Adrenal fatigue, depression, lots of debt, low self confidence, weight gain, aaaall of this because I couldn't say no. Ladies and gents please for the sake of your life set boundaries!
Rush thanks! My update right now is that I lost weight. My depression and mindset has improved and I'm making better/deeper friendships. I'm going back to school in sept and have hope to making money again. 😁
Once I got rid of those toxic friends and experienced peace, I started to immediately regret why I didn't get rid of them earlier in life. Narcissim is the root of every toxic person. Jealousy is the root of their conflicts w/ u. And them having a soul-less devils soul is why u feel like shit around them.
7s29 This! They think YOU are the one with the problem. Yet they drain energy from a room with their existence! Constantly complaining about how others do them wrong. Everyone else in the room could be laughing and enjoying the company of one another and then here they come with “I have a dilemma” or “I am working on new goals for myself for the year” and they run their mouths about it for hours. No one else has time to get a word in edgewise. Those people are annoying. Talking about people that folks don’t even know. Playing the victim. Ugh! This was my situation a few days ago with one of these debbie downers. She went from talking about coworkers to the person who is living with her ‘rent free’, to her sister’s issues and so on and so on. I don’t think she said one thing positive about ANYONE. I will not subject myself to that again. I’m done with her foolishness!
Very true. I have been away from my energy Drainer friends from last few months and I am at my peace. But I am also regretting alot like you, I should have done this long before. Things are pretty good without leeches .
@@Benjamin90s Dnt be so hard on yourself. It was a learning experience to help you recognize and improve your self esteem. You're f*ck*ng amazing and dnt you ever forget tht!...Furthermore, it's like they all have the same genetic makeup. It's soo weird. Once you meet one, you'll be able to run a lot more quickly!!!
This is so true! I'm tired of being a full time therapist in a draining one sided 'friendship'. I was to busy being a support system for others that I totally neglected myself. I'm focusing on me for once! 2017 will be amazing 🎉
Taiwo Bali yeah I am focusing on me and my kids and my husband that's about it and family.. I am with you on that.. Ms.Bali totally.. because ain't got the time for all that playing games
Yes. Be busy. I truly am too busy. God please surround me with genuine loving new people. Unfortunately seems every friend ends up toxic in some way God will be my new Bestie I'll take him.
I didn't politely distance myself. I unceremoniously distanced myself because they weren't worth the trouble. I can feel their negative energy and I want only positive energy.
The thing is you can't be rationale with an irrational person. I realize that if friends flake on you, disrespect you, the best thing to do is to ignore calls, block and move on. This concept of treating people with more respect than they have given you still leaves you feeling raw.
Agnes M Answer them with 'Sorry, I understand you want to talk but right now I have other things to do, but thank y6' and just go right back to your own business. You don't have icy yourself, just tell these people or whoever it is that you have things to do. Otherwise you could easily just ignore phone calls or texts, and as a last resort block them. This is my own experience with friendships, so it's up to you what you do... I just thought I'd offer some helpful advice. And, definitely make yourself busy because then at least you have and outlet so that you can be too preoccupied to even face any issues if they're difficult or you feel they aren't for you to deal with right now. Good luck with everything!
@@caketheduck try not to talk to her and next time she wants. to talk to you or ask for something just say "sorry i need my own personal space ' try to not show any emotion when she says something bad about you as she just wants to pull you down
I use to do tht until things just got worse in the relationship and my health detrioted and my goals fell short. The part tht is really scary is they know and are proud when you feel like shyt around them. In fact, they feel like, finally, they have control over you. It's a sick game tht they play, but they enjoy every moment of your demise! Run girl and spend more time making new friends and receiving counseling.
I really do hope that over time, the pain lessens and we all start to not care about the toxic people we once had in our lives. I still feel pain even after I've had people say hurtful things to me a long time ago and it's not easy for me to just "get over it". I wish it was though. But I just gotta learn how not to obsess over it because if i do keep obsessing over it, I'm gonna keep hurting myself.
I do not hope to meet up with toxic people even I'm not busy, I'd rather staying at home doing nothing than hanging out with a toxic person. Peace of mind is important.
solution; "I'm going through a very stressful situation at the moment, let me get back to you when I have a clear mind." Say it every time they come to you with their tumultuous BS.
Wow thank you, this might help me... I'm really going thru a lot but no one seems to care the most irritating thing to me is that they act as if I owe them something. I work hard for my assignments I don't know what they do on their own time and then they come wanna copy all my work and that's not enough next thing I must explain how did I do my work ...my blood just boils with anger they annoy me they are heavy on me.
@@sinqoughsinqough2172 tbh I just tell them to do it themselves, to use a textbook, and they usually get the point and leave me alone about it. However, if they still keep persisting, I go full on blunt with them and tell them off because at that point, I've lost all patience with them.
First me :) The reasons I cut them off was because they made me feel unheard, unimportant, unappreciated, and miserable. I honestly only stayed friends with her for so long because she was going through things and it didn’t feel right to throw that on her plate too. The thing is that even before her life crisis she was already a bad friend me. There was just no room for me to forgive her and say oh she’s going through an hard time but she’ll come around. Come around to what? To keep treating me like shit? When she was feeling alright she would dismiss me whenever I tried to talk to her. Made feel stupid over little things. Left me second guessing myself and insulted me. She only wanted me to vent but when I wanted to talk she didn’t have the time. She’s one of those people that makes you feel close because she tells you everything. And you’re like oh she trust me but when it comes your turn she’s nowhere to be found.
I experienced the same thing. Take it as a blessing in disguise. Although you felt unheard, the less they know about you, the better when they show this kind of behavior. They can’t take what you’ve told them and gain leverage or use information about you against you in the long run. I had to come to understand a “friend” like that doesn’t deserve to know me on a deeper level. 😌✌🏾
I have this life long best friend, that is like a brother to me. I’m basically his only friend now. He’s toxic, negative, and such a drag on my life..... I feel guilty and obligated to entertain his toxicity..... thanks for the tips!! Feel a little better now
I hate those type of friends who only look for you when something bad happens to them or they just NEED you 😪 But the moment things start getting better they leave you in the dust. If you’re gonna share bad times with a friend also share the good times .
I had this very same problem. I finally stood up for myself and told her that I couldn't handle the negativity anymore.. Unfortunately she totally ripped into me and was incredibly rude, vile and belligerent. We haven't spoken since January.
That is what i knew would happen, so i tapered off the phone answering, then totally stopped answering after some weeks, blocked her number, i know if it is a woman friend they can go beserk.
Same thing happened to me, I cut out a friend of mine because she was rude, mean, and vile for no reason at all. Unfortunately, I really couldn’t see a reason to be her friend anymore. I just stopped talking to her and kinda ignore her whenever I see her.
Oh yeah! I am isolating lately from a few of them. I really want to have supportive and truly caring people or no one! That is where I am at now! One sided friends are not friends at all. And toxic ones are twisted and worse than that. So yes...my time is better spent alone. Thanks for sharing your videos! God Bless!
It's hard, especially if you are in school because you see them everyday. Do you say that you don't want to be their friend anymore if they still are going to hang with your group? What do you do?!?!
You see the house everyday, guard everyday, teacher everyday but don’t need to engage any further. Just consider them as a stranger or just say hi-bye.
Try to keep yourself busy during lunch maybe asks teacher to come in to do homework, go to the library wonder around the school or even go to a separate place where you work near them I’m gonna try this during the school year 😊 haha
Same. Our boundaries get crossed at times and we just need to learn how to set boundaries with others so that we dont hurt ourselves trying to satisfy other people so much.
