@@writerintherye The mainstreaming of "therapy language" was such a huge mistake, because now concepts like boundaries, which SHOULD be used only to establish healthy standards in relationships, are now being weaponized by abusive people.
And the fact that it's mostly women, who are being gaslit is so disgusting and infuriating. It just shows how there is still an expectation, that woman should shoulder the blame for mens actions, which is just...bleh
@@moonsigil I know a few people that went on to become licensed therapists that were genuinely awful people, they were manipulative and narcissistic to a point of being evil with it. Sadistic jerks that legitimately get off on hurting people in severe emotional ways. It's scary that people like that can easily get into specific jobs that give them access to victims, because they know, and heavily rely upon, most people not reporting these issues due to fear or embarrassment.
The woman with the deadly laundry detergent allergy should not just change her will, but she needs to find out if there's a life insurance policy on her. Also, it's very odd that he chose to "test" her deadly allergy when she's pregnant. It makes no sense unless he really doesn't want to be a father. Just saying.
If someone put a camera in my daughter's room, i wouldnt be worried about ruining their life. They would be worried about keeping theirs. That man is preying on her daughter
I'm 28 and my dad joked about putting a Ring camera in my room when he was buzzed and I immediately reacted strongly to that. He's a dork and alcohol removes his filter when speaking but I made it clear that he'd better never and told him why even though I'm sure he knows. He and my mom worry about me due to mental and physical health issues and I've made more than one attempt on my own...wellbeing, but that's no excuse.
Remember, if you find out/your child comes to you about concerning or abusive "alligations" against your partner the way you react will affect your child. If your first thing is wondering about wether you should or shouldn't "ruin" your partner's life by pressing charges you've already communicated to your child that their future is less important than your partner's present/future/reputation. Just something to think about.
OH MY GOD YES EXACTLY. The whole time I was thinking, "Why isn't OP considering the daughter's feelings??? Just because she's an adult doesn't make what's being done to her okay???"
As someone who has actually lived through this as the child in question, it's 1000% true. My mother's husband SAed me after I had to move back home due to severe mental health issues that occurred as a result of an abusive marriage. He spent my entire childhood bullying and abusing me, but I wanted to try to have a decent relationship with him as an adult, at which time he decided that that was an invitation to make it sexual. My mom is still married to him, despite believing me (because it turned out that she was actually aware of what was happening the entire time and was willing to participate in his ultimate fantasy which was having a threesome with me and my own mother) and now I'm the one who has been ostracized from the family. Fortunately, by deciding to share my own story, I accidentally inspired a friend of mine to do the right thing when her husband (who, as far as everyone was concerned, was a model citizen and perfect husband and father, and literally the last person on earth you would expect to do something like this) turned out to have been secretly filming her oldest daughter from a previous relationship for who knows how long. He was also caught up in a sting operation where he was sexting who he believed to be a minor, and had the sort of things you would expect on his computer. Because I had shared my story, it strengthened her resolve to do the right thing by her daughter and be done with her now ex-husband, because she had seen how it affected me when my own mother didn't have my back. So, at least I know one good thing came out of my situation. (I'm sure my friend would have done the right thing either way because she's a wonderful person, but it's comforting to believe that opening up about my trauma made that decision easier for her.)
@ndawn90 I'm proud of both of you, and I'm sorry for what those bastards did to you. Thank you for sharing your story, it does help those of us that wonder if we're not "perfect victims" enough to be believed. Even if your family didn't have your back and were involved in the intense betrayal, she listened and it helped. now I'm listening... Thank you.
100% valid, but I think in this case there's even more to it than that. The story from the video was about a 19 year old, so like...yes OP can encourage her daughter to press charges, and promise to be supportive in whatever decision the daughter makes, but ultimately it's not even OP's decision to make, it's her daughter's. Even if it's coming from a well-meaning place, parents can't/ shoudln't disregard their adult children's autonomy, especially in situations like this. This is something OP should be talking to her daughter about, not Reddit, and worrying about the impact of reporting vs. not reporting on her (again, adult) daughter, not her ex.
I really hope the OP of the laundry detergent post sees how bad of an idea it’d be to still marry someone who doesn’t care about triggering her allergic reactions. If you’re removing a spouse or fiancée from your will, that should be an immediate indicator that marriage should not happen or a divorce needs to happen.
Exactly this. I have a bad food allergy and my friends are always looking out for me, asking about ingredients and checking labels before sharing. I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who cares so little about my health and safety.
Ex hubby would buy Pine Sol even though I told him it triggered my migraines. He used it to clean the basement floor triggering a severe 3 day migraine with vomiting. I threw away the Pine Sol, he bought another bottle. He's not longer in my will.
@user-wm2hw5bu5q I mean, unless you have definitive concrete proof, this is happening as frequently as you claim, this sounds like every miserable person leaving a nasty comment on a cute animal/pet video hissing about "This is clearly very orchestrated!! They just want to make a quick buck off an emotionally manipulative video! It happens ALL the time!! Sources?? Dude, trust me. I'm realist!!" Just because you're not trusting and hate people doesn't mean every single person that uploads a video to this platform is nefarious. Honestly I wish you whiners would actually hold that same energy for the objectively terrible manipulative people rather than get performatively outraged over a woman venting about her jackass partner!
I have severe food allergies and environmental/chemical allergies. So I def know this scenario. I’ve had TWO ppl in my life decide to test my allergies/wilfully disregard my allergies and did not think my severe reaction and trip to er were their fault. One person was a friend and I ended that friendship the other was a partner and it took me a long time to get away from them because… abuse.
And learn to stand up for yourself, don't expect someone else to always step in. I know we're taught not to, at least where I'm from, but that's got to be unlearned pronto.
@@GoldenWreck - This has to stop. I’m not trying to shame people but there’s a level of accountability that ppl ARE NOT taking. People do NOT change. If I could meet your partner from day one and tell he’s an asshole, there’s NOTHING that you did not want to see 1,2,3+ years later that I couldn’t see. Period. We need accountability and responsibility. It was always there you just DIDNT WANT to see it. And that’s okay but own that shit. You are responsible for your own naivety. And if you don’t have that level of discernment then it’s EXACTLY WHY most people shouldn’t be dating. Ppl wonder why they chose a shit partner when they choose shit friends… it’s just common sense.
@@alliec.6543 Yeah girl I get what you're getting at but it really does be like that sometimes where their partner does not show how nasty they are until they're already married and more comfortable acting that way since they're deep into the relationship, and it can feel much more difficult to just divorce and leave at that point, especially if they have kids or if it's dangerous to leave, even if they aren't married. Some people have abandonment issues or are manipulated by their partner to be dependant on them as well, so a lot of times it's not just as black and white as simple naivety and being too embarrassed to take accountability for it.
"My boyfriend's boundaries feel controlling to me" Those... aren't boundaries. He's using therapy speak to dictate her life and gaslight her. Boundaries are about YOU and YOUR behavior, not the person you're with. Boundaries are like "I don't hug people I barely know," not "This is how YOU need to dress to keep me around."
True, boundaries are about your personal space and things that you don't like people saying or doing to you specifically. This man is using the word boundaries to mean "rules and regulations" regarding the relationship. Ofc he wants to be the only one who gets to make said rules, so he's treating her like a pet instead of a partner.
i mean... you CAN have boundaries regarding your partners behaviour. that of itself isnt automatically something controlling. its absolutely okay to have boundaries where you might not be okay with staying with your partner if they act a certain way? its just in this case that he was a controlling prick
You can and should have boundaries about your relationships. Like, what is fidelity to you, what you are okay with romantically and sexually, these are boundaries. Your partner shouldn't sleep with other people if this goes against your boundaries, that's cheating.
@@lilbread1717 What constitutes as cheating has to be an agreement between both people, it can’t be a boundary that one person sets for the other. The latter is how you end up with situations where your partner decides that you’re cheating on them if you hang out with or even speak to other people of your preferred gender(s.)
Even though lots of these stories are fake, having places where women can say, "my partner is doing X. Is that bad?" and the world can say DIVORCE HIM is really one of the greatest innovations of the internet.
@@digitalpain8269 It's a massive improvement to what it once was, and tragically still is in some circles (eg. that one american pastor who publically shamed a congregant in church because he had the audacity to tell her to endure DV by her husband, who was later on arrested for CSA, to teach their children how to "suffer for jesus", she then did the right thing by going to the police instead). It's best to filter through some of the "divorce now" comments and focus specifically on comments that go in depth and show their reasoning as to _why_ they think person A shouldn't stay with person B, if not seeking treatment through couples therapy and communication
@@lazyperfectionist3978 Yeah same thing. That happened to my mom's friend. She lived in Nigeria she was married to the man for 15 years and they had two kids together my mom and her friends found out that her husband was abusing her after seeing a few bruises and her limping and starting to cover up and dress differently. She then stopped coming to gatherings and her phone. She later had a meeting with two of her other friends about how she was asking her parents for permission to divorce and they told that it would get better,and that her kids wouldn't want to be a awah from their father. The fact my mom's friend had grown up in a very conservative household didn't help she was financially independent and could leave easilt and take the kids with her but unfortunately the pressure got to her and she stayed. She was found dead in her bedroom shot 5 times in ther shared bedroom. The husband was arrested and is now on death row and her children are now living with their grandparents. This made me realise how complex abusive relationship are.
@@digitalpain8269 Lol, every time I see a woman complaining about a man in her life doing something really bad, there are mfers upon mfers screeching at her that it is her fault, but every time a man is disgusted by a woman doing nothing more than sneething the way he does not find appealing he is automatically in the right and has to divorce/break up. The gender bias in this advice is pulpable.
@@johnenriquez6757i think that's inevitable, but this time it'll be on d'angelo's own terms, which is good. he says he's having fun and his upload schedule is still not actually daily or even set in stone.
5:31 fun fact: your boundaries should by YOUR boundaries and should not be projected onto other people as a method of control. “I cannot be with someone who lies and proves to not be trustworthy” is a healthy boundary. “I won’t be with someone that thinks it’s okay to not wear a bra” is not a boundary. Changing your partner through “boundaries” is not the same as setting healthy boundaries.
I mean, ‘I don’t date people who don’t wear bras’ is a fine boundary if he just leaves because of it, but not ok if he tries to get her to change because of it. IMO. People are allowed to be incompatible, but it’s the forcing change onto someone that’s not ok with incompatibilities
@@peacechickification That’s not a boundary, it’s a personal preference. the only reason to call it a “boundary” is to manipulate people into allowing you to control them imo.
@@peacechickification i guess the biggest distinction would be that boundaries tend to be set 1. for your health or (mental and general) wellbeing and 2. not to prohibit another's actions, but to explain what you will not tolerate. the important part is that the focus is on the individual setting the boundary; if the boundary is violated, "no action" needs to be taken by the violator, the boundary-setter will exclude themselves, reject the action, or avoid the situation. and also the boundary itself has actual importance, rather than being sheer cosmetic. ... but yeah youre right boundaries are mostly personal preferences, but they don't have to be. theyre mainly set for the wellbeing of the sett-er, which is what makes them different from preferences; i.e, someone can set a boundary that prohibits them from doing something they prefer ("i can't date someone who will take me out to gamble, b/c i have a gambling problem (even though I like gambling.)" ) and theyre different than requests because they dont intend to cause the violator to change their behavior; theyre a set of criteria, rather than an order. this was an interesting semantic exercise.
He calls his partner a "feral woman" because she wants to hang out with her friends and/or her family without him, I call myself feral when I want to bite and hiss at people because they annoyed me. We are not the same.
Yeah... Reminds me of the case of an Asian man that tried to push his pregnant wife off a cliff to get the will - she miraculously survived, but the baby didnt. This is more common than we like to imagine...
@@businesszeus6864 "Women in the US who are pregnant or who have recently given birth are more likely to be murdered than to die from obstetric causes" But what I hear waaaaay more often is the guy leaving/divorcing/cheating because he doesn't find her attractive anymore
@@nari5161 sure, but i never said what you just quoted. My point and your point arent mutually exclusive: im just saying that toxic violent men have a history of going to great lenghts to seem like the perfect husband before killing their wife in a way that seems like an accident to an outsider... like in the case i just mentioned the couple was on a vacation and nobody suspected a thing, nobody wouldve known the truth if she hadnt survived to tell the tale
relevant to the laundry detergent allergy situation: These things can be genetic - if mom's allergic there's a chance that baby will be allergic too, or have antibodies against these allergens if they do breastfeeding. This man used laundry detergent that the baby could be allergic to, to wash the baby's clothes. The mom can know what's going on and remove herself from towels or other fabric that has allergens. HOW IS THE BABY SUPPOSED TO COMMUNICATE THAT. Man's angling for a post-term abortion right there.
Also, if she reacts just by touching the clothes to fold them, she'll definitely react to holding the baby wearing the clothes, wether the baby turns out allergic or not.
The soy sauce baby story is really concerning if it’s true. Sodium poisoning is very dangerous for young kids. An estimate for LETHAL dosage of salt ingestion in children is less than 4 teaspoons of salt.
