I’ve listened many a night how my husband has cried at the phone trying to speak with his parents. He’s been scarred so deeply from the abuse he experienced as a child. We decided back when we met that if we ever had children we would never EVER do the same things our parents did to discipline. We don’t want our baby girl to grow up and say she survived.
valeria V , I know . I am kidding . I know in an interview someone asked if people thought she could do calculus on the spot and she clapped back with, “actually, I can. I am a neuro scientist.”
I wish my parents were like this. I have trauma from my childhood because my parents were so mean. I literally break down and cry every time I create a minor inconvenience to someone because of the way I was raised
There is nothing more terrifying that my dad's look of disappointment with the softly spoken line "It's your life, I try to help you, but I won't last you forever".... god, as an adult that still makes me shiver.
I hope your kids know how lucky they are. Everything I did was “1/2 assed” and everything my sister did was “stupid” in our parent’s eyes. All it accomplished was destroying our self esteem. Once you destroy something it’s gone. Going through life with little to no self esteem isn’t pleasant. It’s awful. I’m grateful there are people who build their kids up instead of tearing them down. #Stopthecrazy
I'm 22, moved out and am working and studying and I feel like I sometimes need a Mayim to remind me about growing and fun food as well as not cursing. I don't know your children, but having been a teenager not long ago I can say that viewing children and teens as intelligent, independent and growing characters helps. Explain your choices and listen to the reasons behind theirs. Talk about perspectives and who they want to be. Take their irrational feelings into consideration, because they are real and sometimes dominating over rational choices and accept bad days. And take it as an advantage that they are sassy; you are allowed to be sassy back without being a bad role model to them. I know, for a childless person I have got a very strong opinion. Mayim, I am sure your boys will be well behaved men. Your strict but loving and mindful parenting will pay off.
I got very lucky. My kids grew up without punishment and discipline and it was just an even flow. I never forced my kids to eat any particular foods, never to,d them to take bites of this veggie or that. I put their plates in front of them and they ate what they ate, They all loved broccoli, beans, asparagus and still love nearly all veggies and foods. Sure there are a few items that just don’t taste good to them but we are all that way. None of them were overweight. No eating disorder issues. As for the guiding them to adulthood, it was simply that. Guiding them. Helping them understand certain topics and the natural consequences of other things does the job itself. My youngest just turned 19 and all three will admit to never being yelled at or spanked, dismissed or talked down too. I know I’m lucky and I’m so proud of each one of them. I just can’t wait to see what the do next.
I always taught my kids “treat others how you wanted to be treated.” Do you want someone to roll their eyes at you? Swear at you? Tease you? I’ve even had my kids go back and apologize to people on their own after I told them this.
Love listening to you. My children are all grown and one grandson grown. You give me hope for the future. I think when a parent truly loves their children you will find the proper path.
Just watched the finale tonight and I'm in tears. So touching and beautiful. Just wanted to say that you're an intelligent, interesting person And you truly are an inspiration to many women. You're a strong lady and awesome Mother. You do it all and even when things go not as planned you you pick yourself up and make a new one with grace. I will miss the show dearly but I'm always a fan of you and glad I can still see you here. Can't wait to see what is next for you.
Loving your channel. I’ve been a high school teacher for almost 30 years AND I raised 2 boys, now young men. I learned to embrace the slammed door-meant I was doing my job and setting boundaries. And honestly, my boys always felt better and safer after their anger cooled off. Also- staying cool is key. If they see they can make you lose it- some will take that power and run with it!
Swearing is really not a thing we worry about here in Germany. It’s a part of language we don’t hide from our children. It’s in Kids’ Movies and TV shows and even in Daycare swearing is not unheard of.
Yes... but still there are limits. Like in Kindergarten you could say words like shit! or crap! in german, but like not the f-word. Although I've often heard (rap)songs in public that contained words like that, sooo....mmmh
I was raised the way spoken about in this video , and i appreciate the work my parents put in to make sure i was a well rounded human being with out use of fear . I encourage this for every parent child relationship .
Mayim, what a great video. My four boys have grown up and have their own families. It’s so wonderful to see them set and hold on to boundaries in the same positive and strong ways that I raised them. Discipline with dignity is definitely the way to go. I wish we were friends.
Thank you for this! I 100% agree but sometimes get caught up in the chaos and forget how to effectively communicate with ANYONE, let alone the tiny humans. Totally needed the reminder that they go through typical stages and I need to adjust my approach rather than try to gain control! 💚
My 3 “children” are lovely caring adults who I am so proud of ... hard to believe that they were once hideous brats !! you are on the right track Mayim .. it’s all balance and understanding and mutual respect ... xxx
I have yet to deal with any curse words. I unfortunately curse a lot. Mainly out of frustration...especially when driving around people who refuse to follow the rules of the road. My son on the other hand has surprised me. Maybe it's his intellect...see, I often make sure to remind him to NEVER repeat what I say and he once came at me with the response, "Why on Earth would I want to?" My behavior is obviously a turn off to him (and yes something I'm working on) and that utterly fascinates me! He is now 11, also watches RUclips videos of gamers as you mentioned, yet never repeats anything bad. I just hope his take on it being unnecessary continues for awhile longer!! Love your brilliance and enjoy your videos! Thank you for the advice in this video!!
I love your method of parenting. I also used similar methods when my boys were growing up. Parenting is never easy. However its very rewarding. Thank you for the videos sharing your experiences raising your children. Parents want there kids to make good choices, but it goes both ways. Parents need to take that time to parent using good choices as well. What we do as parents will affect them the rest of there lives and give them the tools to make good choices when they become parents one day. I just wanted to say thank you 🤗
Love this! I’ve got two boys in the tween and teen stage. You are so right. I love how people always say how polite my boys are. That’s a priority. They help the kids getting bullied, they always hold a door for someone. They AREN’T perfect, but they do a good job with behavior. Now if they’d just eat their dang broccoli!!!
Hi Mayim, I’m a former Specialist Teacher-Resource, Special Education, and Administration. I would set up a two-choice situation with food and activities at home. For example, with vegetables, you ask, “Do you want broccoli 🥦 or salad?” Giving them two choices gives them some independence. For chores, ask, what task are we accomplishing this weekend? Cleaning your rooms or cleaning bathrooms. As for “making a good impression”, it is absolutely what you are aiming for-My opinion is that I would call it manners. Set up expectations for manners, again with the two-choice method. If they are both mannerly at family gatherings or with your friends, you set up this type of choice (this completely depends on their personal interests), for example, manners = free time for you to do Activity A or Activity B. This will give them incentive. Thanks, Mayim! ❤️Pam, from 🇨🇦
Think of yourself as the Master Planner. Purchase a monthly calendar that you can put beside while you have family meals. Write in activities, who is doing what (and what chore) and anything else that is part of that week. I buy a monthly calendar that is the size of notebook paper-with a cover. In another central location, I have a wall calendar 📅 and we write down all activities. This is done independently. If you’re really into organization, colour-code it! ☺️
Lynne J. I was trying to be helpful. My experience is that children who are difficult when they are toddlers, that behaviour is carried on to school. I addressed your question giving you lots of options in case you were still having difficulties but didn’t want to say anything on an open forum. My comment was also meant for others. It’s free advice. The mannerly message you could have left would be: “Thank you for your efforts on my behalf.”
