The Subway Guy
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- Опубликовано: 20 ноя 2024
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The devil on my shoulder tells me to goon to japanese animus while listening to this vid. The other devil on the other shoulder concurs.
Hmm, what to do... 😅
Jared Fogle both made and unmade Subway. They tried a year without his ads, so the he got fat rumors started, ergo sales dropped 30%. So they brought him back. Obviously they ate it when it turned out what they'd hired.
Did you hear about the dad in Arkansas facing murder charges for killing a man who raped his daughter and then abducted her? This just happened.
Does your father drive a "Jaaaag"?
Because "extended barrowing" of watches sounds like something someone who drives a "jaaaaaaaaaggggg" would do.
Super size me: "This is what a hamburger looks like in your stomach." *Puts it in a glass jar*. "Your stomach works exactly the same as a glass jar."
His career began and ended trying to get into smaller pants.
Damn. I mean... damn. 🗿
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN
This better become the highest-rated comment of all time.
I know that this is funny but something still makes it feel too wrong to laugh
Ohhhh damn, Facepalm. Well played sir 👏
Even his prison sentence wasn’t 18.
💀💀💀💀
This made me laugh more than it should have lol.
😂
The "lots of walking" part of his diet came from the fact that he originally went to the subway very near to his house (as mentioned in the video) to creep on a girl that worked there. She got so creeped out that she transferred to a subway very far away, and Jared then walked all the way there just to continue creeping on her, contributing to his weight loss.
THANK YOU. Not only did he not mention it (which would've been some good foreshadowing too), I had to scroll WAY too far to find this. Cheers!
Creeping is a full body workout.
I live near the original place where Jared Fogle started eating subway. He lived in an apartment complex where there was a subway on the first floor, so he would have had to walk down like 2 flights of stairs to the actual subway lol. The subway went out of business and is now a coffee shop.
@@stormbourbon8379 I pity no real life "John Doe" noticed him as a future "Gluttony" victim. LOL
@@gustavh4014Jared was the only one keeping that subway afloat smh
"Practicing Jew", "two strips of bacon"
Rabbi's not going to be happy about that one...
"Zionsville"
*noticing intensifies*
It has to be made up by someone in Subway marketing. I mean, the level of goofy of his pre-Subway habits, like eating a hamburger at bedtime (Haha, got the burger chains.), is goofy as hell.
Pretty sure the Bacon was underage as well.
@@Piant_GenisThats nothing.
Indianapolis also has a "Whitestown"
Pretty sure the Bacon was also underage
kicked out of 109 fast food joints
It was never his fault! He was always the victim! Anti-jaredites keep oppressing him!
I just noticed so hard
They have a nose for such places.
I guess subway considered him the chosen one
It was never my fault though
When I was in 2nd Grade, our School had famous snowboarder Shaun White show up to give a presentation about both snowboarding and himself, and it was really cool.
My cousin, who is a few years older than me, is eternally pissed about that. Why? Because the celebrity they got when *he* was in 2nd Grade was Jared Fogle.
Cool snowboard guy vs pedo sandwich guy. Yeah, damn, I feel for your cousin man! 😂
That's sad and amusing at the same time.
😂
And his farts have been whispers ever since.
Your cousin is right about that.
The BBC will hire him.
So will Kamala
So would any synagogue
@@pcraft8785 And any Mosque.
They’d protect him too
*pleased World Economic Forum noises*
The Simpson’s quote from Chief Wiggum was an omen:
“I’m Jared from the Subway ads: I’m only a little overweight & sexually ambiguous”
$5 foot-long.
@@freecat1278 the rolls were good too :P
@@freecat1278The Micky D's Happy Meal can't be beaten......."Hqppiness is coming."
How Jewish of him
Hollywood knows PDF.Files because Hollywood is f***ing children... and remember, Hollywood acts like children too.
He's kicking himself. He could've just converted to Islam instead and hopped on a raft to England. Out in 6 months if he were prosecuted at all. Ironically, typing this could get me arrested in the UK with a harsher prison sentence.
