Hey all, I know these last few videos have had sponsored content in them and I apologize that they've been released in a row like this. I'm sure it's annoying. With the vocal issues I've been having, I got behind and had to do what I could to meet the commitments I made. That means I did what I don't like doing, and doubling up on sponsored videos. :/ I promise there are videos being edited as we speak that are just fun, regular videos!! Coming very soon!!
Mayim, would you consider trying to see if Pluralsight would partner with you for sponsored content? I looked at Great Courses Plus through your affiliate link, and sadly, that's not as applicable to my needs. Of course, you probably want to focus on advertisers who are consistent with your content... But please consider it. And btw, great talk! -Dave in Atlanta, GA.
My Dad regularly used to remind me that “Nobody owes you anything, kid!” He also used to stress that “the older you get, the smarter I’ll seem.” He was right. ;-)
You forgot about on demand television. We knew as children if we missed a show, we just missed it. It taught us to be on time and to structure our day so we did not miss our show.
I had a child hood friend that loved watching saved by the bell. She would not I mean absolutely not come outside until it went off. So we wait for her until the show came on and went off. So I clearly know all about that.
On demand everything these days... My youngest kids can't understand why you have to wait for Christmas or birthdays to come around. You turn on Netflix and there are Christmas/ winter movies, you ask Google for a Christmas song in June... So why can't it be Christmas now? I look forward to the concept of time at least gelling with them.
And alot of people think this means you have to actively make your kids lives hard by force feeding them trauma that they don't necessarily have to experience if you hadn't consciously inflict upon them such as screaming at them, slapping them, hitting them with various objects, and not just doing these things as a disciplinary measure but as a daily routine just to make sure your kid "doesn't have it easy."
In Chile we say/hear variations of "No se pierde nada con querer" which loosely translates to "You don't lose anything in wanting something" hahaha. Means the same thing!
This is brilliant ! Whenever I used to say I fancied something, this or that, my Mum used to reply with "fancy you've had it". Never done me any arm - annoying at the time though !!
@Infinite Being - there could be lots of reasons. I do the same thing when my spouse is looking at her phone and tells me about something she is looking at
When I asked my parents why they’d lie about not having money when I was younger they schooled my ass and said, “I’m not lying. We have money for a lot of things your excessive wardrobe is not one of them” Edit: I agree with them now dw.
The immortal words of Mick Jagger were drilled into my head as a small child: "You can't always get what you want" Money is certainly a big factor. As a kid, I never felt like we were poor, but money was limited. Maybe we went out to eat once a week, to a modest restaurant. Things like toys and music - "fun things" - were generally only for Christmas and birthdays, and maybe Easter if I was lucky. I clearly remember being at Toys R Us looking at video games (for the wish list) while another family was there picking one out. The dad said something like "we get a new video game every month". Or maybe it was every three months. Either way, it was a shock to my parents and me. We just didn't *do* that. Now, I'm in a much different situation financially than my parents were at my age. The line between "need" and "want" is often extremely fuzzy. And online shopping makes it *really* easy to pull the trigger on almost anything. We don't have kids, but I often think about how we might handle such things if we did.
I think that you sound mature and wise enough to have perfectly educated kids. As long as you apply the same principles you were brought up with, I think you'll be OK. GOD bless you❣🙏
You must come from my era! Your comment made me laugh, but remember: the song refers to England's heroin maintenance program through which heroin would be administered in just enough dose to prevent withdrawal, but not enough to satisfy the addict's desire. "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you'll find you get what you need."
Hey Miyam, I “met” you while you were on Blossom - you were shopping at Bullocks in Sherman Oaks (I worked there) I remember how down to earth and well, normal you seemed despite being such a big star. I interacted with a lot of celebrities there and many were not that way. Keep up what you’re doing with your kids! You worked hard for your money and position; it wasn’t handed to you and you didn’t act entitled as a kid. Hang in there and thanks for the video!!
For some reason this reminds me of my five year old learning to read. He always wants me to help him (meaning he wants me to read the words for him). I help him by reminding him to sound it out. Sometimes he then asks me to sound it out for him and I tell him I don't need to sound it out because I already know what it says. He gets mad and says "just tell me." I will correct a mispronunciation but will not tell him the word without him first putting in some effort. He's a decent reader and hasn't started school yet. If he gets frustrated, he is allowed to take a break and come back to it. And just thought I should clarify, I do still read him stories but he has to read some every day.
Hmmmm. Seems simple to me. How did you get YOUR money? Was it just handed to you? No. I think you worked for it. Apply the same principle. If they want things, they can actually work for money. Your responsibility is to feed, clothe, shelter, protect and teach them how to to survive in their environment. They need to learn how to work for what they want. It’s a survival skill.
Pam Love I agree! If children are more involved with everyday tasks it makes them also more independent and can boost their confidence. They need of course guidance in the beginning and it shouldn’t consist of any excessive hours. But at least every other day they should also do something small at home. When I was younger I used to bring the rubbish outside and was responsible that everything was sorted correctly. From that onwards I learned other things and I knew if I wanted something I could hustle for it - I could offer my help for some tasks and as a reward I got that one thing. But not all tasks gave me money. Regular, fast and easy chores, like bringing out rubbish, was one of the tasks for which I did not get rewards for - it was one of the things that was expected from me as part of the family. And that made me rly proud although these were such small things. Just because I knew I did something to help family. Will definitely take some of the parenting methods from my mom for my future children as well 😊
I 100% agree with you. Real pleasure comes from knowing that whatever it is that I have I earned it with my hard work, whether it was physically or mentally speaking. GOD bless you❣🙏
A lot of kids still just would rather do without. When I was a kid we were willing to work really hard to get things we needed or wanted. We didn't necessarily want to work but we did. Today kids are willing to just go without if it takes work.
On the contrary of many opinions here, I don't think the sin of entitled children is sloth. It is envy ! In my experience as a saleswoman, many of the older generations behave in a very entitled way. They feel they deserve a certain material power because they "worked hard". Never mind the fact hardship doesn't necessarly end in social justice or that working hard doesn't always go together with working smart ( and the opposite is true too). Baseline : if you compare yourself to others you'll always find ways you're worse than some and that leads to shame. So to make you feel good, you'll find ways you're better than some and it often quickly shifts into "more deserving than some". Shame and envy leads to entitlement. If you enjoy what you have, there's no reason to want more. In order to fight entitlement, kids should learn to take the time to appreciate what they have without comparing it to what others have.
I love hearing about your parenting experiences and how you try to deal with certain challenges. I'm sure it helps many other parents who are going through the same issues.
You said “WE have money” ... you mean that YOU have money... your kids don’t , unless they earn their own somehow. Makes me think of the episode of the Cosby show when he tells Vanessa that he and Clair are rich and she is poor 😂
I believe it's about "what's mine is yours" thing. It's like when your kid wants what you're eating even if it's the same they're having. It's a good way to show your children how to be generous.
Mayim, I have frequently told my daughter "If I have to choose between being your father and your friend, I will always chose to be your father first. I would like to be both, but the job of Dad comes before all else." I told her this from the moment she could conceptualize the difference. And, just this week, I had to remind her of this. (Forgot what she was grumbling about.) Also, I'm a single parent. I make a decent living for being a single parent, but it also means I have less money when it comes to the stuff she sees other kids having. When I had to get her a cell phone, it was a Samsung, but it wasn't a top of the line Galaxy S model. (It was the A model.) She's seventeen, and she's asking for a car so she doesn't have to ride the city bus home. I've told her I can't afford to get her a car until next year, when I'm finished paying off the current car I have. She wants a Kia Optima, and probably fresh off the lot. I told her when we get a car, it's one we can afford, and she's going to drive whatever car I can afford to give her. (I've also had to "discuss" with my father, who wants to get her some cheap POS junker. I've lived through those days. She doesn't have the skills and knowledge I had, because I didn't go car repair at home when she was small. I don't want to drop that kind of problem on her when she goes off to college.) But, she's seeing some of the issues her friends are going through. Some of them aren't here legally, but they know no other life than that of a US citizen. For her, these kids are more than just some news article or story that Dad sometimes reads. She's been part of school and afterschool programs that teach her about other problems as well. I have to say, she's a good kid generally. BTW, the rule in my car is "The driver gets the final say on the radio, because it's the driver who can run the car off the road and kill us all". It's a moot point, because the in-dash radio is dead and I can't afford a new one till next year. Grr...
