“I love you unconditionally” seems weird you have to add that every time Sure a lot of it is just defensiveness. They felt like they were bing nice, got an unexpected response, and go “but I was trying to be nice what gives” but then you grow tf up and realize that’s your own insecurity at things going wrong, the other person doesn’t owe you the response you wanted.
@@Xanderj89 adding the unconditionally is only necessary if youre with someone with like abandonment issues for reassurance n shit, dont know why it would otherwise be necessary
This is how I respond to the "nice guy" complaint that women hate it when you hold the door for them. The issue is whether or not you'd still hold that door for a dude. If no, that's shitty. If yes, then we're good.
@@animeartist888 exactly! Tinder date this and the next door I went through I ran ahead to hold the door for him. I was already half cut so turned into a night that was like "wait a minute, was that a nice date?" the next day questioning why I was so petty about a door... but it is not a gendered thing to hold a door open and it was a feeling of the niceness being a mask.
I have 7 chicks. They all use me. I'm used as a napping spot! Sometimes multiple chicks will sleep on my lap at once! Sometimes I feel like I will explode with cuteness! 7 baby chickens sitting on me at once! (They're not babies anymore but they're adolescent. Still technically chicks but they're basically mini chickens)
Healers of long-forgotten lands used to whisper round the dying fire that, one day, someone would discover the exact age and number of chickens it would take to heal all manner of diseases and pains when the chickens were sat on the afflicted person's body. Guys, it's seven. Seven adolescent chickens.
@@Milo-hp9fw The way they staaare if you don't have something for them...LOL Add in a turkey inflating his feathers every time he sees you and it's a madhouse of feathers.
"But he seemed so nice" "He's a very nice prince" "Nice is different than good" "You're so... nice. You're not good, you're not bad, you're just "nice". Into the Woods has a lot to say about it, a very good reference.
@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz Than he shouldn't be offended but these comments. He should have the emotional maturity to understand that alot of jerks used "nice guy" as a term for spoiled brat who has a fit and believes that holding the door open for a woman gives him ownership of her.
This may explain the reason why they despise therapy... going to therapy and healing means re-writing your personality. And even then, there is no guarantee that you will get the results you seek in life.
@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz Fantastic my dude, and as a guy I hold the door open for anyone I can no matter the gender. But I don't think that makes me deserving of special thanks or women dating me just because I am doing basic human decency.
@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz Easy, then he doesn't need to say it because other people will automatically explain his (patterns in his) behaviour against criticism. To the rest of the world you are the culmination of all of your behaviour, words included. Give respect and honour to the person next to you and it will be returned. That doesn't mean that people won't still be shit sometimes, it means that you're never alone in facing it. The bare necessities.
Hal's character in Megamind vs Megamind is a perfect example of "nice guy syndrome". Hal does things for Roxanne and expects her to love him in return while Megamind loves Roxanne and is purely happy just spending time with her, even if he gets nothing in return. He becomes a better person because of Roxanne and still says he understands if she's not interested.
I once had a "nice guy" who thought he could get me to change my mind into liking him by being nice to me despite telling him repeatedly that he was not my type. Also, he would constantly dead name me with "cute" nicknames that played off my dead name. Like he knew why I changed by name from the one I was given by parents who verbally, psychologically, & emotionally abused me but thought he could just fix it by giving me nicknames instead of using my preferred name which he only did occasionally. Once he started going into transphobic & homophobic stuff, I blocked him & stopped interacting with him entirely. Apologies for my little ramble there, but yeah, nice doesn't mean you're entitled to anything beyond a polite response of thank you
So not only could he not take no for an answer, he couldn't even be bothered to come up with nicknames based off of your actual name? Honestly, how stupid can someone get.
Being nice is the bare minimum, it doesn't make you entitled to anything. Also nice people don't have to say they're nice, people just immediately know
@@aspidoscelis wdym? if someone thinks of you as a bad person because of a stereotype, I doubt saying "I'm nice" is going to change anything if actually being nice wont.
@@catenjoyer12They left a giant comment about how people making fun of “Nice Guys” hurts and is stereotypical of actual “nice guys”. But from their tone I think the nice guys they’re referring to are in deed the kind from this video.
'you make X your whole personality' usually means: i am actively bigoted against something that is part of your identity, so you find yourself having to constantly defend yourself on that topic. You should just be quiet and let me speak over you.
"…and let me -speak over- abuse you." There. Fixed it for you. Because that's what they are really looking for: for their victim to stop defending themselves and go back to taking their beating. As I say: "It's not 'playing the victim' if someone is _constantly under attack."_
Nope, there absolutely are types who make one single issue their entire personality and these people are insufferable. They're the 'professionally offended' ones who see racism / homophobia / misogyny etc in absolutely everything and will turn every single conversation around to their pet topic. You can start off asking them what they are having for lunch and end up listening to a soap box lecture.
@@John_Weiss bingo. You just nailed my spawn points attitude. Apparently my medical problems were ignored growing up because I "cried wolf" too often. Except every single example they gave was a time I actually was sick or injured. Two of the examples they gave ended with me having surgery.
I knew a "nice guy" who I had to block because he kept coming onto me aggressively despite me being in a relationship and ace. The worst part is that I met him as a minor and he was an adult.
oh. oh that sounds like smth people i know would do (im ace and they are tryna trick me into 'slipping up' like guys you know im serious, were teens, the horniest stage of life, i have felt none of this i'm not sure if y'all are mentally good tbh, you sure you not the one with the issue??)
Internet Uncle-Gay🏳🌈 Wags the Finger of Shame at this self-declared "nice" guy, who's actually a p3d0. Oh, but we gays are the ones you're supposed to have to worry about being around children. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
" I know you are special and I treated you special no one will ever treat you as well as I did" says guy who did the bare minimum of pleasant social interaction with someone
"I hate most women but I'm not a mysoginistic guy" is truly an example of what people are talking about when they complain about "I'm not sexist but". The guy really opened up with the part you're supposed to say quietly.
I came across a bear as a kid while alone and it was much less scary than many men I’ve come across. I knew if I was quiet and moved slowly, not disturbing the bear, it wouldn’t bother me. Especially because it was already preoccupied eating something I had no interest in going near.
In my experience, the dudes who say "they make being ___ their entire personality" tend to be the type of dudes who ask a million questions about said topic. I have a roommate who is kind of a nice guy (not to an extent where I'd feel unsafe around him). He thinks that I've made being gay my entire personality. Literally 99% of the time we talk about these things, he's the one that has brought it up. He asks me random questions about queer identities on a regular basis unprovoked. Tons of jokes about loving Harry Potter because he thinks it bothers me. Constantly asking and talking about my sex life (I'm asexual & he insists I will love sex if I just try it). Etc etc. I would actually much prefer to talk about video games & movies, but the dude who thinks my entire identity revolves around how gay I am can never seem to stop himself from shifting the topic of conversation to queer issues.
OMG i literally have the same experience with my childhood "friend". He acts as if he's a nice guy and he's extremely annoying, bigoted and homophobic Everytime i meet up with him he ALWAYS asks me about queer stuff and he always says smth like "did you know that gay ppl (insert bad action that obvi isint real)" Your roommate sounds like a pretty un-fun guy to be around, and i hope you get a better environment (if you need one)
I think you'll get a kick out of this: So I'm dyslexic and predictably misread stuff in comments a lot. I misread "can't seem to stop himself from *shifting*" as "he can't seem to stop himself from *shitting*." 😂😂😂 Anywho, i hope this makes you laugh as much as i did! Have a lovely day!
If you are only nice to get something out of it, you are not genuinely nice. And a person you are interested in does not owe you anything either, especially if they aren't interested in you for whatever reason. Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it's probably shit.
Ways my heart was broken at 14: men won't ever love you because you're a disgusting troll man in a dress, you're a predator and a threat to anyone you like Ways these guys get their heart broken: actually I am not interested in you sorry It's just such a wildly different set of experiences 🤣 and for the record, I healed from that bullshit in my early life, and you can too!
@@angelx9724 I'm glad to hear you've gotten past that! (Also, 14??? That's wild, there isn't even much visible difference between the sexes at that age)
"If I act nice, agree to everything and be what she likes" is so telling. They genuinly think every cis straight man in a happy relationship is just acting, pretending to agree with their loved one and change themselves into being what the other wants. Like they can't comprehend that some people are not assholes like them and as such people can like them as they are, and that you can just agree with a woman without it having to be an act 😂
I mean, they aren't too far off in some respect. Very few couples start off as perfect for each other, and both parties should be willing to undergo a level of personal change in order to make themselves better for there partner. But if you're just forcing yourself into a mould of what you think they want (i doubt it's actually what they really want, "nice guys" are hardly the attentive sort) then people will notice how uncomfortable and performative you are, which isn't something anyone wants in a partner, for many reasons.
I think our society as a whole really coddles boys' and men's feelings. For some reason, most women learn to self-reflect and blame themselves when they're wrong, whereas it seems like too many men are taught to get angry at someone else. We encourage them to have inflated egos and expect a servile attitude from others, particularly women. Somehow, we teach them that getting broke up with by their "girlfriend" at 14 is a justification for acting broken and outraged for the rest of their lives. It's ridiculous. We need to teach our boys accountability.
It's that same sh!t as "Boys will be boys". Parents raising sons need to be better about raising their sons in the same way as they raise their daughters, or to take the gender out. Raise all your children to be kind, empathetic, and respectful of other people. Do not allow them to be entitled, and that if someone says they aren't interested, believe them and respect their decision and boundaries.
i think it's that when women are angry they're seen as a "crazy woman", while men being angry, especially at their family, is seen as righteous because they're the "man of the house" and get to make the rules due to bringing in the income this attitude then gets spread to the rest of society, and any deviations from that model (women working, or, *god forbid!*, queer people!) are put down due to challenging the authority of men over their family
@@fiona9891 Yes, for sure. The whole thing is harmful to everyone, men included. We teach our boys to only experience negative emotion as anger, which isn't always the best coping mechanism for the boy or those around them. Then men's rights activists or incels or whatever get mad at how men's emotions like sadness and insecurity aren't appreciated in society. It's like yes, glad you finally noticed: that's the harm of the patriarchy and traditional gender roles.
The one about the 'saturday' date, it gave me the vibe that he knew what she meant, but was trying to pressure her into it. Though, sometimes i struggle with talking about 'next sunday' and stuff, so i personally developed the habit of confirming the calendar date as well. It cuts out any possible miscommunication
Yes I thought this too, like he was hoping if he deliberately ‘pretended’ he got the date wrong, she would just cancel her plans and show up at the time that he wanted (earlier then she was comfortable with). The whole thing stunk of emotional manipulation and gaslighting. If I was her there’s no way I would’ve shown up the next Saturday if it was a date 😬
I found out my co-worker is a nice guy. I told him that I don't like him in a romantic way and now he's taking it out on my friend that he's convinced I'm interested in (I'm not). He might even be fired because of it
“you can do a nice thing without overstepping” YES ! I once had a colleague who developed an unhealthy obsession with me, and one year on my birthday, he thought it would be a great idea to break into my property at night, leave me a food basket in front of my door, without a card or anything, ring the door bell and then vanish before I had time to open - so I found myself looking at a “present” somebody had dropped there after going through two doors to dispose of it, and no idea who it was. I still don’t understand how this was supposed to not be creepy A-F Wanna do something nice and give me a birthday present? How about giving it at the work party we had the day before and not breaking i to my property to deliver it anonymously ?
