Same here lol! Whenever I’m in a situation where I’m being criticised by anyone, I get easily offended and replay it all in my head. This then makes me clench my teeth and flap my arms around and it also makes me want to talk about it with someone in order to get it off my chest and feel better.
@@muminabegum7466 “This then makes me clench my teeth and flap my arms around and it also makes me want to talk about it with someone to get it off my chest and feel better.” You are seriously speaking my language because I had to deal with a coworker that didn’t respect my beliefs and not too mention he was a bully that was bigger than me which means I couldn’t stand up to him and it kills me on the inside. Like you, I too suffer from replaying the horrible scenarios in my head of this jerk who tormented me and I lash out like you do. I wish you the strength to help get over frustration/rumination so you can find peace.
Wow, just hearing a therapist acknowledge that this is a thing is so helpful. I thought I was the only one, and I feel like a crazy person. I just want to learn to not take everything personally 😞
But why? If someone is disrespectful just be disrespectful back. I don’t care if your dog died this morning you don’t get to talk to me like that, period. Like huh? I don’t understand this like brushing it of because it’s not about you. I don’t care! You being nasty I’m being nasty back. Do you understand this point of view?
@@paprikaghoul Trust me I struggle with that! I've been trapped in the cycle of being reactive to how others treat me. However it never makes you feel better, only even more angry and bitter. But if you just decide to not let how other people act affect you, you go through life with more peace. For example: if someone speaks to me in a nasty way, my options are 1. Get emotional and nasty, tell them to pound sand, and inevitably fume over it for the day. 2. Don't feed into their emotions, simply say "I don't appreciate the way you're acting" or even better if it's just a nasty person in passing - ignore them! Feel sorry that they have to go through their short life being miserable and go about your day. Or another option is to speak kindly to them - if a store cashier is being dismissive and rude, just say "I hope your day gets better." but genuinely mean it! Really in the end it comes down to how do you want to feel at the end of the day? Will you really feel better if you get into a bitter fight with a jerk? Or will you feel better letting all of that go and being grateful for the good people you got to encounter?
It’s important to let people you are around everyday to let the other person know it’s not ok to be disrespectful. I was thick skinned and ended up not taking things personally but because I did not call out the other person on their crap for so long it escalated as this person thought I was a doormat and too weak to speak up when really I just did not let it bother me until it got worse and down right abusive! Then it became harder to get them to stop being an ass. And they got by with it so long they felt a bigger loss of control and therefore pushed even harder.
Same here! So even if you dont feel offended. Speak up if it is disrespectfull and you are the target. Also, don’t be that kind of a mature/bigger person who never judges anybody cuz you want to except everyone how they are. When people see that you don’t judge them they show you their most ugly side... remember that
I had a friend who turned out not to be a friend I saw the red flags and ignored them, it's always been me helping her through stuff even though I went to hell and back in my 20's with family stuff, she never asked how I was she couldn't give a damn as long as she was ok, turns out she is a narcissist she ticks all the boxes anyway she was really nasty to me one day for no reason so I ended it, so even though I went through a massive ton of crap I never took it out on anyone ever, so now because she might be hurting (which I doubt) I have to have empathy for her, no way! great vids by the way x
"Very little is personal.... We are relational.....(&) only hurt people hurt people" - I'm inscribing this on the inside of my eyelids!!!!!! AMAZING STUFF IN THIS VID. Thanks again, ur really making a difference in my life. Blessings to you, Julia, ur a beautiful soul xxoo
Highly sensitive people KNOW when it is personal in our gut. I just walked away from a 43 year friendship and all of her actions were to assert her superiority over me. She almost destroyed me. Narcissist are real and HSP's are prime targets for other's cruelty. No matter what someone else is going through, there is no excuse for this behavior. You are sorely mistaken if you expect me to keep trying trying to understand self centered ppl that I don't hear from unless they need something from me.
If someone say something nasty about me, I respond: " Yes, I am!...Now what?" . It's funny because the accusatory don't hit the target to shame me am I put my self in this scenario and see that is not the end of the word! I even get solution to this situation. I gain knowledge . But at the end I know this is not true about me. Double gain. :D
Great advice... i used to do that and it made me hate myself... thank God i learned how to not take things personally and dont let it effect me... and as u said now i see if theres any truth to any critisism i get i try to work on it but if it had no truth i just throw it behind me and keep moving forward... thanks again for your great videos you are really talented n helpful... keep it up 💜🌹
Take a stand no matter what if you DNT you will fall for anything. tlThis philosophy of "not taking it personal" does not work just because you DNT take it personal will not stop a person for indirectly or directly attacking you. For example, if someone is shooting but is not shooting at you but in the process you get hit because you stood there and thought" they're not shooting at me" does not stop you from getting hit. My point is ppl who are hostel, narcissistic & always controversial needs someone to take a stand if not you will get hit every time. Run from these type of ppl they are miserable, bored, and not content with ones on spirit DNT converse with them
Something I have just learned over the past 5 years is this scenario: I set a reasonable boundary. The manipulative person will attempt to use manipulation to say that boundary is unreasonable. If I can avoid taking these reactions personally then they lose quite a bit of power in the process. When I take it personally I usually wind up looking and feeling like I am unreasonable. It used to drive me so insanely crazy until I understood what was happening....what you list in this video are some good techniques to use.....
It’s true hurting people hurt people and a lot of these people are insecure . I agree that although lashing out isn’t right or unacceptable it’s oftentimes not personal and it has nothing to do with us it’s about them and what they are going through
I’ve held onto so much for so many years. It’s just built up. Sometimes I just can’t help feeling like everyone is against me. Other times I have a more balanced mood and I don’t overthink it. Brush it off my shoulder as they say.
