Why We Hate Bi Men
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- Опубликовано: 29 апр 2021
- A lot of people have a huge problem with bi men, particularly the idea of dating one! There are sad biphobic reasons for this. I am going to tell you the reasons. Prepare for a rollercoaster.
Director/script editor: Ada Č
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If you are bisexual woman people think you are straight and pretending for attention. If you are a bisexual man people think you are gay and afraid to fully come out. It's frustrating.
@Zeke Rannulfsson 🪓 Which confusion? It's a certainty. They know they like both sexes and that's it.
pls abuse the , key next time, I was confused
It is so incredibly frustrating! It would have saved me so much heartache if even my best friends' growing up hadn't accused me of liking girls just for attention. Despite the fact that my attraction for girls actually started before boys. And while being fetishized by every single one of my boyfriends (until my partner I have now been with for 10 years) was extremely gross, I have such an incredible amount of sympathy for Bi men who struggle so much to just find a women who will give them the time of day if they are honest from the beginning.
Ikr
Yep. We have misogyny to thank for that 😢
The worst thing about being a bi man's girlfriend is when you can't talk to friends about any problems in the relationship because they're all sure he's gay, and they openly pity you for being too dumb to know it, and they think that explains any issues you might be having, like... Aaaaaaaaaaaagggghhhhh
sounds like you need a bunch of new friends tbh
@@ruined_carpet9630 you're right, or at least help them be more educated and civilized
@@ruined_carpet9630 lol i agree. it sounds like your friends are biphobes.
total "straight passing privilege" 🙄 /s
Get better friends darling.
Ah, yes, the bi experience: you're attracted to everyone and no one is attracted to you.
Relatable
That's only a problem if you're fat or have a very recessed/broken jaw.
I'm not even muscular and I get lots of male matches on Tinder with ease. Like hundreds per day. And I can get matches with women too but they tend to be way uglier.
My problem is not that people aren't attracted to me but that I am not attracted to them. I find some guys hot and some women hot but not all of them.
@@lazo3251 Damn, I'm not fat, I don't have a broken jaw, and I'm *still* single? Wow, it's almost as if looks aren't the only the only deciding factor on whether you're attractive or not! You get hundreds of matches per day, but have you had an actual successful relationship with any of them? I mean, I can't say for sure, but if you matched with *me* I definitely would lose interest very quickly. You may be physically attractive, but openly insulting other people's looks is a huge turn-off :)
@@taytaywinchester8214 😂😂😂 Do you even know why people use pseudonyms? Because it's the only way they can discuss taboo subjects and be completely honest without doxxing themselves.
And yes, I have always been single but that is because I have never been interested in relationships, I am aromantic, but not asexual, that is why. I have never felt romantic love for anyone and never will because I am not capable of it. As for sex, I have had sex with 4 men so far but the situation was never on point. The first 2 times, I was too drunk to get an orgasm and the last 2 times, the medication I was taking for mg ADHD was giving me a severe lack of sleep and I was undereating so I had a very low libido. Also, for a long time, I had no idea that I was bisexual and I only realized later on.
@@taytaywinchester8214 hes just being honest w regards to online dating its 100% built on superficial attraction. You decide on their 'personality' and whether or not u want them in two seconds thats what makes it so dystopian.
I had a gf that came out to me as bisexual. We have been together for a few months and i was really glad that I can finally come out to her, too. It didn't went as expected. She looked at me totally shocked and told me that she has to split up. The reason? In her opinion bisexual men are always cheating. Yes, a bisexual girl told me that she can't be with a bisexual man because bisexual men always cheat.
This is as ironic as it is infuriating.
You deserve better bro
Bro you deserve so much better then that
Yeah, most people seem to think being a bi woman is cute but being a bi man is disgusting for some reason
This has happened to me too many times now and Im just now sad of ever deciding of embracing my sexuality and I consider this more of a curse than anything else because everyone pushes you to come out until you realize that Is something People say to be correct but no one actually thinks
People like that are the reason why we have it so fucking hard. 😢
It's absolutely ridiculous to assume that being bi means you've been with both men and women. I mean, I'm a straight man, but that sure as heck doesn't mean I've been with any women.
Damn bro that’s rough lmao
@@FBI-wn2qo thanks fbi
O O F
Rough 😂😂
That's rough, buddy
as a bi man, something i also hate abt male biphobia is how ppl think of women who date bi men as ignorant: “who’s gonna tell her he’s gay.” no, both him and her know he’s attracted to her. there’s no “telling” that needs to be done here.
I will 100% (being bi myself) answer thrn who is gonna tell him I'm gay?
I get the frustration though, why do people have to butt their heads in were they are nor needed nor welcomed.
@@Introvertsan it’s not “concern” if i’m talking specifically abt bisexual men who’s girlfriend’s friends claim is gay and not actually attracted to her. and besides, even if he didn’t tell his gf he’s bi, it wouldn’t matter. he’s still attracted to her nonetheless.
@@Introvertsan it's still nobody else's business though.
@@Introvertsan Concerned about what again? I still don't understand what the concern is.
My relationship with my ex was the same before and after I came out to him as a bi woman after over a year together. Why would it go differently for bi men? Also stop treating bi men differently and they won't be so nervous about saying they are bi. Mindblowing, right?
If you're bi the best strategy is to tell men you're bi and don't tell women. Then again if you want a serious relationship it's a way to weed out unsuitable people.
No women were chatting to me on tinder and a friend told me to take down the bi bit. And guess what...
Remember: if a person cheats in you, it isn’t because they are straight or bi.
there’s only one way to guarantee that your partner can’t cheat on you: being polyamorous.
good luck breaking promises of monogamy when no such promises were made nor expected 😁
@@asdfghyter I appreciate the attempt at a joke but no, that's not true either. You can cheat just as easily in a poly relationship just the same. They aren't just magical free for alls. If anything they have A LOT more rules than monogamous relationships do and are often quite complicated. Requires high levels of communication and no self-esteem issues resulting in any jealousy.
@@phyrr2 yeah, i agree, there are still plenty of rules and risks for heartbreak. but i wouldn’t really say there’s necessarily anything that corresponds to cheating, at least not for me and my partner.
@@phyrr2dude, everybody has some self-esteem issues. It's how you learn to handle them that defines you. I'm short, cringy, dont know when to shutup and got no filter but i'm not letting that stop me
in you?
As a trans male, I look for bi men. I feel like they won't be let down by the fact that I have nothing in my pants, but still see me as the man I am.
You're not a man.
@@joshuabalboa1713 Nah, he’s a guy.
@@Ivy-dd8bf Nope
@@NicolasCabral-tr1dn i'm glad you're validating him but you did NOT need to word that shit like that
Same, but that’s because the cis gay space is full of transphobia :(
38 year old bi dude here - people have always told me it's just a phase. I came out at 16. It has apparently been a 22 year phase, lol.
i mean life is a phase, so
@@xSaraxMxNeffx out here proving homophobes right on a technicality
Bi cis male here, I've been told this way too many goddamn times. People always want to assume that I'm *really* attracted to one gender, and that the other is some kind of experiment or confusion on my part. To the point of saying it to my face, and it's gross.
Thats great lol i needed that
@@pippoppa8497 yes now all we have to do is wait for the Christian scientists to prove bisexuality isn't real 🤣
I'm very proud of being bisexual, now i can be rejected by both genders instead of just girls.
You don't know me and I don't know you, but I'm here to tell you that I'm proud of you. Don't ever give up on yourself. Love is love. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
It doesn't matter what gender youre attracted too... Imo people get caught up with that. It just matters if you feel safe and happy around that person. So find someone who choses you despite double the competition....
Same
Kind of an L
Same here! Go got it, bro!
When I was 15, like 20 years ago, my first ever boyfriend was bisexual. We’d been dating for a while when a few of my girlfriends came up to me and said, “did you know Kyle is gay!?!” To which I responded, “no, he’s bisexual.” They couldn’t understand why I was so calm and didn’t seem to care. I had to explain to them that he was dating ME and that if he kiss someone else, man or woman, I would be pissed because he was dating ME! Who he’s attracted to had no baring on our relationship.
I'm surprised nobody ever replied to this comment. But good on you!
It really seems like women's hangups dating bi men stem from societal bs. That somehow a man is less masculine if he is even slightly into other men. And how that's supposedly a bad thing because being in any way feminine, which being attracted to men is seen as, is seen as inherently a negative, which it isn't.
That is wild. The reaction should reasonably be not too more than “oh, neat” or maybe the classic “I like x too” joke or smth like that
“If he looks in another man’s eyes for even A MICROSECOND LONGER than it takes to make socially acceptable eye contact, beware!” Ladies, don’t marry that ophthalmologist!!
Sounded like a copy pasta when I heard it he-he
Oh but here's the kicker; bisexuality is incredibly common in autistic people, who often, famously, struggle to gauge the appropriate amount of eye contact.
FML.
The sheer irony of the Cosmopolitan calling fashion, beauty, design, and fitness "narcissistic".
Calling out themselves, unironically, without realising it.