@@AskMia411Oh, because HE ASKED ME the day after if I liked his “present” Also the same guy who once sent a text at like 02.00 am on a Saturday/Sunday night “I know you’re not sleeping” and when I tried and tell him he couldn’t phrase things like that it was creepy a-f, he played dumb, pretending he did not see how it would have been less creepy to write that he happened to drive by on his way from the airport and saw my lights were still on, or you know, to write nothing at all … I have tons of anecdotes like that
These guys have a problem where they think that surface level politeness is all that is required of them, whereas what women are asking for is genuine respect. Respect and manners often go hand in hand, but they are not actually the same thing. Also, too many people define a successful relationship ONLY as being a relationship that never ends, and I think that's a very narrow way to view relationships. Any relationship where you came out of having learned something, having been better for the experiencing, etc, is successful. Even if it ended.
On the other hand to quote my Nanna (on the occasion of her golden wedding anniversary) 50 years of misery is nothing to celebrate. (They were both much happier when they went to live in separate nursing homes, don’t ask me why they didn’t separate earlier)
Exactly. They have this fictional ideal where just being bare-minimum polite means that a woman will fall in love with them. This ain’t the movies, dude. Feelings don’t just happen because the script tells them to. If you want to be a woman’s boyfriend/partner, then stop messing around and say your piece. Ask her out. If she says no, feel your feelings and either stay friends or move on. “You never chose me”-because you obviously didn’t indicate your intentions. Acting like a “polite” NPC, then getting mad when you’re forever the NPC is a skill issue, bruh.
@@gabriellehitchins9182 They probably didn't separate earlier because it was less common and less acceptable for their generation. Which I think is really sad, honestly. My parents divorced when I was very young, but I am lucky that they are on good terms. I remember my father talking to me about it when I was a teenager, and he's the one that told me that you can't define a relationship's success by its longevity. He considers their marriage "successful" because they had me, and because both him and my mother left that relationship understanding themselves better and having grown as people in ways they wouldn't have, if they never got together.
uhhh, I have a "nice guy" story :3 I'm a trans guy and went to school with "nice guy" at some point we were alone and all of a sudden he came at me and started to insult me. he told me that I am an a***ole because I try to get every girl into my bed and I don't give him a chance to land at any of them. honestly, I didn't know what to reply to that X'D I am ace and I had zero interrest in a relationship at that time. even back then I've always tried to simply be nice to everyone (women, men, and everone else) and I don't meet so many "nice guys" in RL anymore (very queer with very queer friends) but if I do, they always think that I am gay, because I am nice to men and apparently too nice to women for a straight guy 🤷 they are a whole different species
I’m demisexual so pretty much I’m never attracted to anyone unless I’m great friends with them or know them well and love their personality first. I’m also Autistic. I’ve recently started seeing a therapist to help me with interactions and peopley things that I guess most people just know (like it’s a built in hard drive while I got like the fraudulent copycat’s glitchy update 😂). And it turns out I’ve been shooting ‘nice guys’ down without even realising it… if someone’s nice and courteous to me, we have good meaningful talks and get along well - I’m going to want to hang out with them/be their friend. If there not and looking for some type of ‘clue’ then they’re shit out of luck because if you don’t physically say to me “I like you/want to go on a date with you” Imma not going to pick up some weird subliminal message. I’m just going to think you were some random nice stranger or friend of a friend who’s actually ’not a nice person’ when I know them better. If they’re looking for me to think I’m in dept to them or owe them for that - I’m not going to pick up on any hints unless they come right out and say that and then, yeah saying that will clue me in pretty quickly that you’re not a nice person to be around anyway. Recently my therapist told me that ‘guys will often compliment your looks and ask what you are interested in/about things you like if they’re interested in you or floating the idea of a date’ and I was just floored because I just thought that was a thing people do because like they’re your friend and want to make you smile/feel good and talk about a topic you enjoy… and then I guess a LOT of my life makes sense now 🤦♀️ Now I try to just date through apps and I put that I’m demisexual and autistic in my bio first thing and explain that if you want to ask me on a date you need to actually ask because otherwise imma miss any type of hint and just continue to think we’re good besties for eternity, even if I actually like them! 😅 So I’ve never understood the ‘hints’ about people who are already in a relationship or gay. Like to me, I’m going to be nice to you/want to hang out/be your friend but I’ll obviously put anything relationship/sexual forever off the table bc it’s not going to happen. But I still act the same to them as I would to someone who is single/interested in… I would never just assume someone was gay, in a relationship, interested or not interested unless they told me themselves. Apparently I’ve missed ‘obvious’ clues because I’ve had friends who didn’t know me well pull me aside and tell me ‘you know such and such is gay/in a relationship/not interested in women etc.’ a few times but literally we’re only genuinely talking and I’m interested in the conversation (I actually don’t know how to flirt but I definitely know none of these people I was even remotely attracted to or liked that way 🙃 When I was first making friends in college one of my closest and best friend (and her boyfriend when his schedule was free) would have lunch together almost everyday. She absolutely loves him (and he her) so she was always mentioning him/what he did/what he liked etc. So when we had lunch every so often I’d ask him about his course/things he liked (especially when we were left alone in awkward silence while my friend grabbed her meal, got condiments, paid etc. About 2 years later when we were super close and lived next to each other in the dorms/saw each other everyday and told each other everything - she told me that she’d been super jealous of me and thought I was trying to chat up with/steal her boyfriend because she’d come back to the table and we’d be talking about something he liked that I could relate to/had experience with and because one time I drove out to the club to pick them up at 2 in the morning (she thought it was because I knew he would be there and drunk) though I actually did because she was my friend and was with someone she loved and needed help/was the decent thing to do. Apparently she was worried that I’d picked up on how she was a bit ‘touchy’ and ‘bitchy’ to me sometimes when I brought her boyfriend up in conversation/commented on something she’d brought up with him in it (which I absolutely had completely missed anyway 🤦♀️) but she said after a few months of knowing me she realised I was just stupidly nice and chatty to everyone and not trying to burn her relationship into ashes 😅 She was actually the one who brought up me possibly being asexual - but that label didn’t fit me right because I knew I’d had a whole 2 pretty intense teen crushes, plus book/tv characters so she and I just put it down to my complete lack of awareness of anything to do with flirting/social signals and had a good laugh about it for an afternoon 😂
For the rest of my time at college, she’d come up to some guy who was probably trying to chat me up/flirt with me pretty intensely (while I had absolutely no clue) and tell me that ‘her boyfriend’s name’ was looking for me. It was her way to let me know that whoever I was talking to was NOT actually interested in our conversation and gave me an excuse to leave if I wanted to / then she would have a silent giggle in good humour afterwards bc she’d used the guy’s name who she thought I was trying to steal from her once upon a time to save me from a similar misunderstanding with someone else who I wasn’t sexually interested in. A lot of the time that phrase meant I knew that whoever had gotten the wrong impression that we were going home together that night and I knew to either politely leave or turn the conversation into some boring small talk/strategically infer (probably very awkwardly) to whoever it was, that I wasn’t interested romantically/sexually or would need to get to know them for months/years before they had a chance lol
maybe I'm just too aroace to get it but I've never understood why nice guys get so bent out of shape about someone not wanting to be with them, why would you WANT to be with someone who's not interested?
I have rejection sensitivity disorder so I never got the wanting to be with someone who doesn't want me 100% always lmao believe it or not I found someone lmao But I honestly never got the perusing or wanting someone who doesn't want you.
Yeahhhhh, op. I think it's just because they feel like relationships = success, and the lack of one, can maybe make em feel like they NEED to 'win'-? Other part is just poor acceptance, and bad emotional maturity. Got people in my life, who just don't know healthy outlets for upsets, and put it on others. They don't much understand boundaries, very much nice guy territory. :( Its just sad to see, cus they're sad, they're making people sad, and it's just all around a sad thing. Therapy people, therapy all around.
@@soaringspirits2267 lol no life isn't that kind to me, just have an amazing gf but like everything else is shite lmao but thanks for the good wishes! Hope life's good to you!
I'm neither aro nor ace, and I don't get it either. I think they just need to work it out in therapy. (To clarify, I think most people, including myself, need therapy!)
I had an incident last week where a guy ended up having a screaming hissy fit because I rejected his unwanted advice, literally screaming and swearing about how ‘nice’ he was trying to be. Not a hint of self awareness.
Why do I feel like these "but I did something nice!" people are the ones who would go "I helped out a disabled person today by helping them cross the street. Oh yeah, I just grabbed them, didn't ask which way they were going, and dragged them across the street. But then they were just so rude when I said "and aren't you going to say thank you?"”
The thing about people making feminism, being LGBT, neurodiversity, etc., "their whole personality" probably has to do with how... being a woman or LGBT or neurodivergent influencing every aspect of your life? So once you notice that, you talk about it.
someone was like "im okay with the queers, just as long as they dont make it a problem" and im like *my estranged cousin outside the law,* we are in a heternormative society.
18:14 "hello trans ppl, have you heard i do not care about your trans stuff? have you heard? i will block you for being trans bc i do not care. did i tell you i do not care?" damn so interesting how often i see stuff like that
The whole "Next Saturday" thing is frustrating because so many people use it to mean "This Coming Saturday" (or whatever day). If I get confused by that I get treated like I'm dim as a soggy match. HOWEVER, tne second poster did clarify that the coming weekend was too soon and they wanted to wait the extra week. It was clear even to me. On the plus side, considering the reaction of the other party, they dodged a bullet so it's all good.
it took me a little *too* long to realize that the irony of the meme is that, the boy is 1) putting himself in the "cage" on his own, and 2) the "cage" does not exist, it's literally a figment of the imagination 😭💀😂
I briefly dated a classic "nice guy" in my 20s, and he would pop up every now and then in my DMs when he saw that I was single. He played the sympathetic ear game. Although I barely talked to him about my failed relationships, and I never asked him for advice. Meanwhile, he would talk to me about his relationship woes and at one point asked if he should ask his daughter's preschool teacher out because he was into her and she seemed to be flirting with him. As a former daycare worker, I was horrified and said absolutely not. Just because a woman is nice to you doesn't mean she is opening the door for sex. It's part of the teacher's job to be friendly with parents. I'm not sure *why*, but I continued talking to him and at some points was a little flirty. He finally left me alone after I told him I wasn't going to guarantee sex if I did ever hang out with him. He basically told me that I had wasted his time and been a tease. I'm nonbinary and honestly find a lot of things strange about cis people, but cis men's audacity never ceases to amaze me.