Hello Julia, I am glad that you included that even though what someone says may be hurtful and mostly not true it is a good idea to reflect on ourselves to see if there is any validity to what they said. Also it is important to exercise forgiveness and understanding and to try and heal the relationship as best as possible by being very kind and loving in return from a position of strength and maturity.
Your videos are like magic. I, just yesterday heard, "hurt people, hurt people" And then you say this... I need your help so much! I'm on a journey and already feel 100lbs lighter!
Thank you so much. This was so helpful to me. Before listening to this I was so worried bc I realised someone who once assisted me out of good will expects me to help the whole world in return including him. We are struggling to stand but he only claims to understand our struggles despite our efforts to help so I realised I have been saying and doing a lot to impress the person. Sometimes he makes me feel guilty as if I'm not kind enough. So this morning I resorted to being all that I can for my self, I wrote it down in the form of a slogan .I also decided to still do what I planned to do for others with much love and zero pressure from him. I have evaluated myself I know I'm a good person that wants good for others but can not solve the world's problems just those that God will enable me to and more especially do so when I have the means Everything about your video was helpful to me .
The last one I actually do quite often, but sometimes, it's the reason why I get offended. I have a tendency to internalize what someone is saying to me or "mind read" so-to-speak. The first 2 things I could work on.
Your voice is soothing to me ... I’ve been anxious fore a few days now and fighting panic attics ... so glad I found this video and you ... trying to improve my POV is what brought me here .... Listening 🤔
The timing of this video. I sure as heck take things personally. Especially since my brother passed away a few months ago. I’ve spent my entire life taking things personally. I have been beating myself up because I get told not to most of the time. I go way into a spiral and create scenarios. I just cried In the bath tub for 30 minutes for my brother and wondering “who am I?” This video will be of great help. Thanks. 🤗
I have recently realized I am a HSP. I find that I take so much personally. It doesn’t have to be so in my face. It can be a look or something that is innocent and I read too much into it. How do I stop ding this?
Any updates or improvements? I’m dealing with the same issues the past decade (I’m 24) I used to be so free spirited and then in my teens everything started to feel like an attack to my ego and I don’t want to live that way anymore!
I think that's the most impossible thing to ......Do........ Is to say don't take things so personally as human beings all we do is self dedicate ourselves and when someone gives an opinion about you your performance or how you look or anyting it's really impossible,,, not to take that personal because it's how you are received to someone how you are projected to somebody and if it's coming off in a negative way it's hard not to take it personal. Cause me personally I know I have learn to.let it go cause 9 times out of 10 people look for your weakness so they think to try to hurt u or rip u apart but great video👂tho I enjoyed it
I've had bosses that do this when I know I'm doing a good job. I also know I'm not the only one whose experienced her over bossy statements that dont make us feel appreciated. I'm learning to ignore and just do what's expected of me but one time I did let her know something she said seemed hurtful since she knows I put 100 percent into the area of the job she was referring too and she apologized. Sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own thoughts and feelings they have no idea how they are speaking to us. Or is them if I'm honest.
Mindful introspection is rather wise sometimes… but be aware if it is always the same person, then I would address it frankly and talk about it; this person should explain why she or he takes stuff out on you ( too often?)
Thank you, I think I'm still trying to adjust going from a toxic environment to a healthy one. I can feel the difference in environments. I did do good in that I respectfully asserted myself and listened. However, these were amazing tips and I will apply them to my life, that even unhealthy criticism can have something useful, knowing my truth better and realizing most encounters aren't meant to be personal. I had a situation today and I really think that it was also a trigger, because I was in an environment where I was being criticized daily and in the same area. So maybe had I applied these tips today, I wld have been more successful. Ty again
Over the years I have known a couple of different individuals who were so predictable in that I could be absolutely certain that they would intentionally try their very best to say something to deliberately hurt me ( usually by undermining me ) during conversations and social gathering situations. Often these attacks were disguised as 'humour' when the intent was actually very spiteful and nasty.
Not taking things personally is a rough thing. But it acually can be turned into a humorous thing ..and turned around to the accuser!! I have fun with this all the time, and walk away making them squirm lol
I put a lot of my pride and self worth in my grades and 'perceived' intelligence. I know grades aren't everything. I have GAD. It was my first time working part time in a cafe and because im so anxious all the time and spill and screw up a lot and also was quite spoiled (very very rarely did housework......) I was quite entitled too. I was called stupid, slow incompetent and so many nasty things. Took quite a huge toll on my self esteem and I wanted to quit so many times. I persevered with my bffs, doctors and family's help and after about 3 months was fired 6 days before my contract was due (my fault! XD) I'm back in school. I'm so glad I don't have to see them again. Going there and working there was incredibly toxic for me. The boss said he respects us and shits but the things he says contradicts with the things he does. God I hate that place. It was a good experience though l.
I didn't even watch the video yet, but bet this video is every good, if not better than your previous clips. I look forward on watching this clip in the very near future. Keep the encouraging videos coming. Please and thank you. God Bless.
My mother-in-law has been hurting me for thirty years. She has refused to be in the same room with me, because I have a higher education than her. I could give lots and lots of examples of her behaviour that had been directed to me. I know now, that she she has a very low self worth and often doesn’t think before she speaks. But is that an excuse I should just accept and feel sorry for her? She often blames me for saying what I feel and think. She can’t handle it. Apart from that she changes her mind to please others. As a result of this I have distanced myself from her. I don’t think I’ll ever respect her or like this person that gave birth to my husband.