None of those things are themselves narcissistic nor has an interest in them. Or in one's appearance or in the standards of beauty. These are part of the human condition these are part of our cultures and our expressions of self. It becomes narcissistic when it is pushed to a pathological limit and it begins to affect us in negative manner. And there are other things went to be narcissistic about like intelligence or social awareness or virtues we display on the whole.... And I'm afraid once you cast all things with one of my brush making them you either are or you aren't leads to a place of complete misunderstanding of the real world expression of what you're talking about. That's a rare pie place that is all in ones mind and doesn't affect reality much in the slightest.
@@LucianCorrvinus I agree. One could even say its a form of misogyny, characterizing interests traditionally viewed as feminine as "narcissistic" (which is another layer of irony for the Cosmopolitan to be saying this, given that it presents itself as a magazine for women). It's just another example of how misogyny and anti-LGBTQ+ bigotry often overlap.
Holy shit same pfp gang
@@kylestark7409 Bahamut ftw!
You know what? I miss Emos. It felt like a golden Era of bi male visibility and then suddenly... They vanished?
I know what you mean. A lot of them were cute too.
Yes! I was kinda in the subculture and I was really glad to see bi guys there
thats why Im trying to bring it back lmao
But when the world needed them most...
Golden Era of bi male is Ancient Greece xD
When women are bisexual, people them them they’re straight. When men are bisexual, people say they’re gay. I feel like there’s something wrong with always assuming people like men and only men even when it’s possible to like women too. As a bi man myself I just think there’s a lot of misogyny accompanied with biphobia.
@some people deserve to be humbled 4 good fair, though i feel like it’s overly fetishized by straight men
There was a good Tumblr post from yeaaaaaaaaaaaars ago that pointed out that this phenomenon is very male-centric in that it assumes that being attracted to men is like the default and correct position because men are innately more desirable than women. It was an interesting post.
@some people deserve to be humbled I'm discussing a post written by bi people about bi people. I'm literally gay, chill.
🙌🏾👏🏾🙌🏾👏🏾🙌🏾
@ANTI-STRAIGHT MALE & KAREN FBI DEPARTMENT it becomes no longer acceptable when we don't allow them to fetishize us, tho
i really wish it was real acceptance
I lost my first social circle at university over coming out as a bi man. A friend in our group decided to tell us she was bi and everyone perked up: I thought I'd share too. Everyone at the table seemed to pull away from me uncomfortable. And none of the group would engage with me like they did despite us all sharing lockers in the same short hallway.
I'm so sorry. You deserve better.
I hope you can find better friends.
Society acts as if men's problems don't exist.
I've never been homophobic or smt like that and I still feel like I'm bad just for being straight.
No wonder straight people only want to interact with straight people. I feel like humans are just affraid of what's different and that's sad. Everybody discriminating each other.
Don't get me wrong, I've never experienced harassment for my sexuality and I don't want to take attention out of more serious problems. But that doesn't mean I can't feel bad if everyone tells me I'm bad just for existing
That's really fucked up... I am so sorry. Those were not real friends, I hope you find better ones. As a bisexual woman I'd gladly have a little talk with them...
i hope you have surrounded urself w ppl who care abut you now. those weren't real friends.
I think media has a lot to do with it.
In movies the Bi woman is often seen as trophy, something to be obtained by the hero. This is seen in some rom-coms of the 2000s which basically reduce bi woman to a fetishization.
Bi men on the other hand were often viewed with suspicion. "Wife finds out her husband is having an affair with men" Or as a joke in some rom-com.
This really hurts bi people but bi men are hit especially hard by this.
eh. it happens. they werent ur true friends to begin w. hurts now but in long run they did u a favor tbh. i came out in hs back when it _definitely_ wasnt ok to say u were *any* of the lgbt back in barely 00s but ESP in the rural south. did anyways. my 2 friends i cared about stayed by my side. everyone else including my teachers just targeted me more for not conforming. those 2 are still my best friends and were mid 30s now.
"Some women believe they can recognize bisexual men"
Oh, of course they can, no bi person goes out of their house without them mangeta, purple and blue turtleneck shirt, leather jacket, moon necklace, statchel bag and large cuffed jeans
Okay you make a joke but I never actually leave my house without my leather jacket-
@@oscallibur5597 Same but for me it's my satchel bag. I just feel more comfy with it by my side. I also have a lot of stuff that may be needed so I always carry it
@@len5630 that’s the exact same reason I take my jacket C:
It has a lot of pockets so i can carry a lot of stuff in it. And it’s cool
@@oscallibur5597 I don't blame you. Leather jackets look great on practically anyone, regardless of sexuality.
ngl that outfit sounds fire
As a bi man, I feel angry a lot about people saying to my face "You're actually just gay." Family and friends. I've been told off by gay men and straight women. I don't want to feel like a victim, but I never feel accepted in any space.
Then, I get to be a white passing latino and it feels like I'm invisible and never get to be angry about my mistreatment cuz I can pass as a straight white guy, so nothing that hurts me is ever seen as valid. Just frustrating, that's all. I get to be gay to the straights and straight to the gays. I get to be white to my family and then the other side of my family, I'm not white enough.
And family wonders why I just opt to live alone with animals and am bitter towards everyone in my life. Don't even get me started on the worthless shitbags that say "men and women can't be friends because of sexual attraction." Where does that leave me? Do I not get to have any friends?
Yes, partners disallowing people to be friends with anyone of a gender they might find attractive (or even friends saying I can't be friends with you if you might ever fancy someone of my gender), is so fucked up. Just shouts insecurities. You deserve someone better. I'm sorry that filters out so many people, but the people it leaves, are way more awesome and aware; it's a nice early red flag as opposed to finding out much later on, that's how I try to reframe it for myself/others. Everyone I ever dated/planned hookup with, and came out to, at least questioned whether I was really gay instead (wait: except the two trans people I've been with). Some more aggressively, and felt like they didn't quite believe me, others more curiously, and I always felt I had to justify that I was there because I liked them/wanted to do whatever it was with them, that I am actually attracted to people of their gender and added mention I'd dated/had experiences with others of their gender if that felt needed (though it should never be; still bi even if never kissed/been with anyone).
As an asexual, watching this video made me glad that the mainstream ignores us generally speaking. I'm sorry for the struggles you go through as bi. I'd be your friend.
Mood. One would think gay bars would be a good space, but . . .
Mostly they're just a good space to get called either a tourist or a gay man who refuses to just come out.
Hate that shit.
I feel that so hard. I’m a mestizo too and can pass as a straight white guy. I’m a pan trans man who’s just a light skinned Mexican. So many of the dynamics of public life are very fragile because it’s easy for strangers to make assumptions about me.
Also my parents also spouted that “men and women can’t be friends” bs. Like we can actually. There are people who I just feel platonic friendship toward of both genders.
I am sorry that you are experiencing that. I see you, you are valid.
i had an older male teacher who thought being bi means being in a relationship with a man and a woman at the same time. he listened intently when i did a presentation on sexuality and gender and thanked me for sharing my own experience as well. i hope hes doing well bc everyone should have teachers like him 😭💕
That's a combination of bisexuality and polyamory.
Not gonna lie, as someone who’s started to question their own sexuality, I feel like a fake bisexual. Like I’m not gay enough or that I’m too straight, wondering if I’m really attracted to both genders or if I’m just confused. This video feels somewhat comforting knowing that I’m not the only one who’s felt this way, so thank you for shedding some light to this issue.
I just want to remind you there's no such thing as being to gay or too straight. society may make that seem hard, but in the end the only thing that matters is who you're attracted to and how you want to label (or not label) your attraction
@@zahra9890 sorry for the late reply but thank you for that, it means something being validated :)
@@Luci_lanterne836
It's because you probably feel more attracted to one gender then the other. That's common for bi's they mostly like the opposite gender
@@yol_n bisexual people can feel more attracted to one gender, but it could also be the same gender they're more attracted to. I'm generally a little bit more attracted to women as a woman
I want a Bi male partner. I’m Bi but I tend to be attracted to men more. I want a partner that I don’t have to explain myself to.
Ough amen, I haven't been in a relationship since I came out to myself, but I would surely feel way more comfortable with a bi men than a straight one, I fell that ge would understand better. Actually I feel the same for girls, but lessened, lesbians could potentially understand better than straight men.
Reading this comment makes my day a little brighter. :)
I feel exactly the same way
I feel the same way!
im bi and im talking to a bi guy rn!! im hoping we end up together. dating another bi person is literally one of the best things ever
“If he makes eye contact longer than is socially acceptable”
Me, a bisexual autistic who avoids eye contact at all costs: S T E L F
🤝
Finally, a fellow bi autie.
@@autiemartian7324 you can count me in there too
@@maldon3659 me too
Bi autistic here :)
(Though I'm transgirl/enby not a dude)
I think the most frustrating thing about being bisexual is people constantly doubting your bisexuality because you haven't dated people from both sides (forgive the gender binarity just making it simple), whereas nobody asks a straight or a gay person proof of their sexuality. Not actively doing something does not cancel your love for it.
I mean they do ask gays and lesbians too, just not to the automatic degree everyone does for bi people.
Plus you can be sexually attracted to something but not romantically attracted, so of course you wouldn't have dated one.
