moving out of a toxic household & learning how to navigate on your own - podcast
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- Опубликовано: 28 авг 2024
- Welcome to "She Speaks Her Mind" podcast by Anna Pedron! dealing with hardships in a toxic household can really take a toll on your mental health. this episode I dive deep into what it was like to be in a situation where I had no control over anything & having to learn at a young age on how to deal with narcissists that made me feel unworthy of anything.
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Making you reliant on them is a form of ‘infantilizing’. It can go as far as shaming you for creating any independence, or simply wanting it. It’s a means for establishing dominance and keeping control of you. It’s very real for anyone unfamiliar with the term or with behavior associated with it.
How I’m feeling rn wit them
Reading this clicked a puzzle piece in place for me. People leave comments without thinking really of who will read them but this changes my entire perspective. Thank you.
I relate so much to this. I am infantilized, my mother crosses boundaries (reads diaries, journals, even digs through trash) I am critiqued for what I wear and do. I only realized recently it’s not normal for your mom to call you names and slurs. My mom sees my friends and even my own father as competition. I resonate with what you said about the constant bickering, hostility, anger etc. it sucks the life out of you.
This made me emotional because I am currently going through this
Literally same
Just saying... that's how you know the abuse is bad and very real if you're literally questioning having a mental disorder, Definitely have been there girl, glad you got out.
Im in the process of myself leaving almost had so many mental breakdowns living here
I am 16 and I am planning on moving out tomorrow today is my last day living with them and the best part is that they have no clue I am actually really really scared and I can’t believe that I will take that step tomorrow but I have to take it for my self and most importantly for my younger self who couldn’t do anything about the abuse that was happening her whole life I really wished I had friends so they could mentally and emotionally support me but at the end of the day I have myself and that is enough I am my own soldier 💗
good luck
Hey, how did it go?
@@viwekaptein7548 I am living crisis Center for teenagers I will be long there 6 weeks till they get me a new place to live at I couldn’t be more happy I am so proud of myself for finally doing it!
I am planning on the same thing soon, can you tell me what happend? I am also scared..
@@Haley22224 HII here is a update it’s going really good I am moving in a community house soon with a bedroom for myself it was hard but it is worth it always remember that this is just a phase and that everything will eventually get better ❤️🩹 if you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask them to me have a nice day love and stay safe 💕
Thanks for this. Officially moved out of their house on Saturday. Terrified but I know it’s the best decision for me to heal
How is it going ❤
I'm 21, go to uni, and stay in a toxic household with my dad. I've always been emotionally neglected and I would be shouted at and sometimes beaten when I did something wrong. I felt the weight of this when he would bring girls over and give them affection when i would be told to go away or be shouted at for doing daily things like eating too close to them. He ended up kicking me out and from the ages of 16 to 19 i moved around a lot with my mom. This was when i got depressed and my mom ended up telling me i should go back to my dad. This wasn't a good period in my life. I am moving out Tomorrow even when my dad does not approve. I am aware that he pays for my uni, but I have saved up enough funds and I have a jewellery business. So that will help with rent. I'll just have to find scholarships and sell enough jewellery a month to get groceries
I know this will be hard, but rather this than staying another minute here.
You got this look into passive income! You can be comfortable financially just got to find what works best for you.
how's it going?
@@hannahklunk6670 A month later, and it's going quite well. My boyfriend and I ended up deciding to move to the same apartment since he was going through something similar, so that helps financially as well. I still haven't spoken to my dad since. Even though I'm okay with it, I miss my baby brother whom I also had to leave behind. I'm still stuck on whether I should go visit or not.
Our situations are so closely related. You have no idea how relieved I am that I no longer feel like I'm going into this new part of my life blindly. I can't wait for the next one, truly. Thank you for sharing
We sometimes think we all go through this journey alone but someone out there like you can closely relate & that’s why it’s helped me as well as an individual to keep going & at least try to set an example for others to know they aren’t alone💗
I'm wanna move out, all my family treat me like if I was their emotional punching bag. My mental health is fucked, it's crazy how sometimes your family it's not your home or your safe place.
Oh my goodness same, I literally starve myself bc I'm so scared to go to the kitchen. I need to move out pronto so I'm thinking of getting a part time job. Thank you for this video!
Oh my god. I hope you're ok, things will get better! You're the only one who can unlock your own independence!
reading this while experiencing the hunger from this bs hit a little different 🥲 maybe i do need to move out
This is a great video, listening to what you said , ive been constantly trying to change myself to believe that my toxic household isn't that bad and that maybe it is me , that its my fault for the way i feel, that maybe im not grateful enough and everything you said in this video is exactly to a T, my feelings, my living situation, my thoughts process, the gossip ,the drama, sleeping the day away from being drain, it is very relieving to know im not alone and nothing is wrong with the way i feel , i manage to save up money and i was scared to move out basically for the fact my mom says that if i leave she will tell the whole family," i dont want to be apart of the family anymore and wont be able to come back." Listening to you , i know i have a life to live regardless of if my mom chooses to understand it or not. People are going to say what they want but i need to start my storyline. again great video . subscribed!
