Good relationships starts at home and when you come from a dysfunctional family where you had no one to talk about how you feel; it becomes harder to develop healthy relationships anywhere you go. Overcoming trauma comes a priority and sometimes at 40 something; we are still trying to figure out how to connect with people in a healthy way. This theory is amazing for people who have stable family dynamic.
So correct analysis - I relate very much every word you say, dysfunctional family issue it's very big mark in our inner life we always trying figure out how to connect with other people regarding to our feelings moreover there is always some challenge for whom coming from dysfunctional family background on given value and acceptance our own emotions to express ourselves - because lack of healthy attachment and emotional neglection - /
Absolutely, this is a good step to understand what is truly valuable, a good next step will be understanding the mechanisms of affecting others in the community and a step beyond is how relationships to institutions need adjustment, but this involves a new world order so will take some time 🫣
So true, trust in people becomes demolished. I find it hard to trust loving people…like what do they want? But an ax murderer I want to invite to dinner lol. Awareness is key, and taking baby steps. Also for me, I need to practice doing things that are uncomfortable.
No family is perfect and people, each and all of us go through trauma, rejection, failures but, also we have in ourselves all the elements needed to go above all the negativity and live a meaningful life. Those who do not grow and suffer the poor old me syndrome, will always find a reason to complain, blame and else. Hence, dear friend , our choices determine our destiny.
So true. I am 76 and have no one to talk to, to turn to. Fell very lonely specially when sometime I ended up in the hospital alone and no once to call.
I am starting to think that maybe self worth naturally comes from external forces then internal. How can we have a healthy relationship with ourselves if we don't even know who we are? For example, you can't critique your own art and say that you did a good job. Someone else has to do that. You learn from other people's critique and you improve as you go, no? So the idea of us having a healthy relationship with ourselves first is weird. I don't think that is even a correct way to even have a relationship. We need to get in a relationship, mess up, get criticized and learn. Then use those experiences to improve our relationship with the next person. How would you do all of this by yourself?
@@Dave_of_Mordor You make some good points, but there's a little known secret in life which explains your final question. The secret is, quite simply, that ultimately, all is one. And so, think about that for a moment: if all is one, then what can you really be in life other than that one? In other words, you can't be separate or different from it. And so, ultimately, what does 'a healthy relationship with yourself' really mean? It really means a healthy relationship with one and all - with everything - with life itself. And that requires quite a different mindset from the norm.
Learn to enjoy your own company and you'll never feel lonely. Sure reach out and lend an ear or hand to lift someone who needs a friend but be your best friend first.
He reminds me of my grandfather who just turned 103 years old. Positivity, kindness and being social w/ family and new and old friends is very important. Great video. I loved that he likened this behavior to exercise and that it's never too late to exercise this behavior. Good stuff! :)
It's not easy but acknowledging your emotions, getting to the root of them and making sense of them is what matters. Remembering that you matter and deserve to be treated fairly. This is what I've realized in my own personal experience. It's a difficult journey but it's always worth trying and trying again
@HL if it came natural, would not be a reason to research or say it. You are taking the right step in asking questions of yourself and others and educating yourself. Keep up with it. Heard a great quote today "kids make excuses, adults make changes"
It's important that we who have suffered trauma not to except it as truth, it must be challenged with skepticism. Walk down a busy street with a smile on your face, and acknowledge that none of those we pass has perpetrated that same trauma on you. Do it again and again until the realization that they aren't out to get you. I think you'll notice that see your smile will smile back. Those that don't are likely others who have also experienced trauma in their lives. This gentleman in the video provides excellent advice, so before and after you go for those walks rewatch this video. Oh, and contact the commentator that provided their contact information. Wishing you peace and tranquility.
Thank u for speaking slowly. I'm from Latin America. I never had the opportunity to study in an academy. All that I know It's because I learned by myself making translations of series, music and more. I really appreciate your calm and the way that you explain, thank u so much.♡
You need to drink more of the Cool aid..... then you too can talk slowly and have joy joy feelings. Just a tip..... just take a look at the world and you will find the Happiness Veneer droids ALWAYS have the most sinister secrets... from the self righteous religious clowns to endless soulless creatures hanging about on social media....
I am so lucky to be bestfriend with a group of women since university days. Some of them I already met in highschool. Fast-forward 3 decades and we are still very close. And we have healthy arguments and discussions but in the end, it's our love for each other that prevails. One thing that really kept us close since was Laughter and having our own inside jokes. It really made us close! We also look so ferry young for our age because we are genuinely happy when we are together! So for those strict parents, please allow your children to hang out with friends even until late nights. Let them travel together and give them the chance to build stronger relationships. Because I have observed that most real friendship connections start young! It was when u had nothing yet, no success or money. Then you know that these friends are not using you!
Omg! Me too! I've known my BFF since high school! Almost 30 years now. But I did have very strict parents. I couldn't hang out after school or do school functions and stuff. But I did travel later in life. But ppl do think we look younger than we are!
Wait until your worst nightmare comes to pass and you are hurting on a level you really cannot handle - that’s when your 30+ year friendships disintegrate and you get accused of being a fake for all those years.
For most people, this may be true. But not all people are the same. I know quite some people, myself included, who live happier and healthier lives in a more solitary way. I am tired of being judged by the number or intensity of my social involvement with others, as if a more solitary life is unhealthy. Once, I read a report about a psychological study of so-called "excentrists", people who did not fit the expectations of a rich social life but were very happy and healthy in their own solitary ways, even happier and healthier than quite some socially more interactive people. I specifically remember a Japanese man living alone on an island, a British scholar mainly living with his books, a woman living alone in the Australian outback, and a Buddhist nun who made silent and solitary retreats for several years at a time. I was so relieved that, finally, a more solitary life was acknowledged as one way to happiness. I, for one, am very content with how I live. I am single and have very few friends, which I don't see very often - once or twice a year at most. I feel truly happy and very content, and at over 60, I am still very healthy and have never had any major health problems.
Would you, by chance, still happen to know the title of that report or where to find it? That sounds super innteresting to me. (As I can identify myself with the way you describe your experiences naturally better than with the "the more socially engaged the better"-paradigm as well) I once watched a documentary (many years ago) about eccentrics who were reported to be healthier than average despite them spending more time alone - but I can't find it anywhere to rewatch it, unfortunately.
@@K1FF33 Unfortunately, I don't. The report was published in a leading psychology paper in Germany at least 20 years ago. It went along the headline, "Why Eccentrics are happier than most", and it was about eccentrics that lived a more solitary life. What I appreciated in this report was that the portrayed "eccentric" people were not pictured as crazy lunatics as so often, but just as people who valued and enjoyed a more solitary life. On youtube, I just discovered a documentary, "Celebrating Eccentrics". I haven't watched it yet, but maybe this is the documentary you are looking for?
@@lysan1445 Sorry for the late reply (I must have forgotten to hit "send" two weeks ago - and just noticed that by chance, because I got a mail-notification for this comment when mysteryreader1's replied) Thank you for your answer and the effort - it wasn't the one that I was looking for, but I appreciate you looking it up for me (actually, the documentary I was looking for was one in German as well - but all I found here on YT was an old Planet Wissen Episode about Eccentrics... that I also had watched a couple of years when it originally aired... although it wasn't the one I had been looking for, I really quite enjoyed rewatching that one as well and can recommend it, if you haven't seen it yet)
The golden key in all of social relationships is nothing to lose...Just making a simple conversation and enjoy the moment...No begging extra attention ...just spreading loves from our mind ,our heart and our bodies...😀😀😀
I'm glad the Dr addressed introverts and explained the difference basically. I'm an introvert who has learned how to be extroverted, but I have a low tolerance for people who talk or complain too much. That negative energy has a draining effect so sometimes I can only stand talking to a stranger for a few minutes, or a co-worker. I don't have as many friends as I did in my childhood through to my 30s but I've maintained a lot of old relationships and do keep in contact with relatives. I just don't require constant interaction as some might and I'm happier knowing my limitations and how to manage it.