"Are you sure you're straight? Have you ever dated anyone of the opposite gender?"
this. so much. i have such a hard time to get to it.
another thing i struggle with is the unfair difference in standards i set for my partners. a man has to jump so many more hoops because of my internalized knowing that dating a man is so much harder in society.
i know it is wrong, and often i hate myself for it, because i should not feel that way, and conciously i dont, but there is this simmer.
i often stated in the past that i just have higher standards with men, and yes it is also a small part of it, because i can compare them to how i see things more easily. but the bigger part is, openly dating men is just tougher as a bisexual because apperently everyone thinks they can have a verbalized or acted on opinion but it should not be.
a girl broke up with me when I came out to her because in her opinion being bi meant I was twice as likely to cheat because there are more people for me to cheat with. love being treated like a walking dick and balls with no moral compass.
You dodged a bullet there.
Thats what most act like so that how you get treated...stop acting stupid
She doesn't deserve you, king. Being bi doesn't make you a cheater.
They don't sew how messed up that thinking is until a man uses the same thinking for a woman who have had several partners, then it clicks.
Im npt attracted to bi men. At all. Its like an instant turn off. I cant explain it. Im only attracted to hetro men or transwomen who EXCLUSIVELY date women. I got called homophobic, but im not. Im just turned off.
Being bi really has just ended up with me being functionally heterosexual out of fear/lack of positive representation. All historic bi men are just retconned to be confused gay men.
You clearly have never heard of Alexander the Great
Yeah bi erasure is rampant, people tend to assume that someone who showed attraction to both sexes was either straight and only experimenting, or gay and formerly in denial.
See: Freddie Mercury. The most amazing bicon of all time, and people are *still* attempting to erase the fact that he was obviously bi! And shame on everyone who just turns his brilliant career into an AIDS era cautionary tale.
@@neuralmute God yes, I remember reading reviews for the Queen movie and people not liking that they had his ex-fiancé in the movie cause it made it look like if he would have just stayed straight he would have been fine. Or the people who thought it took away from his boyfriend. Like, both people were important. he liked them both. why can't we just accept that?
Thats it.
I'm a bisexual man and I've been dumped before when my gf found out I had a prior relationship with a man.
@@danyg1400 preach
Sorry your ex was a twat.
That sucks, I was just about done with straight guys myself, because of all the weird fetish stuff, but that’s nothing compared to what bi guys go through when dealing with straight girls! Sorry for the sh*t you have to put up with!!
She didn’t deserve you anyway. You’ll find someone that will except you
I had this girlfriend who didn't know, but I always wanted to come clean, just didn't know how. One night we were watching "Brokeback Mountain" and she questioned "why did he get married if he likes guys", and I answered "well, he could be bisexual". Silence. I saw the chance and went "if I was bi, would you keep dating me?", she answered "no, because you would want to take me to an orgy." Then I learnt that I would never tell her.
I’m in a weird spot where I’m openly bisexual in a very homophobic catholic school, but I make the lads laugh so nobody shits on me for it.
good for you tho
make the homies laugh and you get away with anything, everybody knows that
I’m glad to hear that- just stay safe and always be aware of your surroundings. Sometimes danger presents itself when you least expect it, and you sound like a great person- I’d hate for something bad to happen to you. ❤️
@@yourehereforthatarentyouas long as you're a funny guy you can get away with anything 🤷
Oh, yeah, congrats in being one of the "good bisexuals", and not one of the "others"...
It's amazing how intolerant groups/people are sometimes so capable of holding up stereotypes they have against a group despite of counterexamples, how they can include some while still excluding the rest... :(
I'm bisexual, and it hurts knowing that we are seen as undesirables.
We're not undesirable to each other, and that's why we need to stick together! Also you are not bad for being bi, you are a lovely human and deserving of love and compassion.
If there’s a silver lining, its that we’re the largest demographic in the queer community.
Additionally I have a preference towards androgynous bi women and men anyway so I guess that kinda works out for myself anyway.
*laughs in trans men and ace spectrum* No cap, you guys are on a bigger boat. But it's hard to not note how the men above either are regarded as not real or get ignored in society. Ace men still have Todd from Bojack to look for on television media.
if it helps i dont view bi as undesirable (an i am mostly attracted towards men) some of the nicest and coolest people i have ever met are bisexual an they know how to have alot of fun lol
My husband is bi, and we've been happily married for twenty five years.
He's amazing, and it will always be a source of pride to me that I managed to win him despite having twice the competition.
Congratulations! Wish you both twenty five years and more happy years to come! 💐
That’s so beautiful
@@Defender78 , it's not 'that side of him'. He's all bisexual, all the time.
It's not like a passport he needs to renew periodically.
@@robertwalker-smith2739 haha as a bisexual I can confirm I must 'explore this part of myself' and have sex with both a woman and a man every week or my passport expires and I get assigned either straight or gay
@@Defender78 that’s such a weird question to ask
As a bi woman, i'm sending all my love to bi men💙💜💗
Thank u 🙏
As a bi woman I am happily in love with a bi man.
♥️
thank you
Thank you from the bottom of our hearts,sending love to y'all too!Everyone gets wuw uwu
A transman here, honestly I think for me bisexuality works out between me and my boyfriend since he’s is bisexual and his sexuality lies for either one. he’s very supportive on my own identity and my transition since he doesn’t have to have a learning curve (like a lot of straight or gay people do when dating me) on whether dating me is “gay” or “straight” and is just fine with who I am as a person
That's amazing. As an external observer I've been pleasantly surprised by how accepting many bi guys are of their transitioning partners, in both directions of the spectrum. You get so used to seeing people reject others for dumb reasons that examples of the contrary are a welcome reminder that not all humans are superficial.
I was so envious of my dad, bisexual during the sexual revolution in the 60s and 70s, being the playboy before herpes and AIDS. He had no trouble finding partners, they threw themselves at him everywhere. A single father with a child, impeccably dressed, very masculine, a veteran -- he charmed everyone, men, women, couples. By the time I was a young adult, the AIDS epidemic was in full swing, and being a playboy wasn't safe anymore. Being an adult has been a disappointment in many ways, that's just one lol
seethe, bro
Lucky man you father is
"I hate adulthood cause I not getting laid as much as my dad"
Bisexual men are kings. My boyfriend is one of the most thoughtful, kindhearted men I've ever met. He has an amazing sense of humor, he's an amazing cook, and he eats ass like he's trying to win a pie eating contest. What's not to love?
Straight men tend not to be ok eating ass.
I love this
@@johnlondonbimeetup7961 haha
@@johnlondonbimeetup7961 how sad, we don't care about them :)
@@johnlondonbimeetup7961 not in my case :^) but you are correct, i think straight men should be more in tune with their own and their partners butts.
I know a Bisexual man in his 90's, he is a naughty ray of sunshine and I love him, I've adopted him as my grandpa, and we've had wonderful deep conversations about all sorts of things. He calls himself an old poof, and he accepts trans people, and he is remarkably progressive for someone who was raised catholic and fully believed he was going to hell for being himself.
This is really similar to someone I know; "a naughty ray of sunshine" is just a perfect description! He is also in his 90s, born and raised Catholic, and used to be homophobic and biphobic. During the initial AIDS outbreak, his daughter who worked as a nurse at the time took him to meet slightly older aged bi men that were receiving care. He never realised how much they suffered and apparently spent hours talking with them, and he's still really open to this day. His wife is Christian and after having a stroke, just lost her marbles completely and now won't let him have a Catholic service if he dies before her and other things. She provides nothing to this story, though. Some men of this generation have amazing life stories, especially when describing what life was like before the world came to what it is now. Hell, he grew up as a "cowboy," taking care of sheep in our Australian outback. He even speaks the language of our Nation's Indigenous group and passes it on to those he meets, which is just unheard of back then, even to this day. He's an awesome soul, just wound up with a family who doesn't show him the love he deserves. But I guess that's what a lot of, especially religious-based, marriages of that time were - merely of convenience, despite their opposing views.
"adopted him as my grandpa" is such a wholesome phrase
He sounds lovely!
What a sweetheart. Glad you're spending time with this wonderful old man
That’s the thing about self-hatred… u can actively seek out and appreciate things in others that u “hate” about yourself. For example; I have always actively sought-out and appreciated friendship with loud humor driven women… but when I hear myself being loud and funny it makes me want to hide in a hole. We really do love these parts of ourselves; we just don’t have the permission from those around us and society to love them sometimes.
When my mother discovered I was bi, she absolutely lost her shit. She basically called me evil, and even threatened to kick me out or send me to "therapy to fix me". I started dating my current partner, and he's bi too, and when mentioning his ex, I accidentally used masculine pronouns. She was horrified when she discovered he was bisexual too, and screamed about how he was disgusting and diseased. So diseased in fact, that my mere dating him was equally as unsafe as "having unprotected sex with five guys at once". She insisted he was a carrier of some venereal disease.
Now after watching this video I understand why she might have thought that way. To her, growing up, bi men were a threat, bi people were dangerous fakers. Does that mean I will ever forgive her for anything she has ever done? No. But do I understand her a bit better now? Yes.