@@pro6703 :) My first thought was, where were you 30 years ago? I read every book I could get my hands on at the time, because, yes, I am that intense. And then my second thought was OUCH. What I saw as an interesting and amusing moment in motherhood, because my son was perceptive enough to notice when he was being manipulated, appeared to strike you as pathognomonic of a behaviour disorder and evidence of lack of parenting strategies. So, yes; thank you for that! In fact, his school reports, from the beginning, generally began with "A. is a polite boy." It seems neither one of us realized how we came across and yes, I have learned from this exchange of ideas and I am grateful for that.
Lynne J. You comment did not strike me as, wow, your child is Behaviour Disordered. My thought was that there would be many people reading comments, so I outlined a plan that any parent, who was constantly struggling with behavioural issues from their child, would read and file the information away. It’s very hard to get practical ideas of further steps to take in case a child continues to be manipulative and out of control. Where was I thirty years ago? Thirty years ago, I was having my 29th birthday 🎂. It’s my birthday, so I’m stepping away from further comments here.
Shaming and inflicting guilt can be some very effective parenting skills if done well without traumatizing the kids. They can prevent the child from doing some very stupid and dangerous things when you are not there.
You made me laugh. My much older brother used to describe PEOPLE as either being a "Cold Prickly" or a "Warm Fuzzy". Even when I was 17 yrs younger than him, I easily got the idea ~
I thank you. My kids, 16 and 19, thank you. My husband thanks you. My kids say things that make ME instantly prickly. Instead of blowing up, I will strive to instead calmly tell them, “That was prickly,” while wearing my disappointed face.
When our children when they were very young we would sometimes give a swat on the behind or a slap on the back of their hands. When my son was 5, my oldest daughter 3 and my youngest daughter just under a year, we had hired a babysitter to come to the house during work hours. I got a call from two neighbors 10 minutes apart, each saying this babysitter was beating on my son. She had knocked him down while outside and was kicking him. I drove home and fired her, loudly. Talking with my son after calming everyone, I asked him why he hadn't told one of us that she was beating on him. Long story short, he did not see a difference in us swatting him and the babysitter actually beating on him! From that day on in our home, we taught no one has the right to hit you. Period. No exceptions. As a corollary, of course, you never have the right to hit anyone else. I was very proud when I heard my eldest daughter, almost 4 years old, explain to a playmate that no one has the right to hit anyone else! This playmate had just hit her and she responded by explaining why she shouldn't do that!
My youngest is on the autism spectrum. We learned early on raised voices are a trigger. We had an incident where my dad yelled at my son the way he would yell at us as kids. He got scared and had a complete meltdown. I had some choice words with my dad then went and spoke calmly to my son. Once he settled I explained how he could make better choices and asked what he could do now. He apologized, picked up his mess and continued on with his day. Sometimes 5 minutes of calm talking will do more then 30 seconds of yelling.
Hi @Mayim Bialik, I’m LOVING Your Channel & felt compelled to comment after watching this particular video. As a divorced, single Mom, of 2 Boys Myself, I found Myself relating to soooo many of the fantastic videos You’ve made & shared on Your Channel. As we all do; I have 2 very unique sons. My oldest is part of the LGBTQ community, a proud advocate as well as a budding Drag Queen in his spare time (I go to all of his shows & actually sew many of his costumes), ,@24 years old, he also has graduated from College, excelled in his chosen full time career, has bought his own brand new car & I couldn’t be prouder. (There’s a reason I’m mentioning all this, not to “brag” but a point I’m getting to). My youngest, has severe Autism & @21 years old, with no disrespect, he is akin to the developmental age of that precocious age of 5-6 years old, where kids are more independent than say a toddler, but still need Mama for help with meals, personal care, can’t be left alone, etc. I’ve often said that “Autism can suck in a lot of ways but there’s also may Gifts in it as well”. For example, he still believes in Santa, plays with toys & has such a beautiful, innocent way of looking at this World. I mention all of this because, in my divorce12 years ago, my ex & my both of my sons father; decided NOT to have really any involvement with them. His loss, I’ve come to realize. After all of this, My Boys & I are very close, even to this day. Many of the parenting choices You’re making, I made very similar ones as well. My motto has always been, especially with my youngest son’s challenges “If it doesn’t make any difference 10 years from now, let alone 10 minutes from now, let it go & choose Your battles wisely”. I’ve never yelled at or hit my sons & have always used loving, kind & supportive words; as well as wording but, they were made to behave; mainly through discussions; teachable moments, they both know nothing is off the table for discussion in the way of if they have a question, they know there will not be any judgement on my part; if they’re asking for advice or just need Mom to listen, they know they can ALWAYS count on Me for this. I’ve always focused on encouraging what behaviour I did want to see; meanwhile correcting misbehaviour & moving on. To this day, I’m always told how polite, thoughtful, kind & responsible both of my sons are. I’ve actually had many of my oldest son’s friends who do not have that parental relationship with their own parents, hang out here BUT, they know that, I am not their friend or buddy but rather, to see Me in a parental role for advice, support or to have Someone listen & all of Them call Me ‘Mom’. Long story short; keep doing the amazing job You’re doing Mayim, Your sons are already incredible, loving young men that are going to continue growing into loving, kind, caring incredible Men who will always come to You for advice, support & for Your loving ear to listen. Keep doing what You’re doing Sister, You’re doing a phenomenal job! Sending You much, much Joy, Blessings, Gratitude , Success, Light & Love always!! 😍❤️😍❤️😍❤️😍🕉P.S.(Feel free to check out my RUclips channel under this account & Podcast! I’m not sure if that’s something You do but, I would LOVE to have You on as a Guest, @ Your Convenience! Have a beautiful weekend, Lovie!! 😍😍😍😍❤️❤️❤️❤️🕉
My Dad always took the view that the occasional "Anglo Saxon Slip" was acceptable in the right circumstances. He took my brother and I on a trip to London and when one of the Tube staff was horrible to us he swore very firmly at him. 300 miles from Mum we were gobsmacked. Dad just smiled and said "He deserved that!" Teach them what the curse words mean, that they aren't "magically" bad, just socially taboo and impolite. It's not healthy to grow up flinching at words.
I so agree. My daughter now 22...when she was that age we made a game of saying no. Teenagers, need to be comfortable saying no, soooo the game was when we were at the grocery store and I asked her to grab an item for the cart 🛒 she would say no...stating it in a sentence. No! No, I will not get chicken 🍗 legs, as she is grabbing them and putting them in the cart. It made her feel empowered, the shopping got done, and there were lots of giggles.
BLESS your parenting videos, I feel that EVERY parent should watch your videos haha. I'm horrified with the amount of parents that think PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSING their child is an appropriate way of discipline. The excuse "my parents did it to me" isn't a valid reason for potentially traumatising their children... Yes maybe YOU weren't negatively affected but your child ISN'T YOU therefore there is a good chance that they could have to live with the Horrible side effect of what this abuse can do to their developing brains... Put simply some people don't every recover from "lazy parenting" that they experienced as a child.
