I lost my Mum to cancer at age 15. The rest of my family did not take me in. I had severe trauma prior to losing my Mum and my entire family did not look after me so I went wild. I hung out with a rough crowd of people on the streets and started with numbing myself. No child services stepped in. I am happy to say that I am 6 years completely sober. I have isolated myself from anyone. I will never get close to anyone because I did once and he passed away 6 years ago. I have been in complete isolation since. The pain of abandonment is too much. Thank god for Tim because I was losing hope on being here anymore. I’m sure many can relate
You are a strong woman. I’m sorry for the loss of your mom, I’m almost 50 and lost my mom over 2 years ago and it still hits like it was yesterday. Losing a parent is so difficult. Having to guide yourself is even more difficult. You’ve got this. Sending you hugs.
Thank you for making this video, you articulate, my life experience as a kid. I literally run for my life from my mother when I was 8 years old. I remember setting under a tree feeling completely alone I even prayed God would take me back to heaven
I think God heard that prayer. You are a pilgrim, on your difficult heroic noble informative way back home. Very grateful that you wrote this & that you are still on the planet bringing joy out of pain, & beauty out of hardship, for every being on earth now & future.
I was a Lifetime Scapegoat of Narcissistic Abuse. It took me 51 years to break the first and last Trauma Bond. I was the Baby and they were much older than me. I was Groomed and Trained to be a victim, co-dependent , people pleasing Narc Slave/StepFord, whipping post, doormat with Zero Rights as a Human Being. I held on for WAY to LONG! They were KILLING ME! I have to start ALL over and I have CPTSD and many physical problems. They stole my Identity in every way. Multiple Ways! I didn’t build the Walls! I just quit banging my head on them and got out! Now I’m isolated and chasing away Narcs that never stop coming. Narcs enjoy abandoning me. Now I know not to let them come back after they throw me in the Trash once. Not over and over and over anymore!
The moment I closed my eyes and saw the younger version of myself, I cried. I have been abandoned multiple times by my mother at public places, she wouldn’t realize that one of her kid is missing because she was so wrapped up in taking care of my brothers and my demanding father. Adult me understands this logically, but it hurts so deeply when I see my 6-8 years old self being abandoned multiple times at different occasions. Wish I could stop feeling this way, it’s been years but the memory is so fresh.
That was right on point, word for for word the couple of minutes! I couldn't believe my ears! For the past 3 months I've been trying to save my relationship.
I got collectively ostracized from my youth group in my teens when I needed them the most. I was abandoned by my mother and all my siblings and was left with my physically/emotionally/mentally/spiritually abusive. I’m 35 now. I have no friends, have never had a girlfriend, and I have no semblance of a career. I have no passion. I don’t know who I am. The only reason I don’t end it is because of my dog. So basically I have 10 more years of hell.
I'm so sorry for your situation. But you can be a late bloomer. Ending it all is not the answer. Most places have help to find your talents and interests and how they fit into some sort of pleasant employment and a future. Never give up.
I can relate to what you say. I often wish I would have been more rebelious towards her, but then I quickly realize that would have been impossible. The slightest infraction would lead to abandonment.
@@billyb4790doing the opposite becomes a habit and in the end it's still determined by their behavior .we rebel like that thinking that there are these options either that or the opposite .the opposite soothes you fast and is overall slightly better but in time is a dead end too So it recently dawned on me that was foolish but also the only thing I knew and that there is actually a third option .my option .what I would like to do unifluenced by the environment.once you mature that option becomes available
Very interesting that someone claiming to know about trauma is advocating the idea of an authority figure "lovingly" and purposely harming their charge, so they can rescue/heal them from the harm that authority figure themself created, in order to build a bond so their charge will do whatever they say. This dynamic is a known part of the cycle of abuse and hero syndrome and is deeply dysfunctional. A few moments of Googling demonstrates that there is no evidence that shepherds even broke their sheep's legs in the first place, making the example even more sinister. Many of the other ideas the speaker is sharing do seem quite helpful, but knowing he's willing to publicly advocate purposeful abuse in order to create blind obedience, via a false example no less, poisons the entire well.
@@justrachel4496 purposeful abuse is real. I witnessed an aunt abuse her son Getting him to talk about his childhood revealed a life of emotional and physical abandonment and manipulation abuse. Only his older brother ever mattered so mostly she treated him like he didn't exist except when it suited her to have him do her bidding..... build the bond to do whatever she said. To his death he never stopped trying to curry favour with her or just get her to acknowledge him but he always knew he meant nothing to her and was never accepted
@@joyholtzhausen8976 Exactly. It’s such a tragic situation and kids hearing stories like the shepherd + sheep leg one in church only makes them more likely to perceive abuse like this as normal, or even as love.
