Thanks for watching! 🥔 You can order/pre-order my book here: linktr.ee/jammidodger And let us know which US cities we should do events in! read.sourcebooks.com/vote-your-city-for-the-t-in-lgbt-book-tour
😞 aaa Jamie i love you so so so much you’re my favourite person on this App and you genuinely make me soso happy. I’d love to meet you, but i’m in the uk 😢😢
My daughter saw a gay couple when she was about 2, she asked "why are those boys kissing?" I simply said because they love each other just like mummy and daddy do. My mum said it was incredibly inappropriate that I told her about gay people. I called my mum an idiot because it wasn't like I described hardcore gay sex to my toddler. I simply told her that they love each other. Anyone who finds the existence of gay couples inappropriate is just straight up a homophobe. No if, no buts, nothing. Also, I feel like the neice has probably fallen down some far right rabbit hole. Hopefully she can find her own way out but if she's been in there for at least 6 years, unfortunately it's unlikely that she'll make her own way out of that hole. But yeah totally not the ahole for not having a bigot in your house.
These people think of gay people and immediately picture the most raw, disgusting sexual acts they could possibly be doing. Then act like *we're* weird when we explain to kids they can also kiss their own gender.
But but but … don't you know that stating that me and my husband of 30 years exist _is_ the same as talking about butts3x?!?!? /s …yeah. Sadly, that's how people like your mother think. I came out in the 1990s, and people would see me and my now-husband _just holding hands_ and jump to butts3x. When, back in the 1990s, someone would find out I was gay, _you could see on their faces_ that they were trying to imagine me having sex. Who does that? What normal person goes around imagining other people having sex? Yet _I_ and every other LGBT-person were the "perverts."
My theory about the accepting brother with the homophobic niece: The OP mentions his brother "constantly chastising" the niece for using slurs, but oddly not both of the niece's parents chastising her. I'm suspicious the sister-in-law is where the niece is getting the homophobia from and is just smart enough not to express that directly to OP and his husband. It also explains why the sister-in-law is the one pushing for OP to let it go: because she doesn't actually see any problem with the niece's behavior other than the inconvenience it's causing now.
That definitely seems like a strong possibility. The whole "the 20 year old, a entire grown adult, didn't know her actions would have consequences, therefore she shouldn't suffer said consequences" thing is incredibly sus, especially since we know OP's brother has been trying to get her to at least keep the homophobia to herself, she fully understands that, if nothing else, she's being an asshole and it's not hard for an adult to understand that being an asshole on purpose tends to have some form of consequences. Could always be a case of her having gotten sucked into the extremist pipeline via the internet, though.
The mother trying to justify her daughter behaviour makes me think she’s homophobic herself but considering that the mother manages to behave while the daughter has no problem showing her true feelings I think we can’t exclude an influence from the grandparents as well. OP said that his family is supportive so it’s not the grandparents on the girl’s father’s side but it might still be the ones on her mother’s side. The fact that she’s been acting like this since she was 14 makes me believe that it was someone close to her to teach her these things, probably ever since she was younger, it’s a too constant behaviour to be derived from internet influence or friends, although I wouldn’t exclude that those have a part in it too.
This sounds likely to me, especially since the younger children don’t act the same. One of my parents is a huge bigot and the other isn’t, and my siblings and I are all across the spectrum of acceptance. Hopefully the niece can change, 20 is still fairly young. Yes, she’s an adult, but people do a lot of growing in their early 20s. It wouldn’t change her previous behavior but maybe this will be a wakeup call. 😬
For the last story there's a seperate update. OP got the boyfriend to admit his problem was with the father being trans. He said "If he really wants to be a man why is he participating in having kids and that he's just pretending to be a man and can't accept he's just a straight girl." OP broke up with the boyfriend.
Good, he is a freaking douche. Also why is it so hard to just accept it and move on? The dad being trans didn't affect him when he didn't know so why on earth should it when he came out?
@@intercat4907seriously! and considering she also had siblings who were younger and allies (and therefore allowed to move in after the flooding) just makes it even more stupid
I don't know why, but there are a lot of old-school "swinger" communities around that are still very homophobic, usually because of deeply-entrenched heteronormative and patriarchal power structures. They usually don't see female homoeroticism as too disruptive, and many even encourage it, but male homoeroticism is treated as dangerous and as something that threatens the social standing of everyone involved. Open relationships aren't a good fit for me personally, but I'm glad to see younger generations of polyamorous people being more diverse and more accepting than those who came before.
@@ViridianRohesiaPure speculation here, and I’m definitely *not* excusing this attitude. I wonder if the AIDS crisis is a factor. There was a time when bi men were accused of spreading AIDS to women. The fear of this disease - a death sentence at the time - intensified the biphobia and homophobia already in the culture. Lesbians had the lowest risk, so they weren’t viewed as a threat. The whole crisis marked the psyche of our generations. Obviously, ever-present queer-phobia and sexism are in the mix as well.
Whenever I want to hear my transphobic grandparents be allies as an enby teen, I go into the kitchen and yell, " Keep transmen out of women's sports and keep them out of women's bathrooms too they'll traumatize real women." And they'll all be like "yeah!!" And I'm just like 😂😉😁
They however hear different things. You personally know that what you state is okay because you know that trans men are men. They hear trans men and think of trans women. Its not even a funny case of "i dont know what i'm talking about", its a dire case of "i know exactly what i'm talking about, because i'm right and you all are wrong, trans women are men and noone can convince me otherwise". So i dont really know whats so funny in this. You are affirming them in their beliefs.
@prettycow2375 there's nothing I could say or do that would make them not transphobic and the fact that they are transphobic hurts me as a trans person myself and this is kind of my way of coping so please don't try to tell me that I'm wrong for doing this because this is the only way I can see some validation of trans people from them even if they don't know that's what they're doing.
@inconsistizzy l kind of just explained why I do it. But yeah it's hilarious and I've only done it like twice but it's kind of weird because they do use the term trans women sometimes and in the right way so I don't get how they fall for it.
My best friend who is a lesbian has a younger brother (15) who is really homophobic and sexist. We have no idea where it came from because even their grandparents are super supportive and accepting. I honestly think the algorithms on the Internet probably have a fair amount to do with it.
He probably watches archived videos of LeafyIsHere and videos from the Daily Wire. Kids are gullible, which is why public education needs to be perfect.
I’m a gay trans man and I really hope to have children some day, but situations like that last one do scare me. Trans men who give birth get so much hate online, and I’m afraid that any children I have would be subjected to that. I will say though, I’m incredibly grateful for all the trans mascs who are public and proud with their parenting journeys. They are paving the way for future generations and it warms my heart to see them happy. My hope is that acceptance has only grows more by the time I have kids.
I transitioned 23 years ago, after military service, marriage, 2 kids, and a divorce. It's been a surprisingly easy process (well, the divorce sucked). Judge was great, most healthcare has been great, kids have been wonderful, grandson is great, ... Rare a-holes. Live your life. Good luck.
While it was an awful experience for the Dad and daughter, the result was that it exposed the boyfriend's true colours in a safe (though painful) way. I'm a cis/het woman with cis/het parents, and I wouldn't want my kid to be in a relationship with a bigot. I hope you never encounter an AH like that, but if you do, remember that they are the problem and you (and your future kids) are better off without them ❤
If it was me, i would be grateful to have a family/parents like that. Most of the problems my childhood created were about conservative beliefs about gender, sexuality, and lack of understanding about neurodivergence. Sure, it would be nice to blend in, but that comes at a steep cost of suppressing large parts of yourself, then being stuck and having no idea where problems are coming from because things are so suppressed. I didn't even manage to blend in, but even for people who do succeed, I really have a hard time believing that they wouldn't need to lose touch with parts of themselves, because really, people are all soo different. Even though i identify as a cis woman and straight, both my gender and sexuality turned out to be really complicated once i dug up the suppressed feelings. And my parents weren't even conservative. But still, the general environment ended up being, at school, tv, and the older games that were a thing back then. If there was someone in my life whose identity was considered to be inherently progressive, that would have filtered out a lot of the harmful influences. I think i would have been happier if my aggressively heteronormative exes had been scared off.
20 year old not working and living rent free with abhorrent beliefs... seems like some major issues going on. This person has not learned about natural consequences and accountability. I would have told the parents that an apology and promise of respectful behaviour would result her being allowed to stay in the house. But a hint of slurs and/or inappropriate behaviour and she's out, no second chances.
agreed! personally im probably going to still be living with my parent when im an adult but ill be doing my own things and ACTUALLY have a job aswell. it honestly seems to me like the 20 year olds parents just babys her or something especially since the mom pulled the young and naive thing
@@Nic0Dr4ws 20 is still the time to be studying, so i don't feel like there is anything strange about her not working if that is possible for her. The mom is definitely sus though. Saying that the girl didn't know there would be consequences sounds like the mom thinks it would be ok if there were no consequences for her. I wouldn't be surprised if the mom was bigoted as well, just hiding it better.
A lot of younger people are being radicalized online. It happened to the Son of a friend of mine. She and her husband are both very liberal and not racist or homophobic. He went from a nice shy kid to a monster in the matter of months. Now he is a red pill Incel. So, it's not always the parents to blame.
It’s because sickos like Andrew Tate and Matt Walsh are allowed to have a platform and unfortunately they know how to manipulate young people into listening to them.
Speaking as someone who went down one of those rabbit holes as a kid, yeah, parents definitely aren't always to blame. I just had bad luck in stumbling into sketchy parts of the internet, and immensely good luck that I found my way out before it was too late. Every so often I'll stumble on something I posted on the internet back then and immediately cringe, I was the embodiment of "edgy twelve year old saying misogynistic sh*t without really understanding the implications of what they're saying."
24:39 as an adoptee I’ve had people get pissy I lied about being adopted and I just tell them their assumptions about all families coming together the same way isn’t my problem especially when I have never kept it a secret despite this information being deeply personal and familial. I’m under no obligation to share all my information with all the world.
Yep, it's sad how many people think you shouldn't tell an adopted kid they are adopted. Or even purposely hide that info. I know someone who figured it out in high school from donating blood (which he needed parental permission for so they obviously didn't know how blood types work). Apparently it was impossible for either of his parents to be his bio parents based on blood type, even if cheating was involved. When he confronted them they just guilt tripped him about how he owed them everything for taking in a discarded unwanted child. Like gross, who says that to anybody?
I was glad Jamie brought up the comparison to adoption, because that was also my first thought. Not openly telling everyone you are adopted is not lying. If the question is not asked, you are under no obligation to volunteer the info or for that matter any info about yourself. If someone asks outright, denying can be seen as lying, but not saying something is not lying. Same with the story with the trans dad, everyone knew OP has two dads because that is how they both identify. The boyfriend asked specifically about her birth parents and his question was answered truthfully. OP is not lying simply because she doesn’t proclaim to the world “when I say I have two dads I mean that I have one stepdad who is a cis male and another biologically related to me parent was actually born a female and could give birth to me, but now he identifies as a man and that is why I also call him dad”. Is it also lying if OP referred to her stepdad as her dad, even if he was not involved in creating her?
Oh my GOD people got MAD AT YOU about that? Do you want me to throw them out a window, cuz I will. WTF that is so beyond the pale. People really think they are entitled to all kinds of personal information.
To me it sounded like boyfriend got caught off guard and felt embarrassed, and instead of processing the new information from a reasonable place, decided to take that uncomfortable feeling and lash out at the person he believed put him in that situation to begin with (OP). Friends also don't know how to react to the information and take the side of BF because they can relate more to his POV, given that they also likely did not know that OP's dad is trans
right, my first reaction was "lied about their birth? who tf has conversations about the circumstances of their birth in the first place" lol, and yeah it really seems like they didn't, he just assumed what a person being referred to as "dad" means and then got mad when his assumption was wrong even though op had nothing to do with the formation of that assumption...
Yeah, if OP had actually lied (ie said there was a surrogate involved or something), I could understand the DAD being upset. I don’t see a circumstance where the boyfriend should be hurt though.
Wait wait wait. His dad trusted her and she didn't drop a grenade in the family. He's judgmental of his parents' open relationship, his dad can't trust him, and he screams at exes because his dad is gay. Not the a-hole? Honey, you dodged a bullet. Keep the almost-in-laws; they need someone like you.
@@floopyboo We don't have confirmation on whether he's gay or bi, especially since OP explicitly stated they would not be explaining that. Also, nowhere in the post does OP imply he's nonbinary. Sure, there's nothing saying he can't be, but there's also nothing saying he is. He could be nonbinary, or he could be a man who likes wearing feminine clothes, we have no real way to tell.
I mean the mom in the first story is right, the niece couldn't have known her comments would have consequences because she's never had consequences in her life before. she's 20 years old, doesn't have a job, doesn't sound like she's in school, has been using hate speech against her uncle for 6 years, and the consequence is... she gets to live at home rent free. her parents are the reason she thought she could carry on being a bigot and living the sweet life. OP is definitely NTA there.
Although she's a girl, which makes this less likely, but she's probably just chronically online, browsing shit like Twitter, Instagram Reels, and r/Conservative. She didn't have access to an education that gave her critical thinking skills, so she laps up whatever right-wing propaganda is being presented on-screen.
fully agree, the parents should have been harder on her using slurs and made her experience consequences way before this instead of letting it get this far, they’ve let these beliefs fester for 6 years already for goodness’ sake!
