Why you don't get what you want; it's not what you expect | Jennice Vilhauer | TEDxPeachtree
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- Опубликовано: 6 июн 2024
- Psychologist Dr. Jennice Vilhauer explains the psychological and clinical reasons why we are at the heart of why we're not living the life that we want in this fascinating talk and what we can do about it.
Award-winning psychologist Dr. Jennice Vilhauer has helped thousands change the course of their lives by teaching them how to harness the mind's power of anticipation to create positive future thought and action.
Vilhauer is director of the Outpatient Psychotherapy Program at Emory Healthcare and assistant professor at Emory University’s School of Medicine Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science. She served as an Assistant Clinical Professor with the Department of Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles and was the Clinical Director of the Adult Outpatient Programs and the Director of Psychology at Cedars-Sinai.
She earned a bachelor’s degree from UCLA, a Ph.D. from Fordham University and completed postdoctoral training in clinical research at Columbia University. She is author of Think Forward to Thrive: How to Use the Mind’s Power of Anticipation to Transcend Your Past and Transform Your Life and creator of Future Directed Therapy (FDT)®.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
“When you don’t act on what you want, you take yourself out of the game. Buying lottery doesn’t guarantee winning but not buying guarantees losing it”.. sums it all.
Best advise...with one caveat. Learn not to be disappointed when life does not meet your expectations. Readjust and start again. It may take many tries to get it right. So...great advice, over simplified. Thanks.
Yeaah. About that. Everybody WANTS to live happily ever after exactly from the first try. If first try didn't work, guess want? You'll never get what you really wanted in the first place. Nobody wants to be irreversible traumatized from countless unsuccessful tries.
@@planestranger Not everyone finds unsuccessful tries traumatic. Just sayin'.
Chahong
Cha Hồng
Nhạc
Yes yes yes. I’ve gone through clinically depressed periods of my life and I agree 1000% with not daring to think of what life could be like. For me, it was not so much that I was scared of doing that, but rather I’d forgotten the ability to imagine positive things. I’d forgotten my ability to feel purely positive emotions that weren’t tinged with some kind of pain. When I realized that and started practicing with tiny steps at imagining beautiful, peaceful, joyous moments, life quickly began to improve.
“When you’re motivated by what you want, change is possible.”
I’m sure I can’t get what I want
@@shmeggleywell not with that attitude
the best thing i ever heard "Buying a lottery ticket does not guarantee winning, but not buying one guarantees loosing"
i am so thrilled to see so many speakers on psychology changing their practice to put more focus on the client changing their thinking. so many let you drone on and on about your problems but they have no way to help you stop. i stopped going to therapy and discovered on my own i needed to change the way i think. i thought, well i cn write down my negative thoughts for a day and see what i need to work on. that lasted two hours before i was sobbing my head off because all my thoughts were negative. no wonder i was so sad. but slowly i stopped myself, and now it seems so far away to think like that. i would never go back, though i still find myself doing, i see it quickly and stop myself... habits take dedication to break, but once you get started it feels easy, like riding a bike. it's all a game of mental mastery...mindset. also chemically you change when you stop being negative and your health improves because stress causes illness.
it is not easy to change the habit of negative thinking,
I know, it is a wrong expectation
hopefully you're not still feeling this way but sometimes we all need a reminder to refocus.... so... maybe check out "Thank and Grow Rich" by Pam Grout... also, each night before bed, if you start writing out a few things that happened during the day that made you happy, no matter how small or basic, these can be enough to make you realise there's always good around us. HTH :-)
Talia Adagio so so so true! i underwent that change as well!!
Here here Talia. Thats what its all about and its been proven by neuroplasticity. Its not easy to change but with practice one can. And there are no limits to improvement.
Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go trough hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.
💜💙♥️💛💚💜💙♥️💚💛💜
People give up because they spent decades trying & doing all of this stuff on how to have a wonderful life full of the things you desire only to have thousands of thousands of unexpected failures. Anticipation & expectations aren't enough. She is leaving many steps & variables out of her talk.
If you never learn from all your mistakes/failures you continue to make more of the same ones. Many people don't learn so their whole life is just them bumbling along. There's so much info out there to help us lead a better/happier life. To fix our incorrect perceptions/beliefs/mindsets/attitudes/values and so on.. To help us upskill..
