CHAPTER MASTER CHEF TIERLIST | Astartes Anonymous Podcast #31
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- Опубликовано: 26 июл 2024
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00:00 Intro
03:22 Models of the Week
07:59 Prompt
08:22 Marneus Calgar - Ultramarines
12:00 Gabriel Seth - Flesh Tearers
14:25 Jubal Khan - White Scars
18:23 Asterion Moloc - Minotaurs
21:17 Azrael - Dark Angels
24:20 High King Arucatas - Emperor's Spears
28:41 Helbrecht - Black Templars
32:29 Dante - Blood Angels
41:06 Kardan Stronos - Iron Hands
44:25 Gregor Dessian - Imperial Fists
49:00 Logan Grimnar - Space Wolves
54:23 Pedro Kantor - Crimson Fists
56:16 Lias Issodon - Raptors
01:00:05 Vulkan Tu'Shan - Salamanders
01:04:00 Gabriel Angelos - Blood Ravens
01:07:49 Malakim Phoros - Lamenters
01:10:03 Carab Culln - Red Scorpions
01:12:36 Tyberos - Space Sharks
01:16:10 Kaldor Draigo - Grey Knights
01:20:27 Conclusions
01:24:01 A Message From Red
01:24:29 Patron Questions
All In-House Digital Assets By Moots - / lemoots
Intro/Outro by georgeNrat 
Игры
"Helbrecht is not a gravel-eater". I'm sorry, have you heard that man's voice? Gravel is like 90% of his diet, the other 10% rusty sawblades
One of the first things said about him in Helsreach. Is that his voice sounds like gravel from all the commands and screaming he does.
So they completely missed the point on Dante. In his early years, either he or one of his brothers killed a bunch of civilians after giving in to the red thirst, so he swore off drinking blood for over a thousand years. His servant was so old that Dante had given him servants to do his job. The servant knew drinking blood would strengthen Dante and saw the stress he was under leading up to the Devastation of Baal, and knew drinking blood would strengthen him.
So the servant slashed his own wrists, with his dying words, told Dante that if he didn't drink his blood, his death would then be meaningless.
All this to say, Dante spent over 1000 years, dealing with an eternally persistent hunger that he is fighting to control. Dante may very well the best chef in the entire Imperium, and has perfected the art of cooking steak.
This. Dante is unquestionably the best chef in the list.
The idea of Tyberos cooking food by making the food afraid of him is hilarious lmao
Azrael knows the Krabby Patty secret formula.
i agree with this
So does Gabriel Angelos. But he knows it because he stole it
Shrike (Raven Guard) is so sneaky that they forgot he exists
It's canon.
Imperial fists are definitely bakers. Just imagine the gingerbread houses you would see if you turned a company of them loose in a kitchen...
house? DAMN FORTRESS
Not only do the white scars know Mongolian bbq they’ve also got…fast food
ffs lmao
bm bm pshh
meals on wheels
So a friend linked me this out of pure spite just so it would be my first video of yours that I have ever seen, and I think that the Night Lord not introducing himself was very lore-accurate and acceptable
Iron fists would make you a cake that you break your teeth on because they reinforced it with actual rebar
Hardtack "cake"
They have fortified this cake
Bro Ramsay in Terminator armour looks like a menace
Isn’t that just Perturabo?
Here I am tuning in for the first time and this blue guy just insults me.
I am all in on this.
“Everyone dig in, if you can. These waffles are quite well fortified.”
-Local Imperial Fist
Your funny little fort is being sieged bloodbag
Its not that Angelos of the Blood Ravens cant cook, the problem is you cant let him cook. Every time he goes to open the oven hes some how opened a portal to The Warp
And he has to fight the demon thar comes out with his stolen Deamonhammer
These cracked tier lists are what I live for they’re so funny
Tiberos the Red Wake should have gotten a tier all to himself called “Raw & Wriggling.”
