Tell tale sign is easily how they adjust their behavior in public vs private. They definitely know what is kind vs evil and know how to act “nice” when they don’t want their evil known.
Master manipulators . As long as they're never found out they will continue. If they ARE found out , they will lie, deny or play the victim to get out of accountability. It's really really sick
I had an incredibly traumatic childhood (and adulthood I might add) yet I didn’t choose to take it out on other people. I take responsibility for my choices in all lifetimes and so can everyone else.
me too. very early on it galvanized the commitment in me never to be like my father.. and all the narcs that followed. I was extremely broken and shattered.
I’ve always believed that narcissists know damn well what they’re doing. Because they are so calculated in exactly what they’re doing, it stands to reason they are very self aware.
My narcissistic soon to be ex boyfriend is a self aware narc...we talked about the shit he has done , he knows it wrong he's admitted he says it just won't click I his brain that it's wrong..disturbing to say the least
Knowing they are aware of the pain they cause and don’t care is the worst part. It was my breaking point. Turning point towards healing for both of us. Sending love to all who are hurting right now 🫶 〰️➿➰😘
Not only are they aware and on top of that they don’t care but they are abusive for fun too and for a release of their black internal pent up demonic energy. They need and want to be horrible and to see us hurt and cry and to see our pain and the destruction they cause because that’s the only way they can for a moment stop feeling “less than“ and feel power…how pathetic is that!
@@thirstonhowellthebird Your pain can be felt through your words. I believe you have learned all there is, and hope you move on to kinder life. Anyone who is watching deserves peace bc they already suffered more then necessary. Thanks for sharing.) 〰️➿➰😘
That is exactly what I am experiencing with my own narcisistic father….. He wants to destroy my life, especially (!) while I’m going thrue a very difficult time in my life…. I cannot expect any help or support, let alone love or understanding and respect. Instead he wants to hurt me even more. He’s threatening me, says he wants to destroy me and tells me I don’t have a father anymore…. and so many more horrible things… I don’t know what to do. Let us all who suffer please have the power to take our own lives back.
@@uhmtss buy a tape recorder and use it and play it for the police get a restraining order move delete your phone number your email address and never have contact again. Don’t stay for the potential inheritance that will be his final FU because you will get nothing go now before he destroys you
Thank you for not tossing around "Forgiveness of the Narcissist." They aren't sorry. They haven't asked for forgiveness. They have not changed. They have not made amends. And they are still harming people. Forgiving them is a ludicrous concept. (Forgiving yourself is a different story.) I find the concept of Radical Acceptance more useful and accurate. Radically Accept the reality of who and what they are and walk away, all the wiser for the wear.
forgivness its not a ludicrous concept you clearly have no idear about the true power of forgivness you forgive the person who abused you so that you can heal and have peace not for them
Yes. Run like your life depends on it because it almost does. They don't change, so we have to. The alternative is a bleak one. Wisdom comes if we reflect from afar and rebuild and heal. They will continue to harm others, and I say to myself that I will no longer be hurt. Awful nasty chaotic trouble that is best left in the shadows.
@@opticalman6417 Disagree. You besmirch actual "forgiveness" to use it in this manner. I save "forgiveness" for people who have gone through the described steps and have earned it. Everything is not about me. I don't require "forgiving" the abuser to heal and have peace. I am healed and at peace by taking my own journey of accountability and self improvement. Radically Accepting reality is powerful. I will not insult the abuser's current and future victims by "forgiving" him. It's an insult to the concept of forgiveness, it's an insult to those who have done the work of being forgiven, and it's an insult to past, current, and future victims. I am completely clear on the true power of forgiveness. That's why I don't cheapen it.
@@opticalman6417You can still Heal without forgiveness! Do we really need to forgive others in order to fully heal?!…I beg to differ. I do have natural inclinations towards it but lately I’ve been thinking that the best type of forgiveness isn’t even worth giving the abuser the virtue of your forgiveness but instead forgiving yourself because for many that self-blame never fully goes away. 😢
@@kimberlysweidy2670Yes. What matters is not to allow them any influence over you, both in your head and in your life. But to forgive them as you would someone who made a genuine mistake and regrets it is impossible and dangerous.
in our last convo, my exhusband said "you have no idea how evil i'm capable of being," and argued that he actually RESTRAINED himself from doing/saying worse things to me. as if that was something to applaud. absolutely blew my mind.
Wow, my ex-husband said the same about himself being evil and I was struck by that. I never heard this being someone else’s experience, so thank you for sharing. It’s something that I cannot forget and it comes back to me. At the time I felt like it was his way of garnering sympathy and sort of throwing a pity-party like he would do, but now I know that he was being honest.
@@stefunkylovethey hate themselves for the way they are, they have arrested development, Sam Vakin said they've been wired the opposite way around to let's say healthy narccisim.. They 🏎 are actually children in developing into adulthood continuesly with each person they cm to contact with.. But they do know what they're doing they self sabotage when you decide you've had enough.. 😢.. Ptsd is a terrible trauma eary in the childhood as Richard says.. But we have to protect our emotions Frm this behaviour.. Least we know now why! Namaste.. Have a good day and heal.. Move forward.. Be kind to yourself and others, let this be a lesson for everyone to know, but for helpfulness not revenge..
My brother said the same thing to me. To avoid being defeated,I had to ACT tough,& pretend.I knew he fear ed& hated our mom. I told him watch your self !! Don't be so cocky. Understand I was birth out the same coochie you came out& what you learned,I learned more. I said check mate!! He was in shock,😳.never had any major problems.
Forgive yourself, its the best thing you can do. They win when you wallow in the same pit of self-loathing they've spent their whole life in. Forgive yourself and you can take back your power, your identity, your courage, even your health.
My ex covert was going to church quite often, so God would forgive his sins. At the beginning of the relationship that made me laugh, as I was thinking he is the most innocent, harmless person I've ever met. Right before brutally discarding me, he spent a week in Jerusalem, praying day and night. Yes, they know exactly what they're doing. They just think they can get away with it.
@@wonderfulwenna2710 makes ya wanna smack it right off their stupid faces doesn’t it 😳😂😂 that’s exactly the reaction they want out of it all too. The antagonizing bastards…trying to constantly manifest an ass beating ….Fuckn perverts 😳🤣🤣🤣🤣
so sadistic, makes me want to puke when I think of it...near the end of our 20 years together, it was as if she was trying to push me towards suicide....she overestimated herself and underestimated me
If a narcissist can regilate/calibrate his/her behaviour/reactions/attitudes, that's enough to tell you they know what the heck they're doing. Thanks Richard, finally someone who acknowledges what we knew intuitively or from observation.
Sociopaths know. He said sometimes he just saw people as computers. Some models are better than others. He said he knew it was bad to think that way but he did it anyways. They’re incapable of remorse and empathy.
@KatErina-ii6ru • "Capable" I don't know about that, and as for feelings of remorse or empathy, I don't know about that either... Meaning from my personal experience; only for when it benefited they're own personal agenda did they convey such emotions, but to truly feel it. Again from my personal experience it was only shown to achieve their end goal. The person in which I'm referring to was Not capable of conveying any sort of empathy, none of the least!
I think you can think both things simultaneously: that people are like computers - wired a certain way, programmed, and yet acknowledged that that computer has feelings and it's part of its programming.
@@Wasp239 That makes in one and the same thing, not two separate ones. If "feelings" are a part of the programming then people are computers (or bots as I call them).
I had a spiritual awakening and then met a high level narc or psychopath and he did dupe me and he also didn't (for me it was both)but I am grateful because I learned that I should trust myself yes alot of people hate you he showed me that by way of flying monkeys he showed me that a evil person like that could exist that literally feels demonic. I learned me being good and helpful and kind all the time is me being egoic. To stop trying to be good because I'm neither good or bad. Also having had a spiritual awakening before hand helped me realize that narcs and sociopaths are so close to awakening because the feeling right before you are in the oneness with everything you go through a phase of nothingness and apathy and detachment. That's where narcs get stuck but they are also part of everything and it's right there they just have to let go but it might not be their path you can't do that for them.
I have just come out of a 4 year relationship with a woman who I believe had Narcissism. I doubted my own sanity by the time the relationship finally ended and am only now after 3 months starting to slowly rebuild my life. Your videos have been a great help in understanding what I went through and how I am feeling inside. they helped me put things in perspective. As you say in your video's my only fault in the relationship was loving someone.
This makes me very sad. I knew that they know what they are doing but I didn't know that they know what pain they are causing.....the smirk on their face. 😢A part if me is still a bit in denial and cannot/ want not believe this Thank you Richard
I understand exactly what you're saying. It took me awhile to come to the place of acknowledging that that this person that I loved (and thought loved me) was in fact fully aware of the damage he was doing to me - which proved he did not love me.
Yes things go missing- everyone has to look for the item which always turns up in a random place and guess who was in the office on their own , yup yours truly- so it’s never a direct accusation but serves 2 purposes - the Marc gets drama, sympathy and supply and my rep is slowly besmirched.
One of their biggest weaknesses is that they love flattery. They love excessive flattery to a degree that would make a normal person uncomfortable. You can flatter one into thinking they're winning even if the opposite is true. Give the narcissist a false sense of victory or triumph and let the fool gloat over nothing.
The fact that they cleverly & casually pass off as thoughtlessness what is carefully calculated abuse designed to destroy your sense of self (the old plausible deniability) tells me everything i need to know. There's no amount of trauma that I could accept as a viable reason for them to prey on others. I think the present psychological paradigm of seeing narcs as prisoners of their childhood trauma is long overdue for an overhaul.
I agree 💯. My daughter's husband is a demon👹. He says he was mistreated as a child by his 2 older siblings. Bullcrap excuses to get away with all forms of abuse he does to all of us. They know what they're doing when they are evil and abusive. They're adults now and no longer children so no Pass through Go Card for them. Hurting others and then using the reason that you were abused as a child is a bullcrap excuse for an adult to get away with evil 👹. There's no excuse ever to hurt another.
I don't think the childhood trauma story is an excuse, just an explanation. Just because you can explain something, doesn't mean it's justified in any way. If I know why a car was totaled, doesn't mean I can suddenly drive it safely now. And not everyone with a traumatic background grows to be a narcissist. As adults, despite their childhoods, they are still responsible for everything they do, and no amount of trauma in their past can excuse it, even if it explains it.
I don't think they care. They choose to dominate this brief life and be pissed they "got screwed over" for eternity. Being a miserable perpetual victim is what they love best.
@@Jess-kn8vl they would find a way to view a win through 💩 colored glasses. They are throwing a perpetual pity party for themselves in the back of their mind. The forces they follow and let control their decisions are negative vampiric entities that have them trained to be professional victims of circumstance someone else is to blame for.
Yes, forgive myself for the wasted time and love poorly spent; I was intentionally manipulated. I see other on-line ‘experts’ suggesting forgiveness and attempting to rationalize evil behavior… no, no mercy.
Thank you Richard. Perfectly timed. I absolutely needed to know this truth. Especially when cops turn up at your home to say ," Your narcissistic abuser is alone and elderly. As we are busy you must step in and take care of them. BTW...whenever an ambulance or health/medical personnel are called to that address, a police escort is required. " And I am flooded with fear of being made to engage after successfully going zero contact.
I knew it… I’ve watched this. Video now three times just to make sure I finally understand.. We all know deep down they knew.. Thanks so much for confirming this obvious Truth 🤬👍🏾
It like I saw Pete walker say in an interview. They have to know. It is an absolute requirement that they know. If they did not know then they couldn't make their game work. It would fall apart almost immediately. This is true for almost any manipulation, weather narc or not. As you say, it's an obvious truth, but having it confirmed is tremendously helpful. I can honestly say that one little nugget of knowledge has changed my life. And not just dealing with narcs. It gives me a point of reference for all of my social interactions.
For the last 12 years I have put up with grin, smirks, smearing, Lying and the black eyes of hate that made me feel so sad. Yes a toxic person are aware what they are doing to you. Evil is real.