We all just have to go out there and delve more into personal development. Perhaps into meditation and so on..
variables have been removed as is the nature of this "type" of psychology. It's the same as; get what you want in 3 easy steps and the smoker who still cannot quit. This works for some but not for the majority, oh dear my expectations are kicking in. While I do honestly believe that a percentage of people would actually benefit from this type of psychology it's based on what YOU WANT and sadly there are many people living on earth who live to support other people and do not even think about themselves, i think it's called selflessness. There is an extraordinary joy in helping others that is light years away from getting what YOU want and this cannot be broken down into a 20 min talk. Getting what you want is never what you need but you will find that if you can attain a selfless life you will get more from life than you could possibly need or even a life you could imagine, you become a harvester of hope.
I do believe that Jennice is doing good work but the reality is not the same for the majority, it's the world we live in today and nothing to do with expectations.
To be honest I think your comment may not be fair to her, given how much one may WANT to help others. To solely connection 'getting what you want' with 'selfishness', I think, is all to narrow. Bodhisattvas in the Mahayana Buddhism tradition vows to help or save all sentient beings, and at many times their vows are motivated by their wishes. You cannot because they are selfless so they don't want to help others.
I believe this talk is just a very simplified and perhaps altered version of the Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy, in which clients are asked to challenge and change their BELIEFS in regards to the ADVERSITIES so they would change their actions and thus the CONSEQUENCES would change. In this talk, the tense in CBT is shifted to future rather than present or past, and thus the framework of the method is UPCOMING FUTURE EVENTS-BELIEFS-ACTIONS-CONSEQUENCES. And again, clients are asked to challenge their beliefs so they will act differently and have different consequences. The terms of 'what you want' and 'what you expect', I think, is just for locutionary or rhetoric purposes.
This is truly a fascinating Ted Talk. I have watched it several times now and more importantly implemented Jennice's three questions in my professional and personal life with amazing results.
This is powerful. I did this and changed my expectations about something I was selling. A very specialized musical item that I’ve been trying to sell for months and was so worried I’d never sell it. It cost thousands of dollars and last night I changed my expectation that I was going to sell it, and this morning it sold!!! This is so true! Thank you. This will change people’s lives especially those who feel stuck. I’m going to apply this technique to other areas of my life and see what happens :)
That's super amazing
Brilliant! Thoroughly enjoyed it. Its very true for my life. I usually went by the motto "hope for the best but expect the worst", I am NEVER EVER again going to think that. I will live by "hope for the best and expect even better" from now on.
Thankyou so very much ! I'm currently dealing with a situation, changed my city, left my comfort zone, working out of the league and questioning every single decision! But this video has changed everything for me. It changed the whole perspective of thinking for me. Now I can only think what I want irrespective of any expectations ( negative ). Thankyou so much
I've heard so many inspiring talks but this lady spoke so eloquently and everything she said was totally logical and totally got registered in my twisted and negative brain ! Truly magical presentation.
Thank you Dr. Jennice Vilhauer. What an eye opening speach.
Surely one of my top 10 on RUclips. Keep coming back to refresh my memory. Thank you
This is a MASTERPIECE, a work of art ..no less. Thank you.
the way she talks is so calm n relaxing to listen to. i can listen to her for hours.
Best Ted Talk ever on taking the action and how to do it!
This really made me think about how my expectations are sometimes the opposite from what I want, I need to start reprogramming myself, great talk! ❤️
Thank you for this!!
I love that it's an empowering message with practical tools by taking responsibility for oneself based on training our thoughts and taking action. Much gratitude for this resource!
What I'm expecting to feel
What I want instead
Don't focus on what can go wrong
What do I need to do...
Thank you so much!!!!!!! ❤️
This has to be one of the most inspiring Ted talks I've watched :)
" You can Choose". Yes I choose my life my dream my passion my desired life. I am a change for me. Yeah I am changing my life with others life.
What a sweet and short talk but the impact is deep down to my heart to my guts. Thank you so much
Wow she's put very clearly. The ball is always in our hands, its us who choose what to do with it.
Cheers to Jennins Talk. A talk really worth sharing
Just be happy in the moment and all the rest falls into place: The conscious mind is a tricky one and will never let you be happy, will always keep chasing the next "...Oh, this is what I want..."
Just imaging a happy feeling is glowing within you, and life will get easier.
A Buddhist approach, but you have to be ready to let go of desires, because you can't desire to be free of desires.
