The withholding s*x is something I have never understood from women! Men if your wife doesn’t wanting you sexually, something is wrong that is not normal, period. Thanks for sharing this Rebecca ❤
You can’t comprehend it Rachel because you understand the reality of desire and marriage. Women who withhold sex from their husbands, and I will not sugarcoat it, are selfish wenches. They only do it as a form of control. There are legions of frustrated husbands, suffering through sexless( meaning bad) marriages, only because they are hesitant to cheat, and/or the divorce laws keep them in chains.
@@donjohnson1498 omg I know, I grew up around women who were like this, so I know it’s real because I saw constant frustration in men which I now know was connected to that. I 💯agree. I think it’s so wrong that a woman will chose to marry a man which implies they must be faithful only to never have sex. It’s so wrong…
@@rachelparradelong It is implicit in the marital agreement. A man opts for monogamy, and he has sex with his wife. We realize that life can get in the way, but if he is not being satisfied in the bedroom, what is the point? A woman should not be with a man she doesn’t respect or desire, in the first place. Theses women know they are being awful crones, and they don’t care. I like your other comments Rachel :).
@@KevinMaximus if there are men in your life that you respect and trust I would ask for advice! Also embrace that your the man of the house and with kindness and authority stand up for yourself and make know that this is a problem and it must change. Maybe share this video and ask if any of the reason are ones that effecting your relationship. But I would like for male counsel on this . 🙏 just know it’s not okay for a woman to not consistently be intimate with the man who Has promised to be faith and monogamous to her alone!! I would say they are exceptions but they usually short lived (like doc not to for a medical procedure or post partum)
Agree with so much of this. My wife started denying sex when she was angry with me. After two months, I confronted her directly. I said very calmly, "you are denying us intimacy, if that's the kind of relationship you wish, that's fine. You have decided to become celibate. You do not get to make that decision for me so I will see satisfaction elsewhere and you can either accept that or you can leave. It's your choice." The boycott ended two days later.
Every man entering marriage should receive this scenario as part of marriage formation, either from the priest doing the marriage formation, or from the young man's father or from a friend.
I heard another instance similar to yours and he demanded it now or he would go our and get satisfaction now. I guess that goes back to her comments in security and trust. She was unhappy with that. They divorced.
@@thomaschumbley852 That’s probably for the better then. I do not recommend saying it if you’re not prepared to be divorced. For me, divorce was better than a BS marriage.
My wife and I were married for just two weeks shy of 42 years when she passed away. We always put the other person first. We were intimate almost to the end when it became too painful for her due to her cancer. A year after her passing, I met my now significant other who treats me a lot like she did. I really appreciate this video explaining how to make that part of a marriage important. 😊
@@coiledsteel8344 You're speaking to a man who is probably in his 60s and enjoys being with someone long term and is most likely dating a decent woman his own age. He doesn't need to go MGTOW. You keep doing that.
The best marriages are the ones with secrets will kept, like when your spouse is cheating and they made sure you never found out. Ignorance is bliss after all.
I saw how terribly my older brother was treated by his ex and I swore I'd never do that to my husband. Been married nearly eleven years and I've stuck to that. We talked about our expectations before we married too. I was a virgin bride and it surprises me how many promiscuous women assume that women like me will have miserable s3x lives. Why? My husband cherishes me, my happiness matters to him and his matters to me. We're really happy and very close and anyone can do it.
Misery loves company. When they say virgins will be miserable, they want the virgins to become promiscuous and become miserable as they are. They also need to justify and cope with their bad decisions and current sad lives. Back in the day people would deal with people like these by shunning, but today they're so many that it's nearly impossible to shun them all.
I know friends where the wife just absolutely shut down herself to sex after they had the second child. The husband hung on for 10 yrs after that. A DECADE without sex. Eventually yes he had an affair and is filing for divorce. Everyone is treating him like the world’s biggest asshole, and sure adultery is awful but my god what did people think was going to happen?
That is not adultery. Adultery is when you are having a normal sexual life with your partner and simultaneously you do it with someone else. But in this case the relation didn't existed in reality
I was in a sexless marriage for 21 years (less than 5 times per year). She claimed there was something wrong with her and asked for understanding. She eventually struck up a relationship with a co worker. My biggest regret is that I didn’t cheat. No wonder she was repulsed by me.
@@rene-rv6pp no, Biblically it's adultery. But also Biblically, abstinence is sexual immorality. And not just adultery, but sexual immorality is justification for divorce According to Matthew 19
Because he is the biggest a$$hole. He chose to cheat. He chose to lie to his wife. He had the choice to get a divorce first (impotence is grounds for at fault divorce) or to be honest with his wife about his needs not being met. Instead he chose to commit infidelity, thereby giving his wife a reason for at fault divorce from him. So are you okay with women cheating on their husbands if the husbands withhold sex??? Because I've seen this happen too.
You missed the number one reason, She married you for reasons other than actually being attracted to you and now that she got the ring, the kids, the wife status, and the financial security, the incentive to actually allow you to touch her has run thin. As long as society continues to pressure women to marry men for every reason other than real connection and attraction, this is going to be where many people end up.
The only reason the above is partially true is because society has allowed women to WHORE around which destroys her ability to pair bond with her husband who also does not necessarily like everything about her either.
5 reasons she's withholding s3x: 1. She's having an affair and doesn't want to cheat on the affair partner. 2. She deserves to be happy 100% of the time, if she isn't, it's your fault and you must be punished. 3. She is a victim of life and you are privileged...hurting you feels good. It's empowering 4. She lacks control of herself or her life, so she controls you with s3x. 5. You are the one she settled for, not the one she wanted. So sex with you disgusts her.
Question for Catholic/Orthodox authorities -- does willful and malicious sexual deprivation imposed by one spouse against the wishes of the other invalidate the marriage covenant, and if not, why not, and if not what is the solution?
@@cinaedmacseamas2978 can't speak for cats or eos because they are ultimately crusty traditions which have departed from biblical truth. But in the Reformed tradition, prolonged abstinence is considered sexual immorality, which per Matthew 19/1 Corinthians 7, is a justification for dv, and the Westminster catechism chapter 24 is useful info for you, the final point in particular says the parties should not be judging their own case but need to appeal to the elders who will examine their situation and counsel whether dv is permissible or not. The problem today is too many people want to make unilateral decisions for themselves
Withholding sex in a marriage was always with my first wife a means to try and get whatever she wanted. She did not in the 3 years we were together learn that it never worked. EG she wanted me to do half the housework despite my working week including commute time being 90 hours and hers being 33.5 maximum. There were also plenty of other things wrong. The final straw was when we went to see her relatives and went very early on the Saturday morning (3AM start after I got home from work 10pm the day before) then a 200 mile drive to get to the ferry which was 6 hours and a further 2 hours driving at the other end, and she complained about me being tired! I left her a few weeks after that.
Recently dated a woman with this ridiculous mentality. It boggles my mind, it is simple logic. If you don't sleep, you will be tired. For goodness sake. You may be emotional but you manage to navigate life, didn't they?
I think you stayed 2yrs & 9months too long. Most guys will tolerate an unreasonable situation for too long. I'm glad you retrieved your balls (& spine) from her pocket to enforce your boundaries. Secondly, the price of vagina has gone through the floor. To all the women out there, know that a vagina is standard issue for all women. It's not special. To keep a man, you must bring much more to the table. Making yourself sexually available to your man is just the start for an LTR.
Basically, you were with a covert narcissist female. Glad you figured it out and exited, life is too short to be in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. Narcs will never change, that realization can save you a ton of time wasted.
I don't withhold sex from my husband. It's not a bargaining tool. If there's an issue, talk!!! I've been married for 10 years and not playing games and being honest is paramount. Let go of ego, too. Ego is a relationship killer
Multiple times in my 12 year marriage I was put on ice for over 6 months . Yet I never got to be too tired to wake up and snow blow the drive way before work
When my wife used to pull the "not in the mood" shit I would do the same with things she needed/wanted from me. Sorry honey, I know you wanted the room painted before relatives came in town but I just wasn't in the mood to do it, you understand..............
@@EnemyAce88You inschmels lack so much creativity. It's always the cats. I'm married with three children, two cats, two dogs, twelve chickens, six goats, a huge garden, and twenty acres. 27 is my lucky number, but unfortunately I don't have 27 of anything. The cats keep the rodents at bay, the dogs guard the property, the chickens give us eggs, the goats give us milk, the garden gives us veggies. Maybe I'll plant 27 different types of veggies next year.
I believe that #5 is really key. When I was with my wife I felt as though she thought sex was a bad thing. When we were engaged we went to pre-marital counseling and the counselor gave us 2 books to read. She wouldn't go through the book with me. She told me to read it myself. She didn't respect me. If you try to be affectionate then her defenses would go up at that point and I wouldn't get anywhere.
Feeling happy is everyone’s individual responsibility. You nailed it on the head Rebecca! No item and no person can make you feel happy but you. Maybe in the short term but not the long run.
Never liked this phrase. It's trite and prone to misuse. Are you responsible for someone who is inherently unhappy... no. But at its extreme this phrase can be used by gaslighters and narcissists to destroy people. IF someone is causing their spouse misery - if they are not kind and compassionate for example - then, YEAH, that is their responsibility. "No item and no person can make you feel happy but you." At their core, long term? Fine. But you certainly can strip another person of happiness with negative behavior. (Just to clarify Will, I'm not suggesting that you personally remotely would act in this manner. But that phrasing irritates me because it can be weaponized.)