Absolutely i agree
'Good vet can save it'
counterargument to logan not being able to cook, in order to not get food poisoning from what you would cook if you were a viking, you would have to prepare the food well.
he deserved his own tier, instead of "can operate a microwave", "can make a fire with sticks"
1:11:50 40k already has a Gordon Ramsey esk character, his name is Purturabo.
Imagine being called donkey right before getting your head crushed for telling him that the pasta was overcooked
The Space Wolf segment rivals Mr. Bone’s segment on Magnus.
I'd argue that Raptors are guys that can unironically eat the shittiest MREs, bah, that's staple of their diet - they know how to heat their meals (be it microwave, fuel tablets or regular campfire), but they can't cook anything more complicated than water.
The salamander guy has the best food for the same reason everyone's grandma makes the best food simultaneously, its just made with love
Damn really gonna do ravenguard dirty like that. I see how it is
Incredibly funny that this is the first episode I've watched and have found out simultaneously who each of the guys are and that I don't matter lmfao.
Okay I know that Tom meant calories but my autism doesn demands me to say it. URANIUM DOES NOT HAVE ANY CARBOHYDRATES IN IT
IT'S AN ELEMENT
Thank you for coming to my rant
This is legit the first episode, i don't know who the blue guy is, I'm here from youtube shorts. I feel attacked right now, though its much more gentle an attack then i thought I'd get from the Imperium
You dont matter
I feel like the Iron Hands and Dark Angels would both be MRE coneseurs.... Cause you just gotta add water to a chemical heater.
I'd say Tyberos would be bad at almost everything... but he is the sushi master.
49:45 While you guys are generally quite justified in your comments about the Space Wolves, I want to bring up the fact that the Wolves are about the only Chapter that has actual food at their feasts (looking at you Blood Angels...)
As for the Primarch therapy: Guilliman. I's start by handing him a carton of cigarettes, a CD with Microsoft Office 2005, and an one of those bright yellow " For Dummies" books. Finish the session with a pat on the pauldron and a heartfelt word of encouragement. Boom, just started the Second Golden Age of Humanity.
The Raptor Chapter probably eats exclusively MRE though. Plus they eat it cold because heating the MRE up is gonna put out heat signature and give away their position.
unlike those massive power generators
@@averageeughenjoyer6429 thanks for making my day rofl
@@averageeughenjoyer6429😂😂😂
23:20 as a representative from the iron hands we will be taking azraels air frier praise the omnissiah
The Chapter Master of the Lamentors being killed by the microwave honestly makes sense. Because the Lamentors are the type of Space Marine to develop cancer, and it would make sense for my precious and sad banana bois.
With how much red hates Logan I would think he's a thousands.
If anyone on this list could cook like a pro it'd be Dante, Blood Angels are all artistisans they are amazing at all forms of art and Dante has lived over 1500 years now. He'd make Gorden Ramsey look like an amateur.
He does in lore apparently
Im just saying Tyberos would bring those incredible island flavors that cannot be matched. My man was slandered hard
Either hes eating you alive or a lovely roast pig
Salamanders would cook everything in smokers and grills
Given how the Crimson Fist celebrate annually of their foundation (least prior to the WAAAGH of Rynns World), I definitely believe Kantor can absolutely cook a meal for all those in celebration. The Crimson Fists are nothing if not very cultured for a Chapter
An imperial fist being a master pastry chef does make alot of sense
As a Spaniard ill gladly take the massive culinary W. I will also have good faith that you arent thinking of ''tacos and enchiladas'' as spanish quisine
Im not much of a taco guy but enchiladas are amazing.
Think as one of Guilimans sons that Calgar would be a genuine chef. After all Guiliman wanted all of his Legion to be more so diplomats, chefs etc. Can't imagine the Codex is the only book he wrote, Guilimans version of Mary Berry's cook book would be a culinary odyssey and well known across the Chefing world of the Imperium. Great content fellas as always.
Ultramarines are just ultimate homemakers tbh
Tibrus really should be in "cannot cook", I imagine he just kills and eats as 1-2 process.