It’s not really the “warm” relationship. It’s that people who feel that they matter are healthier. The relationship is just the place that most people derive most of the feeling of mattering. Feeling of mattering can also come from pursuing a goal that aligns with your intrinsic values or caring for a person, plant animal or project.
Totally agree with you! It's the giving of yourself and then finding out it is appreciated, that is uplifting. That's why most people prefer their pet above all humans. Pets love you, when you love them (usually, there are a few exceptions). The cat head bumping along your legs, happily meowing, is a lot more healthy for you, than the unfriendly neighbor or the jealous colleague could ever be. In fact, these last two can even be detrimental to your health, especially when they use their other relationships against you. In short: I really have to flee the wretched country of Germany... Never knew a whole 'democratic' culture could be this toxic.
@@users.1 How are the people in China? Just selfish and indifferent as humans tend to be in large communities? Abusing others for their own goals, as we see so often? But there are still some patches of 'less dirty water', where people still care (a bit) for each other. Perhaps in some villages? Yet, that doesn't have to say anything. The other day I watched a heart wrenching video about how hard it is to find love nowadays also in China. A rural family just humiliating their working daughter, who came to visit them yearly, because she still wasn't married. I cried with her. She was intelligent and men wanted a dumber wife. She eventually broke off all contact with her toxic family, moved to France and happened to find love there, where she was allowed to be herself.
This is how I feel about nurturing my babies. They know if they call out at night, mom is there. If they get hurt, mom is there. No matter what they are feeling or what they do, mom is there and loves them.
I learned the art of casual conversation from speaking with this 80 year old fine lady. She had a way about her. She always found a way to get people to talk about themselves. They volunteered so much to the conversation that way. Also she was very polite. Basic good manners. It was wonderful
If our happiness is dependent on constant connection with a network of external group, it runs a risk that once that network is lost due to some unexpected reason, our whole life will thereby collapse. Learning to appreciate the value of aloneness, leading a simple, contented life would be much more reliable in pursuit of true happiness.
@@normanleach5427 A little rascal? He married three times, was a heavy smoker to the end, and drank a lot in later years. According to Carlos Castañeda in an interview with Bruce Wagner in _Details_ magazine (“You Only Live Twice,” March 1994), Watts asked him to bed.
Reached out to a childhood friend just as Robert encouraged and before the video was even over, I'd heard back and we are planning to meet up in April. Grateful for this wisdom!
I am an introvert and my spouse is an extrovert I believe:) I am always encouraged to make an effort to meet with people, I do enjoy at least 90% of time after I do so, I think for introvert, it doesn’t need to be a huge set up, if you are invited to a small gathering, it’s worth getting out, the outcome and feeling is worth it. 😊
One important aspect (imo) that should be highlighted here also is the connection to yourself; to be authentic to who you are. People easily connect/identify with authenticity and it becomes more natural to establish good relationships. This is a whole separate journey in it of itself :)
This really makes you think about the relationships you have in your life and how they can impact your well-being. Especially as an introvert like myself, it might not come easy, but it's so important to seek out and surround ourselves with those voices that bring positivity and inclusiveness into our lives. It's a valuable effort to make, and the benefits to our happiness and health are well worth it.
oh. My. Goodness, cannot thank You sufficiently for your talk. As Seniors, it is difficult to meet people one has much in common. Particularly for us, who are transplanted people, away from the old fashioned way we grew up and our roots. All our ways of life are “out of style” and often we end up as subjects of ridicule. Numerous times I have been told to change my ways, and outlook on life, to fit in better. Being a Senior is a difficult journey. Thank you for your talk, so uplifting.
Completely understand this! I am approaching my senior years, and I set as a goal to make two new friends this year ; problem is that was last year's goal too, 😆 this is hard! Also, I am not interested in talking about ailments and grandkids all the time!
Amazing!! I have 5 women who I supervise and I feel it's more important for their success. What is important in LIFE is to GIVE! When you put this into the universe, you will get rewarded 10 times !!! Don't think about yourself, think about others and you will be successful. People make the biggest mistake of waiting for someone to help them! If you want happiness, do the opposite, look for someone who you can help. I'm not kidding, if you follow this rule, you will be happy and successful in life.
I don’t know if this speaker was just having a really good day but it’s rare to find people that look so happy, joyous and have such a grounding, calm energy.
His mouth is always like that 🤣 he couldnt reset his mouth's muscles 🤣
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I was so lucky to listen to your talk a few years ago. I do not know how to say "thank you" enough. You inspired me so much and showed me the way I should go. I will keep your words for the rest of my life. Wish you all the best! Stay strong!
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And now, I am trying to help Vietnamese people become aware of narcissism, which is a very common and toxic personality nowadays. In order to have warm relationships and a happy life, we should learn how to figure out toxic or narcissistic relationships.
@ if i were you, i would give up on that. narcissism has been an epidemic in asia before that internet. it's deeply rooted in our culture now so it doesn't matter if they are aware of it because nothing will be done and they'll just look at you like "what is the problem?"
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@@Dave_of_Mordor Thanks for your advice. I would love to see people come and look at me like that ;) Let's have a look at what I am doing. Stay strong, friend.
I think this is true but mostly for people who are not born into disadvantaged backgrounds. Depression, heart disease and other physical ailments can be caused and exacerbated by poverty. So I hope studies also consider how wealth influences health, and happiness is not just a mindset - it can be about opportunities too. Not that poor people aren't happy. When you go to rural areas in Southeast Asia, they have simple needs and wants and rely on the community for support. Even when life is hard they find ways to help each other and smile. Belief and community are also key to happiness - but poverty is real.
One of my lovely friend directed me to this video and the hard work Dr. Robert and numerous people did. I have loved the every word of what he said. God bless them all. Thank you.
Yes. As Leo Tolstoy famously wrote - "Happiness is only real when shared." Work on being grateful for your life and build good relationships with your fellow humans. We are only here once. ❤️
I really want a friend or two. After some events I've become so preoccupied with trying to understand abuse, determining if a relationship or friendship is abusive and how to prevent it from being abusive, and how to tell if I'm being abusive, and whose rules to even go by. So I want a friendship but am terrified that I won't be able to prevent or see the abuse until it's too late
Hi hannah, it might be helpful to join meetup groups or other groups, where you bond with a small group at once, which hopefully increases the chance of good outcomes. I've moved to a new area and accept that building bonds takes times, and in the meantime there are loads of cool groups to join and do activities with.
@@rizcenzo oh thank you! I normally don't look at RUclips notifications but I'm glad I did ..I will look at meet up groups! I am also accepting it takes time. Yes I'll just enjoy my time and hope to meet people who become close friends along the way :)
@@vivi5258 hmm good point...maybe abuse happens when there isn't enough positive to outweigh it? Or something. But yes I will learn more about healthy relationships!
So glad to find this guy, ive been isolated for years because of depression and feeling like theres nobody who would talk to me unless im with others who have a hearing disablilty like i do. Currently looking into volunteer work or support groups, i dont want to miss out.
It's true to have a good relationship with family members, long-time friends, strangers, and neighbours, as Mr. Waldinger's speech makes clear. It keeps you vibrant, content, healthy, and alive. Lovely and extremely beneficial chat.❤
The point I took away from this: A simple conversation even with a stranger makes one happy... I'm sure we can find a stranger every other day... I think that's big 👍🏽
You are so correct! I make it a habit to speak to at least one or more strangers whenever I go shopping because that energizes me and helps me get through the stress of taking care of a sibling with dementia. He is a loner and I firmly believe that his isolation from social connections has led to his illness. My grandkids have told me how they want to be like me and never meet a stranger, which I really loved hearing! I truly believe that connecting with others makes life so much more enjoyable. And fun too! :)
Connect anytime anywhere. Try it today. Be not afraid to enjoy life connecting w others:) Life’s short. I noticed my grocery store bagger so i said warmly “hi (Nametag name) “ i asked :so whats your fav hobby? I like art. How bout you? art , music math? He woke up and said: “I’m a musician, play guitar etc” He was smilng. We chatted briefly in line & as i left he said “That was THE best connection i had all day!” Another day, a young person said they like Math! What do u like about math? Oh my, he lite up about math. I learned alot. Super fun fueling positive connections. Most people dont like being invisible, do you?
