleagues. PS: Of course you aren't a narcissist.
Yes! Please do conduct some research into levels of narcissism amongst psychologists / therapists. There is a dire need for this work.
@John Doereally by any chance would you have a link or the authors? It sounds really interesting. Thank you.
Yeah I was married to one. Good power position.
Barr’s love careers where they are the hero or get to hold power over people and make decisions as to whether they’re good or bad . Nurse , cop , social worker , air traffic controller .. just a few examples
I had a roommate 20+ years back, who would say that she wanted to be a 'high-powered therapist' (whatever that means 😉). My therapist at the time said to me: "power" think about that word, power. That is where she is really coming from."
Caroline Laronda poppp
many people no matter who or what they are do not listen they just judge
As a therapist myself, who has encountered a fair few narcissistic therapists as colleagues, and of course has had narcissistic moments at times, I think you dealt with this very tricky subject very sensitively and constructively...thank you...no gas lighting, and empowering ourselves and others is always the goal.
Contentious, dismissive, invalidating, controlling, gaslighting, boasting, boundary violations, talking about herself all the time, manipulative, entitled, lecturing, scolding, agenda driven, demanding loyalty, siding with and enabling the abuser, god complex, shaming and blaming, arrogance, grandiosity, validation seeking, antagonistic…
My former therapist checks every single one of those boxes. Three years later I feel like I am finally able to see her this way and step back into trusting myself.
Thank you so much for this video. It was so powerful hearing all of these characteristics and seeing them in my former therapist. I can feel my mind mending and reconnecting with my heart.
Actually it's relatively easy to spot a narc therapist in the first few sessions. Ask the therapist about their qualifcation and work experience, the way they respond can give some insight if they are huble and realistic or too full of themselves, apply constructive critizism or ask if you don't understand something. The reactions to that should unveil the narcs among them, too. In fact I provoked some nice narcissistically wounded and passive aggressive blowups that way.
Narcs are fairly easy to unveil. If you suspect there might be a bear, just poke a bit and you shall see.
lol thats how I trigger my narc mother. I did it infront of my uncle one night so he could see... Just start standing up to them basically, and they cant take it. They melt like the wicked with of the west. Its like clock work.
I met one. He was misdiagnosing my brother with a learning disability as having autism and when I asked how to tell the difference between an autistic meltdown or just anxiety and he tried to manipulate the dialogue that I was trying place truama on my brother yet he wasn’t even answering the question because it was valid. They don’t like to be challenged.
I had a friend married to a PhD in Clinical Psychology. He ran a whole counseling center. He was clear caught for insurance fraud, sleeping with patients, and this was just the tip of the ice verg. He also use to testify in courts and have children taken out of their homes. Man was probably a straight up psychopath. When he went away to prison, I couldn't help but wonder about his "colleagues"...
That's so awful :( And good point about his colleagues, yikes.
Yes , my therpist and a supervisor is a narc. When I pointed it to him that I dont feel good when he is not suportive and is critisizing of me he denied it all and became angry & said its all in my head. Lack of emphaty towards my pain, saying that abuser did not abusers me but it was all in my head-I couldnt take anymore. I had to find another one
I come from a family of narcissists, unwittingly married one and many of them are in the medical, therapeutic and pastural professions. What has always amazed me is how they are so self centred they are in the family context, how invalidating, the gaslighting... but walking into the professional scene there is a switch...all charm, all empathy, all helpful .. because they love the attention, the self validation that the patients give...the contact is short which suits them fine. Nobody is looking at their weaknesses.... and I have to admit, they actually do their professional work extremely well and help countless people... it's just a bit sad on the home front when the narcissists comes home and the charm is switched off because they are tired and the sugary tongue suddenly becomes forked, they start shooting orders and expect people to wait on thrm. ..it hard to trust people when you live the switching hourly.
Awe Dr. R, I think your an empath and a friend 💖 thank you for your videos!
I've had two narcissist "therapists" (both licensed) of the Grandiose persuasion - one female, one male. Both were "Guru-wanna-bees" that thought they held the only key to the secrets of the Universe (or Enlightenment or whatever). In the Big Picture, I learned something useful from each of them (mostly to Stay Away!) - but in the Short Run, they both did HUGE Damage that I've had to come to terms with. In hindsight, I don't think it was worth the price - I stayed too long with each of them.
UPDATE: I want to clarify. I've also had two AMAZING therapists - both of whom have helped me enormously. My current therapist REALLY GETS IT about Narcissistic Abuse & that has made all the difference. The intended point of my post was to say Beware of Guru-wanna-bees posing as therapists & get out sooner rather than later.
