@@TherapistTamaraHill My brain is healing from your work, in your words. I was totally manipulated & abused by my mother's cousin. He took advantage of me almost immediately. Said he was going to marry me....he knew the trauma and mental illness I was going through and sexually molested me. Told me he would help me on one of my manic days and pulled out his genitals when I was at my weakest.
Thank you so much for talking about this. This video was recommended to me by my therapist, and I think I'm starting to understand what I went through.
Loved your cognitive dissonance explanation🥰 It really described the situation and how it applies to trauma bonding and abuse, versus a general description of the phrase itself.
Great video, you covered very helpful and relevant points. One thing I would have really liked to hear in this video is a mention of how to help/remedy each point discussed. Thank you for this video and the information you shared
What actually causes you to feel indebted to them??? I'm confused as to why. It's spot on...I definitely feel indebted. More to the abuser, than I do with others. I like to understand how/why this happens. Thank you!
Thank you for commenting! I think there is a variety of things that causes the bond. But to be simplistic, the good moments, good memories, and reward/limbic and emotional parts of the brain all collide. It's chemical and relational.
When I finally left my abuser, he tried offering to pay my rent and buy things for me, and I knew something was off right away. I had discovered I was being abused through therapy (thank God for therapy) but also...who pays their ex's rent when they're not staying there and why offer when I didnt ask or need it? It instantly felt like a set up ... I refused, of course 😁 I had always defended him because he was a good provider... and didnt call the police because I didnt want to ruin his livelihood and run the risk he would turn it around on me to save his own skin ( yes that did happen and I continued the relationship with him afterwards). It's been so hard to get my head around my thought processes when these things were happening. Is that the cognitive dissonance?
I've been studying this and I know everything you've said is true! You are right and I LOVE how you explained it! Thank you. Do you have a video on teaching victims to learn what love is so that they can love themselves? Thank you Queen!
Thank you for helping me to understand why I feel the way I do and why do and why am I having depression sometimes or an anxiety sometimes or in anxiety and that insecurity insecurity in me now I know why thank you so much why thank you so much what a help you are I already subscribed I already subscribe you and I am one of your fan wanna be your friend and I'm gonna listen to you every day. You helping so many people who are trying to get their life back because of this in back because of this emotional neglect and abuse from their parents who didn't know their parents who that's no only does it's very dysfunctional and painful very dysfunctional and painful thank God today I'm not doing a job it I'm not doing absolutely anything like this to my to my hunting to my daughter to my daughter she's a happy beautiful 22 year old girl. With emotionally available present mother praising her every single day and telling her how special and beautiful she is.
Desislava, nice post! It's so helpful to be emotionally supportive and present. It's kind of you to tell another person that they are beautiful and special. You're a beautiful and special person!
This is me. My ex is a narcissistic alcoholic. After he chased & pushed me down one day. “I brought it out in him”. Gaslighting, blame and I never knew where I stood. He lied , cheated etc. When I left it was “I want to kill my self “ “I drink more when you aren’t here”. He was a jerk. Never understood why it was so hard to break away until I researched trauma bonding. Only way I could escape was NO contact at all and therapy. Its a very painful vicious cycle.
You are right. It is a very painful cycle indeed. The cycle of abuse often takes shape in families where there is intergenerational trauma and unresolved post traumatic stress throughout generations.
This was dead on and Jam Packed with Value. I Love Your content Ms.Hill. Question: What would you recommend for an individual with a family who is going through all if not most if not all of what you covered? Whats the most effective first step?
Thank you! 😊 Great question. I think the first step is figuring out what family members or friends are most toxic to you and slowly distancing yourself via phone, email, text, and in person. It really is a "detox" process to begin your healing journey. I'll be talking more about this later in the week.
I found the information very informative. One question I have is. How does one who sees that their bonds came through trauma repair the damage so that their adult relationships are healthy? Could you tell me the author of Bonded to abuser - the redirect shows could not find, thanks.
Book can be found on Amazon: www.amazon.com/Bonded-Abuser-Victims-Sense-Childhood/dp/1442236906 Great question! I answer this question in multiple videos on the channel. But first I think repairing the damage occurs with building insight into how the bond occurred and then working in psychotherapy on moving through your "trauma story." I might create a video on this in the future. It's way too in-depth to go through here.
