There’s a great saying that I love and it goes “there is always someone watching you from afar” and it’s meant to mean that even when you may feel you lack purpose, there is always someone looking up to you. Keep doing what you’re doing because there are people like me (subscribers 🙌🏿) who are learning from you! You’re doing just fine! Take care, my friend!
I like that, I always say that to warn my friends about stalkers though. I invented a similar saying for what you're saying: "You are the person infront of you, to the person behind you". Basically, people look up to you the same way you look up to people.
I feel sorry to hear all those bad experiences that you've been through. You are such a beautiful soul Raif, courageous fighter and you are such an inspiration to us.
Raif, I cannot believe that you have been called ugly. You are so handsome, intelligent and extremely articulate. It broke my heart to see you cry and I just wanted to hug you and let you know that it will all be ok. God created you and you were created in His image. He loves you just the way you are. With His help you will be able to deal with and get over the hurt from your past. Continue being the wonderful person that you are....each day you are growing and getting better. Just one day at a time. Hugs and God's blessing💞😚💖
i know this video was two years ago, but it makes me cry. we have a very similar childhood, poor parents, move around because we didn't have a house, and being abused and being yelled, called faggot and physically abused by another kids, that was a painful memory, and when I'm diagnosed HIV positive, it's like the word stopped, i felt God so unfair to me, but you are my inspiration, i wish i know you in real life, i really want to hug you.
This is so brave. 🧡 I hope this makes life a little lighter for you. I'm trying to live more honestly, with myself first and with everyone. Fear, anxiety and jealousy definitely make it hard sometimes but I never realised how shame plays a part until I started been more conscious of my feelings, what exactly they are and the reasons they came about. Sending love and hugs, Raif 💞💞💞
Thank you for sharing this. I couldn’t sleep last night because I remember I did hurt my dog once when he broke my glasses. I was so angry. I had a bad childhood too and I’ve been working on my emotions. I’ve always felt bad. I’ve never done it again. He kept loving me. We all do mistakes. This is probably my biggest shame. It makes me cry when I see you crying. You’re such an inspiration. ❤️ I also struggled a lot with how I look like. I think we’re being hard on ourselves. You’re beautiful. Don’t be harsh on yourself. 😍
Damn. I watched the rest of the video. My bestfriend once disappeared and was gone for 2 days. And we found out she killed herself. I also overdosed on allergy pills and it was considerent a suicide attempt, but it wasn’t. I believe I just wanted help and support. I’m so grateful you shared your story. I can relate so much to your story. Thank you. Thank you. ❤️
Wow yea! We've got some similarities! Glad you appreciated the video Laura. I know, we can be SO hard on ourselves...often we're our worst critic. Not today, Satan 🙅🏽♂️
You're a beautiful person! Your goodness and beauty comes from within! You've been very kind in sharing your struggles and great victories, and are a force for good in this mixed up world. You are a blessing!
Dear, dear Raif, I have listened to your video and in the quiet of this evening, wanted to thank you so, so much for what your shared. It breaks my heart, and made me cry listening to some of the things that have been so hard in life for you. I have so much respect for you in opening up. So much of your story that you shared I can relate to: being bullied, called names, a loner in many ways...and surviving several sexual assaults from a guy who wanted to destroy my life, and he committed numerous crimes against me that could have been prosecuted in a court of law. But...I don't want to talk much about myself...I feel so sad that all I can do is try to write some words of support and comfort as you are not alone. Can it be enough that i will pray tonight before i go to sleep, and ask that you are given a good rest tonight...that you will know you are a treasure who has impacted many...and you are fearfully and wonderfully made like it says in the Psalms.
P.S. I have watched several of your vlogs and have enjoyed watching you fix meals, seeing your new place, and seeing your beautiful dog. I hate to bother you with too many comments...but know I have been here silently at times.
My dear Raif, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry that was your experience growing up. You deserved be to loved , made to feel safe, you should have been shown how to keep yourself clean. Having experienced an abusive childhood myself, I can certainly sympathize. It is extremely important to forgive yourself , and those who contributed to your trauma. This way you can heal and move on. You are an attractive man inside and out. Don't ever forget that. You have had a difficult journey thus far , and you survived. Learn from your mistakes, try not to make the same ones again. Oh , you will always make mistakes, but hopefully less and less as time goes by. It's not the problems you encounter that defines you , it's how you rise to the situation , and over come it. I'm sending you a massive bear hug to you. I so want to hold you right now , and make you feel safe.You are an amazing man Raif, wear your scares as badges of honor. 😀💞
Hey Alexander...thank you so much for appreciating the video and for your support. I forgot that I even mentioned that stuff...and while on some level it makes me cringe to realize again...I'm also glad I touched on it. I think if other people can relate to it and if it helps in that way...then it's already worth it! And it's also healing for me to talk about it...catharsis! I'll probably split some of those up into individual vlogs to go in-depth on it.
Wow. That was so beautiful. So real. So honest. So raw. So emotional. You are not only a hero to many but a teacher. What is so great about your "flaws" as you put it, is that they were/are the building blocks of the man you have become and are continuing to become. Contrast and trauma are really incredible opportunities that can create desire and can lead to incredible growth. And dare I even say joy. It's shifting perspective to see the value in all of it. It all has value. It all has lead you to where you are now - this incredible place in your life where you are uplifting and inspiring others. You/we/humans will never be perfect. There is no such thing. Once you are"perfect" there is no need for expansion and growth. And while you/we/humans are alive we will always be reaching for more. We never "get it done". We never "get to the bottom" of anything. We only continue our personal evolution or expansion or growth. I celebrate you. I admire you. You inspire and uplift me. You have found your way into servicing others and that my friend is true success. Your joy is true success. You discovering your worthiness is success. You are a success. Thank you for sharing so much of your life. I am in awe of you. --"Deuces"
Vulnerability is hard. I have felt it, many of us have experienced it, and I can see it in this video. But being vulnerable allows us to acknowledge, and therefore confront, the most tender and fragile pieces of who are. And when we expose those pieces, we allow those who bear witness to see themselves in us and realize they're not alone. That is what this video did for me and certainly others. So thank you, Raif.
You are not ugly, you are different and especial, its to much better to be as different as normal people , i love all of you: body, soul, mind...everything ,"average people are boring" dont forgett it , keep you strong Raif , we all have ghosts but all that you being through made you a warrior...a big one! Love u! All the good vibes to you
Well done Raif. How does it feel to have unpacked all of those fears publicly and discovered you still have love and support? A nice counterpoint to this vlog would be one talking about what you see as your best attributes that you are proudest of.
The video deeply moved me and I enjoyed every word. Thank you very much for sharing your life story. It was brave of you to do this. Your decision is an inspiration and I’m very proud of you. You are a beautiful human being. ❤️❤️
I was and sometimes still in the same place as you were Raif, it was very brave of you to try to reach back to that person and apologize, it showed how much you've grown and learned from your mistakes. We all make mistakes especially when we're still young, but as we grow older, we become more aware of our actions and we try to be better versions of ourselves. I've strained myself away from my old habits of being super obsessed, angry and full of doubts and so far I've managed to control my actions and have been able to stop myself from doing the same mistakes I've done in the past. I've decided to focus on positivities and have strained away from negative thoughts, I try to be the best of myself in the present as the present defines my past and the future.
I wish I could give you a hug, because I know how you feel. Your strength and how resilience are beautiful Raif. Thank you for being you and transparent with us all. We are here for you 😘 Edit: I think you are beautiful Raif, you are strikingly handsome. I struggled through similar issues, except that I was chubby. A girl legitimately said that I was a 2/10 when I was younger. It destroyed me. As for what happened with your friend and the r word, you made the best decision you could have at that time. Hindsight is 20/20. And honey nobody could have seen Landon’s pain. Earlier on I had struggles with my sexuality, and I understand the dark place of suicide. We hide the pain so well, and know that there is nothing you could have done. I hope you know how sweet you are, and how big hearted you are. Watching this gave me so much more hope we confidence to see another guy go through similar circumstances as myself and succeed. Thank you again Raif. If I repeated myself a lot, I apologize haha. With longer vids I comment as I watch 😂 .