Jane Rudolf it’s her problem, she’s trying to put her pain onto you, it’s not yours, just keep being the good person you are, you can’t change others, don’t waste your time trying. 🌸
Sinatra ArTanis I know, that that is what she is doing and I will no longer stand for it. I try to be a good person, even though it is sometimes difficult. But most of all I am learning how to be good and true to myself. That isn’t easy either, but I think it is a very important lesson to learn.
Be true to yourself and make sure you speak out when it's necessary. I observed that inlaws fear women who are firm and take advantage of those that are good. Teach people how to treat you including your mother inlaw. I once spoke my mind to my mother inlaw and she was sorry for her actions after a long struggle trying to swallow things.
Hi Julia, Did it again!...How did you know? 😊...I'm totally guilty of this, it certainly does get exhausting....In my case restful sleep makes a huge difference. If I don't get enough sleep, the spiraling thoughts are more intense. Thanks Julia!
@@lindamcd1217 Thanks Linda!..💕🤗💕. I also havespiraling thoughts in the morning, anything from what I need to do for the day to future projects and plans.
You went to cape cod! I've spent every summer of my life on cape cod headed down this weekend! Hope you enjoyed it-->Walking on the flats is one of my all time favorite past times ever.
Thanks for the wonderful videos. You are such a lovely free spirit . I have learned never take heed from being critized from someone you would never ask for advice.
Act like you don’t get it. Be like “Huh?” Don’t give an emotional reaction just act like it totally went over your head. They can explain and call themselves out for being an a** or they can move on. It’s so fun once you start depriving the narc of your emotional reactions. 😂
Well ok I have alottt of issues within the past and this is helping me get better with communication skills...I lost a friend of mine that pay me money for doing his chores and stuff he was a good guy but we didn't quite get along man so I'm worried about him and I helped him out sm and he did the same thing to me and I also lost more friendship to begin with but my heart is racing somewhat cause I'm not coping with certain things and I ate food near midnight cause I'm kinda stressful but ty for telling these things to me it's really good I just subbed to your channel big thanks !!!
This was really clear and helpful. thank you so much :) I've recognized what was mentioned at the beginning about the "mind telling" and this type of obsessive assumptions about others, and could relate to that (personally). definitely gonna try and practise.
Thank you for this video. Highly appreciate your efforts in making this video. This has been a concern to me for late.As you mentioned, people try to boost themselves by putting others down and a reason behind could be that they may have gone through a tough day! Are you suggesting it is fair for people to do that without consideration of the other person( he may also have bad day but they consider their sensitivities and let go of whatever shit the other person is putting him through). And despite trying the other points as well, the other person just take him for granted. I mean there is tipping point to everything and when the other person doesn't even engage in communication about it(as their ego is priority).What should be done then? Continue your great work, More strength to you !
My late grandfather was completely inscrutable, the facial expression almost never changed and when it did it was very subtle - you had to know him well to read it. Anyone could say anything to him and he just remained inscrutable -- no reaction. But if you laid a hand on him, cheated him or picked on his wife/son, well .... but the facial expression stayed the same.
Julia you have nailed almost every aspect of my life. A keen listener of your channel & each of your vlogs has been so helpful. Wish has came across you years ago but is never too late. Heaps of thanks. ❤
Even if a person shares their opinion about me and even if there's truth in it, it doesn't mean I'm going to agree or do anything about it. I doubt if the roles were reversed that they would change if I said anything. Honestly, people's opinions are just that -- opinions.
Thankyou ma'am I am from India, I am a bipolar mental health issues, a from last decade I used to take personally and easily get offended by silly provocation by my siblings , despite I know myself that I far intelligent a wise , that's probably because I am socially isolated and lonely.
I know they aren't intentionally ignoring me. I know I haven't talked to "friends" in a while and I'm impatient for some attention, I know all this yet I'm still hurt and I have to excuse myself before I start crying in front of them. I think it's also my hormones...God I hate hormones. Even though I shouldn't take rejection personally it still hurts because subconsciously I want to be heard. To matter to someone. I know they love me, but it's not in my place to speak, I'm just a child... time does help make the ugly feelings subside. I just...need to distract myself. And keep reminding myself it's not about me. Patience is a discipline.
What about character assasination. Where someone lied about you to other coworkers and those coworkers retaliate by being rude or ignoring you on purpose. How do you deal with that? They do it intentionally.
Know that it's still not personal. Anyone that blows your candle out to make theirs look brighter is about them. And those that accept what is said about you without actually asking you, are cowards, which is still not about you.
Said another way, personal means a condition that I have placed on my self-worth, self-respect, self-love, etc. such that the other person's words, actions, behavior have put my self-imposed condition(s) in jeopardy. Since we cannot be anathema to ourselves, at least for very long, we treat that person as the enemy. And why wouldn't we, they are getting between me and my self-respect. The core of the problem is that we created that condition and the other just got in the way. Hence, being triggered personally is a fortuitous event because they have helped identify the condition in which we give our soul away. Remove the conditional self-worth, self-respect, etc. and the personal goes away because we have taken out its under pining. Just like when we remove a demand, the resultant anger for that demand not getting met disappears, because the anger has no purpose anymore. Same principle. How to remove the condition is the obvious next step. Pattern interrupt. Recognition of outside validation followed by inside validation that true self-worth, self-respect, etc. can ONLY come from one's self because it is not conferred. It is recognized and affirmed, and therefore no longer conditional, nor can anyone take it away. When one is mindful then this practice is available whenever it is needed.
Makes perfect sense. But what about when you know they are doing it with the intention to hurt and tear you down. Also I find it interesting what they say because often times they are actually talking about themselves.
