Why We Should Keep Talking About Our Lost Loved Ones Even if it Makes People Uncomfortable
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- Опубликовано: 14 авг 2024
- Discover why talking about lost loved ones and our grief is crucial for healing and how it helps keep their memory alive. I'll talk about the damaging effects of being told to 'get over' grief and provide empowering strategies to encourage the expression of loss. Whether you're navigating your own grief or supporting someone who is, this video will guide you towards a more empathetic understanding of loss.
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First picture I am seeing of your beautiful daughter. Can see her beautiful soul in her beautiful face…in her beautiful eyes. One cannot stop talking about love like that❣️ Truth always wins. Love always wins. 💕
You are so kind. She really was beautiful. And I'll never stop talking about her. ❤️
Libby is beautiful, her eyes are amazing, how can you stop talking about your daughter, those people have no clue, your loss is immense losing a child. Great job with what you do. ❤
Aww, thank you so much. She did have the prettiest eyes! ❤️
The day my son died, my life changed, and I will never,ever be the old me. I don’t plan on being doom and gloom , but I need to feel my feelings. I find it a very lonely place. After a few months. The phone doesn’t ring, even my own sister has backed off. I actually share to others, how lonely I feel, and they still don’t call. I don’t understand why, in this life we all going to lose others and we ourselves are going to die that this is the best we could do as a society . We have NO CLUE how to deal with grief. I love when you tell us about your daughter Libby. I love seeing her pictures and I love when you tell us about her dancing and all the joy she brought. Libby lived, and she mattered and she made this world a better place. We will never move on from our loses. They lived, they mattered and we should continues to share memories.. sending you and all who are listening much love.
Thank you so much for your kind words... and no, we will never be our old selves. People have a hard time accepting that about us, and it makes them uncomfortable. :(
Totally agree! That’s the hard part of grief,you also loose everyone around you! I even sent out short links of ‘what to say to a grieving person) didn’t make any difference. I’m so sorry for your loss! May peace and healing be by your side every day! ❤😢😢
I’ve had the same experience with my family.
I agree with you 100%. I talk about my husband all the time. I’ve told people that I will always talk about him and if they don’t like it then they better not be around me any more. Like you said we love them and their life mattered!
YES!!! You keep talking, Toinette! ❤️
I am truly speechless that people are even capable of saying stuff like that. It's disgusting really. And your 100% RIGHT when you say this behavior is SELFISH...they blame your loss for their discomfort. I know I always go on my rants about depression...but it never ceases to amaze me how much the things you share about grief...always relate to a T how I've experienced things with depression...like when people say "cheer up" or "you gotta snap out of it" its literally THE WORST. I feel so empty when people say that sort of thing...and embarrassed that even tried to open up. It's the person who asks how you are but doesn't actually want to know or listen. I'm so sorry someone dismissed you like that for talking about Libby😢. She is a part of you that is very much alive and you have every right to tell the world her story and yours. She mattered to you...and that's all that matters. ❤🙏
I'm not surprised by much of anything at this point, haha. But I agree 100% having dealt with depression my whole life -- people are so uncomfortable with anything related to mental health. 💔
"Its not you, it's them!" What a linw to remember, in various occasions of unreasonable reactions!
Be sure to ask anyone about their favorite singer or most memorable music group and people will reminisce for hours remembering their special songs from childhood or high school that held and kept their memories and how sad we are that those people have died.
So, if we feel that for people who created sweet nostalgia for us and who gave us lifetime memories and our generation of milestones and they have passed and we never even met them and they never even knew us, how much more meaningful are the people who were actually in our lives who created memories for us everyday🌱....
“I can’t believe Whitney Houston is gone. That National Anthem gives me chills to this day ... that Kenny Rogers song brings back memories of my aunt... that was our wedding song... our band played Michael Jackson’s songs at our football games....
It’s crazy Robin Williams is gone... we used to watch Mrs Doubtfire all the time... “
A favorite football player..., favorite celebrities who have died ...
people will go on and on about these memories of them and we never knew them ..
... but we tell stories of the memory...