Hi Tamara ! Wow and thank you so much for your channel. I’ve found it so incredibly helpful. Question for you - you mentioned a video I believe on (I think you called it) Happy Making or in other words, convincing ourselves that we are happy or content with the way an abusive/traumatic situation is. For the life of me I cannot find it on your channel and I’ve been trying to. Would you be able to point me in the right direction please?
HI Kristen, Yes, absolutely!! You're welcome. I hope I did a video on that topic. I would go to the playlist here and see if you can find it there: ruclips.net/p/PL_4Wq-LrWc3otFKMmRGd9dGleEyd52Ltq. If not, I may have not created the video yet! LOL I will listen to this video again and see if I can create the video or incorporate it somewhere.
These videos may be helpful: 1. ruclips.net/video/EdsyP2ZQqEE/видео.html 2.ruclips.net/video/49zSxaVRCHw/видео.html 3.ruclips.net/video/uvca0bQT6x8/видео.html
Hi Nicole, This is a good subject. And a subject a lot of people can relate to. Unfortunately, I do not. I will put this on my list to discuss in the near future.
Good day mam. i've recently ended a long term relationship with my last child's father. i knew that it was never supposed to happen but it did but things got really bad and i had to call it quits. last night i came across your videos and it made alot of sense and it was the first time that i heard of traumatic bonding. i hurt real bad and i have no one to reach out to and can't even afford to see a doctor. but i feel so helpless and i'm loosing my mind. how do i move past this?
is abuse necessarily Mal-intended? I feel like my mom did it because she literally does not understand what she is doing when she emotionally abusing me and she is not intending to do harm, but rather she thinks the control, manipulation, and denial of negative of feelings is because she cannot fathom the idea of me being hurt or hurting me (she is traumatized herself and is emotionally immature/narcissitic) and she thinks she is protecting me
some of the things i have experienced are stalking, controlling of my identity (I cannot have my own beliefs), guilt-tripping, gaslighting, lying to me about medical records (nothing too serious), a lot of emotional abuse, but that is only one side -- she has done a lot for em in terms of education, i know she truly loves me, she just does not know how to love I think and show that
If this video was helpful to you, please remember to like, share, and comment!
You put this together really well. Perfect for reference.
😊 Thanks so much! really glad it's helpful.
@@alwayslevitated9089 thanks so much!! Glad to here these topics are stimulating. 👍👍😊
Is the idea of cognitive dissonance applicable when you meet a woman who alters her physical appearance upon initial encounters?
They threw my son Thomas medrano in streets
My god, this is such a fantastic explanation of what I’m experiencing. Thank you SO MUCH.
You're welcome!! Thanks for watching.
@@TherapistTamaraHill
My brain is healing from your work, in your words. I was totally manipulated & abused by my mother's cousin. He took advantage of me almost immediately. Said he was going to marry me....he knew the trauma and mental illness I was going through and sexually molested me. Told me he would help me on one of my manic days and pulled out his genitals when I was at my weakest.
Thank you so much. I’m beginning to see the light.
You are so welcome! That's great to hear.
One of the most enlightening and informative videos on the fundamentals of traumatic bonding. Brilliant and just subscribed!
Welcome aboard! And thank you!
@@TherapistTamaraHill You are so welcome!
Thank you for this. It really helped me to have a little bit of a better understanding of what/why I feel the way I do.
You're welcome!! Glad this was helpful.
Thank you..I'm watching this again..
You're welcome! 😊
No tears. Just chills of truth!
Too traumatized to cry, a lot to process...
Thank you so much for talking about this. This video was recommended to me by my therapist, and I think I'm starting to understand what I went through.
You're welcome! So glad itvwas helpful.
I am a victim of traumatic bonding and cognitive dissonance. Thanks for this video! 🙏
You're welcome! Very sorry to hear that.
Excellent
Loved your cognitive dissonance explanation🥰 It really described the situation and how it applies to trauma bonding and abuse, versus a general description of the phrase itself.
Thank you for watching A F!! 😊
Thank you Támara. Your videos are very helpful!
You're so welcome! And thank you!
Thank you for your abundant description of this concept. Hits close to home for me.
You're very welcome. Thank you.