My guess for where the homophobia of that kid is coming from is either one of the family members that is not openly homophobic around the couple but IS openly homophobic around the daughter. Like, her mom, the brother, a grandmother, whoever it is, could be saying homophobic things around the eldest daughter and she’s taking that and repeating it. The other option is, like you said, a friend group. To me, it’s really just… how does that kind of behavior survive in a household that ISN’T homophobic? Unless someone is being openly homophobic around the daughter, there’s no way she would have picked up those ideas. I would be trying to figure out how a daughter of mine started hearing and repeating stuff like that and put an end to it.
i mean to be fair it isn't just the parents or general family that influence a kid, it's the environment and ppl they're around. there's a certain point in life where parent's' influence don't hold as much power, and that's why there's a lot of ppl with progressive views who have close-minded parents. the parents seem respectful enough, the mother is a bit suspicious but from the info we've given she didn't seem to be outright homophobic so im not going to assume. considering she became like this at 13 im thinking maybe she went doen some homophobic internet rabbit hole which made her as hateful as she is
My 10yr old girl recently asked me, “Is it ok for girls to get married?” I said “ of course, it is. And, it’s ok for boys to get married” I’ve not explained transgender, yet. I don't think she’d understand. She said “boys are smelly and mean”
Lol I’m not questioning your parenting, but personally I wouldn’t underestimate a child’s ability to understand things like that, as my mom came out as trans when I was 7-8 and I remember completely accepting it.
Neice is finding out what it's like to stand for her "beliefs". She's an adult at 20. There is nothing fir her to be naive about. She simply doesn't want her "beliefs" to impact her money & comfort. That's her only area naiveté!" Ridiculous 🙄
I got a big family. 9 uncles & aunts with partners and 3 kids each; 27 cousins. All are at least open and not judging - just one cousin turned out a racist homophobic Karen. We blame Facebook.
Racist and hemophilic by leftist standards but to a normal person probably just seems like a normal person who doesn't like the sexualization of children and doesn't support the blm organization
@@JayDeeDubb well i´m here in Germany and it´s not better. They should test people if they are able to comprehend and process social media before they give them internet access.
This is very valid. The goal of algorithms is to keep you online so you'll see more ads. The algorithm has learned that contentious content (aka racist/homophobic/angry in general) keeps people more engaged on the platform. As a result, rabbit holes that radicalize are very likely to happen.
you Will probably won't see this comment but I have to thank you Jammi you helped me figure out who I am from all your videos and I have finally come out as Trans today to some of my friends EDIT: Thank you all so much for the support for anyone wondering it went well my friends were all accepting next step is coming out to my parents and making some appointments that I can start HRT
Re 1st story -- I wonder if the mom isn't a closet phobe? She may say all the right things to other adults, but what she confides in her daughter may be very different. And it would explain why daughter is so negative and intransigent.
This was my thought my mom had a queer friend and she was all nice to her face but at home would say the f slur at me and insulted me from the time I was 5 forward for "looking like a butch lesbian" (it literally wasn't even chosen things like clothes I was just tall, hairy, and chubby with a deep voice. Even without the mom arguing I was like "yeah one or both of those parents are saying different stuff behind closed doors"
@science_beargross generalization, not true at all theres like a lot of people attracted to the opposite sex (assuming ur including bi people and its not just straight people) and saying that all of them act that way is so false absolutely untrue, perhaps even cringe
But seriously, she's willing to take your free housing, food, etcetera, but won't speak to your husband and uses F-slurs? Ridiculous. Stay with a friend and use your damn savings, girl. Actions have consequences. Better to learn it at 20 than go on any longer spewing that garbage as if it's fine. She bought and paid for this result. Time for her to learn from her parents.
Honestly why does she even want to be under the same roof with the uncles she despises so much? Someone should give her the definition of the word "hypocrite"
I have a related story. My brother passed away recently, and after the viewing my oldest sister came to talk to me separately. I’ve been out as a trans man for a little more than 1.5 years. I’ve had top surgery, my voice has dropped drastically, and facial hair is finally starting to be dark, thick, and growing longer. My sister explained that she hasn’t told her kids I’m trans, and they still know me as Aunt. She asked me to not correct her kids or tell them what transgender means. She’s “not ready” to answer the questions her smart 7 yo daughter will have. I wasn’t gonna be a cause for conflict at this time, so I was agreeable immediately. My sister keeps explaining to me though, as if she knew in her heart she was being transphobic. Our other sister also interjected twice using the words “gender ideology”. I am deeply hurt. But my niece got it immediately. She looked at me and within a minute said “it’s like you traded a girl body for a boy body”. No prompting from me. But of course I’m there in slacks, a long sleeve button down, and a tie. Once she got over her initial surprise at my changed appearance and voice, she treated me just like her other piblings. So… it just stings. My family has always made me feel I couldn’t be myself and be loved, so it’s not necessarily different. But it sucked. And was frustrating. No one in my family sees themself as transphobic, but this is the level of “support” I get. I’m so glad I live across the country from them.
Ugh, when will transphobes learn you don't need to scream slurs in someone's face to be transphobic? My father claims he isn't transphobic "because you can't be transphobic towards someone that isn't trans". And he doesn't see the irony. And my mother pretends I never came out (like she acts like the entire coming out conversation that she walked out of is a figment of my imagination), and since she therefore has no idea what I'm talking about I can't be trans. It also took a solid 6 months of hanging up on my parents and walking out of the room whenever they misgendered my friends in order to get them to stop misgendering my friends in front of me.
@@waffles3629 i strongly relate to what you’re saying. Before I even realized I was trans (but was questioning and had trans friends), I got upset that my brother and brother-in-law made a transphobic joke. My sister talked to me, and I told her that if I was trans I wouldn’t feel safe coming out to the family. Her response was “if you were trans you couldn’t be mad at us bc you haven’t told us yet.” As if that solved what I said??? I nearly slept in my car that night instead of staying with her as planned. That event along with other small messages kept me from realizing my identity for another 5 years. I am very lucky to live far away from my bio fam. I’m very close to cutting them off too, as my now deceased brother was my only positive relationship among them, and he was my only reason for staying in touch with the rest of them. It’s still going to take strong effort to do it, I’m not looking forward to it, but seeing as how I was wildly upset just from getting a completely normal and benign holiday greeting card from my mom… i think it needs to happen.
@@thenameiswater2921 yuck. That'd be like making a racist "joke", but then saying no one can get mad because only white people are around. I've thankfully got my sister who literally thought it was a much bigger deal that I'd started eating rice (turns out I just hate rice-a-roni), but she's 8 hours away so I don't get to see her nearly often enough. Once I can disentangle myself from my parents I plan to cut them off until they can respect me as a person. And if that day never comes whatever. I've already accepted that they don't love me, they love a version of me that only exists inside their head. Especially because that version of me is healthy, which I've never been. Because my father has literally "reminisced" about when I was "a happy, healthy, obedient, Catholic little girl" 🤮. However ignored and undiagnosed health problems does not mean healthy, it means undiagnosed. I got a bunch of shit diagnosed at 18 and my parents tried to use it as "proof" that "moving away from us" (to go to freaking uni) was unhealthy. Thankfully I no longer have to put up with the biggest transphobe who was in my life, aka one of my grandma's. My parents would force me to spend time with her by basically holding money over my head (health insurance, car, etc). I wasn't out to her, and they'd tell me I "just had to get over it and couldn't get mad about it because she doesn't know". She could literally mash transphobic, homophobic, racist, islamaphobic, and anti-semetic slurs into one sentence and find it funny. She literally made jokes about genociding black people and my parents would just go "But it's Grandma, you have to love her". No, no I don't. Unfortunately my parents live much closer than my sister and can easily make a day trip to my city. And they are ever so fond of making plans that include me, not telling me till the literal last minute, and then getting mad I "didn't follow through on plans". It's like pulling teeth to get information from them. I've had times where I've been **informed** I needed to be at some event, but the conversation ends with me having no idea what date, time, or even CITY the event is happening in, let alone the exact location. Then when I obviously don't show up they blame me. I've had times where they've called me asking where I am and I'm just at home doing whatever, or out grocery shopping or something, only for them to start screeching that I was gonna be so late. And I'll just be standing there saying "Late to what?" because I had no plans left that day. And it would turn out there was an event in their city (about 80 minutes away) that I was "required" to be at that was starting any minute. I'll just say something to the effect of "If you want me to show up to things you need to tell me about them beforehand" and they somehow still try to blame me for not showing up. My first semester in uni they almost exclusively called me when I was in class. They literally had my class schedule, I personally taped it to their wall myself, and they would get so mad I "never answered the phone". When I'd point out they called during class it would just turn into a boo-hoo session of "But how was I supposed to know?". Like IDK, look two feet above the phone? Then they called me while I was out with friends at a restaurant and asked me to come let them in. Confused I asked "Let you in where?" only to learn they were standing outside my dorm building. When I told them I was out with friends they demanded to know where so they could pick me up. Not about to force my group to reschedule for the fifth time (professors kept changing exam times), I said no and they blew up that they'd traveled all this way to see me and if I didn't I was rude. IDK, I think showing up out of the blue and demanding someone cancel their plans because you didn't have the foresight to call is rude. When I told my friends they thought I was joking. I'm sorry you have to deal with shitty people as well. Hopefully you have people in your life who aren't.
@@Sephaizright?? like the boobs won’t grow back and voice suddenly become higher just cuz his sister is transphobic n doesn’t want the niece to “find out”. i feel like this kinda thing makes kids seem so stupid but they’re not, they notice things, they piece shit together, they understand stuff, they’re not idiots, they just may not have the vocabulary for it that we do.
That last one hit super close to home as a trans parent. Our daughter is twelve, and my partner and I play online with her friends from time to time and they're a really sweet group of kids. The "worst" we've ever gotten is good-natured jokes about how my daughter needs to share because she has two dads which we all find funny. We fortunately live in a very LGBTQ+ friendly area so we've never had trouble, but I do really worry things might get harder as she gets older.
idk, even after 6 years of complacency, there's the chance that sudden hardship will bring about change. And it might be time for the mom to start explaining to her daughter how to live her life, seems like the kid didn't manage to figure it out on her own and could use a bit of extra guidance.
Dude you're honestly my comfort-channel. I'm a trans guy and my parents aren't necessarily transphobic, but they're uncomfortable with me being trans. You're honestly so sweet and funny. Thanks for being there for me, even if not physically.
Well, being uncomfortable with trans people means they are aversed to trans people. Therefore, they are transphobic. Transphobia manifests in many ways from discomfort seeing or knowing one, to being quicker to judge a trans person for a misdeed than a cis person who did the same action. Then you get into the people who want to exterminate trans people. Just because they aren't as bad as they could be doesn't mean they are not bad. If your parents love you, they should take a proactive approach to reducing and eliminating their bias.
18:54 The ex is going after OP because he wants someone to blame for his anger rather accept the fact that his dad doesn't/didn't trust him with the truth.
My parents are homophobic, transphobic, racist and bigotted. I have nothing to do with them anymore and tbh, I feel free not being controlled by them anymore. You have a right to your own boundaries and beliefs just as they do to their own bigotted beliefs. None is better than the other. I really hate the double standards.
I’m working hard to cut off my bio family soon for similar reasons. My brother recently passed away, but once his will is settled? Thinking I may just. Change my phone number and leave it at that. But honestly my family’s reaction to me being trans was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’ve never been valued for who I am, and their response to me coming out is just a clear, more recent example of the same problems we’ve had my entire life. If you have any tips on how to finalize that separation, I’d love to hear them. These days I live nearly on the opposite coast in the US from them, but making the final cut off is s really hard step to take and I want to do so carefully.
It's difficult for me to understand how people can get mad about finding out that someone is gay or trans. They are still the same person, you just know something more about them. To me it's like learning about their favorite food or a hobby, it's just another part of who they are. No one would be mad about finding out that someone is straight or cis - and straight/cis people don't go around telling everyone that they are, it's just that most people assume they are, because that's the "default".
They're just taught to subjugate non-cishets because it's a "sin" or "unnatural" or some BS. Also, not a lot of people are smart. If everyone wore dyed bedsheets to hide their skin color, racists would do the same thing if their friend "came out" as non-White.
Honestly this has confused me for a while as well and I think the conclusion I've come to is that being trans, gay or anything else not cishet is given WAY too much importance by some of the cishet community when no one's ever up in arms when I say I hate mint flavored things, especially icecream. Like... Whether or not I like mint changes nothing about our relationship but it kinda feels sometimes like some people think being LGBT+ does automatically change your relationship with them, like you're gonna automatically start flirting with them or will refuse to date them outta nowhere when no one asked and you're probably not even interested in thinking about that stuff in the first place. I think Jaimie's right, people make it something inappropriate where it's not, buuut... If homophobes and transphobes really wanna go that route... Honestly thanks, if I ever decide to date again, I love when the bad options weed themselves out- though that's a big if, I actually like being single and idk why some people can't understand that
5:30 No, OP is not being an a-hole. If you're going to openly state that you think your 2 uncles are "disgusting," then you should not expect them to open up their house to you. If anything, I would've told my sibling that that niece isn't welcome in my house, and that if she has to stay at my house, _I will throw every homophobic statement that I've heard her say back in her face. Repeatedly. Multiple times per day._ In reality, my 2 nieces have never had any problem with me or my now-husband of 30 years. We're their gay-uncles. Always been together. My entire extended family's been very positive. And the fact that he and I have been a couple for 3 decades means they know him really well, know what a sweetheart he is, and that _I_ would be the one who got in big trouble if we ever split!
the neice in the first Aita reminds me of my brother. all of my family are supportive of the LGBTQ which is great because i am a lesbian and my cousin is gay and married to a man. however my twin brother is hompohobic and transphobic and the most likely reason why is the content he has consumed on the internet (such as homophobic YTbers) its really sad as he is my brother and i love him but he is so horrible sometimes.
