I had a family members husband ask me about my income in front of a lot of people. We were at a football event at their home. I was eating & minding my business when he yelled out across the room “ ‘A’, I looked on line and I saw you make about 24k a year. I don’t even know how you are eating.” The room of 30 or more people gets silent (you can only hear the music 🎶 in the background. Without looking up from my plate 🍽️ I yell back “well tonight I’m bombing off you”. Someone makes a joke and everyone goes back to the party and football game. Jokes on him. I make 95k a year and I know he only makes 50k because he has bragged about it. But I didn’t want to embarrass him in his house, so I took some vodka and extra food home because I’m poor. 😂
My dear Rachel. Love your show and the solid teaching you give. You say you read these comments so here goes. I only write because here are two worlds or circumstances you may be unaware of in the 2000's world. Maybe they don't apply any more but once upon a time they made a difference in my life. #1.) In the 1960's I was a 12 year old boy. I got my first paper route. I made $15 a week. I had to give Mom $5.00 a week for room and board (that's food and rent in today's terms). I had to save $5.00 a week. I had $5.00 a week for whatever I wanted. This is how my mom taught me that I needed to be responsible for myself. Out of my $5, I paid a contribution to the church, which was my choice and no pressure from mom. Certainly the church pushed tithing as all do but in my heart I wanted to give something. Generally I gave 50 cents a week. That left me $4.50 out of $15.00. Frankly, with the $4.50 I always had plenty of money. That was no doubt mostly because I learned a BIG lesson at 13 that most don't learn until 33 or never. I learned that you can't fix inner pain with external stuff. (How I learned that lesson is another story). Anyhow, Long story short, I used the $5 a week savings to help me in college. When I got married my mom gave me the money she had collected for rent back when I was a kid through that $5 a week payment. I had no idea she had saved that for me. That was a nice help in getting started. I'm only saying all this because I sensed that you felt children should be totally cared for by their parents and not have to pay rent or pay for their essential needs themselves. I see things a little differently and maybe you will see things a little differently too.. #2 ) I was a 22 year old married soldier being discharged from the army after two years of service. I wanted to rent an apartment near one of only two schools in the country at that time that offered a Bachelor's degree as a "Media Specialist ". My wife wanted to get that degree. I had no credit in that state and they would not rent me an apartment. A young lady from our church co-signed an apartment rental agreement for us. She was nervous to do it but she took a risk. Without her taking that risk on our behalf we would not have been able to rent. Your objection to co-signing because of financial risk would have left this soldier without housing. Twenty years later a young friend of one of my children needed a cosigner for a small loan to bring his parents from India to this country. Because I had once been helped in this way I helped him. It did not put me in any real financial risk because if I ended up paying off his loan I wouldn't have missed a meal. But the principle was there. I was helped so I helped others. I agree with you. Cosigning is risky. BUT risk is part of life. If we can absorb the risk we need to seriously think about helping out others. Keep up the good podcasts and I offer this only as another perspective for your consideration. Thanks
On the topic of charging rent for an adult child living in the house: Yes, I actually did that for an adult child (in their 20s) who still lived at home and had a job. I wanted her to get used to paying such common costs. I didn't spend that collected rent money though, as I didn't need it. Those funds were put into a separate line and when my daughter moved to her first place, the money was returned and helped with the initial apartment costs like security deposit, some furnishings, etc.
That can go either way. I was lucky to be able to live at home for about 3 years after I landed my first job. My parents intended on charging me rent, but didn’t after they saw that I was already putting away roughly 80% of my take home pay to save up towards a down payment on a house. Their goal was the same as yours, to charge me rent to prepare me…but in the end I didn’t need the preparation. I already knew what rent costs, utilities etc…would be if I moved out. I feel that had they started charging me rent, even knowing that most, or all would be returned to me…that I might have chosen to move out sooner, potentially derailing some of my savings goals. I did end up renting for about a year prior to buying a house…but I had already saved up my down payment and didn’t need to touch it during that time. I would say it should looked at on a case by case basis. If your child is showing signs of not being money conscious…then charging rent may be necessary. If they are showing signs of extreme fiscal responsibility with clear goals they are working to achieve…then charging rent may be more of a detriment overall.
I like that. I've heard so many different things. I got kicked out . I think it's better to do it the way you did it. Gives your child time to acclimate to work, bills, etc. Also they can live in a safe, and encouraging environment at home, and not with their peers whom are word just starting.
Wow nice! I wish my parents could’ve done that for me lol! I graduated from college and my parents charged me rent! Sometimes I wish they didn’t so that I could pay off my debt and save up.. but I knew they were struggling and how could I not help them. It was tough for me to accept but at the end I’m grateful I did
The department I used to work with had a gift fund. Totally voluntary to pay into it, usually $15 or $20 per person per year. Then any time someone retires, gets married, has a baby or has a serious illness, the Gift Fund sends a gift from the whole department. I love that.
The best advice I got when I started doing freelance graphic design- “Don’t devalue your skill by offering a discount. Rather, throw in something extra if you want to bless your customer.” For example, if I was doing an art piece for a family and it was $200, I would not reduce the cost but maybe I would also offer an edit to the piece that was a black & white option that I would typically have charged extra for. Something they would appreciate but nothing that would communicate your service/good is WORTH less.
I don't ask for discounts from friends. We actually prefer to use qualified professionals who are friends or family to give them the business. A workman is worthy of his hire.
Please do an episode about money with friendships such as Venmo etiquette, going out to eat with friends and splitting bills. I would love to see an all encompassing episode about these things!
Friend discount response: do you feel obligated to use a friend (say photographer for your wedding) even if 1.they may not give a discount and it’s out of your price range, and/or 2. You found someone’s style that you liked better?! 😬 Lost a friend over this…I didn’t want her touching my hair. She was cheaper, but I didn’t like what I saw come out of her chair. She felt like I wasn’t supporting her because I didn’t go to her.
Their problem not yours. I say this as someone who's never had this problem tho (haha sorry - voice of inexperience). But if as a business person she's not open to feedback, it's her problem not yours. If as a friend she has an expectation that you don't want to fulfil, again it's her problem. But how you choose to feel about it, unfortunately that's something you have to work through. Easy for a stranger to say, I know!