Raif, you are beautiful, dont let anyone tell you otherwise. I guess this big release in public turns over a new leaf for you. You have corrected and rectified all or most of the wrongs and misfortunes from your youth. You are now a new person with big achievements and best of all, you are not selfish, you have used all your negatives experiences to be a very effective self help influencer. You are a rock, I really like you xoxoxoxo. Thank you for sharing and for helping others.
I feel you Raif because as a kid I'm also a victim of bullying and calling names,were just unfortunate to grew up in this cruel world,oh actually it's not the world that is cruel but the people.Until now I still remember all the bullying issue and it's difficult.
Best medicine is to talk about your fears and insecurities, your childhood was not your fault,you turned out fine ,so pick yourself up dust off the past and know that you matter and God loves you unconditionally ❤
Aww don't cry, it broke my heart watch you like that so vulnerable. You are so real, so honest with your followers. You're not ugly, you are extremely handsome and you have such a beautiful heart and soul. We love you! I send you a big hug. 🤗❤️
Raif, you know I have been with you for a very long time. This baring of the soul is both therapeutic and impressive in its maturity. You need to know, and I think you do, that all of us here accept you just as you are as a very responsible, striving, loving young person, who all of us admire. You are no different than the rest of us in your 'deficiencies', we all have those. What separates you from all of us, is that you accept who you are and you are working to be better. But the fact is, you are already the BEST in our minds. You know we love you, Raif.......Thanks, man.........Ray
Raif I'm so sorry! This breaks my heart for you. For what it's worth, you're not alone. I know my own childhood was very dysfunctional at best most of the time. My dad has always had serious issues with alcohol, and every weekend growing up, I would hide my room and listen to my parents scream at each other. I would literally listen with my ear pressed against the door because I was so scared my parents were going to hurt each other. It did get physical at times, causing me to have to call 911 on my dad for attacking my mom. Oh, I forgot to mention I was born with a rare genetic disorder called Turner syndrome, and was constantly in and out of the hospital for doctor's appointments. The doctors threatened reporting my parents if I didn't get to each and every appointment. They caused even more anxiety and stress in my life, as the doctors would never explain anything to me, and act as if I wasn't even in the room.. I was basically owned by the local children's hospital as a science experiment until I walked away at 16. Fast forward another 16 years, and at 32 I'm a single woman, coping with the health issues associated with Turner syndrome. Crippling anxiety and depression, which all leaves me unable to work enough to support myself. I'm still at home, and even though things got a bit better.. My dad still drinks too much. I just take it one day at a time, and thank God for having a couple good friends to talk to. This isn't me blaming all my problems on everyone else, it's just proving to be very difficult to work through. I love you Raif, stay strong! 💖
Wow, u talking about listening at the door to your parents reminded me that I used to do the same thing! I forgot about that! Yea, my step-dad (the one who raised me) also had a drinking problem...he died when I was 22 cause he wouldn't stop drinking and smoking and he was taking steroids to treat something. He never told me what for, wouldn't talk about his health and i had NO IDEA he was close to death. And then i suddenly saw his health degrade until he died of a heart attaack
@@HaleyAnneBechler Me also have growed up to see my parents misbehaving each other when i was only a school kid....used to see them by hidding under my reading table..... then i engaged myself addiction as well as to drinking & having lot of girl friends....& then i just remembering those days was better than living with this ugly partner (hiv).......... we all have stories..... bt nobody is liable for these...we are the maker or changer of ourselves.....hope all will have the better in further...
Hello my friend, i think your beautiful inside and outside! My opinion, in this present day you have encouraged, inspired, and provided support for me and others living with HIV. I began to work out again because of you! Listening to you be open and raw with your truth helps me stay alive. I don't feel alone! I watch you and feel good. Thank you🌈🙏🌹
You’re an angel of hope and you’re a light in my life. I wanted to die when I found out my status but your videos make me want to live and thrive. I’m in nursing now I’m going to make a difference in peoples lives now.
Raif, I think I have subbed to your channel since its beginning. I hope this video was very cathartic for you and very helpful for anyone watching. I have taught and counseled over 8000 young people. You need to know, if you don't already, that you are very intent on being the best you can be, that is a sterling quality, and I think you are awesome. Nothing you said here has changed my opinion of you as being a fantastic person trying his best.......all any of us can do. Thanks, bro........Ray
Raif, thanks for bearing your soul to us...I’m sure it’ll help more people than you realize. 😁😁🤙🏽🤙🏽 Until this video, I never realized that you’re my polar opposite. I virtually never get jealous and I’m not really self conscious about anything (if anything, my gut a little bit). When I tell this to people, their judgment is almost always immediate and always predictable...they assume that I’m being holier than though, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Not getting jealous sounds like it should be great for a relationship, right? Nope, every guy I’ve dated has left me ‘cause they take it that I don’t care about them ‘cause if I did, I’d get jealous sometimes...but the reality is always that I just trust them to be faithful to me. And me not being self conscious has almost always resulted in my exes feeling shitty about their body ‘cause they say stuff like, “you can expect me to be as comfortable in my skin as you are in your skin!” So I explain to them that I don’t care if they insecurities...I’m there to support them no matter what. Since you shared parts of yourself with us, I just wanted to share a little with you. I know it’s not easy being single, it was especially hard for me when I lived by WeHo, so I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. Over the last 20 years, I’ve had 1 boyfriend and it wasn’t even 3 years long. So I’ve come to the realization that there’s a good chance that love is not in my future...so a few years ago I decided to stop looking for it, and to just enjoy the remaining years I have left of this planet. 😁 And having a friend like you makes that time so much more enjoyable and precious. Lotsa love and aloha from Hawai’i!!! 😘😘🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🤙🏽🤙🏽
Hi don't cry .... U r the one who teach me live the life once more , to look good once more , to enjoy my life once more.. once I was going to do sucide . M alive with HIV only because of u . Ur my inspiration my idiol. Love u alot from India
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! @raif derrazi thank you. once again you have vocalized something a lot of us deal with. your voice is guiding a lot of people, motivating them to take themselves to the next level. and you are leading by example. im not going to go into detail but suffice to say even at my age, i STILL deal with a lot the issues you mentioned. there are days (especially around the holidays) when these fears and faults and insecurities rear their ugly head even stronger . while watching your vids doesn't ERASE them it DOES give me a moment to hear another voice, someone who has been in a similar situation and can face these things head on. I find when the insecurities and inner voices are quiet, are not putting myself down, i can deal with them and embrace the challenges they present to me. When they are 'loud' and omnipresent in my head, to the point of waking me up/not letting me sleep, i feel even more helpless, even more useless, even more unworthy. again hearing your voice hearing your struggle hearing your journey gives this middle ages guy hope and strenght THANK YOU for exposing your hurt like you do may all the inseucrities and learning lead you to a path of joy and peace all my best to you always love your 'fan' scotty
It's incredible what being mistreated by other human beings can do to a person, how much damage it can do. Thank you for sharing your story and what you're been through. It's pointless for me to tell you how handsome you are, because you truly are, from every angle, because I realize how hard we can all be on ourselves, especially if we've also faced harsh and unkind criticism from outside. What we need more of is people like you, sharing with people, informing, lifting others up. People need to know they matter even if they aren't conventionally attractive because there is so much more to an individual than their looks. There is so much we can offer to the world, our families, and ourselves that goes beyond the physical.