Had a family member die drunk, from complications caused by active drinking, who was going for being an a & d counselor.. was very definitely the guru type. Zero self awareness, very humorous, covert narc. Educated my family very heavily, by using his self pity to obtain flying monkeys. But he was going to tell others how to live because he had such esoteric "wisdom" smh ffs
Another therapist, during my recovery from heroin asked me one question which lit my world up "What are you interested in?" because of him inspiring me, I have for the last twelve have been studying different courses at university. Because of him I developed a deeper sense of self and my place in the world. My new therapist for CPTSD is going to support me with discovering my self belief. She is a very kind woman.
Sounds like the optimum experience that all are looking for when they go for therapeutic support. Blessed be. Too many find the opposite, with deadly damages done, or this video wouldn't exist. Too many experts in life that have zero morality
I love this for you 💚
OMG! I've had one!!! She would compare my problems to hers. She even CRIED during MY session telling me how her daughter didn't speak to her anymore. At the time I didn't even know what narcissism was. So sad she wasted my precious time. I am so glad you are talking about this!!!
You should have sent her a bill
My ex MIL is a narcissistic and therapist in a smallish town. She got off on the fact that she knew peoples personal stuff and felt superior knowing all the ins and outs of many families in that town. She would comment on people to me about things this person or that person was going through. Absolute shocker. Definitely came across as being superior to everyone she counselled.
Yes. Many of them. I had one female terapist in particular that really enjoy my vulnerability. I had to learn from that experience.
Yes, excellent advice Dr. Ramani- safeguard yourself. Many years ago I had a longtime therapist. After seeing her for about 7 years, I felt like we weren't making any progress and she began talking about herself for the first 10 minutes of every session. Then one day she made a point of telling me "one of the friends in your social circle is also a client of mine now". That statement pushed me to look elsewhere immediately. I politely explained at our next session that since she was moving into the same town and our kids were the same age, it would be best if I found a new therapist (she understood and agreed it would be awkward ). In hindsight I should have told her that her vague comment about a new client was unsettling), but didn't need any drama (it was beginning to feel like a 2 way relationship and not professional). Since we had a "good longstanding relationship", she offered to give any input into the therapists I was interviewing (aka being nosy). She said she had never heard of my new therapist. The new therapist, likewise, also said had never heard of my former therapist. Weeks later, I bumped into both therapists, in a restaurant, having lunch together!!!! It was clear that they were old friends and knew each other well. Therapists can be friends, but the lying made me suspect they also might be discussing my personal information. I immediately left and then bounced around until I found a very respected, trustworthy and ethical therapist. Yes, there are bad apples , but there are many good therapists out there.
I worked for several years in a psych hospital & the treating staff were often worse thanthe patients in terms of mental illness (at least the patients were trying to deal with their issues!)
Well said ☀️🌸
Heck yes!!! I ran into several of them through the years. They thoroughly gaslight you as well. I got trounced!
Also; most therapist who are not narcissist, are not trained or experienced enough to recognize a narcissist period. Only a few are actually experienced and trained; rare.
When seeking a therapist for any type of trauma bond, especially due to being around a narcissist.... interview the therapist first!!!! Also, do not take a narcissist with you to therapy; a total waste of time, and you will pay dearly.
Took me a while (32 years!😭) to figure out why therapy was not working for me.🤕
@@robertb3773 It’s important to find a qualified therapist, who is familiar with Narcissism, Narcissist, NPD Abuse, Trauma Bonds, Codependency and Stockholm Syndrome.
Yellow Bird is symbolic for me, because I was “Yellow Bird In a Red Cage” for many years married to dark narcissistic woman, who owned the key to the cage. I’m free now and no longer in the cage.
Yellow Birds are bright and colorful and cheerful.🐥
My sister studied psychology in college and told me I should be in the field since I can catch narcs real easily. I don’t agree with how the practices are in psychology as the body can self heal through the vagus nerve such as somatic expirencing or EDMR.
I spent seven years with the most wonderful therapist In. The. World. My marriage was ending, my mother was dying... and my therapist got me through it stronger and more prepared than I thought I could be. Our relationship ended 32 years ago, but I still hear her voice asking questions, offering insights and bolstering me as if it was yesterday. I wish everyone could experience therapy as I did.
I went to a therapist after being strangled manipulated and emotionally abused by a narcissist for a year by an abusive parter which resulted in me having a miscarriage before I could see how dangerous it was, grew up with narcs so, there’s that. This therapist, when I asked her for help from threats of violence and verbal assaults that the police and management of my housing situation were refusing to help me with, she suggested connecting me to the baptist church for deliverance. When I suggested I was dealing with physical violence she suggested that I was being spiritually targeted by demons and the church had helped her. When the narc threatening to hurt me and intimidating me hit me with a harassment law suit - she suggested I bring a letter I wrote for my health care providers to the police and we were both treated with contempt, dismissal and misogynistic response she said she would go to court and support me. On the day of court she didn’t show up. Following that, when I asked for my files, she told me if I didn’t “trust someone like her” I would always be a victim. So YES, therapists can be narcissistic and full on narcissists in action. Very dangerous to ask for help from someone like that, especially when so vulnerable. I ended up loosing my home and health insurance due to having to relocate, and am still recovering from trauma.