@@MooKyTig I almost wrote a lot of what you wrote. I was just trying to keep my comment short. I’ve definitely seen and experienced women’s negative behavior working to the detriment of herself and her partner or myself as a boyfriend.
What Happens to YOU When She 'Feels' Unhappy? 🤔 You Need Mgtow Knowledge About Female Nature, Which Among Other Things, IS Hypergamous, And Follows Briffaults Law. IF You're in Western Feminist Influenced Countries, Best You Educate Yourself of Women's Options, ALL at Your Expense.
Raw, real facts right there Rebecca. You are delivering valuable contents. My mother shared with me these same truth when I grew old. Marriage is extremely difficult without two willing-souls to make it work but it is greatly rewarding when they do.
As a husband, you are fighting very very long odds. Often, you must sacrifice your dignity and sexual health. For me, it is simply not worth it. My dignity and manhood are far more valuable and important to me. But, too each his own.
@@RebeccaBarrett thanks, I consider myself blessed to know what I know. I have been perusing on the idea of marriage for a long time now. Any knowledge is good to building up in taking actions towards that or not.
There's one other comment that needs to be said and a huge distinction that needs to be made. Online a lot of people are saying go get therapy to people who have trauma in their past. The problem with therapy is their variety of different modalities inside of psychology and psychotherapy and if you go to the wrong therapist they will not have the skills to help you. It's like realizing that you got something wrong with your plumbing and you call someone out only to find out they're an electrician. It's important to have the right therapist with the right skills to help you to process and deal with what you have going on.
Before this video starts I'm gonna guess: 1- She's somewhere between "not attracted" and "repulsed" by you. 2- She's getting it somewhere else, or wants to get it somewhere else. 3- She's mad at you and wants you to do/ask/say something that she won't let you in on. 4- She's already gotten what she wants/needs from you and doesn't feel the need to work for it anymore. 5- She's punishing you for something you did/didn't do and or/something she thinks you did or didn't do. Let's see how close I got.
Well you and I have it. She's trying to use all the psychobabble stuff. 5 reasons she's withholding s3x: 1. She's having an affair and doesn't want to cheat on the affair partner. 2. She deserves to be happy 100% of the time, if she isn't, it's your fault and you must be punished. 3. She is a victim of life and you are privileged...hurting you feels good. It's empowering 4. She lacks control of herself or her life, so she controls you with s3x. 5. You are the one she settled for, not the one she wanted. So sex with you disgusts her.
I got at least three of these. She never said repulsed, she said she had contempt for me. When I asked why? What did I do? I don't drink, I don't chase other women, I do more than 50% of the child care and I do about 50% of the household chores plus 90% of the outdoor stuff while working a 60 jr work week. No real answer, just bs about how I never initiate. Why does she always have to do that. Duh! I got tired of being turned down 99% of the time. Contempt was because I asked her what the heck was wrong with her, she was not being a wife anymore. Yeah a great Mom when she wanted to be. A great worker at her job. Then pifft at home. So After telling how much contempt she has for me she expressed how much she loves me, just not in that way? What?
My ex said many damaging things during our 7+ year relationship that I would have never said to her. I will take responsibility for what I did or did not do but I require accountability for actions in a relationship for it to work. Example: Yes I did gain some weight (mostly because she began to with hold sex from me but I don't want to blame her and should take action for myself to be more fit), but she shouldn't sarcastically say "I will have sex with you if you lose 10 lbs". Mutual respect is very important indeed.
Sorry man, but I will have to ask, are you sure she didn't stop having sex with you, when the weight started piling on? Also, I get that she should have sat you down nicely and explained that she is losing physical attraction. But, she probably just blurted it out.
based on your comment, she started withholding sex BEFORE you gained weight. That means that she will NOT start having sex after you lose the weight. She is just using that as an excuse right now and once you lose the weight, her ass will come up with another excuse. As someone who had his wife pull a similar game, I would advise you to immediately put her in check and let her know that sex WILL be happening again and on a regular basis or else it is time to go separate ways. I did this and my wife got in line and actually the sex was better than ever because she respected me for manning up and putting her in check. Your wife will likely either get in line or leave you, and either is better than what you are going through right now.
@Nick DipaoloFan He said they already ended the relationship. And while it's extremely beneficial for men to "man up" in a relationship, so as to gain respect, it won't work if the female isn't psychologically normal. If she is narcissistic, she will only consider it a personal slight & will become enraged. Narcissistic persons are ALWAYS abusive, whether male or female. I'm very happy for you that it worked out!!!
@@whitechicacooks5780 I agree, some people are narcissists and what I did would not likely work on a narcissist. But, the good news is either way is a win win. Either you divorce such a woman, or they stop neglecting you. Either way, you are better off finding out they are a narcissist who can not be negotiated with and you get rid of them, or you start getting treated the way a husband should.
Great video! I think back to when I dated a nurse and she didn't want any intimacy after the 3 year mark in the relationship. It was about 6-9 months of no contact physically, besides "Grandma" kisses as I'd call them, where she would peck me on the cheek or lips for .5 seconds. Shortly after the 3 year mark, I told her that I loved her. The relationship ended and I asked, "Did my telling you that I love you really ruin the relationship this much?" Her reply: "It certainly didn't help," and that was the end of that! Thanks for this video for more information! It seems very apt for this memory of mine!
I was married for 20 years. I’d like a GF or FWB but no way in hell am I interested in going down the marriage road again. The ONLY thing good about being married (for a guy) is that it cements a cohesive nuclear family structure for the raising of children, and that only counts if you’re really serious about having successful healthy children so depending on your outlook YMMV.
Man feel ashamed to admit his wife ghost him in bed. Those woman know it so they dress provocative and walk in the street with the man. So everybody sees him apparantly happy They also kiss them in public. But at home is tragic for the man
Very good vid Rebecca. Things that typically men can't say. They can of course, but most everyone shames them for saying exactly what you itemized here. It is always (it seems like it is always) put on the man to "fix" this situation. As you correctly and maturely said. Both people need to do their part. Not just one side. Good video. Hope everyone takes it to heart and takes their relationship seriously.
I laughed when you said if you're tired you have to change your attitude lol. If she is being honest about being tired all the time that requires some vitamins or some other lifestyle changes. I've seen a lot of women talk about having gynecological issues too and that ruins intimacy. Many women suffer that in silence. Ladies take care of yourselves.
my ex had some medical conditions and a side effect of her meds can be lowering of the libido. The problem was i ask her to talk to her doc about it and the only answer was: she did it next time. But than she had forgott it etc. I was rdy to help her and work with her to these, but from her side 0 effort. short before it end she even tells me that she did not wannt to talk to the doc, cose she did not wannt to change her medication...
@@Barlmoro thats unfortunate. If it was a marriage ot would have been the right thing to stick together and keep working at it. But in this world of use it before you buy then never buy everyone is replaceable and we don't even feel bad about it.
Thank you for taking the position that if a wife withholds sex she pushes her husband toward cheating. While it is true that the husband can still choose to be faithful if his wife is cold and he is accountable for his own actions, she needs to take accountability for her actions that made it hard for him to be faithful. Most people talking about that just say her actions are no excuse and don't put any accountability on her.
Another form of disrespect, and it is a deep societal disrespect. Even in the church, "happy wife, happy life" is the refrain in the (mostly female?) congregation at most churches nowadays too. I guess our society is full narcissist now.
If the wife is withholding sex, and the husband cheats, the husband is the one in the wrong. There is no excuse for cheating. However, if the wife withholds sex, and the husband divorces the wife and gets it somewhere else - it is not cheating. Even is the wife ‘made it hard for the man to stay faithful’, she is not responsible for other’s actions.
@@lalaspap9986 If the wife withholds sex and the husband cheats they are BOTH in the wrong. A wife can make it easier or harder for her husband to be faithful, and she is as accountable for that as he is for his choices. I agree there is no excuse for cheating, but do you really think that a man whose wife is cold him doesn't have to work harder to resist temptation? It is wrong for her to put him in that situation. In law we recognize there is a difference between assault and aggravated assault, both are crimes and both are wrong but the penalties are different. Same thing with cheating and 'aggravated cheating'. A husband who cheats when his wife is a willing partner is IMHO a much worse man than one who cheats when his wife rejects him, but they are both still wrong to cheat.
The last three years of my marriage were sexless. It caused me to go down a spiral, until lifestyle choices led to a dramatic decrease in my testosterone levels. Her leaving me was a gift from the gods, and her taking half of my sket was the price of admission. I'll never get married again, but I did find a new woman. She's 19 years younger than me and we're both having the time of our lives. I won't legally marry her, but in all other ways our lives are linked together.
Great points. You didn't mention: She got lazy, fat and turned crazy. I initiated the divorce, kept the house and is the residential parent. I enjoy my peace, quiet and no nagging. #winninginlife
My wife was withholding s*x. She now lives somewhere else. I told her I have no use for her if she is not interested anymore. Leave. So she did. I’m good with that. Why keep her around
Rebecca I love you miss lady you are absolutely spot on I've been married 15 years and all of your Point are absolutely Spot on and they all have come up at some point in my marriage especially your last point. My wife got the help she needed to deal with her trauma and trauma and we were able to work through it, No the reason why we don't have as much sex as we use to is because our bodies are broken down and we are old AF lol. But we still like to give it the old college try. Keep up the great content
I don't see myself getting married these days due to too much outside interference. It starts with us so we can be better for our partners. I'm glad you covered this!