Outing anyone without permission of the person being outed is entirely unacceptable, and should receive the same amount of pushback that doxing someone online receives. If anyone asks AITA for outing so-and-so, the answer is YES! The daughter would have been wrong to say anything. Only her dad could make that decision. In 1984, my dad outed me to practically everyone I knew. This was not a great time to be openly out. Activism was growing, but we'd only got the pride flag 5 years earlier, and the AIDS pandemic was gaining steam. As a result I was assumed to have AIDS by anyone that knew I was gay. The hate and violence directed toward me was overwhelming, considering I was only 18 at the time with no one to turn to, or get advice from, or to tell me I wasn't a sick perverted disgusting human being. No internet, no organized outreach. Too young for clubs. Co-workers trying to kill me, literally. All of that can still happen today in the US, depending on your situation and where you live. Outing someone could literally cost them their lives.
It's actually possible to out someone without being the asshole. Extremely rare, but possible. I had someone I'd never met before introduce themselves to me as "Hi, I'm Jeremy and my pronouns are he/him" (all names and pronouns are made up). Later that day I introduced him to someone else "Hi Sally, this is Jeremy, I met him earlier". He immediately blew a gasket accusing me of outing him as trans. I didn't even know he was trans up until that point. But apparently he was still in the closet and I was supposed to deadname him. How he expected me to know his deadname I have no idea. I felt bad, because being outted sucks, but if you want someone to deadname you, you need to tell them your deadname and when you want them to use it. He proceeded to intentionally and very aggressively misgender me the rest of the evening.
@@waffles3629 but your situation is different you didn't knew that he wasn't out but we talk about people who go out of their way to reveal everything to everyone in front of them to get the attention they want and start drama. I'm sorry that happened to you some people really think the world revolves around them
@@Shaytan.666 oh yes, purposely outting someone is atrocious, but I still technically outted this person. Yes, I didn't know they were trans, let alone in the closet, but I still outted them. And yeah, they definitely thought the world revolved around them, they even blamed me that most of the people around (it was some sort of social setting, don't remember what) started ignoring them, which was proof we were all transphobic. Like ah, yes, a bunch of trans people refusing to interact with a trans person who is being aggressively transphobic, definitely the fault of the person...they're being transphobic towards?
>be that niece >extremely homophobic >specifically homophobic to uncle and his husband >fall on hard times >try to rely on uncle >uncle says no >mfw actions have consequences
yay!!! so hyped for you!! i got top surgery a bit over a year ago and it’s literally the best thing that’s happened to me. i feel so free and i’m now able to wear whatever i want without being dysphoric abt my chest. also i’m no longer crushing my ribs and lungs for hours on end which is a huge bonus, i was legit surprised how much i could inhale once i got outta my post op binder. side note: how are u conscious dude?? i could barely stay awake long enough to eat a bowl of cereal lmao
Thank you. As an old guy (had to google AITA) hearing about specific situations and your comments on them feels like a software update. My brain aches a little, but it's good
I’m a transman that’s a dad too. My daughters are younger still so I haven’t had to deal with significant other’s yet, but friends of my oldest are curious and I always tell her that she can ask me anything and she is never a bad kid for not wanting to share with other people because that’s my responsibility and she can always send people to me to deal with. She’s only in elementary school so she’s far to young to have adults especially expecting her to share about my situation. I’m the adult.
What did this boyfriend in the last one expect? First date they sit down and OP has to go "Theres something i need to tell you about my parents..." Like. No
the last one, there's an update post with it and she didn't end up getting back together with the bf. When she confronted him, he basically called the dad a straight woman in denial and op called it done there and then
Also another angle to the last story is what if her dads were both cis men, that doesn’t mean that she has a mum necessarily. Lots of gay men have surrogate mothers to carry the baby, but have no further relationship with the bio mum, or adopt the child and don’t know who the parents are. I think its a really weird thing for the boyfriend to ask because a lot of people with gay parents don’t have a third parent. some do, some don’t.
What is making you question your gender? Just asking because I'm curious about this stuff. You don't have to answer if you aren't comfortable doing so.
I'm a transgender man who gave birth to my children and they have their stepfather and all that, similar to the last story. I told my youngest about that one, and their immediate response was "Break up with him. That's obvious."
i think with the homophobic niece and her mother claiming "she's young and didn't know these actions would have consequences" that argument actually solves itself: right now she has a support network of parents who can and will help keep a roof iver her head, and a friend who will let her stay over. right now is the perfect time for her to LEARN that her actions have consequences, and so OP is doing what's correct, not just for their own safety, but for the long-term development of their niece as well
6:55 I love that it's not "she's young and naive, she didn't know how much she was hurting people", but "how could she know her actions would have consequences?"
Yeah my aunt became the first mormon in our family due to a childhood friendship. All it took was someone being nice to her and inviting her to things - as opposed her restrictive homebody parents. She became the first housewife in our family in 3 generations too, and taught her 4 daughters horrible lessons on their duties as future wives. Thankfully only one of them was ruined for life; married a man who cut her off from our family forever and kept her pregnant for a decade. The mormon church just says that such abusive behavior is his right as a husband.
I have a brother who is a teen but my parents haven’t taught him about the LBGTQ+ community really, he knows about gay people and that’s it, he thinks trans people can’t exist and giggles at the thought of more genders than 2. My parents excuse is that he is too young, it’s frustrating because like you said in the video, if it was a problem then why is he allowed to be exposed to straight people. My parents genuinely worried he is gonna convert to being gay if he learns about the community. I genuinely worry for him saying he could get into a bad rabbit hole and it especially hurts as someone who is closest knowing my own brother can’t even be told I exist. What’s worse is my parents say they are so supportive yet they are doing this. I wish people could get over themselves and just treat queer people like normal people
The last one has an update: (Tl;dr at the beginning, cause why not.) (OP cornered the boyfriend after school and asked him what his problem was. Basically, he thought that the father wasn't really trans and is just a confused straight girl, and that trans people shouldn't "participate in having kids." They are not together anymore.) OP's words: I’m not sure how to do updates since I been a lurker til now, but I read the policy on AITA abt updates and I got reading comprehension of a shrimp so Imma post here instead. We are no longer together. I caught him after school and made him explain himself since avoiding talking to me about it isn’t going to help any of us. I asked him questions like was he embarrassed, like some of y’all suggestion, and he begrudgingly said no. It took several minutes to even get that answer so I just decided to be blunt if he has a problem with my dad being trans. The basic answer is yes. The longer answer is, as he puts it, if my dad really wanted to be a man then why is he participating in having kids. He went off about how my dad is just pretending and can’t just accept that he is just a straight girl. Honestly part of me just wanted to beat the shit out of him right then and there for the way he was talking about my dad. Honestly don’t know how I kept my composure. As soon I was able to get a word in I told him we were done, someone who can’t love and appreciate my dad and the rest of my family isn’t someone I want to be with and I don’t want to be with someone who would even talk about ANY person like that. He just said fine and we went our separate ways. Quite honestly, I was able to hold it together but as I sat in my car I just cried. Part of me just hoped that he was just being immature and was embarrassed, but no. I spent like 10 minutes there composing myself to drive and head home. I told my friends and they were pissed as hell at him especially my closer ones who were always on my side even before they were given the whole truth. On a happier note, when I got home my parents ordered us pizza and we are having an early family night. My little brother, who’s only 8, was making these boxing moves and saying when he sees he gonna get him lol. My stepdad was like “we don’t use violence, [brothers name], though he tries anything I’ll kick that boy’s ass.” So, I’m doing pretty good now. Thank you to all the replies I got btw!! I wasn’t expecting to get so many, I was only expecting maybe like 10 or smth. You guys made me feel a lot better about it and made me think of things about the situation that I hadn’t before. I appreciate it, yall are great!!!
I love how educational this can be on how to disclose trans and other information. If it's something new to you, there can be questions, and this is a great way to answer them. And a bit of fun, too. Thanks!
Because people are assholes and have the ability to persecute trans people with impunity, it's important to respect trans people's criteria on who does & doesn't know about their identity.
Story 1- NTAH. no one is required to let anyone they don't want in their home into their home. especially not some snotty, spoiled homophobic 20 year old. her mom saying she didn't know there would be consequences needs to take a long hard look at how she managed to raise a daughter who couldn't fathom that being a bigot would have consequences for her. Story 3- NTAH. it is always wrong to out someone against their wishes. good job on being a regular person about it. /sincere Story 4- NTAH. her boyfriend assumed her dads were cis and then got angry when it turned out they weren't. he's getting mad about nothing, or perhaps worse than that he's angry because his assumptions were wrong (and pretty transphobic considering how he lashed out). also, who thinks knowing about the details of their partners birth is like... critical to the relationship? edit: her friends suck. no one is entitled to know who is trans and who isn't. ever.
She should (for lack of a better way of phrasing this) adopt her ex's dad as her own if the family is that cruel. My heart breaks for her ex's dad. I truly hope he's able to live authentically now.
I swear I saw the first story on Mrs Rogers' Am I The Bad Apple series. Also, for the trans dad story, why is that even...an issue? I swear these are the same people who say "I don't care if you're trans, just don't talk about it all the time", but who are also like "trans people need to tell EVERYONE"! Like..? Why does the boyfriend want to know that info anyway? In what way would it impact their relationship at all?
In relation to the second story : I had a very similar experience, I was around 15 and my youngest brother was 10 and all my siblings already knew of my trans best friend since they transitioned. But when I say simply "yeah I'm gay." My mum lost it because she had a long history of demanding I use the term bisexual and took every moment to start that fight with me. When it came to my sibling, she called me a liar and that I'm misrepresenting what it means to be gay, and that I'm going to be the reason my sibling would be bullied more. For lots of reason I've gone non contact with my mother since, but these moments always stick out in particular.
I have a former friend who's parents were nothing but supportive and inculsive. Her dad, who had sadly passed away, had been trans, and her mom was bisexual. The kid though, was very homophobic. She constantly used the f slur, and acted disgusted towards gay relationships. She would frequently call people gay as an insult, and just do and say generally homophobic things. Me and another friend would repeatedly call her out for this, but she kept doing it saying "Im not homophobic because my dad was trans." One time she told me "it hurt" when we said she was being homophobic because she apparently knew she wasn't. That friendship did not last long.
That homophobic niece really reaped what she sowed. If you are hateful towards others, you cannot expect people to welcome you with open arms when you need them. In Dutch we have a saying: "Eigen schuld, dikke bult", which means "it's your own fault, and now you are injured because of it". This couldn't be more appropriate here, and that niece deserves to be excluded. If I was that man, and the mother started to argue too much about the daughter staying, I'd sent her out of my house as well...
I love your videos so much, I watch them in secret just like I watched heartstopper on secret because my parents are incredibly homophonic and transphobic. I now identify as non binary at school while having to not be me at home but you make me happier thank you so much, you have that effect on people 😊
This is unrelated to this specific video but I wanted tp thank you Jamie because all your videos do not only help me educate myself on trans topics to better support my trans friends but they also made me come to terms with the fact that i can't really find a lable that fits my gender or my sexuality and made me realise that that is perfectly fine and I don't actually need to label myself if I don't want to, so thank you for producing all this lovely content, i am sure it's not always easy but I hope you know we appreciate you endlessly
Kids can easily teach themselves transphobia via the same internet everyone uses. At 14, they already are massive internet users. You think they dont get subjected to Ben Shapiro's propaganda and the likes? They definitely do, they dont necessarily have to have real people teaching them hatred when there's so much of it everywere.
I absolutely fell for the propaganda when I was 16/17. It was all a stupid attempt to fit in with my family and my friends at the time. In reality, I ended up supporting ideology that wants people like me dead. In today's world it is so easy to be hateful. I don't fit in with those people and thank God for that. It took years for me to fully accept myself and live a mostly non judgmental lifestyle.
I made my browser always delete cookies, so Google had no reference for what to show me on RUclips. You would not believe how often they'd push conservative and/or right-wing videos, while in my year taking screencaps for proof I only noticed 1 leftist video. Also it at least used to be very common for teenagers to spend time on places like 4chan and Funnyjunk and there's so much racist, sexist and queerphobic stuff in there. Like I've even seen people casually mention bigoted conspiracy theories out of nowhere as if they were no-brainer truths. Which makes it even more funny when those people complain about pushing politics into their face by a gay couple existing, obviously you have no problem with politics, you just don't want to face anything that might make you feel like you're an asshole for disliking someone on the basis of who they love.
"I don't like coffee, but I like the smell." I feel that on a deep, spiritual level. For anyone that wants the smell of coffee without having to drink it, there are candles out there scented to smell like roasting coffee. I worked at a craft store that stocked them, so I know they exist. I have held them in my hands.
I love these videos! But I do really enjoy when Shaaba reads out the comments on each story to see other people’s opinions, maybe you could start reading them too!
From context it seems Jamie just has screenshots of these stories, and is not actually reading reddit, so that's probably why he never looks at comments.
