💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
It amazes me how smart most of us probably are extremely smart or very smart or just smart in general, but once you get triggered into that anger that smartness sometimes just absolutely goes away
And then get angry at yourself for not acting like you think you should with the benefit of hindsight. I can give myself a hard time about this for weeks.
For a long time into adulthood I was livid at my child self for not being able to protect or defend myself. It took me years to understand that how I acted was the only way I was able to get some of the emotional nutrients I needed growing up. If you’re someone who struggles with self hatred, I hope you read this and something clicks for you. You can’t hate yourself better.
I realized that anger directed to yourself might translate as depression or addiction. The trigger is external but it doesn't come out as rage but as self-punishment.
you should still be angry at yrself for not staying in control..guilt n shame there too. to me we need to hold respocibility even if we been trained badly.im fighting cptsd.its not our fault but we choose to fix ourselves or keep abusing others because we were abused..nasty cycle needs to stop.
@sarahellison-leach2077 I'm a combat vet, I have PTSD also major depressive disorder, I did not claim it to be simple or discredited you're trauma, simply encouraging. My faith in God is the only credit I give to allowing me to heal from past Trauma. Best of luck in you're healing process.
@@sarahellison-leach2077 its never that simple ,and yes im gaining control back,panick attacks lessen,we all have to take responsibility for ourselves.growing and forgiving,letting go.
Realising that a huge part of why I disassociate is to block out feeling anger and rage, which I'm full of As a kid I was never allowed to express anger + feared that I'd hurt somebody innocent so I bottled it inside
These videos help so much. I can't afford to see a professional so your youtube has been the therapy I need. I've been angry and scared for a long time, and I don't remember being like this when I was younger. Now that someone is actually explaining all these things I've been getting better at handling it.
Grief at ALL the loss we've experienced as a people since COVID. Soul-smashing anger, self-hatred & bitterness due to an unresolved relationship with my narcissistic dad.
This guy Tim is great. I kinda him easy to listen to. It helps me listen carefully and not just get annoyed (interesting topic related in this video). But some people on RUclipsrs seem to be grifters who don't understand and they just talk random words. Tim gets it. He's authentic.
There were many things that I came to realise about my anger. First, was how it was such a constant within me and how ashamed I was of at being such an angry person. Second, was how that anger meant I was unlovable and that I needed to keep people at an emotional distance to stop me from hurting them emotionally and then them rejecting me. Third, was how much emotionally energy I had to invest to try and suppress my anger in order to try to function normally. Fourth, how it didn't matter how often I vented in counselling sessions or in other uncontrollable situations the lava underneath never became exhausted. There was always more fuel for the fire. Fifth, how that anger was my ultimate protection. I subconsciously knew that the one thing I could rely on to protect me in any situation was my rage. That however dangerous emotionally or physically the situation my anger would ensure my safety. Sixth, and the last lesson I learned was my intense anger stemmed from the deep hurt and raw emotional pain I felt from being treated so badly as a small child.
Anger is a tool. Learn to leverage it because it comes from the place in us that loves us most. Anger informs and protects. It's ok to experience anger. Let's forgive ourselves for being human! Let's forgive others, too.
I begged my wife to give me space whenever I felt close to loosing control. My greatest fear was doing injury to the person I loved. Years ago, she left me and I became overwhelmed. I took it out on myself. Fortunately, I was unsuccessful. However, I met four out of the five potential criteria for an aneurysm and I'm not entirely unconvinced I didn't have one. For the next year to a year and a half, I went through wild mood swings. I lost many of my interests and hobbies. I still find it difficult to connect with those parts of myself (especially the emotions I had). Additionally, I lost interest in academic and intellectual persuits I'd had. All this is to say, I'd highly recommend addressing any issues you identify within yourself.
I don't know if it's your case but I went from fight and fligth responses to freeze response and I have lost energy and motivation. I don't know if it was the result of doing EMDR for a year. Anyway, I think that, although I tried to fight and flight in my childhood I had to go to freeze and fawn in order to survive and freeze is my dominant trauma response and has become my auto pilot. Of course, antidepressants don't do me any good but I can't convince any doctors so I refuse to take them. I have no money for therapy and when I had it I didn't find any who could help me. Complex PTSD is unknown for most of them.
@Lyrielonwind I was very heavily mired in fight response and freeze response when stressed. Situations where I should've been afraid, I'd freeze until my anger built and then attack the source of my stress. I didn't attempt to fawn. Instead, it was as if I'd wait to see if the stress persisted and then attempt to remove the element as quickly as possible. I have no desire to discuss the acts or violence I committed in response. Fortunately, I did not cause permanent injury to anyone.
You probably didn't have an anyeurism because I've had the exact same thoughts for years but had TWO scans of my brain in the summer and they said all clear. I had a bad headach for months, ending up being sinus infection from a dying molar tooth. They looked at every vein in my head apparently...once with iodine..once without..to get to two levels.
Maybe some academic and intellectual pursuits were just covering up issues and therefore they feel less attractive right now. An innate curiosity will come back once our exhaustion is gone. Till then the addictive and diverting effect is possibly out of the window . And that maybe good as cleansing and temporary.
@annelbeab8124 I was deliberately vague. If you were to look up risk factors for aneurysm, and consider what the word "unsuccessful" implies then you'd get a general sense of events.
This is all so true. Im very afraid of getting angry and i don't like being pushed to that point because I get out of character and black out and once it's all done, I'm completely burnt and exhausted. Because of this, I try to avoid people and driving unnecessarily.
Thank you, Tim. My employers get angry with me. They make decisions about me I wouldn't make about them. I get angry too. My decisions about other people do not result in their destitution. Anger comes out in different ways. I could do without them. Thanks for being here.
you said it well. ive come to accept and understand my anger and rage but damn it appears out of left field from time to time and i'm trying so hard to manage it because its really not who i am at my core. anger and rage has been one of the hardest feelings to tame 🥴
My rage is constant on/off throughout the day...its always from splitting. For example if a photocopier is broken all technology is garbage, the world is suffering under its weight, we're a dumb species for relying on it so much, i hate people using their smartphones and want to kill them all. Then I walk to the next machine..it works..and I'm all peace and love again. Its insanity.