Don't marry Tommy. How can you win in that situation. You can't. Fifty plus % divorce, women initiate 80% plus of the time, 90% if her career is med, ie, nursing. She has no incentive to remain within the marriage, only has incentive to divorce.
@@jimreimers4213 I avoid nurses, therapists, and lawyers. They are just too hyper fixated on their work and they come off as they don't "have time" when they just won't make the time
@@tommygunn6901 Others say Philippinoes can make good wives along with women from the Dominican Republic. Still have to be selective but they don't hate men. They want to meet men and aren't trying to prove they them selves are men. They like they're femininity for the most part.
This is the reason I won't marry anymore and have a family, as a woman. My biggest dream was to be a traditional stay-at-home wife and have a big family. But I have no sexual drive and I know men have a lot of sexual drive, so I started to think about all of this and finally decided I won't achieve my dream because I don't wanna ruin a man's life because of no sex. That's how it is. 🤷🏻♀️
Maybe you should get your blood work done, it sounds like your E2 levels are low or maybe another libido crushing hormone deficiency. Hormone replacement therapy could be all you need to get that sex drive and find a husband.😁
Awesome video! You mean to say "she FEELS/THINKS that by withholding sex she controls the relationship" EEEEE WRONG, insta shot in the foot. Also I think we need to stray away from saying that sex is given. I think sex isn't so much given, it is shared. I keep hearing he/she didn't touch me for X time.. what about you, did YOU "touch" him/her during that time? Wait pause, did I just hear it is supposed to be a married woman's duty to give sex to the husband/wife? 8:05 I wonder what the demographics of that statement/opinion actually is. I actually feel surprised (happily) to hear that (I would just add it is his responsibility as well), I though that was a thing of the past. I do agree with the idea (like you say at the beginning of the video) that it is the responsibility of ALL partners in a relationship to come to an agreement as to how and what is the intimacy and sexual intimacy supposed to look like from all members of the relationship and then offer self accountability, respect, communication (rants, nagging, explosions, etc. don't count as communication) and actually follow agreements. My guess is many get married and this and other questions don't get defined/explored and problems accumulate.
I feel like you nailed it. The always tired thing is spot on! Like I rank just below dogs, extra sleep. I like the advise too figure it out yourself, masterbate, cheat.
Hi Rebecca! Enjoyed your video. You did a good job of covering the topic. Was married 15 years. She was almost 7 years older, and rather manipulative.Would have divorced her if not for the children. She divorced me when I was laid off by one college, Eventually got the better position that I have now. 😏
My wife decided she didn’t want to have sex… guess who isn’t covering her bills? You can work more hours to figure it out. The majority of my revenue is cash and the majority of my assets are held in Foreign Trusts and Irrevocable Trusts.
If she denies you, leave. NEVER let a woman weaponize sex against you. I guarantee someone else (likely a hotter jealous friend of hers) will GLADLY slide on in and take her place. Best thing I did was to lay it out for my wife years back when she tried that with me. Made it abundantly clear "Either cough it up or I'm gone". Clearly that's the abridged version but we've been married 30 years now and she initiates it as much as I do, so take it as you wish.
I am not married or dating at the time but all of those are very good points. However in my book the moment that a woman is cheating, regardless if she got physical or not and even if she was drunk, there is no excuse for not coming to their man and having an adult conversation about how they don't feel appreciated. There's an old saying about fellas, we are not mind readers. If that ever happened with me she would be out the door there would be no Second Chances because I don't have time to put into someone who wasn't willing to take a little time to put into me.
Great video, neither the man without the woman nor the woman without the man, marriage is about sacrifice, couples that align themselves with God and stay humble will succeed long term
Hey Rebecca, Great video and I love your channel, but really, the #1 reason women withhold sex from their husbands is that they CAN, i.e. they can do it with no negative consequences and a huge positive outcome for themselves: it's a tremendous ego/power trip for the woman.
When men learn how to treat their wives like a Queen and puts her needs first, she will be happy to give herself physically to him! If he doesn’t know how to, he can’t expect her to open up to him!
Fellas, never let your woman use the threat of no sex as a manipulation tactic to get you to do things for her. That's actually the fastest way for her to lose respect for you. She either wants you or she doesn't. Don't work to earn it from her, that puts her in the leadership position. Better yourself, and only give to her if she gives to you.
@@sarahrobertson634 and Fellas, Women are not entitled to have a relationship with you, or receive your time, attention, energy and resources. She has to earn that. Also, my wife said, you must not have gotten good s3x.
@@Soulja4ChristWeAreAtWarWomen control all that, my friend. Because you'll give us all those things if we make it a prerequisite for s3x, and the s3x is still optional. I see it happen alllll the time. Guys give up everything, for years, and get no s3x in return. Makes me smile.
@@sarahrobertson634 and it's 304s like you that are what is wrong with society. Men do control the access to relationships, tho some many not know it. Seems like a very unhappy life for both the man and the woman. Be careful with playing with men, some may not be good men.
Important video and very practical. These are subjects that make many people uncomfortable, which is ironic given our sex-saturated media. Seeing images of half-naked, gyrating bodies doesn't fill the role of sincere dialogue? Who would've thunk it. Thanks for making this.
8:05 Yes. It is a duty. It is a duty that should be fun. I think a lot of people miss that this particular duty should be FUN. I think husbands sometimes forget to make this duty fun for their wives.
When I'm really tired I actually find that sex helps. To the point where when I'm completely exhausted I really just want my husband to roll me over and get to it.
I hate when a woman is upset and you try and find out what is wrong they say nothing and you try and figure out what is wrong they just seem more pissed off and won't say anything.
I am sorry you have to go through that. You can always talk about it here. If there is anything or signals you don't understand, I will try my best to explain. I am a psych student
When my Wife withholds from me I ignore her, look at other women and ignore her requests and she says I'm an asshole. Fun part is when she saw me looking at pics and she was wtf. I said what? She then pointed out what I was looking at. Said what are you complaining about. Then she drones on and I say you should be happy. She didn't said what do you mean happy? I didn't say haven't you noticed that I'm not bugging you for naughty pictures of you anymore? I mean since you can't be bothered to make them for me I'm just going to go somewhere else to find them so you should be happy you don't have to worry about that anymore.
@Kristina Harr 12 years so far and she gives in eventually. See we had a little talk, and I told her she's got to stop taking advice from her older sister and her niece. Both are feminists, one is divorced the other one's a single mom. She stopped denying me and I stopped looking. It's not that hard to get someone to cooperate when you give them something that they want. Also my wife isn't a pathetic feminist and she especially is not a white woman. So she's more open to compromise with something feminist will not even do.
That's what my wife refuses to do, she only looks at the man's actions but never wants to ask why, because doing so requires one to be accountable. But to your point, withholding sex is a slippery slope. The reality is its a true need. Once again a very balanced view of things, thank you.
That's the problem, when a wife convinces herself that it's a "duty" then she's just going through the motions *at best*. At worst, she's thinking that she's being assaulted whenever she consents. She didn't act like it was a duty before she got the ring, kids, and house. All of a sudden she decides it's not a priority and that means it shouldn't be important to her husband.
I’ve not had sex with my wife for a very long time (years) because she has simply lost interest in it. I know for a fact that she isn’t going outside the marriage and she isn’t taking care of herself; she just doesn’t need it anymore. It’s no longer part of our lives, although I wish it was. We’ve had several talks about it but she believes it’s not important.
It's all about her. Right? Too hell with you and your needs. Is this what you signed up for? She is being a narcissistic psychopath. But her attitude is the typical attitude of 75-80% of married women. No Thanks!!
@@terencem723 You may be right but I’m not going to get any pleasure out of making her do something she doesn’t want to do. “Duty sex” is no fun at all.
Respect Rebecca, you hit the bullseye!!! People asked me many times, what is the most responsible organ for sex, I always tell them the brain!!!! Without communication and expression we will never reach our goals for satisfaction. Couples need to open up especially about sex plus they must respect one another. The biggest fights I had in many relationships was I always wanted the lights on with no bed sheets during sex. And the girls wanted to turn off the light and have sex under the sheets 😂😂😂. I always solved this by doing both and proving them wrong that my way was better, and actually they admitted it.
@@sarahrobertson634 I do sound like one, I listen to what they want and I lead by example and I am such an awful lover, they admit my way is better after trying what both sides want.
Valid points. I am sure some apply more than others depending on the person. I bet if he was the earner and he cut her off because he was tired , women would be screaming financial abuse from the rooftop for him to “Grow up”. Which is ironically probably what the wife might say when he’s annoyed he’s not gettin some
i HATE the word "FEELINGS" everytime " feelings blablablah..." you get married to someone not to your feelings ! do your duty. if every men say "i dont have the feelings to pay the bills" the world will be over
Men dont have time for mind games or women not communicating. Dont get married if youre not gonna put out and dont be surprised if a man cheats due to any of the reasons. Cheating is not okay but neither is being an entitled passive aggressive prude.
Exactly. Imagine the unmitigated gall of someone who knows what is valuable to the person she claims to “love”, and then withholds it, while expecting fidelity? It is outrageous.
@@janebrobbins8572 If there are women who do not like sex, that would be something that should be communicated “before” entering a relationship. I highly doubt this sexual aversion begins “after” the fact, and even if it does, that leaves the man unfulfilled in an area that is very important to him. This same theory would apply if the man decides that sex is a drag, and his wife’s desires are ignored. No one is saying that couples are expected to have sex every day. That becomes impractical with the demands of life. But if it is performed as some kind of monthly obligation, or only on holidays, that relationship needs to end.
