The "Secret" to well-behaved Amish Children
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- Опубликовано: 13 янв 2022
- Many people comment on how well-behaved Amish children can seem to be. How do Amish discipline their children? A look at spanking and corporal punishment among the Amish.
My name is Erik Wesner and I'm not Amish. Back in 2004, I met the Amish while selling books. Since then, I've visited 5,000+ Amish homes & dozens of Amish communities. I run the Amish America website. More: amishamerica.com/
Video footage by Michael Pilkington (amishofethridge.com/)
Images: Don Burke (www.flickr.com/photos/ozarkin..., Jim Halverson, S.I., Phil Sarlo
An important key to Amish, and other cultures whose children are secure, calm and well behaved, is the time and attention given to the children. Family oriented parents without many outside distractions develop especially deep relationships with their children and spend abundant quality time together working, worshiping, eating meals, playing, etc. Another key is the respect given by the parents to each other and to the children. Having both parents in the home committed to the marriage and to the family results in happy well behaved children.
I agree
Thankyou for pointing this out! And in most cases the moms are stay at home moms, and the fathers are the financial providers. I grew up in a Mennonite home, and although it wasn't perfect, no home is, it was very happy. We ate meals together, played together, worked together, travelled together, and went on family days together. Of course we scrapped like normal children, but if we hurt each other Mom made us apologize to each other.
agreed! this is why i stay home with our kids, homeschooling and running our small farm, and my husband takes a job that allows him to value family time over making more money then we need. our kids are happy and very well behaved
🌎Beautifully written.
You mean corporal punishment.
When the parents are calm quiet mannered the home is calm. Children take their cues from their parents. If a parent has a bad mouth, the child will too. If the parent is bad tempered the child will also be. Parents are the teachers so we have to be careful of what we teach. Whether by lesson or example Parents are the teachers
Simple but powerful wisdom.
@@AmishAmerica My father lived under the 3rd Reich. Gen25 might have explained my problem. I like pursuing sustainability. It's a Norwegian thing (mother was American). Water for crops, preserving the land, etc. My family disowned me because I did not want to be a preacher. I know the Bible quite well but when Jesus commanded people to love one another, who listened? When aquifers are going dry? Who listens? 2 problems the world is facing today but who is listening?
Some kids misbehave no matter how nice the parents are.
@@KiwiInOz01 but you don't know how nice their parents were to them
@@KiwiInOz01 yeah like mine.
I think children are generally well behaved, when their parents are also actually well behaved and therefore are good role models for their children. I don't mean acting nice in front of others, I mean being genuinely good people, without acting at all.
Of course, there's other factors, school, peers, wider environment.
You can find people with bad temper, bad habits, mental issues all sorts of addictions absolutely everywhere around the world, no matter what their religion, their ethnicity, or their age is.
I believe if you have to resort to violence in a relationship, you have failed.
The issue is that though good is subjective so that's the differences, many people think many things are okay and you can think discipline isn't necessary but discipline and self control is needed for every truly good person.
Exactly
I also suspect the closer to home schooled they are, the better the behavior.
Corporal punishment should not be violent
I agree. I only spanked my son once when he was about 5-6 years old. I felt horrible after. His school bus dropped him off directly in front of our house but he went to a friends house and we had no idea where he was for over a hour. We looked everywhere and even called the police. My baby came home all happy like nothing was wrong. I hugged him first and then spanked him. He’s 15 now, very well behaved with manners. I always get compliments on his manners. I think people resort to violence out of frustration. Most children you can talk to or punish. It accomplish the same goal without violence.
For the Japanese, traditionally the age of self-control is 4 years. When I was 4, my parents were stationed in Okinawa. With both parents away every day, we had local 'babysitters', Okinawa ladies who treated us like their own.
My husband is from Japan and was not hit. Children mirror what they see. Hitting is for low intelligence people.
Beautiful...thank God for the Okinawan lady who went beyond herself, and taught with self control and love.
Did they beat you
@@bellacosmos607 WHAT? ! What a bizarre question!
wax on, wax off - that's the Okinawan way, right?
My dad never laid a hand on me. He would just give me a disappointed look and sigh.
My mother smacked me around every chance she got.
I feared my mother, and respected my dad.
Hitting, spanking, smacking whatever you call, it breaks bonds.
Same exact story with me. My dad didn't even sigh, he would just raise an eyebrow and I would immediately question my actions. I loved him like crazy. My mother would hit me and cause me pain to "teach me". My father just loved me, and that was all it took for me to want to make him proud of me.
its abuse I dont care what anyone says and only humiliates and satisfies the abuser to be abusive to their kids when they grow up and thus the domestic violence cycle
@@mickeymousey1239 I completely agree. If someone hits their kid to show them that they did something wrong, what the hell is the kid learning? That inflicting pain is the right way to express their anger or displeasure.
It also teaches them that people aren't worth the time it takes to actually reach an understanding with.
There is a huge difference between hitting, smacking around, and spanking. Spanking actually works, coming from someone who received them as a child and gave them to my children. The problem is, no one does it the way that used to be the norm when I was growing up. It has to actually HURT, but it also has to be done in a controlled manner. My mom never spanked me, and I had pretty much no respect for her. My dad and stepdad both spanked me and I had deep respect for them. My grandmother also spanked me and I was super close to her.
The Bible actually says if you spare the rod you HATE your child. A 2-5 year old doesn’t understand a talking to, and all being put in time out does is infuriate them. A spanking is understood by children of pretty much all ages. I got my last at 15, but the threat was always there. Unlike what everyone says, that didn’t mean I cowered in fear. I knew there was a line that was a point of no return. My stepdad wouldn’t just grab me and start hitting, I would be sent to my room to wait and then pants came down and over the knee I went. And it was pretty much exactly the same for all of my friends growing up.
All that to say, it’s extremely frustrating even going to a restaurant these days. Parents don’t even try to make their kids sit still or behave, and when they do they get eye rolled and the kids do whatever while dad orders another beer. It sucks for the rest of us who have to suffer your unspanked little angels. My kids ALWAYS got complimented on their behavior. And the reason was if they jumped up or screamed or yelled we made a trip to the car. One trip to the car was all it took for them… just like for me.
As a former employee of the Correctional Facility, the worst behaved inmates were the young, spoiled, often upper class young men who had no discipline, never told no, and were not taught to respect others.
and whose parents likely didn't have time for their children.
Agree
sure... the most abusive are angry blm types. they kill women for accusing men of rape. learned to AVOID AT ALL COST.
RATHER EAT DINNER FROM A DUMPSTER THAN TOUCH ONE OF BE NEAR ONE EVER AGAIN.
So NOT because they weren't disciplined only,but because they were ignored, not GUIDED or taught by their parents and given "things" instead, what a waste
Yup, and they think the world owes them
It is the lifestyle. Not so much the "spanking". It is the serenity, the studies, the togetherness. If parents are calm, the children are too. People were always amazed at how well behaved my children were. I did not rely on physical punishment - never really had to. They were raised in a way whereby they were expected to be good and so they were!
To afraid to act up like most kids will do!
I noticed that, too. Our childhood was very chaotic, with all the screaming and whatnot, and problems with our parents' relationship. A few other families were like that, too, and it's pretty obvious what a fine line you can draw between a healthy household with good kids who never got in trouble, and dysfunctional households and defiant, rebellious kids. Even though we feared punishments, that only made us more determined as well as sneaky, and developed a skill for lying to adults. We were treated like potentially bad kids and looked upon with suspicion, so we acted like bad kids. The truth is that kids really just want to spend time with their parents and make them happy, not ruin their lives. Treat them with respect and they will gladly return the favor.