Best podcast available! It's a fun, informative conversation about money topics. I'm 67 and I get a laugh and learn about contemporary money news. The cocktails sound divine too. Join Rachael and George every week:)
My sister is a certified financial planner and gave me and my husband a free financial plan when she was fresh out of school, mainly to help her gain experience in her new career. But I wouldn’t ask her to do it for us today unless we were paying clients! It takes her hours to do one and costs north of $2,000.
I have one big "irk" in life & that is going out with friends who are lousy tippers it is so humiliating I usually double tip to make up for their cheapness!!
On the topic of charging rent: When I was a kid my parents always told us kids that after 18, you are working, you pay rent. When my sister moved in with my family, we let her have 6 months free and then charged her $400 a month. It’s very cheap for where we live and it gave her a chance to get settled from getting out of an awful situation. Before she moved in my husband and I came up with a plan and told her together what we expected.
I was once guiltshamed into contributing 25 dollars for a present for a collegue when I thought 5 would be appropriate. Then learned that the person who started the fund and talked everyone into it didn't contribute herself because she was the one buying the gift card. That was the last time I ever contributed to a shared gift. 😂
I had a family member live with me for a year and she did not pay rent. However, she began actively looking for jobs within days, had her first interview lined before I knew it, and was employed in under a month. Over the next year, she was super open about what she was doing financially, so I knew she was headed in the right direction. She quit smoking and of course paid for her own food. She moved in when she was in a terrible place and managed to completely turn her life around. Also, even though she was a bit of a slob, she kept her mess contained to her bedroom. Honestly, it worked out really well and I have no regrets.
I had a mentor tell me once, always pay for your friends services in full price, because once they use your services eventually you don’t have to feel guilty about charging them full price.
One of those questions, what would you do if your friends expect you to pay now that you are debt-free, is exactly why I don't want student loan forgiveness. Why should I pay more taxes when we paid for my husband's college degree and saved for 20 years for our kids to go to college?
When each of my three kids were dating, which eventually turned into engagements, I would ask them if they had talked to the partner about how many kids they hope to have, where they would live, who could handle finances… These are all important conversation to have pre-wedding! I do need to know the answers. I wanted them to have these questions in mind to talk about with their upcoming spouse…
Yeah. Not enough young people think to ask serious questions. Even older adults keep doing this. Looks fade... Bodies get soft. But if that person never contributed to the finances or doesn't save. Doesn't have a budget, does nothing for both your futures.... That's a sad existence
When I was a bartender, I had a regular that would sometimes call me by my name and sometimes call me by another name. I didn’t say anything for a while, but eventually I gently said “by the way, my name is Ashley”. He looked at me confused and said “I know”. Lol I said “I know you know but sometimes you call me Amber”. He immediately apologized saying “I’m so sorry, where did I get Amber from?” But he never called me Amber again after that. Lol
My ex insisted that our son, when he joined the service at 19, give “the household” most of his paycheck while he was in Boot Camp and A school. I was LIVID and divorced him a few years later. That was the tip of the iceberg 😡
That’s vile! Especially since you make the least amount while you’re in boot. I had a couple grand saved from my old job before joining and my mother actually took over my car payment while I was in bootcamp since I wouldn’t be able to set up the auto pay with my new banking they offered us while in boot. Being able to hold on to my money through boot camp and mom helping out on my car for a couple months set me up to have a nice little nest egg. So grateful for that opportunity. I would have been absolutely gutted if my mother would have tried to charge me for a place I wasn’t using resources from. I don’t understand parents sometimes.
I am so grateful to hear Rachel said the guy should pay on dates. Although I am a net worth millionaire debt free, I appreciate dating traditional gentleman because I am a conservative traditional lady.
For the dating thing, I know for the first 4-5 months I paid, but eventually she offered to pay or even surprise me by paying, which honestly made it more romantic at times.
I think it's important to talk to parents about money, because it can impact our lives later. For example, my mom and her spouse are awful with money. They have no savings, are constantly living paycheck to paycheck, and her spouse will cash out his 401k every couple of years to cover expenses. As my mom gets older and will need help with things in the future, that financial burden will be put on my spouse and I as I'm her only child.
Talking to parents about finances is definitely tricky. One thing to remember is they've been around longer and probably have reasons they do what they do. My first approach is to seek to understand why they are doing what they do. Once they've explained why they are doing their actions, then if offering suggestions for a different method are appropriate, I'll offer it.
I look at dating like I look at any relationship. If someone is "taking the other out" they pay. If the girl asks a man out, she should pay, and visa versa. When friends hang out, they usually pay their own part or take turns paying the whole thing. But if I tell my friend I want to take him to lunch, I'm paying. If I don't intend to pay, I am clear about that up front. And I don't say, "take them to lunch." If I don't want to or can't pay for them, I would just ask them if they want to hang out and get lunch. Ultimately the burden of payment rests on the pursuer unless it is made clear otherwise beforehand.
I'm very open about what I make with close friends. I think it sets a clearer understanding on where I am fiscally. It helps to avoid those awkward conversations and sets clearer expectations of my decision making on non vital spending. Once you know you know, and it doesn't effect how I feel about the person. It let's me understand where they are in life and not asking unrealistic things from them. If they are real friends you'll be happy for them making good money and if their not, it alows you to be considerate of their situation.
I have found that when I mention Dave Ramsey money anything, my relatives roll their eyes and blow me off… 😂… well… I usually rebuttal with “well he’s a millionaire who at one point in his life went bankrupt and we are still in debt… so there’s that” so I choose to listen 🎧 to him… I’m starting the baby steps …. Very interested in the outcome we get as a couple trying to seriously cut back in the near future!
I’m not a stylist but I’d be like, “I don’t have a friend discount, but I love to trade services.”Get your taxes done, an electrical problem fixed, chiropractic adjustment, tree trimming, tutoring for your kid, or help setting up a website.
Yep to this 100%. I own a salon & will barter service for service because it’s a fair exchange. Other than that I will not do friend discounts because part of being a stylist is all about networking and as a result many of us in the beauty industry have a lot of friends
I have a friend with a window cleaning business and he traded a lifetime of window cleaning with an orthodontist for braces for his 5 kids. Totally totally awesome!
