They'll steal your wallet, then pretend to find it in some obscure location, then both play the hero and deride / mock / ridicule you for being so silly for always losing things or putting them in weird places.
My mother did this to me my entire life. It was her mission to rob me of everything and everyone I held dear, including my mind and perception of reality.
Mine did the same thing. She went so far as to force me to take my precious dog in to the vet to have her euthanized, due to her being "too aggressive". She told me that I was not allowed to come back home with "The dog." By then I had been so terrorized that I did as I was told. I have regret and anguish to this day over that. Had I had my own mind, I would have taken that as an opportunity to finally get the hell as far away from her as possible. I was 16 at the time.
It's awful when your own mind is battlefield between your own thoughts and somebody elses invalidating thoughts. And the worst is when you feel your own thoughts are loosing battle in your own mind...then you start believing percieved lies and then you are for nothing. Not just gaslighting, you start rejecting and hating yourself because you can't reconcile the two. It's really dark place.
@@chrispyd603I've found journaling and meditation helps, plus being around healthy others. Journaling helps you express your thoughts plus provides a written record of events to refer back to. Meditation helps you connect to yourself. And healthy others will validate and support rather than gaslight you. The overall effect is you start to listen and trust yourself more and more.
This is very accurate. What I don't understand is how do these people all aquire the exact same tactics with no study or training? It's spooky, like an upload from hell or something.
@tearthangel373 They also project anything they are guilty of doing onto anybody they consider a threat to them. Anybody who can tell the world what a low life they really are.
Recovery from this type of psychological abuse is a long and hard road, and feelings after it ends can continue to be intense, but it is possible. Surrounding yourself with healthy and supportive people, finding professional help when needed, setting healthy boundaries, and gaining the tools to continue healing long-term are all part of working towards freedom from the resulting trauma.
@@TimFletcher How do you find those people? If you can't trust your family to help, how can you ask others? I was going through some personal issues around 2021 and tried talking to my boss (he told me we were friends more than boss/employee) about it. He fired within 2 weeks. I can't talk to anyone but strangers online that I don't have a relationship with.
Because they know that you have them figured out, and their biggest fear is exposure. They are threatened by anybody who can tell the world who they really are. That's why they have to try so hard to make you look crazy and try and turn you against everybody you have contact with.
Please play heed to this message! I am in my 70's and was worn down to being a non functioning woman. My world did become smaller and smaller and the narc was the only one in my world. I am slowly healing. One positive at my age is that I am retired and can do much work and study. For example, this is the third time I have listened to this message from Tim Fletcher. I often stop the video and back it up to listed to a chosen part several times.
May your world become beautiful and much happier for you. God bless you. I learnt so much from listening to this and had no idea I was living with gaslighting!
I never wanted to believe my ex narc would intentionally hide things from me until I found an item I was looking for in his jacket pocket. Reality struck hard.
When my ex was finally evicted, i cut over 5hrs/week of chores out. He had blamed the toddler, and i had partially believed him. The toddler was still with me, but the mess was gone. Childish things like hampers thrown on the floor, whole rolls of toilet paper in a filled sink, etc. I never in my life expected a grown man to do something so petty. Absolutely ridiculous.
Tim, you are saving lives here. These dangerous personalities can lead to devastation and even death if we don't recognize the patterns and get away from them. Thank you, thank you -
My father and brother did this to me as a child. When I tried to talk about the violence and abuse in our family, I was always told I had a big imagination. Recenty I learned they have "dark tetrad" personality traits, it was really helpful to understand. I pity them and hold nothing against them, AND I don't need to have them in my life.
My Father did this to everyone in his life all of our lives. Its so traumatic. When I found out what it actually was, as an adult. I was devastated to the point of a breakdown. Its a really horrible, sadistic & nasty thing to do to anyone. He got away with it for decades whilst driving all of us to near insanity.
this has been done to me by my parents. It took me a lot, to get out of the depression and start to live. worst part: they live inside me and I still occasionally gaslight myself
I was there at that place for 18 years; compounded by being undiagnosed Asperger's. It is a miracle that I got out. Got diagnosed finally with Asperger's at 55. The Autism prevented me from understanding what he was doing to me.
He is amazing. During Covid I started watching his videos and I found so many missing pieces to the puzzle of my life and am still learning so much about myself. He is a true blessing to me.
Insomnia. Your brain breaks down and you have a hard time remembering things and understanding what is reality and what is BS. We all lose sleep over these things. It is brutally damaging.
My father did sort of a reverse thing. He would frequently "lose" his keys and blame the rest of the family for moving them even though we didn't touch them. It became a thing for us to find his keys. Usually in his sport coat or his dresser, desk or on top of the console stereo.
Oh yeah definitely... was it accompanied by the uncontrollable rage fits too? Tearing the whole house to pieces and cursing, screeching, bellowing like a demon because it's everybody else's fault except theirs...? Ugh that's familiar 😅 Sorry mom but tbh I have better things to do with my time than prank you - especially when _this_ is your response...
K, the person mentioned in my main post, used to just take my stuff. He was an OTR truck driver, so would be gone for several days to over a week at a time. Once, a bunch of my silverware just went missing. He never mentioned it, and sure as f didn't ask before taking it. Another time, he took the remote control for my TV, again not saying a word to me, as I'm texting and speaking to him over the phone, then only told me that he had taken it after telling me that it was broken (his truck looked like an episode of Hoarders); I did get him to replace it, but frig, dude. Don't just take my stuff! That should be basic How to Be A Human Kindergarten level.