Mine as well..
my kids are very well behave also, i get comments on it all the time. i always say that it's because they know if they don't behave like this then there will be consequences, which is true but there is more to it. they to have a calmb home with lots of togetherness with everyday tasks and learning. they feel loved, secure, and heard.
My 10 grandkids raised in a calm loving & Christian environment (homeschooled with lots of Art, Science, Music, & outdoor environmental learning) are a blessing to be around. The others raised with no limits, lack of control & constant distractions (tv, video games & unlimited computer use) are not.
I highly respect the Amish and their culture. I've dealt with them in retail stores many times, and have always found them to be upright, polite and honorable in their dealings with all. I never had a problem with any of them. They can teach us a great deal.
Well behaved is good behaviour
There are a lot of other factors. They see their parents and community working hard, and are given small responsibilities from a young age, so they have a valued role. They learn alongside family. They spend time together, not everyone in a room alone with a screen. Their foods contain less artificial ingredients and sugar.
You've OBVIOUSLY never eaten with them, because I have. They eat some of the Crappiest food anywhere. Follow some around in the grocery store and see if you still believe your lies!
Completely agree about the food. I have cookbooks of theirs, and have shopped at their stores. Lots of sugar, processed cheese and meats. That's not to say they don't eat from the garden or farm, but there are not health nut folks.
Other then the food, yes! I'm searching the comments expecting to see angry anti spanking comments. But just being in a family setting all day as small children would make up for any potential negatives that spanking could hypothetically create. I've always loved the Amish and people use to joke that I wanted to be Amish 😂 But their food. They buy a lot of shelf stable foods because of not using electricity. Midwives see the ugly side of it all. I think my midwife may have a little bit of prejudice against them though. But she works pretty closely with them being a midwife.
@@naturalmama_of_5 I believe my midwife felt the same way. A swat on the tush to keep a young child in line who has been given many verbal warnings, isn't a bad thing. I've found it rarely has to be used, and my kids are obedient and respectful because we verbally communicate expectations.
Well, I will say, I KNOW they have NO problem with sugar!! They LOVE sugar! 😊
I was an unmarried mother in London in the 1980s. I had a bad childhood myself. In addition to abuse, I was taught no morals nor given an example of any. When I became pregnant I was promptly abandoned. In those days, I was not a Christian, and the culture promoted hatred for religion. This is the backdrop for my comment. I struggled alone to raise my child. I conclude that I was a very good mother, but a very bad father. I overindulged my daughter. It pains me to share this, and the repercussions I cannot detail, but this has not produced a healthy, well-adjusted woman. Quite the reverse. I now understand the value of the traditional moral landscape we learn from Scripture. It is too late for my failures, sins and errors to completely heal the damage done by them.
I would be very grateful if you would pray for my daughter. God bless you.
Praying for your daughter! ❤
🙏
It’s impossible for men’s but everything is possible with God
I definitely am.
It sounds like you did your best given the circumstances. It's interesting that people associate motherhood with "overindulgence" and fatherhood with "discipline." My parents were the opposite. My mom was nurturing but also the disciplinarian we feared. My dad was just a big play thing. If we had been raised by him alone, there would have been no discipline at all.
I think it's more than just spanking. They also, spend time with their kids, and because they don't have 690 toys, they want to mimic mom and dad and do what they do. There is a better bond.
They also aren't glued to electronics from the time they are 3. Worst invention ever.
@
Mary Winn
Well blame the parents who give it to them. I wasn’t allow to have a game boy until I was 8.
Bad children existed before electronics and television and before women hit the workplace and didn't stay home. Older books talk about this shift. Parents can't do a lot of what needs to be done out of "love".
I am fascinated with learning about other cultures different from ours, their ways and their traditions are so interesting to me. Every time you load up a video, I learn so much, thank you for that.
My dad would feel so bad about spanking us that he would immediately hug us afterwards and tell us how much he loved us, but also explain why he did it. He died in 2011 and I miss him so much!
I miss him too!
That's bad parenting I think since it associates the hug with the punishment. Condolences.
@@Roescoe its manipulation and leads to the children growing up to believe abuse is love
@@emulyrose5353 Confusing. Because punishment is not abuse.
@@Maxschellenberg you can't think of other ways to punish a child without causing physical pain?
Not sending their children to public school is another reason their kids are so well behaved. Many kids start acting out and misbehaving once they start attending school. They learn to copy others in school and they bring home the bad values, bullying, lack of respect, and lack of disipline that many kids show.
Your videos are both always interesting and pacifying.
...As always, very interesting! Thanks for sharing!💖 God bless you! 🙏
Thanks!
Growing up, we got hit with belts and hands and were punished by going to our room. I wish my parents explained more why they did it. We didn't always get an explanation.
That's right! Sometimes I think my mother just took her aggressions out on we kids.
I raised 3 sons, mostly alone, and I always disciplined them ... If they can understand language, they can be taught right action from wrong ... They are now 25, 35, and 40, and are loving, responsible adults
I was belted with a leather belt from the time I was 3, I do NOT believe I.would have been a bad person if I was belted less 🙄
@@IamPINKIEDaniels 'Discipline' does not only mean 'belted' (although it can be included) ... 'discipline' is have in boundaries, and following thru with actions, consistent consequences - - people seem to have forgotten about that
I was raised with an abusive step father and learned early the difference between abuse and discipline. That said, I did gently swat my children when they were small and I always got comments about how well behaved they were in public. By grade school, my daughter got one real spanking where my son took two to get the message but they were with love not anger. Before I had children I had worked in management at a small company and one thing my boss insisted upon was that workers deserved respect, but that they should always be treated "Firm, Fair, and Consistent" individually and collectively. If it was wrong for one it was wrong for all. I applied that at home with my children and I do sincerely believe it mattered. The children were not perfect, but they knew how to behave in public and if they behaved otherwise away from me, I never heard about it. What feedback I got from their friends parents was "what a joy to have them visit". The hard part was being a single parent, but they both comment that while they did not have much they always were sure that I loved them and not all their friends had that at home. Respect, fairness, consistency, etc always seemed to me to be more important than spanking it is just at the start when they are young that the swats helped guide them. I swore to myself that I would never strike in anger like what I experienced at home and that was important. For sure it is important that both parents be on the same page if it is a two parent household. If they detect a divide on the issue they will for sure pry at that crack and work it for all it is worth. That is the consistent part of things. The whole Amish/Mennonite culture seems to use all of these methods from what I have seen. Plus they avoid the bad influences to a large degree by isolating within their belief systems. I am sure there are bad examples somewhere but I have not met them yet.
A whole paragraph defending child ab-se 🤢🤢🤢🤢
@@pablo32okexactly what I was thinking
Spanking is hard and questionable sometimes, but lack of discipline can become irreparable.
There secret is love. They love and care deeply for their children. They do not punish, they discipline.
Dancing with words. They certainly do punish. There was a 20/20 episode many years ago that featured a parent who had left the community wanting full child custody. One issue was that the very young children were caned across the back for not being diligent with chores.
Amish have a right to their lifestyle and there are some positives. They need not be romanticized.
@@YSLRD Indeed, they are romanticized. There are great things about their culture. But, there is abuse. Eli Yoder is formerly Amish and his channel exposes abuse. Obviously, they don't have a monopoly on abuse. And I get the vast majority don't abuse their kids. But they aren't perfect.
What does a child do to get beat with a belt hickory
@@YSLRD I have lived among the Swartzentrubers (very conservative) , Isaccs and Mennonite Amish for over 25 years and I have first hand knowledge that they are wonderful parents and raise loving, productive children, unlike many English children. Your 20/20 episode is jaded and failed to see the Amish community as a whole. They for the absolute most part are loving, caring parents who love and care deeply about their wives and children.
They do punish and sexually abuse.