@@mumenRhyderYes, it was the Garnet Spears case. He was a victim of what used to be called "Munchausen's by Proxy" but is now officially called "Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another". His mother, Lacey Spears, convinced doctors to give her child a surgery that prevented him from vomiting, and she also convinced them that he needed what's called a PEG tube which is essentially a feeding tube that goes directly into the stomach. (She also gave him repeated ear infections, but that wasn't relevant to his murder.) Because she could essentially put whatever she wanted directly into his stomach and the fact that he couldn't vomit, she could and did repeatedly give him huge amounts of salt to make him have seizures, and eventually she gave him so much that he became brain dead and needed to be removed from life support. The crazy part is that they caught her poisoning him on camera in the hospital. Not directly, because she did it in the bathroom, but they were doing a seizure study on Garnet so he was being filmed for that study, and after they told Lacey that he was probably going to be discharged, she took him into the bathroom with the supplies needed to put fluids into his PEG tube, and when he came out he started dry heaving (because he couldn't vomit) and eventually lost consciousness and started seizing. They tested his feeding tube setup and it was full of salt. Fortunately, Lacey was convicted and is serving a 20-to-life sentence.
yep, let’s scare new moms even more! why not? they’re not already scared enough of sids, suffocation, unvaxxed people, bad people who may want to do harm to your children, the list goes on but that’s not enough, right? holy shit, guys. unless your kid is under 6 months of age (in which you shouldn’t be giving them food or water at all, so…), you do not need to be scared of sodium. most sodium poisoning cases are ch!ld !b!se, eating play doh, or forcefeeding. you don’t have to make a separate meal for your child unless it includes honey or raw ingredients. solid starts is a great app with info from paediatricians, nutritionists, and a bunch of other smart people with titles and degrees, who know what they’re talking about. would recommend checking that out instead of talking out of your behind/listening to someone on a youtube comment who’s probably not even a legal adult yet.
@@ndawn90That’s very disturbing. I’ve heard about this mental illness and still can’t wrap my head around wanting to injure and kill your child for attention 😞 Poor little kid
I absolutely hate how some people act like avoiding triggering others's allergies is such a genuine inconvenience and never take them seriously. Parents *still* complain about not being able to bring peanut butter to school, like, is that PB&J literally worth someone's life? I don't even have an allergy myself, but because my household does, I have never gone out of my way to eat it. Plain and simple. Why is that so hard to respect?
honestly depending on your nutritional needs & cultures, yes it can be more than an inconvenience. i have a bunch of allergies myself. i still broke things off with a guy who was allergic to peanuts because they make up such a large portion of my diet that being with him would have made me miserable by further restricting my already restrictive diet. it’s sad, but it’s an incompatibility & we both understood each other & have 0 hard feelings, because we both know what it’s like to have dietary restrictions. now does that mean i go out of my way to trigger others? no. i respect people wherever possible because living like this is hard, but i also respect myself enough to know what i am willing to part with in my life for someone. my current partner loves some of my allergies & we have found safe ways for him to enjoy them without causing me harm.
@maddiemainer I think the problem is that some people truly almost go out of their way to trigger other's allergies and have this real lax way about it. They're spiteful. That part always annoyed me. If you're going to have it, don't shove it in someone's face or purposefully go near them with it, you know? I totally get your perspective, though. I'm used to growing up with people who have severe allergies, so I've kinda learned to live around it. It can be tiresome, but it's not anyone's fault. Wish more understood that. 😭
7:23 nah he knows you're allergic to those brands, he's seen you in an allergic reaction, he knows you don't want to try any other ones since you're pregnant and he STILL TRIES TO USE THEM. Divorce and sue him that's literally putting both the wife and baby in danger I want this to be fake but god does this happen too many times irl
ER Doc here: the amount of sodium in soy sauce can unalive a baby if they get too much. Kidney damage, swelling in the brain, seizures…. It’s a big deal
I’m just literally a mother with no medical training, and even I know that. But I do appreciate a doctor saying it, because it may have more weight coming from someone with medical training. I wish this was a public service announcement
Yeah, this behaviour he exhibits is bad enough, going behind the other parent's back, etc, but the actual basics are; why on earth would you feed your baby anything that isn't For Babies?
@@CoQuickAg RUclips's auto moderation for comments can be super random and harsh, so I've seen a lot of people do things like that. I mean, it would make sense that comments about topics like child death are at least flagged in their system.
There's such a cliche about people immediately saying divorce/breakup on these posts, but it's so frighteningly necessary within a second into all of them. Leaving relationships should be so much more normalized, stay together for what? Nobody's gonna die if you breakup. Make breakups more normal!
Small correction. Often times in an absive situation, the moment you pull away or try to get away is when its the most dangerous. Especially if theyve ever shown a hint of getting physical So if you are in such a situation and fear they will become physical, dont do it face to face. Be with a friend who can help. Change locks. All that stuff. I would suggest going to the police but uh... Theyre honestly useless
I agree except I don’t think the food list one was that bad. I think that was a legitimate thing to wonder only because she seemed to like everything else about the guy. Maybe I’m bias because my sister in law is with a guy just like that and they seem to make it work just fine. Anytime he comes over we always cook him something different. He never asks but it’s not a big deal for us. All he eats is Puerto Rican food lol. It’s annoying for her but she still loves him and he’s always willing to cook for himself or bring food. Yes he’s got the pallet of a child but, I’m just saying it can work. Also, not saying that anyone mentioned is autistic but as someone who is, I am just aware of having weird sensory issues that no one seems to take seriously. So that’s another bias. I know people see me as childish for hating certain textures. And I just feel bad for people who have a genuine disgust for things where people will see has a moral failing. But I can completely understand why this woman would choose not to be with someone she’s incompatible with. If food is really important to her. So in not saying she over reacted. Just that it was valid to question it.
@@elvingearmasterirma7241 I agree 100%, I appreciate your comment! A relationship never SHOULD be life or death, but for some people it is! It's just a really sad fact
fr. i honestly don’t think saying “divorce/break up” is overused. so many people are in relationships they shouldn’t be in and are trying to force it to be something that it isn’t. it’s okay to end a relationship for any reason. you don’t have to settle and force yourself to stay in a subpar or bad relationship. it’s okay to let go
As a trans man, i gotta say. People who say "my woman needs to dress this way" or "too much makeup" like with no respect sir, you are PICKING THE WRONG WOMEN THEN???? there are SO many women who dress like cottage core and "modest", there are SO MANY WOMEN who don't like makeup. It's called women are not a monolith and have their own preferences and interests? TLDR as a trans guy I dont get the policing of womens bodies esp when every woman expresses themself differently.
With men like this, they don’t want modest women. They want to police a woman who is confident and happy and they want to break her down, and force her to do things to take her power.
For those men It's about control. They intentionally pick women who don't meet their "preferences" and then try to force her to be what they want because they like feeling "in control" of her. They like "molding" a woman to be how they want her to be because they don't see women as individual people and it makes them feel "powerful". It's also a form of abusive behavior that usually escalates over time.
The thing is that with men like this it’s not even about the makeup or the clothing or anything like that, not really. It’s about control. It’s about controlling everything about her, everything she does. It’s why you hear about tradwife types ending up in abusive relationships relationships in spite of seemingly offering everything they’d want anyway
That's what I'm thinking. It's so weird when men choose a certain type of women then try to change her when the women you want her to act like exist. You don't want ur girl to wear revealing clothes? Then choose someone that doesn't like to wear revealing clothes. You want ur girl to be the type that doesn't like going out? Then choose a girl like that. I mean it's better that he let her know what he wants up front so she can leave if she's not ok with it but damn. Conservative women exist you know. But they don't go for them cause they aren't attracted to them? So he want a girl to be sexy UNTIL she gets with him then flip a switch? 😂. It's so weird...
10:25 I immediately felt bad for the guy when she said “palate of a child”. Actually, there’s a lesser known eating disorder called ARFID that is common in neurodivergent people in which you don’t like food due to the food itself for texture reasons or fear of getting sick. It’s often a lifelong eating disorder; I’d know because I have it. I was always made fun of for “eating like a child”, when really I was suffering and struggling alone with my eating disorder. I’m not trying to diagnose the guy, but I want people to be more aware of ARFID and not belittle people for what they do or do not eat. We all need to eat to live, it’s just harder for some than others and belittling someone’s diet is a huge problem.
BTW I feel she’s justified to break it off with him if she loves to cook and he has limited dietary options. That’s fine. She just doesn’t need to make fun of him in the process.
Yes!!! It also looked a lot like low fodmap as well which is for IBS/IBD possibly a mixture of both? I’m supposed to do low/no fodmap but its too restrictive and you can peel my garlic and onion from my cold dead hands. 😂
i definitely feel for this bc my partner with arfid was a lot more restrictive with his diet when we first started dating and now after 3 years, his palate has grown so much (which he's proud of). It definitely varies from relationship to relationship but yeah, sometimes, ppl in relationships with ppl with arfid need patience :')
summed up my thoughts exactly. like, she had every right to break it off but her wording was really poor. not overreacting to breaking it off but probably overreacting to the concept of restricted eating in general
When I was a teenager, my mom used to stop me from leaving the house and make me change clothes. Clothes *she bought for me* mind you; this was not about me dressing too slutty. She did it because she thought the outfit made me look fat. Sometimes I missed the bus because of the arguments we would get into. Not that it matters, but I wasn’t at all fat; this was her passing her dysmorphia down to me. The damage that did was kind of hard to calculate. I’m only grateful that my friends at the time called it out for the abusive behavior it was.
18:35 "You'll understand when you have kids" is the same thing as saying, "I am treating you like an accessory to my life." and I still deal with it nearing my 40s lmfao
My own mother scoffs at my face whenever I bring up my wool allergy. Ever since I was an infant whenever I wore woollen clothing my whole body would break out in a rash. I think the reaction time has increased over the years but I’ve largely avoided wearing wool. As recently as a couple years ago I started reacting all over my body when I realised a piece of clothing I wore was made of wool. But my mom has been incredibly gaslighting about it? I really don’t get it. I have had to take pictures of my reactions because she would go around lying to everyone and saying I’m an entitled brat who doesn’t like how “wool looks” and am super picky instead of ever going helping me look for warm clothing that aren’t woollen. To this day she’s been like this and would not acknowledge that I had multiple reactions in front of her as a baby, as a kid, even my father knows it. People can be fucking wild
Yeah literally it's so bad. Actually i feel like people don't take anyone's issues seriously at this point. This one girl I knew had photosensitive epilepsy and her friend decided to "test it" and proceeds to flash her phone light in her eyes she had a tonic clonic seizure and ended up hitting her head on the corner of a glass table. People are freakin foolish.
@@oreochocolate_lavacake9960 yeah dude :/ I’ve read stories of people whose parents didn’t believe their grandkids’ allergies and decided to test them while their parents were away and unfortunately some of them did not go over well. Considering how my mother has been with me, I fear for the safety of my own future kids if I left them with her. Crazy stuff people would do just to “prove a point”
@@oreochocolate_lavacake9960 i have also had a benign tumor since I was 3 years old that keeps growing back and while I was in severe pain and mid treatments (which thank god my father acknowledges I need) my mother looked me in my eyes and told me I needed to suck it up
12:10 as someone who probably has ARFID (avoidant restrictive food intake disorder) but definitely has major sensory issues related to taste. I do not think OP was overreacting. food is an important part of life and culture, and I can completely understand not wanting to date someone who won’t or can’t interact with those parts in yours. It’s definitely a hard situation but I don’t think they were wrong for deciding it was a dealbreaker.
Definitely seems like lots of folks are glossing over the culture part of the situation. Certain cultures revolve around food. To the point where they not only eat together at all gatherings, but they cook those meals together. He would have been uncomfortable, no doubt.
I was just about to say this! I'm autistic and strongly suspect I have ARFID. But I also understand the role food can play in culture in relationships. This just sounds like an unfortunate compatibility issues.
i love seeing this take!!!! same here if i have arfid it’s technically under the umbrella of my autism diagnosis and i get self-conscious about this all the time but luckily my partner is cool with all my stuff. if it was anyone that wasn’t my partner, i’d definitely have far less patience for someone ending a relationship or friendship over food preference, but i agree. i just hope it’s something i never have to face 0_0
@@xx_lunar_tears_xx8432 i agree. it would be really hard for him to integrate into her culture and it would make family gatherings and dinners extremely unpleasant. in many cultures, people take great offense if you won’t eat the food they make for you or if you cook your own food to eat instead. i also have ARFID, and it sucks…but i also wouldn’t fault someone for not being able to deal with all my sensory issues and neurodivergent traits. i don’t think it makes anyone a bad person, dating someone with a disability isn’t for everyone and that’s ok.
i agree and my partner also has ARFID 😅 my partner is actively trying different foods but i thought long and hard about it and to ME, eventhough i love trying new foods, i love my significant other too much and theyre also okay with me eating different foods from them/infront of them. If we go out to a new place, as long as they have a safe food for my partner, its all good. It definitely varies from person to person and its a long conversation to be had. Wishing ppl in this situation the best
If the first man is so insistent that his partner should wear a bra, I say he needs to lead by example. Why should she tolerate a boyfriend who doesn't wear a bra? No double standards!
11:40 this whole situation sounds like the guy has ARFID, which I also have. It does complicate things and it’s considered an eating disorder. It’s communally paired with autism, adhd, or other mental health diagnoses. Hopefully he’s okay,ik the struggle is real.
Yeah, exactly. I was a bit hurt that’d she’d break up with him for that reason partially because I have ARFIDs as well, I’d like to think she probably doesn’t know anything about it. But I don’t know how that doesn’t look like he has some sort of ED to anyone.
Yep that’s exactly what I thought, I was like is this guy autistic/adhd?? I have afrid and although it’s not that bad, it makes so sad that she was willing to break up for that sole reason😔😔
@kyonaharris8239 it would be worse if she just kept trying to get him to eat those foods and straight up not understanding. It's best he find someone who doesn't feel they need to hold back for him. That's how resentment builds.
@@kyonaharris8239 exactly! Mine is honestly terrible. I’m 32, and I literally eat about 5 thing’s interchangeably. It’s not easy on the person dealing with it, so we know it’s hard for people around us and try to deal with it ourselves so others aren’t affected. I’m adhd, waiting to see about an audhd diagnosis. So it suck’s when people don’t get it, or they want to constantly shove food in your face that you’re literally terrified of. 😩 poor guy, hopefully he finds someone that’ll understand what he’s dealing with.
I was just thinking that😂 then when they ask “your 27 and you have a will?” “No I am changing my will to live after this conversation” gonna have fun with that one
I feel so bad for the laundry detergent allergic lady. I got celiac disease diagnosed a few months ago and my boyfriend has been very cautious about cross contamination and supportive with finding gluten free foods. Avoiding detergent brands requires so little effort in comparison, you just gotta buy and use the ones she's not allergic to lmao. It's mind boggling that he doesn't care. I would also suspect a murder attempt because what the hell.
