It’s a boundary for me. He didn’t disclose porn use before we married. It destroyed me 10yrs into our marriage. I told him then if he did it again we were over. Harsh yes, but my boundaries are what they are. I tried to heal and forgive for 10 more years, then I caught him looking at other women both online and in reality. I was done. Straight up done. After all the destruction and devastation his actions had caused, he did it again and again. Proving he did not value me or our 4 children. I left him for God to deal with. Kids and I are much happier, we’re back to church, we can celebrate Christmas and birthdays again etc…and I am free from having g to walk on eggshells and worry about who he’s checking out etc.
I came across this video today and I want to thank you. It really is not about us. It's about our husbands relationship with the Lord and the bondage they are in. All we can do is pray for them and work on our relationship with the Lord. Thanks again, I needed this reminder.
And give very real consequences for their behaviors or they won’t learn. If you just treat them nice and pray they’ll keep doing it. They only learn with consequences. You need to protect your own heart and soul. Nothing wrong with that
I can't help but see the hyprocasy in the Christian theme dealing with lust and pronography. Been a strong Christian and still am but giving men an out for these addictions makes me vomit. What about the wives, young girls he has humiliated and hurt. Nothing about this problem should women just love their husbands through. The women who attend Sunday school and church dress like harlots but the men don't comment on it. The healing wives need can't be found much in Christian counciling. I've turned elsewhere to get healing from the trauma for myself from the betrayal. I don't buy the fact that men get a pass bc they are more prone to lust and its normal. It's sick. Not a challenge at all. And linking it to weight is a cop-out and extremely hurtful to the betrayed women.
Exactly. If we claimed that we were “more prone to emotional affairs or falling in love with other men who compliment us”, it wouldn’t fly. But, it’s given a free pass for men to lust or even have sex outside of marriage because “boys will be boys”. If us women had a “FREE PASS”, suddenly the men would shape up and be super committed to their marriages. 😂
Just because you’re Christian doesn’t mean you aren’t without sin. Remember Christians are no better than everyone else, the point is committing every day to God and owning your mistakes. Christian Orthodox is the most disciplined generally when upholding Christian principles
I feel sorry for all of the wives that are going through this with there husbands... I dated a Christian man for awhile and he starred at other women and i saw him come onto a non Christian woman several times and me and him went to church... I don't go through that anymore... More than happy to be single 😃... Thank you Jesus ❤️
Thank you for sharing this. So often the enemy tells me that it's it's issue of being enough for my husband - if I were enough, he wouldn't feel the need to look. The story about Elizabrth Hurley and Hugh Grant disproves that.
This helped me on a spiritual level. I' found myself with low self esteem, insecure, angry , and feeling i'm not beautiful enough because of my husband porn addiction, and I can't understand what i'm in his life because his attention is more on other women from social media than me his wife. I want to give up! I've prayed over looked things and tried to discuss how disrespectful it is and how it bother me but it trigger him :-(
Hi Crystal - I'm so sorry for the way this is affecting you and how hurtful it is! I'd encourage you to check out Fight For Love Ministries - they have all kinds of resources for this situation!! fightforloveministries.org -- I hope you'll find some help, hope, and healing there!
How do we as women not build animosity toward the harlots of today? It's EVERYWHERE. My heart aches for the struggle my husband endures but I find myself angry at the vain women.
I think that's where we have an opportunity to extend grace... to see that the world defines beauty and value and worth in a different way than God's word does. So, we can feel deeply empathetic and compassionate for anyone who is trying to find value in the approval or attention of others. That's my secret at least. ;) Grace, grace, grace. God gives his grace to me so I can give grace to others! I really appreciate your comment!!❤
So you have a harsh word to call the women but where are your harsh words for the disgusting men who are devouring them? Your husband is “poor” and “struggling”? No your husband is being evil. Call it like it is fairly. Your church is teaching you that he can’t help it but he needs the freeing power of the gospel. If you aren’t learning about how to be free from lust then you aren’t hearing the true gospel which gives freedom. He doesn’t need a padded box to live in to be ok with God. He needs Jesus in his heart which means he needs to clean out the bad as the Bible instructs. Humble himself and he ashamed to let Jesus come in and heal. Sometimes that requires major consequences for him to make him see the light. It’s not your job to suffer through his harmful behavior.
What an amazing Jesus story! Thank you for having Rachael on, Heather! I know all of us can relate to her story in one way or another. So grateful to hear how the Lord has helped her grow in this space, mentally, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually. Body image idolatry is truly a spiritual heart issue that I had to relinquish over to the Holy Spirit as well. I praise Him for His holy work of sanctification!