Another guy said to me, "I don't care if you're nonbinary or a woman or man or whatever. You're hot." And later grabbed and kissed me when I said I did not want a kiss.
I respectfully disagree, solely on the fact someone gifted me an "I Bite" pin. Okay, I am the someone. I saw the pin next to a cash register, immediately bought it and attached it to my messenger bag. Was this in the year 2006? Maybe. Yes.
As far as I'm aware, "backtalking" is primarily used to describe children who "disrespect" their parents while being punished, lectured, etc. by saying something sarcastic or using the wrong tone of voice or defending themselves against what their parents are saying. So any man using that word when talking about women is a HUGE red flag and implies that he thinks women are subservient or that he should be able to control them.
While I mostly agree, I have to say... Unless it's in a certain aspect of a relationship. For example; a sub/dom where the sub is a brat (Ik this bc I am a brat, and whenever I'm in a relationship and my partner says "no backtalking" or something like that in a few situations, I melt lmao). Edit: Basically, when it's a consensual/mutually agreed upon thing, it's good.
@@katyamcadams Sure, in that kind of scenario, and if you're into it and it's consensual, that's a totally different dynamic. In the example the video showed, the guy was talking about women in general though, not about a specific relationship, so in his context it's just gross.
He meant 'talking behind your back' and yep women/girls do that a lot. Act nice to someone's face and talk trash about that person with their friends. When a guy doesn't like you he'll insult you to your face so at least you know where you stand.
It’s always funny to me when transphobic people say “I don’t like/interact with *Pronoun People”* like it’s some kinda burn or clap-back but don’t realize “Pronoun People” means everyone (I, you, me, he/she/they, them, that, etc.)
god, my ex needs to see this video. That part with the text conversation where the guy had apparently been left on Read/Seen…happened to me all the time. Constant gaslighting and manipulation, and I was way too naive and self-critical to realize I wasn’t the problem for the longest time. It was incredibly miserable. So glad I’m out of that.
Congrats on you for have being strong enough to not let that man manipulate you into submission. Hope you are doing well and found healing. Un abbraccio!
I and my partners largely use it for that, but also if one of us says we're gonna go shower the others will send "👀" as a way to say "hehe can I watch?" idk allosexuals exist I guess
Nice guys feel like they watched 90s romcoms where they learnt that wearing women down works and you can make someone fall in love with you by performing ‘goodness’ as defined by Hollywood because they don’t know how to do it without a manual and are frustrated it doesn’t work like the movies promised it would.
Thank you! I was hoping someone was gonna point that out. Having dealt with people who acted like this in my life I know exactly what kind of game they’re playing… I’m so glad that someone else caught the manipulation out too. He wanted *this Saturday* and didn’t get it, so he just decided to gaslight this girl into thinking the date wasn’t when she set it, *then* threw a total tantrum when she didn’t fall for it and immediately give him what he wanted like he stupidly hoped she would… Gotta love nice guys 🙄
@@Imjustkendall this quote is from the same person that said "do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?" It's the same person decided to save a murderer who destroyed entire planets just because she said that if he saved her, she would try to become a good person. I agree with you, but I don't think that the person I'm quoting would.
The "I'm a nice guy I just got my heart broken" thing made me roll my eyes so hard I think I pulled a muscle. Personal trauma might be the underlying cause for treating other people like shit, but it is never, ever an *excuse* for treating other people like shit. If someone treats other people like shit, that someone isn't a good person. They might be a formerly-good person who, with time and/or therapy, might one day be a good person again -- but right here, today, they aren't.
One of my friends is a really nice person, and my first instinct when describing him to someone else is to say: "He is a nice guy", but due to incel culture, that now comes across as an insult, so I just resort to saying "He's a good boy" Edit: 26:50 well feck, they're also moving in that direction.
Yep. I am a White man and had to stow away some favorite clothes because White supremacists were wearing Hawaiian shorts as a team uniform. Stay sane, bob, there are more sane people than idiots or we wouldn't have any buildings standing.
the only time that saying that is ever appropriate is if the person is a vampire offering to turn you into a vampire as well or maybe a werewolf or a weirdly polite still intelligent zombie
@@oreolaw9911Or if you have any kind of rabies-related illness. But if you are hydrophobic I think telling others you don't bite is your last problem 😅 Btw, I will prefer a weirdly polite, even if not intelligent, zombie to a "nice guy" or even a generic zombie. Zombies are cuter!
I'm the same way with my friends. I will either respond immediately, or if I don't, then they know I'm asleep, at work, or traveling, etc. Being left on red isn't the end of the world. If the person is busy, they'll respond when they're not busy. Unless they forget, in which case, just sent them another message after a while. The person getting upset over needs to learn that people's lives don't revolve around them & that sometimes people have things going on in their live so they can't respond immediately. I think the person they were talking too was asleep so like: "Are they not allowed to sleep?" Do they have to like stay up all day & night on the off chance that you might message them?" Because that's really messed up if that's what that guy expected of the other person. Same goes for the The person who wished harm onto someone just because they didn't respond to them. Like dude wtf. Just because someone doesn't respond to you doesn't mean you should respond like that. Honestly if I was them I would take that text to the police because that could be almost considered a threat. At the very least it should result in a restraining order if not both a restraining order & that person going to jail
14:37 It’s funny, because this is almost exactly how my uncle met my now aunt. From what I was told, it was a cultural difference/misunderstanding; they’re actually happily married now. She’s one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, so it’s hard to imagine her getting mad that my uncle opened the door for her.
You can definitely get it from Australia, no weird book bannings over here. Actually I was in a store the other day laughing with my girlfriend about how many of the books we were seeing are banned in half the USA
@@Jane-oz7pp We have been getting challenges at libraries, but nothing pulled so far! Also we have Jamie's book in some libraries already so def for sale in Australia!
Most mainstream book stores have a pretty extensive/labelled LGBTQIA+ section in the store. I’ve seen a lot (similar proportion to gay/lesbian ones) of trans and asexual books in all of them - which historically seemed to be the less ‘known’ topics so it’s very likely you could buy it off the shelf (a lot of smaller bookstores have a more extensive online selection of books you can buy if you can’t find it physically in a store. The only downside to that is that you get to pay Australia post prices for delivery and have it shipped as slow as humanly possible so you might have a 2-3wk delay if you don’t want to spend 3x the price of the book in express shipping costs haha 🧐
It took a "nice guy" running into me in the men's bathroom to get him to stop hitting on me. But only after he yelled at me for leading him on. Because apparently "Leave me alone", "Stop creeping on me", "I have a partner", and "You're straight and I'm not a woman" is leading a man on. Apparently it was my fault for making him look gay instead of just saying no. I didn't make him "look gay", he did that all by himself.
It took me a while to evaluate myself enough to realize I was one of these trash bastards. Very embarrassed, but am a caregiver now, making up for my early failures.
Here to offer my two cents on the “why change for your partner if it goes against your morals” argument from Jamie based on my own experiences. While I 100% agree with what he says and I think that people shouldn’t change their fundamental beliefs just to get someone to love them, I do think that there are some exceptions depending on the situation where people can take less blame for behaving that way. The Nice Guy in this post was a grown ass man trying to make himself “act like a bad boy” to make ladies fancy him, which is super awful and disgusting. However, coming from a chronic people pleaser’s perspective, the reason behind my behavior wasn’t so simple as seeking attention and love. Ever since I was extremely young I’d been horrendously bullied and ostracized for my neurodivergence by my peers, dealing with expectations from a neurotypical mother of “what I *should* be”, unaccepted by my dad who saw me only as his daughter instead of his son, and getting groomed at a very young age by someone that liked to manipulate his lovers until they’d fight for his adoration. This had quickly developed a habit of mirroring what people wanted of me so I wouldn’t be abandoned, harmed, alone, and unloved. For nearly all my life I believed that I couldn’t be loved or accepted who I was at my core, so I constantly changed what mask I put up around people to prevent myself from being abused. I’m 19 now and getting better with a new, much healthier partner! Overall, this is a matter of toxic manipulation vs trauma response. Trauma can be unlearned, whereas these people take a few issues with a few people and use it to excuse nasty behavior. Guaranteed this will get lost in the comments, but to whoever makes it this far I hope you have a good day! Here’s a cookie :3 🍪
Thanks for the cookie. And I'm sorry for the shit you've gone through but I'm glad you're seeing these truths in yourself at 19, I know people in their 40s only just now realizing they were people pleasers all their lives and now trying to figure out who they ACTUALLY are when they're not trying to be what someone else wants (or worse, what they THINK someone else wants).
Thank you for the cookie. I came to comment just that, as someone with cPTSD. Trauma can make it feel like we have to do what other people want from us in order to simply survive. And yes, we can unlearn that and get better. (I'm in a good place today.) Very glad to hear you're getting better, congrats! Here's a cookie for you too 🍪.
You are much wiser at 19 than I was at 25+ - I'm still unrooting the causes of my people pleasing, it's really tough even if you know the reasons. I'm glad you got away and are healing ❤
I relate to this so much. All though I’m only in high school I no longer feel like I have a personality because I’ve been people pleasing for so long(for similar reasons, I was bullied in elementary school and my friends left me the second I started being bullied) I’m trying to unlearn this. Good luck to you and I hope it gets easier!
I’ve been wanting to get your book for like a year now (I’m in U.S.) and I pre-ordered it and got it last week earlier than May which was the best surprise ever :>. It’s so easy to read and follow and I’m loving it. I’ve been watching your videos for years now and I’ve rewatched some of them multiple times and it just hits different to watch them now after starting my own HRT and transition. I just wanted to say thank you so much Jamie, and Shaaba from the back, love you two so much. You’re amazing and more help than you know. Thanks for everything 💙
I said this under a post about “the friendzone” but I feel like it bears repeating here. Not that anyone HAS to like their friends back if they’re attractive, but this is a really irritating thing that actually happens to people. You can’t just force the human mind/body to be attracted to somebody. I was friends with this guy in middle school through most of high school - he was totally my type, really kind, we were into all the same nerdy shit; he checked all my boxes. I felt *nothing* romantic towards him. I was really frustrated by it, too: the guy I did have a crush on at the time was never gonna like me back - no, he wasn’t a “Bad boy™️,” he just didn’t feel that way about me. I also had a crush on my best friend (a girl) at the same time; funnily enough, the guy friend I wish I liked had a crush on the same girl (she is one of the worts people I have ever had the distinct displeasure of meeting). He eventually cut me off because his girlfriend hated me, but we were great friends for a really long time. Point is, yeah it hurts when people don’t like you back, but if you’re lucky enough to even be Friends with someone you have a crush on, don’t throw that shit away - unless they’re Actually a toxic person. But someone not liking you back is NOT toxic. It never will be.