TRUTH! If everyone would understand and apply this, we would ALL live happier, more productive lives.
Love you children; discipline them.
Terrible Terrible
Child abuse in the Amish community that for sure
Stop defending child ab-se 🤢
When i worked for the Railroad in Northern Lancaster county we became acquainted with a nearby family. When they held Church at their home the boys.....a LOT of boys would climb over the engine opening doors, poking into the engine talking in Dutch to each other! The girls always stayed away. They even helped us pull some stalled freight cars with their team once!! very cool memory.
I had a conversation with an older Amish gentleman concerning this. He said there are two problems in the American society. When they took God out of the schools and discipline away from the parents. I couldn’t agree more, if you look at society this is when American society started to go wrong. This is why we have so many entitled youth today. Time out steps and standing in the corner didn’t work. Thanks for the video!!!
"if you look at society this is when American society started to go wrong." When did it start to go wrong? people still punish their children, schools in 19 states still spank with a large wooden board and shouldn't those states have none or at least less of the issues you feel the rest of the country has, if this is the solution? because they ARE practicing it. And when was American society right? it started with slavery in full throttle with the founding fathers also practicing and condoning and went from one war to the next war and now school shooting's (which are a lot less destructive) there's always been racism and even more widespread back when spanking was the norm, it's not like everything was peaceful once, then parent's stopped inflicting suffering on their children and then everything went to hell after, it's always been rough and crime has been steadily going down in the decades along with decrease discipline in the home.
@@Mr.Goodkat please stopped the critiqued the United America 🇺🇸 like if the only country existed slavery. In the American countries I mean Spanish , Portuguese slavery was part of history of the country. Please awake and smell the roses 🌹
@@JudithSanchez-ht6jn Your response fixates on one point (slavery) and removes it from the larger whole and context I had it in, I was asking him to consider the past in the US was not good (like he insinuated it was) and slavery was merely one thing I listed as a reminder of the many bad things that went on BEFORE he said things got bad. Overall point being things weren't good, then discipline in home stopped and things got bad, that's a false narrative and in fact the less "discipline" (a.k.a one (or two) people in a household making others suffer under condescending rose it is somehow "teaches" them something) there is in a household, the better society is as with the case of spanking and empowerment of the young going up, also goes up self esteem and mental well being of generations of people and crime goes down and has been going down steadily with decrease in CP and punishment in general.
Since the Amish do not socialize with the "English' how would an old Amish gentleman know this? They also do not read newspapers, listen tot the radio, or watch TV. Did this "wisdom" occur out of the blue? Or was it from taking their poorly cared for horses and mules to the kill pens when they are so overworked and abused they can no longer work, maybe that older Amish learned why spanking was so wonderful there? Or maybe when aused his wife and children ,but the community turned its head? The Amish are famous for that.
@@christinemeleg4535 actually they do. While out in PA, I have visited with many. Some even offer boarding. Like every culture, there will be a few bad eggs but the majority treat their animals very well because they rely on them for transportation and field work. It’s like lumping all Catholics into pedophilia, Muslims into hate groups, African Americans into criminals and white people into racists…just because there are a few “bad eggs” doesn’t mean the whole group is bad. Spanking a child for wrong doings is no different than disciplining an animal for bad behavior.
Also, they have news letters they read. They communicate with other colonies, they depend on “English” for transportation to and from airports/train stations. Also many English have befriended them to help them sell their goods. You are fairy ignorant on the Amish by your comment.
Long ago I had two children and I was an every other weekend dad, then I married someone that had three kids. My oldest son on his first visit he sat my new wife's kids down and told them how to stay out of trouble with me. If he ask you to do something, just do it, do not mouth off, do not put it off! He will not chase you, but he will snatch you up and give you a whipping if your within arms reach. Do not just run out of the house, he knows your coming back and he does not forget. :)
Interesting comment from Naomi, because yes we learn to become disciplined in our actions but we don't hurt ourselves to keep ourselves disciplined.
Note of clarification, you can still find physical punishments in private schools across America. It's not the most prevalent form of punishment but it certainly still exists.
So nice to see a clip of someone that actually knows how to work a scythe. Most people think you need to swing it like they are in a horror movie.
First, it's important to remember that there are no perfect parents or children.
Second, the biblical phrase "Spare the rod, spoil the child" can be interpreted in different ways. I interpret it as the rod being the word of God instead of a physical rod to inflict pain.
Third, if you want you child to comply with your demands you have to appeal to their individual currency and love language.
Lastly, Certainly doing nothing to correct misbehavior is worse than spanking, but there are ever so many more ways to discipline (meaning to teach and train) that are as equal to or better than spanking- no matter its intensity.
Violence breeds violence. Love creates more love. That doesn't mean be permissive or super kind and gentle all the time. You can use a firm serious voice and your sense of touch to instill a firm and resonant lesson in your child.
If a parent has self-control and self- discipline at all times, that's the biggest importance to me.
Lead by example. We as parents should be good examples for our children to learn by. Something I haven’t heard is how children are “spoken to”. Words can be so cruel.
Go out to stores now days and listen,!observe. I cringe when I hear parents and children speak as some do to each other.
I see "the rod" as a Shepard's staff that is used to guide his sheep and steer them away from harm. The Shepard does not use his rod/staff to hit the sheep or beat them, but rather to lovingly teach them which way to go because he is caring for them.
@@Mrs.J.D.B Proverbs 23:13-14 KJV
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. [14] Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
The way you see it is a popular modern doctrine these days. I almost fell for it as a young parent as well. I realized that Scripture BOLDLY claims the opposite.
I think I was using discipline in anger, and in my conviction, could not see spanking as appropriate.
But the proper use of the rod must be done Biblically. It is not just guiding the children. It is doing what is necessary in that situation to keep them out of going down a path that will lead them to hell.
Actually that phrase is NOT in the Bible. At least not in those exact words.
Yes, exactly. The Shepard’s rod is used to guide the sheep- not to strike them with! You learn respect from watching respectful people or having someone point it out and educate you on how to be respectful and you learn from being taught. Striking someone smaller than you does nothing but serious damage physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
In this video you contrast physical punishment with no discipline at all, but there are many ways to discipline children.
That's the classic either/or fallacy. Framing the issue as if there's only two options/viewpoints when in most case there are way more.
@@JohnSmith-zw8vp There ARE not "there's". My parents would have gently corrected that, too. I think you're describing a disjunctive syllogism.
Thank you for sharing. I totally agree.
Interesting video! I have subscribed!!
May I request you make a video mentioning and summarizing your favorite books written by and about the Amish?
You have mentioned Growing Up Amish and The Amish Way in addition to Called To Be Amish. Are there any others?
"More than Happy: The Wisdom of Amish Parenting." I do not have children, but I have always been fascinated at how well behaved the Amish children are. I am going to borrow this book from the library. On Amazon, there are a few pages available to read for free. I really like the author's writing style.
My daddy never put his hand on me, never, me and my dad had the most amazing bond til the day he passed, he took me to fishing trips, hunting trips, just drive arounds etc, he was a forest man, I learned so much from him, but the main thing I learned was patience
You dont have to put ur hand on a child, take ur time as much as u can
Exactly its Lazy parenting to spank your child. Your dad seems to be a wonderful dad.
That’s amazing. My dad wanted to be in control while disciplining but always lost it. He’d count up to 10 or whatever number then beat the hell out of you afterwards in anger. I had abusive parents and can’t imagine a father not like that.
@@KombuchaBuzzed so sad he was a victim to
Not every parent has a docile child, looks your dad was lucky.
That may have worked for you but not everyone is the same.
Me and my kids went to church with the Amish at their house. They were the best people I have ever met. They were from Pennsylvania. I think they moved back. I miss Them. They were something special to me and my kids. Boy could they cook. Best meals ever.