I had no clue how to discipline my boys consistently, until my man came into our lives. He gives me a sense of calm when I need it and he notices so much more than I do. Their behavior has improved dramatically. Although, I do really love the "prickly" idea. I'm totally stealing it.
I have always used humor and playfulness as well. My motto is yes to things that aren't dangerous, stupid or may kill you! A bit of cursing, if not in anger is ok at home. If u don't say no all the time, they won't lie or sneak. Got two over 18 and so far so good!
I was always strict with my two boys, they're grown up & were NEVER rude to anyone, still to this day. When they did something wrong I would talk to them about why this is wrong & other options & how their behavior makes others feel, what would they think if this was done to them. There's nothing wrong with shame if you need it. That's exactly why our liberalized society is so out of control. Parents scared their kids might come out "normal."
I would talk to them and share my concerns about their health. I’d make sure they understand that we’re both on Team , and ask how they’re doing. The reasons a child resorts to these things might be peer pressure, but there is definitely something else even if peer pressure is part of the equation. My sight-unseen (and unprofessional) guess would be fear, depression, or loneliness. We, as parents, can’t fix everything for our kids, but we can listen. Maybe there is something you can do? Maybe it’s a sign of something going on in their head that would benefit from counseling? Ultimately, I would put myself in a position to listen and not judge or ridicule. Sometimes it helps just to be HEARD. 💜
See my post above in which I said the problems were not as deep an issue and gave her the run down on what I have faced with my son and students! I would love to have a serious discussion about these issues with her! For example, when her son had his bar mitzvah, how would she feel if her son said he didn't believe in God or if her younger son said he didn't want to be as devout and not do a bar mitzvah! My son was confirmed, but he now is an atheist! He was confirmed to make his parents happy not himself! I've posted many serious questions on this channel and really haven't gotten an answer! I understand that Mayim is a working mother; however if you're going to give advice, you should also take the time to answer posters' serious questions! Why? Fans give Mayim the same respect by listening to her channel and promoting her good works! We're not just here to buy her products she's promoting, but also have a dialogue on parenting with other parents and concerned individuals! My son is no angel. Because I am a single mother, I need serious discussion on the issues at hand because I wasn't born privileged nor have many if the advantages Mayim family has!
@@paulaOyeah Soooo true! Peer pressure is a huge thing. Many kids don't feel they can talk to their parents or guardians without being judged! I have given my son a get out of jail free card whenever he goes out with friends or gets into trouble! I will come and pick him up: no questions asked! There is a three day cooling off period and then we talk! My boy has used this several times and it works for us! As a sociologist, I am straight up honest and my son can ask me anything including sex and I will try to five him an honest answer!
A parent is not a friend; you can be their friend when they're around 30 years & up. Make rules, set boundaries and back them up with consequences. I'm glad ppl discipline kids when they ought to. They know you care when u back up your rules. 😉 But it's great that Mayim has already started this using rules about what's acceptable speech , etc. She's teaching them respect, manners, etc. Kids really need this today! Go Mayim! 👍
I can tell you about my upbringing. I was never forced to eat anything, I've always liked everything other than veggies. So for veggies my mum would make lots of soups. When it comes to rudeness, I was never rude because my parents were never rude, but it really depends on the personality of the kid. The Polite Elephant thing is nice but I'd tell parents to do whatever works for them. In my case, I grew up in a positive enrivonment that led my example. Cursing is something my father always hated. My parents have always treated me and my sister with respect, never trying to dominate us, but if we ever yelled at them, swore or disrespected them while they were trying to talk to us (e.g. run to the room and slam the door) one parent would come over and either yell or, in severe cases (maybe once or twice in my life) smack me on the butt of lift me by my head. For me corporal punishment was terrible but the worst I ever felt emotionally was when I knew I had disappointed them. So I'd much rather take a smack across my face when I crossed the limit than seeing a look of disappointment in their eyes.
Here is a challenge for every parent reading this. Tell your child no, make sure that it is for a very good reason but just say no. Do not explain ( let's be honest, most kinds expect you to say no and they know why, they are just pushing boundries) if they insist an explanation or argue with you then you are already compromised. You have already given away to much control. Seriously, these kids are not innocent little creatures , they have social media.
I'm amazed by your parenting videos. I want to be a mom like you in a while. If not good for our standards, at least resourceful, hopeful, positive and laughing every step of the way. Thank you.
Kevin Appleton hmm, I like to hear please and thank you in myself and others....although, words accompanying actions that’s reflect those words like opening doors and helping others are priceless.
Many cultures don't regard please and thank you as polite, they don't say it it's shown by the intonation of speech and the body attitude, which is quite interesting. We are too hang up on words that many times we forget that people don't even mean what they say
One thing I see parents do, typically friends and family members, is say "No Thankyou!" When their child acts out or misbehaves, and it drives me bananas! No thankyou is used all the time in lue of actually correcting a behavior kindly and explaining to a child *why* they shouldnt do something. A friend was having a ton of issues with her son, and nearly at breaking point she asked me to come help her one afternoon. I immediately sat her down and said Look, can we try something today? Instead of just saying No Thankyou! get down on his level and explain to him why he shouldnt be doing whatever it is. Sure enough within minutes he became climbing up on something he shoulsnt have, I calmly got down and said hey buddy, you cant climb on this, it's not built for climbing and you could fall and hurt yourself. Please dont climb on it again. He happy trotted off and his younger brother decided to try the same thing, only for little buddy to stop him and repeat almost word for word that it wasnt safe to climb, took him by the hand and sat down to play with him instead. Definitely a heartfelt moment and an eye opener for mom, parenting doesnt need to be yelling and constant punishment, gentle guidance, expecting kind behavior and following through is so much more effective
Mayim it will change back as they get older there were certain foods I used to eat when i was a kid... but i stopped eating as i got older. Now that i am the tender age of soon to be 43, a lot of the foods i didn't like or stopped eating in my teens/twenties i found myself liking it again. Give it time they'll start eating foods they stopped liking on their own. Especially knowing you introduced them to those foods.
My philosophy prof argued that kids curse for reaction. Don’t react and generally the language cleans up. I used that approach. My oldest, at least in my presence, doesn’t curse. My youngest yelled “Fuck!” when getting his throat swabbed to check for strep. Yeah, I was a bit embarrassed. But as my prof said, words can be used to hurt. Context is key. I hope the nurse realizes that my son reacted to the pain. The word wasn’t directed to her.
I’m now a mom to a 20 year old and a 25 year old. I wasn’t the best mom but I knew the type I’d never want to me. A lot of times the kids would get into trouble and after seething, I’d ask ok, where did we go wrong? And how can we fix this? If they stole for instance, I would make them go back to store and apologize and return the item. Anything that got paid out, came out of their allowance. I’m sure without a doubt, you’re an awesome mom.
