I struggle with perfectionism and irritation wheni don't feel satisfaction, most notably on personal projects. My father has a fragile ego. Getting defensive, talking badly about people, being judgemental, not asserting himself regarding wants and needs, blaming others, refusing to listen to reasons, feeling jealous of what others have going on, etc. No wonder why I have a hard time opening up to him and having important conversations. Now that I am aware, I can start to do the work and build a secure sense of self.
the interesting and ironic thing is that it is the ego that finds it hard to hear to begin with, because that is the only place these so-called "flaws" exist, ie it's all in your head. But because the ego (head) takes it so seriously, it gets defensive and they manifest as almost real, in the sense of pain, low self confidence etc. We can't dismiss it, but we can see through it. Once you do this, even finding it hard to hear about the egos flaws, will be laughable, because they don't exist. Let the ego feel upset over hearing its own "flaws", so long as you see yourself separate to that ego, or at least not only as this ego. Peace :)
My ego will always be fragile especially with comparisons. I find I need to take these therapy videos every day for life as when it's midnight, my brain automatically hits the "reset" button, and all the advice I get automatically disappears and I need to commit to getting self help everyday for life just for my brain to "function normally" as Im autistic
I have cPTSD and have been working with a counselor for about 6 years. Just recently I realized that my ego is fragile, and I can really.get stuck sometimes. I'm glad that I've been made aware of this so that I can work in it. This has been a difficult road. ❤ I know I have to do the work and it doesn't end at the end of the counseling session. It takes daily effort (which I remind myself daily 😂)
I have a very fragile ego and sometimes it really sucks. I want to be a better person. But a part of me feels like I will always revert back to my egotistical tendencies. I don’t know if I will ever fully change tbh. But I will try. Thank you for this video.
Just keep at it. We don't change overnight but if you keep working on yourself you will slowly start to see changes. And failing is okay, failing is part of success in anything in life, you will stumble again and again and that's OKAY! As long as you keep going forward and trying to better yourself. It's a bit like a skill where you're really bad at first but if you keep making those mistakes, you'll get better and better! You can do it!
Thanks, Julia, for today’s RUclips video 7 Signs that Your Ego Is Too Fragile. I think today’s topic on Ego is an important one. And yes, I have for sure struggled with every one of these signs listed here. However, some I have made major improvements over and some still need work. I know I still need to work on my own decision making. One thing I also noticed was during and after our mindfulness challenge in The Shift Society, I think it has helped me with my self-trust. I trust myself that I can do things. I am curious - will you be putting your videos out on Fridays now or is that because of it being a holiday? Here are my notes: *Ego is like a ball inside of us, it can be sticky and things like defensiveness can get stuck or be smooth and things will just slide off from it. *A big ego is an overinflated ego, it is not a secure ego, it is overcompensation for a more fragile or insecure ego. *Ego is just a sense of self. Who we are inside. What we think about ourselves. *Having a healthy ego doesn't mean a person thinks about themselves. That is an insecure ego. *A truly secure ego creates space for themselves and for others in an open, curious, compassionate and loving way. 7 Signs of a Fragile Ego: 1. When someone is defensive. 2. When someone has a lot of perfectionistic tendencies. (self-protection) 3. When someone is constantly craving attention. 4. When someone is deferring decisions. 5. When we or someone we really know is talking negatively about other people. 6. Talking negatively about ourselves. 7. All that comparison
I’m quite sensitive and defensive. I do judge , unobstrusively, others. I am not an attention seeker or jealous of others. I celebrate others but hurt and yearn for my own..successes? Blessings to all of us.
I definitely have a fragile ego. I see the growth but it’s there. You mentioned injustice is a thing. For certain. Childhood trauma. Thank you for sharing. My search was for how to calm the ego. Ego death. This is one of the videos that came up.
I love that critique on perfectionism, thank you. I have just been reading 'Travels With Charley' by John Steinbeck. He was feeling overly academic so went 'back to his people' - the working class Americans in small towns. In the book he observes men and women going to hair dressers to be 'styled'..."They imagine that the styling they get done isn't just superficial, it goes deep into their being and perfects them." I was looking the other day at men who get those very precise hair cuts that have sharp beautiful lines and then the white teeth et al...It is the same as Steinbeck's idea of the inside being a mess and thinking that landscaping the outside is a whole body experience. Your comment helped to consolidate all of those. Thank you ; )
I struggle with perfectionism and irritation when I don't feel satisfaction, most notably on personal projects. My dad has a fragile ego. Talking badly about others, not asserting his wants and needs, blaming others, feeling jealous of what others have, refusing to listen and accept reasoning, getting defensive, etc. No wonder why I have a hard time having important conversations with him. Now that I am aware, I can start to do the work and build a secure sense of self.