Thank you for sharing I dont know what it is but the Amish have always intrigued me ,with ther ways of life .I often find myself reading amish books
Amish brothers Aaron & Petie Schwartz‼️
I was sitting in the dentist office waiting on my appointment in Ohio. incomes a young lady with her small child not Amish and then behind her was a man and his child both were Amish the same age children then the ladys child was getting into everything the books and magazines climbing on the furniture crying and carrying on the poor mother was trying to contain her child the Amish man with his child sat there very quietly his child was very well-behaved just sat there watching the other child. I seen it it's amazes me. I also seen the older Amish children taking care of the younger children.
They are forced by fear to not say a word or do something bad. The older kids also are forced to watch the little ones.
Abused children know how to sit quietly too and neglectEd children always know they need to look after their siblings as it's NOT their job to look after their siblings
did you see a child, or a zombie, or maybe a robot?
so because one is amish and one isn't all amish children are perfectly behaved and all others aren't? What about a parent who has two kids and one acts crazy and the other sits shyly and quietly? I see that just about everyday too, and these are siblings raised in same home . It's called a personality type
Yes, Amish as a whole do better job at that.
As I see it, spanking a child is an expression of helplessness! In my family (the wider family - as uncles, even inlaws etc.) spanking was never used! Coming to a point that spanking is needed to have a well behaving child, the parents are more in need of being spanked! Btw., our way of raising/educating a child by example worked astonishingly well!
Did you learn the dangers of smugness though?
Yes! Thank you!
Love your Mid-Atlantic [Maryland? Northern Virginia?] vowels.
Great video
Glad you thought so.
My dad's grandparents left the Amish church when they married and became Mennonite. So, my grandpa would have been raised with those values. My dad said the only time he was paddled was when he was listening to a radio show (1940's) and forgot to fill the coal bucket. It was that important & his job that Grandpa paddled Dad "so he won't forget again". It wasn't out of anger, but because it was a life lesson.
I had to lose money (sometimes decent amounts) *several* times due to playing video games instead of getting my work turned in before the deadline, before I REALLY learned not to do that. Now I'm wondering if a single paddlin' would have been worth the lesson! I'd say that, all told, it cost me a cumulative $1500 or so (over several years) to learn to do the work first when a deadline was coming up. At least it's never been a sort of job where I could get fired for it.
Stop defending child ab-se 🤢🤢🤢🤢
A child should learn, that it is accepted and loved, doesn't matter what it did wrong. Because a child is a human who is allowed to make mistakes. Children are no robots. I hope, that adult Amish will also be hitted from their loved ones when they do a mistake! Same rights for all!
To tell your child, that you just hit it, because you love it is so psycho! "so please than don't love me anymore!"
It's like breaking a person's soul completely.
Sorry for my bad English, I am just a German mother of three who tries to treat them better, than her parents treated her and is really angry now after this video.
I think this video is emphasizing that they don’t coddle the children because we all need to learn self discipline in order to have a happy life.
Wrong.
Chichina, I can't help but feel your frustration in your comment. No good parent wants to strike a child, and never should do so in anger. Your point that a child should never feel unloved in the process of learning to become an adult strong enough to use good judgement and caring enough to contribute to the community is a very good one. Before a child is mature enough to respond to instruction, some parents resort to a spanking to make the child remember that this is a strong limit, possibly a physical danger. My own parents were grudge -holders. It taught me to be stubborn and withdrawn. Not good and hard to heal. Still working to forgive. They were doing the best they knew how.
Interesting. 🤔
@@endtimesareuponus8930 nothing wrong,stop defending child ab-se 🤢 sick mf
Here in Mennonite country in Canada at the local Walmart a Mennonite mom will shop with 8 little ones attached to her grocery cart in a long line. The kids are looking around, but never let go of the sibling in front of them, and are silent as they go around the big store. I always smile and wane at the kids so their experience is welcoming.
I not only grew up in Ohio near amish country (im not amish) but i whole-heartedly agree and use the same discipline as the amish. It is an utter act of cruelty to have a undisciplined child. I'm greatful i grew up with that. I use the same methods as my grandparents used on my parents and they used on me. Spanking has been vilified in modern culture as abuse. The problem is you can care too much and anything can be viewed as abuse. Amish are good people with strict religious adherence and i respect them for their way of living and convictions.
Hi Erik; I always appreciate your respectful tone when talking about controversial topics like this one. I also have a question - that may be a subject for another video, or maybe just an answer here: What kinds of veterinarians do Amish farmers hire to take care of their animals? Since they often go to doctors and hospitals in the English world, I'm wondering if that holds true for animals? Also, if an Amish youth shows a natural interest in the welfare and care of animals, is there an Amish veterinarian path for them to follow? Or, must they leave the community in order to receive advanced education to pursue this profession? Thanks so much.
They go to English ones - I'm not really aware of many Amish vets at all for that matter. It's a medical field after all so Amish wouldn't be trained for that. At the same time - a bit controversially - there are Amish who delve into forms of medical and health care including dentistry, though some of that happens in a grey area legally. If an Amish young person wished to go into veterinary studies it would probably require leaving the community. At the same time you raise a good question that I haven't actually thought of before. It would seem natural that some Amish would gravitate towards the care of animals and be drawn to this. That said there are also many Amish interested in health to varying degrees, and some have in fact not been baptized and pursued medical studies (and there have been some cases where Amish people have received a degree of medical training, but not becoming doctors).
@@AmishAmerica This is all so fascinating to me. Thank you.
This is only speaking for the one sect that I was around. They had an Amishman that would go around and act like a veterinarian. As Erik stated this creates a grey area.
@@gregbutterfuss8590 in many states, there is a grey area for lay people to treat their own animals (pets or livestock). Many times states allow people to purchase over the counter veterinary medicines for use in their own animals. I also know there are a lot of herbal remedies that the Amish use to treat themselves to be highly affective. I believe that because their community is based on mutual trust and integrity, that being an animal healer would be an option. Considering too, that the Amish have a bit healthier lifestyle and eating habits than the typical American, I would think that too would carry over into their animals, as well. I will be honest, as many Amish communities I have driven through, I have yet to see an unthrifty or neglected looking animal or person.
@@AmishAmerica sounds like a terribly limited way to live and harmful to animals; I read stories where amish ppl died from lack of pasteurization and other things like flu, colds due to not taking antibiotics. sad and uneducated in my opinion
"Some people work hard to keep their children from having the problems which made men out of their fathers and women out of their mothers." -- a proverb quoted in The Amish Family Cookbook by Jerry & Tina Eicher. Discipline is vital to becoming men and women. I also heard one young Amish father tell Peter Santelli that he sought the balance called for in the Bible: Spare the rod and spoil the child, but fathers, do not incite your children to anger. By the way, I've heard many a comment through the years about the shepherd's rod not being used to strike the sheep. Generally this is true, in that the usefulness of the shepherd's rod as a weapon was when it was used against wolves and other predators. However, the crook wasn't used to grab the sheep's neck -- that's not safe for either sheep or shepherd. The straight end of the rod was used as needed to pop a sheep on the behind to urge it to go in a particular direction. It wasn't used to beat the sheep, and of course the sheep's behind was protected by the wool, at least until shearing. The shepherd certainly wouldn't use the rod on the sheep's face or legs, and after the shearing less force would be used on the behind.
Your talking about two different things, the staff which would have the shepard's life carved into it, and the rod which is a short stick used to tap the sheep when they are stuck in one place. It's also used to count them while they enter an enclosed corral for the night. The staff with the crook on the top is used to support the shepard as he walks up and down hills and is used to pull a lost sheep out of a hole by it's middle, not it's neck which could choke it. And they follow the shepard so he doesn't walk in doodoo.