The worst is when you buckle & say I must have been in the wrong & time passes and later on the topic comes up again they say no it wasn't you, I was doing that - absolutely will make you insane!😢
My husband said something really hurtful and I just let ot go. Months later we had an argument and I brought up the comment, and he outright called me a liar, in my face.
Look out for the subtle gaslighters.....who only want to be around you if you are shameful and they make you apologize for tye most petty and minute things.
I was the victim of this by my family. I was a victim of this by my religion. I was a victim of this by my nation. Each one undermined me, made me question who I am, my worth and what reality is. Immorality is morality. I am worthless unless I support what they support. That i am worthless no matter what. Lies are truth. Truth are lies.
Anytime I try to talk to my narcissist about a problem we're having in the relationship, he'll say I'm just stupid & that he'll kick me out & take away my car privileges if I won't "just be happy". I was finally able to save $50 to open a secret checking account that he has no access to so I can save more $.
I notice that I have narcissistic parents and I have all these traits and I now live isolated in their basement trying to heal my trauma. Which I have made a lot of progress with but looking at this is traumatizing in itself. 😢
You're so spot on!!! I love it that someone else knows exactly what happened to me! Thank you so much! I realised a couple of years that my mom treated me like this my entire life and I also ended up with a man who I couldn't have a normal adult conversation with or trust. I had friends who would gaslight me too. It was horrible and I got really sick mentally , emotionally and physically. Its been a long and trying road but I'm on the road to recovery. I have peace in my life and I can trust my reality now ❤My self esteem is starting to bud aswell.
Yes, yes to this entire video! My family would do some of this stuff to make me doubt myself or to think there’s something wrong with me. Many years later I realize through counseling that my family is narcissistic, I married a NPD and my adult children gaslight me as well. But now I know who I am and who I’m dealing with. I never absorb opinions from others. I see the manipulation, the gaslighting. Others have no idea how damaging this is. Like you say, the abuse is dark. Thankfully, my faith and trust in God has brought me peace. I can laugh and enjoy my life. You’re so insightful! Thank you for sharing this valuable information!!
He would quote arguments that were ten years old or more and claim it was absolutely photographic, but if I recalled something for sure , something I had written down as a direct quote..... "that doesn't sound like something I would say..." "Everybody else says you are out of line." Who is everyone else I would ask. He never remembered a damn thing, not even my birthday. " you just want to make trouble." The man read my diary and called it "a book of lies."
Your channel is gold. I feel so strong about this. It resonates with a lot of things I struggle with; dysfunctional childhood, complex trauma. Im an empath and find it extremely soul sucking to work in corporate, and the fake nature of the world, media, and just feel like I cant be myself as a man. I suppress my feelings and isolate. I feel like my voice isnt as important as popular people, and so even though I have so many ideas Im dreadfully scared to share them
They manipulate you into being accountable for your actions as well as their actions. They never offer genuine apologies. They strip you of all self-confidence, self-awareness, and even your own identity.
He always says that I said something really bad to him and I feel like I am a bad person that needs to be kinder. But when I think about it: he has all the possibilities, is everyones darling and in public situations he is the one disrespecting me. It's a wild ride out of this confusion😲
Exactly! Just remember making you feel like you're crazy is just what those cowards do. It doesn't work with me either because if I believe something to be the truth, I stick to it. If you were so easy to manipulate then they wouldn't have to try so hard to twist your reality.
It has come to the fact that my child and I have to lie to both my mom and my husband just to protect our selves from financial hardship, legal and social abuse
Ive dated narcissistic women and just wanted to state this can go both ways, woman to man as well. Being an empath I feel i attract these narcissistic partners. I have been trained by my narcissistic parents. How do I heal this?!
I agree…I grew up with a narcissistic mother. Even my big strong stepdad said he was in an abusive relationship for many years (he’s since passed away). Now she’s 82 & I am there to help in her old age. Mum is still the same BUT I finally found a way of handling her…BIG borders & pull her up straight away & don’t let her get away with it 😁. Not by fighting…just by calmly telling her what she’s doing. I love her but she needs me….not vice versa.
Hey we aren’t all bad..I mean women!!..being away from the partner be it male of female, it helps to collect your thoughts..oh it hurts..your head runs in circles..allow yourself time..every thing does hurt..oh and time alone, be single till your making moves on mh
Empaths / codependent At least for me, it’s a very final line. How much empathy do I really have and what empathy was I taught to become so sensitive. Just a flip that I have discovered.
There's nothing wrong with empathy. Narcs lack empathy and that is a reason they seek out people with empathy. The problem is being an empath without healthy boundaries. (An empath with healthy boundaries is one of a narcissist's biggest fears!).
My mother ñearly succeeded in sending me insane at the age of 15. An exremely kind psychotherapist helped me to rediscover some sort of belief in myself. My mother wanted me to be committed to a psychatric hospital because she didn't need me any more, (as my brothers had grown to be of an age when they could be left in the house alone). Also she wanted to ensure no-one would listen to me when I told them about the life-threatening violence she subjected me to from an early age. Repeatedly beating me unconscious. Fortunately the psychiatrist saw right through her.
My mother and oldest sister made my life hell from a toddler. Left family but reunited when my son was 10 thinking they would apologize. My son started to use all the tactics on me. he told me that his friends thought I was crazy, he told me that my his friends parents thought there were something wrong with me and I just felt so much shame and I just isolated all the time. 42 now but the past eight years, I’ve tried to get him to therapy and he has done such a number on me. I went from having a successful career, making six figures to not being able to get off the couch totally depressed, isolated and feel like I just wanna my life.