Something I have always said is that if you have to say you are something, about yourself your probably not it. its up to others to say, oh so and so is a nice guy. Just like Tywin Lannister said in game of thrones.....if you have to keep saying your the king, then your not a king.
Semi related, but that's why I hate when ppl don't put dogs on leashes when going for a walk "oh he doesn't bite" "yeah, but my 35kg malinoa does". But back to actual topic, yes, super valid response, like fr, you may be "flirting" with someone who has Peper spray, has a black belt, or collects fresh human skulls. Don't be a creep, not only for others sake (but mostly that, leave others alone) but you have no idea who you are talking with.
27:09 - So I looked this up, and apparently there's a viral video of a group of guys sitting in a circle playing a game. (The text on the video says "She: He must be cheating on me. Meanwhile He: With his friends".) The game involves the first person saying "1 Machhli" (1 Fish), followed by the next person saying "Paani me gyi" (It went into the water), and the next person saying "Chappak" (Splash) and clapping. Then the next person says "2 Machhli", the second person says "2 Machhli", the next two people say "Paani me gyi", and the next two people say "Chappak" and clap. Each time, add another fish. Each time, however many fish is how many times each line has to be repeated. When someone messed up the count, they're out. So, could be added to the "How to lose a girl" list because the original video was a joke about girls always assuming a guy is cheating, it could just be engagement-bait hoping people will continue the chain in the comments, could be just a joke because the poster is amused by the game. I don't know.
To people who think they're "nice": Do you also think your friends are nice? Are you treating people with that same niceness and care, regardless of gender or appearance? Get that covered before you try for romantic or sexual relationships.
2:00 well, unless it’s the LEGO Batman movie joker. He is actually an example of good relationship communication, and valuing platonic relationships and himself over romantic/greatest enemy relationships
Wait! People use the eyes emoji as a staring? But why? I would use these one instead 👁👁 I use 👀 as in "i'm side-eyeing you" or when i've sent something weird to my bf or sister and they didn't reply /acknowledge it after 24h. In this case, it is more of "i am here, i've sent that weird thing... soooo what do you think about it???? 👀👀 👀 👀 not that i care... or i am into that kind of things"
Sadly, being nice isn't even the bare minimum for some people. I have an aunt who's had a rocky history with men. She recently had a boyfriend and was telling us about him. Her daughters didn't like him at all, and were pointing out all the red flags. (there were alot) My aunt acknowledged all the red flags, said "yeah, those are true and not great, but he's nice to me. He's the first guy to be nice to me!" This women has three kids with two men, has been married and divorced, and apparently has never had a boyfriend be nice to her before. How is that not the bare minimum?
18:08 All he has to say is "Personally, I'm only interested in cisgender women." There, saved you an illegible paragraph and as a trans person I wouldn't take any offence at that.
I've always been shy but that never moved to become a creep. I never quite understood people like one of my cousins, who would never speak to any women but would know everything about them. From her address, car, job, parents, religion. relationships, etc... it really freaked me out!
RTgame, awesome (chaotic) ally 💜 Gem from squidschool, helping kiddos to behave better. 💚 The PSaccess UK crew, so far I've not seen a single note of phobia from any of them. 💙 Jamie and Roly (and Shaaba and Luxeria) are my daily comfort people ❤
@@missnaomi613Love Click! Forrest Valkai is a biologist who made a wonderful science based video trying to disprove transphobic arguments, highly recommend his videos. Dr Elliott - he's a LGBTQ+ psychiatrist with the kindest attitude on mental health topics.
Jamie!!!! Please don't pet raccoons! They are cute and the urge to pet is strong. But they can bite and can have rabies! Don't pet them!!! Admire from a far and wave! Safety first!!!
Or "I don't bite... Usually!" But when I'm saying this phrase is more often in a context where I have to defend my dog. Because even if he is a beautiful and fluffy doggo and a very quiet animal overall, sometimes we meet some karens (of evry gender) who trat him badly just because he is quite big. So I got used to told them that they don't have to worry about him because he never bite and, usually, neithr do I... Oh well, I wrote a whole papyrus, sorry! 🤣
Not one "nice guy" has ever liked me for me. It was your hot and pretty and you have nice eyes.... my dude none of that is me . The few that made me feel guilty for being "Judgmental" and I dated for a while ended up being highly abusive. Just before I met my now husband I went on a few dates with a "nice guy" who kept on trying to change my personality to suit his needs. I started to be too busy at work so he decided that it wasn't going to work. Fast-forward to 2 years ago I see an article in the newspaper saying that he was arrested for attempted unaliving of a sex worker. 😮 Nice guy
Raccoons are EXTREMELY bitey. Just ask all the spatulas they steal from my kitchen if I don't do the dishes. Or my wallet, the day after my friend spilled fish sauce on it!
That was like, did something nice for someone when no one was looking. then "HEY LOOK AT ME I DID A NICE THING FOR SOMEONE WHEN NO ONE WAS LOOKING!!" Lmfao!
I think they nailed this attitude back in the 1930s and 40s with The Little Rascals and their He-Man Women-Haters Club. Childish mentality portrayed by literal children.
~3:00 in: As a child I was a very nice and caring person then life kind of kicked the sh*t out of me and I turned into a asshole, then I spent my 20s and early 30s undoing that damage. That I was a nice person as a kid and am a nice person now does not mean that I was a nice person in between.
as someone who may have npd, fuck that guy. getting your heart broken doesnt excuse you from being shitty. And even if that hearbreak *did* do that to you, it's *your* responsibility to go to therapy and fix that for yourself!!
As the Click once said, "if the entire world smells like poop, it's time to look under your shoe".
Unironically a good saying
Truly a wise man
Woa that’s actually a good quote
A very wise guy indeed
Wait, what? Ok that made me fucking think, ooooooh shid.
If you have to tell people what you are, "nice", "alpha", "generous", etc. then you usually aren't.
“I love you unconditionally” seems weird you have to add that every time
Sure a lot of it is just defensiveness. They felt like they were bing nice, got an unexpected response, and go “but I was trying to be nice what gives” but then you grow tf up and realize that’s your own insecurity at things going wrong, the other person doesn’t owe you the response you wanted.
same with „empath“
But I'm a nice person and I deserve love
@@Xanderj89 adding the unconditionally is only necessary if youre with someone with like abandonment issues for reassurance n shit, dont know why it would otherwise be necessary
@@miraza.that’s so true never met a self proclaimed Empath that wasn’t a narcissist.
I will never understand the door thing. Having good manners has nothing to do with sex . I’m a woman and I hold the door for anyone .
This is how I respond to the "nice guy" complaint that women hate it when you hold the door for them. The issue is whether or not you'd still hold that door for a dude. If no, that's shitty. If yes, then we're good.
@@animeartist888 exactly! Tinder date this and the next door I went through I ran ahead to hold the door for him. I was already half cut so turned into a night that was like "wait a minute, was that a nice date?" the next day questioning why I was so petty about a door... but it is not a gendered thing to hold a door open and it was a feeling of the niceness being a mask.
"Oh, so you're a lesbian" /s /j
*tracks down that random dad I held the door open for, breaks through his window face first * "You owe me your body" O_O
I have 7 chicks. They all use me. I'm used as a napping spot! Sometimes multiple chicks will sleep on my lap at once!
Sometimes I feel like I will explode with cuteness! 7 baby chickens sitting on me at once! (They're not babies anymore but they're adolescent. Still technically chicks but they're basically mini chickens)
I HAD TO READ THIS TWICE, I THOUGHT YOU MEANT TEENAGE GIRLS FOR SOME REASON HELP 😭
Healers of long-forgotten lands used to whisper round the dying fire that, one day, someone would discover the exact age and number of chickens it would take to heal all manner of diseases and pains when the chickens were sat on the afflicted person's body.
Guys, it's seven. Seven adolescent chickens.
I miss my baby chicks. Now I just have a herd of hungry dinosaurs.
@EdieBird
Dinosaurs are cool, transphobia is not.
(But fr the little monsters will peck me for food)
@@Milo-hp9fw The way they staaare if you don't have something for them...LOL Add in a turkey inflating his feathers every time he sees you and it's a madhouse of feathers.
To quote the musical Into the Woods; "Nice doesn't mean good".
Great movie
"But he seemed so nice"
"He's a very nice prince"
"Nice is different than good"
"You're so... nice. You're not good, you're not bad, you're just "nice".
Into the Woods has a lot to say about it, a very good reference.
"I was raised to be charming, not sincere,"
The converse is also true: "Good" isn't always "nice."
Because some lessons are hard.
And kind is different from both!
"But, I'm a nice guy! Which means I don't have to be accountable for my actions or change my behavior."
@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz Than he shouldn't be offended but these comments. He should have the emotional maturity to understand that alot of jerks used "nice guy" as a term for spoiled brat who has a fit and believes that holding the door open for a woman gives him ownership of her.
This may explain the reason why they despise therapy... going to therapy and healing means re-writing your personality. And even then, there is no guarantee that you will get the results you seek in life.
@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz Fantastic my dude, and as a guy I hold the door open for anyone I can no matter the gender. But I don't think that makes me deserving of special thanks or women dating me just because I am doing basic human decency.
@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz Easy, then he doesn't need to say it because other people will automatically explain his (patterns in his) behaviour against criticism. To the rest of the world you are the culmination of all of your behaviour, words included. Give respect and honour to the person next to you and it will be returned. That doesn't mean that people won't still be shit sometimes, it means that you're never alone in facing it. The bare necessities.
@@TheWerewolfOfNorway-mf5jz all the pretend "nice guys" that's who. They act nice until women don't give them whatever they want
Hal's character in Megamind vs Megamind is a perfect example of "nice guy syndrome". Hal does things for Roxanne and expects her to love him in return while Megamind loves Roxanne and is purely happy just spending time with her, even if he gets nothing in return. He becomes a better person because of Roxanne and still says he understands if she's not interested.
Cinama therapy did a good video on this
hal is a nice guy, megamind is a good guy.
I once had a "nice guy" who thought he could get me to change my mind into liking him by being nice to me despite telling him repeatedly that he was not my type. Also, he would constantly dead name me with "cute" nicknames that played off my dead name. Like he knew why I changed by name from the one I was given by parents who verbally, psychologically, & emotionally abused me but thought he could just fix it by giving me nicknames instead of using my preferred name which he only did occasionally. Once he started going into transphobic & homophobic stuff, I blocked him & stopped interacting with him entirely. Apologies for my little ramble there, but yeah, nice doesn't mean you're entitled to anything beyond a polite response of thank you
So, in summary, he was neither a nice guy, nor being nice.
Holy fuck
Wow. That's horrible 😞
So not only could he not take no for an answer, he couldn't even be bothered to come up with nicknames based off of your actual name? Honestly, how stupid can someone get.