The hook is also used to catch the sheep by the hind leg when it’s running away and you need to catch it.
I used to live in Waterloo Ontario lots of Mennonites nearby in St. Jacobs I was about 22 and a Mennonite lady came into the store where I worked to try on some shoes she had about 8 children with her all dressed identical girls in blue dresses with black bonnets boys in the same blue cloth shirts black overalls and they just lined up according to height and stood silently while their Mother browsed for 20 minutes or so then they just followed her out of the store when she was finished still not a word or question out of them. I never saw anything like it before or since.
Fascinating
Back, I was in middle school, there was this girl who used to be a part of a almost community and they cared deeply about their children, and even to a point where they're willing to break the rules of their almost culture, to make sure they're happy, at least in her community, when her brother was sexually assaulted by one of the eldest of community, he was brutally beaten and left for dead
Final part of my research when Amish kids grow up and marry write letters to parents Amish believe that kids can be trained so they never misbehave family wake up super early even 3. Am instead of kids doing chores alone everyone does them together entire family involved in farm life no matter what age Amish they don’t like technology families eat meals with larger community once a week kids are raised to consider family more important than anything else family breakfast is big deal Amish parent bring kids with them volunteer kids have dolls that don’t have faces on them 17 years old are encouraged to go to big party have fun Amish don’t value buying lot of things parents make sure children can cook when kids start dating they have to follow specific traditions parents want kids to be joyful Amish beliefs they share with children their kids go to super small school helping others and hospitality is big value families do things together after dinner they go to bed earlier than most of families thank you for your great efforts honestly we are too in Arabic countries share same costumes and traditions with Amish nation stay safe blessed good luck to you your family friends
Thanks this helped
I live in an area with a lot of omish people around me,I once stopped to purchase some omish baked foods,upon asking the grandmother if she sold eggs she answered no ,a young boy looked at her and asked permission to speak ,she approved, the young boy then told me where I could buy eggs.i was impressed, very kind people.
Poor little sheep
I so dislike the mistaken notion that the biblical "rod" is taken literally as a stick to hit someone with. I do not believe that. Isiah 11:4 speaks of the "rod of his mouth and the breath of his lips." I was physically spanked as a child and so were my own children, and I regret both. Chastening need not be corporal.
It says what it says you gotta hit your kids once in a while. Look at how these kids are now . They act like a bunch of savages . And a bunch of entitled little brats . You're not here to be your kid's friend . You're there to be their parent
I take little issue with anything in this video because I'm no expert on Amish culture . The thing I want to respectfully disagree with is how yu quote the Bible spare the rod and spoil the child saying it means spanking. The Bible often gets misinterpreted and used as an excuse to do something.
In Christianity there are lots of parallels. For ex parents love their children the way God loves us as his children. Husband loves his wife as Jesus loves the church. Another one is Jesus is the shepherd and we are the sheep. In the shepherding metaphor the rod is a guiding stick that a shepherd would use to maneuver them in the correct path. He would touch it to their flank and it would steer the sheep the other direction. The rod was also a way for the shepherd to support himself as he walked along. It probably could also be used as a weapon against a predator. But really the rod was for guidance and support...helped control the flock and encouraged safety because everyone was going the right direction. How much more beautiful is that parallel than assuming that we use the rod to hit with.
Likewise, discipline is not punishment, it's any form of discipling. Teaching. Having a fire drill so everyone knows how to stay safe? Discipline. Doing math flash cards? Discipline. Teaching how to cook and clean? Discipline. Correcting bad behavior? Discipline. Encouraging good behavior? Discipline!
I don't know if the Amish spank their kids and it wouldn't surprise me either way. I'm not even saying it's right or wrong. I'm just saying that Bible verse isn't proper grounds for spanking. But the thing is Amish are also very observant of their children all the way around. They spend so much time together that there is going to be all kinds of instruction about how to do everything. Pretty much everything kids watch their parents do...they are learning to do.
The Bible verse IS proper ground for spanking.
I have moved to Michigan, but came from Iowa. My son's family, farmers, go to Colona, Iowa on Wednesday, Old Order Amish community, they have an animal sale barn and lunch eatery. My 3 grandsons love the homemade hashbrowns!🐂🐑🐖🐓👧🦋
Amen! Always in LOVE!💝
I'm willing to admit there might be some kids out there that are soft and easygoing enough to only need a stern reprimand to change what they're doing (I was one of those). That's where every parent should start. But plenty of children insist on testing limits, practically beg their parents for discipline at every turn, as tho they know their parent doesn't really care about them if nothing they do gets a reaction.
I was the relatively well behaved boy both at home and school. My parents often achieved success with me with just a warning...a second chance. I look back and recall incidents where my attitude could've justified a spanking. When I got my first school paddling in HS, thinking I was reporting after school for detention, the teacher knew, out of care and concern, that my teen attitude would be best adjusted by a paddling and sore butt than sitting for an hour in detention. He was right!!
Welcome to the world of humanity!
Stop defending child ab-se 🤢🤢🤢🤢
Not all Amish spank their children, sometimes just being an example to the children by their actions is the best way to teach children. Many of the children have chores to do, from taking care of the horse or hitching the horse and buggy, milking cows, feeding pigs, helping to tend the vegetable garden, or the fields. Even taking care of younger children.
They have some fantastic guidelines. It's very important that children know why things are happning or why they have happened.
For all the masteries of the modern world, we have the knowledge, but lack cultural implementation of good wisdom.
I really hope the physical punishment is as mild and thought-out as it is presented. If so, I don't think would hurt anyone.
I gave an Amish guy a ride last year to the bank, his kid was so polite. And every time I drive by them they always wave. They especially like my motorcycle and their faces light up when they see me drive by.
What do they do with kids who misbehave because they have a developmental disability like autism? Do they understand the special needs of those kinds of kids? Come to think of it, I think you should make another video about this specific topic. I've always wondered how Amish people with high functioning autism spectrum disorders do in life because there are a lot of adults out there who are autistic, who don't even know it because they were either diagnosed with a different disorder or not diagnosed with anything at all. Autism has really been known about since the late 70's. And the high functioning form, formerly known as Asperger Syndrome, was only really known about since the mid 90's. A lot of people with Asperger's slipped through the cracks and just went through life thinking they were weird and nerdy. Some of them ended up becoming eccentric scientist engineers and stuff like that, or they were unable to function in life and ended up with other mental illnesses, as a result, and ended up homeless bums. I've always wondered if there could be a lot of Amish people who have Asperger's and don't even know it and are even married and financially successful. The Amish lifestyle seems to me, to be particularly conducive to a person with Asperger's Syndrome being able to function and have a good life, possibly without even realizing there's anything different about them. They have their family supporting them and they'll be able to easily find a job and possibly even be able to marry and have kids. They get way more support with all this stuff than someone on the outside would. And any social functioning differences they feel they have, they would just chalk up to their religion and the fact that they're living apart from the outside world. I've always wondered about this. I'd love to see you do a video on it. Have you ever met any Amish adults who you suspected could be high functioning autistic and didn't know it?
Right.. I have 3 Autistic children so discipline is very difficult because you never know if it's because of how their brain works or if they are just misbehaving. Listening to their care takers which is myself & mother. They have a very hard time with being told what to do, chores, school. When I discipline one of mine by taking his tablet he could cry for hours.. and I mean hours. I never have the heart to follow through because he just will repeat sorry.. sorry mama. I never want to hurt them in anyway especially mentally. When I don't live through their bodies you just don't know. They also have P.T.S.D so this is also another issue for me to discipline them.😭
Again, I speak from personal knowledge that they are very loving and patient towards their special needs children and adults and they don't give them away to nursing homes and the state, they help them become productive adult members of the community to the best of their ability.