Maybe that niece could go stay at a place where they do intensive in patient therapy, and she can sort some of her stuff out. For example, it seems like it's very possible that she can't hold down a job because she can't stop being outwardly unpleasant to people. What's that about? Maybe dig into that.
Yep, some people will literally blame anyone but themselves for their actions. This person was a gay man, and I wrote him up for talking about sex at work with children present. He accused me of being homophobic and hating LGBT people (while aggressively misgendering me) because apparently I only wrote him up because it was gay and I'd never write up a straight person for talking about sex. Except I had done that previously. He ended up getting the "Quit before I fire you" option within a couple months and placed 100% of the blame on me. Like dude, I only wrote you up once, you also only showed up on time once.
Hey now, being unemployed at 20 isn't weird at all lol The comments are acting like she's 40 years old, but 20 is still a kid. She should know better, emotionally, than to be a bigot, but being a dependent at that age is fine.
I love your videos they really helped me to start transitioning even with my homophobic family atleast so much I somehow could so thank you for helping me start with that ^^!!
Her dad’s genitals aren’t relevant to the topic. That’s why she didn’t tell her boyfriend. For her her “mom” has been her dad in all relevant situations! She wasn’t hiding anything she just wasn’t over explaining!
For the story at 19:14, I have a trans sister. She transitioned before I went to college, so all of my old friends still know her as my brother (she's not generally out back home), while all my college friends know her as my sister. I've never told them that she was trans, because it's never come up, and it doesn't affect them.
Bet if the OP for that last post had told her boyfriend earlier there'd be something about trans people shoving our identities down people's throats or something along those lines. It wasn't relevant, it became relevant, he learned the information when it became relevant. Heck, some of my partners didn't learn my parents are divorced until a couple months in because I don't have much of a relationship with either and that's been a normal fact of life for me for so long that it's just not something I think about or comes up much. And that one is both a lot more relevant to family dynamics and much less private than a parent being trans is.
Yep, it's a catch 22. If you don't say you're trans it means you're hiding it (and generally accused of hiding it for nefarious reasons), but if you do say you're trans your shoving it down their throat and making it your entire identity.
First story: NTA obviously. When we had just the title, I thought OP might have been if they were homophobic or transphobic or something towards her, but then when he said HE was in a M/M relationship, I was like "maybe the daughter is homophobic," but I was expecting a teenager, so I thought he still would have been an asshole. But then she's TWENTY?! lmao get out of here. Second story: NTA Oh he's not even gossiping about other people, he's talking about HIMSELF being gay. The kid is 9, and he explained it in a very reasonable manner, and it's NOT INAPPROPRIATE Third story: ABSOLUTELY NTA. Everyone in the ex's family, except the dad, are total pieces of shit. OP was 1000% in the right for keeping his secret for him, and he was the only one who got to tell anyone. Period. Fourth story: Come on, Jamie, at least have ONE of these stories where the OP is the asshole! It's getting boring saying they're all NTA. But yeah that ex-boyfriend sucks. Kick him to the curb
17:15 What did OP's ex expect her to do all those years ago, out his dad and completely blow up his family? How would he have felt about _that?_ Yeah, not only was it not her secret to tell, but the consequences of her spilling the beans would've been directly and intentionally harmful! NTA
I had a cousin's 10yo daughter ask me about what non-binary means. I am non-binary but wasn't really out to the cousin, so she wouldn't have heard it about me, but for whatever reason, I was who she chose to ask on that day. I explained simply that a non-binary person is someone who isn't a boy or a girl, some feel they are somewhere in between and some feel like they are neither. Her mum was furious but I don't regret it.
with the last one i swear some people just treat trans people as if they’re not human like imagine being like “why didn’t you tell me your dad was one of them transgenders?! i’m the victim of having a gf who has a trans parent!” and then others agreeing??? some people omg….
Yeah ... People just don't want to be associated. My theory about these kinds of people is they put trans people in the animal class instead of the human class, so social norms don't apply.
@@figbella23 unfortunately I'm well aware, yeah... I don't know what can be done about it to be honest. It's not even seen as a problem really. Even I didn't used to see it as a problem, just used to be like, straight people, what are they like. But we should expect better.
@@figbella23 Definitely. I saw a clip of a senate hearing that took place in Arkansas. The person testifying was a transwoman, & a senator asked her if she had a penis. A fucking _SENATOR._ It reminded me of when Black people had to weather intrusive questions & other rude shit just because they were Black. It's a similar "othering" dynamic. Us trans people aren't _human_ to these asswipes.
I had my best friend, her husband and their 27 year old son as guests at our beach house. I was shocked to find out their son, whom I have known since birth, was sure that the only path to heaven was Jesus Christ and that he, a sweet young man, was probably going to hell (of course all the LGBTQ+were definitely going )!His parents are conservative but I could tell his mom, who was listening, was shocked and saddened by this. I asked him what in the world would make him think that? He is a newlywed and so young. He said it’s not enough just to be good. I just left it there because there was so much to unpack! Later his mom said she doesn’t know where that came from!!!
In my sports club there were two five-year-old girls going “you’re gay” - “no, you’re gay” and giggling. This didn’t happen in English, they used a word that is used for homosexual men/boys only. So I asked them if they knew what gay means. More giggling, then they told me it means you’re in love. I said yes, but when a boy is in love with another boy. They stared at me for a second and then kept on playing and giggling. No big deal apparently. Also, I can imagine the boyfriend in the last one was super embarrassed cause he asked about the mom. He couldn’t handle his embarrassment properly, maybe it was his first encounter with an trans person, and he lashed out. I hope those three days without contact gave him an opportunity to calm down and reflect
I feel horrible for the young man in the second one. I am impressed with how comfortable he is with himself and his boyfriend. I wouldn't have that courage if I had a bigoted parent and a little brother.
I taught my kids from about the age of 5 that love is love and that it can be between the opposite sex and same sex, I taught them about transgender people too. I did it in an age appropriate way, and as they got older, they learnt more. Now, as teenagers, they fully accept that life isn't the same for everyone. Most importantly that love is love no matter what form it is in.
The 16f in the first story is most definitely repressing her own sexuality for whatever reason. She's trying to convince everyone and herself that she is straight.
I firmly believe that other ppls secrets or not mine to share. Especially if sharing it would cause direct harm. UNLESS, not telling would hurt someone. I think op was golden for not outing their ex's dad.
Immediately, I would suggest the sister in law (mother of the homophobic niece) if she would be willing to let someone stay with her long term that refused to talk to her, and made clear that they way that she lives is unacceptable.
For the first one, the younger generations can easily be radicalized to hate certain groups of people just by falling into the wrong groups on social media, even if their parents arent bigots. That could be one possibility. Internalized hate could definitely be another one. I know I was kind of transphobic before I realized I was trans, and that definitely came from internalized hate.
let me just say, as a trans guy who is closeted to my parents, i hate when people say “WhY dOnt YoU CoMe OuT yEt If YoU KnOw YoUr PaReNtS ArEnT HoMoPhObIc” like because its hard? (my parents arent homophobic and might know im trans already, and have told me to my face, with a bit of rewording, its okay if im trans and i can tell them.)
One time my little cousin asked me if I had a boyfriend and I at the time (I’m single now) said no, I had a girlfriend. And he was confused and said “ew girls aren’t supposed to date girls” so I was trying to just casually explain that girls can dates girls and boys can dates boys just how girls can date boys vice versa. That’s all I said, and my older cousin and grandpa heard me and told me to stop because he isn’t old enough (he was like 9 years old and I didn’t say anything inappropriate) it was icky of them
"Waaaaa! I don't like trans people! But I liked your dad! And now I'm mad that i liked him without knowing he trans! I don't wanna like him bc he Trans! Waaa waaa!" That's all I fucking hear.
Okay, so wholesome moment. I had a gay dad and I came out as bi when I was 12. I came out because I couldn't stand not speaking out when people were homophobic, and I literally came out because a homophobe asked me if I was gay after I told him to shut up. But my sweet precious dad told me that if I ever wanted after that to not have to come out in moments like that, that I could just tell people he was gay. And this was the '90s so it was much less accepted than it is now, he wasn't even sure he wouldn't lose his job, he was out in his private life but not at work. Anyway, wholesome gay dad willing to be thrown under the bus so that I could stay in the closet if I wanted (even though I didn't).
i mean its hard, but also i really wouldnt want to be mad dogged or called a slur by someone i let crash at my house. She's 20, I would have told the parents the daughter can stay if she is respectful for once. if not she can get a hotel
I’m a lesbian and I came out to my cousin a couple years ago. I’m not out to my brother or parents, my parents are allies (and I’m pretty sure my mom knows) but my brother is very homophobic. A few months ago, my cousin, brother, and I were all hanging out and my cousin mentioned that I had a massive crush on a girl, my brother got confused bc he thought I was straight and my cousin said I was bisexual (I thought I was bi at the time but recently came to the conclusion that I’m just lesbian) I pulled my cousin aside and told her that I wasn’t comfortable with her telling people especially my brother because he’s homophobic. She asked how he was homophobic and I gave a few examples and she said that she agreed with the homophobic things he had said. She was pissed that I got mad at her as well and didn’t see how it was bad. I was kinda shocked bc before this she was supportive and actually pansexual so I thought she would understand
Thanks for watching! 🥔
You can order/pre-order my book here: linktr.ee/jammidodger
And let us know which US cities we should do events in! read.sourcebooks.com/vote-your-city-for-the-t-in-lgbt-book-tour
You and shaaba are the best youtubers ❤
Im almost certain u wont go to my city but i wrote it in anyway 🙏
😞 aaa Jamie i love you so so so much you’re my favourite person on this App and you genuinely make me soso happy. I’d love to meet you, but i’m in the uk 😢😢
I'll be surprised if you don't go to Chicago. If you weren't planning on it, please consider it.
Very obvious, but Seattle
My daughter saw a gay couple when she was about 2, she asked "why are those boys kissing?" I simply said because they love each other just like mummy and daddy do. My mum said it was incredibly inappropriate that I told her about gay people. I called my mum an idiot because it wasn't like I described hardcore gay sex to my toddler. I simply told her that they love each other. Anyone who finds the existence of gay couples inappropriate is just straight up a homophobe. No if, no buts, nothing.
Also, I feel like the neice has probably fallen down some far right rabbit hole. Hopefully she can find her own way out but if she's been in there for at least 6 years, unfortunately it's unlikely that she'll make her own way out of that hole. But yeah totally not the ahole for not having a bigot in your house.
These people think of gay people and immediately picture the most raw, disgusting sexual acts they could possibly be doing.
Then act like *we're* weird when we explain to kids they can also kiss their own gender.
Yes exactly this!
What did you want you to do, just convince your child she didn’t see it?
@@HiBuddyyyyyy yeah probably, she loves a good gas light so I wouldn't be surprised
But but but … don't you know that stating that me and my husband of 30 years exist _is_ the same as talking about butts3x?!?!? /s
…yeah. Sadly, that's how people like your mother think. I came out in the 1990s, and people would see me and my now-husband _just holding hands_ and jump to butts3x. When, back in the 1990s, someone would find out I was gay, _you could see on their faces_ that they were trying to imagine me having sex. Who does that? What normal person goes around imagining other people having sex? Yet _I_ and every other LGBT-person were the "perverts."
She doesn't need to be transparent about her trans parents
I like what you did there and you are also completely right.
beat me to it
Thank you! I was grinning from ear to ear through the whole last story about the not trans-parent trans-parent!😂
Hehe
That is by far the best use of the "trans parent" gag.
My theory about the accepting brother with the homophobic niece: The OP mentions his brother "constantly chastising" the niece for using slurs, but oddly not both of the niece's parents chastising her. I'm suspicious the sister-in-law is where the niece is getting the homophobia from and is just smart enough not to express that directly to OP and his husband. It also explains why the sister-in-law is the one pushing for OP to let it go: because she doesn't actually see any problem with the niece's behavior other than the inconvenience it's causing now.
That definitely seems like a strong possibility. The whole "the 20 year old, a entire grown adult, didn't know her actions would have consequences, therefore she shouldn't suffer said consequences" thing is incredibly sus, especially since we know OP's brother has been trying to get her to at least keep the homophobia to herself, she fully understands that, if nothing else, she's being an asshole and it's not hard for an adult to understand that being an asshole on purpose tends to have some form of consequences.
Could always be a case of her having gotten sucked into the extremist pipeline via the internet, though.
I wondered the same thing. The brother is obviously not a homophobe but it sounds like he might've married one :/
Yup. It seems like the Mom doesn’t have a problem with her daughter’s homophobia. I’d loose my sh*t if I heard my kid use the f-slur.
The mother trying to justify her daughter behaviour makes me think she’s homophobic herself but considering that the mother manages to behave while the daughter has no problem showing her true feelings I think we can’t exclude an influence from the grandparents as well. OP said that his family is supportive so it’s not the grandparents on the girl’s father’s side but it might still be the ones on her mother’s side. The fact that she’s been acting like this since she was 14 makes me believe that it was someone close to her to teach her these things, probably ever since she was younger, it’s a too constant behaviour to be derived from internet influence or friends, although I wouldn’t exclude that those have a part in it too.
This sounds likely to me, especially since the younger children don’t act the same. One of my parents is a huge bigot and the other isn’t, and my siblings and I are all across the spectrum of acceptance.
