The worst type of controlling person is an extremely manipulative one. They get what they want from you by rushing you, charming you, withholding information that would change your decisions, and a whole host of other methods. You won’t realize you’re being controlled initially - you’ll blame yourself for all the dumb decisions you’re making. It takes a long time to become aware of all of this.
One year ago my mother left her marriage after 32 years of being married to my toxic dad . This past year has been such a RELIEF knowing that she has learned to set boundaries. She always thought she never had a say in anything . Unfortunately many women are in the same situation
Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain brother, after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thouht it was, but it worked wonders for me.
I LOVE THIS!!!! I allowed my daughter-in-law to do this so I could see my grandchildren when they were young. Now, she is still doing it. It's all about her, her family, her friends, her dogs. EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING comes before making time for us. The kids' "other" grandparents. I am so DONE. She has a big family, and they are like a cult. Very exclusionary. Not inclusive in the least. And my son can't see it or do anything about it, and my 19 year old grandson can't see it either. I am just the witchy mom/grandma.
I have a daughter in law like that too. Same kind of family. We had a falling out on Thanksgiving, because I wouldn't agree to a lie, and stood up for what is right. It was a matter of morality and abuse. I may have lost my son. At least for now. It's very hard to watch my son and grandson get treated so badly, but now it's me too. Control, manipulation, deception are all a part of the mess he's in. Heartbreaking.
@Debbie-e3g Thank you, Debbie, so very much for your comment! I am so grateful for it! I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is extremely painful. I am trying so hard to let go. Trying to say even if I can't have a relationship with him, I hope he's happy. It's a shame that he's had to make a choice between his mother and his wife because of her refusal to see how unjust she is being, but it is what it is. I just have to let go and let God. It's not my battle to fight and He is so much more powerful than I could ever be. I did the same. I stated truth just like you. As they say, some people cannot handle the truth. Just think Jesus and the Sanhedrin (Pharisees and Sadducces). God bless you Debbie and give you peace!🙏
Oh gosh thank you!! Your words "they are like a cult" and "very exclusionary" hit me like a ton of bricks! I had that situation a little over 4 years ago. I had to finally, after 30 years, back off from a sister-in-law and my 2 nieces because if I didn't ALWAYS let myself be only used for money, or to do something or buy something for them, I was excluded, left without contact on Christmas, or other, kept controlled, on a leash, and told to "sit, stay, and fetch" ... Enough. The good Lord above, helped me see that it was my own fault for allowing this behavior, and they weren't actually controlling me, but I was allowing it, which I knew, if I didn't, I would lose them. She had controlled her own mother, locked her into her own home (COVID gave her a great excuse), taughter her girls very very well how to manipulate people for their own agendas, and as a result, unfortunately, don't have a lot of respect for others, just using them. And I was close to her mom, we talked about it at length. Her mom didn't like it either, but she was in her early 80's and saw no other way to say no and not lose her daughter. Me, being removed a bit, DID, and I made that choice, and have no regrets. No bitterness, no anger, I wish them a very blessed life, and hope they find God and His holiness and graciousness. I also learned being a believing Christian, God wants us to have a full life, only controlled by Him. Yes, be loving and kind to all, including them. But not controlled. When she saw I wasn't going to budge? She made me out to be the bad guy and has been bad-mouthing me to others ever since. But I don't care. Freedom, happiness, joy, a new "adopted" family? I wish them well. But I wish ME well too. Life is so good now!! I couldn't be stuffed in that box another day, let alone for the rest of my life.
@sherylclements2846 I hope to get there too to find friends to be family. I agree wholeheartedly about what you said about God blessing them and also wanting us to be God-pleasers, not people-pleasers. It just that around this time of year, I feel lonely and disconnected. I used to have a big Italian family around and we all cooked together, or I cooked. I am 76 now. My grandparents are gone, my parents are gone I have one aunt left. Just a very difficult scenario for an all-Italian girl to navigate. Our culture is all about family, and it really stings.