It's true though. I dont think most people have their 2nd chakra really open either, because they're chasing after dreams instead of realizing you can be happy right here right now if your basic life is ok.
That's really beautiful. I asked a question above and happened to scroll right down to your comment. I'm optimistic that this will bring me an answer to my question. Thank you for sharing.
Why does everyone want to avoid bad feelings? They can be fun to swim around in.
The title says it all. You don't get what you want because you don't expect to get it. I'm so smart. Now let me watch the talk to see if I'm right... Yup, I'm a total genius.
This is one of the most useful, valuable TED talks I have ever watched. As a life coach I use it’s lessons and recommend it all the time. It provides a simple yet scientific way of explaining what could otherwise be seen as woo woo ideas 😀
That was very well put. I'm fighting some of those same negative thoughts and depression now and hearing her put it in real terms versus all the positive affirmations suppressing bad thoughts most people tend to spit out does help. Peaceful, calm, and steady voice as well. Thanks :)
Less than a minute in and I'm already blown away and am rethinking my life. Wow. Even the title of this video is amazing. Initially I thought the "It's not what you expect" was pure clickbait, but it's actually the answer to the question of why you don't get what you want. Wow!
It is amazing to me that this helps anyone. Maybe you're young and still have the chance to be impressed upon. I hope you roll with it and it helps you.
This stuff is gold...
Thank you...
what a sweet talk! what a sweet lady!!! such a calm way of speaking...loved it!!!
I saw this video in the past and it didn't make a huge impact on me but TODAY, I don't know why but it just did. Great talk Dr. Vilhauer. Thanks
WOW! That was just what I needed right NOW!
i want to share an amazing thing that happened while i was just watching this video. When Jennice said Step 1 : Imagine what u want and see how u feel. I imagined standing in a place of my dreams holding my future husband's hand. I felt really good. Within a minute, this guy who i like and imagined messaged me after a gap of few days. I previously had this anxiety that maybe he ghosted me. But the moment i imagined and felt good, there he was ! 😍
Mam I visualise I feel its real in my mind now letgo or hold vision I tried this since 11months can you suggest me ? Thankyou for sharing your experience
Blessings ❤️❤️
@@nehajain5574 I totally agree Neha that its easier said than done. Our brain plays tricks with us and sends us negative predictions all the time. You have to train yourself overtime to stop thinking about what u really really want and just focus on the present. Distract yourself. There must be something that definitely gives you pleasure apart from thinking about this person. Do that ! Dont obsess over it.
@@veggie_central thankyou mam mean done all of thing now it's the time to believe and letgo all of things live in the present moment
Am I right??
@@nehajain5574 Yes.. conciously do not keep thinking about it. Trust the universe to bring this dream into your life when the time is right. You have to make yourself capable enough to handle it when it is manifested. You wouldnt be anxious anymore right ? So practise being calm from this moment itself. Believe that u r enough, with or without the things or person u want.
@@veggie_central thankyou Soo much mam
You are right self love is important
Thank you, Jennice! This talk helped me ellucidate a lot, it was one of the biggest AHA moments ever! Clear, simple, to the point. Can´t wait to put it in practice!!! Very grateful for this, thanks again.
I've read her books as well! Amazing woman! So inspiring!
Great talk. Very interesting and practical. Thanks for the formula "Expectation + Action = Creation of your life experiences".
Lazy morning guess I'll listen to this Ted talk . Wow I'm glad I did. Thank you.
Bonnie Cochran Jensen me to need to tell my worker some of the latter half
It was an eye opener for me. Had tears in my eyes while listening the talk. Excellent work.
very concise and clean delivery, she managed to stick to ONE principle from beginning to the end, she never started listing multiple principles such as telling us about "Number 1 = do this, Number 2 = xx, Number 5 = do that"
Powerful message. I just picked up her book!
Thank you so much! I've found the way out of depression thanks to this video
Thanks for this! Been feeling unmotivated lately after countless rejections. Will definitely try again.
Thank you so much for the useful and excellent speech! It will change a lot of lives! We EXPECT to watch more her great videos!
One of the best talks I ever heard! Something to put on one's play list and listen to every day
Great presentation! Expectations guide all our thoughts, feelings, & actions, which ultimately lead to results/outcome.
Expect the best, Do the most, & Have your wish... Be, Do, Have; in that order!
Thank you
Connecting the dots was fun. Ty Dr. Jennice Vilhauer.