@@SoldierofGod121 Bait used to be believable
@@SoldierofGod121do better
Your mom is insane
@@SoldierofGod121You are a shame to the human race and God
No, you are the one who is a shame and God is sickened by your statements @@SoldierofGod121
I'm only JUST coming out now as a Bisexual man and I'm 43yo. I've known since I was a young teen. It sucks how scary it seems for me and it seems almost stupid at times but Ive never met an openly bisexual man in my life so there's obviously a reason 😢
I'm 37, nearly 38, I was bullied at school (I was ill, clever, and clearly not just straight). I made a conscious decision at college, and later UNI to be overtly bi, and I surrounded myself with the emos, and greebos, and rockers - the others because, for the most part, they accepted another other. And I was half decent looking so seemingly attracted a good chunk of folk. The biggest pain post-school was at a sci-fi convention that had a high gay contingent - where I felt my geekiness allowed me to be my best me - I was told, 'nope, you're just gay & you need to accept it'. Repeatedly. Which hurt way more than it being used as a pejorative by a bully funnily enough.
Genuinely frustrating that experience. But I knew I wasn't, and stubbornly kept at my guns. Anyway. Many years since: gay men tend to avoid dating bi men, women less so (in my experience anyway). That said the number of 'just greedy' and comments like then are honestly wild. Awful times. I would hope it is better now.
Anyway - all to say - you've met me now. Openly so from the age of 16/17. Hi. And good for you.
After 13 years of faithful marriage, I came out to my wife as Bi... she never looked at me the same. Intimacy went out the window. It's as if I wasn't the same person -- like I was suddenly a complete stranger. Her health started to fail her shortly thereafter, due to out of control diabetes. I took care of her for the rest of her life, but her attitude toward me never changed.
That sucks
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
@@missfefeloves don't be a bigot
You know very well the stigma surrounding LGBTQ+ people and coming out to your partner
He didn't lie to her, he was literally attracted to her. It's not like he's gay (that I would have understood)
Figuring out your sexuality can take a lot of time for some people.
If she truly loved him as he is, she wouldn't shut him out after so many years of marriage, especially since he obviously still loved her
@@missfefeloves i understand that, but 13 years of marriage tho... idk, imagine throwing your whole relationship in the trash just because your partner is also attracted to dudes
Anyway, to each their own I guess
@@missfefeloves why is there a need to know though? it doesn't actually affect you in any way, they are not bringing other people into a relationship and nothing actually changes so....you are just biphobic then? nobody owns anyone a coming out, even their closest people because things might be tough to talk about
edit: actually not coming out to your close people might be more hurtful for you than for them
I had lesbian parents growing up and when I finally figured out I wasn’t entirely straight I was afraid to tell my parents because of an off hand comment from my mother. That bi people need to make a choice. She said that so young yet I remembered it for so many years. When I finally came out my mother cried and told me she was sorry that something she said like that could have done that.
Your mother truly loves you. She admitted how she hurt you and it hurt her too that she did so
At least she understood what she said and she still loves you no matter what and she’s still on your side and will always be on your side
im sorry they said u had to make it a choice they should know that loveisnt even a choice >:( and im glad she appolized but its still wrong to ever think that way >:(
@@ThePharaoho if ur saying many bi guys have tried to have one partner per relationship that you have knew of but haven't then i would say its not nice to sterotype all bi men or shall i say bisexuals. just because the ones u knew didnt kep their word doesnt mean all bisexuals in the world dont.
Imagine a lesbian parent hating on a bi kid...ew
I actually prefer bi men over straight men. As a bi lady, I feel like it means that my partner gets it. Love a guy who 1) is attracted to me and 2) still understands the queer experience.
I'm dating a bi man after 2 terrible relations with macho men...
He is so comforting, so soft he managed to heal me after all that ❤
Ok sure but does he actually make you wet like the others did?
Some of the coolest, kindest people I've met are bi men. I hope the stigma starts to change, but I know it's a long road ahead for all of us
Same! Some of the coolest people I know are bi and gay men. It's a pity that they're so stigmatized.
Yeah bi men are the best
Same
Best lovers.
Glad someone thinks of us as such. Thank ya.
After dealing with depression and denial for years, during this pandemic I've finally accepted the fact that I'm a bisexual man. While I'm happy and relieved to have figured out who I've been, it also feels like discovering a new way to be hated by society 😳
Same, I am a women, but I discovered I was bi at the end of last year and was it was at the same time liberating and a little bit terrifying. I think I will probably not tell my parents until I have the need to (meaning if I end up in a relationship with a women). It was really hard to come to terms with this, but hey! Here I am and here you are.
Good luck, man. Just . . .
Godspeed, brother.
Dont worry about society. You do you man 🤚✨
I'm so happy that you've accepted yourself! I haven't faced a lot of hate about my sexuality in real life so I'm only reminded of how mean people can be from videos like this one and it's sad to think about. If you ever get hate I hope you have some nice friends or family or a therapist you can talk to. Following bisexual people online makes me feel like I'm not alone.
You rock. Stick by those who love you for you (like seriously why does sexual preference affect how great of a so/friend/family member you are??). You'll find you people, I'm so happy you can feel confident in yourself!
As a bisexual individual, i have considered coming out to my mom who i trust very deeply and have given her hints. But the reason I haven't just fully told her was because of what happened with my dad.
My dad is bisexual, which when him and my mom were engaged, his family used it as a attempt to scare my mom off, and surprisingly she ignored it and accepted him, not caring about his sexuality and proceeding to get married, even if she felt sort of uncomfortable. (which was probably because the only purpose of their marriage was to have me and only me, no love). Everything was fine, they fell in love over the years bla bla bla. Well surprise, surprise! he cheated on my mom with my godfather and did not try to hide it when my mom found out and instead of what a normal person would do once they get caught cheating AKA dump their lover, he decided to chose the lover instead and focus on liying and hiding the situation from me.(my mom did offer to ignore what he did and stay with him if he cutted ties with my godfather and start over which he ingored)
This affected my mom alot and she became seccretly homophobic for a while, feeling kind of betrayed as she had accepted him just for him to fall perfectly into the "bisexual men are cheaters". And after months explaining and informing her about the lgbtq community, she came on somewhat terms with it.
I despise my dad, not just because of what he did, but because his selfish actions not only affect my mom, they affect the image of all bi men to people around him. Because of guys like him , people see bisexual men as some "diseased infected non-caring selfish cheaters" which i know for a fact is far from the truth.
Tbh bi men deserve WAY BETTER than how they have been treated since decades, bisexual women need to stop assuming how a person is just because of "what the media\people say", it may be true in some casa, but it sure as hell does not mean it applies to every-single-person.
Dude what are you talking about? First of all what does your dads sexuality have to do with him cheating? There are plenty of straight men who cheat with women. He is bi so he happened to cheat wih a man. And secondly - you despizing your dad for cheating on your mom is the stupidest thing ive ever heard. You are the son and shouldnt be involved in your parents business. This is a huge mistake you are making. You should only judge him based on your relationship with him. For example is he a good father? Thats the important thing.
@@uk9383how did you misunderstand this post so badly? for one, they only mentioned the "correlation" between their dad's bixexuality and his unfaithfullness as something that was assumed by others. they literally say at the end that correlation obviously doesn't equal causation for bisexual cheaters. Also, why wouldn't they be upset at their father for hurting someone they love and inadvertently making it harder for them to come out to their family and friends. Either way, you don't really get to tell them how to feel.
@@uk9383 are you nuts? His father cheated on his mother, you idiot!!
@@uk9383 You treat infidelity as nothing serious, when it's one of the worst things you can do to your partner and it's a fact that parent's infidelity psychologically traumatises their child. My mother was a cheater for 2 years and it affected me very bad. I cried, blamed myself for this for many years until I understood it wasn't my fault. And I will never forgive my mother for breaking our family. It's not "a personal business" anymore when you HAVE A FAMILY and ANY action you do can affect them in positive or negative way. If you think otherwise, then you're just an egoist and you don't care your closed ones, like my mother did.
the double standards are absolutely crazy, there's no way a guy could think like this about a bisexual woman without people getting angry
watch the video, she likes bissexual man
@@guilhermeviegas6139 I'm talking to the other people in the video
@@owenbowen2222 ah bom, não havia compreendido
people are angry at both attitudes. are you unaware of the fact that bi women also get treated like theyre shallow cheaters who just like sleeping around?
As a bi woman dating a bi man, I remember having a few seconds of pause in my mind when he told me early on. Then I thought "Wait I'm bi too. What problem could I possibly have? That's totally hypocritical." And I'm so glad I got over it so fast because he's the most loving, fun person I've been with. There's zero doubt he's attracted to me, and it's nice having someone who truly "gets" bisexuality, unlike one of my exes who told me I couldn't be bi because everyone has to "choose" one or the other. People's attitudes toward bisexuals are sooo prejudiced even in a time when homophobia is really going away and more and more people are realizing they're bi and coming out as such. It's wack.
Uhm... if your ex thought you need to choose... doesn't that mean that he once made that choice? And... that kind of implies that he was bi himself? Except in denial of course.
@@flabbergast_se I have come across that exact thing multiple times. People saying they are straight or gay when i know damn well they ain't. In reality they just chose to lock away part of themselves and they think thats normal. Excuses range from phases, not really to choices but its all the same stupid shit.
Exaaaactly. It can be so easy to deprogram those kinds of biases, it's so frustrating when people don't even seem to try or even question those biases.