I got used by a vulnerable narc this way. Now I just (plan to) assertively say it’s too negative I won’t talk individually, ok in a group directly. Coz our life is ours ain’t got time for that
I just wanted to share my story here. Around a year ago, I got in a very heated argument with one of my best friends. We were a group of three and my best friend and I specifically got along so well. There were never much issues or any sort of tension, it was fully positive vibes and I really felt like I belonged there. She was my real friend and I honestly consider her my sister. Anyways her and I got in an argument about her boyfriend (they’re now married) and it got so bad I cut off all ties with not only her but my other friend too. They stayed friends though and were in their own little group. I was so angry at her I couldn’t care less. I started hanging out with a girl I sat with in my maths class. She was very nice and I loved talking to her, it was like therapy. I told her about what happened and very quickly she invited me over to her group of friends (I used to be good friends with this girl back when I was like 13-14 btw) so I got along really well with their group. They had a lot of problems though, most people secretly hated each other and pretended to like them, almost everyone was 2 faced and so was the girl I sat with (call her Azzy) and she’d talk so much shit about everyone except her sister. I didn’t care much though cause everyone loved me and would cater to me as if I was their leader or something. This year however, everyone in the group including azzy, didn’t give me any attention, I didn’t even speak cause most of the time I talked I’d be cut off halfway through my sentence. It was okay at first but it got to the point where I felt drained, like no one listened to me while everyone else would talk and talk and never shut up. I bottled everything up and would break down as soon as I got home. After all of that they started picking on me. Making plans without me which azzy told me about and she made everyone else invite me to their plans, but I knew no one except azzy and her sister wanted me there (because they’re the ones that made the group chats) I’d stick around because azzy was nice to me but she too would pick on me. It’s okay when it’s a joke but it wasn’t a joke, they’d only pick on me but not anyone else, I felt so unwanted. Azzy one time in front of the whole group mentioned that she’s very insecure because of how hairy she is but I make her feel so much better cause I don’t shave my arms. I didn’t even know what to say I just sat there pretending it was funny when in reality I just wanted to cry. The two sisters would often make fun of my grades (they went from As to Cs) and would pretend like it was a joke when in reality it wasn’t. I remember looking back I was such a confident person even a couple years ago, and now I can’t even do anything without getting anxious. And I blame no one but those two stupid b**** that I thought were good people. They bullied me because they were insecure and now I’m not the person I used to be. They took away my sparkle. Anyways the good news is that my old friend and I are friends again and I left their trashy group. It was extremely difficult for me to leave because after every time they were A**holes to me they’d be so kind and loving. To manipulate me I guess. But if you’re reading this just remember it’s never too late to leave even though it can be difficult. I am doing so much better now that I’ve left. I feel like my mind is clear and I’m surrounded by positivity. I am no longer burnt out, crying and wishing I could stay home. I am better and actually look forward to going to school. If anyone bothered to read this, thank you for your time 💓
I read all of your share. You seem to be informed, self aware, and balanced. Perhaps you are a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as described by Elaine Aron and Alone Freund. Their insight might be a revelation for you Sarabella. Please consider looking at their some of their RUclips video's, if you haven't already. I'm not implying or even suggesting you might be HSP, and in fact I'm probably just projecting my own stuff into or onto your story, but even if I'm way off target it never really hurts much to be curious and informed about neurodivergent personality types. Here's one of Alane's Ted Talks which has been helpful to me: ruclips.net/video/2tKDnsns2bg/видео.html
I have been on both sides of the spectrum. In my case I feel I am not trying to be a bad friend or use anyone. If a person goes out of their way to create a friendship with me I will do my best to reciprocate. If our personalities don't mesh it would behoove that person to just say something so we can end contact. I think that is the most mature way. I even feel guilty afterwards for "blowing people off" aka distancing from them. I understand why people do this but maybe we should all just be more honest so at least the other party involved can take stock of their lives and try to change instead of being a bad person and continuing the cycle. If you say you're their friend once, then a true friend will tell you when you're wrong, even at the end of the friendship when it's time to move on. Right? Is it that we are just so afraid of confrontation and having real heart to hearts as a society, that we just can't say "Hey God Bless but we are moving in different directions Take care."..? Maybe I just expect too much honesty from the other people and they aren't that invested. Shrug.. I tried ...if my best isn't good enough I would appreciate my "friend" telling me so, that way I can stop contacting them and move on with my life as well.
If they are toxic why waste your time trying to be polite? Just eliminate them from your life and don’t look back cause THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND. Life is a gift and it is short so don’t waste time on people that don’t value you.
I’m grateful that I listened to this..Honestly, my toxic friendship still going on (as I’m going to start school in 3 days) and I hope that when school starts again I can distance myself from my group of toxic friends. In my summer break, I could think more about which group of friends that I would feel like myself again.. and I finally realized that I’m not in the group of people that I feel comfortable being myself. I felt so insecure and uncomfortable hanging with this group of friends..Because they are literally the stereotype of mean girls. They think that they’re all better than the others, and the only way they connected was by talking shit of other classes and other people. They talk shit about me behind my back, and they say so many lies to people just to make me feel bad (even if I’m “part” of the group). And they always make racist jokes, stereotypes jokes, xenophobic jokes..Literally if no one laughed it’s not a joke. But they’re so dehuman that they laugh about those things. In my school I don’t have many classmates, only 11 and 8 of the are girls. So we kinda have to hang out together (because of the most toxic girl) who always talk shit about the others if we don’t do what she wants. And the other girls are almost the same as her, they’re always taking advantage of people who are sensitive like me.. it’s really hard to let out of a toxic friendship with this many people involved. But I will try my best and not regret it. thank you for this video :)
When you constantly feel jaded around some people, it is time to say something or move on. Most times they are not there to listen or help you. Very one-sided friendships. We all need to pay attention to mind, body, spirit. God bless.
If they're brutally honest themselves then yes, they would appreciate your brutal honesty. That's pretty good. However, I dont think I have the heart to be that brutally honest.
Why must we pretend to be busy or actually join a club or invent a hobby? That's insane I just let them know that "I LIKE TO BE ALONE" I prefer my own company to that of others, I don't owe them a reason, PERIOD! Mind you when you reach my age you'll stop caring what others think.
One of the best pieces of advice in this is to honestly have no more time them - replace with better friends in the process. And to slowly blow them off in some cases. One of my friends has betrayed me several times in low key ways. One of her favorites is to go out of her way to be super friendly with men I have dated who have treated me badly and who I am not having anything to do with. It's not that she wants to date them. It's just some other sick need of hers...Done. Blown it off too many times and it's just stupid.
I'm 38 have had the same friends for years we fought battles together but I'm a peaceful man and realize now alot of those battles were not of my making and didn't need to be fought.
Trying to detach at this point, and dealing with this very thing. Now today the thing is "are you mad at me? Did I say, do something. Bla bla bla." My God give me a rest!
I did this, started ignoring the 4 to 5 x calls from a 'friend' daily, gave her 20 minutes 1x, ignored calls for a day , 2 days, then tapered it to NOTHING. I totally stopped answering her, she has left messages for a month now.. she did not come visit me when i had surgery, nor bring me a bite of food, i visited her in the hospital 3 x, so I know she stole a man i was talking too, is a mooch, wants someone available as a 'casework'er' not a friend, so ghost them, block their phone, just go 'cold turkey' it is the best way.. resist temptation to answer the phone... she would leave her wallet at home, then when we went to a restaurant, always pushed me to buy her a coffee, and if i told her i am buying my own food she helps herself, an example: we went to Long John silvers' I ordered a lunch of fish and chicken 4 pieces, told her before so, IF you are hungry 'buy your own food' , I started driving after getting the bag of food, this 'friend' reached in my bag, bit the end of a piece of chicken off, threw it in MY bag (my food) , grabbed another piece of meat, bit the end off, threw it back in the bag, did it again, and stated' I wanted a piece of fish' , so she is a hog, rude, and this is another reason i ended this lousy example of a friendship.... Glad I dumped the user/moocher
Use very good excuses like "I have to work"/"I have to take care of my parent(even better if they aren't elderly)/"I have to watch my kids(if you have any or your friends kids or niece/nephew)/"I have to fill in for someone at work"/"I worked a full day and I am tired" and so on and they should understand and usually won't get mad or blame you for it what I've learned is these are very excusable excuses and they do work. I have a family and my wife doesn't work she stays home to take care of our 2 young children so I have to work a lot so my friends all understand and knows how busy I am also a lot of them are on the same boat as me so they can relate and won't blame me for it. I still shoot them a text once in a blue moon I also have friends I haven't talked to for several years if we can hang out great if not that's fine we just continue with our daily lives no hard feelings amongst any of us we all know our lives has changed a lot we're not young anymore we're all have careers most of us are married and have families while facing mid life crisis everyone is busy so no one takes anything personal but when we do meet up again we just pick up where we left off regardless off time apart things are just as same as they were the last time we all saw each other we hold nothing against anyone no hard feelings we all understand how busy we all are with life.