It seems you are mistaking 'nice' for 'kind' -- lots of people do. _Lots._
Being nice is the bare minimum, it doesn't make you entitled to anything. Also nice people don't have to say they're nice, people just immediately know
@@aspidoscelis wdym? if someone thinks of you as a bad person because of a stereotype, I doubt saying "I'm nice" is going to change anything if actually being nice wont.
@@catenjoyer12They left a giant comment about how people making fun of “Nice Guys” hurts and is stereotypical of actual “nice guys”. But from their tone I think the nice guys they’re referring to are in deed the kind from this video.
Exactly. All of my friends are nice, my close acquaintances are nice too. Doesn't mean I want to date all of them
@@rosieg6989lmao called it
@@catenjoyer12 True. I don't think "but I'm a nice guy" is an effective strategy.
'you make X your whole personality' usually means:
i am actively bigoted against something that is part of your identity, so you find yourself having to constantly defend yourself on that topic. You should just be quiet and let me speak over you.
Also: “please minimize and disassociate with that part of yourself, so I can enjoy you without having to respect or recognize it.”
💯
"…and let me -speak over- abuse you."
There. Fixed it for you.
Because that's what they are really looking for: for their victim to stop defending themselves and go back to taking their beating. As I say: "It's not 'playing the victim' if someone is _constantly under attack."_
Nope, there absolutely are types who make one single issue their entire personality and these people are insufferable. They're the 'professionally offended' ones who see racism / homophobia / misogyny etc in absolutely everything and will turn every single conversation around to their pet topic. You can start off asking them what they are having for lunch and end up listening to a soap box lecture.
@@John_Weiss bingo. You just nailed my spawn points attitude. Apparently my medical problems were ignored growing up because I "cried wolf" too often. Except every single example they gave was a time I actually was sick or injured. Two of the examples they gave ended with me having surgery.
I knew a "nice guy" who I had to block because he kept coming onto me aggressively despite me being in a relationship and ace. The worst part is that I met him as a minor and he was an adult.
oh. oh that sounds like smth people i know would do (im ace and they are tryna trick me into 'slipping up' like guys you know im serious, were teens, the horniest stage of life, i have felt none of this i'm not sure if y'all are mentally good tbh, you sure you not the one with the issue??)
he was one hundo percent trying to groom you and cannot accept that it didn't work because you're ace.
Def predator
Internet Uncle-Gay🏳🌈 Wags the Finger of Shame at this self-declared "nice" guy, who's actually a p3d0. Oh, but we gays are the ones you're supposed to have to worry about being around children. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Eww.
" I know you are special and I treated you special no one will ever treat you as well as I did"
says guy who did the bare minimum of pleasant social interaction with someone
That's also psychological abuse. My ex husband pulled that kind of 💩.
Chances are if they said that, they’re a shit partner.
Also, cool Puyo pfp :)
i mean this in the most comedic way possible: "nice guy is transphobic" breaking news: fish found in water /lh
fr!
"I hate most women but I'm not a mysoginistic guy" is truly an example of what people are talking about when they complain about "I'm not sexist but". The guy really opened up with the part you're supposed to say quietly.
This explains why so, so, many women and girls would choose a bear in the woods over a man in the woods every time.
Have you ever ment a certain type of creepypasta fan? /j
I came across a bear as a kid while alone and it was much less scary than many men I’ve come across. I knew if I was quiet and moved slowly, not disturbing the bear, it wouldn’t bother me. Especially because it was already preoccupied eating something I had no interest in going near.
@@Insanewithasmile ONG SLENDERMAN HMU!!!!!!!
@science_bear that is a damn good idea, a picnic with a bear would be far more pleasurable.
So real, I’ve even heard some men say THEY’D prefer the bear over another man
A nice guy who thinks women owe him is an incel, not a nice guy.
Can't spell 'incel' without 'nice'.
@@bshap495like “nice l” 😮😂
@@bshap495And you can't spell 'incel' without 'lice'.
Theres a massive overlap between the two
can’t spell incel with gross, weird and kinda cringe
'Nice Guy': Nobody else will EVER care about you the way I do!
Target of his nice-guy-ness: GOOD!
In my experience, the dudes who say "they make being ___ their entire personality" tend to be the type of dudes who ask a million questions about said topic. I have a roommate who is kind of a nice guy (not to an extent where I'd feel unsafe around him). He thinks that I've made being gay my entire personality.
Literally 99% of the time we talk about these things, he's the one that has brought it up. He asks me random questions about queer identities on a regular basis unprovoked. Tons of jokes about loving Harry Potter because he thinks it bothers me. Constantly asking and talking about my sex life (I'm asexual & he insists I will love sex if I just try it). Etc etc. I would actually much prefer to talk about video games & movies, but the dude who thinks my entire identity revolves around how gay I am can never seem to stop himself from shifting the topic of conversation to queer issues.
I'll play Ace Bingo with him, point me? You run.
OMG i literally have the same experience with my childhood "friend". He acts as if he's a nice guy and he's extremely annoying, bigoted and homophobic
Everytime i meet up with him he ALWAYS asks me about queer stuff and he always says smth like "did you know that gay ppl (insert bad action that obvi isint real)"
Your roommate sounds like a pretty un-fun guy to be around, and i hope you get a better environment (if you need one)
I think you'll get a kick out of this: So I'm dyslexic and predictably misread stuff in comments a lot. I misread "can't seem to stop himself from *shifting*" as "he can't seem to stop himself from *shitting*." 😂😂😂
Anywho, i hope this makes you laugh as much as i did! Have a lovely day!
If you are only nice to get something out of it, you are not genuinely nice. And a person you are interested in does not owe you anything either, especially if they aren't interested in you for whatever reason. Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it's probably shit.
"Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it's probably shit."
LMAO I'm stealing this quote, just FYI
100% agree. Plus the last quote is pure genius, pls know that I will steal it! 😊
🤣
This is genuinely the most insightful thing I've ever read ❤
@@micol7490 im sorry but steal*
The whole " nice guy" phenomenon is why I try to call my hubby kind instead of nice😅
As my year 7 teacher once said: Nice doesn't mean anything. Either use a real description or leave it out entirely
I use "sweet" or "caring" or the like for mine!
I call mine a good person. Lol
After transition (mtf) old guy friends have acted like I owe them sex because they have been accepting of my transition 😑🙄
Oh no.. you really got that "woman experience" speedrun
(They are)Violating the bro code to the max
The true female experience 🥲 I’m so sorry this sucks so much
3:50 Who _didn't_ get their heart broken when they were 14? And strangely, the vast majority didn't end up narcissists making weird memes about it.
Is that not what being 14 is for?
Exactly. Everyone's got damage, but you don't see most people taking it out on others.
Ways my heart was broken at 14: men won't ever love you because you're a disgusting troll man in a dress, you're a predator and a threat to anyone you like
Ways these guys get their heart broken: actually I am not interested in you sorry
It's just such a wildly different set of experiences 🤣 and for the record, I healed from that bullshit in my early life, and you can too!
@@angelx9724 I'm glad to hear you've gotten past that!
(Also, 14??? That's wild, there isn't even much visible difference between the sexes at that age)
@@angelx9724 Exactly. Men are ridiculous.
"If I act nice, agree to everything and be what she likes" is so telling. They genuinly think every cis straight man in a happy relationship is just acting, pretending to agree with their loved one and change themselves into being what the other wants. Like they can't comprehend that some people are not assholes like them and as such people can like them as they are, and that you can just agree with a woman without it having to be an act 😂
I mean, they aren't too far off in some respect. Very few couples start off as perfect for each other, and both parties should be willing to undergo a level of personal change in order to make themselves better for there partner. But if you're just forcing yourself into a mould of what you think they want (i doubt it's actually what they really want, "nice guys" are hardly the attentive sort) then people will notice how uncomfortable and performative you are, which isn't something anyone wants in a partner, for many reasons.
I think our society as a whole really coddles boys' and men's feelings. For some reason, most women learn to self-reflect and blame themselves when they're wrong, whereas it seems like too many men are taught to get angry at someone else. We encourage them to have inflated egos and expect a servile attitude from others, particularly women. Somehow, we teach them that getting broke up with by their "girlfriend" at 14 is a justification for acting broken and outraged for the rest of their lives. It's ridiculous. We need to teach our boys accountability.
It's that same sh!t as "Boys will be boys". Parents raising sons need to be better about raising their sons in the same way as they raise their daughters, or to take the gender out. Raise all your children to be kind, empathetic, and respectful of other people. Do not allow them to be entitled, and that if someone says they aren't interested, believe them and respect their decision and boundaries.
i think it's that when women are angry they're seen as a "crazy woman", while men being angry, especially at their family, is seen as righteous because they're the "man of the house" and get to make the rules due to bringing in the income
this attitude then gets spread to the rest of society, and any deviations from that model (women working, or, *god forbid!*, queer people!) are put down due to challenging the authority of men over their family
@@fiona9891 Yes, for sure. The whole thing is harmful to everyone, men included. We teach our boys to only experience negative emotion as anger, which isn't always the best coping mechanism for the boy or those around them. Then men's rights activists or incels or whatever get mad at how men's emotions like sadness and insecurity aren't appreciated in society. It's like yes, glad you finally noticed: that's the harm of the patriarchy and traditional gender roles.
lol Imagine unironically thinking society doesn't do this for women too
Western society literally treats women like children who cant take responsibility for anything.
The one about the 'saturday' date, it gave me the vibe that he knew what she meant, but was trying to pressure her into it.
Though, sometimes i struggle with talking about 'next sunday' and stuff, so i personally developed the habit of confirming the calendar date as well. It cuts out any possible miscommunication
Glad it's not just me that does that!!
Yes I thought this too, like he was hoping if he deliberately ‘pretended’ he got the date wrong, she would just cancel her plans and show up at the time that he wanted (earlier then she was comfortable with). The whole thing stunk of emotional manipulation and gaslighting. If I was her there’s no way I would’ve shown up the next Saturday if it was a date 😬
I found out my co-worker is a nice guy. I told him that I don't like him in a romantic way and now he's taking it out on my friend that he's convinced I'm interested in (I'm not). He might even be fired because of it
Yikes. He sucks.
Sorry, it really sucks!
But at least you dodge a bullet 😊
“Nice guys” just gives me another reason that im peacefully happy as aroace.
Yes, guys like this make me so glad to be lesbian 😭🙏
Absolutely, totally agree. "Nice guys" make me very glad I'm aroace lol
I'm a "nice girl". Why don't any of the guys ever give me garlic bread? 😭🥖🧄
SAME.
🖤🩶🤍💜
“you can do a nice thing without overstepping”
YES ! I once had a colleague who developed an unhealthy obsession with me, and one year on my birthday, he thought it would be a great idea to break into my property at night, leave me a food basket in front of my door, without a card or anything, ring the door bell and then vanish before I had time to open - so I found myself looking at a “present” somebody had dropped there after going through two doors to dispose of it, and no idea who it was.