It's a sad state of affairs when calling out PDF files comes with a harsher sentence than fucking kids!
There is no greater protection afforded to, than the tribe he already belongs to
And my axe!
And my sling
And my javelin
When I was 10 in 2005, I begged my mom to skip just one day of YMCA summer day camp at the community center. She let me do it just that once, even though we were suposed to meet Jared the Subway guy, there to "teach us about healthy eating." Thanks mom.
Jersey Mike would NEVER.
Dank's comment feed is one of the best things about youtube 😂
His real name is Peter Cancro, not Mike :(
Dibellas and the guys at Firehouse Subs could NEVER.
Of course not, their spokesman is God Among Men, Danny DeVito. A soul too pure to harm children.
Neither would jimmy john
I worked there when this happened. He got erased so fast we had blank menu panels for a week before they could print and send replacements from corporate. Their directions for if anyone asked about it were basically "Jared who?" and to not say anything.
Oh my god that sounds like a South Park episode 😭
That's actually hilarious. Even though it should not be.
The memory holing is hilarious. I wonder if some of your customers had a nice chuckle over that absurdity.
Bruh same! We had to go thru the coke fridge and make sure none of them had a “Share a Coke with: Jared” on them thats how stringent they were about cleaning it up
@kos2919 I know some of them did because it's come up in conversation here and there in the last couple years.
"Fogling" needs to be a word for when someone in prominent position gets busted doing something so stupidly inappropriate/illegal.
Isn't Foglings a monster in the Witcher?
Being Arrested on three counts of Fogling is no joke.
Like Munson in kingpin 😅
Uhh we have Shawn Combing
J Faggle the Jew
"Hey kids, spell tuna sub backwards, cause that's what I'mma do on yo face." -Jared Fogle meme
Nice
I'd probably lose a lot of weight after that because I wouldn't want to eat...
Anut bus
@@jarodfrye4971 good effort champ.
bus anut doesn't mean anything. And before you're gonna say I don't get the joke, if you're gonna make a pun joke, do it right as well.
He came to the Subway at Guantánamo Bay back when I was a Marine doing fence line security there. This was in 2004. Literally nobody wanted to meet him and ignored him while he was there trying to get people to come and eat there. You literally only have like 3 choices of places to eat there, which includes the chow hall, and they were still struggling to get people to go in there even after giving out free sub coupons. The chow hall was way better.
Thank you for your service in making him feel unwanted, ignored, and a weirdo freak. I'll buy you a beer.
Subway doesn’t serve crayons
I mean Subway isn't amazing or anything, but suggesting they're so bad that everyone chose food from the Mess instead is just silly.
@@ComicGladiatorsometimes that shit be hittin. The chicken shack on Camp Lejeune was my favorite place to eat if I had time.
@@ComicGladiator Always some recipe/ingredients finding its way through the back door, though. Random flank steaks or plantains show up on the menu for a day and no one knows how it got there lol
As a kid, we used to have a joke: "Why is Jared always smiling? Cuz Subway stuffs 30yr old meat into 10yr old buns."
That was back in like 2002; we knew back then - instinctually.
I remember the same joke about Michael Jackson and big macs
Man, I remember kids making jokes about "Jared feeding kids his 6-inch sub" back in middle school, 2007-ish.
Jared went from mild cholesterol to child molesterol
Diddy Party's, sponsored by subway.
Diddy Brand Baby Oil: For the Nasty You Want and That Little Kid Doesn't
Five dollar freak longs!
Can't believe Typhlosion was on the guest list
And catered too
We shouldn't joke about those freak offs tbf they make me sick the catering for those party's are awful!
The only celebrity I've ever met happened to be Jared. He came to my school when I was in 6th grade. All the kids in my class were thrilled to bits to meet Jared the Subway guy; little did we know 20 something years later, he probably REALLY ENJOYED coming to all of these elementary schools and giving talks or whatever it was he was doing
I met joe exotic…. 😂
@@pranc236 how did that go ?😂
I can just see him calling it "talks... or whatever" in his company's official correspondence with the schools.