One of my earliest memories is when my dad told me, in my two older male siblings' presence: "You're angry aren't you?" He kept insisting. I was only 3 yrs old. He thought what he was doing was funny. I didn't know the psychology behind what he was doing. The implications is that its a mark of weakness to feel or experience ange, and that one is a failure for having experienced that or exposed that about yourself. . Having witnesses to him saying that backed, him up. You could say that they fell for being "usefull idiots" or for being his useful fooled fools. What is more appealing to kids in a narcissistic family system but to have some power or to be attracted to having power over another, indifferent tobthe others pain. A person (kid) getting angry is "proof," then, of guilt and terrible irredeemable weakness, "proof" that the "weaker" one is "not able" to be covered, and that covering denied them is also "proof" of their guilt and of shame that must becassigned them. The quilting and the shaming going together, part of the double bind, to keep the enjoyment of torture and overpower remaining alive to always ensure it is exposed to still be resurrected and alive within a second. To this day, the 3 siiblings in the middle don't see how invested they are in this. Sickly, they think their perverted narrative keeps them alive and strong. My anger, finally recognized as the alarm bell that something is very wrong and unsafe, I have constructively separated myself from those unsafe gaslighters who feed into my mind destructive beliefs. I will not put upbeat with what I used to put up with it. I will not allow them and their unwilling to stop indoctrination into my presence. I will not allow any of their entertainment, nor any of their devices within my sight, earshot, norpresence. They don't have permission tobenter nor cross my safe boundaries. I have definitely been learning i was trained to be codependent, to put up with nonsense, to believe those others had a right to do that nonsense that I couldn't define yet as nonsense. I thought I needed them and their "love. No. Things cannot be as we want them to be. I live well without them. This needs to be said. This is where healing begins and takes off.
I have SSRI syndrome where the meds cause debiltating and potentially deadly side effects. I was given a trial pack to take for a week. The first 2 days was great! The third day, I went from fine, to an uncontrollable rage! It Terrified Me! I had Zero Control! That physician told me to stop meds and to Never take again. Down the road, other doc prescribed some. I again had huge issues even on low dose! Doc said it was not the med. Pharmacist I told my experiences and he Adamantly told me to Never take SSRI's. Insurance company was calling me Non-compliant and was going to cancel my policy! I asked to speak to their pharmacist. She agreed with me and got the company to not cancel me! After this terrifying experience, I wonder how many other people on psych meds with severe side effects, are also getting gaslight or bullied into compliance, with detrimental effects? I do get triggered from childhood abuse and abuse by ex (possible psychopath), but I stuffed it down or it came out at the wrong people at the wrong time. But it is way diffrrent than the rage from meds. Thank you for your detailed help in such a touchy yet important topic like this!
Ow yes...dang...I realised that I had and have anger issues. It was a cooping and defense mechanism for the deep pain underneath. And my mother was emotionally unavailable and was angry a lot. I am in program to deal with cptsd....it is heartbreaking how abused I was in relationships because I always thought I was to blame whilst my anger was a retriggering of deep trauma... Well...never to old to keep learning and becoming my authentic self.
Being told I'm "rude" is one of my anger triggers. I'll go '0 to 60' in a nano-second and there IS NO decision making, its an unavoidable given. It's cost me a huge amount in life. When in this state my goal is to win by 'going for the jugular'.
1) So being rude was a cardinal sin that made it so important. 2)Or: all else would be lie, so it's not rude and calling it rude is a digressing on the part of the other, a denial of truth. 3) being honest is dangerous and not well trained, so it comes out rude. This shames us and then we blow as caught being not yet able to express ourselves clearly, yet adequately.
@annelbeab8124 yes, most definitely a 'cardinal sin' (father) - like answering back, disagreeing, having an opinion contrary to his. A member of staff in Asda called me "rude" the other week. She was shifting the focus from her onto me. I get what you're saying here. I was taken aback by how mad I felt, really angry. If i was a violent person I'd have hit her I was that angry!
@arabellacox I often was mad at being mad. As a kid I tried to throw anger down the stairs and over the balcony. I'm serious. It failed. The story was told in a funny way but ....
I have an intense anger and hatred for myself and people who took advantage of me. I was depressed and didnt stop people from stealing from me and using me. Ive tried so many times to forgive or forget but I just cant so now I have constant suicidal thoughts. Ive prayed so many times about this but God doesnt answer. Please advice me and pray for me!
This is why I stopped lashing out on facebook. Realized I had an anger problem. I still lash out here and there but it's definitely not as bad as when I was a 20 and 30 something. I just wish facebook didn't broadcast my messages to everyone putting my anger on full display. It's embarrassing and really ruins the social experience.
You couldn't be that angry if you haven't been banned yet. I have been banned from every social media platforum innumerable times due to my anger and lack of impulse control. Thank god youtube gives us warnings now.
I now know why my simmering anger exists. I’m angry at the injustices I experienced as a child and young adult. I need to pray that God will help me forgive people so I can be free of my suffering ✝️🙏
Dude opens up with exactly how I’ve always felt about my anger. Never ending supply. If I let myself get angry I’m terrified for what I may do. It worked great when I was in a gang. Not so good when I decided to be a “real person”. I still don’t feel like a real person and I hide myself away. Allan watts calls attraction/aversion as wowee/ugh. I finally gave up on ever being wowee to anyone. Full ugh for the masses. I’ll tell you in pretty tired of hating myself. I’m tired of being angry with myself because I’m to self loathing to be angry with people who hurt me. Hopefully some how my destitute ass figures out how to get some help before it’s too late.
The greatest source of guilt and shame for me, is my grandfather forcing me participate in child sacrifice, I have a lot of triggers and a lot of anger. You nailed almost all of them.