I firmily believe that the Emperor's Spears are Ultramarines successors, they may not act it like our bureaucratic blueberries, but I feel that they portray the side of Guilliman that he keeps under wraps. The Spears are Guilliman's savagery, those moments where Bobby G's emotions have gotten the better of him and all rules and formalities are cast to the wind. It frustrates me that people forget how much of a savage Guilliman can be and only as the "weak" Primarch who never wins fights. I cant exactly blame them for thinking that but its like Tom and "I am Alpharius" memes; the meme has proliferated so much that it undercuts the actually really cool stuff that people dont really know about because "Haha, avenging bean-counter". All I am trying to get at is just because Rou-boogie tends to be very calm, logistical, and a dull at times it does not change the fact that he punched a hole through a word bearer out of sheer rage after being in the vacuum of space. And while its not confirmed, I think its great for Ultramarines to have a successor chapter that really break that blueberry mold.
I am that person that watching this video as my first video from this channel
Same
BRO CALGAR HAS NO HANDS, HE HAS NO FUCKING HANDS
blud can NOT cook.
Remember that goofy ass comic in question? he needs help pressing buttons because he got no HANDS he just has two powerfists
Have you ever eaten a tangerine
WOULD YOU LIKE TO?
One of the lost Primarch
*Gordonus Ramstein*
I’m sorry, but doesn’t Calgar have two massive power fists for hands? Because if yes, then he would be a fucking terrible chef.
But he would make the best schnitzel.
@@droopybg but would he put it on a pan? Even more important, would he take it out of the pan?
@wiktorsierakowski1022 he would make the proper way, with oil.and butter. He would simply skip any cooking utensils and just use his fists
Gabriel Angelos should be in "Can no Cook" because the Blood Ravens do not cook. They just steal all the food they need!
I'm a minute in, and I have to say Tom, best intro yet.
this is in fact my first episode
You dont matter
@@nolanbaker2360 It's not nice to lie to people dude
lmaooo even this podcast forgets about the raven gaurd
14:10 "no need to tell me twice"
honestly he'd probably hop in so he can eat the meat while it cooks.
Calgar is an S-tier-period for Russians 'cause Ultramarine chant "Agitatis Ultramarini, Dominitis Ultramarini" literally mishears by us as "Oh, we cooked a marvelous soup; oh, we made a great soup, eat soup, hot soup"😅
Azreal's boss of beef wellington
Vulkan Tu'shan is a expert at cooking Aeldari
The space wolves love their massive feasts and big food enjoyers like that they would absolutely know how to make a killer roast. Grimnar as well has been chapter master for over 700 years so he has definitely had a lot of practice. However he'd probably be outdone by wolf lord Gunnar Red Moon because that is a man who loves his feasts so much it's remarked upon even above other space wolves. Best crackling and pulled pork sandwiches in the galaxy right there
Next episode idea. Primarchs who are best at video and board games.
Logan Grimnar would probably eat surströmming unironically. This alone is grounds to file him under Actual Gravel Eater.
Whose hate is stronger?
Red’s hate for Logan Grimnar/the space wolves
Vs
Arthur’s hatred for Magnus the red
HA! "Actually killed by microwave". I'm taking this as canon.
I mean come on. Space Wolves literally held a feast for weeks after the passing of a Long Fang.
If you held a feast for WEEKS that food must’ve been culinary perfection. 😂
And they are master brewers too.
Gordon to Flesh eaters: Is this decapitated head fresh?
Astartes: Its frozen, brother.
Gordon: Fucking hell...
Astartes: were sorry chef
Gordon: A chapter in the year 40 000 cant prepare fresh bodies? DISASTER! SHUT THE CHAPTER DOWN!
I see the problem: there is a fuxking VAST gulf between being Competent in the Kitchen and being a Genuine Chef. Should have included Short Order Cook between those two.
1:27:15
For blood angels (cuz I like my fleshtearers), "Take to the Sky" by Van Canto.