I would love an update, now that it's 3 years down the road. 😄💞🙏💞 We all rebel, in big and small ways, from our parents' guidance. And yet, we DO many ways, become just LIKE our parents. Who else? They raised us and that's the model we normally choose before and after puberty. 😄✨️
I think discipline works differently per child. My sister, much like my father, is overconfident, dominant and outgoing. My mother, like me is passive and empathetic. So when we acted out when we were younger my parented opted for my father to discipline me, and my mother to discipline my sister. I've grown up to respect my parents, and the only time that I have ever been lectured was because of running my mouth in a stressful situation. My sister however, quickly learned to Manipulate my mother's discipline tactics (which were very similar to the ones in this video) and she's now 18, snobby, entitled and thinks she's the best. There's tension in my family because she says and does what she wants when she wants, and my father, who is in his 50s now, has grown tired of her behavior and has started disciplining her since she was around 14. Since then, my sister has mellowed, but she is still disrespectful and rude to our family when our father isn't around. It's kinda sad, but I think my parents took the aggressive approach with my sister when she was younger it might have worked. Whereas for me, I think I would have preferred the freedom I would have gotten with my mother without abusing it. But I still like who I have turned out to be, but the same can't be said for my sister.
Optimal strategies can vary based on the childs personality, I wouldn't try to establish blanket solutions. That being said, I still think there are some good ideas here for individual cases.
Great video. 💋The only point I might change is not calling junk food fun food. Perhaps treat food so the thought of having fun isn't tied to food, incase one might learn that you need junk food to make other types of fun complete.
I love this. I have gone through 4 children. 1 girl, 18, 3 boys, 24, 16, 11. My youngest two are doing this and I want to keep the positive parenting rout going but they are a bit more rough than the first two.
So, what does a person who is not their mom, or related to them at all, deal with the sass, cursing, rudeness and just non courtesies in public--like riding the bus where the kids have taken all the seats with their backpacks, feet on the seats, etc., so the elderly, heavily preg, and adults carrying little babies have to stand? That's where the REAL challenge of whether the kids have actually learned anything comes in, when their parent is not around to monitor yet they continue to practice good things even though their peers don't. It takes a bigger person to be able to stand up for what he/she knows is right in the eyes of his friends.
I don’t know how I stumbled onto your channel, but it has great content! Thankfully my boys are still young and don’t think we will try the no diapers lol. But everything on this channel is so wholesome and awesome. I will try to incorporate many of the things you talk about.
I'm similar with the "bad" words and treat it as more of a respectful thing and encourage more favorable words as a substitute geared to age appropriateness. Ex: " SON OF A MOTHERLESS GOAT!"
Thank you, my dear Mayim. I'm not a parent yet, but your opinion about it is good. I like to listen your voice and teach some new English words. I'm from Russia and your videos help me to learn English deeper 😍
I really love your videos. Such wholesome and informative videos. Keep it up. It kinda takes away the blow of no more Amy when I can watch you on RUclips
I loved you in Blossom and Beaches and I love you in TBBT. Didn't you also do a guest appearance in an episode of ReGenesis ? Big fan of yours from way back.
On the topic of you calling the healthy foods body building foods & the junk food fun foods ..I did that when my child was younger but then I realised it made her think that good food wasn't fun.so I called it sometimes food&explained that there are certain foods that we need more of & other foods we need less of in order to stay healthy.i was concerned that by restricting certain foods she would be more inclined to wAnt them.so by putting it this way she knows that she can have them but not as much as others.its worked for the most part...but it gets tougher as they get older& make their own decisions.
My pretty darn sensitive son is turning into a real "three-nager" and this is really good advice I can use for my everyday life. Thank you for your be-nice-to-and-understanding-of-your-kid tips.
I wish my mom took food the way you did. I'm a 15 year old girl and hearing my mom say "thats a LOT of food, you sure you want to eat all that" can sting a little
Ran into 3 same problem with a boy and girl make them defend their actions verbally it works all our friend tryed the sam aproch it works the leard to enlarge there vocabulary to defend themselves they got appreciate to my large vocabulary
My daughter is 14 and she's delightful.. as much as a 14 year old can be 😂🤣. I have a 4 month old son and I'm terrified for the teenager years !!! Lol. Love your channel, Mayim. I always take away something good.
JOHANNE GIRARD you may think you’re fine. But deep down it still hurts and has influenced your behavior towards others. EVERY child wants their parent’s approval. Like hundreds of thousands of people you have a broken or damaged self esteem. It changes your perspective. Trust me...I know.
@@Sitchinite420 I agree with you. My parents have brought me nothing but pain and suffering. They blocked me off from my friends and other family members. They caused me sorrow. I never want to see them in my life. Their idea of parenting was constant physical and verbal abuse.
Well done, good luck! We failed our two, 19&22. I overcompensated for my own childhood trauma. In raising mine not to be codependent, they’re ungrateful and selfish. We tried kind discipline, they ran over us. Now I just want them OUT of my house... 😢
Hi Mayim! I just was wondering if there could be a chance for the show writers to continue the BBT as a comic book (or a cartoon)? It could probably generate a ton of money too and it would go well with the theme of the show. Might be a good way to be able to still enjoy the show even though we'll miss the actors. Just an idea... (Ps: Thanks for posting all your great videos)
*#Ascociating** "Polite Elephant" with every day **#situations** is an effective way to teach children to behave. They can easily **#relate** to the elephant book **#character** and because they like the character, it will **#encourage** a good **#behavior**.*
I just heard a mother screaming at her kids - also peppered with "I'm going to kick your ass". That always makes me sad when I hear it. No kid should ever have to experience that. There was never any yelling in my house growing up. I certainly never got a threat to kick my ass. I remember 3 spankings but I feel no ill results from it.
all 3 boys teens at one time...husband deployed, i lost it with eldest and slapped his cheek...he was well over 6 foot, 150, i was maybe 5 foot 100 soaking wet...i hated myself for losing control. a few years later, at his usmc graduation on parents day i told him i really needed to apologize for slapping his face that day, that i was sorry and it was wrong... he gave me a deer in the headlight stare for a few seconds and said...its been twenty years now but like yesterday.....mama, i dont recall you ever slapping my face, but if you did i must have deserved it..... mamas give yourselves a break..we are all just winging it doing the best we can...
Great video. I would love to know what the “prickly” is up with watching videos of other people playing video games. It’s my 14 year-olds favorite pastime. He even watches folks playing games he doesn’t even own or play!
Ive been cursing since I was 8 (unfortunately). Though Im trying to cut back..... (or stop). Funny story: Remember living in Canarsie and hearing kids age 2-5 using "black slang words" and curse words every other sentence. I was thinking these kids could barely read.....yet cursing.
I got the belt as a kid and it didn't damage me. I learned to respect authority. I also was taught to say please and thank you and excuse me. Proper etiquettcy
By this point in their rearing you are pretty much done teaching these kids. As long as they aren’t robbing people just sit back, congratulate yourself, and have a glass of wine.
I’ve listened many a night how my husband has cried at the phone trying to speak with his parents. He’s been scarred so deeply from the abuse he experienced as a child. We decided back when we met that if we ever had children we would never EVER do the same things our parents did to discipline. We don’t want our baby girl to grow up and say she survived.
Mayim :"im pretty good at pretending to be mad huh"
Me: well you are an actress, 😂😂
@Mayim 😉🤫
Isn’t she a neuro scientist ?