@@MRRIntel We both know this, and she has been looking for a job. The problem is, she is in a club (robotics) that fits what she'll major in college (mechanical and electrical engineering). So, it's been a choice between something that will benefit her education and something that will benefit her finances.
@@jackielinde7568 learning to work for what she wants also will benefit her education, and life. Saying that you have to buy her a car because she is in a club is so lame. There are millions of people who have worked full time jobs while going to school. I am pretty sure that your kid could work part time to buy herself a car.
@@su-rv2uq this is so true. All he's basically said is that he's fostering the basis & fundamentals of entitlement but thinks he should be able to gripe about it & make excuses
Growing up in the 70s, if I wanted something I was told, "Sure, you can have it when you can pay for it." It was up to me to figure out how to find extra jobs or save my birthday money, for something I wanted.
We tend to want to give our children the things we didn’t/couldn’t have growing up. But we forget to give them the things we DID have ... riding bikes with friends, dinner together without interruption (today = smartphones), watching old movies and discussing them afterwards (e.g. Casablanca, Sunset Blvd, Sound of Music) basically having a parent there with you, not just in the same room. I miss those days growing up in the 60’s & 70’s.
I had these issues with our boys (for some reason never my daughter) when they were growing up even when we didn't have the money. Teaching them gratitude was the best thing I could do for them. When tragedies strike, and they will, they were better prepared because of the ability to be able to express gratitude rather than feeling they were cheated by life because of a sense of self entitlement.
You sound like an amazing mum, i think your kiddies are super blessed to have you as their mama especially with the lessons you are trying to teach them.
I didn't eat out ever as a kid for initial 15 years of my life...and it in someway inculcated such insecurities that sometimes are hard to do away with!!
@@TessaAvonlea Neither did I travel...I started noticing people my age who had those things available as a kid... really didn't have a good time as an adult!!
Thank-you Mayim for your honesty as well as your lovable humour. It's greatly appreciated! You are right, our kids today have so many things that we didn't have growing up ourselves so how to do we make sure our kids grow up without that entitlement mentality. I think you are doing a great job with what you mentioned in your video. You mentioned how you would answer your boys when they would ask you to buy them something and that you can't use the "we don't have the money" option. You have found a great way around that. For other parents who are in the situation where they actually do not have the money to buy I have a few other options. You could say something like, "no sorry sweetie, that's not in our plan right now, we are choosing not to buy it." Showing that's not about scarcity and lack, creating a scarcity mentality of not being worthy in our children, but showing the empowerment side, it's not in our plan, it's not our choice right now. Another one is to put it back on your child and thereby create responsibility for achieving their own goals like, "Wow, what a cool thing, so how do you think you could earn the money to get that for yourself?" This one is my favourite for a few reasons: first it shows that they are actually in charge of their destiny. If they want something then they are being encouraged to find a way to get it. Great life skill to have! Secondly, our brains LOVE solving problems. Yes and no are too easy, but throw in a 'how can you' then their brains will automatically try to solve the issue and not put it back on you! Love that you home-school your kiddos, I used to home-school mine to and loved it so much! When my kids finally went to school, due to a bad divorce issue, my daughter was so sweet. She knew how much I was going to miss having them with me every day, so she said, "Know what I'm going to love most about school Mommy?" "What?" I asked with tears in my eyes. "'Homework!" "What?" I was a little shocked, I will not lie! ''Cause then you will get to home-school me again!" Yes, the tears did fun down my face and all over my poor daughter as I gave her the biggest bear hug! Love your video Mayim, love your personality and your genuineness. Hugs
It’s certainly a balancing act. On the one hand, you want your children to grow up feeling deserving of their dreams and desires, but on the other hand, you want them to understand the labor required to accomplish or acquire those dreams and desires. You‘d like for them to put forth all their efforts to get whatever it is they truly want with confidence, not expectancy. I definitely agree that gratitude is vital. So long as you raise your children with a sense of gratitude and confidence in their abilities, I think the entitlement and self-centered perspectives of their age and developmental stages will wane.
When I would ask for something and if my parents said "no" I would say "I know u have the money" and my dad's response was always " yes I have the money but it's my money "
I talk soooooooooooo much with my children, that after explaining the unexplainable...I end up saying...Ok, now you have to this because I said so. There are no logic reasons to convince a six year old to wash her teeth that are falling out...so I resorted, wash your teeth, because I said so. 😩🤦🏾♀️. Mom, why do we shower...why with soap? .... why do I have to wash behind my ears? Why does it matter ? .... because this is how your mom is showing you how to shower...why? Because I said so. 😩🤦🏾♀️
Charity and courtesy are not humility. Good manners can mask a bloated ego too. Humility is not "there but for the grace of God..." Humility is "some of US are suffering. I must help. WE should all feel loved like I do." Humility is knowing that the hungry person is one of you, your hungry person. I am not personally there yet. I was taught the cult of ego too.
No what your described is empathy. Mixed with compassion. Humity is very much there I go but for the grace of god. It’s absolutely the acknowledgment that it could all be gone as easy as it came.
I couldn't agree with you more. I am much older than you, but I relate to your description of your parents' parenting skills, as my parents were the same way. Kids do have it easier today to a degree, but they also have it much tougher than I did when I was growing up.
I appreciate and admire that you can see both sides. Most people seem unable to. It's a rare and inspiring thing when someone can get out of their own head and ego enough to realise that many aspects *are* tougher from one generation to the next. It's always swings and roundabouts.
Mayim, you're not doing it right. The speech goes like this: "When I was a child, I walked to school.....4 o'clock in the morning....with no shoes on.....uphill....BOTH WAYS....in FIVE FEET OF SNOW!!" :) In all seriousness, it's like Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."
Petr Maly Then, after taking a huge bong hit and coughing for 3 minutes they then turn their half open, bloodshot eyes to their child and say “now go to your room”.
what is really funny. my cousin and I grew up on opposite sides of town. went to different schools. we both happened to live at the bottom of the hill on our streets. we both had to walk up hill to school. both schools were at the bottom of hill on it's street...… and since we lived in New York... yep snow. so when that saying comes up... we say "Well …… yes?!?! your point!?!?" lol
I love this!! Entitlement can be so harmful in adults. I thought, because RUclipsrs have this or that I should to. It destroyed my finances & now I struggle with everyday needs. If I had savings earlier in life I wouldn't be so helpless in getting medical help. I'm 31, on a benefit & my parents pay for a lot, if not my parents my Nana. My parents were like yours, 'We don't have the money', I wish I listened more. I hope when I have children one day, I can teach them what's important & what isn't. I hope they will listen & recall my mistakes as adults, so they won't make the same mistakes I have.
You are the most amazing human being. How fortunate we all are that you care enough about humanity to parent the way you do, campion worthy causes, and know that fame is fleeting and what really matters when all is said and done was the compassion a person showed to the hurting. Wow.
@@SpaceDave1337 your English is better than most of the so-called native speakers on RUclips :) well done, and *never* let some troll get you down for one hot second.
On the other hand, providing a sense of agency to your kid (especially in case of divorced families like myself and yours) is critical to healthy growth. In a world where kids feel out of control, giving them limited control and ownership within boundaries has been spectacular for my daughter.