@@Merilirem Honestly, I love hitting people who do the whole "everyone feels that way" shit with the deadpan "No, they really don't." I always knew I was multisexual, I did think everyone was when I was a kid, but went the complete opposite direction with "WAIT, SOME PEOPLE ONLY DATE ONE GENDER?? WHY WOULD ANYONE LIMIT THEMSELVES TO ONE?" But I did have a big "well, everyone feels that way!" thing about gender and not _always_ feeling like my AGAB. I straight up only realized I was genderfluid by seeing a post online be like "For anyone who thinks 'everyone experiences x y z l m n o p examples of gender incongruence', NO, not everyone feels that way, cis people do not feel that way, there's a 99.9% probability you're not cis." And I was just like *"Oh. Oh No."*
I can not overstate how hard "No, not everyone feels that way. Straight/Cis/Neurotypical people do NOT feel that way. They do not experience those feelings, if you have, you are probably not that thing." hits people who are in the "Everyone feels that way!" mindset.
Change a motherfucker's life, hit em with the "No, not everyone feels that way."
"As a bi woman dating a bi man, I remember having a few seconds of pause in my mind when he told me early on."
My heart breaks in those few seconds. Especially when it's coming from a bi woman - y'all should understand that our orientation does not make us creeps, but somehow this doesn't happen unless - like you seem to have - serious effort is put into it.
I'm gay but I empathise so much with bi people. If you're a bi girl you'll probably be fetishized and if you're a bi guy people will just think you're gay. Most of my female friends say they'd never date a bi guy and it saddens me to hear. Just because someone is attracted to men and women does not mean that they are more likely to cheat. It frustrates me that that's so hard for some people to understand.
Exactly because i'm a demisexual and open about my sexuality i'm technically bi because if the connection is the right one and their personality matches what i'm looking for i would be attracted to guys or girls.
@@everyonesfavoritegin same
Let's put it this way: a lot of women who think bisexual men are only promiscuous and unfaithful and more likely to cheat, are just projecting their own mentality onto us and uses that as justification to be unfaithful themselves.
@@deltaxcd ...because we have control over our actions as sentient human beings irrespective of our sexual orientation?? also its p reductive of you to say that 'every man wants sex' that sounds more like you're trying to justify cheating on your significant other by using some bs bioessentialist argument of 'my big manly sex drive made me cheat not a series of choices i made that led to me betraying the trust of someone i love'
@@deltaxcd if every guy was like you, they would all be cheating all the time anyway, so your comment makes zero sense.
As a bi male I stop tell friends and family that I'm bi just because it makes them feel uncomfortable. I've been married to my beautiful wife for 25+ years . I've to talk to about bisexual on a number occasions but it's a topic that is not talked about in my home. She does know I'm bi and that it. I've told friends that I'm bi and once I do one they stop being friends or they start treating me definitely. So that is why I don't tell humans that I'm bisexual.
Thank you for making this video
Yes.
That's because openly bi and masculine men scare the crap out of closeted bi and dl bi men! They want their "secret" airtight
@كاتاريه where did he say he did? Wth
@Siracheetah wtf kind of comment is this?
@@Siracheetah you don't stop being attracted to other people generally speaking when partnered, even in marriage. So there's still room for discussion in regards to sexuality as a form of personal expression. They may not even follow strict rules of monogamy, that is just an assumption.
As a gay man I can say that I've heard a lot of phobic bs in our community about bi men. I think bi pride is very important to the acceptance of our entire queer community in society!
So I am embracing every bi man and woman I meet!
I think there are a lot of closeted people living between gay and straight and we need to normalize that, because it will extend our entire community's visibility and understanding
Comments like this mean so much to a lot of bi+ people ❤️ thank you!!
Before coming out as a lesbian, I identified as bisexual, with this identity I had sex with men. I told one male partner that I was bisexual, and he told me he would identify with that term too if it was normal for men. he told me the only way he could "casually" have interactions with men without his buddies being weirded out was in MMF threesomes but even then the woman participating would also have to be ok with male bisexuality. This is just one man I've spoken to, I'm sure other men feel the same though
Oh, that's so sad to hear! I really hope the stigma against bisexuality in men (particularly cis bi men, I've seen) continues to decline.
How many men live in in quiet desperation because we feel can never love others as we should
@@jimd8292 Toxic masculinity is so oppressive for both men and women, and I think queer men get the worst of it. I wish you the best, and remember, you're worthy of love! 😘
I'm 27 and just realized I was bisexual during quarantine. I had sex with a male friend to confirm it and now I'm comfortable with my sexuality, but I wrestled with self doubt and self hatred for years when I even thought of men in a sexual way. I grew up in quite a toxic masculine society in a conservative small city in Canada with a fairly religious background. I'm just happy I was able to become open enough to accept my sexuality and am infinitely happier than when I was before I had my "discovery".
I'm definitely not alone in this. I just hope with more discussion about bisexuality it becomes more accepted and more young men and women can accept themselves fully and not live in self doubt or hatred. I'm just happy it finally happened. I would hate to have been 60 years old to make the realization about myself. Accceptance is so much better than hiding or hating yourself for thoughts you can't control.
I feel like this is incredibly common. Men didn’t just suddenly become polarized, gay or straight, after Rome fell.
I'm a bi woman and my date saw me looking at the woman he was looking at, asked me if I thought her beautiful (yes) told me "oh no, you're one of *those* people." got up and left.
I hear so often that my sexuality means that I can't be monogamus, faithfull or reliable.
Since then, I tell every potential partner my sexuality first, which annoys some people but I'd rather have that clear from the get-go. And I'm sad that bi-men can't be as open as I am.
Also, I live in Germany and even here, men having sex with men are banned from donating blood.
It’s awful. When I went to donate blood, I was asked if I ever had sex with a man who may have had sex with another man. Horrendous treatment that makes me sick.
@@thetea4093 it really is. And one might think that Blood can be tested on most STDs, so that that wouldn't be an issue anymore.
@@Tayet4Buri the issue is that there is a "window period" between infection and when tests can identify HIV. In 2003 the median (average) window period for blood donations was 17 days. So if somebody is recently infected and they donate blood, it might not be detected.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diagnosis_of_HIV%2FAIDS?wprov=sfla1#Nucleic_acid-based_tests_(NAT)
Although I agree that a lifetime ban is ridiculous, and even a year-long moratorium is too much. The conservative window period is 6 months, after 3 months 97% of people have detectable antibodies. In 2001, the risk of HIV transmission via blood donation was 1 in 2.5 million in the U.S.
I'm not a doctor, but there must be a more sensible way to reduce the risk of transfusion-acquired HIV that doesn't involve banning MSM from donating blood for a whole year.
@@WithYouIDisagree As anyone can get HIV, not only gay guys, what you said is pretty much the point. If screening has to be done to prevent HIV infections why not everyone?
Okay that fucking sucks dude, I’m going to say bullet dodged but still it’s not easy going through that😢 be safe okay luv
One of the first men I ever had a relationship with was Bi, and when we first started (whatever the fuck that was) I had a femme friend say to me "you know he's slept with *male coworker* right?" And when I shrugged and said it wasn't a bug deal her whole attitude towards *me* changed as well. As if my willingness to sleep with a bi man (as a then bi pre-trans man) was just such a disgusting concept to her.
Anyway. We as a society should treat bi men better
Well, I love BI men. They are just as masculine to me as straight men and even hotter. I know a lot of girls who feel the same way I do.
I wish some of y'all would move down here to Texas, cause I have discovered that it's really difficult to find women who are cool with it.
It’s just been hard knowing they bi-women are fetishized while bi-men are erased or hated. It’s been a struggle
It's not exactly cool to be fetishized either. Women do experience biphobia as well.
@@murderyourlawn thats their point
@Nick_Wilde-s_Sniff_Slave "It's not about whether they enjoy having sex with each other, it's about whether *I* enjoy them having sex with each other" type beat
@Nick_Wilde-s_Sniff_Slave yes but lesbian porn is made for hetero men, there is nothing lesbian about that, also heterosexual porn is for hetero men, that's why it gives wrong narratives to men ab what woman like, and are like, and causes general misery.
@@murderyourlawnthe fact your assuming that because they mention that bi men expirence biphobia that they are saying bi women don't is part of the problem
Society as a whole needs to ditch this idea of "if your pro X then that means your anti X"
Just because I want the world to know the problems men go through doesn't mean I want to silence women
actually, as a bisexual woman I trend to feel more secure with bisexual men rather than straight men idk
yeah me too
Male, but same feelings
That's because as bi people we have our own subcultural semiotic code. The problem is, it has been buried by a society that expects us to choose to conform to either a str8 code or gay code. Unfortunately it always makes us feel like we're masking or lying in either camp. It's only when we're with other bi people that we can truly be ourselves. My goal with Scribblebytes is to identify and flesh out our bi semiotic coding so that we can also participate in the world the same way everyone else does: Love, social responsibility and Self-Actualization.
What about males in general?
Yeah honestly, same. But even with women. I would prefer bi women over lesbian women. Ever so slightly, but still. Lesbians being biphobic is nothing new. The bi community feels more safe for bi people, obviously
The best part of being a bi man is that I can make the joke, "I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is," with a straight face. Or as straight a face as I can make.
Any face you make can only be half straight
As a bi guy myself I can relate to most of the problems, I have heard "When are you gonna realize your gay, or straight" its dissgusting.
As of late as a black bi man I just feel so lonely as of late it’s like I get hatred from all sides after a while it just starts to break you down inch by inch
Stay strong man, you're not alone.