@Jane B Robbins Sounds likea projection. Stay single then. Again, most people want physical intimacy in relationships whether its a top priority or not.
Interesting point, women say that a lack of love shown,by husband is an excuse for with holding,,, showing respect unconditionally is actually a part of love,,love means giving all and everything that is needed, and that includes absolute clarity in what you say and meaning, no lies or possibly of misunderstanding.......
I don’t understand, I’m tired too. All she does is work. I cook for her clean, help take care of the children, try to make sure everything runs smoothly, even after driving home from work 3 hours a day. Her mother lives with us and she’s uncomfortable doing anything, even making out or fooling around a bit. The last time was about a month ago and that was the first time in 6 months. Now we have to wait until her mom goes away again which could be months from now. I don’t do anything else beside work, take care of the children, cook, clean, and maybe pick up a book if I have a few minutes to myself. I don’t want much. Not even every week or everyday. I just want to be desired and feel wanted. I give her massages, I take her out to dinner, pamper her. I have this knot in my stomach because everytime I try and bring it up it’s a joke or I’m never heard.
The mother being there is an excuse. If it was not the mother. It would be something else. Sure she is uncomfortable for her but she doesn't need to scream . Mom is expecting to hear it every now and then . My wife andi lived with her parents for about 9 months. I heard the same stuff. We actually went out and did it in the car a few times. Fortunately we moved out to.oue own place and things got much better. It was about 8 yrs in before it became a chore for her she did not want anymore. Even spicing it up was met with anger. Go figure,?
It’s not just about men desiring sex that is the main issue when their parter withholds from them. It signals a deep imbalance in your partnership on the physical level. This also imbalances all the other areas of the connection from either side whether it is on the emotional, mental and spiritual levels. When being rejected from your own partner from having sex it basically means you are not on the same page in making love and for me as a man it means their is something I need to help balance with my partner in whatever way I can. I also accept that I am not fully responsible for her imbalance in the same way you cant make someone fall in love with you. However it is upsetting as it is not only you being rejected but most of all what is upsetting is that your partner is rejecting herself from making love together and you desperately desire to cherish, and express your love and affection on all levels with her. So it is basically like her saying “you are not allowed to love me on the physical level” even though sex is a multi level connection. We are not just two robots with no emotion and spirit. And for our partners to reject us (for no good reason I have to add encase if there is a valid reason that is perfectly fine) from expressing our love tells us it is not just a physical disconnect but on every other level. For some reason the women that reject (and the men who reject there women in the opposite cases) seem to think sex is just a physical need only and it can be left and forgotten for the remainder of their and their partners lives. This in my opinion is selfish as I could not imagine suddenly denying my partner hugs, kisses and massages… Those are all physical too and I am not always in the mood for hour long massages but I will always be available to please and pleasure and help my partner as I will never deny her from anything she seeks from me unless it is of course goes against my morals and I know if you have made love together as a couple and gotten married I am sure making love again together will not go against your morals.
My wife says she just too busy AND "just not feeling it" So when leaving marriage is not the option, some women feel way too safe to do/not do what's necessary despite "busy or past issues/perspective."
Here lies the rub. In marriage,,,,, the expectation of the spouse to be faithful is good right and necessary. But what too many don't understand is that to expect faithfulness from your spouse, is to provide something to be faithful for.
Hi Rebecca love Your channel. I'm a 64 year man and on Dec 30th 2022 , it will be 44 years that I have been married to my wife.The points You bring out on Your video are spot on and deserves an A+. One little tip that has always helped our marriage is never stop making time for each other. Even at our age we plan and go on dates together. It has really helped us, hope it can help other couples.
@@rjakob8073 incorrect stat. Of the 80, 90% have degrees. How could a subset be a higher percentage of all dvs than the whole, right? It matters, because this actually makes it so much worse. It's not like there's an 80% risk of dv in general and a 90% risk if they have a degree. It's actually that 90% have degrees and 10% don't, out of all the ones who file. So when understood properly, combined with the fact that about 40% of xxs have degrees, this means that your risk of dv is 90/10*100/40= 9*2.5= 22.5 TIMES HIGHER with a xx with a degree than one without one. That's so much worse sounding than what you said, which implied that it's only a 12.5% increased chance instead of a 22,500% increased chance
GUYS, dont ever get married... and you wont have to ever deal with this.. Your girlfriend pulls this crap... YOU WALK AWAY.... and you dont live together.
@Jane B Robbins Nah there are plenty of people both men and women who have experienced real trauma. But I'd say probably 2/3 of women who claim they've experienced trauma are either exaggerating or lying.
One thing I would say about therapy, we went once, and I fully admit that I have problems, am far from perfect, maybe even 80% of the problem (80/20, I'll take that) But we went to therapy once and it was a complete waste of time, two women, beating up on one man, and the guy paying for it, a total waste of time. Talk about lack of respect, probably the only way to win is not to play? I think the imbalance of power is so extreme that women know they can take the house, the kids, and his paycheck, make him a slave for a decade or more, throw him in jail even, no questions asked, on a false accusation, so they don't have to try at all? If he tit for tats and with holds the 20 minutes of honey do's that make her happy when she with holds 20 minutes of sex that would make him happy, she can just press the nuke and destroy his life? And they both know it, so zero respect. Best option is to not play at all. I think lots of men would stay single if they ever found themselves that way again, and I think that any guys that are single right now should consider the reality of today's power balance in marriage before EVER sticking their head in that noose. Nice video though, some good ideas, hope it helps some couples, there are good women out there, unfortunately the bad ones can make it extraordinarily dangerous to play. Maybe women should start lobbying for accountability from other women again? Maybe there needs to be some social pressure from other women? Women are paying for it nowadays for sure, I see it, lots of really nice girls not being asked to the prom, lots of really good potential wives not being asked out. In some times and cultures there were matriarchs that guided younger women on how to be good spouses, but today that would be considered "misogyny" because why?
The withholding s*x is something I have never understood from women! Men if your wife doesn’t wanting you sexually, something is wrong that is not normal, period. Thanks for sharing this Rebecca ❤
You can’t comprehend it Rachel because you understand the reality of desire and marriage. Women who withhold sex from their husbands, and I will not sugarcoat it, are selfish wenches. They only do it as a form of control. There are legions of frustrated husbands, suffering through sexless( meaning bad) marriages, only because they are hesitant to cheat, and/or the divorce laws keep them in chains.
@@donjohnson1498 omg I know, I grew up around women who were like this, so I know it’s real because I saw constant frustration in men which I now know was connected to that. I 💯agree. I think it’s so wrong that a woman will chose to marry a man which implies they must be faithful only to never have sex. It’s so wrong…
@@rachelparradelong It is implicit in the marital agreement. A man opts for monogamy, and he has sex with his wife. We realize that life can get in the way, but if he is not being satisfied in the bedroom, what is the point? A woman should not be with a man she doesn’t respect or desire, in the first place. Theses women know they are being awful crones, and they don’t care. I like your other comments Rachel :).
It’s happening to me. I don’t know which one to choose as the answer
@@KevinMaximus if there are men in your life that you respect and trust I would ask for advice! Also embrace that your the man of the house and with kindness and authority stand up for yourself and make know that this is a problem and it must change. Maybe share this video and ask if any of the reason are ones that effecting your relationship. But I would like for male counsel on this . 🙏 just know it’s not okay for a woman to not consistently be intimate with the man who
Has promised to be faith and monogamous to her alone!! I would say they are exceptions but they usually short lived (like doc not to for a medical procedure or post partum)
Agree with so much of this. My wife started denying sex when she was angry with me. After two months, I confronted her directly. I said very calmly, "you are denying us intimacy, if that's the kind of relationship you wish, that's fine. You have decided to become celibate. You do not get to make that decision for me so I will see satisfaction elsewhere and you can either accept that or you can leave. It's your choice." The boycott ended two days later.
Lmao well done! Watch out fi she tries this again in another way or form. If she does she wont change ever.
Every man entering marriage should receive this scenario as part of marriage formation, either from the priest doing the marriage formation, or from the young man's father or from a friend.
Sometimes you gotta check a bytch
I heard another instance similar to yours and he demanded it now or he would go our and get satisfaction now. I guess that goes back to her comments in security and trust. She was unhappy with that. They divorced.
@@thomaschumbley852 That’s probably for the better then. I do not recommend saying it if you’re not prepared to be divorced. For me, divorce was better than a BS marriage.
My wife and I were married for just two weeks shy of 42 years when she passed away. We always put the other person first. We were intimate almost to the end when it became too painful for her due to her cancer.
A year after her passing, I met my now significant other who treats me a lot like she did. I really appreciate this video explaining how to make that part of a marriage important. 😊
Kudos to you. I am so sorry you lost your lovely wife.
Sorry Your Nawalt Passed,; But Too Much Information Dude.
Try to Get Some Real Knowledge on Mgtow Channels.
@@coiledsteel8344 You're speaking to a man who is probably in his 60s and enjoys being with someone long term and is most likely dating a decent woman his own age. He doesn't need to go MGTOW. You keep doing that.
@@5050TM Innit
The best marriages are the ones with secrets will kept, like when your spouse is cheating and they made sure you never found out. Ignorance is bliss after all.