Short answer to this question is YES. My narc mother takes obvious delight in the pain of those she aims to harm, like it’s an accomplishment she’s very proud of. And knowing she’s still undetected or by most or “above the law” thrills her all the more. She actually gets the flying monkeys around her to carry out the abuse do the blood, so to speak, is on their hands. This technique works on so many levels. As she perpetually gets away with her antics-and illicit cooperation from others-while still attaining all she wills, it emboldens her all the more. She often jokes with a wry grin about how she’ll be “sipping margaritas in hell.” I believe this is less a future expectation and more a current internal experience. I’ve moved from pity in my younger years to profound curiosity about this type of mindset. Why do so many who experience significant pain and trauma in childhood go toward much greater compassion and others, as you say, end up smothering all compassion? What is it that makes all the difference? And can this be cultivated in the narc?
They're not always traumatised. My parents weren't. They were raised by beautiful people and ended up being narcissists. It can be because of spoiling children. Also genetic predesposition.
Maybe it's either or both from what I've experienced. My mn sister was spoilt as she was assumed sickly as an infant yet she was also said to exactly resemble my father's strict bully dictator of a father. She was self righteous even as a toddler she was controlling, controlled us all to enable her getting her way and whatever she wanted and has remained so. She's nice to those who do as she dictates yet will turn on them immediately they don't to either get back in line giving to and doing for her or get gone. She has a kazillion pet peeves and is very dramatic over small issues such as how a person talks, eats, dresses, types of food and things she prefers that often hide a larger hidden agenda as she seems to see how things will play out ten steps ahead. She was mn mum's mini-me and even scared mum and codep dad into compliance let alone us kids and her "friends" who she puppeteered for status and control. Part of it is that they've a broken conscience and feel capable of anything good or evil depending on their mood, others are viewed as mere, replaceable extensions of them. They seem to have radar for who is worth grooming and conditioning or not and we can see her daughter is her mini-me and totally ignorant of it. I've seen her collapse under stress and she admitted to me when I took her aside to discuss it quietly that she felt crazy and couldn't cope any other way and she was calmer for a good week or so before getting back on her high horse. The issue is that when we enable, engage, care, agree, consent, compromise ourselves, do their dirty work, walk eggshells around them, watch others being abused and say nothing, allow their abuse; try to fix, save, rescue, conform, focus on pleasing and appease them we're simply feeding a toxic (chemically addictive) fire that burns all it touches. Fire doesn't care about your efforts to feed it, your burns, how you tell it to stop blowing smoke, to please die down, or the splinters you've incurred from the heavy logs you've carried to feed it, fire just hungrily consumes whatever it's fed and wants more. When we focus back on ourselves and connect higher heart-mind with God sourced energies we're effortlessly pouring water on the fire, dousing it out and letting it go gracefully, with love and gratitude for painful lessons learned. Don't play with hell fire. 😈🔥🙅♀️👌
Then go a step further by seeing the flames on the wall of Plato's Cave were all an illusion we could've been free from any time we chose to change perspective and realise the blindingly impersonal truth of things.
I'm over 50, and though my short-term memory is not what it was, I still remember things a long time ago. My first memory, I was told, happened when I was 18 months old. For some reason, I remember a conversation I had with my mother when I was 12. Somehow, "narcissist" had come up in a conversation, and I asked my mother about it. She said that narcissism came from the Greek "Narcissus", and they were self-obsessed people, who were particularly concerned with their own appearance. That seemed like a bit wrong behaviour, and after that, I remember being careful not to be too obsessed with my own looks, and be scornful of people who were. My mother was not obsessed with her looks. At some point she started pointing out "psychopath" behaviour, and how bad it was with psychopaths in relationships and in the workplace. She never accused any of her coworkers of psychopathy, but even if she praised them when she started a new job, she would bemoan their "incompetence", whenever she moved to start a new job somewhere else. My sister and I just thought it was one of her quirks. Life went on over the years, and late 2004, several events turned me from rejecting my mother completely. For me, it was mostly her inability to listen and accept me saying "no". I have never had big arguments with her, and one of the reasons is that I was witness to my older sister's teenage rebellion, and realised that if my mother could throw my sister's vulnerabilities right back in her face whenever they had an argument, it was not worth having an argument with my mother. A couple of years after I stopped having contact with my mother(which I felt ashamed of, especially with our extended family), my sister struggled with a workplace bully. She had to flee her home, her relationship with her son's father broke up, and at some point she figured out that there was just something wrong with this guy. She had been researching aberrant behaviour online, and looked at definitions of "antisocial personality disorders" She pointed out some, and said he clearly showed narcissistic tendencies, such as always up for an argument, will never admit to being wrong, will argue viciously, and the morning after will behave as if the argument never happened, etc. I was stunned. I said: "You just described our mother." I remember calling my mother a "c*nt" when I was 5 years old. I was 35 when I realised I had been right all along.
Thank you sooo much this is what I needed to hear :) I grew up with a mother with Borderline PD with narcissistic traits and recently had a therapist who is textbook NPD (and likely Bipolar) basically gaslight and terrorize me to the point of being forced to resign. He would project non-stop, never took accountability, stormed out of sessions, he'd cry and shout out of nowhere, etc. He's accuse me of making him feel stupid or name dropping or trying to impress him, etc. I spent months questioning my reality and I blamed myself for all this guys behavioral issues. I have too much empathy and I get stuck with some really really unhealthy people and when they blame me for their emotional issues I always blame myself first. I really really wish these types of people would all jump into a volcano holding hands or something lol
Holy cow, that sounds like an ordeal! Ive had some unknowledgable therapists too. What a waste of energy and time, but now I know and I keep spreading the info!
@@Jess-kn8vl There is FAR more than this but I am honestly scared to even say it. There was an incident with one of his residents that was very fond of me and he gaslit me into thinking it was all in my head when the reality is he just refuses to accept that this girl was very unstable (bipolar) and caused me a lot of harm. I don't blame her and she was moritified and she apologized but I really need to stop making excuses for people with mental health issues. I look back at all the memories over 3 years and sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy but luckily at the time I took contemporenous notes because I anticipated this abuse.....the moment I met the guy I got the heebee jeebeez and I truly feel sorry for the dude. I'm Autistic and he would just accuse me of lying about it even though I have literally been diagnosed twice by experts there. He also lied and said he was an Autism expert but only knew the stereotypes of Autism and since im so high masking he refused to accept that I could be Autistic. I think I probably insulted him by being Autistic and empathetic tbh.....never met a more insecure medical professional in my life. Spent years working on myself in therapy and never once had anyone this awful
@@nateo200 I'm so sorry you had that kind of experience from a helping professional. And I use the term professional loosely because he obviously wasn't even that, much less compassionate.
@@reallyaprilstarr He had a *profound* lack of empathy in a way that blows my mind. Whenever I talked about romantic relationships or feelings or love he refused to accept the idea of unconditional love. He would say things that were so insentivie it blew my mind and not even just about me he would say things that just showed a profound lack of insight and empathy. I honestly and truly think he paired me with this resident to live vicariously through me and in the process traumatized me and probably this resident.
To forgive myself for going through it was the biggest step for closure . It took time and therapy but one day I understood that it did not matter how they are , but what I am after it. Thank you
I went through this same self-doubt when my relationship with my (I believe) narcissist sister blew up. One thing that reassured me was that our breakdown was only the latest in a LONG string of broken relationships on her side, some of them very old, long-standing friendships that SHOULD have meant something to her. What still bothers me is that I served as a flying monkey for some of those breakups. Not in person - we live at opposite ends of the country, so I only ever learned about these people by phone conversations - but I was always the loyal lieutenant, telling my sister she was right to dump them, they were irrational and stupid, and she was completely innocent of all blame. Now that it's happened to me, I wonder about some of those stories I believed, and I should have been more skeptical, especially once I realized this was a pattern of behavior. I'll just have to be more aware in the future, if I should meet people like her again.
It might help to talk to some of those people. They might still be having a hard time with what she put them through. Just getting your perspective might help them make peace.
Thank you, Richard. Your delivery, timing, choice of words, everything is making sense now. I am praying for the courage, strength and health to get through whatever "this" is. I pray for all those who are suffering, including the self-aware narcissists. God knows best, and I trust fully in His Abilities to help those who want to help themselves and others. I cannot wait to feel stable and healthy again.❤
as a bpd daughter of a narc mum and her whole family, this breaks my heart, but im trying to heal and radical acceptance is part of that. thanks Richard! I am becoming stronger with the information that you are providing and have been for so long. much love and appreciation xxx
Yes, you identified the issue extremely well: normally moral individuals reject the idea VISCERALLY that another human being can be so malicious! That's what kept me in my marriage of 24 years with a textbook narcissist ... I kept thinking, "He's going to realize the mistakes he's making and change." 😶 Yeah, well, that NEVER happened ... in fact he got worse over the years, more DELIBERATE in his tactics to devalue me. It wasn't until after I left that I fell down the rabbit hole into the narcissistic abuse community and my eyes came open! I'm still healing mentally and physically.
The knowledge descends on you with the weight of an avalanche to the point (with me) that I found myself gasping for air. Who Knew such a thing existed!
Thank you so much for this. It’s been a bone of contention between me and various people for a while. The Narcissist that abused me & other women KNEW full well because I pointed out the symptoms and the DSM-5 definition to him. His reaction was to smile and sincerely thank me because he’d been going to therapists (and lying to them) for years but couldn’t work out what was up with him. He was literally a violent serial abuser being investigated by the police and hearing his “condition” had a name left him absolutely pleased as pudding. He couldn’t have cared less about the people he hurt he was just giddy I’d helped him figure it out.
My eldest brother is a very sadistic psychopath who is a decade older than myself. I always knew he was aware of all the manipulations. I became a big problem for him as I grew up and realized what a creep he was. I am sure he regrets that I am very aware of things.
You knowing is his torture. When they know that you know they are exposed & they crumble internally. We owe them nothing after the sadistic manipulation.
Evil is the right word. They are partially or fully detached from having a connection to a soul. I was the scapegoat in a narcissistic family. When I left, my father and mother had another son. He lived with my father after the divorce. My brother and i share the same pain. Honestly, im glad its over. Took a lifetime wasted to heal to what i consider as fully as humanly possible. I am happy now and enjoy the day to day of my life.
Best advice I saw on the internet and all over the place on how to respect yourself and walk away from your narcissist intimate partner. A far superior and intelligent way to stablish and rank yours and the narcissist's position at a human condition. Elegant and far beyond cristal clear. Short and Sharp! Congrats Richard Grannon! I had to edit this comment due mostly to the fact that narcissists are driven by a monstruous lack of empathy and this is their propeller motor that places them ready, encouraged and allowed to act evil.
My father (divorced from her) still thinks "She can't help it" even all these years............I figured out years ago that my mother does indeed know what a piece of shit she really is. I came to this conclusion after looking at how she planned out her "moves" and realized that she would have to make a conscience decision to start calling people in order to rip me apart when she was angry/disappointed with me. It was after having kids that I began to "see" her for what she is. When my daughter was entering her early teens a lot of "shit" flooded in; memories of what mother said to me. It was at that point I realized she is evil and knows it. You have to make a conscience effort to "destroy" someone's character......
My dad, who I don't really call dad any longer I call him by his name, Eric. He is a narcissist. He admitted he was wrong a few times, but will immediately revert to his old behavior. He even wrote me a letter once saying he was sorry he was a bad father, but not long after that he did some pretty horrible things out of narcissistic rage, and he also used to yell at me for the smallest things like just using the bathroom in his house he would yell "why are you in the bathroom?!" and keep knocking on the door and repeating it until I would answer. I never forget how he always reminded me that it was "his house" when all I was doing was just trying to be a normal person, I don't know why he had to always remind me of his authority. At my only child's funeral my dad came in and said to the pastor "I want to make sure my son is playing the songs my wife chose", rather than consoling my crying wife and I. I doubt he would admit he is a narcissist but he has admitted multiple times that he was wrong, but it never fixed anything, it actually seemed to take any guilt off of his conscience so that he could resume being a jerk again.