I see you, man. I feel that too
Hello fellow black bi brother. I feel you
I'm so sorry. I myself am asexual biromantic and Black American. As much as I tell other people (and from my experience it is other black people who are older 35+, not nonblack) I am asexual even though I am open to men and women, they still say "you're still gay or homosexual". They don't understand sexuality is a spectrum and not black or white. My heart goes out to you man, *hug*.
You hang in there bro you don’t let society do that to you remember there’s a lot of us out here we’re all in the same boat. I am Hispanic and like the black community it’s not really looked on very favorably. I’m just very fortunate that my wife of almost 20 years except me for who I am I did tell her on the third date that I was bisexual and she’s accepted me and we have a great marriage. Keep your chin up keep moving forward and don’t let anybody steal your joy.
as a bi girl dating a bi man, I'm very happy to be with him ;) then again its cus we're so relatable to each other
That's cute
I'm in a similar relationship too! I love being able to connect with my partner on this level 😊
yay!! I'm so happy for you💕 It's fun to be able to be like "that guy/lady is hot" interchangeably ☺️ hehe
Bi4bi goals👌💯
That’s awesome! I’m with a really cool guy, who supports me, but sometimes I wish we had that to share!
I didnt grow up with the Bi-man bias and it makes me really sad. My first major introduction to bisexuality was in cute domestic fanfics growing up, with an overwheming positivity apart of that.
I id as bi myself and frankly over the years I can comfrotably say I can trust to date bi and pan men so so so much more than than cishet men.
I love u boys stay chaotic
I've never been so chastised about being bisexual as I have been by gays and lesbians. So many of my straight friends didn't give a rats ass. Bi-erasure is so prevalent in the LGBT that I just avoid it. Straight presenting bi men are left out because we're not over the top queens that wear out sexuality on our sleeves. That's not even getting started on being 40+.
So you think your life is harder cuz your a masculine man attracted to women and think you somehow have it harder than gays and lesbians, poor you lmao
I was dating a girl who broke up with me when she found out i was bi, i wasn't hidding it i just didn't mention it before, she said she wanted to be with someone more "masculine".
Just to be clear i'm a 1.80m tall heavyweight boxer so it's not like i didn't look masculine.
bruh thats mad wild and rough im sure youre doing better now
Better this way she didn't deserve u
omg a tall heavyweight boxer??? im in love 😏
She not worth your time, man.
You're too good for her. You'll find someone who's way better then her!
As a bi woman, dating a bi man would be a dream come true
Same as a bi man for dating a bi women. It’s such a relief
As a bi girl, this is SO accurate. 🥺
I'm bi and when my bf came out as bi, I was happier than when he proposed to me.
Imagine having a chance at dating or similar
I’m dying inside
Honestly
I started an activist org for BI people in the 90s, due to a lot of shade being thrown on my bi friends from the L&G community. Early on, the likely social outcome was to be ostracised by both straight and gay people when coming out. Cap that with all of the issues around AIDS, and it could be a very lonely existence to be out as bi then. Small wonder that some bisexuals around that time were really good at compartmentalizing their relationships.
I think the stigma that bi men can’t be monogamous might be a huge contributor to this.
My husband gets deer in the headlights from others when they learned we’ve been in a male/male monogamous relationship together for 27 years to date.
He doesn’t sleep around and he masterbates to females adult material as well as men. There is a lot of stigma around bisexuals. Communication is important. People might be surprised if they actually communicate
Hey wait..."bisexual disaster"?? You mean that's actually a thing? Because it certainly describes me. Yet I still go around ashamed that I might be seen as hypersexual.
Straight People: "I wish I was bisexual cause then I would have more options for dating."
Bisexuals: *NERVOUS SWEATING*
@@chairmanJackie lmao
I have some chaotic bisexual vibes! I fit in so well with my fellow witchy anarchist peeps! It’s nice not to be judged all the time!
I live in a really Christian conservative area, and I’m the trinity of evil apparently😂
@@chairmanJackie like it just goes to show that they have no knowledge of what bisexuals do through
@@chairmanJackie bisexuals: *_sobbing in a corner because they can't find a partner of any gender_*
As a bi man and I was outed by somebody I thought would keep my secret. I had girls coming up to me at school and asking me if they would want to hang out and stuff and they would talk to me about makeup and all. And when that would happen I felt very demasculated and mind you I am not saying it was the girls fault for acting that way because it was middle school when I came out, but it does tell us how women see bi men as "not as masculine as straight men" but " more masculine than gay men". Also, I had a lot of men saying "oh you probably had a crush on me then" and shit. I would also get called the "F word" in passing even though it was 2019 and it's widely known that word is awful. And when I would do on dates with a women I would ask " oh i'm bi, is that ok with you" and they would say yes and in a few months into the relationship she says she feels uncomfortable knowing iv'e been with men.
That's awful. I hope things are better for you now
As a masculine bi guy, I related to this heavily
@@tre-vort-ni5189 I'm bisexual but in tune with both my feminine and masculine side. But now that I'm getting older I just really trying to focus on the masculine.
Idk maybe they were trying to just include you? I’m a pretty masc woman and have been invited to those things. Also you were probably seen as safer than a straight man. Not to mention you probably (to them) had things in coming such as liking men.
However being dumped after they find out is horrible. Sorry for you. Never understood why people hate bisexual men. Like two bisexuals in a relationship make sense. Just extra people watching ability! Also it would be fascinating to discuss different attractive people with them.
@@magnarcreed3801 not trying to make this about me, but yeah my partner is also bisexual. I actually found out that most of my friends are bisexual. Only one of them is straight.
I rage clicked on this video, and then I realized that you were actually in support of bisexuality and went, "Thank god."
as a bi chick dating a most wonderful and amazing bi man, i couldnt ask for a better partner; we both know what its like living as bisexuals and are open and comfortable enough to be vulnerable enough to explore our sexuality and our masculine and feminine sides respectively and its been the most beautiful thing for us to feel safe and valid together as an unapologetic queer couple (im only noting this cos this is always the first comment made about us: either of us are"straight passing" ots very obvious that we are a queer couple)
My partner who is a bi/pan man has been demonized so much even though he’s the biggest teddy bear. It infuriates me. One time I was talking to a mutual ex-friend of ours and she was scoffing at how he cried when they went to a play. It pissed me off so much. Then this same ex-friend got him kicked out of his house by fear mongering his straight cis roommates. It really wrecked him for a while because all he wants is to show others love and care but people think he has “ulterior motives” even though he’s legit just a sweetie pie. But he’s a bi man and we’re polyamorous so everyone thinks poorly of him. Well I’m an enby bi/pan poly punk that is going to protect my darling partner with every fiber of my being!
Completely relate to all of this. It's based on this archaic notion that people can't be platonic friends with someone if that someone is from a gender they're sexually attracted to. It's assumed that straight men and straight women can't be platonic friends (which is sad, as it stops countless potential friendships from ever taking ground in the first place.) And needless to mention the stigma that many straight men have for becoming close friends with gay or bisexual men.
And when you're bisexual: you face the issue of most everyone you meet, regardless of gender, in their back of their head wondering if there's some chance you might fall for them romantically someday. Related to the above archaic notion. So not only can it ruin romantic relationships, but potentially many close friendships you could develop.
Whereas your partner sounds a lot like me: someone who is just very outgoing and kind to everyone. Without ulterior motives. I basically almost never fall for someone romantically. But I absolutely love to compliment my friends and tell them they're gorgeous, etc. No matter their gender. As it's just truthful compliments and loving to see people smile. Not trying to get in anyone's pants. Thankfully people who get to know me understand and appreciate this. But at the same time, even among my closest friends, I'd be afraid to come out as bisexual. And that shouldn't be the case. Anyway stay strong and keep supporting each other!
That's so sad to hear. I wish I had a partner who was like that
Ohmygod he sounds so sweet I wanna give him big hugs. You guys sound so cute.
@@Saixjacket It’s a phrase, dude. I know that I can’t 100% protect him but I love him and he appreciates that I care about him and his safety. We are primary partners and discuss our other relationships to gage if they’re healthy or not is what I mean by protecting him. We have each other’s backs. And if you’re trying to say polyamory doesn’t work then that’s your own bias. It’s how we live our truth and yeah it’s a lot of work just like monogamy is a lot of work.
@@Saixjacket 😂😂😂 My partner is 38 and he’s been polyamorous for 15 years. You’re making many reaches and generalizations about a lifestyle you know nothing about. It’s not that we “go through” people, it’s simply that some folks move on in life and that’s okay. Also not every romantic relationship has to end in marriage and living together, I have many friends that I just enjoy being with sexually and so does my partner. Every relationship is unique and beautiful in its own way and it doesn’t have to fit into a rigid box of societies standards of what a sexual or romantic relationship “should be”. I think you’re just forming your own opinions based on your own insecurities and that’s something you need to work on rather than telling me my lifestyle is “wrong”. Enjoy the free lesson on polyamory, but I’m done teaching you about something you’ve just decided to be bigoted about. Now sod off.
My boyfriend and I are both bi and he went to give blood last year and they asked “have you had sex with a man in the past year?”. He answered yes and they turned him away. Shameful really that they still do this
@@deltaxcd
And the fact that you immediately searched for a bullshit reason to say that tells me that you are the kind of person who will never have a good fulfilling relationship and its all your fault.
