How To Stop Taking Things Personally | Don't Take It Personally
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- Опубликовано: 29 июн 2024
- We all take things PERSONALLY.
It’s often hard not to especially if it feels like it really IS personal.
And it may be easy to say "don't take it personally" to someone, but often it's a lot more complicated than that.
Here I'm going to teach you why it's so hard to not take things personally, why nothing is actually personal and a process to take yourself through when you do find yourself getting hurt or offended and taking something personally and learn how to not take it personally.
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#dontgetoffended #itsnotpersonal #resilience
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Hi friends - tell me, what was one of your biggest takeaways from this talk?
Maybe the fact that I take everything personal and have been working on it for a very long time but I'm the same okay okay I'm a little better God I took this so personal thank you Julia you make me smile a hand up when people are down
I once had a job where I was abused constantly by my supervisor. I was constantly bullied and harassed by him. He crossed many lines with me and others. This went on for 5 long years. If I knew then what I know now I would've done two things differently. 1 Obviously I wouldn't taken it so personally. 2 I wouldv'e been less afraid of him. That would mean setting more healthy boundaries, sticking up to him more, and being relentless in reporting him.
@@captaindan1000 hell you're nicer than I am before the five years is up I would have snapped and slapped his ass on the grill and I'm a nice guy😁👍
That when someone does something, it’s more about them (aka selfish or inconsiderate) than wanting to hurt us. Still difficult to know how to manage these issues, especially when a particular friend continues to do the same thing over and over, despite having discussed how it affects me personally. Hard to tell if I’m just overly sensitive and need to manage my own expectations, need to continue to discuss when it happens, or need to put an end to the particular interaction where it continues to occur.
Wow - this was perfect timing for me. Everything you said resonated so strongly - and I immediately recognised what I was doing. And tapped into that past rejection at 11 years old that had echoed through my life. You just helped me reframe this so well - thank you!
When I was in my 20s I worried about what everyone thought of me,
When I was in my 40s I didn't care what anyone thought of me,
Now I'm nearly 60 I realise no one was thinking about me in the first place.
Ian Thomas aw yes, the circle of life
Lol. Yep even at 70
Very true! Lol
Really profound and really true.
BRILLIANT, IAN!
“It’s not the SITUATION....It’s the INTERPRETATION”.........absolutely mind blowing and relieving at the same time! It feels like the proverbial “light bulb” in my head finally got switched on! THANK YOU
this is one of my biggest struggles, I need to learn how not to care about what other people do & think
Hey friend, know that you're not alone. Start with really getting curious about why you do.
This is one of my worst habits!! I can feel when a person’s energy is off and it always hurts me even though I know it shouldn’t! Thanks again for a wonderful video! 💗
Just keep working on managing your mind and you'll start to feel a lot more resilient.
@@juliakristinamah Thank you so much for the advice! :) I'll do my best, and make sure I manage my expectations toward other people.
I can feel another person's energy as well. When that happens, I ultimately go into fight or flight mode.
Same habit it's so bad
I like the shift in perspective, that the other person is thinking more about themselves & we are adding our own layer of baggage on top. Awareness is key.
That's it!
A saying I like to tell myself is: Rejection is not a measure of your worthiness as a person. It’s a measure of compatibility with that other person. Whether it’s in general or at that period of time in a persons life.
Now, if there’s blatant disrespect or inconsideration that’s another issue and may be a toxic situation that may need to be addressed.
Don't worry about what people say or think, their attitude is a reflection of how they feel about themselves and it's most likely not you. Don't forget that we are all human beings!!
It's never about you - but we can still reflect on the situation and see if there's an opportunity for growth or learning.
When I'm triggered by someone's terrible behavior this is not your burden to carry let it go!💕
Or get curious about that trigger - what's being triggered and why?
@@juliakristinamah good analysis Julia. 💕
I do take a lot of things personally. Almost everything I hear... I don't know, but somehow I try to make it about me (even when it's about another person) because I've been comparing myself to others for a long time, it took me a while to admit it. It's like not only feeling, but also taking for a fact that everybody is part of something great and I just never will be part of it, as if I didn't deserve it. And it makes me think I'm not allowed to make mistakes or be awkward so I'm able to make real connections with people. It's a lot about my ego.
Excellent topic! The more we live in ego, the more we will take things personally. So work on reducing the root cause : ego fixation. You will be free of petty hurt.
Amen sister. It's not about ME!
It’s super difficult to separate people’s reactions to us from what they are just doing for themselves according to their own personality and needs in the moment. I’ve never been very good at that. Love the way you pick apart and unpack these intertwined and fused concepts so we can all see more clearly.