I saw how terribly my older brother was treated by his ex and I swore I'd never do that to my husband. Been married nearly eleven years and I've stuck to that. We talked about our expectations before we married too. I was a virgin bride and it surprises me how many promiscuous women assume that women like me will have miserable s3x lives. Why? My husband cherishes me, my happiness matters to him and his matters to me. We're really happy and very close and anyone can do it.
Misery loves company. When they say virgins will be miserable, they want the virgins to become promiscuous and become miserable as they are. They also need to justify and cope with their bad decisions and current sad lives. Back in the day people would deal with people like these by shunning, but today they're so many that it's nearly impossible to shun them all.
Wow. I could say blessings upon you, but obviously you have already received those blessings.
Bless you, young lady!
You did well. And no. Not everyone can do that. It's nearly impossible.
You are a golden wife for your man . May God bless your life .
I know friends where the wife just absolutely shut down herself to sex after they had the second child. The husband hung on for 10 yrs after that. A DECADE without sex. Eventually yes he had an affair and is filing for divorce. Everyone is treating him like the world’s biggest asshole, and sure adultery is awful but my god what did people think was going to happen?
That is not adultery. Adultery is when you are having a normal sexual life with your partner and simultaneously you do it with someone else. But in this case the relation didn't existed in reality
I was in a sexless marriage for 21 years (less than 5 times per year). She claimed there was something wrong with her and asked for understanding. She eventually struck up a relationship with a co worker. My biggest regret is that I didn’t cheat. No wonder she was repulsed by me.
@@genelewis2481exactly it was not her lack of interest, it was her lack of interest in you. Hope you're doing better. That really sucks.
@@rene-rv6pp no, Biblically it's adultery. But also Biblically, abstinence is sexual immorality. And not just adultery, but sexual immorality is justification for divorce According to Matthew 19
Because he is the biggest a$$hole. He chose to cheat. He chose to lie to his wife. He had the choice to get a divorce first (impotence is grounds for at fault divorce) or to be honest with his wife about his needs not being met. Instead he chose to commit infidelity, thereby giving his wife a reason for at fault divorce from him.
So are you okay with women cheating on their husbands if the husbands withhold sex??? Because I've seen this happen too.
You missed the number one reason, She married you for reasons other than actually being attracted to you and now that she got the ring, the kids, the wife status, and the financial security, the incentive to actually allow you to touch her has run thin. As long as society continues to pressure women to marry men for every reason other than real connection and attraction, this is going to be where many people end up.
The only reason the above is partially true is because society has allowed women to WHORE around which destroys her ability to pair bond with her husband who also does not necessarily like everything about her either.
It’s society’s fault? Wtf…
SOCIETY
@@johnx140Yes, society.
Wow
5 reasons she's withholding s3x:
1. She's having an affair and doesn't want to cheat on the affair partner.
2. She deserves to be happy 100% of the time, if she isn't, it's your fault and you must be punished.
3. She is a victim of life and you are privileged...hurting you feels good. It's empowering
4. She lacks control of herself or her life, so she controls you with s3x.
5. You are the one she settled for, not the one she wanted. So sex with you disgusts her.
Damn! This is too true. Omg!
At the en is just one thing
She does not feel genuine desire for you
Number 3 is so powerful 👏 .
My first wife said in a moment of vulnerability that she stayed angry all the time because it gave her "control". F her
Ipso-facto-lutely!
Your precise breakdown may save many of us guys from many hours of watching "Relationship Influencers" videos.
Withholding sex is "quiet divorcing", plain and simple. Get the hell out of there and minimise the damage asap.
Good point. New term: Shadow Divorce or Ghost Divorce.
@@Mymlecommunication is useless
Question for Catholic/Orthodox authorities -- does willful and malicious sexual deprivation imposed by one spouse against the wishes of the other invalidate the marriage covenant, and if not, why not, and if not what is the solution?
No, never again. Do all the “chore-play” to get out of the apparent dog house, just receive lazy unenthusiastic starfish sex?
@@cinaedmacseamas2978 can't speak for cats or eos because they are ultimately crusty traditions which have departed from biblical truth. But in the Reformed tradition, prolonged abstinence is considered sexual immorality, which per Matthew 19/1 Corinthians 7, is a justification for dv, and the Westminster catechism chapter 24 is useful info for you, the final point in particular says the parties should not be judging their own case but need to appeal to the elders who will examine their situation and counsel whether dv is permissible or not. The problem today is too many people want to make unilateral decisions for themselves
Withholding sex in a marriage was always with my first wife a means to try and get whatever she wanted. She did not in the 3 years we were together learn that it never worked. EG she wanted me to do half the housework despite my working week including commute time being 90 hours and hers being 33.5 maximum. There were also plenty of other things wrong. The final straw was when we went to see her relatives and went very early on the Saturday morning (3AM start after I got home from work 10pm the day before) then a 200 mile drive to get to the ferry which was 6 hours and a further 2 hours driving at the other end, and she complained about me being tired! I left her a few weeks after that.
What's that update now?
Glad you've found your peace
Recently dated a woman with this ridiculous mentality. It boggles my mind, it is simple logic. If you don't sleep, you will be tired. For goodness sake. You may be emotional but you manage to navigate life, didn't they?
I think you stayed 2yrs & 9months too long. Most guys will tolerate an unreasonable situation for too long. I'm glad you retrieved your balls (& spine) from her pocket to enforce your boundaries.
Secondly, the price of vagina has gone through the floor.
To all the women out there, know that a vagina is standard issue for all women. It's not special. To keep a man, you must bring much more to the table. Making yourself sexually available to your man is just the start for an LTR.
Basically, you were with a covert narcissist female. Glad you figured it out and exited, life is too short to be in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. Narcs will never change, that realization can save you a ton of time wasted.
I don't withhold sex from my husband. It's not a bargaining tool. If there's an issue, talk!!! I've been married for 10 years and not playing games and being honest is paramount. Let go of ego, too. Ego is a relationship killer
Multiple times in my 12 year marriage I was put on ice for over 6 months . Yet I never got to be too tired to wake up and snow blow the drive way before work
Exactly. That is why many men are deciding that they can live a happy celibate life and let women snow blow their own driveways.
When my wife used to pull the "not in the mood" shit I would do the same with things she needed/wanted from me. Sorry honey, I know you wanted the room painted before relatives came in town but I just wasn't in the mood to do it, you understand..............
"Honey, can I buy those new shoes?"
"Not now, I have a headache"
I do about 90% of the housework and my wife is still "too tired" all the time. But she's never too tired to play with her phone for hours every night.
She's obviously depressed. If I was with you I'd be depressed too.
@@sarahrobertson634 Why? Because I'm not lazy?
@@EnemyAce88No, cuz you're so clueless
@@sarahrobertson634 Enjoy living alone with your 27 cats.
@@EnemyAce88You inschmels lack so much creativity. It's always the cats. I'm married with three children, two cats, two dogs, twelve chickens, six goats, a huge garden, and twenty acres. 27 is my lucky number, but unfortunately I don't have 27 of anything. The cats keep the rodents at bay, the dogs guard the property, the chickens give us eggs, the goats give us milk, the garden gives us veggies. Maybe I'll plant 27 different types of veggies next year.
Withhold sex = Contract Breach = NOT A MARRIAGE.
I believe that #5 is really key. When I was with my wife I felt as though she thought sex was a bad thing. When we were engaged we went to pre-marital counseling and the counselor gave us 2 books to read. She wouldn't go through the book with me. She told me to read it myself. She didn't respect me. If you try to be affectionate then her defenses would go up at that point and I wouldn't get anywhere.
Uh over your knee and spanking seems most appropriate to begin with when someone acting like a spoiled child
What were the two books the counselor recommended?
Damn, and you married her anyway.
@@cinaedmacseamas2978 hindsight is always 20-20.
Feeling happy is everyone’s individual responsibility. You nailed it on the head Rebecca! No item and no person can make you feel happy but you. Maybe in the short term but not the long run.
Thank you Will
Never liked this phrase. It's trite and prone to misuse. Are you responsible for someone who is inherently unhappy... no. But at its extreme this phrase can be used by gaslighters and narcissists to destroy people.
IF someone is causing their spouse misery - if they are not kind and compassionate for example - then, YEAH, that is their responsibility.
"No item and no person can make you feel happy but you." At their core, long term? Fine. But you certainly can strip another person of happiness with negative behavior.
(Just to clarify Will, I'm not suggesting that you personally remotely would act in this manner. But that phrasing irritates me because it can be weaponized.)
@@MooKyTig I almost wrote a lot of what you wrote. I was just trying to keep my comment short. I’ve definitely seen and experienced women’s negative behavior working to the detriment of herself and her partner or myself as a boyfriend.
What Happens to YOU When She 'Feels' Unhappy?
🤔
You Need Mgtow Knowledge About Female Nature, Which Among Other Things,
IS Hypergamous, And Follows Briffaults Law.
IF You're in Western Feminist Influenced Countries,
Best You Educate Yourself of Women's Options,
ALL at Your Expense.
@@MooKyTig correct, abuse is never acceptable.
Raw, real facts right there Rebecca. You are delivering valuable contents. My mother shared with me these same truth when I grew old. Marriage is extremely difficult without two willing-souls to make it work but it is greatly rewarding when they do.
I appreciate that, sounds like you have a smart mother!
As a husband, you are fighting very very long odds. Often, you must sacrifice your dignity and sexual health. For me, it is simply not worth it. My dignity and manhood are far more valuable and important to me. But, too each his own.
@@RebeccaBarrett thanks, I consider myself blessed to know what I know. I have been perusing on the idea of marriage for a long time now. Any knowledge is good to building up in taking actions towards that or not.