As someone who's actually allergic to much more than the list that guy gave, if a potential partner considered making food with their partner and family a significant part of their life, then yeah, we shouldn't be together. I'd end it myself. The list of my allergies is just too long and complex and includes things that aren't legally required to be listed in ingredients lists, so I am the only person I can trust to make my own food. It already sucks being considered a problem at social gatherings when people get upset that I "won't" (can't) tell them how to accommodate my restrictions, and dealing with people joking that they'd unalive themself if they had my restrictions. I wouldn't want to be resented by a partner that considers making food for everyone such an important part of their life on top of what I'm already dealing with.
hi, I have a lot of food allergies as well, and I just wanted to say I really relate to you about people saying "oh my god, if I were allergic to X and Y I would k*ll myself!" I grew up from childhood watching adults and other kids say that to me, and it truly hurt me/continues to hurt me. it's a horrible thing to say to someone and you never should have had to experience that.. me neither. did you ever find a good response to it? like.. what are we supposed to say? I've never met anyone else with allergies like me. thank you for sharing and I hope you eat really yummy, very safe food today. I know it can be hard.
im glad to see so many people pointing out ARFID as a possibility for the food one. as someone who struggles w severe sensory aversions to food and has a very limited pallete. i think its fine she called it off because that could be a very real problem in the relationship, but her calling his pallete "that of a child" rubbed me the wrong way. food is something i really struggle with and im aware its difficult for other people to deal with but i will literally starve myself then eat certain foods because of how strong the repulsion is. if food is important to a partner than that definitely could be a dealbreaker!
Yeah you can leave a person for whatever reason, but he seems to have an ED/ARFID, why be so rude about it? Same as with the comments saying that they'd never want to date anyone that might complicate their life, seems so abelist... So many disabled people already feel so guilty for "burdening" the people around them, why add to that?
I'm ND with a boyfriend with ARFID, just to preface this. But I'm going to be real, ARFID is _not_ well-known outside of the disabled community. If you have never heard of it, then yes, someone _will_ take it as "the palette of a child", not realising that it's a genuine disorder. While the phrasing may have hurt, let's bear in mind that she likely did not know about the disorder. If she had known, she likely wouldn't have been rude. Edit: Honestly not even _I_ knew about ARFID before meeting him, and I'm ADHD with possible autism. I have my own food issues. And take my BPD for example - if someone was unaware of what that was, someone would call my outbursts "a childish tantrum". It happens, people are unaware of things. Let's offer the benefit of the doubt more.
@@AShatteredDragonsSpirit I surely HOPE if she had known he had a disability she wouldn't have been so rude about it. However, I have encountered people that know about my disabilities and act that way, so it's not unheard of!
@@onceuponamelody Oh no, don't get me wrong, I know that people are rude (my family are often rude to me for my sensory issues), and I am sorry that people have been rude to you too. But in the screenshots, there was only a list of food with the message "I _won't_ eat these", and then the OP said that the only messages sent afterwards was her saying that the relationship won't work and he thanked her for saying so. There wasn't a disclosure of him having any EDs, so I'm led to believe that she just doesn't know about it.
I know someone who has parents like the camera ones. His mother calls multiple times a day, tracks his location and calls if he’s not where she expects him to be (like if he’s at a friend’s place instead of his), and has cameras throughout his place that she monitors. I’ve witnessed him break down multiple times because of her behavior and how he feels like he has no agency in his own life as an adult, but he doesn’t want to completely cut off his parents and that would be the only way it’d stop. It’s truly a heartbreaking situation to see as an outsider who can’t do anything but try to offer comfort
If it’s also in a dorm like the example in the video they could say the RA caught it and said it was against school policy. Other than that I hope they get out of that situation somehow soon because that sounds awful.
I divorced my husband due to food preference. He’s from Nepal and I’m black American. We agreed we could just get our own food since neither liked the other cuisine though I would eat certain curries and momos. He didn’t even want to try American food. All was well until his mother moved in and we had a baby. She felt I was offended by her cooking and my husband was concerned our son wasn’t eating enough of their cooking (I was the main one cooking, his mom only cooked once per day when my husband came home from work). Literal arguments every single day for 4 months. Food is culture, let it go if you can’t even agree on palate.
The laundry detergent OP reinforces how so many women allllllways get told we’re “overreacting” when it comes to our pain. Especially in the obgyn office but like… the person who got you pregnant literally doesn’t care or believe that your pain is valid.
Some people have no understanding of the risks of allergies, and some have a mentality towards 'invisible' illnesses and conditions that they don't exist. Some also think that changing their behavior because of the needs of another is disrespectful towards themselves. I think he's got all three
The guy who is fussy about food makes me think he might have some sort of eating disorder or underlying condition that caused it, which has not been revealed to the person dating him. It's okay to tell him that you don't think you can accommodate him than trying to force him to change.
Yeah, it seems food is important to both of them and that kind of issue can cause resentment in the future. He may feel like a burden, and she may feel pressure to avoid a lot of foods in an effort to keep him from feeling othered or excluded. It seems shallow on the surface, but it was probably for the best.
I have ADHD and maybe autism, making me avoid some textures, and my boyfriend has ADHD and ARFID. ARFID is an ED which, for him at least, gives him no choice but to avoid certain foods and can hospitalise him due to malnutrition if we can't find any of his safe foods. We manage it, and it doesn't have too much of an effect on our lives. However, I can absolutely see why someone couldn't date someone with ARFID. It's a big thing, especially if the other person has a rich cuisine history in their culture or if cooking is their love language. Sometimes people just aren't compatible, and that's okay. There will be someone else out there who _can_ accommodate for it. I see no overreaction here. No ableism either, as some people have been claiming.
a lot of us autistic people are very sensitive to certain tastes, and can only eat a limited variety of food, the amount of things he named totally aren't uncommon, I hate the taste or thought of eating like 75% of what he named. it really doesn't need to be a specific condition
@@AShatteredDragonsSpirit I've never heard of ARFID before. Honestly to me the weird thing was that he actually had a list of foods he won't eat. Would that be common with someone with ARFID, to make a list?
I think it's extremely petty, but that makes all the more reason to break up. I can't imagine being upset that my partner doesn't like radishes or something and my family being upset too. It's ridiculous.
I keep thinking some of these stories are fake, but then i remember how America bought out toilet paper in the pandemic and remember audacity and stupidity know no bounds😭
Replying mostly so that I can hear this "legitimate reason" But also the buying-out of TP happened in the UK too. Not sure if it was widespread but it was sure annoying and TP quality dropped to, like, paper towel levels. It was awful.
the first one is a classic example of an abusive person using “therapy speak” to justify their abusive behavior. boundaries are for YOU, not the other person. trying to control other people isn’t a “boundary”, it’s being controlling.
If someone is recording your kids without their consent, a HIDDEN CAMERA in your teens room, PRESS ALL THE CHARGES. you can't "ruin the life" of a predator that used their relationship with you to objectify and prey on your KIDS. Get all the restraining orders, too, whether or not authorities want to let you press criminal charges. That's still domestic abuse and anyone reading this, in any remotely similar situation: it is abuse. It's never okay. It will hurt you, and your kids, in ways you might not fully recover from, and nobody "too good" to deserve a dose of accountability for LITERAL CRIME would ever record you or your child like that.
7:30 bro why don't men listen to women, or why don't people listen to their partner, if you have life threatening allergies, a condition, mental health, YOU GOTTA RESPECT THAT man. Or don't be with them if u can't handle it
My theory is that some men or people hate their partners and try to kill them without anyone noticing It’s because society says and forces them to marry with their opposite gender and have kids But the ones who harm their partner actually don’t want to be married with kids thus why they leave them abuse them or kill them Their anger goes toward their partners and kids because many can’t change societies silent rule or they don’t believe in this hegemony we all live in
@@Shaytan.666THIS! Not only that but regret, at first they like the idea of it, but people get bored , and then they grow to hate it and their partner then their children. Also why a common occurrence in marriage murderers is an affair And people still wonder why the most common way for a woman to die in America is their partner.
Ok but why do I love how normal this makes me feel after finding out my ex mother in law told everyone I cheated on my husband and had an abortion to try and convince everyone to believe I stole the phone I gave her and then hid it in her home when it was found in her home after she started telling everyone I stole it.
The first one made me feel so bad for that girl. Like does that guy know what boundaries are? What he’s claiming as a “boundary” was actually a restriction. I hope that girl received advice from someone and told her to leave
I’ve told my daughter since she was a young teen (she’s 26 now) that if she ever dates a guy and they try to tell her how to dress or what to eat or anything like that it is a RED FLAG and very often it’s a precursor to emotional and/or physical abuse. Absolutely not.
4:21 that's because they were probably subconsciously seeing the alarm bells but were too afraid to leave, and was in a way calling for help. I've done that before, sometimes you just need people to tell you "yeah that's weird and not healthy, please leave that relationship" because it's hard to admit there's a problem. These types of people warp your brain and make you question your reality
10:56 this guy sounds like he is undiagnosed for that disorder where people are SUPER sensitive to certain foods. Or like undiagnosed ASD or something. It's not a diss to him but he might feel more like "hey i have this thing it works like this, i do this" if he found out he had something going on.
Right like I didn’t realize until maybe a year ago or so how big of a deal texture can be for adhd people- I also didn’t know I had adhd until maybe 2-3 years ago so I was undiagnosed for a longggg time - the joys of being a woman & an addict lol. So some things I obv don’t like the taste/ smell of & that in & of itself can be overwhelming but texture drives me CRAZYYY & it goes beyond just being “picky”…connecting this information made me feel so much more secure about it & comfortable saying like I can’t eat certain things
Yeah I was listening to that thinking “a fellow ARFID haver, I see” I can get it being a dealbreaker, because food can be very important to some people, but the comparing to children wasn’t necessary
Yeah, I have MCAS, which is likely the disorder you’re referring to. MCAS is caused by a wacky immune response that makes the body overreact to histamine, causing allergic reactions to foods there’s no IgE allergy to. I have just about as many foods I can’t eat or have to eat in small amounts as he listed, my reactions started as just nausea to anaphylactic symptoms. It’s not just from foods for me, I get skin reactions from most products and lots of medications.
I recently in this past week got the AIO subreddit on my home page and I am obsessed by the number of women under reacting on their husband’s/fiancé’s bad behavior.
The food one is one of the few times I've seen a relationship post where both people were... reasonable? It sucks, but she seemed like she understood it wasn't something the guy could just "get over" and that it might actually be a problem.
I got out of a relationship with an abusive narcisist a year ago and still need to recover. If a man wants to control you by dragging you down, run run far away.
As for the person who broke up over food, I 100% agree. I also love to cook and my partner has a very tricky palette (we’re both autistic but food textures are a bigger trigger for him than me). The difference is, he is able to try new things for me and I always try to keep his biggest sensitivities in mind. It seems like that was not a real possibility for that couple though, and in those circumstances I think breaking up is the right move.
Yeah my partner is on the spectrum and has extreme food sensitivities. He trusts me, but sometimes trying something is overwhelming. I never push. I pick a moment that seems good, say I think he'd like it, compare it to other things. If he's not up for trying something I immediately drop it. He's never rude or disrespectful towards me, and I'm never pushy, or mock him.
@@DahianaGno one is saying it isnt, however when you have a partner with such a different lifestyle than you, why stay and argue about it? There's so many people on this earth, the ex can find someone with his discomforts. And im saying this as someone similar to the ex too
Imagine liking someone SO little that you don't want to be with them because they don't wanna eat what you want them to eat........talk about narcisicism and just plain abuse.
@@DahianaG As an autistic person, I feel like what I eat isn't completely my choice, of course I can choose but there's som things that are innofensive to my body but if I put in my mouth I immedietly spit it out because I can't handle the taste, this happened with me over some rice once
This is not true, it’s just a weird myth. The only study on this I could find had a tiny sample size and the real conclusion was that infants exposed to salt before 6 months old had a slight preference for salty flavors later in life. However the conclusion was still quite flawed as they didn’t measure the electrolytes of the participants to see if the ones favoring salty flavors potentially just had low sodium levels, which is usually what causes salt cravings.
Regarding the soy sauce story, I do think that could potentially be harming the baby. Soy sauce has a LOT of sodium in it, more than what a baby as young as Lucy would need on a daily basis especially if the husband is giving her a spoonful so often. Too much soy sauce WILL kill you.
Story 2 is relatable to so many people (mostly women) I know. One family member in particular is allergic to cats, so when she got pregnant, her (now EX) husband adopted a cat. He knew she was sensitive to perfumes, so he just HAD to have his favoritest laundry detergent on the planet - ofc effing lilac. And who do you think did the laundry? That's right. His pregnant wife.
Boundaries are about what I'll do (if you invade my personal space, I'll leave) or wont do (im not gonna hug you) But are NEVER about what other people can or cannot do, "you can't dress like that" is NOT S BOUNDARY you can set.
Sorry, I'm autistic but what is the difference between, "I don't want you dressing that way" and "I will leave you if you dress that way" I don't see the difference. They're both telling the partner what to do and giving them an ultimatum
@@EvisceratingDoubts I don't know if you misread my comment but telling people they can't dress a certain way will never be a boundary you can set. Boundaries are about what you will or won't do, not about what other people do.
@BreathingBlack boundaries are about establishing your reaction to an action example "I don't date people who smoke" vs an ultimatum or forcing someone to change their behaviour "You have to stop smoking so i can be with you" "you have to pick between me and smoking".
Just finish last your last video and went “man, I wish there was another to watch.” I would rather have had my wish for a million dollars granted, but this is pretty nice too.
This first boyfriend in Reddit sounds exactly like my ex. He said all of these things. Dressing, no trips without him including family (even when he is invited and doesn't want to participate), saying women who go dancing are looking for male attention. He was very much into the Red Pill content, which is a women hating movement by mostly incels.