I know I am sensitive and this is one of my problems but it's hard to not take things so personal if you are family members with someone who always tells you about yourself
A woman I know socially made a comment about my weight, (we were talking about BMI) and she said I was overweight. I let it go then. Then a couple of weeks later it came up again, and she said I was fat, so I pulled her up about it, (I had in fact LOST weight) which I mentioned. She said "Yes, I've noticed" well, why tell me I'm fat then?
Lets actually say for as an actual observational but yet relatable example to whereas if you in a situation like many others have while many others haven't, well you'd still want to relate and open up to those certain general specific individuals and or human beings...But as another example if you were visiting somebody or someone like myself with Autism and ADHD Hyper Disorder mild but not severe and you were visiting your biological mother's workplace of employment for a celebration party or birthday party of some sort if not a retirement and you saw some of your biological mom's colleagues in nursing uniforms get pictures with her and others except yourself whom they've only just met for the first time which is an excuse due to the fact you're biologically related to one of their female colleagues as an autistic son like myself if not daughter, well then you may have more of a good rather than okay reason to want to open up and express yourself the next time you may see them some weeks or months after about how their actions made you feel the last time while only certain people will want to get a picture with you...I'm a little more used to it now than before but still doesn't like the feeling of turn downs, Rejections, and or even dissaprrovals, I have my reasons but doesn't feel needs to be fully explained due to character limits in typing so favouritism can sometimes be a bad things too...Recently I've actually just started writing for expression through lined pieces of paper for the very first time during the 2020s as of 2023 and generally tend to think of myself as expressive openly.!!!!! People are just Rude while that's plain and simple, others have been really very nice and welcoming towards me before and also too recently included.!!!!
I want to use this example to learn from it. Right before I saw this video on RUclips one of my videos receive a comment: "You sound so depressing to watch what a terrible video". I am a highly sensitive person and haven't been thick-skinned most of my life so putting myself out here by starting a RUclips channel is rather risky for me. But I am maturing and growing a lot and committed to that because it's really the only thing that I can do. I think that why I am not taking it as personal as I once would is that inside I am disagreeing that my video was terrible. Of course I can do better in future videos. Can you do a video on how to respond or not respond to comments on RUclips? I responded to this person: I am sorry you did not find this helpful. That is just my personality. I am not depressed. Are my follow up comments good / bad ? I have been doing RUclips for almost 2 years and this is the only second what I would call negative comment that I have received so I feel I have been somewhat sheltered. I know people make a lot of mean and hurtful comments on the internet. I want to grow from this. Thank you.
if they dont know u personally dont take it personally
Ahmad Tharwat TRUTH lol I likey!!!!
Hatred don't we human do not designed that way .......thanks
World are not mend for you ok thanks
Ahmad Tharwat not that easy you compare yourself and imagine yourself being that person and you get scared
well said sir
"only hurt people hurt people" thank you for this. I'll be saying it to myself a lot in between deep breaths! lol!!
Yeah feels good to know there are people worst off than us
Pro trick: watch series at flixzone. I've been using them for watching a lot of movies recently.
@Cannon Gavin yup, I have been using flixzone} for since december myself :D
Same here lol!
Whenever I’m in a situation where I’m being criticised by anyone, I get easily offended and replay it all in my head.
This then makes me clench my teeth and flap my arms around and it also makes me want to talk about it with someone in order to get it off my chest and feel better.
@@muminabegum7466 “This then makes me clench my teeth and flap my arms around and it also makes me want to talk about it with someone to get it off my chest and feel better.” You are seriously speaking my language because I had to deal with a coworker that didn’t respect my beliefs and not too mention he was a bully that was bigger than me which means I couldn’t stand up to him and it kills me on the inside. Like you, I too suffer from replaying the horrible scenarios in my head of this jerk who tormented me and I lash out like you do. I wish you the strength to help get over frustration/rumination so you can find peace.
That was 1000 times more helpful than just being told, "Don't be so sensitive." Thank you!
Wow, just hearing a therapist acknowledge that this is a thing is so helpful. I thought I was the only one, and I feel like a crazy person. I just want to learn to not take everything personally 😞
Same x
I relate very much. just to get that it's not only me, but truly a wide experience wich many have is opening.
But why? If someone is disrespectful just be disrespectful back. I don’t care if your dog died this morning you don’t get to talk to me like that, period. Like huh? I don’t understand this like brushing it of because it’s not about you. I don’t care! You being nasty I’m being nasty back. Do you understand this point of view?
@@paprikaghoul Trust me I struggle with that! I've been trapped in the cycle of being reactive to how others treat me. However it never makes you feel better, only even more angry and bitter. But if you just decide to not let how other people act affect you, you go through life with more peace.
For example: if someone speaks to me in a nasty way, my options are
1. Get emotional and nasty, tell them to pound sand, and inevitably fume over it for the day.
2. Don't feed into their emotions, simply say "I don't appreciate the way you're acting" or even better if it's just a nasty person in passing - ignore them! Feel sorry that they have to go through their short life being miserable and go about your day. Or another option is to speak kindly to them - if a store cashier is being dismissive and rude, just say "I hope your day gets better." but genuinely mean it!
Really in the end it comes down to how do you want to feel at the end of the day? Will you really feel better if you get into a bitter fight with a jerk? Or will you feel better letting all of that go and being grateful for the good people you got to encounter?
@@sabrinaa4872 That’s true
It’s important to let people you are around everyday to let the other person know it’s not ok to be disrespectful. I was thick skinned and ended up not taking things personally but because I did not call out the other person on their crap for so long it escalated as this person thought I was a doormat and too weak to speak up when really I just did not let it bother me until it got worse and down right abusive! Then it became harder to get them to stop being an ass. And they got by with it so long they felt a bigger loss of control and therefore pushed even harder.