This is y i help period. Especially children because everybody needs somebody. I was raised and also raising my children that if u see a need u fill a need. No discrimination no matter what we believe. Love unconditionally. Help wholeheartedly w/out expecting something in return. I also teach them to never stand for bullying rather it be themselves getting bullied or someone else. Watching bullying and doing nothing about it is just as wrong as being the bully. To stand up for those that cant standup for themselves even standing with someone who needs someone to stand beside them. It just hearts my heart and soul to know and hear of children going through and not one adult acknowledging the situation and doing something to help. As an adult/parent, as a mom/dad there is no excuse to not love every child as your own unconditionally. We have to get back to that child like love that every kids has before they are "branded" to love with conditions. I love everyone in this world unconditionally (i know ppl think yeah right) i pray for everyones well being. Just because we dont agree about god or the way of life doesnt mean i or anyone else has the right to be spiteful, mean and hateful.
*You are not ugly* 🥺🙁☹️ People come in different shapes, sizes, we are unique in are own ways of life shapes, colors etc. This video breaks my heart incredibly 💔 . I will love you through the camera lenses 💕 OMG! only if i could tell you how special you are. It would only make me feel better then you feel divine for you🥺💕
So honest and heartbreaking. Teaching us how to cope, grieve and being human. Thanks friend. I regret I didn't step in at school to protect others who were having a tough time.
Ive had to drink the charcoal. I can relate to a.couple of things you discussed. Im so glad you can take an introspective look at yourself with a willingness to learn and grow and that you have done just that. Love and Light! Ryan 😊
I swear Raif we have so much in common. I have had some of the most horrible experiences as a child that you can think of and I believe it still affects me to this day. Stay strong and stay sweet
Raif, your a great looking guy and we all have our individual flaws....Please pray to overcome FEAR, so important...Remember to look at the good in your life vs the bad. You have allowed millions to come into your life and show your vulnerability, help others along with educating us, how many people can say they would be willing to do so? Hang in there Brother, it will get better.....Thanks for what you do, much appreciated!!!!! #BIGHUGS
Raif, I’m probably repeating things that others have posted but please remember that your past does not have to define your future and you are an example of that because of the things you have accomplished. Many of us have similar doubts and obstacles and being able to recognize and verbalize them is a good start at moving forward. I often say this to many of my students as I realize that I must live by the advice I give. You seem like a great man who is human, mistakes and all. BTW, you are not ugly by any stretch of the imagination! This is going to sound like psychobabble, but self-forgiveness is so important!
Wow this was powerful. I was also teased as a child. Watching this has made me realize that I'm not ugly. I wish you the best. You deserve so much in life.
I am so incredibly proud of you for putting all of this out there. I hope in some way it has helped you heal in some ways. I don’t know if I could ever be that vulnerable even with the people that Im closed to. Btw I love these intimate vlogs. ❤️❤️❤️
Great video Raif. I will make this very short. Your coming out story sounds like mine actually but I digress. You are not alone on the Suicide issue either, I am just so glad you made it out alive. What we go though when we are kids just make us stronger and I know this has actually helped you to be a stronger loving man as you are today. I think the hardest issue you have going is the HIV and you took that issue by the balls and handled it like a true champ that you are and I am so proud of you. I HAD a friend that I have had for 28 years totally block me because I am a gay dude who supports Trump. The kicker is that he is HIV and he is discriminating against me? What? I also think most gay men cheat when they have a partner so you going through their phone , I have no problem with that actually. YOU sir are doing an incredible job, just keep it up. You are so appreciated for what you are doing..
You are extremely brave! I would never have the courage to do what you’ve done here. I have a lot of the same fears and regrets that you do. I was also told that I was ugly and weird. I grew up with no emotional support from my family. When I was in my mid thirties I began therapy. It took a long time but it really helped. So I know what you’re going through and even though we’re on the opposite sides of the continent and we’ve never met I want you to know that I’m very proud of what you’ve accomplished especially now knowing how much you’ve been through. I have faith that your future is going to be much brighter. I’m here for you man.
Raify you are so loved I hope you know that. You are worthy no matter what happened growing up. And the things that happened were not your fault , you were growing up and others too and many of those things were not ok and out of your control. The good news is that now you do have control and can choose to not live your life based on those tapes from your past. We have no control over absolutely anything but our actions. I can relate to alot of things you shared. You are not alone and you matter ♥️♥️
Please stay positive and know that you are an inspiration. We are not on this thing alone. Together we can be what we really are. You thought me that dude.. there is sonothing wrong with you much love from the Philippines
Wow! It’s pretty awesome and brave of you to talk about things that people are scared to talk about. Thank you! I see you in me, been there. Big Hugs my friend. XX
You are special and important, bro. You are loved. Keep it moving and do your thing. Sending love from Orlando. Keep on keeping on... #onelove. Not sure how I stumbled here - but I embrace your mission and message.
Just before you mentioned your ears, I was thinking to myself "my gawsh this guy has such adorable ears". :) This video is just, wow. All of it. Thank you. I also liked how you were showing yourself in different lighting and different angles, and still looked incredibly handsome in all of them. :)
As always, thank you for always being so honest and candid about your life and your experiences. ♥️ Our journey through this life is so full of ups and downs, unexpected twists and turns in the planned road; it can be so overwhelming. We follow you because we believe in you and don't expect or even want you to be perfect. You Raif are a beautiful work in progress, and through all these trials and lessons you've become even more relatable and helpful to others. Forgive yourself quickly for any perceived failures and shortcomings, and shake it off. :) When our minds get away from ourselves and we start beating ourselves up, lets just stop and breathe. I've got to remind myself of this daily.
'Just found ur channel..!! Thank you so much for sharing ur journey... It really helps others bro... Really... Continue to be authentic everything else will fall into place... You have a new subby...!!! Can'T wait to binge watch ur videos...! THANKS TO YOUR BRAVERY...!!!
Raif i think your a very beautiful person inside and out. Its easy to have trust issues when one has been hurt alot. Healing is a must, anger Raif is a cover second emotion that is never primary. Alot of times we use anger to cover our true emotions to keep from feeling pain. What your doing now is a gr8 step to moving forward keep letting it out.
That was alot . I hope you can move forward with your life and let all the past shit go . I wanted to snoop on my past boyfriends and still do now with my current lol. I think its the natural thing to do when you get the feeling that they are not telling you something. Keep posting bro your content is appreciated!
So, we have established you are human...a loving, insecure person...you are not alone. A lot of us have baggage and trust issues,.so.dont be so hard on yourself...there is no guide book on how to navigate life. You are a learning person evolving into your best self. You are beautiful inside and out....love yourself and give yourself a.break. I wish you everything that you want in life.
I wonder how can be someone so so freaking honest 🤗🤗🤗🥰🥰.. I'm so in love with you bro ❤️.. plz don't cry ..it breaks my heart..a lots of hugs and love 🤗🤗🤗🥰🥰
let me congratulate you first for being so brave and honest. and secondly that was a very short list of things of being ashamed of :)) I have alot more :)) . every person has alot of thing to be ashamed of. the important thing is learning from past experiences and being smart and also see where you are now. alot of people looking up to you. I wish the best for you.
Raif honey trust me I have seen ugly and u are not even close.. Kids in school are mean n bullying is what they do to mask out their own insecurities. I just recently came across one of your videos and immediately subscribed. You are am amazing person I feel like reaching out and give u a hug..