Forgot to mention that my ex is a covert narcissist. The abuse slowly begins and creeps in on you and then you suddenly realize you are in a living hell.
It's wild that that parent was considering NOT going to police. Parents need to learn it's their responsibility to seek justice for their children when their children have been harmed.
About the food one - I have ARFID due to autism, so I can't eat most things. They'll make me vomit, and therapy and stuff hasn't helped. I do have a very limited palette and will try new things but often textures, smells, tastes will cause me to vomit sometimes intensely. I also have a mint allergy (yay!), so I have to use special toothpaste etc. I completely understand people who love cooking and I want so so so bad to be able to eat more than I can. I think being upfront with it is for the best, because some people are just not going to be able to deal with it whether or not it is a preference or something worse (like me). I know some people get better over time, I hope that is the case for me also, and whilst Ill never force myself to vomit to prove to someone I can't eat it, I will try and be nice whilst also sourcing my own food.
the urge to vomit when eating foods because of sensory issues is so real, one time there was a green pepper on my cheese pizza and my brain said nope and i almost threw it up, same with if an onion is sneaking in a sandwich, the worst surprise EVER
Hi! Fellow Autistic with ARFID and exactly the same thing happens/happened to me. Unsolicited personal life experience incoming: I don't know if it might help but at least in my case cooking stuff in specific ways can fix things. So for example a method that takes away the texture component I dislike is usually enough for me or if it's taste sometimes I can eat some of the stuff when it is buried with other stuff or in certain dishes. When the issue is both there are super specific dishes where they "fit" in for some reason and after a couple of months of getting used to it in that form a bit more regularly I can try a form that is only 85% and push my boundaries a tiny bit. But at least in my experience smell cannot be fixed. For example I loathe lettuce/cabbage it is a taste thing and a texture (primarily an issue of wetness that seeps into things I don't want to get wet with it) thing. Turns out I don't mind kimchi because I like spicy food (it fixes the taste even if not the texture) and after several years of getting used to it (and trying it along other stuff I like/don't mind) until I could eat it fairly regularly I finally made kimchi-beef stew. Best soup of my life absolutely life changing (it fixed the wetness because it is soup so it "belongs" and it fixed the flavour). An important component is that I cooked it myself so I knew EXACTLY what was going in there and how and why, no surprises. I am still terrified of trying sauerkraut so it isn't a "I can eat all non raw cabbage" scenario. I don't know if a similar process might be helpful with some food you want to eat. Don't push yourself too much or too quickly though and if you try getting accustomed to something just focus on one or two things at a time max. In my personal experience it takes a lot of time but if you want to try to get better little by little it will be easier because you tolerate a lot more things that are similar so it isn't as big of a jump. I hope you can eat whatever you want to eat. I still can't eat a lot of things but it has been really worth it to work my way through a lot of other stuff and I am certain it only worked because I did it on my own terms. I remember when my parents tried to force me as a child and I think a lot of my fear just gets multiplied by my body holding memories about being forced. Don't know if any of that applies to you but, either way, stay happy and safe!
on the food one i have a food disorder (arfid) where I cannot eat many foods and it can even happen to foods i used to love but i will become so disgusted out of nowhere that my body will physically refuse to let me swallow it like i cannot explain how bad it is and it affects my health a lot too
i think the allergy one is real. ive been allergic to feather pillows all of my life - i cant be in the same room as them or i have trouble breathing and my eyes swell up, they can't even be in the warderobe in the same room. my aunts and uncles STILL don't take it seriously. i am 23 and even when asked to put them in another room, they either will not or put them away IN the room that i am in. recently they put it in the space under my bed and i couldn't breathe when i woke up next morning...
Also commenting again to add: these people have all been gaslit to unbelievable limits, that’s why they really probably aren’t sure if pure disrespect is actually, disrespectful…..
I have an extremely overprotective mom. The ring camera is the worst thing that ever happened to us. Don’t allow it. Lie, cheat, and steal, but don’t allow it.
As someone who also has a mountain of food restrictions and is also picky, the food girl was not overreacting. Food is a really big deal to a lot of people, and I wouldn't want to hold someone back by making them eat around my weird restrictions. If I developed all my allergies while in a relationship I would hope no one would break up with me over them, but I have zero problems with them being a deal breaker for a new relationship.
That is kinda dumb...eating the same exact food at the same exact time is essential for intimacy and closeness? Lol. I feel bad for people eating out of tube...finding other tube fed people to date must be limiting. I eat Brussel sprouts and sardines...I'm basically effed, I guess.
@@AaronHendu You shouldn't have to eat the same stuff all the time, but if you can basically NEVER eat the same stuff, there can be a strain in the relationship. Food culture is important to a lot of people. Not everyone, but a lot.
This makes no sense, you can just eat different meals… I have loads of allergies, my partner is adventurous with food, so we just eat different things.
@@carmillaaaa Of course there are ways to work around it. I'm just saying I understand and am not offended if it puts someone off, especially if the relationship wasn't serious yet.
I can't get over the fact that the fiancé in the laundry detergent story seemingly cares more about the smell of laundry detergent than his future wife's life.
People say that these are fake don't realize that abuse can often be quite ridiculous and over the top irl. As a forner abuse victim, it makes you feel crazy. Because it's so over the top, and you wouldn't think someone would act the way they do - but it's real. People wonder why women end up in situations like this or even quesrioning themselves but women and girls are taught from a young age not to trust themselves, and to put up with a lot.
I've been in the position of dating a guy with extremely restrictive food preferences (he had a "no" list about the size of the one in the post) and it caused a ton of strain in our relationship. I'm vegetarian while he refused to eat eggs, cheese, tofu, many legumes, or most vegetables among many other things, which made it borderline impossible to find things we could both eat. I ended up doing the vast majority of the cooking for both of us because he was not a great cook, so this became a source of tension. I was genuinely concerned that he might have ARFID or something and gently suggested that he talk to his therapist or a dietitian about his food aversions, and you'd think I'd asked him to turn himself over to the cops by how defensively he reacted. That wasn't ultimately what did our relationship in, but it sure didn't help and I wouldn't put myself in a position like that again.
17:07 The immediate “NOPE” I let out- press the charges, sis. It does not matter if there were red flags before this. This is the reddest flag available. Predators know how you manipulate the appearance of their flags. Press the charge. Show your daughter her privacy deserves defense.
My cousin is married to someone who is a picky eater and has a sensitive nose and while I don't hold it against him if he can't eat certain foods, it is sad that my cousin can't eat the food from her culture around him because it "smells." She has to cook and eat her own meals when he's not home, and open all the windows so the smell dissipates before he's back, or she'll even visit me or my mom to eat Vietnamese food because she can't eat it in the house when her husband is around.
Okay for the food one, I'm incredibly picky due to autism and I've always made it clear that I struggle with food and I'm completely okay with someone leaving if it causes issues. I think it's fair she left him.
The breaking up because of incompatibility is fair, but the whole “he has the palette of a child” is gross. Children will put anything and everything in their mouths; we adults make decisions based on what works for our brains and bodies. Tired of the constant infantilization and judgy attitudes just because we don’t fit the blueprint of an “adult” in their eyes
It felt weird to me that the conversation around that shift from "He can't have that" to "Then I'll never be able to have it." I understand sharing food is a big bonding thing, but, did he say that the OP couldn't keep eating those things? I have picky eating problems too, but I've never once told someone that they can't eat a thing cause I don't like it.
My stomach literally drops every time I come across a story where one partner is criminally mistreating the other and it is revealed they have kids together.
i 100% agree with the people breaking up over food. i love cooking, trying new foods, and have dealt with my mom who is very picky. i don't mind accommodating her when i cook, but i refuse to do that with my partner. also, my girlfriend is filipino and has said that she would have broken up with me if i didn't like filipino foods as sharing cultural foods is important to her and her family. not an overreaction!!
It genuinely makes me so happy to see D'Angelo having fun with this series. I'm sure it's taken a lot to get back to this headspace. It's inspiring and every time I watch a new upload, it's a reminder to myself that the clouds will clear and the grass will be greener and sunnier and more joyful and my mental health will be better
I have so much sympathy for the people on this form. I was in a relationship with someone who used his emotional dysregulation and executive dysfunction as an excuse for why they treated me poorly, and it was something I’d never experienced before, so I had no idea that someone could even weaponize that about themselves. It’s so hard when you’re trying to be empathetic to someone you love and they’re only trying to get out of it.
For the food one: my mom has so many food aversions. She basically only eats plain hamburgers, chicken, and potatoes. I'm her only caretaker. I'm not a cooking enthusiast. I don't even have an extensive pallette, but it is EXHAUSTING. I used to make dinner every night for her, myself, and my 3 kids. She'd pick at it and want to go get something else after. So, I'd work all day, make dinner, and then take her to get some fast food. I quit cooking and just take her to get whatever is the least off-putting to her. (Two of the kids are grown, and the third is in her chef era)
On the food one. I was a super picky eater and my husband is an adventurous eater when we met. When we started dating he was the one who exposed me to different foods. I'm now also an adventurous eater. It's something we've bonded over, so you can make it better if they are willing to try foods.
For the food story- i see this from both sides. I lovr cooking and trying new food, but im also a pescetarian (spelling?) and an autistic person with intense sensory issues. There are foods common in my culture that i cant eat because the feeling of it in my mouth will make me gag or actually throw up. I dont eat most citrus (i love the juice though!) because the texture makes me feel physically ill. There are days where im so overwhelmed that i can only manage to make myself eat bread and some types of cheeses, or literally nothing at all. I could absolutely understand someone not wanting to date me if i cant eat most of their cultural foods due to my diet and food issues. I also dont know if i could date someone with a diet so severely restrictive that they only ate stuff like pizza and some junk food. I love making food and drinks for my loved ones. The situation sucks but it just sounds like they arent compatible.
These are so sad, they boil down to: "am I overreacting for standing up for myself against someone who actively hates me?"
Literally
the fact that he gaslight her into thinking telling her how to look and dress is a "boundary" is astonishing
@@writerintherye The mainstreaming of "therapy language" was such a huge mistake, because now concepts like boundaries, which SHOULD be used only to establish healthy standards in relationships, are now being weaponized by abusive people.
And the fact that it's mostly women, who are being gaslit is so disgusting and infuriating.
It just shows how there is still an expectation, that woman should shoulder the blame for mens actions, which is just...bleh
@@moonsigil I know a few people that went on to become licensed therapists that were genuinely awful people, they were manipulative and narcissistic to a point of being evil with it.
Sadistic jerks that legitimately get off on hurting people in severe emotional ways.
It's scary that people like that can easily get into specific jobs that give them access to victims, because they know, and heavily rely upon, most people not reporting these issues due to fear or embarrassment.
The woman with the deadly laundry detergent allergy should not just change her will, but she needs to find out if there's a life insurance policy on her. Also, it's very odd that he chose to "test" her deadly allergy when she's pregnant. It makes no sense unless he really doesn't want to be a father. Just saying.
Someone else pointed out the baby could also have the same allergies, and that’s honestly a terrifying thought
@Feynix4 so true!!
Yes if this is true that man was trying to kill her or at least cause an abortion.
True, it's like he's trying to force a miscarriage
The thing that stood out to me was the fact that she said AGAIN. Dude has done this before and he'll do it again.
"feral woman" is such a genuinely unhinged thing to say to your WIFE??
*girlfriend
Not much better though
Tbh i want it on a hat or something, but id be flabbergasted if someone said it to/about me
With D'angelo mentioning divorce so many times, I don't blame you for thinking they were married 💀😭
For hanging with their mother!!! Literally crazy
Men wanna feral woman, but when they can’t tame the feral woman they get upset
If someone put a camera in my daughter's room, i wouldnt be worried about ruining their life. They would be worried about keeping theirs. That man is preying on her daughter
I'm 28 and my dad joked about putting a Ring camera in my room when he was buzzed and I immediately reacted strongly to that. He's a dork and alcohol removes his filter when speaking but I made it clear that he'd better never and told him why even though I'm sure he knows. He and my mom worry about me due to mental and physical health issues and I've made more than one attempt on my own...wellbeing, but that's no excuse.
Remember, if you find out/your child comes to you about concerning or abusive "alligations" against your partner the way you react will affect your child. If your first thing is wondering about wether you should or shouldn't "ruin" your partner's life by pressing charges you've already communicated to your child that their future is less important than your partner's present/future/reputation. Just something to think about.
EXACTLY THIS 💯
OH MY GOD YES EXACTLY. The whole time I was thinking, "Why isn't OP considering the daughter's feelings??? Just because she's an adult doesn't make what's being done to her okay???"
As someone who has actually lived through this as the child in question, it's 1000% true.
My mother's husband SAed me after I had to move back home due to severe mental health issues that occurred as a result of an abusive marriage. He spent my entire childhood bullying and abusing me, but I wanted to try to have a decent relationship with him as an adult, at which time he decided that that was an invitation to make it sexual.
My mom is still married to him, despite believing me (because it turned out that she was actually aware of what was happening the entire time and was willing to participate in his ultimate fantasy which was having a threesome with me and my own mother) and now I'm the one who has been ostracized from the family.
Fortunately, by deciding to share my own story, I accidentally inspired a friend of mine to do the right thing when her husband (who, as far as everyone was concerned, was a model citizen and perfect husband and father, and literally the last person on earth you would expect to do something like this) turned out to have been secretly filming her oldest daughter from a previous relationship for who knows how long. He was also caught up in a sting operation where he was sexting who he believed to be a minor, and had the sort of things you would expect on his computer. Because I had shared my story, it strengthened her resolve to do the right thing by her daughter and be done with her now ex-husband, because she had seen how it affected me when my own mother didn't have my back.
So, at least I know one good thing came out of my situation. (I'm sure my friend would have done the right thing either way because she's a wonderful person, but it's comforting to believe that opening up about my trauma made that decision easier for her.)
