This made me tear up because it brought back a memory from when I was about 8 and poured my soda out the window of a very freshly washed car(I didn't understand the physics of the wind around a moving vehicle and thought I was simply pouring it on the ground). My dad got so angry. He yelled and said I was being dumb. Those words really hurt at the time but I don't remember that hurt, what I remember is the love I felt when he apologized . I don't remember the full apology, but I do remember that he came to where I was still sulking in the driveway and sat next to me and said "so....turns out sometimes dad is the one who makes dumb mistakes" I remember chatting with him for a while and feeling very loved by the end of it all and then cleaning the car together. it is actually one of my fondest memories because I know it took a lot for my dad, who is not very sappy normally to come talk to me like that.
This is such a nice story and I really appreciate you sharing it. I always apologize to my children when I lose my temper and to know that for you your dad apologizing is one of your fondest memories makes me feel better when I screw up and have to apologize.
I used to think that it's completely normal for children to be scared to death by their parents...because that has always been my case. Luckily I grew up to know better . If I have children of my own I will do my best so they can trust me and feel safe around me. Relationships based on trust are healthier than those based on fear. Thank you Mayim for your inspiring videos.
If/when you do have kids, be prepared for the harmful things that were said or done to you to come into your head when you encounter similar situations. Treating your child the way you should have been treated is very healing, but might also make you cry a little sometimes. It can be a little like reparenting yourself, but also so beautiful to raise a child who is happy, and thinks highly of themselves.
There were many instances I lost my cool when my children were young... And Mayim, I can't tell you how relieved I am to find out I'm not the only one who threw something in a fit of rage *total cringe worthy parenting moment for me* There was the day though I so clearly remember when I decided to put MYSELF in Time Out. I was behaving badly, losing my temper and I needed a break to cool down. So I said to them, "Mommy needs a Time Out" and I sat on the stairs (our Time Out spot) and put my head down on my knees. When my son approached to ask me "Why?" with a look of awe and confusion on his face I said, "Not now buddy, I'm in Time Out." After a couple of minutes I said, "Okay, I'm better now." Then I apologized to my kids for losing my temper. I think they got a better understanding that day of exactly what the concept of 'Time Out' was all about and I learned a new method for shutting down the anger before it escalated.
Oh my goodness! I needed this now. I have my 2 grandchildren ( 4 years, and 10 mos.) during the week, and sometimes the stress brings out a very grumpy Nana. I'm going to try this. Thank you so much 👏
You're response is cute, and yet it's right on too. We all need to take time-outs when we're totally upset and not able to be rational. Then come back a short time later when we've cooled off. Excellent example to your kids:).
That’s a brilliant idea! The example you set of putting yourself in time out to cool down, like Mayim mentioned, is huge. I bet you will see a time come when your son also puts himself in time out to cool down.
I already responded on Facebook but just want to add, apologizing to your kids, in the sincere way you mention, also role models healthy behavior for your boys where they'll learn how to apologize not only to their children but when the situation warrants. You're an awesome Mom!
I'm in complete agreement with Mayim on this. I've always tried to lead by example and when I've behaved in a way I wouldn't like my kids to behave, I've always apologised and explained that I didn't behave in a way that I should have, while, as Mayim said, the issue will be addressed at a later time as it still needs to be discussed. This, in my opinion, teaches your children not only to have the strength of character to admit when they've messed up and to apologise and try to learn from their mistakes, but it also teaches your children how to forgive.
I’m a Nanny to 3 amazing children, I’ve been with these bugs since their eldest was born 5.5yrs ago! Now there’s a big misconception around Nannies. It’s that we don’t get angry or face the same issues mothers feel on a day to day basis. Mary Poppings has made it seem like we’re Disney princes character, we’re always smiling, chirpy and full of bubbly light! Truth is, it’s HARD, not only are you raising children, you’re raising SOMEONE ELSES CHILDREN. You try hard to match with a family that stands by your parenting style, but you’ll never agree on everything and that’s where difficulties with me as the nanny start. Today I yelled at my perfect, kind and sensitive 20month old for a reason that doesn’t even seem worth typing out now. I remembered back to this video and I went into his room, sat him on my lap and apologised so very sincerely. He looked at me with his beautiful eyes and then out his arms around my neck for a cuddle and we jus sat there in silence hugging!! It was such a raw and intense moment, and think we both felt just how important we BOTH are to each other. So on the difficult days where I’m exhausted and I’ve found myself being unkind or just unfair towards my Nanny kids I going to remember this video again and say sorry!!!
I love this and so NEEDED to hear this right now!!! I am a single mama of 2 little ones, 4 & 7 yrs old. I get so overwhelmed sometimes that I shout and yell and I don't enjoy it....and surely know my children don't enjoy it!!! However I usually just skip over it or try and justify my actions and ESPECIALLY pray it doesn't get back to my ex. I think it's easy when you're worn so thin to forget that our children are people too and that they have valid feelings and deserve acknowledgement of those feelings and deserve to be apologised to when it is warranted! I want my children to respect me...not fear me!!! Thank you for this!! Keep the parenting videos coming xo
I love your take on this. I'm not a parent. Apologising for your own behavior also shows your kids that the rules you establish apply to everyone, even mom and dad.
I apologize to my daughter and surprise, she can recognize when I am upset and apologizes now when she messes up. She's four. My step mom never apologized. Never. Even when we got older. It sucks to have to apologize to get someone to talk to you when you didn't do anything wrong.
Gosh.. I honestly live by this advice. I am so happy that you shared how important it is for children to see their strong parents being humble human beings as well. Thank you, Mayim. ❤
I remember the first time my mom said sorry to me. She told me to shut up ((she's a really quiet person, so it was really unexpected from her)). She later told me that day I'm sorry for saying shut up to you and it meant so much to me- even though I think I was only 7 at the time when she apologized.
5:40 I'm about to cry. Thank you for being so open and honest. I've taken a lot from this video that applies to my yound adult life, dealing with other adults as well. A lot of the issues I have have stemmed from the way my parents behaved in regards to criticism, anger and not apologizing, but I will keep on trying to better my own behavior in regards to saying sorry.