Hey the same thing happened to me...so I totally agree with you.
My goodness, I can Imagine. It's necessary to stand up for yourself sometimes even if it means loosing the people and gaining back your self
@@nurseyourlife101 speak softly but carry abig stick!
Same here! So even if you dont feel offended. Speak up if it is disrespectfull and you are the target. Also, don’t be that kind of a mature/bigger person who never judges anybody cuz you want to except everyone how they are. When people see that you don’t judge them they show you their most ugly side... remember that
I had a friend who turned out not to be a friend I saw the red flags and ignored them, it's always been me helping her through stuff even though I went to hell and back in my 20's with family stuff, she never asked how I was she couldn't give a damn as long as she was ok, turns out she is a narcissist she ticks all the boxes anyway she was really nasty to me one day for no reason so I ended it, so even though I went through a massive ton of crap I never took it out on anyone ever, so now because she might be hurting (which I doubt) I have to have empathy for her, no way! great vids by the way x
yeah to hell with her
"Very little is personal.... We are relational.....(&) only hurt people hurt people" - I'm inscribing this on the inside of my eyelids!!!!!! AMAZING STUFF IN THIS VID. Thanks again, ur really making a difference in my life. Blessings to you, Julia, ur a beautiful soul xxoo
Highly sensitive people KNOW when it is personal in our gut. I just walked away from a 43 year friendship and all of her actions were to assert her superiority over me. She almost destroyed me. Narcissist are real and HSP's are prime targets for other's cruelty. No matter what someone else is going through, there is no excuse for this behavior. You are sorely mistaken if you expect me to keep trying trying to understand self centered ppl that I don't hear from unless they need something from me.
Thanks for preserving your peace this way
I am surprised that it took 43 years to recognise that fake friendship.
Ahhh!! Key, Key, Key!! My mantra in these moments is "Ang, it's not about you baby girl." Let it go. :)
Sometimes it is, it could be everything about you why someone indirectly or directly comes for you.
If someone say something nasty about me, I respond: " Yes, I am!...Now what?" . It's funny because the accusatory don't hit the target to shame me am I put my self in this scenario and see that is not the end of the word! I even get solution to this situation. I gain knowledge . But at the end I know this is not true about me. Double gain. :D
Awesome!!! Tysm for sharing this
Brilliant response xx
Great advice... i used to do that and it made me hate myself... thank God i learned how to not take things personally and dont let it effect me... and as u said now i see if theres any truth to any critisism i get i try to work on it but if it had no truth i just throw it behind me and keep moving forward... thanks again for your great videos you are really talented n helpful... keep it up 💜🌹
Take a stand no matter what if you DNT you will fall for anything. tlThis philosophy of "not taking it personal" does not work just because you DNT take it personal will not stop a person for indirectly or directly attacking you. For example, if someone is shooting but is not shooting at you but in the process you get hit because you stood there and thought" they're not shooting at me" does not stop you from getting hit. My point is ppl who are hostel, narcissistic & always controversial needs someone to take a stand if not you will get hit every time. Run from these type of ppl they are miserable, bored, and not content with ones on spirit DNT converse with them
great advice, “hurt people hurt people” is so true! & many times they don’t even realize they’re hurting you
Something I have just learned over the past 5 years is this scenario: I set a reasonable boundary. The manipulative person will attempt to use manipulation to say that boundary is unreasonable. If I can avoid taking these reactions personally then they lose quite a bit of power in the process. When I take it personally I usually wind up looking and feeling like I am unreasonable. It used to drive me so insanely crazy until I understood what was happening....what you list in this video are some good techniques to use.....
It’s true hurting people hurt people and a lot of these people are insecure . I agree that although lashing out isn’t right or unacceptable it’s oftentimes not personal and it has nothing to do with us it’s about them and what they are going through
I’ve held onto so much for so many years. It’s just built up. Sometimes I just can’t help feeling like everyone is against me. Other times I have a more balanced mood and I don’t overthink it. Brush it off my shoulder as they say.
Hello Julia, I am glad that you included that even though what someone says may be hurtful and mostly not true it is a good idea to reflect on ourselves to see if there is any validity to what they said. Also it is important to exercise forgiveness and understanding and to try and heal the relationship as best as possible by being very kind and loving in return from a position of strength and maturity.
Much to self review. Its hurt people who hurt people. Stopped in my tracks!
Thank you 🌻
Literally have been watching your videos all day❤️ Heaven sent🙏🏾 Thank you
Your videos are like magic. I, just yesterday heard, "hurt people, hurt people" And then you say this... I need your help so much! I'm on a journey and already feel 100lbs lighter!
Thank you for this video! Was feeling offended to the point I had a couple tears and you really open my eyes. Thank you so much
Thank you so much. This was so helpful to me. Before listening to this I was so worried bc I realised someone who once assisted me out of good will expects me to help the whole world in return including him. We are struggling to stand but he only claims to understand our struggles despite our efforts to help so I realised I have been saying and doing a lot to impress the person. Sometimes he makes me feel guilty as if I'm not kind enough. So this morning I resorted to being all that I can for my self, I wrote it down in the form of a slogan .I also decided to still do what I planned to do for others with much love and zero pressure from him. I have evaluated myself I know I'm a good person that wants good for others but can not solve the world's problems just those that God will enable me to and more especially do so when I have the means
Everything about your video was helpful to me .
There are people out there that like to push someones buttons just to get them upset. These people are jerks.