So helpful, I think I'm at the right time to hear this, thank you so much, so many have been helpful, God bless. Taking notes☺
You are so welcome! God bless you too. Glad to have you on the channel. 🤗
Great video. I needed to hear this.
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you!
Thanks for this topic, it's very crucial to speak about it. 👌🏼💕
Thank you JiJu! 😊 Glad it was helpful.
Great video, you covered very helpful and relevant points. One thing I would have really liked to hear in this video is a mention of how to help/remedy each point discussed. Thank you for this video and the information you shared
What a great video, so deep and so clear . Thank you so much
Glad it was helpful! You're welcome! And thank you.
Excellent
Thank you so much 😀
This is so well explain thank you.
You're welcome 😊
What actually causes you to feel indebted to them??? I'm confused as to why. It's spot on...I definitely feel indebted. More to the abuser, than I do with others. I like to understand how/why this happens. Thank you!
Thank you for commenting!
I think there is a variety of things that causes the bond. But to be simplistic, the good moments, good memories, and reward/limbic and emotional parts of the brain all collide. It's chemical and relational.
When I finally left my abuser, he tried offering to pay my rent and buy things for me, and I knew something was off right away. I had discovered I was being abused through therapy (thank God for therapy) but also...who pays their ex's rent when they're not staying there and why offer when I didnt ask or need it? It instantly felt like a set up ... I refused, of course 😁 I had always defended him because he was a good provider... and didnt call the police because I didnt want to ruin his livelihood and run the risk he would turn it around on me to save his own skin ( yes that did happen and I continued the relationship with him afterwards). It's been so hard to get my head around my thought processes when these things were happening. Is that the cognitive dissonance?
Wow you explained this so well! Thank you!!
You're welcome!! Thanks for watching.
Gratitude🌺
🤗
Gratitude is something abusers lack.
Fantastic
Thank you so much 😀
I’m new to this and THIS IS HORRIBLE! I FEEL LIKE IM GOING CRAZY! NEVER HEARD OF A Narcissists! UNTIL NOW
Oh dear one, stay strong and true to yourself. I remember when I was wondering about the same thing and learned about narcissistic persons.
Because you can't deal with it you are correct
Thanks for sharing🌼
You're welcome. 😊 Thanks for watching!
New subscriber love this! So true
Welcome to the channel! Thanks for subscribing!
I've been studying this and I know everything you've said is true! You are right and I LOVE how you explained it! Thank you.
Do you have a video on teaching victims to learn what love is so that they can love themselves? Thank you Queen!
💖Thank you! Very glad this was helpful. I dont have any videos on that ...yet. I might include this in an upcoming video.
Thank you for helping me to understand why I feel the way I do and why do and why am I having depression sometimes or an anxiety sometimes or in anxiety and that insecurity insecurity in me now I know why thank you so much why thank you so much what a help you are I already subscribed I already subscribe you and I am one of your fan wanna be your friend and I'm gonna listen to you every day. You helping so many people who are trying to get their life back because of this in back because of this emotional neglect and abuse from their parents who didn't know their parents who that's no only does it's very dysfunctional and painful very dysfunctional and painful thank God today I'm not doing a job it I'm not doing absolutely anything like this to my to my hunting to my daughter to my daughter she's a happy beautiful 22 year old girl. With emotionally available present mother praising her every single day and telling her how special and beautiful she is.
Desislava, nice post! It's so helpful to be emotionally supportive and present. It's kind of you to tell another person that they are beautiful and special. You're a beautiful and special person!
You have explained it so well 👏👏 amazing 👌👌
Love from India ❤❤🤗🤗
Thank you Puja!😊💖
Glad this was helpful.
Thank you for this.
My pleasure! You're welcome.
Thank you love! Glad you revisited this topic.
Keep it up!
I have been a victim and I feel like I will always be. Is that possible?
This is me. My ex is a narcissistic alcoholic. After he chased & pushed me down one day. “I brought it out in him”. Gaslighting, blame and I never knew where I stood. He lied , cheated etc. When I left it was “I want to kill my self “ “I drink more when you aren’t here”. He was a jerk. Never understood why it was so hard to break away until I researched trauma bonding. Only way I could escape was NO contact at all and therapy. Its a very painful vicious cycle.
You are right. It is a very painful cycle indeed. The cycle of abuse often takes shape in families where there is intergenerational trauma and unresolved post traumatic stress throughout generations.