Real good advice Mayim. It's definitely not weak to say you are sorry in a sincere way. It shows courage to own up to being wrong, going too far or being inappropriate. This of course isn't just what you should do in relation to your kids, but if parents do this with their offspring, they should grow up to be more humble human beings. Which is good for everyone.
Apologizing to your children can also make them feel like they're still loved, and it also shows that you care about you're child's feelings and that you don't hold being in authority as more important than your relationship with them. It also sets an example for them!! Children of humble parents grow up to be humble too 😊💖 I remember apologizing to my brother (not my child but I was in charge) because I tried to control him just "to show him that he doesn't run things around here" (my exact words) and it wasn't even for anybody's safety or well being, I just wanted power. But it actually felt good to apologize. He wasn't scared but I made him feel trapped and attacked. What if I hadn't apologized? A huge dent would've been put into our relationship.
This rings really true for me. As a child, the fact that my parents were not apologizing for anything made me feel like whatever they were not apologizing for was my fault. It took me a few years into puberty to realize that they should have said they’re sorry. But I‘m 19 now and able to decipher the subtle ways my parents, generally not very outspoken about emotion, might be apologizing. But for me as a child a verbalized apology might have helped me understand them as people sooner. I think an honest apology is a sign of respect and appreciation, which I‘m sure many children would love to get from their parents.
I love this! How can we expect children to own their mistakes and apologize sincerely if adults don't model it?! By the way, statements like "I'm sorry if what I did upset you." are also not apologies. Blaming the person you hurt for "choosing" to be upset by the inappropriate thing you did is victim blame, not ownership.
Stop being weak. This society is crumbling because of people like you. They apologized, now stop playing victim. You're being pathetic. You can't use one bad thing that happened to you as a crutch for the rest of your life. What you said is toxic and should not be followed. If someone apologized it shows they're making an effort and you shut them down just because they worded it not up to your standards.
I became the kid with the, "attitude" when I started to realize how my mom and grandma were either doing things incorrectly or not owning up and I pointed it out. When I was a teenager, my mom realized that she had to start apologizing for unjustified and insensible behavior because her not admitting she was in the wrong was causing me to develop deep seated anger issues. Her apologizing and having a calm conversation with me just let me say, "we're only human. And not perfect. So don't try to pretend you are and then do or say something stupid just because I'm younger than you or your kid." my mom is way more open with me and I was finally seen as a human being and later, an adult. Being human isn't a problem. Just own up to it and everyones better for it.
This literally made me cry! Ha! I wish all parents and adults had this mindset! I’m a 2nd grade teacher and I use A LOT of these tips in my classroom namely apologizing when I lose my temper or patience, and allowing students to express to me when I’ve hurt their feelings or made them upset. I cannot describe to you the look of confusion on a 7 year olds face when I tell them, “Hey, I get it. It’s okay to be mad at me if I hurt your feelings. Can you tell me what I did wrong so I can apologize and never do it again.” Their tiny minds explode that an adult would give them permission to be upset with them. It helps build such a close and trusting relationship.
Oh my god, this makes me feel so warm inside. In am beyond grateful and appreciative of the content you put out. It makes me feel less crazy because of the strained relationship with my parents. Both have been verbally and physically abusive towards me with my dad beating me with a belt until I couldn't stand on the toilet because of the pain. I'm a very mellow person who doesn't like conflict and I'm always striving for productive and lucrative resolutions. At 30, I tried bringing up in conversation the ill effects violence has had on my life. (After only knowing abuse in my household, I'm dealling with crippling depression & PTSD and I went on to boyfriends that would continue the abuse, and I would tolerate them, because that was my 'normal'). Not only did my folks not apologize, but they told me to grow a pair and stop complaining. All parents smack their kids, how come they don't have PTSD? Again, thank you for being a positive influence in the world of parenting. It's not lost on people like me. Cheers!
Oh I so agree. Our job as parents is to teach our children how to be self-sufficient, successful adults. How can we do that if we do not teach them through example how to properly apologize and examining together why we needed to apologize in the first place? Apologizing to your child is a teaching moment.
We used time out not as a “punishment” but with “I see you do not have control of your actions/emotions ... You need to sit on the couch/chair/floor until you are in control and we can talk.” I would also put myself in time out when I got angry. I told the kids, I need to cool down and get control of my anger before we talk. Want to watch a group of kids get quiet and sit still for 10 min... put yourself in timeout. But when you don’t catch yourself teaching kids how to apologize and they are valued enough to get an apology..... priceless lesson. Thanks for the video.
Where is the "Love" button! I can't tell you how many times I have had to apologize to my kids! It's so important for a happy home! Thanks for sharing Mayim!
Well said Mayim! I've done this with my kids and it really makes a difference. When you mess up, you have to own it. It sets a good example that kids learn from.
Mayim, I think this is in fact the biggest parenting advice I have ever heard. I used to apologize exactly like you said "It was not an apologie". To begin with, I've done some of the things you mention. When I lose my temper I always say: I am sorry for losing my temper because you two were acting like two insane creeps, and that sort of things. And this morning I truly apologized to my daughter, following your advice and the end result was enlightening, you probably changed my relationship with my kids for good. I used to cry and feel like the worst mother ever and even feel like they could be a lot better off without me... Wich is BS... I love your videos, please do more. And thanks a million, again!
I love. Your are honest, explain well and a normal mother. Everybody loose their temper at some point. And when I apologize to my daughter she melts, hugs and kisses me. No hard feeling or anger. Kids are so pure and beautiful.
Right on, Mayim! I'd just add one more piece and that is that saying sorry also requires a behaviour change or action. Just saying sorry, but continuing to do that same thing over again, is not really sorry.
This actually made me think of a boss I had many yrs ago. He once told me he was taught by mentor to never apologize when wrong, or even to say please when speaking to a subordinate. He said that it shows weakness & compromises authority. Ironic because little did he know, he was the LEAST respected Director within the company. As a result, his direct reports did the minimum required to get the job done & spoke horribly of him behind his back.