@@Cop-rk1bf awkward at best. A man with tight leather pants and a leg holster does not make you feel comfortable. 😂. I told my GF at the time “meth lives here”. Turns out, i was right. We did get to play with a 6 week old tiger though.
@@pranc236 thanks for the reply 😂
Genuinely warms my heart to hear that pretty much every prison/gang rivalry is set a side for a moment when the kiddy fiddlers start getting to cocky in the cell block
I should mention that Zionsville is not too far from New Palestine in Indiana, being on the other side of Indianapolis. Other highlights are the neighboring towns of Brownsville and Whitestown.
Palestine isn’t too far from Athens… Texas. Both on the road to Paris, Texas.
The last name "Fogle" is most likely derived from the German word "Vogel", which means bird. "Jemanden Vögeln" or "to bird someone" is an actual euphemism referring to intercourse, so you using his name in that way is even funnier.
I wonder if that's where he got the thumbnail from
normative determinism does it again
Your pfp is ironic
The audacity to look us dead in the eyes while saying "eat fresh" knowing damn well what you're insinuating. Love you Dankula.
He is the most dangerously criminal in Britain for a reason 😂😂😂
I actually lost 120 lbs on the subway diet
Never fiddled no kids tho
Fogled is the verb to use in this context.
FBI
OPEN UP
I've never tried to play a child like an instrument either
Lost out on the true experience then. Nothing like a snack after dinner that potentially ruins lives.
So selfish and egocentric, these people.
Don't believe you.
*EARLY LIFE MAFIA*
“S-ranked supplementarian and sapient thumb, Ryback”
I almost barfed from laughter.
"God forbid you give me an extra sweaty slice of ham! I could make a better sub out of two moldy socks and a pop tart!!"
*- Bill Burr on Subway* 😂
The ADL loves Jared.
He got a lot of things in common with Leo Frank aftet all..
@@ChaosSwissroIl And Jeff E
@@ChaosSwissroIl no it doesnt. Why do you make things up?
@@PrimetimeXSHUT IT DOWN
@@FlatBroke612 im telling the truth
Every time someone mentions a Foundation I automatically assume it's a Fogling type of foundation.
I assume it's SCP.
I was living in Indianapolis when Jared got caught. Honestly...nobody was exactly surprised. That alone is the most telling thing about his character to me.
The bread in Subway sandwich has soo much sugar in it, Ireland has deemed it as a cake ..
So people are eating cake with f*cking meat, cheese and veggies on it? That's mildly funny
There is a comic where Jared met the Justice League. Thankfully he wasn’t anywhere near the teen titans…
Oh shit, damn
Thank god
Superman knew since he looked uncomfortable shaking his hand
@@larrychilders6599 I heard about that
@@larrychilders6599 Unlike the Justice Leagues team ups with the Colonel...
This is what we get for deserting Quiznos.
Completely forgot Quiznos was a thing
@@tardisman4210 yeah it’s crap so no surprise .
WE LOVE THE SUUUuuubs
@@MrMustafio I read recently that when the company was going out of business Adult Swim executives made the choice to run that ad over a dozen times in a single night because they liked the singing creatures so much
wasn't our fault; the company was horrendously mismanaged
Subway never fully recovered from this and likely never will. One of the biggest PR disasters in marketing history.
I haven't gone back since this happened. I kinda liked the sweet onion chicken teriyaki. But only when it was 5$. I won't pay 14$ for that same garbage
It's not like they knew.
@@nupraptorthementalist3306I have a feeling they absolutely knew, but tried to keep it under wraps.
@@nupraptorthementalist3306 sarcastic?
@@nupraptorthementalist3306Subway was warned about Fogle's sick behavior in 2011 and ignored it. Only after charges were filed, their initial response on social media was " "We no longer have a relationship with Jared and have no further comment." They also didn't remove Fogle's likeness and name from advertising until after charges were filed, even though they were aware of the ongoing investigation. It wasn't what they knew, it was the response after they found out that was considered a major PR disaster.