Richard, thank you for the confirmation! Last straws with my so-called dad were noticing that when I’m accompanied by a male, his perv behaviour towards me 100% stops, but if I’m the only witness, it’s anything goes - and comprehending how he threw my beloved mum under the bus while she was alive, while she was dying, and after she, uh, ‘left’. My comfort - mum still ‘lives’ with me and we still communicate, with an honesty, clarity and tenderness from her side which had been buried over the years due to so-called dad’s abuse.
That was so good. I feel so badly for all those children that have had to abandon their compassion and become narcissists because they have been so badly treated.
Their feelings were ignored. They were ignored because their parents are narcissists. I was ignored. So, being a mild child, I stuttered and learned to amuse myself. I became an artist. I accepted the Christ and Hello Jesus is a real person. They are fractional people because where the Holy Spirit should be is a demon. It's all the same boring demon too.
❤ Beautifully explained how I am going to forgive myself for loving a narcissist and then I turn around and I leave out of self love. I think this is a new order of action that will work for me. Thanks for sharing your insights Richard.
Im Looking Forward To This Video I Was Involved With An Overt Sadist Narcissits Yes My Opinion They Know Their Evil 😈 They Don't Care. The Abuse I Experienced ALMOST Caused Me To Commit Suicide. Narcissits Abuse Is Brutal
I think what you’re referring to is a Malignant Narcissist (aka: narcissistic psychopath - both of these terms are used interchangeably to describe the same thing). A psychopath is extremely goal driven & exploitative of others also, so if he covers all traits, as my ex of 2 years did (he blew EVERY trait of a grandiose narcissist off the scale repetitively, matched the textbook narc cycle in relationships, but he also enjoyed when he would bring me to tears and smirk and that is sadistic. He enjoyed my pain. He was also so goal driven that his goals were far more important than any relationship or person no matter who they were, he simply exploited every person for his own gain & to achieve his goals). That is a malignant narcissist or narcissistic psychopath. After 2 years with this man and so much psychological & emotional torture, I seriously considered and researched the best method of taking my own life on 2 occasions. So I do understand your comment 100%. I had no prior mental health issues. But after 2 years with this man, I was on a knifes edge of whether it’s still worth living life in such pain or not. I needed to escape the pain & trauma he caused me so desperately, that I actually was led to that point. It’s a seriously dark & lonely place to be in when you are tossing up whether you just leave this world or stay and endure more torture. I, myself, grew up with extreme childhood trauma, extreme physical abuse, psychological abuse…but I am the complete opposite of a narc. I have such empathy and compassion and I hurt when I see others hurting. So I do believe that it’s a choice. I chose never to do anything to people (especially children) that was done to me because I knew the pain it caused me. I don’t accept that past traumatic experiences are an excuse to being a malicious evil monster to others. I feel that’s a scapegoat for them, because I went through far worse trauma than my ex ever went through, yet I am a kind and gentle person with a kind heart. It’s definitely a choice and I think the excuse of childhood trauma needs to be overhauled. I hope you’re healing from what you went through. Sending hugs.
@@the_veronica_k Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This I’m Currently In Therapy. I Know What I’m Dealing With I’m Struggling To Block Delete Detach From This Sadist Person He Destroyed My Life My Self Esteem And Self Worth. I Was Cruelly Discarded Like Trash In April. Im Being Treated Like I Never Existed. What Really Hurts Is The Narcissist Decided To Disrespect My Face To Relieve Himself This Was The Worst Discard Ever. Im Struggling Narcissitic Abuse Is Brutal How Do I Disconnect?
@@demigaines5644 As hard as it sounds, you literally have to block him everywhere. I understand the emotional struggle with this. But what you have to understand is that the person you met in the beginning isn’t real. They groom you and pretend to be loving n caring n somewhat your soulmate until they have you hooked. It’s a trap! That is their intent, to manipulate you by lovebombing you in the beginning. But that’s all fake. That person they presented as in the beginning is NOT REAL. It’s a game to them from the very beginning, and they are great actors & manipulators. So, you falling for this person is not your fault at all. You went in with the right intentions, they went in to secure narcissistic supply…you. You have to realise that the original person was just an act. Then you have to lose all hope that they will ever change. Block them everywhere possible. Phone, social media, mutual friends phones & social media, so that he can never reach back out to you. You need to realise you’re worth so much more, from a real person, not from some narcissistic psychopath. They can’t love anyone, even themselves. You have to block him everywhere and put your self respect and your sanity first. If you find that he moves on with a new supply, just keep remembering that he will repeat the same cycle over n over with every woman no matter what. You need to remember that if he is permanently out of your life, you are winning. These people may apologise to you, but their behaviour never changes…so even that apology is manipulation just to keep your supply (your attention, time, love, energy, etc). So lose all hope that they will ever change, an apology without change is just manipulation, and the person you met at the beginning was NOT REAL. He is a predator and was grooming you to fall for him, because if he showed who he really was in the beginning, he would never get any woman to be with him ever. Your peace & self worth and self love and your mental health is far more important than some narcissistic psychopath playing games with you and themselves. And they are dangerous. Especially to your mental health. If your current therapy is not working, seek out a therapist who specialises in narcissistic abuse & recovery. I truly wish you the best. I am almost 6 months no contact myself, and it is hard, so I understand. But you will find peace without them, and every minute they are out of your life is a win for you. Let them prey on someone else, not you. Don’t play their game. It’s exactly what they want (for you to always stay attached somehow). They do this knowingly & intentionally. They are evil people who prey on innocent targets such as yourself. If you stop playing their game, you win!! And when he loses all possible access to you, it may look like he doesn’t care, but the truth is that it is actually destroying him on the inside because you refused to keep playing him game. So he knows he lost, when he is used to winning. And if you let him have access to you through phone, social media or friends, he knows he’s still in control and in his sick head, he thinks he’s winning. Pull out of the game altogether and it will destroy him on the inside, even though he won’t show it. But he only cares that he lost control, not that he regrets losing you. He only cares he lost control of manipulating your emotions and keeping you trapped. If you pull out and stop playing his game, he loses & you win! It’s nothing more than a game to them. These people can’t be saved…save yourself instead!! Sending hugs & hope to you xx
I don’t believe a covert malignant victim type narc would ever answer yes to this question. It is always other people at fault in their eyes as their grandiosity means they believe they are always right and perfect.
My ex was very proud of being what he called a "triple-A threat: Aggressive, Arrogant and Abrasive." Yes, they are very self-aware and do what they do absolutely on purpose.
I think they aware because they change their personalities to relate to whomever they are dealing with. Or in other words, if they want to impress someone or make that person think they are nice, they have no trouble faking that. And as we all know, they treat other people who are less important to them or who they don't want to impress like sh*t. One more interesting thing: they will also name themselves or call themselves out quite publicly at times. I knew a narc who compared herself to a tarantula spider kiddingly, but it was no joke. Another who did something similar, gave herself an evil name nickname. It's kind of a sideways, calling out of themselves, but they often do it. Unfortunately, I've been closely involved with narcs my whole life and am currently. There really is no better way to deal with them than to cut them off or go extremely low contact if you have to. They never change. Don't feel bad about it. It's them, not you. Be safe out there.
Mine used to say, “I treat people the way I think I need to in order to get the desired result.” That meant if he felt that he needed to yell at me so I wouldn’t wake him up before noon, then he would do so.
I like what he says about not having to forgive the narcissist but forgive ourselves for having loved them. I don't think forgiveness can be forced, I think it will naturally come when we are healed and it will be in the form of not being affected by their existence. When we can think of them without being angry or having any kind of emotion toward them, the day we can even encounter them on the street and feel at peace and unbothered, that to me would be the equivalent of having forgiven him, when I am no longer emotionally bound by his disease, when I am completely liberated.
That depends greatly on the actual composition of the triad (narcissism/psychopathy/Machiavellianism) and the study is inconsistent as the sample size that actually was researched is anecdotal at best. It is also very dependent on the personally chosen (subconsciously or not) ethics of such a person. And yes, they have their own set of self-selected "ethic" (broadly speaking) - a bit like in Dexter tv show. Not sure though what the ask is actually about, you want to know about psycho narcs that are doctors/healthcare providers specifically? (there's a lot of them, actually)
My therapist was narcissistic, not sure about npd diagnosis. In a negative review, I sent a message to his family that I believe them and sorry for what they go through. Everyone should send a message to their families. We experience heck for an hour, they experience it so much more.
You are right, it is a big problem both for their families and their colleagues. I am a doctor. My narcissist wife, who discarded me in January after 17 years of marriage, is a doctor too (a psychiatrist, of all things). I also left a consultant job in 2021 because the clinical lead was an obvious psychopath. But my experience is that the very worst people in medicine are those who end up going down the academic career pathway (professors / senior lecturers). Many of them care only about themselves, their research and their place in history. They treat clinical colleagues like second-class citizens and don't seem to care very much about patients either. There are a LOT of doctors with personality disorders.
@@williamgrant3911 Yeah my old psychiatrist was an academic but a textbook case of NPD. He was obsessed with how opioids effect empathy as he was a recovering heroin addict. The guy had the most lack of empathy of any therapist I've ever seen. He basically nuked his own career with how he treated me which resulted in a forced resignation. Even though his actions or inactions were particularly aggregious he never once apologized he would project all his issues onto me. Shouting, crying, storming out of sessions, passive aggressive remarks, accusing me of making him feel stupid, etc. I have a lot of pitty for people like that.
My Narc ex gf went through my text messages. She read a conversation between me and my best friend. My best friend said "Dude your gf is a Narcissist!" My ex got mad at me. She wasn't mad at me because my friend called her a Narcissist. She was mad that I shared my stories of her abusing me with my friend.
You know what makes a narcissist mad? When you make fun of them for being selfish and compare them to 2 year olds. Got a case of the terrible twos. They hate that. I go out of my way to annoy them and make them mad. It's really funny.
@@GenerationX1984 Oh yes. My ex got so mad at me because my friend made a couple of jokes about her cruelty and hypocrisy. That was it... She said I can't trust you. The best part was she said you have broken our "sacred bond". Lmfao 😂
I dealt with one(again) after 4 years...she took blame for everything she did....allowed me to speak about things she did, addressed them and apologized repeatedly. She seemed she had taken a lot of time to self reflect and be more aware. Even when she did some of the "old" things I'd speak up and she'd talk openly with me, apologize for being selfish and thank me for telling her. I was impressed, blown away. This carried on for a couple/few months and I thought she was a much better version. Then...she went off on an extended trip and slowly I lost value to her and the communication began to decrease....if I mentioned something about how the dynamic had changed, I was called "insecure", "overly sensitive"...and she had excuses as to why she couldn't communicate like she had been. Until finally it all broke apart and it was obvious I wasn't wanted anymore, and her messages became more self centered, more defensive.....and.....the lies! Last conversation all she did was complain about her life, called herself a failure in life. I think she was having a breakdown, but I was done. Everything was about her, she's the victim...pity party. So I think they can be very self aware, but...how much are they willing to do the long term work? She has someone that will always deal with her crap(a much older wealthy guy), so she always has someone to lean on and get what she wants, so....not a lot of reason to keep doing the work.