Thank you so much, Marie. You are wonderful! Your channel is incredibly helpful in so many ways. I’m dealing with a “friend” who is constantly looking for things I say with which to disagree and argue. Roughly 45% of the conversations we have, result in his disagreeing with me on some ridiculously obscure topic. Most of the time, neither of us know a darn thing about the topic we’re arguing. Life is too short to keep subjecting ourselves to this foolishness. I’m done!
You really just need to be upfront and honest with someone like this and they can either respect and give you space or chose to end the friendship/family bond. I don’t feel anyone should have to make themselves purposely busy to push someone away. It’s everyone’s right to not want to be drained and have someone suck their soul from them and if that person can’t understand that, they never cared about you in the first. I had a best friend for over 30 years that suck the life out of me and at the end of the day she still said I wasn’t a good friend because I wouldn’t listen to her vent after working a 12 hour day with a husband and 2 kids waiting for me at home. Ending our friendship was the best decision of my life!!!
I don’t see why I’m going to change my life entirely by making myself busy just because I don’t want to hang out with someone. Seems like it would be easier to just say no
I politely disagree: I think a better approach is to ask "What is GOOD in your life?" It forces them to focus on positivity instead. If you keep asking them this (as many times as needed), they will soon realize that their bad mood impacts others. They can either decide to minimize negative comments around you, address the source of their misery, or end the friendship (which is a sign of complete incompatibility anyway). But in the end, you are giving them the opportunity to realize and solve the problems. The dignity you afford them might even be appreciated. I don't like the "be busy" approach. If you were just honest and upfront, you wouldn't have to put yourself in a cycle of making up excuses. It subconsciously reinforces that you cannot actively stand up for yourself. And doesn't teach you valuable conflict resolution skills necessary for relationships. Upfront, polite honesty is the way to go.
The only time I think "be busy" is good is when people call / text too much. You have to train others that you can be there for others AND also have your own personal space. That has more to safeguarding your time rather than their mindset.
I’ve had something like this before, I recently not to long ago cut off a friend because she’s rude and mean to people for no reason. To be honest with you, she wasn’t always like that or at least I didn’t thing she was like that. For example, she yelled and screamed at people for no reason. She’d insult people for no reason and the list went on. I truly couldn’t take it anymore! I’ll miss the person I thought she was or use to be.
My friend used me dump her emotion and secret that she could not tell anyone of her group friend without afraid of judgment, bragging about her new car, new home, new furniture, new window, or she has too much time but couldn’t handle the boredom or aloneness. Often late, often canceled the appointments, often drunken. It was my mistake that I accepted all of her behaviors one after the other. She certainly abused my kindness and love for her. Now, she noticed my distance and I am doing my best slowly moving away from her. I know her if I tell her why, she gets offended but not able to change the behavior. I distance from her as much as possible is my final choice. I really want to get rid of her from my contact but I am being patient let her realized that I am no longer her friend who can use as her convenient. There is nothing inspiring of your new diet resolution, laziness, addiction, and new shopping. Get a life!
Great advise. I think I used to be such a clingy person ages back. Now I'm facing this with a family member. My friend started not taking my calls, & told me that she can't deal with my tiniest trauma- that's when I realised that I was being too much. But I took action. Guess it's karma? But I'm tired of being taken for granted and being availabl. She won't cling but when she starts talking she won't just shut. Plus, I do things for her but she never retaliates. You know ?? She drains me ☹️️ You say be busy I'm a SAHM but I really don't have much in evenings to do.
I love this advice. I'm going to do this! I found this channel recently and it's the kind of advice I need in my life rn. It's like she knows the exact type of people in my life.
I’ve been watching someone of your videos this week as a high schooler student, and I’d like to say thank you. I’m trying the find my happiness at the moment and your videos have been helping me 💜💜💜💜
This video gave me the solution even if the person who is creating my problem, is not exactly toxic. As you suggest, looking busy is the natural solution, and by nature, I'm always busy anyway, and s/he knows it. We have never been friends. S/he was meant to be a client, but my polite manners, which I use with all my clients, has been interpreted as if I want this person to be my friend. S/he knows where I work and how to contact me and regularly s/he either appears or s/he sends me a message. I have slowed down my replies, and, as you suggest, I do reply, but later and later. I don't find this person interesting, nor inspiring, nor exciting. But, probably s/he thinks I could be a good friend to her/him. I do not feel comfortable with this person. What a nightmare! I don't want to be rude, but this is why s/he continues coming back. It seems so difficult to make this person understand that there is no connection from my side. S/he makes me compliments (is s/he after something?) , s/he gives me unsolicited advice (annoying), s/he appears without notice! Yesterday s/he texted me, and s/he says she wants to see me sometimes soon! Of course I don't reply right away. But I will. And I will reply with the briefest message to say I'm very busy. I said s/he's not toxic, but the effect is very similar to that of a toxic person. Thank you for your video. I wonder if you have already a video discussing this type of situation. I'll have a look in your channel. Thanks again.
listening to someone is the basic human courtesy,how you hear that person is a different thing,any person who is already having a filter or any set of rules in their life are not gonna see or even listen to the truth of another person,it truly requires massive honesty to admit that i was wrong or i made a wrong call in a certain situation/dynamic just because i couldnt listen to the other person,so the best thing is to always keep to yourself else there would be a burden of garbage in our lives
I have a friend that I've known for nearly 7 years now. A few weeks ago, I was super stressed with university work and people in my family asking me to do things all at the same time and I unintentionally snapped at her. I immediately apologised and explained why I snapped but she simply refused to accept my apology and now she's making it sound like I tried to kill her or something when in fact all I did was say "can I call you back, please? i'm a little stressed at the moment." That's all I said. I tried to hide the anger and frustration from my voice but apparently she picked up on it and she thinks I was targeting her. Now I'm afraid to say anything to her because I'm scared of saying something that will offend her or set her off again, because she's so damn easy to offend. Even if it's nothing. Even if don't think i'm doing anything wrong, she'll come up with something to make me seem like the bad guy. I didn't know how to deal with this so I've been avoiding her and not taking her calls, but now she thinks I'm pushing her away and that I only think of myself. She's driving me mad. i'm under enough stress with all these essays I gotta write and a million other things without having to worry about her as well. Maybe it IS selfish that I want to get qualifications and new skills so I can get the job I want, but I don't know anymore. I just had to get it out there.
SKYDORMER it's not selfish. There are times where you need to progress. You can't delay and make your life harder especially in university where you don't want to mess up. Benefitting yourself so you can get your life on track is what you need most. Truth of the matter, she doesn't seem worth it and don't hurt yourself over all of this because sometimes you need to have your own time and moments
I relate to every word of this and i realise when in the past i have been the offender of this type of behaviour! 9 times out of 10 though its me bring idle people know it and seek me out to vent because im too nice. Well not anymore!
Yes I had many friends like this I let them dig their own hole we stopped talking I'm talking to one of them cause she apologized but we don't talk like that anymore I like it like this I'm happier I hate toxic friends or people
In 6th grade a girl named Lainie said my best friend Koren made adoption jokes about her. I've known Lainie since 3rd grade and she just lies to lie. Most of the days she would come to school and sit by us, but she doesn't say anything. So we ignore her. My friend Cassie has a weak backbone and will always try to be nice. Lainie has lied to us about other friends. And made us made at each other. She got hit by a slow speeded mini van on September 2013. She is still on those crutches today. She only uses them at school. She has Cassie carry her binder at school because she claims she can't hold it. Even though after school she carries her binder home. I've seen her skating at the skating rink. Jumping off hay bales. Saying she has to exercise her leg. By sprinting. Overall she will come to school and sit there on her phone without talking to us thinking we're going to talk to her. We saw the councilor about this, but she does nothing! I just want her out of my life. Another girl was hit by a train and shes In wheelchair, but not for long.This is making me so... ANNOYED!!