For me, anger isn't something I was allowed to express as a child. I either got my Mom's wrath, or her reduce and mocking. I learned anger is to be stuffed, never exposed. I never learned how to resolve conflict is one result. I am a deeply shamed adult now 😢. For me anger is hurt, extreme hurt, sometimes the actions were intentional. intentional hurt. Anger is hurt with an attitude! 😢 I think this having to stuff my anger is one reason why I eat too much. It's my coping mechanism. The only time I didn't feel on edge, felt love from my family, my relatives, is while we were eating. This is so sad for me to realize this. That I was this abandoned. And those that noticed did not care enough to do anything to help me.
totally.its been nasty living in pain nearly 50yrs.only past 12 has much come to light still fighting myself and others.im scared wjen im nt angry almost abnormal.so i isolate.n try to see what i can fix n where i need help rewireing my brain....raised in anger, told i was a waste n shud never have been born yet parentafied n denied a childs needs,im still a child im my mind in many ways
At the beginning of this year, I was scammed out of thousands of money, someone came on my bathrag, my puppy died under someone else's watch, and right before all of this, my drug loving little brother ran away, came back, and threatened to hurt the family. On top of performing my best ALL the time because the people around me are lazy, I have to do so much more, and hear so much more for being older. I was already molested from 5 to 8, and that fucked me over because SA turned into PA when SA wouldn't work. My older brother scammed me through my whole life. I'm so burnt and angry, AND my grandmother passed away this year. I never saw her through my being 21 and this is the time where my life is getting worse. I'm grateful for it, but I'm so mad.
I hate when I get triggered through anger... It is literally nano second. I spent a lot of time not having it show up, then boom overwhelming heating brain fog. The black rage, is so real. It snaps the framework of my mind, environment, and reality to the very worst possible situation. Then I react based off those feelings and fears, in a instant. I just started to learn how to feel it coming, or if it has overtaken me. Its really embarrassing as an adult man to have things from my childhood blindside me into an anger based response. The shame afterwards is so intense, physical, and exhausting. I also learned some people will take advantage of you being triggered, and your reaction and use that as a moral high ground. Even if you admit you were wrong, it gets held over your head the damage is done. Sometimes we need that, other times its just a really messed up manipulation thats based around your own mistakes and flaws. So its hard to know if its truly an issue with the person or they are pressing you to feel awful. Either way regulating your emotions is on you... even if something else triggers you.
Funny reading the list. I have been angry as long as i can remember. I can remember it like yesterday i was about 9 or so and said Dad why am i so angry ? He said what do you mean ? I said i just feel like i could get so mad i would hurt someone. Look at my face as i pointed towards the mirror. It always has a mad look. I look mad all the time. Don't really remember his response. I have the facial lines to show it. But also the lines that show extreme joy and happiness. Never really understood having so much anger and love at the same time. Like i couldn't express the love i had so i raged instead but mostly internally. Now older, it seems to burp out way too much. Been searching for balance my whole life. 🙏
@@tradslnd9872 Not really but i will have to look now. I was an odd kid. Lol Observed odd things. Lived my life in a constant state of deja-vu. Always felt like 2 people like the Hulk or Dr Jekyll. Always a step ahead of others because of my powers of observation. Haha Just this "Venom" being attached to me. Keeps me safe, kinda sorta. And Deliverance is a good movie. 😂🚣🪕🪕🪕
Anger in and of itself is neutral. Taken to appropriate degrees and times, it's a beneficial survival mechanism. The problem is that it's cheap and easy fuel that isn't sustainable and productive and is completely DESTRUCTIVE when overly relied upon. Anger is often the result of imbalance, whether personally or societally. We live in a tremendously imbalanced society, one often far too reliant on dishonesty, hypocrisy, selfishness and cruelty. The more aware you become of these components of society, the more anger it can cause. It's so important to have proper support and coping strategies so that you can process those inherent imbalances and injustices without lashing out in all kinds of ways, most of them inappropriately. Rebalancing oneself in the midst of building injustices is key to survival.
I agree, please let somebody help you, call the help line or talk to someone you know!!!! Please dont do something you cannot get back from, i pray for you😢😮🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️
Alexander Lowen has written many books on bioenergetics that teach how to express anger in a safe healthy way and feel anger and love anger as a spiritual vitality John Pierrakos created a type of therapy called core energetics that explains the healing powers of anger
I used to deny being angry. Then I thought anger was an unacceptable emotion. Now, I just embrace the anger. I was mentally, physically, and spiritually abused all of my life. I think I deserve to be angry. The rest of my family deny their anger, and the vast majority of them have autoimmune issues bc of their suppressed rage. Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage.
That is a great prayer that God will answer, when we ask for help to forgive those who hurt us. He did it for me when I asked because I couldn't do it without His help.
I was angry with him after he did it. I won't say I wake up angry. In a different example, Carla, a neighbor friend, asked for help with delivering food to people. I accepted and helped. The way Carla talks at me doesn't make me angry at first. At first, it horrifies me. Then anger happens. Because, when you're defenseless, you get tired of it. Anger can be expressed differently from the sadness of being around ugly behavior. Being horrified turns into sadness. Then, as sadness becomes too much, it gets converted to anger. This conversion is dangerous. I decided not to show my anger. Because that could alter my relationship with Carla. That's very dangerous. But I was pretty steamed. I didn't enjoy it. I managed to remain calm. I was horrified all the way through. As far as I know, Carla is okay. I don't need to make a destructive and stupid decision about Carla. Because that makes the sadness worse. Then the anger will get worse. That's where I am with it. Talking nonsense on Carla is also horrifying. I'm fine without it. This person's suffering isn't what I need.
Well, I do have problems others told me that I have but I never had any of those issues before those people spoke to me so therefore they're wrong. I don't have anger issues. I have issues with emotional reactivity and I need to respond slower and control my reaction. The anger isn't the issue, it's what I do and how I react to it. Therefore emotional reactivity is the issue. In other words, it's not an anger issue whatsoever. Can he please explain how I went from 2017 to 2024 with zero triggers or anger issues whatsoever and this happens sometimes in periods that are triggered by one event out of which I often assume other people start deliberately bullying me therefore making them being the problem. Then it solves itself in a few months. I also went from a child when issues developed 😢trauma developed like 20 years with only one incident in school. Meaning that the problem is always a few other people and groups, just to say it clearly. It not even nearly everyone. It's never everyone. I make a mistake, then a few people deliberately keep me at a heightened state of stress and anxiety on purpose and after a few months it quiets down and those people return to normal and I return to normal. Therefore I'm not the problem. It's always someone saying something to which I need to learn to not reply quickly out of trauma so I don't get anyone else to notice I have trauma and literally everyone can live their lives like normal. Plus my guilt and anger are not related if there has to be a correlation between anger and a substance abuse. That guilt part is not related to anything. Or at least using something is not related to anything. I never get angry because of that. He said the guilt was related to anger which happens but I don't understand how substances are related to anything in this in my situation anyway. Is a scientist angry when he explains his theory even if it's to refute some other theory? Most likely he isn't.