I talk with friends about wages, but more so only with people in the field. It helps us know what we can/should ask for and/or lets us know we should find another place to work that's offering more. In my career it doesn't always pay to stay unless you're your own advocate and ask for what your worth.
Correct. Once you are in a particular field for a few years, you more or less know the upper and lower limits of what people make in that particular field.
My husband is a state trooper in NY that has gotten some promotions and our neighbors just see him as a cop. They were talking about his job and one of the women asked what troopers make….. my husband said “ehhh a starting trooper can make around $90,000 with just a little overtime which many of them do”… our neighbors were in shock because they thought my husband made around $50,000. He said STARTING lol they would probably be pretty pissed if they knew he made made 70,000 more than that. When I heard her ask it was so cringy but my husband handled it like a champ by not giving her our own information lol
I had a family members husband ask me about my income in front of a lot of people. We were at a football event at their home. I was eating & minding my business when he yelled out across the room “ ‘A’, I looked on line and I saw you make about 24k a year. I don’t even know how you are eating.” The room of 30 or more people gets silent (you can only hear the music 🎶 in the background. Without looking up from my plate 🍽️ I yell back “well tonight I’m bombing off you”. Someone makes a joke and everyone goes back to the party and football game. Jokes on him. I make 95k a year and I know he only makes 50k because he’s bragged about it. But I didn’t want to embarrass him in his house, so I took some vodka and extra food home because I’m poor. 😂
When I was living with my mom during my teens and then in my early 20’s, I never saw my mom budget, we did pay our bills but we almost never had money leftover to save. I would sit with her at the table with pen and paper and ask her about how much each bill was. It was my attempt to figure the income coming in and the cost of living as we shared the bills. She would get anxious and then get mad at me. She would tell me that no daughter of hers would tell her how to spend her money or what to do with her money. It was frustrating.
My boss has the issue of introducing herself over and over again to people so she has changed her language to "It's nice to see you" instead of "it's nice to meet you." It has saved her many times. Lol
My cousin always shows up to family trips and when she gets there she starts knocking on family member's hotel room door asking if she can sleep in their room because she did not make a reservation and does not have any money. I completely ignore her.
Where I work, I used to make it a point to learn the names of every new employee. I've always felt it was a sign of respect to pronounce someone's name correctly. I also work in a place where they expect you to speak when you enter a new area of the building. This was something I never knew until one day someone told me I was a very rude person for not speaking when I entered the room. To be fair, every time I would enter a room, people were already talking, having conversations. My mother always taught me that it was rude to interrupt people, therefore, I felt I was showing respect. As far as names, now, it's almost impossible to know everyone's name because the turnover rate is high and the HR department isn't consistent with the internal 'meet the new members' emails. I do have a strategy for remembering names, but it doesn't always work... If I meet someone and that person has the same name as someone in my personal life, I just associate them with the person I already know. It works well as long as I know someone with that name. lol
Regarding the man always paying… how is that fair? When I did online dating 10 years ago, I was going on dates with different people several times a month. If you’re the guy, that’s expensive for you and free for the woman every time. I don’t think that’s fair for men. Also, as a woman, I preferred quick coffee dates initially as a vetting process because I could pay for myself, it was a cheap date, no pressure to drink alcohol or spend hours and hours together, no pressure that the other person could think you’ll go home with them, etc. I don’t want to get dinner with someone on the first date and for them to act like I owe them because they paid $20-$30 for my meal and a drink.
Another point is, I don’t want to be stuck in a nice restaurant with a guy who it tuns out I’m not interested in, or has bad manners and embarrasses me. Always vet first with a coffee, and whether they pay is part of the vetting process for me. I’m already being considerate of their wallet by suggesting coffee.
Discount for friends depends on how many friends, how successful your business is. Are you doing free/cheap work to advertise or get experience? Or are you so successful you can afford to help a friend that’s in a difficult season. So many factors.
My mom moved in with us and there’s big issues. And we had to establish boundaries. She is pissed- she uses every excuse to get her way. She not happy with situations because with there’s strings attached.
Money conversation should just come naturally in the relationship. I’m like “I gotta pay the bill”. He’s like, “oh what bill. Student loans? How much do you owe?”
When there are group gifts I say no thank you and I don't give an explinatiion. My family is not always happy with me but I don't care. If I have an emeergency they would not have money to help me. So I am very strict with my budget. I have been called a cheapskape.
The friend bill splitting thing is always interesting to me because I hear so many people complain about it. For my close friend group, if we can't get separate checks due to party size, we usually just split it evenly, or someone pays and we Venmo them an equal split. We see each other enough that it all evens out. There are also times when one of us will just pick up the full tab and say, "I've got this one." The real problem arises when someone who isn't part of that usual group (like a friend of a friend), and they want to itemize. I don't mind itemizing, but I hate the whole awkwardness at the table when the bill comes, like they're surprised that the check has to be paid.
It depends on how many dates you are in, I was three days and when my wife took me out to a fancy brewery and paid for everything. I personally then felt pursued which told me that she was in to me. The guy should pay most of the time but I feel like women should pay or show some effort of pursuit in return.
I don’t think I’ve ever asked for a friends discount. I feel much better to support my friend’s business. If I can afford their pricing, I am willing to pay what it needs to
This is a very interesting episode where I noticed the cultural differences immediately. In my country it's accepted if you want to talk salary with friends, it's certainly not taboo. Also a lot of union agreements have public salary scales so it's quite easy to find out and compare salaries. For the dating I would say you nearly always offer to split, unless it's known the other makes more money (like students vs. employed people).
On the topic of sharing your income with a person who you’re dating…. They only spoke about philosophy and belief around money and debt levels. I make $1.4M/yr. I wouldn’t want to tell a girlfriend about that, out of fear that my money is what’s most important.
Agreed if it keep you up at night , and it’s family or friends then doesn’t hurt to bring it up or if you do finance just help them or ask them how can we help.
Once I graduated from high school and was working a full time job and not going to college I paid rent to live at my parents. It was like $200 a month and I didn’t have to pay for food or utilities or anything but I enjoyed it because it felt like I had some independence and freedom and was more of an adult. Also that drink sounds only appropriate if you were having a Tom hanks movie marathon night lol.