When failure came in life, it usually took the past experience define future outcome, i am not quiet sure if I can attain what I want one day, but the only thing i know about is to start to plan , to act, right now. Thanks Jennice for this inspiring speech.
One of the best if not the best talk i have ever seen! Thanks Jennice!
Dionisis Makrigiannis Agreed wholeheartedly
Such a simple and profound idea. Wow!
Dionisis Makrigiannis , good afternoon
DKI Aminullah
ggndk874 , where are your town
Absolutely powerful!! thanking you for sharing
Excellent & Eye Opening Speech!! She Nailed it💛
this is one of the best ted talks I've ever heard - well done!
Most amazing, shaping Talk I have seen on TEDx recently!!
I believe this is probably the best tedx talks i have seen so far! it was worth every minute.
This resonates with me: When I'm problem solving successfully, I often set out with a strong feeling that I can do this, and that there is a way, so I continue to patiently and enthusiastically look for it, and most of the time, a solution presents itself. The strong mindset, comes from a lot of discipline and over coming challenges. Good luck to you all.
This is helpful, but only to a point, because there are many times I didn't get what I expected, both positive and negative.
What a fantastic presentation. One of the best Ted Talks. Love how she directly hitting the point and science, not speaking 20 mins about herself. :)
Keep coming back to this one. This one is gold. Thank you Ma'am
Simply brilliant motivational speech! Excellent examples cited! Very vivid!
Summary: expect better outcomes and act on them. you're welcome.
Or just this: be more positive :)
You say this like there are no people on this planet under our level emotionally or intellectually.
Mike Ll. Girls bounce all over before getting to the point...
thanks - I wanted to miss this one
and if i refuse?
thanks for good motivate video. Now all i have to do is practice myself to have positive thinking. :)
Kudos to you, Jennice. I enjoy many Tedx talks, and yours may have exceeded my expectation! (smile)
This is very very good! I just met a woman who has low self-worth issue. She married a man who constantly berated her, disrespected her on regular basis. When I asked her why she married that mean guy she said "because I was so lonely and hated myself at the time. Having someone is better than no one". And she said the same thing as Dr.Vilhauer said in the talk ; she "didn't believe it was possible for her to have a better future, a better life". I didn't know what to say to her really. I just listened to her, that's the only think I could do.
Now I have some tools from this talk to help others like her. Thank you so much.
She has the cutest impish chuckle. Great talk too!
I found it so funny. Made me laugh quite a bit.
In the three steps she gives, it's the step 3 that is challenging. That is, seeing a plan to achieve the want. This plan is not a normal feeling process, but a mental thinking process, and plans can be very sophisticated and thus difficult to attain, or in another word, "unprofitable personally", in terms of returns on time, to attain. Eventually, what she is essentially saying is traditional goal setting works.
She's also suggesting that with a realistic goal set and a plan set into place, one will feel better.
OK, all agreed. But then she suggests this is all one needs to do. Unfortunately, like many healers of all kinds, they come upon one methodology and think it solves 80% of all problems, when it solves only 10%.
The example she gives in 4:20 explains this well. She says "buying that lottery ticket doesn't guarantee winning, but not buying guarantees losing." Reality is "buying that lottery ticket doesn't guarantee losing, but not buying decreases losing ."
buying a lottery ticket guarantee's your brain that you need to have money in order to be happy and thus make you live in a materialistic world, and thus makes you lose in life significantly.
K DM Not necessarily. I want to win the lotto because I hate the idea of spending all my time working, but I need to maintain my lifestyle. I'm not into buying a bunch of crap that I don't need and being rich wouldn't change that. I just want freedom and having a lot of money will grant me that.
K DM buying a lottery ticket is a poor choice to use as an example in this talk. doesnt speak to empowered decision making, or making wise choices, at all.
H Flo other ways to quit working that offer a more secure ROI, altho i agree with your non-materialistic pov true quality of life exists mostly independant of cash alone. it buys some, not all, not by a long shot.
I think it is important. Maybe not as much on the rest of the issues but nevertheless, important.
Inspiring and helpful. Thanks Dr. Jennice Vilhauer!
I wish I could add more likes!! Superb! Motivational! Life changing! Thank you so much! All so true!!!
Soo soothing
What she said, was just the tip of the iceberg.
It sounded to simple of a solution, but in reality there's a lot more to it...