Watching this is a great reminder of how far I’ve come. I used to be so indecisive, constantly needing validation from family and friends in making important decisions. It is so freeing to be able to trust myself. Your videos are very helpful in gaining more self awareness.
I've always been happy for my friends when they upgrade their lives. I see it as something to aspire to and a goal for myself! When I started upgrading my life in several ways I had "friends" who would make snide remarks and put downs. I had only ever been supportive of them and to not receive that back told me that I needed to let them go....there were many more reasons too. Best decision I ever made and my up-leveling has continued : )
Crabs in a bucket. People don’t want you to succeed. It makes them look bad. Think of your life like a stock. Lots of people are trying to short it. As in betting you fail
So glad you’re videos are popping back on my feed. They disappeared for a while and l missed it, but after looking you back up and listening to a few, they are back on the feed.
I have family a memeber that has that problem. In the beginning, i thought i was judging her, but after this video confirm that it is an issue for her. We all have different struggles.
Marvelous Marvelous video 😊 Julia; the insight and discussion was fantastic! As a returning commenter all this resonated very well with me. Blessings in the new year (happy belated new year) 🙏 🎊
My parents usually give more attention to my brother Bryant when he’s home on vacation from California than to me Julia and sometimes I feel that something bad has to happen to me and I have to go to the hospital just to get some attention.
Do you think the ego is really even necessary? Would I get totally destroyed in today’s society if I let go of my ego, or matters related to it, to a relatively large extent?
The ego is necessary as a physical being. You shouldn’t let go of needs, desires and expectations. It’s about balance. People who have self worth, compassion, are good at discernment of others and take action in securing healthy boundaries, have healthy egos.
@@pennPi So what you say is I shouldn’t go too far, so to speak. But let’s say I take only what I need. Would I still be destroyed because others don’t necessarily have any qualms about taking everything from me? As we all know, life isn’t fair, and there are people living on the streets. Why do you suppose that is?
How do you respond to those who are constantly putting themselves down to fish counter complements out of you? I do want the person to perhaps see themselves from my perspective (as lovable or good)…however I don’t want to keep getting hit up for those complements over and over, but I don’t want to come across as uncaring if I agree with their self-deprecating comments. Help please
I had a coworker/friend who did something like this. It became this constant sympathy grab and after a while felt and was very manipulative. I stopped responding to her grabs and started calling her out as kindly as I could. She got a different job and we aren't friends any longer. I'm good with that : )
bs...im a perfectionist because one, it's almost universally the characteristic of someone born a Virgo, and secondly--there's only one way to try to do something and that is correctly. I'm a male in a tough world.....if you dont believe in yourself? no one else will. I'm competitive with myself for fun.
I have 2 things to work on plus the only thing I'm jealous of is that others have a closeness to their families than I am .
I hear you. Have always felt like an alien on this planet because of my family. I still feel that way and I'm 62 years old.
I struggle with perfectionism and irritation wheni don't feel satisfaction, most notably on personal projects.
My father has a fragile ego. Getting defensive, talking badly about people, being judgemental, not asserting himself regarding wants and needs, blaming others, refusing to listen to reasons, feeling jealous of what others have going on, etc. No wonder why I have a hard time opening up to him and having important conversations.
Now that I am aware, I can start to do the work and build a secure sense of self.
This was a hard one to hear. Too many things resonate.
same here
the interesting and ironic thing is that it is the ego that finds it hard to hear to begin with, because that is the only place these so-called "flaws" exist, ie it's all in your head. But because the ego (head) takes it so seriously, it gets defensive and they manifest as almost real, in the sense of pain, low self confidence etc. We can't dismiss it, but we can see through it. Once you do this, even finding it hard to hear about the egos flaws, will be laughable, because they don't exist. Let the ego feel upset over hearing its own "flaws", so long as you see yourself separate to that ego, or at least not only as this ego. Peace :)
Same here man
My ego will always be fragile especially with comparisons.