I find myself taking things personally, then I feel rubbish and get angry with myself for taking whatever it was personally. Then feel even worse which becomes a vicious circle. Hopefully now this will change after watching you so many thanks as always.
I really needed this, I struggle with this daily. Perfect explanation to switch my perspective on this! I have been in therapy for a little over a month and I watch your videos as my "in between" therapist. It's hard fixing yourself and your habits when you are so used to unhealthy coping. Thank you for your videos!
Yes!
I'm taking this personally.
lol. touche.
😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂
It is hard not to take things personally when they are meant personally. Looking for a way to handle offenses that are intended to be devasting.
I know how that feels. Just remember that happy people don't go around trying to hurt others... people put others down because they are trying to elevate themselves. It truly says much more about them than it does about you.
Said by a spouse, comments hit hard. Trying to deal with this!
This was really great. I struggle with taking things personally. I think it’s stopping me from being happy and having healthy relationships. I feel like when someone argues with me it’s personal and there out to hurt me and take my happiness away .
I'm using this stuff now. I've gone from 1000 to zero in minutes with this concept; refocusing my energy on me and my healing. It should always be more about me than them.
Extremely useful tools. Thank you
This is one of the most powerful lessons I'm working on... When I learned that Everyone projects their own state of being into the world and at me or who ever they are focused on. People don't see the world as at is, they see the world as they are. The healthier I get the more beautiful the world looks to me! We all do it and we can't stop doing it but we can understand that our inner world, our own state of being reflects back to us like a mirror how we feel about ourselfs. This is a powerful lesson. THANKYOU!
_"You're sort of a quiet guy aren't you?"_
This remark has followed me my entire life, ever since the age that I was supposed to start "growing out of it". So basically in middle school.
It is pretty much social/occupational suicide for a man to be a reserved, introverted person in our culture. And on those days when I'm actually feeling confident and feel good in an interaction with someone I don't know for more than two minutes, and then they say _that,_ it's particularly stinging and I just feel like my life is doomed to never climbing out of my social anxiety and I will forever be perceived as a quiet, shy guy (a.k.a. selfish, timid, unsociable, beta male who has no self-confidence and _shouldn't_ have self-confidence). It's like people see me as someone who's _not supposed to_ have any confidence!
And I suppose that this way of thinking is me giving other people influence over me and my identity, and really I shouldn't care what they say, but it's hard to knock the belief that what those few people say to you about you gives you a glimpse into how people view you more generally.
Hey, I relate to you so much! I totally get what you’re talking about. Even though I’m not a man , I can relate to you on how it’s just difficult to be a naturally quiet person and have people judging you for it
There are advantages of quietness.
We learn alot by observation & are usually "thinkers."
There is also something to be said for self control.
Galatians 5:22 & 23. It made the list!
I have been in your shoes. Growing tired of being the constant listener, I was given excellent advice.
Ask questions! People love to talk about themselves.
I hope this icebreaker helps you as it did me.
The opposite is also true. I can remember a person saying to me 'you do so well' and i carried that thought for years. It taught me a lesson that saying something 'sincere' and positive can have just as long a lasting thing in their lives too. I don't think of these statements to others as petty or throw away any longer. If you can say something good .. 'say it'
Ppl that are quiet and reserved are actually more intriguing for me. I want to know what’s in there head.
I’m a stay at home mom and am struggling with anxiety. Thank you for creating these resources. I can work on my self development from home which is amazing 🙏🙏
It's very difficult to not take it personally when someone doesn't consider how something might effect me. Even if I don't think they're out to get me, I certainly think they don't care about me at all.
I was also bullied all through school. Tough not to take that personally.
You are great. I have shared you with people I love. You came to me during a point when I really needed it. Thank you is not enough.
So good to connect with you friend - and thank you for sharing me with your loved ones - that really means a lot.
I really felt this message, my lack of self confidence, caused me to take(things, thoughts about my past, people's thoughts, comments, opinions etc.) too personally. I appreciate this message.
Thank you! I know this post is over a year old, but it really helped me today. I ran into a co-worker in the store yesterday, who I was eager to say hello to, since I only ever see them on zoom now. He smiled and then brushed me off. For the next 24 hours, I made up stories about how he didn’t like me, how if I had been someone else, he would have had a real conversation with me, that I was unworthy, unlovable, etc.. I thought how I would only reach out to him in emails, and not do zoom meetings anymore, etc... It was an awful 24 hours. Today, I thought, take nothing personal and find some RUclips videos to help. I am now writing in my journal to figure out why that had such an effect on me. Thanks for calming me down and for sharing a real life story of your own.