Hopefully the niece can change, 20 is still fairly young. Yes, she’s an adult, but people do a lot of growing in their early 20s. It wouldn’t change her previous behavior but maybe this will be a wakeup call. 😬
For the last story there's a seperate update. OP got the boyfriend to admit his problem was with the father being trans. He said "If he really wants to be a man why is he participating in having kids and that he's just pretending to be a man and can't accept he's just a straight girl." OP broke up with the boyfriend.
Jesus, what a fucking creep. Hope OP found someone better
Obviously its not good that OP had to hear all that, but I'm glad she broke up with him. The way he handled the situation sounded very immature.
whats the username so i can go read? it doesnt seem to be shown anywhere in the video :(
Good. OP dodged a bullet there.
Good, he is a freaking douche. Also why is it so hard to just accept it and move on? The dad being trans didn't affect him when he didn't know so why on earth should it when he came out?
there is no better way to say "i'm a bad parent" than saying "my child didn't know their actions would have consequences"
You're not wrong. Although I thought, "She's 20 and still naive" was a close runner-up.
THIS 100%
@@intercat4907seriously! and considering she also had siblings who were younger and allies (and therefore allowed to move in after the flooding) just makes it even more stupid
So true!!
Yes, especially with them being an adult child too!
Who is chill about an open relationship but also wildly homophobic?
You know, I thought that, too... she was chill about him sleeping with endless women, but masculine partners are somehow repulsive to her? Odd.
I don't know why, but there are a lot of old-school "swinger" communities around that are still very homophobic, usually because of deeply-entrenched heteronormative and patriarchal power structures. They usually don't see female homoeroticism as too disruptive, and many even encourage it, but male homoeroticism is treated as dangerous and as something that threatens the social standing of everyone involved.
Open relationships aren't a good fit for me personally, but I'm glad to see younger generations of polyamorous people being more diverse and more accepting than those who came before.
A surprising amount of people. Even progressive straight women feel really threatened by the idea of their partners being queer.
Hey I met a punk gay racist dude once in high school
@@ViridianRohesiaPure speculation here, and I’m definitely *not* excusing this attitude. I wonder if the AIDS crisis is a factor. There was a time when bi men were accused of spreading AIDS to women. The fear of this disease - a death sentence at the time - intensified the biphobia and homophobia already in the culture. Lesbians had the lowest risk, so they weren’t viewed as a threat. The whole crisis marked the psyche of our generations. Obviously, ever-present queer-phobia and sexism are in the mix as well.
Whenever I want to hear my transphobic grandparents be allies as an enby teen, I go into the kitchen and yell, " Keep transmen out of women's sports and keep them out of women's bathrooms too they'll traumatize real
women." And they'll all be like "yeah!!" And I'm just like 😂😉😁
They however hear different things. You personally know that what you state is okay because you know that trans men are men. They hear trans men and think of trans women. Its not even a funny case of "i dont know what i'm talking about", its a dire case of "i know exactly what i'm talking about, because i'm right and you all are wrong, trans women are men and noone can convince me otherwise". So i dont really know whats so funny in this. You are affirming them in their beliefs.
@prettycow2375 there's nothing I could say or do that would make them not transphobic and the fact that they are transphobic hurts me as a trans person myself and this is kind of my way of coping so please don't try to tell me that I'm wrong for doing this because this is the only way I can see some validation of trans people from them even if they don't know that's what they're doing.
thats hilarious lmao i love accidental allies- just be careful tho cuz as funny as it is its also enabling bad behavior tbf
@inconsistizzy l kind of just explained why I do it. But yeah it's hilarious and I've only done it like twice but it's kind of weird because they do use the term trans women sometimes and in the right way so I don't get how they fall for it.
@@noahmcdowell7731 bruh that's so weird wtf lmao i think they're just hella confused
My best friend who is a lesbian has a younger brother (15) who is really homophobic and sexist. We have no idea where it came from because even their grandparents are super supportive and accepting. I honestly think the algorithms on the Internet probably have a fair amount to do with it.
He probably watches archived videos of LeafyIsHere and videos from the Daily Wire. Kids are gullible, which is why public education needs to be perfect.
The internet, and their classmates, are a nasty combination. Kids spread the harmful internet content to each other at school all day.
@science_bear No. All straight people are not homophobic. You have to learn homophobia.
@science_bear nah, the amount of gay cis men and trans women who are Nazis is WILD
@science_bear ...? What
I’m a gay trans man and I really hope to have children some day, but situations like that last one do scare me. Trans men who give birth get so much hate online, and I’m afraid that any children I have would be subjected to that. I will say though, I’m incredibly grateful for all the trans mascs who are public and proud with their parenting journeys. They are paving the way for future generations and it warms my heart to see them happy. My hope is that acceptance has only grows more by the time I have kids.
I transitioned 23 years ago, after military service, marriage, 2 kids, and a divorce. It's been a surprisingly easy process (well, the divorce sucked). Judge was great, most healthcare has been great, kids have been wonderful, grandson is great, ...
Rare a-holes. Live your life. Good luck.
While it was an awful experience for the Dad and daughter, the result was that it exposed the boyfriend's true colours in a safe (though painful) way. I'm a cis/het woman with cis/het parents, and I wouldn't want my kid to be in a relationship with a bigot. I hope you never encounter an AH like that, but if you do, remember that they are the problem and you (and your future kids) are better off without them ❤
@@graciecat6344 perfect post.
If it was me, i would be grateful to have a family/parents like that. Most of the problems my childhood created were about conservative beliefs about gender, sexuality, and lack of understanding about neurodivergence.
Sure, it would be nice to blend in, but that comes at a steep cost of suppressing large parts of yourself, then being stuck and having no idea where problems are coming from because things are so suppressed. I didn't even manage to blend in, but even for people who do succeed, I really have a hard time believing that they wouldn't need to lose touch with parts of themselves, because really, people are all soo different. Even though i identify as a cis woman and straight, both my gender and sexuality turned out to be really complicated once i dug up the suppressed feelings.
And my parents weren't even conservative. But still, the general environment ended up being, at school, tv, and the older games that were a thing back then. If there was someone in my life whose identity was considered to be inherently progressive, that would have filtered out a lot of the harmful influences. I think i would have been happier if my aggressively heteronormative exes had been scared off.
Reading between the lines it sounds like all her friends knew the boyfriend would have a bad reaction
20 year old not working and living rent free with abhorrent beliefs... seems like some major issues going on. This person has not learned about natural consequences and accountability. I would have told the parents that an apology and promise of respectful behaviour would result her being allowed to stay in the house. But a hint of slurs and/or inappropriate behaviour and she's out, no second chances.
agreed! personally im probably going to still be living with my parent when im an adult but ill be doing my own things and ACTUALLY have a job aswell. it honestly seems to me like the 20 year olds parents just babys her or something especially since the mom pulled the young and naive thing
Also, she stays with a friend and complains about how it's awful there? Really? Instead of being greatful?
@@Nic0Dr4ws 20 is still the time to be studying, so i don't feel like there is anything strange about her not working if that is possible for her. The mom is definitely sus though. Saying that the girl didn't know there would be consequences sounds like the mom thinks it would be ok if there were no consequences for her. I wouldn't be surprised if the mom was bigoted as well, just hiding it better.
The entire time everyone's saying she should have learned consequences: I'm just like these are the consequences!
ik she be lurking on 4chan w that attitude at her age lmaoo
A lot of younger people are being radicalized online. It happened to the Son of a friend of mine. She and her husband are both very liberal and not racist or homophobic. He went from a nice shy kid to a monster in the matter of months. Now he is a red pill Incel. So, it's not always the parents to blame.
Facts. Kids need to go back to playing with toys and watching Tom & Jerry.
It’s because sickos like Andrew Tate and Matt Walsh are allowed to have a platform and unfortunately they know how to manipulate young people into listening to them.
Speaking as someone who went down one of those rabbit holes as a kid, yeah, parents definitely aren't always to blame. I just had bad luck in stumbling into sketchy parts of the internet, and immensely good luck that I found my way out before it was too late. Every so often I'll stumble on something I posted on the internet back then and immediately cringe, I was the embodiment of "edgy twelve year old saying misogynistic sh*t without really understanding the implications of what they're saying."
This is why kids shouldn’t be on the internet too soon
Minors really shouldn't have access to social media imo
24:39 as an adoptee I’ve had people get pissy I lied about being adopted and I just tell them their assumptions about all families coming together the same way isn’t my problem especially when I have never kept it a secret despite this information being deeply personal and familial. I’m under no obligation to share all my information with all the world.
Ironically it’s always the same people that when asked say they wouldn’t tell their adoptive kid they were adopted 🙄 bruv
Yep, it's sad how many people think you shouldn't tell an adopted kid they are adopted. Or even purposely hide that info. I know someone who figured it out in high school from donating blood (which he needed parental permission for so they obviously didn't know how blood types work). Apparently it was impossible for either of his parents to be his bio parents based on blood type, even if cheating was involved. When he confronted them they just guilt tripped him about how he owed them everything for taking in a discarded unwanted child. Like gross, who says that to anybody?
That’s super icky.
I was glad Jamie brought up the comparison to adoption, because that was also my first thought. Not openly telling everyone you are adopted is not lying. If the question is not asked, you are under no obligation to volunteer the info or for that matter any info about yourself. If someone asks outright, denying can be seen as lying, but not saying something is not lying.
Same with the story with the trans dad, everyone knew OP has two dads because that is how they both identify. The boyfriend asked specifically about her birth parents and his question was answered truthfully. OP is not lying simply because she doesn’t proclaim to the world “when I say I have two dads I mean that I have one stepdad who is a cis male and another biologically related to me parent was actually born a female and could give birth to me, but now he identifies as a man and that is why I also call him dad”. Is it also lying if OP referred to her stepdad as her dad, even if he was not involved in creating her?
Oh my GOD people got MAD AT YOU about that? Do you want me to throw them out a window, cuz I will. WTF that is so beyond the pale. People really think they are entitled to all kinds of personal information.
Was it even a lie or did the BF just assume OP couldn't have been birthed by one of their dads?
Exactly!
To me it sounded like boyfriend got caught off guard and felt embarrassed, and instead of processing the new information from a reasonable place, decided to take that uncomfortable feeling and lash out at the person he believed put him in that situation to begin with (OP). Friends also don't know how to react to the information and take the side of BF because they can relate more to his POV, given that they also likely did not know that OP's dad is trans
right, my first reaction was "lied about their birth? who tf has conversations about the circumstances of their birth in the first place" lol, and yeah it really seems like they didn't, he just assumed what a person being referred to as "dad" means and then got mad when his assumption was wrong even though op had nothing to do with the formation of that assumption...
definitely wasn't lying
Yeah, if OP had actually lied (ie said there was a surrogate involved or something), I could understand the DAD being upset. I don’t see a circumstance where the boyfriend should be hurt though.
Wait wait wait. His dad trusted her and she didn't drop a grenade in the family. He's judgmental of his parents' open relationship, his dad can't trust him, and he screams at exes because his dad is gay. Not the a-hole? Honey, you dodged a bullet. Keep the almost-in-laws; they need someone like you.
Nonbinary & bisexual, not gay.
The dad my be a keeoer, but the rest? Probably not.
@@floopyboo We don't have confirmation on whether he's gay or bi, especially since OP explicitly stated they would not be explaining that. Also, nowhere in the post does OP imply he's nonbinary. Sure, there's nothing saying he can't be, but there's also nothing saying he is. He could be nonbinary, or he could be a man who likes wearing feminine clothes, we have no real way to tell.
@@varia2354 True, plenty of gay/bi/straight and everything else men that enjoy drag.
the mom was one of the ones calling her talking sht..wasn’t she?? idk about keeping both in laws.
I mean the mom in the first story is right, the niece couldn't have known her comments would have consequences because she's never had consequences in her life before. she's 20 years old, doesn't have a job, doesn't sound like she's in school, has been using hate speech against her uncle for 6 years, and the consequence is... she gets to live at home rent free. her parents are the reason she thought she could carry on being a bigot and living the sweet life. OP is definitely NTA there.
Although she's a girl, which makes this less likely, but she's probably just chronically online, browsing shit like Twitter, Instagram Reels, and r/Conservative. She didn't have access to an education that gave her critical thinking skills, so she laps up whatever right-wing propaganda is being presented on-screen.
fully agree, the parents should have been harder on her using slurs and made her experience consequences way before this instead of letting it get this far, they’ve let these beliefs fester for 6 years already for goodness’ sake!
My guess for where the homophobia of that kid is coming from is either one of the family members that is not openly homophobic around the couple but IS openly homophobic around the daughter. Like, her mom, the brother, a grandmother, whoever it is, could be saying homophobic things around the eldest daughter and she’s taking that and repeating it. The other option is, like you said, a friend group. To me, it’s really just… how does that kind of behavior survive in a household that ISN’T homophobic? Unless someone is being openly homophobic around the daughter, there’s no way she would have picked up those ideas. I would be trying to figure out how a daughter of mine started hearing and repeating stuff like that and put an end to it.
I would guess the mother, from her excuses for the daughter’s behaviour.
the 3rd option is that she could be watching shitty alt-right content on youtube, like sensitive society or blaire white
Online. She could easily have fallen in with people like this that way.
Yeah, I would guess the mother considering how she was trying to excuse her daughter's behavior. Either that or the daughter's friend group.
i mean to be fair it isn't just the parents or general family that influence a kid, it's the environment and ppl they're around. there's a certain point in life where parent's' influence don't hold as much power, and that's why there's a lot of ppl with progressive views who have close-minded parents. the parents seem respectful enough, the mother is a bit suspicious but from the info we've given she didn't seem to be outright homophobic so im not going to assume. considering she became like this at 13 im thinking maybe she went doen some homophobic internet rabbit hole which made her as hateful as she is
My 10yr old girl recently asked me, “Is it ok for girls to get married?”