"Relationships are the currency of life" - forgot where i first heard it but this is very in line with what he discusses, also love the idea of 'social fitness'
I suppose all Studies are biased. Your making the assumption of a certain "Group" and my guess it will be the middle and upper class study. If I am wrong , Let me know.
Ted talks really help me endure the pain and choose to be happy this channel is what I need when I'm down. It'll express my feelings when I'm watching these videos of them. And because of this I have found my happiness and the joy in my face came back to me so I want to suggest or advice some of my friends to watch these videos of Ted talks and It really helped you when you're alone and probably tired of your life so that's why reach out to someone it's not over you gotta fight for your happiness!!
The best thing I've learnt from this TED was being connected with people who can allow me to be myself! It's really hard to balance the need for personal space and the feeling of mattering.
As someone else already said in the comments, I would also like to thank you all those years ago for that talk. I never forgot those teachings, and although life may be crazy at times... I never forget again that having strong connections is what matters the most.
Thank you Prof., I have tried to connect with one of my best friends, even I have tried to meet him. Unfortunately, we haven't had a good connection so that I can understand his problem. Now everything I can do is "let it be", and waiting for a miracle.
The last time I was spontaneous about contacting two of my realy good old friends that I havent heard of in years because I left my country, resulted in both reading my messaging but getting ghosted by one and blocked by the other with no reply from any of them. Thats was a morale boost :))
Touching on the dynamics of a relationship during the Q&A, we see that value is very important, that reciprocity is sustaining and that being seen and heard is fundamental to combatting isolation and stress. One of the many silver lining effects from the tragedy of the HIV pandemic is the study of the direct impact of stress on the immune system. Developing from that this notion of the load carried by the immune system as both physiological and psychological.
This is probably why I likely feel so abysmally terrible at 37. The friends and connections that make life meaningful just aren't there, or that particular pool of people is very shallow. It mentally ages me so much when I spend large amounts of time by myself.
I see what you mean. I've had experiences with friends who I thought were friends when they are not so what I decided for myself was to scrap that, accept that being on my own as a solitary character is perfectly ok and I spend my time helping those who need it. I'm getting connections and I'm helping them be happier in the process. If the universe wants me to have good friends it will happen. As a result I'm very calm now. Comrades are great to have but I'm ok without them too.
friends and connections don't make life meaningful, you do, you find or create it, so start therapy and then, if you really need it, you will find your life's meaning if you really need one
I suppose all Studies are biased. Your making the assumption of a certain "Group" and my guess it will be the middle and upper class study. If I am wrong , Let me know.
Excellent advice. Another essential aspect of this topic is a person's sensitivity to 'rejection' and 'acceptance'. It's difficult to be happy if we feel rejected. The warm connections recomended give affirmation, a sense of acceptance. But reaching out to others so as to make a connection risks being rejected. The more rejection a person experiences, usually the more they become sensitive to being rejected and thus anticipate further rejection. Often this actually creates the rejection feared.
I agree, but now realizing what Republicans really are as humans. I totally understand why they rejected me and why I still will always reject them! ... I'm shocked and astounded daily we were born from the same mother ... I have not one thing in common with my siblings or relatives
I love these studies ! They take 100 happy people and analyse that they have friends. I come from a familly of substance abuse, I abused myself, I had a lot of friends who did too. I dont abuse anymore and I had to stay away from all these friends. I lost my whole family to cancer. Yes, 2 sisters, my mom, my dad and now my wife has cancer. When i spend time with people I am bored. Small talk makes me fall asleep. According to this study, i will remain unhappy and die young of heart desease.
Wow. You really oversimplified things. They subjects they picked were not necessarily happy to begin with. Everybody has some form of trauma or unpleasantness in their past. Acknowledge it and move on. Don't waste your life looking back.
Your response on children is priceless! Mine are already grown , but I’d love to share this with them as they’re raising children of their own now. Thank you for sharing such wise and helpful information.
it's hard when no one around loves you truly and they don't make efforts to love you, so it'll be faster and easier to stop expecting from other people and start learning how to take care of yourself, by yourself. nobody wants to be lonely, but not everybody has good people around.
I think that’s the reason I haven’t seen old age people with dementia in my country because it’s louder there. Everyone communicate with each other. Neighbours are like family ❤
This sounds so logical and easy. But in practice it's not for everyone. When you were raised up to not get in the way, to be quiet until there's need of you, it's hard to get rid of all feeling that one is just an annoyance, that others are better off without me... I'm 40 and I still have this issue. I try to be there for others but I don't initiate things because I don't want to bother other people. When he said to just send a message to someone my first thought wasn't "Huh, that's a good idea.", but "Nah, nobody would waste time on me anyway." Similar with "Do you have someone to call in the middle of night?", I wouldn't want to bother anyone. I'm used to being alone and doing stuff alone. That's why I learned to do a lot of things, I didn't want to bother others asking for help. I can't describe how hard it is for me to trust when someone says they had a good time while hanging out with me. My first thought is that they're just trying to be nice... I guess that's why I'm in IT, computers are my safe space, at least they don't think, yet... I wonder how many of people from the research that didn't have anyone to talk to/call have similar issues. While this research is interesting it would also be interesting to know the cause of why they don't have anyone.
@@Solo761 I believe you have a community - including online friends to share what is going on in your life.. it is not about there is anyone to call at mid-night. but more like how much you enjoy the connection with this world - of course this world full of humans
Very interesting, and thought- provoking speach. Although I understand the core point of, I must say that many lonely and introverted people don't want to speak with strangers, or even feel stressed after doing so. And the same could be applied to speaking with acquaintances (such as workmates, or neightbours) other than very close friends or partners. But I get the point, and I thank you for sharing your knowledge with everyone
@@interferenzbrille_2542You are right. I didn't finish watching the video by the time I wrote my comment. Sorry , my bad :) I will go watch the rest of the video
I suppose all Studies are biased. Your making the assumption of a certain "Group" and my guess it will be the middle and upper class study. If I am wrong , Let me know.
@@n_dawson Good for you, but when some express hard thoughts does that make them bad? Inversion is a person , as the extroversion has the same thoughts . I suppose in time we can connect and build a bridge to be more uniformed or closer.
All easier said than done. The major problem with reaching out is "rejection". I don't like rejection. It creates more stress. TV does not reject, people do.
I absolutely love this research and TedTalk. Thank you for sharing this incredible study and wealth of knowledge… it’s a credit to the importance of academia in our well being and mental health. ❤
This helps changing my approach toward relationships so much. He touched a bit on the impact of social media. IMO it’s time that kids need to take the 101 social media class before they can graduate from elementary schools. some States require high school children to take the personal finance class. They could do it with financial knowledge and why not social media.
Live in the here and now for that is all we have. The past has gone and the future no one can foresee or can predict the outcome. Let go of the past, as this cannot be changed, but we can learn from it. Children live in the here and now, we can learn a lot from them. Change is constant, so going with the flow and letting things happen and unfold naturally instead of fussing and fighting over triviality is by far the best way to deal with life. Being kind to ourselves and all life on earth brings inner happiness and contentment. Material things do not matter they are stuff which can ruin our lives if we allow them to. Live simply and simply live. Its who we share our lives with which brings the most joy and contentment into our lives and theirs. When we share the love, happiness and kindness with others it spreads far and wide.
In East Asia, we call a man “人間” which means “a person between people.” At the end of the day, what it means to be a human is being surrounded by people. Obviously, who we surround ourselves with defines who we are and how we feel about our life.
Just watching u it makes me feel joyful!I have many people to call n yet i am mostly not scare of anything.... I take things as it is n i normally can go out my way to protect others.