This is very useful as it does happen to me sometimes
I get stuck in rumination. I feel like I can treat everyone fairly empathetically, and yet I meet many others who feel entitled to telling me how to exist. Sometimes people have very good points, and I want to listen and reflect on what they say. Other times it feels like harassment, nit-picking, narcissism, etc. I would love to not take any of it personally, but not become callous to people with good points.
My biggest takeaway is....it’s MY interpretation. I beat myself up frequently. Overthinking. Wishing I could be better, to be less outspoken.
But at age 74 I think this is who I am. Really.
This was really helpful. I had a bad week. My Mum lashed out at me, she had a fall and chastised me for not being attentive. It made me feel very bad and I slept poorly. The next day we patched things up and she apologised but that experience impacted on my nights sleep, the next day and generally feeling my role in life is soak up other people’s crap but try to remain an adult and let things settle.
Then yesterday I had a co worker tell the boss she was offended by a harmless joke. Then a couple minor concerns about not responding to emails quick enough by the boss. I had praise last week to and achieved a lot but the negative stuff affects me. It often takes me 24 hours to process the emotional backwash of things. This helps, in a way it’s not my problem. I have to work on this.
Usually I don’t really care about what people think of me. I’m a health care provider, very respected but after losing my mom 10 years ago, I go through a period of grief anniversaries. During that period of grief I am not myself at all and I take everything personally; I take things personally on a good day but during this period of grief it intensifies, so this was very helpful. Thank you
I am 55 years old and want to be done with these negative feelings. Thank you for this video. It hit close to home. I am sorry you were bullied in school.
I'm guilty of this and co dependent especially when dealing with family . More I try to Express and love myself I get judged for it . But I need to learn not to take it personally and stay grounded
Thank you so much for this. I was bullied for many years when I was growing up, even by ‘friends’, and I have a visible difference that was really prominent when I was a child, so people would stare at me and make unsolicited and rude comments. Because of this pain, and maybe due to more unrelated negative experiences, I am so sensitive to peoples words, and I often interpret them in a negative way 😭😭. It’s something I’m really trying to work on
I struggle with taking things personally and it always seems to come up most during work. I have found that my coworkers do feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me and I did not realize how actually unhealthy that was. I take things personally because when people are talking to me in a way that makes me feel disrespected it brings me back to a time where people used to be really mean to me growing up. What stands out to me is one time where someone called me ugly and I never realized how much that has actually effected me until now.
It has influenced how I act with people and gave me the conclusion those who care will never talk to me that way or say mean things sometimes. I guess that is faulty thinking and not true.
Thank you so much! This was clearly an effective exercise!
I’ve been hearing people saying “don’t take things personally” I honestly didn’t get what they meant. But now, not just I know what it means but I also learned how to cope with it. Great video!
This is my biggest struggle. And it's debilitating in my personal relationships. I have no friends, my boyfriend feels he has to "tip toe" around me because anytime he requests something I feel attacked and lash out. This video helped me realize I always feel that I am not good enough because of former relationships. I didn't even know how to verbalize it. I started seeing a therapist about three weeks ago and I'll let her know about this to help with our conversations and understanding. Thank you so much, I wish I could hug you
This is me too. I have no friends because I can never trust people and always feel like they’re making passive aggressive comments about me
I always take things very personal and i also get angry unnecessary. And as you was teaching i felt release. I blessed God for his healing
Holy shit (excuse my French)... everything at 8:00 really helped free me. I found myself bothered this morning by someone’s lack of consideration. I wanted to let it go bc I recognized my reaction. I wasn’t sure if I should accept their behavior and take it personally or let it go and not make it “mean” anything.
This is helping my inner dialogue.
Thankyou. Thankyou. Thankyou. I have someone who was a friend and she doesn't like me anymore bc I have boundaries with my son, essentially I like to hold his hand when we walk to school bc it's busy and peak hr and they don't look at the driveways, whereas she lets hers run free. I have NO problem with her letting her son walk on his own, I just wanna hold my son's hand. I have been really considerate in how I've explained my reason, basically I'm hypervigilant because I have severe C-PTSD & live in constant fear. Since then, she's been either a complete ice queen or all fake nicey nicey, but our real friendship conversations have ceased. I was terribly bullied in every aspect of my life during my teens & was horribly abused during that period of my life. So, I've been incredibly triggered by this event. It's very heart warming to hear your voyage of bullying and by sharing it and seeing the light in your face it gives me hope that I can stop over thinking things. Thanks again
Giving yourself compassionate and understanding for being a human being. Perfect advice. Thank you Julia.