@@terencem723 thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts there. A lot of food for thoughts.
Top five reasons to love Becca’s hair!
Definitely gonna share this with my wife for the both of us to have a fruitful marriage
👏👏👏
There's one other comment that needs to be said and a huge distinction that needs to be made. Online a lot of people are saying go get therapy to people who have trauma in their past. The problem with therapy is their variety of different modalities inside of psychology and psychotherapy and if you go to the wrong therapist they will not have the skills to help you.
It's like realizing that you got something wrong with your plumbing and you call someone out only to find out they're an electrician. It's important to have the right therapist with the right skills to help you to process and deal with what you have going on.
Before this video starts I'm gonna guess:
1- She's somewhere between "not attracted" and "repulsed" by you.
2- She's getting it somewhere else, or wants to get it somewhere else.
3- She's mad at you and wants you to do/ask/say something that she won't let you in on.
4- She's already gotten what she wants/needs from you and doesn't feel the need to work for it anymore.
5- She's punishing you for something you did/didn't do and or/something she thinks you did or didn't do.
Let's see how close I got.
You nailed a lot of them
Well you and I have it. She's trying to use all the psychobabble stuff.
5 reasons she's withholding s3x:
1. She's having an affair and doesn't want to cheat on the affair partner.
2. She deserves to be happy 100% of the time, if she isn't, it's your fault and you must be punished.
3. She is a victim of life and you are privileged...hurting you feels good. It's empowering
4. She lacks control of herself or her life, so she controls you with s3x.
5. You are the one she settled for, not the one she wanted. So sex with you disgusts her.
I got at least three of these. She never said repulsed, she said she had contempt for me. When I asked why? What did I do? I don't drink, I don't chase other women, I do more than 50% of the child care and I do about 50% of the household chores plus 90% of the outdoor stuff while working a 60 jr work week. No real answer, just bs about how I never initiate. Why does she always have to do that. Duh! I got tired of being turned down 99% of the time. Contempt was because I asked her what the heck was wrong with her, she was not being a wife anymore. Yeah a great Mom when she wanted to be. A great worker at her job. Then pifft at home. So After telling how much contempt she has for me she expressed how much she loves me, just not in that way? What?
I love how you go over both sides of the coin.
Super good stuff!!
🙏 thank you
I loved this video! I am not married yet, but it’s something that will keep in mind 😊 you provide great content! ❤
Thank you Lindsey 💕
Stay single
My ex said many damaging things during our 7+ year relationship that I would have never said to her. I will take responsibility for what I did or did not do but I require accountability for actions in a relationship for it to work. Example: Yes I did gain some weight (mostly because she began to with hold sex from me but I don't want to blame her and should take action for myself to be more fit), but she shouldn't sarcastically say "I will have sex with you if you lose 10 lbs". Mutual respect is very important indeed.
Sorry man, but I will have to ask, are you sure she didn't stop having sex with you, when the weight started piling on? Also, I get that she should have sat you down nicely and explained that she is losing physical attraction. But, she probably just blurted it out.
based on your comment, she started withholding sex BEFORE you gained weight. That means that she will NOT start having sex after you lose the weight. She is just using that as an excuse right now and once you lose the weight, her ass will come up with another excuse.
As someone who had his wife pull a similar game, I would advise you to immediately put her in check and let her know that sex WILL be happening again and on a regular basis or else it is time to go separate ways. I did this and my wife got in line and actually the sex was better than ever because she respected me for manning up and putting her in check.
Your wife will likely either get in line or leave you, and either is better than what you are going through right now.
@@nickdipaolofan5948 Nick, go help your mom with the chores.
@Nick DipaoloFan He said they already ended the relationship. And while it's extremely beneficial for men to "man up" in a relationship, so as to gain respect, it won't work if the female isn't psychologically normal. If she is narcissistic, she will only consider it a personal slight & will become enraged. Narcissistic persons are ALWAYS abusive, whether male or female. I'm very happy for you that it worked out!!!
@@whitechicacooks5780 I agree, some people are narcissists and what I did would not likely work on a narcissist. But, the good news is either way is a win win. Either you divorce such a woman, or they stop neglecting you. Either way, you are better off finding out they are a narcissist who can not be negotiated with and you get rid of them, or you start getting treated the way a husband should.
Great video! I think back to when I dated a nurse and she didn't want any intimacy after the 3 year mark in the relationship. It was about 6-9 months of no contact physically, besides "Grandma" kisses as I'd call them, where she would peck me on the cheek or lips for .5 seconds. Shortly after the 3 year mark, I told her that I loved her. The relationship ended and I asked, "Did my telling you that I love you really ruin the relationship this much?" Her reply: "It certainly didn't help," and that was the end of that! Thanks for this video for more information! It seems very apt for this memory of mine!
It took 3 yrs to say I love you?
I don't understand.
If it stops she's cheating.
Were not roommate's
And she's not a child
If you never get married it's not a problem
No wife happy life.
Perfect phrasing. Self respect and patience is the key. Marriage is a marathon.
Staying single! I know lots of married men; almost none of them say anything positive about it.
I was married for 20 years. I’d like a GF or FWB but no way in hell am I interested in going down the marriage road again. The ONLY thing good about being married (for a guy) is that it cements a cohesive nuclear family structure for the raising of children, and that only counts if you’re really serious about having successful healthy children so depending on your outlook YMMV.
Man feel ashamed to admit his wife ghost him in bed. Those woman know it so they dress provocative and walk in the street with the man. So everybody sees him apparantly happy
They also kiss them in public. But at home is tragic for the man
Very good vid Rebecca. Things that typically men can't say.
They can of course, but most everyone shames them for saying exactly what you itemized here. It is always (it seems like it is always) put on the man to "fix" this situation. As you correctly and maturely said. Both people need to do their part. Not just one side. Good video. Hope everyone takes it to heart and takes their relationship seriously.
Thank you so much Jim!
It's either loss of respect or she never had genuine desire for you and you were just a meal ticket.
I laughed when you said if you're tired you have to change your attitude lol. If she is being honest about being tired all the time that requires some vitamins or some other lifestyle changes. I've seen a lot of women talk about having gynecological issues too and that ruins intimacy. Many women suffer that in silence. Ladies take care of yourselves.
my ex had some medical conditions and a side effect of her meds can be lowering of the libido. The problem was i ask her to talk to her doc about it and the only answer was: she did it next time. But than she had forgott it etc. I was rdy to help her and work with her to these, but from her side 0 effort. short before it end she even tells me that she did not wannt to talk to the doc, cose she did not wannt to change her medication...
@@Barlmoro thats unfortunate. If it was a marriage ot would have been the right thing to stick together and keep working at it. But in this world of use it before you buy then never buy everyone is replaceable and we don't even feel bad about it.
Thank you for taking the position that if a wife withholds sex she pushes her husband toward cheating. While it is true that the husband can still choose to be faithful if his wife is cold and he is accountable for his own actions, she needs to take accountability for her actions that made it hard for him to be faithful. Most people talking about that just say her actions are no excuse and don't put any accountability on her.
Another form of disrespect, and it is a deep societal disrespect. Even in the church, "happy wife, happy life" is the refrain in the (mostly female?) congregation at most churches nowadays too. I guess our society is full narcissist now.
If the wife is withholding sex, and the husband cheats, the husband is the one in the wrong. There is no excuse for cheating. However, if the wife withholds sex, and the husband divorces the wife and gets it somewhere else - it is not cheating.
Even is the wife ‘made it hard for the man to stay faithful’, she is not responsible for other’s actions.
@@lalaspap9986 If the wife withholds sex and the husband cheats they are BOTH in the wrong. A wife can make it easier or harder for her husband to be faithful, and she is as accountable for that as he is for his choices. I agree there is no excuse for cheating, but do you really think that a man whose wife is cold him doesn't have to work harder to resist temptation? It is wrong for her to put him in that situation. In law we recognize there is a difference between assault and aggravated assault, both are crimes and both are wrong but the penalties are different. Same thing with cheating and 'aggravated cheating'. A husband who cheats when his wife is a willing partner is IMHO a much worse man than one who cheats when his wife rejects him, but they are both still wrong to cheat.
@@incogneato790 bingo
Thank you
Thank you for saying all those hard to say things that needed to be said and heard. A huge help ! Very grateful.
The last three years of my marriage were sexless. It caused me to go down a spiral, until lifestyle choices led to a dramatic decrease in my testosterone levels. Her leaving me was a gift from the gods, and her taking half of my sket was the price of admission. I'll never get married again, but I did find a new woman. She's 19 years younger than me and we're both having the time of our lives. I won't legally marry her, but in all other ways our lives are linked together.
Predator
@@SilviaLampa who is and in what context?
@@SilviaLampa you’re rude and unhappy. See yourself out
@@SilviaLampa wahmen☕
@@SilviaLampa Airhead.
She said Withholding Cheeks 🍑 😂 lol
Great points. You didn't mention:
She got lazy, fat and turned crazy. I initiated the divorce, kept the house and is the residential parent. I enjoy my peace, quiet and no nagging. #winninginlife
Those are definitely reasons as well. I had to narrow it down to top 5
My wife was withholding s*x. She now lives somewhere else. I told her I have no use for her if she is not interested anymore. Leave. So she did. I’m good with that. Why keep her around
Are you guys still married (i.e. separated) or divorced? If divorced, how badly did you get divorce-r*ped?