My mom charger the same during my summer transition after college to my full-time job out of state. I was working a very well paid summer teaching job, and myself and 4 siblings were all home. It was a packed house. It helped set some expectations for my upcoming move. My mom also gifted me her car, so I was happy to contribute that small amount.
I wouldn't continue dating any guy who asked to split the check. Mostly bc the type of guy I want to marry would never dream of asking to split the check. But I don't think there is anything wrong with the girl paying or splitting the check if she doesn't want a traditional man 🤷♀️ it's really just about the type of guy you want. Neither is necessarily better or worse, it's about expectations you have for a future spouse (which everyone is different)
I co-signed with a parent when I bought a car my last year in college (0% financing!) simply because without an income, they probably would not have allowed it. My parent paid for the car, and then once I had a job after I had graduated, I was the sole payer for the car as it was my car. I think it comes down to discipline and understanding the future payments when the decision to co-sign is made.
I would not share to people I’m debt free. That’s between me and god. I’m keeping that to myself because once they know you paid off everything and your a saver they look at you like a ATM. I’ll give myself a pat on the back for my wins and go about my day.
In the case of the step dad who wanted to charge the girl rent, saying she needs to start acting like an adult, only to find out the house belonged to her. She told him to pay rent at which point he turned around and said "you don't do that to family".
Okay, question about the cosigner section.. I need a cosigner for a house loan not because I'm bad with money, but because I've never had debt! No cc, no loans, I pay off everything in full. It's hard to do that with a house though. But I am good with money and reliable. What do I do now? I have a limited amount of time to buy the house I'm living in.
That has actually happened to me. Saw someone at Starbucks that I know I recognized. The person was a teacher assistant in one of my professional classes. Sometimes people look a little different in public than a formal setting.
Absolutely charge rent! I don't rent to family and friends as a general rule... it's just not a good idea, but if you are trying to "help" someone... don't go into debt doing it.... the costs go up so you need to recoup that. No joke, I had to ask a girl my age I was renting a room to if she was eating the toilet paper... that's how much she was using. I provided it in the rent cost. So I had to start requiring her to buy her own.
Use the ramsey show as an excuse to not pay the bill😂. When someone says "you're debt free, you should pay", just say well you could follow the same plan and be sent free too, and not paying for everyone's bill is how I got here... so no. Or just say oh Dave ramsey says only to pay your own bills.
It's crazy the inconsistent ways Rachel appeals to tradition/etiquette. If you rsvp to the wedding and don't show up without extenuating circumstances, you deserve to get that bill.
With the step dad situation it depends on who has more responsibility at home, is she gonna pay the electricity, water, trash, WiFi, homeowners insurance, hoa, taxes, repairs, if he’s paying all that, you gotta take those over and just charge him a portion of the mortgage which won’t be cheaper than just paying him to rent your house
I am ok with an adult child living at home, IF they are a fulltime student in a marketable program making good grades. (engineering, architecture, law, vet, medical, pharmacy, nursing etc), they get full access to the house and the food, no charge. They just need to earn their spending money.
I had a bud that would make me feel guilty paying the bill when we hung out. I genuinely appreciated the time well spent, so as a good gesture I’d pay. After 2-3 times of him making side comments. . I stopped. No sense of feeling bad
Your "friends" should pay you full price for the services you offer as a show of support. If you offer them a discount that is fine, but it baffles me that people expect it. I have paid a little over the price for products at a local store to support a friend rather than buying it from a chain store. Services are the same.
For guilty as charged: I've been consistently called "Mark" by a coworker that mumbles. I've corrected them in the past but they always call me by the wrong name. Now a bunch of their close coworkers have been calling me by the wrong name for almost 2 years 😂😂😂 No worries, I laugh it off internally and think of it as my alter ego. Besides, these are people I might see once a week. Just funny to share
That might save your life one day like in those action movies. A bad guy will be looking for someone with your name and a coworker calls you by the wrong name. "Oh can't be him."
I agree with Rachel about the guy paying for date because women’s biggest need is security and that small act of taking care of a dinner date would be an indicator of beliefs.
I think it is important to intervene when people are suffering, attempt to help (not be a SAVIOR). If they reject the help, OK. It is unloving to watch someone suffer and not make an attempt to help, even if the suffering is self-inflicted.
The wedding situation: we had a buffet but still had to pay per head for the catering. I knew the stats on how many people usually show up to a wedding so even though we were expecting about 70-75ish I told the catering company 60 and I was pretty much on the nose lol about exactly 60 came
I had a family members husband ask me about my income in front of a lot of people. We were at a football event at their home. I was eating & minding my business when he yelled out across the room “ ‘A’, I looked on line and I saw you make about 24k a year. I don’t even know how you are eating.” The room of 30 or more people gets silent (you can only hear the music 🎶 in the background. Without looking up from my plate 🍽️ I yell back “well tonight I’m bombing off you”. Someone makes a joke and everyone goes back to the party and football game. Jokes on him. I make 95k a year and I know he only makes 50k because he has bragged about it. But I didn’t want to embarrass him in his house, so I took some vodka and extra food home because I’m poor. 😂
My dear Rachel. Love your show and the solid teaching you give. You say you read these comments so here goes. I only write because here are two worlds or circumstances you may be unaware of in the 2000's world. Maybe they don't apply any more but once upon a time they made a difference in my life.
#1.) In the 1960's I was a 12 year old boy. I got my first paper route. I made $15 a week. I had to give Mom $5.00 a week for room and board (that's food and rent in today's terms). I had to save $5.00 a week. I had $5.00 a week for whatever I wanted. This is how my mom taught me that I needed to be responsible for myself. Out of my $5, I paid a contribution to the church, which was my choice and no pressure from mom. Certainly the church pushed tithing as all do but in my heart I wanted to give something. Generally I gave 50 cents a week. That left me $4.50 out of $15.00. Frankly, with the $4.50 I always had plenty of money. That was no doubt mostly because I learned a BIG lesson at 13 that most don't learn until 33 or never. I learned that you can't fix inner pain with external stuff. (How I learned that lesson is another story). Anyhow, Long story short, I used the $5 a week savings to help me in college. When I got married my mom gave me the money she had collected for rent back when I was a kid through that $5 a week payment. I had no idea she had saved that for me. That was a nice help in getting started. I'm only saying all this because I sensed that you felt children should be totally cared for by their parents and not have to pay rent or pay for their essential needs themselves. I see things a little differently and maybe you will see things a little differently too..
