In my opinion. regardless their intentions,,,, their behavior and abuse should NEVER be tolerated by their VICTIMS. or anyone. ABUSE IS AN AUTOMATIC DEAL BREAKER!!! 😡.
I agree…but the physical abuse was from my son….I didn’t know what to do…he went to stay with my sister and her boyfriend in Kansas in a dairy farm thinking it was gonna be awesome and easy to work on a farm lol…my sisters boyfriend knew my son had left bruises on me many times and threw me around like I’m nothing…he straightened that out! He never hit me again after coming home from Kansas
@@w8what575 I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that,,,, that never happens again. Unfortunately, it's becoming a more common issue with abusers being family members. Even your own children. STAY SAFE. GOD BE WITH YOU. ❤️
It seems to me that once Narcissists figure out what you like and dislike, that’s what they toy with. You get more of what you dislike, and the things you like are withheld, all for the purpose of control.
Omg!!!! The “face punching” friend analogy!!!!!! Wow!!! You are amazing at breaking down the bizarre behavior and thought patterns that are hard for an empath to understand.
Overt narc's are pretty easy to spot and basically that's what most think about when you or I say narcissist. Covert narc's can be quite sadistic and very passive agressive. Covert narc's "think" they are empath's and the true victim. I know, that doesn't make a bit a sense does it? That's why its so hard to figure out until you break cognitive dissonance.Cognitive dissonance is the key to making your own closure with the narc.
The narcissist I married did plan to harm me from the start. I could write a book on what I’ve been through. He told me he abused me out of spite and taught our children to be like him. He knew exactly what he was doing and continues to be the victim while my life is forever changed.
This was Lundy Bancrofts point when he wrote “why does he do that” It really doesn’t matter WHY he does it. Just know that he isn’t going to stop if it keeps you in control. Now you decide if you gonna stay and put up with it. But don’t dare think he will change or his intentions matter.
When we would point out my dads abuse, My overt narc dad use to say “well that was THEN, this is NOW!” Which is one of the most narc things I’ve ever heard. And I grew up in a family of these demons.
My mother just denies it…we grew up so poor that we had to go fishing and get dinner…I didn’t realize this as a child but it made me never able to eat fish as an adult…I said something about why we went fishing so often and that the smell of fish makes me vomit cuz we ate so much fish as children…my mom denied that we ever ate fish from the ponds and we didn’t go fishing that often…everyday in the summer time as kids…isn’t all the time? I enjoyed it and it was a big part of my childhood…and now it didn’t happen? Cuz she doesn’t want to admit we were that broke ? Insanity
I really like your analogies. Humans are story tellers and when you explain things with pictures ie, punching in the face, it really helps to sort out such fundamental principles. My son, has this mantra about his Dad. " It's all about him". Thank you for such a good video.
Imagine you're in a relation with someone who needs to punch in the face was a great analogy. You can take it further by considering the bad side effects of staying in such a relation. You'd be in a continuous state of hyper-vigilance and may start to always wear a protective shield.
You’ve got it down pat, great job. 😊👍🏻 when people first start to understand this it is super confusing. I have been studying it for almost 2 years now. They are like selfish two year olds that only and will always only have their interest at heart.
You have such an awesome understanding of narcissism and your videos have really helped me deal with my narcissistic mother in a healthy way. Thank you so much for doing what you do.
Not caring is the problem, and when you don't care, you hurt people, i know how much i go out of my way not to say wrong thing and hurt peop e but they do not care and seem even to enjoy it when you are in pain!
True they just think about the present moment so the fact they were abusive and hated you yesterday, TODAY I have to have gotten over it as the abuse is in the PAST.
And then they are confused as to why our mood is low and we feel awful... because we are trying to recover from the shi# they threw at us the day before... we don't receive empathy or even a hug...