I said “ of course, it is. And, it’s ok for boys to get married”
I’ve not explained transgender, yet. I don't think she’d understand.
She said “boys are smelly and mean”
"Boys are smelly & mean" 🤣😂
Lol
I’m not questioning your parenting, but personally I wouldn’t underestimate a child’s ability to understand things like that, as my mom came out as trans when I was 7-8 and I remember completely accepting it.
Neice is finding out what it's like to stand for her "beliefs". She's an adult at 20. There is nothing fir her to be naive about. She simply doesn't want her "beliefs" to impact her money & comfort. That's her only area naiveté!" Ridiculous 🙄
I got a big family. 9 uncles & aunts with partners and 3 kids each; 27 cousins. All are at least open and not judging - just one cousin turned out a racist homophobic Karen. We blame Facebook.
Facebook is a valid thing to blame lmao XD
Racist and hemophilic by leftist standards but to a normal person probably just seems like a normal person who doesn't like the sexualization of children and doesn't support the blm organization
I feel you. Social media in general, is the main reason of how we got Trump for president.
@@JayDeeDubb well i´m here in Germany and it´s not better. They should test people if they are able to comprehend and process social media before they give them internet access.
This is very valid. The goal of algorithms is to keep you online so you'll see more ads. The algorithm has learned that contentious content (aka racist/homophobic/angry in general) keeps people more engaged on the platform. As a result, rabbit holes that radicalize are very likely to happen.
you Will probably won't see this comment but I have to thank you Jammi you helped me figure out who I am from all your videos and I have finally come out as Trans today to some of my friends
EDIT: Thank you all so much for the support for anyone wondering it went well my friends were all accepting next step is coming out to my parents and making some appointments that I can start HRT
Congratulations! Wish you all the best in your journey
congrats luv 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
Hell yeah congrats!!!! Super happy for you :D
Congrats!🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵
Congratulations! Jamie can have that affect people like that. It's one of the things that makes him wonderful. Wishing you the best on your journey. 😊
Re 1st story -- I wonder if the mom isn't a closet phobe? She may say all the right things to other adults, but what she confides in her daughter may be very different. And it would explain why daughter is so negative and intransigent.
This was my thought my mom had a queer friend and she was all nice to her face but at home would say the f slur at me and insulted me from the time I was 5 forward for "looking like a butch lesbian" (it literally wasn't even chosen things like clothes I was just tall, hairy, and chubby with a deep voice.
Even without the mom arguing I was like "yeah one or both of those parents are saying different stuff behind closed doors"
@science_beargross generalization, not true at all
theres like a lot of people attracted to the opposite sex (assuming ur including bi people and its not just straight people) and saying that all of them act that way is so false absolutely untrue, perhaps even cringe
@science_bear generalizing people who like the opposite sex and being against homophobia are not the same, like at all
the first girl had six years to change and complains when she faces consequences 🤦🏻
But seriously, she's willing to take your free housing, food, etcetera, but won't speak to your husband and uses F-slurs? Ridiculous. Stay with a friend and use your damn savings, girl. Actions have consequences. Better to learn it at 20 than go on any longer spewing that garbage as if it's fine. She bought and paid for this result. Time for her to learn from her parents.
Honestly why does she even want to be under the same roof with the uncles she despises so much? Someone should give her the definition of the word "hypocrite"
@@barrylangille3523 She's a freeloader whose only skill is writing essays to argue against trolls on Twitter, Facebook, or Reddit.
"It's not appropriate for children" she says to her gay child. Doesn't make any sense smh.
I have a related story. My brother passed away recently, and after the viewing my oldest sister came to talk to me separately. I’ve been out as a trans man for a little more than 1.5 years. I’ve had top surgery, my voice has dropped drastically, and facial hair is finally starting to be dark, thick, and growing longer. My sister explained that she hasn’t told her kids I’m trans, and they still know me as Aunt. She asked me to not correct her kids or tell them what transgender means. She’s “not ready” to answer the questions her smart 7 yo daughter will have. I wasn’t gonna be a cause for conflict at this time, so I was agreeable immediately. My sister keeps explaining to me though, as if she knew in her heart she was being transphobic. Our other sister also interjected twice using the words “gender ideology”. I am deeply hurt. But my niece got it immediately. She looked at me and within a minute said “it’s like you traded a girl body for a boy body”. No prompting from me. But of course I’m there in slacks, a long sleeve button down, and a tie. Once she got over her initial surprise at my changed appearance and voice, she treated me just like her other piblings. So… it just stings. My family has always made me feel I couldn’t be myself and be loved, so it’s not necessarily different. But it sucked. And was frustrating. No one in my family sees themself as transphobic, but this is the level of “support” I get. I’m so glad I live across the country from them.
Ugh, when will transphobes learn you don't need to scream slurs in someone's face to be transphobic? My father claims he isn't transphobic "because you can't be transphobic towards someone that isn't trans". And he doesn't see the irony. And my mother pretends I never came out (like she acts like the entire coming out conversation that she walked out of is a figment of my imagination), and since she therefore has no idea what I'm talking about I can't be trans.
It also took a solid 6 months of hanging up on my parents and walking out of the room whenever they misgendered my friends in order to get them to stop misgendering my friends in front of me.
@@waffles3629 i strongly relate to what you’re saying. Before I even realized I was trans (but was questioning and had trans friends), I got upset that my brother and brother-in-law made a transphobic joke. My sister talked to me, and I told her that if I was trans I wouldn’t feel safe coming out to the family. Her response was “if you were trans you couldn’t be mad at us bc you haven’t told us yet.” As if that solved what I said??? I nearly slept in my car that night instead of staying with her as planned. That event along with other small messages kept me from realizing my identity for another 5 years.
I am very lucky to live far away from my bio fam. I’m very close to cutting them off too, as my now deceased brother was my only positive relationship among them, and he was my only reason for staying in touch with the rest of them. It’s still going to take strong effort to do it, I’m not looking forward to it, but seeing as how I was wildly upset just from getting a completely normal and benign holiday greeting card from my mom… i think it needs to happen.
@@thenameiswater2921 yuck. That'd be like making a racist "joke", but then saying no one can get mad because only white people are around. I've thankfully got my sister who literally thought it was a much bigger deal that I'd started eating rice (turns out I just hate rice-a-roni), but she's 8 hours away so I don't get to see her nearly often enough. Once I can disentangle myself from my parents I plan to cut them off until they can respect me as a person. And if that day never comes whatever. I've already accepted that they don't love me, they love a version of me that only exists inside their head. Especially because that version of me is healthy, which I've never been. Because my father has literally "reminisced" about when I was "a happy, healthy, obedient, Catholic little girl" 🤮. However ignored and undiagnosed health problems does not mean healthy, it means undiagnosed. I got a bunch of shit diagnosed at 18 and my parents tried to use it as "proof" that "moving away from us" (to go to freaking uni) was unhealthy. Thankfully I no longer have to put up with the biggest transphobe who was in my life, aka one of my grandma's. My parents would force me to spend time with her by basically holding money over my head (health insurance, car, etc). I wasn't out to her, and they'd tell me I "just had to get over it and couldn't get mad about it because she doesn't know". She could literally mash transphobic, homophobic, racist, islamaphobic, and anti-semetic slurs into one sentence and find it funny. She literally made jokes about genociding black people and my parents would just go "But it's Grandma, you have to love her". No, no I don't.
Unfortunately my parents live much closer than my sister and can easily make a day trip to my city. And they are ever so fond of making plans that include me, not telling me till the literal last minute, and then getting mad I "didn't follow through on plans". It's like pulling teeth to get information from them. I've had times where I've been **informed** I needed to be at some event, but the conversation ends with me having no idea what date, time, or even CITY the event is happening in, let alone the exact location. Then when I obviously don't show up they blame me. I've had times where they've called me asking where I am and I'm just at home doing whatever, or out grocery shopping or something, only for them to start screeching that I was gonna be so late. And I'll just be standing there saying "Late to what?" because I had no plans left that day. And it would turn out there was an event in their city (about 80 minutes away) that I was "required" to be at that was starting any minute. I'll just say something to the effect of "If you want me to show up to things you need to tell me about them beforehand" and they somehow still try to blame me for not showing up.
My first semester in uni they almost exclusively called me when I was in class. They literally had my class schedule, I personally taped it to their wall myself, and they would get so mad I "never answered the phone". When I'd point out they called during class it would just turn into a boo-hoo session of "But how was I supposed to know?". Like IDK, look two feet above the phone? Then they called me while I was out with friends at a restaurant and asked me to come let them in. Confused I asked "Let you in where?" only to learn they were standing outside my dorm building. When I told them I was out with friends they demanded to know where so they could pick me up. Not about to force my group to reschedule for the fifth time (professors kept changing exam times), I said no and they blew up that they'd traveled all this way to see me and if I didn't I was rude. IDK, I think showing up out of the blue and demanding someone cancel their plans because you didn't have the foresight to call is rude. When I told my friends they thought I was joking.
I'm sorry you have to deal with shitty people as well. Hopefully you have people in your life who aren't.
@@Sephaizright?? like the boobs won’t grow back and voice suddenly become higher just cuz his sister is transphobic n doesn’t want the niece to “find out”. i feel like this kinda thing makes kids seem so stupid but they’re not, they notice things, they piece shit together, they understand stuff, they’re not idiots, they just may not have the vocabulary for it that we do.
That last one hit super close to home as a trans parent. Our daughter is twelve, and my partner and I play online with her friends from time to time and they're a really sweet group of kids. The "worst" we've ever gotten is good-natured jokes about how my daughter needs to share because she has two dads which we all find funny. We fortunately live in a very LGBTQ+ friendly area so we've never had trouble, but I do really worry things might get harder as she gets older.
6 years of this behavior, her mom has to realize that the only change they could realistically expect to see is her getting worse.
Browsing Twitter or watching Ben Shapiro is like vaping: you only need to get hooked a few times until you spiral downward.
idk, even after 6 years of complacency, there's the chance that sudden hardship will bring about change. And it might be time for the mom to start explaining to her daughter how to live her life, seems like the kid didn't manage to figure it out on her own and could use a bit of extra guidance.
Dude you're honestly my comfort-channel. I'm a trans guy and my parents aren't necessarily transphobic, but they're uncomfortable with me being trans. You're honestly so sweet and funny. Thanks for being there for me, even if not physically.
aww❤ik im a random internet person but i support u and think u are really cool, also yes jaimie dadcore supremacy🙏
Well, being uncomfortable with trans people means they are aversed to trans people. Therefore, they are transphobic. Transphobia manifests in many ways from discomfort seeing or knowing one, to being quicker to judge a trans person for a misdeed than a cis person who did the same action. Then you get into the people who want to exterminate trans people. Just because they aren't as bad as they could be doesn't mean they are not bad. If your parents love you, they should take a proactive approach to reducing and eliminating their bias.
being uncomfortable with someones existence IS being phobic lol
sending hugs dude *offers hugs*
I’m in the same situation 😊 I’m glad we can share this community with Jamie
18:54 The ex is going after OP because he wants someone to blame for his anger rather accept the fact that his dad doesn't/didn't trust him with the truth.
My parents are homophobic, transphobic, racist and bigotted. I have nothing to do with them anymore and tbh, I feel free not being controlled by them anymore. You have a right to your own boundaries and beliefs just as they do to their own bigotted beliefs. None is better than the other. I really hate the double standards.
I’m working hard to cut off my bio family soon for similar reasons. My brother recently passed away, but once his will is settled? Thinking I may just. Change my phone number and leave it at that. But honestly my family’s reaction to me being trans was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’ve never been valued for who I am, and their response to me coming out is just a clear, more recent example of the same problems we’ve had my entire life.
If you have any tips on how to finalize that separation, I’d love to hear them. These days I live nearly on the opposite coast in the US from them, but making the final cut off is s really hard step to take and I want to do so carefully.
It's difficult for me to understand how people can get mad about finding out that someone is gay or trans. They are still the same person, you just know something more about them. To me it's like learning about their favorite food or a hobby, it's just another part of who they are.
No one would be mad about finding out that someone is straight or cis - and straight/cis people don't go around telling everyone that they are, it's just that most people assume they are, because that's the "default".
They're just taught to subjugate non-cishets because it's a "sin" or "unnatural" or some BS. Also, not a lot of people are smart. If everyone wore dyed bedsheets to hide their skin color, racists would do the same thing if their friend "came out" as non-White.