#2 ) I was a 22 year old married soldier being discharged from the army after two years of service. I wanted to rent an apartment near one of only two schools in the country at that time that offered a Bachelor's degree as a "Media Specialist ". My wife wanted to get that degree. I had no credit in that state and they would not rent me an apartment. A young lady from our church co-signed an apartment rental agreement for us. She was nervous to do it but she took a risk. Without her taking that risk on our behalf we would not have been able to rent. Your objection to co-signing because of financial risk would have left this soldier without housing. Twenty years later a young friend of one of my children needed a cosigner for a small loan to bring his parents from India to this country. Because I had once been helped in this way I helped him. It did not put me in any real financial risk because if I ended up paying off his loan I wouldn't have missed a meal. But the principle was there. I was helped so I helped others. I agree with you. Cosigning is risky. BUT risk is part of life. If we can absorb the risk we need to seriously think about helping out others.
Keep up the good podcasts and I offer this only as another perspective for your consideration. Thanks
On the topic of charging rent for an adult child living in the house: Yes, I actually did that for an adult child (in their 20s) who still lived at home and had a job. I wanted her to get used to paying such common costs. I didn't spend that collected rent money though, as I didn't need it. Those funds were put into a separate line and when my daughter moved to her first place, the money was returned and helped with the initial apartment costs like security deposit, some furnishings, etc.
That can go either way. I was lucky to be able to live at home for about 3 years after I landed my first job. My parents intended on charging me rent, but didn’t after they saw that I was already putting away roughly 80% of my take home pay to save up towards a down payment on a house. Their goal was the same as yours, to charge me rent to prepare me…but in the end I didn’t need the preparation. I already knew what rent costs, utilities etc…would be if I moved out. I feel that had they started charging me rent, even knowing that most, or all would be returned to me…that I might have chosen to move out sooner, potentially derailing some of my savings goals.
I did end up renting for about a year prior to buying a house…but I had already saved up my down payment and didn’t need to touch it during that time.
I would say it should looked at on a case by case basis. If your child is showing signs of not being money conscious…then charging rent may be necessary. If they are showing signs of extreme fiscal responsibility with clear goals they are working to achieve…then charging rent may be more of a detriment overall.
So cool for you to do that :)
It depends on your life circumstances, but even though I have very little money I wouldn't charge my child anything....
I like that. I've heard so many different things. I got kicked out .
I think it's better to do it the way you did it. Gives your child time to acclimate to work, bills, etc. Also they can live in a safe, and encouraging environment at home, and not with their peers whom are word just starting.
Wow nice! I wish my parents could’ve done that for me lol!
I graduated from college and my parents charged me rent! Sometimes I wish they didn’t so that I could pay off my debt and save up.. but I knew they were struggling and how could I not help them. It was tough for me to accept but at the end I’m grateful I did
The department I used to work with had a gift fund. Totally voluntary to pay into it, usually $15 or $20 per person per year. Then any time someone retires, gets married, has a baby or has a serious illness, the Gift Fund sends a gift from the whole department. I love that.
How has there not been an entire episode of SMHH dedicated to the money habits/mistakes of FRIENDS?? Sooo much material from that show! Come on Rach!
I know I keep thinking that Tina!!
That idea, just like gum, is PERFECTION.
Your wish has been granted.
The best advice I got when I started doing freelance graphic design- “Don’t devalue your skill by offering a discount. Rather, throw in something extra if you want to bless your customer.” For example, if I was doing an art piece for a family and it was $200, I would not reduce the cost but maybe I would also offer an edit to the piece that was a black & white option that I would typically have charged extra for. Something they would appreciate but nothing that would communicate your service/good is WORTH less.
I don't ask for discounts from friends. We actually prefer to use qualified professionals who are friends or family to give them the business. A workman is worthy of his hire.
Support your village
Please do an episode about money with friendships such as Venmo etiquette, going out to eat with friends and splitting bills. I would love to see an all encompassing episode about these things!
I agree
Friend discount response: do you feel obligated to use a friend (say photographer for your wedding) even if 1.they may not give a discount and it’s out of your price range, and/or 2. You found someone’s style that you liked better?! 😬
Lost a friend over this…I didn’t want her touching my hair. She was cheaper, but I didn’t like what I saw come out of her chair. She felt like I wasn’t supporting her because I didn’t go to her.
Their problem not yours. I say this as someone who's never had this problem tho (haha sorry - voice of inexperience). But if as a business person she's not open to feedback, it's her problem not yours. If as a friend she has an expectation that you don't want to fulfil, again it's her problem. But how you choose to feel about it, unfortunately that's something you have to work through. Easy for a stranger to say, I know!
Best podcast available! It's a fun, informative conversation about money topics. I'm 67 and I get a laugh and learn about contemporary money news. The cocktails sound divine too. Join Rachael and George every week:)
My sister is a certified financial planner and gave me and my husband a free financial plan when she was fresh out of school, mainly to help her gain experience in her new career. But I wouldn’t ask her to do it for us today unless we were paying clients! It takes her hours to do one and costs north of $2,000.
I have one big "irk" in life & that is going out with friends who are lousy tippers it is so humiliating I usually double tip to make up for their cheapness!!
On the topic of charging rent:
When I was a kid my parents always told us kids that after 18, you are working, you pay rent.
When my sister moved in with my family, we let her have 6 months free and then charged her $400 a month. It’s very cheap for where we live and it gave her a chance to get settled from getting out of an awful situation. Before she moved in my husband and I came up with a plan and told her together what we expected.
Love this show and so happy it is video recorded! Great job y'all, keep up the GREAT work!!!