Listened to the video when I just learned what gaslighting was roughly a year ago. I keep listening to it off an on as well as Tim's other hidden gems (almost all his videos are) This is a perfect, detailed abstraction that helps us understand just how one can become parentally alienated and driven to believe a surrogate life is somehow worth more than genuine love. Gaslighting is a blackswan event you need only experience once while being in a non-disocciatve state. It is important we nail down the terminology and the jargon, so that evil has no where to run moving forward.
How do I deal with everyone in my family who gaslights me and my daughter? My mother and my husband are the only family I have and they both gaslight and manipulate my child and I. They use money and shelter to keep me under their thumb. I have no emotional support
This is what my father has done to me my whole life. I have only become aware of the narcissism piece of the puzzle in the past 2 years. Growing up with someone like this it's easy to just believe "it's me". Now, realising what actually happened and seeing my past for what it was and the impact its had on me is just devastating. I'm in so much grief around it.
After experiencing this for years you turn into a person that over explains to everyone else and feel the need to get external validation on whether or not your feelings and reactions are valid. You basically begin to not trust yourself.
I find all of these tactics can be used in reverse as well. For example they’ll say you said something you never did and they will keep repeatin until you end up saying” I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Or they start fights and say you started it. It’s crazy making.
That is a very sick sick person to do this! I had this happen a few times and almost died leaving! Then they tried attacking my sister and her family. They messed with the wrong person doing anything to my sister! Lol She threw a chair at the guy when he barged in. He wasn't long leaving!
Mother would use this tactic to encourage my fear of the world and romantic relationships (who may take me away from her) by doubting my ability to "survive" out there due to my depression. This was all to squeeze money out of me. It was easier if I never left home and never had anyone close to point out what was wrong.
@Hawaiiansky11 It wears you down so much, makes you feel like you're going mad and destroys your confidence. My (now adult) children grew up watching this and joined in.
My wife does it to me almost every day and my only choice is to not talk to her most of the time because I know what she'll do. I'm only in the marriage to honor my vows. She's left me 4 times. It's insane what a woman can do to make a man doubt himself. And what worse is weve all been brainwashed to listen to them.
At least there’s a reason there. Who wants to admit their life is out of control and they are slowly killing them selves and they don’t know how to stop? It’s humiliating and scary. Sadistic Narcissists just enjoy seeing others hurt and uncomfortable.
But parts of me still can't hate my ex ,even though he beat me up ,it has been difficult to unlove him. It is making more sense why I isolated myself for years
Most has lives like me, where there is no bad person doing bad things to me. I just go about my day not being good enough, the person around me want the best for me and doing the worst for me by accident, not by narcissism or intentional gaslighting.
Then *goes to the doctor* “No there is nothing wrong with you. Come back and make more appointments…” “You are expensive medical tests are fine” “Ohhh you should have come earlier, now there is nothing we can do.”
Your so right! I opened this video because I thought maybe I should watch this because of the age we are living in with social media especially. The lies of marketing and propaganda has it’s own flying monkey’s spreading lies and gaslighting like a cult. Toxins in food. Toxic politics. Angry and violent social justice narratives. There’s no room for civil discourse without bullying. These last few weekends ,I’ve been traveling and dining out. By the third restaurant , I asked my kids why all of our servers are trans people. They explained that hormones are now sold on the dark web and that online communities have formed that welcome people who are struggling with social anxiety and are embracing, then brainwashing them. They’re exploited into forming “ other identities .” I went to a chef school to dine and saw a man with hanging natural breasts. I’ve never seen breasts look like that and he wore a braless tank. They looked like deflated triangles and he was thin. They laid on his ribcage. Biologically, I don’t know how that is possible. I just feel sad that these young and vulnerable people are being used this way. Many of them were probably terribly abused as children and now there are industries indoctrinating. I’m concerned many will develop cancers at a young age. I don’t believe for a second that these dangerous cocktails are being originated outside a medical facility. They’re experimental IMO. I went to a wedding in DC and met a military doctor ( very young). She said they’re being trained in their continuing education to promote pharmaceuticals and that the emphasis is on pricing. The entire course was pharmaceuticals marketing. She said the example used was a pharmaceutical with a price point of 20k (she wouldn’t tell me the drugs name). But she said something is going to change because this generation of doctors are fed up. They just want to heal the sick. I hope she is right that change is coming. We talked at length about how toxic our lifestyles have become and how the fda is all former pharmaceutical executives. We’re all being gaslit and people are being indoctrinated into manipulating the public in the interest of industries. The only encouraging takeaway for me is that she said her generation is very aware and fed up. Water, food , medicine, are basic rights and life sustaining issues yet there are experts now who act like objective views are conspiracist’s or closed minded people. And if you don’t trust the experts or disagree then you’re a nut. ..despite science. Whatever the issue, there’s a label for objectors and an entire shaming campaign.
@@danih7577 I agree with most of what you said about the medical system besides the trans stuff. If anything trans people are extremely vulnerable to abuse by people who gaslight them about their gender identities not being valid.. “you aren’t really trans, you were brainwashed” is gaslighting..
@@michaelg8642 oh I hope that’s not what my reply appears, it would take to long for me to find my comment, but if I worded it that way then I apologize and fully agree with you. I shouldn’t write rushing .
I have some friends who deal with people like that. I'm just always hoping they can get out of the mess. I can read people easily so I get out of the situation pretty fast.