Very well put! I think alot of people entirely miss the importance of this, whether divorce is a factor or not. This kind of necessary respect and consideration often gets lost to parents fears. Understandably, as it's such a huge responsibility, but sadly so often it seems like people are parenting an idea instead of their actual child. What you've expressed here is addressing real and crucial needs that are overlooked so much of the time.
@@L-M-O-1, the extent to which you've entirely missed the point of what the op said is kind of remarkable. Literally none of what you said applies to the scenario he gave. Smdh
My Dad always said to us “I’m not here to be your friend, I’m here to be your parent.” And I agree, while it’s important to have a good relationship with your kids, you need to have boundaries in order to raise them to be respectful and aware of the world around them.
What I'm noticing as a teacher is that parents are trying to prevent their kids from having any kind of negative experience. I get it, everyone wants their kids to be happy; but a little frustration never hurt anyone.
I think alot of this kind of attitude is dangerously disempowwring kids tbh. A know a shocking number of parents with young kids who abhor the word "No". They just will not use it! As a result, the kids aren't learning how and when to use it. Which is a recipe for disaster. You want them to have the *power to say no* .
"It's called being a child. It's all relaxation time." No. A thousand times no. I cannot believe that somebody who was once a child has forgotten that it is not so, not by a long mile. Children may have depression, and I mean clinical depression, anxiety problems, food disorders etc. The myth that kids have no issues ever and it's a happy time without a single cloud was destroyed decades ago. Not all kids, of course, but there are enough cases to stop blindly assuming that no kid can have issues just because they were born this decade. Learned that the hard way. Shouldn't be necessary to learn that the hard way.
“I want them to see what it feels like when you make someone’s impossible day just a little bit more possible” 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 there’s nothing else to say. I admire you so much Mayim. As a vegan, as a woman and as a non-consumerist I see many of my feelings reflected in your words. THANK YOU♥️
Black Panther: T'Challa "I am not ready to be without you". "T'chaka "a man who has not prepared his children. For his own death. Has failed has a father. Have I ever failed you?"
Thank you 💓, for saying all the things that a lot of parents from your generation do not even think of, much less say to their children. I well remember, as a child, asking for things, like any child would. I got the same answer that you got as a child; but when birthdays or Christmas came around, my mother pulled out all the stops. She was amazing, considering she was buying for six children. My father passed away at a very young age, so my mother raised us, along with her mother, at a time when there was no government help, and sent us all to Catholic school, to boot. She was not a college graduate. God is blessing you now mom.🙏🙏🙏
I’m a 13 year old that does chores and I find them fun , I’m being brought up with the same rules as my mum did . I’m being brought up to appreciate what I have and to realise that if I want to achieve something I have to work hard for it and not expect it to be given too me . I loved you on. Big Bang theory and that has gotten me in to the sciences 💕
I'm 46 with only a niece and nephew but when I visit them I've seen this sense of entitlement. They along with my sister and brother in-law live in the suburbs of Chicago. It's a very different world than the country roads of Wisconsin where my sis and I grew up. She has done a lot of the same things you have suggested and I believe it's helped them a great deal. She gets the kids involved in charitable church activities and after some conversations I've had with the kids it seems they understand more now about being thankful for what you have. This was a great segment. Again I'm not a parent but I think the message you give is extremely important and helpful for other families, and the future of our society.
We don't always say we don't have the money we also say things like hey yeah that would be great but there are other things to do. My kid doesn't always get to do what he wants but that is usually because we give him choices of options that help him do the logic. Yes you can have another switch game now but that means we won't be able to go to the observatory tomorrow. He almost always picks the observatory.
I like this perspective. Obviously it varies from kid to kid but I think this would probably work for more kids than people assume. To be honest, I'm very wary of making it all about the money all the time, or even making it about money at all in the ways Mayim referenced, so I like this as an alternative. There were a tonne of things we didn't have the money for growing up but I didn't know about it and i appreciate that because I would have worried about it. I have good financial sense, have always from childhood right through adulthood managed my money well, but I would have become fearful and taken on an inappropriate sense of responsibility and burden if I thought or knew my parents were in a precarious position financially. I like that it wasn't highlighted constantly.
Or just say no. Kids actually need to be told no, flat out no, not some lengthy worded excuse or option. Just No. No discussion. You do not need to know why I'm saying no. Just understand the phrase No.
@@L-M-O-1 except teaching kids reason and understanding is why you don't just say NO without explaining. Yes kids do need to understand reasons or how are they to know if it's a "not right now we are not capable or if it's just I don't want to do it for you. Sorry but good adults are raised to understand the reasons behind things. They are told hey yes we can do this but it will take away time or money or attention from this other thing you want. Seriously not trusting your kids to be raised in reasoning is why we have so many adults who can't seem to give good reasoned answers to questions.
I thank you for making me laugh when I most needed in these last 10 years. I´m a fan from Portugal, and I can tell you there are little differences between your life and mine. We are all human, trying to do our best. Love you!
I remember an older teacher I had growing up who told me that her generation “did the work and never asked for anything” which resulted in them getting exploited while my generation “don’t do the work but asks for everything” and I think this is very true. There is value in working hard but you also need to have enough entitlement to know your actual worth.
Oh, THANK you for this! I feel a tad less guilty now for being the meanest mommy in my town. I’m so big on volunteering, chores and phrases like “put it on your birthday list.” The entitlement is still there, but it’s a work in progress.
It is not just from tbbt and blossom she is also a neurobiologist/neoroscientist in real life (as in not just in tbbt but license neurobiologist in real life). So imagine her net worth.
I love this video. My mother, raising 3 kids back in the 80's and 90's did a combination of what your parents did and what you currently do. The older I get, the more I appreciate what my mom did. Mayim you sound like a great mom! Keep the videos coming. I do believe in entitlement for kids: entitle to food, a place to live and loving parent or parents.
Hey Mayim, I'm a College Student here in the Philippines. And as 1 of the Entitled child of my Parents, I think one of the Biggest reason (other than the internet and all the things you've discussed) is the people in our Environment. Like Friends or Relatives we often talk or chat with. Because the information we get from them is Real Life and most of the time, easy access, reachable, attainable. Which only means that we constantly have this thought "If they can have it, why not me?" And that's where Entitlement of most of us came from...
I love that you are teaching your kids the way you are! Good parenting is always the way! Be humble and be proud! I’ve always been a great fan of you Mayim! Love ya!
When I grew up I was told by my parents that they would not make me eat anything that would make me sick so everything that was put in front of me I would eat due to the fact I had respect for my parents.
@@andie361 I've had a problem with certain textures from birth. From being a toddler, I could not eat things like mushrooms. My mum just learned to work with me, not force stuff down my throat or starve me. Stressing out a picky child just doesn't help.
My parents(and every parent I knew) would make the kid sit at the table for hours until they ate most of whatever food they had refused to eat. No tv, no bath, and by the time you ate the food (because you were so sleepy and just wanted to go to bed) it was disgusting!
I truly appreciate this. I feel like (as a teacher) this is something that comes to school too. They expect to 'have fun' at school and that learning is a waste of time. I just had a PD about how to understand where kids are coming from to improve engagement.
It's good that you're teaching your kids how to handle disappointment now. It's so much easier to learn that when you're younger rather than older. And learning that you have to work hard to get what you want is ALWAYS a good lesson to learn. My teenager saved his money to buy his own cell phone, and he takes SUCH good care of it. Why? Because he learned intimately the exact value of that phone through all his hours of work to save the money for it. Hard work instills pride of accomplishment and a sense of purpose, two essential ingredients to overall happiness in life.