You’re perfect ❤️. Thanks for being transparent with us. Whenever you have one of your episodes just vlog. We are here to listen. I think you’re amazing. Your angles are literally all perfect 😩. I get what what you mean though. I somehow feel like I have to have a filter. When I hear that I’m beautiful without filters and without makeup. Idk. But some days I feel accomplished when I wake up wash my face and face the day with just moisturizer 🧴. Like the quote...We do face battles no one even KNOW about! Stay strong Raif. Your Wonderfully made ❤️😍🥰😘
I love you Raif, dont cry, i feel you, you're my inspiration since the first time i watched your vlog,...you're handsome in and out... God bless you Raif... 💚💛❤💓💚💙💟
Can I ask you a question? Why in the hell are u sooo good looking? 🌹 ps I made this comment before watching the video. Funny your saying you've always thought u were ugly BECUZ brother u are anything but ugly! My opinion your one of the best looking guy I've ever seen. I LOVE WATCHING & HEARING YOU SPEAK. If you need someone around u constantly pointing out how gorgeous u are I'm your girl! 💋
Yes we are friends... and i love to listen to you... some day i wish i can know you in person to give you a huge hug 🤗... to understand your fear and translate it to love and joy... you are an amazing person and like i say before you will live forever... 😢😍😢 you are so honest and brave thank you for being a friend.. and thank you for being open... ❤️
That’s a really sad story about Landon. I remember when I came out back in 04 my family thought they could pray it out of me. Made me talk to people in the Kingdom Hall. I got in trouble for liking what I liked. They thought I would “grow out of it”. Well, I’ve come to terms with being myself, which society would call being bisexual. I just love both sexes. Highly attracted to both. Family think it’s a thing of the past. Even at 32 I can’t manage to “keep a man” because I run. My attraction to women may just be stronger than it is for men. Yet I won’t pursue a FF relationship because of my upbringing and family. Society and family and CONDITIONING keeps us away from being authentic, and unapologetically ourselves.
Raif You are a a very beautiful brave strong man. Wow i have soooo much more respect for you now. You really are amazing. And stop saying your ugly there is NOTHING ugly about u. Fuck what others think about u. Life is to short brother. You really should do a follow up on this video. There are so many ppl that watch your videos. U have thousands of ppl that love you that u dont even know. Im one of them.
I kind of have the same kinds of insecurities as you do. I have learned to cope with it as the years goes by. By the way your not ugly. Your very good looking.
Don't worry friends I am suffering from hiv from 22 years and i live health life thanks to advance art I have many friends they live from 30 years and live healthy life
We are all like diamonds💎 in the rough, on a path eventually learning to embrace and accept every facet and aspect of ourselves, growing and reflecting your own unique, rare soul of love for yourself and to share that gift, with hopes they see that light within too. Thank you✌💖🙏😁😇🤗😎
You have been dealing with a lot of bad things. Did any.adults pick up on it? Like teachers? I’m a teacher and as a Christian and trained professional the admin at my school would assign special students to me as they felt that under my watch they would grow and learn how to recognize these triggers? With God’s help I reached many, but it was nothing magical or unique that I did, it was just me being aware of the pain and suffering? My hope was that someone should have picked up on the urgency of your well-being? Your tears came from some very deep part of your spirit that very few people wish to acknowledge? You’ve manage to come out on the other side as a survivor. I’m not sure what your exact profession is, but you would make a very good counselor or therapist? I admire your strength in sharing something so personal with others. You may have just saved many. young souls with this vlog? I wish you many blessings as you continue to follow your path. If you ever feel the need to talk, let me know and I will give you my number another way? Be well and stay safe. Alex from LA
Just wanted to say thank you and that I take small parts off f your videos to help myself because I hate myself and it started as being gay when I was younger and got worse when I became Positive, you are very beautiful an any angle and like I’m grateful to see you in any lighting ok peace and love later.
Hey Wilberto! thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your own struggles! We're all in this together even if it doesn't feel like it and we gotta support one another.
You're crying and feeling sad on his video but I was laughing throughout the video expect the dog story.... Really if you feel ugly what should I feel now! It was funny to see the details you give to call yourself ugly it was poetic !
Raif I say it all the time. But you are amazing! I have gone through some of the things you have gone through. I didn’t have the best things growing up. After my parents split it I felt it was my fault of the things we where going through because it was me who caught my dad in the act and told my mother. Shortly after that my mom has to get a full time job so I stayed with family friends. I was probably around 5. Well the family friends I stayed with has a teenage son who would sneak in my room and molest me every night. One day finally told my mom I did not want to go over and told her why. And I think we all have insecurities about our looks and get made fun of as children. I know I was. And I know I still have insecurities about how I look. I do the same thing with pictures. If I don’t like it I just delete it or won’t post it. In high school I did even go through a phrase where I would just take tones of pain medication just to make myself feel numb because things just never seemed to get easier I do think all of this has also been a reason why I am insecure with my self. And have had issues with relationships. Thank you for sharing your story. It really hits home. I was there crying with you. It sucks but makes me feel less alone that I was not the only one going through the things I went through. Much love man! 💕
Raif, you made me cry, you made me smile. I felt like I'm not allone and someone else has gone through a difficult childhood and adolescence as at happened to myself as well. I feel somehow relieved after listening and watching you in this video and I admire how you've overcome these situations in your life. I send you a big hug and a kiss from México ❤
Hello, I’m sorry you went through that childhood. You’re not the only one that has similar experiences. Join my club. Numerous therapists, and found the right one. One thing that I learned. The past as a child, is and was not your fault. As an adult, pick a day, put the past in the past. And grow from that point on to the person you want to be. You need to somehow drop your walls down, with your heart open with a person that you care. And grow with them. Knowing that we all have our faults and build from them. Communication is the big trust that you’ll find in a relationship. Me, myself, trust , And adore you as you grow and express you’re a wonderful time and experience on your RUclips channel. Helping others grow and teach from your experience of the day. ❤️🙏🏻 Thx
Aww Raif, I didn't even notice the things people used to tease you about until you started dissecting yourself. You're not ugly at all in fact when I first saw your videos I was disappointed that you're gay lol don't let those children haunt you please.
It makes me crying to see your tears....l send you all the love of the universe.... may God bless you and protect your physical and spiritual health.... may your dreams be happily real soon.....Many little kisses from the heart ..it will be all right...
The day I found out I was HIV+ I wanted to take my own life, but then I found one of your videos and I saw an angel of hope in you, thank you.
There’s a great saying that I love and it goes “there is always someone watching you from afar” and it’s meant to mean that even when you may feel you lack purpose, there is always someone looking up to you. Keep doing what you’re doing because there are people like me (subscribers 🙌🏿) who are learning from you! You’re doing just fine! Take care, my friend!
I like that, I always say that to warn my friends about stalkers though. I invented a similar saying for what you're saying: "You are the person infront of you, to the person behind you".
Basically, people look up to you the same way you look up to people.
I feel sorry to hear all those bad experiences that you've been through. You are such a beautiful soul Raif, courageous fighter and you are such an inspiration to us.
Raif, I cannot believe that you have been called ugly. You are so handsome, intelligent and extremely articulate. It broke my heart to see you cry and I just wanted to hug you and let you know that it will all be ok. God created you and you were created in His image. He loves you just the way you are. With His help you will be able to deal with and get over the hurt from your past. Continue being the wonderful person that you are....each day you are growing and getting better. Just one day at a time. Hugs and God's blessing💞😚💖
i know this video was two years ago, but it makes me cry. we have a very similar childhood, poor parents, move around because we didn't have a house, and being abused and being yelled, called faggot and physically abused by another kids, that was a painful memory, and when I'm diagnosed HIV positive, it's like the word stopped, i felt God so unfair to me, but you are my inspiration, i wish i know you in real life, i really want to hug you.
This is so brave. 🧡
I hope this makes life a little lighter for you.
I'm trying to live more honestly, with myself first and with everyone. Fear, anxiety and jealousy definitely make it hard sometimes but I never realised how shame plays a part until I started been more conscious of my feelings, what exactly they are and the reasons they came about.
