Minimalism Went Toxic| Are you doing minimalism wrong? luxury minimalist honest chat dark sides
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- Опубликовано: 3 сен 2022
- Hi everyone, I'm Eileen. So minimalism changed my life, but then I went too far, and it became toxic. In this video, I shared the dark sides of minimalism. I still consider myself a luxury minimalist, and I adore my small wardrobe, but I no longer feel the need to be extreme in my approach. I'm no expert, but if you feel deprived or stressed out, you might be (like me) doing minimalism wrong xx
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Thank you for watching this video about how I went too extreme with minimalism and things became toxic xx 
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I will always remember what one of my high school teachers said to all his students - “ moderation is the key in life”. Decades later I realise how true that is. Most things are fine if done in moderation. Shopping addiction and extreme minimalism are two opposites of the spectrum and both are not sustainable in the long term. Everyone just needs to find their happy medium and do a stock take every now and then. However attaining that happy medium takes time and even some major mistakes to learn the lessons.
Your high school teacher was spot on! So many people today take everything to the extreme. Then when they realize that extreme doesn’t work for them, they find another one to cling to. Everything should be done in moderation and balance.
Absolutely right. Toxic minimalism means constant judging. But the creative process needs time and it needs play. If you don't allow yourself to experiment, you're too in the left brain. The right brain has to occupy some space and the creative voice needs to be listened to.
Too much denial of the need for balance is a very difficult thing to watch.
You put it beautifully! Thanks for sharing xx
I went overboard too. Looking for the next thing to declutter was like looking for the next thing to buy. In both cases I was not able to live in the moment.
So true! Both can be addictive xx
I don’t call myself a minimalist. My aim now is not being caught up in consumerism. I have everything I ever wanted and more…time to pause & enjoy them…
Since I implemented the ‘no buy’ policy, I felt so much lighter, and richer (literally).
Looking back, I couldn’t understand why I was constantly looking for things to buy or fill the gaps.
Now I used my spare time for self care, reading, learning, exercise & never felt better. Seeing my bank account grows is just the icing on the cake. What more can one asks?
So true xx
Toxic minimalism is really a thing; I feel that it’s when you eliminate things outside your level of need.
“Buying with intention” is an insightful way to put it. Thank you for the honest conversation, and thank you for setting such a good example.
Glad it was helpful! Thank you xx
Dear Eileen, I do so admire your willingness and capability to take a real and honest look at yourself. What a wonderful way to grow as a human being. You inspire me! Have a good day!
You're too kind, thank you! xx
At one point I felt that, so much pressure nit to buy anything. I felt judged by having extra toiletries, house hold items, shoes. But then I realized minimalism looks different to all of us. We all live a different lifestyle. 🥰✨
Totally! Sometimes I bulk buy too during sale but only for the items I do use xx
Who knew there could be so many ways to discuss luxury minimalism? Yet you keep sharing all the facets of your journey with us in such a genuine way. Thank you for your trust in us and your generosity to help us too
Thank you so much for being in this journey with me xx
You have come full circle Eileen, now you have reached the right balance between pure consumerism and extreme minimalism. And we have learnt so much with you in this journey! Thanks a million 😍
Thank you! Xx
Never understood getting rid of something to replace it with something to look more minimal. Glad to hear you kept your comfortable couch.
They trick people basically into spending anew, but under the pretense of minimalism 🤔
Well said, Eileen! Yes, minimalism can also be an aspirational aesthetic that ironically encourages us to spend more. Thanks for the reminder that minimalism is also about being sustainable, and that means using what you already have ✨
Sustainable minimalism, I like it xx
Agree! For me, minimalism (done wrong) was another way for me to be too focused on material goods and to look to them to make me happy.
I think you're right about how hyper-consumerism/hyper-minimalism can be two ends of the same fixation.
It was quite a challenge to find the happy medium but I guess everything takes time to adjust xx
As humans we need a certain amount of “stuff”. Some need more some less but please don’t buy things that serve no purpose or have no value. Once our life is lived the “stuff” we own must remain here while we move on. Don’t be the person whose entire set of “stuff” ends up in a landfill or dustbin. Choose the best quality, and only what is necessary.
👏👏👏
As someone who had to remove 23 TONS of stuff as an only child from my Moms house upon her passing, I couldn’t agree more🙏✌️
SO true xx
@@cup_o_TMarie so sorry for your loss- I’m in the same boat probably and nothing of any value. It is sad.