Richard was one of the first to teach me about Narcissists and narc abuse. My grandma, mom, & older ex sibling were/are ALL narcs!!! Been abused my entire life (scapegoated) and right when i think i escaped, BOOM round 2, 3, 4 etc. Soon as i figure out my mom was a narc, I confided in my ex sibling not realizing SHE was a narc as well!!!!!!!! Then i confided in my enabling grandma who just forced me to continue having a relationship with them. My hair has gone grey since age 16, ive lived in complete isolation for YEARS spending most days alone, even avoiding my negative grandma. I've been lied to, ON, thrown in jail, etc. Finally, judgement day has come and they WILL reap what they've sown. I've forgave time and time again, but this time i'm highly aware God has my back and is guiding me through this entire thing. I dont know where id be if if weren't for God!!!!!!!!! He made all this possible. Showed me what channels to watch, which books to read, what herbs to drink etc. Everyone should listen to their higher selves. God wants to help you if you let him! This shii goes deep and you're not getting out of it alone. divine support & guidance would help you tremendously. My heart goes out to everyone going through narc abuse or recovering. I promise you got this!!
my narc husband of less than a year.. one day declared " all of us AAs' are narcissists". AND THAT WAS THE GIFT OF MY LIFE TIME. 68 year old at the time. with the statement I was guided to research what narcism is. AND WITH THAT I UNTANGLED THE DAMAGE OF A LIFE TIME FROM BIRTH in MY NARC FAMILY. thank you my soon to be ex husband.
Great video. And the next question I used to have is: "they are born like that or they develop this personality after a traumatic experience?" And glady, you answer to that too. Thank you very much for spreading awareness. This individuals are the worst kind of people you can find in life, sadly.
Thank you, dude. You're always bang on point. You sum up very many experiences, and feelings, for me in very insightful and clear words that I haven't always had. Your incredibly deep and well explained analysis resonates so perfectly and succinctly. I've honestly learned far more from you than basically anyone on these matters, including the most respected and knowledgeable old school public OGs in this area (we know who I mean). I consider myself far more acutely and consciously aware than ever of such matters because of you. My, now, ex is no longer a potential future wife because I know what I know now, and I do mean "know" rather than assume/ guess or strongly suspect. I know she is a highly manipulative and overwhelmingly entitled emotion triggering oxygen hoover. All I need to do now is to perfectly map out how best to co parent our son without triggering her covert rage, triangulation or manipulation. I think I have it though. I do know her weak spots and pressure points. I'm not without my own traits, I have simply, a few years ago, become self aware and resigned to improvement than I could have imagined 20 years ago. It's so interesting that many of us here are in fact both victims and also potentially former criminals of some of these behaviours. What ultimately matters is intent. My intentions are to limit harm and to regulate my own bahaviors. That's where I'm at. Our children deserve better than the life many of us had. Thank you again, brother. Good luck to all of you watching these brilliant uploads and who are reading this text. Remember - we make our own luck, so pick aces and play you hand well.
They know what they're doing and what they do becomes reflex. If the narcissist worsens with age, they may not always, their state of regression might parallel or develop into sociopathy; this equates to even greater danger, get away and stay away.
Premeditation tells us they are very aware. All that plotting. Also they show they are aware when they put on an act in a heartbeat when others show up. SO aware.
Yes if caught , then they will become a victim , yes they are very cold 🥶 heartless & show no mercy at all & if they lose it just cause them to more hateful toward you , if it take them ten year to get back at you , they will , monsters really do exist
I'm million times grateful to know that they know what they have done to us , I was so angry an upset I'd lived with someone who didn't exist for 40 years
Divorced my wife after 9 years, she told me at the age of 49 that she didn't want a family, no fostering, no surrogacy, no adoption. Went through a year of mediation agreeing that she would never take what wasn't hers. I put most of my life savings into building a home for a family with a huge investment from my father. When she realised that I was serious about leaving her she cancelled mediation and filed for court. Showing an interest in my family home, pension and everything else that she didn't contribute to. It's been a hard realisation that I married and trusted a Narcissist for all of these years. She says she still loves me but wants to put me and my family through as much pain as possible without any regard for me, my father and my mother who is in ill health. Says she deserves more. No empathy whatsoever. Pure evil ! Sadly the UK family courts do not recognise narcissistic behaviour. Even though there were many warning signs the judges decision was 50/50. This has to change. !
What a lovely, simple, reassuring, kind and "right on the button" blog.. that has reaffirmed my inner strength and made me feel good about myself. Thank you for your calm but most "it is what it is" delivery. X
Yep they're highly self-aware. I've had several of them "confess" to me as much. But even though they know it, will that stop them? Nope. Instead, I walked away and never looked back.
I do agree they know what they're doing - much of the time. Other times, they are definitely out of control when they have their demonic rages. You can see that's not a normal human. I also feel that believing they are entitled and superior IS delusional. Vile behaviour. They made a choice of how they want to live.
@@gurglejug627 Being delusional doesn't preclude making a choice. We all have to make choices every day - but based on reality. The narcissist as a biological adult is irrational, impulsive, believes things that haven't happened despite logical explanations to the contrary; and they make their decisions upon that false premise. They definitely enjoy causing pain and mischief at times especially if the spoiled brat isn't getting enough attention; and I wonder if that is life habit or entity control.
@@NarcHark888 well, being delusional arguably does preclude making a choice - is one of the options open to them a delusion? Are both a delusion? Are all three choices out of two a delusion? Do the choices shift in nature and meaning all the while? These are serious questions - just as the Narc goes into and out of rages, do they then see choices and the nature of the choices available differently, or even as a constantly changing flux? Either way, mad women are always the best in bed. Sleep on it.
Even the rages are planned before they actually rage. Is their form of regulating emotions. When they go for a rage they usually start some kind of argument. ‘My’ Narc would push every button just to rage, preferably at night for sleep deprivation. That also is a tactic, a powerful one.
Absolutely bang on. I can't believe how you break this down and explain it so well. The understanding gained puts you on the path to healing. Good video.
I've always found the argument of "If they didn't know what they were doing, or, couldn't stop themselves, why do they act differently in private than they do in public?" to be the most telling sign of who they are.
Forgive me, I haven't watched the video yet, but I know the answer. They know, sure as hell, but they just don't care. That's the essence of these evil beings.
Looked up the original study. Interesting stuff. A follow-up study shortly after the original correlated the SINS (Ironic, eh, folks? Single Item Narcissism Scale) to previously validated scales for grandiose type and vulnerable type, and the SINS tracked with those, as well. So, it is sensitive enough to both types to still correlate with the NPI overall. So, both types will just freaking TELL YOU what they are with some pretty high degree of accuracy. The second study when discussing the results said something like, "Who would have thought they would just admit to being a narcissist if we only thought to ask directly?" 😂😂😂
"You're very hard to control when you're healthy. You're very hard to manipulate when you're clear. You're very hard to influence when you're sovereign." -- Anon
Oh my goodness. This triggered a memory of when my (now) ex and I started dating. He was so romantic and attentive. He could cook, kept his condo very clean, thoughtful, worked hard, was the life of the party, attentive, and was handsome. I remarked to him that with so many things going for him he was the "perfect" guy. His brows raised in surprise and with a big smile he said, quite sincerely, "I've always thought so!" Thankfully, my criteria are very different. The fact that he said this, and that he had no friends of his own, were red flags I completely missed.
Although I’ve long heard, from the top pros, that it’s still debatable, whether they know what they’re doing, ✌🏽THINGS: First, it takes planning to strategize and destroy someone. That’s not a mistake. It isn’t done in error. It isn’t, “Lord help me. That’s just how I am. I’ll work on it.” And from my experience, it isn’t the weeks you months it takes, for that to come out. It’s years, perhaps decades of increasingly poor behavior and it doesn’t necessarily hinge upon whether they’re becoming senile or demented. Second, whatever their problem is, I can feel empathy for how they got that way - but I’m going to put some daylight between me and them anyway, no matter if I’ve loved them for years. Life passes and time is awasting. Even with my mother, as she was aging (obviously so am I), I had to parse out, whether it was NPD or just age setting in and causing dementia. But, from what I could discern, at least before I I went no contact, which was 4 years before she died, she knew EXACTLY WTF she was doing. I am not a psychologist or psychotherapist. But, for me, my questions were: is she still keeping her lights, phone and water on? Is she still paying her property taxes? Is she eating? Is she having any problems stalking me at work, when I wouldn’t even give her the number, due to previous stalking and trying to end my livelihood? Does she have the ability to wage an unwavering campaign against me, that began at least 10+ years prior? Does she have long term, conscious ability to swap the roles of her children, like narcissistic parents often do? Does she have unwavering discernment, regarding who to treat like gold and who to treat like dirt? Are there issues with controlling you, for what seems to be the express purpose of snuffing you out? Does she not mitigate her problems and, instead, builds them, to keep you sleep deprived, distracted and in constant spin? When I and other read emails and see video of her, just prior to when I left, all of us feel, “Dementia!?” So, I believe she knew WTF she was doing. There are also other narcissistic people, I’ve crossed paths with. Because they aren’t introspective, they often have tells, if not blatant narcissistic traits, some of which they don’t even try to hide. And, as is often the case, they want you in pain - without knowing they know what they’re doing, so that you do nothing about it, but suffer.
Tell tale sign is easily how they adjust their behavior in public vs private. They definitely know what is kind vs evil and know how to act “nice” when they don’t want their evil known.
Borderlines and psychopaths can do that too
Exactly!!
Master manipulators . As long as they're never found out they will continue. If they ARE found out , they will lie, deny or play the victim to get out of accountability. It's really really sick
What's more they can explain their reasoning process and they *will* if they think it will piss you off.
They wear a 'mask'.
I had an incredibly traumatic childhood (and adulthood I might add) yet I didn’t choose to take it out on other people. I take responsibility for my choices in all lifetimes and so can everyone else.
Me too... I decided that I didn't want to be like those who intentionally hurt me.
Indeed, it’s a choice.
me too. very early on it galvanized the commitment in me never to be like my father.. and all the narcs that followed. I was extremely broken and shattered.
True narcs are so warped, broken, that they've convinced themselves that how they operate is okay.
Amen! I feel the same about myself💪🏻
I’ve always believed that narcissists know damn well what they’re doing. Because they are so calculated in exactly what they’re doing, it stands to reason they are very self aware.
My narcissistic soon to be ex boyfriend is a self aware narc...we talked about the shit he has done , he knows it wrong he's admitted he says it just won't click I his brain that it's wrong..disturbing to say the least
That narcissistic smug grin tells me my next door neighbour knows exactly what he’s doing ! Thank you Richard 👍
There's actually a term for that grin...duping delight.
yes, they are
If they didn't know, they'd have no reason to deflect.
The Mcann's duping delight comes to mind-interviews..
I know that grin...and the truly malevolent look in their eyes.
Knowing they are aware of the pain they cause and don’t care is the worst part. It was my breaking point. Turning point towards healing for both of us. Sending love to all who are hurting right now 🫶
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Not only are they aware and on top of that they don’t care but they are abusive for fun too and for a release of their black internal pent up demonic energy. They need and want to be horrible and to see us hurt and cry and to see our pain and the destruction they cause because that’s the only way they can for a moment stop feeling “less than“ and feel power…how pathetic is that!
They dont heal. They dont have a problem robkem with the way they are - so why chance it ?
@@thirstonhowellthebird Your pain can be felt through your words. I believe you have learned all there is, and hope you move on to kinder life. Anyone who is watching deserves peace bc they already suffered more then necessary. Thanks for sharing.)
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That is exactly what I am experiencing with my own narcisistic father….. He wants to destroy my life, especially (!) while I’m going thrue a very difficult time in my life…. I cannot expect any help or support, let alone love or understanding and respect. Instead he wants to hurt me even more. He’s threatening me, says he wants to destroy me and tells me I don’t have a father anymore…. and so many more horrible things… I don’t know what to do. Let us all who suffer please have the power to take our own lives back.
@@uhmtss buy a tape recorder and use it and play it for the police get a restraining order move delete your phone number your email address and never have contact again. Don’t stay for the potential inheritance that will be his final FU because you will get nothing go now before he destroys you
Thank you for not tossing around "Forgiveness of the Narcissist." They aren't sorry. They haven't asked for forgiveness. They have not changed. They have not made amends. And they are still harming people. Forgiving them is a ludicrous concept. (Forgiving yourself is a different story.) I find the concept of Radical Acceptance more useful and accurate. Radically Accept the reality of who and what they are and walk away, all the wiser for the wear.
forgivness its not a ludicrous concept you clearly have no idear about the true power of forgivness
you forgive the person who abused you so that you can heal and have peace not for them
Yes. Run like your life depends on it because it almost does. They don't change, so we have to. The alternative is a bleak one. Wisdom comes if we reflect from afar and rebuild and heal. They will continue to harm others, and I say to myself that I will no longer be hurt. Awful nasty chaotic trouble that is best left in the shadows.