I absolutely agree sadistic narcissism is either malignant narcissism or sociopaths 👍🏻. Realised this myself recently after watching a documentary about a regular narcissist. Still lived in a fantasy but wasn’t conning and conniving the people who he tricked. Just nothing was true and wanted constant attention. Great explanations. Very helpful. Take care of you and Thank you 😊
Thank you. I also had been forced to endure this type of abuse my whole life. Starting at home with a mother who was, I believe, also psychopathic. I see this now after all these years. It finally makes sense. Thank you so much for your contribution and helping other victims of abuse to realize that there is hope. God bless you and keep you. 😊
Not only is it a projection of your emotions, it's you gaslighting yourself. Still I love all your metaphors. It makes things so simple. For me it's icing on the cake
NORMAL IS RIGHT! IT'S The Confusion Taught By NARCS. Right Is BAD And Bad Is GOOD So They Can Stay Undercover Pretending To Be Good To Deceive. OTHER Wise They Would NEVER Be Able To Draw People To Them..... Nobody NORMAL Wants To Be Around Angry n BITTER People.
Sticking around would be enabling them to continue harming themselves by their actions towards others….it makes them able to cause more pain and think they’re righteous…it made me less able to be a good mother being with my ex..I left him because he’s a mean sob…he hated us so why stay …I can’t figure out why he’s punished me when he didn’t want us anyway….Im my opinion narcissists are demonically possessed and the narcissism is a symptom …they’re better off staying away
They will do things that would destroy any normal relationship and yet are flabbergasted when you leave. I remember thinking that this dude better grow up as I knew that if he continued his behavior, our friendship would be destroyed for good. I couldn't believe that he couldn't see that. He actually tried to come back into my life after over twenty years. I shut him down. I felt that he finally was given some accountability for his outrageous behavior.
Despite all the affairs, gaslighting , aggressive abuse ect I still thought I could make her better.. one day washing the dishes I realised I couldn't. She controlled all the money so had all the power.. she said now that I no longer do anything for her I am no good for her.
Oh my dear! That nails it to the point😢 he told me this things… it not against you…. It’s for me…. It has nothing to do with you…. Its all about me…. I don’t want to hurt you I just want to be happy! I thing you don’t spreak My language!!! So it’s senseless!!! He knew he pulled all his crab on me, but at some point it’s means nothing to him. He is too busy stay secure!!!
You may have the best NPD channel on RUclips. More than other youtubers, you really understand the problem. And you can think analogically. Really impressed.
One of your best vlogs and you have some set the benchmark high already. It seems those still discussing affects must have had a variable Cluster b experience on the extreme end of the spectrum. Sadistic, in my experience was subtle jabs of a 1000 pinpricks that you endure till you are too mindforked to even know why you are enduring this crap. Whatever level, its toxic transference at your peril. The point made is really about not being personal. Its terminal narcissism at any level. But if you can eliminate all the rumination about why wasn't I good enough, what did i do, is a harem of supply just normal nowadays, is any amount of effort going to win a heart (which is now perceived as bat shit crazy thing to do ), etc,etc. The amount of time it takes to get back to yourself as your presentation describes can be shortened when you know karma wishes, revenge, exposing is all just a waste of your energy on them & giving more supply while ignoring your starting date for a new narc free life. Perhaps easier to understand after been there and done that. Learning how to discard the narc is an acquired necessity.
Very good videos you put out, Thank you🙏🥰They want everything Yesterday and they will get it from you and anyone they can. They understand they are hurting you and they like it, they are bullies🥲
I DON'T AGREE THAT THEY ARE ALWAYS IN MOMENT, MY SISTERS PLAN AHEAD AND ARE WELL ORGANISED AND WHEN THEY HURT YOU THEY MEAN TO, OTHERWISE THEY WOULD NOT SAY THE NASTY THINGS THEY SAY, MY ADVICE IS JUST GET AWAY FROM THEM NO MATTER WHAT IF YOU ARE LIVING WITH ONE, THEY MAY AS WELL BE CALLED PSYCHOPATHIC B ECAUSE THEY HAVE VERY LITTLE CONSCIENCE AND NO EMPATHY, THATS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW!
IT Sounded Like She Was Talking About A Empath WHEN.....They Were Ignorant To The Devices Of NARC And Before Learning They Were Raised By NARCS. BUT ....Don't Want To Be That Way.... REAL NARCS Could Careless.
I've been the victim of several narcs. And, I disagree. I think they did pretty much know what they planned to do. It's hard for me, in the aftermath, to not believe that.
I believe my Narc wife had a (married) Narc life-long girlfriend coaching her along the way through our 26 years together…my wife was always comparing herself to this friend…do you think this is possible?