Interesting...assualted by police, licence taken, for 15 years, no trial, no path to resolution, yet I have nearly clean driving record over 50 years. It is way beyond the complex trauma you have described. Institutional abuse is much worse than any abuse that one single individual can do to another. I need an expert witness and legal assistance. They are trying to kill me! They are succeeding. They should bring charges if they are going to continue their abuse.
I've learnt I have an ability to self control. I'm not helpless. I was wild. Backed into corners. Fears. Unskilled. Its there, like a lurking demon. It's been a long time learning within the short term counsel of incremental therapy. CPTSD is not a common knowledgeable understanding, here in NZ, yet there are child to adult suffering in the multitudes within our population. Some of our medical health professionals will not acknowledge CPTSD . PTSD in NZ is recognised fully. It became more officially known, that is PTSD with the ChCh earthquakes. And CPTSD gets lumped into the same therapeutic counsel of support agency. Australia does acknowledge the differences. Here in NZ, no. It prevents proper care and healthy populaces. I was 16 yrs old when diagnosed with Stockholm syndrome at 19 yrs diagnosed with ptsd and ocd, by two seperate senior psychologists at different times. Their reports were never integrated. Commonality in barriers to access healing and therapeutic counsel. This needs to change, right away. Legal health care changes by Govts.
if anger is my sadness? is it possible? because whenever i feel happy i'll find something that upset me and not just finding but creating, disappointing partner just because i want to but i want to make me and my partner happy both happy but i do the opposite and make both of us unhappy and very next hours i feel guilt, miserable, feeling like shit, doesnt worth anything and because of this self sabotage i lost 2 love of my life. i literally lost 2 love that might be my wife and im crying all the time and thinking what if i do the right how i could be happy(and ofcourse my partner too)...
No no no… I’m not an anger junky I’m wondering if a person keeps triggering my anger and knows it why doesn’t he just stop the trigger effect. I abhorred the anger feeling but he baits me into it so he can look good…. He is the sick one ….. Good try But since he will not leave I’m lock into this rollercoaster ride of anger. Oh PS he has no boundaries …
No one is saying you can’t be angry ..you’ve been lied to..however you have ‘choice’ and you are responsible for your choices.You have the choice to react or not and to process healthy anger not destructive or toxic anger..which ultimately will only hurt you again.
So, my problem is that I believe society sees ANY anger as an anger issue...no don't love anyone or I'll say you have a love issue. It's kinda invalidating an emotion....
What anger issues...i was only arrested in June once and then had the cops called on me twice since..while on probation...don't tell me I have anger issues lol.
Anger is underrated, and is an emotion that is actually continuously feed into our minds subconsciously via many avenues,. Actually talking about it does absolutely nothing, anger can be funny or destructive..try to laugh it off, just like this nonsense..
Rage is a work of religion, it comes with division and hate; not the fruit of The Spirit: The worship of idols, witchcraft, hate, contention, rivalry, rage, insolence, dissensions, divisions, Gal. 5:20 Aramaic
💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
@@TimFletcher yep, "they" tried to catch me and I didn't know how to tell you. Glad, you know and you warn people. Thank you 🩷
It amazes me how smart most of us probably are extremely smart or very smart or just smart in general, but once you get triggered into that anger that smartness sometimes just absolutely goes away
Your logical thinking brain literally goes offline when your limbic system is triggered.
And then get angry at yourself for not acting like you think you should with the benefit of hindsight. I can give myself a hard time about this for weeks.
@@almondmilksoda... and later rationlises it. To protect one's self Image of smart.
My IQ was measured at 136 but I’m an absolute failure. I spend a lot of time thinking about who I could have been if I wasn’t broken.
@@jtmacri1 slowly you will heal
For a long time into adulthood I was livid at my child self for not being able to protect or defend myself. It took me years to understand that how I acted was the only way I was able to get some of the emotional nutrients I needed growing up.
If you’re someone who struggles with self hatred, I hope you read this and something clicks for you.
You can’t hate yourself better.
I realized that anger directed to yourself might translate as depression or addiction. The trigger is external but it doesn't come out as rage but as self-punishment.
🤔
@@Lyrielonwind and self defeating behaviour.
@@markgory6847
Which wasn't inheritance but conditioning.
@@Lyrielonwind Yes, I inverted the anger and used to self-harm/ self-sabotage.
@@Lyrielonwind good comment 👍
I'm not angry at myself. I'm angry at everyone who's put me down and abandoned me without any listening or healing
you should still be angry at yrself for not staying in control..guilt n shame there too. to me we need to hold respocibility even if we been trained badly.im fighting cptsd.its not our fault but we choose to fix ourselves or keep abusing others because we were abused..nasty cycle needs to stop.
Let it all go. It's not you're burden to carry anymore.
@sarahellison-leach2077 I'm a combat vet, I have PTSD also major depressive disorder, I did not claim it to be simple or discredited you're trauma, simply encouraging. My faith in God is the only credit I give to allowing me to heal from past Trauma. Best of luck in you're healing process.
@@sarahellison-leach2077 its never that simple ,and yes im gaining control back,panick attacks lessen,we all have to take responsibility for ourselves.growing and forgiving,letting go.
@@Turtle-RR I wish you healing on all levels. deleted my comment.
Realising that a huge part of why I disassociate is to block out feeling anger and rage, which I'm full of
As a kid I was never allowed to express anger + feared that I'd hurt somebody innocent so I bottled it inside
“You have two good days and you think `I got my anger under control’” I Laughed out loud! Funny cuz it’s true.
💯💯
These videos help so much. I can't afford to see a professional so your youtube has been the therapy I need. I've been angry and scared for a long time, and I don't remember being like this when I was younger. Now that someone is actually explaining all these things I've been getting better at handling it.
Another very good channel for help is, Shaneen Megji.
Grief at ALL the loss we've experienced as a people since COVID. Soul-smashing anger, self-hatred & bitterness due to an unresolved relationship with my narcissistic dad.
This guy Tim is great. I kinda him easy to listen to. It helps me listen carefully and not just get annoyed (interesting topic related in this video). But some people on RUclipsrs seem to be grifters who don't understand and they just talk random words. Tim gets it. He's authentic.
👍💯
@@rorywynhoff1549She is awesome too!!