I still don’t understand how this was supposed to not be creepy A-F
Wanna do something nice and give me a birthday present? How about giving it at the work party we had the day before and not breaking i to my property to deliver it anonymously ?
😮 shit!
Yikes, how did you find out it was him?
@@AskMia411Oh, because HE ASKED ME the day after if I liked his “present”
Also the same guy who once sent a text at like 02.00 am on a Saturday/Sunday night “I know you’re not sleeping” and when I tried and tell him he couldn’t phrase things like that it was creepy a-f, he played dumb, pretending he did not see how it would have been less creepy to write that he happened to drive by on his way from the airport and saw my lights were still on, or you know, to write nothing at all … I have tons of anecdotes like that
@thecraftyhistorian oh my god that is SO creepy! I hope he is no longer bothering you.
These guys have a problem where they think that surface level politeness is all that is required of them, whereas what women are asking for is genuine respect. Respect and manners often go hand in hand, but they are not actually the same thing. Also, too many people define a successful relationship ONLY as being a relationship that never ends, and I think that's a very narrow way to view relationships. Any relationship where you came out of having learned something, having been better for the experiencing, etc, is successful. Even if it ended.
On the other hand to quote my Nanna (on the occasion of her golden wedding anniversary) 50 years of misery is nothing to celebrate. (They were both much happier when they went to live in separate nursing homes, don’t ask me why they didn’t separate earlier)
Exactly. They have this fictional ideal where just being bare-minimum polite means that a woman will fall in love with them. This ain’t the movies, dude. Feelings don’t just happen because the script tells them to.
If you want to be a woman’s boyfriend/partner, then stop messing around and say your piece. Ask her out. If she says no, feel your feelings and either stay friends or move on. “You never chose me”-because you obviously didn’t indicate your intentions. Acting like a “polite” NPC, then getting mad when you’re forever the NPC is a skill issue, bruh.
@@gabriellehitchins9182 They probably didn't separate earlier because it was less common and less acceptable for their generation. Which I think is really sad, honestly. My parents divorced when I was very young, but I am lucky that they are on good terms. I remember my father talking to me about it when I was a teenager, and he's the one that told me that you can't define a relationship's success by its longevity. He considers their marriage "successful" because they had me, and because both him and my mother left that relationship understanding themselves better and having grown as people in ways they wouldn't have, if they never got together.
uhhh, I have a "nice guy" story :3
I'm a trans guy and went to school with "nice guy"
at some point we were alone and all of a sudden he came at me and started to insult me. he told me that I am an a***ole because I try to get every girl into my bed and I don't give him a chance to land at any of them.
honestly, I didn't know what to reply to that X'D I am ace and I had zero interrest in a relationship at that time.
even back then I've always tried to simply be nice to everyone (women, men, and everone else) and I don't meet so many "nice guys" in RL anymore (very queer with very queer friends) but if I do, they always think that I am gay, because I am nice to men and apparently too nice to women for a straight guy 🤷 they are a whole different species
I’m demisexual so pretty much I’m never attracted to anyone unless I’m great friends with them or know them well and love their personality first. I’m also Autistic. I’ve recently started seeing a therapist to help me with interactions and peopley things that I guess most people just know (like it’s a built in hard drive while I got like the fraudulent copycat’s glitchy update 😂). And it turns out I’ve been shooting ‘nice guys’ down without even realising it… if someone’s nice and courteous to me, we have good meaningful talks and get along well - I’m going to want to hang out with them/be their friend. If there not and looking for some type of ‘clue’ then they’re shit out of luck because if you don’t physically say to me “I like you/want to go on a date with you” Imma not going to pick up some weird subliminal message. I’m just going to think you were some random nice stranger or friend of a friend who’s actually ’not a nice person’ when I know them better. If they’re looking for me to think I’m in dept to them or owe them for that - I’m not going to pick up on any hints unless they come right out and say that and then, yeah saying that will clue me in pretty quickly that you’re not a nice person to be around anyway.
Recently my therapist told me that ‘guys will often compliment your looks and ask what you are interested in/about things you like if they’re interested in you or floating the idea of a date’ and I was just floored because I just thought that was a thing people do because like they’re your friend and want to make you smile/feel good and talk about a topic you enjoy… and then I guess a LOT of my life makes sense now 🤦♀️ Now I try to just date through apps and I put that I’m demisexual and autistic in my bio first thing and explain that if you want to ask me on a date you need to actually ask because otherwise imma miss any type of hint and just continue to think we’re good besties for eternity, even if I actually like them! 😅
So I’ve never understood the ‘hints’ about people who are already in a relationship or gay. Like to me, I’m going to be nice to you/want to hang out/be your friend but I’ll obviously put anything relationship/sexual forever off the table bc it’s not going to happen. But I still act the same to them as I would to someone who is single/interested in… I would never just assume someone was gay, in a relationship, interested or not interested unless they told me themselves. Apparently I’ve missed ‘obvious’ clues because I’ve had friends who didn’t know me well pull me aside and tell me ‘you know such and such is gay/in a relationship/not interested in women etc.’ a few times but literally we’re only genuinely talking and I’m interested in the conversation (I actually don’t know how to flirt but I definitely know none of these people I was even remotely attracted to or liked that way 🙃
When I was first making friends in college one of my closest and best friend (and her boyfriend when his schedule was free) would have lunch together almost everyday. She absolutely loves him (and he her) so she was always mentioning him/what he did/what he liked etc. So when we had lunch every so often I’d ask him about his course/things he liked (especially when we were left alone in awkward silence while my friend grabbed her meal, got condiments, paid etc. About 2 years later when we were super close and lived next to each other in the dorms/saw each other everyday and told each other everything - she told me that she’d been super jealous of me and thought I was trying to chat up with/steal her boyfriend because she’d come back to the table and we’d be talking about something he liked that I could relate to/had experience with and because one time I drove out to the club to pick them up at 2 in the morning (she thought it was because I knew he would be there and drunk) though I actually did because she was my friend and was with someone she loved and needed help/was the decent thing to do. Apparently she was worried that I’d picked up on how she was a bit ‘touchy’ and ‘bitchy’ to me sometimes when I brought her boyfriend up in conversation/commented on something she’d brought up with him in it (which I absolutely had completely missed anyway 🤦♀️) but she said after a few months of knowing me she realised I was just stupidly nice and chatty to everyone and not trying to burn her relationship into ashes 😅 She was actually the one who brought up me possibly being asexual - but that label didn’t fit me right because I knew I’d had a whole 2 pretty intense teen crushes, plus book/tv characters so she and I just put it down to my complete lack of awareness of anything to do with flirting/social signals and had a good laugh about it for an afternoon 😂
For the rest of my time at college, she’d come up to some guy who was probably trying to chat me up/flirt with me pretty intensely (while I had absolutely no clue) and tell me that ‘her boyfriend’s name’ was looking for me. It was her way to let me know that whoever I was talking to was NOT actually interested in our conversation and gave me an excuse to leave if I wanted to / then she would have a silent giggle in good humour afterwards bc she’d used the guy’s name who she thought I was trying to steal from her once upon a time to save me from a similar misunderstanding with someone else who I wasn’t sexually interested in. A lot of the time that phrase meant I knew that whoever had gotten the wrong impression that we were going home together that night and I knew to either politely leave or turn the conversation into some boring small talk/strategically infer (probably very awkwardly) to whoever it was, that I wasn’t interested romantically/sexually or would need to get to know them for months/years before they had a chance lol
maybe I'm just too aroace to get it but I've never understood why nice guys get so bent out of shape about someone not wanting to be with them, why would you WANT to be with someone who's not interested?
I have rejection sensitivity disorder so I never got the wanting to be with someone who doesn't want me 100% always lmao believe it or not I found someone lmao But I honestly never got the perusing or wanting someone who doesn't want you.
@_sch_eme_ glad you did bro!
Hope life is kind to you, fs. :)
Take care.
Yeahhhhh, op.
I think it's just because they feel like relationships = success, and the lack of one, can maybe make em feel like they NEED to 'win'-?
Other part is just poor acceptance, and bad emotional maturity. Got people in my life, who just don't know healthy outlets for upsets, and put it on others.
They don't much understand boundaries, very much nice guy territory. :(
Its just sad to see, cus they're sad, they're making people sad, and it's just all around a sad thing.
Therapy people, therapy all around.
@@soaringspirits2267 lol no life isn't that kind to me, just have an amazing gf but like everything else is shite lmao but thanks for the good wishes! Hope life's good to you!
I'm neither aro nor ace, and I don't get it either. I think they just need to work it out in therapy. (To clarify, I think most people, including myself, need therapy!)
I had an incident last week where a guy ended up having a screaming hissy fit because I rejected his unwanted advice, literally screaming and swearing about how ‘nice’ he was trying to be. Not a hint of self awareness.
Why do I feel like these "but I did something nice!" people are the ones who would go "I helped out a disabled person today by helping them cross the street. Oh yeah, I just grabbed them, didn't ask which way they were going, and dragged them across the street. But then they were just so rude when I said "and aren't you going to say thank you?"”
The thing about people making feminism, being LGBT, neurodiversity, etc., "their whole personality" probably has to do with how... being a woman or LGBT or neurodivergent influencing every aspect of your life? So once you notice that, you talk about it.
someone was like "im okay with the queers, just as long as they dont make it a problem" and im like *my estranged cousin outside the law,* we are in a heternormative society.
18:14 "hello trans ppl, have you heard i do not care about your trans stuff? have you heard? i will block you for being trans bc i do not care. did i tell you i do not care?" damn so interesting how often i see stuff like that
The whole "Next Saturday" thing is frustrating because so many people use it to mean "This Coming Saturday" (or whatever day). If I get confused by that I get treated like I'm dim as a soggy match. HOWEVER, tne second poster did clarify that the coming weekend was too soon and they wanted to wait the extra week. It was clear even to me. On the plus side, considering the reaction of the other party, they dodged a bullet so it's all good.
I get confused by that too, but have learned to ask the date in case of doubt.
'next' xyz day always refers to next week. otherwise you say 'this' xyz day.
it took me a little *too* long to realize that the irony of the meme is that, the boy is 1) putting himself in the "cage" on his own, and 2) the "cage" does not exist, it's literally a figment of the imagination 😭💀😂
I briefly dated a classic "nice guy" in my 20s, and he would pop up every now and then in my DMs when he saw that I was single. He played the sympathetic ear game. Although I barely talked to him about my failed relationships, and I never asked him for advice. Meanwhile, he would talk to me about his relationship woes and at one point asked if he should ask his daughter's preschool teacher out because he was into her and she seemed to be flirting with him.
As a former daycare worker, I was horrified and said absolutely not. Just because a woman is nice to you doesn't mean she is opening the door for sex. It's part of the teacher's job to be friendly with parents. I'm not sure *why*, but I continued talking to him and at some points was a little flirty. He finally left me alone after I told him I wasn't going to guarantee sex if I did ever hang out with him. He basically told me that I had wasted his time and been a tease.