@@opticalman6417 Disagree. You besmirch actual "forgiveness" to use it in this manner. I save "forgiveness" for people who have gone through the described steps and have earned it. Everything is not about me. I don't require "forgiving" the abuser to heal and have peace. I am healed and at peace by taking my own journey of accountability and self improvement. Radically Accepting reality is powerful. I will not insult the abuser's current and future victims by "forgiving" him. It's an insult to the concept of forgiveness, it's an insult to those who have done the work of being forgiven, and it's an insult to past, current, and future victims. I am completely clear on the true power of forgiveness. That's why I don't cheapen it.
@@opticalman6417You can still Heal without forgiveness! Do we really need to forgive others in order to fully heal?!…I beg to differ. I do have natural inclinations towards it but lately I’ve been thinking that the best type of forgiveness isn’t even worth giving the abuser the virtue of your forgiveness but instead forgiving yourself because for many that self-blame never fully goes away. 😢
@@kimberlysweidy2670Yes. What matters is not to allow them any influence over you, both in your head and in your life. But to forgive them as you would someone who made a genuine mistake and regrets it is impossible and dangerous.
in our last convo, my exhusband said "you have no idea how evil i'm capable of being," and argued that he actually RESTRAINED himself from doing/saying worse things to me. as if that was something to applaud. absolutely blew my mind.
Wow, my ex-husband said the same about himself being evil and I was struck by that. I never heard this being someone else’s experience, so thank you for sharing. It’s something that I cannot forget and it comes back to me. At the time I felt like it was his way of garnering sympathy and sort of throwing a pity-party like he would do, but now I know that he was being honest.
@@stefunkylovethey hate themselves for the way they are, they have arrested development, Sam Vakin said they've been wired the opposite way around to let's say healthy narccisim.. They 🏎 are actually children in developing into adulthood continuesly with each person they cm to contact with.. But they do know what they're doing they self sabotage when you decide you've had enough.. 😢.. Ptsd is a terrible trauma eary in the childhood as Richard says.. But we have to protect our emotions Frm this behaviour.. Least we know now why! Namaste.. Have a good day and heal.. Move forward..
Be kind to yourself and others, let this be a lesson for everyone to know, but for helpfulness not revenge..
Yes! I heard my ex-narc make comments about how he should have just killed people numerous times.
Walk away as quick as possible...
My brother said the same thing to me. To avoid being defeated,I had to ACT tough,& pretend.I knew he fear
ed& hated our mom. I told him watch your self !! Don't be so cocky. Understand I was birth out the same coochie you came out& what you learned,I learned more. I said check mate!! He was in shock,😳.never had any major problems.
Hope you can get out of that relationship. If he tells you he's evil, believe him.
Forgive yourself, its the best thing you can do. They win when you wallow in the same pit of self-loathing they've spent their whole life in. Forgive yourself and you can take back your power, your identity, your courage, even your health.
Thank you❤
My ex covert was going to church quite often, so God would forgive his sins. At the beginning of the relationship that made me laugh, as I was thinking he is the most innocent, harmless person I've ever met. Right before brutally discarding me, he spent a week in Jerusalem, praying day and night. Yes, they know exactly what they're doing. They just think they can get away with it.
This is so disgusting and sad at the same time. In church there are many of them.
Pharisees were narcs.....loads of them. Easy to hide behind that religion - but God looks at the heart!
The narc I know had online sex and then went to church.
@@truffaut650truffaut6 I believe you this 🤮🤮🫤🫤
smuggly so.
His Duper’s delight grin tells me he knows exactly what he’s doing
Yes,I have seen that grotesque grin often,but was told it was my imagination😅
@@wonderfulwenna2710 makes ya wanna smack it right off their stupid faces doesn’t it 😳😂😂
that’s exactly the reaction they want out of it all too. The antagonizing bastards…trying to constantly manifest an ass beating ….Fuckn perverts 😳🤣🤣🤣🤣
I know what you speak of.
its a high for them and they get drunk on their power, success, and impact on people. drunk on it.
so sadistic, makes me want to puke when I think of it...near the end of our 20 years together, it was as if she was trying to push me towards suicide....she overestimated herself and underestimated me
I think Ive stopped caring about them. I now understand what "shit" is and have stopped taking any.
None of us stopped caring. Otherwise we wouldn't be here.
@@netosampaio8548Yeah sad but true 👁👍🏾
If a narcissist can regilate/calibrate his/her behaviour/reactions/attitudes, that's enough to tell you they know what the heck they're doing. Thanks Richard, finally someone who acknowledges what we knew intuitively or from observation.
They might know what they are doing but can they control it, the urge to behave that way?
Obviously not! Or not very much!
Sociopaths know. He said sometimes he just saw people as computers. Some models are better than others. He said he knew it was bad to think that way but he did it anyways. They’re incapable of remorse and empathy.
Ι believe you.
@KatErina-ii6ru • "Capable" I don't know about that, and as for feelings of remorse or empathy, I don't know about that either... Meaning from my personal experience; only for when it benefited they're own personal agenda did they convey such emotions, but to truly feel it. Again from my personal experience it was only shown to achieve their end goal. The person in which I'm referring to was Not capable of conveying any sort of empathy, none of the least!
I think you can think both things simultaneously: that people are like computers - wired a certain way, programmed, and yet acknowledged that that computer has feelings and it's part of its programming.
@@Wasp239 That makes in one and the same thing, not two separate ones. If "feelings" are a part of the programming then people are computers (or bots as I call them).
I had a spiritual awakening and then met a high level narc or psychopath and he did dupe me and he also didn't (for me it was both)but I am grateful because I learned that I should trust myself yes alot of people hate you he showed me that by way of flying monkeys he showed me that a evil person like that could exist that literally feels demonic. I learned me being good and helpful and kind all the time is me being egoic. To stop trying to be good because I'm neither good or bad. Also having had a spiritual awakening before hand helped me realize that narcs and sociopaths are so close to awakening because the feeling right before you are in the oneness with everything you go through a phase of nothingness and apathy and detachment. That's where narcs get stuck but they are also part of everything and it's right there they just have to let go but it might not be their path you can't do that for them.
I have just come out of a 4 year relationship with a woman who I believe had Narcissism. I doubted my own sanity by the time the relationship finally ended and am only now after 3 months starting to slowly rebuild my life. Your videos have been a great help in understanding what I went through and how I am feeling inside. they helped me put things in perspective. As you say in your video's my only fault in the relationship was loving someone.
You are lucky that it took you four years. It took me seventeen years and three children.
30 years and four children 🌺
8 years three children ❤️
@@scousemouse9715 He's definitely blessed. Four years is a high price, but there's still time to heal and rebuild yourself. Which isn't my case.
@@netosampaio8548 What is your case? That's if you would like to divulge?
This makes me very sad. I knew that they know what they are doing but I didn't know that they know what pain they are causing.....the smirk on their face. 😢A part if me is still a bit in denial and cannot/ want not believe this Thank you Richard
The smirk exactly. Whenever I see it I suspect a toxic person.
@@Wasp239 I saw it every time when they felt in control over my emotional state (pain) after "abuse" or after sex.
I understand exactly what you're saying. It took me awhile to come to the place of acknowledging that that this person that I loved (and thought loved me) was in fact fully aware of the damage he was doing to me - which proved he did not love me.
Trauma bonded
Yes things go missing- everyone has to look for the item which always turns up in a random place and guess who was in the office on their own , yup yours truly- so it’s never a direct accusation but serves 2 purposes - the Marc gets drama, sympathy and supply and my rep is slowly besmirched.
A covert Narssisst knows. And they are dangerous people.
love the moniker. lol
conclusively, covert are more likely to be psychopathic vs. socio?
The fact that they project and call you the narcissist brings me to the conclusion that they know.
I wouldn't call them "people".
They’re dangerously weak if anything.
One of their biggest weaknesses is that they love flattery. They love excessive flattery to a degree that would make a normal person uncomfortable. You can flatter one into thinking they're winning even if the opposite is true. Give the narcissist a false sense of victory or triumph and let the fool gloat over nothing.
The fact that they cleverly & casually pass off as thoughtlessness what is carefully calculated abuse designed to destroy your sense of self (the old plausible deniability) tells me everything i need to know. There's no amount of trauma that I could accept as a viable reason for them to prey on others. I think the present psychological paradigm of seeing narcs as prisoners of their childhood trauma is long overdue for an overhaul.
I agree 💯. My daughter's husband is a demon👹. He says he was mistreated as a child by his 2 older siblings. Bullcrap excuses to get away with all forms of abuse he does to all of us. They know what they're doing when they are evil and abusive. They're adults now and no longer children so no Pass through Go Card for them. Hurting others and then using the reason that you were abused as a child is a bullcrap excuse for an adult to get away with evil 👹. There's no excuse ever to hurt another.
I don't think the childhood trauma story is an excuse, just an explanation. Just because you can explain something, doesn't mean it's justified in any way. If I know why a car was totaled, doesn't mean I can suddenly drive it safely now. And not everyone with a traumatic background grows to be a narcissist. As adults, despite their childhoods, they are still responsible for everything they do, and no amount of trauma in their past can excuse it, even if it explains it.
I don't think they care. They choose to dominate this brief life and be pissed they "got screwed over" for eternity. Being a miserable perpetual victim is what they love best.
The ones that you never noticed are surely happy that you're only looking into dark corners. But yes, neither care.
They get screwed over by their own lack of effort and choices.
@@Jess-kn8vl they would find a way to view a win through 💩 colored glasses. They are throwing a perpetual pity party for themselves in the back of their mind. The forces they follow and let control their decisions are negative vampiric entities that have them trained to be professional victims of circumstance someone else is to blame for.
Yes, forgive myself for the wasted time and love poorly spent; I was intentionally manipulated. I see other on-line ‘experts’ suggesting forgiveness and attempting to rationalize evil behavior… no, no mercy.
Thank you Richard. Perfectly timed. I absolutely needed to know this truth. Especially when cops turn up at your home to say ," Your narcissistic abuser is alone and elderly. As we are busy you must step in and take care of them. BTW...whenever an ambulance or health/medical personnel are called to that address, a police escort is required. " And I am flooded with fear of being made to engage after successfully going zero contact.
They will use death to get the last word. You will certianly be manipulated
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. They are only your problem if you let them be. Stay no contact.
EMTs?
@@annettegardiner7270 Yes, unfortunately EMTs (Emergency Medical Technicians) can be attacked just for doing their job.
@@brightstar4321 omg it's awful, stay safe, thank you for all you do.. Namaste 🙏
I knew it… I’ve watched this. Video now three times just to make sure I finally understand.. We all know deep down they knew.. Thanks so much for confirming this obvious Truth 🤬👍🏾
It like I saw Pete walker say in an interview. They have to know. It is an absolute requirement that they know.
If they did not know then they couldn't make their game work. It would fall apart almost immediately. This is true for almost any manipulation, weather narc or not.
As you say, it's an obvious truth, but having it confirmed is tremendously helpful. I can honestly say that one little nugget of knowledge has changed my life. And not just dealing with narcs. It gives me a point of reference for all of my social interactions.
For the last 12 years I have put up with grin, smirks, smearing, Lying and the black eyes of hate that made me feel so sad. Yes a toxic person are aware what they are doing to you. Evil is real.
Short answer to this question is YES.
My narc mother takes obvious delight in the pain of those she aims to harm, like it’s an accomplishment she’s very proud of. And knowing she’s still undetected or by most or “above the law” thrills her all the more. She actually gets the flying monkeys around her to carry out the abuse do the blood, so to speak, is on their hands. This technique works on so many levels.