No, but it’s designed to make you wonder that very thing. That’s the biggest issue with gaslighting; you mistrust your own instincts (your gut) and instead differ to the abuser’s sense of reality. Of course they know they’re lying! It wouldn’t be an effective form of manipulation otherwise. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” -Maya Angelou
Yes absolutely, a lot of narcissistic traits are defense mechanisms and can even be a result of their own trauma. It's a form of control to get their needs met and a lot of people with these traits do it subconsciously. And a lot of them that are conscious of it tend to think it's normal and healthy, or blame it on other factors to make it out to be something just can't help themselves from doing
This is how they slowly destroy you, deny your reality and make you look crazy. My ex was nice to the extreme and when challenged, I was punished in ways that were not so obvious, until the discard, he projected who he was onto me and left as if we were never together. I feel sorry for his kids, who were so sweet.
Just like the political, massmedial and medical authorities have done intensely the last 4 years. Many people developed cptsd during these years and it ain't over.
Omg😮well i dont appologies never😂this is my narcacistic husband to the bones🤔no wonder my trauma deleted my memory😭omg this is what happned to me thank you for your clearence
Mine just want to over look things like catching him hugging another woman, saying it was nothing, why do you keep bringing it up. I said it was nothing, that’s that.
After 9 yrs of exactly what is said here I sadly reached the conclusion I had a DUTY to remove myself from the planet - I was broken and useless and had no right to take up space on the planet. And then he agreed, and that was the kindest thing he ever did for me. Of course, he’s been punishing me for over two years now for remaining alive, but at least I’m not confused anymore! It wasn’t depression, it was confusion.
Wow! Everything u say is what happened to me. I need help so bad. Stuck in addiction after 3 years of abuse by a narcissist/ physcopath. Need help vadly😢
I learned after my mother's death just how dark and deep down the rabbit hole she had went to set me up, with the assistance of a cousin and sister-n-law. Down to the wire, now.
Yh they will tell you about yourself and try make you see what they feel about themselves they infact are looking in a mirror..Notice how they will tell you everything they see fault with you..then when you call them out on there bullshit they say your not there for you don't care you don't love me and you turn around and say why would you want someone around you that you hate so much and call it love please 😅 one rule for them and one for everyone else 🤔
This can happen not only in relationships with a partner but anyone who is deceptive and covers their lies as they gaslight you. Can be a group of individuals who are intentionally targeting you after stealing what was rightfully yours and it can be any group of individuals such as an extension of family such as inlaws after divorce or other family dynamics that are an extension of yours. Like in the case of family mobbing. Can't use examples at this point as it's private information. Great video and I've saved it for future writing materials and without doubt I have experienced everything on this list. I used to like to call it the stolkhome syndrome.
A narcissist will steal your wallet and help you look for it.
Indeed
By $50 for car insurance
Omgawdddddd perfectly said !💯💯💯
YES
They'll steal your wallet, then pretend to find it in some obscure location, then both play the hero and deride / mock / ridicule you for being so silly for always losing things or putting them in weird places.
They say, “I didn’t say that”! “I don’t know what you are talking about”!
Then making YOU feel crazy for questioning them.
Saying they didn't eat chocolate cake, with chocolate over their face, fingers!
All the time!! 😡
or they say "i told you" when they never did
Or saying you said or did this when you didn't or don't remember
My mother did this to me my entire life. It was her mission to rob me of everything and everyone I held dear, including my mind and perception of reality.
Mine did the same thing. She went so far as to force me to take my precious dog in to the vet to have her euthanized, due to her being "too aggressive". She told me that I was not allowed to come back home with "The dog." By then I had been so terrorized that I did as I was told. I have regret and anguish to this day over that.
Had I had my own mind, I would have taken that as an opportunity to finally get the hell as far away from her as possible. I was 16 at the time.
Mine did the same as well…Severe borderline personality disorder.
@@Hawaiiansky11Mine went so far as to tell me when I separated from my husband, I could come home but I couldn't bring my 2 kids
Both my parents.
How cruel. It's a miracle once we discover what they've been up to...
It's awful when your own mind is battlefield between your own thoughts and somebody elses invalidating thoughts. And the worst is when you feel your own thoughts are loosing battle in your own mind...then you start believing percieved lies and then you are for nothing. Not just gaslighting, you start rejecting and hating yourself because you can't reconcile the two. It's really dark place.
I think it can be used to literally destroy your mind. It's so crazy you can't talk about it to other people and have them understand.
@@katzygolfOnly people who have experienced the same thing can grasp it. Gaslighting is such a damaging action.
How do you recover?
@@chrispyd603I've found journaling and meditation helps, plus being around healthy others. Journaling helps you express your thoughts plus provides a written record of events to refer back to. Meditation helps you connect to yourself. And healthy others will validate and support rather than gaslight you. The overall effect is you start to listen and trust yourself more and more.
This is very accurate. What I don't understand is how do these people all aquire the exact same tactics with no study or training? It's spooky, like an upload from hell or something.
Yes, they deny, minimize, rationalize, avoidance etc. it’s crazy making
DARVO: Deflect, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender
@tearthangel373 They also project anything they are guilty of doing onto anybody they consider a threat to them. Anybody who can tell the world what a low life they really are.
it’s pure torture of the human mind and even more difficult to regulate after you end the relationship.
Recovery from this type of psychological abuse is a long and hard road, and feelings after it ends can continue to be intense, but it is possible. Surrounding yourself with healthy and supportive people, finding professional help when needed, setting healthy boundaries, and gaining the tools to continue healing long-term are all part of working towards freedom from the resulting trauma.