@@sisscokids3367 I'm sure that's true about the special needs kids who have an obvious diagnosis. I just wonder about the people with very high functioning autism who might've slipped through the cracks and not gotten a diagnosis, whether they happened to be Amish or not. I wonder if there are very high functioning autistic Amish people who have no idea that there's anything different about them and their family and community have no idea either. I'm talking about people with what used to be known as Asperger's Syndrome. There are a lot of adults out there who didn't find out they had it until they were in their 40's or older, often when their kid was being diagnosed. I can see how the Amish lifestyle would be especially conducive to one of these people going their whole life without ever knowing they had the disorder and accomplishing a lot more in their life than outsiders with Asperger's may have.
Some of them have their own horse riding therapy to help special needs and also special Ed teachers and day places to help with respite care for special needs and give jobs and activities on their level. Some are very learned on special needs care and therapy.
There’s virtually no autism in the Amish community. I mean perhaps maybe a very very tiny amounts here and there, but for the most part they don’t have those disabilities because they don’t vaccinate their children. Their children don’t eat processed crap either. They live off the land and they eat whatever they grow or whatever animals they are raising. So that’s really not a common problem in the Amish culture.
I think that the difference is, is that although the Amish love their children, they don't adore them.
There is an important distinction there, isn't there.
@@AmishAmerica Yeah.
What if the kids are downright adorable?
@@Kelle0284 It doesn't matter. If you put anything or anyone above Jesus, it's a disaster.
You can't generalize like that.
Some love, some adore, some tolerate.
Loved this vid and I have thought of this topic when it came to the Amish/Mennonite communities and this def helped. Awesome topic.
Glad you liked it Sean👍
The epistemology expressed in this video is based on anecdotal biased evidence which alone is insufficient to support the claim that Amish children are well-behaved because of corporal punishment. There is an overwhelming amount of research across cultures and countries that has consistently shown spanking is ineffective and causes chronic stress in children which results in a behavioral problems later in life. Amish families typically do not suffer from unemployment, single parent households, or homelessness which are factors that have been shown to cause behavioral issues later in life. If it is true Amish children are consistently well behaved, why attribute it to spanking which conflicts with the non-violence principle most Amish hold?
No junk food, no tv.
Good role models in the family.
Haha, actually I’ve seen both. Amish don’t have tvs in there homes, but a local pizza restaurant has a tv hanging on the wall, the Amish love to come in and watch on occasion (obviously a lot less than us). Also saw the little kids drinking Mountain Dew, I’d classify that as junk food. Once again, a lot less than us.
There are people who beat their children and those kids are still unruly and misbehave. Children learn to model behavior more than anything and if good behavior is what they see then that’s generally how they will be - well behaved. Spankings may be given too much credit here. I think the parents and the environment (other children especially) affect the children in positive ways that may not be noticed by the community.
I can’t disagree with opening comments. I grew up in that mindset. I watch today’s kids and I shake my head
In one of the pictures you are showing the buggy wheel has some white things sticking out on the side of the wheel. What is the purpose of this on the wheel?
Thank you for sharing this video Erik. I don't disagree with a spanking when needed. To me it teaches obedience and respect for authority, something that is truly lacking in the world today....
Thank you Susie!
In asiatic and southamerican cultures, it's used too.
Respect is earned not an entitlement. Obedience are for animals not humans.
Proverbs 29:17 - "Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul." Disobedient children can wear you out.
That is from an old English Bible, the Amish Bible is written in an old German dialect, making it impossible for the Amish to read, they are not taught that dialect .their teachers are not educated enough to teach a second language since they never go higher than seventh grade. That antiique english text was used to impress the reader or viewer how much better the Amish are at teaching their children how to behave. It ode signor the abuse towards spouse children and animals in the Amish communities, ask the rescue societies. There are more modern people who read the Bible than the Amish simply because we can read our own language.
@@christinemeleg4535 I Like the translation
for the upteenth time the other day someone commented on my kids behavior versus other kids. When informed she is homeschooled they commented they thought that might be the case since the person noticed how well behaved homeschool kids are as a rule. Funny it was a school district management official. The parents and teachers know why, but it's harder to discipline a kid so they take the easy way out. And then find out later when the kid hits puberty their kid is a nightmare and they might have done something when they were little, but too late.
Amish brothers Aaron & Petie Schwartz‼️
I get the same thing from people regarding my children… but I get criticized from my family. Funny isn’t it?
It is one thing to show the ideal and another to observe reality.
good for them.
You need to understand that physical discipline should never be used for minor infractions such as spilled milk or forgetting to say good morning. Mostly it needs to be used for signs and symptoms of bullying or intentional defiance. You can raise a proper child without corporal punishment, but you must be consistent with a child. Also there is a difference between slap on the wrist and beating. It is important to avoid the extremes. Now many children think that sign of violence toward them involves banning computer for not doing their chores.
Stop defending child ab-se 🤢🤢🤢🤢
Hey Erik, I am intrigued by you accent. Could you tell me where you are from please and if your accent has always been the same?
Many thanks from Ireland.
North Carolina but I've traveled a lot :) And my mom is not from the US
I haven't seen most of this video yet, but I do remember that my mom was told by the school system with my older brother that he was super well behaved. Years later I looked at this and wondered why children screaming at nothing was worth any sort of anything,
As a school teacher of 32 years teaching in grades K-12, it was my experience that the worst behaved children were the ones whose parents physically punished them for wrong doing. My way of dealing with them was to rell them they should behave themselves in my class because, no matter what they did or the mistakes they would make J would never hit them. It usually worked.
As a child in school in foeriegn countries where the teacher could physically punish a child, J noticed that the same kids got hit every day, and being struck snd shamed never made one bit of permanent change in the child. I concluded, as a child, that corporal punishment had no effect on the punished child, only frightened the other children.
The definition of abuse is to do the same thing over snd over without good effect. Think about it. Abusers of children usually only create the next generation of abusers. Find another way, if you love your children as much as you tell yourself you do.
I cried after I had to spank a 4 year old for running onto the road. She came and comforted me. She never ever ran onto the road again. Everything is relevant.
If you ever have another kid, you might want to try the "Stop Go" game. That is when you are out on a walk with your kid and you say "Go" to indicate it's okay for the kid to run ahead, and "Stop" when they are about to run into the road. Do that repeatedly, and you won't have to spank the kid for running out into the road - very young kids respond well to that kind of call-and-respond game. And when they are old enough to understand, tell them they shouldn't run into the road because it's dangerous and cars can hit them and really hurt them. That way, they know why they shouldn't run into the road when they are old enough to know why.
That was the way I was raised. My family is not Amish. . .but Native Americans (Cherokee/Shawnee).
My son went to school with Amish kids (it was a Yankee school) and they were some of the most I'll behaved kids I have ever seen.
Children can be taught manners without spanking. Spanking might be one way of teaching good behavior but it's not the only way.
Discipline does not have to be physical.
LIBERTY ANN. We're not talking about TEACHING MANNERS here.
what is your method, and how did your children turn out?
It depends upon the child to some degree. Some children require very little discipline (spanking) while other more. I received maybe a dozen spanking between the ages of 5 to 11 and it was always done when all else failed. I am now 78 years old and as far as I can tell it did me much more good than any harm.
Well said and well put. Many mature well adjusted normal adults were never spanked. And yes, many adults in that same category were spanked. I was spanked at least once as a child. Of course I was angered at the time & resented it. But since I was raised in a loving stable home I got over it as I grew up & matured. As you pointed out, there are many forms of discipline besides corporal punishment.
@@catherinehazur7336 You really think you're going to get an honest answer?
Her kids are perfect, and she's their best friend! Now guess how her kids turned out
Sometimes it has to be though.