The “lava” analogy is so apropos. I feel seen 😳
You are the chocolate rain guy? How random. What in God's name
There were many things that I came to realise about my anger. First, was how it was such a constant within me and how ashamed I was of at being such an angry person. Second, was how that anger meant I was unlovable and that I needed to keep people at an emotional distance to stop me from hurting them emotionally and then them rejecting me. Third, was how much emotionally energy I had to invest to try and suppress my anger in order to try to function normally. Fourth, how it didn't matter how often I vented in counselling sessions or in other uncontrollable situations the lava underneath never became exhausted. There was always more fuel for the fire. Fifth, how that anger was my ultimate protection. I subconsciously knew that the one thing I could rely on to protect me in any situation was my rage. That however dangerous emotionally or physically the situation my anger would ensure my safety. Sixth, and the last lesson I learned was my intense anger stemmed from the deep hurt and raw emotional pain I felt from being treated so badly as a small child.
You don't miss a thing, do you, Tim? Damn near 100% spot on, this guy.
Anger, Tim. There you have it.
I think you need to read my comment.
Anger is a tool. Learn to leverage it because it comes from the place in us that loves us most. Anger informs and protects. It's ok to experience anger.
Let's forgive ourselves for being human! Let's forgive others, too.
It’s jet fuel for your rocket of desire 😉 don’t get mad… just get there!
@caroleminke6116 it took me time to figure that out, too! I'm trying to tell others it's ok that it can take decades.
Tim is talking about anger that's destructive that harms us.
I begged my wife to give me space whenever I felt close to loosing control. My greatest fear was doing injury to the person I loved. Years ago, she left me and I became overwhelmed. I took it out on myself. Fortunately, I was unsuccessful. However, I met four out of the five potential criteria for an aneurysm and I'm not entirely unconvinced I didn't have one.
For the next year to a year and a half, I went through wild mood swings. I lost many of my interests and hobbies. I still find it difficult to connect with those parts of myself (especially the emotions I had). Additionally, I lost interest in academic and intellectual persuits I'd had.
All this is to say, I'd highly recommend addressing any issues you identify within yourself.
I don't know if it's your case but I went from fight and fligth responses to freeze response and I have lost energy and motivation. I don't know if it was the result of doing EMDR for a year. Anyway, I think that, although I tried to fight and flight in my childhood I had to go to freeze and fawn in order to survive and freeze is my dominant trauma response and has become my auto pilot. Of course, antidepressants don't do me any good but I can't convince any doctors so I refuse to take them. I have no money for therapy and when I had it I didn't find any who could help me. Complex PTSD is unknown for most of them.
@Lyrielonwind I was very heavily mired in fight response and freeze response when stressed. Situations where I should've been afraid, I'd freeze until my anger built and then attack the source of my stress. I didn't attempt to fawn. Instead, it was as if I'd wait to see if the stress persisted and then attempt to remove the element as quickly as possible. I have no desire to discuss the acts or violence I committed in response. Fortunately, I did not cause permanent injury to anyone.
You probably didn't have an anyeurism because I've had the exact same thoughts for years but had TWO scans of my brain in the summer and they said all clear. I had a bad headach for months, ending up being sinus infection from a dying molar tooth. They looked at every vein in my head apparently...once with iodine..once without..to get to two levels.
Maybe some academic and intellectual pursuits were just covering up issues and therefore they feel less attractive right now.
An innate curiosity will come back once our exhaustion is gone. Till then the addictive and diverting effect is possibly out of the window . And that maybe good as cleansing and temporary.
@annelbeab8124 I was deliberately vague. If you were to look up risk factors for aneurysm, and consider what the word "unsuccessful" implies then you'd get a general sense of events.
This is all so true. Im very afraid of getting angry and i don't like being pushed to that point because I get out of character and black out and once it's all done, I'm completely burnt and exhausted. Because of this, I try to avoid people and driving unnecessarily.
❤ Absolutely... always directed at me ..not blowing up at others...Ty for this ... Alcohol and depression and anxiety...
Thank you, Tim. My employers get angry with me. They make decisions about me I wouldn't make about them. I get angry too. My decisions about other people do not result in their destitution. Anger comes out in different ways. I could do without them. Thanks for being here.
you said it well. ive come to accept and understand my anger and rage but damn it appears out of left field from time to time and i'm trying so hard to manage it because its really not who i am at my core. anger and rage has been one of the hardest feelings to tame 🥴
My rage is constant on/off throughout the day...its always from splitting. For example if a photocopier is broken all technology is garbage, the world is suffering under its weight, we're a dumb species for relying on it so much, i hate people using their smartphones and want to kill them all. Then I walk to the next machine..it works..and I'm all peace and love again. Its insanity.
I’m an Australian woman and the anger is a boomerang. It always gets me in the end 😅
4:40 Yeah. Addiction to anger is a very tricky beast. It will always find a way, until you face it and deconstruct it.
One of my earliest memories is when my dad told me, in my two older male siblings' presence: "You're angry aren't you?" He kept insisting. I was only 3 yrs old. He thought what he was doing was funny. I didn't know the psychology behind what he was doing. The implications is that its a mark of weakness to feel or experience ange, and that one is a failure for having experienced that or exposed that about yourself. . Having witnesses to him saying that backed, him up. You could say that they fell for being "usefull idiots" or for being his useful fooled fools. What is more appealing to kids in a narcissistic family system but to have some power or to be attracted to having power over another, indifferent tobthe others pain. A person (kid) getting angry is "proof," then, of guilt and terrible irredeemable weakness, "proof" that the "weaker" one is "not able" to be covered, and that covering denied them is also "proof" of their guilt and of shame that must becassigned them. The quilting and the shaming going together, part of the double bind, to keep the enjoyment of torture and overpower remaining alive to always ensure it is exposed to still be resurrected and alive within a second. To this day, the 3 siiblings in the middle don't see how invested they are in this. Sickly, they think their perverted narrative keeps them alive and strong. My anger, finally recognized as the alarm bell that something is very wrong and unsafe, I have constructively separated myself from those unsafe gaslighters who feed into my mind destructive beliefs. I will not put upbeat with what I used to put up with it. I will not allow them and their unwilling to stop indoctrination into my presence. I will not allow any of their entertainment, nor any of their devices within my sight, earshot, norpresence. They don't have permission tobenter nor cross my safe boundaries. I have definitely been learning i was trained to be codependent, to put up with nonsense, to believe those others had a right to do that nonsense that I couldn't define yet as nonsense. I thought I needed them and their "love. No. Things cannot be as we want them to be. I live well without them. This needs to be said. This is where healing begins and takes off.