"Parenting is a process by wich your children finish raising you.." Wow, imo more honest or eloquent words have never been spoken about what it means and feels like to be a mother. Your insight in this video is amazing. ❤
My husband was in a wreck last week and in the stress of dealing with the details, I snapped at my stepson because he interrupted my stress with questions about our evening. I apologized to him for snapping and told him he didn’t deserve that treatment, because I believe in being open and honest with my children when I behave in a way that is either damaging or stressful to them when they are simply trying to exist around my stress. Thank you for sharing this pain, it has helped me feel better about my own shame as a parent.
I don’t know why exactly but I find this video extremely moving. There’s so much wisdom, strength and thought in your words. I’m literally crying. Thank you so much for sharing this. I wish I could like 155257864 times
For me it goes: flip out, go to another room and cry the ugly cry, come back and apologize. "Mom got into the red zone" and then brainstorm together how we can all come back from the red zone and what we can do differently next time. Thank you for another great video Mayim!
This video is gold. I wish my parents knew this, I often apologize and when they do something wrong, they just “justify” why they did that and it makes me so upset.
You have no idea how perfect this advice is right now in my life! My sister and her oldest daughter are not talking to each other and my sister really NEEDS to see this! Both her daughters and my only child, a son, are grown, but it’s never too late to use this advice! Thanks Mayim for being so wise and insightful! Love all your videos!
Such good advice. My son is now 17 but particularly when he was young he expected to be perfect. My "sorry I behaved badly" was a way of making him realize no one is perfect...I am certainly not nor should you expect to be. Don't dwell on your mistakes...own up to them and then try to do better the next time.
You'll never know how much I can relate to this video and how much this will help me. I'm a disabled mum (I use a wheelchair and have little use of my hands) and often get really frustrated and angry at my 3 beautiful kids. I feel so guilty for getting angry at them and know that saying sorry to them will help a lot. Thank you Mayim xx
I taught myself to apologize to my children of I have an outburst, which is very rare. Understanding that most of my rage is from frustration and my emotions, not the situation entirely. Good advice!
This came up for me big time in the last 3 days...I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s important to have your children see you as a human who makes mistakes so they know they can make mistakes without terrible consequences. Rupture and repair builds the connection between us and our kids and builds resilience in them. And humility in us. Beautiful
My parents did use physical punishment sometimes, but rarely. I knew they were an authority, but they said sorry at times too. I am very blessed to have them.
I love this video. I never realised that my parents' inability to apologise actually affected the way i handle things! Now with a baby of my own...this advice is brilliant. Thank you so much
Such an important message. Were so similar in our parenting. Its refreshing to see other people respecting their children. I dont see much of that in the area that i live sadly but im teaching my daughter all that i can so she will grow into a person that she and i are both proud of.
I'm literally reading positive parenting at the moment. I am not a parent. I will not be having children for a few years. But boy did I need the advice that the book is telling me, which is the same as what you are saying. I did not have a great childhood, but my partner did. I have lots of triggers, and they trigger sometimes with my partner. I try very hard not to get angry about certain things and I am working on myself. I am working on trying to correct myself and trying to create new neural pathways for more neutral responses. Thank you so much Mayim, this video is great not only for children, but also for adults, like myself, who really need to work on themselves.
Im so grateful that you make these videos. My son is about to be a year and im glad to have these issues and how to deal with them brought up now; so i can think about and decide how to deal with it when it does happen.
I love this advice. Growing up, I thought I lived in a perfect house. My parents never argued or talked about important things like money, in front of us kids. As an adult, I've realized that this did not help me be a better person. As a kid, I never learned how to have a constructive hard conversation or disagreement. I'm married with 2 kids now and its really hard learning how to discuss problems. Now, I'm trying to raise my kids so that they can see how to argue and talk about important things. It doesn't always go as planned. Sometimes my husband and I get heated, but our kids always see us apologize to each other. Hopefully they will be better adults and parents for it.
Thank you so much for sharing that you lose your temper. I have too but feel such shame about it, like I should always have it together and be super chill all the time. THANK YOU for being real. It really does help.
Just what I needed to hear today. My mom has never apologized (we are 3 sisters). Now I am 42 and she is 63 and still doesn't apologize. I am working every day to be the opposite of her. I don't hit my children (7 and 5 year old boys) and I don't yell at them. My thoughts are that I am working on not developing anxiety and panic attacks on my children, which I "pleasantly met" when I was 13 yrs old and somehow manage nowadays. I am also working on apologizing when I lose my cool. A lot to work on, I just want my children to love me and respect me because I am a person and not because of fear.
Thank you so much for making this video. I wish my parents would apologize for their behaviour sometimes.There have been times I broke down crying because of what they did or said. I can understand that they are just humans and that they mess up too, but it is sometimes hard to believe that they didn't actually mean it.
Apologies are honest. We want honest kids, right? Pretending we didn’t make a mistake by not apologizing sets a bad example of dishonesty. Glad you see the importance in this, Mayim.
Children need to know that their parents or parent aren't perfect, and they also need to know that their parents know they are not perfect and are willing to apologize for any mistakes. I admit that I didn't do this with my daughter at first, because I was never apologized to growing up, but when my daughter got older and became a parent, she realized that I did the best that I knew how to do and she's also happy that after going to counseling ( I'm still in) that I can be the parent that I always wanted to be and I'm not afraid to say that I'm sorry to her, or anyone. You're right, it does take a really strong person to be able to apologize.
Please don't get confused with the survey, even when most of us who answered it aren't parents, we still love this content!! It's very clever and useful
nicely said. I still apologize to this day for a couple of things that I did years ago, and my 35 yr old son understands why and says,"it's ok Mom"..but I still feel bad about blowing up. Children need to know that you are human and realize that apologizing is a responsible thing to do,and that communication is key. Children are a lot more perceptive than we realize. I had an abusive marriage and it was not easy holding it all together when I was the target of abuse. My sons grew up to be fine men. Even if one has a messed up situation..you can still instill communication and reasoning.. and as I said..kids are perceptive individuals.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts about sincerely "I'm sorry"-ing to your kids....I do the same with mine and I see that by showing my weaknesses (I can yell too and, a habit that stuck to me since I was little, throw with stuff-though never at anyone, but still I feel so shameful of it afterwards)to my kids and exoressing the sorry I feel with words helps them to confide to me and get their cute-facey honest sorries out as well.....that"s part of creating untieable bonds with our kids , isn't it ?