So good! So helpful! I enjoy giving my talents to good people filled with humility. I am finally recognizing those that covertly demand I answer to them. One of their favorite statements is: "You need to....". I say to myself, I don't "need to" do anything you say. Thank you Dr. Cloud!
“You convert them from being controlling people into being frustrating people!” Quite a conversion🎉 I’m sure there are s🤭 appreciative🤓 S😂rry, can’t help it!!
So helpful - thank you so much! I’ve recently made the decision to go no contact with my mom, and I’m regularly second guessing myself, but your words reminded me why I made this decision. Thank you!
Im learning to say NO to anti-White racism, and to unreasonable demands for “White allyship” like giving my time, and money, (and my body) when I don’t want to. I love your book Dr Cloud 🤍
What are you talking about? Racism has to do with power. If youre white you have it -its built in the system. So, dont worry , its impossible for you to experience anti-white racism as it doenst exist. It s a term white people use to stay in power.
But if the result of saying no is an outburst or pressure until you cave, you at some point give up the fight. Especially if its constant and in a marriage. Its too exhausting trying to constantly hold up boundaries when they aren't respected...
You might want to look at Leslie Vernicks tools. I understand your question all too well. Some boundaries are more extreme (separation or divorce), but I have learned that it is up to me to determine what I will allow.
Amen, praying with you, girl. This comment really touched my heart. The grace and compassion you speak from is evidence of a person who had to face a lot of harships to arrive at this place of healing and freedom. God showed me that my mom's need to control, is just based on so much wrong and pain that she experienced in life. And for that, she needs so much compassion that she's never ever seen in her life. And nobody deserves that. They need to find even just one person to show them grace and mercy. And it's hard to do that while also setting down healthy boundaries, but not impossible. With your mom, she has denied herself for so long that her mind is splitting into pieces. This is so sad, and only a miracle can happen now for her to be in her right mind to repent from the pain she had caused herself and her daughters. Not sure if you know Jesus already, it sounds like you do, but let's pray together for both our moms❤
@ totally dead on with everything you said. I agree her own trauma has caused so much of the need for control. I do pray and have faith that at some point God will redeem. It may not be on this side of heaven but boundaries for my own health and well being has been needed. It’s a source of grief which I have done grief healing and continue to. Prayers for both of our families are needed. Thanks for the message I appreciate it.
Great video! I’m Just learning to dismantle my tendency to be controlled by people with intense personalities - it’s hard work and scary because I am sensitive and reserved, and easily get intimidated by other people’s anger… but I’ve come a long way! Question - One snag I keep getting caught on is how to respond when someone tries to control with scripture, or by saying “God told me to tell you ______.” Essentially using God-language to give credit to their push to get you to do what they want or think is best. Any suggestions?? Thanks and God bless!!
As a counselor, I would suggest that you have the authority to tell others to refrain from speaking to you on God's behalf, and that your time with God is precious to you and if He something very important to tell He has direct access to you through your time spent with Him .
Say: "The Old Testament"... They'll give a blank stare Say: God only used prophets in The Old Testament. Once Jesus came He removed the need for intermediaries. So I'll pray about it and get back to you.
Spiritual manipulation is still manipulation. Don't give in to it. God didn't intend His word to be used as a weapon. He is not speaking to other people to tell you what He said.
Following.. I always get the 'you are proud', 'you are not humble', 'you don't want to listen' when I have prayed and God tells me something else. Like I don't know God myself and only they hear God. My heart is in the way to hear Him. It makes me feel so confused and anxious and I feel like I have to flee. But they say it is satan attacking me... Please God give us wisdom and discernment, so we know what it is that YOU want from us. We want to follow only You Jesus. In Jesus'name we pray ❤
I understand this and I have made friends, a life, etc., outside of this but I want to see and have a relationship with my grandchildren. How do I do that when she controls all of them, my son, the grandchildren, and the calendar? It is really tough not to fall into bitterness and resentment.
Look back to every interaction you’ve had with your DIL and the grands. Were you demanding controlling or neglectful? Were you bossy , intimidating? Or did you just let DIL and the grands just be and enjoyed them as they are? My MIL was all of the above and none of the “chill” . We moved.