The stories of our lives are our lives
For me, my mother passed a few months ago. I know I am now dealing with jealousy from family members - namely from my mother’s sisters and cousins - mostly because my mother was everyone’s favorite (and they openly stated this at my mother’s memorial, if you can picture multiple people in the family actually stating she was their favorite/ AKA all of you were not🥴... it was actually quite comical since I couldn’t imagine actually saying that out loud)
But the relationships she built and fostered are so much stronger than anything they have 😞so they now actively seek to diminish and dim any talk of my mother (as if that will somehow make them appear to be bigger) and they do not want to hear of any beautiful praise of her because they simply cannot handle it and they do not have that for themselves and likely will not.😞
This, however, is not my problem.
This nothing to do with my mother or me.
We all make choices in life and they all have made their choices, as she did. If our life choices have created paper-thin relationships (as theirs have) or if they have resulted in very little love, respect or admiration from others, those who do receive an outpouring of love, admiration and respect are not responsible for others’ choices😞. I will not give less light to my loved ones who recently passed because others might be dealing with their own feelings of lack of love and support. I will honor mine and I (gently) encourage you to remember Libby and yours as they have nothing to do with anyone else. Every opportunity I have to honor my family I will take, in their very cherished memory. Peace 🌱.
Oh my gosh, I LOOOOOOOOOVE this comparison!! What an impactful way to think about it!!!
I want to stand up and cheer for this. You are SO RIGHT!!!
In this bizarro world that we now live in, it is perfectly acceptable to honor and elevate the impact of people we have never met above the people in our actual lives. If we think about 50years ago, 75years ago, 100years ago… I don’t know when this started… but when we think there was a time when people did not celebrate “celebrities” or people that they did not know to the extent that they do now or elevate them above people they knew. This elevation of “celebrity” impact is VERY recent history.
Who would’ve thought you would EVER honor the impact of people who you did not know above the people you knew and who were actually in your actual life because unknown people made a song, movie or scored touchdowns😞 and all while having no idea who or what they were like in their personal lives?
It’s bizarre when you think about it but that’s what we do.
No. Make “celebrities” out of the people in your life. I make no apology for making them larger than life. If a “celeb” can get that, I can make my loved one that, too. Peace 🌱
Your facts are on point! When we talk about the people we've lost, we do give their life meaning. They mattered when they were with us, and they still matter when they're gone. If we do not talk about people who are gone, then we neglect their meaning to us and the impacts they made during their lifetime. Hugs!
Hugs back, and thank you!
Very good points! We need to keep our loved one’s memories alive. Saturday will be one year since I lost a close friend, and I plan on at least posting a few memories on Facebook. I don’t know how many of my friends and family will see the post or comment on it, but it’s at least a small outlet for me to share the times we had together. I just miss him so freaking much!! 😢 and I wish people still cared to ask me about him.
Post those memories!!! I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend, but the important thing is that YOU are remembering him. ❤️
😳😖😠 ..... you are sooo right Brooke....!
Libby had your beautiful eyes
Aww, thank you so much. ❤️
Definitely a relevant topic for me. Have been back into huge sadness combined w some depression. It’s been two years and I feel people wanting me to be in a better place by now.I’m almost embarrassed to show how I’m feeling it’s not well received, I even feel conflicted about how I can have so much, including a beautiful new granddaughter, and still feel so heavy hearted.
You're riding those grief waves. 💔 I totally get what you're saying about people wanting you to be in a better place. But it's not about them. You're not on their timeline. You can still appreciate the good things you have and still be sad as h*ll. ❤️
We had our 2 year May 17 it’s heart breaking , I’m so sorry you got treated that way as getting over it that’s awful 😢 you are Libby’s mom.
Agreed, and thank you. Glad you made it through your 2nd anniversary. Sending hugs.
My daughter passed away in 2009. It hurts the same way till today.
I'm so sorry. Sending you love and strength. ❤️
7 weeks after my daughter died, my Dad avoided calling me on my birthday & when he felt “obligated” to call the day after, he said in a very cheerful tone, “well, did you have a good birthday?” And when I replied no he asked, “why not!?” Like bewildered as to why; it’s like he forgot that my daughter just died. And when I replied, “because my daughter just died…(blink, blink),” he got this defensive tone & said, “well, I KNOW that! I meant IN SPITE of that. I mean, you can still be happy for your birthday.” 😐 It had to be one of the most hurtful things I have heard anyone say since my Abagail died. Coming from my Dad made it way worse. It felt like he expected me to be over “it.” And when I told my Mom about it, she excused his behavior by saying, “that’s just the way he is. He really does love you.” When that was never the point. It was extremely unsympathetic of him to say & people should be held accountable for their emotional constipation (as I like to call it) and they should APOLOGIZE when they say something hurtful!