Despite making up only 2% of the population...
1/10th that amount...
control 98% of all media
I was gonna like but your at 109 likes, which is the number of nations they got kicked out of.
Cool it with the Anti-Subway Remarks
Dankula was so disgusted that he wouldn't even acknowledge the man's name in the title 😂
Thou who shall not be named, simply known as “the subway guy” 😂
If you speak his name, Subway corporate will show up and delete your account!
That supersize me guy might be worth doing a video on, he turned out to be a fraud, most of the damage to his body he got from what he claimed he was eating was actually from his seriously bad alcohol habit
Yep, fraud and narcissist whose multiple addictions eventually killed him
He is not around to retort
@@swskating3865 and?
Found the McDonald's shill.
@@swskating3865 Wait, he is pining for the fjords now? EDIT: Huh, he is. I somehow missed that.
The tiny pause at 'practicing jew' has destroyed me
Even the zoom in to go along with it. I backed it up multiple times. I love it.
Jared started filling his hard drive with cheese pizza instead of his stomach.
He's getting that '$5 Footlong' for free, now.. 😖
He goes heavy on the mayo these days
They recently had a sale, 5$ sandwiches! Maybe trying to rekindle the 5 dollar footlong days. but they weren't selling footlongs. Only 6" subs.
You only get a six incher for a fiver in the UK.
@@TreVader1378 do they call it a "6 inch" ? Even tho they use metric system? I assume most people know what one foot looks like even in metric system countries.
@@col.cottonhill6655 yeah they do, we use both for some reason, same with temperature.
Jared Fogle visited my elementary school back in the early 2000’s. He was really weird but also really friendly which all makes sense now lol
"raised as a practicing Jew"
Hahahaha golden!!!!
Could have been a Muhammedin too
Didn't even need to check early life on this one, so many signs
@@prestonyannotti7661 🤓🤓
Every single time.
@@janmichel2670 _No, Neo. I'm telling you when you're ready, you don't need to check Wikipedia_
I went to IU and lived in Bloomington for a time. I heard an unverifiable rumor that a part of the reason why Jared went to Subway was because there was a girl working there he liked to hit on so he went there everyday. She eventually got creeped out and was asked to transfer to the Subway further downtown (around 10 blocks away). Jared then began walking there to get his subs instead of the one next door. I usually try not to indulge in idle gossip but considering what we know about Jared know.... yeah I can believe it.
I remember when Jared came to my school back in the day to give a presentation about health and exercise for all of the kids to watch. We all got pictures with him afterwards, wild to think about it now.
The school swept that one under the rug in later years 😅
I don't know if it's same in other countries, but in Ireland, Subway bread has so much sugar and fat that it's legally considered to be cake. Healthy choices👍
It’s crazy because it doesn’t even taste like it’s so high in sugar
Yep, we even charge Vat on it because bread isn't a luxury but cake is 😂
@@CailinRuaAnChead gas isn’t it mate
I think that’s a Europe wide phenomenon
In the US (and possibly elsewhere) they were using azodicarbonamide, the 'yoga mat' chemical in their bread.
Whenever someone brings up Fogle, my brain immediately starts playing the boss music from The Fractured But Whole
"His name is Jared and he's still lookin' good!"
Jared the foot long lover by rucka rucka ali.
The Mad Lad who likes Little Lads
I get the feeling he didn't title this a Mad Lad for that reason
The only thing mad about this monster is how fast he tries to get hawk thua from little ones .
69th like 😂
22:20 great last name lol
4:00 Video Starts
I can normally tell from the t-shirt switch haha
"My name is Jared and I'm still lookin' gooood" Thank you South Park for this song popping into my head every time I see a Subway.
19:43 I'm surprised he wasn't hired to be the spokesman for Snickers. 'You're not yourself when you're hungry'.
He can still be their spokesman in prison.
"Not going anywhere for awhile? Grab a Snickers."