Sometimes anger is a good thing especially when it’s a sign our boundaries have been violated so we can act.
@@roxy7255 yes I’ve just drawn this healthy relationship w/ anger and how to notice the difference
I have SSRI syndrome where the meds cause debiltating and potentially deadly side effects.
I was given a trial pack to take for a week. The first 2 days was great! The third day, I went from fine, to an uncontrollable rage! It Terrified Me! I had Zero Control!
That physician told me to stop meds and to Never take again. Down the road, other doc prescribed some. I again had huge issues even on low dose! Doc said it was not the med.
Pharmacist I told my experiences and he Adamantly told me to Never take SSRI's. Insurance company was calling me Non-compliant and was going to cancel my policy! I asked to speak to their pharmacist. She agreed with me and got the company to not cancel me!
After this terrifying experience, I wonder how many other people on psych meds with severe side effects, are also getting gaslight or bullied into compliance, with detrimental effects?
I do get triggered from childhood abuse and abuse by ex (possible psychopath), but I stuffed it down or it came out at the wrong people at the wrong time. But it is way diffrrent than the rage from meds.
Thank you for your detailed help in such a touchy yet important topic like this!
Ow yes...dang...I realised that I had and have anger issues.
It was a cooping and defense mechanism for the deep pain underneath.
And my mother was emotionally unavailable and was angry a lot.
I am in program to deal with cptsd....it is heartbreaking how abused I was in relationships because I always thought I was to blame whilst my anger was a retriggering of deep trauma...
Well...never to old to keep learning and becoming my authentic self.
Being told I'm "rude" is one of my anger triggers. I'll go '0 to 60' in a nano-second and there IS NO decision making, its an unavoidable given. It's cost me a huge amount in life. When in this state my goal is to win by 'going for the jugular'.
@arabellacox Its the calm down for me. I understand.
@christinavaldes7450 Oh yeah, that as well 'red rag to a bull!' 🤣
1)
So being rude was a cardinal sin that made it so important.
2)Or: all else would be lie, so it's not rude and calling it rude is a digressing on the part of the other, a denial of truth.
3) being honest is dangerous and not well trained, so it comes out rude.
This shames us and then we blow as caught being not yet able to express ourselves clearly, yet adequately.
@annelbeab8124 yes, most definitely a 'cardinal sin' (father) - like answering back, disagreeing, having an opinion contrary to his.
A member of staff in Asda called me "rude" the other week. She was shifting the focus from her onto me. I get what you're saying here.
I was taken aback by how mad I felt, really angry. If i was a violent person I'd have hit her I was that angry!
@arabellacox I often was mad at being mad. As a kid I tried to throw anger down the stairs and over the balcony. I'm serious. It failed.
The story was told in a funny way but ....
It’s okay to be angry and I don’t want to be hiding my emotions anymore. Too many people try to shut me up.
I have an intense anger and hatred for myself and people who took advantage of me. I was depressed and didnt stop people from stealing from me and using me. Ive tried so many times to forgive or forget but I just cant so now I have constant suicidal thoughts. Ive prayed so many times about this but God doesnt answer. Please advice me and pray for me!
This is why I stopped lashing out on facebook. Realized I had an anger problem. I still lash out here and there but it's definitely not as bad as when I was a 20 and 30 something. I just wish facebook didn't broadcast my messages to everyone putting my anger on full display. It's embarrassing and really ruins the social experience.
You couldn't be that angry if you haven't been banned yet. I have been banned from every social media platforum innumerable times due to my anger and lack of impulse control. Thank god youtube gives us warnings now.
I now know why my simmering anger exists. I’m angry at the injustices I experienced as a child and young adult. I need to pray that God will help me forgive people so I can be free of my suffering ✝️🙏
My god this is so me. I don't go picking fights, but I certainly look for them when I am at my worst. I hate it. It's not what I want to be.
Dude opens up with exactly how I’ve always felt about my anger. Never ending supply. If I let myself get angry I’m terrified for what I may do. It worked great when I was in a gang. Not so good when I decided to be a “real person”. I still don’t feel like a real person and I hide myself away.
Allan watts calls attraction/aversion as wowee/ugh. I finally gave up on ever being wowee to anyone. Full ugh for the masses. I’ll tell you in pretty tired of hating myself. I’m tired of being angry with myself because I’m to self loathing to be angry with people who hurt me. Hopefully some how my destitute ass figures out how to get some help before it’s too late.
Thank you so much for the insight, Mr Fletcher. I am so grateful I found you on this journey.
Blessings from Sweden 🇸🇪
The greatest source of guilt and shame for me, is my grandfather forcing me participate in child sacrifice, I have a lot of triggers and a lot of anger. You nailed almost all of them.
😞❤
omg that's horrible. I'm sorry you went through that.
You reading my mind
For me, anger isn't something I was allowed to express as a child. I either got my Mom's wrath, or her reduce and mocking. I learned anger is to be stuffed, never exposed. I never learned how to resolve conflict is one result. I am a deeply shamed adult now 😢. For me anger is hurt, extreme hurt, sometimes the actions were intentional. intentional hurt. Anger is hurt with an attitude! 😢 I think this having to stuff my anger is one reason why I eat too much. It's my coping mechanism. The only time I didn't feel on edge, felt love from my family, my relatives, is while we were eating. This is so sad for me to realize this. That I was this abandoned. And those that noticed did not care enough to do anything to help me.
These words I NEEDED to hear. This issue hurts SOOO MUCH
🥹🙏
totally.its been nasty living in pain nearly 50yrs.only past 12 has much come to light still fighting myself and others.im scared wjen im nt angry almost abnormal.so i isolate.n try to see what i can fix n where i need help rewireing my brain....raised in anger, told i was a waste n shud never have been born yet parentafied n denied a childs needs,im still a child im my mind in many ways
At the beginning of this year, I was scammed out of thousands of money, someone came on my bathrag, my puppy died under someone else's watch, and right before all of this, my drug loving little brother ran away, came back, and threatened to hurt the family. On top of performing my best ALL the time because the people around me are lazy, I have to do so much more, and hear so much more for being older. I was already molested from 5 to 8, and that fucked me over because SA turned into PA when SA wouldn't work. My older brother scammed me through my whole life. I'm so burnt and angry, AND my grandmother passed away this year. I never saw her through my being 21 and this is the time where my life is getting worse. I'm grateful for it, but I'm so mad.