You're certainly NOT the meanest mom in the world, you are a bright young woman who is doing what she feels is right for her children. Being concerned and active in your community is an awesome thing. Let your kids SEE what the world is like. Let them know how LUCKY they are.
oh, Mayim, I feel that everyday and it's a big relief knowing other moms that don't know how to solve that even though we keep trying! excellent video, as always. and thanks, dear! best regards from Brasil!
I agree with everything. Although I don’t want to underplay the benefits of active gratitude. A thank goodness we have a car where the heat works well or we would turn into popsicles. I am so happy this bed is so comfortable. Teaching kids to count there blessings as second nature, really helps them to see immediately when someone else isn’t as fortunate
Enjoyed the video! Have you thought of sponsoring a foster transitional housing program? It cuts down homelessness and crime amongst the nearly 1000 yearly foster youth that ages out of the LAC DCFS system. With less than 1700 beds/apartments for up to 8 years of housing, that is a major shortfall. Please DM if you are interested. #kidsave #dcfs #fostering
I don't have kids yet. And I dont have a lot of money since I still go to university. Buuut when I think about having kids ( in a future where I have a well paid job that I enjoy) I always wonder how I would manage exactly that issue. Thanks for the video! It was really helpful
Thank you so much for this. Seriously, we need more youtubers like you, Mayim. I don't have kids yet, but I just wrote my diploma thesis on parenting so this is a huge topic for me. I really love all the practical tips and examples you give in this video, and your general attitude - so humble, down to earth, respectful towards the kids. I totally believe kids should have limits and should be able to experience some lack of things they dont need.
5:53 " *I* *know* *you* *want* *it* *but* *the* *answer* *is* *no* " - I think it's wonderful that you're teaching your children not to be entitled. But they do deserve an explanation *WHY* the answer is no. This gives them respect while you set the boundaries. And it may often make them more cooperative. Plus, they simply deserve some explanation. Unfortunately, no explanation behind such a boundary may send the wrong message. As you mentioned yourself, children are self-centered and its natural. It is part of their developmental psychology to blame adversities on themselves, thinking that the reason for sad/bad events is that something is wrong with them. Or they don't deserve the things they want, but their friend Joe gets his things, so he must deserve it more. If you don't give them explanation, they will come up with their own, and I hope you can see the danger in there. Another danger... Making children obey without giving an explanation teaches them that if people have authority over them, it means they are right or they don't need to/cannot be questioned.
Why? I don’t understand the need to constantly explain things, specially to a really young child. They’re not going to understand anyway. Parents have rights too.
I really needed this because I have been really feeling like a failure as a Mother, my daughter is entitled most definitely but I thought I was the only Mom around struggling with this. Thank you for your transparency and tips on battling entitlement in children.
I love your videos and how you analize things in such a profund yet understandable way! I will keep watching as long as you make content. You are a great influence in the world!!
You are a great mom, be proud that you're instilling good in your boys. Alot of parents now just give in to their children because it's easier than teaching them about reality. Keep up the great work that you do. Love your videos. FYI I'm a huge Big Bang fan😊
Way to go!!! I love seeing a parent who says no!! All kids now have this problem and I completely agree with you!!! Just because you have money doesn’t mean they do. You are doing them a great justice by showing them they need to work to get a head fabulous job
I did chores when I was a kid, and I was told no a lot. I look back on it as an adult, and I am glad for it. It taught me how to be responsible, and do without. I'm a broke college student, and I understand that I will have to do without a lot of things for a long time. I'm fine with that, especially if I can do what I love, and the things I want will come later. My parents did without certain things to put food on the table for us, and I got hand-me-downs as a kid, too. I'm excited to work hard in my dream job after graduating college, and I'm excited to move into my RV bus that I am saving for with my college jobs. It's not easy to get what you want, but the hard work is worth it.
Hey all, I know these last few videos have had sponsored content in them and I apologize that they've been released in a row like this. I'm sure it's annoying. With the vocal issues I've been having, I got behind and had to do what I could to meet the commitments I made. That means I did what I don't like doing, and doubling up on sponsored videos. :/ I promise there are videos being edited as we speak that are just fun, regular videos!! Coming very soon!!
Hi mayim I Love your videos!👍❤️❤️
Mayim, would you consider trying to see if Pluralsight would partner with you for sponsored content? I looked at Great Courses Plus through your affiliate link, and sadly, that's not as applicable to my needs. Of course, you probably want to focus on advertisers who are consistent with your content... But please consider it. And btw, great talk! -Dave in Atlanta, GA.
I love you😍😘 u're amazin and I'm going to name my daughter after you.
A part of their entitlement could be that you are considered a famous actress. You being their mom can make them feel superior to other people.
All good!
My Dad regularly used to remind me that “Nobody owes you anything, kid!” He also used to stress that “the older you get, the smarter I’ll seem.” He was right. ;-)
You forgot about on demand television. We knew as children if we missed a show, we just missed it. It taught us to be on time and to structure our day so we did not miss our show.
I had a child hood friend that loved watching saved by the bell. She would not I mean absolutely not come outside until it went off. So we wait for her until the show came on and went off. So I clearly know all about that.
On demand everything these days... My youngest kids can't understand why you have to wait for Christmas or birthdays to come around. You turn on Netflix and there are Christmas/ winter movies, you ask Google for a Christmas song in June... So why can't it be Christmas now? I look forward to the concept of time at least gelling with them.
Matt Haegele and we had to wait a week to see the next episode!
Kara A and if we missed it, we had to wait for the summer for the rerun
It all started with VCR's when "time shifting" became a thing back in the 1970's.
I’m entitled to a nap.....but my kids, cats and the universe all disagree with me. 🥺
lol, take your nap, girl!!
WE DONT HAVE THE MONEY
I have a teenager with severe ADHD, and a Toddler. You have my sympathy there just isnt a strong enough coffee.
I hear what you're saying, but the answer is no
Sometimes that nap wins!
“Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.”
― Robert A. Heinlein
GREAT advice!
GOD bless you❣🙏
I love this
Amen!
And alot of people think this means you have to actively make your kids lives hard by force feeding them trauma that they don't necessarily have to experience if you hadn't consciously inflict upon them such as screaming at them, slapping them, hitting them with various objects, and not just doing these things as a disciplinary measure but as a daily routine just to make sure your kid "doesn't have it easy."
@@jedimaster0667 omg, you snowflake. Screaming is not a 'trauma' inflicted upon anybody. Weirdo.
In Russia we say to kids "well, there is no harm in wanting something" 😂conversation over
This is PERFECT
In Chile we say/hear variations of "No se pierde nada con querer" which loosely translates to "You don't lose anything in wanting something" hahaha. Means the same thing!
This is brilliant ! Whenever I used to say I fancied something, this or that, my Mum used to reply with "fancy you've had it". Never done me any arm - annoying at the time though !!
Great line!
fairytaleviola lol
I'm 53 and 99% of what you said about how you grew up is exactly how I did.
So relatable!
She a jew, be careful!
Sue G. 👍❤
In our family, the maxim is: "Just because we CAN doesn't me we SHOULD!"
Also: "is that a need or a want?"
Also I came up with this; "Is that a question or a tantrum?"
Both of you, very good ones!!!
Ohh the second one is soo baaaaddddd !
my wife said to tell you your hair looks cute.
@Infinite Being maybe she doesn't have a RUclips account
anthony falcone it does look cute
Yes, I think overall (including her hair) she looks really cute.
Aww, that is nice
@Infinite Being - there could be lots of reasons. I do the same thing when my spouse is looking at her phone and tells me about something she is looking at
When I asked my parents why they’d lie about not having money when I was younger they schooled my ass and said, “I’m not lying. We have money for a lot of things your excessive wardrobe is not one of them”
Edit: I agree with them now dw.
Thst was actually a more balanced response than i was expecting. I thought they just wouldve went for the old standard: WE have money. YOU do not.