@littlepixel1650 thank you. I appreciate your comment. I was not. I was grateful for every single crumb and morsel that she sent my way. She is and has been totally about her family from day 1 of their marriage. We get to see the grandkids for one holiday. Christmas. And of course, their birthdays because, guess what? Then they get money, presents etc. We don't even get 1/3 of the time that her family gets. And, you know what? I'm done. Dr. Cloud says you can't need something from those kinds of people. So, I won't. I'm done, They can do whatever they want, and, they will. They always have. I am too good a person to be treated so badly. I won't allow it anymore.
I broke both my ankles in a accident I wish now I would’ve had them put me in a nursing home to get better because I have been living with my daughter and I have had my eyes opened to the fact that she has to be in charge of everything and everybody in the house including me I love her but I will never see her quite the same again controlling people are exhausted people that’s a lot of work to control everybody thank goodness I will be going home soon it can’t come fast enough
Unfortunately I grew up with a controlling parent and so it is extremely HARD to say "no" to a controlling person. Sometimes saying "no" is truly white-knuckling it!
What about controlling people at work who are on equal terms? I have a co worker who always tries to control the way I do my job but they have no authority to control it. I have tried to talk to them and tell them I would like to work along side of them in peace but they are making it difficult for me to do so.
Hi what if the person is using the Lord name. For example no if you go ahead and do this God is gonna judge you for that or your kids will be judge too!
That is called spiritual manipulation, and you have the freedom and liberty in Christ to say stop right there, I wont accept that kind of speaking to me. And walk away
@sheliacarter5774 if it's your husband, then remain praying for help through the Holy Spirit on your continued growing, developing, and healing in Christ. Also, begin spending alone time in the scripture to know God and His nature, attributes, and character.. This time, knowing Him will transform you from the inside out as you see yourself as the image bearer you are.. and through knowing who He is, you will know who you are in Him and through His Son Jesus, and grow in the truth of that Word you take into you, and as it grows you to become bold and courageous through the fruit of His Spirit that matures you to take a bold and loving stand against all forms of abuse, and disrespect. The father is faithful to his word in you. And you will learn to be gentle as a dove but shrewd as a snake when dealing with those who rise against you through abuse.
Sounds like your husband has some spiritual issues that need serious prayer. Jesus does not use religion to control, he does things to bring people into a closer relationship with him and control does the opposite of building closer relationships. Praying for him to get the truth and for you to know that you are loved.
My predicament is this.....husband has paranoid persecutory delusions. He believes there are people plotting against him. He has numerous cameras, alarms, and locks in and around our house, convinced people are breaking into the house and planting evidence against him. He wants me to lock the door with a particular lock that you have to manually open from the inside. I explained to him that I will do this until I get into bed and after this time, if he has not returned home, I will use the deadbolt door and the security system. I told him I do not want to get out of bed after a certain time....I work full time and he doesn't. There's been heated arguments when I try and stand my ground about this boundary. He will guilt trip me. It's getting worse as time goes on......what to do?
Do you go to a church and can get counseling from the pastor? You are going to need God's help and community help and some mental health help for him. Help for you to cope with his stuff. Why is he returning late when he's not working full time? That sounds so difficult. I will pray for you.
@@karenmazzu We have been in counseling. I have my own support group for spouses with mental illness. He'll run errands or go to his parents place for awhile in the evening. I will hold my boundary. We went out yesterday...first time together since September, and he put a timer on a electronic lock. We took both cars so he could go home earlier. When I got home, he was in the garage waiting for the timer to open the door......it's exasperating. 4 years of this, not working......not sure what to do anymore.
This sounds like psychosis, those symptoms are common. I would get him evaluated by a psychiatrist asap, it only gets worse and only medication can stop the symptoms.
@@karenmazzu He will either run errands during the evening hours or go over to his parents. When the situation occurs when we both have to be out of the house, he'll have one of his parents come over and sit in the house. He hasn't worked in over 3 years. We go to a counselor, but not specifically for the mental illness. This has ruined our life.