4:13 I spit my cocktail all over my desk. Funniest thing I've seen in months
22:19 I laughed for a minute straight. I shouldn't have, since... it's rude to laugh at people's names. Still though, the Universe seems to have a funny sense of humour sometimes.
Such a simple, but effective edit XD
B-b-b-based!
It must be nice being so easily amused.
@@patterofheads256hehehe anhedonist
How do you know when it's time to go to bed at Jared's house? When the big hand touches the little hand.
Every time. Every time you do that dramatic pause and stare at the screen. It cracks me up.
Jared lost weight to chase kids faster
Hehe
I almost went to Subway for lunch, Dank is saving lives.
Subway is now regretting letting Happy Gilmore go.
😂
Respect for not glorifying the bastard. Some things don't need explicit detail to recap what a monster someone was.
Dank, you really didn't have to remind us about the existence of the Sharknado movies. That was uncalled for.
I live near Zionsville Indiana, and yes, it’s exactly how you would think it is
Full of zionist jews?
I'm a Hoosier and actually don't get this. I always thought Zville, Carmel, Avon and those areas were dece. I'd live a million lives there before one life in Speedway.
A street view expedition is in order
A bunch of **them** running around doesn't it?
You mean way nicer than Dearborn Michigan.
"Raised as a practicing Jew" in the business we call this, foreshadowing.
In the noticing industry?
@@viciousKev ever read the talmud?
3 and 9. Nuff said.
I don't get it
@@viciousKev what?
@@iceman5117 dont you know we can see all the weak bait comments you make on this channel
that 4:15 zoom is only half a second, yet speaks volumes
Didn't even have to look at the early life section
He's noticing hard and I'm here for it!
What does it say to you?
Is there anything to actually be said there or is it just antisemitism?
@@dirtydan9785 Just *funny* antisemitism
5 seconds into the proper video, your description of his early life, completely explained everything 🕎
7:35 I’m so jealous about his ration. Omg. When I was a schoolboy, my ration consisted of two pieces of baguette-like bread (2,5 inch in diameter, or less) with butter and sometimes cheese + a cup of tea for breakfast; the same for lunch, which was for the most times also my dinner (+ tea if I was at home), and I’ve had a plate of soup or porridge for supper with tea and bread. Meat was a very rare option. No wonder I was stealing food from the fridge.
*Old Sparky, The Electric Chair* "Hey, Jared.. Get the fuck in! You're going for a ride! You have the Fast Pass to Lucifer.."
As a German speaker I was very impressed with the linguistic conjunction of Vogel for a bird and fogel being slang for the marital act.....
if you're old enough to remember, that dude was genuinely loved by America as the face of a brand. He and Al Roker were like the interracial buddy duo for all the "good time feels" sort of stuff, and both had weight loss stories. The initial outcome of the truth coming out was insane and everyone and everywhere was talking about it(to this day).
So, I only recently got into this channel, and I'm impressed. The comments are f*ckin GOLD!
I will forever have nostalgic memories of the summer of 1995 when my high school pal got a job at Subway and gave me a big stack of those frequent buyer cards and a whole roll of the stamps to fill them. I was eating free double meat sandwiches all summer long.
of course small hat
the smaller the hat the bigger the problem
Going to get a cease and desist from Subway lol. They have tried so hard to bury this for years now.
no they didn't, all they did was cut ties with Jared and stop running the ads.
not really
You can't bury a story this large, at least not with Subway money you'd need like Oil tycoon money for that
Do you have evidence they send cease and desist letters to people who talk about it? Because I'm sure their legal team is smart enough to know that'd just make people talk about it more.
@@ArthurB26 No but what has it been like 3 decades now? Lol
Make woodchippers great again.
9:47 foreshadowing
If you look up pictures of where the subway was in relevance to his apartment it's really not even impressive. He basically only had to walk down two flights of stairs. He only started walking to the other subway because he was stalking a girl that worked there that moved to another store. So really him stalking that employee is what jumpstarted his weight loss.
He just wanted everybody to have aides.
especially children.