The immortal words of Mick Jagger were drilled into my head as a small child:
"You can't always get what you want"
Money is certainly a big factor. As a kid, I never felt like we were poor, but money was limited. Maybe we went out to eat once a week, to a modest restaurant. Things like toys and music - "fun things" - were generally only for Christmas and birthdays, and maybe Easter if I was lucky. I clearly remember being at Toys R Us looking at video games (for the wish list) while another family was there picking one out. The dad said something like "we get a new video game every month". Or maybe it was every three months. Either way, it was a shock to my parents and me. We just didn't *do* that.
Now, I'm in a much different situation financially than my parents were at my age. The line between "need" and "want" is often extremely fuzzy. And online shopping makes it *really* easy to pull the trigger on almost anything. We don't have kids, but I often think about how we might handle such things if we did.
I think that you sound mature and wise enough to have perfectly educated kids. As long as you apply the same principles you were brought up with, I think you'll be OK.
GOD bless you❣🙏
I think Instagram/Snapchat is so damaging to kids because they think if they are not living a certain kind of lifestyle, they are missing out
@@autoimmunediseasequeen beautiful story. Thanks for sharing it.
You must come from my era! Your comment made me laugh, but remember: the song refers to England's heroin maintenance program through which heroin would be administered in just enough dose to prevent withdrawal, but not enough to satisfy the addict's desire. "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you'll find you get what you need."
I always liked the quote “Give your kids enough to do something, but not so much that they do nothing”
Hey Miyam, I “met” you while you were on Blossom - you were shopping at Bullocks in Sherman Oaks (I worked there) I remember how down to earth and well, normal you seemed despite being such a big star. I interacted with a lot of celebrities there and many were not that way. Keep up what you’re doing with your kids! You worked hard for your money and position; it wasn’t handed to you and you didn’t act entitled as a kid. Hang in there and thanks for the video!!
My son gets really sick of hearing " if you want it , work for it ."
I'm such a mean mom for teaching him responsibility. 😏
Wat
A great parent
good for you! make sure they earn it
They'll only TRULY appreciate it if they've EARNED it and/or saved up for it!!!!
For some reason this reminds me of my five year old learning to read. He always wants me to help him (meaning he wants me to read the words for him). I help him by reminding him to sound it out. Sometimes he then asks me to sound it out for him and I tell him I don't need to sound it out because I already know what it says. He gets mad and says "just tell me." I will correct a mispronunciation but will not tell him the word without him first putting in some effort. He's a decent reader and hasn't started school yet. If he gets frustrated, he is allowed to take a break and come back to it. And just thought I should clarify, I do still read him stories but he has to read some every day.
Hmmmm. Seems simple to me. How did you get YOUR money? Was it just handed to you? No. I think you worked for it. Apply the same principle. If they want things, they can actually work for money. Your responsibility is to feed, clothe, shelter, protect and teach them how to to survive in their environment. They need to learn how to work for what they want. It’s a survival skill.
Pam Love I agree! If children are more involved with everyday tasks it makes them also more independent and can boost their confidence. They need of course guidance in the beginning and it shouldn’t consist of any excessive hours. But at least every other day they should also do something small at home.
When I was younger I used to bring the rubbish outside and was responsible that everything was sorted correctly. From that onwards I learned other things and I knew if I wanted something I could hustle for it - I could offer my help for some tasks and as a reward I got that one thing. But not all tasks gave me money. Regular, fast and easy chores, like bringing out rubbish, was one of the tasks for which I did not get rewards for - it was one of the things that was expected from me as part of the family.
And that made me rly proud although these were such small things. Just because I knew I did something to help family.
Will definitely take some of the parenting methods from my mom for my future children as well 😊
I 100% agree with you. Real pleasure comes from knowing that whatever it is that I have I earned it with my hard work, whether it was physically or mentally speaking.
GOD bless you❣🙏
Amen pam. Let's all as parents Start doing this as early as possible!
Absolutely
A lot of kids still just would rather do without. When I was a kid we were willing to work really hard to get things we needed or wanted. We didn't necessarily want to work but we did. Today kids are willing to just go without if it takes work.
On the contrary of many opinions here, I don't think the sin of entitled children is sloth. It is envy !
In my experience as a saleswoman, many of the older generations behave in a very entitled way. They feel they deserve a certain material power because they "worked hard". Never mind the fact hardship doesn't necessarly end in social justice or that working hard doesn't always go together with working smart ( and the opposite is true too).
Baseline : if you compare yourself to others you'll always find ways you're worse than some and that leads to shame. So to make you feel good, you'll find ways you're better than some and it often quickly shifts into "more deserving than some". Shame and envy leads to entitlement. If you enjoy what you have, there's no reason to want more. In order to fight entitlement, kids should learn to take the time to appreciate what they have without comparing it to what others have.
I love hearing about your parenting experiences and how you try to deal with certain challenges. I'm sure it helps many other parents who are going through the same issues.
You said “WE have money” ... you mean that YOU have money... your kids don’t , unless they earn their own somehow. Makes me think of the episode of the Cosby show when he tells Vanessa that he and Clair are rich and she is poor 😂
I believe it's about "what's mine is yours" thing. It's like when your kid wants what you're eating even if it's the same they're having. It's a good way to show your children how to be generous.
I think she meant her and her ex husband
It’s good for kids to want, to need, to desire. What good is it if we give them everything they want at all times? Great video thanks for sharing!
PREACH!
Really well said. A person without thirst will never know true accomplishment.
You're the best. Hands down. Love to see people with influence, intelligence, and beauty using that power to empower!
Mayim, I have frequently told my daughter "If I have to choose between being your father and your friend, I will always chose to be your father first. I would like to be both, but the job of Dad comes before all else." I told her this from the moment she could conceptualize the difference. And, just this week, I had to remind her of this. (Forgot what she was grumbling about.)
Also, I'm a single parent. I make a decent living for being a single parent, but it also means I have less money when it comes to the stuff she sees other kids having. When I had to get her a cell phone, it was a Samsung, but it wasn't a top of the line Galaxy S model. (It was the A model.) She's seventeen, and she's asking for a car so she doesn't have to ride the city bus home. I've told her I can't afford to get her a car until next year, when I'm finished paying off the current car I have. She wants a Kia Optima, and probably fresh off the lot. I told her when we get a car, it's one we can afford, and she's going to drive whatever car I can afford to give her. (I've also had to "discuss" with my father, who wants to get her some cheap POS junker. I've lived through those days. She doesn't have the skills and knowledge I had, because I didn't go car repair at home when she was small. I don't want to drop that kind of problem on her when she goes off to college.)
But, she's seeing some of the issues her friends are going through. Some of them aren't here legally, but they know no other life than that of a US citizen. For her, these kids are more than just some news article or story that Dad sometimes reads. She's been part of school and afterschool programs that teach her about other problems as well. I have to say, she's a good kid generally.
BTW, the rule in my car is "The driver gets the final say on the radio, because it's the driver who can run the car off the road and kill us all". It's a moot point, because the in-dash radio is dead and I can't afford a new one till next year. Grr...
Your daughter could get a part time job and buy a car herself..
@@MRRIntel We both know this, and she has been looking for a job. The problem is, she is in a club (robotics) that fits what she'll major in college (mechanical and electrical engineering). So, it's been a choice between something that will benefit her education and something that will benefit her finances.
@@jackielinde7568 learning to work for what she wants also will benefit her education, and life. Saying that you have to buy her a car because she is in a club is so lame. There are millions of people who have worked full time jobs while going to school. I am pretty sure that your kid could work part time to buy herself a car.
@@su-rv2uq this is so true. All he's basically said is that he's fostering the basis & fundamentals of entitlement but thinks he should be able to gripe about it & make excuses
Anyone who buys their teenage kid a car is spoiling them rotten
Growing up in the 70s, if I wanted something I was told, "Sure, you can have it when you can pay for it." It was up to me to figure out how to find extra jobs or save my birthday money, for something I wanted.