The worst type of controlling person is an extremely manipulative one. They get what they want from you by rushing you, charming you, withholding information that would change your decisions, and a whole host of other methods. You won’t realize you’re being controlled initially - you’ll blame yourself for all the dumb decisions you’re making. It takes a long time to become aware of all of this.
I really appreciate how you worded your comment, this is what’s happened and happening now…. I’m a wake up now….
One year ago my mother left her marriage after 32 years of being married to my toxic dad . This past year has been such a RELIEF knowing that she has learned to set boundaries. She always thought she never had a say in anything . Unfortunately many women are in the same situation
🙋♀️ 36 years
Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain brother, after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thouht it was, but it worked wonders for me.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Wow!!! AMEN!!! Took me 20 years of marriage to convert my mother in law. Getting very chronically ill from stress is what is finally took!
We can say " sorry ur frustrated ", ..
& while sticking to our boundry...
😀 🎉🎉
I LOVE THIS!!!! I allowed my daughter-in-law to do this so I could see my grandchildren when they were young. Now, she is still doing it. It's all about her, her family, her friends, her dogs. EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING comes before making time for us. The kids' "other" grandparents. I am so DONE. She has a big family, and they are like a cult. Very exclusionary. Not inclusive in the least. And my son can't see it or do anything about it, and my 19 year old grandson can't see it either. I am just the witchy mom/grandma.
I have a daughter in law like that too. Same kind of family. We had a falling out on Thanksgiving, because I wouldn't agree to a lie, and stood up for what is right. It was a matter of morality and abuse. I may have lost my son. At least for now. It's very hard to watch my son and grandson get treated so badly, but now it's me too. Control, manipulation, deception are all a part of the mess he's in. Heartbreaking.
❤🙏
@Debbie-e3g Thank you, Debbie, so very much for your comment! I am so grateful for it! I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is extremely painful. I am trying so hard to let go. Trying to say even if I can't have a relationship with him, I hope he's happy. It's a shame that he's had to make a choice between his mother and his wife because of her refusal to see how unjust she is being, but it is what it is. I just have to let go and let God. It's not my battle to fight and He is so much more powerful than I could ever be. I did the same. I stated truth just like you. As they say, some people cannot handle the truth. Just think Jesus and the Sanhedrin (Pharisees and Sadducces). God bless you Debbie and give you peace!🙏
Oh gosh thank you!! Your words "they are like a cult" and "very exclusionary" hit me like a ton of bricks! I had that situation a little over 4 years ago. I had to finally, after 30 years, back off from a sister-in-law and my 2 nieces because if I didn't ALWAYS let myself be only used for money, or to do something or buy something for them, I was excluded, left without contact on Christmas, or other, kept controlled, on a leash, and told to "sit, stay, and fetch" ... Enough. The good Lord above, helped me see that it was my own fault for allowing this behavior, and they weren't actually controlling me, but I was allowing it, which I knew, if I didn't, I would lose them. She had controlled her own mother, locked her into her own home (COVID gave her a great excuse), taughter her girls very very well how to manipulate people for their own agendas, and as a result, unfortunately, don't have a lot of respect for others, just using them. And I was close to her mom, we talked about it at length. Her mom didn't like it either, but she was in her early 80's and saw no other way to say no and not lose her daughter. Me, being removed a bit, DID, and I made that choice, and have no regrets. No bitterness, no anger, I wish them a very blessed life, and hope they find God and His holiness and graciousness. I also learned being a believing Christian, God wants us to have a full life, only controlled by Him. Yes, be loving and kind to all, including them. But not controlled. When she saw I wasn't going to budge? She made me out to be the bad guy and has been bad-mouthing me to others ever since. But I don't care. Freedom, happiness, joy, a new "adopted" family? I wish them well. But I wish ME well too. Life is so good now!! I couldn't be stuffed in that box another day, let alone for the rest of my life.