This really helped out thank you I’m still trying to adjust to some of the unhappy / insecure in my new work environment 🙏
Same here!! 👍
Me to!
The last one I actually do quite often, but sometimes, it's the reason why I get offended. I have a tendency to internalize what someone is saying to me or "mind read" so-to-speak. The first 2 things I could work on.
Thank you for this video, Julia. I am someone who takes things personally and tend to allow words to cut me deep.
Your voice is soothing to me ... I’ve been anxious fore a few days now and fighting panic attics ... so glad I found this video and you ... trying to improve my POV is what brought me here ....
Listening 🤔
I like listening to you, you're sincere. Hoping to learn from you through your videos.
The timing of this video. I sure as heck take things personally. Especially since my brother passed away a few months ago. I’ve spent my entire life taking things personally. I have been beating myself up because I get told not to most of the time. I go way into a spiral and create scenarios. I just cried In the bath tub for 30 minutes for my brother and wondering “who am I?” This video will be of great help. Thanks. 🤗
I am LOVING your videos... thanks a lot... they are very helpfull ... peace & harmony 😘❤
Thank you so much, Tahirih! :-)
Wow! You read my mind... This is something I've really struggled with recently and these tips were very helpful
So grateful you found it useful Datura! Thanks for taking the time to say so.
Datura Inoxia Amen, me too. Super helpful got it on replay!!!
She does seem to read my mind too!
It's the ego that takes thing personal it's the ego that attacks, all of this triggers trauma especially if underlying within our subconscious. 😊
I have recently realized I am a HSP. I find that I take so much personally. It doesn’t have to be so in my face. It can be a look or something that is innocent and I read too much into it. How do I stop ding this?
Exactly! How do we stop!? Have you found anything that helped you? I hope you found some peace.
Any updates or improvements? I’m dealing with the same issues the past decade (I’m 24) I used to be so free spirited and then in my teens everything started to feel like an attack to my ego and I don’t want to live that way anymore!
I think that's the most impossible thing to ......Do........ Is to say don't take things so personally as human beings all we do is self dedicate ourselves and when someone gives an opinion about you your performance or how you look or anyting it's really impossible,,, not to take that personal because it's how you are received to someone how you are projected to somebody and if it's coming off in a negative way it's hard not to take it personal. Cause me personally I know I have learn to.let it go cause 9 times out of 10 people look for your weakness so they think to try to hurt u or rip u apart but great video👂tho I enjoyed it
I've had bosses that do this when I know I'm doing a good job. I also know I'm not the only one whose experienced her over bossy statements that dont make us feel appreciated. I'm learning to ignore and just do what's expected of me but one time I did let her know something she said seemed hurtful since she knows I put 100 percent into the area of the job she was referring too and she apologized. Sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own thoughts and feelings they have no idea how they are speaking to us. Or is them if I'm honest.
Us not is.
ikr
I admit it!! Most of the time I take many things personally which make the situation worse.
Me too. But I am going to stop.
Mindful introspection is rather wise sometimes… but be aware if it is always the same person, then I would address it frankly and talk about it; this person should explain why she or he takes stuff out on you ( too often?)
Thank you, I think I'm still trying to adjust going from a toxic environment to a healthy one. I can feel the difference in environments. I did do good in that I respectfully asserted myself and listened. However, these were amazing tips and I will apply them to my life, that even unhealthy criticism can have something useful, knowing my truth better and realizing most encounters aren't meant to be personal. I had a situation today and I really think that it was also a trigger, because I was in an environment where I was being criticized daily and in the same area. So maybe had I applied these tips today, I wld have been more successful. Ty again
You explain very clearly; your videos are very helpful. Thank you
Over the years I have known a couple of different individuals who were so predictable in that I could be absolutely certain that they would intentionally try their very best to say something to deliberately hurt me ( usually by undermining me ) during conversations and social gathering situations. Often these attacks were disguised as 'humour' when the intent was actually very spiteful and nasty.
INTJs do it naturally. I love that I have this natural characteristic. I don’t hurt AND bounce back like a tractor.
Not taking things personally is a rough thing. But it acually can be turned into a humorous thing ..and turned around to the accuser!! I have fun with this all the time, and walk away making them squirm lol
Can you please write a book with all your great advice from your videos!?! Thank you!!😊
Perfect timing Julia! Another gold nugget from you. Thank you for the work you do.
Your videos are really helpful. Thank you so much ❤
I am happy that you find it helpful. Thank you for watching! :-)
I put a lot of my pride and self worth in my grades and 'perceived' intelligence. I know grades aren't everything. I have GAD. It was my first time working part time in a cafe and because im so anxious all the time and spill and screw up a lot and also was quite spoiled (very very rarely did housework......) I was quite entitled too. I was called stupid, slow incompetent and so many nasty things.
Took quite a huge toll on my self esteem and I wanted to quit so many times. I persevered with my bffs, doctors and family's help and after about 3 months was fired 6 days before my contract was due (my fault! XD) I'm back in school.
I'm so glad I don't have to see them again. Going there and working there was incredibly toxic for me. The boss said he respects us and shits but the things he says contradicts with the things he does. God I hate that place. It was a good experience though l.
Good you went for something better I can understand such memories
I didn't even watch the video yet, but bet this video is every good, if not better than your previous clips. I look forward on watching this clip in the very near future. Keep the encouraging videos coming. Please and thank you. God Bless.
Thanks so much Jeffrey!
Jeffrey Keith Horne II AMEN!!