We tend to want to give our children the things we didn’t/couldn’t have growing up.
But we forget to give them the things we DID have ... riding bikes with friends, dinner together without interruption (today = smartphones), watching old movies and discussing them afterwards (e.g. Casablanca, Sunset Blvd, Sound of Music)
basically having a parent there with you, not just in the same room.
I miss those days growing up in the 60’s & 70’s.
Well put!!
I am 53 and I totally agree
Best comment
Over here, in Romania, we sometimes say "you have will!"
"I want this!" "Good for you, you have will" 😂
Hi from an Australian fan, I absolutely love your new hair do suits you
If you are in Western Australia and I'm in Victoria we are up late. :)
Hi folks. I'm in Queensland! Just getting up to turn the heater on and watch this video. It's dropped below 20C and I can't deal 😂😂😂
Funny, that's the first thing I noticed as well. Looks good on ya, love.
@Kathy- agree she looks hot. I think she is losing weight as well. I might marry her if she keeps this up..!
@@davidhenderson5051 Would you still marry her if she did not have $25 million in the bank...thought so...js
All I can say is "You go girl!" You are doing a great job raising those kids of yours.
"I'll give you something to cry about" totally resonated with me... it was an echo of my father.
I raised 2 girls on less than $15,000 per year and no child support. We learned to live without.
I had these issues with our boys (for some reason never my daughter) when they were growing up even when we didn't have the money. Teaching them gratitude was the best thing I could do for them. When tragedies strike, and they will, they were better prepared because of the ability to be able to express gratitude rather than feeling they were cheated by life because of a sense of self entitlement.
You sound like an amazing mum, i think your kiddies are super blessed to have you as their mama especially with the lessons you are trying to teach them.
I didn't eat out ever as a kid for initial 15 years of my life...and it in someway inculcated such insecurities that sometimes are hard to do away with!!
Totally relate to that!
@@TessaAvonlea Neither did I travel...I started noticing people my age who had those things available as a kid... really didn't have a good time as an adult!!
Thank-you Mayim for your honesty as well as your lovable humour. It's greatly appreciated! You are right, our kids today have so many things that we didn't have growing up ourselves so how to do we make sure our kids grow up without that entitlement mentality. I think you are doing a great job with what you mentioned in your video. You mentioned how you would answer your boys when they would ask you to buy them something and that you can't use the "we don't have the money" option. You have found a great way around that. For other parents who are in the situation where they actually do not have the money to buy I have a few other options. You could say something like, "no sorry sweetie, that's not in our plan right now, we are choosing not to buy it." Showing that's not about scarcity and lack, creating a scarcity mentality of not being worthy in our children, but showing the empowerment side, it's not in our plan, it's not our choice right now. Another one is to put it back on your child and thereby create responsibility for achieving their own goals like, "Wow, what a cool thing, so how do you think you could earn the money to get that for yourself?" This one is my favourite for a few reasons: first it shows that they are actually in charge of their destiny. If they want something then they are being encouraged to find a way to get it. Great life skill to have! Secondly, our brains LOVE solving problems. Yes and no are too easy, but throw in a 'how can you' then their brains will automatically try to solve the issue and not put it back on you! Love that you home-school your kiddos, I used to home-school mine to and loved it so much! When my kids finally went to school, due to a bad divorce issue, my daughter was so sweet. She knew how much I was going to miss having them with me every day, so she said, "Know what I'm going to love most about school Mommy?" "What?" I asked with tears in my eyes. "'Homework!" "What?" I was a little shocked, I will not lie! ''Cause then you will get to home-school me again!" Yes, the tears did fun down my face and all over my poor daughter as I gave her the biggest bear hug! Love your video Mayim, love your personality and your genuineness. Hugs
This is a wonderful, empowering approach! I love it! That way the kids can also choose whether something is worth working for
It’s certainly a balancing act. On the one hand, you want your children to grow up feeling deserving of their dreams and desires, but on the other hand, you want them to understand the labor required to accomplish or acquire those dreams and desires. You‘d like for them to put forth all their efforts to get whatever it is they truly want with confidence, not expectancy. I definitely agree that gratitude is vital. So long as you raise your children with a sense of gratitude and confidence in their abilities, I think the entitlement and self-centered perspectives of their age and developmental stages will wane.
When I would ask for something and if my parents said "no" I would say "I know u have the money" and my dad's response was always " yes I have the money but it's my money "
I'm 18 and not even sure if I want to have kids, but your parenting videos are EVERYTHING❤
I talk soooooooooooo much with my children, that after explaining the unexplainable...I end up saying...Ok, now you have to this because I said so. There are no logic reasons to convince a six year old to wash her teeth that are falling out...so I resorted, wash your teeth, because I said so. 😩🤦🏾♀️. Mom, why do we shower...why with soap? .... why do I have to wash behind my ears? Why does it matter ? .... because this is how your mom is showing you how to shower...why? Because I said so. 😩🤦🏾♀️
Charity and courtesy are not humility. Good manners can mask a bloated ego too. Humility is not "there but for the grace of God..." Humility is "some of US are suffering. I must help. WE should all feel loved like I do." Humility is knowing that the hungry person is one of you, your hungry person. I am not personally there yet. I was taught the cult of ego too.
Well said...
No what your described is empathy. Mixed with compassion.
Humity is very much there I go but for the grace of god. It’s absolutely the acknowledgment that it could all be gone as easy as it came.
I couldn't agree with you more. I am much older than you, but I relate to your description of your parents' parenting skills, as my parents were the same way. Kids do have it easier today to a degree, but they also have it much tougher than I did when I was growing up.
I appreciate and admire that you can see both sides. Most people seem unable to. It's a rare and inspiring thing when someone can get out of their own head and ego enough to realise that many aspects *are* tougher from one generation to the next. It's always swings and roundabouts.
Mayim, you're not doing it right. The speech goes like this:
"When I was a child, I walked to school.....4 o'clock in the morning....with no shoes on.....uphill....BOTH WAYS....in FIVE FEET OF SNOW!!" :)
In all seriousness, it's like Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."
No, no no, that is not the modern way, role models and being good example are outdated concepts, today parenting method is "Do as I say, not as I do!"
My dad used to say that but he also added that all he had to keep him warm was a baked potato in his pocket that he got to eat for lunch.
Petr Maly Then, after taking a huge bong hit and coughing for 3 minutes they then turn their half open, bloodshot eyes to their child and say “now go to your room”.
Jeff725 ---> Sounds like we grew up in the same home. :)
what is really funny. my cousin and I grew up on opposite sides of town. went to different schools. we both happened to live at the bottom of the hill on our streets. we both had to walk up hill to school. both schools were at the bottom of hill on it's street...… and since we lived in New York... yep snow. so when that saying comes up... we say "Well …… yes?!?! your point!?!?" lol
I love this!! Entitlement can be so harmful in adults. I thought, because RUclipsrs have this or that I should to. It destroyed my finances & now I struggle with everyday needs. If I had savings earlier in life I wouldn't be so helpless in getting medical help. I'm 31, on a benefit & my parents pay for a lot, if not my parents my Nana. My parents were like yours, 'We don't have the money', I wish I listened more. I hope when I have children one day, I can teach them what's important & what isn't. I hope they will listen & recall my mistakes as adults, so they won't make the same mistakes I have.
Your hair looks fantastic that length.
I really like the way you raise your children. That gives me hope. And yeah, your hear looks great, and you're beautiful. Thank you for your videos.
You are the most amazing human being. How fortunate we all are that you care enough about humanity to parent the way you do, campion worthy causes, and know that fame is fleeting and what really matters when all is said and done was the compassion a person showed to the hurting. Wow.