I'm nonbinary and honestly find a lot of things strange about cis people, but cis men's audacity never ceases to amaze me.
Another guy said to me, "I don't care if you're nonbinary or a woman or man or whatever. You're hot." And later grabbed and kissed me when I said I did not want a kiss.
“Hey, guys, *welcombactothechannel-* “
Hey guys! *Welcometothevideoyourfirstvideoonthechannel* I dunno but welcome either way!
Jammie is speedrunning his intro
I think we can all agree "I don't bite" is 100% what someone who bites would say
Whaaaatttt *no,* I don't bite! /s (you're totally right)
I like to get consent before I bite. So, - - -
I respectfully disagree, solely on the fact someone gifted me an "I Bite" pin.
Okay, I am the someone. I saw the pin next to a cash register, immediately bought it and attached it to my messenger bag.
Was this in the year 2006? Maybe.
Yes.
So would someone who says "i bite" someone who doesn't bite?
@@thenexus8384 Oh no I imagine they'd be even worse, they're outright admitting to it.
11:03 "Did the right thing when nobody was looking" - so the "damsel" is nobody then?
As far as I'm aware, "backtalking" is primarily used to describe children who "disrespect" their parents while being punished, lectured, etc. by saying something sarcastic or using the wrong tone of voice or defending themselves against what their parents are saying. So any man using that word when talking about women is a HUGE red flag and implies that he thinks women are subservient or that he should be able to control them.
While I mostly agree, I have to say... Unless it's in a certain aspect of a relationship. For example; a sub/dom where the sub is a brat (Ik this bc I am a brat, and whenever I'm in a relationship and my partner says "no backtalking" or something like that in a few situations, I melt lmao).
Edit: Basically, when it's a consensual/mutually agreed upon thing, it's good.
@@katyamcadams Sure, in that kind of scenario, and if you're into it and it's consensual, that's a totally different dynamic. In the example the video showed, the guy was talking about women in general though, not about a specific relationship, so in his context it's just gross.
He meant 'talking behind your back' and yep women/girls do that a lot. Act nice to someone's face and talk trash about that person with their friends. When a guy doesn't like you he'll insult you to your face so at least you know where you stand.
It’s always funny to me when transphobic people say “I don’t like/interact with *Pronoun People”* like it’s some kinda burn or clap-back but don’t realize “Pronoun People” means everyone (I, you, me, he/she/they, them, that, etc.)
god, my ex needs to see this video. That part with the text conversation where the guy had apparently been left on Read/Seen…happened to me all the time. Constant gaslighting and manipulation, and I was way too naive and self-critical to realize I wasn’t the problem for the longest time. It was incredibly miserable. So glad I’m out of that.
Congratulations on making it out of it! I hope you're doing well 💚
Congrats on you for have being strong enough to not let that man manipulate you into submission. Hope you are doing well and found healing.
Un abbraccio!
My ex did the same; he was also a slut. Got rid of him, good riddance to bad trash.
I only use the 👀 emoji to show, like, interest--like if i wanna know more about something WHY WOULD PPL EVER USE IT DIFFERENTLY
I use it for silly stuff, for 'what am I witnessing, what the heck' moments, and uhhh, combining them to make random faces, because yes.
👀
👄
@soaringspirits2267 omg I laughed so hard when u saw that face u just made my day lmao
@@soaringspirits2267 that is very valid I apologize immensely
I and my partners largely use it for that, but also if one of us says we're gonna go shower the others will send "👀" as a way to say "hehe can I watch?"
idk allosexuals exist I guess
I have never used it for that haha
"Any man who must say 'I am a nice guy' is no truly nice guy." -Tywin Lannister
Nice guys feel like they watched 90s romcoms where they learnt that wearing women down works and you can make someone fall in love with you by performing ‘goodness’ as defined by Hollywood because they don’t know how to do it without a manual and are frustrated it doesn’t work like the movies promised it would.
9:23 he didn't make a mistake. She said when she wanted to meet and he was testing her resolve to push her to change her mind.
Right. He was doing just that, trying to dominate and manipulate her, not respecting her schedule and decision when to meet.
His response showed that he failed that test. Hard pass.
Thank you! I was hoping someone was gonna point that out. Having dealt with people who acted like this in my life I know exactly what kind of game they’re playing… I’m so glad that someone else caught the manipulation out too.
He wanted *this Saturday* and didn’t get it, so he just decided to gaslight this girl into thinking the date wasn’t when she set it, *then* threw a total tantrum when she didn’t fall for it and immediately give him what he wanted like he stupidly hoped she would… Gotta love nice guys 🙄
Always try to be nice but never fail to be kind
Remember, hate is always foolish, and love is always wise
@@sheersternfeld1914 hell yeah 12
@@sheersternfeld1914sometimes hate is justified tho like let’s just be honest
@@Imjustkendall this quote is from the same person that said "do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?"
It's the same person decided to save a murderer who destroyed entire planets just because she said that if he saved her, she would try to become a good person.
I agree with you, but I don't think that the person I'm quoting would.
And never ever eat pears
The "I'm a nice guy I just got my heart broken" thing made me roll my eyes so hard I think I pulled a muscle.
Personal trauma might be the underlying cause for treating other people like shit, but it is never, ever an *excuse* for treating other people like shit. If someone treats other people like shit, that someone isn't a good person. They might be a formerly-good person who, with time and/or therapy, might one day be a good person again -- but right here, today, they aren't.
One of my friends is a really nice person, and my first instinct when describing him to someone else is to say: "He is a nice guy", but due to incel culture, that now comes across as an insult, so I just resort to saying "He's a good boy"
Edit: 26:50 well feck, they're also moving in that direction.
Yep. I am a White man and had to stow away some favorite clothes because White supremacists were wearing Hawaiian shorts as a team uniform. Stay sane, bob, there are more sane people than idiots or we wouldn't have any buildings standing.
Nice guys are the kinds of people to memorize questions on an exam rather than learn and understand the material
It's completely fair to say raccoons are biters
and they may have rabies or harmful parasites... so best to avoid them.
And they carry knives. And they hang around on the sidewalk at night and smoke and drink and yell anti-primate slurs. Fairness is not an issue here.
The "I don't bite (unless you want me to)" is sadly still a big thing on dating app profiles 😔
the only time that saying that is ever appropriate is if the person is a vampire offering to turn you into a vampire as well or maybe a werewolf or a weirdly polite still intelligent zombie
@@oreolaw9911 *tries to imagine a weirdly polite still intelligent zombie * 🤔🤭
@@oreolaw9911hey, don't forget that part of BDSM weirdos who enjoy getting bit! We exist too! 😂
@@oreolaw9911Or if you have any kind of rabies-related illness.
But if you are hydrophobic I think telling others you don't bite is your last problem 😅
Btw, I will prefer a weirdly polite, even if not intelligent, zombie to a "nice guy" or even a generic zombie. Zombies are cuter!
I bite food
I'm the same way with my friends. I will either respond immediately, or if I don't, then they know I'm asleep, at work, or traveling, etc. Being left on red isn't the end of the world. If the person is busy, they'll respond when they're not busy. Unless they forget, in which case, just sent them another message after a while. The person getting upset over needs to learn that people's lives don't revolve around them & that sometimes people have things going on in their live so they can't respond immediately. I think the person they were talking too was asleep so like: "Are they not allowed to sleep?" Do they have to like stay up all day & night on the off chance that you might message them?" Because that's really messed up if that's what that guy expected of the other person. Same goes for the The person who wished harm onto someone just because they didn't respond to them. Like dude wtf. Just because someone doesn't respond to you doesn't mean you should respond like that. Honestly if I was them I would take that text to the police because that could be almost considered a threat. At the very least it should result in a restraining order if not both a restraining order & that person going to jail
The whole Disney thing of "If I just love them enough they'll have to love me back" needs to be buried.
The irony of the Joker thing is that the Joker constantly abuses his girlfriend Harley Quinn
At 1:16 when I heard Veronica my mind immediately went to the song "Veronica, open, open the door please!"
OMG YEA HELPPP
im in my heathers faze and its a problem 😭😭
14:37 It’s funny, because this is almost exactly how my uncle met my now aunt. From what I was told, it was a cultural difference/misunderstanding; they’re actually happily married now. She’s one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, so it’s hard to imagine her getting mad that my uncle opened the door for her.
That books getting banned in Florida, can't wait to see if I can buy from Australia
I cant believe that THE Haruhi Suzumiya lives in Australia and watches Jammidodger
You can definitely get it from Australia, no weird book bannings over here.
Actually I was in a store the other day laughing with my girlfriend about how many of the books we were seeing are banned in half the USA
@@Jane-oz7pp We have been getting challenges at libraries, but nothing pulled so far! Also we have Jamie's book in some libraries already so def for sale in Australia!
Most mainstream book stores have a pretty extensive/labelled LGBTQIA+ section in the store. I’ve seen a lot (similar proportion to gay/lesbian ones) of trans and asexual books in all of them - which historically seemed to be the less ‘known’ topics so it’s very likely you could buy it off the shelf (a lot of smaller bookstores have a more extensive online selection of books you can buy if you can’t find it physically in a store. The only downside to that is that you get to pay Australia post prices for delivery and have it shipped as slow as humanly possible so you might have a 2-3wk delay if you don’t want to spend 3x the price of the book in express shipping costs haha 🧐
Nice guy tears for the vengeful
19:23 I had you on in the background, and heard "mother-sister" instead of "mother, sister" and got VERY concerned.
It took a "nice guy" running into me in the men's bathroom to get him to stop hitting on me. But only after he yelled at me for leading him on. Because apparently "Leave me alone", "Stop creeping on me", "I have a partner", and "You're straight and I'm not a woman" is leading a man on. Apparently it was my fault for making him look gay instead of just saying no. I didn't make him "look gay", he did that all by himself.
Trust me, raccoons do bite.. had to get rabies shots.
(I completely love how I can say this and it's literally not even out-of-context to the video).
It took me a while to evaluate myself enough to realize I was one of these trash bastards. Very embarrassed, but am a caregiver now, making up for my early failures.
Hey good job on realizing your flaws, wishing the best for you
you restore some of my faith in humanity, I hope you're doing fine :D
Here to offer my two cents on the “why change for your partner if it goes against your morals” argument from Jamie based on my own experiences. While I 100% agree with what he says and I think that people shouldn’t change their fundamental beliefs just to get someone to love them, I do think that there are some exceptions depending on the situation where people can take less blame for behaving that way.
The Nice Guy in this post was a grown ass man trying to make himself “act like a bad boy” to make ladies fancy him, which is super awful and disgusting. However, coming from a chronic people pleaser’s perspective, the reason behind my behavior wasn’t so simple as seeking attention and love. Ever since I was extremely young I’d been horrendously bullied and ostracized for my neurodivergence by my peers, dealing with expectations from a neurotypical mother of “what I *should* be”, unaccepted by my dad who saw me only as his daughter instead of his son, and getting groomed at a very young age by someone that liked to manipulate his lovers until they’d fight for his adoration. This had quickly developed a habit of mirroring what people wanted of me so I wouldn’t be abandoned, harmed, alone, and unloved. For nearly all my life I believed that I couldn’t be loved or accepted who I was at my core, so I constantly changed what mask I put up around people to prevent myself from being abused.