I did it. I left ❤ I discovered you when I was stuck with my NPD siblings.. so glad I am here
I'm currently in this situation, this video gives me hope because in 2 years I'll be able to go to university and cut them off. Thank you for sharing this, you give me hope :)
Omg, I used to try sleep and stay in my room too, I'd do whatever I needed to do (Clean, cook, etc) and then go to my room when I was home because I wanted to stay out of the way and not be picked on.
I can relate every day its like your walking on egg shells. Am so tired of there bs.
my mom really crossed my boundaries recently... I have to move out soon
Same I really got told extreme bad words from that b*tch I hate her so much and desperately desire to move out
I feel this right now with my mom, sister situation, I’m 21 , but I am scared to leave
my mom get meaner everyday I have a plan but today is really hard
Thank you so much for sharing, this inspired me so much. I'm currently in the process of moving out, I've been planning for the past two years and I think the time has finally come ! When you talked about the fear and the attachment I could relate so much so I'm glad to know that's a normal part of the process. Thank you again for sharing, I subscribed.. much love to you.
I don’t normally comment but this video gave me so much comfort, validation and encouragement.. thank you so much 🤍✨🥹🫶🏽
1:04 Thanks for sharing and for creating this space. It makes me feel so much less alone and more hopeful. ❤ I wish I could have 1-on-1s with my friends about this kind of thing and we kind of do sometimes but it's hard to trust and take things deeper. But trusting and healing take time and are a work-in-progress. Thanks again.
Edit: Also I love your down-to-earth positivity
watching and hearing this video deeply connected with me. how you and everyone else’s experiences are so close, i teared up thinking about my future. i’m a half filipino half mexican american. i wasn’t raised by my parents, but instead my moms mom and grandpa (grandma filipino/grandpa mix korean american). growing up, yes they provided love, shelter, food, etc. but as i grow into my teen years, i realized that’s when everything goes downhill. what started as critiques about my body and appearance slowly cuts deeper into heartbreaking insults, blame, and self hatred at times. i would think about running away, hurting myself, skipping meals sometimes; just to isolate myself or “feel better”. now at 19, 20 in a few months i’ve been wanting to moving out for years since middle-high school. my mentality isn’t the best but definitely better years ago where i cared for their validation every time. even to this day, they still have that toxic household of yelling, bickering, and insults around. they pretty much control my future and present, as they want me to become a cna/doctor (something i don’t want to be) and helping out with car/phone payments. it’s really stressful right now, which after listening to what you had said Anna; makes me want to work harder and save up more. i really feel like my life has been a roller coaster of emotions, and that i want my self independence to be a new chapter of my life. thank you for your eye opener of advice and experience for everyone. and thank you if anyone ever reads this far. ❤️
I honestly enjoy living on my own
I also don’t know how a normal childhood is I feel like my whole life is a lie and I’ve also had most of this similar stuff happen to me I just haven’t left my home and I tried to run away but never could and just some of these are a lot accurate to me I barely even remember the good memories in my life
I have Dissociative Identity Disorder. More diagnoses pending, but my therapist and I, we know that much. I’ll tell you this:
A diagnosis is not a condemnation. It’s just a label.
Labels are helpful for understanding our experiences as multifaceted beings, they only become harmful or lethal when we forget this one simple fact:
Standards don’t define *You*.
Additionally, it is my belief that nothing is wrong with you, as nothing is wrong with me (or any other identity sharing this body with me). I was hurt. Everyone in here with me was hurt. You were hurt. But, that doesn’t mean that it was your fault or that you can never change it.
I had a choice. Embrace the certainty of blasting myself off this cruel world, or… embrace being exactly who I am and showing the whole rest of the world that I am nothing to be feared.
This meant I had to embrace the uncertainty of trying to change the world for the better, but I did/do so on the chance that I might actually succeed. Then no one else has to go through the hell I went through again.
I was also diagnosed as being autistic, and when that happened at age 9, that explained a lot of stuff.
I’m not disordered because I’m autistic (it’s a different brain wiring, not a disorder), I’m mentally ill because I live in a world that doesn’t accept people who are different, especially when their own neurology makes them automatically exceptionally different.
I’m not alarmed anymore. The world will see that I and all others in this body are not to be feared, but healed, and nurtured emotionally. Till that one sweet day comes, I accept those into my life who actually accept me (and everyone else in the body).
People ask me where I get this kind of awareness despite my Dissociative Identity Disorder. My answer:
Practice. 😂
I love you all. Have a good day, okay? ❤️ There’s something better somewhere up ahead. You just have to take care of yourself long enough to see it happen.
I need a break.
One more thing,
Anna, it’s okay to seek a diagnosis. It will help you understand what your body and mind did to protect you when you under attack.