I agree with the direct & indirect approach because both works. The method expressed in this video can be effective in the beginning stages, then if the person gets *pushy-ER*. You gotta start somewhere especially when you know that an immediate snd hasty confrontation with the Numbskull can get volatile. Not everyone will back off and resign, I know of a few people who *_Go Ape_* when they feel rejected. Not wanting to be bothered with someone *is* still rejection to them and they won't leave you well enough alone. 👎😒
so the time you aim to have rest and get cosy should be spent in a hobby or part time job? where are you and your comfort then? I dealt it differently by not running away from it and facing that toxic friend directly. I politely brought it to her attention that I'm way too tired to HOST AN UNANNOUNCED AND UNINVITED FRIEND after my work and study and picking my child up. I can't spent 2_4 hours every other day delying so many jobs from my time table for those who have no courtesy to understand my position. still she didn't get it and I blocked her on social media she tried call me on mobile after I blocked her number too. She kept poping at my door and I didn't open the door. She was still calling me from different number untill I changed my mobile number. Damn some people take forever to understand that they are being too sneaky. DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT EXPRESSING care for yourself, putting yourself 1st , and stoping everything that comes between you and your comfort. it definitely won't make you selfish but some people don't understand polite language trust me
I never know what to do because I know my toxic friends have problems which cause them to act the way they do; I want to stay with them, and help them and support them but at the same time want to leave them because of the way they treat me...
Just move on Ayan. Eventually you'll get tired of people switching up on you at any given moment. Focus on what makes you happy and living a good life. That's what it boils down to at the end of the day. And remember, there are over 6 billion people on the planet who you can create new relationships with. Cheers!
+ badgrfan - RUN, don't walk. Be BUSY, very very very busy. Be respectful (she is your mom) but limit limit limit your interactions and availability and when you do interact / are available let it be on your terms. Wishing you the best. 💞
Thank you so much I have been trying to get rid of this friend who just depresses me and i didnt want to be mean to her either. this really helps thank you
How do I distance myself from someone who is not a horrible person, but is making too many bad choices and I'm afraid of being sucked into their drama?
It’s gotten so bad that I was crying for hours bc I want to go to a different school, I have to sit with one of them in class. I do horrible things to myself bc of them.
Oh its like the smallest problem is the end of the world for this "friend" i have 🙄 she doesn't bother asking if im ok! Time to create distance and move on 💕 total drama in her life
The moral is: If you wanna get rid of toxic people or anyone you no longer want in your life in a nice or polite way ALWAYS STAY BUSY! Or at least make them think you are! Over time they will slowly drift away from you they will actually think you are so busy they won't even bother hitting you up anymore after awhile you will notice over time you will get fewer and fewer calls from them then it will completely stop but on the flip side this is it can also be a disadvantage too! If you do have real friends and you really wanna see them or hang out with them but you never or rarely ever can cuz some people are really way too busy with their daily lives for whatever and any reasons such as like work for instance being stuck there all the time, having more than 1 job, running a business, or even traveling a lot for it. Even sometimes they always have to be there for their children or parents or being a full time parent plus working at the same time constantly trying to make ends meet and when they do have any time left they usually run a lot of errands like do house chores like laundry or clean the house, stay home watch TV, read a book, or just rest usually they don't even have the energy to wanna leave home to see their friends. I know from experience and so do my friends no one blames anyone we all know we are all super busy with life whether it's work or family this happens with friends all the time we will start growing apart as we get older we aren't as close as before the friendship will slowly drift away feelings starts to fade away a lot of friends will soon start to forget about each other. When friends hit up friends in their circle but they are too busy eventually the word will get around to all their other friends to don't hit him/her up anymore cuz he/she is ALWAYS BUSY or NEVER FREE or available after a while everyone will stop hitting up those friends so being too busy is not always a good thing nor anyone wants it but it does happen though it's life. I think friends(especially close ones) should all make a plan to hang out once in a blue moon on a planned day to let each other know they haven't forgot about each other and that everyone is going through the same thing to keep and strengthen the bond.
recently, i accidentally cut ties with a now ex-friend in a very mean way. we share only one class together and i sat in a different seat than usual because i simply wanted to sit in a different seat. They saw that i wasnt sitting in front of them anymore and ever since then they didnt walk out of the classroom with me anymore. meh, i didnt regret it that much honestly because i was getting drained from listening to their vents, and we didnt really know each other for that long anyways. Im just going to keep it this way and Ive been slowly feeling better. next time if a stranger overshares with me about tmi info about themselves, hopefully i dont let myself get sucked into their emotional problems. it took a toll on my mental health. felt tired and heavy all the time. next time i probably just wont say anything.
Lmao😂🤣 I really need to dump a few but we're in the same circle of associates I do business with. Im waiting for the day I move far far away out of the state🤭😂😁This has to be strategically planned😗
I tend to not answer my phone at times because I don't like to feel like I'm being tracked down I mean cellphones can be a blessing and a curse at the same time especially when you want to just chill and not be bothered but people always call you for B.S. reasons and that's the curse but then again the call could be about making some money that's the blessing or a curse because all money ain't good money either so at the end of the day you gotta pick your battles wisely.
I had to let go a toxic friend in 2017 she was just too much of negativity to the point I just couldn't take it anymore we don't talk to each other's no more but life goes on we are now in December of 2018 and soon be in 2019 but I still staying positive and focus God have shown me the light at the end of the tunnel it's was like looking at a movie from start to finish ok thank you 👍🏾😀
Adrenal fatigue, depression, lots of debt, low self confidence, weight gain, aaaall of this because I couldn't say no. Ladies and gents please for the sake of your life set boundaries!
Damn..I hope you get your life back on track. No shade..
Rush thanks! My update right now is that I lost weight. My depression and mindset has improved and I'm making better/deeper friendships. I'm going back to school in sept and have hope to making money again. 😁
Rush it's all in the quality of the decisions that you make moving forward
Alexander Rodriguez I'm sure that now that you have figured out who all the toxic people are oh, your life is back on track and you are well.
Some people do NOT respect boundaries, read my above comment, so I ghosted the moocher, time moocher.
Once I got rid of those toxic friends and experienced peace, I started to immediately regret why I didn't get rid of them earlier in life. Narcissim is the root of every toxic person. Jealousy is the root of their conflicts w/ u. And them having a soul-less devils soul is why u feel like shit around them.
Frogs Dance Rhapsody me too, like I feel so peaceful!
They're energy vampires.
7s29
This! They think YOU are the one with the problem. Yet they drain energy from a room with their existence! Constantly complaining about how others do them wrong. Everyone else in the room could be laughing and enjoying the company of one another and then here they come with “I have a dilemma” or “I am working on new goals for myself for the year” and they run their mouths about it for hours. No one else has time to get a word in edgewise. Those people are annoying. Talking about people that folks don’t even know. Playing the victim. Ugh! This was my situation a few days ago with one of these debbie downers. She went from talking about coworkers to the person who is living with her ‘rent free’, to her sister’s issues and so on and so on. I don’t think she said one thing positive about ANYONE. I will not subject myself to that again. I’m done with her foolishness!
Very true. I have been away from my energy Drainer friends from last few months and I am at my peace. But I am also regretting alot like you, I should have done this long before. Things are pretty good without leeches .
@@Benjamin90s Dnt be so hard on yourself. It was a learning experience to help you recognize and improve your self esteem. You're f*ck*ng amazing and dnt you ever forget tht!...Furthermore, it's like they all have the same genetic makeup. It's soo weird. Once you meet one, you'll be able to run a lot more quickly!!!
This is so true! I'm tired of being a full time therapist in a draining one sided 'friendship'. I was to busy being a support system for others that I totally neglected myself. I'm focusing on me for once! 2017 will be amazing 🎉
Taiwo Bali I'm with u!!!! ☝🏽
Taiwo Bali honey same here. I just ended a 5 year friendship 4 days ago. Disgusting users and make you feel guilty for something you never did.
Taiwo Bali yeah I am focusing on me and my kids and my husband that's about it and family.. I am with you on that.. Ms.Bali totally.. because ain't got the time for all that playing games
Mica Lemus yeah I know what you mean. just stay to yourself and God everything else will be find
I had a "friend "who actually called me her therapist. We are no longer friends.
Yes. Be busy. I truly am too busy. God please surround me with genuine loving new people. Unfortunately seems every friend ends up toxic in some way God will be my new Bestie I'll take him.