There are many many ways to discipline without hitting. Love and Logic is a great way. People spanked because they didn’t know another way to get a child’s attention. This is out of line and I hope all will learn new respectful, methods which create change not based on fear
I come out of a family where spanking a child for misbehaviour was normal. We were not spanked so that the blood would flow, but just enough to make one see that is was wrong what you did and you will not do it again. Afterwards our parents, grandparents would tell us why we were spanked and all was good. I also spanked my children when they were small but never in anger and afterwards I told them I still love them despite them doing something dangerous or wrong. My eldest daughter ( a kindergartenteacher now) even thanked me for being strict but still loving, as she now sees in her occupation as kindergarten teacher, what a child can be like that has no discipline and love in their house. Children today are taught you may not be spanked or hit, kill somebody else but when they are grown and perhaps join the army they are taught how to kill/murder someone and even get paid for it. Isn't that a bit contradicting in itself. Or lying, as a child one is being taught not to lie, but the politians have it as requirement when becoming one. How contradictive is that?? I would call it a upside down world.
good luck with your child if that's the way you think. You will be struggling for sure. You probably think taking your child's iPad is a form of discipline which is beyond a joke
@@acs1993 I know adults that were never spanked who turned out well. Same thing for adults who were occasionally spanked. The worst adults I met were physically abused a lot. Not everyone who is physically abused turns out like this but a higher percentage are criminals.
@@Catlily5 spanking out of love is WAY DIFFERENT than physically abusing.
I know. I've experienced both
@@endtimesareuponus8930 I agree that some spanking can be ok.
Id like to know how they treat children with intellectual dissability who have melt downs. I know that when my parents beat me("spanked") when i had a melt down(i was born with brain damaged which impairs a lot of my life, including self control.) it made things far worse.
It’s an easier quicker way to gain compliance. But obedience and and compliance are different things.
The best form of discipline that worked for us was "timing out" our son's favorite toy. He knew that if he exhibited problematic behaviors, the toy went in time out for a certain length of time (up to 24 hours -- a week if the infraction was bad enough, but he never reached that level). When he discovered computer games, all we had to do was say, "If you do that again the computer goes in time-out for 24 hours" and he never did the thing again! We also reasoned with him, explained why certain behaviors were unhealthy, what the consequences of the behavior were on him and on the people around him. He grew up VERY well-behaved and is an amazing young man.
One other thing to mention here -- we were not aware that our son had ADHD and was sub-clinically autistic. (He is a brilliant person, has a Master's Degree and both his degrees came with high honors ), we just thought he was a "gifted kid" who was bored and would sometimes cause problems out of that, such as forgetting to do homework or having trouble finding things to do when he was out of computer time each day. He was diagnosed at the age of 26, and looking back I can very much see how being "neurodiverse" (ADHD/autism) were the causes of those behaviors. I feel badly for having disciplined him when the issue was not his "bad behavior" but his neurodiverse brain. Had we known when he was young that he had these brain differences, we could have learned how to help him work within the differences, rather than discipline him for something that was a result of having a differently-wired brain. I fear a lot of kids get punished who are "high-functioning" autistic and/or have ADHD and their parents just don't know that these kids have actual brain differences that cause them to see and react to the world differently.
But you say how smart he is and how successful he has been academically, why do you think treating him differently would have been better? Autistic children need to learn self control and how to function in society too, and how can they learn that without some sort of consequence for undesirable behavior? Just because the root cause is somewhat different doesn’t mean that they should be coddled or not face consequences. And consequences can be good-if you perform well, you are rewarded with good grades, praise, trophy, etc. . If you don’t study, are rude, or don’t practice the consequences are bad grades, people not liking you, or teammates voicing dislike of you. How your son turned out means you did right by him, so why say you did him wrong? And I think if you look into how to raise high functional autistic children, what you did is what is recommended.
@@lisaphares2286 First, I would ask whether you or your child are neurodiverse (autism/ADHD)? It makes a difference, because if you're neurotypical and don't have anyone in your family who is neurodiverse, it makes it harder to understand what I was saying.
I did not at all, anywhere, imply that we would not have given him consequences/discipline if we had known he was neurodiverse. But punishing a child because of their natural brain differences isn't going to help them be more disciplined or learn how to live in the world. Parents of ND kids know you work WITH those differences and help the child find ways to overcome the natural roadblocks that being ND in a neurotypical world can cause. For example, punishing an ND child for procrastinating doesn't help them learn to stop doing it, it just frustrates them and makes them feel like a failure. But if you know they have ADHD/are autistic, then you learn ways to help them deal with the fact that their brains JUST DO THAT, and help them find tools, like the Pomodoro trick to help them get things done. You're NOT "coddling" (I hate that word, it's so ableist), you're EQUIPPING them to handle the NT world they will be entering as ND people.
If you don't know much about neurodiversity, I highly recommend the ADDitude website (www.additudemag.com/) and the RUclips channel How To ADHD. They've been invaluable resources both to him and to me (as I have also recently been diagnosed with ADHD), and have helped us learn that much of our "bad behavior" (procrastination, daydreaming, inability to get things done, etc.) are NOT the result of being lazy or undisciplined, but are the result of having different brains from the neurotypical world.
@@the_real_littlepinkhousefly I did. My second son had ADHD and at first I didn’t know it. When I studied for my ADN, we studied about cognitive development and I realized he had ADHD and all his good friends had it to some degree. So I helped to teach him how to do things (write a story using Halloween vocabulary to write it, took 3 hours but it was his creation, I just asked him questions to guide him stating also you need characters, setting, action, etc.) and wrote his chores on a dry erase board on fridge so he could check them off and check before going out with friends. The consequences for leaving before doing chores was to be brought home to do them and then stay home. He took responsibility bcz of this and only faced consequences 3-5 times. I would ask him to do something and check on him and HE came up with doing it right away so he wouldn’t forget again. My goal was to teach him how to manage his difficulties so he can function and succeed in the “normal “ world bcz really, who outside of family and schools are really going to cut you slack? He decided not to go to college as he didn’t know what he wanted to do and didn’t want debt so he worked at a grocery store chain and within a few years was made manager of a dept. I never accused him of being lazy, he was the exact opposite, he would walk to friends houses even if over 1 mile away routinely(this was late teens by which time he was 5’10” and 200# and broad shouldered and looked older than he was). Now on the other hand, I’ve worked with ADHD diagnosed kids that don’t even think they should try to work and use it as an excuse for not working at all. And to sum it all up, is there really anything you did wrong? If you judge by the outcome, you didn’t so why imply you did? And if you did do differently than you did, the outcome would be different too. Are you unhappy with how your son turned out? Is your relationship with your son ruined bcz of how you raised him? If yes then ok you should have done differently. But if no, quite the opposite, you should be proud of how you handled what you were dealt in life’s challenges. I think you have issues recognizing when you have done well and are perhaps overly critical of yourself. And to end this I have a good relationship with him and he said he had a good childhood, especially compared to some of his friends’.
I am English living Germany now for 15 years. I find most children respectful and well behaved. It seems that Spanking isn't necessary but they stay respectful.
However I do agree with it. As an Englishman I was Spanked and I am A good Citizen.
In England there is so much disrespect from young people, even 10 year old kids will spit in your face.
they should have been Spanked early , but in this case as always the parents don't care.
This is England
Apparently being spanked didn't harm you in any way. Most every boy I knew growing up at some point got a spanking and if it was something serious you had done (disrespect: spit in your face) dad would have you bare bottom.
Yes let's yes violence to keep control of small Childrey ffs your both ridiculous, using fear of violence isn't a good parenting skill its a bad one
@@davidhuff4562 I was in Boarding school in the 70,s and they used the Cane whip. I had it once, I was10 years old then.