Diana Pythia Oh my god. I am so sorry to hear that that happened to you. I understand if you didn’t, but I would strongly encourage you to report that. That is beyond SCARY. Almost cult-leader like. As a therapist I am horrified. I am sorry that happened to you.
I have learned how to always be responsible for myself; nobody else can do this for me. What are my values? What are my boundaries? Who is my tribe, are my trusting friends? What are my goals? What are my non-negotiables in relationships? People are teachers. People offer advice, but I'm responsible for my life. A student surgeon learns to cut from a professor. In the operating room he must harness the scalpel confidently, know biological boundaries. Like a surgeon holds a scalpel, I take hold of my life, boldly, skillfully, with all I've learned. Remembering I'm human..helps me be flexible to imperfections or the unexpected and seek wisdom from those whom I trust/or a higher power. Dr. Ramani "integrity" you've taught me how to take back the reigns of my life;-)
Well said!!!!
How perfectly...gorgeously 'put' your comment is....Agreed 100%!!
My therapist was a narcissist, we ended up becoming ‘friends’ and in the end she controlled every tiny bit of my life, took 8 years to get out.
Glad you escaped!
Did you know this is illegal? You could sue her!
Nadosh Hemeda yes I know that she can be reported, I’d rather her just not have any impact on my life anymore, reporting her would cause more harm to me than good.
@@soul7530 I totally understand. A court is a narcissists playground and any type of official process like that would only make the narcissist 10XX more aggressive and then they would go on the offensive now that they were TRULY under threat. As much as you want justice, you know that there is a good chance that the narcissist would talk their way out of it anyway and the abuse you would endure as revenge would be severely damaging to you. Just run and don't look back
Mad Lib Yeh that’s exactly the reason I don’t want to take her on it’s too big of a risk, I have no doubt that she would do all she could to destroy me. Plus I don’t want to waste anymore life on her, I wasted too many years and then further time recovering from the damage done.
Pretty sure there is a person with strong vulnerable narcissistic traits in my program at school and while she’s been through remediation for her counseling skills, they can’t find a solid reason to keep her from graduating and practicing. As her cohort of students, we’re so frustrated 😭
The decision makers all just keeping themselves in a job cos they have to keep the student supply coming until someone has a better answer to the problem. It's all financial spin. Someone else on this comment thread said universities are a hub for narcissists going into these professions. And a lot of the individuals who are already in these professions, seemingly, are not doing right by their patients, because maybe they realize that if they did what was right and people healed then helped each other with mutual support and advice (through their own personal experience from rare good therapists) there'd be no more need for any type of therapists. Now if you've been through college and university and got into debt and need this job to keep a roof over your head and have a pension you're not going to want to jeopardize that are you...and the people who really shouldn't be in the profession are not stupid enough to not realize that they don't want to be the first out of a job if populations of people rapidly started to heal and pass on the knowledge and experience of what it takes to just be a good, non-judgemental, emotional-supportive ally to all and sundry, where everyone can just bloom 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 Do you catch my drift? 😉
It seems to
Me psychiatry and psychology attracts narsicists
Yes my boys father and I went to one who was so NPD...my husband was in the late stages of alcoholism and repeatedly lied about it but according to the therapist "it didnt matter because all your problems were you" meaning me....
Omg, freak you out, thank goodness you've you're own intelligence to fall back on, oh poor you, how horrible!
I feel as though learning about Narcissism has been a blessing and a curse for me. Dr. Ramani is correct, in that anyone can be a narcissist regardless of their occupation. I look at the world and the people in it very differently now. I am guarded anytime I meet someone new.
I have that worry too. However I have met some wonderful people throughout my life aswell.
So whenever such notions get the best of me I simply think of the good one's.
And the more you experience, learn and heal, the better you can handle yourself no matter what you may meet.
My narc mom told me a story of her therapist and how the therapist advised her to get pregnant by her boyfriend to trap him into marriage to secure the future to be financially supported !!! I was sitting there wide eyed and silent knowing this women had to be a narc . My narc mom lined up w narc therapist 🤦🏼♀️
Narc women are some of the most dangerous people out there. Especially to men. :/
@@EphemeralProductions they must think I am a man then LOL
Well, maybe this was literally just a story your mother told you. Maybe her therapist never said that, and she made up that story to blame her bad behavior on someone else (as narcs do).