@@chrisrock4072 she is both, her show is really famous, it's called the big bang theory
valeria V , I know . I am kidding . I know in an interview someone asked if people thought she could do calculus on the spot and she clapped back with, “actually, I can. I am a neuro scientist.”
@@chrisrock4072 lol sorry 😂 i wasn't sure if you were kidding or not, and in case you were not i didn't want to sound rude
I wish my parents were like this. I have trauma from my childhood because my parents were so mean. I literally break down and cry every time I create a minor inconvenience to someone because of the way I was raised
:/
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I'm sorry that happened in your life. Hugs.
Same here...Guess we can relate to it....So loads of love and hugs from me..❤❤❤
I highly recommend EMDR therapy
There is nothing more terrifying that my dad's look of disappointment with the softly spoken line "It's your life, I try to help you, but I won't last you forever".... god, as an adult that still makes me shiver.
Guilt always works like gold lol
I hope your kids know how lucky they are. Everything I did was “1/2 assed” and everything my sister did was “stupid” in our parent’s eyes. All it accomplished was destroying our self esteem. Once you destroy something it’s gone. Going through life with little to no self esteem isn’t pleasant. It’s awful. I’m grateful there are people who build their kids up instead of tearing them down. #Stopthecrazy
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❤️❤️
I'm loving the new Mayim. I'm glad the therapy is working out, and your confidence in letting go is shining through well.
Carl Crow what?
@@SarahKrilow pack it in your ass sarah
mayim likes the high hard one
@@SarahKrilow it's a troll. Someone with a really sad life. Ignore that person. They get off on you responding.
Therapy???
I'm 22, moved out and am working and studying and I feel like I sometimes need a Mayim to remind me about growing and fun food as well as not cursing. I don't know your children, but having been a teenager not long ago I can say that viewing children and teens as intelligent, independent and growing characters helps. Explain your choices and listen to the reasons behind theirs. Talk about perspectives and who they want to be. Take their irrational feelings into consideration, because they are real and sometimes dominating over rational choices and accept bad days. And take it as an advantage that they are sassy; you are allowed to be sassy back without being a bad role model to them. I know, for a childless person I have got a very strong opinion. Mayim, I am sure your boys will be well behaved men. Your strict but loving and mindful parenting will pay off.
It’s a blessing to have these problems. Many moms I know are worried about things so much more dangerous than this.
I got very lucky. My kids grew up without punishment and discipline and it was just an even flow. I never forced my kids to eat any particular foods, never to,d them to take bites of this veggie or that. I put their plates in front of them and they ate what they ate, They all loved broccoli, beans, asparagus and still love nearly all veggies and foods. Sure there are a few items that just don’t taste good to them but we are all that way. None of them were overweight. No eating disorder issues. As for the guiding them to adulthood, it was simply that. Guiding them. Helping them understand certain topics and the natural consequences of other things does the job itself. My youngest just turned 19 and all three will admit to never being yelled at or spanked, dismissed or talked down too. I know I’m lucky and I’m so proud of each one of them. I just can’t wait to see what the do next.
I always taught my kids “treat others how you wanted to be treated.” Do you want someone to roll their eyes at you? Swear at you? Tease you? I’ve even had my kids go back and apologize to people on their own after I told them this.
Yep
Love listening to you. My children are all grown and one grandson grown. You give me hope for the future. I think when a parent truly loves their children you will find the proper path.
Just watched the finale tonight and I'm in tears. So touching and beautiful. Just wanted to say that you're an intelligent, interesting person And you truly are an inspiration to many women. You're a strong lady and awesome Mother. You do it all and even when things go not as planned you you pick yourself up and make a new one with grace. I will miss the show dearly but I'm always a fan of you and glad I can still see you here. Can't wait to see what is next for you.
Loving your channel. I’ve been a high school teacher for almost 30 years AND I raised 2 boys, now young men. I learned to embrace the slammed door-meant I was doing my job and setting boundaries. And honestly, my boys always felt better and safer after their anger cooled off. Also- staying cool is key. If they see they can make you lose it- some will take that power and run with it!
Swearing is really not a thing we worry about here in Germany. It’s a part of language we don’t hide from our children. It’s in Kids’ Movies and TV shows and even in Daycare swearing is not unheard of.
Yes... but still there are limits. Like in Kindergarten you could say words like shit! or crap! in german, but like not the f-word. Although I've often heard (rap)songs in public that contained words like that, sooo....mmmh
That's fine but...she's not in Germany. She's not German. She's in the US. She's American.
@Tracie Holladay
I know. I am just sharing some cultural differences.
I was raised the way spoken about in this video , and i appreciate the work my parents put in to make sure i was a well rounded human being with out use of fear . I encourage this for every parent child relationship .
Mayim, what a great video. My four boys have grown up and have their own families. It’s so wonderful to see them set and hold on to boundaries in the same positive and strong ways that I raised them. Discipline with dignity is definitely the way to go. I wish we were friends.
Thank you for this! I 100% agree but sometimes get caught up in the chaos and forget how to effectively communicate with ANYONE, let alone the tiny humans. Totally needed the reminder that they go through typical stages and I need to adjust my approach rather than try to gain control! 💚
Discipline starts when they're young. I like how you still incorporate discipline from the early years into the teeny-bopper years.
My 3 “children” are lovely caring adults who I am so proud of ... hard to believe that they were once hideous brats !! you are on the right track Mayim .. it’s all balance and understanding and mutual respect ... xxx
I have yet to deal with any curse words. I unfortunately curse a lot. Mainly out of frustration...especially when driving around people who refuse to follow the rules of the road. My son on the other hand has surprised me. Maybe it's his intellect...see, I often make sure to remind him to NEVER repeat what I say and he once came at me with the response, "Why on Earth would I want to?" My behavior is obviously a turn off to him (and yes something I'm working on) and that utterly fascinates me! He is now 11, also watches RUclips videos of gamers as you mentioned, yet never repeats anything bad. I just hope his take on it being unnecessary continues for awhile longer!!
Love your brilliance and enjoy your videos! Thank you for the advice in this video!!
This is such an eye opener Mayim thank you !!
I love your method of parenting. I also used similar methods when my boys were growing up. Parenting is never easy. However its very rewarding. Thank you for the videos sharing your experiences raising your children. Parents want there kids to make good choices, but it goes both ways. Parents need to take that time to parent using good choices as well. What we do as parents will affect them the rest of there lives and give them the tools to make good choices when they become parents one day. I just wanted to say thank you 🤗
Love this! I’ve got two boys in the tween and teen stage. You are so right. I love how people always say how polite my boys are. That’s a priority. They help the kids getting bullied, they always hold a door for someone. They AREN’T perfect, but they do a good job with behavior. Now if they’d just eat their dang broccoli!!!
Hi Mayim, I’m a former Specialist Teacher-Resource, Special Education, and Administration. I would set up a two-choice situation with food and activities at home. For example, with vegetables, you ask, “Do you want broccoli 🥦 or salad?” Giving them two choices gives them some independence. For chores, ask, what task are we accomplishing this weekend? Cleaning your rooms or cleaning bathrooms.
As for “making a good impression”, it is absolutely what you are aiming for-My opinion is that I would call it manners. Set up expectations for manners, again with the two-choice method. If they are both mannerly at family gatherings or with your friends, you set up this type of choice (this completely depends on their personal interests), for example, manners = free time for you to do Activity A or Activity B. This will give them incentive.