Guys!!!! This show is now part of my Thursday routine 😂😂😂 Love how Rachel is a Friends fan!!!! Me toooo. I always have a Friends reference 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My brother was a cosmetologist. He had a sign on his station that said “I’m sorry I have to charge my friends but my enemies don’t come to me!”. 😋
I was once guiltshamed into contributing 25 dollars for a present for a collegue when I thought 5 would be appropriate. Then learned that the person who started the fund and talked everyone into it didn't contribute herself because she was the one buying the gift card. That was the last time I ever contributed to a shared gift. 😂
I had a family member live with me for a year and she did not pay rent. However, she began actively looking for jobs within days, had her first interview lined before I knew it, and was employed in under a month. Over the next year, she was super open about what she was doing financially, so I knew she was headed in the right direction. She quit smoking and of course paid for her own food. She moved in when she was in a terrible place and managed to completely turn her life around. Also, even though she was a bit of a slob, she kept her mess contained to her bedroom. Honestly, it worked out really well and I have no regrets.
I had a mentor tell me once, always pay for your friends services in full price, because once they use your services eventually you don’t have to feel guilty about charging them full price.
One of those questions, what would you do if your friends expect you to pay now that you are debt-free, is exactly why I don't want student loan forgiveness. Why should I pay more taxes when we paid for my husband's college degree and saved for 20 years for our kids to go to college?
When each of my three kids were dating, which eventually turned into engagements, I would ask them if they had talked to the partner about how many kids they hope to have, where they would live, who could handle finances… These are all important conversation to have pre-wedding! I do need to know the answers. I wanted them to have these questions in mind to talk about with their upcoming spouse…
Yeah. Not enough young people think to ask serious questions. Even older adults keep doing this. Looks fade... Bodies get soft. But if that person never contributed to the finances or doesn't save. Doesn't have a budget, does nothing for both your futures.... That's a sad existence
When I was a bartender, I had a regular that would sometimes call me by my name and sometimes call me by another name. I didn’t say anything for a while, but eventually I gently said “by the way, my name is Ashley”. He looked at me confused and said “I know”. Lol I said “I know you know but sometimes you call me Amber”. He immediately apologized saying “I’m so sorry, where did I get Amber from?” But he never called me Amber again after that. Lol
George is correct. You gotta bring it up to your parents.
My ex insisted that our son, when he joined the service at 19, give “the household” most of his paycheck while he was in Boot Camp and A school. I was LIVID and divorced him a few years later. That was the tip of the iceberg 😡
That’s vile! Especially since you make the least amount while you’re in boot. I had a couple grand saved from my old job before joining and my mother actually took over my car payment while I was in bootcamp since I wouldn’t be able to set up the auto pay with my new banking they offered us while in boot. Being able to hold on to my money through boot camp and mom helping out on my car for a couple months set me up to have a nice little nest egg. So grateful for that opportunity. I would have been absolutely gutted if my mother would have tried to charge me for a place I wasn’t using resources from. I don’t understand parents sometimes.
I am so grateful to hear Rachel said the guy should pay on dates. Although I am a net worth millionaire debt free, I appreciate dating traditional gentleman because I am a conservative traditional lady.
For the dating thing, I know for the first 4-5 months I paid, but eventually she offered to pay or even surprise me by paying, which honestly made it more romantic at times.
Me and my boyfriend are like that. I pick up the tab on fun activities sometimes
Best episode yet!! Hilarious and so relatable to people on their financial journey! Having to learn to say no is important
I think it's important to talk to parents about money, because it can impact our lives later. For example, my mom and her spouse are awful with money. They have no savings, are constantly living paycheck to paycheck, and her spouse will cash out his 401k every couple of years to cover expenses. As my mom gets older and will need help with things in the future, that financial burden will be put on my spouse and I as I'm her only child.
Talking to parents about finances is definitely tricky. One thing to remember is they've been around longer and probably have reasons they do what they do.
My first approach is to seek to understand why they are doing what they do. Once they've explained why they are doing their actions, then if offering suggestions for a different method are appropriate, I'll offer it.
Nicely said 👍
I look at dating like I look at any relationship. If someone is "taking the other out" they pay. If the girl asks a man out, she should pay, and visa versa. When friends hang out, they usually pay their own part or take turns paying the whole thing. But if I tell my friend I want to take him to lunch, I'm paying. If I don't intend to pay, I am clear about that up front. And I don't say, "take them to lunch." If I don't want to or can't pay for them, I would just ask them if they want to hang out and get lunch. Ultimately the burden of payment rests on the pursuer unless it is made clear otherwise beforehand.
I'm very open about what I make with close friends. I think it sets a clearer understanding on where I am fiscally. It helps to avoid those awkward conversations and sets clearer expectations of my decision making on non vital spending. Once you know you know, and it doesn't effect how I feel about the person. It let's me understand where they are in life and not asking unrealistic things from them. If they are real friends you'll be happy for them making good money and if their not, it alows you to be considerate of their situation.
I have found that when I mention Dave Ramsey money anything, my relatives roll their eyes and blow me off… 😂… well… I usually rebuttal with “well he’s a millionaire who at one point in his life went bankrupt and we are still in debt… so there’s that” so I choose to listen 🎧 to him… I’m starting the baby steps …. Very interested in the outcome we get as a couple trying to seriously cut back in the near future!
Great episode! Thanks for the tips on how to handle situations and I literally laughed out loud at George..."why am I Greg?!" at the end!! 😂😂😂
I’m not a stylist but I’d be like, “I don’t have a friend discount, but I love to trade services.”Get your taxes done, an electrical problem fixed, chiropractic adjustment, tree trimming, tutoring for your kid, or help setting up a website.
Yep to this 100%. I own a salon & will barter service for service because it’s a fair exchange. Other than that I will not do friend discounts because part of being a stylist is all about networking and as a result many of us in the beauty industry have a lot of friends
@@olivias2836 and both get something and the government gets squat! 😂😍
I have a friend with a window cleaning business and he traded a lifetime of window cleaning with an orthodontist for braces for his 5 kids. Totally totally awesome!
I talk with friends about wages, but more so only with people in the field. It helps us know what we can/should ask for and/or lets us know we should find another place to work that's offering more. In my career it doesn't always pay to stay unless you're your own advocate and ask for what your worth.
Correct. Once you are in a particular field for a few years, you more or less know the upper and lower limits of what people make in that particular field.