@@TimFletcher How do you find those people? If you can't trust your family to help, how can you ask others? I was going through some personal issues around 2021 and tried talking to my boss (he told me we were friends more than boss/employee) about it. He fired within 2 weeks. I can't talk to anyone but strangers online that I don't have a relationship with.
@bradleygermain6288 Yeah, this is definitely a catch 22. Need to find people you can trust to recover, but you can't even trust your own family.
They need you to look crazy especially in front of others
Because they know that you have them figured out, and their biggest fear is exposure. They are threatened by anybody who can tell the world who they really are. That's why they have to try so hard to make you look crazy and try and turn you against everybody you have contact with.
Please play heed to this message! I am in my 70's and was worn down to being a non functioning woman. My world did become smaller and smaller and the narc was the only one in my world. I am slowly healing. One positive at my age is that I am retired and can do much work and study. For example, this is the third time I have listened to this message from Tim Fletcher. I often stop the video and back it up to listed to a chosen part several times.
May your world become beautiful and much happier for you. God bless you. I learnt so much from listening to this and had no idea I was living with gaslighting!
I am there with you as well
I never wanted to believe my ex narc would intentionally hide things from me until I found an item I was looking for in his jacket pocket. Reality struck hard.
That's terrible! So glad you moved on.
I feel like that's a bit weirder than average.
Omg
😮
Why are you looking in his pockets?
When my ex was finally evicted, i cut over 5hrs/week of chores out. He had blamed the toddler, and i had partially believed him. The toddler was still with me, but the mess was gone. Childish things like hampers thrown on the floor, whole rolls of toilet paper in a filled sink, etc. I never in my life expected a grown man to do something so petty. Absolutely ridiculous.
Tim Fletcher is one of my favourite humans 🙏
Yes...he is LOVE💖💖💖
He’s a real gift to have on this earth. A real role model for me not in what he teaches but his whole demeanor.
He speaks fact's (that's for sure)
Tim, you are saving lives here. These dangerous personalities can lead to devastation and even death if we don't recognize the patterns and get away from them. Thank you, thank you -
My father and brother did this to me as a child. When I tried to talk about the violence and abuse in our family, I was always told I had a big imagination.
Recenty I learned they have "dark tetrad" personality traits, it was really helpful to understand. I pity them and hold nothing against them, AND I don't need to have them in my life.
My Father did this to everyone in his life all of our lives. Its so traumatic. When I found out what it actually was, as an adult. I was devastated to the point of a breakdown. Its a really horrible, sadistic & nasty thing to do to anyone. He got away with it for decades whilst driving all of us to near insanity.
im sorry, but theyre more miserable than you, and they dont end well.
Coming out from the fog is truly traumatic.
Omg. It’s been over 4 yrs since I got out but listening to this is jaw droppingingly correct - even the “can’t buy milk” decision! Wow.
this has been done to me by my parents. It took me a lot, to get out of the depression and start to live. worst part: they live inside me and I still occasionally gaslight myself
It gets better, love :)
I was there at that place for 18 years; compounded by being undiagnosed Asperger's.
It is a miracle that I got out.
Got diagnosed finally with Asperger's at 55.
The Autism prevented me from understanding what he was doing to me.
Don't forget about the attempts to have conversations and they walk away and say something like "I don't have time for this!"
He is amazing. During Covid I started watching his videos and I found so many missing pieces to the puzzle of my life and am still learning so much about myself. He is a true blessing to me.
Same for me
A blessing to me also. All the pieces fit. God bless him.
Insomnia. Your brain breaks down and you have a hard time remembering things and understanding what is reality and what is BS. We all lose sleep over these things. It is brutally damaging.
My father did sort of a reverse thing. He would frequently "lose" his keys and blame the rest of the family for moving them even though we didn't touch them. It became a thing for us to find his keys. Usually in his sport coat or his dresser, desk or on top of the console stereo.
Oh yeah definitely... was it accompanied by the uncontrollable rage fits too?
Tearing the whole house to pieces and cursing, screeching, bellowing like a demon because it's everybody else's fault except theirs...?
Ugh that's familiar 😅
Sorry mom but tbh I have better things to do with my time than prank you - especially when _this_ is your response...
K, the person mentioned in my main post, used to just take my stuff. He was an OTR truck driver, so would be gone for several days to over a week at a time. Once, a bunch of my silverware just went missing. He never mentioned it, and sure as f didn't ask before taking it.
Another time, he took the remote control for my TV, again not saying a word to me, as I'm texting and speaking to him over the phone, then only told me that he had taken it after telling me that it was broken (his truck looked like an episode of Hoarders); I did get him to replace it, but frig, dude. Don't just take my stuff! That should be basic How to Be A Human Kindergarten level.
The worst is when you buckle & say I must have been in the wrong & time passes and later on the topic comes up again they say no it wasn't you, I was doing that - absolutely will make you insane!😢
I am crying…I’m at the final piece.
Thank you for helping people.
My husband said something really hurtful and I just let ot go. Months later we had an argument and I brought up the comment, and he outright called me a liar, in my face.
Look out for the subtle gaslighters.....who only want to be around you if you are shameful and they make you apologize for tye most petty and minute things.
I was the victim of this by my family. I was a victim of this by my religion. I was a victim of this by my nation. Each one undermined me, made me question who I am, my worth and what reality is. Immorality is morality. I am worthless unless I support what they support. That i am worthless no matter what. Lies are truth. Truth are lies.
I feel you, I had the exact same experience! God bless you 🙏
Anytime I try to talk to my narcissist about a problem we're having in the relationship, he'll say I'm just stupid & that he'll kick me out & take away my car privileges if I won't "just be happy". I was finally able to save $50 to open a secret checking account that he has no access to so I can save more $.