I hate when I get triggered through anger... It is literally nano second. I spent a lot of time not having it show up, then boom overwhelming heating brain fog. The black rage, is so real. It snaps the framework of my mind, environment, and reality to the very worst possible situation. Then I react based off those feelings and fears, in a instant. I just started to learn how to feel it coming, or if it has overtaken me. Its really embarrassing as an adult man to have things from my childhood blindside me into an anger based response. The shame afterwards is so intense, physical, and exhausting. I also learned some people will take advantage of you being triggered, and your reaction and use that as a moral high ground. Even if you admit you were wrong, it gets held over your head the damage is done. Sometimes we need that, other times its just a really messed up manipulation thats based around your own mistakes and flaws. So its hard to know if its truly an issue with the person or they are pressing you to feel awful. Either way regulating your emotions is on you... even if something else triggers you.
@TimFletcher-p9y Expect these nuts brother.
Funny reading the list. I have been angry as long as i can remember. I can remember it like yesterday i was about 9 or so and said Dad why am i so angry ? He said what do you mean ? I said i just feel like i could get so mad i would hurt someone. Look at my face as i pointed towards the mirror. It always has a mad look. I look mad all the time. Don't really remember his response. I have the facial lines to show it. But also the lines that show extreme joy and happiness. Never really understood having so much anger and love at the same time. Like i couldn't express the love i had so i raged instead but mostly internally. Now older, it seems to burp out way too much. Been searching for balance my whole life. 🙏
@@jasonmuise7496 so interesting, have you looked into deliverance? That fact that you noticed it seems like it’s not part of your true identity
@@tradslnd9872
Not really but i will have to look now. I was an odd kid. Lol Observed odd things. Lived my life in a constant state of deja-vu. Always felt like 2 people like the Hulk or Dr Jekyll. Always a step ahead of others because of my powers of observation. Haha Just this "Venom" being attached to me. Keeps me safe, kinda sorta. And Deliverance is a good movie. 😂🚣🪕🪕🪕
This is so helpful and insightful!
You are so amazing! Thank you! ❤
My true anger is dangerous. I have been in some dark places. I am not afraid of these places anymore.
Please take good care of yourself❤️🙏😘
Awesome video! I found interesting insights from it.
❤❤ excellent.
Anger in and of itself is neutral. Taken to appropriate degrees and times, it's a beneficial survival mechanism. The problem is that it's cheap and easy fuel that isn't sustainable and productive and is completely DESTRUCTIVE when overly relied upon.
Anger is often the result of imbalance, whether personally or societally. We live in a tremendously imbalanced society, one often far too reliant on dishonesty, hypocrisy, selfishness and cruelty. The more aware you become of these components of society, the more anger it can cause. It's so important to have proper support and coping strategies so that you can process those inherent imbalances and injustices without lashing out in all kinds of ways, most of them inappropriately. Rebalancing oneself in the midst of building injustices is key to survival.
angry at myself for not being what you want.
10, 10, 6.
I'm already angry, I'm just using you as an excuse to express it.
This talk was so good…is there a nother part that will be uplaodedv
thank god this man exists
Anger is not bad. God gets angry. Better to be slow to anger than have 0 capacity for anger.
Oh I've been slow but after years of abuse from my wife I got no patience anymore
@@smokingcrab2290 leave her dude
My anger gets so extreme that i think eventually i will take my own life while in the rage. The cPTSD has already taken my life anyhow.
Please reach out for help. You are worth it. Your pain is real. I understand ❤
I agree, please let somebody help you, call the help line or talk to someone you know!!!! Please dont do something you cannot get back from, i pray for you😢😮🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️
you are worth the support you deserve. i hope you find someone who is able to be your safe space that will lead to your healing-amen.
When I've been triggered, it's like an 'out of body' experience.
Alexander Lowen has written many books on bioenergetics that teach how to express anger in a safe healthy way and feel anger and love anger as a spiritual vitality
John Pierrakos created a type of therapy called core energetics that explains the healing powers of anger
I used to deny being angry. Then I thought anger was an unacceptable emotion. Now, I just embrace the anger. I was mentally, physically, and spiritually abused all of my life. I think I deserve to be angry. The rest of my family deny their anger, and the vast majority of them have autoimmune issues bc of their suppressed rage. Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage.
Well said. Liked the reference to smashing pumpkins song
I'm with you
Get out of the cage. You deserve better
Yes the rush is addictive
I don't even have a second to think about it. I seclude myself due to fear for the public and for fear of losing my freedom. I hate it.
That is a great prayer that God will answer, when we ask for help to forgive those who hurt us. He did it for me when I asked because I couldn't do it without His help.
Soon as I do something stupid I hate myself
Dont do that, we all do stupid things, it is called life❤
I was angry with him after he did it. I won't say I wake up angry. In a different example, Carla, a neighbor friend, asked for help with delivering food to people. I accepted and helped. The way Carla talks at me doesn't make me angry at first. At first, it horrifies me. Then anger happens. Because, when you're defenseless, you get tired of it. Anger can be expressed differently from the sadness of being around ugly behavior. Being horrified turns into sadness. Then, as sadness becomes too much, it gets converted to anger. This conversion is dangerous. I decided not to show my anger. Because that could alter my relationship with Carla. That's very dangerous. But I was pretty steamed. I didn't enjoy it. I managed to remain calm. I was horrified all the way through. As far as I know, Carla is okay. I don't need to make a destructive and stupid decision about Carla. Because that makes the sadness worse. Then the anger will get worse. That's where I am with it. Talking nonsense on Carla is also horrifying. I'm fine without it. This person's suffering isn't what I need.
I always think up scenarios of arguments that haven't happened and I find myself getting upset and arguing with my thoughts it's crazy
what is with all of the devil horn hand gestures?