My male doc told me the same thing decades ago, being dependent on a guy is no fun but once married with kids it's not really like that .....
She did ask me the first day if I wanted to go out for wings. I just ignored her. Didn't know how to express how uncomfortable that made me
Yeah that’s weird. Totally a stretching of the patient therapist relationship
I’m so sorry this happened! This goes against our code of ethics as therapists 😞
@Go Guerilla Foto yes I walked out at the second session when she told me to get over it about something and cut me off in the middle of a sentence to try and schedule another session and started to explain how she forgot my file and what she does when she gets home so that maybe she can find time to do a phone session. Because she smiled this evil smile when she said she was all booked for in person sessions anytime soon. I walked out.
I did find someone better when I went out for coffee with friends and found a business card for a domestic violence center in the area and she's been amazing.
@Go Guerilla Foto it really was horrible though she was gaslighting me about making appointments and saying I never made them. Got irritated when I had a panic attack and mostly talked about herself how the governor picked her to do child abuse cases and how many she's won. She said she makes money even if I sleep on the couch. I wasn't sure if I was being dramatic or something finding issues with her so I didn't leave right away. Its not the first time a therapist made me feel worse.
@@Barbara-oi3yi Eugh. She sounds like a freak. I think the fact that she said she didn't have time for in-person sessions, she was attempting to cover for her actions after asking you out for wings, to make it look like she wasn't trying to come onto you or having some sick need to be near you when it sounds like it was the one thing she attempted to do. She should be sacked from the profession!
Of course!! I saw one for a couple of months, like two years ago. When I change to a new psychologist, she told me: "Are you sure that he has a diploma?" Because he crossed boundaries and didn't help me really. Sometimes he was angry for things I didn't know why. He talked a lot about himself, his personal life. He forgot my appointments, he was late quite often. After a year I realized how many wrong things he did wrong. Actually one time I think he was doing a doodle on his ipad during my sesion.
I'm so glad your still making videos on narcissicm I know alot of people have gotten scared to go to the therapy because they dealt with a narc therapist
I could write a novel about what my narcissistic therapist said and did towards me in therapy. What I wondered about was the end of this video, when you say we do not need to “write a yelp review”. I’m not sure that is right. My therapist was toxic in a dangerous way but I was not able to break free and thrust my instincts before I broke down in front of someone else crying about the sessions I had. This other person told me that this therapist was infamous in the therapeutic community for being toxic. It was even a kind of joke at conventions and workshops how this therapist she had a stile of “confronting” her clients when it was clear to her colleagues that what she did was using her patients for her own well being.
After leaving her I needed therapy to figure out what was true and lies of all the horrible things she had said to me and about me and the way I behaved towards other people. Turned out it was all lies and gas-lighting.
Some time after I met a person who had also ones been her patient, then at an institution. And worse, she had another friend who also was her patient there, she tried to commit suicide and it seemed related to this therapists behavior towards her. This other friend finally broke free from her grasp. The therapist did not accept this, she broke the rules, started calling her up and talked her into being her therapist ones more.
All the time I had felt awful for not going to the health authorities about my experience, but I was still terrified of her, had nightmares and the thought of her getting to know that I had complained made me shake all over. In my country there is no way of doing a thing like this anonymously. But after talking with this person about her experiences and the experiences of her friend we did call the organization of psychologists and ask if there were anything they might do. It was not.
This is all soon 20 years ago, but I still at times feel bad for not reporting her. I had written down enough for there to be a serious case- I hate the thought of other people living trough what I did with her. I do wish there had been something like a yelp review I could have written at that time. I sure would have done that if it was possible. Having such tools is important for patients. If I had read about her from others I would have broken free much, much sooner.
A strange silver lining thought. At times she said something about my family dynamics and situations that really made me see it clearly, and that still are helpful all these years later. And those things are what is left today, together with even more knowledge about such behavior as hers. I will never again be fooled into thinking I am the problem and the bad one in such a relationship.
Sorry you had to go through that. Hard enough to have these problems without having a therapist, the person who is supposed to be helping you, to make it worse. You are a brave person.
@@barbarastrayhorn4667 Thank you for your compassion!
I have therapists so toxic that i get my medicine through a G.P. This was just a one time appointment with a psychiatrist for medicine.She started scolding and getting angry and raising her voice. Her reviews indicated the same things from others patients
Still it was upsetting. It seemed like it was more about her being in control.She was borderline abusive.
It breaks my heart to read your story. I am going through something less intense than what you described, but I know the deep anguish and betrayal you felt from this experience. This therapist was asking you to abandon yourself which is awful. I am glad you survived that and I hope you are well wherever you are. Yes, we must listen to ourselves and be very skeptical of those who actively encourage us NOT to listen to or trust ourselves in the pattern and who poke us in a space of deep vulnerability. I am so sorry this happened to you or anyone reading who can relate..