Agreed, and so sorry you had to hear this from your dad. Mine was from my brother, so I get it. I love the term "emotional constipation"! 💔
@@brookecarlock wow, your brother? I just assumed a co-worker or something like that. Yeah, it hurts worse when family treats you a certain way when all you really need is their love & understanding, even if they don’t fully understand; they can put forth the effort to try to as much as they possibly can & HEAR you instead of just being uncomfortable that you’re going through something they don’t want to hear about. It’s called empathy; there is no timer or time limit on being the best human being to all the other human beings around us. We’re all just trying to survive.
That's disgusting..I lost Roy after 50 years I get my own back by saying you have it all to come it's abhorrent!!!!! people need to know and have more sympathy for as long as it takes .. but life goes on iv been told .. she is stunning and in God's trust xxx❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you. ❤️
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍I agree 100%
I can’t understand why people believe there is a cut off date for talking about those we have lost. I feel it’s all about “positive thinking” that the whole Western world has adopted. Loss is not positive to them. To me recognising and talking about our lost loved one is the only way to be. Just being real is what we need to be!So sorry you were hurt by that insensitive friend…🥰
You are so right!!!
I haven't had this displeasure yet, to be honest I will probably tell them to F off and never talk to them again. I am in the stage of everyone disappearing and not contacting me. It's so bizarre and hurtful.
Bizarre and hurtful is a great way to describe it, and I'm so sorry that you're going through that. What a crappy feeling. Sending hugs.
I was thinking maybe you could do a video on the theme we all have grief but are not able to support each other?
Thinking of my own situation having lost my middle son and his half brother who has no children himself, does not seem to be able to understand my grief and consequently is not giving me any support. I know he feels some guilt of not having been in touch with his half brother the last years before his death. My middle son suffered from mental illness and I was the only one to stay in contact with him...
This is a great idea. I'll look into it! ❤️
How do I deal with my family talking about family members who have passed. But they attach such a negative narrative… like talking about how they traumatized them or talking about how they can’t live life because they’re gone. I lost my mom recently and my grandma and sister have been making it so hard on me with this kind of thing. I feel horrible because I don’t like when they talk about people in my family who have passed. I lost my father 2018 and a few more the same year. I just don’t know how to be there for my family anymore. We never had a strong dynamic
Ugh, I feel this so much, because my family is the same way. Have you tried just shutting down the conversations? Or just being honest and telling people that it's upsetting to hear the negativity?
@@brookecarlock yes I have 😔 but they will always tell me im the only one talking about her or like im keeping her name alive. They just don’t care what they say at all sometimes. Half the time it’s positive but most of the time it’s negative. I am having a hard time consoling grandma because she’s become affected by her death so hard. I want to be there for her but listening to her talk about how she can’t follow through with her own life because of my mom being gone is bringing me down as well. Because I’m the youngest and look up to my family. First time I’ve ever heard my grandma say she wants to kill herself in my life this year. I don’t mean to over type but I have been trying to talk with a therapist and with friends and I don’t know what to do.
You should have just stared at the ass-hat that said that not say a word and don't break eye contact. People hate silence and it says more than any angry words you could come up with.
I'm new in the journey, so maybe I'm wrong, but you said that our loved ones "did" matter. I disagree...I believe that they "do" matter. They never stop mattering (if that's a word).
I'll tell you one thing that I feel like I have to explain to people. My 24 year old daughter died suddenly on 16 Feb 2024. If I just say that, the first place that people go is either suicide or OD (and to be clear, I am NOT implying any kind of stigma to either of those), but she died of SUDEP (Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy), which only happens to 1 in 1000 people with epilepsy. For reference, this is what happened to Cameron Boyce, the young actor most of us know from the Disney Channel. Her passing is just too raw to go through all of that every time. May I should get business cards made to hand out with the info to save me the pain.....
Haha-- I like the "stare down" idea. And you are SO correct with the "do" matter vs. "did" matter. I didn't even realize I said it that way. I'm so sorry for what happened to your daughter, and I'm sure it's frustrating having to explain it to people, especially with it being so recent. Please hang in there -- sending you strength. ❤️