Just remember that it isn’t a death sentence, nor a condemnation. It’s a label, a label that helps specialists understand how best to help you, and remember that there is something better after this. A time where your mind is less twisted up and against itself and you.
If I hadn’t been diagnosed, I literally wouldn’t be alive here to share with you what I’m sharing.
I resonate so much with everything you have shared❤. I kept saying "same" the whole time as I watched. Especially when you said you have run away from home a few times...SAME!!!
I didn’t grew up in a toxic household. It was more like a mentally abuse from my father. I don’t want to blame him totally, don’t get me wrong, it was more like a dependance towards him. I think he is still bipolar and due to that I was always like “what was his mood yesterday“? What am I expecting today and it totally influenced the way I’m thinking about him in retro perspectives ://
My mom is lovely even though she has some character traits I definitely dislike. She was always aiming for giving the beste to my sister and me.
I hope you’re doing good and thank you sooo much for talking to us about such intimate stuff. I‘m sending allllll my loooove to you ❤❤
Thank u forever for making this video
You were the first person I listened to podcasts, such a breather. Will probably continue listening to more 💛
THANK YOU. I relate to these situations almost to a T! I've been living with my mom to save money for my future and it's been so hard mentally. I really am excited to reset out relationship moving out. It's unfortunate we all went through this... but I'm glad I am not alone in this exact situation. So, really, thank you for making this video
There is a chance you have whats called as an anxious attachment style, if you are curious check out the book attached, plus its quite short and clear. In terms of the classic anxiety and adhd, they are not basic, they can be quite complex and its not as common as you may think, plus lots of being are misdiagnosed but also lots under diagnosed, as somebody who has adhd it affects your entire life in so many ways and it is not simple!
The fact that I am at work so that o can become independent and move out in less than a month thank you so much for the information I really appreciate it you made my day ❤❤
Thank you for this episode 😢❤keep going sis❤
Girl I feel you. Thank you so much for sharing. I hope to tell my own story one day.
what if you can't afford to leave? :/
I was thinking of joining the military active duty. This will help me not only meet new people but make money & go to school without my family being a helicopter
Same situation as me except I'm the one giving them money. And I have a step dad that always yells at me although I didn't do anything bad. My mom tells me to stay because I still have younger siblings.. Idkk what to do anymore..
honestly, my mom & gramma tend to use me for everything they need help with. I really dont mind helping out, but when youre constantly doing things for others without taking time for yourself, thats when it really hits you.
Not to mentiom the moment you get annoyed or say, "I dont feel like doing it right now." or smth similar, thats when they say I dont help with shit, i dont do shit around the house, im lazy and the like.
I've no idea what this is called, like what term is used for what theyre doing. But I am physically & mentally drained. this has been going on for maybe 4 years or so. I'm 18. i've only ever had a single job, but i had that for 1 week. I couldnt manage what my mom/gramma wanted me to do, AND my job. So i ended up quitting.
During that time, my mom had hip surgery and an infection at the site, so if i didnt do something, or was feeling tired, I felt bad, cause she couldnt get up, or do shit for herself. I had to do everything. me. Its always me. like tf??
I’m trying to move out but I lack financial support and I will start saving money asap. My life was always about what will people think about us and what they’re gonna do if I didn’t do their religious beliefs so they started to threaten me with killing and idk what to do anymore literally. Im staying here scared and depressed waiting for money to come my way.
I had horrible mental health throughout my teenage years. I leaned on my mother too much, and exhausted her. I was and still am cruel to her at times, and she’s so disconnected from me lately. I don’t blame her. Neither of us are bad people. We are just bad for each other. I shouldn’t have had to go through what I did, and she shouldn’t have had to go through it with me. Neither of us had a choice and it ruined our relationship. She was a good mother until I wore her down to nothing. I can’t bare to be here anymore. I have to go and be a new person.
Very relatable
Not to say I feel as if these things apply to their oldest daughters n sons and i feel as if mothers n fathers but mostly mothers scare us mentally with words, it gets physical and ect. But they like to depend on us to watch out for siblings and help them around the house as soon as we speak up about dreams or anything that involes not being attached to there blinding lies from the home and worldly lies, they take everything out of my room and say grown people have jobs and childern that have things that grown people with jobs work for n isolate me from everyone and everything but on somesides we get nothing inreturn but threats and being beat so i say this being 14yr old and some how came across this video n realized that im living for my parents more than ive ever lived for myself ive been taking care of babys sinces i was 5 just a baby and ive never had friends mental support or anything like that so everything thats happening now is mentally hurting me in the worst way posible and i say this everyday god wakes me up with a purpose so i have to keep going for the rest of these 4yrs of still living with my people.
Beautiful video!
Hello, could you please give a bookshelf tour?
Household toxic is real
Dear guys who are suffering..one day they will die...so relaxand just focus on yourself..
Im all ready dead bro