I have so many horror stories about all the unprofessional, harmful therapists I encountered during my life.
I agree with you. They need to be called out and, if necessary, expelled from the Register of Psychologists.
I wish I had a therapist like Dr. Ramani.
Dr Ramani said it right there in quote "I will beleive u and I won't gaslight u"! All that us victims of narc abuse NEED to hear! Thank u! X
I’m not sure my counselor was narcissistic, but I’ve recently felt gaslit by mine and don’t feel it is a safe space any longer. I can tell that she thinks I’m crazy and I don’t like it
When I was a teenager we had a family therapist that was fantastic. That has been my only experience so far. : ) My mom interviewed several and got recommendations and chose an excellent man as our therapist.
When Dr Ramani says "So let's unpack", I go YAY! 😁😁😁😁
I have learned to never put a person on a pedestal nor ever knock a person down.
aah yes! that really is the core of it! too often I have 'pedestalized' therapists, seeing them as 'way above' me (only much later to see them come crashing down)! feeling so badly about myself, its been easy to idealize them and see them as so much better than me, to see them as the opposite of everything I have felt badly about in myself!
Short answer: YES! Some can be.
I had a therapist who got close and she would give me a ride home a few times. I liked her a lot, but being borderline friends made it more difficult and when she moved out of state to accept a new job, it was devastating. Please don’t ever be friends with clients or therapists. Clients can’t always help it, but therapists should be able to maintain that control. I have huge attachment issues and it hurt so much. As BPD we often have a favorite person that makes or breaks our world. Sad, but true.
You are humble Dr. Ramani🙏❤️. We tend to project our unconscious pain on to others if we don't clean up our mess regularly. selfhelpchampion
Absolutely true! The first therapist I saw told me 3 months into therapy that he had been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder years prior. “It didn’t bother me at all,” was his explanation. He runs personal development retreats for companies promising “deep work” and has published many books. So, yeah, like Dr Ramani says, they can be anywhere. Look after yourselves, dears!
Doctor Ramani, my gratitude for what I am learning and finding here! ..And yes, I left my therapist although I did not resolved my problems..Feeling embarassed, frustrated and like not saying what she wanted to hear..And this after 4 months with regulary councelling. More, I felt kind of release when I ended up with.. But still the main problem , a narcissist husband (whos personallity shows to deteriorate) versus me (as a foreigner wife stuck into a 12 Years marriage in his own land and his own house) becomes a huge and blody hell..Thank for sharing all theese here. And lucky me that I was learning english in school so I can understand your precious advices.🌹
I understand what you are saying very well. Excellent English, congratulations! I'm sending you a hug. You sound strong ! Stay strong and never give up !
Dr. Ramani, I know of narcissistic therapists who do "protect" the power balance...as long as they are....in power. It's subtle.
"If obscenities were a love language, I'm your girl" might be one of the best lines I have heard in a long time! love it!
What do you think she means by that? How has her love language changed after working with narcissistic relationship for many years? Doesn't make sense to me. At first I thought she said "sanity".
These videos are so valuable because many people suffering narcissistic abuse cannot afford therapy or we don't have access to control the finances... these videos are often our only help...
...because they need to keep people feeling harassed, disturbed and confused so they can keep themselves in a career. At some point in all that training, in quiet contemplative epiphany moments at home in the evenings, they realize that if all therapists did the brilliant job they originally set out to do at the start, over the space of say 5-10 years the world would be a happy place, everybody supported and feeling great by actually relaying the expert knowledge (by said awesome therapist(s)) of how to even help other people in their community with the same depth of emotional support (human love) through emotional crises as every therapist would then be out of a job, a career, a house and home, able to live the dream of a lavish lifestyle (at other people's expense in so many ways), and a pension nest egg and still all that schooling debt to pay off (well that's for the ones *with* any document qualifications...as opposed to real life existential, experiential qualifications...of narc abuse) and also then have to retrain into a different career. It's easier to become resentful of the *existential threat* sat in front of them on the couch and just keep them confused rather than supported, helped and healed. I'm sure the power of holding this key knowledge about how things could turn out, is a huge turn on for them......
Listening to RUclips is more helpful for narc-abused people to mutually support each other through existential experience with their existential knowledge (albeit it could all be different but there will a core of mutual understanding and support) to the point of healing, because there aren't near enough experts out there trained (experienced, first hand, on the receiving end) in narc abuse. Why would they want to be when so many of them are covert narcs? It defeats the object. Their career is a conflict of interests, through and through....