I think for anyone who has difficulty connecting to people (due to being too shy, etc.), mindfulness meditation practices together with a specific meditation practice known as *‘Loving-kindness meditation’* (which is known to enhance happiness - based on research) can go a very long way. I also noticed that Dr. Robert Waldinger is a Zen priest - so, I would assume that he must be already cultivating meditation practices. Practising regular mindfulness meditation would also make people less judgemental about other people and situations, and thereby promote social wellbeing. Considering the statement he made around the 18:30min mark (regarding some of the happiest people had quieter lives): I think this would be people who devote themselves to meditation practices (and therefore making social connections may not be all that important for them).
I think your point is very important, but there are many people that instead of doing well to us they stress us even more. I think the best way to be well is to be resilient in adversity and to be our own best friend and companion
I'm so glad they addressed that people want different amounts of social connection! I'm an introvert and trying to establish more connections than I already have and am happy with, would be dreadful for me.
For me to have friends ...is very nice...it makes..my life more happy.🙏..even 1 good friend..à persons Who is there for you...in good moments ..bad moments..make the diference in ours life.....of course...the friends go and come...and sometimes..is not easy make friends...
This is all good but is not always a must for happy and less stressful life. Happiness is something that also comes and is developed from life experiences and making good choices to develop even in the absence of social relationships. One could be happy one has a good connection of mind, body, spirit, emotional balance and develop gratitude and feel connected to the Source- Universal Intelligence. Happiness comes from inside when one is strongly attached to the Source and deep understanding of the highest gift of life, feeling the joy of looking and enjoying all that Nature offers and the amazing Cosmos and the Universe. One even need not to talk to anybody for being amazed and awed of how luck we are to have been born into a life that is miraculous and wonderful. Dealing with everyday stress can only add to make a little more interesting when one compares with the larger wonder of life. All one needs to be or become the Higher Self... and feeling that we are part of this awesome Universe makes my leap for joy! I need no connections for that. Just am grateful for the whole thing!
I like this identifying the various friendship we cultivate for ourselves. I love the idea of having a friend you can feel comfortable enough to ask that specific friend for a project tool I will keep this in mind
Exactly, I don’t have any warm relationships with anyone and lately I’m feeling disconnected, lost and empty. I feel my soul has left my body all because nobody in my family feels like home… I feel safe but, if something upsetting happens Ik I am not getting any support or something comforting. I have no one to talk to.
I think what he shares is having that connection doesn't have to come from our family. Some people don't feel comfortable talking to family about certain issues and that is okay. It can be anyone in your surrounding, someone you find trust talking to. I have elder neighbor friend whom I have gotten very close. She has so much wisdom I learn from. Connection takes time. But, it's better than not starting at all. You also will be surprised how nice people can turn up to be.
I'm sorry. That is not easy. Is it possible to take a few scary steps towards joining a class, or club, or even meeting with a counsellor to get tools on how to build relationships. Wishing you some hope .
This is called RESEARCH BIAS! I don't think you can send people on a subway and draw the conclusion that talking to strangers made them happier only because they are happier after. How about they turned out happier, because introducing a conversation to strangers is a challenge for most people, and the simple act of overcoming a challenge already makes us happy?
Pretty sure they corrected for bias...I mean they're pretty smart and it was multiple researchers....and other researches will look at data and study set up...
I believe in everything what he is saying. My mother 120 years and 68. I am the only child of my mother, both of us have free spirits, we laugh a lot though we are not staying together, l am in Botswana and she is in Ghana, Techiman. My mum still stays in the she was born to even if you build a mansion for her she will never move, just because of people she sees every day and talk to. Her mind is so sharp, her ears are also sharp that she remembers everything. Oh that woman is a miracle. She loves the Lord so much, though she is not rich but always sharing not a day pass that she doesn't get more than 10 visitors especially the youth. She also loves her cat. I am also a very happy person likes entertaining people. When l tell people l am 68 they don't believe it. Let's love , care and help the needy people. You don't need to
Just because _most_ people have a strong need for warm relationships in their life, it doesn't necessarily mean we all do. (So don't make the mistake of falling for the hype!) It could well be that your introversion and social phobia are indicators that you are merely different from most other people when it comes to your social relationship needs. And so the most important thing for you is acceptance of yourself _as you are,_ as well as an acceptance of 'what is' generally. In other words, stop thinking that something is wrong with you and that anything 'needs to be done'. That kind of negative mindset will merely perpetuate your suffering. Everything is perfectly fine in this moment. And this moment is all there is.
Good relationships starts at home and when you come from a dysfunctional family where you had no one to talk about how you feel; it becomes harder to develop healthy relationships anywhere you go. Overcoming trauma comes a priority and sometimes at 40 something; we are still trying to figure out how to connect with people in a healthy way. This theory is amazing for people who have stable family dynamic.
So correct analysis - I relate very much every word you say, dysfunctional family issue it's very big mark in our inner life we always trying figure out how to connect with other people regarding to our feelings moreover there is always some challenge for whom coming from dysfunctional family background on given value and acceptance our own emotions to express ourselves - because lack of healthy attachment and emotional neglection - /
Absolutely, this is a good step to understand what is truly valuable, a good next step will be understanding the mechanisms of affecting others in the community and a step beyond is how relationships to institutions need adjustment, but this involves a new world order so will take some time 🫣
Absolutely true
So true, trust in people becomes demolished. I find it hard to trust loving people…like what do they want? But an ax murderer I want to invite to dinner lol. Awareness is key, and taking baby steps. Also for me, I need to practice doing things that are uncomfortable.
No family is perfect and people, each and all of us go through trauma, rejection, failures but, also we have in ourselves all the elements needed to go above all the negativity and live a meaningful life. Those who do not grow and suffer the poor old me syndrome, will always find a reason to complain, blame and else. Hence, dear friend , our choices determine our destiny.
I just wanted to say that when I got into rock climbing my social life exploded and I have been so much happier ever since.
So true. I am 76 and have no one to talk to, to turn to. Fell very lonely specially when sometime I ended up in the hospital alone and no once to call.
I guess you know God is listening. I know what you mean though.
Sending love to you xx
If you live on east cost , I can talk, or meet with you.
Lots of love from kitale kenya,also struggling like you God bless
❤🫂
All good relationships start with a healthy relationship with yourself.
I am starting to think that maybe self worth naturally comes from external forces then internal. How can we have a healthy relationship with ourselves if we don't even know who we are? For example, you can't critique your own art and say that you did a good job. Someone else has to do that. You learn from other people's critique and you improve as you go, no? So the idea of us having a healthy relationship with ourselves first is weird. I don't think that is even a correct way to even have a relationship. We need to get in a relationship, mess up, get criticized and learn. Then use those experiences to improve our relationship with the next person. How would you do all of this by yourself?
@@Dave_of_Mordor You make some good points, but there's a little known secret in life which explains your final question. The secret is, quite simply, that ultimately, all is one. And so, think about that for a moment: if all is one, then what can you really be in life other than that one? In other words, you can't be separate or different from it. And so, ultimately, what does 'a healthy relationship with yourself' really mean? It really means a healthy relationship with one and all - with everything - with life itself. And that requires quite a different mindset from the norm.
Which is why it's so challenging when you're depressed
Learn to enjoy your own company and you'll never feel lonely. Sure reach out and lend an ear or hand to lift someone who needs a friend but be your best friend first.
This man just radiates positive energy. I could listen to him for hours on end😊
Yeap, Australia doesn't have Robert Waldinger specialists. In Australia negativism is part of the social and emotional fabric.
@@KeyboredCoward Same in Africa,alot of negativity and backstabbing.
Can't agree more! I love him.
He reminds me of my grandfather who just turned 103 years old. Positivity, kindness and being social w/ family and new and old friends is very important. Great video. I loved that he likened this behavior to exercise and that it's never too late to exercise this behavior. Good stuff! :)
It's not always easy to find those relationships. Growing up with trauma also sets you up for feeling isolated.