As she perpetually gets away with her antics-and illicit cooperation from others-while still attaining all she wills, it emboldens her all the more.
She often jokes with a wry grin about how she’ll be “sipping margaritas in hell.” I believe this is less a future expectation and more a current internal experience.
I’ve moved from pity in my younger years to profound curiosity about this type of mindset. Why do so many who experience significant pain and trauma in childhood go toward much greater compassion and others, as you say, end up smothering all compassion? What is it that makes all the difference? And can this be cultivated in the narc?
They're not always traumatised. My parents weren't. They were raised by beautiful people and ended up being narcissists. It can be because of spoiling children. Also genetic predesposition.
Maybe it's either or both from what I've experienced. My mn sister was spoilt as she was assumed sickly as an infant yet she was also said to exactly resemble my father's strict bully dictator of a father. She was self righteous even as a toddler she was controlling, controlled us all to enable her getting her way and whatever she wanted and has remained so. She's nice to those who do as she dictates yet will turn on them immediately they don't to either get back in line giving to and doing for her or get gone. She has a kazillion pet peeves and is very dramatic over small issues such as how a person talks, eats, dresses, types of food and things she prefers that often hide a larger hidden agenda as she seems to see how things will play out ten steps ahead.
She was mn mum's mini-me and even scared mum and codep dad into compliance let alone us kids and her "friends" who she puppeteered for status and control.
Part of it is that they've a broken conscience and feel capable of anything good or evil depending on their mood, others are viewed as mere, replaceable extensions of them. They seem to have radar for who is worth grooming and conditioning or not and we can see her daughter is her mini-me and totally ignorant of it.
I've seen her collapse under stress and she admitted to me when I took her aside to discuss it quietly that she felt crazy and couldn't cope any other way and she was calmer for a good week or so before getting back on her high horse.
The issue is that when we enable, engage, care, agree, consent, compromise ourselves, do their dirty work, walk eggshells around them, watch others being abused and say nothing, allow their abuse; try to fix, save, rescue, conform, focus on pleasing and appease them we're simply feeding a toxic (chemically addictive) fire that burns all it touches. Fire doesn't care about your efforts to feed it, your burns, how you tell it to stop blowing smoke, to please die down, or the splinters you've incurred from the heavy logs you've carried to feed it, fire just hungrily consumes whatever it's fed and wants more.
When we focus back on ourselves and connect higher heart-mind with God sourced energies we're effortlessly pouring water on the fire, dousing it out and letting it go gracefully, with love and gratitude for painful lessons learned.
Don't play with hell fire. 😈🔥🙅♀️👌
Then go a step further by seeing the flames on the wall of Plato's Cave were all an illusion we could've been free from any time we chose to change perspective and realise the blindingly impersonal truth of things.
The narc I knew is super religious, but said "I know how I am." She gives no apologies. No contact for me.
That nonchalant attitude showed me that, they know exactly what they are doing, and they love their evil deeds!
I'm over 50, and though my short-term memory is not what it was, I still remember things a long time ago. My first memory, I was told, happened when I was 18 months old. For some reason, I remember a conversation I had with my mother when I was 12. Somehow, "narcissist" had come up in a conversation, and I asked my mother about it. She said that narcissism came from the Greek "Narcissus", and they were self-obsessed people, who were particularly concerned with their own appearance. That seemed like a bit wrong behaviour, and after that, I remember being careful not to be too obsessed with my own looks, and be scornful of people who were. My mother was not obsessed with her looks.
At some point she started pointing out "psychopath" behaviour, and how bad it was with psychopaths in relationships and in the workplace. She never accused any of her coworkers of psychopathy, but even if she praised them when she started a new job, she would bemoan their "incompetence", whenever she moved to start a new job somewhere else. My sister and I just thought it was one of her quirks. Life went on over the years, and late 2004, several events turned me from rejecting my mother completely. For me, it was mostly her inability to listen and accept me saying "no". I have never had big arguments with her, and one of the reasons is that I was witness to my older sister's teenage rebellion, and realised that if my mother could throw my sister's vulnerabilities right back in her face whenever they had an argument, it was not worth having an argument with my mother.
A couple of years after I stopped having contact with my mother(which I felt ashamed of, especially with our extended family), my sister struggled with a workplace bully. She had to flee her home, her relationship with her son's father broke up, and at some point she figured out that there was just something wrong with this guy. She had been researching aberrant behaviour online, and looked at definitions of "antisocial personality disorders" She pointed out some, and said he clearly showed narcissistic tendencies, such as always up for an argument, will never admit to being wrong, will argue viciously, and the morning after will behave as if the argument never happened, etc. I was stunned. I said: "You just described our mother." I remember calling my mother a "c*nt" when I was 5 years old. I was 35 when I realised I had been right all along.
They are extremely intelligent and know exactly;y what they are doing, they hide it very well.
Thank you sooo much this is what I needed to hear :) I grew up with a mother with Borderline PD with narcissistic traits and recently had a therapist who is textbook NPD (and likely Bipolar) basically gaslight and terrorize me to the point of being forced to resign. He would project non-stop, never took accountability, stormed out of sessions, he'd cry and shout out of nowhere, etc. He's accuse me of making him feel stupid or name dropping or trying to impress him, etc. I spent months questioning my reality and I blamed myself for all this guys behavioral issues. I have too much empathy and I get stuck with some really really unhealthy people and when they blame me for their emotional issues I always blame myself first. I really really wish these types of people would all jump into a volcano holding hands or something lol
Holy cow, that sounds like an ordeal! Ive had some unknowledgable therapists too. What a waste of energy and time, but now I know and I keep spreading the info!
@@Jess-kn8vl There is FAR more than this but I am honestly scared to even say it. There was an incident with one of his residents that was very fond of me and he gaslit me into thinking it was all in my head when the reality is he just refuses to accept that this girl was very unstable (bipolar) and caused me a lot of harm. I don't blame her and she was moritified and she apologized but I really need to stop making excuses for people with mental health issues.
I look back at all the memories over 3 years and sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy but luckily at the time I took contemporenous notes because I anticipated this abuse.....the moment I met the guy I got the heebee jeebeez and I truly feel sorry for the dude. I'm Autistic and he would just accuse me of lying about it even though I have literally been diagnosed twice by experts there. He also lied and said he was an Autism expert but only knew the stereotypes of Autism and since im so high masking he refused to accept that I could be Autistic. I think I probably insulted him by being Autistic and empathetic tbh.....never met a more insecure medical professional in my life. Spent years working on myself in therapy and never once had anyone this awful
@@nateo200 I'm so sorry you had that kind of experience from a helping professional. And I use the term professional loosely because he obviously wasn't even that, much less compassionate.
@@reallyaprilstarr He had a *profound* lack of empathy in a way that blows my mind. Whenever I talked about romantic relationships or feelings or love he refused to accept the idea of unconditional love. He would say things that were so insentivie it blew my mind and not even just about me he would say things that just showed a profound lack of insight and empathy.
I honestly and truly think he paired me with this resident to live vicariously through me and in the process traumatized me and probably this resident.
prayers and hugs for you.
To forgive myself for going through it was the biggest step for closure . It took time and therapy but one day I understood that it did not matter how they are , but what I am after it. Thank you
Narcissists will oversell their value whilst underselling yours. Yes, they know.
I went through this same self-doubt when my relationship with my (I believe) narcissist sister blew up. One thing that reassured me was that our breakdown was only the latest in a LONG string of broken relationships on her side, some of them very old, long-standing friendships that SHOULD have meant something to her. What still bothers me is that I served as a flying monkey for some of those breakups. Not in person - we live at opposite ends of the country, so I only ever learned about these people by phone conversations - but I was always the loyal lieutenant, telling my sister she was right to dump them, they were irrational and stupid, and she was completely innocent of all blame. Now that it's happened to me, I wonder about some of those stories I believed, and I should have been more skeptical, especially once I realized this was a pattern of behavior. I'll just have to be more aware in the future, if I should meet people like her again.
It might help to talk to some of those people. They might still be having a hard time with what she put them through. Just getting your perspective might help them make peace.
how could they not be aware of the wake of destruction behind them. come on man.
Thank you, Richard. Your delivery, timing, choice of words, everything is making sense now. I am praying for the courage, strength and health to get through whatever "this" is.
I pray for all those who are suffering, including the self-aware narcissists.
God knows best, and I trust fully in His Abilities to help those who want to help themselves and others.
I cannot wait to feel stable and healthy again.❤
Yes they do, why do you think that they smirk?
👍
as a bpd daughter of a narc mum and her whole family, this breaks my heart, but im trying to heal and radical acceptance is part of that. thanks Richard! I am becoming stronger with the information that you are providing and have been for so long. much love and appreciation xxx
Yes, you identified the issue extremely well: normally moral individuals reject the idea VISCERALLY that another human being can be so malicious! That's what kept me in my marriage of 24 years with a textbook narcissist ... I kept thinking, "He's going to realize the mistakes he's making and change." 😶 Yeah, well, that NEVER happened ... in fact he got worse over the years, more DELIBERATE in his tactics to devalue me. It wasn't until after I left that I fell down the rabbit hole into the narcissistic abuse community and my eyes came open! I'm still healing mentally and physically.
The knowledge descends on you with the weight of an avalanche to the point (with me) that I found myself gasping for air. Who Knew such a thing existed!
Narcissistic disorder worsens with age
Thank you so much for this. It’s been a bone of contention between me and various people for a while. The Narcissist that abused me & other women KNEW full well because I pointed out the symptoms and the DSM-5 definition to him. His reaction was to smile and sincerely thank me because he’d been going to therapists (and lying to them) for years but couldn’t work out what was up with him. He was literally a violent serial abuser being investigated by the police and hearing his “condition” had a name left him absolutely pleased as pudding. He couldn’t have cared less about the people he hurt he was just giddy I’d helped him figure it out.
Mine agreed with the narc definition with pleasure
I wonder if he would be smiling in a jail cel with a bigger badder more violent narcissist
There's also the constant testing by them - to see how far they can push and still be loved/accepted - it's not all about hate per-se.
Completely oblivious to their actions
My eldest brother is a very sadistic psychopath who is a decade older than myself. I always knew he was aware of all the manipulations. I became a big problem for him as I grew up and realized what a creep he was. I am sure he regrets that I am very aware of things.
You knowing is his torture. When they know that you know they are exposed & they crumble internally. We owe them nothing after the sadistic manipulation.
Evil is the right word. They are partially or fully detached from having a connection to a soul. I was the scapegoat in a narcissistic family. When I left, my father and mother had another son. He lived with my father after the divorce. My brother and i share the same pain. Honestly, im glad its over. Took a lifetime wasted to heal to what i consider as fully as humanly possible. I am happy now and enjoy the day to day of my life.
I used to be narcissistic.
Healing my trauma helped, I relearned compassion for myself and thus for others as well. 🙂
Best advice I saw on the internet and all over the place on how to respect yourself and walk away from your narcissist intimate partner. A far superior and intelligent way to stablish and rank yours and the narcissist's position at a human condition. Elegant and far beyond cristal clear. Short and Sharp! Congrats Richard Grannon! I had to edit this comment due mostly to the fact that narcissists are driven by a monstruous lack of empathy and this is their propeller motor that places them ready, encouraged and allowed to act evil.
My father (divorced from her) still thinks "She can't help it" even all these years............I figured out years ago that my mother does indeed know what a piece of shit she really is. I came to this conclusion after looking at how she planned out her "moves" and realized that she would have to make a conscience decision to start calling people in order to rip me apart when she was angry/disappointed with me. It was after having kids that I began to "see" her for what she is. When my daughter was entering her early teens a lot of "shit" flooded in; memories of what mother said to me. It was at that point I realized she is evil and knows it. You have to make a conscience effort to "destroy" someone's character......