My husband is a state trooper in NY that has gotten some promotions and our neighbors just see him as a cop. They were talking about his job and one of the women asked what troopers make….. my husband said “ehhh a starting trooper can make around $90,000 with just a little overtime which many of them do”… our neighbors were in shock because they thought my husband made around $50,000. He said STARTING lol they would probably be pretty pissed if they knew he made made 70,000 more than that. When I heard her ask it was so cringy but my husband handled it like a champ by not giving her our own information lol
He didn’t give information.. why would he? When you are here for that 😂
I had a family members husband ask me about my income in front of a lot of people. We were at a football event at their home. I was eating & minding my business when he yelled out across the room “ ‘A’, I looked on line and I saw you make about 24k a year. I don’t even know how you are eating.” The room of 30 or more people gets silent (you can only hear the music 🎶 in the background. Without looking up from my plate 🍽️ I yell back “well tonight I’m bombing off you”. Someone makes a joke and everyone goes back to the party and football game. Jokes on him. I make 95k a year and I know he only makes 50k because he’s bragged about it. But I didn’t want to embarrass him in his house, so I took some vodka and extra food home because I’m poor. 😂
When I was living with my mom during my teens and then in my early 20’s, I never saw my mom budget, we did pay our bills but we almost never had money leftover to save. I would sit with her at the table with pen and paper and ask her about how much each bill was. It was my attempt to figure the income coming in and the cost of living as we shared the bills. She would get anxious and then get mad at me. She would tell me that no daughter of hers would tell her how to spend her money or what to do with her money. It was frustrating.
This continues to be the may favorite show from Ramsey!
My boss has the issue of introducing herself over and over again to people so she has changed her language to "It's nice to see you" instead of "it's nice to meet you." It has saved her many times. Lol
My cousin always shows up to family trips and when she gets there she starts knocking on family member's hotel room door asking if she can sleep in their room because she did not make a reservation and does not have any money. I completely ignore her.
Thats living on the edge😅
Glad you decided to start filming this skit!
The splitting the bill when ppl ate way more.. Lmao hell no - the oinker shouldn't even be asking that 😂
Rachel just sounds like a cool person to hang out with.
Where I work, I used to make it a point to learn the names of every new employee. I've always felt it was a sign of respect to pronounce someone's name correctly. I also work in a place where they expect you to speak when you enter a new area of the building. This was something I never knew until one day someone told me I was a very rude person for not speaking when I entered the room. To be fair, every time I would enter a room, people were already talking, having conversations. My mother always taught me that it was rude to interrupt people, therefore, I felt I was showing respect. As far as names, now, it's almost impossible to know everyone's name because the turnover rate is high and the HR department isn't consistent with the internal 'meet the new members' emails. I do have a strategy for remembering names, but it doesn't always work... If I meet someone and that person has the same name as someone in my personal life, I just associate them with the person I already know. It works well as long as I know someone with that name. lol
Regarding the man always paying… how is that fair? When I did online dating 10 years ago, I was going on dates with different people several times a month. If you’re the guy, that’s expensive for you and free for the woman every time. I don’t think that’s fair for men. Also, as a woman, I preferred quick coffee dates initially as a vetting process because I could pay for myself, it was a cheap date, no pressure to drink alcohol or spend hours and hours together, no pressure that the other person could think you’ll go home with them, etc. I don’t want to get dinner with someone on the first date and for them to act like I owe them because they paid $20-$30 for my meal and a drink.
Another point is, I don’t want to be stuck in a nice restaurant with a guy who it tuns out I’m not interested in, or has bad manners and embarrasses me. Always vet first with a coffee, and whether they pay is part of the vetting process for me. I’m already being considerate of their wallet by suggesting coffee.
Yes! We are 100% going there with financial talk before marriage!
Discount for friends depends on how many friends, how successful your business is. Are you doing free/cheap work to advertise or get experience? Or are you so successful you can afford to help a friend that’s in a difficult season. So many factors.
I love this podcast format. Rachel and "Greg" (Sorry George, lol) have a great chemistry on here.
My mom moved in with us and there’s big issues. And we had to establish boundaries. She is pissed- she uses every excuse to get her way. She not happy with situations because with there’s strings attached.
Money conversation should just come naturally in the relationship. I’m like “I gotta pay the bill”. He’s like, “oh what bill. Student loans? How much do you owe?”
When there are group gifts I say no thank you and I don't give an explinatiion. My family is not always happy with me but I don't care. If I have an emeergency they would not have money to help me. So I am very strict with my budget. I have been called a cheapskape.
Hilarious episode. Greg cracks me up 😂
The friend bill splitting thing is always interesting to me because I hear so many people complain about it.
For my close friend group, if we can't get separate checks due to party size, we usually just split it evenly, or someone pays and we Venmo them an equal split. We see each other enough that it all evens out. There are also times when one of us will just pick up the full tab and say, "I've got this one."
The real problem arises when someone who isn't part of that usual group (like a friend of a friend), and they want to itemize. I don't mind itemizing, but I hate the whole awkwardness at the table when the bill comes, like they're surprised that the check has to be paid.
You guys are great. Keep up the important work.
Love the show! Keep it coming!!
It depends on how many dates you are in, I was three days and when my wife took me out to a fancy brewery and paid for everything. I personally then felt pursued which told me that she was in to me. The guy should pay most of the time but I feel like women should pay or show some effort of pursuit in return.
I don’t think I’ve ever asked for a friends discount. I feel much better to support my friend’s business. If I can afford their pricing, I am willing to pay what it needs to
Yes 🎉 I feel that way too! ❤
This is a very interesting episode where I noticed the cultural differences immediately. In my country it's accepted if you want to talk salary with friends, it's certainly not taboo. Also a lot of union agreements have public salary scales so it's quite easy to find out and compare salaries. For the dating I would say you nearly always offer to split, unless it's known the other makes more money (like students vs. employed people).
On the topic of sharing your income with a person who you’re dating…. They only spoke about philosophy and belief around money and debt levels. I make $1.4M/yr. I wouldn’t want to tell a girlfriend about that, out of fear that my money is what’s most important.
Alright what mlb team do you play for haha?
Agreed if it keep you up at night , and it’s family or friends then doesn’t hurt to bring it up or if you do finance just help them or ask them how can we help.
That’s how I feel as well.
@@unspokentenacity yea agreed
Once I graduated from high school and was working a full time job and not going to college I paid rent to live at my parents. It was like $200 a month and I didn’t have to pay for food or utilities or anything but I enjoyed it because it felt like I had some independence and freedom and was more of an adult. Also that drink sounds only appropriate if you were having a Tom hanks movie marathon night lol.