@@cup_o_TMarie You speak straight to my heart. We don’t have children, so wouldn’t want to burden our relatives to do the hard work after our times. Surely, the majority of it will be donated to good cause (hopefully, instead of ended in landfills). We’re quite neat & organised people and de cluttered every so often. Our aim is to make things easy for our future old selves when it’s time to down size. This logic thinking doesn’t even taking into consideration our future health issues where illness & mobility would play major roles in us not being able to take care of ourselves (let alone things)…
Thank you for pointing out the dark side of minimalism. I think there is a dark side to everything if done in the extreme. I can relate to feeling the need to buy something after a bad day at work. I am glad I have gotten past that. ♥
Glad you liked the video xx
Hi there :), would you mind to give an advise of how you overcame the after-baddayatwork-spending?
@@VforVanity10 I realized I would have to work so many more hours to pay for the bad day at work spending. It makes more sense to save towards something to treat ourselves for our birthdays than to spend after bad days at work. Nowadays I may treat myself to some good food or a coffee at a cafe I like but I try to avoid the mail after a bad day at work. I am far from perfect and I may slip up in the future but i will try not to.
Great video Eileen! My boyfriend has lots of money because he is a minimalist. He's 69 and I am 60. He stays home and watches TV and I am a lot more social. I buy a lot of excellent quality clothes, bags, and jewelry. I feel that based on going out all the time with friends, I am making great use of what I buy. You might have to look at the value of how you use your belongings, not just the cost.
The point to remember about possessions is: They should Serve YOU, not the other way around!
If expense outweighs it's Functionality, then you should give it a second thought! I have a Friend who says, "I could use a Small Jet to Travel where I need to go, but Frankly I don't want the Maintenance of it!" A Wise Comment! I have 3 Chanel Bags & a few really nice pieces of jewelry that I use a lot! I have all name brand clothing, but just not the Top Luxury Brands! I spend a few hundred dollars (not thousands) for nice pieces each Season & regularly drop off older pieces to a Resale Boutique! Every thing I own is covered by my Homeowner's Policy with Blanket Coverage on Personal Items! I do not frequent Malls (for many reasons) & do not go into areas that could be dangerous! Our Home is well Decorated & arranged for comfort & functionality & Never cluttered! So I feel that at 72 my husband & I have pretty well obtained a good perspective on things! That's what Minimalism is to us!
Hi Eileen, this video and the one before it, have really hit home for me! You are a very big part of my journey on luxury minimalism. About ten days ago ( I dont drive) I hired someone to drive me around to places where I can sell half of my jewelry! This was a very big deal to me! In January of this year, I put in a box all of the pieces I haven’t worn in 3 years. The fancier Diamond- covered pieces. I took my time til July to make the final decision, but decided to go ahead and try to sell. I went around to 4 places and sold to the one who offered me the most money. Everything sold. And with that said, I lost $2600 American dollars, from what I actually paid. I cried for the next 2 days! Not from the loss of money though that was bad. But I missed the pieces. Unlike you, though, I’m keeping my 2 Love bangles and the just un clou ring. I never take them off and truly love them and think they’re worth the money. I kept my gold pieces of jewelry. Not many things with diamonds. And I made a big decision. I will never buy a piece of jewelry again and I mean it! You NEVER get your money back if you sell.
Thank you so much for sharing with us! I think if you truly enjoy the pieces, then it's money well spent xx
I always remind myself of the expression "progression not perfection." You're progressing Eileen!
Thanks Eileen for your insight. Yes, we sometimes go astray in practising minimalism.
Consumerism in the name of minimalism is really one of the ill ways of practising minimalism. I fell for that by having bought minimalist design / minimalist style stuffs for the sake of minimalism.
After I started to practice minimalism, I was sold to buy a Cuyana tote for its minimalist design and its functionality as a big tote. Moreover, I told myself that I only need this one bag for all occasions and I will save time changing bag for matching with my outfit everyday. So, I bought it in a neutral colour.
I bought that Cuyana tote even though I had already owned a Coach tote and I only used the Coach tote for job interviews. That means only once in a few years. In fact, I am not a tote girl. Small handbags look better on me and don’t weigh me down as I am a petite Asian.