@@deltaxcd ??
1. OP might be a man (the man their boyfriend had sex with)
2. The intended blood-giving might have been before their relationship started
(3. They may not be monogamous, which is entirely different from cheating)
@@deltaxcd excuse me, what word do most gay/bi men use to refer to their male partners? pretty sure it's "boyfriend" usually lmfao
also hiv spreads just as easily with straight people, especially since condom usage is on the decline with birth control in pill form. the connotation of a "gay disease" is nothing but propaganda. so's the idea that multiple partners equals diseased. non-monogamous gay people are just as capable of safe sex as anyone else
there is still no reason to assume op's partner cheated on them
To the people having a feud in the comments can we just agree on the fact that the bf getting turned away was unjust? Thanks 🙃
@@wetsocks7619 I agree
as a gay man, if my bf was bi i'd be interested to hear abt his experiences since i'm never gonna know what it's like
My partner is a bi-sexual man and I we met on Tinder. He was actually my first Tinder date. He is an amazing partner and I had zero negative reaction that he was bi-sexual. I think it made me like him more because it probably meant he didn't vote for Trump :) (this was about 1 week after the 2016 election so it was still pretty raw). I think he listed both men and women on his profile and I wasn't sure if it was for dating or friends because he also listed he was interested in making friends. I thought the fact that he was willing to leave it as even a suggestion that he would date men made him more safe. He was at the least not homophobic and where I live that is more common in the online dating cesspool. I guess he "came out" to me on one of our first dates but it didn't register to me that him telling me that he had dated men was a big deal. I had no idea that bisexual men had a hard time finding partners. Total ignorance on my part I guess as a straight person. It made me more attractive to him, maybe for the wrong reasons? The idea of him being with a man is kinda hot to me. Is that wrong? It definitely isn't a turn off. He has a better understanding of what it's like being a typical woman dating because he dated a man who was bigger and more powerful than him and it made him really uncomfortable and he didn't want to do it again, then he realized this is just how dating is for women and how vulnerable they are and feel. He is aware of his privilege because he has the choice to not be in that position and he also has the choice to let people think he is straight. He also has to answer a multi-page sexual health form at the doctor after he disclosed that he had had sex with a man. When they thought he was straight he didn't have to discuss his sex life with his doctor. To most of the world he is a straight white man unless he goes out of his way to tell people he is bi or talks about his dating history. I had no idea that there was this much stigma against gay men. He and I talk about his sexuality and how I can support him being more open or openly identifying as bi-sexual if that is what he wants, but this has made me realize I may need to give him more space to share and discuss this if he needs to. Women being jealous and thinking they are competing with more people can't be further from the truth. It seems you are competing with a very small pool of people who will accept a partner who tells you that he is bi-sexual. I have definitely had thoughts about not being able to meet all of his needs or wants since he is attracted to both sexes, which is my insecurity, not something he is putting on me. This is just one more completely asinine thing we are putting on each other to use as an excuse to hate. WTF are we holding onto and creating more reasons to other and hate people?
This is why so many of us choose to just go bi4bi. Gay men and straight women do not always welcome us the way we deserve to be
As a gay dude. I’m so sorry for the gay dudes who don’t accept y’all.
And the lesbians who don’t accept bisexuals *Gold star shit* I wish biphobia didn’t exist. Bc there’s so many hot men 😭 the gay dudes who shrink their dating pool are just missing out. 💀
How is that not homophobic?
If a gay guy refuses to date bi guys simply because they're bi, that's clearly biphobic.
How is this any different?
Gay men reject you bi men and reason why they reject coz bi men use gay men just for pleasure and think straight relationships seriously that's why they reject you bi men and that's some gay men's experience in real life.
This is a left over thing from the patriarchy that cis women still perpetuate. Its the idea that if youre bi, you might have bottomed before, and if you've bottomed, it means you arent as masculine and are submissive, becuase misogynists tie femininity to submission and see femininity as less than masculinity. If youre a bi woman its seen as sexy, if youre a bi man youre subconsciously viewed as less than other men. Then, since you arent fully gay, the gay community dismisses you as well.
@@asharathod8626No that's not, that's a bias
I already knew some of this but it's so saddening. My SO is a bisexual man and he's sweet, sensitive and deeply loyal. He's still not out to his family or most of his friends and it's because he's so afraid of judgment. He deserves better.
Awwww that sounds so sweet. I bet he's an awesome dude.
I have a lot in common with your SO. Finding a woman who wasn't biphobic when I started coming out early on in dating them was almost impossible in the 2000s decade (hookups, I didn't usually tell them unless I knew they were accepting - certain scenes are better for that, like kink); the gay men I dated/hooked up with didn't get worried about it that I heard, but they still thought I was really just gay - which of course isn't a worry for them so much. Started coming out to close friends in last couple years - the ones I made before I felt comfortable being out. Most other friends I made from bi communities (e.g. my own meetup group I run). How did it go>? All good so far, one of them actually responded by coming out to me as pansexual! My wife is awesome; while she still had questions and fears, was ready to do the work and throw out what she'd heard about bi men from her gay friends (who told her to run a mile from them back in the 90s), in favour of my actual experiences and sharing who I was.
@@johnlondonbimeetup7961 So happy for you (from a bi/pan woman)! ^^ (also I see you everywhere in the comments under bi content on YT ^^)
@@mariebourgot4949 thanks! Yeah, I do watch a fair bit of bi content here and like to chime in every now and then in the comments. We/I'm on social media too if you want more! / even to join our group on Meetup :)
My parents don't know I am Bi, I don't think they are prejudiced people in particular but I still have this hesitation to tell them. I'm going to wait until my partner and I have our own place before I tell them for my own peace of mind.
This is wild to me! I’m a femme genderqueer bisexual with a preference for (or at least more history with) men. But for the most part, I don’t seek out straight men as partners because there’s so much of who I am as a queer person that straight people don’t understand. And so most of the people I’m attracted to or look for in relationships are bisexual men. It’s so wild that there are people who refuse to date them full stop.
Ironically, my legal name is Cheater but I'm not bisexual.
So much for the idea that Bisexual and Cheater are the same.
F
That’s awful, and on a side note why would someone name their son cheater? It seems like it would unnecessarily burden anyone with a stigma.
@@jimd8292 It's a last name, therefore not optional. Most of my relatives had a name change to Chayter.
@@davidcheater4239 makes sense
@@fillerbunnyninjashark271 why do people put f in chat?
My abusive ex once told me that she "didnt like" that I was bi because "you might just fuck a man behind my back". I shouldve left her then. Massive red flag.
i’m glad u got out
Shoulda said, "well so could you!"
@@righthere27 good one
Friend of mine has a good saying for this: “when someone shows you who they are, believe them”
She just don’t know any thing about bi men her loss
23 year old bi male here I can confidently say throughout my time coming up in the world if I was ever open about being bisexual almost every time a girl would lose interest in me and even often times gay men would as well not gonna lie really hurt my confidence growing up then again I did grow up in the south so what did I expect
They think we aren't masculine enough. It really pisses me off that women can dress like guys, be covered in tattoos, have Star wars or Mcu as their favourite movies and listen to Metallica and still be seen as feminine but if a guy doesn't mirror an Arnold Schwartznegger character he's feminine.
Im a non binary queer person in a female body, I love myself a bisexual man who’s open to exploring gender fluidity! Then again I’m 29 and I’m mature.
This is so fucking infuriating every time I think about it. I literally remember hearing these things about bi people before I even developed sexual interest in any human at all. And the two major things that kept me from coming to terms with being bi was I. the constant shaming and misrepresentation of it and II. the idea of it being a “phase” and the fetishisation of it, especially with women (but let’s be honest men as well.) Still keeps me from coming out to my family to this day. I get nauseous every time I think about doing it and just imagine my dad say something along the lines of “oh so the liberals changed your sexuality now as well.” Like it literally doesn’t compute with some people.
Good timing as I've seen the discourse over the 'preference' to not date bi men all over TikTok. I think it's incredibly important to discuss how people still view bi men as tricking straight women into dating them. It feels eerily similar to the sentiment of trans women tricking straight men into dating them. Anyway, fantastic video as always, you make some of the best video essays on bisexuality on YT!
Wow, that’s crazy. I have a huge preference for wanting to date a bi guy, which is mostly because I‘m queer and I also want a partner who’s from the community
@@magicalgirl4 Same! I can't imagine how wonderful it would feel to be able to talk about how hot various men and women are with a partner!
@@magicalgirl4 I feel this way too! My strongest relationships have been with fellow bisexuals and I can't imagine wanting to date a straight man
Preference my ass, people wanna wake up and smell their own homophobia
More bi's for me then.
8:36 "does your parter have interests or a career? He's bisexual and likely a cheater!" who wrote this 😭😭😭
Well, CLEARLY, to be a straight man, you need to have an interest in manly jobs, like lumberjacks or construction workers. /s
It's like bad memes online that basically make anything a man my like means they're gay. Like how did we double back to the 90s early 00s where everything was "gay"
@@TheKarret You had me "lumberjacks" and "construction workers". Oh wait- GODDAMMIT!