Where's Kayvaan shrike chapter master of the XIX legion the raven guard 🧐
He’s too stealthy
They forgot about us, like everyone does
He’s in red’s walls
The Moritat Protocol brother's......... victorus Aut Mortis.
Gregor Desian, chapter master of my boys the imperial fists has in fact 3 sentences of lore according to lexicanum. There are no books, there is nothing on him other than he was, before becoming the chapter master, the captain of the 7th company. Please James Workshop Give him something, anything to tell us why this supposedly badass man is badass.
Something tells me he'll be replaced in thr next codex, he Fists have an annoying tendency not to keep Chaptet Masters around
Gabriel seth doesn't microwave his meat. That man eats everything raw
At least he knows how to do tatare
Microwave meat!?
Logan Grimnar undoubtedly eats Fenris Dogfood. Pedigree Chum.
Dante is the guy to eat a five day old caesar salad
I am in fact that one person that randomly picked this as the first episode to watch. Who is that one blue guy?
That intro was fucking fire
I am just going to say that I tuned in for this as my first episode and I have NO IDEA who the blue Nightlord Guy is, that said, that this exact situation would not happen!
That intro was a chefs kiss😂
Tyberos, snuck his plot armor in.
Blood Ravens steal all the recipes
The next tier list is "which xenos taste like chicken"
Tyranids probably
Most definitely the Kroot
Azrael likely does know how to cook but does not get a lot of practice because the Watchers in the Dark so all the cooking at the Rock as part of their roommate agreement with the chaprer.
Not that anyone besides him would know, because as soon as they're done eating he tells Azmodie to make them repent
This was my first video blue guy
Tyberos is clearly a blender ;)
He makes awesome salsa
Helbrecht should be in competent in the kitchen at least, as a neophyte one of his duties would have been to cook and wait at feasts for the initiates and veterans
we will provide the hams
Astarion Moloch is like how to basic. He starts out with well enough but then just absolutely loses the plot ten seconds in
Yeah but when he puts that gyro in front of you it probably slaps hard
@@michaelcollins4534 I think he more so slaps you with the gyro
Why is red not wearing an apron made out of skin????
RUclips reasons.
I mean the letters and splatter is all blood anyways
Are you going to do with the chaos boys too?
Cant believe i wasnt even on the list
Pedro Cantor culinary savant. Yes
Nostramocels be seething over Baalchads
“I am Unicron… and you… are a whale”
I like to imagine they are cooking ina normal sized kitchen and they keep breaking stuff and Gordon is having a stroke on the floor screaming about lamb sauce
Best intro ever
Desean cant really cook but by god can he bake
Dont try his pancakes unless your a fist though, that shit is FORTIFIED
This video is absolute RUclips slop... Now do it again for Chaos Space Marine warlords
i 'am maybe not updated on my salamanders lore but i am pretty sure the chapter master isnt getting the name vulcan but the forgefather so he is basically only tu'san. :D
That thumbnail is so cursed lol
I think it is beautiful lol
Where's Kayvaan Shrike? You haters!
DELICIOUS IN DUNGEON IS KINOOOOOO
*"Hey, this actually is my first episode after seeing a few RUclips shor-"*
3:09
: (
That intro was 10/10. VERY well done
Edit: oh I could have done a better pun there
Edit: I like the "Trust the chef"
Edit: yoooo there's a little plague guy under the hat
I think Calgar should rank lower because he lost both his hands and they needed to be replaced with prosthetics.
Space wolves should be in can’t cook
The iron hands whole deal is being straight forward and effective right? And they wanna be machines, or at least very close. There's no damn way they aren't a bunch of friggin gravel eaters.
Funny that you say that because Ferrus on his early days on Medusa used to eat sand and metal as an infant
This is the least accurate one ive video ever seen by these guys
I feel like Tyberose would know his way around a sushi platter.
This is the biggest heresy… Draigo should’ve been copied and pasted into every tier