When i was a kid, and still now, my mum can go into fits of rage and throw, shout and curse at me. It was usually over something little, but my fault nonetheless. But i remember it was always me getting the blunt end of it, being ignored all day, being called all sorts. At the end of it, i was made to apologise for what i did and left feeling baffled onto why i wasnt getting an apology for getting things thrown at me and called names. I started to feel resentment, and in the end it grew more as i never got an apology back for all the times i was hurt
Thank you for this video. Not only for teaching me about how to be a better parent one day. But it was also an eye opener for me and my relationship with my parents. Great video!
This is one parenting advice that I can get behind. It is absolutely important to apologize to our kids. It tells them that it is absolutely ok to say sorry and that forgiveness is important. and it is great for parents to eat some humble pie, when necessary. I say "I'm sorry" to my kids a lot and I try to get Joe to as well. -KC
Mayim, just YES! Thank you for putting this out there. I will always apologise and make things right with my daughter if i lose my cool or if the situation calls for it. She is a person too and deserves the same respect. As a result, she feels safe, secure, AND she will apologise then find a way to make things right when she does something she perhaps shouldn't have. Btw, she is 2.5yrs old.
loved, loved, loved this video! Although it is not good (for anybody) to lose one's temper, it's somewhat comforting to see this happens to other parents, in particular to attachment mothers and fathers. This makes me feel less like a monster ('cause i feel like the worst of the worst). Thank you for sharing!
Great Advice usable for many situations and circumstances in life. I think it is more courageous to recognize our mistakes than to love our ego more or our own pride... Love you Mayim, God bless you and greetings from Panama 🇵🇦👏👏👏👏😊😊😊😊❤️❤️❤️🌟🌟🌟
I don’t have kids but I am a teacher and have apologized to kids before. I think it just creates such a strong bond between adults and children, the trust it builds is so important
I think you're really an amazing parent. You're rational, open-minded, considerate, not to mention REALLY COOL! :D Your kids are really lucky to have you as their mom. Also, I was rewatching TBBT before I clicked on this vid, gonna go finish season 1, again! And, cool shirt!
I don't have kids yet, but I found this video helpful in adult relationships particularly in the workplace. Sometimes as adults I feel that we have a disagreement and then both parties just pretend it never happened and nothing ever gets resolved. Or as a woman in the workplace sometimes it feels weak or as you said, "surrendering your power" to apologize but we all make mistakes and need to apologize sometimes.
brilliant appology!!!I really needed this video. I recently had a rough morning with my daughter and i didnt controll myself. I appologised but i can see it wasnt the right way. ill try that again. thnak you. xx
Can I just say I started tearing up when you talked about losing your temper... I hate losing my temper doesn’t happen all the time up I bottle it up and then it blows. I will always and have always apologised to my child if I lose my temper because if someone lost their temper with me I would expect an apology
one of the most emotional and beautifyl moments I have with my mom is when she say sorry for hurting me while she was mad. Now we are bestfriends and I actually remember stop being rude and rebel (at least I tried) after that. I totally agree with you
I have done the same and feel like crap and that I have failed them but I calm down and apologize to them and explain that I over reacted and how I should have behaved and then we do the same when my children blow up. I think it helps us bond better. This was a great video and explained it perfectly :)
The only parent that I have that has ever apologized to me is my step dad. I love him for that because the two of us would lose our tempers at each other than we would take turns saying sorry for the way we handled things (usually there were some tears involved). To this day he is the one I go to about everything, he's the one I trust most.
I always apologise to my daughter. You can’t expect to raise a respectful person without showing them how great it feels to be respected.
Melissa Jones agreed 👍
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"Parenting is a process by which your children finish raising you." I love that quote.
I can see how that works!!!
I don’t know what that means
This made me tear up because it brought back a memory from when I was about 8 and poured my soda out the window of a very freshly washed car(I didn't understand the physics of the wind around a moving vehicle and thought I was simply pouring it on the ground). My dad got so angry. He yelled and said I was being dumb. Those words really hurt at the time but I don't remember that hurt, what I remember is the love I felt when he apologized . I don't remember the full apology, but I do remember that he came to where I was still sulking in the driveway and sat next to me and said "so....turns out sometimes dad is the one who makes dumb mistakes" I remember chatting with him for a while and feeling very loved by the end of it all and then cleaning the car together. it is actually one of my fondest memories because I know it took a lot for my dad, who is not very sappy normally to come talk to me like that.
😘
This comment made me tear up..what a touching story 😢
This gives me hope that my kids won't be traumatized from my anger.
Melissa Tee Same here🥺
This is such a nice story and I really appreciate you sharing it. I always apologize to my children when I lose my temper and to know that for you your dad apologizing is one of your fondest memories makes me feel better when I screw up and have to apologize.
I used to think that it's completely normal for children to be scared to death by their parents...because that has always been my case. Luckily I grew up to know better . If I have children of my own I will do my best so they can trust me and feel safe around me. Relationships based on trust are healthier than those based on fear. Thank you Mayim for your inspiring videos.
If/when you do have kids, be prepared for the harmful things that were said or done to you to come into your head when you encounter similar situations. Treating your child the way you should have been treated is very healing, but might also make you cry a little sometimes. It can be a little like reparenting yourself, but also so beautiful to raise a child who is happy, and thinks highly of themselves.
Yessssssssssss fear everything, jk
There were many instances I lost my cool when my children were young... And Mayim, I can't tell you how relieved I am to find out I'm not the only one who threw something in a fit of rage *total cringe worthy parenting moment for me* There was the day though I so clearly remember when I decided to put MYSELF in Time Out. I was behaving badly, losing my temper and I needed a break to cool down. So I said to them, "Mommy needs a Time Out" and I sat on the stairs (our Time Out spot) and put my head down on my knees. When my son approached to ask me "Why?" with a look of awe and confusion on his face I said, "Not now buddy, I'm in Time Out." After a couple of minutes I said, "Okay, I'm better now." Then I apologized to my kids for losing my temper. I think they got a better understanding that day of exactly what the concept of 'Time Out' was all about and I learned a new method for shutting down the anger before it escalated.