"as soon as they get to know me they will abandon me" He acts like this is untrue..... So I guess either I am right or everyone else is right and I'm wrong? I find myself feeling this way about all kinds of things. Like "I can never trust anyone" or "vulnerability is bad". I just assume everyone feels this way and to say it isn't that way is a lie to me. I'm not saying I'm necessarily right. I simply have difficulty seeing it any other way. I'd love to be wrong but I can't see how I am. I find the evidence everywhere. It's only a matter of time. How on earth is that supposed to be proven wrong without just seeming DELUSIONAL and in denial? All I can say is, I'm trying.....but this is my platform. This is what I'm standing on (or standing IN, if you're so inclined.)
Yeah sure but I think we project a lot.definitivelly lying to yourself is not the solution however let's say that we paint the whole world with the same brush...it doesn't make sense that the whole world is insensitive and unalive ( or superficial or sheeple )right?yet it is. despite claiming differently .it is already a big step to acknowledge you could b right and everyone else wrong .that this is a possibility. Now within that scene there are probably people who are different albeit being the minority but we ll never meet them until we choose our own way stand on our feet become ourselves what we want to be then we ll attract and be attracted by what's similar .if we keep searching for it randomly everywhere we ll never find it
This video has a comment on shame in childhood leading to fear of abandonment as an adult. I cannot find it, if someone hears it can they reply to this comment with a timestamp? 🙏
“Abandoning yourself” means you stop taking responsibility, stop taking care of your own emotional and physical needs, put all of your sense of worth onto other people rather than trying to heal and grow. By abandoning yourself you continue to create a toxic cycle of solely relying on others for happiness
I thought it was a good insight at the 10 or 15 minute point I don't remember which... (I'm listening on earbuds as I work... ) You said the person wants to create a situation where the other person never leaves. Hey you said something like in a four or five year old mind that sounds pretty good, but doesn't fit reality, something like that... So it seems to me that's the issue. You mentioned earlier that the CPTSD person is at a very young emotional age. So that's the issue isn't it? They need to use the cortex more in understanding what a real relationship is about, right?
So… great stuff… but the story of the lamb is absolutely not true. I have heard this used in sermons and have researched it for myself and it’s incorrect.
@@frizzyrascal1493 The original speaker claimed it without backing it up as well, but you don't seem to have a problem with that. I suggest you Google it. I did, and it took only a few moments to verify it is false. There's no evidence that it ever happened among shepherds, just pastors parroting each other to paint God as an abusive asshole and advocate for horrible abuses of power among religious leaders.
It's an analogy/story that comes from a fable which is a tool to teach a lesson or explain something by using a comparison. Have you heard of Aesop? It's not a fact. Don't be so anal. Instead understand the message.
@@justrachel4496 Tim said it was an analogy, not a fact. There‘s a huge difference in that. If I want to make a counter argument, the burden of "proof" lies on me, something the OP didn’t provide. I‘m happy to be corrected, I just don‘t like the aggressive tone of your comment for merely asking a question. I can google myself, thanks for the suggestion.
So… great stuff… but the story of the lamb is absolutely not true. I have heard this used in sermons and have researched it for myself and it’s incorrect.
Yeah. Real fun that a leader claiming to know about abuse is advocating for authority figures to purposefully harm their charges, so they can rescue/heal them from the crisis they created and produce blind obedience. Even if it was true about the lambs, it would be unforgivable for a trauma expert to be teaching as aspirational; that it's falsehood all the way down only makes it worse.
@@justrachel4496well I dunno how he combined that which sounded like a parable .with the very next sentence:listen to the advice if is good and nevermind who said it..these r 2opposite things isn't it
I lost my Mum to cancer at age 15. The rest of my family did not take me in. I had severe trauma prior to losing my Mum and my entire family did not look after me so I went wild. I hung out with a rough crowd of people on the streets and started with numbing myself. No child services stepped in. I am happy to say that I am 6 years completely sober. I have isolated myself from anyone. I will never get close to anyone because I did once and he passed away 6 years ago. I have been in complete isolation since. The pain of abandonment is too much. Thank god for Tim because I was losing hope on being here anymore. I’m sure many can relate
You are a strong woman. I’m sorry for the loss of your mom, I’m almost 50 and lost my mom over 2 years ago and it still hits like it was yesterday. Losing a parent is so difficult. Having to guide yourself is even more difficult. You’ve got this. Sending you hugs.