Needless to say, I realised in less than a year that I don’t need two totes to sit in my wardrobe and to be used only once in a few years. I sold the Cuyana tote because I preferred the smooth leather on the Coach bag. I lost more than half of what I paid in less than one year. The buyer is lucky to get a bag in such a brand new condition at only one third of the retail price.
From then on, I would be very alert to minimalists’ products. When I started to have an idea that “this is the only bag / jewellery / stuff that I need for the rest of my life”, I know I am falling in that minimalism shopping trap.
Admittedly, I do still sometimes judge (in my heart) others about acquiring something unnecessarily fancy, especially huge logo designers’ items just to show off to the world “I am rich”.
I should completely stop doing that. It’s their complete freedom to spend money the way making them happy. And I am not footing their bills. Why do I care? Lol..
Btw, I wanna share a saying about luxury spending “a person owning lots of luxury may be rich. But he / she may not be wealthy (wealth is owning income-generating assets in definition). The only message that you can be certain about a person holding a luxury handbag/ driving a fancy car is that he or she now has less money than before that fancy purchase.”
OMG your last point speaks so much truth xx
Anything is moderation/balance is key. Any extreme on any side is not sustainable to me. But , life is short, and do what makes you happy. ❤️
Life is short instead xx
buying with intention is definitely how i try my best to shop! i also totally agree with falling into the trap of trying to fulfill the "look of minimalism" in our lives too. tysm for calling that out :)
Thank you so much for always showing up xx
You share such an honest and kind perspective on complex topics. Love it, thank you!!
I appreciate that! Thank you xx
Excellent video with superb points raised, as always. The main thing I practice is conscious consumption - making sure you appreciate what you have and being careful what you bring in to your life. Doing anything in the extreme is never healthy
Nicely put xx
What you have said all makes perfect sense, I am starting to declutter now and and also buying intentionally, so much better for one's mind and soul, thank you
❤️
This is similar to the Buddha's story, where he lived in luxury for the first 30 years of his life, and after renouncing it, practiced ascetism for the next 6 years. Neither approach got him anyway, and it was only when he discovered the Middle Path that he was able to achieve enlightenment.
Yes! The Middle Way👏Namaste 🙏
Thank you for sharing! Recently I've been reading books by Thich Nhat Hanh and what you said is so true xx
@@ColourfulNoir love Thich Nhat Hanh, he managed to convey Buddhist teachings in such a relatable way
I prefer intentionalism above minimalism.
Girl you made me wanna visit London there in the beginning.
The weather was gorgeous too xx
It is good to be mindful of spending but sometimes we do need to buy things we like and can afford. Thank you for sharing
So true! xx
You've spoken Wisely! If an item is still functional & still in good condition, then it's wise to not replace them just bc you're Minimalizing! You're absolutely correct in saying that it just leads to more Purchases! Take the couch for instance, two years ago we replaced the couch we had in the downstairs Living Room & it was nearly 35yrs old! It was a light color, was an enhancement to our Decor & wasn't looking worn or soiled! However, one day I sat down on it & I noticed how uncomfortable it had gotten to sit on! My husband agreed, so we ordered a new one, this time with Feather Filled & Foam Cushions instead of just Foam! The seat sits just a bit higher & one can easily get up & down from it easier! We still have the exact same amount of Furniture, but just an Improved version! Not MORE! The older Generation didn't just replace things bc of Trends! They used it until it wore out! Things lasted longer, too, bc everything was made to last!
Wisdom should be practiced with Minimalism!
Thank you for sharing xx
thank you for sharing. i think the feeling of rising cost of living (esp now) adds even more friction with practicing minimalism and spend with intention. i can relate to the guilt.
It's good to find a middle ground where you can still enjoy things like shopping while also being intentional with what you bring into your home! Love your videos, they're so inspirational 🤩
Loved this discussion. I'm reviewing priorities now and I am confident we'll sort out some great choices. Thanks for sharing.
Very insightful sharing, thank you. A much needed msg in this world of consumerism vs minimalism
I found your channel recently and I am absolutely obsessed! 😍 Thank you for your candidness. I also appreciate your sensible approach towards luxury retail. I definitely aspire to have a curated closet like yours.
Thank you so much!!xx
How interesting. I’m interested in minimalism because I want to be financially free. So I’m about spending as little as possible (I can’t say I’m very good at it). But I hold on to things in case I need it next time. To be honest, some of my hoarding has come in handy and I’ve been able to find new purpose for items.