You are the most genuine, kind, honest woman!
I loved Amy Farrah Fowler, but my gosh, I love Mayim Bialik so much more!
So you were raised like me
Except I'm 14
Still love my parents
SpaceDave1337 did you mean “except?” Ask your English teacher for a refund -
@@shelley6477 Did you mean to keep your mean spirited comment to yourself? Ask your parents for a refund.
@@shelley6477 english isn't my first language and I only learned it through hearing. so no, I can't get a "refund"
@@treegreen941 thank you, now I still have hope in humanity
@@SpaceDave1337 your English is better than most of the so-called native speakers on RUclips :) well done, and *never* let some troll get you down for one hot second.
The way Mayim was brought up is literally exactly how I have been brought up hahaha
On the other hand, providing a sense of agency to your kid (especially in case of divorced families like myself and yours) is critical to healthy growth. In a world where kids feel out of control, giving them limited control and ownership within boundaries has been spectacular for my daughter.
Very well put! I think alot of people entirely miss the importance of this, whether divorce is a factor or not. This kind of necessary respect and consideration often gets lost to parents fears. Understandably, as it's such a huge responsibility, but sadly so often it seems like people are parenting an idea instead of their actual child. What you've expressed here is addressing real and crucial needs that are overlooked so much of the time.
In other words, you let your kid call the shots & are optimistic that works out well in the end? Haha
@@L-M-O-1, the extent to which you've entirely missed the point of what the op said is kind of remarkable. Literally none of what you said applies to the scenario he gave. Smdh
I thought I was alone with this situation. My daughter feels like this and I had the same realizations. Thanks for the support
When my grand kids say I want this etc I start singing the song “you can’t always get what you want” they hate that lol
XD
You.... You are a good grandma!
“But you get what cha need.”
🤣🤣🤣
My Dad always said to us “I’m not here to be your friend, I’m here to be your parent.” And I agree, while it’s important to have a good relationship with your kids, you need to have boundaries in order to raise them to be respectful and aware of the world around them.
If your kids are entitled because they know their mamas a big huge star. Love you. 😁
When her kids' spoiled friends are on drugs later, her kids will be grateful for their 'hard upbringing'
What I'm noticing as a teacher is that parents are trying to prevent their kids from having any kind of negative experience. I get it, everyone wants their kids to be happy; but a little frustration never hurt anyone.
I think alot of this kind of attitude is dangerously disempowwring kids tbh. A know a shocking number of parents with young kids who abhor the word "No". They just will not use it! As a result, the kids aren't learning how and when to use it. Which is a recipe for disaster. You want them to have the *power to say no* .
"It's called being a child. It's all relaxation time."
No. A thousand times no. I cannot believe that somebody who was once a child has forgotten that it is not so, not by a long mile. Children may have depression, and I mean clinical depression, anxiety problems, food disorders etc. The myth that kids have no issues ever and it's a happy time without a single cloud was destroyed decades ago. Not all kids, of course, but there are enough cases to stop blindly assuming that no kid can have issues just because they were born this decade.
Learned that the hard way. Shouldn't be necessary to learn that the hard way.
“I want them to see what it feels like when you make someone’s impossible day just a little bit more possible” 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 there’s nothing else to say. I admire you so much Mayim. As a vegan, as a woman and as a non-consumerist I see many of my feelings reflected in your words. THANK YOU♥️
The best thing you can do for your kids is to teach them to get along without you.
Black Panther:
T'Challa "I am not ready to be without you".
"T'chaka "a man who has not prepared his children. For his own death. Has failed has a father. Have I ever failed you?"
Thank you 💓, for saying all the things that a lot of parents from your generation do not even think of, much less say to their children. I well remember, as a child, asking for things, like any child would. I got the same answer that you got as a child; but when birthdays or Christmas came around, my mother pulled out all the stops. She was amazing, considering she was buying for six children. My father passed away at a very young age, so my mother raised us, along with her mother, at a time when there was no government help, and sent us all to Catholic school, to boot. She was not a college graduate. God is blessing you now mom.🙏🙏🙏
I agree with you. All your points. My kids act entitled too, I believe, for the reasons you state. I react very similar to you.
I’m a 13 year old that does chores and I find them fun , I’m being brought up with the same rules as my mum did . I’m being brought up to appreciate what I have and to realise that if I want to achieve something I have to work hard for it and not expect it to be given too me . I loved you on. Big Bang theory and that has gotten me in to the sciences 💕
Saying I love you is an understatement
I'm 46 with only a niece and nephew but when I visit them I've seen this sense of entitlement. They along with my sister and brother in-law live in the suburbs of Chicago. It's a very different world than the country roads of Wisconsin where my sis and I grew up. She has done a lot of the same things you have suggested and I believe it's helped them a great deal. She gets the kids involved in charitable church activities and after some conversations I've had with the kids it seems they understand more now about being thankful for what you have.
This was a great segment. Again I'm not a parent but I think the message you give is extremely important and helpful for other families, and the future of our society.
We don't always say we don't have the money we also say things like hey yeah that would be great but there are other things to do. My kid doesn't always get to do what he wants but that is usually because we give him choices of options that help him do the logic. Yes you can have another switch game now but that means we won't be able to go to the observatory tomorrow. He almost always picks the observatory.
I like this perspective. Obviously it varies from kid to kid but I think this would probably work for more kids than people assume.
To be honest, I'm very wary of making it all about the money all the time, or even making it about money at all in the ways Mayim referenced, so I like this as an alternative.
There were a tonne of things we didn't have the money for growing up but I didn't know about it and i appreciate that because I would have worried about it. I have good financial sense, have always from childhood right through adulthood managed my money well, but I would have become fearful and taken on an inappropriate sense of responsibility and burden if I thought or knew my parents were in a precarious position financially. I like that it wasn't highlighted constantly.
Or just say no. Kids actually need to be told no, flat out no, not some lengthy worded excuse or option. Just No. No discussion. You do not need to know why I'm saying no. Just understand the phrase No.
@@L-M-O-1 except teaching kids reason and understanding is why you don't just say NO without explaining. Yes kids do need to understand reasons or how are they to know if it's a "not right now we are not capable or if it's just I don't want to do it for you. Sorry but good adults are raised to understand the reasons behind things. They are told hey yes we can do this but it will take away time or money or attention from this other thing you want. Seriously not trusting your kids to be raised in reasoning is why we have so many adults who can't seem to give good reasoned answers to questions.
When you spoke of doing service together as a family, it almost brought me to tears.
I thank you for making me laugh when I most needed in these last 10 years. I´m a fan from Portugal, and I can tell you there are little differences between your life and mine. We are all human, trying to do our best. Love you!
I remember an older teacher I had growing up who told me that her generation “did the work and never asked for anything” which resulted in them getting exploited while my generation “don’t do the work but asks for everything” and I think this is very true.
There is value in working hard but you also need to have enough entitlement to know your actual worth.
When I was a kid, if I wanted something, my mom would tell me, “well, people in hell want ice water.” 😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣 love that!
I absolutely love that you asked yourself the question and I love even more the answers you found and the solutions you are working with as a family.
We had the exact same upbringing. It feels like you're talking about my own parents. Looooove your talks. ❤🇫🇷
Oh, THANK you for this! I feel a tad less guilty now for being the meanest mommy in my town. I’m so big on volunteering, chores and phrases like “put it on your birthday list.” The entitlement is still there, but it’s a work in progress.
Your short hair looks heaps better, transforms you.
I grew up the exact same with my brother in a single parent family! Your approach seems sound, nobody is perfect but let’s all do our best ❤️
This is the best response I've seen tbh.
They googled how much is Mayim Bialik worth.
I just did that 🤯 $25 million +
Bonnie Nash hey she earned it. Playing Amy was hard. In my opinion. They work 15 hour days. It’s not easy
@@shotgunblast28 and Blossom.