It's not easy but acknowledging your emotions, getting to the root of them and making sense of them is what matters. Remembering that you matter and deserve to be treated fairly. This is what I've realized in my own personal experience. It's a difficult journey but it's always worth trying and trying again
Exactly right. We would have been all happy if what he says comes natural to everyone
@HL if it came natural, would not be a reason to research or say it. You are taking the right step in asking questions of yourself and others and educating yourself. Keep up with it.
Heard a great quote today "kids make excuses, adults make changes"
I don't think it something you find, it's more like something that is created with hard work. Love is an action word not a feeling.
It's important that we who have suffered trauma not to except it as truth, it must be challenged with skepticism. Walk down a busy street with a smile on your face, and acknowledge that none of those we pass has perpetrated that same trauma on you. Do it again and again until the realization that they aren't out to get you. I think you'll notice that see your smile will smile back. Those that don't are likely others who have also experienced trauma in their lives. This gentleman in the video provides excellent advice, so before and after you go for those walks rewatch this video. Oh, and contact the commentator that provided their contact information. Wishing you peace and tranquility.
Thank u for speaking slowly. I'm from Latin America. I never had the opportunity to study in an academy. All that I know It's because I learned by myself making translations of series, music and more. I really appreciate your calm and the way that you explain, thank u so much.♡
You need to drink more of the Cool aid..... then you too can talk slowly and have joy joy feelings.
Just a tip..... just take a look at the world and you will find the Happiness Veneer droids ALWAYS have the most sinister secrets...
from the self righteous religious clowns to endless soulless creatures hanging about on social media....
@@stevesteve8098 ????
@@stevesteve8098 pero... No me cuentes tu vida yo solo estaba agradeciendole al señor😂
I am so lucky to be bestfriend with a group of women since university days. Some of them I already met in highschool. Fast-forward 3 decades and we are still very close. And we have healthy arguments and discussions but in the end, it's our love for each other that prevails. One thing that really kept us close since was Laughter and having our own inside jokes. It really made us close! We also look so ferry young for our age because we are genuinely happy when we are together! So for those strict parents, please allow your children to hang out with friends even until late nights. Let them travel together and give them the chance to build stronger relationships. Because I have observed that most real friendship connections start young! It was when u had nothing yet, no success or money. Then you know that these friends are not using you!
You are lucky & blessed with good attitude..!! Keep it up..!! 👍👍
So lucky!
Very lucky to have this. Happy for you
Omg! Me too! I've known my BFF since high school! Almost 30 years now. But I did have very strict parents. I couldn't hang out after school or do school functions and stuff. But I did travel later in life. But ppl do think we look younger than we are!
Wait until your worst nightmare comes to pass and you are hurting on a level you really cannot handle - that’s when your 30+ year friendships disintegrate and you get accused of being a fake for all those years.
For most people, this may be true. But not all people are the same. I know quite some people, myself included, who live happier and healthier lives in a more solitary way. I am tired of being judged by the number or intensity of my social involvement with others, as if a more solitary life is unhealthy. Once, I read a report about a psychological study of so-called "excentrists", people who did not fit the expectations of a rich social life but were very happy and healthy in their own solitary ways, even happier and healthier than quite some socially more interactive people. I specifically remember a Japanese man living alone on an island, a British scholar mainly living with his books, a woman living alone in the Australian outback, and a Buddhist nun who made silent and solitary retreats for several years at a time. I was so relieved that, finally, a more solitary life was acknowledged as one way to happiness. I, for one, am very content with how I live. I am single and have very few friends, which I don't see very often - once or twice a year at most. I feel truly happy and very content, and at over 60, I am still very healthy and have never had any major health problems.
Would you, by chance, still happen to know the title of that report or where to find it?
That sounds super innteresting to me. (As I can identify myself with the way you describe your experiences naturally better than with the "the more socially engaged the better"-paradigm as well)
I once watched a documentary (many years ago) about eccentrics who were reported to be healthier than average despite them spending more time alone - but I can't find it anywhere to rewatch it, unfortunately.
@@K1FF33 Unfortunately, I don't. The report was published in a leading psychology paper in Germany at least 20 years ago. It went along the headline, "Why Eccentrics are happier than most", and it was about eccentrics that lived a more solitary life. What I appreciated in this report was that the portrayed "eccentric" people were not pictured as crazy lunatics as so often, but just as people who valued and enjoyed a more solitary life. On youtube, I just discovered a documentary, "Celebrating Eccentrics". I haven't watched it yet, but maybe this is the documentary you are looking for?
I agree I’m a healthy and happy solitary.
@@lysan1445 Sorry for the late reply (I must have forgotten to hit "send" two weeks ago - and just noticed that by chance, because I got a mail-notification for this comment when mysteryreader1's replied)
Thank you for your answer and the effort - it wasn't the one that I was looking for, but I appreciate you looking it up for me
(actually, the documentary I was looking for was one in German as well - but all I found here on YT was an old Planet Wissen Episode about Eccentrics... that I also had watched a couple of years when it originally aired... although it wasn't the one I had been looking for, I really quite enjoyed rewatching that one as well and can recommend it, if you haven't seen it yet)
Estamos na mesma....juntos! Passo o mesmo....
The golden key in all of social relationships is nothing to lose...Just making a simple conversation and enjoy the moment...No begging extra attention ...just spreading loves from our mind ,our heart and our bodies...😀😀😀
I'm glad the Dr addressed introverts and explained the difference basically. I'm an introvert who has learned how to be extroverted, but I have a low tolerance for people who talk or complain too much. That negative energy has a draining effect so sometimes I can only stand talking to a stranger for a few minutes, or a co-worker. I don't have as many friends as I did in my childhood through to my 30s but I've maintained a lot of old relationships and do keep in contact with relatives. I just don't require constant interaction as some might and I'm happier knowing my limitations and how to manage it.
Robert radiates happiness. I felt happy listening to this talk
I hope so. It would be weird for a guy studying happiness to not be happy.
It’s not really the “warm” relationship. It’s that people who feel that they matter are healthier. The relationship is just the place that most people derive most of the feeling of mattering. Feeling of mattering can also come from pursuing a goal that aligns with your intrinsic values or caring for a person, plant animal or project.
Totally agree with you! It's the giving of yourself and then finding out it is appreciated, that is uplifting. That's why most people prefer their pet above all humans. Pets love you, when you love them (usually, there are a few exceptions). The cat head bumping along your legs, happily meowing, is a lot more healthy for you, than the unfriendly neighbor or the jealous colleague could ever be. In fact, these last two can even be detrimental to your health, especially when they use their other relationships against you.
In short: I really have to flee the wretched country of Germany... Never knew a whole 'democratic' culture could be this toxic.
@@gardenjoy5223 oh damn，i live in China
@@users.1 How are the people in China? Just selfish and indifferent as humans tend to be in large communities? Abusing others for their own goals, as we see so often?
But there are still some patches of 'less dirty water', where people still care (a bit) for each other. Perhaps in some villages?
Yet, that doesn't have to say anything. The other day I watched a heart wrenching video about how hard it is to find love nowadays also in China. A rural family just humiliating their working daughter, who came to visit them yearly, because she still wasn't married. I cried with her. She was intelligent and men wanted a dumber wife. She eventually broke off all contact with her toxic family, moved to France and happened to find love there, where she was allowed to be herself.
@@gardenjoy5223 Exactly
@@gardenjoy5223 How about Germany man
This is how I feel about nurturing my babies. They know if they call out at night, mom is there. If they get hurt, mom is there. No matter what they are feeling or what they do, mom is there and loves them.
Good job ! raising secure babies raises secure functional adults!
Wish my mom was like that
I learned the art of casual conversation from speaking with this 80 year old fine lady. She had a way about her. She always found a way to get people to talk about themselves. They volunteered so much to the conversation that way. Also she was very polite. Basic good manners. It was wonderful
Hello 👋
Older people are wonderful and fascinating
If our happiness is dependent on constant connection with a network of external group, it runs a risk that once that network is lost due to some unexpected reason, our whole life will thereby collapse. Learning to appreciate the value of aloneness, leading a simple, contented life would be much more reliable in pursuit of true happiness.