I’ve always found extreme minimalism to be conceptually expensive and even overconsumptive ie like use and dispose cos it’s not been used for 6 months etc.
I guess we can say 'intentional hoarding' isn't really the same as 'compulsive hoarding'. I now too slow with selling for one reason or another xx
@@ColourfulNoir thanks for being so diplomatic, Eileen.
If it’s not too personal, could you share if you have “shopping friends” and do you still hang/shop with them?
Wow! That was really eye opening! To relate minimalism to a certain aesthetic is a real problem, it leaves you going around in circles where you think you'll achieve minimalism thru a different style, meanwhile spending un necessarily in order to do so! Thanx Eileen that was really helpful 👍🏻
The minimalist-FOMO can be as real as the shopping-addiction-FOMO for sure xx
Great video! Very well said - I totally agree. One thing that I think we fail to remember is that minimalism is individual and different for each of us.
Thanks for sharing, Eileen. I agree that striking a balance between two extremes isn't easy.
It was definitely a challenge for me xx
Thank you for these videos on Toxic Minimalism. They are so nice to hear. Now I don't feel as bad for the mistakes I've made. Everything you said I can relate to. I regret getting rid of a few sentimental items because I was rushing through the Minimalism process. Wanting to be a perfect minimalist! Judging the things my spouse or children hung on to. Feeling guilty for things I owned or thinking I shouldn't own so many. I wish I would have realized this in the beginning but it's not to late.
Using and wearing everything I own. That’s what minimalism is. With obvious exceptions: the evening gown, coats during the summer, Ugg boots, heavy sweaters. I just don’t want things in my closet that I don’t use or wear. I had this in excess and it was soul shattering.
Visual clutters are very distracting indeed xx
What I'm trying to remain focused on is being Mindful of what I need. Being happy and support Other's ACCOMPLISHMENTS. Not getting caught up in the deception is VERY IMPORTANT. I try very hard to remember, MY LIFE is REAL....Other's life on Social Media is only me peeping into a tiny window of another's life. FACTS....If I NEVER become a minimalist, Great. What I know I'm NOT, is a Maximalist. Although I'm not where I would like to be, I'm pleased that I'm not where I use to be. And Darling, I TRULY THANK YOU for that.💛
This is so inspiring! Thank you for being on this journey with me xx
I am so glad that I found your chanel
I'm so glad! xx
Minimalism honestly to me is just not being a hoarder and using everything you have without attaching occasions to it. Spending more on travel and not bringing home Knick knacks. I now bring food and special soaps as gifts. Things that I hope ppl use.
100 agree! xx
Always love your videos and honesty Eileen, thank you for sharing your experiences 😊❤
Thank you for being here xx
This is a very self-aware video, well done! And you’re absolutely right - minimalism is not the opposite of consumerism (and vice-versa). I am not a minimalist in any form or manner - I form a ridiculous attachment to so many objects and refuse to get rid of them. Yet my luxury collection is small and extremely curated and I do not regularly spend money on myself just because. Thank you for the great content.
Relatable 💖💖💖. We must have enough to be comfortable in life rather than have too much that we are not using everything we buy.
Being obsessed too much with one specific thing/idea/ideology is never good. To keep the balance is the best. I feel very connected with everything you said. So true that Instagram/pinterest pushes other type of consumerism under the name of minimalism. Great video! Thanks for it ❤
Very true! Another great content Eileen!💗
Thanks so much! xx
Wow that was very insightful ! Thank you Eileen for being so genuine, it’s so rare to have people practicing minimalism talking about its downsides. Everything has to be done with balance indeed. It was very deep to explain extreme minimalism and extreme consumerism were 2 sides of the same coin and to point out the underlying cause : finding a way to compare oneself with others to get a better image of self. It’s like a true psychotherapy journey, extremely inspiring. So, I suppose the next step would be to be acceptant of others with their good and bads and ultimately applying this to oneself and accepting ourselves with our good and bads as human beings doing just the best we can. Much love ❤️ and thank you for your authenticity and deep analysis of our behaviours.
It’s been quite a journey indeed, and thank you for being on it with me xx
you're so reasonable, I don't own any luxury items, and I still don't know your name, but I've watched all your videos and haven't commented on any yet. But I must commend you for your wisdom, your sincerity, and your maturity. Kisses from Brazil
Absolutely loved this video! My takeaway,
-there’s no such thing as a ‘perfect minimalist’.
-you want to own everything with an intention.