Amen! Thanks for your comment. Yes, I think we can all relate. The message from culture that you have to be hot or you'll lose your man (or you'll never find one) are everywhere. So, it makes life (marriage and relationships) feel like a competition! Thankful God offers a better way!
My husband and I have recently given our life to Jesus Christ. Part of that was confessing our sins to each other. He confessed that he lusted super hard over woman while with me. For years. I forgave him and were moving forward but he still does look at other woman but tries not too, and I’m a very insecure person so it’s hard to feel like if I’m enough for him. He also does tell me when he is tempted or if he did look at other woman. It definitely is an ugly feeling but I’m trying hard to understand him. But Hearing this brought some comfort to me. Thank you for this. I really needed to hear this. ❤
I am in so much pain with this. We go to church and he can’t stop starting. We have a pornstar looking woman who dresses classy on stage at church that we get to stair at a church and I can’t worship good freely because I see my husband I know he is loving the looks of this woman. He wants sex at random times through the day to which I feel he is looking at something and then comes to me to have physical contact. I have had eating disorders forever. I gain then I lose and the cycle continues.
I'm so sorry I just saw this. I hope you'll listen to some of the other episodes on this topic. I just did one with Juli Slattery that may encourage you. I truly understand how hard it is--but I hope you can know that you're not in competition with other women. And, you're not in competition with her. I know it's hard not to feel that way -but it's bondage, and I'm sure you're feeling that. Feel free to reach out to me heather @ compared to who (dot) me if you want to continue the conversation more privately than You Tube ;)
@@ComparedtoWhoshe’s not in bondage as if she is doing wrong. Her husband is in bondage and is actually causing her harm. You need to rethink how you frame this and stop making it womens/wives problem. It’s the men that need to be real men of God and get themselves fixed up with Gods help. This is not on women to fix and they don’t need to feel helpless and oppressed if we help them assert their rights to be treated respectfully. She’s only in bondage because the church doesn’t empower her-not from Satan.
yes!!! the Hugh Grant cheating on Elizabeth Hurley moment! …before you even said it , i knew you were gonna say that particular scandal! that rocked my mind back then!
If you want to just trust God or the church to step in-that may never happen. He’s obviously ignoring God because he knows better. He may need a loud and strong voice of someone who knows his problem to speak strongly against his sin with scripture and the truth. If he doesn’t stop, he needs consequendes. You can pray and pray and if there are no consequences he will not change. Pray with a good dose of truth and the church needs to correct him (Matthew 18). If that doesn’t work then he is as an unbeliever to you. Which means he isn’t hearing the Spirit. I know your intentions are to do right but you aren’t helping anything with this teaching. You are keeping women in harm and desperation and no real consequences from the church will lead to his destruction and his wife and family’s destruction. You are putting too much stress on yourself and not enough accountability for the men. We are not meant to be the savior to our husband. I am not on any man’s team to is causing me suffering. He is an enemy the way he is if he’s looking at porn. Telling women they shouldn’t correct their husbands is horrible advice and nothing will be solved. We see there is a sexual perversion epidemic in the church so clearly your way isn’t working. That’s the advice that’s been going on for a long time and it’s failed. Try something new.
Sorry., but I was expecting Intelligence, Maturity and discussion without the little girl giggles..! This is a serious subject that these two ladies reduce to the level of cocktail conversation..!
And they don’t empower women and make women feel like it’s on them to feel secure while being degraded and disrespected. Good Christian women need to speak out against this horrible problem with men in the churches and demand to be treated with respect. There is nothing respectable to submit to or take gently. Women do not need to bear this burden and shove their feelings down in the name of being submissive. Women need to be strong and stand against the work of Satan in these men in order to save these men’s souls. And if men don’t want to be saved, run and save yourself from their destructive behavior.
It’s a boundary for me. He didn’t disclose porn use before we married. It destroyed me 10yrs into our marriage. I told him then if he did it again we were over. Harsh yes, but my boundaries are what they are. I tried to heal and forgive for 10 more years, then I caught him looking at other women both online and in reality. I was done. Straight up done. After all the destruction and devastation his actions had caused, he did it again and again. Proving he did not value me or our 4 children. I left him for God to deal with. Kids and I are much happier, we’re back to church, we can celebrate Christmas and birthdays again etc…and I am free from having g to walk on eggshells and worry about who he’s checking out etc.
You are so strong. I am happy for you.
Did he try to win you back?
@@ServantOfYHWH it’s been 7 months since we left, and no. He hasn’t. I don’t expect he will, he’s too prideful.