@ndawn90 I'm proud of both of you, and I'm sorry for what those bastards did to you.
Thank you for sharing your story, it does help those of us that wonder if we're not "perfect victims" enough to be believed. Even if your family didn't have your back and were involved in the intense betrayal, she listened and it helped. now I'm listening... Thank you.
100% valid, but I think in this case there's even more to it than that. The story from the video was about a 19 year old, so like...yes OP can encourage her daughter to press charges, and promise to be supportive in whatever decision the daughter makes, but ultimately it's not even OP's decision to make, it's her daughter's. Even if it's coming from a well-meaning place, parents can't/ shoudln't disregard their adult children's autonomy, especially in situations like this. This is something OP should be talking to her daughter about, not Reddit, and worrying about the impact of reporting vs. not reporting on her (again, adult) daughter, not her ex.
I really hope the OP of the laundry detergent post sees how bad of an idea it’d be to still marry someone who doesn’t care about triggering her allergic reactions. If you’re removing a spouse or fiancée from your will, that should be an immediate indicator that marriage should not happen or a divorce needs to happen.
dw, it's 99% fake as those subreddits are popular karma farms and the bot problem is completely out of control on reddit
Exactly this. I have a bad food allergy and my friends are always looking out for me, asking about ingredients and checking labels before sharing. I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who cares so little about my health and safety.
Ex hubby would buy Pine Sol even though I told him it triggered my migraines. He used it to clean the basement floor triggering a severe 3 day migraine with vomiting. I threw away the Pine Sol, he bought another bottle. He's not longer in my will.
@user-wm2hw5bu5q I mean, unless you have definitive concrete proof, this is happening as frequently as you claim, this sounds like every miserable person leaving a nasty comment on a cute animal/pet video hissing about "This is clearly very orchestrated!! They just want to make a quick buck off an emotionally manipulative video! It happens ALL the time!! Sources?? Dude, trust me. I'm realist!!" Just because you're not trusting and hate people doesn't mean every single person that uploads a video to this platform is nefarious. Honestly I wish you whiners would actually hold that same energy for the objectively terrible manipulative people rather than get performatively outraged over a woman venting about her jackass partner!
@@Lisa-hl5ch girl i hope he is no longer in your life at all
1:58 i thought d'angelo was gonna say she should make her boyfriend wear a bra too 😭
Omg me too
same 😭😭
Same 😂
The true response
Same
Wait. Testing her allergy AGAIN?!?! I'm not the only one who heard that, right?? He's done this before???
Right?!?!? Like her severe sickness and hospital visits were something to just play around with in case his clothes can smell better? LEAVE
And she’s PREGNANT
I have severe food allergies and environmental/chemical allergies. So I def know this scenario. I’ve had TWO ppl in my life decide to test my allergies/wilfully disregard my allergies and did not think my severe reaction and trip to er were their fault. One person was a friend and I ended that friendship the other was a partner and it took me a long time to get away from them because… abuse.
Omg that's crazy
"my husband has never stood up for me when people say mean thing to me." WHY DID YOU MARRY HIM???
Maybe he wasn't comfortable doing that as much until they got married. Happens quite a lot.
And learn to stand up for yourself, don't expect someone else to always step in. I know we're taught not to, at least where I'm from, but that's got to be unlearned pronto.
@mirisparkleslikewhoa😢😢😮🎉oo😅o
@@GoldenWreck - This has to stop. I’m not trying to shame people but there’s a level of accountability that ppl ARE NOT taking. People do NOT change. If I could meet your partner from day one and tell he’s an asshole, there’s NOTHING that you did not want to see 1,2,3+ years later that I couldn’t see. Period.
We need accountability and responsibility. It was always there you just DIDNT WANT to see it. And that’s okay but own that shit. You are responsible for your own naivety.
And if you don’t have that level of discernment then it’s EXACTLY WHY most people shouldn’t be dating. Ppl wonder why they chose a shit partner when they choose shit friends… it’s just common sense.
@@alliec.6543 Yeah girl I get what you're getting at but it really does be like that sometimes where their partner does not show how nasty they are until they're already married and more comfortable acting that way since they're deep into the relationship, and it can feel much more difficult to just divorce and leave at that point, especially if they have kids or if it's dangerous to leave, even if they aren't married.
Some people have abandonment issues or are manipulated by their partner to be dependant on them as well, so a lot of times it's not just as black and white as simple naivety and being too embarrassed to take accountability for it.
“Im changing my will” with no elaboration is SUCH a good line
"My boyfriend's boundaries feel controlling to me" Those... aren't boundaries. He's using therapy speak to dictate her life and gaslight her. Boundaries are about YOU and YOUR behavior, not the person you're with. Boundaries are like "I don't hug people I barely know," not "This is how YOU need to dress to keep me around."
True, boundaries are about your personal space and things that you don't like people saying or doing to you specifically. This man is using the word boundaries to mean "rules and regulations" regarding the relationship. Ofc he wants to be the only one who gets to make said rules, so he's treating her like a pet instead of a partner.
i mean... you CAN have boundaries regarding your partners behaviour. that of itself isnt automatically something controlling. its absolutely okay to have boundaries where you might not be okay with staying with your partner if they act a certain way?
its just in this case that he was a controlling prick
You can and should have boundaries about your relationships. Like, what is fidelity to you, what you are okay with romantically and sexually, these are boundaries. Your partner shouldn't sleep with other people if this goes against your boundaries, that's cheating.
@@lilbread1717 What constitutes as cheating has to be an agreement between both people, it can’t be a boundary that one person sets for the other. The latter is how you end up with situations where your partner decides that you’re cheating on them if you hang out with or even speak to other people of your preferred gender(s.)
Boundaries are also about telling others not to do something to YOU. They’re not about what others should do to their own bodies and lives.
Even though lots of these stories are fake, having places where women can say, "my partner is doing X. Is that bad?" and the world can say DIVORCE HIM is really one of the greatest innovations of the internet.
Hallelujah 🙌
How? That’s their response to everything. You could say he snores in his sleep and they’d say to divorce. It’s more confirmation bias than advice
@@digitalpain8269 It's a massive improvement to what it once was, and tragically still is in some circles (eg. that one american pastor who publically shamed a congregant in church because he had the audacity to tell her to endure DV by her husband, who was later on arrested for CSA, to teach their children how to "suffer for jesus", she then did the right thing by going to the police instead). It's best to filter through some of the "divorce now" comments and focus specifically on comments that go in depth and show their reasoning as to _why_ they think person A shouldn't stay with person B, if not seeking treatment through couples therapy and communication
@@lazyperfectionist3978 Yeah same thing. That happened to my mom's friend. She lived in Nigeria she was married to the man for 15 years and they had two kids together my mom and her friends found out that her husband was abusing her after seeing a few bruises and her limping and starting to cover up and dress differently. She then stopped coming to gatherings and her phone. She later had a meeting with two of her other friends about how she was asking her parents for permission to divorce and they told that it would get better,and that her kids wouldn't want to be a awah from their father. The fact my mom's friend had grown up in a very conservative household didn't help she was financially independent and could leave easilt and take the kids with her but unfortunately the pressure got to her and she stayed. She was found dead in her bedroom shot 5 times in ther shared bedroom. The husband was arrested and is now on death row and her children are now living with their grandparents. This made me realise how complex abusive relationship are.
@@digitalpain8269 Lol, every time I see a woman complaining about a man in her life doing something really bad, there are mfers upon mfers screeching at her that it is her fault, but every time a man is disgusted by a woman doing nothing more than sneething the way he does not find appealing he is automatically in the right and has to divorce/break up. The gender bias in this advice is pulpable.
here's an unsolicited opinion: we fans feel so spoiled with daily uploads
Yuuup
pls dont burn out tho
feeling so FED and so grateful tho
@@johnenriquez6757i think that's inevitable, but this time it'll be on d'angelo's own terms, which is good. he says he's having fun and his upload schedule is still not actually daily or even set in stone.
opinion converted into a fact
eh 🤷♀️
5:31 fun fact: your boundaries should by YOUR boundaries and should not be projected onto other people as a method of control. “I cannot be with someone who lies and proves to not be trustworthy” is a healthy boundary. “I won’t be with someone that thinks it’s okay to not wear a bra” is not a boundary. Changing your partner through “boundaries” is not the same as setting healthy boundaries.
I mean, ‘I don’t date people who don’t wear bras’ is a fine boundary if he just leaves because of it, but not ok if he tries to get her to change because of it. IMO. People are allowed to be incompatible, but it’s the forcing change onto someone that’s not ok with incompatibilities
@@peacechickification That’s not a boundary, it’s a personal preference. the only reason to call it a “boundary” is to manipulate people into allowing you to control them imo.
It wasn’t a boundary it was a preference and/or a request and that’s perfectly fine as well! But it’s not ok to try and camouflage it as a “boundary”
@@carmillaaaa and what are boundaries if not personal preferences acted upon?
@@peacechickification
i guess the biggest distinction would be that boundaries tend to be set 1. for your health or (mental and general) wellbeing and 2. not to prohibit another's actions, but to explain what you will not tolerate.
the important part is that the focus is on the individual setting the boundary; if the boundary is violated, "no action" needs to be taken by the violator, the boundary-setter will exclude themselves, reject the action, or avoid the situation.
and also the boundary itself has actual importance, rather than being sheer cosmetic.
...
but yeah youre right boundaries are mostly personal preferences, but they don't have to be.
theyre mainly set for the wellbeing of the sett-er, which is what makes them different from preferences; i.e, someone can set a boundary that prohibits them from doing something they prefer ("i can't date someone who will take me out to gamble, b/c i have a gambling problem (even though I like gambling.)" )
and theyre different than requests because they dont intend to cause the violator to change their behavior; theyre a set of criteria, rather than an order.
this was an interesting semantic exercise.
He calls his partner a "feral woman" because she wants to hang out with her friends and/or her family without him, I call myself feral when I want to bite and hiss at people because they annoyed me. We are not the same.
Cringe
@@Cat0__0 be cringe. be free.
Sodium poisoning of children is a thing. These people need to be in jail.
Yeah... Reminds me of the case of an Asian man that tried to push his pregnant wife off a cliff to get the will - she miraculously survived, but the baby didnt. This is more common than we like to imagine...
@@businesszeus6864 "Women in the US who are pregnant or who have recently given birth are more likely to be murdered than to die from obstetric causes" But what I hear waaaaay more often is the guy leaving/divorcing/cheating because he doesn't find her attractive anymore
@@nari5161 sure, but i never said what you just quoted. My point and your point arent mutually exclusive: im just saying that toxic violent men have a history of going to great lenghts to seem like the perfect husband before killing their wife in a way that seems like an accident to an outsider... like in the case i just mentioned the couple was on a vacation and nobody suspected a thing, nobody wouldve known the truth if she hadnt survived to tell the tale
@@businesszeus6864 I think they were maybe just building on your point rather than negating it idk
@@caramazzola2399 oh sorry i misunderstood their tone 😅
relevant to the laundry detergent allergy situation: These things can be genetic - if mom's allergic there's a chance that baby will be allergic too, or have antibodies against these allergens if they do breastfeeding. This man used laundry detergent that the baby could be allergic to, to wash the baby's clothes. The mom can know what's going on and remove herself from towels or other fabric that has allergens. HOW IS THE BABY SUPPOSED TO COMMUNICATE THAT. Man's angling for a post-term abortion right there.
That was literally my first thought was omg if mom is allergic wouldn't that mean baby could be too?! 😭
Fr. 😭
First of its kind. 😭😭😭
And I'm l@@comradeporg
by post-term abortion do you mean like baby homicide? lol but you're right
Also, if she reacts just by touching the clothes to fold them, she'll definitely react to holding the baby wearing the clothes, wether the baby turns out allergic or not.
The soy sauce baby story is really concerning if it’s true. Sodium poisoning is very dangerous for young kids. An estimate for LETHAL dosage of salt ingestion in children is less than 4 teaspoons of salt.
Yeah, there’s been a lot of sad results from people blending their own food for a baby/toddler to eat.
My memory is spotty but I'm pretty sure I've heard at least one real case of someone trying to 💀 their kid by using sodium.
@@mumenRhyderYes, it was the Garnet Spears case. He was a victim of what used to be called "Munchausen's by Proxy" but is now officially called "Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another". His mother, Lacey Spears, convinced doctors to give her child a surgery that prevented him from vomiting, and she also convinced them that he needed what's called a PEG tube which is essentially a feeding tube that goes directly into the stomach. (She also gave him repeated ear infections, but that wasn't relevant to his murder.)
Because she could essentially put whatever she wanted directly into his stomach and the fact that he couldn't vomit, she could and did repeatedly give him huge amounts of salt to make him have seizures, and eventually she gave him so much that he became brain dead and needed to be removed from life support.
The crazy part is that they caught her poisoning him on camera in the hospital. Not directly, because she did it in the bathroom, but they were doing a seizure study on Garnet so he was being filmed for that study, and after they told Lacey that he was probably going to be discharged, she took him into the bathroom with the supplies needed to put fluids into his PEG tube, and when he came out he started dry heaving (because he couldn't vomit) and eventually lost consciousness and started seizing. They tested his feeding tube setup and it was full of salt.
Fortunately, Lacey was convicted and is serving a 20-to-life sentence.
yep, let’s scare new moms even more! why not? they’re not already scared enough of sids, suffocation, unvaxxed people, bad people who may want to do harm to your children, the list goes on but that’s not enough, right?
holy shit, guys. unless your kid is under 6 months of age (in which you shouldn’t be giving them food or water at all, so…), you do not need to be scared of sodium. most sodium poisoning cases are ch!ld !b!se, eating play doh, or forcefeeding. you don’t have to make a separate meal for your child unless it includes honey or raw ingredients.
solid starts is a great app with info from paediatricians, nutritionists, and a bunch of other smart people with titles and degrees, who know what they’re talking about. would recommend checking that out instead of talking out of your behind/listening to someone on a youtube comment who’s probably not even a legal adult yet.