Yeah give the man a break. He would have given his aides to children for free... such a misunderstood guy ;(
Got that Southpark reference!😂
@@arvintyree1109 yeah we all did congrats
15:58
I know this is probably unbelievable but Zionsville is actually as J-ish as it sounds.
I live there - on the edge of the Whitestown/Zionsville border - tons of great people, but there's TONS of old money here, too.
(I don't wear a small hat fyi)
@@DDadams0 im Jewish. Whats wrong with Zionsville? I imagined it was just another town like East Palestine where the name had very little relation to the people living there.
@@PrimetimeXthe J's are always a problem.
@@DDadams0 No matter where they settle, they are always trouble.
@LagrangePoint0 I always ask people, if you were a landlord and you got a new application and ran their history what would they assume?
109 different landlords with 359 evictions. Who's fault? Surely not the clients, right? Everyone else, surely.
@@DDadams0 Exactly
What's funnier is that Jared's diet was so calorie-thin that subway couldn't legally advocate for the diet itself and slowly phased Jared out in favor of the foot long campaign
14:04 he's only in the film for about three minutes, and he spends two of them staring past a mother and looking over a 14 year old. Worth watching again to see how obvious it was back then
I love the use of alliterations in your scripts!
He was a practicing WHAT? His house located WHERE?
Every. Single. Time
I’m starting to see a pattern here
@@DeeDee-bm9hr makes you wonder what was in those tunnels in New York. 🤔
@@DeeDee-bm9hrYou're not supposed to notice things. Just passover it.
But not when it's the vatican, right Cletus?
@@emilyadams3228 but not when it's in your trailer park, right, Cletus?
You need to create a spinoff series called "Absolute Bell Ends"
Thank you for "Not getting into it."
I did that deep dive on these... (not people... what are they?)
My soul can only take so much of that.
Probably can't regardless because RUclips would shoot it down. But yeah, the extra details are not necessary. You can take a good guess to the nasty shit he was doing in his spare time...
Sandbags
They are called sandbags
@@DRAGONFLAIR2008 I'm a Sailor. We don't dive into sandbags. Thanks Soldier!
@@frug5629 I did it once, and I can't do it again.
4:13 cracked me up with the quick zoom in lol
I don't get it
From Steven Seagal to Mr. Fogel. I love that you cover these weirdos, keep it up
We lost Quiznos just so Subway could utilize a sicko.
Haha, the "fuck turkey" scene got me good. Thanks Count Dankula for showing the armenian flag when you said that.
12:35 "Cavernous caca catchers" is not a phrase that would have come to my mind when describing pants.
When you totally misunderstand what it means to try a 12 year old Brandy…
Jared came to my school in New Zealand in 2011.
He came into our Physical Education class. About 60, 13-14 years olds in tight clothing.
He was having a better time than anyone knew.
School scrubbed that history quick
Raised as a practicing JEW
heavy breath
O y ve y sh ut it down
Every single time goyim
It's all so tiresome
“Every single time”
*hand rubbing intensifies*
So sad he got arrested, he would’ve made an excellent politician
DemocRAT for sure.
He would make an excellent Muslim.
@@darthdonkulous1810 Lmao that too.
@@darthdonkulous1810 WWMD. what would Mohammed do? Lol
@@col.cottonhill6655 Children. He would do children. (And did)
Fun fact Fogel comes from German Vogel (plural Vögel and both pronounced V like F) meaning bird. The verb form is vögeln and this literal "birding" means.... to fuck. So yes, he did vögel kids
“There are Germans running around with the last name Fucker”
That’s some cursed knowledge
There is great significance to the passage of time, when you really think about it.
Jared really took the phrase “eat fresh “ to a whole other level
Jared cuts ties with his foundation
Gets raided and arrested
Subway cuts ties with Jared
Still waiting on Subway getting raided for obviously turning 'evidence' into their turkey...
Random fact Super Size Me features the "N" word, because it features the song Pusherman. No one must've noticed
That's a solid beat.
Rare internet "fun fact" that's actually fun
Nickelodeon probably has a spot for him
4:14 very subtle dankula