EmBee21921 I’m soo relieved to hear that I’m not the only one who puts themselves in mommy time out! I think it is a great idea
Well said.
Oh my goodness! I needed this now.
I have my 2 grandchildren ( 4 years, and 10 mos.) during the week, and sometimes the stress brings out a very grumpy Nana.
I'm going to try this. Thank you so much 👏
You're response is cute, and yet it's right on too. We all need to take time-outs when we're totally upset and not able to be rational. Then come back a short time later when we've cooled off. Excellent example to your kids:).
That’s a brilliant idea! The example you set of putting yourself in time out to cool down, like Mayim mentioned, is huge. I bet you will see a time come when your son also puts himself in time out to cool down.
This is not tips for kids related only, this can be used for adults as well. I think all we can learn here, parents or not.
Regina rgbcn I agree!!
While there have been many times I have lost my cool with my children, boy/girl twins who just turned 21, never once have I cursed at them. Never.
I already responded on Facebook but just want to add, apologizing to your kids, in the sincere way you mention, also role models healthy behavior for your boys where they'll learn how to apologize not only to their children but when the situation warrants. You're an awesome Mom!
I'm not a parent, but as a kid when my dad was apologizing to me, I respected him more
I'm in complete agreement with Mayim on this. I've always tried to lead by example and when I've behaved in a way I wouldn't like my kids to behave, I've always apologised and explained that I didn't behave in a way that I should have, while, as Mayim said, the issue will be addressed at a later time as it still needs to be discussed. This, in my opinion, teaches your children not only to have the strength of character to admit when they've messed up and to apologise and try to learn from their mistakes, but it also teaches your children how to forgive.
I’m a Nanny to 3 amazing children, I’ve been with these bugs since their eldest was born 5.5yrs ago! Now there’s a big misconception around Nannies. It’s that we don’t get angry or face the same issues mothers feel on a day to day basis. Mary Poppings has made it seem like we’re Disney princes character, we’re always smiling, chirpy and full of bubbly light! Truth is, it’s HARD, not only are you raising children, you’re raising SOMEONE ELSES CHILDREN. You try hard to match with a family that stands by your parenting style, but you’ll never agree on everything and that’s where difficulties with me as the nanny start. Today I yelled at my perfect, kind and sensitive 20month old for a reason that doesn’t even seem worth typing out now. I remembered back to this video and I went into his room, sat him on my lap and apologised so very sincerely. He looked at me with his beautiful eyes and then out his arms around my neck for a cuddle and we jus sat there in silence hugging!! It was such a raw and intense moment, and think we both felt just how important we BOTH are to each other. So on the difficult days where I’m exhausted and I’ve found myself being unkind or just unfair towards my Nanny kids I going to remember this video again and say sorry!!!
I love this and so NEEDED to hear this right now!!! I am a single mama of 2 little ones, 4 & 7 yrs old. I get so overwhelmed sometimes that I shout and yell and I don't enjoy it....and surely know my children don't enjoy it!!! However I usually just skip over it or try and justify my actions and ESPECIALLY pray it doesn't get back to my ex. I think it's easy when you're worn so thin to forget that our children are people too and that they have valid feelings and deserve acknowledgement of those feelings and deserve to be apologised to when it is warranted! I want my children to respect me...not fear me!!! Thank you for this!! Keep the parenting videos coming xo
I love your take on this. I'm not a parent. Apologising for your own behavior also shows your kids that the rules you establish apply to everyone, even mom and dad.
I apologize to my daughter and surprise, she can recognize when I am upset and apologizes now when she messes up. She's four. My step mom never apologized. Never. Even when we got older. It sucks to have to apologize to get someone to talk to you when you didn't do anything wrong.
Shannah D.
And then you have when the child is more mature than the parent.....but you had enough love to do it;).
I have the same problem. My step mother would yell and throw things, and she has always maintained that she was justified
Nothing makes me happier than getting real, QUALITY parenting advice from someone I idolize on tv and in life!
Gosh.. I honestly live by this advice. I am so happy that you shared how important it is for children to see their strong parents being humble human beings as well. Thank you, Mayim. ❤
I remember the first time my mom said sorry to me. She told me to shut up ((she's a really quiet person, so it was really unexpected from her)). She later told me that day I'm sorry for saying shut up to you and it meant so much to me- even though I think I was only 7 at the time when she apologized.
Maybe you needed to shut up at the time. She didn't convey it right but it got the point across
@@xmessedupkidx2741 shut up.
5:40 I'm about to cry.
Thank you for being so open and honest. I've taken a lot from this video that applies to my yound adult life, dealing with other adults as well. A lot of the issues I have have stemmed from the way my parents behaved in regards to criticism, anger and not apologizing, but I will keep on trying to better my own behavior in regards to saying sorry.
Real good advice Mayim. It's definitely not weak to say you are sorry in a sincere way. It shows courage to own up to being wrong, going too far or being inappropriate. This of course isn't just what you should do in relation to your kids, but if parents do this with their offspring, they should grow up to be more humble human beings. Which is good for everyone.
My dad always apologized If he lost his temper. It made us respect him so much, and also taught us to stay sorry more often, too
Apologizing to your children can also make them feel like they're still loved, and it also shows that you care about you're child's feelings and that you don't hold being in authority as more important than your relationship with them. It also sets an example for them!! Children of humble parents grow up to be humble too 😊💖 I remember apologizing to my brother (not my child but I was in charge) because I tried to control him just "to show him that he doesn't run things around here" (my exact words) and it wasn't even for anybody's safety or well being, I just wanted power. But it actually felt good to apologize. He wasn't scared but I made him feel trapped and attacked. What if I hadn't apologized? A huge dent would've been put into our relationship.