@sherylclements2846 I hope to get there too to find friends to be family. I agree wholeheartedly about what you said about God blessing them and also wanting us to be God-pleasers, not people-pleasers. It just that around this time of year, I feel lonely and disconnected. I used to have a big Italian family around and we all cooked together, or I cooked. I am 76 now. My grandparents are gone, my parents are gone I have one aunt left. Just a very difficult scenario for an all-Italian girl to navigate. Our culture is all about family, and it really stings.
" compulsion means dealing w/ the inside ".
"As if we'd be selfish if we'd say no ".
GREAT EDUCATION !!🎉🎉
So good! So helpful! I enjoy giving my talents to good people filled with humility. I am finally recognizing those that covertly demand I answer to them. One of their favorite statements is: "You need to....".
I say to myself, I don't "need to" do anything you say. Thank you Dr. Cloud!
Great insight! This should be taught in school.. elementary age . Thank you so much. How did you get such clarity?
Thank you so much for this message!! This is bringing me so much clarity. I will need to rewatch a couple of times and take notes.
This is exactly what many of us needed to hear. Thank you.
“You convert them from being controlling people into being frustrating people!”
Quite a conversion🎉
I’m sure there are s🤭 appreciative🤓
S😂rry, can’t help it!!
Controlling people... like, during covid? I said "NO" and Lord Jesus Christ protected my job - thanks be to God!
Huh?
Amen
So helpful - thank you so much! I’ve recently made the decision to go no contact with my mom, and I’m regularly second guessing myself, but your words reminded me why I made this decision. Thank you!
Very helpful - thank you.
Yes. It starts in childhood with nowhere else to turn. Thankfully, I had siblings so I did not feel alone.
This video is so helpful. It sums up what I learned in a year of biblical counseling. You are a remarkable teacher. Thank you!❤
Agreed. Dr. Cloud is the voice of reason in my head.
so much wisdom :)
Thank you Dr. I read and re=read your books when I 1st got saved! The implementation was life saving!
Im learning to say NO to anti-White racism, and to unreasonable demands for “White allyship” like giving my time, and money, (and my body) when I don’t want to. I love your book Dr Cloud 🤍
What are you talking about? Racism has to do with power. If youre white you have it -its built in the system. So, dont worry , its impossible for you to experience anti-white racism as it doenst exist. It s a term white people use to stay in power.
But if the result of saying no is an outburst or pressure until you cave, you at some point give up the fight. Especially if its constant and in a marriage. Its too exhausting trying to constantly hold up boundaries when they aren't respected...
You might want to look at Leslie Vernicks tools. I understand your question all too well. Some boundaries are more extreme (separation or divorce), but I have learned that it is up to me to determine what I will allow.
Excellent information. Thank you for making this so easy to understand.
Merry Christmas, Dr. Cloud, may Jesus Christ bless you, you look fifty years younger, I pray for your health and peace. Thank you forever
Praying for my sister who lives w my dementia abusive mom. I pray God gives my sister the $$ means and freedom to live separate from her.
Amen, praying with you, girl. This comment really touched my heart. The grace and compassion you speak from is evidence of a person who had to face a lot of harships to arrive at this place of healing and freedom. God showed me that my mom's need to control, is just based on so much wrong and pain that she experienced in life. And for that, she needs so much compassion that she's never ever seen in her life. And nobody deserves that. They need to find even just one person to show them grace and mercy. And it's hard to do that while also setting down healthy boundaries, but not impossible. With your mom, she has denied herself for so long that her mind is splitting into pieces. This is so sad, and only a miracle can happen now for her to be in her right mind to repent from the pain she had caused herself and her daughters. Not sure if you know Jesus already, it sounds like you do, but let's pray together for both our moms❤
@ totally dead on with everything you said. I agree her own trauma has caused so much of the need for control. I do pray and have faith that at some point God will redeem. It may not be on this side of heaven but boundaries for my own health and well being has been needed. It’s a source of grief which I have done grief healing and continue to. Prayers for both of our families are needed. Thanks for the message I appreciate it.
@@s731s my pastor spoke on forgiveness. ruclips.net/video/9ss5GsyXvk8/видео.htmlsi=_1F7Pcur592C9RuK
The message I needed to hear at this moment.