Sending love and hugs, Raif 💞💞💞
Thank you for sharing this. I couldn’t sleep last night because I remember I did hurt my dog once when he broke my glasses. I was so angry. I had a bad childhood too and I’ve been working on my emotions. I’ve always felt bad. I’ve never done it again. He kept loving me. We all do mistakes. This is probably my biggest shame. It makes me cry when I see you crying. You’re such an inspiration. ❤️ I also struggled a lot with how I look like. I think we’re being hard on ourselves. You’re beautiful. Don’t be harsh on yourself. 😍
Damn. I watched the rest of the video. My bestfriend once disappeared and was gone for 2 days. And we found out she killed herself. I also overdosed on allergy pills and it was considerent a suicide attempt, but it wasn’t. I believe I just wanted help and support. I’m so grateful you shared your story. I can relate so much to your story. Thank you. Thank you. ❤️
Wow yea! We've got some similarities! Glad you appreciated the video Laura. I know, we can be SO hard on ourselves...often we're our worst critic. Not today, Satan 🙅🏽♂️
This brought tears to my eyes, and I’m not someone that cries easily. Your honesty is almost overwhelming. 🙏❤️
You're a beautiful person! Your goodness and beauty comes from within! You've been very kind in sharing your struggles and great victories, and are a force for good in this mixed up world. You are a blessing!
Thank u so much brother
Dear, dear Raif, I have listened to your video and in the quiet of this evening, wanted to thank you so, so much for what your shared. It breaks my heart, and made me cry listening to some of the things that have been so hard in life for you. I have so much respect for you in opening up.
So much of your story that you shared I can relate to: being bullied, called names, a loner in many ways...and surviving several sexual assaults from a guy who wanted to destroy my life, and he committed numerous crimes against me that could have been prosecuted in a court of law.
But...I don't want to talk much about myself...I feel so sad that all I can do is try to write some words of support and comfort as you are not alone. Can it be enough that i will pray tonight before i go to sleep, and ask that you are given a good rest tonight...that you will know you are a treasure who has impacted many...and you are fearfully and wonderfully made like it says in the Psalms.
P.S. I have watched several of your vlogs and have enjoyed watching you fix meals, seeing your new place, and seeing your beautiful dog. I hate to bother you with too many comments...but know I have been here silently at times.
My dear Raif, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry that was your experience growing up. You deserved be to loved , made to feel safe, you should have been shown how to keep yourself clean.
Having experienced an abusive childhood myself, I can certainly sympathize. It is extremely important to forgive yourself , and those who contributed to your trauma. This way you can heal and move on.
You are an attractive man inside and out. Don't ever forget that. You have had a difficult journey thus far , and you survived. Learn from your mistakes, try not to make the same ones again. Oh , you will always make mistakes, but hopefully less and less as time goes by. It's not the problems you encounter that defines you , it's how you rise to the situation , and over come it.
I'm sending you a massive bear hug to you. I so want to hold you right now , and make you feel safe.You are an amazing man Raif, wear your scares as badges of honor. 😀💞
Hey Alexander...thank you so much for appreciating the video and for your support. I forgot that I even mentioned that stuff...and while on some level it makes me cringe to realize again...I'm also glad I touched on it. I think if other people can relate to it and if it helps in that way...then it's already worth it! And it's also healing for me to talk about it...catharsis! I'll probably split some of those up into individual vlogs to go in-depth on it.
Wow. That was so beautiful. So real. So honest. So raw. So emotional. You are not only a hero to many but a teacher. What is so great about your "flaws" as you put it, is that they were/are the building blocks of the man you have become and are continuing to become. Contrast and trauma are really incredible opportunities that can create desire and can lead to incredible growth. And dare I even say joy. It's shifting perspective to see the value in all of it. It all has value. It all has lead you to where you are now - this incredible place in your life where you are uplifting and inspiring others. You/we/humans will never be perfect. There is no such thing. Once you are"perfect" there is no need for expansion and growth. And while you/we/humans are alive we will always be reaching for more. We never "get it done". We never "get to the bottom" of anything. We only continue our personal evolution or expansion or growth. I celebrate you. I admire you. You inspire and uplift me. You have found your way into servicing others and that my friend is true success. Your joy is true success. You discovering your worthiness is success. You are a success. Thank you for sharing so much of your life. I am in awe of you. --"Deuces"
Sebastian! Thank you much for such a thoughtful and supportive response...I agree with everything you said. You put a big smile on my face.
Vulnerability is hard. I have felt it, many of us have experienced it, and I can see it in this video. But being vulnerable allows us to acknowledge, and therefore confront, the most tender and fragile pieces of who are. And when we expose those pieces, we allow those who bear witness to see themselves in us and realize they're not alone. That is what this video did for me and certainly others. So thank you, Raif.
You are not ugly, you are different and especial, its to much better to be as different as normal people , i love all of you: body, soul, mind...everything ,"average people are boring" dont forgett it , keep you strong Raif , we all have ghosts but all that you being through made you a warrior...a big one! Love u! All the good vibes to you
Well done Raif. How does it feel to have unpacked all of those fears publicly and discovered you still have love and support? A nice counterpoint to this vlog would be one talking about what you see as your best attributes that you are proudest of.
The video deeply moved me and I enjoyed every word. Thank you very much for sharing your life story. It was brave of you to do this. Your decision is an inspiration and I’m very proud of you. You are a beautiful human being. ❤️❤️
I appreciate you sharing your struggles. It helps others and myself not feel alone when we're going through tough times.
You're gonna be okay.
That's exactly my hope, Milo! Thank you for affirming that!
Such a real video. Loved it so much. Made me cry a little. I've been watching your channel for a while now. Post often if you can.
Hey, thanks for the support. I was feeling sick for a while but back to my old self. Expect more frequent posting now 🙌
I was and sometimes still in the same place as you were Raif, it was very brave of you to try to reach back to that person and apologize, it showed how much you've grown and learned from your mistakes. We all make mistakes especially when we're still young, but as we grow older, we become more aware of our actions and we try to be better versions of ourselves. I've strained myself away from my old habits of being super obsessed, angry and full of doubts and so far I've managed to control my actions and have been able to stop myself from doing the same mistakes I've done in the past. I've decided to focus on positivities and have strained away from negative thoughts, I try to be the best of myself in the present as the present defines my past and the future.
I wish I could give you a hug, because I know how you feel. Your strength and how resilience are beautiful Raif. Thank you for being you and transparent with us all. We are here for you 😘
Edit: I think you are beautiful Raif, you are strikingly handsome. I struggled through similar issues, except that I was chubby. A girl legitimately said that I was a 2/10 when I was younger. It destroyed me.
As for what happened with your friend and the r word, you made the best decision you could have at that time. Hindsight is 20/20. And honey nobody could have seen Landon’s pain. Earlier on I had struggles with my sexuality, and I understand the dark place of suicide. We hide the pain so well, and know that there is nothing you could have done. I hope you know how sweet you are, and how big hearted you are.
Watching this gave me so much more hope we confidence to see another guy go through similar circumstances as myself and succeed. Thank you again Raif. If I repeated myself a lot, I apologize haha. With longer vids I comment as I watch 😂 .
Raif, you are beautiful, dont let anyone tell you otherwise. I guess this big release in public turns over a new leaf for you. You have corrected and rectified all or most of the wrongs and misfortunes from your youth. You are now a new person with big achievements and best of all, you are not selfish, you have used all your negatives experiences to be a very effective self help influencer. You are a rock, I really like you xoxoxoxo. Thank you for sharing and for helping others.
Thank u so much for that A Phoenix....really appreciate the encouragement and support. I can be kinda hard on myself if ya hadn't guessed lol 😜
I feel you Raif because as a kid I'm also a victim of bullying and calling names,were just unfortunate to grew up in this cruel world,oh actually it's not the world that is cruel but the people.Until now I still remember all the bullying issue and it's difficult.