I didn't politely distance myself. I unceremoniously distanced myself because they weren't worth the trouble. I can feel their negative energy and I want only positive energy.
Me too honestly
The thing is you can't be rationale with an irrational person. I realize that if friends flake on you, disrespect you, the best thing to do is to ignore calls, block and move on. This concept of treating people with more respect than they have given you still leaves you feeling raw.
Didn't even think of it this way. I've been trying to be really distant but once they reach out and I answer, I get sucked back in and feeling shit.
Agnes M Answer them with 'Sorry, I understand you want to talk but right now I have other things to do, but thank y6' and just go right back to your own business. You don't have icy yourself, just tell these people or whoever it is that you have things to do. Otherwise you could easily just ignore phone calls or texts, and as a last resort block them. This is my own experience with friendships, so it's up to you what you do... I just thought I'd offer some helpful advice. And, definitely make yourself busy because then at least you have and outlet so that you can be too preoccupied to even face any issues if they're difficult or you feel they aren't for you to deal with right now. Good luck with everything!
same i am experiencing this also
SuperMichelleDJ I have a toxic friend and I tell her things like this but she asks me why? Or what are you doing? What should I say
@@caketheduck try not to talk to her and next time she wants. to talk to you or ask for something just say "sorry i need my own personal space ' try to not show any emotion when she says something bad about you as she just wants to pull you down
I use to do tht until things just got worse in the relationship and my health detrioted and my goals fell short. The part tht is really scary is they know and are proud when you feel like shyt around them. In fact, they feel like, finally, they have control over you. It's a sick game tht they play, but they enjoy every moment of your demise! Run girl and spend more time making new friends and receiving counseling.
I’ve cut back communication with a person like this, little by little until I went complete no contact. I am happier because of it! ❤
I could listen to you all day. You are very wise.
I totally agree, it's soothing and wise
Shes so sweet.. just thinking of her going through those things and figuring it out and telling others the golden rules..
Hanging out with toxic people, it's like drinking poison. Although u already got rid of them but you still feel hurt and painful.
Facts. It is very hard and it still hard after because there were good times but it was such a chore.
I really do hope that over time, the pain lessens and we all start to not care about the toxic people we once had in our lives. I still feel pain even after I've had people say hurtful things to me a long time ago and it's not easy for me to just "get over it". I wish it was though. But I just gotta learn how not to obsess over it because if i do keep obsessing over it, I'm gonna keep hurting myself.
It's called ghosting:)
Or flaking
When you live next door and they'll come and convince you your irrational, and their mom will be mad at you for
I do not hope to meet up with toxic people even I'm not busy, I'd rather staying at home doing nothing than hanging out with a toxic person. Peace of mind is important.
solution; "I'm going through a very stressful situation at the moment, let me get back to you when I have a clear mind." Say it every time they come to you with their tumultuous BS.
Wow thank you, this might help me... I'm really going thru a lot but no one seems to care the most irritating thing to me is that they act as if I owe them something. I work hard for my assignments I don't know what they do on their own time and then they come wanna copy all my work and that's not enough next thing I must explain how did I do my work ...my blood just boils with anger they annoy me they are heavy on me.
@@sinqoughsinqough2172 You are most welcome......just say those words every time they come knocking.....it works every time.
Loved this!
@@sinqoughsinqough2172 tbh I just tell them to do it themselves, to use a textbook, and they usually get the point and leave me alone about it. However, if they still keep persisting, I go full on blunt with them and tell them off because at that point, I've lost all patience with them.
energy vampires bother me a lot while I need to concentrate for something. your video always comfort me feel me you're on my side.
I'm gonna get a job so I don't have the time for them 😂
First me :) The reasons I cut them off was because they made me feel unheard, unimportant, unappreciated, and miserable. I honestly only stayed friends with her for so long because she was going through things and it didn’t feel right to throw that on her plate too. The thing is that even before her life crisis she was already a bad friend me. There was just no room for me to forgive her and say oh she’s going through an hard time but she’ll come around. Come around to what? To keep treating me like shit?
When she was feeling alright she would dismiss me whenever I tried to talk to her. Made feel stupid over little things. Left me second guessing myself and insulted me. She only wanted me to vent but when I wanted to talk she didn’t have the time. She’s one of those people that makes you feel close because she tells you everything. And you’re like oh she trust me but when it comes your turn she’s nowhere to be found.
I experienced the same thing. Take it as a blessing in disguise. Although you felt unheard, the less they know about you, the better when they show this kind of behavior. They can’t take what you’ve told them and gain leverage or use information about you against you in the long run. I had to come to understand a “friend” like that doesn’t deserve to know me on a deeper level. 😌✌🏾
I have this life long best friend, that is like a brother to me. I’m basically his only friend now. He’s toxic, negative, and such a drag on my life..... I feel guilty and obligated to entertain his toxicity..... thanks for the tips!! Feel a little better now
I felt like that but good thing he has other friends. They can put up with him.
I've never had real friends. Just people that talk to me at school and conpletely forget about me outside of school or use me for their benefit only.
Ignore, block #, back off, stay away at all costs if you can! They aren't your friends
I hate those type of friends who only look for you when something bad happens to them or they just NEED you 😪
But the moment things start getting better they leave you in the dust. If you’re gonna share bad times with a friend also share the good times .
Or worse they wanna one up you one every tiny occasion. Truest exhausting
I had this very same problem. I finally stood up for myself and told her that I couldn't handle the negativity anymore.. Unfortunately she totally ripped into me and was incredibly rude, vile and belligerent. We haven't spoken since January.
That is what i knew would happen, so i tapered off the phone answering, then totally stopped answering after some weeks, blocked her number, i know if it is a woman friend they can go beserk.
same thing happened to me, not worth the time
Same thing happened to me, I cut out a friend of mine because she was rude, mean, and vile for no reason at all. Unfortunately, I really couldn’t see a reason to be her friend anymore. I just stopped talking to her and kinda ignore her whenever I see her.
Oh yeah! I am isolating lately from a few of them. I really want to have supportive and truly caring people or no one! That is where I am at now! One sided friends are not friends at all. And toxic ones are twisted and worse than that. So yes...my time is better spent alone. Thanks for sharing your videos! God Bless!
BEST. ADVICE. EVER! Distraction is the best way to avoid negativity!
I would call it focusing on your "purpose" rather than finding a "distraction"
Honestly, once u get rid of them, you can see even yourself you’re so so much happier :D
It's hard, especially if you are in school because you see them everyday. Do you say that you don't want to be their friend anymore if they still are going to hang with your group? What do you do?!?!
You remind me of Audrey Hepburn!
You see the house everyday, guard everyday, teacher everyday but don’t need to engage any further. Just consider them as a stranger or just say hi-bye.
On my lunch breaks in HS I used to go other places besides the lunch room. Limit my interactions with these individuals.
Try to keep yourself busy during lunch maybe asks teacher to come in to do homework, go to the library wonder around the school or even go to a separate place where you work near them I’m gonna try this during the school year 😊 haha
same idk
Sometimes I hate myself for being too nice I try to be a good friend but when it’s taken for advantage it hurts 💔💔💔
Same. Our boundaries get crossed at times and we just need to learn how to set boundaries with others so that we dont hurt ourselves trying to satisfy other people so much.