@@ndawn90That’s very disturbing. I’ve heard about this mental illness and still can’t wrap my head around wanting to injure and kill your child for attention 😞 Poor little kid
I absolutely hate how some people act like avoiding triggering others's allergies is such a genuine inconvenience and never take them seriously. Parents *still* complain about not being able to bring peanut butter to school, like, is that PB&J literally worth someone's life? I don't even have an allergy myself, but because my household does, I have never gone out of my way to eat it. Plain and simple. Why is that so hard to respect?
honestly depending on your nutritional needs & cultures, yes it can be more than an inconvenience. i have a bunch of allergies myself. i still broke things off with a guy who was allergic to peanuts because they make up such a large portion of my diet that being with him would have made me miserable by further restricting my already restrictive diet. it’s sad, but it’s an incompatibility & we both understood each other & have 0 hard feelings, because we both know what it’s like to have dietary restrictions. now does that mean i go out of my way to trigger others? no. i respect people wherever possible because living like this is hard, but i also respect myself enough to know what i am willing to part with in my life for someone. my current partner loves some of my allergies & we have found safe ways for him to enjoy them without causing me harm.
@maddiemainer I think the problem is that some people truly almost go out of their way to trigger other's allergies and have this real lax way about it. They're spiteful. That part always annoyed me. If you're going to have it, don't shove it in someone's face or purposefully go near them with it, you know? I totally get your perspective, though. I'm used to growing up with people who have severe allergies, so I've kinda learned to live around it. It can be tiresome, but it's not anyone's fault. Wish more understood that. 😭
7:23 nah he knows you're allergic to those brands, he's seen you in an allergic reaction, he knows you don't want to try any other ones since you're pregnant and he STILL TRIES TO USE THEM. Divorce and sue him that's literally putting both the wife and baby in danger I want this to be fake but god does this happen too many times irl
ER Doc here: the amount of sodium in soy sauce can unalive a baby if they get too much. Kidney damage, swelling in the brain, seizures…. It’s a big deal
I’m just literally a mother with no medical training, and even I know that. But I do appreciate a doctor saying it, because it may have more weight coming from someone with medical training. I wish this was a public service announcement
Yeah, this behaviour he exhibits is bad enough, going behind the other parent's back, etc, but the actual basics are; why on earth would you feed your baby anything that isn't For Babies?
"unalive"? Kill. The word is kill. You're not dodging being paid. There is no reason to use that euphemism.
@@CoQuickAg RUclips's auto moderation for comments can be super random and harsh, so I've seen a lot of people do things like that. I mean, it would make sense that comments about topics like child death are at least flagged in their system.
@@blakewhite3131you can say kill on children’s tv. RUclips is actually fucked if you can’t say kill in the comments
There's such a cliche about people immediately saying divorce/breakup on these posts, but it's so frighteningly necessary within a second into all of them. Leaving relationships should be so much more normalized, stay together for what? Nobody's gonna die if you breakup. Make breakups more normal!
There are WAY worse things than being single 👏🏾
Small correction. Often times in an absive situation, the moment you pull away or try to get away is when its the most dangerous. Especially if theyve ever shown a hint of getting physical
So if you are in such a situation and fear they will become physical, dont do it face to face. Be with a friend who can help. Change locks. All that stuff.
I would suggest going to the police but uh... Theyre honestly useless
I agree except I don’t think the food list one was that bad. I think that was a legitimate thing to wonder only because she seemed to like everything else about the guy. Maybe I’m bias because my sister in law is with a guy just like that and they seem to make it work just fine. Anytime he comes over we always cook him something different. He never asks but it’s not a big deal for us. All he eats is Puerto Rican food lol. It’s annoying for her but she still loves him and he’s always willing to cook for himself or bring food. Yes he’s got the pallet of a child but, I’m just saying it can work.
Also, not saying that anyone mentioned is autistic but as someone who is, I am just aware of having weird sensory issues that no one seems to take seriously. So that’s another bias. I know people see me as childish for hating certain textures. And I just feel bad for people who have a genuine disgust for things where people will see has a moral failing.
But I can completely understand why this woman would choose not to be with someone she’s incompatible with. If food is really important to her. So in not saying she over reacted. Just that it was valid to question it.
@@elvingearmasterirma7241 I agree 100%, I appreciate your comment! A relationship never SHOULD be life or death, but for some people it is! It's just a really sad fact
fr. i honestly don’t think saying “divorce/break up” is overused. so many people are in relationships they shouldn’t be in and are trying to force it to be something that it isn’t. it’s okay to end a relationship for any reason. you don’t have to settle and force yourself to stay in a subpar or bad relationship. it’s okay to let go
As a trans man, i gotta say. People who say "my woman needs to dress this way" or "too much makeup" like with no respect sir, you are PICKING THE WRONG WOMEN THEN???? there are SO many women who dress like cottage core and "modest", there are SO MANY WOMEN who don't like makeup. It's called women are not a monolith and have their own preferences and interests? TLDR as a trans guy I dont get the policing of womens bodies esp when every woman expresses themself differently.
With men like this, they don’t want modest women. They want to police a woman who is confident and happy and they want to break her down, and force her to do things to take her power.
Typical straight man relationship requirement list =
- likes me
- has a vagina
- will eventually bend to my will and male authority
For those men It's about control. They intentionally pick women who don't meet their "preferences" and then try to force her to be what they want because they like feeling "in control" of her. They like "molding" a woman to be how they want her to be because they don't see women as individual people and it makes them feel "powerful".
It's also a form of abusive behavior that usually escalates over time.
The thing is that with men like this it’s not even about the makeup or the clothing or anything like that, not really. It’s about control. It’s about controlling everything about her, everything she does. It’s why you hear about tradwife types ending up in abusive relationships relationships in spite of seemingly offering everything they’d want anyway
That's what I'm thinking. It's so weird when men choose a certain type of women then try to change her when the women you want her to act like exist. You don't want ur girl to wear revealing clothes? Then choose someone that doesn't like to wear revealing clothes. You want ur girl to be the type that doesn't like going out? Then choose a girl like that. I mean it's better that he let her know what he wants up front so she can leave if she's not ok with it but damn. Conservative women exist you know. But they don't go for them cause they aren't attracted to them? So he want a girl to be sexy UNTIL she gets with him then flip a switch? 😂. It's so weird...
10:25 I immediately felt bad for the guy when she said “palate of a child”. Actually, there’s a lesser known eating disorder called ARFID that is common in neurodivergent people in which you don’t like food due to the food itself for texture reasons or fear of getting sick. It’s often a lifelong eating disorder; I’d know because I have it. I was always made fun of for “eating like a child”, when really I was suffering and struggling alone with my eating disorder. I’m not trying to diagnose the guy, but I want people to be more aware of ARFID and not belittle people for what they do or do not eat. We all need to eat to live, it’s just harder for some than others and belittling someone’s diet is a huge problem.
BTW I feel she’s justified to break it off with him if she loves to cook and he has limited dietary options. That’s fine. She just doesn’t need to make fun of him in the process.
Yes!!! It also looked a lot like low fodmap as well which is for IBS/IBD possibly a mixture of both? I’m supposed to do low/no fodmap but its too restrictive and you can peel my garlic and onion from my cold dead hands. 😂
i definitely feel for this bc my partner with arfid was a lot more restrictive with his diet when we first started dating and now after 3 years, his palate has grown so much (which he's proud of). It definitely varies from relationship to relationship but yeah, sometimes, ppl in relationships with ppl with arfid need patience :')
summed up my thoughts exactly. like, she had every right to break it off but her wording was really poor. not overreacting to breaking it off but probably overreacting to the concept of restricted eating in general
Sadly a lot of people are super ableist without even realizing it because our society is so stinking ableist
When I was a teenager, my mom used to stop me from leaving the house and make me change clothes. Clothes *she bought for me* mind you; this was not about me dressing too slutty. She did it because she thought the outfit made me look fat. Sometimes I missed the bus because of the arguments we would get into.
Not that it matters, but I wasn’t at all fat; this was her passing her dysmorphia down to me.
The damage that did was kind of hard to calculate. I’m only grateful that my friends at the time called it out for the abusive behavior it was.
The laundry detergent guy is just trying to murder OP.
And I think his unborn child! Terrifying!
18:35 "You'll understand when you have kids" is the same thing as saying, "I am treating you like an accessory to my life." and I still deal with it nearing my 40s lmfao
Sometimes I just don't even understand why our parents had us lol
The laundry detergent story seems real to me. You wouldn't believe how many people dont take allergies seriously.
My own mother scoffs at my face whenever I bring up my wool allergy. Ever since I was an infant whenever I wore woollen clothing my whole body would break out in a rash. I think the reaction time has increased over the years but I’ve largely avoided wearing wool. As recently as a couple years ago I started reacting all over my body when I realised a piece of clothing I wore was made of wool. But my mom has been incredibly gaslighting about it? I really don’t get it. I have had to take pictures of my reactions because she would go around lying to everyone and saying I’m an entitled brat who doesn’t like how “wool looks” and am super picky instead of ever going helping me look for warm clothing that aren’t woollen.
To this day she’s been like this and would not acknowledge that I had multiple reactions in front of her as a baby, as a kid, even my father knows it. People can be fucking wild
Yeah literally it's so bad. Actually i feel like people don't take anyone's issues seriously at this point. This one girl I knew had photosensitive epilepsy and her friend decided to "test it" and proceeds to flash her phone light in her eyes she had a tonic clonic seizure and ended up hitting her head on the corner of a glass table. People are freakin foolish.
@@squigglyvermGosh your own mother too?
@@oreochocolate_lavacake9960 yeah dude :/ I’ve read stories of people whose parents didn’t believe their grandkids’ allergies and decided to test them while their parents were away and unfortunately some of them did not go over well. Considering how my mother has been with me, I fear for the safety of my own future kids if I left them with her. Crazy stuff people would do just to “prove a point”
@@oreochocolate_lavacake9960 i have also had a benign tumor since I was 3 years old that keeps growing back and while I was in severe pain and mid treatments (which thank god my father acknowledges I need) my mother looked me in my eyes and told me I needed to suck it up
12:10 as someone who probably has ARFID (avoidant restrictive food intake disorder) but definitely has major sensory issues related to taste. I do not think OP was overreacting. food is an important part of life and culture, and I can completely understand not wanting to date someone who won’t or can’t interact with those parts in yours. It’s definitely a hard situation but I don’t think they were wrong for deciding it was a dealbreaker.
Definitely seems like lots of folks are glossing over the culture part of the situation. Certain cultures revolve around food. To the point where they not only eat together at all gatherings, but they cook those meals together. He would have been uncomfortable, no doubt.
I was just about to say this! I'm autistic and strongly suspect I have ARFID. But I also understand the role food can play in culture in relationships. This just sounds like an unfortunate compatibility issues.
i love seeing this take!!!! same here if i have arfid it’s technically under the umbrella of my autism diagnosis and i get self-conscious about this all the time but luckily my partner is cool with all my stuff. if it was anyone that wasn’t my partner, i’d definitely have far less patience for someone ending a relationship or friendship over food preference, but i agree. i just hope it’s something i never have to face 0_0
@@xx_lunar_tears_xx8432 i agree. it would be really hard for him to integrate into her culture and it would make family gatherings and dinners extremely unpleasant. in many cultures, people take great offense if you won’t eat the food they make for you or if you cook your own food to eat instead. i also have ARFID, and it sucks…but i also wouldn’t fault someone for not being able to deal with all my sensory issues and neurodivergent traits. i don’t think it makes anyone a bad person, dating someone with a disability isn’t for everyone and that’s ok.
i agree and my partner also has ARFID 😅 my partner is actively trying different foods but i thought long and hard about it and to ME, eventhough i love trying new foods, i love my significant other too much and theyre also okay with me eating different foods from them/infront of them. If we go out to a new place, as long as they have a safe food for my partner, its all good. It definitely varies from person to person and its a long conversation to be had. Wishing ppl in this situation the best
I love that argument from parents that they've done everything for you, AS THEY SHOULD SINCE ITS THEIR JOB
I now need a shirt that says “Childless Cat Woman: My Cats May Not Be Feral, But I AM” 2:32
Gimme one
Stop it my mom also goes absolutely feral for Idris Elba 💀
I loled fr at that
Lol same with mine
It's Idris Elba now, and I want to say it was The Rock before that. 😂
Mine toooooooo she says the most out of pocket things about him lmao
ruclips.net/video/zNAc6V--z6g/видео.html&ab_channel=BBCThree
IM ENROLLED PROFESSOR
I'M ENROLLED I'M SAT
If the first man is so insistent that his partner should wear a bra, I say he needs to lead by example. Why should she tolerate a boyfriend who doesn't wear a bra? No double standards!
4:44 this man disguised controlling, abusive behavior as *boundaries*… WILD
11:40 this whole situation sounds like the guy has ARFID, which I also have. It does complicate things and it’s considered an eating disorder. It’s communally paired with autism, adhd, or other mental health diagnoses. Hopefully he’s okay,ik the struggle is real.
We’ve been working on this so hard with our daughter - the struggle IS real and it goes so far beyond “picky eating”. I hope you’re doing well! 🫶🏼
Yeah, exactly. I was a bit hurt that’d she’d break up with him for that reason partially because I have ARFIDs as well, I’d like to think she probably doesn’t know anything about it. But I don’t know how that doesn’t look like he has some sort of ED to anyone.
Yep that’s exactly what I thought, I was like is this guy autistic/adhd?? I have afrid and although it’s not that bad, it makes so sad that she was willing to break up for that sole reason😔😔
@kyonaharris8239 it would be worse if she just kept trying to get him to eat those foods and straight up not understanding. It's best he find someone who doesn't feel they need to hold back for him. That's how resentment builds.