Thank you. It would be nice, but at this point in my life, I’m doing pretty well as an accountant and I don’t see a practical way to start over and make a living. Maybe when I’m much older. Haha.
@@LookingBehindtheMirror Thank you...your insight into these situations is spot on...I appreciate what your doing for the people who have been through it...
I understand why are you saying this but in some cases they do wanna hurt you or provoke you, cause you bad feelings intentionally. + Smear campaign - when they mock you and publicly spread rummors about you (make fun of you with others) thats NOT about narcissist being portrayed as victim. Its purposely to hurt you and make you feel bad and look bad. So in these things you were wrong.
Lost cause …. lose time.
Narcs main goal is to rob each & every empath of their precious TIME and energy.
In my opinion. regardless their intentions,,,, their behavior and abuse should NEVER be tolerated by their VICTIMS. or anyone. ABUSE IS AN AUTOMATIC DEAL BREAKER!!! 😡.
What about the toddler?
@@pattyrooney1323 I pray the child has a protector. 😔
I agree…but the physical abuse was from my son….I didn’t know what to do…he went to stay with my sister and her boyfriend in Kansas in a dairy farm thinking it was gonna be awesome and easy to work on a farm lol…my sisters boyfriend knew my son had left bruises on me many times and threw me around like I’m nothing…he straightened that out! He never hit me again after coming home from Kansas
@@w8what575 I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that,,,, that never happens again. Unfortunately, it's becoming a more common issue with abusers being family members. Even your own children. STAY SAFE. GOD BE WITH YOU. ❤️
Totally 💯 agree!!
It seems to me that once Narcissists figure out what you like and dislike, that’s what they toy with. You get more of what you dislike, and the things you like are withheld, all for the purpose of control.
Omg!!!! The “face punching” friend analogy!!!!!! Wow!!! You are amazing at breaking down the bizarre behavior and thought patterns that are hard for an empath to understand.
Overt narc's are pretty easy to spot and basically that's what most think about when you or I say narcissist.
Covert narc's can be quite sadistic and very passive agressive. Covert narc's "think" they are empath's and the true victim.
I know, that doesn't make a bit a sense does it? That's why its so hard to figure out until you break cognitive dissonance.Cognitive dissonance is the key to making your own closure with the narc.
The narcissist I married did plan to harm me from the start. I could write a book on what I’ve been through.
He told me he abused me out of spite and taught our children to be like him.
He knew exactly what he was doing and continues to be the victim while my life is forever changed.
This was Lundy Bancrofts point when he wrote “why does he do that”
It really doesn’t matter WHY he does it. Just know that he isn’t going to stop if it keeps you in control. Now you decide if you gonna stay and put up with it. But don’t dare think he will change or his intentions matter.
When we would point out my dads abuse, My overt narc dad use to say “well that was THEN, this is NOW!”
Which is one of the most narc things I’ve ever heard. And I grew up in a family of these demons.
My mother just denies it…we grew up so poor that we had to go fishing and get dinner…I didn’t realize this as a child but it made me never able to eat fish as an adult…I said something about why we went fishing so often and that the smell of fish makes me vomit cuz we ate so much fish as children…my mom denied that we ever ate fish from the ponds and we didn’t go fishing that often…everyday in the summer time as kids…isn’t all the time? I enjoyed it and it was a big part of my childhood…and now it didn’t happen? Cuz she doesn’t want to admit we were that broke ? Insanity
When you have high self esteem and self worth
..these monsters cant touch you.........
Extremely helpful! It’s the end result that matters, not the narcissist’s intentions.
"Impact over intentions."
Stole that from a channel by Lee Hammock - avowed self aware narcissist. If you can believe that ;o)
I really like your analogies. Humans are story tellers and when you explain things with pictures ie, punching in the face, it really helps to sort out such fundamental principles. My son, has this mantra about his Dad. " It's all about him". Thank you for such a good video.
Imagine you're in a relation with someone who needs to punch in the face was a great analogy. You can take it further by considering the bad side effects of staying in such a relation. You'd be in a continuous state of hyper-vigilance and may start to always wear a protective shield.
@@FriedmanSmith Excellent point!
You’ve got it down pat, great job. 😊👍🏻 when people first start to understand this it is super confusing. I have been studying it for almost 2 years now. They are like selfish two year olds that only and will always only have their interest at heart.