I got used by a vulnerable narc this way. Now I just (plan to) assertively say it’s too negative I won’t talk individually, ok in a group directly. Coz our life is ours ain’t got time for that
I just wanted to share my story here. Around a year ago, I got in a very heated argument with one of my best friends. We were a group of three and my best friend and I specifically got along so well. There were never much issues or any sort of tension, it was fully positive vibes and I really felt like I belonged there. She was my real friend and I honestly consider her my sister. Anyways her and I got in an argument about her boyfriend (they’re now married) and it got so bad I cut off all ties with not only her but my other friend too. They stayed friends though and were in their own little group. I was so angry at her I couldn’t care less. I started hanging out with a girl I sat with in my maths class. She was very nice and I loved talking to her, it was like therapy. I told her about what happened and very quickly she invited me over to her group of friends (I used to be good friends with this girl back when I was like 13-14 btw) so I got along really well with their group. They had a lot of problems though, most people secretly hated each other and pretended to like them, almost everyone was 2 faced and so was the girl I sat with (call her Azzy) and she’d talk so much shit about everyone except her sister. I didn’t care much though cause everyone loved me and would cater to me as if I was their leader or something. This year however, everyone in the group including azzy, didn’t give me any attention, I didn’t even speak cause most of the time I talked I’d be cut off halfway through my sentence. It was okay at first but it got to the point where I felt drained, like no one listened to me while everyone else would talk and talk and never shut up. I bottled everything up and would break down as soon as I got home. After all of that they started picking on me. Making plans without me which azzy told me about and she made everyone else invite me to their plans, but I knew no one except azzy and her sister wanted me there (because they’re the ones that made the group chats) I’d stick around because azzy was nice to me but she too would pick on me. It’s okay when it’s a joke but it wasn’t a joke, they’d only pick on me but not anyone else, I felt so unwanted. Azzy one time in front of the whole group mentioned that she’s very insecure because of how hairy she is but I make her feel so much better cause I don’t shave my arms. I didn’t even know what to say I just sat there pretending it was funny when in reality I just wanted to cry. The two sisters would often make fun of my grades (they went from As to Cs) and would pretend like it was a joke when in reality it wasn’t. I remember looking back I was such a confident person even a couple years ago, and now I can’t even do anything without getting anxious. And I blame no one but those two stupid b**** that I thought were good people. They bullied me because they were insecure and now I’m not the person I used to be. They took away my sparkle. Anyways the good news is that my old friend and I are friends again and I left their trashy group. It was extremely difficult for me to leave because after every time they were A**holes to me they’d be so kind and loving. To manipulate me I guess. But if you’re reading this just remember it’s never too late to leave even though it can be difficult. I am doing so much better now that I’ve left. I feel like my mind is clear and I’m surrounded by positivity. I am no longer burnt out, crying and wishing I could stay home. I am better and actually look forward to going to school. If anyone bothered to read this, thank you for your time 💓
I read all of your share. You seem to be informed, self aware, and balanced. Perhaps you are a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as described by Elaine Aron and Alone Freund. Their insight might be a revelation for you Sarabella. Please consider looking at their some of their RUclips video's, if you haven't already. I'm not implying or even suggesting you might be HSP, and in fact I'm probably just projecting my own stuff into or onto your story, but even if I'm way off target it never really hurts much to be curious and informed about neurodivergent personality types. Here's one of Alane's Ted Talks which has been helpful to me: ruclips.net/video/2tKDnsns2bg/видео.html
Thsnks
I have been on both sides of the spectrum. In my case I feel I am not trying to be a bad friend or use anyone. If a person goes out of their way to create a friendship with me I will do my best to reciprocate. If our personalities don't mesh it would behoove that person to just say something so we can end contact. I think that is the most mature way. I even feel guilty afterwards for "blowing people off" aka distancing from them. I understand why people do this but maybe we should all just be more honest so at least the other party involved can take stock of their lives and try to change instead of being a bad person and continuing the cycle. If you say you're their friend once, then a true friend will tell you when you're wrong, even at the end of the friendship when it's time to move on. Right? Is it that we are just so afraid of confrontation and having real heart to hearts as a society, that we just can't say "Hey God Bless but we are moving in different directions Take care."..? Maybe I just expect too much honesty from the other people and they aren't that invested. Shrug.. I tried ...if my best isn't good enough I would appreciate my "friend" telling me so, that way I can stop contacting them and move on with my life as well.
I needed this in the worst way, thank you. I will try this.
If they are toxic why waste your time trying to be polite? Just eliminate them from your life and don’t look back cause THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND. Life is a gift and it is short so don’t waste time on people that don’t value you.
Yeah absolutely! .....I've been done with being polite for so long now. .......fuc. Them!:)
I’m grateful that I listened to this..Honestly, my toxic friendship still going on (as I’m going to start school in 3 days) and I hope that when school starts again I can distance myself from my group of toxic friends.
In my summer break, I could think more about which group of friends that I would feel like myself again.. and I finally realized that I’m not in the group of people that I feel comfortable being myself.
I felt so insecure and uncomfortable hanging with this group of friends..Because they are literally the stereotype of mean girls. They think that they’re all better than the others, and the only way they connected was by talking shit of other classes and other people. They talk shit about me behind my back, and they say so many lies to people just to make me feel bad (even if I’m “part” of the group). And they always make racist jokes, stereotypes jokes, xenophobic jokes..Literally if no one laughed it’s not a joke. But they’re so dehuman that they laugh about those things.
In my school I don’t have many classmates, only 11 and 8 of the are girls. So we kinda have to hang out together (because of the most toxic girl) who always talk shit about the others if we don’t do what she wants.
And the other girls are almost the same as her, they’re always taking advantage of people who are sensitive like me.. it’s really hard to let out of a toxic friendship with this many people involved. But I will try my best and not regret it.
thank you for this video :)
When you constantly feel jaded around some people, it is time to say something or move on. Most times they are not there to listen or help you. Very one-sided friendships. We all need to pay attention to mind, body, spirit. God bless.
O my god
Keeps calling
Doesn't feel I don't want her !!!!
Same thing with me ,they really don't understand I'm thinking to solve this ,i say the truth
I would just bluntly tell them I dont want to talk to them anymore :P its a quicker way to get your point accross
If they're brutally honest themselves then yes, they would appreciate your brutal honesty. That's pretty good. However, I dont think I have the heart to be that brutally honest.
That's good advice. Don't give them the time or importance
Why must we pretend to be busy or actually join a club or invent a hobby? That's insane I just let them know that "I LIKE TO BE ALONE" I prefer my own company to that of others, I don't owe them a reason, PERIOD! Mind you when you reach my age you'll stop caring what others think.
One of the best pieces of advice in this is to honestly have no more time them - replace with better friends in the process. And to slowly blow them off in some cases. One of my friends has betrayed me several times in low key ways. One of her favorites is to go out of her way to be super friendly with men I have dated who have treated me badly and who I am not having anything to do with. It's not that she wants to date them. It's just some other sick need of hers...Done. Blown it off too many times and it's just stupid.
omg I just started crying after this video 😠
Enes Bayraktar why girl? Answer your phone I'm trying to call you
I'm 38 have had the same friends for years we fought battles together but I'm a peaceful man and realize now alot of those battles were not of my making and didn't need to be fought.
Trying to detach at this point, and dealing with this very thing. Now today the thing is "are you mad at me? Did I say, do something. Bla bla bla." My God give me a rest!
I feel this with my friend so much
You're like the other mom to give me advice i never got from my mom
I did this, started ignoring the 4 to 5 x calls from a 'friend' daily, gave her 20 minutes 1x, ignored calls for a day , 2 days, then tapered it to NOTHING. I totally stopped answering her, she has left messages for a month now.. she did not come visit me when i had surgery, nor bring me a bite of food, i visited her in the hospital 3 x, so I know she stole a man i was talking too, is a mooch, wants someone available as a 'casework'er' not a friend, so ghost them, block their phone, just go 'cold turkey' it is the best way.. resist temptation to answer the phone... she would leave her wallet at home, then when we went to a restaurant, always pushed me to buy her a coffee, and if i told her i am buying my own food she helps herself, an example:
we went to Long John silvers' I ordered a lunch of fish and chicken 4 pieces, told her before so, IF you are hungry 'buy your own food' , I started driving after getting the bag of food, this 'friend' reached in my bag, bit the end of a piece of chicken off, threw it in MY bag (my food) , grabbed another piece of meat, bit the end off, threw it back in the bag, did it again, and stated' I wanted a piece of fish' , so she is a hog, rude, and this is another reason i ended this lousy example of a friendship....