@@knapomawson : When you say "cane whip" what are you describing or does that mean simply a boy got a whipping with a cane? I would imagine in the 70s, the cane at school was common punishment, just as the wood paddle was at our school. I think 10 is very young to be spanked with a cane. How bad was that on your young bottom? I got my first school paddling at 14 and at that age, it was a sore bottom, as well as a hurting pride/ego being spanked. What could a boy of 10 have done to deserve a caning? Being a boarding school and age 10 was it bottom flesh or seat of trousers?
This is off topic. Tell me a little bit about those white things on the buggy wheel (left side when viewing from behind the buggy) First time I see of those. I assumed its to help driver to see the wheel during the day and I am sure it helps at night as well.
Yes - that's right. So this is an odd little Swartzentruber Amish solution. To my knowledge it was first tested in the Lodi (Ashland Co) community several years ago. It was seen as acceptable as it wasn't the gaudy orange triangle which Swartzentrubers have an issue with. It has apparently spread from there. I saw it in the Ethridge, TN community a couple of years ago. This footage is from that community. It makes an oscillating motion that is rather attention getting in the evening, with the light reflecting off the PVC pipes.
@@AmishAmerica ty for the details of where it was started. I assumed it was a Swartzentruber thing because there was no orange triangle. Even my dad never heard of it but thought that idea would work getting drivers attention.
Yes and you see some other variations that they have adapted in other communities. In the NC settlement they use a couple of sections of white reflective material - "blocks" you could call them - on the back. They aren't going to adopt the SMV triangle but at least some communities want to address the visibility issue.
@@AmishAmerica you mean those blocks that's use on semi trailers?
In Tennessee the government wanted them to put yellow strobe lights on there buggies. The short pvc pipe with reflective tape on the wheels was the compromise.
I would imagine that teaching the children to help and work around the house and farm from their earliest days has a lot to do with them being especially respectful and cooperative.
That bonding/hands-on experience from a young age certainly is beneficial. Did you have that experience growing up and did it eliminate the need of physical punishment?
Spanking is not abusive, it’s a good way to teach them right from wrong snd to be respectful. I was raised with a spanking when I needed it and my children were raise the same way and I can proudly say all my children are very good respectful and respected adults.
If you did something wrong your husband is allowed to slap you?
@@missxmarvel can you tell the difference between an adult relationship and a parent-child relationship?
@@abb2438 Since when makes hitting others ok? You don’t seem to love your children very much.
Spanking is the lazy and easy parenting method.
@@abb2438 Their is no difference. You don't hit people unless you are unintelligent.
I’m 67. I’m horrified by the appalling way children are treated. No ONE needs to be hit. Discipline means to teach - not to hit. There is no proper way to hit a child. I never hit my children and my grandchildren are hit either. They do know how to be calm, loving, kind and that hitting another being is wrong - unless in self defence of another. My parents hit me, and yet I was a very well behaved child! Go figure! It didn’t teach me respect. I have never, and will never respect anyone who hits me or another. Children don’t have the capacity to think like us. Their brains are different! And nowhere does Jesus hit children. He never chastised any of the children that were fed by him with his loaves and fishes. He never told his disciples to bring those four children over to him for a good spanking! He told his disciples to bring the little children to him, and told us we have to be as little children! He told us to love God with all our heart and then to love one another. Hitting is NOT love. Not in any shape or form. This just sickens me to my stomach and soul!
Thanks for this. Nice to see a sane comment here. It baffles me that people think that if you hit your child calmly that this somehow communicates your love for them. Being spanked as a child taught me to be fearful, anxious, to have trust issues. As an adult, I couldn't fathom deliberately causing pain to a child. It's upsetting that this would be considered assault when done to an adult, but children aren't always offered these same protections. Pretty much every child psychologist is on the same page on this issue -- I wish the rest of society would catch up.
Also, citing the Amish as the correct way to raise children is misinformed. I am part of an ex-mennonite, ex-Amish support group, and every person I've spoken to who has grown up in these communities has some form of complex ptsd from their childhoods. The communities are rife with child abuse.
@@alsofrightened1 I’m sorry…you are right hitting is no way to treat anyone especially a child! They can’t run from the abuse. They can’t stop it. They can’t understand it. And correct me if I’m wrong but I’ve read that the Amish beat their children to the point of them. ‘Giving up’. It’s appalling that hitting a child in America is legal in all 50 States - and the levels of abuse allowed is unbelievable. From no marks to black and blue. With hands, whips, willow branches, paint stirrers!!! Wooden spoons, belts, plastic toy train tracks and even ping pong bats and bats purposely made to inflict the maximum pain with the least amount of bruising etc…I’ve forgotten the name of the material. A bit like Perspex and are usually used by sado masochistic folk and some fundamentalists…
God is probably going to send me to hell. That's MUCH worse than a little spanking.
@@Kelle0284 That's some serious abusive conditioning talk right there. :( Nobody is sending you to hell. You're okay.
I agree with everything you said. My children, my grandchildren, were never hit (spanked), all grew up to be good respectful people.
Michael and Debbi Pearl wrote several books about how to discipline your children based on how the methods used by the Amish. The main one is titled "To Train Up A Child ".
Ew
I've read "To Train Up A Child" It is an evil book, please don't listen to what they say! You want to build a relationship with your child, not train them.
When do the children get shoes? Is I have seen videos of Menonite and Amish children walking around chickens without shoes, are there any problems with hook worms?
I’ve traveled the world with my 3 children and I’ve never hit my children. My children are praised my flight attendants for how good they are. You do not have to HIT your children. Hitting is not teaching. Hitting is pain and fear based. It’s disgusting. It’s shameful and evil.
Amen!!!! How can the other people here don't see that?!
100%
@@chichina4346 because they were raised by being hit that's why
You think you know better than God?
Spanking out of love and hitting are DIFFERENT.
@@mickeymousey1239 Yep. And for all their talk about kids being worse behaved these days, let me tell you about a little incident when my mom was a girl and a gang of boys literally tied her little sister to a tree. She eventually had to fetch her grandma, who used a broom to chase the boys away. Nowadays, the broom would not be a part of the equation, and incidents like those would be rare enough to end up in the news. Back then, this particular type of violence wasn't even worth a mention. And those were also the days when tying cans to the cat's tail was seen as "mischief" rather than animal abuse as it is now. And kid ballerinas performing The Nutcracker these days see Fritz as spoiled for his behavior towards Marie, aka Clara, whereas back when your grandparents were growing up Fritz's behavior would have been seen as more typical sibling rivalry.
I've always wondered this about the Amish so thank u for this video 😊 and I seen a comment about the animals and maybe not in all Amish communities but I've seen alot of horse rescues that rescues the Amish horses that are thrown in the kill pen auction for the meat trade. And alot of the horses are neglected and abused that they rescue and it's very sad 😔
Finally!
It’s the lack of tv and public school and social media I remember trying disrespectful things on adult I’d see in tv
Nothing wrong with spanking a child , this is why with no discipline we have so many kids getting in trouble!
My mother used violence to "correct" us. This just turned us into kids who thought violence was the way you were supposed to handle your affairs. The more I experienced violence, the more I became that way.
oui, on a tendance à reproduire ce que l'on a vécu! faut pas frapper les enfants!
Amish brothers Aaron & Petie Schwartz‼️
I believe spare the rod is referencing the Sheppards rod which was used to guide the sheep, never to hit them. Like the good Sheppard leads us.
Proverbs "23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.23:14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell." I don't disagree that leading is primary, but the Bible clearly references the rod as a tool to strike with.
Spanking is a huge red flag. I have well behaved and incredibly caring children. I would NEVER spank them. It would break my heart.