Honestly this has confused me for a while as well and I think the conclusion I've come to is that being trans, gay or anything else not cishet is given WAY too much importance by some of the cishet community when no one's ever up in arms when I say I hate mint flavored things, especially icecream. Like... Whether or not I like mint changes nothing about our relationship but it kinda feels sometimes like some people think being LGBT+ does automatically change your relationship with them, like you're gonna automatically start flirting with them or will refuse to date them outta nowhere when no one asked and you're probably not even interested in thinking about that stuff in the first place. I think Jaimie's right, people make it something inappropriate where it's not, buuut... If homophobes and transphobes really wanna go that route... Honestly thanks, if I ever decide to date again, I love when the bad options weed themselves out- though that's a big if, I actually like being single and idk why some people can't understand that
5:30 No, OP is not being an a-hole. If you're going to openly state that you think your 2 uncles are "disgusting," then you should not expect them to open up their house to you. If anything, I would've told my sibling that that niece isn't welcome in my house, and that if she has to stay at my house, _I will throw every homophobic statement that I've heard her say back in her face. Repeatedly. Multiple times per day._
In reality, my 2 nieces have never had any problem with me or my now-husband of 30 years. We're their gay-uncles. Always been together. My entire extended family's been very positive. And the fact that he and I have been a couple for 3 decades means they know him really well, know what a sweetheart he is, and that _I_ would be the one who got in big trouble if we ever split!
the neice in the first Aita reminds me of my brother. all of my family are supportive of the LGBTQ which is great because i am a lesbian and my cousin is gay and married to a man. however my twin brother is hompohobic and transphobic and the most likely reason why is the content he has consumed on the internet (such as homophobic YTbers) its really sad as he is my brother and i love him but he is so horrible sometimes.
I have the sense of humour of a teenager, but I'm grinning everytime I hear "trans-parent", it's just a phonetic thing though.
you can't see me! haha 😊
Outing anyone without permission of the person being outed is entirely unacceptable, and should receive the same amount of pushback that doxing someone online receives. If anyone asks AITA for outing so-and-so, the answer is YES! The daughter would have been wrong to say anything. Only her dad could make that decision. In 1984, my dad outed me to practically everyone I knew. This was not a great time to be openly out. Activism was growing, but we'd only got the pride flag 5 years earlier, and the AIDS pandemic was gaining steam. As a result I was assumed to have AIDS by anyone that knew I was gay. The hate and violence directed toward me was overwhelming, considering I was only 18 at the time with no one to turn to, or get advice from, or to tell me I wasn't a sick perverted disgusting human being. No internet, no organized outreach. Too young for clubs. Co-workers trying to kill me, literally. All of that can still happen today in the US, depending on your situation and where you live. Outing someone could literally cost them their lives.
It's actually possible to out someone without being the asshole. Extremely rare, but possible. I had someone I'd never met before introduce themselves to me as "Hi, I'm Jeremy and my pronouns are he/him" (all names and pronouns are made up). Later that day I introduced him to someone else "Hi Sally, this is Jeremy, I met him earlier". He immediately blew a gasket accusing me of outing him as trans. I didn't even know he was trans up until that point. But apparently he was still in the closet and I was supposed to deadname him. How he expected me to know his deadname I have no idea. I felt bad, because being outted sucks, but if you want someone to deadname you, you need to tell them your deadname and when you want them to use it. He proceeded to intentionally and very aggressively misgender me the rest of the evening.
@@waffles3629 but your situation is different you didn't knew that he wasn't out but we talk about people who go out of their way to reveal everything to everyone in front of them to get the attention they want and start drama.
I'm sorry that happened to you some people really think the world revolves around them
@@Shaytan.666 oh yes, purposely outting someone is atrocious, but I still technically outted this person. Yes, I didn't know they were trans, let alone in the closet, but I still outted them. And yeah, they definitely thought the world revolved around them, they even blamed me that most of the people around (it was some sort of social setting, don't remember what) started ignoring them, which was proof we were all transphobic. Like ah, yes, a bunch of trans people refusing to interact with a trans person who is being aggressively transphobic, definitely the fault of the person...they're being transphobic towards?
@@Shaytan.666 idk, DonMachado didn't clarify that the statements in the OP only apply to _intentionally_ outing someone... 🤷♂
>be that niece
>extremely homophobic
>specifically homophobic to uncle and his husband
>fall on hard times
>try to rely on uncle
>uncle says no
>mfw actions have consequences
I'm currently 7h post top surgery and im so happy guys I just wanted to share with yall
Happy for you! ❤
Omg that is amazing!! Congratulations and hope you have a speedy recovery!!
Yay! We love gender affirming surgeries in this house
yay!!! so hyped for you!! i got top surgery a bit over a year ago and it’s literally the best thing that’s happened to me. i feel so free and i’m now able to wear whatever i want without being dysphoric abt my chest. also i’m no longer crushing my ribs and lungs for hours on end which is a huge bonus, i was legit surprised how much i could inhale once i got outta my post op binder.
side note: how are u conscious dude?? i could barely stay awake long enough to eat a bowl of cereal lmao
Thank you. As an old guy (had to google AITA) hearing about specific situations and your comments on them feels like a software update. My brain aches a little, but it's good
I’m a transman that’s a dad too. My daughters are younger still so I haven’t had to deal with significant other’s yet, but friends of my oldest are curious and I always tell her that she can ask me anything and she is never a bad kid for not wanting to share with other people because that’s my responsibility and she can always send people to me to deal with. She’s only in elementary school so she’s far to young to have adults especially expecting her to share about my situation. I’m the adult.
"People would rather encourage lying..."
Well, most conservatives do this when it comes to politics, so it's no surprise there.
What did this boyfriend in the last one expect? First date they sit down and OP has to go "Theres something i need to tell you about my parents..." Like. No
the last one, there's an update post with it and she didn't end up getting back together with the bf. When she confronted him, he basically called the dad a straight woman in denial and op called it done there and then
A man can see a whole grown man but god forbid that man have a pregnancy 🙄the mental disconnect is wild
Also another angle to the last story is what if her dads were both cis men, that doesn’t mean that she has a mum necessarily. Lots of gay men have surrogate mothers to carry the baby, but have no further relationship with the bio mum, or adopt the child and don’t know who the parents are. I think its a really weird thing for the boyfriend to ask because a lot of people with gay parents don’t have a third parent. some do, some don’t.
I’ve recently been questioning my gender, and your videos make me feel so safe and they’re really helping me figure myself out. Love you Jamie
I wish you the best of luck on your journey! Gender is hard,
@@G0lden_cic4d4thank you so much
Best of luck to you. I hope you have a strong support system. ❤
Same
What is making you question your gender? Just asking because I'm curious about this stuff. You don't have to answer if you aren't comfortable doing so.
I'm a transgender man who gave birth to my children and they have their stepfather and all that, similar to the last story. I told my youngest about that one, and their immediate response was "Break up with him. That's obvious."
i think with the homophobic niece and her mother claiming "she's young and didn't know these actions would have consequences" that argument actually solves itself: right now she has a support network of parents who can and will help keep a roof iver her head, and a friend who will let her stay over. right now is the perfect time for her to LEARN that her actions have consequences, and so OP is doing what's correct, not just for their own safety, but for the long-term development of their niece as well
6:55 I love that it's not "she's young and naive, she didn't know how much she was hurting people", but "how could she know her actions would have consequences?"
Yeah my aunt became the first mormon in our family due to a childhood friendship. All it took was someone being nice to her and inviting her to things - as opposed her restrictive homebody parents. She became the first housewife in our family in 3 generations too, and taught her 4 daughters horrible lessons on their duties as future wives. Thankfully only one of them was ruined for life; married a man who cut her off from our family forever and kept her pregnant for a decade. The mormon church just says that such abusive behavior is his right as a husband.
I have a brother who is a teen but my parents haven’t taught him about the LBGTQ+ community really, he knows about gay people and that’s it, he thinks trans people can’t exist and giggles at the thought of more genders than 2. My parents excuse is that he is too young, it’s frustrating because like you said in the video, if it was a problem then why is he allowed to be exposed to straight people. My parents genuinely worried he is gonna convert to being gay if he learns about the community. I genuinely worry for him saying he could get into a bad rabbit hole and it especially hurts as someone who is closest knowing my own brother can’t even be told I exist. What’s worse is my parents say they are so supportive yet they are doing this. I wish people could get over themselves and just treat queer people like normal people
The last one has an update:
(Tl;dr at the beginning, cause why not.)
(OP cornered the boyfriend after school and asked him what his problem was. Basically, he thought that the father wasn't really trans and is just a confused straight girl, and that trans people shouldn't "participate in having kids." They are not together anymore.)
OP's words:
I’m not sure how to do updates since I been a lurker til now, but I read the policy on AITA abt updates and I got reading comprehension of a shrimp so Imma post here instead.
We are no longer together. I caught him after school and made him explain himself since avoiding talking to me about it isn’t going to help any of us. I asked him questions like was he embarrassed, like some of y’all suggestion, and he begrudgingly said no. It took several minutes to even get that answer so I just decided to be blunt if he has a problem with my dad being trans. The basic answer is yes. The longer answer is, as he puts it, if my dad really wanted to be a man then why is he participating in having kids. He went off about how my dad is just pretending and can’t just accept that he is just a straight girl. Honestly part of me just wanted to beat the shit out of him right then and there for the way he was talking about my dad. Honestly don’t know how I kept my composure.
As soon I was able to get a word in I told him we were done, someone who can’t love and appreciate my dad and the rest of my family isn’t someone I want to be with and I don’t want to be with someone who would even talk about ANY person like that. He just said fine and we went our separate ways.
Quite honestly, I was able to hold it together but as I sat in my car I just cried. Part of me just hoped that he was just being immature and was embarrassed, but no. I spent like 10 minutes there composing myself to drive and head home. I told my friends and they were pissed as hell at him especially my closer ones who were always on my side even before they were given the whole truth.
On a happier note, when I got home my parents ordered us pizza and we are having an early family night. My little brother, who’s only 8, was making these boxing moves and saying when he sees he gonna get him lol. My stepdad was like “we don’t use violence, [brothers name], though he tries anything I’ll kick that boy’s ass.” So, I’m doing pretty good now.
Thank you to all the replies I got btw!! I wasn’t expecting to get so many, I was only expecting maybe like 10 or smth. You guys made me feel a lot better about it and made me think of things about the situation that I hadn’t before. I appreciate it, yall are great!!!
This was the burning question on my mind after finishing the video.
I love how educational this can be on how to disclose trans and other information. If it's something new to you, there can be questions, and this is a great way to answer them. And a bit of fun, too. Thanks!
Because people are assholes and have the ability to persecute trans people with impunity, it's important to respect trans people's criteria on who does & doesn't know about their identity.
Story 1- NTAH. no one is required to let anyone they don't want in their home into their home. especially not some snotty, spoiled homophobic 20 year old. her mom saying she didn't know there would be consequences needs to take a long hard look at how she managed to raise a daughter who couldn't fathom that being a bigot would have consequences for her.
Story 3- NTAH. it is always wrong to out someone against their wishes. good job on being a regular person about it. /sincere
Story 4- NTAH. her boyfriend assumed her dads were cis and then got angry when it turned out they weren't. he's getting mad about nothing, or perhaps worse than that he's angry because his assumptions were wrong (and pretty transphobic considering how he lashed out). also, who thinks knowing about the details of their partners birth is like... critical to the relationship? edit: her friends suck. no one is entitled to know who is trans and who isn't. ever.
She should (for lack of a better way of phrasing this) adopt her ex's dad as her own if the family is that cruel. My heart breaks for her ex's dad. I truly hope he's able to live authentically now.
If you are going to be a dad you should be very TRANSPARENT with your kids about it.
I swear I saw the first story on Mrs Rogers' Am I The Bad Apple series.
Also, for the trans dad story, why is that even...an issue? I swear these are the same people who say "I don't care if you're trans, just don't talk about it all the time", but who are also like "trans people need to tell EVERYONE"!
Like..? Why does the boyfriend want to know that info anyway? In what way would it impact their relationship at all?
Yep, if you don't mention it you're hiding it, but if you do mention it you're shoving it down their throat. Ugh
In relation to the second story : I had a very similar experience, I was around 15 and my youngest brother was 10 and all my siblings already knew of my trans best friend since they transitioned.
But when I say simply "yeah I'm gay."
My mum lost it because she had a long history of demanding I use the term bisexual and took every moment to start that fight with me. When it came to my sibling, she called me a liar and that I'm misrepresenting what it means to be gay, and that I'm going to be the reason my sibling would be bullied more.
For lots of reason I've gone non contact with my mother since, but these moments always stick out in particular.
I have a former friend who's parents were nothing but supportive and inculsive. Her dad, who had sadly passed away, had been trans, and her mom was bisexual. The kid though, was very homophobic. She constantly used the f slur, and acted disgusted towards gay relationships. She would frequently call people gay as an insult, and just do and say generally homophobic things. Me and another friend would repeatedly call her out for this, but she kept doing it saying "Im not homophobic because my dad was trans." One time she told me "it hurt" when we said she was being homophobic because she apparently knew she wasn't. That friendship did not last long.
That homophobic niece really reaped what she sowed. If you are hateful towards others, you cannot expect people to welcome you with open arms when you need them. In Dutch we have a saying: "Eigen schuld, dikke bult", which means "it's your own fault, and now you are injured because of it". This couldn't be more appropriate here, and that niece deserves to be excluded. If I was that man, and the mother started to argue too much about the daughter staying, I'd sent her out of my house as well...
I love your videos so much, I watch them in secret just like I watched heartstopper on secret because my parents are incredibly homophonic and transphobic. I now identify as non binary at school while having to not be me at home but you make me happier thank you so much, you have that effect on people 😊
This is unrelated to this specific video but I wanted tp thank you Jamie because all your videos do not only help me educate myself on trans topics to better support my trans friends but they also made me come to terms with the fact that i can't really find a lable that fits my gender or my sexuality and made me realise that that is perfectly fine and I don't actually need to label myself if I don't want to, so thank you for producing all this lovely content, i am sure it's not always easy but I hope you know we appreciate you endlessly
Whatever it is, it's most likely under the agender or non-binary umbrella.