Don't forgive them, forget them, erase them. I'll get there, some day. I hope, in this lifetime.
💯
Amen to that!
But a month is a great start!
At 6 months you get a prize! Your self respect is coming up and looking ever so good, again!
Or finally!
@@PsulOrtiz Eighteen months, but getting better. Good days, bad days, but overall moving forward. I hope I won't die before being free.
That has answered so many questions. I was sure my narcissistic partner knew how vile he treated me .
My dad, who I don't really call dad any longer I call him by his name, Eric. He is a narcissist. He admitted he was wrong a few times, but will immediately revert to his old behavior. He even wrote me a letter once saying he was sorry he was a bad father, but not long after that he did some pretty horrible things out of narcissistic rage, and he also used to yell at me for the smallest things like just using the bathroom in his house he would yell "why are you in the bathroom?!" and keep knocking on the door and repeating it until I would answer. I never forget how he always reminded me that it was "his house" when all I was doing was just trying to be a normal person, I don't know why he had to always remind me of his authority. At my only child's funeral my dad came in and said to the pastor "I want to make sure my son is playing the songs my wife chose", rather than consoling my crying wife and I. I doubt he would admit he is a narcissist but he has admitted multiple times that he was wrong, but it never fixed anything, it actually seemed to take any guilt off of his conscience so that he could resume being a jerk again.
They're only happy, they laugh on the suffering they cause to others. Sadists indeed!!!
Richard, thank you for the confirmation! Last straws with my so-called dad were noticing that when I’m accompanied by a male, his perv behaviour towards me 100% stops, but if I’m the only witness, it’s anything goes - and comprehending how he threw my beloved mum under the bus while she was alive, while she was dying, and after she, uh, ‘left’. My comfort - mum still ‘lives’ with me and we still communicate, with an honesty, clarity and tenderness from her side which had been buried over the years due to so-called dad’s abuse.
That was so good. I feel so badly for all those children that have had to abandon their compassion and become narcissists because they have been so badly treated.
Their feelings were ignored. They were ignored because their parents are narcissists. I was ignored. So, being a mild child, I stuttered and learned to amuse myself. I became an artist. I accepted the Christ and Hello Jesus is a real person. They are fractional people because where the Holy Spirit should be is a demon. It's all the same boring demon too.
❤ Beautifully explained how I am going to forgive myself for loving a narcissist and then I turn around and I leave out of self love. I think this is a new order of action that will work for me. Thanks for sharing your insights Richard.
Im Looking Forward To This Video
I Was Involved With An Overt Sadist Narcissits Yes My Opinion They Know Their Evil 😈 They Don't Care.
The Abuse I Experienced ALMOST Caused Me To Commit Suicide.
Narcissits Abuse Is Brutal
Yes they want you to commit suicide so they can use it to get supply. They are the true vampires, sucking souls.
I think what you’re referring to is a Malignant Narcissist (aka: narcissistic psychopath - both of these terms are used interchangeably to describe the same thing). A psychopath is extremely goal driven & exploitative of others also, so if he covers all traits, as my ex of 2 years did (he blew EVERY trait of a grandiose narcissist off the scale repetitively, matched the textbook narc cycle in relationships, but he also enjoyed when he would bring me to tears and smirk and that is sadistic. He enjoyed my pain. He was also so goal driven that his goals were far more important than any relationship or person no matter who they were, he simply exploited every person for his own gain & to achieve his goals).
That is a malignant narcissist or narcissistic psychopath.
After 2 years with this man and so much psychological & emotional torture, I seriously considered and researched the best method of taking my own life on 2 occasions. So I do understand your comment 100%. I had no prior mental health issues. But after 2 years with this man, I was on a knifes edge of whether it’s still worth living life in such pain or not. I needed to escape the pain & trauma he caused me so desperately, that I actually was led to that point. It’s a seriously dark & lonely place to be in when you are tossing up whether you just leave this world or stay and endure more torture.
I, myself, grew up with extreme childhood trauma, extreme physical abuse, psychological abuse…but I am the complete opposite of a narc. I have such empathy and compassion and I hurt when I see others hurting. So I do believe that it’s a choice. I chose never to do anything to people (especially children) that was done to me because I knew the pain it caused me. I don’t accept that past traumatic experiences are an excuse to being a malicious evil monster to others. I feel that’s a scapegoat for them, because I went through far worse trauma than my ex ever went through, yet I am a kind and gentle person with a kind heart. It’s definitely a choice and I think the excuse of childhood trauma needs to be overhauled.
I hope you’re healing from what you went through. Sending hugs.
@@the_veronica_k
Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This I’m Currently In Therapy.
I Know What I’m Dealing With I’m Struggling To Block Delete Detach From This Sadist Person
He Destroyed My Life My Self Esteem And Self Worth.
I Was Cruelly Discarded Like Trash In April. Im Being Treated Like I Never Existed.
What Really Hurts Is The Narcissist Decided To Disrespect My Face To Relieve Himself This Was The Worst Discard Ever.
Im Struggling Narcissitic Abuse Is Brutal
How Do I Disconnect?
@@demigaines5644 As hard as it sounds, you literally have to block him everywhere. I understand the emotional struggle with this. But what you have to understand is that the person you met in the beginning isn’t real. They groom you and pretend to be loving n caring n somewhat your soulmate until they have you hooked. It’s a trap! That is their intent, to manipulate you by lovebombing you in the beginning. But that’s all fake. That person they presented as in the beginning is NOT REAL. It’s a game to them from the very beginning, and they are great actors & manipulators. So, you falling for this person is not your fault at all. You went in with the right intentions, they went in to secure narcissistic supply…you. You have to realise that the original person was just an act. Then you have to lose all hope that they will ever change. Block them everywhere possible. Phone, social media, mutual friends phones & social media, so that he can never reach back out to you. You need to realise you’re worth so much more, from a real person, not from some narcissistic psychopath. They can’t love anyone, even themselves. You have to block him everywhere and put your self respect and your sanity first. If you find that he moves on with a new supply, just keep remembering that he will repeat the same cycle over n over with every woman no matter what. You need to remember that if he is permanently out of your life, you are winning. These people may apologise to you, but their behaviour never changes…so even that apology is manipulation just to keep your supply (your attention, time, love, energy, etc). So lose all hope that they will ever change, an apology without change is just manipulation, and the person you met at the beginning was NOT REAL. He is a predator and was grooming you to fall for him, because if he showed who he really was in the beginning, he would never get any woman to be with him ever. Your peace & self worth and self love and your mental health is far more important than some narcissistic psychopath playing games with you and themselves. And they are dangerous. Especially to your mental health. If your current therapy is not working, seek out a therapist who specialises in narcissistic abuse & recovery.
I truly wish you the best. I am almost 6 months no contact myself, and it is hard, so I understand. But you will find peace without them, and every minute they are out of your life is a win for you. Let them prey on someone else, not you. Don’t play their game. It’s exactly what they want (for you to always stay attached somehow). They do this knowingly & intentionally. They are evil people who prey on innocent targets such as yourself. If you stop playing their game, you win!! And when he loses all possible access to you, it may look like he doesn’t care, but the truth is that it is actually destroying him on the inside because you refused to keep playing him game. So he knows he lost, when he is used to winning. And if you let him have access to you through phone, social media or friends, he knows he’s still in control and in his sick head, he thinks he’s winning. Pull out of the game altogether and it will destroy him on the inside, even though he won’t show it. But he only cares that he lost control, not that he regrets losing you. He only cares he lost control of manipulating your emotions and keeping you trapped. If you pull out and stop playing his game, he loses & you win! It’s nothing more than a game to them. These people can’t be saved…save yourself instead!!
Sending hugs & hope to you xx
I don’t believe a covert malignant victim type narc would ever answer yes to this question. It is always other people at fault in their eyes as their grandiosity means they believe they are always right and perfect.
My ex was very proud of being what he called a "triple-A threat: Aggressive, Arrogant and Abrasive." Yes, they are very self-aware and do what they do absolutely on purpose.
I think they aware because they change their personalities to relate to whomever they are dealing with. Or in other words, if they want to impress someone or make that person think they are nice, they have no trouble faking that. And as we all know, they treat other people who are less important to them or who they don't want to impress like sh*t. One more interesting thing: they will also name themselves or call themselves out quite publicly at times. I knew a narc who compared herself to a tarantula spider kiddingly, but it was no joke. Another who did something similar, gave herself an evil name nickname. It's kind of a sideways, calling out of themselves, but they often do it. Unfortunately, I've been closely involved with narcs my whole life and am currently. There really is no better way to deal with them than to cut them off or go extremely low contact if you have to. They never change. Don't feel bad about it. It's them, not you. Be safe out there.
Thank you so much, Richard. I so needed to hear this today.
Mine used to say, “I treat people the way I think I need to in order to get the desired result.”
That meant if he felt that he needed to yell at me so I wouldn’t wake him up before noon, then he would do so.
Mine said "I broke your boundaries because I needed us to be where I wanted"
@@kaitvox when they say things like these, there is no doubt that they know EXACTLY what they are doing. 😕
@@InvisibleBorderline you're absolutely right. They're aware, but they don't care.
I like what he says about not having to forgive the narcissist but forgive ourselves for having loved them. I don't think forgiveness can be forced, I think it will naturally come when we are healed and it will be in the form of not being affected by their existence. When we can think of them without being angry or having any kind of emotion toward them, the day we can even encounter them on the street and feel at peace and unbothered, that to me would be the equivalent of having forgiven him, when I am no longer emotionally bound by his disease, when I am completely liberated.
PLEASE somebody talk about the psychopathic narcissists in the medical profession and how they behave with their families?
My therapist had NPD. He no longer has a job after what he put me through. Never been so traumatized in my entire life
That depends greatly on the actual composition of the triad (narcissism/psychopathy/Machiavellianism) and the study is inconsistent as the sample size that actually was researched is anecdotal at best. It is also very dependent on the personally chosen (subconsciously or not) ethics of such a person. And yes, they have their own set of self-selected "ethic" (broadly speaking) - a bit like in Dexter tv show.
Not sure though what the ask is actually about, you want to know about psycho narcs that are doctors/healthcare providers specifically? (there's a lot of them, actually)
My therapist was narcissistic, not sure about npd diagnosis. In a negative review, I sent a message to his family that I believe them and sorry for what they go through. Everyone should send a message to their families. We experience heck for an hour, they experience it so much more.
You are right, it is a big problem both for their families and their colleagues. I am a doctor. My narcissist wife, who discarded me in January after 17 years of marriage, is a doctor too (a psychiatrist, of all things). I also left a consultant job in 2021 because the clinical lead was an obvious psychopath. But my experience is that the very worst people in medicine are those who end up going down the academic career pathway (professors / senior lecturers). Many of them care only about themselves, their research and their place in history. They treat clinical colleagues like second-class citizens and don't seem to care very much about patients either. There are a LOT of doctors with personality disorders.
@@williamgrant3911 Yeah my old psychiatrist was an academic but a textbook case of NPD. He was obsessed with how opioids effect empathy as he was a recovering heroin addict. The guy had the most lack of empathy of any therapist I've ever seen. He basically nuked his own career with how he treated me which resulted in a forced resignation.
Even though his actions or inactions were particularly aggregious he never once apologized he would project all his issues onto me. Shouting, crying, storming out of sessions, passive aggressive remarks, accusing me of making him feel stupid, etc. I have a lot of pitty for people like that.
I like it when you said "They know WHAT they are", not who they are.;-)
Thank you so much. I'm still in a terrible state since 8 months. Crying my soul out 24/7😢
My Narc ex gf went through my text messages. She read a conversation between me and my best friend. My best friend said "Dude your gf is a Narcissist!"
My ex got mad at me. She wasn't mad at me because my friend called her a Narcissist. She was mad that I shared my stories of her abusing me with my friend.
Yep, they hate it when you share with friends, they love to keep you isolated. Glad she's now your ex. 🙏
You know what makes a narcissist mad? When you make fun of them for being selfish and compare them to 2 year olds. Got a case of the terrible twos.