My mother-in-law has been hurting me for thirty years. She has refused to be in the same room with me, because I have a higher education than her. I could give lots and lots of examples of her behaviour that had been directed to me. I know now, that she she has a very low self worth and often doesn’t think before she speaks. But is that an excuse I should just accept and feel sorry for her? She often blames me for saying what I feel and think. She can’t handle it. Apart from that she changes her mind to please others. As a result of this I have distanced myself from her. I don’t think I’ll ever respect her or like this person that gave birth to my husband.
Jane Rudolf it’s her problem, she’s trying to put her pain onto you, it’s not yours, just keep being the good person you are, you can’t change others, don’t waste your time trying. 🌸
Sinatra ArTanis I know, that that is what she is doing and I will no longer stand for it. I try to be a good person, even though it is sometimes difficult. But most of all I am learning how to be good and true to myself. That isn’t easy either, but I think it is a very important lesson to learn.
I feel for you! Avoid her as much as possible, also ignoring is excellent!
Be true to yourself and make sure you speak out when it's necessary. I observed that inlaws fear women who are firm and take advantage of those that are good. Teach people how to treat you including your mother inlaw. I once spoke my mind to my mother inlaw and she was sorry for her actions after a long struggle trying to swallow things.
Hi Julia,
Did it again!...How did you know? 😊...I'm totally guilty of this, it certainly does get exhausting....In my case restful sleep makes a huge difference. If I don't get enough sleep, the spiraling thoughts are more intense. Thanks Julia!
Obviously, we are not a small group! ❤️ But we will improve!
@@lindamcd1217 Thanks Linda!..💕🤗💕.
I also havespiraling thoughts in the morning, anything from what I need to do for the day to future projects and plans.
deep wisdom in this video Julia. healing the planet one video at the time. Thank you
You went to cape cod! I've spent every summer of my life on cape cod headed down this weekend! Hope you enjoyed it-->Walking on the flats is one of my all time favorite past times ever.
It was really lovely! I thoroughly enjoyed it.
You are such a gift! Please do a video on how not to compare yourself to others and start feeling bad about yourself
Thanks for the wonderful videos. You are such a lovely free spirit . I have learned never take heed from being critized from someone you would never ask for advice.
I truly love your channel. You are the best ever.💯😊
You are so kind! Thanks so much for your super kind words.
This was so so helpful and helped me feel so much more hopeful and optimistic about myself. Thankyou honestly
Many Thanks 😊 to you JULIA for you and your work. You are the best of the best!
I think we should be honnest in our deeds and speech towards others to be at peace when they backfire us. One action always leads to another.
How do you deal with sarcastic comments?
Act like you don’t get it. Be like “Huh?” Don’t give an emotional reaction just act like it totally went over your head. They can explain and call themselves out for being an a** or they can move on.
It’s so fun once you start depriving the narc of your emotional reactions. 😂
@Cad Pro lmao
Thank you!!🙏🏻❤️
Well ok I have alottt of issues within the past and this is helping me get better with communication skills...I lost a friend of mine that pay me money for doing his chores and stuff he was a good guy but we didn't quite get along man so I'm worried about him and I helped him out sm and he did the same thing to me and I also lost more friendship to begin with but my heart is racing somewhat cause I'm not coping with certain things and I ate food near midnight cause I'm kinda stressful but ty for telling these things to me it's really good I just subbed to your channel big thanks !!!
I truly appreciate that you didn't say who you were and then 'subscribe below'... I subscribed :)
This was really clear and helpful. thank you so much :) I've recognized what was mentioned at the beginning about the "mind telling" and this type of obsessive assumptions about others, and could relate to that (personally). definitely gonna try and practise.
Thank you for this video. Highly appreciate your efforts in making this video. This has been a concern to me for late.As you mentioned, people try to boost themselves by putting others down and a reason behind could be that they may have gone through a tough day! Are you suggesting it is fair for people to do that without consideration of the other person( he may also have bad day but they consider their sensitivities and let go of whatever shit the other person is putting him through). And despite trying the other points as well, the other person just take him for granted. I mean there is tipping point to everything and when the other person doesn't even engage in communication about it(as their ego is priority).What should be done then? Continue your great work, More strength to you !
I should of known that this was my first should after the last video Thank-you for all you do
Thank your for this. Just thinking I need this.
My late grandfather was completely inscrutable, the facial expression almost never changed and when it did it was very subtle - you had to know him well to read it. Anyone could say anything to him and he just remained inscrutable -- no reaction. But if you laid a hand on him, cheated him or picked on his wife/son, well .... but the facial expression stayed the same.
You are absolutely fantastic!! Your videos are super life changing.
The last one pleased me and and m sure to work on it thoroughly Thank U
I really needed to hear this.💯🔥🔥🔥👊🏿
I love all of your help!!! Thank you for sharing with me😊
I have heard this "hurt ppl, hurt ppl" many times. But what happens when both are hurting?
Who isnt hurting?
@@0Flow0 Well said! 👍
I think the black and white style is so cool 😃
Julia you have nailed almost every aspect of my life. A keen listener of your channel & each of your vlogs has been so helpful. Wish has came across you years ago but is never too late. Heaps of thanks.
❤
Even if a person shares their opinion about me and even if there's truth in it, it doesn't mean I'm going to agree or do anything about it. I doubt if the roles were reversed that they would change if I said anything. Honestly, people's opinions are just that -- opinions.
Thankyou ma'am I am from India, I am a bipolar mental health issues, a from last decade I used to take personally and easily get offended by silly provocation by my siblings , despite I know myself that I far intelligent a wise , that's probably because I am socially isolated and lonely.
I feel that I always have to filter myself, because people often cease contact with me because of my dark humor, or complete misunderstandings.