Thanks, Mayim!
❤️Pam, from 🇨🇦
Think of yourself as the Master Planner. Purchase a monthly calendar that you can put beside while you have family meals. Write in activities, who is doing what (and what chore) and anything else that is part of that week. I buy a monthly calendar that is the size of notebook paper-with a cover. In another central location, I have a wall calendar 📅 and we write down all activities. This is done independently. If you’re really into organization, colour-code it! ☺️
I gave my son choices when he was a toddler. When he was three, he said "I know what you are doing." And he refused both choices.
Lynne J. I was trying to be helpful. My experience is that children who are difficult when they are toddlers, that behaviour is carried on to school. I addressed your question giving you lots of options in case you were still having difficulties but didn’t want to say anything on an open forum.
My comment was also meant for others. It’s free advice.
The mannerly message you could have left would be: “Thank you for your efforts on my behalf.”
@@pro6703 :) My first thought was, where were you 30 years ago? I read every book I could get my hands on at the time, because, yes, I am that intense. And then my second thought was OUCH. What I saw as an interesting and amusing moment in motherhood, because my son was perceptive enough to notice when he was being manipulated, appeared to strike you as pathognomonic of a behaviour disorder and evidence of lack of parenting strategies. So, yes; thank you for that! In fact, his school reports, from the beginning, generally began with "A. is a polite boy." It seems neither one of us realized how we came across and yes, I have learned from this exchange of ideas and I am grateful for that.
Lynne J. You comment did not strike me as, wow, your child is Behaviour Disordered. My thought was that there would be many people reading comments, so I outlined a plan that any parent, who was constantly struggling with behavioural issues from their child, would read and file the information away. It’s very hard to get practical ideas of further steps to take in case a child continues to be manipulative and out of control.
Where was I thirty years ago? Thirty years ago, I was having my 29th birthday 🎂. It’s my birthday, so I’m stepping away from further comments here.
My very well-behaved kids are now 31, 35, and 39 and, STILL, I watched this video. Loved it!
My boys are the same ages as yours, and thanks for this. Prickly- perfect word for that!
Love this parenting style! Great way to demonstrate understanding while maintaining boundaries.
Shaming and inflicting guilt can be some very effective parenting skills if done well without traumatizing the kids. They can prevent the child from doing some very stupid and dangerous things when you are not there.
You made me laugh. My much older brother used to describe PEOPLE as either being a "Cold Prickly" or a "Warm Fuzzy". Even when I was 17 yrs younger than him, I easily got the idea ~
I thank you. My kids, 16 and 19, thank you. My husband thanks you. My kids say things that make ME instantly prickly. Instead of blowing up, I will strive to instead calmly tell them, “That was prickly,” while wearing my disappointed face.
When our children when they were very young we would sometimes give a swat on the behind or a slap on the back of their hands. When my son was 5, my oldest daughter 3 and my youngest daughter just under a year, we had hired a babysitter to come to the house during work hours. I got a call from two neighbors 10 minutes apart, each saying this babysitter was beating on my son. She had knocked him down while outside and was kicking him. I drove home and fired her, loudly. Talking with my son after calming everyone, I asked him why he hadn't told one of us that she was beating on him. Long story short, he did not see a difference in us swatting him and the babysitter actually beating on him! From that day on in our home, we taught no one has the right to hit you. Period. No exceptions. As a corollary, of course, you never have the right to hit anyone else. I was very proud when I heard my eldest daughter, almost 4 years old, explain to a playmate that no one has the right to hit anyone else! This playmate had just hit her and she responded by explaining why she shouldn't do that!
My youngest is on the autism spectrum. We learned early on raised voices are a trigger. We had an incident where my dad yelled at my son the way he would yell at us as kids. He got scared and had a complete meltdown. I had some choice words with my dad then went and spoke calmly to my son. Once he settled I explained how he could make better choices and asked what he could do now. He apologized, picked up his mess and continued on with his day. Sometimes 5 minutes of calm talking will do more then 30 seconds of yelling.
Hi @Mayim Bialik, I’m LOVING Your Channel & felt compelled to comment after watching this particular video. As a divorced, single Mom, of 2 Boys Myself, I found Myself relating to soooo many of the fantastic videos You’ve made & shared on Your Channel. As we all do; I have 2 very unique sons. My oldest is part of the LGBTQ community, a proud advocate as well as a budding Drag Queen in his spare time (I go to all of his shows & actually sew many of his costumes), ,@24 years old, he also has graduated from College, excelled in his chosen full time career, has bought his own brand new car & I couldn’t be prouder. (There’s a reason I’m mentioning all this, not to “brag” but a point I’m getting to). My youngest, has severe Autism & @21 years old, with no disrespect, he is akin to the developmental age of that precocious age of 5-6 years old, where kids are more independent than say a toddler, but still need Mama for help with meals, personal care, can’t be left alone, etc. I’ve often said that “Autism can suck in a lot of ways but there’s also may Gifts in it as well”. For example, he still believes in Santa, plays with toys & has such a beautiful, innocent way of looking at this World. I mention all of this because, in my divorce12 years ago, my ex & my both of my sons father; decided NOT to have really any involvement with them. His loss, I’ve come to realize. After all of this, My Boys & I are very close, even to this day. Many of the parenting choices You’re making, I made very similar ones as well. My motto has always been, especially with my youngest son’s challenges “If it doesn’t make any difference 10 years from now, let alone 10 minutes from now, let it go & choose Your battles wisely”. I’ve never yelled at or hit my sons & have always used loving, kind & supportive words; as well as wording but, they were made to behave; mainly through discussions; teachable moments, they both know nothing is off the table for discussion in the way of if they have a question, they know there will not be any judgement on my part; if they’re asking for advice or just need Mom to listen, they know they can ALWAYS count on Me for this. I’ve always focused on encouraging what behaviour I did want to see; meanwhile correcting misbehaviour & moving on. To this day, I’m always told how polite, thoughtful, kind & responsible both of my sons are. I’ve actually had many of my oldest son’s friends who do not have that parental relationship with their own parents, hang out here BUT, they know that, I am not their friend or buddy but rather, to see Me in a parental role for advice, support or to have Someone listen & all of Them call Me ‘Mom’. Long story short; keep doing the amazing job You’re doing Mayim, Your sons are already incredible, loving young men that are going to continue growing into loving, kind, caring incredible Men who will always come to You for advice, support & for Your loving ear to listen. Keep doing what You’re doing Sister, You’re doing a phenomenal job! Sending You much, much Joy, Blessings, Gratitude , Success, Light &
Love always!! 😍❤️😍❤️😍❤️😍🕉P.S.(Feel free to check out my RUclips channel under this account & Podcast! I’m not sure if that’s something You do but, I would LOVE to have You on as a Guest, @ Your Convenience! Have a beautiful weekend, Lovie!! 😍😍😍😍❤️❤️❤️❤️🕉
It is not a democracy, and your there to be the parent. They will love you more for demanding good choices from them.