I'm sincerely grateful.
Thank you Doctor.
God Bless
Excellent!
Dr. Cloud had a great body of work, encourage everyone to dig into it! 👍🙏🕊️
You are amazing Sir, thank you🙏
It’s vital to understand this but it’s also heartbreaking 🥹
Great video! I’m Just learning to dismantle my tendency to be controlled by people with intense personalities - it’s hard work and scary because I am sensitive and reserved, and easily get intimidated by other people’s anger… but I’ve come a long way!
Question - One snag I keep getting caught on is how to respond when someone tries to control with scripture, or by saying “God told me to tell you ______.” Essentially using God-language to give credit to their push to get you to do what they want or think is best.
Any suggestions?? Thanks and God bless!!
As a counselor, I would suggest that you have the authority to tell others to refrain from speaking to you on God's behalf, and that your time with God is precious to you and if He something very important to tell He has direct access to you through your time spent with Him .
Say: "The Old Testament"...
They'll give a blank stare
Say: God only used prophets in The Old Testament. Once Jesus came He removed the need for intermediaries. So I'll pray about it and get back to you.
Spiritual manipulation is still manipulation. Don't give in to it. God didn't intend His word to be used as a weapon. He is not speaking to other people to tell you what He said.
Following.. I always get the 'you are proud', 'you are not humble', 'you don't want to listen' when I have prayed and God tells me something else. Like I don't know God myself and only they hear God. My heart is in the way to hear Him. It makes me feel so confused and anxious and I feel like I have to flee. But they say it is satan attacking me...
Please God give us wisdom and discernment, so we know what it is that YOU want from us. We want to follow only You Jesus. In Jesus'name we pray ❤
Perhaps say 'thank you, I will pray about it:...
and then move on.
If they persist, maybe use one of the suggestions above in the comments.
This is great. Thought about my family.
Thank You Dr!! Its notby accident i found this video
You are a godsend 🥰
Thanks very much
Very good advice
I understand this and I have made friends, a life, etc., outside of this but I want to see and have a relationship with my grandchildren. How do I do that when she controls all of them, my son, the grandchildren, and the calendar? It is really tough not to fall into bitterness and resentment.
Look back to every interaction you’ve had with your DIL and the grands. Were you demanding controlling or neglectful? Were you bossy , intimidating? Or did you just let DIL and the grands just be and enjoyed them as they are? My MIL was all of the above and none of the “chill” . We moved.
@littlepixel1650 thank you. I appreciate your comment. I was not. I was grateful for every single crumb and morsel that she sent my way. She is and has been totally about her family from day 1 of their marriage. We get to see the grandkids for one holiday. Christmas. And of course, their birthdays because, guess what? Then they get money, presents etc. We don't even get 1/3 of the time that her family gets. And, you know what? I'm done. Dr. Cloud says you can't need something from those kinds of people. So, I won't. I'm done, They can do whatever they want, and, they will. They always have. I am too good a person to be treated so badly. I won't allow it anymore.
Maestro 🌹
Soo good!!
REALLY GOOD strategic
boundaries for budgeting
time investment
👏👏👏🙋🏼♀️👏👏👏
HEALTH for the HEART
SOUL & SPIRIT SELF 🕊🙋🏼♀️🕊
I broke both my ankles in a accident I wish now I would’ve had them put me in a nursing home to get better because I have been living with my daughter and I have had my eyes opened to the fact that she has to be in charge of everything and everybody in the house including me I love her but I will never see her quite the same again controlling people are exhausted people that’s a lot of work to control everybody thank goodness I will be going home soon it can’t come fast enough
It's important to have your own bank account!!! That script.is important the ministers direct that to your giving of 💰 money..Thank you..
I wonder Dr Cloud, what made you so obsessed with boundaries and “controlling people “? How were yr folks growing up? How was your marriage?
I am struggling with how to understand Jesus’ teaching in the sermon on the mount about going the extra mile when dealing with a manipulative person.
Unfortunately I grew up with a controlling parent and so it is extremely HARD to say "no" to a controlling person. Sometimes saying "no" is truly white-knuckling it!