@@bonnienash8585 how anyone knows is a mystery. Those numbers are made up by some algorithms. They are not based on any actual knowledge.
It is not just from tbbt and blossom she is also a neurobiologist/neoroscientist in real life (as in not just in tbbt but license neurobiologist in real life). So imagine her net worth.
I love this video. My mother, raising 3 kids back in the 80's and 90's did a combination of what your parents did and what you currently do. The older I get, the more I appreciate what my mom did. Mayim you sound like a great mom! Keep the videos coming. I do believe in entitlement for kids: entitle to food, a place to live and loving parent or parents.
Oh boy, I so wanted to be fluent in English and understand what you say 😖😖😖♥️
Try if it helps using the automatic subtitles!
@@bluebell1924 yes thanks, but have some words i don't know 😅
@@skye_4960 Which ones ? We could try to help you understand :-)
I think all children start out as entitled, but growing up is leaning that they can't always have everything you're own way. You're doing great. :)
Hey Mayim, I'm a College Student here in the Philippines.
And as 1 of the Entitled child of my Parents, I think one of the Biggest reason (other than the internet and all the things you've discussed) is the people in our Environment.
Like Friends or Relatives we often talk or chat with.
Because the information we get from them is Real Life and most of the time, easy access, reachable, attainable.
Which only means that we constantly have this thought
"If they can have it, why not me?"
And that's where Entitlement of most of us came from...
Kate Isagon as a mom of a Gen Z daughter, this is spot-on accurate!
I love that you are teaching your kids the way you are! Good parenting is always the way! Be humble and be proud! I’ve always been a great fan of you Mayim! Love ya!
When I was a kid, I always got to choose what I ate. That was simply because if I was forced to eat something I didn't like, I wouldn't eat.
When I grew up I was told by my parents that they would not make me eat anything that would make me sick so everything that was put in front of me I would eat due to the fact I had respect for my parents.
You’d have been fixing your own meals in my parents house (and mine for that matter, lol)
@@andie361 I've had a problem with certain textures from birth. From being a toddler, I could not eat things like mushrooms. My mum just learned to work with me, not force stuff down my throat or starve me.
Stressing out a picky child just doesn't help.
My parents(and every parent I knew) would make the kid sit at the table for hours until they ate most of whatever food they had refused to eat. No tv, no bath, and by the time you ate the food (because you were so sleepy and just wanted to go to bed) it was disgusting!
@@lazyhomebody1356 I think my gran tried that once. I didn't eat anything that night.
I truly appreciate this. I feel like (as a teacher) this is something that comes to school too. They expect to 'have fun' at school and that learning is a waste of time. I just had a PD about how to understand where kids are coming from to improve engagement.
Mayim talks about her mom like Amy talks about hers. LOL
It's good that you're teaching your kids how to handle disappointment now. It's so much easier to learn that when you're younger rather than older. And learning that you have to work hard to get what you want is ALWAYS a good lesson to learn. My teenager saved his money to buy his own cell phone, and he takes SUCH good care of it. Why? Because he learned intimately the exact value of that phone through all his hours of work to save the money for it. Hard work instills pride of accomplishment and a sense of purpose, two essential ingredients to overall happiness in life.
I wish mayim and jim would do an episode together just like fun with flags on bbt 😁😁
You're certainly NOT the meanest mom in the world, you are a bright young woman who is doing what she feels is right for her children. Being concerned and active in your community is an awesome thing. Let your kids SEE what the world is like. Let them know how LUCKY they are.
Absolutely LOVE your hair cut and color! It suits you so much and it looks great!❤️
oh, Mayim, I feel that everyday and it's a big relief knowing other moms that don't know how to solve that even though we keep trying! excellent video, as always. and thanks, dear!
best regards from Brasil!
I finally have seen the last episode of BBT. Oh my, you looked so beautiful. !!! ♥
I agree with everything. Although I don’t want to underplay the benefits of active gratitude. A thank goodness we have a car where the heat works well or we would turn into popsicles. I am so happy this bed is so comfortable. Teaching kids to count there blessings as second nature, really helps them to see immediately when someone else isn’t as fortunate
Enjoyed the video! Have you thought of sponsoring a foster transitional housing program? It cuts down homelessness and crime amongst the nearly 1000 yearly foster youth that ages out of the LAC DCFS system. With less than 1700 beds/apartments for up to 8 years of housing, that is a major shortfall. Please DM if you are interested. #kidsave #dcfs #fostering
I don't have kids yet. And I dont have a lot of money since I still go to university. Buuut when I think about having kids ( in a future where I have a well paid job that I enjoy) I always wonder how I would manage exactly that issue. Thanks for the video! It was really helpful
You are actually so much like Amy that it blows my mind!
Btw, love you so much on tbbt 💕
Thank you so much for this. Seriously, we need more youtubers like you, Mayim.
I don't have kids yet, but I just wrote my diploma thesis on parenting so this is a huge topic for me. I really love all the practical tips and examples you give in this video, and your general attitude - so humble, down to earth, respectful towards the kids. I totally believe kids should have limits and should be able to experience some lack of things they dont need.
5:53 " *I* *know* *you* *want* *it* *but* *the* *answer* *is* *no* " - I think it's wonderful that you're teaching your children not to be entitled. But they do deserve an explanation *WHY* the answer is no. This gives them respect while you set the boundaries. And it may often make them more cooperative. Plus, they simply deserve some explanation.
Unfortunately, no explanation behind such a boundary may send the wrong message. As you mentioned yourself, children are self-centered and its natural. It is part of their developmental psychology to blame adversities on themselves, thinking that the reason for sad/bad events is that something is wrong with them. Or they don't deserve the things they want, but their friend Joe gets his things, so he must deserve it more. If you don't give them explanation, they will come up with their own, and I hope you can see the danger in there.
Another danger... Making children obey without giving an explanation teaches them that if people have authority over them, it means they are right or they don't need to/cannot be questioned.
Why? I don’t understand the need to constantly explain things, specially to a really young child. They’re not going to understand anyway. Parents have rights too.
I really needed this because I have been really feeling like a failure as a Mother, my daughter is entitled most definitely but I thought I was the only Mom around struggling with this. Thank you for your transparency and tips on battling entitlement in children.
Imagine your mum trying to buy you a place at an Ivy League College.....😂😣 Now that's entitlement in The U.S.A. Great video Mayim.
I love your videos and how you analize things in such a profund yet understandable way! I will keep watching as long as you make content. You are a great influence in the world!!
I bet she’s a sweet but stern mom. Her hair cut is cute af too.
You are a great mom, be proud that you're instilling good in your boys. Alot of parents now just give in to their children because it's easier than teaching them about reality. Keep up the great work that you do. Love your videos. FYI I'm a huge Big Bang fan😊
My mom still says to me “because I said so” sometimes and I’m 34 years old
Way to go!!! I love seeing a parent who says no!! All kids now have this problem and I completely agree with you!!! Just because you have money doesn’t mean they do. You are doing them a great justice by showing them they need to work to get a head fabulous job
Amen! A lot of Jewish ethics and morality coming through there, such a good basis to live live with your loved ones!
James Blair-Cohen you bend over cook
So, being Jewish leads to entitlement?
I did chores when I was a kid, and I was told no a lot. I look back on it as an adult, and I am glad for it. It taught me how to be responsible, and do without. I'm a broke college student, and I understand that I will have to do without a lot of things for a long time. I'm fine with that, especially if I can do what I love, and the things I want will come later. My parents did without certain things to put food on the table for us, and I got hand-me-downs as a kid, too. I'm excited to work hard in my dream job after graduating college, and I'm excited to move into my RV bus that I am saving for with my college jobs. It's not easy to get what you want, but the hard work is worth it.