They're not against us, they're acting for themselves. Great thought! And makes it easier to think logically and ask ourselves, "Is this really worth getting upset about?". Then if it is, set a boundary.
Julia, you’re good! Your words helped me reflect and discover the root cause of the personal pain.
I wish you were my personal Counselor. 😊
Right she's a therapist
She makes some really good points
Me too lol
I'm so sorry to hear that you were so badly bullied at school.
Wow. I'm just amazed how I went to your channel and everything that I'm going through you just said. I'm just blown away. Especially I think I'm highly sensitive. I've been highly sensitive ever since I was young. Which is not healthy. Which goes into me worrying too much? And now I have psoriasis. I'm stressing out too much too.😢 I'm going to subscribe to channel cuz it's been helping me. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for this great video. I used to feel very hurt by what others have said about me, not directly to my face, but to others. When it’s family members, it hurt all the more. This video really cleared a lot of issues for me. 🙏💗
Thank you for the video; I really needed this. Glad to see I am not alone in the comments. I struggle with this a lot due to past trauma. This mostly occurs with me trying to build healthy relationships with others as there are many broken/lost relationships in my life coupled with me being bullied when I was younger and having a difficult time making and keeping friends. I really hate when I lose people who I feel had the potential to have a nice friendship with and it has happened again recently with someone I felt like I was getting pretty close with, and already shared so much with them too.
Your content really keeps me sane. The 'keying' car example was spot on. Someone keyed my car 3 weeks ago and I couldn't help but take it personally. Your break down, really helped me. Thank you, x
This all makes sense, but sometimes it is personal and you need to know when to standup for yourself and cut people out of your life.
Wow, Julia! THANK YOU! I’ve recently realized that I take almost EVERYTHING personally! LOL. So I’ve been in search of how to put an end to it. This is BY FAR, the best video and help I’ve found on this subject. THANK YOU SO MUCH! 🥰
This is my worst habit too. Specially at work, I think personally all the time. This video has helped me identify it.
I love you.
Thank you!
This is EXACTLY what I have been struggling with and you hit the nail on the head.
Hi! I was hoping you can do a video on being okay when someone (friend, partner) does not want you in their life and on how to deal with it in a positive manner. Thank you
Thankyou ma'am, for years I use to take personally, the reason is ... my isolation and mentally ill person, with bipolar mental problems, for a couple of years I started listening Buddha's teachings as well Zen Stories which helped me, you are absolutely right the person who is rude or arrogant try to put put down people but in fact he is leading a miserable life.
Thank you so much for being you!!! I have learned, and continue to learn so much from you!!! Bless you!! Thank you for your dedication in helping all of us live happy and better lives!!! 😘🙏🥰💖
My sister and I were talking this morning and I shared this video with her. Thank you for what you do!
This video made me get it.
I learned that I need to continue to learn how patience and endurance wins in the end.
Thank you, Julia. Your words are kind and consoling. So many people need them. ❤️ Until we heal. Hopefully.
Really grateful it connected with you Eva. You matter. Don't forget that.
Great video Julia! I am glad you discussed it. Sadden to hear how you were bullied when you were younger, but I am sure that help build character and why you are compassionate and caring person! I guess the only thing I can think of to take from this video is reminding ourselves not to take things personally and try to put yourself in the other person's shoes.
This is the second video I have watched from your account. I have already subscribed and just wanted to thank you for your perspective and general advice you put out on the web!
Julia, you truly are a God sent counselor. Wish I knew these coping skills much earlier in life. Now, I can feel I am understanding myself. Thank you.
Damn right...other ppl are more focused on themselves rather than deliberately trying to make us miserable.
This is what I learned from this video:
If we take it personally, it takes a form of belief rather than an event. This takes root and we test reality against this belief.
The mindfulness exercise being an exercise in suspending our beliefs and thinking through them rationally
Thanks for making this video. Appreciate your efforts...
I take this personally a lot. It's not easy to get over. Thank you for that good info.
Exactly. So many past hurts show up in new ways. Thank you! Love ya!
Isn't it fascinating when we allow ourselves to get curious about what's going on in our brains?
oh man i feel everything. hyper sensitive even. body language, eye movement i can tell instantly.
Loved this one, as I am still learning and growing in this area. It is something I have struggled with.
Since I have been doing a lot of inner work with myself I am much better with being able to observe and not emotionally engage.