Rebecca I love you miss lady you are absolutely spot on I've been married 15 years and all of your Point are absolutely Spot on and they all have come up at some point in my marriage especially your last point.
My wife got the help she needed to deal with her trauma and trauma and we were able to work through it, No the reason why we don't have as much sex as we use to is because our bodies are broken down and we are old AF lol. But we still like to give it the old college try. Keep up the great content
“Cheeks”…. I have images of baboons in my head! 😂
I don't see myself getting married these days due to too much outside interference.
It starts with us so we can be better for our partners.
I'm glad you covered this!
Thanks Tommy! I appreciate your comment
@@RebeccaBarrett well I appreciate the appreciation 🤣
Don't marry Tommy. How can you win in that situation. You can't. Fifty plus % divorce, women initiate 80% plus of the time, 90% if her career is med, ie, nursing.
She has no incentive to remain within the marriage, only has incentive to divorce.
@@jimreimers4213 I avoid nurses, therapists, and lawyers. They are just too hyper fixated on their work and they come off as they don't "have time" when they just won't make the time
@@tommygunn6901 Others say Philippinoes can make good wives along with women from the Dominican Republic. Still have to be selective but they don't hate men. They want to meet men and aren't trying to prove they them selves are men. They like they're femininity for the most part.
This is the reason I won't marry anymore and have a family, as a woman. My biggest dream was to be a traditional stay-at-home wife and have a big family. But I have no sexual drive and I know men have a lot of sexual drive, so I started to think about all of this and finally decided I won't achieve my dream because I don't wanna ruin a man's life because of no sex. That's how it is. 🤷🏻♀️
Maybe you should get your blood work done, it sounds like your E2 levels are low or maybe another libido crushing hormone deficiency. Hormone replacement therapy could be all you need to get that sex drive and find a husband.😁
Awesome video! You mean to say "she FEELS/THINKS that by withholding sex she controls the relationship" EEEEE WRONG, insta shot in the foot. Also I think we need to stray away from saying that sex is given. I think sex isn't so much given, it is shared. I keep hearing he/she didn't touch me for X time.. what about you, did YOU "touch" him/her during that time? Wait pause, did I just hear it is supposed to be a married woman's duty to give sex to the husband/wife? 8:05 I wonder what the demographics of that statement/opinion actually is. I actually feel surprised (happily) to hear that (I would just add it is his responsibility as well), I though that was a thing of the past. I do agree with the idea (like you say at the beginning of the video) that it is the responsibility of ALL partners in a relationship to come to an agreement as to how and what is the intimacy and sexual intimacy supposed to look like from all members of the relationship and then offer self accountability, respect, communication (rants, nagging, explosions, etc. don't count as communication) and actually follow agreements. My guess is many get married and this and other questions don't get defined/explored and problems accumulate.
I feel like you nailed it. The always tired thing is spot on! Like I rank just below dogs, extra sleep. I like the advise too figure it out yourself, masterbate, cheat.
Hi Rebecca! Enjoyed your video. You did a good job of covering the topic. Was married 15 years. She was almost 7 years older, and rather manipulative.Would have divorced her if not for the children. She divorced me when I was laid off by one college, Eventually got the better position that I have now. 😏
🙏🙏🙏 thank you
Accountability is the most attractive trait in a woman.
Giving you the cheeks
You got me there loll subbed.
Wow. Rebecca knocked it out the box on this one!
Don’t commit guys, this is why, don’t do it…
Go your own way instead
My wife decided she didn’t want to have sex… guess who isn’t covering her bills? You can work more hours to figure it out. The majority of my revenue is cash and the majority of my assets are held in Foreign Trusts and Irrevocable Trusts.
Men don’t "turn off" our feelings.
We choose to be less destructive when expressing our emotions.
I learned a lot from this video. I happen to agree with pretty much everything. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you, I appreciate it
If she denies you, leave. NEVER let a woman weaponize sex against you. I guarantee someone else (likely a hotter jealous friend of hers) will GLADLY slide on in and take her place. Best thing I did was to lay it out for my wife years back when she tried that with me. Made it abundantly clear "Either cough it up or I'm gone". Clearly that's the abridged version but we've been married 30 years now and she initiates it as much as I do, so take it as you wish.
Off Topic, but you look absolutely beautiful on this video. lol🤣
Love your content!!!
I am not married or dating at the time but all of those are very good points. However in my book the moment that a woman is cheating, regardless if she got physical or not and even if she was drunk, there is no excuse for not coming to their man and having an adult conversation about how they don't feel appreciated. There's an old saying about fellas, we are not mind readers. If that ever happened with me she would be out the door there would be no Second Chances because I don't have time to put into someone who wasn't willing to take a little time to put into me.
Great video, neither the man without the woman nor the woman without the man, marriage is about sacrifice, couples that align themselves with God and stay humble will succeed long term
Every time she says bust her cheeks it funny af😂
Fast not slow
Hey Rebecca, Great video and I love your channel, but really, the #1 reason women withhold sex from their husbands is that they CAN, i.e. they can do it with no negative consequences and a huge positive outcome for themselves: it's a tremendous ego/power trip for the woman.
I really liked how Rebecca gave perspectives from the woman's and the man side of the argument. Great job trying to be as unbiassed as possible!
That is a hilarious way to grab interest at the beginning. Idk how you kept a straight face saying "cheeks"!
Rebecca, always great! Very few are understanding this problem so well.
When men learn how to treat their wives like a Queen and puts her needs first, she will be happy to give herself physically to him! If he doesn’t know how to, he can’t expect her to open up to him!
Fellas, never let your woman use the threat of no sex as a manipulation tactic to get you to do things for her. That's actually the fastest way for her to lose respect for you. She either wants you or she doesn't. Don't work to earn it from her, that puts her in the leadership position. Better yourself, and only give to her if she gives to you.
Ladies, men are never entitled to have sex with you. Ever. Even in marriage. Men get sex when we want, not when they want.
@@sarahrobertson634 and Fellas, Women are not entitled to have a relationship with you, or receive your time, attention, energy and resources. She has to earn that. Also, my wife said, you must not have gotten good s3x.
@@Soulja4ChristWeAreAtWarWomen control all that, my friend. Because you'll give us all those things if we make it a prerequisite for s3x, and the s3x is still optional. I see it happen alllll the time. Guys give up everything, for years, and get no s3x in return. Makes me smile.
@@sarahrobertson634 and it's 304s like you that are what is wrong with society. Men do control the access to relationships, tho some many not know it. Seems like a very unhappy life for both the man and the woman. Be careful with playing with men, some may not be good men.
@@sarahrobertson634 makes you smile?
You’re one sick puppy. Seek help. Professional help.
🇿🇦Thank you for these points Rebecca it's good that I got them early. I noted them.
The voice impressions got me laughing 💔🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭
Important video and very practical. These are subjects that make many people uncomfortable, which is ironic given our sex-saturated media. Seeing images of half-naked, gyrating bodies doesn't fill the role of sincere dialogue? Who would've thunk it. Thanks for making this.
8:05 Yes. It is a duty. It is a duty that should be fun. I think a lot of people miss that this particular duty should be FUN. I think husbands sometimes forget to make this duty fun for their wives.
When I'm really tired I actually find that sex helps. To the point where when I'm completely exhausted I really just want my husband to roll me over and get to it.
I feel you on this one 🤣👏
Gross!! There is something wrong with you.
@@sarahrobertson634 Why?
I hate when a woman is upset and you try and find out what is wrong they say nothing and you try and figure out what is wrong they just seem more pissed off and won't say anything.
I am sorry you have to go through that. You can always talk about it here. If there is anything or signals you don't understand, I will try my best to explain. I am a psych student
Lol I love the title and the teaser of the video. Good work, Rebecca
🙏🙏🙏
Remarkably positive rebeccah..what about perimenopause?
Yes! Not gonna lie, having someone to lean on everyday is great but you should find happiness within yourself first
When my Wife withholds from me I ignore her, look at other women and ignore her requests and she says I'm an asshole.
Fun part is when she saw me looking at pics and she was wtf.
I said what?
She then pointed out what I was looking at. Said what are you complaining about. Then she drones on and I say you should be happy. She didn't said what do you mean happy? I didn't say haven't you noticed that I'm not bugging you for naughty pictures of you anymore? I mean since you can't be bothered to make them for me I'm just going to go somewhere else to find them so you should be happy you don't have to worry about that anymore.
@Kristina Harr 12 years so far and she gives in eventually.
See we had a little talk, and I told her she's got to stop taking advice from her older sister and her niece. Both are feminists, one is divorced the other one's a single mom.
She stopped denying me and I stopped looking.
It's not that hard to get someone to cooperate when you give them something that they want.
Also my wife isn't a pathetic feminist and she especially is not a white woman.
So she's more open to compromise with something feminist will not even do.
That's what my wife refuses to do, she only looks at the man's actions but never wants to ask why, because doing so requires one to be accountable. But to your point, withholding sex is a slippery slope. The reality is its a true need.
Once again a very balanced view of things, thank you.
That's the problem, when a wife convinces herself that it's a "duty" then she's just going through the motions *at best*. At worst, she's thinking that she's being assaulted whenever she consents. She didn't act like it was a duty before she got the ring, kids, and house. All of a sudden she decides it's not a priority and that means it shouldn't be important to her husband.
I’ve not had sex with my wife for a very long time (years) because she has simply lost interest in it. I know for a fact that she isn’t going outside the marriage and she isn’t taking care of herself; she just doesn’t need it anymore. It’s no longer part of our lives, although I wish it was. We’ve had several talks about it but she believes it’s not important.