@@kyonaharris8239 exactly! Mine is honestly terrible. I’m 32, and I literally eat about 5 thing’s interchangeably. It’s not easy on the person dealing with it, so we know it’s hard for people around us and try to deal with it ourselves so others aren’t affected. I’m adhd, waiting to see about an audhd diagnosis. So it suck’s when people don’t get it, or they want to constantly shove food in your face that you’re literally terrified of. 😩 poor guy, hopefully he finds someone that’ll understand what he’s dealing with.
The divorce them running joke in this video was A+
ok i love the idea of threatening changing my will against people who also would never be on it anyways😭🤚
I was just thinking that😂 then when they ask “your 27 and you have a will?”
“No I am changing my will to live after this conversation” gonna have fun with that one
Same! Im definately gonna use that😁
I feel so bad for the laundry detergent allergic lady. I got celiac disease diagnosed a few months ago and my boyfriend has been very cautious about cross contamination and supportive with finding gluten free foods. Avoiding detergent brands requires so little effort in comparison, you just gotta buy and use the ones she's not allergic to lmao. It's mind boggling that he doesn't care. I would also suspect a murder attempt because what the hell.
Yay fellow celiac ❤
As someone who's actually allergic to much more than the list that guy gave, if a potential partner considered making food with their partner and family a significant part of their life, then yeah, we shouldn't be together. I'd end it myself.
The list of my allergies is just too long and complex and includes things that aren't legally required to be listed in ingredients lists, so I am the only person I can trust to make my own food. It already sucks being considered a problem at social gatherings when people get upset that I "won't" (can't) tell them how to accommodate my restrictions, and dealing with people joking that they'd unalive themself if they had my restrictions. I wouldn't want to be resented by a partner that considers making food for everyone such an important part of their life on top of what I'm already dealing with.
Ikr bc they will try to make u feel bad about something u can’t change about yourself. The bf dodged a bullet.
the part about resentment is so true lmao. why would you even want to be with someone who treats you like shit for something you have no control over
hi, I have a lot of food allergies as well, and I just wanted to say I really relate to you about people saying "oh my god, if I were allergic to X and Y I would k*ll myself!"
I grew up from childhood watching adults and other kids say that to me, and it truly hurt me/continues to hurt me. it's a horrible thing to say to someone and you never should have had to experience that.. me neither. did you ever find a good response to it? like.. what are we supposed to say? I've never met anyone else with allergies like me. thank you for sharing and I hope you eat really yummy, very safe food today. I know it can be hard.
im glad to see so many people pointing out ARFID as a possibility for the food one. as someone who struggles w severe sensory aversions to food and has a very limited pallete. i think its fine she called it off because that could be a very real problem in the relationship, but her calling his pallete "that of a child" rubbed me the wrong way. food is something i really struggle with and im aware its difficult for other people to deal with but i will literally starve myself then eat certain foods because of how strong the repulsion is. if food is important to a partner than that definitely could be a dealbreaker!
Yeah you can leave a person for whatever reason, but he seems to have an ED/ARFID, why be so rude about it? Same as with the comments saying that they'd never want to date anyone that might complicate their life, seems so abelist... So many disabled people already feel so guilty for "burdening" the people around them, why add to that?
Seriously. Also, for his sake, I'm glad he won't end up with someone who is such a snob and judgy about how other people eat. Sheesh.
I'm ND with a boyfriend with ARFID, just to preface this. But I'm going to be real, ARFID is _not_ well-known outside of the disabled community. If you have never heard of it, then yes, someone _will_ take it as "the palette of a child", not realising that it's a genuine disorder. While the phrasing may have hurt, let's bear in mind that she likely did not know about the disorder. If she had known, she likely wouldn't have been rude.
Edit: Honestly not even _I_ knew about ARFID before meeting him, and I'm ADHD with possible autism. I have my own food issues. And take my BPD for example - if someone was unaware of what that was, someone would call my outbursts "a childish tantrum". It happens, people are unaware of things. Let's offer the benefit of the doubt more.
@@AShatteredDragonsSpirit I surely HOPE if she had known he had a disability she wouldn't have been so rude about it. However, I have encountered people that know about my disabilities and act that way, so it's not unheard of!
@@onceuponamelody Oh no, don't get me wrong, I know that people are rude (my family are often rude to me for my sensory issues), and I am sorry that people have been rude to you too. But in the screenshots, there was only a list of food with the message "I _won't_ eat these", and then the OP said that the only messages sent afterwards was her saying that the relationship won't work and he thanked her for saying so. There wasn't a disclosure of him having any EDs, so I'm led to believe that she just doesn't know about it.
I know someone who has parents like the camera ones. His mother calls multiple times a day, tracks his location and calls if he’s not where she expects him to be (like if he’s at a friend’s place instead of his), and has cameras throughout his place that she monitors. I’ve witnessed him break down multiple times because of her behavior and how he feels like he has no agency in his own life as an adult, but he doesn’t want to completely cut off his parents and that would be the only way it’d stop. It’s truly a heartbreaking situation to see as an outsider who can’t do anything but try to offer comfort
If it’s also in a dorm like the example in the video they could say the RA caught it and said it was against school policy. Other than that I hope they get out of that situation somehow soon because that sounds awful.
currently being a feral woman by knitting a blankie and eating chocolates while enjoying a thunderstorm. clearly im out of control
love that for u
I divorced my husband due to food preference. He’s from Nepal and I’m black American. We agreed we could just get our own food since neither liked the other cuisine though I would eat certain curries and momos. He didn’t even want to try American food. All was well until his mother moved in and we had a baby. She felt I was offended by her cooking and my husband was concerned our son wasn’t eating enough of their cooking (I was the main one cooking, his mom only cooked once per day when my husband came home from work). Literal arguments every single day for 4 months. Food is culture, let it go if you can’t even agree on palate.
The laundry detergent OP reinforces how so many women allllllways get told we’re “overreacting” when it comes to our pain. Especially in the obgyn office but like… the person who got you pregnant literally doesn’t care or believe that your pain is valid.
Some people have no understanding of the risks of allergies, and some have a mentality towards 'invisible' illnesses and conditions that they don't exist. Some also think that changing their behavior because of the needs of another is disrespectful towards themselves. I think he's got all three
The guy who is fussy about food makes me think he might have some sort of eating disorder or underlying condition that caused it, which has not been revealed to the person dating him. It's okay to tell him that you don't think you can accommodate him than trying to force him to change.
Yeah, it seems food is important to both of them and that kind of issue can cause resentment in the future. He may feel like a burden, and she may feel pressure to avoid a lot of foods in an effort to keep him from feeling othered or excluded. It seems shallow on the surface, but it was probably for the best.
I have ADHD and maybe autism, making me avoid some textures, and my boyfriend has ADHD and ARFID. ARFID is an ED which, for him at least, gives him no choice but to avoid certain foods and can hospitalise him due to malnutrition if we can't find any of his safe foods. We manage it, and it doesn't have too much of an effect on our lives. However, I can absolutely see why someone couldn't date someone with ARFID. It's a big thing, especially if the other person has a rich cuisine history in their culture or if cooking is their love language. Sometimes people just aren't compatible, and that's okay. There will be someone else out there who _can_ accommodate for it. I see no overreaction here. No ableism either, as some people have been claiming.
a lot of us autistic people are very sensitive to certain tastes, and can only eat a limited variety of food, the amount of things he named totally aren't uncommon, I hate the taste or thought of eating like 75% of what he named. it really doesn't need to be a specific condition
@@AShatteredDragonsSpirit I've never heard of ARFID before. Honestly to me the weird thing was that he actually had a list of foods he won't eat. Would that be common with someone with ARFID, to make a list?
I think it's extremely petty, but that makes all the more reason to break up. I can't imagine being upset that my partner doesn't like radishes or something and my family being upset too. It's ridiculous.
I keep thinking some of these stories are fake, but then i remember how America bought out toilet paper in the pandemic and remember audacity and stupidity know no bounds😭
There is actually a legitimate reason for the toilet paper thing. If you’re interested I can share it.
@@Lari-lc3zqim interested!! I thought it was just mass hysteria
@@Lari-lc3zq i also want to know
Replying mostly so that I can hear this "legitimate reason"
But also the buying-out of TP happened in the UK too. Not sure if it was widespread but it was sure annoying and TP quality dropped to, like, paper towel levels. It was awful.
Not just in America. It also happened in lots of European countries. Stupid knows no bounds.
the first one is a classic example of an abusive person using “therapy speak” to justify their abusive behavior. boundaries are for YOU, not the other person. trying to control other people isn’t a “boundary”, it’s being controlling.
If someone is recording your kids without their consent, a HIDDEN CAMERA in your teens room, PRESS ALL THE CHARGES.
you can't "ruin the life" of a predator that used their relationship with you to objectify and prey on your KIDS. Get all the restraining orders, too, whether or not authorities want to let you press criminal charges. That's still domestic abuse and anyone reading this, in any remotely similar situation: it is abuse. It's never okay. It will hurt you, and your kids, in ways you might not fully recover from, and nobody "too good" to deserve a dose of accountability for LITERAL CRIME would ever record you or your child like that.
7:30 bro why don't men listen to women, or why don't people listen to their partner, if you have life threatening allergies, a condition, mental health, YOU GOTTA RESPECT THAT man. Or don't be with them if u can't handle it
My theory is that some men or people hate their partners and try to kill them without anyone noticing
It’s because society says and forces them to marry with their opposite gender and have kids
But the ones who harm their partner actually don’t want to be married with kids thus why they leave them abuse them or kill them
Their anger goes toward their partners and kids because many can’t change societies silent rule or they don’t believe in this hegemony we all live in
@@Shaytan.666THIS! Not only that but regret, at first they like the idea of it, but people get bored , and then they grow to hate it and their partner then their children.
Also why a common occurrence in marriage murderers is an affair
And people still wonder why the most common way for a woman to die in America is their partner.
I think that baby isn't gonna make it man
I hope not jeez
Ok but why do I love how normal this makes me feel after finding out my ex mother in law told everyone I cheated on my husband and had an abortion to try and convince everyone to believe I stole the phone I gave her and then hid it in her home when it was found in her home after she started telling everyone I stole it.
JUSTNOMIL is one that may help. Wishing you all the best.
Wtf is wrong with her?? I will never understand people like that
What just happened here,this escalated faster then I can say "snap"
omg? 😭
Holy shit that’s wild
The first one made me feel so bad for that girl. Like does that guy know what boundaries are? What he’s claiming as a “boundary” was actually a restriction. I hope that girl received advice from someone and told her to leave
I’ve told my daughter since she was a young teen (she’s 26 now) that if she ever dates a guy and they try to tell her how to dress or what to eat or anything like that it is a RED FLAG and very often it’s a precursor to emotional and/or physical abuse. Absolutely not.
4:21 that's because they were probably subconsciously seeing the alarm bells but were too afraid to leave, and was in a way calling for help. I've done that before, sometimes you just need people to tell you "yeah that's weird and not healthy, please leave that relationship" because it's hard to admit there's a problem. These types of people warp your brain and make you question your reality
10:56 this guy sounds like he is undiagnosed for that disorder where people are SUPER sensitive to certain foods. Or like undiagnosed ASD or something. It's not a diss to him but he might feel more like "hey i have this thing it works like this, i do this" if he found out he had something going on.
ARFID. I have it.
Right like I didn’t realize until maybe a year ago or so how big of a deal texture can be for adhd people- I also didn’t know I had adhd until maybe 2-3 years ago so I was undiagnosed for a longggg time - the joys of being a woman & an addict lol. So some things I obv don’t like the taste/ smell of & that in & of itself can be overwhelming but texture drives me CRAZYYY & it goes beyond just being “picky”…connecting this information made me feel so much more secure about it & comfortable saying like I can’t eat certain things
Yeah I was listening to that thinking “a fellow ARFID haver, I see”
I can get it being a dealbreaker, because food can be very important to some people, but the comparing to children wasn’t necessary
It also looks like potentially low fodmap? A lot of things on that list are common for both ARFID and low fodmap for IBS/IBD.
Yeah, I have MCAS, which is likely the disorder you’re referring to.
MCAS is caused by a wacky immune response that makes the body overreact to histamine, causing allergic reactions to foods there’s no IgE allergy to. I have just about as many foods I can’t eat or have to eat in small amounts as he listed, my reactions started as just nausea to anaphylactic symptoms. It’s not just from foods for me, I get skin reactions from most products and lots of medications.
"The only time I've ever seen my mom go anything close to feral is when Idris Elba turns up on screen."
D'Angelo's mom is based
I recently in this past week got the AIO subreddit on my home page and I am obsessed by the number of women under reacting on their husband’s/fiancé’s bad behavior.
Exactly
Increase YOUR chance of survival today: don’t date men, don’t fk them, don’t give them anything.
What gets me is that a lot of the time they have members of their own family telling them they’re the crazy ones.
I have noticed a lot of people questioning themselves online anytime they stand up for themselves- it's concerning.
The food one is one of the few times I've seen a relationship post where both people were... reasonable?
It sucks, but she seemed like she understood it wasn't something the guy could just "get over" and that it might actually be a problem.
I got out of a relationship with an abusive narcisist a year ago and still need to recover. If a man wants to control you by dragging you down, run run far away.
As for the person who broke up over food, I 100% agree. I also love to cook and my partner has a very tricky palette (we’re both autistic but food textures are a bigger trigger for him than me). The difference is, he is able to try new things for me and I always try to keep his biggest sensitivities in mind. It seems like that was not a real possibility for that couple though, and in those circumstances I think breaking up is the right move.
Yeah my partner is on the spectrum and has extreme food sensitivities. He trusts me, but sometimes trying something is overwhelming. I never push. I pick a moment that seems good, say I think he'd like it, compare it to other things.
If he's not up for trying something I immediately drop it.
He's never rude or disrespectful towards me, and I'm never pushy, or mock him.
I disagree. What you eat is your choice
@@DahianaGno one is saying it isnt, however when you have a partner with such a different lifestyle than you, why stay and argue about it?