@@Scottish_Rose well, if that’s your profile photo, you are absolutely gorgeous. I’m sorry he did this to you, Sis. God bless. 💕
@@ServantOfYHWH thank you, yes it’s me in my profile pic.
I came across this video today and I want to thank you. It really is not about us. It's about our husbands relationship with the Lord and the bondage they are in. All we can do is pray for them and work on our relationship with the Lord. Thanks again, I needed this reminder.
Yes! You are welcome! We do the best we can and pray without ceasing! ❤️
And give very real consequences for their behaviors or they won’t learn. If you just treat them nice and pray they’ll keep doing it. They only learn with consequences. You need to protect your own heart and soul. Nothing wrong with that
I can't help but see the hyprocasy in the Christian theme dealing with lust and pronography. Been a strong Christian and still am but giving men an out for these addictions makes me vomit. What about the wives, young girls he has humiliated and hurt. Nothing about this problem
should women just love their husbands through. The women who attend Sunday school and church dress like harlots but the men don't comment on it. The healing wives need can't be found much in Christian counciling. I've turned elsewhere to get healing from the trauma for myself from the betrayal. I don't buy the fact that men get a pass bc they are more prone to lust and its normal. It's sick. Not a challenge at all. And linking it to weight is a cop-out and extremely hurtful to the betrayed women.
Exactly. If we claimed that we were “more prone to emotional affairs or falling in love with other men who compliment us”, it wouldn’t fly. But, it’s given a free pass for men to lust or even have sex outside of marriage because “boys will be boys”. If us women had a “FREE PASS”, suddenly the men would shape up and be super committed to their marriages. 😂
Amen!!❤
So true
Just because you’re Christian doesn’t mean you aren’t without sin. Remember Christians are no better than everyone else, the point is committing every day to God and owning your mistakes. Christian Orthodox is the most disciplined generally when upholding Christian principles
Agree.
I feel sorry for all of the wives that are going through this with there husbands... I dated a Christian man for awhile and he starred at other women and i saw him come onto a non Christian woman several times and me and him went to church... I don't go through that anymore... More than happy to be single 😃... Thank you Jesus ❤️
Thank you for sharing this. So often the enemy tells me that it's it's issue of being enough for my husband - if I were enough, he wouldn't feel the need to look. The story about Elizabrth Hurley and Hugh Grant disproves that.
Yes! That's one of his biggest tricks I think... if you were better...this wouldn't be happening! But it's just not true! Praying you are encouraged!
The problem is with their heart…not with the women.
This helped me on a spiritual level. I' found myself with low self esteem, insecure, angry , and feeling i'm not beautiful enough because of my husband porn addiction, and I can't understand what i'm in his life because his attention is more on other women from social media than me his wife. I want to give up! I've prayed over looked things and tried to discuss how disrespectful it is and how it bother me but it trigger him :-(
Hi Crystal - I'm so sorry for the way this is affecting you and how hurtful it is! I'd encourage you to check out Fight For Love Ministries - they have all kinds of resources for this situation!! fightforloveministries.org -- I hope you'll find some help, hope, and healing there!
How do we as women not build animosity toward the harlots of today? It's EVERYWHERE. My heart aches for the struggle my husband endures but I find myself angry at the vain women.
I think that's where we have an opportunity to extend grace... to see that the world defines beauty and value and worth in a different way than God's word does. So, we can feel deeply empathetic and compassionate for anyone who is trying to find value in the approval or attention of others. That's my secret at least. ;) Grace, grace, grace. God gives his grace to me so I can give grace to others! I really appreciate your comment!!❤
This is my struggle too 🙏🏾💛
I will work on showing grace like you said!
So you have a harsh word to call the women but where are your harsh words for the disgusting men who are devouring them? Your husband is “poor” and “struggling”? No your husband is being evil. Call it like it is fairly. Your church is teaching you that he can’t help it but he needs the freeing power of the gospel. If you aren’t learning about how to be free from lust then you aren’t hearing the true gospel which gives freedom. He doesn’t need a padded box to live in to be ok with God. He needs Jesus in his heart which means he needs to clean out the bad as the Bible instructs. Humble himself and he ashamed to let Jesus come in and heal. Sometimes that requires major consequences for him to make him see the light. It’s not your job to suffer through his harmful behavior.
Sooo good, this gave me so much revelation and is really just great Godly advice for wives and women in general
What an amazing Jesus story! Thank you for having Rachael on, Heather! I know all of us can relate to her story in one way or another. So grateful to hear how the Lord has helped her grow in this space, mentally, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually. Body image idolatry is truly a spiritual heart issue that I had to relinquish over to the Holy Spirit as well. I praise Him for His holy work of sanctification!