Glad I dumped the user/moocher
1besieged went to a restaurant and ordered ordered food and still takes food off my plate instead of extra for themselves
Use very good excuses like "I have to work"/"I have to take care of my parent(even better if they aren't elderly)/"I have to watch my kids(if you have any or your friends kids or niece/nephew)/"I have to fill in for someone at work"/"I worked a full day and I am tired" and so on and they should understand and usually won't get mad or blame you for it what I've learned is these are very excusable excuses and they do work. I have a family and my wife doesn't work she stays home to take care of our 2 young children so I have to work a lot so my friends all understand and knows how busy I am also a lot of them are on the same boat as me so they can relate and won't blame me for it. I still shoot them a text once in a blue moon I also have friends I haven't talked to for several years if we can hang out great if not that's fine we just continue with our daily lives no hard feelings amongst any of us we all know our lives has changed a lot we're not young anymore we're all have careers most of us are married and have families while facing mid life crisis everyone is busy so no one takes anything personal but when we do meet up again we just pick up where we left off regardless off time apart things are just as same as they were the last time we all saw each other we hold nothing against anyone no hard feelings we all understand how busy we all are with life.
Thank you so much, Marie. You are wonderful!
Your channel is incredibly helpful in so many ways.
I’m dealing with a “friend” who is constantly looking for things I say with which to disagree and argue.
Roughly 45% of the conversations we have, result in his disagreeing with me on some ridiculously obscure topic. Most of the time, neither of us know a darn thing about the topic we’re arguing. Life is too short to keep subjecting ourselves to this foolishness.
I’m done!
You really just need to be upfront and honest with someone like this and they can either respect and give you space or chose to end the friendship/family bond. I don’t feel anyone should have to make themselves purposely busy to push someone away. It’s everyone’s right to not want to be drained and have someone suck their soul from them and if that person can’t understand that, they never cared about you in the first. I had a best friend for over 30 years that suck the life out of me and at the end of the day she still said I wasn’t a good friend because I wouldn’t listen to her vent after working a 12 hour day with a husband and 2 kids waiting for me at home. Ending our friendship was the best decision of my life!!!
Thats why I love gardening..............: )
I don’t see why I’m going to change my life entirely by making myself busy just because I don’t want to hang out with someone. Seems like it would be easier to just say no
It's good for people who have a harder time with just saying know because they live next to x person or go to school with them
I politely disagree:
I think a better approach is to ask "What is GOOD in your life?" It forces them to focus on positivity instead. If you keep asking them this (as many times as needed), they will soon realize that their bad mood impacts others. They can either decide to minimize negative comments around you, address the source of their misery, or end the friendship (which is a sign of complete incompatibility anyway). But in the end, you are giving them the opportunity to realize and solve the problems. The dignity you afford them might even be appreciated.
I don't like the "be busy" approach. If you were just honest and upfront, you wouldn't have to put yourself in a cycle of making up excuses. It subconsciously reinforces that you cannot actively stand up for yourself. And doesn't teach you valuable conflict resolution skills necessary for relationships.
Upfront, polite honesty is the way to go.
The only time I think "be busy" is good is when people call / text too much. You have to train others that you can be there for others AND also have your own personal space. That has more to safeguarding your time rather than their mindset.
Very well said, and I think it's really respectful approach. Thanks!
Maybe you should make advice videos
Patrick Reutz thanks that makes a lot of sense :-)
some girl That may happen in the future along with other channel ideas.
I’ve had something like this before, I recently not to long ago cut off a friend because she’s rude and mean to people for no reason. To be honest with you, she wasn’t always like that or at least I didn’t thing she was like that. For example, she yelled and screamed at people for no reason. She’d insult people for no reason and the list went on. I truly couldn’t take it anymore! I’ll miss the person I thought she was or use to be.
My friend used me dump her emotion and secret that she could not tell anyone of her group friend without afraid of judgment, bragging about her new car, new home, new furniture, new window, or she has too much time but couldn’t handle the boredom or aloneness.
Often late, often canceled the appointments, often drunken. It was my mistake that I accepted all of her behaviors one after the other. She certainly abused my kindness and love for her.
Now, she noticed my distance and I am doing my best slowly moving away from her. I know her if I tell her why, she gets offended but not able to change the behavior. I distance from her as much as possible is my final choice. I really want to get rid of her from my contact but I am being patient let her realized that I am no longer her friend who can use as her convenient. There is nothing inspiring of your new diet resolution, laziness, addiction, and new shopping. Get a life!
Great advise. I think I used to be such a clingy person ages back. Now I'm facing this with a family member. My friend started not taking my calls, & told me that she can't deal with my tiniest trauma- that's when I realised that I was being too much.
But I took action.
Guess it's karma? But I'm tired of being taken for granted and being availabl.
She won't cling but when she starts talking she won't just shut. Plus, I do things for her but she never retaliates. You know ?? She drains me ☹️️
You say be busy I'm a SAHM but I really don't have much in evenings to do.
Leaving a hornets nest of drama..slowly fade out..aurevoir!
I call them wet blankets.
Everyone talks about talking on the phone but now everyone texts and excepts an instant response.
Simple advice but so so powerful.
and also it's up to me not to get personal with everyone.
thanks
I love this advice. I'm going to do this! I found this channel recently and it's the kind of advice I need in my life rn.
It's like she knows the exact type of people in my life.
I’ve been watching someone of your videos this week as a high schooler student, and I’d like to say thank you. I’m trying the find my happiness at the moment and your videos have been helping me 💜💜💜💜
This video gave me the solution even if the person who is creating my problem, is not exactly toxic. As you suggest, looking busy is the natural solution, and by nature, I'm always busy anyway, and s/he knows it. We have never been friends. S/he was meant to be a client, but my polite manners, which I use with all my clients, has been interpreted as if I want this person to be my friend. S/he knows where I work and how to contact me and regularly s/he either appears or s/he sends me a message. I have slowed down my replies, and, as you suggest, I do reply, but later and later. I don't find this person interesting, nor inspiring, nor exciting. But, probably s/he thinks I could be a good friend to her/him. I do not feel comfortable with this person. What a nightmare! I don't want to be rude, but this is why s/he continues coming back. It seems so difficult to make this person understand that there is no connection from my side. S/he makes me compliments (is s/he after something?) , s/he gives me unsolicited advice (annoying), s/he appears without notice! Yesterday s/he texted me, and s/he says she wants to see me sometimes soon! Of course I don't reply right away. But I will. And I will reply with the briefest message to say I'm very busy. I said s/he's not toxic, but the effect is very similar to that of a toxic person. Thank you for your video. I wonder if you have already a video discussing this type of situation. I'll have a look in your channel. Thanks again.
listening to someone is the basic human courtesy,how you hear that person is a different thing,any person who is already having a filter or any set of rules in their life are not gonna see or even listen to the truth of another person,it truly requires massive honesty to admit that i was wrong or i made a wrong call in a certain situation/dynamic just because i couldnt listen to the other person,so the best thing is to always keep to yourself else there would be a burden of garbage in our lives
Ive had to do it with family. Its arguably very sad, but the pain of persevering, thinking youll fix it, gets too much. The release is great.
I have a friend that I've known for nearly 7 years now. A few weeks ago, I was super stressed with university work and people in my family asking me to do things all at the same time and I unintentionally snapped at her. I immediately apologised and explained why I snapped but she simply refused to accept my apology and now she's making it sound like I tried to kill her or something when in fact all I did was say "can I call you back, please? i'm a little stressed at the moment." That's all I said. I tried to hide the anger and frustration from my voice but apparently she picked up on it and she thinks I was targeting her. Now I'm afraid to say anything to her because I'm scared of saying something that will offend her or set her off again, because she's so damn easy to offend. Even if it's nothing. Even if don't think i'm doing anything wrong, she'll come up with something to make me seem like the bad guy. I didn't know how to deal with this so I've been avoiding her and not taking her calls, but now she thinks I'm pushing her away and that I only think of myself. She's driving me mad. i'm under enough stress with all these essays I gotta write and a million other things without having to worry about her as well. Maybe it IS selfish that I want to get qualifications and new skills so I can get the job I want, but I don't know anymore. I just had to get it out there.
SKYDORMER it's not selfish.
There are times where you need to progress. You can't delay and make your life harder especially in university where you don't want to mess up. Benefitting yourself so you can get your life on track is what you need most.
Truth of the matter, she doesn't seem worth it and don't hurt yourself over all of this because sometimes you need to have your own time and moments
I relate to every word of this and i realise when in the past i have been the offender of this type of behaviour! 9 times out of 10 though its me bring idle people know it and seek me out to vent because im too nice. Well not anymore!
Hopefully I will not do that again.