@@grizzlybear6377 lmaao XD
My friend is a bisexual man and im a bisexual woman, we’ve both had the same experience dating both men and women, hes now with a man and happier than ever, hes still a bisexual man and im happy for him.
Gotta say, that was an excellent title and thumbnail. It gets your usual audience for knowing there's some twist, your target audience for wondering what angle you're coming at, and the people who disagree with you for thinking you're on their side.
i was thinking this too! awesome rhetorical choices made in titling this video.
Just a heads up, this is probably going to be emotionally quite intense, so be prepared!
I already feel like I’m going to really appreciate this video! When I went to bio life a few years ago, I filled out their survey and I put down that I had Sex with a bisexual man and they rejected my application on those grounds. I tried to talk to the head person there and she agreed the policy was out dated! But I still wasn’t able to participate in plasma donation! That AIDS fear is still abound.
@@MidnightsGleam I had no idea about that kind of policies. It’s quite appalling.
@@MidnightsGleam oh yeah, it's much the same here which means I'm often unable to donate blood (I have O- blood so I want to donate as much as possible)
I understand some sexual acts carry a higher risk of sexual infections, but why restrict it to men who have had sex with men? Surely restricting anyone who's engaged in that sexual behaviour
@@scottshaw3337 yes, the screening questions are absolutely ridiculous. I'm like do you want this O neg or not!
Funny enough, i just saw a random tweet that said "bisexual men, i love you" (i imagnine she was a fan of yours).
That was the first time i have ever heard or seen those words. In nearly 30 years on this forsaken earth. I never understood how invisible we are and how good it feels to be seen.
Then I saw this video and im crying. Thank you so much. Its good to know there are people out there who care about us.
As a gay guy with a bi bf, i couldnt be happier to be in a wonderful relationship, the freedom i feel being able to express myself fully while not feeling held to gender ideals, because he likes both fem and masc things of both sexes, really allows me to feel comfortable experiencing my feelings. Bi and pan individuals are wonderful and true treasure.
Same!! I'm gay bigender FTM and my 3 year anniversary with my bi boyfriend is in just under two weeks 🥳 At this point I truly think I'd only be comfortable dating bi men (we're polyamorous). I can be girl mode or boy mode around him and he loves both.
Thank you
As a bi guy so far gay guys have been wonderful but to straight women it's a don't tell unless they ask basis, seems alot of cute guys like bi guys so I am happy.
@@Grandmaster-Kush I just came out as bisexual, and told the gay guy I just met that he would be my only guy and I may have a gf or fwb girl. I honestly think it wouldn't go further than a female fwb, since I'm predominantly gay 75/25% but I'm honestly attracted to women enough to know I'm bi, though it's once in a blue moon.
THIS!! ALL OF THIS!!! I am WAY more interested in bi people specifically for this reason. There's this bizarre, mental, inbuilt freedom of expression (that SHOULD be present in ANY relationship but whatever). Like, I can be whatever I am that day/hour and just... not have to worry about gender norms....
I remember the insane stress of being 13, realizing I’m a bi guy and going on a hardcore one year long journey of trying to „make a decision“ because it felt like everyone was expecting that of me. It was pure horror. I felt depressed and alienated and conflicted so much and it took so long to finally come to terms with it and gain confidence. They make it so fucking hard for us for no good reason at all
I’ve internalised the concept of „passing“ so much that I still do it. All the time. Passing as i don’t even know what anymore. I wish they would stop putting so much meaning on sexual orientation, i hate it here
I'm bisexual, and whenever I hear someone is the same, it makes me really excited because then we can talk about our interests in all sexes together :)
both of my exes are bi men, and i’m a bi woman. although i don’t miss dating either of them, it was undeniably nice to be with someone who understands my sexuality and doesn’t ask me to justify myself to them.
Is like a dropping of tension when they say their bi.
@@Saixjacket 2 people? That aint much
Amen
I remember when my now ex-boyfriend came out to me as bi. We were starting to hang out together a lot and by that point the sexual tension between us have started to become aparent. He said "Do you mind? That I'm bisexual?" and he sounded so scared, because... well, I already knew he'd dated men before, so if he was scared now it was because he might have thought I had a problem with bisexuality scpecifically. I remember I just laughed and said "I mean, I'm bisexual too, so... do *you* mind?" but it was said humurously because I already knew the answer to that, and it was the same answer I would have given him.
But I felt bad for him because I'm sure he'd had negative experiences with coming out in the past.
I'm openly bi and am honest with the parties. I am only interested in a male partner and female fwb though. Just 2 people that's it.
my ex cheated on me w a chick and why he broke up w me because he felt so guilty about cheating beyond he said he wanted to see if he may be bi. im like DAMN now i know how i woman feels. 😂 actually i was fine. he was a bit younger so i knew it was on a limited run/summer-winter affair.
Why did you two breakup?
@@da009999Maybe it just didn't work out.
Biphobia pisses me off so much, the more open we are to each other the more we understand and learn. I've always felt more freedom with my bimale partners, and an understanding of my own shifting gender identity. I can't imagine the hate it takes to be so closed minded about it, among our own community it's especially painful.
As a 35 year old male who has long identified as straight or "95% straight", I recently realized I'm bi. I have come out to some of my close friends, but I am not feeling very keen on coming out publicly.
@Anthony Smith gee i wonder if you're biased in some way..
As a bi nonbinary woman, sending love to bi men in the bisexual community and the lgbt community.
Edit: not really sure why ppl are getting pressed ab my gender. This comment was supposed to be a bi 4 bi comment. I guess this just goes to show that not a lot of ppl have a very good grasp on lgbt history or gender. Its not my problem tho, so please stop giving me notifs.
My original intent with this comment still stands, sending love to bisexual men! ☺
Is that possible to be nonbinary woman?? I guess it doesn't work that way cuz to be 'nonbinary' means not to be either man or woman.. right?
@@zaragozamoralecione9846 non binary just means out of the binary, not just "not a man and not a woman".. they might still have a connection to their womanhood or still identify as a woman partly. so yeah it is possible to be a non binary woman
@@ave.9223 yes- thank you for explaining to the other commenter- :]]
Have a very good rest of your day, m'dude 🧡
@@ave.9223 so does it matter to be nonbinary then?
@@zaragozamoralecione9846 what do you mean? in reality it's just a label - gender is confusing asf. so I guess it doesn't matter? depends how u look at it I suppose
As a bi trans guy, I’m simultaneously hyped and nervous for this premiere xD
This video makes me want to cry as a cis bi guy I’m so sick of feeling like this
@@jimd8292 if you need support, r/BisexualMen is a good place to have a talk
@@jimd8292 I know lots of people who literally prefer to date bi men. Including myself.
@@Music_Engineering Not exactly original is it?
I feel like being bi is less accepted for men. What do u think?
In my experience as a bi man, I've heard "bi guys are more likely to cheat" more times than I care to think about. I could be hitting off really well with someone, man or woman, and the second they find out I'm bi everything does a 180. It's a real blow to your perception of self especially if you've never cheated but have been cheated on by non-bi partners.
My bisexual boyfriend is so scared to come out of the closet, and this video gave me more of an understanding on why that might be the case. He's white and straight passing, at the moment he is completely privileged. But if he comes out not only does he open himself up to homophobia but this underlying fear of bi men that never really went away. Thank you for giving me this insight to better understand his feelings! ❤
As a lesbian, I'm here to make sure I give you the representation you deserve. The LGBT community fighted for my rights while I was still in denial attacking them. The least I can do is raise awareness towards others orientations and identities.
YOU ROCK! :)
thnx. lesbian rights rock as well
I do love some LGBT solidarity, thank you!
🥺🖤
I'm more straight on the scale, but I married a bi man. He's an amazing partner. I think people who are more open-minded and have had more life experience make better partners. The thought that someone would be weird about having a bi partner just does not compute for me. If you are an unfaithful person it doesn't matter if you're bi or straight, etc.
Agree..
@@eEmm1 I'm just wondering... Why is her reaction when her husband (a man we don't know, who we've apparently decided gets a bit too giddy or something around people other than his wife) is around "cute women" not as interesting to you?
@@eEmm1 Or, we as a collective can get over our unhealthy levels of jealousy and just accept the fact that people are pretty and that's okay to admit and discuss between your partner? I have a gut feeling that in itself would lead to much less cheating as a result of open communication & fulfillment.
@@eEmm1 The feeling? No, but you can control how you react and behave about it.
"i'm more straight on the scale" i love that. I shall send it to my heterosexual friends, or questioning. Nice. U made my hour
as a man of colour, dating was already hard, but to add that I was bi made it worst. As soon as i said it I could see and feel potential partners change, feel betrayed, see me as more dangerous and effeminate. Today, if I go back on the dating scene I don't know if I would even say it.
Thank you so much for all your commentary ❤️. As a 42 year old bi lady, it's taken a long, long time to get here. I really hope to support everyone in their personal journey to self acceptance and love. Bi brothers are a chef's kiss to me.
i honestly find bi men typically more attractive because i'm bi myself and we'd probably have similar opinions and sometimes personality lol
based and wholesomepilled
Yea tru it'd be so cool just sitting around maybe spotting a beautiful las/lady and tell each other about it or just you would be able to be so relatable to each other!
Agreed
same
Aw that's so cute