That make sense for introvert like me
Always been single and always alone, while that's worked for me for many years, I absolutely crave social human connection.
its called bad luck
*_Without love and sense of humor there is no happiness and life is meaningless._* 💕☮🌎🌌
Alan Watts suggested that even a Zen master has 'a little rascal' in him/her.
@@normanleach5427 A little rascal? He married three times, was a heavy smoker to the end, and drank a lot in later years. According to Carlos Castañeda in an interview with Bruce Wagner in _Details_ magazine (“You Only Live Twice,” March 1994), Watts asked him to bed.
Reached out to a childhood friend just as Robert encouraged and before the video was even over, I'd heard back and we are planning to meet up in April. Grateful for this wisdom!
I am an introvert and my spouse is an extrovert I believe:) I am always encouraged to make an effort to meet with people, I do enjoy at least 90% of time after I do so, I think for introvert, it doesn’t need to be a huge set up, if you are invited to a small gathering, it’s worth getting out, the outcome and feeling is worth it. 😊
i can relate so much to this in my relationships
Definitely worth it
One important aspect (imo) that should be highlighted here also is the connection to yourself; to be authentic to who you are. People easily connect/identify with authenticity and it becomes more natural to establish good relationships. This is a whole separate journey in it of itself :)
This really makes you think about the relationships you have in your life and how they can impact your well-being. Especially as an introvert like myself, it might not come easy, but it's so important to seek out and surround ourselves with those voices that bring positivity and inclusiveness into our lives. It's a valuable effort to make, and the benefits to our happiness and health are well worth it.
oh. My. Goodness, cannot thank You sufficiently for your talk. As Seniors, it is difficult to meet people one has much in common. Particularly for us, who are transplanted people, away from the old fashioned way we grew up and our roots. All our ways of life are “out of style” and often we end up as subjects of ridicule. Numerous times I have been told to change my ways, and outlook on life, to fit in better. Being a Senior is a difficult journey.
Thank you for your talk, so uplifting.
Completely understand this! I am approaching my senior years, and I set as a goal to make two new friends this year ; problem is that was last year's goal too, 😆 this is hard! Also, I am not interested in talking about ailments and grandkids all the time!
Amazing!! I have 5 women who I supervise and I feel it's more important for their success. What is important in LIFE is to GIVE! When you put this into the universe, you will get rewarded 10 times !!! Don't think about yourself, think about others and you will be successful. People make the biggest mistake of waiting for someone to help them! If you want happiness, do the opposite, look for someone who you can help. I'm not kidding, if you follow this rule, you will be happy and successful in life.
Hello sunshine 🌞
I don’t know if this speaker was just having a really good day but it’s rare to find people that look so happy, joyous and have such a grounding, calm energy.
His mouth is always like that 🤣 he couldnt reset his mouth's muscles 🤣
I was so lucky to listen to your talk a few years ago. I do not know how to say "thank you" enough. You inspired me so much and showed me the way I should go. I will keep your words for the rest of my life. Wish you all the best! Stay strong!
And now, I am trying to help Vietnamese people become aware of narcissism, which is a very common and toxic personality nowadays. In order to have warm relationships and a happy life, we should learn how to figure out toxic or narcissistic relationships.
@ if i were you, i would give up on that. narcissism has been an epidemic in asia before that internet. it's deeply rooted in our culture now so it doesn't matter if they are aware of it because nothing will be done and they'll just look at you like "what is the problem?"
@@Dave_of_Mordor Thanks for your advice. I would love to see people come and look at me like that ;) Let's have a look at what I am doing. Stay strong, friend.
I think this is true but mostly for people who are not born into disadvantaged backgrounds. Depression, heart disease and other physical ailments can be caused and exacerbated by poverty. So I hope studies also consider how wealth influences health, and happiness is not just a mindset - it can be about opportunities too. Not that poor people aren't happy. When you go to rural areas in Southeast Asia, they have simple needs and wants and rely on the community for support. Even when life is hard they find ways to help each other and smile. Belief and community are also key to happiness - but poverty is real.
Just look at his happy face booming with kindness and light! I already feel happy just looking at him❤
Hello sunshine 🌞
One of my lovely friend directed me to this video and the hard work Dr. Robert and numerous people did. I have loved the every word of what he said. God bless them all. Thank you.
If you want to make one choice today : it's to pay attention to improving your connection with other people .
Interview summary
Yes. As Leo Tolstoy famously wrote - "Happiness is only real when shared." Work on being grateful for your life and build good relationships with your fellow humans. We are only here once. ❤️
@@greenkitty82 what if you have been alone for 15 years, never had anyone close, and too awkward to make conversation?
I really want a friend or two. After some events I've become so preoccupied with trying to understand abuse, determining if a relationship or friendship is abusive and how to prevent it from being abusive, and how to tell if I'm being abusive, and whose rules to even go by. So I want a friendship but am terrified that I won't be able to prevent or see the abuse until it's too late
The more you read about healthy relationships the better you learn about abuse!
Hi hannah, it might be helpful to join meetup groups or other groups, where you bond with a small group at once, which hopefully increases the chance of good outcomes. I've moved to a new area and accept that building bonds takes times, and in the meantime there are loads of cool groups to join and do activities with.
@@rizcenzo oh thank you! I normally don't look at RUclips notifications but I'm glad I did ..I will look at meet up groups! I am also accepting it takes time. Yes I'll just enjoy my time and hope to meet people who become close friends along the way :)
@@vivi5258 hmm good point...maybe abuse happens when there isn't enough positive to outweigh it? Or something. But yes I will learn more about healthy relationships!
Good relationship is the key to happy life
So glad to find this guy, ive been isolated for years because of depression and feeling like theres nobody who would talk to me unless im with others who have a hearing disablilty like i do.
Currently looking into volunteer work or support groups, i dont want to miss out.
It's true to have a good relationship with family members, long-time friends, strangers, and neighbours, as Mr. Waldinger's speech makes clear. It keeps you vibrant, content, healthy, and alive. Lovely and extremely beneficial chat.❤
The point I took away from this: A simple conversation even with a stranger makes one happy... I'm sure we can find a stranger every other day... I think that's big 👍🏽
You are so correct! I make it a habit to speak to at least one or more strangers whenever I go shopping because that energizes me and helps me get through the stress of taking care of a sibling with dementia. He is a loner and I firmly believe that his isolation from social connections has led to his illness. My grandkids have told me how they want to be like me and never meet a stranger, which I really loved hearing! I truly believe that connecting with others makes life so much more enjoyable. And fun too! :)
@@nancyrandall1762 ... Owhhh... Nice... I pray that you continue to find great joy in the little things
When Covid hit, I acted on the concept that we are all connected, that everyone I met was a potential friend. 3 years later, I am much happier
Connect anytime anywhere. Try it today. Be not afraid to enjoy life connecting w others:) Life’s short. I noticed my grocery store bagger so i said warmly “hi (Nametag name) “ i asked :so whats your fav hobby? I like art. How bout you? art , music math? He woke up and said: “I’m a musician, play guitar etc” He was smilng. We chatted briefly in line & as i left he said “That was THE best connection i had all day!” Another day, a young person said they like Math! What do u like about math? Oh my, he lite up about math. I learned alot. Super fun fueling positive connections. Most people dont like being invisible, do you?
@@lcclark1307 This is very encouraging. I love your input. I think I don't often ask questions about the others. Learned something from you today.
"Relationships are the currency of life" - forgot where i first heard it but this is very in line with what he discusses, also love the idea of 'social fitness'
I suppose all Studies are biased. Your making the assumption of a certain "Group" and my guess it will be the middle and upper class study. If I am wrong , Let me know.
@@veyger1970 i'm sorry but are you implying that good relationship for a happy life only applies to the middle and upper class and not below?
Maybe yes but not necessarily "love relationship".