I find I need to take these therapy videos every day for life as when it's midnight, my brain automatically hits the "reset" button, and all the advice I get automatically disappears and I need to commit to getting self help everyday for life just for my brain to "function normally" as Im autistic
I have cPTSD and have been working with a counselor for about 6 years. Just recently I realized that my ego is fragile, and I can really.get stuck sometimes. I'm glad that I've been made aware of this so that I can work in it. This has been a difficult road. ❤ I know I have to do the work and it doesn't end at the end of the counseling session. It takes daily effort (which I remind myself daily 😂)
I have a very fragile ego and sometimes it really sucks. I want to be a better person. But a part of me feels like I will always revert back to my egotistical tendencies. I don’t know if I will ever fully change tbh. But I will try. Thank you for this video.
Just keep at it. We don't change overnight but if you keep working on yourself you will slowly start to see changes. And failing is okay, failing is part of success in anything in life, you will stumble again and again and that's OKAY! As long as you keep going forward and trying to better yourself. It's a bit like a skill where you're really bad at first but if you keep making those mistakes, you'll get better and better! You can do it!
But when should that me defending my self be considered fragile or secure ego .
I mean defending isn't wrong
Thanks, Julia, for today’s RUclips video 7 Signs that Your Ego Is Too Fragile.
I think today’s topic on Ego is an important one. And yes, I have for sure struggled with every one of these signs listed here. However, some I have made major improvements over and some still need work. I know I still need to work on my own decision making.
One thing I also noticed was during and after our mindfulness challenge in The Shift Society, I think it has helped me with my self-trust. I trust myself that I can do things.
I am curious - will you be putting your videos out on Fridays now or is that because of it being a holiday?
Here are my notes:
*Ego is like a ball inside of us, it can be sticky and things like defensiveness can get stuck or be smooth and things will just slide off from it.
*A big ego is an overinflated ego, it is not a secure ego, it is overcompensation for a more fragile or insecure ego.
*Ego is just a sense of self. Who we are inside. What we think about ourselves.
*Having a healthy ego doesn't mean a person thinks about themselves. That is an insecure ego.
*A truly secure ego creates space for themselves and for others in an open, curious, compassionate and loving way.
7 Signs of a Fragile Ego:
1. When someone is defensive.
2. When someone has a lot of perfectionistic tendencies. (self-protection)
3. When someone is constantly craving attention.
4. When someone is deferring decisions.
5. When we or someone we really know is talking negatively about other people.
6. Talking negatively about ourselves.
7. All that comparison
I’m quite sensitive and defensive. I do judge , unobstrusively, others. I am not an attention seeker or jealous of others. I celebrate others but hurt and yearn for my own..successes? Blessings to all of us.
I definitely have a fragile ego. I see the growth but it’s there. You mentioned injustice is a thing. For certain. Childhood trauma. Thank you for sharing.
My search was for how to calm the ego. Ego death. This is one of the videos that came up.
I love that critique on perfectionism, thank you. I have just been reading 'Travels With Charley' by John Steinbeck. He was feeling overly academic so went 'back to his people' - the working class Americans in small towns. In the book he observes men and women going to hair dressers to be 'styled'..."They imagine that the styling they get done isn't just superficial, it goes deep into their being and perfects them." I was looking the other day at men who get those very precise hair cuts that have sharp beautiful lines and then the white teeth et al...It is the same as Steinbeck's idea of the inside being a mess and thinking that landscaping the outside is a whole body experience. Your comment helped to consolidate all of those. Thank you ; )
I struggle with perfectionism and irritation when I don't feel satisfaction, most notably on personal projects.
My dad has a fragile ego. Talking badly about others, not asserting his wants and needs, blaming others, feeling jealous of what others have, refusing to listen and accept reasoning, getting defensive, etc. No wonder why I have a hard time having important conversations with him.
Now that I am aware, I can start to do the work and build a secure sense of self.
I was taught to think of it as ego is true self and altered ego is more defensive and offensive
Watching this is a great reminder of how far I’ve come. I used to be so indecisive, constantly needing validation from family and friends in making important decisions. It is so freeing to be able to trust myself. Your videos are very helpful in gaining more self awareness.
I've always been happy for my friends when they upgrade their lives. I see it as something to aspire to and a goal for myself! When I started upgrading my life in several ways I had "friends" who would make snide remarks and put downs. I had only ever been supportive of them and to not receive that back told me that I needed to let them go....there were many more reasons too. Best decision I ever made and my up-leveling has continued : )
Crabs in a bucket. People don’t want you to succeed. It makes them look bad. Think of your life like a stock. Lots of people are trying to short it. As in betting you fail
@@Clevelandsteamer324 I've described them to my therapist as crabs in the bucket pulling me down! Had to kick them off and get out of there
I wish I could say things didn't hurt. I'm working on it.