Isn't there something in the Bible about deceiving Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. I'm not religious. I am spiritual and this reeks of the opposite in Spiritual psychology. And with me the Spiritual IS political. Stick with RUclips and mutual mar sufferers/victims/survivors who can help each other through ✨💞☀️🌸😊👌🏽
Of course! Narcs like to be in positions of power. They like superiority. They can be therapists, church leaders, doctors and nurses, and anything else! Compounding this is the fact that so few therapists understand narcissism. I've had bad therapists. The worst one used to make fun of me during sessions and say "Hello, McFly!" She was extremely condescending and even got angry with me sometimes. She did all the talking and was not even interested in hearing my story. I don't know if she was a narcissist but she was toxic as hell and I stopped seeing her after a few sessions.
...because they need to keep people feeling harassed, disturbed and confused so they can keep themselves in a career. At some point in all that training, in quiet contemplative epiphany moments at home in the evenings, they realize that if all therapists did the brilliant job they originally set out to do at the start, over the space of say 5-10 years the world would be a happy place, everybody supported and feeling great by actually relaying the expert knowledge (by said awesome therapist(s)) of how to even help other people in their community with the same depth of emotional support (human love) through emotional crises as every therapist would then be out of a job, a career, a house and home, able to live the dream of a lavish lifestyle (at other people's expense in so many ways), and a pension nest egg and still all that schooling debt to pay off (well that's for the ones *with* any document qualifications...as opposed to real life existential, experiential qualifications...of narc abuse) and also then have to retrain into a different career. It's easier to become resentful of the *existential threat* sat in front of them on the couch and just keep them confused rather than supported, helped and healed. I'm sure the power of holding this key knowledge about how things could turn out, is a huge turn on for them......
Listening to RUclips is more helpful for narc-abused people to mutually support each other through existential experience with their existential knowledge (albeit it could all be different but there will a core of mutual understanding and support) to the point of healing, because there aren't near enough experts out there trained (experienced, first hand, on the receiving end) in narc abuse. Why would they want to be when so many of them are covert narcs? It defeats the object. Their career is a conflict of interests, through and through....
Isn't there something in the Bible about deceiving Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. I'm not religious. I am spiritual and this reeks of the opposite in Spiritual psychology. And with me the Spiritual IS political. Stick with RUclips and mutual mar sufferers/victims/survivors who can help each other through ✨💞☀️🌸😊👌🏽
@@earthed_soul I think you are absolutely right and some of them do see the world that way! They come from a place of lack, so of course they would see the healing of the world as a threat that would erase their career. The same way people in the logging industry see hemp as a threat, or the way oil companies see alternative fuels as a threat, even though they are far less harmful and destructive to the environment. In reality, if everyone in the world was healthy and happy, maybe we wouldn't need to work so hard just to get by. Maybe we would create a world where everyone could live together in peace and prosperity without poverty, war or other hardships which humans invariably create.
@@DeborahLArmstrong Exactly. The world is slowly turning with each new generation and technology is speeding up the process for them.... 🗺️
Always remember that the therapist is there For you. You are not there for them! Praying for everyone that has suffered. 🙏🏼🌸💜
The biggest narcissist I dated was a former Pastor! He was a con artist and looks amazing on Facebook. Trust is not a given anymore. I don’t know if I can trust again.
My therapist asked me ‘are you convincing me or yourself?’ Then pushed the dagger in further by commenting, ‘you gave me a guilty look’.
Barbara like dr Ramani said, therapists shouldnt jump in without knowledge. Why are you taking the side of the therapist without knowledge of the conversation? Proves my point!
i think a good shrink wouldn't include themselfs in the theraphy..
@Barbara Cant agree with you Barbara. It is all about framing as Ramani said. Those kinds of comments are not just direct, they are borderline confrontational and antagonistic. Gaslighting is definitely present in the comment 'are you convincing me or yourself', because the word 'convincing' is like saying 'you are making it up'. If the therapist noticed a guilty look, they should then be exploring the issue further with that being their internal evidence without sharing that to the client. It sounds like a fairly unskilled therapist to say those kinds of comments.
@Barbara That's why it all comes down to framing. The original statement to me is very much framed as a rejection and a denial of what that person has said, which is gaslighting in its most simplest form. The idea is not to tell someone that what they have said is untrue, as that is a form of invalidation and shaming. This is the case even if you sense they aren't being truthful because they may very well believe the lie consciously even if they do not believe it subconsciously. Instead, the idea is to challenge the belief and lead the person to come to another conclusion themselves with appropriate prompting. I know the way I go about something like that is to examine the roots behind the statement and provide alternative interpretations. Validation is not about necessarily telling a person that they are right, but it is very much about avoiding telling someone they are wrong outright.