No thanks ted. There is nothing happy about thisife
Nothing
O sick of all these trite answers
Ted talks really help me endure the pain and choose to be happy this channel is what I need when I'm down. It'll express my feelings when I'm watching these videos of them. And because of this I have found my happiness and the joy in my face came back to me so I want to suggest or advice some of my friends to watch these videos of Ted talks and It really helped you when you're alone and probably tired of your life so that's why reach out to someone it's not over you gotta fight for your happiness!!
The best thing I've learnt from this TED was being connected with people who can allow me to be myself! It's really hard to balance the need for personal space and the feeling of mattering.
As someone else already said in the comments, I would also like to thank you all those years ago for that talk. I never forgot those teachings, and although life may be crazy at times... I never forget again that having strong connections is what matters the most.
Hello 👋
Thank you Prof., I have tried to connect with one of my best friends, even I have tried to meet him. Unfortunately, we haven't had a good connection so that I can understand his problem. Now everything I can do is "let it be", and waiting for a miracle.
Bersosialisasi yang proporsional juga membahagiakan hidup. Loving nrighbours...
The last time I was spontaneous about contacting two of my realy good old friends that I havent heard of in years because I left my country, resulted in both reading my messaging but getting ghosted by one and blocked by the other with no reply from any of them. Thats was a morale boost :))
I hear you-
Thank you. I do casual conversation at a shop to buy a cup of coffee, and with 70 years old lady who cleans the building. So, I'm happy 🙏
Touching on the dynamics of a relationship during the Q&A, we see that value is very important, that reciprocity is sustaining and that being seen and heard is fundamental to combatting isolation and stress.
One of the many silver lining effects from the tragedy of the HIV pandemic is the study of the direct impact of stress on the immune system. Developing from that this notion of the load carried by the immune system as both physiological and psychological.
This is probably why I likely feel so abysmally terrible at 37. The friends and connections that make life meaningful just aren't there, or that particular pool of people is very shallow. It mentally ages me so much when I spend large amounts of time by myself.
I'm sorry and I hope you can find some people to make friends!
I see what you mean. I've had experiences with friends who I thought were friends when they are not so what I decided for myself was to scrap that, accept that being on my own as a solitary character is perfectly ok and I spend my time helping those who need it. I'm getting connections and I'm helping them be happier in the process. If the universe wants me to have good friends it will happen. As a result I'm very calm now. Comrades are great to have but I'm ok without them too.
friends and connections don't make life meaningful, you do, you find or create it, so start therapy and then, if you really need it, you will find your life's meaning if you really need one
I suppose all Studies are biased. Your making the assumption of a certain "Group" and my guess it will be the middle and upper class study. If I am wrong , Let me know.
Huge thanks for this video. Finally I found what I need : such a calm voice, explaining it well. I understood everything easily without subtitles.
Whatever give make you happiness can also give you sadness. Your mind is the real source of happiness if you understand.
Thank You so much Mr.Robert. I realized important things through your speech.
Happiness from within, from how you feel about yourself, not from others
Hello sunshine 🌞
Epigenetically - couldn’t continue my studies on psychiatry. Huge fan of Rob. Utmost Respect. Thank you 🙏🏼
Wish of the best in life.
Excellent advice. Another essential aspect of this topic is a person's sensitivity to 'rejection' and 'acceptance'. It's difficult to be happy if we feel rejected. The warm connections recomended give affirmation, a sense of acceptance. But reaching out to others so as to make a connection risks being rejected. The more rejection a person experiences, usually the more they become sensitive to being rejected and thus anticipate further rejection. Often this actually creates the rejection feared.
I agree, but now realizing what Republicans really are as humans. I totally understand why they rejected me and why I still will always reject them!
... I'm shocked and astounded daily we were born from the same mother
... I have not one thing in common with my siblings or relatives
@@jaynemarino7011 we should avoid talking about religion, politics, etc with others even familyif it is a trigger point
I restarted a coffee club at work. I enjoy hearing about the lives of others every day. It has made all the difference. 😸😸
I’m an introvert; but, when I get with my coffee club, I just bloom. 🌻🌻
Happinesses is found within . Where negativity has no room in your heart and mind or at least we can handle life well. That we live life As it Is 👍🤗
I love these studies ! They take 100 happy people and analyse that they have friends. I come from a familly of substance abuse, I abused myself, I had a lot of friends who did too. I dont abuse anymore and I had to stay away from all these friends. I lost my whole family to cancer. Yes, 2 sisters, my mom, my dad and now my wife has cancer. When i spend time with people I am bored. Small talk makes me fall asleep. According to this study, i will remain unhappy and die young of heart desease.
Wow. You really oversimplified things. They subjects they picked were not necessarily happy to begin with. Everybody has some form of trauma or unpleasantness in their past. Acknowledge it and move on. Don't waste your life looking back.
I just liked this guy.
He spoke in a friendly voice. He wanted to be helpful.
Wouldn't he be that caring friend?
Out of the context, you've a very comforting deep voice, god bless your soul
Finding that kind of relationships may be challenging but not impossible.
Your response on children is priceless! Mine are already grown , but I’d love to share this with them as they’re raising children of their own now. Thank you for sharing such wise and helpful information.
In a world with huge trust deficit, building relationships for the longer term take deliberate efforts. It is hard for it to happen naturally.
this is why I taught elementary school. those places are overflowing with love,
Hello sunshine 🌞
it's hard when no one around loves you truly and they don't make efforts to love you, so it'll be faster and easier to stop expecting from other people and start learning how to take care of yourself, by yourself.
nobody wants to be lonely, but not everybody has good people around.
Beautifully put, this was a great interview with amazing information and facts. Enjoyed watching you both 💙
Hello 👋
This guy speaks in a very calm manner. Easy to listen to him. 👏
Hello sunshine 🌞
Having doubts about myself after watching this video as I always think being alone is better than having any relationship with others.
I think that’s the reason I haven’t seen old age people with dementia in my country because it’s louder there. Everyone communicate with each other. Neighbours are like family ❤
This sounds so logical and easy. But in practice it's not for everyone. When you were raised up to not get in the way, to be quiet until there's need of you, it's hard to get rid of all feeling that one is just an annoyance, that others are better off without me...
I'm 40 and I still have this issue. I try to be there for others but I don't initiate things because I don't want to bother other people.
When he said to just send a message to someone my first thought wasn't "Huh, that's a good idea.", but "Nah, nobody would waste time on me anyway." Similar with "Do you have someone to call in the middle of night?", I wouldn't want to bother anyone. I'm used to being alone and doing stuff alone. That's why I learned to do a lot of things, I didn't want to bother others asking for help.
I can't describe how hard it is for me to trust when someone says they had a good time while hanging out with me. My first thought is that they're just trying to be nice...
I guess that's why I'm in IT, computers are my safe space, at least they don't think, yet...
I wonder how many of people from the research that didn't have anyone to talk to/call have similar issues. While this research is interesting it would also be interesting to know the cause of why they don't have anyone.
I think you missed the whole point of what I wrote above...
@@Solo761 I believe you have a community - including online friends to share what is going on in your life.. it is not about there is anyone to call at mid-night. but more like how much you enjoy the connection with this world - of course this world full of humans
Amazing ! And his voice is so calming ! 🙏🏻🌹✨🙏🏻
Hello sunshine 🌞
Very interesting, and thought- provoking speach. Although I understand the core point of, I must say that many lonely and introverted people don't want to speak with strangers, or even feel stressed after doing so. And the same could be applied to speaking with acquaintances (such as workmates, or neightbours) other than very close friends or partners. But I get the point, and I thank you for sharing your knowledge with everyone
16:29?
@@interferenzbrille_2542You are right. I didn't finish watching the video by the time I wrote my comment. Sorry , my bad :) I will go watch the rest of the video
I suppose all Studies are biased. Your making the assumption of a certain "Group" and my guess it will be the middle and upper class study. If I am wrong , Let me know.
@@n_dawson Good for you, but when some express hard thoughts does that make them bad? Inversion is a person , as the extroversion has the same thoughts . I suppose in time we can connect and build a bridge to be more uniformed or closer.