Kim- Sadly, I can relate. I'm sorry for what you've gone through.
This was dead on and Jam Packed with Value.
I Love Your content Ms.Hill.
Question:
What would you recommend for an individual with a family who is going through all if not most if not all of what you covered? Whats the most effective first step?
Thank you! 😊
Great question. I think the first step is figuring out what family members or friends are most toxic to you and slowly distancing yourself via phone, email, text, and in person. It really is a "detox" process to begin your healing journey. I'll be talking more about this later in the week.
I cant wait..😁
Thank you
You're welcome
Wow. This is my (now) ex husband - alternated between a loving king person to a neglectful psychologically abusive person
I'm sorry. This is always a tough experience to adjust to and then finally to believe.
I found the information very informative. One question I have is. How does one who sees that their bonds came through trauma repair the damage so that their adult relationships are healthy?
Could you tell me the author of Bonded to abuser - the redirect shows could not find, thanks.
Book can be found on Amazon: www.amazon.com/Bonded-Abuser-Victims-Sense-Childhood/dp/1442236906
Great question! I answer this question in multiple videos on the channel. But first I think repairing the damage occurs with building insight into how the bond occurred and then working in psychotherapy on moving through your "trauma story." I might create a video on this in the future. It's way too in-depth to go through here.
Omg 💯
Hi Tamara ! Wow and thank you so much for your channel. I’ve found it so incredibly helpful. Question for you - you mentioned a video I believe on (I think you called it) Happy Making or in other words, convincing ourselves that we are happy or content with the way an abusive/traumatic situation is. For the life of me I cannot find it on your channel and I’ve been trying to. Would you be able to point me in the right direction please?
HI Kristen,
Yes, absolutely!! You're welcome. I hope I did a video on that topic. I would go to the playlist here and see if you can find it there: ruclips.net/p/PL_4Wq-LrWc3otFKMmRGd9dGleEyd52Ltq.
If not, I may have not created the video yet! LOL I will listen to this video again and see if I can create the video or incorporate it somewhere.
Thank you Tamara ! I actually found it ! It was your series of videos on “Learned Helplessness”
That's awesome! I could not remember for the life of me. LOL 30s are rough! LOL
Could you pls help me understand when we are forgiving the abuser for our own healing!! What’s the difference? Are we wrong to forgive??
These videos may be helpful:
1. ruclips.net/video/EdsyP2ZQqEE/видео.html
2.ruclips.net/video/49zSxaVRCHw/видео.html
3.ruclips.net/video/uvca0bQT6x8/видео.html
You're not wrong to forgive.
Forgiveness is something you do for your soul. It's self-care.
Do you have any videos on the trauma associated with living with/loving an addict?
Hi Nicole,
This is a good subject. And a subject a lot of people can relate to. Unfortunately, I do not. I will put this on my list to discuss in the near future.
Good day mam. i've recently ended a long term relationship with my last child's father. i knew that it was never supposed to happen but it did but things got really bad and i had to call it quits. last night i came across your videos and it made alot of sense and it was the first time that i heard of traumatic bonding. i hurt real bad and i have no one to reach out to and can't even afford to see a doctor. but i feel so helpless and i'm loosing my mind. how do i move past this?
I have a toxic family. There always force me
You website link don’t work great video, I would like to talk
Thank you. I will have my IT guy look at it. My website should come up at www.anchoredinknowledge.com.
Is the idea of cognitive dissonance applicable when you meet a woman who alters her physical appearance upon initial encounters?
Perhaps. I have never thought of it in this way. I'd have to give this question more thought I think. LOL 🤔
is abuse necessarily Mal-intended? I feel like my mom did it because she literally does not understand what she is doing when she emotionally abusing me and she is not intending to do harm, but rather she thinks the control, manipulation, and denial of negative of feelings is because she cannot fathom the idea of me being hurt or hurting me (she is traumatized herself and is emotionally immature/narcissitic) and she thinks she is protecting me
some of the things i have experienced are stalking, controlling of my identity (I cannot have my own beliefs), guilt-tripping, gaslighting, lying to me about medical records (nothing too serious), a lot of emotional abuse, but that is only one side -- she has done a lot for em in terms of education, i know she truly loves me, she just does not know how to love I think and show that