Right on Spot talk!
Thanks Jennice for the amazing insight.
powerful! absolutely one of the best TEDs that i have seen.
This talk is gold.
Do I wanna chat!
Notes:
-You act on expectations, not desires
-Expectation and action shape your outcomes
-Action makes you participates in outcomes (self-fulfilling)
-Aware of expectations to take better actions
-Gap of expectation and desires creates stress
-Change expectation to match with desires will promote action
Questions to ask oneself for upcoming events:
1 How is what I am expecting making me feel?
-stress, anxiety indicates negative expectation
2 What would I like to have happen instead?
-typically different from your expectations
3 What do I need to do to make what I want happen?
-planning brings better expectation, and therefore action
Can you explain to me what is "you act on expectation not desire"? sorry im bad at english 😉
@@royceburger7929 That's an important point of the video! It literally means what it means, so maybe dictionary helps?
Thanks to RUclips for suggesting this video. Definitely a inspirational talk. The one I need today. Thx
For many, the biggest obstacle is identifying what they want in the first place! However, this talk is inspirational for those know their goal but can't seem to achieve it.
absolutely the best and most impactful Tedx till date!
Yes!
Guy above you said that what requires effort requires a lot of time and money and that you're more than likely not going to win the lottery so making an effort is ignorant. Who really sounds ignorant there. I had told him that life is about purpose and effort and he said well that's your definition. So what his definition - struggled
your so stupid
TURBO Pepper It's "you're".
Michael Finlan you're so stupid.
Succinct and Powerful. Thank you for a life changing experience.
+Learning Zone The best website to make money online is *LIVENETJOBS .COM* you guys need to try it. This is how I've been making over $600 per week today..
I agree...
Excellent. Thank you so much for sharing these very powerful ideas with us.
This is an absolutely amazing talk. Thank you, Jennice.
This was amazing, we knew these concepts but it's good to keep reminding our mind!
beautiful, beautiful talk.
Bravo. This talk about changing expectations will have a great effect towards the way we all look at every situation.
Amazing Janice. Thank you so much. I can't wait to read your book!
These are good recommendations for what we can do personally to maximize the potential for success in what we want. It would be helpful to discuss the factors that are not in our singular control that can prevent us from getting what we may want that are just as real and common as our expectations. Barriers such as people in authority who won't allow human and legal rights to be obtained for certain groups of people, environmental barriers such as war and regional natural disasters that alter opportunities for advancement, life ending or altering medical illnesses such as cancer or debilitating neurological diseases... There are people who use their expectations and goals to work through or overcome these barriers to get a life of what they want for themselves and others (women's right to vote, freedom of religion, freedom for slaves, adaptive living through therapeutic devices), but some did not live to see those life desires move forward or had to adapt their goals to achieve happiness and peace within the broken system or difficult situation. It's important to recognize real barriers and their affects on what we want when raising our expectations to get the life we want. It's not this simple, even though these recommendations can bring us things we want that we may be pushing away or have potential to achieve right in front of us. Perhaps learning the structure or limits of these barriers and systems can help find options within them to find a life that is more adjusted to your desires and goals for a life you want as you raise your expectations of what is possible.
Do I want to text or trade pics
Totally agree. These 'self help' talk are very simplistic and do not take into account thousands of obstacle to one success or happiness. Yet it is a start like they say...
Buddhism made easy by a young and beautiful psychologist. Thank you so much!!!
Phuricha Aramwit Buddhism was what i found in my deepest depression and in the throws of suicidal fantasies. learning buddisht teaching, and realizations released me from all the negative i thought i was a victim too.
buddhism is not about apathy, or coldness. many Abrahamic faiths condemn and ridicule buddhism and i am sorry to see that their campaigns turn otherwise willing students away while not providing them the comfort and truth they desire.
please if you doubt yourself, feel insecure, feel unappreciated or overlooked....please look into buddhist teachings. no one is asking you to convert, the truth is the truth no matter the teacher.
buddhism saved my life and radically changed my perception of reality. i am so very grateful for the lessons and now i now have AN UNSHAKABLE INNER PEACE. you deserve it as well. psychology, neurology, and spirituality all hold so many answers and information when applied together create the full picture and life suddenly is easy, beautiful and fulfilling.
love and acceptence for you and all :)
Good to hear that :) @carmen sierra
@carmen sierra and some self saving wish and luck to find such guidance is important too.
i love this session so much, i m now so much motivated then ever, it has now changed my perception of future, i think i m feeling morr happier then ever, i will have lot of good expectation n will take action to accomplish it!!! thank you honestly for letting me know about this, great Secret revealed to me!!! i m humbled to know!! i m lucky for this !!! Amin
Always remember that your past is your present that will take you into the future, and hope is the possibility that vision then becomes part of that reality - Thank you Jennice for the revelations
Her little low-key chuckle _"hmm hm hm hm"_ is totally cracking me up.