9:00 omg, i srsly love you to bring this part of the topic. This is something i am dealing and feeling since years. I get it now. Its nit about others nit valuing us it's mostly some ither reason. Thank you so so much dear
I'm definitely guilty of this. Great share Julia
Glad it connected with you friend.
Thank you for providing a better way to look at situations that bring up those feelings of insecurity. I hope that I can remember that the next time I feel that way. I'm 58 and even a couple weeks ago, those feelings were brought up that made me question my whole personality. I have always worn my feelings on my sleeve, so much that it is usually brought up on my evaluations and it has caused me to not advance in my career. I'm sure I have other personality traits that could bring this on, but it boils down to not fitting in and being different? Have always questioned myself why but my only answer is because of me being me, and that is why I take things personally. Thank you again for this video.
WOW, your channel has grown. I subscribed when you only had a quarter of the subscribers you have now. I knew you were going to be great. Congratulations keep up the great work.
I needed to hear this today. Thanks, Julia!
Thanks so much! This really help me today. I needed this!
Thank you!! This whole thing connected with me!
You are the best. Seriously, you are offering solutions, and in a way that empowers people to believe they have the capacity within themselves to solve their own problems. Thank you.
Ain't that the truth! it's their own misery and they take it out on us because they feel powerful and need to make me feel small because of how they feel right now. It is for them and their issues. I have great patience and it's hard sometimes to keep telling myself it's not about me, it's not about me....
Just what I needed! Thank you. My "Nemesis" is so exasperating!
I can remember every person that flipped me off while driving, it affects me negatively and I relive it all the time. I am a good driver and it has made me paranoid while driving so much so that I stress alot.
Thank you. I needed to hear this.
This was so helpful. Thank you for posting.
Thank you for this resource, very helpful!
thankyou for your insights AND transparency,, JC👍
Hi Julia i just wanna say thank u so much for changing my perspective. Keep sharing more please ... i need this. ❤❤❤❤❤
I really love your work Julia. I always enjoy your down to earth sincere explanations of the subjects you address. This whole video resonated with me, due to loved ones in my personal life. I especially liked the last two points. The one about creating space for your emotions. I think and feel that it's really important to feel your thought process, following it, and examining the why. Also, I fully agree, we must be open to the possibility that just because we think something doesn't make it true. There is a broader picture in every case, no matter how insignificant or grand the situation; there is us, the others involved, and surrounding influences to consider before we conclude a situational diagnosis.
Looking forward to more of your content 😊
Good stuff. I think this is one of your best commentaries.
This video made me realize that I have A LOT to apologize to my ex for 😞😞 Especially the part where you said that no one should feel like they are walking on eggshells around me and should NEVER say anything that offends me...
Same I’ve made a lot of people feel like this, which I regret
Thank you for sharing better ways to handle stressful situation and people
I just found you on you tube and this is the second video of you I’ve seen.
This just happened to me last week and I really struggled to let go. What you said makes sense. Thanks 🙏
Wow! Light switch perspective change 🙏🙏🙏🙏 thank you!
I love how you put this I wish I were that good and not take it personally it would be so helpful
It's a journey my friend - and you are a lot further along than you might realize. #inthistogether
That top your wearing is flipping amazing, you look great ! Great advice thanks 😊
You are a life raft! Looking forward to hearing more from you. I am a very sensitive empath.
Thank you for your channel, it is really helping me understand myself better which I really need because my anger is ruining my relationships with others.
Thank you. I will use this steps. Deal with this a lot 😞 but will try to have the space to care for my thoughts. 🙏🌷💐 really apreaciated for sharing.
Thank You. I wish I would have learned this when I was 5. :) You put it in VERY understandable terms.
Thank you Julia. This video is very timely. I won't get all defensive. What was said is just someone else's opinion
Get curious 💛 Thinking is less threatening than feeling.
Hi there. Your video is very timely for me. Just yesterday morning Wednesday, Oct 30, I decided or forced to strategize my approach and how I am showing up in biz and in work coz I was taking things personally already and I was feeling terrible about it. The situation forced me to take a really good look at who I really am and how and where I should position my self in the given many circumstances. Furthermore, I felt my goals in life became more desirable to achieve. There is a saying, "not wanting or liking where you are right now should be enough motivation to move forward and living the life that you want... "
Taking things personally is one of my biggest struggles, and it really feels painful at the moment. In school, when my instructors tell me many things to improve on, especially when in front of students who did better than I do, I have the "punched in the stomach" feeling. I am shifting my thinking that it is always a process and to change what it says about me.
thank you Julia, you enlighten me.