This rings really true for me. As a child, the fact that my parents were not apologizing for anything made me feel like whatever they were not apologizing for was my fault. It took me a few years into puberty to realize that they should have said they’re sorry. But I‘m 19 now and able to decipher the subtle ways my parents, generally not very outspoken about emotion, might be apologizing. But for me as a child a verbalized apology might have helped me understand them as people sooner. I think an honest apology is a sign of respect and appreciation, which I‘m sure many children would love to get from their parents.
I love this! How can we expect children to own their mistakes and apologize sincerely if adults don't model it?! By the way, statements like "I'm sorry if what I did upset you." are also not apologies. Blaming the person you hurt for "choosing" to be upset by the inappropriate thing you did is victim blame, not ownership.
Stop being weak. This society is crumbling because of people like you. They apologized, now stop playing victim. You're being pathetic. You can't use one bad thing that happened to you as a crutch for the rest of your life. What you said is toxic and should not be followed. If someone apologized it shows they're making an effort and you shut them down just because they worded it not up to your standards.
@@xmessedupkidx2741 Shut up please.
@@airabasa8577 oh no my feelings, they're crushed by the mean weeb's words
I became the kid with the, "attitude" when I started to realize how my mom and grandma were either doing things incorrectly or not owning up and I pointed it out. When I was a teenager, my mom realized that she had to start apologizing for unjustified and insensible behavior because her not admitting she was in the wrong was causing me to develop deep seated anger issues. Her apologizing and having a calm conversation with me just let me say, "we're only human. And not perfect. So don't try to pretend you are and then do or say something stupid just because I'm younger than you or your kid." my mom is way more open with me and I was finally seen as a human being and later, an adult.
Being human isn't a problem. Just own up to it and everyones better for it.
Love this! Failure to apologize appropriately is failure to model good behavior (and usually involves adding insult to injury).
This literally made me cry! Ha! I wish all parents and adults had this mindset! I’m a 2nd grade teacher and I use A LOT of these tips in my classroom namely apologizing when I lose my temper or patience, and allowing students to express to me when I’ve hurt their feelings or made them upset. I cannot describe to you the look of confusion on a 7 year olds face when I tell them, “Hey, I get it. It’s okay to be mad at me if I hurt your feelings. Can you tell me what I did wrong so I can apologize and never do it again.” Their tiny minds explode that an adult would give them permission to be upset with them. It helps build such a close and trusting relationship.
Oh my god, this makes me feel so warm inside. In am beyond grateful and appreciative of the content you put out. It makes me feel less crazy because of the strained relationship with my parents.
Both have been verbally and physically abusive towards me with my dad beating me with a belt until I couldn't stand on the toilet because of the pain.
I'm a very mellow person who doesn't like conflict and I'm always striving for productive and lucrative resolutions.
At 30, I tried bringing up in conversation the ill effects violence has had on my life. (After only knowing abuse in my household, I'm dealling with crippling depression & PTSD and I went on to boyfriends that would continue the abuse, and I would tolerate them, because that was my 'normal').
Not only did my folks not apologize, but they told me to grow a pair and stop complaining. All parents smack their kids, how come they don't have PTSD?
Again, thank you for being a positive influence in the world of parenting. It's not lost on people like me.
Cheers!
Oh I so agree. Our job as parents is to teach our children how to be self-sufficient, successful adults. How can we do that if we do not teach them through example how to properly apologize and examining together why we needed to apologize in the first place? Apologizing to your child is a teaching moment.
We used time out not as a “punishment” but with “I see you do not have control of your actions/emotions ... You need to sit on the couch/chair/floor until you are in control and we can talk.” I would also put myself in time out when I got angry. I told the kids, I need to cool down and get control of my anger before we talk. Want to watch a group of kids get quiet and sit still for 10 min... put yourself in timeout. But when you don’t catch yourself teaching kids how to apologize and they are valued enough to get an apology..... priceless lesson. Thanks for the video.
I'm not a parent, but I like hearing you speak about anything.
News flash, your comment was never read by her. You wasted your time writing this
Where is the "Love" button! I can't tell you how many times I have had to apologize to my kids! It's so important for a happy home! Thanks for sharing Mayim!
When I react wrong in a situation or say something, I do tell them sorry. Now they are 16, I see that it has tought them to own up to their mistakes.
How do you know that specifically talk them that?
Well said Mayim! I've done this with my kids and it really makes a difference. When you mess up, you have to own it. It sets a good example that kids learn from.
Mayim, I think this is in fact the biggest parenting advice I have ever heard. I used to apologize exactly like you said "It was not an apologie". To begin with, I've done some of the things you mention. When I lose my temper I always say: I am sorry for losing my temper because you two were acting like two insane creeps, and that sort of things. And this morning I truly apologized to my daughter, following your advice and the end result was enlightening, you probably changed my relationship with my kids for good. I used to cry and feel like the worst mother ever and even feel like they could be a lot better off without me... Wich is BS... I love your videos, please do more. And thanks a million, again!
I love. Your are honest, explain well and a normal mother. Everybody loose their temper at some point.
And when I apologize to my daughter she melts, hugs and kisses me. No hard feeling or anger. Kids are so pure and beautiful.
That guilt and knowing your kids are fearful of you are terrible feelings. Good to know I'm not alone. Thanks for sharing !!!!
Right on, Mayim! I'd just add one more piece and that is that saying sorry also requires a behaviour change or action. Just saying sorry, but continuing to do that same thing over again, is not really sorry.
This actually made me think of a boss I had many yrs ago. He once told me he was taught by mentor to never apologize when wrong, or even to say please when speaking to a subordinate. He said that it shows weakness & compromises authority. Ironic because little did he know, he was the LEAST respected Director within the company. As a result, his direct reports did the minimum required to get the job done & spoke horribly of him behind his back.
One president in particular refused to say sorry, ever, for the exact same reason.
I’m a single mom of two boys.
Your videos make my days brighter.
I find myself re watching videos.
And I love seeing what T-shirt’s you’re wearing.