This talk is not rally new to me, but It's remind me something I forgot !!
This is so good, I want to learn it, use it, and teach it to others. Thank you.
Fantastic. Very fortuitous timing for me! Thank you so much.
Your past doesn't define who You are and where you go but your expectations for the future is what limits you the most.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
WHAT A SHOCKER
I agree...
GP Jr Too complicated. So is it better not to expect anything in future?
I disagree. If i didn't went in the army, if i didn't do a depression and a suicide attemps, and if i didn't have the friends i had, and the relationship i had, not only my experience and outlook on life would be different, but my 'expectations' would be as well. That didn't stop me from buying an appartment block and doing what was needed to improve my life. That didn't mean it worked, but whatever is your expectation, will not change what life will be. There is thousands of reason to fail and probably as much to succes. Nothing is set and everything can change in an instant.
Great talk! Her book Think Froward to Thrive is amazing too and explains how to change expectations in even greater detail.
What if it really doesn't matter anymore
Best Ted talk ever heard !!!
Great video!!! Thank you for precious words to the speaker!!! I wish I could listen to it much earlier!!!!
This has to be one of the smartest talks I've ever heard, ironically I'm only at 7:20 and somehow I know I'm going to be disappointed at 13:13, go figure.
The universe brought me here. Thank you
The universe is a piece of plastic dog $#!+
@@chrisbova9686 The universe feels the same way about you! Have a great life Chris!
@@two-moonz2953 what came first though? That's all that matters.
Thanks. Wonderful content, articulate, well organized context, well-paced delivery.
Wow this is powefull. Thank you Jennice!
I wish it was that simple. Ever hear of that saying that repeating the same thing over & over again, but expecting a different result is the definition of insanity? Well, there needs to be an honest re-evaluation (reality check) in there somewhere.
Context is everything.
@@lalineaa Yes. And the fallacy here, is the very first statement. What you expect and what you want are not mutually exclusive. People work wanting/expecting a pay check/results. If you don't get that, you don't get either what you want or what you expect, and you feel robbed (rightly so). If it's true that "You act on what you expect, not what you want.", then you will always get either one or the other, never both. Definitely a recipe for disaster, no matter what you do/expect. This whole presentation is invalid, based on a false "fact".
Dejà Touché Vous Vu
If good things come to those who wait...
How long should it be, before it's too late?
Of course you can only reap what you sow.
But will you just keep waiting, for something to grow?
How in the world can the truth set you free,
When no one can decide, on what truth to agree?
It's popular to say, two wrongs won't make a right.
But how can you be robbed, and not make a fight?
There is another day, and there is another song.
And it is possible, for two rights to make a wrong.
Well, I can't imagine there being a bigger bust,
When there's no reason to to betray a trust.
So when the guilty go free, and the innocent must die,
Don't forget to remember, those who respect the coldest lie.
It's also the definition of practice and perseverance... but what she say is a different thing because you are not supposed to do the same thing again and again expecting the same result... you are supposed to act differently. You should rewatch the video with more attention
@@Rosaap_ Right off the bat, she says "...it might SEEM like a reasonable conclusion.". Well, it IS a reasonable conclusion. Then she says, " We act on what we expect, NOT on what we want.". That's not true. Maybe some do. But, most won't attempt something unless they both want AND expect it. What's the point of trying to achieve something that's EITHER unwanted or impossible? Sometimes you don't know at the beginning, but learning the hard way is NOT the best way. Her starting assumption invalidates everything that comes afterwards. If you start with a wrong assumption (or ask the wrong question), You are guaranteed to get the wrong conclusion/answer, period (but that does not negate the possibility of "getting lucky", as in "winning the lottery"; it just makes the odds extremely small and not worth trying). One's blood, sweat, & tears shouldn't be squandered on stupidity. Stupidity should be easier than that.