They hate that. I go out of my way to annoy them and make them mad. It's really funny.
@@GenerationX1984 Oh yes. My ex got so mad at me because my friend made a couple of jokes about her cruelty and hypocrisy. That was it... She said I can't trust you. The best part was she said you have broken our "sacred bond". Lmfao 😂
My childhood was not the best, but it did not turn me into a cruel mean and evil person, it is a choice they make, and take joy in doing it😢
Yes its revenge on the whole of humanity.
Not even close to being correct in any way.
I dealt with one(again) after 4 years...she took blame for everything she did....allowed me to speak about things she did, addressed them and apologized repeatedly. She seemed she had taken a lot of time to self reflect and be more aware. Even when she did some of the "old" things I'd speak up and she'd talk openly with me, apologize for being selfish and thank me for telling her. I was impressed, blown away. This carried on for a couple/few months and I thought she was a much better version. Then...she went off on an extended trip and slowly I lost value to her and the communication began to decrease....if I mentioned something about how the dynamic had changed, I was called "insecure", "overly sensitive"...and she had excuses as to why she couldn't communicate like she had been. Until finally it all broke apart and it was obvious I wasn't wanted anymore, and her messages became more self centered, more defensive.....and.....the lies! Last conversation all she did was complain about her life, called herself a failure in life. I think she was having a breakdown, but I was done. Everything was about her, she's the victim...pity party. So I think they can be very self aware, but...how much are they willing to do the long term work? She has someone that will always deal with her crap(a much older wealthy guy), so she always has someone to lean on and get what she wants, so....not a lot of reason to keep doing the work.
You laughed at me and saved my mind.
Richard was one of the first to teach me about Narcissists and narc abuse. My grandma, mom, & older ex sibling were/are ALL narcs!!! Been abused my entire life (scapegoated) and right when i think i escaped, BOOM round 2, 3, 4 etc. Soon as i figure out my mom was a narc, I confided in my ex sibling not realizing SHE was a narc as well!!!!!!!! Then i confided in my enabling grandma who just forced me to continue having a relationship with them. My hair has gone grey since age 16, ive lived in complete isolation for YEARS spending most days alone, even avoiding my negative grandma. I've been lied to, ON, thrown in jail, etc. Finally, judgement day has come and they WILL reap what they've sown. I've forgave time and time again, but this time i'm highly aware God has my back and is guiding me through this entire thing. I dont know where id be if if weren't for God!!!!!!!!! He made all this possible. Showed me what channels to watch, which books to read, what herbs to drink etc. Everyone should listen to their higher selves. God wants to help you if you let him! This shii goes deep and you're not getting out of it alone. divine support & guidance would help you tremendously. My heart goes out to everyone going through narc abuse or recovering. I promise you got this!!
my narc husband of less than a year.. one day declared " all of us AAs' are narcissists". AND THAT WAS THE GIFT OF MY LIFE TIME. 68 year old at the time. with the statement I was guided to research what narcism is. AND WITH THAT I UNTANGLED THE DAMAGE OF A LIFE TIME FROM BIRTH in MY NARC FAMILY. thank you my soon to be ex husband.
Great video. And the next question I used to have is: "they are born like that or they develop this personality after a traumatic experience?" And glady, you answer to that too. Thank you very much for spreading awareness. This individuals are the worst kind of people you can find in life, sadly.
Thank you, dude. You're always bang on point. You sum up very many experiences, and feelings, for me in very insightful and clear words that I haven't always had. Your incredibly deep and well explained analysis resonates so perfectly and succinctly. I've honestly learned far more from you than basically anyone on these matters, including the most respected and knowledgeable old school public OGs in this area (we know who I mean). I consider myself far more acutely and consciously aware than ever of such matters because of you. My, now, ex is no longer a potential future wife because I know what I know now, and I do mean "know" rather than assume/ guess or strongly suspect. I know she is a highly manipulative and overwhelmingly entitled emotion triggering oxygen hoover. All I need to do now is to perfectly map out how best to co parent our son without triggering her covert rage, triangulation or manipulation. I think I have it though. I do know her weak spots and pressure points. I'm not without my own traits, I have simply, a few years ago, become self aware and resigned to improvement than I could have imagined 20 years ago. It's so interesting that many of us here are in fact both victims and also potentially former criminals of some of these behaviours. What ultimately matters is intent. My intentions are to limit harm and to regulate my own bahaviors. That's where I'm at. Our children deserve better than the life many of us had.
Thank you again, brother.
Good luck to all of you watching these brilliant uploads and who are reading this text. Remember - we make our own luck, so pick aces and play you hand well.
They know what they're doing and what they do becomes reflex. If the narcissist worsens with age, they may not always, their state of regression might parallel or develop into sociopathy; this equates to even greater danger, get away and stay away.
Forgive self - it’s not necessary to forgive the narcissist. I needed to hear that! Thank you!
YES NARCISSISTS KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING!
It was a honour to listen to You Richard. Thank you.
I am sobbing now. You get it. Thank you.
Premeditation tells us they are very aware. All that plotting. Also they show they are aware when they put on an act in a heartbeat when others show up. SO aware.
Yes if caught , then they will become a victim , yes they are very cold 🥶 heartless & show no mercy at all & if they lose it just cause them to more hateful toward you , if it take them ten year to get back at you , they will , monsters really do exist
I'm million times grateful to know that they know what they have done to us , I was so angry an upset I'd lived with someone who didn't exist for 40 years
Thank you for laughing in my face. It led to so much awakening, education and clarity.
Divorced my wife after 9 years, she told me at the age of 49 that she didn't want a family, no fostering, no surrogacy, no adoption. Went through a year of mediation agreeing that she would never take what wasn't hers. I put most of my life savings into building a home for a family with a huge investment from my father. When she realised that I was serious about leaving her she cancelled mediation and filed for court. Showing an interest in my family home, pension and everything else that she didn't contribute to. It's been a hard realisation that I married and trusted a Narcissist for all of these years. She says she still loves me but wants to put me and my family through as much pain as possible without any regard for me, my father and my mother who is in ill health. Says she deserves more. No empathy whatsoever. Pure evil !
Sadly the UK family courts do not recognise narcissistic behaviour.
Even though there were many warning signs the judges decision was 50/50.
This has to change. !
What a lovely, simple, reassuring, kind and "right on the button" blog.. that has reaffirmed my inner strength and made me feel good about myself. Thank you for your calm but most "it is what it is" delivery. X
Feeling the lovely new softer voice Richard 💜 I hear ya
Yep they're highly self-aware. I've had several of them "confess" to me as much. But even though they know it, will that stop them? Nope. Instead, I walked away and never looked back.
Thank you Richard🇺🇸 on the roller coaster married with 3. Your videos are my healing
I do agree they know what they're doing - much of the time. Other times, they are definitely out of control when they have their demonic rages. You can see that's not a normal human. I also feel that believing they are entitled and superior IS delusional. Vile behaviour. They made a choice of how they want to live.
if they were delusional then they wouldn't have "made a choice", surely?
@@gurglejug627 Being delusional doesn't preclude making a choice. We all have to make choices every day - but based on reality. The narcissist as a biological adult is irrational, impulsive, believes things that haven't happened despite logical explanations to the contrary; and they make their decisions upon that false premise. They definitely enjoy causing pain and mischief at times especially if the spoiled brat isn't getting enough attention; and I wonder if that is life habit or entity control.
@@NarcHark888 well, being delusional arguably does preclude making a choice - is one of the options open to them a delusion? Are both a delusion? Are all three choices out of two a delusion? Do the choices shift in nature and meaning all the while? These are serious questions - just as the Narc goes into and out of rages, do they then see choices and the nature of the choices available differently, or even as a constantly changing flux? Either way, mad women are always the best in bed. Sleep on it.
Even the rages are planned before they actually rage. Is their form of regulating emotions. When they go for a rage they usually start some kind of argument. ‘My’ Narc would push every button just to rage, preferably at night for sleep deprivation. That also is a tactic, a powerful one.
They get a rush from watching people in pain.
Absolutely bang on. I can't believe how you break this down and explain it so well. The understanding gained puts you on the path to healing. Good video.
One surely needs to let it go but also needs to forgive oneself for having being without knowledge of this kind of human abuse.
I've always found the argument of "If they didn't know what they were doing, or, couldn't stop themselves, why do they act differently in private than they do in public?" to be the most telling sign of who they are.
Forgive me, I haven't watched the video yet, but I know the answer. They know, sure as hell, but they just don't care. That's the essence of these evil beings.
Thank you, Richard. The ending felt so personal...
Thank you for this clarity.
Thanks for clearing that up Richard. I have often questioned myself.
Looked up the original study. Interesting stuff. A follow-up study shortly after the original correlated the SINS (Ironic, eh, folks? Single Item Narcissism Scale) to previously validated scales for grandiose type and vulnerable type, and the SINS tracked with those, as well. So, it is sensitive enough to both types to still correlate with the NPI overall. So, both types will just freaking TELL YOU what they are with some pretty high degree of accuracy. The second study when discussing the results said something like, "Who would have thought they would just admit to being a narcissist if we only thought to ask directly?" 😂😂😂
"You're very hard to control when you're healthy. You're very hard to manipulate when you're clear. You're very hard to influence when you're sovereign."
-- Anon
Oh my goodness. This triggered a memory of when my (now) ex and I started dating. He was so romantic and attentive. He could cook, kept his condo very clean, thoughtful, worked hard, was the life of the party, attentive, and was handsome. I remarked to him that with so many things going for him he was the "perfect" guy. His brows raised in surprise and with a big smile he said, quite sincerely, "I've always thought so!" Thankfully, my criteria are very different. The fact that he said this, and that he had no friends of his own, were red flags I completely missed.
thanks so much for this. although i have come to terms with things. it still helps to hear someone say it out loud.
Although I’ve long heard, from the top pros, that it’s still debatable, whether they know what they’re doing, ✌🏽THINGS:
First, it takes planning to strategize and destroy someone. That’s not a mistake. It isn’t done in error. It isn’t, “Lord help me. That’s just how I am. I’ll work on it.” And from my experience, it isn’t the weeks you months it takes, for that to come out. It’s years, perhaps decades of increasingly poor behavior and it doesn’t necessarily hinge upon whether they’re becoming senile or demented.
Second, whatever their problem is, I can feel empathy for how they got that way - but I’m going to put some daylight between me and them anyway, no matter if I’ve loved them for years. Life passes and time is awasting.
Even with my mother, as she was aging (obviously so am I), I had to parse out, whether it was NPD or just age setting in and causing dementia. But, from what I could discern, at least before I I went no contact, which was 4 years before she died, she knew EXACTLY WTF she was doing.
I am not a psychologist or psychotherapist. But, for me, my questions were: is she still keeping her lights, phone and water on? Is she still paying her property taxes? Is she eating? Is she having any problems stalking me at work, when I wouldn’t even give her the number, due to previous stalking and trying to end my livelihood? Does she have the ability to wage an unwavering campaign against me, that began at least 10+ years prior? Does she have long term, conscious ability to swap the roles of her children, like narcissistic parents often do? Does she have unwavering discernment, regarding who to treat like gold and who to treat like dirt? Are there issues with controlling you, for what seems to be the express purpose of snuffing you out? Does she not mitigate her problems and, instead, builds them, to keep you sleep deprived, distracted and in constant spin? When I and other read emails and see video of her, just prior to when I left, all of us feel, “Dementia!?”
So, I believe she knew WTF she was doing.
There are also other narcissistic people, I’ve crossed paths with. Because they aren’t introspective, they often have tells, if not blatant narcissistic traits, some of which they don’t even try to hide. And, as is often the case, they want you in pain - without knowing they know what they’re doing, so that you do nothing about it, but suffer.
Nice one, Richard, you hit the bull's eye once again.
Thank you for that end part. ❤
❤True words thank you Richard.