PS. you dont have to be narcissistic to gaslight someone. It can be unintentional
Queenofbeauty Good call. You are completely correct about that " therapist ". I hope you dropped that one and have found a good one. Sorry that happened to you, stay strong : )
My sister was a therapist years ago, before she had kids. She is also a narcissist, and uses her background in psychology and counseling to be incredibly slick and clever in her gaslighting of me. Once, I showed a string of emails from her to me to a counselor, and this counselor told me that my sister was a “professional gaslighter.”
@DoctorRamani I must say you look refreshed 🌟 Always a pleasure to watch your videos and thank you for your candor, sincerity and the wealth of knowledge you bring to such a complex topic as this. Thank you and looking forward to more!
actually my former therapist was narcissist. I just found it later.
@veronikaghova. Mine was on parole at the time.
Omg Doctor!! I was waiting SOOOO LONG for this video! Hehehe omg you just won't leave an aspect about narcissism, that you won't reveal!!! i just LOVE YOU! hehe thank you for getting into my life even if through RUclips only!! 🌸🌸🌸💚💚💚🌸🌸🌸
Agreed @Amjad.....truer words....THE most intelligent, empathetic NON-NARCISSISTIC therapist on the planet. What I would give for Dr. Ramani...or her clone....to be my therapist. Sadly across the waters in France.
My most recent narcissist was a social worker who works with troubled teens. Her career deflects her self reflection in the disguise of “helping” others. It was part of her mask,
They can also be veterinarians. Believe that one!
😯
@John Doe The one I knew- initials were BM. Sort of fits on so many levels. 😁 actually this one changed their first name.
There’s a seat in hell for my former LCSW
If she ever attempted to see clients again, I will stop her. Some here act like trying to protect the innocent is where the crime is.
Agreed (mine is an LISW). I was disappointed that Dr. Ramani said "you don't need to go there," referring to calling out the therapist's behavior.
I was previously diagnosed with PTSD and social anxiety and was really vulnerable when I first started seeing my therapist. She lovebombed me and I got attached to her quickly. As soon as I got attached, she started telling me I would never get better. When I disagreed, she said that she's been a therapist for a long time so she knows better than I do and people like me don't get better. She said the only thing I could do was to keep coming to see her, I wouldn't get better but she could help keep me stable at least. I saw her weekly for 8 years and never had therapy goals or a treatment plan. She consistently invalidated and dismissed my experiences. If I tried to discuss how her behavior was making me feel, disagreed with her in any way, or said I didn't think something she said was helpful, she became defensive and angry and turned it all around on me. Once she accused me of causing my own rape because I wouldn't vote for the same political candidate as her. She pressured me to keep going to college even though I was failing all my classes due to my mental health, reminding me that I would lose my insurance and wouldn't be able to see her if I dropped out (now I have over $200,000 in student loan debt). She pressured me to end the majority of my friendships and familial relationships, and eventually I felt like all I had was her so I kept going back. I convinced myself I was overreacting because she was a therapist and therapists aren't supposed to act like that. But not all therapists want to help people, therapists like mine and yours should be reported and given negative online review. They're dangerous, I feel like she ruined my life. I've tried to find another therapist to help me heal from my therapist's abuse but they've seemed dismissive, like they don't believe me ("If you stayed with her for 8 years it couldn't have been that bad," according to one therapist). I have no idea where to go from here, so now I'm leaving a rambling reply on a 1 year old RUclips comment at 3:00am.
@@KumaKhameleon I think there are therapists out there who are understanding of other therapists being awful. I had one who betrayed me too, gave me bad advice that ruined my life, was cruel and traumatizing in ways that ruined my mental health and my life until Jesus healed me. I also had one that changed my life for the better. There needs to be a massive calling out of the corruption in the industry, very concerning that there's little accountability and yes some therapists choose denial of others" abuse and pathology
@@janedoe3648 I'm sorry you've experienced this too, but I'm glad that Jesus has given you healing! It really is scary that there is so little accountability.
It's kind of weird that you commented today, providing a reminder that there are good therapists out there, and that Jesus heals. I ended up leaving my therapist in January and, coincidentally, had my first session with a new therapist today. I had been praying about returning to therapy and it kind of feels like a sign from God that you would reply to my 11 month old comment the exact day I reentered therapy. I very rarely check the email linked to my RUclips account, but I had given it to the therapist so that she could send me some paperwork, which is the only reason I saw the email notification about your comment. Thank you, and may God bless you with continued healing and peace!
I work in the mental health field. I have met my share in grad school and at work. It was a hell of a way to learn that being in a profession that people might consider noble doesn't mean everyone in it is noble or empathetic. It is one thing to see it depicted on TV/movies or hear hear it on the news; It's another to experience it firsthand.