It would be interesting to see a study of Narcissistic parent(s) and the relationship to children with ADH[A|D] or other behavioral issues.
I notice that I have narcissistic parents and I have all these traits and I now live isolated in their basement trying to heal my trauma. Which I have made a lot of progress with but looking at this is traumatizing in itself. 😢
I have severe anxiety issues and ADHD as well.
I just found out I have ADHD but was criticized and insulted as a child, so I had to develop ways to deal with my lacking, stupidity and laziness.
Bipolar, adhd, autism, all have overlap with complex ptsd. This is the reason this disorder is not in the dsm.
One of a turn over moment happened after voice Q to partner:
"Am I too good for you? "
This is the best description/explanation of this behavior I ever seen. Thank you!
My mother did this to me as she got older…drove me to therapy…
I went to therapy to fix myself, and then worked out it was her.
You're so spot on!!! I love it that someone else knows exactly what happened to me! Thank you so much! I realised a couple of years that my mom treated me like this my entire life and I also ended up with a man who I couldn't have a normal adult conversation with or trust. I had friends who would gaslight me too. It was horrible and I got really sick mentally , emotionally and physically. Its been a long and trying road but I'm on the road to recovery. I have peace in my life and I can trust my reality now ❤My self esteem is starting to bud aswell.
Yes, yes to this entire video! My family would do some of this stuff to make me doubt myself or to think there’s something wrong with me.
Many years later I realize through counseling that my family is narcissistic, I married a NPD and my adult children gaslight me as well. But now I know who I am and who I’m dealing with. I never absorb opinions from others. I see the manipulation, the gaslighting. Others have no idea how damaging this is. Like you say, the abuse is dark.
Thankfully, my faith and trust in God has brought me peace. I can laugh and enjoy my life.
You’re so insightful! Thank you for sharing this valuable information!!
He would quote arguments that were ten years old or more and claim it was absolutely photographic, but if I recalled something for sure , something I had written down as a direct quote..... "that doesn't sound like something I would say..." "Everybody else says you are out of line." Who is everyone else I would ask. He never remembered a damn thing, not even my birthday. " you just want to make trouble." The man read my diary and called it "a book of lies."
Your channel is gold. I feel so strong about this. It resonates with a lot of things I struggle with; dysfunctional childhood, complex trauma. Im an empath and find it extremely soul sucking to work in corporate, and the fake nature of the world, media, and just feel like I cant be myself as a man. I suppress my feelings and isolate. I feel like my voice isnt as important as popular people, and so even though I have so many ideas Im dreadfully scared to share them
They manipulate you into being accountable for your actions as well as their actions. They never offer genuine apologies. They strip you of all self-confidence, self-awareness, and even your own identity.
My ex would tell others I wouldn't listen to any of the therapists; this was true because they all told me to get a divorce. I finally listened lol
its too painful, its very complex! thank you! you already help me a lot!
That's an understatment! I can't leave so have no choice in the matter.
Omg poor u
Wow! So many people have done this to me! Recently, it was my former fiancé, and my ex-husband and grown son have done these things all their lives.
You just described my mom perfectly
He always says that I said something really bad to him and I feel like I am a bad person that needs to be kinder. But when I think about it: he has all the possibilities, is everyones darling and in public situations he is the one disrespecting me. It's a wild ride out of this confusion😲
We ourselves can gaslight ourselves when we allow our childhood’s false beliefs to interpret our present
Not once did they get me to doubt my own sanity or memory... I know what I know.
Exactly! Just remember making you feel like you're crazy is just what those cowards do. It doesn't work with me either because if I believe something to be the truth, I stick to it. If you were so easy to manipulate then they wouldn't have to try so hard to twist your reality.
It has come to the fact that my child and I have to lie to both my mom and my husband just to protect our selves from financial hardship, legal and social abuse
Please find a way out. There are services to help you get on your feet and be self sufficient. All confidential and safe.
Ive dated narcissistic women and just wanted to state this can go both ways, woman to man as well. Being an empath I feel i attract these narcissistic partners. I have been trained by my narcissistic parents. How do I heal this?!
I agree…I grew up with a narcissistic mother. Even my big strong stepdad said he was in an abusive relationship for many years (he’s since passed away). Now she’s 82 & I am there to help in her old age. Mum is still the same BUT I finally found a way of handling her…BIG borders & pull her up straight away & don’t let her get away with it 😁. Not by fighting…just by calmly telling her what she’s doing. I love her but she needs me….not vice versa.
Hey we aren’t all bad..I mean women!!..being away from the partner be it male of female, it helps to collect your thoughts..oh it hurts..your head runs in circles..allow yourself time..every thing does hurt..oh and time alone, be single till your making moves on mh
Empaths / codependent
At least for me, it’s a very final line. How much empathy do I really have and what empathy was I taught to become so sensitive. Just a flip that I have discovered.
There's nothing wrong with empathy. Narcs lack empathy and that is a reason they seek out people with empathy. The problem is being an empath without healthy boundaries. (An empath with healthy boundaries is one of a narcissist's biggest fears!).
Stop identifying as an "empath". You're subscribing to a duality with the narcissist in which you are the natural "victim" role. Stop it. 🛑🛑🛑🛑
My mother ñearly succeeded in sending me insane at the age of 15. An exremely kind psychotherapist helped me to rediscover some sort of belief in myself. My mother wanted me to be committed to a psychatric hospital because she didn't need me any more, (as my brothers had grown to be of an age when they could be left in the house alone). Also she wanted to ensure no-one would listen to me when I told them about the life-threatening violence she subjected me to from an early age. Repeatedly beating me unconscious. Fortunately the psychiatrist saw right through her.