Best medicine is to talk about your fears and insecurities, your childhood was not your fault,you turned out fine ,so pick yourself up dust off the past and know that you matter and God loves you unconditionally ❤
Thank you Odette! Much love to yooouuu
Aww don't cry, it broke my heart watch you like that so vulnerable. You are so real, so honest with your followers. You're not ugly, you are extremely handsome and you have such a beautiful heart and soul. We love you! I send you a big hug. 🤗❤️
Raif, you know I have been with you for a very long time. This baring of the soul is both therapeutic and impressive in its maturity. You need to know, and I think you do, that all of us here accept you just as you are as a very responsible, striving, loving young person, who all of us admire. You are no different than the rest of us in your 'deficiencies', we all have those. What separates you from all of us, is that you accept who you are and you are working to be better. But the fact is, you are already the BEST in our minds. You know we love you, Raif.......Thanks, man.........Ray
Raif I'm so sorry! This breaks my heart for you. For what it's worth, you're not alone. I know my own childhood was very dysfunctional at best most of the time. My dad has always had serious issues with alcohol, and every weekend growing up, I would hide my room and listen to my parents scream at each other. I would literally listen with my ear pressed against the door because I was so scared my parents were going to hurt each other. It did get physical at times, causing me to have to call 911 on my dad for attacking my mom.
Oh, I forgot to mention I was born with a rare genetic disorder called Turner syndrome, and was constantly in and out of the hospital for doctor's appointments. The doctors threatened reporting my parents if I didn't get to each and every appointment. They caused even more anxiety and stress in my life, as the doctors would never explain anything to me, and act as if I wasn't even in the room.. I was basically owned by the local children's hospital as a science experiment until I walked away at 16.
Fast forward another 16 years, and at 32 I'm a single woman, coping with the health issues associated with Turner syndrome. Crippling anxiety and depression, which all leaves me unable to work enough to support myself. I'm still at home, and even though things got a bit better.. My dad still drinks too much. I just take it one day at a time, and thank God for having a couple good friends to talk to. This isn't me blaming all my problems on everyone else, it's just proving to be very difficult to work through. I love you Raif, stay strong! 💖
Can we make a community...me also hiv +
Wow, u talking about listening at the door to your parents reminded me that I used to do the same thing! I forgot about that! Yea, my step-dad (the one who raised me) also had a drinking problem...he died when I was 22 cause he wouldn't stop drinking and smoking and he was taking steroids to treat something. He never told me what for, wouldn't talk about his health and i had NO IDEA he was close to death. And then i suddenly saw his health degrade until he died of a heart attaack
@@RaifDerrazi Raif I'm so sorry to hear that. I worry about my Dad a lot, and it's just one day at a time. Big hugs! 🙏❤
@@HaleyAnneBechler Me also have growed up to see my parents misbehaving each other when i was only a school kid....used to see them by hidding under my reading table..... then i engaged myself addiction as well as to drinking & having lot of girl friends....& then i just remembering those days was better than living with this ugly partner (hiv).......... we all have stories..... bt nobody is liable for these...we are the maker or changer of ourselves.....hope all will have the better in further...
Hello my friend, i think your beautiful inside and outside! My opinion, in this present day you have encouraged, inspired, and provided support for me and others living with HIV. I began to work out again because of you! Listening to you be open and raw with your truth helps me stay alive. I don't feel alone! I watch you and feel good. Thank you🌈🙏🌹
You’re an angel of hope and you’re a light in my life. I wanted to die when I found out my status but your videos make me want to live and thrive. I’m in nursing now I’m going to make a difference in peoples lives now.
Kids can be ginormous a-holes sometimes. Much respect for being so open about your life, and so very sorry u went thru all that.
Thanks Gee! For the support and the words of encouragement!
Raif, I think I have subbed to your channel since its beginning. I hope this video was very cathartic for you and very helpful for anyone watching. I have taught and counseled over 8000 young people. You need to know, if you don't already, that you are very intent on being the best you can be, that is a sterling quality, and I think you are awesome. Nothing you said here has changed my opinion of you as being a fantastic person trying his best.......all any of us can do. Thanks, bro........Ray
😭😭😭😭 big respect brother you are a warrior
Raif, thanks for bearing your soul to us...I’m sure it’ll help more people than you realize. 😁😁🤙🏽🤙🏽
Until this video, I never realized that you’re my polar opposite. I virtually never get jealous and I’m not really self conscious about anything (if anything, my gut a little bit). When I tell this to people, their judgment is almost always immediate and always predictable...they assume that I’m being holier than though, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Not getting jealous sounds like it should be great for a relationship, right? Nope, every guy I’ve dated has left me ‘cause they take it that I don’t care about them ‘cause if I did, I’d get jealous sometimes...but the reality is always that I just trust them to be faithful to me. And me not being self conscious has almost always resulted in my exes feeling shitty about their body ‘cause they say stuff like, “you can expect me to be as comfortable in my skin as you are in your skin!” So I explain to them that I don’t care if they insecurities...I’m there to support them no matter what.
Since you shared parts of yourself with us, I just wanted to share a little with you. I know it’s not easy being single, it was especially hard for me when I lived by WeHo, so I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. Over the last 20 years, I’ve had 1 boyfriend and it wasn’t even 3 years long. So I’ve come to the realization that there’s a good chance that love is not in my future...so a few years ago I decided to stop looking for it, and to just enjoy the remaining years I have left of this planet. 😁 And having a friend like you makes that time so much more enjoyable and precious.
Lotsa love and aloha from Hawai’i!!! 😘😘🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🤙🏽🤙🏽
Sean Shimamoto 👍🏼👍🏼
Hi don't cry .... U r the one who teach me live the life once more , to look good once more , to enjoy my life once more.. once I was going to do sucide . M alive with HIV only because of u . Ur my inspiration my idiol. Love u alot from India
Dude i wanna connect with you.. chetan12rishi@gmail.com.... Please ping
Can I connect to discuss the issue
Me also positive....taherminhaj@gmail.com
Hi Mahesh wanna connect with u......
Hi
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! @raif derrazi thank you. once again you have vocalized something a lot of us deal with. your voice is guiding a lot of people, motivating them to take themselves to the next level. and you are leading by example.
im not going to go into detail but suffice to say even at my age, i STILL deal with a lot the issues you mentioned. there are days (especially around the holidays) when these fears and faults and insecurities rear their ugly head even stronger . while watching your vids doesn't ERASE them it DOES give me a moment to hear another voice, someone who has been in a similar situation and can face these things head on.
I find when the insecurities and inner voices are quiet, are not putting myself down, i can deal with them and embrace the challenges they present to me. When they are 'loud' and omnipresent in my head, to the point of waking me up/not letting me sleep, i feel even more helpless, even more useless, even more unworthy. again hearing your voice hearing your struggle hearing your journey gives this middle ages guy hope and strenght
THANK YOU for exposing your hurt like you do
may all the inseucrities and learning lead you to a path of joy and peace
all my best to you always
love your 'fan' scotty
Big hug to you brother! I so appreciated you letting me into your world. I can relate and emphasize. 🌞
You’re very welcome. Thanks for the love 🙏🏽
It's incredible what being mistreated by other human beings can do to a person, how much damage it can do. Thank you for sharing your story and what you're been through. It's pointless for me to tell you how handsome you are, because you truly are, from every angle, because I realize how hard we can all be on ourselves, especially if we've also faced harsh and unkind criticism from outside.
What we need more of is people like you, sharing with people, informing, lifting others up. People need to know they matter even if they aren't conventionally attractive because there is so much more to an individual than their looks. There is so much we can offer to the world, our families, and ourselves that goes beyond the physical.
Don’t cry you make me sad 😢 I wanna hug you and tell you everything will be ok 👍🏻
Aw thanks Eric...i just got a little vulnerable that night...I'm good now tho, promise
This is y i help period. Especially children because everybody needs somebody. I was raised and also raising my children that if u see a need u fill a need. No discrimination no matter what we believe. Love unconditionally. Help wholeheartedly w/out expecting something in return. I also teach them to never stand for bullying rather it be themselves getting bullied or someone else. Watching bullying and doing nothing about it is just as wrong as being the bully. To stand up for those that cant standup for themselves even standing with someone who needs someone to stand beside them. It just hearts my heart and soul to know and hear of children going through and not one adult acknowledging the situation and doing something to help. As an adult/parent, as a mom/dad there is no excuse to not love every child as your own unconditionally. We have to get back to that child like love that every kids has before they are "branded" to love with conditions. I love everyone in this world unconditionally (i know ppl think yeah right) i pray for everyones well being. Just because we dont agree about god or the way of life doesnt mean i or anyone else has the right to be spiteful, mean and hateful.