Really needed this for motivation and life learnings.
Thank you Julia ☺️🙏
absolutely Patricia
I know they aren't intentionally ignoring me. I know I haven't talked to "friends" in a while and I'm impatient for some attention, I know all this yet I'm still hurt and I have to excuse myself before I start crying in front of them. I think it's also my hormones...God I hate hormones.
Even though I shouldn't take rejection personally it still hurts because subconsciously I want to be heard. To matter to someone. I know they love me, but it's not in my place to speak, I'm just a child... time does help make the ugly feelings subside. I just...need to distract myself. And keep reminding myself it's not about me. Patience is a discipline.
What about character assasination. Where someone lied about you to other coworkers and those coworkers retaliate by being rude or ignoring you on purpose. How do you deal with that? They do it intentionally.
Know that it's still not personal. Anyone that blows your candle out to make theirs look brighter is about them. And those that accept what is said about you without actually asking you, are cowards, which is still not about you.
Good question...! I want to know this too...!
🙏✨🌟✨🙏
Said another way, personal means a condition that I have placed on my self-worth, self-respect, self-love, etc. such that the other person's words, actions, behavior have put my self-imposed condition(s) in jeopardy. Since we cannot be anathema to ourselves, at least for very long, we treat that person as the enemy. And why wouldn't we, they are getting between me and my self-respect. The core of the problem is that we created that condition and the other just got in the way. Hence, being triggered personally is a fortuitous event because they have helped identify the condition in which we give our soul away. Remove the conditional self-worth, self-respect, etc. and the personal goes away because we have taken out its under pining. Just like when we remove a demand, the resultant anger for that demand not getting met disappears, because the anger has no purpose anymore. Same principle. How to remove the condition is the obvious next step. Pattern interrupt. Recognition of outside validation followed by inside validation that true self-worth, self-respect, etc. can ONLY come from one's self because it is not conferred. It is recognized and affirmed, and therefore no longer conditional, nor can anyone take it away. When one is mindful then this practice is available whenever it is needed.
Thank you teacher for this video
Makes perfect sense. But what about when you know they are doing it with the intention to hurt and tear you down. Also I find it interesting what they say because often times they are actually talking about themselves.
So happy I found your channel. Thank you
Thank you Julia.
my pleasure!
Thank you for this advice
Hi super 👋 that is my problem, I take things too personal, but I’m working on it & this video the will help me a lot , thank you 🙏 GOD BLESS
Thank you for your helping nature
Thank you.
I’m always so offended and taking things personally and I don’t like doing this!
You are simply amazing.
Thanks Julia. Wonderful video content (and I love the expression @ 7:44 ) Thanks and have a lovely day.
Thanks for sharing your message
Strong 💪💪💪
I know I am sensitive and this is one of my problems but it's hard to not take things so personal if you are family members with someone who always tells you about yourself
Any ideas how not to take it personally when someone stares at me without saying anything. So rude?!
Say “can I help you?” 😽
You like what you see ? ... wait that's different thing never mind lmfao
A woman I know socially made a comment about my weight, (we were talking about BMI) and she said I was overweight. I let it go then. Then a couple of weeks later it came up again, and she said I was fat, so I pulled her up about it, (I had in fact LOST weight) which I mentioned. She said "Yes, I've noticed" well, why tell me I'm fat then?
Lets actually say for as an actual observational but yet relatable example to whereas if you in a situation like many others have while many others haven't, well you'd still want to relate and open up to those certain general specific individuals and or human beings...But as another example if you were visiting somebody or someone like myself with Autism and ADHD Hyper Disorder mild but not severe and you were visiting your biological mother's workplace of employment for a celebration party or birthday party of some sort if not a retirement and you saw some of your biological mom's colleagues in nursing uniforms get pictures with her and others except yourself whom they've only just met for the first time which is an excuse due to the fact you're biologically related to one of their female colleagues as an autistic son like myself if not daughter, well then you may have more of a good rather than okay reason to want to open up and express yourself the next time you may see them some weeks or months after about how their actions made you feel the last time while only certain people will want to get a picture with you...I'm a little more used to it now than before but still doesn't like the feeling of turn downs, Rejections, and or even dissaprrovals, I have my reasons but doesn't feel needs to be fully explained due to character limits in typing so favouritism can sometimes be a bad things too...Recently I've actually just started writing for expression through lined pieces of paper for the very first time during the 2020s as of 2023 and generally tend to think of myself as expressive openly.!!!!! People are just Rude while that's plain and simple, others have been really very nice and welcoming towards me before and also too recently included.!!!!
The thing that bothers is that some dare to jump on strangers.
meenakumari362 AMEN!! I thank God I’m not them! 🌸
Absolutely fantastic info!
I want to use this example to learn from it. Right before I saw this video on RUclips one of my videos receive a comment: "You sound so depressing to watch what a terrible video". I am a highly sensitive person and haven't been thick-skinned most of my life so putting myself out here by starting a RUclips channel is rather risky for me. But I am maturing and growing a lot and committed to that because it's really the only thing that I can do. I think that why I am not taking it as personal as I once would is that inside I am disagreeing that my video was terrible. Of course I can do better in future videos. Can you do a video on how to respond or not respond to comments on RUclips? I responded to this person: I am sorry you did not find this helpful. That is just my personality. I am not depressed. Are my follow up comments good / bad ? I have been doing RUclips for almost 2 years and this is the only second what I would call negative comment that I have received so I feel I have been somewhat sheltered. I know people make a lot of mean and hurtful comments on the internet. I want to grow from this. Thank you.
Omg binge watching your videos so far I everything i have seen i can relate lol