(I always wonder about that)
Thanks for talking about me
Well, I do have problems others told me that I have but I never had any of those issues before those people spoke to me so therefore they're wrong. I don't have anger issues. I have issues with emotional reactivity and I need to respond slower and control my reaction. The anger isn't the issue, it's what I do and how I react to it. Therefore emotional reactivity is the issue. In other words, it's not an anger issue whatsoever.
Can he please explain how I went from 2017 to 2024 with zero triggers or anger issues whatsoever and this happens sometimes in periods that are triggered by one event out of which I often assume other people start deliberately bullying me therefore making them being the problem. Then it solves itself in a few months. I also went from a child when issues developed 😢trauma developed like 20 years with only one incident in school. Meaning that the problem is always a few other people and groups, just to say it clearly. It not even nearly everyone. It's never everyone. I make a mistake, then a few people deliberately keep me at a heightened state of stress and anxiety on purpose and after a few months it quiets down and those people return to normal and I return to normal. Therefore I'm not the problem. It's always someone saying something to which I need to learn to not reply quickly out of trauma so I don't get anyone else to notice I have trauma and literally everyone can live their lives like normal.
Plus my guilt and anger are not related if there has to be a correlation between anger and a substance abuse. That guilt part is not related to anything. Or at least using something is not related to anything. I never get angry because of that. He said the guilt was related to anger which happens but I don't understand how substances are related to anything in this in my situation anyway.
Is a scientist angry when he explains his theory even if it's to refute some other theory? Most likely he isn't.
Therapist: "You exhibit anger issue's."
Patient: "We'll see about that!"
Note: Thank You Sir.
"I'm losing it!" George Costanza
My life right now few days I’m ok I can handle it some days i just can’t
Just take it day by day and bless the days that are good d❤
portage ave? is this guy from winnipeg?
Is it just some part of a longer episode about anger? If so, which one, please?
Yes! You can see the full lecture link in the description, and here: ruclips.net/user/livekaku_qI_GYI?si=8HRuvUe3JVwhoBKQ
@TimFletcher Thanks Tim, I do appreciate your response.
Love from Poland 😘
Interesting...assualted by police, licence taken, for 15 years, no trial, no path to resolution, yet I have nearly clean driving record over 50 years. It is way beyond the complex trauma you have described. Institutional abuse is much worse than any abuse that one single individual can do to another. I need an expert witness and legal assistance. They are trying to kill me! They are succeeding. They should bring charges if they are going to continue their abuse.
I have cPTSD and am just coming to the relization that I have anger issues at 40 years old. :/
I've learnt I have an ability to self control. I'm not helpless. I was wild. Backed into corners. Fears. Unskilled. Its there, like a lurking demon.
It's been a long time learning within the short term counsel of incremental therapy.
CPTSD is not a common knowledgeable understanding, here in NZ, yet there are child to adult suffering in the multitudes within our population.
Some of our medical health professionals will not acknowledge CPTSD . PTSD in NZ is recognised fully. It became more officially known, that is PTSD with the ChCh earthquakes. And CPTSD gets lumped into the same therapeutic counsel of support agency. Australia does acknowledge the differences. Here in NZ, no.
It prevents proper care and healthy populaces.
I was 16 yrs old when diagnosed with Stockholm syndrome at 19 yrs diagnosed with ptsd and ocd, by two seperate senior psychologists at different times. Their reports were never integrated.
Commonality in barriers to access healing and therapeutic counsel.
This needs to change, right away. Legal health care changes by Govts.
3:50
I hate my anger so much.
if anger is my sadness? is it possible? because whenever i feel happy i'll find something that upset me and not just finding but creating, disappointing partner just because i want to but i want to make me and my partner happy both happy but i do the opposite and make both of us unhappy and very next hours i feel guilt, miserable, feeling like shit, doesnt worth anything and because of this self sabotage i lost 2 love of my life. i literally lost 2 love that might be my wife and im crying all the time and thinking what if i do the right how i could be happy(and ofcourse my partner too)...
Nothing angers me more than someone spending my time to make a point and abruptly stopping in the middle of it, not finishing it.
It's like a mosquito bite - It's either itchy or becomes itchy because you scratch it or you don't.
❤
I'm only angry at myself for standing by as the world descended into insanity.
No no no… I’m not an anger junky I’m wondering if a person keeps triggering my anger and knows it why doesn’t he just stop the trigger effect. I abhorred the anger feeling but he baits me into it so he can look good…. He is the sick one ….. Good try But since he will not leave I’m lock into this rollercoaster ride of anger. Oh PS he has no boundaries …
RUclips is unwatchable with all the ads these days
How can you not be angry if someone cheats on you? Why am I responsible for the anger others cause?
No one is saying you can’t be angry ..you’ve been lied to..however you have ‘choice’ and you are responsible for your choices.You have the choice to react or not and to process healthy anger not destructive or toxic anger..which ultimately will only hurt you again.
I think he is talking about me, as I was, from 5 6 years of age...
same and they called me crazy lmfao
Hi
Yeah my family just doesn't understand. They acted act like I'm only that wss effected from our adverse family.
Am ANGRY AT STAPLES AND PAPER CLIPS
So, my problem is that I believe society sees ANY anger as an anger issue...no don't love anyone or I'll say you have a love issue. It's kinda invalidating an emotion....
I get angry at online games where teammates are involved.
Magma.
Magma is subsurface and unexposed. Lava is what people see from a volcano.
What anger issues...i was only arrested in June once and then had the cops called on me twice since..while on probation...don't tell me I have anger issues lol.
And what do you do with that lava anger?
I just found out I'm a volcano 😵💫
Not really
Aha, ininimum WAGE is good. It's got nothing to do with RAGE
Anger is underrated, and is an emotion that is actually continuously feed into our minds subconsciously via many avenues,. Actually talking about it does absolutely nothing, anger can be funny or destructive..try to laugh it off, just like this nonsense..
Be angry and sin not. "GOD"
choose peace over anger.
You can't have peace Angry.
I'm angry because this video is but a few aimless, fragmented ideas that are removed from context
Rage is a work of religion, it comes with division and hate; not the fruit of The Spirit:
The worship of idols, witchcraft, hate, contention, rivalry, rage, insolence, dissensions, divisions, Gal. 5:20 Aramaic
Your explanations are too simple, eveyone is different
Including intelligence, he has many many more elaborate videos on this topic, this is a 8 min clip
He is American. It is just blah blah blah and not true.
You are wrong