A-MEN! 🙏
*You are not ugly* 🥺🙁☹️
People come in different shapes, sizes, we are unique in are own ways of life shapes, colors etc. This video breaks my heart incredibly 💔 . I will love you through the camera lenses 💕 OMG! only if i could tell you how special you are. It would only make me feel better then you feel divine for you🥺💕
So honest and heartbreaking. Teaching us how to cope, grieve and being human. Thanks friend. I regret I didn't step in at school to protect others who were having a tough time.
Ive had to drink the charcoal. I can relate to a.couple of things you discussed. Im so glad you can take an introspective look at yourself with a willingness to learn and grow and that you have done just that. Love and Light! Ryan 😊
Hey buddy please don't feel.... You are too good and you are inspiration for all.... Lots of love
I swear Raif we have so much in common. I have had some of the most horrible experiences as a child that you can think of and I believe it still affects me to this day. Stay strong and stay sweet
Raif, your a great looking guy and we all have our individual flaws....Please pray to overcome FEAR, so important...Remember to look at the good in your life vs the bad. You have allowed millions to come into your life and show your vulnerability, help others along with educating us, how many people can say they would be willing to do so? Hang in there Brother, it will get better.....Thanks for what you do, much appreciated!!!!! #BIGHUGS
Thank you so much for your love and support
Raif, I’m probably repeating things that others have posted but please remember that your past does not have to define your future and you are an example of that because of the things you have accomplished. Many of us have similar doubts and obstacles and being able to recognize and verbalize them is a good start at moving forward. I often say this to many of my students as I realize that I must live by the advice I give. You seem like a great man who is human, mistakes and all. BTW, you are not ugly by any stretch of the imagination! This is going to sound like psychobabble, but self-forgiveness is so important!
Wow this was powerful. I was also teased as a child. Watching this has made me realize that I'm not ugly. I wish you the best. You deserve so much in life.
I am so incredibly proud of you for putting all of this out there. I hope in some way it has helped you heal in some ways. I don’t know if I could ever be that vulnerable even with the people that Im closed to. Btw I love these intimate vlogs. ❤️❤️❤️
What reminds me seeing this video are the actions of Jesus always naming the enemy in order to conquer it. You're the best! Courage!
Yea! Exactly, naming something (identifying it) immediately diminishes its power! 🙏
Great video Raif. I will make this very short. Your coming out story sounds like mine actually but I digress. You are not alone on the Suicide issue either, I am just so glad you made it out alive. What we go though when we are kids just make us stronger and I know this has actually helped you to be a stronger loving man as you are today. I think the hardest issue you have going is the HIV and you took that issue by the balls and handled it like a true champ that you are and I am so proud of you. I HAD a friend that I have had for 28 years totally block me because I am a gay dude who supports Trump. The kicker is that he is HIV and he is discriminating against me? What? I also think most gay men cheat when they have a partner so you going through their phone , I have no problem with that actually. YOU sir are doing an incredible job, just keep it up. You are so appreciated for what you are doing..
You are extremely brave! I would never have the courage to do what you’ve done here. I have a lot of the same fears and regrets that you do. I was also told that I was ugly and weird. I grew up with no emotional support from my family. When I was in my mid thirties I began therapy. It took a long time but it really helped.
So I know what you’re going through and even though we’re on the opposite sides of the continent and we’ve never met I want you to know that I’m very proud of what you’ve accomplished especially now knowing how much you’ve been through. I have faith that your future is going to be much brighter. I’m here for you man.
Mitch Grooms l
Raify you are so loved I hope you know that. You are worthy no matter what happened growing up. And the things that happened were not your fault , you were growing up and others too and many of those things were not ok and out of your control. The good news is that now you do have control and can choose to not live your life based on those tapes from your past. We have no control over absolutely anything but our actions. I can relate to alot of things you shared. You are not alone and you matter ♥️♥️
Aw my good friends call me Raify
My brother. Never forget that you are amazing!!!!!!
Thank u Manuel!
I am so happy to be among the people who can bodly say they are herpes free with #Drokooboh I'm RUclips channel for quick response..
Please stay positive and know that you are an inspiration. We are not on this thing alone. Together we can be what we really are. You thought me that dude.. there is sonothing wrong with you much love from the Philippines
Wow! It’s pretty awesome and brave of you to talk about things that people are scared to talk about. Thank you! I see you in me, been there. Big Hugs my friend. XX
You are special and important, bro. You are loved. Keep it moving and do your thing. Sending love from Orlando. Keep on keeping on... #onelove. Not sure how I stumbled here - but I embrace your mission and message.
Just before you mentioned your ears, I was thinking to myself "my gawsh this guy has such adorable ears". :)
This video is just, wow. All of it. Thank you.
I also liked how you were showing yourself in different lighting and different angles, and still looked incredibly handsome in all of them. :)
As always, thank you for always being so honest and candid about your life and your experiences. ♥️ Our journey through this life is so full of ups and downs, unexpected twists and turns in the planned road; it can be so overwhelming. We follow you because we believe in you and don't expect or even want you to be perfect. You Raif are a beautiful work in progress, and through all these trials and lessons you've become even more relatable and helpful to others. Forgive yourself quickly for any perceived failures and shortcomings, and shake it off. :)
When our minds get away from ourselves and we start beating ourselves up, lets just stop and breathe. I've got to remind myself of this daily.
'Just found ur channel..!! Thank you so much for sharing ur journey... It really helps others bro... Really... Continue to be authentic everything else will fall into place... You have a new subby...!!! Can'T wait to binge watch ur videos...! THANKS TO YOUR BRAVERY...!!!
Raif don't cry 😭 bro ur the real inspiration for all
I am so happy to be among the people who can bodly say they are herpes free with #Drokooboh I'm RUclips channel for quick response..
Hey this made me cry with you... we all have flaws. We are growing and becoming more of a better person each day. You are an amazing person.💙💙💙
You are so beautiful. You helped me so much over the last couple of months ❤️❤️❤️ stay safe handsome.
Raif i think your a very beautiful person inside and out. Its easy to have trust issues when one has been hurt alot. Healing is a must, anger Raif is a cover second emotion that is never primary. Alot of times we use anger to cover our true emotions to keep from feeling pain. What your doing now is a gr8 step to moving forward keep letting it out.
That was alot . I hope you can move forward with your life and let all the past shit go . I wanted to snoop on my past boyfriends and still do now with my current lol. I think its the natural thing to do when you get the feeling that they are not telling you something. Keep posting bro your content is appreciated!
Now u have me crying 😢. My past came back 2 me in a flash. I am wiping my tears n hope ur wiping urs. Keep on it.
So, we have established you are human...a loving, insecure person...you are not alone. A lot of us have baggage and trust issues,.so.dont be so hard on yourself...there is no guide book on how to navigate life. You are a learning person evolving into your best self. You are beautiful inside and out....love yourself and give yourself a.break. I wish you everything that you want in life.
I wonder how can be someone so so freaking honest 🤗🤗🤗🥰🥰.. I'm so in love with you bro ❤️.. plz don't cry ..it breaks my heart..a lots of hugs and love 🤗🤗🤗🥰🥰
let me congratulate you first for being so brave and honest. and secondly that was a very short list of things of being ashamed of :)) I have alot more :)) . every person has alot of thing to be ashamed of. the important thing is learning from past experiences and being smart and also see where you are now. alot of people looking up to you.
I wish the best for you.
man youre so brave and courageous and theres nothing as strong as a person living fully in their truth! :P thankyou for sharing! big love!
You’re so sweet and I love watching you it’s truly like visiting you... hanging out seeing what you’re up to I love it 🥰
That's EXACTLY what I'm hoping for, so thank you for validating that for me.