:( That sucks.
@@jesse_campbell Tell me about it!
It's all about her. Right? Too hell with you and your needs.
Is this what you signed up for? She is being a narcissistic psychopath. But her attitude is the typical attitude of 75-80% of married women. No Thanks!!
@@terencem723 You may be right but I’m not going to get any pleasure out of making her do something she doesn’t want to do. “Duty sex” is no fun at all.
@@mrwomby5007 I 100% agree.
I think this was a great video. Thank You.
Respect Rebecca, you hit the bullseye!!! People asked me many times, what is the most responsible organ for sex, I always tell them the brain!!!! Without communication and expression we will never reach our goals for satisfaction. Couples need to open up especially about sex plus they must respect one another. The biggest fights I had in many relationships was I always wanted the lights on with no bed sheets during sex. And the girls wanted to turn off the light and have sex under the sheets 😂😂😂. I always solved this by doing both and proving them wrong that my way was better, and actually they admitted it.
You sound like an awful lover.
@@sarahrobertson634 I do sound like one, I listen to what they want and I lead by example and I am such an awful lover, they admit my way is better after trying what both sides want.
Valid points. I am sure some apply more than others depending on the person. I bet if he was the earner and he cut her off because he was tired , women would be screaming financial abuse from the rooftop for him to “Grow up”. Which is ironically probably what the wife might say when he’s annoyed he’s not gettin some
i HATE the word "FEELINGS" everytime " feelings blablablah..." you get married to someone not to your feelings !
do your duty. if every men say "i dont have the feelings to pay the bills" the world will be over
Men dont have time for mind games or women not communicating. Dont get married if youre not gonna put out and dont be surprised if a man cheats due to any of the reasons. Cheating is not okay but neither is being an entitled passive aggressive prude.
Exactly. Imagine the unmitigated gall of someone who knows what is valuable to the person she claims to “love”, and then withholds it, while expecting fidelity? It is outrageous.
@@janebrobbins8572 If there are women who do not like sex, that would be something that should be communicated “before” entering a relationship. I highly doubt this sexual aversion begins “after” the fact, and even if it does, that leaves the man unfulfilled in an area that is very important to him. This same theory would apply if the man decides that sex is a drag, and his wife’s desires are ignored. No one is saying that couples are expected to have sex every day. That becomes impractical with the demands of life. But if it is performed as some kind of monthly obligation, or only on holidays, that relationship needs to end.
@Jane B Robbins Sounds likea projection. Stay single then. Again, most people want physical intimacy in relationships whether its a top priority or not.
This is a very interesting video can't wait for the next ones.
There are 3 Stages of Marriage :
1 " Soulmate '" Phase .
2 " Helpmate " Phase .
3 " Roommate " Phase .
If she withholds, it's because she's not afraid that you'll cheat!
Interesting point, women say that a lack of love shown,by husband is an excuse for with holding,,, showing respect unconditionally is actually a part of love,,love means giving all and everything that is needed, and that includes absolute clarity in what you say and meaning, no lies or possibly of misunderstanding.......
You made a ton of great points. Thanks so much for making this.
I don’t understand, I’m tired too. All she does is work. I cook for her clean, help take care of the children, try to make sure everything runs smoothly, even after driving home from work 3 hours a day. Her mother lives with us and she’s uncomfortable doing anything, even making out or fooling around a bit. The last time was about a month ago and that was the first time in 6 months. Now we have to wait until her mom goes away again which could be months from now. I don’t do anything else beside work, take care of the children, cook, clean, and maybe pick up a book if I have a few minutes to myself. I don’t want much. Not even every week or everyday. I just want to be desired and feel wanted. I give her massages, I take her out to dinner, pamper her. I have this knot in my stomach because everytime I try and bring it up it’s a joke or I’m never heard.
The mother being there is an excuse. If it was not the mother. It would be something else. Sure she is uncomfortable for her but she doesn't need to scream . Mom is expecting to hear it every now and then . My wife andi lived with her parents for about 9 months. I heard the same stuff. We actually went out and did it in the car a few times. Fortunately we moved out to.oue own place and things got much better. It was about 8 yrs in before it became a chore for her she did not want anymore. Even spicing it up was met with anger. Go figure,?
It' amazing how they "forget" wbat brought them to the party
the cheeks lmao
Watching you from Brazil🙏🏽
It’s not just about men desiring sex that is the main issue when their parter withholds from them. It signals a deep imbalance in your partnership on the physical level. This also imbalances all the other areas of the connection from either side whether it is on the emotional, mental and spiritual levels.
When being rejected from your own partner from having sex it basically means you are not on the same page in making love and for me as a man it means their is something I need to help balance with my partner in whatever way I can.
I also accept that I am not fully responsible for her imbalance in the same way you cant make someone fall in love with you.
However it is upsetting as it is not only you being rejected but most of all what is upsetting is that your partner is rejecting herself from making love together and you desperately desire to cherish, and express your love and affection on all levels with her.
So it is basically like her saying “you are not allowed to love me on the physical level” even though sex is a multi level connection. We are not just two robots with no emotion and spirit.
And for our partners to reject us (for no good reason I have to add encase if there is a valid reason that is perfectly fine) from expressing our love tells us it is not just a physical disconnect but on every other level.
For some reason the women that reject (and the men who reject there women in the opposite cases) seem to think sex is just a physical need only and it can be left and forgotten for the remainder of their and their partners lives.
This in my opinion is selfish as I could not imagine suddenly denying my partner hugs, kisses and massages… Those are all physical too and I am not always in the mood for hour long massages but I will always be available to please and pleasure and help my partner as I will never deny her from anything she seeks from me unless it is of course goes against my morals and I know if you have made love together as a couple and gotten married I am sure making love again together will not go against your morals.
My wife says she just too busy AND "just not feeling it"
So when leaving marriage is not the option, some women feel way too safe to do/not do what's necessary despite "busy or past issues/perspective."
Miss Rebecca thank you for sharing this video with us
Here lies the rub. In marriage,,,,, the expectation of the spouse to be faithful is good right and necessary. But what too many don't understand is that to expect faithfulness from your spouse, is to provide something to be faithful for.
Give this women a fucking grammy🔥🔥🔥
Great point on whose job
one's happiness is
Hi Rebecca love Your channel. I'm a 64 year man and on Dec 30th 2022 , it will be 44 years that I have been married to my wife.The points You bring out on Your video are spot on and deserves an A+. One little tip that has always helped our marriage is never stop making time for each other. Even at our age we plan and go on dates together. It has really helped us, hope it can help other couples.
Married women today initiate 80% of divorces in the U.S. This stat jumps to 90% if the woman is college educated.
@@rjakob8073 incorrect stat. Of the 80, 90% have degrees. How could a subset be a higher percentage of all dvs than the whole, right? It matters, because this actually makes it so much worse. It's not like there's an 80% risk of dv in general and a 90% risk if they have a degree. It's actually that 90% have degrees and 10% don't, out of all the ones who file. So when understood properly, combined with the fact that about 40% of xxs have degrees, this means that your risk of dv is 90/10*100/40= 9*2.5= 22.5 TIMES HIGHER with a xx with a degree than one without one. That's so much worse sounding than what you said, which implied that it's only a 12.5% increased chance instead of a 22,500% increased chance
GUYS, dont ever get married... and you wont have to ever deal with this.. Your girlfriend pulls this crap... YOU WALK AWAY.... and you dont live together.
Bruh. The trauma one is soooo dangerous nowadays bc I've seen some chick's fake trauma. The narcissism is real nowadays
She's got emotional trauma cause Chad didn't text her back o.0
@Jane B Robbins Nah there are plenty of people both men and women who have experienced real trauma. But I'd say probably 2/3 of women who claim they've experienced trauma are either exaggerating or lying.
One thing I would say about therapy, we went once, and I fully admit that I have problems, am far from perfect, maybe even 80% of the problem (80/20, I'll take that) But we went to therapy once and it was a complete waste of time, two women, beating up on one man, and the guy paying for it, a total waste of time. Talk about lack of respect, probably the only way to win is not to play? I think the imbalance of power is so extreme that women know they can take the house, the kids, and his paycheck, make him a slave for a decade or more, throw him in jail even, no questions asked, on a false accusation, so they don't have to try at all? If he tit for tats and with holds the 20 minutes of honey do's that make her happy when she with holds 20 minutes of sex that would make him happy, she can just press the nuke and destroy his life? And they both know it, so zero respect. Best option is to not play at all. I think lots of men would stay single if they ever found themselves that way again, and I think that any guys that are single right now should consider the reality of today's power balance in marriage before EVER sticking their head in that noose. Nice video though, some good ideas, hope it helps some couples, there are good women out there, unfortunately the bad ones can make it extraordinarily dangerous to play. Maybe women should start lobbying for accountability from other women again? Maybe there needs to be some social pressure from other women? Women are paying for it nowadays for sure, I see it, lots of really nice girls not being asked to the prom, lots of really good potential wives not being asked out. In some times and cultures there were matriarchs that guided younger women on how to be good spouses, but today that would be considered "misogyny" because why?
If your woman withholds sex from you, withhold EVERYTHING from her! No help whatsoever. Let her know that she needs you, not the other way around.
Men like you are the reason why women need to have their own jobs and savings....
They say "cheaper to keep her" for a reason. This is why marriage, at least in the legal sense, is a bad deal for men.