I worked with a woman as a coach/ counsellor and in that role she was amazing at 'holding space' for me to speak and be heard. I also knew her personally, and after our work together I moved in with her. That's when I felt her contempt, superiority, domination, intimidation, meanness, coldness, and total lack of empathy. Both parts of her were true, but they were disconnected. She could bring the best of herself and employ her communication skills in the counselling office, but not in her home life, where those around her felt like we were 'walking on eggshells'. Unless we live with someone, we don't know how much their 'professional skills' or 'empathic persona' match their personal life, and that is where 'communication skills' and 'unconditional positive regard' matter most!
I worked with somebody like that too. Do you think your coach was a narcissist?
@@LucaAnamaria good question indeed! I'd say like most of us, she was/is a complex mixture of both - empath and narcissist....
@@devidaughter7782 Maybe a fearful avoidant attachment style?
Another excellent, insightful and brilliant tutorial!!
Thank you Dr.Ramani for your wisdom and compassion.
You are wonderful!
Absolutely. My first therapist was extremely narcissistic and considered himself to have a histrionic personality disorder. He made every meetings about himself, loved to talk about other patients and tried to set me up with one of his patients. Gross
I just had a first (and last) session with a therapist who was stronlgy judgemental. The session felt like an interrogation, her questions dominated and what I told her was barely given attention to. All she did troughout the whole session was trying to get things out of me that she wantet to hear by critically questioning me and my behaviour and 'confronting' me. Within split seconds she had formed her judgement about me. I did not hear a single word of empathy even though I told her things that hat hurt my very much. I wish I could take it all back she did not deserve to see me vulnerable.
One my therapist was trying to get me back to my severely narcissistic mother. I told her I think my mother is narcissistic, but she never said even word about it.
My mom is a therapist and is most definitely a malignant narcissistic mother. It kept me "crazy" for YEARS.
I knew more about what was going on in the therapist's life than she did mine....😆
I had one that did more talking than I did also.
I hope you charged accordingly 😂
That’s happened to me too. Maybe I should have been charging the therapist instead? 😂
Oh wow wow wow just wow 😯
andrea vanda OMG! He was the same! He said many details about his life that I didn’t ask about. He also was a misogynist! He gaslighted me badly. I thought there was something wrong with me all these years but I am relieved now.
This is the best video and most important subject in this.
This is the place where you are meant to have freedom from narcissism, especially if that is what you are trying to escape from.
People gaslight a lot saying "their a therapist or a doctor or a..." so that you have to accept that you are just crazy and gaslighting doesn't exist at all and that be the gaslighting end game.
Yes yes and yes! My ex who I’ve been wholeheartedly destroyed by is a social worker (Cps) and a covert narcissist! I struggled and questioned it myself because I’m like how can she care about kids and seem to care about kids but has very little empathy etc. But with some time I’ve figured out she loves the challenge, the power and the praise she gets fro the job more than she actually cares about anyone else.
Thank you for making this video because people think the title job stop them from being or having a mental illness or bad behavior.
Thank you for bringing this to light, Dr. Ramani. In the past, I had tried to "talk it over" with some friends, another friend with psychology education background, and also some psychiatrists. To my amazement, the communication couldn't get through. That is why I am very reluctant to find a counseling. Praise God, that I found you in You Tube and all the NPD exposure, that now I understand what I have been through. Have a wonderful day, Doc, and God bless you.
Yup therapists can be narcissist.I don’t know if my previous therapist was one but she would get mad and turn red when I’d tell her how I felt as far as being a single mother. She came off as if I should be ashamed of having difficulties adjusting to motherhood at a young age (15)...Maybe I needed a therapist of a different Caliber (PTSD, Trauma, etc )
Sounds like her bias against teen mothers was comin out.
Tasha Mack TV You needed a therapist of a higher caliber, no maybes about it.
When I was a child my mother took me to many therapists, she would take a lot of time 1 on 1 w my therapist explaining my issues at the start. they would discover through sessions with me that I was being raped and abused at home, confront my mother, and I would never see that therapist again. I found out later she told them I'm a pathological liar and she was so good at lying she convinced them enough to not trust clear red flags but if they started to get suspicious and question her then she moved on, me in tow, with some excuse (moving, etc). None of those therapists helped me, they ruined my life and should've rescued me. They literally couldn't see child abuse or a pedo narc right in front of them. Most therapists are useless with useless ideas. Thats why I love this channel, actually helpful advice that makes sense and cares. Channels like this have been changing my views on therapists. Thank you Dr ramani.
It must've been torture for you. I'm glad you're still here. Your safe here on RUclips where all victims can mutually counsel each other in a safe environment ✨♥️☀️🌸