My mother and oldest sister made my life hell from a toddler. Left family but reunited when my son was 10 thinking they would apologize. My son started to use all the tactics on me. he told me that his friends thought I was crazy, he told me that my his friends parents thought there were something wrong with me and I just felt so much shame and I just isolated all the time.
42 now but the past eight years, I’ve tried to get him to therapy and he has done such a number on me. I went from having a successful career, making six figures to not being able to get off the couch totally depressed, isolated and feel like I just wanna my life.
This is pure evil that ensnares you and I can identify. It's harder to deal with it than to torture yourself by staying.
I grew up in such a family of three older sisters.
Listened to the video when I just learned what gaslighting was roughly a year ago. I keep listening to it off an on as well as Tim's other hidden gems (almost all his videos are) This is a perfect, detailed abstraction that helps us understand just how one can become parentally alienated and driven to believe a surrogate life is somehow worth more than genuine love.
Gaslighting is a blackswan event you need only experience once while being in a non-disocciatve state. It is important we nail down the terminology and the jargon, so that evil has no where to run moving forward.
Thanks for this talk Tim, you're a super smart guy
Thank you for this! This describes what i have been going through for a long time.
How do I deal with everyone in my family who gaslights me and my daughter? My mother and my husband are the only family I have and they both gaslight and manipulate my child and I. They use money and shelter to keep me under their thumb. I have no emotional support
Very well explained. Thank you
Described my mother. Thank you for this video
Thank you kindly. It's nothing short of insidious!
I have experienced this a lot
Cowardly copout stuff for the lowbrow set, is what this kind of behavior is!
Especially when directed towards a child.
@TimFletcher4 Okay.
Not exactly sure what you're trying to say there?
My mom did this to me when I needed her so bad
He is always right on.
This is what my father has done to me my whole life. I have only become aware of the narcissism piece of the puzzle in the past 2 years. Growing up with someone like this it's easy to just believe "it's me". Now, realising what actually happened and seeing my past for what it was and the impact its had on me is just devastating. I'm in so much grief around it.
Father did this to me and now I’m married to a man who does this to me. I constantly doubt myself
After experiencing this for years you turn into a person that over explains to everyone else and feel the need to get external validation on whether or not your feelings and reactions are valid. You basically begin to not trust yourself.
I find all of these tactics can be used in reverse as well. For example they’ll say you said something you never did and they will keep repeatin until you end up saying” I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Or they start fights and say you started it. It’s crazy making.
That is a very sick sick person to do this! I had this happen a few times and almost died leaving! Then they tried attacking my sister and her family. They messed with the wrong person doing anything to my sister! Lol She threw a chair at the guy when he barged in. He wasn't long leaving!
🙏 thank you for this healing message
Mother would use this tactic to encourage my fear of the world and romantic relationships (who may take me away from her) by doubting my ability to "survive" out there due to my depression.
This was all to squeeze money out of me. It was easier if I never left home and never had anyone close to point out what was wrong.
My wife did this to me for many years
Then, IMO, she wasn't your wife.
@Hawaiiansky11 It wears you down so much, makes you feel like you're going mad and destroys your confidence. My (now adult) children grew up watching this and joined in.
My wife does it to me almost every day and my only choice is to not talk to her most of the time because I know what she'll do. I'm only in the marriage to honor my vows. She's left me 4 times. It's insane what a woman can do to make a man doubt himself. And what worse is weve all been brainwashed to listen to them.
Great message,helped me greatly
Addicts lie to hide their addictions
At least there’s a reason there. Who wants to admit their life is out of control and they are slowly killing them selves and they don’t know how to stop? It’s humiliating and scary. Sadistic Narcissists just enjoy seeing others hurt and uncomfortable.
@@Peecupthe outcome for the receiver of the lies is the same.
@@amberm5626 yes it is. Different reasons, but the outcome is bad for the recipient either way.
But parts of me still can't hate my ex ,even though he beat me up ,it has been difficult to unlove him. It is making more sense why I isolated myself for years
wishing you the best.
You're codependent
I would suggest looking into trauma bonds and how dopamine and oxytocin play into that ❤ Wishing you well
Most has lives like me, where there is no bad person doing bad things to me. I just go about my day not being good enough, the person around me want the best for me and doing the worst for me by accident, not by narcissism or intentional gaslighting.
Thank you - can't wait to listen!🙏
I love the text you put up with info
Gosh, it’s like going through 9 years of conversations in my relationship.
The only way out is to leave. You simply have to say no to their invalidating ways and get out.
Extraordinary video Tim!
Thank you. 🙏
our entire society gaslights us constantly… “there aren’t toxic chemicals in all the food you are crazy”
Then *goes to the doctor* “No there is nothing wrong with you. Come back and make more appointments…”
“You are expensive medical tests are fine”
“Ohhh you should have come earlier, now there is nothing we can do.”
Your so right! I opened this video because I thought maybe I should watch this because of the age we are living in with social media especially. The lies of marketing and propaganda has it’s own flying monkey’s spreading lies and gaslighting like a cult. Toxins in food. Toxic politics. Angry and violent social justice narratives. There’s no room for civil discourse without bullying.
These last few weekends ,I’ve been traveling and dining out. By the third restaurant , I asked my kids why all of our servers are trans people. They explained that hormones are now sold on the dark web and that online communities have formed that welcome people who are struggling with social anxiety and are embracing, then brainwashing them. They’re exploited into forming “ other identities .”