😊
What about controlling people at work who are on equal terms? I have a co worker who always tries to control the way I do my job but they have no authority to control it. I have tried to talk to them and tell them I would like to work along side of them in peace but they are making it difficult for me to do so.
Sometimes there are victims. Like when there's a child (children) involved. Please, address this Dr. Cloud.
You remind me of Huckleberry Hound growing up
How so you get oeoole tonstoo mowing on your yard and grass seeding intobyour yard. They won't stop. No means nothing to them.
Hi what if the person is using the Lord name. For example no if you go ahead and do this God is gonna judge you for that or your kids will be judge too!
That is called spiritual manipulation, and you have the freedom and liberty in Christ to say stop right there, I wont accept that kind of speaking to me.
And walk away
@@nildameers3772 thank you for this confirmation. Jehovah is opening my eyes to a lot of my husband’s sayings.
@sheliacarter5774 if it's your husband, then remain praying for help through the Holy Spirit on your continued growing, developing, and healing in Christ. Also, begin spending alone time in the scripture to know God and His nature, attributes, and character.. This time, knowing Him will transform you from the inside out as you see yourself as the image bearer you are.. and through knowing who He is, you will know who you are in Him and through His Son Jesus, and grow in the truth of that Word you take into you, and as it grows you to become bold and courageous through the fruit of His Spirit that matures you to take a bold and loving stand against all forms of abuse, and disrespect.
The father is faithful to his word in you. And you will learn to be gentle as a dove but shrewd as a snake when dealing with those who rise against you through abuse.
Sounds like your husband has some spiritual issues that need serious prayer. Jesus does not use religion to control, he does things to bring people into a closer relationship with him and control does the opposite of building closer relationships.
Praying for him to get the truth and for you to know that you are loved.
@@deborahwilkerson8103thank you. It’s a confirmation for me. Please keep us in your prayers.
My predicament is this.....husband has paranoid persecutory delusions. He believes there are people plotting against him. He has numerous cameras, alarms, and locks in and around our house, convinced people are breaking into the house and planting evidence against him. He wants me to lock the door with a particular lock that you have to manually open from the inside. I explained to him that I will do this until I get into bed and after this time, if he has not returned home, I will use the deadbolt door and the security system. I told him I do not want to get out of bed after a certain time....I work full time and he doesn't. There's been heated arguments when I try and stand my ground about this boundary. He will guilt trip me. It's getting worse as time goes on......what to do?
Do you go to a church and can get counseling from the pastor? You are going to need God's help and community help and some mental health help for him. Help for you to cope with his stuff. Why is he returning late when he's not working full time? That sounds so difficult. I will pray for you.
@@karenmazzu We have been in counseling. I have my own support group for spouses with mental illness. He'll run errands or go to his parents place for awhile in the evening. I will hold my boundary. We went out yesterday...first time together since September, and he put a timer on a electronic lock. We took both cars so he could go home earlier. When I got home, he was in the garage waiting for the timer to open the door......it's exasperating. 4 years of this, not working......not sure what to do anymore.
This sounds like psychosis, those symptoms are common. I would get him evaluated by a psychiatrist asap, it only gets worse and only medication can stop the symptoms.
@@karenmazzu He will either run errands during the evening hours or go over to his parents. When the situation occurs when we both have to be out of the house, he'll have one of his parents come over and sit in the house. He hasn't worked in over 3 years. We go to a counselor, but not specifically for the mental illness. This has ruined our life.
@@catherinebotero4217 We will see doctor next month.
She says I am controlling when I say no
My kids safety while I was preggo and breastfeeding
I have an adult autistic child that literally wears me down to get what he wants. We need to get him out of our house.
It's worth all the time and money to get him out so both can get space to become separate people. Very health step. Good luck.
Boundaries. He does it because it works.
@@awaa1134 begin to undo the pattern of thinking which allows- learned helplessness and- free riding. NILF nothing in life is free.
We have CHOICES ONE IS SAYING NO!!!
Excellent!