Amen! Thanks for your comment. Yes, I think we can all relate. The message from culture that you have to be hot or you'll lose your man (or you'll never find one) are everywhere. So, it makes life (marriage and relationships) feel like a competition! Thankful God offers a better way!
My husband and I have recently given our life to Jesus Christ. Part of that was confessing our sins to each other. He confessed that he lusted super hard over woman while with me. For years. I forgave him and were moving forward but he still does look at other woman but tries not too, and I’m a very insecure person so it’s hard to feel like if I’m enough for him. He also does tell me when he is tempted or if he did look at other woman. It definitely is an ugly feeling but I’m trying hard to understand him. But Hearing this brought some comfort to me. Thank you for this. I really needed to hear this. ❤
Praying God's grace for you as you both grow in love and obedience to Jesus! ❤
I’m angry at the Jezebel spirit, that possesses women who want men to lust after them
They are everywhere
What about the disgusting lustful men? I hope you are equally angry at them. It’ll never get better if you coddle them.
I am in so much pain with this. We go to church and he can’t stop starting. We have a pornstar looking woman who dresses classy on stage at church that we get to stair at a church and I can’t worship good freely because I see my husband I know he is loving the looks of this woman. He wants sex at random times through the day to which I feel he is looking at something and then comes to me to have physical contact. I have had eating disorders forever. I gain then I lose and the cycle continues.
I'm so sorry I just saw this. I hope you'll listen to some of the other episodes on this topic. I just did one with Juli Slattery that may encourage you. I truly understand how hard it is--but I hope you can know that you're not in competition with other women. And, you're not in competition with her. I know it's hard not to feel that way -but it's bondage, and I'm sure you're feeling that. Feel free to reach out to me heather @ compared to who (dot) me if you want to continue the conversation more privately than You Tube ;)
Sex addiction is a big issue for Christians, too.
@@ComparedtoWhoshe’s not in bondage as if she is doing wrong. Her husband is in bondage and is actually causing her harm. You need to rethink how you frame this and stop making it womens/wives problem. It’s the men that need to be real men of God and get themselves fixed up with Gods help. This is not on women to fix and they don’t need to feel helpless and oppressed if we help them assert their rights to be treated respectfully. She’s only in bondage because the church doesn’t empower her-not from Satan.
This is so helpful! Ty! 🙌🏼❤️🔥🙌🏼
You're welcome! Glad it was helpful!
yes!!! the Hugh Grant cheating on Elizabeth Hurley moment! …before you even said it , i knew you were gonna say that particular scandal! that rocked my mind back then!
Thank you!
You are so welcome!
If you want to just trust God or the church to step in-that may never happen. He’s obviously ignoring God because he knows better. He may need a loud and strong voice of someone who knows his problem to speak strongly against his sin with scripture and the truth. If he doesn’t stop, he needs consequendes. You can pray and pray and if there are no consequences he will not change. Pray with a good dose of truth and the church needs to correct him (Matthew 18). If that doesn’t work then he is as an unbeliever to you. Which means he isn’t hearing the Spirit. I know your intentions are to do right but you aren’t helping anything with this teaching. You are keeping women in harm and desperation and no real consequences from the church will lead to his destruction and his wife and family’s destruction. You are putting too much stress on yourself and not enough accountability for the men. We are not meant to be the savior to our husband. I am not on any man’s team to is causing me suffering. He is an enemy the way he is if he’s looking at porn. Telling women they shouldn’t correct their husbands is horrible advice and nothing will be solved. We see there is a sexual perversion epidemic in the church so clearly your way isn’t working. That’s the advice that’s been going on for a long time and it’s failed. Try something new.
I wanted to ask Rachael if she knows about men and OCD and Lust
Amen‼️🙌🏻
Sorry., but I was expecting Intelligence, Maturity and discussion without the little girl giggles..! This is a serious subject that these two ladies reduce to the level of cocktail conversation..!
And they don’t empower women and make women feel like it’s on them to feel secure while being degraded and disrespected. Good Christian women need to speak out against this horrible problem with men in the churches and demand to be treated with respect. There is nothing respectable to submit to or take gently. Women do not need to bear this burden and shove their feelings down in the name of being submissive. Women need to be strong and stand against the work of Satan in these men in order to save these men’s souls. And if men don’t want to be saved, run and save yourself from their destructive behavior.
Spirit spouses are so nasty!