I went to a chef school to dine and saw a man with hanging natural breasts. I’ve never seen breasts look like that and he wore a braless tank. They looked like deflated triangles and he was thin. They laid on his ribcage. Biologically, I don’t know how that is possible. I just feel sad that these young and vulnerable people are being used this way. Many of them were probably terribly abused as children and now there are industries indoctrinating. I’m concerned many will develop cancers at a young age. I don’t believe for a second that these dangerous cocktails are being originated outside a medical facility. They’re experimental IMO.
I went to a wedding in DC and met a military doctor ( very young). She said they’re being trained in their continuing education to promote pharmaceuticals and that the emphasis is on pricing. The entire course was pharmaceuticals marketing. She said the example used was a pharmaceutical with a price point of 20k (she wouldn’t tell me the drugs name). But she said something is going to change because this generation of doctors are fed up. They just want to heal the sick.
I hope she is right that change is coming. We talked at length about how toxic our lifestyles have become and how the fda is all former pharmaceutical executives.
We’re all being gaslit and people are being indoctrinated into manipulating the public in the interest of industries.
The only encouraging takeaway for me is that she said her generation is very aware and fed up.
Water, food , medicine, are basic rights and life sustaining issues yet there are experts now who act like objective views are conspiracist’s or closed minded people. And if you don’t trust the experts or disagree then you’re a nut. ..despite science. Whatever the issue, there’s a label for objectors and an entire shaming campaign.
@@danih7577 I agree with most of what you said about the medical system besides the trans stuff. If anything trans people are extremely vulnerable to abuse by people who gaslight them about their gender identities not being valid.. “you aren’t really trans, you were brainwashed” is gaslighting..
@@michaelg8642 oh I hope that’s not what my reply appears, it would take to long for me to find my comment, but if I worded it that way then I apologize and fully agree with you. I shouldn’t write rushing .
I have some friends who deal with people like that. I'm just always hoping they can get out of the mess. I can read people easily so I get out of the situation pretty fast.
Many thanks from Kenya, Mr. Fletcher
Can someone be a gaslighter and not know it?
Indeed
They gaslight so much they inhale their own bullsht and get off on gaslighting they convince themselves
No, but it’s designed to make you wonder that very thing. That’s the biggest issue with gaslighting; you mistrust your own instincts (your gut) and instead differ to the abuser’s sense of reality. Of course they know they’re lying! It wouldn’t be an effective form of manipulation otherwise.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
-Maya Angelou
Yes absolutely, a lot of narcissistic traits are defense mechanisms and can even be a result of their own trauma. It's a form of control to get their needs met and a lot of people with these traits do it subconsciously. And a lot of them that are conscious of it tend to think it's normal and healthy, or blame it on other factors to make it out to be something just can't help themselves from doing
Yes
Yes, especially when they simply lie to prevent embarrassment.
This is how they slowly destroy you, deny your reality and make you look crazy.
My ex was nice to the extreme and when challenged, I was punished in ways that were not so obvious, until the discard, he projected who he was onto me and left as if we were never together. I feel sorry for his kids, who were so sweet.
Just like the political, massmedial and medical authorities have done intensely the last 4 years. Many people developed cptsd during these years and it ain't over.
💯 % absolutely and exactly correct.
Omg😮well i dont appologies never😂this is my narcacistic husband to the bones🤔no wonder my trauma deleted my memory😭omg this is what happned to me thank you for your clearence
This describes my work environment
Mine just want to over look things like catching him hugging another woman, saying it was nothing, why do you keep bringing it up. I said it was nothing, that’s that.
After 9 yrs of exactly what is said here I sadly reached the conclusion I had a DUTY to remove myself from the planet - I was broken and useless and had no right to take up space on the planet. And then he agreed, and that was the kindest thing he ever did for me. Of course, he’s been punishing me for over two years now for remaining alive, but at least I’m not confused anymore! It wasn’t depression, it was confusion.
Good grief. I’m so sorry that happened and I’m so glad you’re still here!
Nice work…
People who never take accountability 👏👏👏
Oh... Man 😢..
The more I listen to this. It's like you're talking about my marriage.
OMG, The comment are gold. People go thru a lot of shit in life.
Wow! Everything u say is what happened to me. I need help so bad. Stuck in addiction after 3 years of abuse by a narcissist/ physcopath. Need help vadly😢
"the more you stay in a gaslighting situation, the more you are worn down which makes it harder to leave".
boom
yes indeed.
Yes, it is my story.
I learned after my mother's death just how dark and deep down the rabbit hole she had went to set me up, with the assistance of a cousin and sister-n-law. Down to the wire, now.
Yh they will tell you about yourself and try make you see what they feel about themselves they infact are looking in a mirror..Notice how they will tell you everything they see fault with you..then when you call them out on there bullshit they say your not there for you don't care you don't love me and you turn around and say why would you want someone around you that you hate so much and call it love please 😅 one rule for them and one for everyone else 🤔
This can happen not only in relationships with a partner but anyone who is deceptive and covers their lies as they gaslight you. Can be a group of individuals who are intentionally targeting you after stealing what was rightfully yours and it can be any group of individuals such as an extension of family such as inlaws after divorce or other family dynamics that are an extension of yours. Like in the case of family mobbing. Can't use examples at this point as it's private information. Great video and I've saved it for future writing materials and without doubt I have experienced everything on this list. I used to like to call it the stolkhome syndrome.