I will support you all the way. You are inspirational to all people regardless of the status. Continue what your doing Raif.
Your speaking from the heart, I am sure, is an inspiration for many! You have inspired me.
Raif honey trust me I have seen ugly and u are not even close.. Kids in school are mean n bullying is what they do to mask out their own insecurities. I just recently came across one of your videos and immediately subscribed. You are am amazing person I feel like reaching out and give u a hug..
"...trust me I have seen ugly..." geez, you're part of the problem!
Much love to u
Aw, don't cry. You are a wonderful, beautiful man. Hugs
Thank u so much
You’re perfect ❤️. Thanks for being transparent with us. Whenever you have one of your episodes just vlog. We are here to listen. I think you’re amazing. Your angles are literally all perfect 😩. I get what what you mean though. I somehow feel like I have to have a filter. When I hear that I’m beautiful without filters and without makeup. Idk. But some days I feel accomplished when I wake up wash my face and face the day with just moisturizer 🧴. Like the quote...We do face battles no one even KNOW about! Stay strong Raif. Your Wonderfully made ❤️😍🥰😘
I love you Raif, dont cry, i feel you, you're my inspiration since the first time i watched your vlog,...you're handsome in and out... God bless you Raif... 💚💛❤💓💚💙💟
i cried. i hope you find yourself. pray hard to come to terms
Thanks for the love!
Oh my goodness Raif, I find that you are Soooo Handsome!! ..And I am a straight, female.
Raif you have come a long way!stay strong you got this my Taurus ♉️ homie!it was a pleasure meeting you at target 🎯 for that moment 😊
I can believe people called you ugly !
You are so very handsome
You are so brave for sharing your not best side of you it takes some balls !!!!!
Can I ask you a question?
Why in the hell are u sooo good looking? 🌹 ps I made this comment before watching the video. Funny your saying you've always thought u were ugly BECUZ brother u are anything but ugly! My opinion your one of the best looking guy I've ever seen. I LOVE WATCHING & HEARING YOU SPEAK. If you need someone around u constantly pointing out how gorgeous u are I'm your girl! 💋
Yes we are friends... and i love to listen to you... some day i wish i can know you in person to give you a huge hug 🤗... to understand your fear and translate it to love and joy... you are an amazing person and like i say before you will live forever... 😢😍😢 you are so honest and brave thank you for being a friend.. and thank you for being open... ❤️
Forget about ur parents - hate them like I hate mine - give love to ur friends and partner but use selection - it's ok to love yourself too
That’s a really sad story about Landon. I remember when I came out back in 04 my family thought they could pray it out of me. Made me talk to people in the Kingdom Hall. I got in trouble for liking what I liked. They thought I would “grow out of it”. Well, I’ve come to terms with being myself, which society would call being bisexual. I just love both sexes. Highly attracted to both. Family think it’s a thing of the past. Even at 32 I can’t manage to “keep a man” because I run. My attraction to women may just be stronger than it is for men. Yet I won’t pursue a FF relationship because of my upbringing and family. Society and family and CONDITIONING keeps us away from being authentic, and unapologetically ourselves.
Raif You are a a very beautiful brave strong man. Wow i have soooo much more respect for you now. You really are amazing. And stop saying your ugly there is NOTHING ugly about u. Fuck what others think about u. Life is to short brother. You really should do a follow up on this video. There are so many ppl that watch your videos. U have thousands of ppl that love you that u dont even know. Im one of them.
I kind of have the same kinds of insecurities as you do. I have learned to cope with it as the years goes by. By the way your not ugly. Your very good looking.
Don't worry friends I am suffering from hiv from 22 years and i live health life thanks to advance art I have many friends they live from 30 years and live healthy life
We are all like diamonds💎 in the rough, on a path eventually learning to embrace and accept every facet and aspect of ourselves, growing and reflecting your own unique, rare soul of love for yourself and to share that gift, with hopes they see that light within too. Thank you✌💖🙏😁😇🤗😎
Any cure vaccine is available or informatio
You have been dealing with a lot of bad things. Did any.adults pick up on it? Like teachers? I’m a teacher and as a Christian and trained professional the admin at my school would assign special students to me as they felt that under my watch they would grow and learn how to recognize these triggers? With God’s help I reached many, but it was nothing magical or unique that I did, it was just me being aware of the pain and suffering? My hope was that someone should have picked up on the urgency of your well-being? Your tears came from some very deep part of your spirit that very few people wish to acknowledge? You’ve manage to come out on the other side as a survivor. I’m not sure what your exact profession is, but you would make a very good counselor or therapist? I admire your strength in sharing something so personal with others. You may have just saved many. young souls with this vlog? I wish you many blessings as you continue to follow your path. If you ever feel the need to talk, let me know and I will give you my number another way? Be well and stay safe. Alex from LA
Just wanted to say thank you and that I take small parts off f your videos to help myself because I hate myself and it started as being gay when I was younger and got worse when I became Positive, you are very beautiful an any angle and like I’m grateful to see you in any lighting ok peace and love later.
Hey Wilberto! thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your own struggles! We're all in this together even if it doesn't feel like it and we gotta support one another.
You're crying and feeling sad on his video but I was laughing throughout the video expect the dog story.... Really if you feel ugly what should I feel now!
It was funny to see the details you give to call yourself ugly it was poetic !
Raif I say it all the time. But you are amazing! I have gone through some of the things you have gone through. I didn’t have the best things growing up. After my parents split it I felt it was my fault of the things we where going through because it was me who caught my dad in the act and told my mother. Shortly after that my mom has to get a full time job so I stayed with family friends. I was probably around 5. Well the family friends I stayed with has a teenage son who would sneak in my room and molest me every night. One day finally told my mom I did not want to go over and told her why. And I think we all have insecurities about our looks and get made fun of as children. I know I was. And I know I still have insecurities about how I look. I do the same thing with pictures. If I don’t like it I just delete it or won’t post it. In high school I did even go through a phrase where I would just take tones of pain medication just to make myself feel numb because things just never seemed to get easier I do think all of this has also been a reason why I am insecure with my self. And have had issues with relationships. Thank you for sharing your story. It really hits home. I was there crying with you. It sucks but makes me feel less alone that I was not the only one going through the things I went through. Much love man! 💕
You are a great person may God bless You always.
God bless you too!
Raif, you made me cry, you made me smile. I felt like I'm not allone and someone else has gone through a difficult childhood and adolescence as at happened to myself as well. I feel somehow relieved after listening and watching you in this video and I admire how you've overcome these situations in your life. I send you a big hug and a kiss from México ❤
Glad you could relate 😉
Hello, I’m sorry you went through that childhood. You’re not the only one that has similar experiences. Join my club. Numerous therapists, and found the right one. One thing that I learned. The past as a child, is and was not your fault. As an adult, pick a day, put the past in the past. And grow from that point on to the person you want to be. You need to somehow drop your walls down, with your heart open with a person that you care. And grow with them. Knowing that we all have our faults and build from them. Communication is the big trust that you’ll find in a relationship.
Me, myself, trust , And adore you as you grow and express you’re a wonderful time and experience on your RUclips channel. Helping others grow and teach from your experience of the day. ❤️🙏🏻
Thx
What is most personal is also the most universal.
Heard THAT! Thank you for summing up my channel and everything I do so eloquently haha
All I can say is thank you so much for sharing😔❤️
Aww Raif, I didn't even notice the things people used to tease you about until you started dissecting yourself. You're not ugly at all in fact when I first saw your videos I was disappointed that you're gay lol don't let those children haunt you please.
It makes me crying to see your tears....l send you all the love of the universe.... may God bless you and protect your physical and spiritual health.... may your dreams be happily real soon.....Many little kisses from the heart ..it will be all right...
I like this guys honesty
Thank you my friend
Dude, how I could relate to this...feeling flawed.
Totally man, I think a LOT of people can relate