You have such an awesome understanding of narcissism and your videos have really helped me deal with my narcissistic mother in a healthy way. Thank you so much for doing what you do.
Thank you!
You are an amazingly analytic person who explains this personality so concretely. Thank you.
"Hurricane of emotion" perfectly describes it. They lack emotional maturity and feel it extreme to exercise self-control.
Not caring is the problem, and when you don't care, you hurt people, i know how much i go out of my way not to say wrong thing and hurt peop
e but they do not care and seem even to enjoy it when you are in pain!
True they just think about the present moment so the fact they were abusive and hated you yesterday, TODAY I have to have gotten over it as the abuse is in the PAST.
And then they are confused as to why our mood is low and we feel awful... because we are trying to recover from the shi# they threw at us the day before... we don't receive empathy or even a hug...
Your analogies are great. They really help to allow their warped perspective make some sort of sense.
I absolutely agree sadistic narcissism is either malignant narcissism or sociopaths 👍🏻. Realised this myself recently after watching a documentary about a regular narcissist.
Still lived in a fantasy but wasn’t conning and conniving the people who he tricked. Just nothing was true and wanted constant attention.
Great explanations. Very helpful. Take care of you and Thank you 😊
Thank you. I also had been forced to endure this type of abuse my whole life. Starting at home with a mother who was, I believe, also psychopathic. I see this now after all these years. It finally makes sense. Thank you so much for your contribution and helping other victims of abuse to realize that there is hope. God bless you and keep you. 😊
I'd love the name of the documentary?
Not only is it a projection of your emotions, it's you gaslighting yourself. Still I love all your metaphors.
It makes things so simple. For me it's icing on the cake
They want to ANNIALATE our precious energy...identity...and SPIRIT....
Some are out to hurt just as some normal ppl are out to hurt.
NORMAL IS RIGHT! IT'S The Confusion Taught By NARCS. Right Is BAD And Bad Is GOOD So They Can Stay Undercover Pretending To Be Good To Deceive. OTHER Wise They Would NEVER Be Able To Draw People To Them..... Nobody NORMAL Wants To Be Around Angry n BITTER People.
There is nothing normal about a narcissist.
Sticking around would be enabling them to continue harming themselves by their actions towards others….it makes them able to cause more pain and think they’re righteous…it made me less able to be a good mother being with my ex..I left him because he’s a mean sob…he hated us so why stay …I can’t figure out why he’s punished me when he didn’t want us anyway….Im my opinion narcissists are demonically possessed and the narcissism is a symptom …they’re better off staying away
Exactly 💯
They will do things that would destroy any normal relationship and yet are flabbergasted when you leave. I remember thinking that this dude better grow up as I knew that if he continued his behavior, our friendship would be destroyed for good. I couldn't believe that he couldn't see that. He actually tried to come back into my life after over twenty years. I shut him down. I felt that he finally was given some accountability for his outrageous behavior.
Because of this video, I may be to stay alive a bit longer. Your understanding is immense.
This is a great video. Thank you for making this ♡♡♡
Thank You
You’re welcome!
Despite all the affairs, gaslighting , aggressive abuse ect I still thought I could make her better.. one day washing the dishes I realised I couldn't. She controlled all the money so had all the power.. she said now that I no longer do anything for her I am no good for her.
Oh my dear! That nails it to the point😢 he told me this things… it not against you…. It’s for me…. It has nothing to do with you…. Its all about me…. I don’t want to hurt you I just want to be happy!
I thing you don’t spreak
My language!!! So it’s senseless!!!
He knew he pulled all his crab on me, but at some point it’s means nothing to him. He is too busy stay secure!!!
Hard to feel much guilt when she betrayed me with someone during the reverse discard! Then lied to me that she’d had contact or encouraged him.
Not only is it a projection of your emotions, it's you also Gaslighting yourself.
Love still your metaphors
You may have the best NPD channel on RUclips. More than other youtubers, you really understand the problem. And you can think analogically. Really impressed.
Awww. Thank you. That’s so nice.