I’m so sorry honey. You never deserved any of that. Sending love and healing energy to you 🫂
I can relate . Love and hugs to you. I'm so sorry. I pray God helps heal, strengthen love and protect you . Amen
This series of lectures is just amazing
Thank you for making this video, you articulate, my life experience as a kid. I literally run for my life from my mother when I was 8 years old. I remember setting under a tree feeling completely alone I even prayed God would take me back to heaven
I think God heard that prayer. You are a pilgrim, on your difficult heroic noble informative way back home. Very grateful that you wrote this & that you are still on the planet bringing joy out of pain, & beauty out of hardship, for every being on earth now & future.
My gosh that is so terribly sad I’m so sorry to hear you had to go through this as a child😢 I’m so devastated for you
I was a Lifetime Scapegoat of Narcissistic Abuse. It took me 51 years to break the first and last Trauma Bond. I was the Baby and they were much older than me. I was Groomed and Trained to be a victim, co-dependent , people pleasing Narc Slave/StepFord, whipping post, doormat with Zero Rights as a Human Being. I held on for WAY to LONG! They were KILLING ME! I have to start ALL over and I have CPTSD and many physical problems. They stole my Identity in every way. Multiple Ways! I didn’t build the Walls! I just quit banging my head on them and got out! Now I’m isolated and chasing away Narcs that never stop coming. Narcs enjoy abandoning me. Now I know not to let them come back after they throw me in the Trash once. Not over and over and over anymore!
The moment I closed my eyes and saw the younger version of myself, I cried. I have been abandoned multiple times by my mother at public places, she wouldn’t realize that one of her kid is missing because she was so wrapped up in taking care of my brothers and my demanding father.
Adult me understands this logically, but it hurts so deeply when I see my 6-8 years old self being abandoned multiple times at different occasions. Wish I could stop feeling this way, it’s been years but the memory is so fresh.
@desigirlincanada_pg as an adult now, what could you say to your younger self, if you went back to those times. Be the mother you would have liked.
That was right on point, word for for word the couple of minutes! I couldn't believe my ears! For the past 3 months I've been trying to save my relationship.
I’m so happy to have found you... I seem to find the right videos at the right time...
Praise God
I got collectively ostracized from my youth group in my teens when I needed them the most. I was abandoned by my mother and all my siblings and was left with my physically/emotionally/mentally/spiritually abusive. I’m 35 now. I have no friends, have never had a girlfriend, and I have no semblance of a career. I have no passion. I don’t know who I am. The only reason I don’t end it is because of my dog. So basically I have 10 more years of hell.
I'm so sorry for your situation. But you can be a late bloomer. Ending it all is not the answer. Most places have help to find your talents and interests and how they fit into some sort of pleasant employment and a future. Never give up.
Life Changing. Feel very hopeful.
BRILLIANT 🙌 SPOT ON
Tim, this hits right in my chest. 🙏🏼
Omg me too. I’m scared watch this
This time you are discribing ME.... :( :( :( HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS??? Nobody never ever was quoting me exactly like you do, Pastor Tim!
Love the content....
Ha!
I SHOULD have done the exact opposite of what my mother crammed down my throat.
I wouldn't be having flashbacks at 36 years old....
I can relate to what you say. I often wish I would have been more rebelious towards her, but then I quickly realize that would have been impossible. The slightest infraction would lead to abandonment.
@@billyb4790doing the opposite becomes a habit and in the end it's still determined by their behavior .we rebel like that thinking that there are these options either that or the opposite .the opposite soothes you fast and is overall slightly better but in time is a dead end too
So it recently dawned on me that was foolish but also the only thing I knew and that there is actually a third option .my option .what I would like to do unifluenced by the environment.once you mature that option becomes available
Very interesting that someone claiming to know about trauma is advocating the idea of an authority figure "lovingly" and purposely harming their charge, so they can rescue/heal them from the harm that authority figure themself created, in order to build a bond so their charge will do whatever they say. This dynamic is a known part of the cycle of abuse and hero syndrome and is deeply dysfunctional. A few moments of Googling demonstrates that there is no evidence that shepherds even broke their sheep's legs in the first place, making the example even more sinister. Many of the other ideas the speaker is sharing do seem quite helpful, but knowing he's willing to publicly advocate purposeful abuse in order to create blind obedience, via a false example no less, poisons the entire well.
🤣👌
@@justrachel4496 purposeful abuse is real. I witnessed an aunt abuse her son Getting him to talk about his childhood revealed a life of emotional and physical abandonment and manipulation abuse. Only his older brother ever mattered so mostly she treated him like he didn't exist except when it suited her to have him do her bidding..... build the bond to do whatever she said. To his death he never stopped trying to curry favour with her or just get her to acknowledge him but he always knew he meant nothing to her and was never accepted
@@joyholtzhausen8976 Exactly. It’s such a tragic situation and kids hearing stories like the shepherd + sheep leg one in church only makes them more likely to perceive abuse like this as normal, or even as love.