"Parenting is a process by wich your children finish raising you.." Wow, imo more honest or eloquent words have never been spoken about what it means and feels like to be a mother. Your insight in this video is amazing. ❤
Thank you for helping us parents out here who struggle with the same things you struggle with!! Your honesty is so helpful to those of us who need it.
My husband was in a wreck last week and in the stress of dealing with the details, I snapped at my stepson because he interrupted my stress with questions about our evening. I apologized to him for snapping and told him he didn’t deserve that treatment, because I believe in being open and honest with my children when I behave in a way that is either damaging or stressful to them when they are simply trying to exist around my stress. Thank you for sharing this pain, it has helped me feel better about my own shame as a parent.
I don’t know why exactly but I find this video extremely moving. There’s so much wisdom, strength and thought in your words. I’m literally crying. Thank you so much for sharing this. I wish I could like 155257864 times
For me it goes: flip out, go to another room and cry the ugly cry, come back and apologize. "Mom got into the red zone" and then brainstorm together how we can all come back from the red zone and what we can do differently next time. Thank you for another great video Mayim!
I really appreciate and agree with this....I find apologizing to my kids ...has taught them by example!
This video is gold. I wish my parents knew this, I often apologize and when they do something wrong, they just “justify” why they did that and it makes me so upset.
You have no idea how perfect this advice is right now in my life! My sister and her oldest daughter are not talking to each other and my sister really NEEDS to see this! Both her daughters and my only child, a son, are grown, but it’s never too late to use this advice! Thanks Mayim for being so wise and insightful! Love all your videos!
Such good advice. My son is now 17 but particularly when he was young he expected to be perfect. My "sorry I behaved badly" was a way of making him realize no one is perfect...I am certainly not nor should you expect to be. Don't dwell on your mistakes...own up to them and then try to do better the next time.
You'll never know how much I can relate to this video and how much this will help me. I'm a disabled mum (I use a wheelchair and have little use of my hands) and often get really frustrated and angry at my 3 beautiful kids. I feel so guilty for getting angry at them and know that saying sorry to them will help a lot. Thank you Mayim xx
I taught myself to apologize to my children of I have an outburst, which is very rare. Understanding that most of my rage is from frustration and my emotions, not the situation entirely. Good advice!
This came up for me big time in the last 3 days...I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s important to have your children see you as a human who makes mistakes so they know they can make mistakes without terrible consequences. Rupture and repair builds the connection between us and our kids and builds resilience in them. And humility in us. Beautiful
My parents did use physical punishment sometimes, but rarely. I knew they were an authority, but they said sorry at times too. I am very blessed to have them.
I love this video. I never realised that my parents' inability to apologise actually affected the way i handle things! Now with a baby of my own...this advice is brilliant. Thank you so much
I love how upfront and honest you are! It's refreshing and a very hard thing to come by... Love u Mayim
Such an important message. Were so similar in our parenting. Its refreshing to see other people respecting their children. I dont see much of that in the area that i live sadly but im teaching my daughter all that i can so she will grow into a person that she and i are both proud of.
I appreciate your willingness to be open and full heartedly honest with us!!
I'm literally reading positive parenting at the moment. I am not a parent. I will not be having children for a few years. But boy did I need the advice that the book is telling me, which is the same as what you are saying. I did not have a great childhood, but my partner did. I have lots of triggers, and they trigger sometimes with my partner. I try very hard not to get angry about certain things and I am working on myself. I am working on trying to correct myself and trying to create new neural pathways for more neutral responses. Thank you so much Mayim, this video is great not only for children, but also for adults, like myself, who really need to work on themselves.
First ten seconds and my day is already made because of that laugh 😂😍 Love you Mayim!
"Today, I'm going to share with you my _favorite_ parenting vice."
Whoo! Sounds like fun!
This comment was useless and a waste of time. You quoted the video that everyone else watched
@@xmessedupkidx2741 🤷
Im so grateful that you make these videos. My son is about to be a year and im glad to have these issues and how to deal with them brought up now; so i can think about and decide how to deal with it when it does happen.
I love this advice. Growing up, I thought I lived in a perfect house. My parents never argued or talked about important things like money, in front of us kids. As an adult, I've realized that this did not help me be a better person. As a kid, I never learned how to have a constructive hard conversation or disagreement. I'm married with 2 kids now and its really hard learning how to discuss problems. Now, I'm trying to raise my kids so that they can see how to argue and talk about important things. It doesn't always go as planned. Sometimes my husband and I get heated, but our kids always see us apologize to each other. Hopefully they will be better adults and parents for it.
Thank you so much for sharing that you lose your temper. I have too but feel such shame about it, like I should always have it together and be super chill all the time. THANK YOU for being real. It really does help.
Just what I needed to hear today. My mom has never apologized (we are 3 sisters). Now I am 42 and she is 63 and still doesn't apologize. I am working every day to be the opposite of her. I don't hit my children (7 and 5 year old boys) and I don't yell at them. My thoughts are that I am working on not developing anxiety and panic attacks on my children, which I "pleasantly met" when I was 13 yrs old and somehow manage nowadays. I am also working on apologizing when I lose my cool. A lot to work on, I just want my children to love me and respect me because I am a person and not because of fear.
Great video. When I have kids, I don’t want them to be scared of me when they are in trouble. I want them to come to me for help and/or advice.
Thank you so much for making this video. I wish my parents would apologize for their behaviour sometimes.There have been times I broke down crying because of what they did or said. I can understand that they are just humans and that they mess up too, but it is sometimes hard to believe that they didn't actually mean it.
Apologies are honest. We want honest kids, right? Pretending we didn’t make a mistake by not apologizing sets a bad example of dishonesty. Glad you see the importance in this, Mayim.
What a thoughtful reflection on the nature of apology! Worthy of Montaigne!
Children need to know that their parents or parent aren't perfect, and they also need to know that their parents know they are not perfect and are willing to apologize for any mistakes. I admit that I didn't do this with my daughter at first, because I was never apologized to growing up, but when my daughter got older and became a parent, she realized that I did the best that I knew how to do and she's also happy that after going to counseling ( I'm still in) that I can be the parent that I always wanted to be and I'm not afraid to say that I'm sorry to her, or anyone. You're right, it does take a really strong person to be able to apologize.