My Dad always took the view that the occasional "Anglo Saxon Slip" was acceptable in the right circumstances. He took my brother and I on a trip to London and when one of the Tube staff was horrible to us he swore very firmly at him. 300 miles from Mum we were gobsmacked. Dad just smiled and said "He deserved that!"
Teach them what the curse words mean, that they aren't "magically" bad, just socially taboo and impolite. It's not healthy to grow up flinching at words.
I so agree. My daughter now 22...when she was that age we made a game of saying no. Teenagers, need to be comfortable saying no, soooo the game was when we were at the grocery store and I asked her to grab an item for the cart 🛒 she would say no...stating it in a sentence. No! No, I will not get chicken 🍗 legs, as she is grabbing them and putting them in the cart. It made her feel empowered, the shopping got done, and there were lots of giggles.
BLESS your parenting videos, I feel that EVERY parent should watch your videos haha.
I'm horrified with the amount of parents that think PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSING their child is an appropriate way of discipline. The excuse "my parents did it to me" isn't a valid reason for potentially traumatising their children... Yes maybe YOU weren't negatively affected but your child ISN'T YOU therefore there is a good chance that they could have to live with the Horrible side effect of what this abuse can do to their developing brains... Put simply some people don't every recover from "lazy parenting" that they experienced as a child.
I had no clue how to discipline my boys consistently, until my man came into our lives. He gives me a sense of calm when I need it and he notices so much more than I do. Their behavior has improved dramatically. Although, I do really love the "prickly" idea. I'm totally stealing it.
I have always used humor and playfulness as well. My motto is yes to things that aren't dangerous, stupid or may kill you! A bit of cursing, if not in anger is ok at home. If u don't say no all the time, they won't lie or sneak. Got two over 18 and so far so good!
I could listen to you all day.
As a teen this is truly all we ask for
I was always strict with my two boys, they're grown up & were NEVER rude to anyone, still to this day. When they did something wrong I would talk to them about why this is wrong & other options & how their behavior makes others feel, what would they think if this was done to them. There's nothing wrong with shame if you need it. That's exactly why our liberalized society is so out of control. Parents scared their kids might come out "normal."
Shabbat Shalom. Excellent show, Mayim( Blossom). Shalom aleichem.
I want to know how you would handle finding out your child smokes cigarettes, vapes and does marijana?
I would talk to them and share my concerns about their health. I’d make sure they understand that we’re both on Team , and ask how they’re doing.
The reasons a child resorts to these things might be peer pressure, but there is definitely something else even if peer pressure is part of the equation.
My sight-unseen (and unprofessional) guess would be fear, depression, or loneliness. We, as parents, can’t fix everything for our kids, but we can listen. Maybe there is something you can do? Maybe it’s a sign of something going on in their head that would benefit from counseling?
Ultimately, I would put myself in a position to listen and not judge or ridicule. Sometimes it helps just to be HEARD. 💜
See my post above in which I said the problems were not as deep an issue and gave her the run down on what I have faced with my son and students! I would love to have a serious discussion about these issues with her! For example, when her son had his bar mitzvah, how would she feel if her son said he didn't believe in God or if her younger son said he didn't want to be as devout and not do a bar mitzvah! My son was confirmed, but he now is an atheist! He was confirmed to make his parents happy not himself! I've posted many serious questions on this channel and really haven't gotten an answer! I understand that Mayim is a working mother; however if you're going to give advice, you should also take the time to answer posters' serious questions! Why? Fans give Mayim the same respect by listening to her channel and promoting her good works! We're not just here to buy her products she's promoting, but also have a dialogue on parenting with other parents and concerned individuals! My son is no angel. Because I am a single mother, I need serious discussion on the issues at hand because I wasn't born privileged nor have many if the advantages Mayim family has!
@@paulaOyeah Soooo true! Peer pressure is a huge thing. Many kids don't feel they can talk to their parents or guardians without being judged! I have given my son a get out of jail free card whenever he goes out with friends or gets into trouble! I will come and pick him up: no questions asked! There is a three day cooling off period and then we talk! My boy has used this several times and it works for us! As a sociologist, I am straight up honest and my son can ask me anything including sex and I will try to five him an honest answer!
@@fredrika27 That's awesome, sounds like the parenting I never got.
A parent is not a friend; you can be their friend when they're around 30 years & up. Make rules, set boundaries and back them up with consequences. I'm glad ppl discipline kids when they ought to. They know you care when u back up your rules. 😉
But it's great that Mayim has already started this using rules about what's acceptable speech , etc. She's teaching them respect, manners, etc. Kids really need this today! Go Mayim! 👍
I can tell you about my upbringing. I was never forced to eat anything, I've always liked everything other than veggies. So for veggies my mum would make lots of soups.
When it comes to rudeness, I was never rude because my parents were never rude, but it really depends on the personality of the kid. The Polite Elephant thing is nice but I'd tell parents to do whatever works for them. In my case, I grew up in a positive enrivonment that led my example.
Cursing is something my father always hated. My parents have always treated me and my sister with respect, never trying to dominate us, but if we ever yelled at them, swore or disrespected them while they were trying to talk to us (e.g. run to the room and slam the door) one parent would come over and either yell or, in severe cases (maybe once or twice in my life) smack me on the butt of lift me by my head. For me corporal punishment was terrible but the worst I ever felt emotionally was when I knew I had disappointed them. So I'd much rather take a smack across my face when I crossed the limit than seeing a look of disappointment in their eyes.
Here is a challenge for every parent reading this. Tell your child no, make sure that it is for a very good reason but just say no. Do not explain ( let's be honest, most kinds expect you to say no and they know why, they are just pushing boundries) if they insist an explanation or argue with you then you are already compromised. You have already given away to much control. Seriously, these kids are not innocent little creatures , they have social media.
How do they feel about you talking about them in a forum such as this?
I'm amazed by your parenting videos. I want to be a mom like you in a while. If not good for our standards, at least resourceful, hopeful, positive and laughing every step of the way. Thank you.
Err isn't please and thank you at the basics of being polite
Kevin Appleton hmm, I like to hear please and thank you in myself and others....although, words accompanying actions that’s reflect those words like opening doors and helping others are priceless.
Many cultures don't regard please and thank you as polite, they don't say it it's shown by the intonation of speech and the body attitude, which is quite interesting. We are too hang up on words that many times we forget that people don't even mean what they say
I agree
One thing I see parents do, typically friends and family members, is say "No Thankyou!" When their child acts out or misbehaves, and it drives me bananas! No thankyou is used all the time in lue of actually correcting a behavior kindly and explaining to a child *why* they shouldnt do something. A friend was having a ton of issues with her son, and nearly at breaking point she asked me to come help her one afternoon. I immediately sat her down and said Look, can we try something today? Instead of just saying No Thankyou! get down on his level and explain to him why he shouldnt be doing whatever it is. Sure enough within minutes he became climbing up on something he shoulsnt have, I calmly got down and said hey buddy, you cant climb on this, it's not built for climbing and you could fall and hurt yourself. Please dont climb on it again. He happy trotted off and his younger brother decided to try the same thing, only for little buddy to stop him and repeat almost word for word that it wasnt safe to climb, took him by the hand and sat down to play with him instead. Definitely a heartfelt moment and an eye opener for mom, parenting doesnt need to be yelling and constant punishment, gentle guidance, expecting kind behavior and following through is so much more effective
Mayim it will change back as they get older there were certain foods I used to eat when i was a kid... but i stopped eating as i got older. Now that i am the tender age of soon to be 43, a lot of the foods i didn't like or stopped eating in my teens/twenties i found myself liking it again. Give it time they'll start eating foods they stopped liking on their own. Especially knowing you introduced them to those foods.