I wonder at what point did I abandon myself??
I have wondered that too as well as the why.many small compromises kill the soul in time
That explains why some people are in love with lifelike dolls
Oldie but goodie
"as soon as they get to know me they will abandon me" He acts like this is untrue.....
So I guess either I am right or everyone else is right and I'm wrong?
I find myself feeling this way about all kinds of things. Like "I can never trust anyone" or "vulnerability is bad".
I just assume everyone feels this way and to say it isn't that way is a lie to me.
I'm not saying I'm necessarily right. I simply have difficulty seeing it any other way. I'd love to be wrong but I can't see how I am. I find the evidence everywhere. It's only a matter of time.
How on earth is that supposed to be proven wrong without just seeming DELUSIONAL and in denial?
All I can say is, I'm trying.....but this is my platform. This is what I'm standing on (or standing IN, if you're so inclined.)
Yeah sure but I think we project a lot.definitivelly lying to yourself is not the solution however let's say that we paint the whole world with the same brush...it doesn't make sense that the whole world is insensitive and unalive ( or superficial or sheeple )right?yet it is. despite claiming differently .it is already a big step to acknowledge you could b right and everyone else wrong .that this is a possibility. Now within that scene there are probably people who are different albeit being the minority but we ll never meet them until we choose our own way stand on our feet become ourselves what we want to be then we ll attract and be attracted by what's similar .if we keep searching for it randomly everywhere we ll never find it
Can you please link the original video when posting. Thank you :)
Does this guy know me? 😝 seems like it.
Ikr 🤔
This video has a comment on shame in childhood leading to fear of abandonment as an adult. I cannot find it, if someone hears it can they reply to this comment with a timestamp? 🙏
Truth
What do you mean "abandon" yourself?
“Abandoning yourself” means you stop taking responsibility, stop taking care of your own emotional and physical needs, put all of your sense of worth onto other people rather than trying to heal and grow. By abandoning yourself you continue to create a toxic cycle of solely relying on others for happiness
This was my life with my ex boyfriend
❤
Not helpful to diagnose traumatized children with ODD...treat the trauma first! Then diagnose...
I thought it was a good insight at the 10 or 15 minute point I don't remember which... (I'm listening on earbuds as I work... )
You said the person wants to create a situation where the other person never leaves. Hey you said something like in a four or five year old mind that sounds pretty good, but doesn't fit reality, something like that... So it seems to me that's the issue. You mentioned earlier that the CPTSD person is at a very young emotional age. So that's the issue isn't it? They need to use the cortex more in understanding what a real relationship is about, right?
So… great stuff… but the story of the lamb is absolutely not true. I have heard this used in sermons and have researched it for myself and it’s incorrect.
And how is it not true? You claim something without backing it up. That doesn‘t make it true.
@@frizzyrascal1493 The original speaker claimed it without backing it up as well, but you don't seem to have a problem with that.
I suggest you Google it. I did, and it took only a few moments to verify it is false. There's no evidence that it ever happened among shepherds, just pastors parroting each other to paint God as an abusive asshole and advocate for horrible abuses of power among religious leaders.
It's an analogy/story that comes from a fable which is a tool to teach a lesson or explain something by using a comparison. Have you heard of Aesop? It's not a fact. Don't be so anal. Instead understand the message.
@@justrachel4496 Tim said it was an analogy, not a fact. There‘s a huge difference in that. If I want to make a counter argument, the burden of "proof" lies on me, something the OP didn’t provide.
I‘m happy to be corrected, I just don‘t like the aggressive tone of your comment for merely asking a question. I can google myself, thanks for the suggestion.
@@kayleenkenward7267 The message is inaccurate and cruel, just like the analogy.
So… great stuff… but the story of the lamb is absolutely not true. I have heard this used in sermons and have researched it for myself and it’s incorrect.
Yeah. Real fun that a leader claiming to know about abuse is advocating for authority figures to purposefully harm their charges, so they can rescue/heal them from the crisis they created and produce blind obedience. Even if it was true about the lambs, it would be unforgivable for a trauma expert to be teaching as aspirational; that it's falsehood all the way down only makes it worse.
@@justrachel4496well I dunno how he combined that which sounded like a parable .with the very next sentence:listen to the advice if is good and nevermind who said it..these r 2opposite things isn't it