@@veyger1970 did you manage to listen to the whole thing? The answer is in there
All easier said than done. The major problem with reaching out is "rejection". I don't like rejection. It creates more stress. TV does not reject, people do.
I absolutely love this research and TedTalk. Thank you for sharing this incredible study and wealth of knowledge… it’s a credit to the importance of academia in our well being and mental health. ❤
Hello gorgeous! How are you doing? you’re looking beautiful on your profile picture! i don't mean to be rude to you ,
Hello 👋
This helps changing my approach toward relationships so much. He touched a bit on the impact of social media. IMO it’s time that kids need to take the 101 social media class before they can graduate from elementary schools. some States require high school children to take the personal finance class. They could do it with financial knowledge and why not social media.
Dog owners are never lonely....
This man makes me happy. ❤ thinking what I can do
Wow love it .
I love my Friends , knowns , relatives and they play a beautiful role in our lives.
Thanks for sharing. Professor Waldinger is so warm-hearted in the way he speaks and thinks. It’s a meaningful experiment. Thank you very much.
Live in the here and now for that is all we have. The past has gone and the future no one can foresee or can predict the outcome. Let go of the past, as this cannot be changed, but we can learn from it. Children live in the here and now, we can learn a lot from them. Change is constant, so going with the flow and letting things happen and unfold naturally instead of fussing and fighting over triviality is by far the best way to deal with life. Being kind to ourselves and all life on earth brings inner happiness and contentment. Material things do not matter they are stuff which can ruin our lives if we allow them to. Live simply and simply live. Its who we share our lives with which brings the most joy and contentment into our lives and theirs. When we share the love, happiness and kindness with others it spreads far and wide.
Your pronounciation is very clear
So it is more easier to understand your talk.👍🏻
Thanks🎉
In East Asia, we call a man “人間” which means “a person between people.” At the end of the day, what it means to be a human is being surrounded by people. Obviously, who we surround ourselves with defines who we are and how we feel about our life.
Just watching u it makes me feel joyful!I have many people to call n yet i am mostly not scare of anything.... I take things as it is n i normally can go out my way to protect others.
I knew this without the studies. It is universal common sense
Talking to strangers has kept me still here thank you
That is so true about having someone to talk to, I use to live with people now currently living alone.
Due to the momentary madness in UK press, I read the title as "The Secret to a Harry Life".
🤣🤣🤣oh dear
In my experience, I find that recommendations in this video do work; including even talking to strangers.
I think for anyone who has difficulty connecting to people (due to being too shy, etc.), mindfulness meditation practices together with a specific meditation practice known as *‘Loving-kindness meditation’* (which is known to enhance happiness - based on research) can go a very long way. I also noticed that Dr. Robert Waldinger is a Zen priest - so, I would assume that he must be already cultivating meditation practices. Practising regular mindfulness meditation would also make people less judgemental about other people and situations, and thereby promote social wellbeing. Considering the statement he made around the 18:30min mark (regarding some of the happiest people had quieter lives): I think this would be people who devote themselves to meditation practices (and therefore making social connections may not be all that important for them).
I think your point is very important, but there are many people that instead of doing well to us they stress us even more. I think the best way to be well is to be resilient in adversity and to be our own best friend and companion
Get out of toxic relationships. Get away from people at stress you. Your life depends on it.
Shoutout to everyone watching this alone ❤️
Living alone does not mean one is lonely or that they aren’t able to self soothe.
So true!!!
I'm so glad they addressed that people want different amounts of social connection! I'm an introvert and trying to establish more connections than I already have and am happy with, would be dreadful for me.
We are social beings after all. Thank you!
For me to have friends ...is very nice...it makes..my life more happy.🙏..even 1 good friend..à persons Who is there for you...in good moments ..bad moments..make the diference in ours life.....of course...the friends go and come...and sometimes..is not easy make friends...
@@matios6013 Yes, friends are one key to a good life.
This is all good but is not always a must for happy and less stressful life. Happiness is something that also comes and is developed from life experiences and making good choices to develop even in the absence of social relationships. One could be happy one has a good connection of mind, body, spirit, emotional balance and develop gratitude and feel connected to the Source- Universal Intelligence. Happiness comes from inside when one is strongly attached to the Source and deep understanding of the highest gift of life, feeling the joy of looking and enjoying all that Nature offers and the amazing Cosmos and the Universe. One even need not to talk to anybody for being amazed and awed of how luck we are to have been born into a life that is miraculous and wonderful. Dealing with everyday stress can only add to make a little more interesting when one compares with the larger wonder of life. All one needs to be or become the Higher Self... and feeling that we are part of this awesome Universe makes my leap for joy! I need no connections for that. Just am grateful for the whole thing!
‘Even talking to strangers’? Talking to strangers is the best thing in the world!
I would love to see the same study but with people born in the 90's and see if the results are the same
We'll have to wait because they need to be a senior citizen before they get releases the findings
Such an insightful video! Social fitness is something that works and it can change people's lives.
I like this identifying the various friendship we cultivate for ourselves. I love the idea of having a friend you can feel comfortable enough to ask that specific friend for a project tool I will keep this in mind
Exactly, I don’t have any warm relationships with anyone and lately I’m feeling disconnected, lost and empty. I feel my soul has left my body all because nobody in my family feels like home… I feel safe but, if something upsetting happens Ik I am not getting any support or something comforting. I have no one to talk to.
I think what he shares is having that connection doesn't have to come from our family. Some people don't feel comfortable talking to family about certain issues and that is okay. It can be anyone in your surrounding, someone you find trust talking to. I have elder neighbor friend whom I have gotten very close. She has so much wisdom I learn from. Connection takes time. But, it's better than not starting at all. You also will be surprised how nice people can turn up to be.
I'm sorry.
That is not easy.
Is it possible to take a few scary steps towards joining a class, or club, or even meeting with a counsellor to get tools on how to build relationships.
Wishing you some hope .
sometimes woman hood feels like being a part time baby factory and and full time punching bag
This is called RESEARCH BIAS! I don't think you can send people on a subway and draw the conclusion that talking to strangers made them happier only because they are happier after. How about they turned out happier, because introducing a conversation to strangers is a challenge for most people, and the simple act of overcoming a challenge already makes us happy?
My suspicion is that he is confusing correlation and causation. What if the actual cause is some personality trait (extroversion, for example )
Some are suspicious of strangers! Some are thought not to talk to strangers. Some don't really like small talks but they are so happy.
Pretty sure they corrected for bias...I mean they're pretty smart and it was multiple researchers....and other researches will look at data and study set up...
7:06 This reminds me of the "Cheers" theme song - "where everybody knows your name"
I believe in everything what he is saying. My mother 120 years and 68. I am the only child of my mother, both of us have free spirits, we laugh a lot though we are not staying together, l am in Botswana and she is in Ghana, Techiman. My mum still stays in the she was born to even if you build a mansion for her she will never move, just because of people she sees every day and talk to. Her mind is so sharp, her ears are also sharp that she remembers everything. Oh that woman is a miracle. She loves the Lord so much, though she is not rich but always sharing not a day pass that she doesn't get more than 10 visitors especially the youth. She also loves her cat. I am also a very happy person likes entertaining people. When l tell people l am 68 they don't believe it. Let's love , care and help the needy people. You don't need to
Social phobia and introversion makes this so different and then the guilt hits because it’s too hard to do what needs to be done😢
Just because _most_ people have a strong need for warm relationships in their life, it doesn't necessarily mean we all do. (So don't make the mistake of falling for the hype!) It could well be that your introversion and social phobia are indicators that you are merely different from most other people when it comes to your social relationship needs. And so the most important thing for you is acceptance of yourself _as you are,_ as well as an acceptance of 'what is' generally. In other words, stop thinking that something is wrong with you and that anything 'needs to be done'. That kind of negative mindset will merely perpetuate your suffering. Everything is perfectly fine in this moment. And this moment is all there is.
It's grateful letting me realize a great wisdom