There's so many people on this earth, the ex can find someone with his discomforts. And im saying this as someone similar to the ex too
Imagine liking someone SO little that you don't want to be with them because they don't wanna eat what you want them to eat........talk about narcisicism and just plain abuse.
@@DahianaG As an autistic person, I feel like what I eat isn't completely my choice, of course I can choose but there's som things that are innofensive to my body but if I put in my mouth I immedietly spit it out because I can't handle the taste, this happened with me over some rice once
20:27 this is VERY UNHEALTHY!! babies can actually develop salt addictions and this definitely sounds like a salt addiction
Wow I had no idea about that. Crazy. I was more worried about the sodium content on their little kidneys
This is not true, it’s just a weird myth. The only study on this I could find had a tiny sample size and the real conclusion was that infants exposed to salt before 6 months old had a slight preference for salty flavors later in life. However the conclusion was still quite flawed as they didn’t measure the electrolytes of the participants to see if the ones favoring salty flavors potentially just had low sodium levels, which is usually what causes salt cravings.
Regarding the soy sauce story, I do think that could potentially be harming the baby. Soy sauce has a LOT of sodium in it, more than what a baby as young as Lucy would need on a daily basis especially if the husband is giving her a spoonful so often. Too much soy sauce WILL kill you.
Story 2 is relatable to so many people (mostly women) I know. One family member in particular is allergic to cats, so when she got pregnant, her (now EX) husband adopted a cat. He knew she was sensitive to perfumes, so he just HAD to have his favoritest laundry detergent on the planet - ofc effing lilac. And who do you think did the laundry? That's right. His pregnant wife.
Boundaries are about what I'll do (if you invade my personal space, I'll leave) or wont do (im not gonna hug you) But are NEVER about what other people can or cannot do, "you can't dress like that" is NOT S BOUNDARY you can set.
Exactly!!!
Sorry, I'm autistic but what is the difference between, "I don't want you dressing that way" and "I will leave you if you dress that way" I don't see the difference. They're both telling the partner what to do and giving them an ultimatum
@@EvisceratingDoubts I don't know if you misread my comment but telling people they can't dress a certain way will never be a boundary you can set. Boundaries are about what you will or won't do, not about what other people do.
@@EvisceratingDoubts giving someone an ultimatum is not a boundary.
@BreathingBlack boundaries are about establishing your reaction to an action example "I don't date people who smoke" vs an ultimatum or forcing someone to change their behaviour "You have to stop smoking so i can be with you" "you have to pick between me and smoking".
ok but babys this young should NOT be eating that much salt its DANGEROUS
Just finish last your last video and went “man, I wish there was another to watch.” I would rather have had my wish for a million dollars granted, but this is pretty nice too.
This first boyfriend in Reddit sounds exactly like my ex. He said all of these things. Dressing, no trips without him including family (even when he is invited and doesn't want to participate), saying women who go dancing are looking for male attention. He was very much into the Red Pill content, which is a women hating movement by mostly incels.
Forgot to mention that my ex is a covert narcissist. The abuse slowly begins and creeps in on you and then you suddenly realize you are in a living hell.
on behalf of everyone we are glad he is now an ex. @@ExistentialErika
It's wild that that parent was considering NOT going to police. Parents need to learn it's their responsibility to seek justice for their children when their children have been harmed.
D'Angelo PLUS reddit stories???? My favorite RUclips collaboration 😍
Same
About the food one - I have ARFID due to autism, so I can't eat most things. They'll make me vomit, and therapy and stuff hasn't helped. I do have a very limited palette and will try new things but often textures, smells, tastes will cause me to vomit sometimes intensely. I also have a mint allergy (yay!), so I have to use special toothpaste etc. I completely understand people who love cooking and I want so so so bad to be able to eat more than I can. I think being upfront with it is for the best, because some people are just not going to be able to deal with it whether or not it is a preference or something worse (like me). I know some people get better over time, I hope that is the case for me also, and whilst Ill never force myself to vomit to prove to someone I can't eat it, I will try and be nice whilst also sourcing my own food.
the urge to vomit when eating foods because of sensory issues is so real, one time there was a green pepper on my cheese pizza and my brain said nope and i almost threw it up, same with if an onion is sneaking in a sandwich, the worst surprise EVER
Hi! Fellow Autistic with ARFID and exactly the same thing happens/happened to me.
Unsolicited personal life experience incoming:
I don't know if it might help but at least in my case cooking stuff in specific ways can fix things. So for example a method that takes away the texture component I dislike is usually enough for me or if it's taste sometimes I can eat some of the stuff when it is buried with other stuff or in certain dishes. When the issue is both there are super specific dishes where they "fit" in for some reason and after a couple of months of getting used to it in that form a bit more regularly I can try a form that is only 85% and push my boundaries a tiny bit. But at least in my experience smell cannot be fixed.
For example I loathe lettuce/cabbage it is a taste thing and a texture (primarily an issue of wetness that seeps into things I don't want to get wet with it) thing. Turns out I don't mind kimchi because I like spicy food (it fixes the taste even if not the texture) and after several years of getting used to it (and trying it along other stuff I like/don't mind) until I could eat it fairly regularly I finally made kimchi-beef stew. Best soup of my life absolutely life changing (it fixed the wetness because it is soup so it "belongs" and it fixed the flavour). An important component is that I cooked it myself so I knew EXACTLY what was going in there and how and why, no surprises. I am still terrified of trying sauerkraut so it isn't a "I can eat all non raw cabbage" scenario. I don't know if a similar process might be helpful with some food you want to eat. Don't push yourself too much or too quickly though and if you try getting accustomed to something just focus on one or two things at a time max.
In my personal experience it takes a lot of time but if you want to try to get better little by little it will be easier because you tolerate a lot more things that are similar so it isn't as big of a jump. I hope you can eat whatever you want to eat. I still can't eat a lot of things but it has been really worth it to work my way through a lot of other stuff and I am certain it only worked because I did it on my own terms. I remember when my parents tried to force me as a child and I think a lot of my fear just gets multiplied by my body holding memories about being forced. Don't know if any of that applies to you but, either way, stay happy and safe!
@@Soulcrash3thank you so much!!!
on the food one i have a food disorder (arfid) where I cannot eat many foods and it can even happen to foods i used to love but i will become so disgusted out of nowhere that my body will physically refuse to let me swallow it like i cannot explain how bad it is and it affects my health a lot too
"alright let's see why this person should get divorced" took me out 💀
omg D'Angelo that was a golden chance to put the adele clip: "divorce babes, divorce"
I can't tell if D'Angelo is wearing the same fit every day or just bulk recorded like 12 videos for us
i think the allergy one is real. ive been allergic to feather pillows all of my life - i cant be in the same room as them or i have trouble breathing and my eyes swell up, they can't even be in the warderobe in the same room. my aunts and uncles STILL don't take it seriously. i am 23 and even when asked to put them in another room, they either will not or put them away IN the room that i am in. recently they put it in the space under my bed and i couldn't breathe when i woke up next morning...
16:37 "methinks she doth protest too much too soon" DONT FEEL BAD D'ANGELO THIS IS CAMPY GOODNESS
Also commenting again to add: these people have all been gaslit to unbelievable limits, that’s why they really probably aren’t sure if pure disrespect is actually, disrespectful…..
I have an extremely overprotective mom. The ring camera is the worst thing that ever happened to us. Don’t allow it. Lie, cheat, and steal, but don’t allow it.
As someone who also has a mountain of food restrictions and is also picky, the food girl was not overreacting. Food is a really big deal to a lot of people, and I wouldn't want to hold someone back by making them eat around my weird restrictions. If I developed all my allergies while in a relationship I would hope no one would break up with me over them, but I have zero problems with them being a deal breaker for a new relationship.
That is kinda dumb...eating the same exact food at the same exact time is essential for intimacy and closeness? Lol. I feel bad for people eating out of tube...finding other tube fed people to date must be limiting. I eat Brussel sprouts and sardines...I'm basically effed, I guess.
@@AaronHendu I mean it is a factual thing that meals and a shared cuisine are social aspects of culture that help people and communities bond.
@@AaronHendu You shouldn't have to eat the same stuff all the time, but if you can basically NEVER eat the same stuff, there can be a strain in the relationship. Food culture is important to a lot of people. Not everyone, but a lot.
This makes no sense, you can just eat different meals… I have loads of allergies, my partner is adventurous with food, so we just eat different things.
@@carmillaaaa Of course there are ways to work around it. I'm just saying I understand and am not offended if it puts someone off, especially if the relationship wasn't serious yet.
I’ll have to send the navy if he keeps battering our shores with such quality content.
3:23 She’s so real for that 🙂↕️
No like I understand her
I can't get over the fact that the fiancé in the laundry detergent story seemingly cares more about the smell of laundry detergent than his future wife's life.
People say that these are fake don't realize that abuse can often be quite ridiculous and over the top irl. As a forner abuse victim, it makes you feel crazy. Because it's so over the top, and you wouldn't think someone would act the way they do - but it's real.
People wonder why women end up in situations like this or even quesrioning themselves but women and girls are taught from a young age not to trust themselves, and to put up with a lot.
DROP EVERYTHING. AGAIN.
Did I see you comment "I can't keep dropping everything" yesterday? Or am I thinking of someone else.
He won’t stop dropping!
He can’t keep getting away with this!
I've been in the position of dating a guy with extremely restrictive food preferences (he had a "no" list about the size of the one in the post) and it caused a ton of strain in our relationship. I'm vegetarian while he refused to eat eggs, cheese, tofu, many legumes, or most vegetables among many other things, which made it borderline impossible to find things we could both eat. I ended up doing the vast majority of the cooking for both of us because he was not a great cook, so this became a source of tension. I was genuinely concerned that he might have ARFID or something and gently suggested that he talk to his therapist or a dietitian about his food aversions, and you'd think I'd asked him to turn himself over to the cops by how defensively he reacted. That wasn't ultimately what did our relationship in, but it sure didn't help and I wouldn't put myself in a position like that again.
17:07 The immediate “NOPE” I let out- press the charges, sis. It does not matter if there were red flags before this. This is the reddest flag available. Predators know how you manipulate the appearance of their flags. Press the charge. Show your daughter her privacy deserves defense.
My cousin is married to someone who is a picky eater and has a sensitive nose and while I don't hold it against him if he can't eat certain foods, it is sad that my cousin can't eat the food from her culture around him because it "smells." She has to cook and eat her own meals when he's not home, and open all the windows so the smell dissipates before he's back, or she'll even visit me or my mom to eat Vietnamese food because she can't eat it in the house when her husband is around.
D’angelo’s face when he was watching the banana and avocado vine was just pure joy 😭
Me too D’Angelo me too
Okay for the food one, I'm incredibly picky due to autism and I've always made it clear that I struggle with food and I'm completely okay with someone leaving if it causes issues.
I think it's fair she left him.
nobody who loves you would leave you because you're picky with foods, autistic or not.
The breaking up because of incompatibility is fair, but the whole “he has the palette of a child” is gross. Children will put anything and everything in their mouths; we adults make decisions based on what works for our brains and bodies. Tired of the constant infantilization and judgy attitudes just because we don’t fit the blueprint of an “adult” in their eyes
It felt weird to me that the conversation around that shift from "He can't have that" to "Then I'll never be able to have it."
I understand sharing food is a big bonding thing, but, did he say that the OP couldn't keep eating those things? I have picky eating problems too, but I've never once told someone that they can't eat a thing cause I don't like it.
My stomach literally drops every time I come across a story where one partner is criminally mistreating the other and it is revealed they have kids together.
i 100% agree with the people breaking up over food. i love cooking, trying new foods, and have dealt with my mom who is very picky. i don't mind accommodating her when i cook, but i refuse to do that with my partner. also, my girlfriend is filipino and has said that she would have broken up with me if i didn't like filipino foods as sharing cultural foods is important to her and her family. not an overreaction!!
It genuinely makes me so happy to see D'Angelo having fun with this series. I'm sure it's taken a lot to get back to this headspace. It's inspiring and every time I watch a new upload, it's a reminder to myself that the clouds will clear and the grass will be greener and sunnier and more joyful and my mental health will be better
I have so much sympathy for the people on this form. I was in a relationship with someone who used his emotional dysregulation and executive dysfunction as an excuse for why they treated me poorly, and it was something I’d never experienced before, so I had no idea that someone could even weaponize that about themselves. It’s so hard when you’re trying to be empathetic to someone you love and they’re only trying to get out of it.
As someone w divorced parents I 100% endorse the divorce jokes keep em coming
For the food one: my mom has so many food aversions. She basically only eats plain hamburgers, chicken, and potatoes. I'm her only caretaker. I'm not a cooking enthusiast. I don't even have an extensive pallette, but it is EXHAUSTING. I used to make dinner every night for her, myself, and my 3 kids. She'd pick at it and want to go get something else after. So, I'd work all day, make dinner, and then take her to get some fast food. I quit cooking and just take her to get whatever is the least off-putting to her.
(Two of the kids are grown, and the third is in her chef era)
On the food one. I was a super picky eater and my husband is an adventurous eater when we met. When we started dating he was the one who exposed me to different foods. I'm now also an adventurous eater. It's something we've bonded over, so you can make it better if they are willing to try foods.
For the food story- i see this from both sides. I lovr cooking and trying new food, but im also a pescetarian (spelling?) and an autistic person with intense sensory issues. There are foods common in my culture that i cant eat because the feeling of it in my mouth will make me gag or actually throw up. I dont eat most citrus (i love the juice though!) because the texture makes me feel physically ill. There are days where im so overwhelmed that i can only manage to make myself eat bread and some types of cheeses, or literally nothing at all. I could absolutely understand someone not wanting to date me if i cant eat most of their cultural foods due to my diet and food issues. I also dont know if i could date someone with a diet so severely restrictive that they only ate stuff like pizza and some junk food. I love making food and drinks for my loved ones. The situation sucks but it just sounds like they arent compatible.