Without you Julia,I couldn't cope.Perhaps they are defence mechanisms,because I am buying into the Ego thoughts system.
New year, new me after coming leaps and bounds in my best year last year, still want to cornily thank Julia and offer a hug all around :)
So glad you’re videos are popping back on my feed. They disappeared for a while and l missed it, but after looking you back up and listening to a few, they are back on the feed.
I have family a memeber that has that problem. In the beginning, i thought i was judging her, but after this video confirm that it is an issue for her. We all have different struggles.
Happy New Year Julia to you and your family🎉 💥🌈. Thanks so much for the great advice and video!
Marvelous Marvelous video 😊
Julia; the insight and discussion was fantastic! As a returning commenter all this resonated very well with me.
Blessings in the new year (happy belated new year) 🙏 🎊
My parents usually give more attention to my brother Bryant when he’s home on vacation from California than to me Julia and sometimes I feel that something bad has to happen to me and I have to go to the hospital just to get some attention.
I have a lot of things to work on. Thank you , Julia! great video and topic. :)
My ex-friend Becky Keena would always get defensive and felt threatened by something.
like you putting her name on the internet?
"What Hurts?" 🤗
My ex-friend Becky Keena gets stuck in that comparison Julia.
My ex-friend Becky Keena talks negatively about herself and puts herself down.
Amazing and informative video. Your wisdom on the ego is helping me work on mine.
My ex-friend Becky Keena always deferred to me to make her decisions for her Julia because she was incapable of making a decision for herself.
Bravo
Happy New Year Julia!! Hope you are doing well, this will be a great video!
Thank you so much for this video
I think my brother Bryant has an over-inflated ego Julia and so does my father.
My ex-friend Becky Keena would talk really negatively about other people Julia. She has a really fragile ego.
This is so helpful, Julia!
Thank you
Very good video very helpful ❤❤❤thank you
Thank you ❤
I get defensive Julia when my brother Bryant just comes into my bedroom and touches my stuff on my dresser and messes it up.
Sometimes I think my brother Bryant is just jealous of me and what I have what do you think Julia?
My ex-friend Becky Keena really has a fragile sense of self Julia.
Do you think the ego is really even necessary? Would I get totally destroyed in today’s society if I let go of my ego, or matters related to it, to a relatively large extent?
The ego is necessary as a physical being. You shouldn’t let go of needs, desires and expectations. It’s about balance. People who have self worth, compassion, are good at discernment of others and take action in securing healthy boundaries, have healthy egos.
@@pennPi So what you say is I shouldn’t go too far, so to speak. But let’s say I take only what I need. Would I still be destroyed because others don’t necessarily have any qualms about taking everything from me? As we all know, life isn’t fair, and there are people living on the streets. Why do you suppose that is?
Great stuff
This is me!
So in short it boils down to one thing . The more you are able to absorb negativity ( fear , anxiety , irritation ) the more secure ego you have
I can absorb these things but not being attacked or threatened or mocked. I guess I need to work on that. Damn
Interesting... what is the one reason for the EGO becoming reduced or damaged?
My ex-friend Becky Keena was always craving attention and seeking approval Julia.
So we have a fragile ego, now what?
God❤
How do you respond to those who are constantly putting themselves down to fish counter complements out of you? I do want the person to perhaps see themselves from my perspective (as lovable or good)…however I don’t want to keep getting hit up for those complements over and over, but I don’t want to come across as uncaring if I agree with their self-deprecating comments. Help please
I had a coworker/friend who did something like this. It became this constant sympathy grab and after a while felt and was very manipulative. I stopped responding to her grabs and started calling her out as kindly as I could. She got a different job and we aren't friends any longer. I'm good with that : )
You must stop! This is not your job. This will drain your energy. You are most likely exhausted most of the time. You do you.
I want a smooth ego
I’m just here to say how pretty and kind you are. Will you be my therapist? Let’s find my issues…;)
bs...im a perfectionist because one, it's almost universally the characteristic of someone born a Virgo, and secondly--there's only one way to try to do something and that is correctly. I'm a male in a tough world.....if you dont believe in yourself? no one else will. I'm competitive with myself for fun.
licensed clinical therapist =not much education