I’m 19 now and getting better with a new, much healthier partner! Overall, this is a matter of toxic manipulation vs trauma response. Trauma can be unlearned, whereas these people take a few issues with a few people and use it to excuse nasty behavior.
Guaranteed this will get lost in the comments, but to whoever makes it this far I hope you have a good day! Here’s a cookie :3 🍪
Thanks for the cookie. And I'm sorry for the shit you've gone through but I'm glad you're seeing these truths in yourself at 19, I know people in their 40s only just now realizing they were people pleasers all their lives and now trying to figure out who they ACTUALLY are when they're not trying to be what someone else wants (or worse, what they THINK someone else wants).
Thank you for the cookie. I came to comment just that, as someone with cPTSD. Trauma can make it feel like we have to do what other people want from us in order to simply survive. And yes, we can unlearn that and get better. (I'm in a good place today.)
Very glad to hear you're getting better, congrats! Here's a cookie for you too 🍪.
You are much wiser at 19 than I was at 25+ - I'm still unrooting the causes of my people pleasing, it's really tough even if you know the reasons. I'm glad you got away and are healing ❤
Proud of you ❤ thanks for the cookie ❤
I relate to this so much. All though I’m only in high school I no longer feel like I have a personality because I’ve been people pleasing for so long(for similar reasons, I was bullied in elementary school and my friends left me the second I started being bullied) I’m trying to unlearn this.
Good luck to you and I hope it gets easier!
I’ve been wanting to get your book for like a year now (I’m in U.S.) and I pre-ordered it and got it last week earlier than May which was the best surprise ever :>. It’s so easy to read and follow and I’m loving it. I’ve been watching your videos for years now and I’ve rewatched some of them multiple times and it just hits different to watch them now after starting my own HRT and transition. I just wanted to say thank you so much Jamie, and Shaaba from the back, love you two so much. You’re amazing and more help than you know. Thanks for everything 💙
"Triple sad. Sadness cubed" really got me for some reason 😂😂😂
so sad, he might become sadness quaternion soon :C
@@halalouis3814wouldn't it be sadness hypercubed?
I said this under a post about “the friendzone” but I feel like it bears repeating here. Not that anyone HAS to like their friends back if they’re attractive, but this is a really irritating thing that actually happens to people. You can’t just force the human mind/body to be attracted to somebody. I was friends with this guy in middle school through most of high school - he was totally my type, really kind, we were into all the same nerdy shit; he checked all my boxes. I felt *nothing* romantic towards him. I was really frustrated by it, too: the guy I did have a crush on at the time was never gonna like me back - no, he wasn’t a “Bad boy™️,” he just didn’t feel that way about me. I also had a crush on my best friend (a girl) at the same time; funnily enough, the guy friend I wish I liked had a crush on the same girl (she is one of the worts people I have ever had the distinct displeasure of meeting). He eventually cut me off because his girlfriend hated me, but we were great friends for a really long time. Point is, yeah it hurts when people don’t like you back, but if you’re lucky enough to even be Friends with someone you have a crush on, don’t throw that shit away - unless they’re Actually a toxic person. But someone not liking you back is NOT toxic. It never will be.
Something I have always said is that if you have to say you are something, about yourself your probably not it. its up to others to say, oh so and so is a nice guy. Just like Tywin Lannister said in game of thrones.....if you have to keep saying your the king, then your not a king.
"this is your last chance to come out with me"
To which I would reply, "you promise?". 😆
Everyone knows Joker and Harley Quinn have a perfectly healthy relationship. /s
"I don't bite" died when we learnt that you that ["but I do" + biting whoever is harassing you] is a valid response
Semi related, but that's why I hate when ppl don't put dogs on leashes when going for a walk "oh he doesn't bite" "yeah, but my 35kg malinoa does". But back to actual topic, yes, super valid response, like fr, you may be "flirting" with someone who has Peper spray, has a black belt, or collects fresh human skulls. Don't be a creep, not only for others sake (but mostly that, leave others alone) but you have no idea who you are talking with.
27:09 - So I looked this up, and apparently there's a viral video of a group of guys sitting in a circle playing a game. (The text on the video says "She: He must be cheating on me. Meanwhile He: With his friends".) The game involves the first person saying "1 Machhli" (1 Fish), followed by the next person saying "Paani me gyi" (It went into the water), and the next person saying "Chappak" (Splash) and clapping. Then the next person says "2 Machhli", the second person says "2 Machhli", the next two people say "Paani me gyi", and the next two people say "Chappak" and clap. Each time, add another fish. Each time, however many fish is how many times each line has to be repeated. When someone messed up the count, they're out.
So, could be added to the "How to lose a girl" list because the original video was a joke about girls always assuming a guy is cheating, it could just be engagement-bait hoping people will continue the chain in the comments, could be just a joke because the poster is amused by the game. I don't know.
To people who think they're "nice": Do you also think your friends are nice? Are you treating people with that same niceness and care, regardless of gender or appearance?
Get that covered before you try for romantic or sexual relationships.
2:00 well, unless it’s the LEGO Batman movie joker. He is actually an example of good relationship communication, and valuing platonic relationships and himself over romantic/greatest enemy relationships
I sent my BF 👀 emoji once and he sent one back so we got into a virtual staring contest
Wait! People use the eyes emoji as a staring?
But why? I would use these one instead
👁👁
I use 👀 as in "i'm side-eyeing you" or when i've sent something weird to my bf or sister and they didn't reply /acknowledge it after 24h. In this case, it is more of "i am here, i've sent that weird thing... soooo what do you think about it???? 👀👀 👀 👀 not that i care... or i am into that kind of things"
If you catch eyes with me at the gym, you are obligated to have a Pokemon battle with me.
Loving the Dr. Who clip!
Sadly, being nice isn't even the bare minimum for some people. I have an aunt who's had a rocky history with men. She recently had a boyfriend and was telling us about him. Her daughters didn't like him at all, and were pointing out all the red flags. (there were alot) My aunt acknowledged all the red flags, said "yeah, those are true and not great, but he's nice to me. He's the first guy to be nice to me!" This women has three kids with two men, has been married and divorced, and apparently has never had a boyfriend be nice to her before. How is that not the bare minimum?
18:08 All he has to say is "Personally, I'm only interested in cisgender women."
There, saved you an illegible paragraph and as a trans person I wouldn't take any offence at that.
I don’t bite, but I do. I’m a cannibal.
I've always been shy but that never moved to become a creep. I never quite understood people like one of my cousins, who would never speak to any women but would know everything about them. From her address, car, job, parents, religion. relationships, etc... it really freaked me out!
The medieval guy was definitely testing the girls boundaries by moving the date a week in advance.
Roly, Jamie, Calum and OneTopic. All good guys ❤
(Feel free to call out your nearest good guy)
My big bro!
RTgame, awesome (chaotic) ally 💜
Gem from squidschool, helping kiddos to behave better. 💚
The PSaccess UK crew, so far I've not seen a single note of phobia from any of them. 💙
Jamie and Roly (and Shaaba and Luxeria) are my daily comfort people ❤
My darling JT, Hadyn my little bro, (the other two are cool too but different in different ways) and my much missed Father
The Click!
@@missnaomi613Love Click! Forrest Valkai is a biologist who made a wonderful science based video trying to disprove transphobic arguments, highly recommend his videos. Dr Elliott - he's a LGBTQ+ psychiatrist with the kindest attitude on mental health topics.
Jamie!!!! Please don't pet raccoons! They are cute and the urge to pet is strong. But they can bite and can have rabies! Don't pet them!!! Admire from a far and wave! Safety first!!!
I still make the whole "Don't be afraid to talk to me, I don't bite" but I always put "much" after a small delay
Or "I don't bite... Usually!"
But when I'm saying this phrase is more often in a context where I have to defend my dog. Because even if he is a beautiful and fluffy doggo and a very quiet animal overall, sometimes we meet some karens (of evry gender) who trat him badly just because he is quite big. So I got used to told them that they don't have to worry about him because he never bite and, usually, neithr do I...
Oh well, I wrote a whole papyrus, sorry! 🤣
Not one "nice guy" has ever liked me for me. It was your hot and pretty and you have nice eyes.... my dude none of that is me . The few that made me feel guilty for being "Judgmental" and I dated for a while ended up being highly abusive. Just before I met my now husband I went on a few dates with a "nice guy" who kept on trying to change my personality to suit his needs. I started to be too busy at work so he decided that it wasn't going to work. Fast-forward to 2 years ago I see an article in the newspaper saying that he was arrested for attempted unaliving of a sex worker. 😮 Nice guy
Oh sh...That poor woman. Glad you dodged that trauma, I hope the victim is okay:(
For the eye contact guy
Dude this isn’t Pokémon
Keep your weedle away from my cloister
WEEDLE BAHAHAHAAAAAHAH
Raccoons are EXTREMELY bitey. Just ask all the spatulas they steal from my kitchen if I don't do the dishes. Or my wallet, the day after my friend spilled fish sauce on it!
That was like, did something nice for someone when no one was looking. then "HEY LOOK AT ME I DID A NICE THING FOR SOMEONE WHEN NO ONE WAS LOOKING!!" Lmfao!
18:59 bro hates pronouns so much he also discarded punctuation 😂
I think they nailed this attitude back in the 1930s and 40s with The Little Rascals and their He-Man Women-Haters Club. Childish mentality portrayed by literal children.
''I just labeled racoons as biters'' was so funny, very good joke
Regular reminder that you're all awesome, beautiful and valid little spuds, just the way you are ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 Love you all ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Thanks. I needed that today
@@Your-mum-when-she-sees-this You're welcome, I hope things get better soon 💜
Thank you and the very same back to you! 🏳🌈💚
@@sonnentausnest Thanks 💜
~3:00 in: As a child I was a very nice and caring person then life kind of kicked the sh*t out of me and I turned into a asshole, then I spent my 20s and early 30s undoing that damage. That I was a nice person as a kid and am a nice person now does not mean that I was a nice person in between.
as someone who may have npd, fuck that guy. getting your heart broken doesnt excuse you from being shitty. And even if that hearbreak *did* do that to you, it's *your* responsibility to go to therapy and fix that for yourself!!
oh my GOSH I LITERALLY STARTED SCREAMING WHEN JAMIE MADE THE DOCTOR WHO REFERENCE ITS ONE OF MY SPECIAL INTERESTS
Your voice is so calming 😭😭
Boy, Nice Guys(TM) are very insecure, huh.
It's one of the important differences between nice guys and Nice Guys.