Please don't get confused with the survey, even when most of us who answered it aren't parents, we still love this content!! It's very clever and useful
nicely said. I still apologize to this day for a couple of things that I did years ago, and my 35 yr old son understands why and says,"it's ok Mom"..but I still feel bad about blowing up. Children need to know that you are human and realize that apologizing is a responsible thing to do,and that communication is key. Children are a lot more perceptive than we realize. I had an abusive marriage and it was not easy holding it all together when I was the target of abuse. My sons grew up to be fine men. Even if one has a messed up situation..you can still instill communication and reasoning.. and as I said..kids are perceptive individuals.
Apologizing is not surrendering your power. I love it!!!!!!!
I think this is really good advice, if you shout and scream at your kids and don’t apologise they are gonna think that’s the right behaviour
Thanks for sharing your thoughts about sincerely "I'm sorry"-ing to your kids....I do the same with mine and I see that by showing my weaknesses (I can yell too and, a habit that stuck to me since I was little, throw with stuff-though never at anyone, but still I feel so shameful of it afterwards)to my kids and exoressing the sorry I feel with words helps them to confide to me and get their cute-facey honest sorries out as well.....that"s part of creating untieable bonds with our kids , isn't it ?
Even though im still a kid i still listen to your Parenting Advice . Thanks i might remember this when i become a father .
I believe it's a good thing to apologize if you're in the wrong to anyone. That includes my children. Children learn from parents.
When i was a kid, and still now, my mum can go into fits of rage and throw, shout and curse at me. It was usually over something little, but my fault nonetheless. But i remember it was always me getting the blunt end of it, being ignored all day, being called all sorts. At the end of it, i was made to apologise for what i did and left feeling baffled onto why i wasnt getting an apology for getting things thrown at me and called names. I started to feel resentment, and in the end it grew more as i never got an apology back for all the times i was hurt
Thank you for this video. Not only for teaching me about how to be a better parent one day. But it was also an eye opener for me and my relationship with my parents. Great video!
This is one parenting advice that I can get behind. It is absolutely important to apologize to our kids. It tells them that it is absolutely ok to say sorry and that forgiveness is important. and it is great for parents to eat some humble pie, when necessary. I say "I'm sorry" to my kids a lot and I try to get Joe to as well. -KC
When you did your apology, I cried. Our kids need to hear that, over and over. This was so inspiring, thank you ❤️
I love your advice!! I apologize to my.kids when needed ...it shows them I'm human and make mistakes and they have been raised to do the same...
Mayim, just YES! Thank you for putting this out there. I will always apologise and make things right with my daughter if i lose my cool or if the situation calls for it. She is a person too and deserves the same respect. As a result, she feels safe, secure, AND she will apologise then find a way to make things right when she does something she perhaps shouldn't have. Btw, she is 2.5yrs old.
loved, loved, loved this video! Although it is not good (for anybody) to lose one's temper, it's somewhat comforting to see this happens to other parents, in particular to attachment mothers and fathers. This makes me feel less like a monster ('cause i feel like the worst of the worst). Thank you for sharing!
Yes, Mayim!! Thank you! You have to respect your kids, like saying sorry, in order for them to respect you! I love this video..
I agree with this wholeheartedly. I really believe this is for adults just as much as it is for children. Perfectly said Mayim!
Great Advice usable for many situations and circumstances in life. I think it is more courageous to recognize our mistakes than to love our ego more or our own pride... Love you Mayim, God bless you and greetings from Panama 🇵🇦👏👏👏👏😊😊😊😊❤️❤️❤️🌟🌟🌟
I don’t have kids but I am a teacher and have apologized to kids before. I think it just creates such a strong bond between adults and children, the trust it builds is so important
I think you're really an amazing parent. You're rational, open-minded, considerate, not to mention REALLY COOL! :D Your kids are really lucky to have you as their mom. Also, I was rewatching TBBT before I clicked on this vid, gonna go finish season 1, again! And, cool shirt!
Thank you so much for this video! It helps to know we're not alone in our parenting struggles. All my best to you!
I don't have kids yet, but I found this video helpful in adult relationships particularly in the workplace. Sometimes as adults I feel that we have a disagreement and then both parties just pretend it never happened and nothing ever gets resolved. Or as a woman in the workplace sometimes it feels weak or as you said, "surrendering your power" to apologize but we all make mistakes and need to apologize sometimes.
brilliant appology!!!I really needed this video. I recently had a rough morning with my daughter and i didnt controll myself. I appologised but i can see it wasnt the right way. ill try that again. thnak you. xx
Thank you. I did some of the same behaviors and apologized in the moment. You showed me that I am not a horrible person.
I have never been fan of a celebrity. Now I am. Not because I love TBBT (I do love TBBT of course) but because of the great job you are doing here.
Can I just say I started tearing up when you talked about losing your temper... I hate losing my temper doesn’t happen all the time up I bottle it up and then it blows. I will always and have always apologised to my child if I lose my temper because if someone lost their temper with me I would expect an apology
one of the most emotional and beautifyl moments I have with my mom is when she say sorry for hurting me while she was mad. Now we are bestfriends and I actually remember stop being rude and rebel (at least I tried) after that. I totally agree with you
I have done the same and feel like crap and that I have failed them but I calm down and apologize to them and explain that I over reacted and how I should have behaved and then we do the same when my children blow up. I think it helps us bond better. This was a great video and explained it perfectly :)
I have watched you on the tv since blossom. This video caused me to subscribe. I raised my children this way. You are so wise ,like a wise owl!
Very open honest discourse. You will raise great kids.
I seriously love your videos! Makes me understand things more deeply! Which I suppose is the exact point! You do such an amazing job! Thank you!
The only parent that I have that has ever apologized to me is my step dad. I love him for that because the two of us would lose our tempers at each other than we would take turns saying sorry for the way we handled things (usually there were some tears involved). To this day he is the one I go to about everything, he's the one I trust most.
Mayim thanks for you're insights on things.
I don't even have kids yet but I watch your videos to take mental notes so if and when I do have kids I might be better prepared. :)