Kids can easily teach themselves transphobia via the same internet everyone uses. At 14, they already are massive internet users. You think they dont get subjected to Ben Shapiro's propaganda and the likes? They definitely do, they dont necessarily have to have real people teaching them hatred when there's so much of it everywere.
I appreciate that your comment implies that Ben Shapiro isn't a real person.
@@kingtigermusic I mean I wish
I absolutely fell for the propaganda when I was 16/17. It was all a stupid attempt to fit in with my family and my friends at the time. In reality, I ended up supporting ideology that wants people like me dead. In today's world it is so easy to be hateful. I don't fit in with those people and thank God for that. It took years for me to fully accept myself and live a mostly non judgmental lifestyle.
Generalizing maybe, but we all become hateful little gremlins to some degree at some point, but most of us grow out of it.
I made my browser always delete cookies, so Google had no reference for what to show me on RUclips. You would not believe how often they'd push conservative and/or right-wing videos, while in my year taking screencaps for proof I only noticed 1 leftist video.
Also it at least used to be very common for teenagers to spend time on places like 4chan and Funnyjunk and there's so much racist, sexist and queerphobic stuff in there. Like I've even seen people casually mention bigoted conspiracy theories out of nowhere as if they were no-brainer truths.
Which makes it even more funny when those people complain about pushing politics into their face by a gay couple existing, obviously you have no problem with politics, you just don't want to face anything that might make you feel like you're an asshole for disliking someone on the basis of who they love.
The boyfriends transphobia in the last story was really.....transparent 😎
"I don't like coffee, but I like the smell." I feel that on a deep, spiritual level.
For anyone that wants the smell of coffee without having to drink it, there are candles out there scented to smell like roasting coffee. I worked at a craft store that stocked them, so I know they exist. I have held them in my hands.
there are also candles with real bacon fat, they taste great.
I love these videos! But I do really enjoy when Shaaba reads out the comments on each story to see other people’s opinions, maybe you could start reading them too!
I thought the same :)
He can get away with not doing that to save time. Most people would still watch his videos 'til the end.
From context it seems Jamie just has screenshots of these stories, and is not actually reading reddit, so that's probably why he never looks at comments.
Maybe that niece could go stay at a place where they do intensive in patient therapy, and she can sort some of her stuff out. For example, it seems like it's very possible that she can't hold down a job because she can't stop being outwardly unpleasant to people. What's that about? Maybe dig into that.
She needs conversion therapy, but for Facebook detox.
Yep, some people will literally blame anyone but themselves for their actions. This person was a gay man, and I wrote him up for talking about sex at work with children present. He accused me of being homophobic and hating LGBT people (while aggressively misgendering me) because apparently I only wrote him up because it was gay and I'd never write up a straight person for talking about sex. Except I had done that previously. He ended up getting the "Quit before I fire you" option within a couple months and placed 100% of the blame on me. Like dude, I only wrote you up once, you also only showed up on time once.
Hey now, being unemployed at 20 isn't weird at all lol The comments are acting like she's 40 years old, but 20 is still a kid. She should know better, emotionally, than to be a bigot, but being a dependent at that age is fine.
@@jijitters yeah, like a lot of parents let their kids live rent free at that age, especially if they are in school.
before I watch, I just want to say. I saw you and Shaaba in Brighton today. I'm so happy, I didn't say hi tho I was too scared.
I love your videos they really helped me to start transitioning even with my homophobic family atleast so much I somehow could so thank you for helping me start with that ^^!!
Her dad’s genitals aren’t relevant to the topic. That’s why she didn’t tell her boyfriend. For her her “mom” has been her dad in all relevant situations! She wasn’t hiding anything she just wasn’t over explaining!
In OP’s mind it probably doesn’t even matter, because a parent is a parent. Same as her stepdad also being a ‘full’ parent in her eyes and her heart.
For the story at 19:14, I have a trans sister. She transitioned before I went to college, so all of my old friends still know her as my brother (she's not generally out back home), while all my college friends know her as my sister. I've never told them that she was trans, because it's never come up, and it doesn't affect them.
Bet if the OP for that last post had told her boyfriend earlier there'd be something about trans people shoving our identities down people's throats or something along those lines. It wasn't relevant, it became relevant, he learned the information when it became relevant. Heck, some of my partners didn't learn my parents are divorced until a couple months in because I don't have much of a relationship with either and that's been a normal fact of life for me for so long that it's just not something I think about or comes up much. And that one is both a lot more relevant to family dynamics and much less private than a parent being trans is.
Yep, it's a catch 22. If you don't say you're trans it means you're hiding it (and generally accused of hiding it for nefarious reasons), but if you do say you're trans your shoving it down their throat and making it your entire identity.
First story: NTA obviously. When we had just the title, I thought OP might have been if they were homophobic or transphobic or something towards her, but then when he said HE was in a M/M relationship, I was like "maybe the daughter is homophobic," but I was expecting a teenager, so I thought he still would have been an asshole. But then she's TWENTY?! lmao get out of here.
Second story: NTA Oh he's not even gossiping about other people, he's talking about HIMSELF being gay. The kid is 9, and he explained it in a very reasonable manner, and it's NOT INAPPROPRIATE
Third story: ABSOLUTELY NTA. Everyone in the ex's family, except the dad, are total pieces of shit. OP was 1000% in the right for keeping his secret for him, and he was the only one who got to tell anyone. Period.
Fourth story: Come on, Jamie, at least have ONE of these stories where the OP is the asshole! It's getting boring saying they're all NTA. But yeah that ex-boyfriend sucks. Kick him to the curb
That's just r/amItheasshole; most of the posts are just karma farms that are obviously NTA. Shaaba's videos have some YTA posts.
17:01 Other people's secrets are not yours to share. That's literally the purpose of a secret
I'd get upset about trans parents if I needed to see them.
bro, why? trans people are valid people and should have kids if they wish
@@MxWizardSnekIII because I want to see them but can't, it'd help if they were opaque.
Ayyyyy 👉👉
@lunarotimas OMFG I'M SO DUMB AND I'M SO SORRY 😭😭😭
this really made me laugh though
you have just made a transparent person's day better
17:15 What did OP's ex expect her to do all those years ago, out his dad and completely blow up his family? How would he have felt about _that?_ Yeah, not only was it not her secret to tell, but the consequences of her spilling the beans would've been directly and intentionally harmful! NTA
Hey Jamie! just received my Pud Dino the other day and they are hanging out with my ESD and Mango
Same here, and the trio is chilling with my smol Blåhaj
Yaaas mango and ESD!
Congratulations on your book Jamieeeeee! All the best for your book tour!
I had a cousin's 10yo daughter ask me about what non-binary means. I am non-binary but wasn't really out to the cousin, so she wouldn't have heard it about me, but for whatever reason, I was who she chose to ask on that day. I explained simply that a non-binary person is someone who isn't a boy or a girl, some feel they are somewhere in between and some feel like they are neither. Her mum was furious but I don't regret it.
with the last one i swear some people just treat trans people as if they’re not human like imagine being like “why didn’t you tell me your dad was one of them transgenders?! i’m the victim of having a gf who has a trans parent!” and then others agreeing??? some people omg….
Yeah ... People just don't want to be associated. My theory about these kinds of people is they put trans people in the animal class instead of the human class, so social norms don't apply.
@@phoebegee54 yeah! people just say the most out of pocket shit to trans/queer people all the time with no self-awareness!
@@figbella23 unfortunately I'm well aware, yeah... I don't know what can be done about it to be honest. It's not even seen as a problem really. Even I didn't used to see it as a problem, just used to be like, straight people, what are they like. But we should expect better.
@@figbella23 Definitely. I saw a clip of a senate hearing that took place in Arkansas. The person testifying was a transwoman, & a senator asked her if she had a penis. A fucking _SENATOR._ It reminded me of when Black people had to weather intrusive questions & other rude shit just because they were Black. It's a similar "othering" dynamic. Us trans people aren't _human_ to these asswipes.
It's interesting how so many people think they "have a right no know" things that aren't their business.
I hope you come to or near Cincinnati. Your content has gotten my family through a lot ❤️
I had my best friend, her husband and their 27 year old son as guests at our beach house. I was shocked to find out their son, whom I have known since birth, was sure that the only path to heaven was Jesus Christ and that he, a sweet young man, was probably going to hell (of course all the LGBTQ+were definitely going )!His parents are conservative but I could tell his mom, who was listening, was shocked and saddened by this. I asked him what in the world would make him think that? He is a newlywed and so young. He said it’s not enough just to be good. I just left it there because there was so much to unpack! Later his mom said she doesn’t know where that came from!!!
Netflix has She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, which has multiple gay characters and the show is rated 7 and up. homophobia is stupid, uuuuuhhhhg
In my sports club there were two five-year-old girls going “you’re gay” - “no, you’re gay” and giggling. This didn’t happen in English, they used a word that is used for homosexual men/boys only. So I asked them if they knew what gay means. More giggling, then they told me it means you’re in love. I said yes, but when a boy is in love with another boy. They stared at me for a second and then kept on playing and giggling. No big deal apparently.
Also, I can imagine the boyfriend in the last one was super embarrassed cause he asked about the mom. He couldn’t handle his embarrassment properly, maybe it was his first encounter with an trans person, and he lashed out. I hope those three days without contact gave him an opportunity to calm down and reflect
I feel horrible for the young man in the second one. I am impressed with how comfortable he is with himself and his boyfriend. I wouldn't have that courage if I had a bigoted parent and a little brother.
I taught my kids from about the age of 5 that love is love and that it can be between the opposite sex and same sex, I taught them about transgender people too. I did it in an age appropriate way, and as they got older, they learnt more. Now, as teenagers, they fully accept that life isn't the same for everyone. Most importantly that love is love no matter what form it is in.
The niece is getting this from her mother. Her mother is just better at hiding it.
You may be right, but if not, mom is still a HUGE enabler to her adult daughter. Not a good look either way
The 16f in the first story is most definitely repressing her own sexuality for whatever reason. She's trying to convince everyone and herself that she is straight.
I firmly believe that other ppls secrets or not mine to share. Especially if sharing it would cause direct harm. UNLESS, not telling would hurt someone. I think op was golden for not outing their ex's dad.
Immediately, I would suggest the sister in law (mother of the homophobic niece) if she would be willing to let someone stay with her long term that refused to talk to her, and made clear that they way that she lives is unacceptable.
For the first one, the younger generations can easily be radicalized to hate certain groups of people just by falling into the wrong groups on social media, even if their parents arent bigots. That could be one possibility. Internalized hate could definitely be another one. I know I was kind of transphobic before I realized I was trans, and that definitely came from internalized hate.
let me just say, as a trans guy who is closeted to my parents, i hate when people say “WhY dOnt YoU CoMe OuT yEt If YoU KnOw YoUr PaReNtS ArEnT HoMoPhObIc” like because its hard? (my parents arent homophobic and might know im trans already, and have told me to my face, with a bit of rewording, its okay if im trans and i can tell them.)
i really, really, really hope that when you're a dad you make the "transparent" joke :>
One time my little cousin asked me if I had a boyfriend and I at the time (I’m single now) said no, I had a girlfriend. And he was confused and said “ew girls aren’t supposed to date girls” so I was trying to just casually explain that girls can dates girls and boys can dates boys just how girls can date boys vice versa. That’s all I said, and my older cousin and grandpa heard me and told me to stop because he isn’t old enough (he was like 9 years old and I didn’t say anything inappropriate) it was icky of them
"Waaaaa! I don't like trans people! But I liked your dad! And now I'm mad that i liked him without knowing he trans! I don't wanna like him bc he Trans! Waaa waaa!"
That's all I fucking hear.
Okay, so wholesome moment. I had a gay dad and I came out as bi when I was 12. I came out because I couldn't stand not speaking out when people were homophobic, and I literally came out because a homophobe asked me if I was gay after I told him to shut up. But my sweet precious dad told me that if I ever wanted after that to not have to come out in moments like that, that I could just tell people he was gay. And this was the '90s so it was much less accepted than it is now, he wasn't even sure he wouldn't lose his job, he was out in his private life but not at work. Anyway, wholesome gay dad willing to be thrown under the bus so that I could stay in the closet if I wanted (even though I didn't).
i mean its hard, but also i really wouldnt want to be mad dogged or called a slur by someone i let crash at my house. She's 20, I would have told the parents the daughter can stay if she is respectful for once. if not she can get a hotel
I’m a lesbian and I came out to my cousin a couple years ago. I’m not out to my brother or parents, my parents are allies (and I’m pretty sure my mom knows) but my brother is very homophobic. A few months ago, my cousin, brother, and I were all hanging out and my cousin mentioned that I had a massive crush on a girl, my brother got confused bc he thought I was straight and my cousin said I was bisexual (I thought I was bi at the time but recently came to the conclusion that I’m just lesbian) I pulled my cousin aside and told her that I wasn’t comfortable with her telling people especially my brother because he’s homophobic. She asked how he was homophobic and I gave a few examples and she said that she agreed with the homophobic things he had said. She was pissed that I got mad at her as well and didn’t see how it was bad. I was kinda shocked bc before this she was supportive and actually pansexual so I thought she would understand
Oh nice that you made a new video c: Your vibes are so wholesome
Jamie is going to be a Ndad who is trans? He's going to turn invisble! Nooooooo, we won't be able to see Jamie if he's transparent