-minimalism shouldn’t result in a form of consumerism thereby negating it’s purpose.
-any “ism” doesn’t make you better or less than anybody else.
Beautifully explained. Thank you.
Wow this is a good summary! Thank you xx
@@ColourfulNoir you are so honest and open about your personal experience with being a minimalist who happens to love luxury, that it becomes easy to relate. You put your thoughts mindfully in videos.
Thank u Eilleen for that very honest insight...i agree with u 101%......😊😊😊
Thank you xx
Eileen I applaud your vulnerability here in sharing your journey👏
I hear so much of myself in your story. I wonder do you also suffer with perfectionism?
Learning to heal that trait within me has helped me to deal with many of the struggles you describe here.
Thanks again for being a genuine breath of fresh air💝✌️
Hi Theresa, oh yes, I definitely suffer with perfectionism. I used to think it was because of my day job, seeing I have to work within small spaces where discrepancy measuring a single millimetre is a huge deal. It has gotten a lot better in the last 2 years but it’s still part of me xx
Love your channel💛
Thank you xx
So insightful esp towards the end!
Thank you! xx
Buy what adds value to your life🙌🏾
Absolutely xx
What a lovely personality! Smart and capable of doing a solid introspection 👌👌😘
Thank you xx
thank you for the reminder of intentional comsumerism💜💜💜
Glad you liked my videos xx
Thank you, I appreciate your sincerity 👍
❤️
You should make a book as you have great insights!
That's really kind of you, thank you xx
I think that there is a slippery slope in either direction... I'm working on narrowing down clutter in my life and not being surrounded by so much "stuff" but I can see how minimalism can be toxic and scary.
very well said and i had the same experience a year ago as well.
Great video..this happens even when some people start meditation..extremes in anything is not healthy
Good video. Great insight on how minimalism can become toxic the same way spending too much can also.
❤️
Going extreme either way is toxic, balancing is the key!
Hmmmm…I can relate to the downward shift in possessions. 🙃 I want less but…I want the best quality that I can afford. I think once I defined my style it helped me realize what to have in my home/wardrobe. I do use social media to decide on things. I am currently curating my makeup brands down to very simple items. I follow a youtuber who has so much makeup 💄 she really knows and describes the products and what they do. This has been helping me find things to slowly add back into my collection. It’s also a creative outlet for me. I’m also learning about the quality of makeup which is something years ago I never paid enough attention to. I just purchased to purchase because the lipstick case looked pretty or the eye shallow palette case was unique. It’s far more intentional now. It’s all such a learning process and I am enjoying it. ❤️ Plus I also know when it comes to certain luxury items I can ask you since you have such a beautiful collection. 😉
I can relate! Even though I’ve decluttered loads, I still enjoy beautiful things. They key is to purchase with intention xx
I love the freedom I feel owning less stuff... Taking care of materialistic things can become overwhelming... I want my life to be about experiences...
Girl, I can relate to refusing to pay for Canva! But after spending (wasting) so much time looking for free digital assets, I just went ahead with the monthly subscription. Saves soooo much time, and I can create more quality thumbnails and my RUclips!!
Worth every penny xx
I saw it coming but I am glad you realize to never deprive yourself.
Minimalism should work around you and your lifestyle. If you want a cup a coffee, get the coffee! It’s all about moderation and what works for you.
I think it’s ok to be a luxury minimalist and own designer pieces instead of cheaper things. If you can afford it why not. I would rather have one Tiffany piece of jewelry instead of 2 cheaper options. Or one cheaper option:)
Hi, cool channel. I think minimalism is another form of consumerism, but still people can learn useful things from it.
Very true!xx
I like having less things, because I don't like buying things. I do understand buying food for fuel. Paying for a bill, and a place to live. I have never been the type of person that likes trying to keep up appearances either. I like wearing old clothes. If it's not ripped I'm not buying anything. I also buy refurbished electronics. Used ones too.
There’s an old, but true, saying “If it ain’t broke - don’t fix it”.
Or, “Measure twice - cut once”. Just think before making a decision to replace something.
Wise words indeed! Xx
You define your own minimalist journey
May I ask the the woolrich jacket you have, what style and size do you wear? Their sizing seems to run small
Hi I've left a link in the description, I wear XS xx
You're not a minimalist, Eileen; you're a practicalist.
I am a minimalist😊
Nice to have you here, Phoebe xx
Thank you xx