Totally agree. Amazing understanding of this issue
One of your best vlogs and you have some set the benchmark high already. It seems those still discussing affects must have had a variable Cluster b experience on the extreme end of the spectrum. Sadistic, in my experience was subtle jabs of a 1000 pinpricks that you endure till you are too mindforked to even know why you are enduring this crap. Whatever level, its toxic transference at your peril. The point made is really about not being personal. Its terminal narcissism at any level. But if you can eliminate all the rumination about why wasn't I good enough, what did i do, is a harem of supply just normal nowadays, is any amount of effort going to win a heart (which is now perceived as bat shit crazy thing to do ), etc,etc. The amount of time it takes to get back to yourself as your presentation describes can be shortened when you know karma wishes, revenge, exposing is all just a waste of your energy on them & giving more supply while ignoring your starting date for a new narc free life. Perhaps easier to understand after been there and done that. Learning how to discard the narc is an acquired necessity.
You are making some good points about the nuances of what it means to be sadistic. Thanks for the compliment!
I'll say it again you are my therapist !!! To understand narcs❤
The narc I was married to was sadistic for sure
I am a new subscriber and thanks for giving me the courage to change my niche. When my channel grows I hope to do a collaboration
If u actually do have problems they can’t down play,..then they hate u for stealing their limelight..
Very good videos you put out, Thank you🙏🥰They want everything Yesterday and they will get it from you and anyone they can. They understand they are hurting you and they like it, they are bullies🥲
She's 💯!
Extremely instructive. Thank you!
Excellent video.
Narcissists oscillate between apathy, disdain, and sadism.
Wow! This a so insightful and such a game changer in how to view these ‘relationships’, if you can call them that. Thank you!
They are also detached from the past , as what they say or do today may be totally out of line what they said yesterday
Very true!! They live in the moment.
All facts
But the discard on Valentine's Day felt like it was planned :/
I DON'T AGREE THAT THEY ARE ALWAYS IN MOMENT, MY SISTERS PLAN AHEAD AND ARE WELL ORGANISED AND WHEN THEY HURT YOU THEY MEAN TO, OTHERWISE THEY WOULD NOT SAY THE NASTY THINGS THEY SAY, MY ADVICE IS JUST GET AWAY FROM THEM NO MATTER WHAT IF YOU ARE LIVING WITH ONE, THEY MAY AS WELL BE CALLED PSYCHOPATHIC B ECAUSE THEY HAVE VERY LITTLE CONSCIENCE AND NO EMPATHY, THATS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW!
IT Sounded Like She Was Talking About A Empath WHEN.....They Were Ignorant To The Devices Of NARC And Before Learning They Were Raised By NARCS. BUT ....Don't Want To Be That Way.... REAL NARCS Could Careless.
Why all caps?
I've been the victim of several narcs. And, I disagree. I think they did pretty much know what they planned to do. It's hard for me, in the aftermath, to not believe that.
You do a great job for a nonprofessional, im impressed.
Thank you again
Oh my God NO they are monster's they know what the hell they are doing
Interesting 👀🥰
ZERO......self awareness.......
Send them packing....
Well said 🎉
I don't agree, they deliberately want to see you suffer all the he time, they love it, that is their favourite thing!😂
I believe my Narc wife had a (married) Narc life-long girlfriend coaching her along the way through our 26 years together…my wife was always comparing herself to this friend…do you think this is possible?
Do you ever consider becoming a therapist? Just wondering - because I think you’d be a good one!
Thank you. It would be nice, but at this point in my life, I’m doing pretty well as an accountant and I don’t see a practical way to start over and make a living. Maybe when I’m much older. Haha.
The cov nars percieved issues are monumentsl to them they eill do what ever it takes to meet them
Yeah, as much as the 5 year old tries to hurt you. But they're adult so it's a design
I can only control by behaviour, nobody elses behaviour 😂
First comment....
Thank you! 😊
@@LookingBehindtheMirror Thank you...your insight into these situations is spot on...I appreciate what your doing for the people who have been through it...
Narcs are like the mutant family in the texas chainsaw massacre.☣️
I understand why are you saying this but in some cases they do wanna hurt you or provoke you, cause you bad feelings intentionally. + Smear campaign - when they mock you and publicly spread rummors about you (make fun of you with others) thats NOT about narcissist being portrayed as victim. Its purposely to hurt you and make you feel bad and look bad. So in these things you were wrong.