Thank you so much Marie. You have no idea how much you help others with your kindness and wisdom!
Yes I had many friends like this I let them dig their own hole we stopped talking I'm talking to one of them cause she apologized but we don't talk like that anymore I like it like this I'm happier I hate toxic friends or people
Meaning dig their own hole their negativity they lashed out on me over something stupid n I was upset yet thankful
In 6th grade a girl named Lainie said my best friend Koren made adoption jokes about her. I've known Lainie since 3rd grade and she just lies to lie. Most of the days she would come to school and sit by us, but she doesn't say anything. So we ignore her. My friend Cassie has a weak backbone and will always try to be nice. Lainie has lied to us about other friends. And made us made at each other. She got hit by a slow speeded mini van on September 2013. She is still on those crutches today. She only uses them at school. She has Cassie carry her binder at school because she claims she can't hold it. Even though after school she carries her binder home. I've seen her skating at the skating rink. Jumping off hay bales. Saying she has to exercise her leg. By sprinting. Overall she will come to school and sit there on her phone without talking to us thinking we're going to talk to her. We saw the councilor about this, but she does nothing! I just want her out of my life. Another girl was hit by a train and shes In wheelchair, but not for long.This is making me so... ANNOYED!!
Hatsune Miku You are toxic btw, i didnt understand anything!!
Marie I just saw one of your videos and now I can’t stop watching. You’re literally my therapist
I agree with the direct & indirect approach because both works. The method expressed in this video can be effective in the beginning stages, then if the person gets *pushy-ER*. You gotta start somewhere especially when you know that an immediate snd hasty confrontation with the Numbskull can get volatile. Not everyone will back off and resign, I know of a few people who *_Go Ape_* when they feel rejected. Not wanting to be bothered with someone *is* still rejection to them and they won't leave you well enough alone. 👎😒
+Miss Tonya c007
"Go Ape" hahaha xD
so the time you aim to have rest and get cosy should be spent in a hobby or part time job? where are you and your comfort then? I dealt it differently by not running away from it and facing that toxic friend directly. I politely brought it to her attention that I'm way too tired to HOST AN UNANNOUNCED AND UNINVITED FRIEND after my work and study and picking my child up. I can't spent 2_4 hours every other day delying so many jobs from my time table for those who have no courtesy to understand my position. still she didn't get it and I blocked her on social media she tried call me on mobile after I blocked her number too. She kept poping at my door and I didn't open the door. She was still calling me from different number untill I changed my mobile number. Damn some people take forever to understand that they are being too sneaky. DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT EXPRESSING care for yourself, putting yourself 1st , and stoping everything that comes between you and your comfort. it definitely won't make you selfish but some people don't understand polite language trust me
Really great advice, thank you! :)
I never know what to do because I know my toxic friends have problems which cause them to act the way they do; I want to stay with them, and help them and support them but at the same time want to leave them because of the way they treat me...
Fintan Watson Who matters more to you...yourself or them? Take care of yourself first!
Run
Just move on Ayan. Eventually you'll get tired of people switching up on you at any given moment. Focus on what makes you happy and living a good life. That's what it boils down to at the end of the day. And remember, there are over 6 billion people on the planet who you can create new relationships with. Cheers!
Marie is our trusted and honest friend :)
Man I wish I knew this sooner you are very wise thank you!
You made my day. So glad I could help.
.
It's better to just end toxic relationships...
excellent video, and advice. Keep them videos coming.
What do you do if the toxic one is your mother... who happens to be a narcisstic...and will never leave you alone.
+ badgrfan - RUN, don't walk. Be BUSY, very very very busy. Be respectful (she is your mom) but limit limit limit your interactions and availability and when you do interact / are available let it be on your terms. Wishing you the best. 💞
This was a real life changer for me thank you.
Thank you for making this 😭❤️
You're amazing! Those small but fascinating 'tricks' for everyday use ! Thx.
Thank you so much I have been trying to get rid of this friend who just depresses me and i didnt want to be mean to her either. this really helps thank you
Great video really true.
Didn't think twice i ran as fast i as could far away from that toxic narcissist
How do I distance myself from someone who is not a horrible person, but is making too many bad choices and I'm afraid of being sucked into their drama?
It’s gotten so bad that I was crying for hours bc I want to go to a different school, I have to sit with one of them in class. I do horrible things to myself bc of them.
Oh its like the smallest problem is the end of the world for this "friend" i have 🙄 she doesn't bother asking if im ok! Time to create distance and move on 💕 total drama in her life
The moral is: If you wanna get rid of toxic people or anyone you no longer want in your life in a nice or polite way ALWAYS STAY BUSY! Or at least make them think you are! Over time they will slowly drift away from you they will actually think you are so busy they won't even bother hitting you up anymore after awhile you will notice over time you will get fewer and fewer calls from them then it will completely stop but on the flip side this is it can also be a disadvantage too! If you do have real friends and you really wanna see them or hang out with them but you never or rarely ever can cuz some people are really way too busy with their daily lives for whatever and any reasons such as like work for instance being stuck there all the time, having more than 1 job, running a business, or even traveling a lot for it. Even sometimes they always have to be there for their children or parents or being a full time parent plus working at the same time constantly trying to make ends meet and when they do have any time left they usually run a lot of errands like do house chores like laundry or clean the house, stay home watch TV, read a book, or just rest usually they don't even have the energy to wanna leave home to see their friends. I know from experience and so do my friends no one blames anyone we all know we are all super busy with life whether it's work or family this happens with friends all the time we will start growing apart as we get older we aren't as close as before the friendship will slowly drift away feelings starts to fade away a lot of friends will soon start to forget about each other. When friends hit up friends in their circle but they are too busy eventually the word will get around to all their other friends to don't hit him/her up anymore cuz he/she is ALWAYS BUSY or NEVER FREE or available after a while everyone will stop hitting up those friends so being too busy is not always a good thing nor anyone wants it but it does happen though it's life. I think friends(especially close ones) should all make a plan to hang out once in a blue moon on a planned day to let each other know they haven't forgot about each other and that everyone is going through the same thing to keep and strengthen the bond.
Excellent advice
10%true yes I had one friend like that. thanks for this video.
recently, i accidentally cut ties with a now ex-friend in a very mean way. we share only one class together and i sat in a different seat than usual because i simply wanted to sit in a different seat. They saw that i wasnt sitting in front of them anymore and ever since then they didnt walk out of the classroom with me anymore. meh, i didnt regret it that much honestly because i was getting drained from listening to their vents, and we didnt really know each other for that long anyways. Im just going to keep it this way and Ive been slowly feeling better. next time if a stranger overshares with me about tmi info about themselves, hopefully i dont let myself get sucked into their emotional problems. it took a toll on my mental health. felt tired and heavy all the time. next time i probably just wont say anything.
you truly are so helpful, thank you
Many thanks for your advice, I will do this keep busy that’s the answer xx
A sobby friend and toxic one are two different things.
Lmao😂🤣 I really need to dump a few but we're in the same circle of associates I do business with. Im waiting for the day I move far far away out of the state🤭😂😁This has to be strategically planned😗
i just return the call if and when i feel like it.
But, some narcissists will persist and then make a huge scene if you don't respond. So, at least let them know you are alive for that reason alone.
I tend to not answer my phone at times because I don't like to feel like I'm being tracked down I mean cellphones can be a blessing and a curse at the same time especially when you want to just chill and not be bothered but people always call you for B.S. reasons and that's the curse but then again the call could be about making some money that's the blessing or a curse because all money ain't good money either so at the end of the day you gotta pick your battles wisely.
No contact ever again block #.
I needed this! Thank you!!
I had to let go a toxic friend in 2017 she was just too much of negativity to the point I just couldn't take it anymore we don't talk to each other's no more but life goes on we are now in December of 2018 and soon be in 2019 but I still staying positive and focus God have shown me the light at the end of the tunnel it's was like looking at a movie from start to finish ok thank you 👍🏾😀
thanks you! this actually helped alot.
For 3 months or more I said I was busy and he always insisting and calling me. Today I blocked him for good.
This woman has it dead on😂 never related so muchhhhh
i was at school , exercising doing charity, even though my ex -friend kept stalking me ,i had to directly tell him to leave me alone