My mom charger the same during my summer transition after college to my full-time job out of state. I was working a very well paid summer teaching job, and myself and 4 siblings were all home. It was a packed house. It helped set some expectations for my upcoming move. My mom also gifted me her car, so I was happy to contribute that small amount.
The French in me died a little when you said the cocktail recipe was adding coke to Champagne….😅
I love Sarah and Greg’s show.
STAYING debt free is key- if others expect me to pay because I've achieved my goal, I remind them that I continue to work to STAY here!
I wouldn't continue dating any guy who asked to split the check. Mostly bc the type of guy I want to marry would never dream of asking to split the check. But I don't think there is anything wrong with the girl paying or splitting the check if she doesn't want a traditional man 🤷♀️ it's really just about the type of guy you want. Neither is necessarily better or worse, it's about expectations you have for a future spouse (which everyone is different)
this was a really good episode thank you!
I co-signed with a parent when I bought a car my last year in college (0% financing!) simply because without an income, they probably would not have allowed it. My parent paid for the car, and then once I had a job after I had graduated, I was the sole payer for the car as it was my car. I think it comes down to discipline and understanding the future payments when the decision to co-sign is made.
I tend to pay friends MORE than their rate if they do good work. I cannot stand when people are cheap for quality services.
Looking forward to this episode!
Favorite Smart Money Happy Hour so far😊👍
I would not share to people I’m debt free. That’s between me and god. I’m keeping that to myself because once they know you paid off everything and your a saver they look at you like a ATM. I’ll give myself a pat on the back for my wins and go about my day.
In the case of the step dad who wanted to charge the girl rent, saying she needs to start acting like an adult, only to find out the house belonged to her. She told him to pay rent at which point he turned around and said "you don't do that to family".
Rachel, you are not a talker, you are simply passionate about your opinions.
Hilarious that Rachael says advising her parents is not her monkey. She's a clever girl.
Okay, question about the cosigner section.. I need a cosigner for a house loan not because I'm bad with money, but because I've never had debt! No cc, no loans, I pay off everything in full. It's hard to do that with a house though. But I am good with money and reliable. What do I do now? I have a limited amount of time to buy the house I'm living in.
Ramsey talks about Churchill Mortgage reach out to them
That has actually happened to me. Saw someone at Starbucks that I know I recognized. The person was a teacher assistant in one of my professional classes. Sometimes people look a little different in public than a formal setting.
Absolutely charge rent! I don't rent to family and friends as a general rule... it's just not a good idea, but if you are trying to "help" someone... don't go into debt doing it.... the costs go up so you need to recoup that. No joke, I had to ask a girl my age I was renting a room to if she was eating the toilet paper... that's how much she was using. I provided it in the rent cost. So I had to start requiring her to buy her own.
Use the ramsey show as an excuse to not pay the bill😂. When someone says "you're debt free, you should pay", just say well you could follow the same plan and be sent free too, and not paying for everyone's bill is how I got here... so no. Or just say oh Dave ramsey says only to pay your own bills.
Playing credit card roulette is a fun time when all parties involved know beforehand & each agree. One card per couple . . They know the stakes! 😊
It's crazy the inconsistent ways Rachel appeals to tradition/etiquette. If you rsvp to the wedding and don't show up without extenuating circumstances, you deserve to get that bill.
That’s so me I forget all names but remember all faces 😅
SMHH compliments the Dr. John drought on Tue/Thur mornings ever so nicely😊
With the step dad situation it depends on who has more responsibility at home, is she gonna pay the electricity, water, trash, WiFi, homeowners insurance, hoa, taxes, repairs, if he’s paying all that, you gotta take those over and just charge him a portion of the mortgage which won’t be cheaper than just paying him to rent your house
Almost every sentence of Rachel’s longer than four words has the word “like” sometimes multiple times.
But it was a great episode!
are we "nick-picky" today?
Loving this show guys!
I'm a twin, so I'm used to being called by the wrong name. My mother in law called me Rachel for years. 😂
A teacher in my 6th grade (not my teacher) called me another name intentionally the entire school year. She said, "I looked like a Racquel"😊
I am ok with an adult child living at home, IF they are a fulltime student in a marketable program making good grades. (engineering, architecture, law, vet, medical, pharmacy, nursing etc), they get full access to the house and the food, no charge. They just need to earn their spending money.
Awesome episode. Very funny 😁 😂
I love that "Guilty as Charged" has become "Guilty Discharge" in the seeking bar.
I had a bud that would make me feel guilty paying the bill when we hung out. I genuinely appreciated the time well spent, so as a good gesture I’d pay. After 2-3 times of him making side comments. . I stopped. No sense of feeling bad
Your "friends" should pay you full price for the services you offer as a show of support. If you offer them a discount that is fine, but it baffles me that people expect it. I have paid a little over the price for products at a local store to support a friend rather than buying it from a chain store. Services are the same.
For guilty as charged: I've been consistently called "Mark" by a coworker that mumbles. I've corrected them in the past but they always call me by the wrong name. Now a bunch of their close coworkers have been calling me by the wrong name for almost 2 years 😂😂😂 No worries, I laugh it off internally and think of it as my alter ego. Besides, these are people I might see once a week. Just funny to share
That might save your life one day like in those action movies. A bad guy will be looking for someone with your name and a coworker calls you by the wrong name. "Oh can't be him."
@@ghostbird92 little do they know, Mark is my evil alter ego
I agree with Rachel about the guy paying for date because women’s biggest need is security and that small act of taking care of a dinner date would be an indicator of beliefs.
Love it! Great job all three. I love the ending Greg!!!
I think it is important to intervene when people are suffering, attempt to help (not be a SAVIOR). If they reject the help, OK. It is unloving to watch someone suffer and not make an attempt to help, even if the suffering is self-inflicted.
The wedding situation: we had a buffet but still had to pay per head for the catering. I knew the stats on how many people usually show up to a wedding so even though we were expecting about 70-75ish I told the catering company 60 and I was pretty much on the nose lol about exactly 60 came
I find some children/adults are naturally savers or spenders. Recognizing that and approaching from that angle is important.
Lmboooo “Why am I GREG?!”
I love this already