My philosophy prof argued that kids curse for reaction. Don’t react and generally the language cleans up. I used that approach. My oldest, at least in my presence, doesn’t curse. My youngest yelled “Fuck!” when getting his throat swabbed to check for strep. Yeah, I was a bit embarrassed. But as my prof said, words can be used to hurt. Context is key. I hope the nurse realizes that my son reacted to the pain. The word wasn’t directed to her.
We parent similar. It's a hard world to raise children in now. 🙌
My 2 oldest boys are 17 and 15, we have left the “no” stage and entered the “know” it all stage. Anything I say all I get as a response is, “I know”
I’m now a mom to a 20 year old and a 25 year old. I wasn’t the best mom but I knew the type I’d never want to me. A lot of times the kids would get into trouble and after seething, I’d ask ok, where did we go wrong? And how can we fix this? If they stole for instance, I would make them go back to store and apologize and return the item. Anything that got paid out, came out of their allowance. I’m sure without a doubt, you’re an awesome mom.
I would love an update, now that it's 3 years down the road. 😄💞🙏💞 We all rebel, in big and small ways, from our parents' guidance. And yet, we DO many ways, become just LIKE our parents. Who else? They raised us and that's the model we normally choose before and after puberty. 😄✨️
If it doesn't feel good for the parent or children an alternativeis needed...and thanks for the gr8 advice .
I think discipline works differently per child. My sister, much like my father, is overconfident, dominant and outgoing. My mother, like me is passive and empathetic.
So when we acted out when we were younger my parented opted for my father to discipline me, and my mother to discipline my sister. I've grown up to respect my parents, and the only time that I have ever been lectured was because of running my mouth in a stressful situation. My sister however, quickly learned to Manipulate my mother's discipline tactics (which were very similar to the ones in this video) and she's now 18, snobby, entitled and thinks she's the best. There's tension in my family because she says and does what she wants when she wants, and my father, who is in his 50s now, has grown tired of her behavior and has started disciplining her since she was around 14. Since then, my sister has mellowed, but she is still disrespectful and rude to our family when our father isn't around.
It's kinda sad, but I think my parents took the aggressive approach with my sister when she was younger it might have worked. Whereas for me, I think I would have preferred the freedom I would have gotten with my mother without abusing it. But I still like who I have turned out to be, but the same can't be said for my sister.
Optimal strategies can vary based on the childs personality, I wouldn't try to establish blanket solutions.
That being said, I still think there are some good ideas here for individual cases.
I agree
Great video. 💋The only point I might change is not calling junk food fun food. Perhaps treat food so the thought of having fun isn't tied to food, incase one might learn that you need junk food to make other types of fun complete.
I love this. I have gone through 4 children. 1 girl, 18, 3 boys, 24, 16, 11. My youngest two are doing this and I want to keep the positive parenting rout going but they are a bit more rough than the first two.
So, what does a person who is not their mom, or related to them at all, deal with the sass, cursing, rudeness and just non courtesies in public--like riding the bus where the kids have taken all the seats with their backpacks, feet on the seats, etc., so the elderly, heavily preg, and adults carrying little babies have to stand? That's where the REAL challenge of whether the kids have actually learned anything comes in, when their parent is not around to monitor yet they continue to practice good things even though their peers don't. It takes a bigger person to be able to stand up for what he/she knows is right in the eyes of his friends.
I don’t know how I stumbled onto your channel, but it has great content! Thankfully my boys are still young and don’t think we will try the no diapers lol. But everything on this channel is so wholesome and awesome. I will try to incorporate many of the things you talk about.
I'm similar with the "bad" words and treat it as more of a respectful thing and encourage more favorable words as a substitute geared to age appropriateness. Ex: " SON OF A MOTHERLESS GOAT!"
My grandfather always said "oh, cheese and crackers!" Sounded a little naughty to us kids.
Thank you, my dear Mayim. I'm not a parent yet, but your opinion about it is good. I like to listen your voice and teach some new English words. I'm from Russia and your videos help me to learn English deeper 😍
I really love your videos. Such wholesome and informative videos. Keep it up. It kinda takes away the blow of no more Amy when I can watch you on RUclips
I don't even have kids yet but I love your parenting videos!
With cursing, my parents told me that there is a time and place for it. Like working vs hanging out with friends
I loved you in Blossom and Beaches and I love you in TBBT. Didn't you also do a guest appearance in an episode of ReGenesis ? Big fan of yours from way back.
Love this and will be adapting it to my own experience in the future
Mayim, I really wish we could sit down and have a conversation. You're so well versed. ♥️ Greetings from Mexico.
On the topic of you calling the healthy foods body building foods & the junk food fun foods ..I did that when my child was younger but then I realised it made her think that good food wasn't fun.so I called it sometimes food&explained that there are certain foods that we need more of & other foods we need less of in order to stay healthy.i was concerned that by restricting certain foods she would be more inclined to wAnt them.so by putting it this way she knows that she can have them but not as much as others.its worked for the most part...but it gets tougher as they get older& make their own decisions.
Wait until they're 25. Good luck.
That that is what I call insight, best comment in the thread so far
Dude if you've got a problem with it why are you even watching this video?
Calmness is always the way to go. Good job.
My pretty darn sensitive son is turning into a real "three-nager" and this is really good advice I can use for my everyday life. Thank you for your be-nice-to-and-understanding-of-your-kid tips.
This was very insightful! Thank you
Love the t-shirt Mayim!
LOL.....looks like my old RUclips profile picture.
I wish my mom took food the way you did. I'm a 15 year old girl and hearing my mom say "thats a LOT of food, you sure you want to eat all that" can sting a little
Ran into 3 same problem with a boy and girl make them defend their actions verbally it works all our friend tryed the sam aproch it works the leard to enlarge there vocabulary to defend themselves they got appreciate to my large vocabulary
"Kids tend to tune you out when your tone is stern-- I can guarantee that."
My daughter is 14 and she's delightful.. as much as a 14 year old can be 😂🤣. I have a 4 month old son and I'm terrified for the teenager years !!! Lol. Love your channel, Mayim. I always take away something good.
If you want your children to be good adults, discipline is love.
My parents just yelled at my older brother n i. No hitting nothing.. by the time we hit 13, they just gave up!😉We turned out fine 😁. Im 43 hes 50.
JOHANNE GIRARD you may think you’re fine. But deep down it still hurts and has influenced your behavior towards others. EVERY child wants their parent’s approval. Like hundreds of thousands of people you have a broken or damaged self esteem. It changes your perspective. Trust me...I know.
Actually u dont know me and plz dont pretend to. I actually dont care. Have a great day! No one controls me!
yes my parents also yelled a lot. I am trying very hard to not do that.
@@Sitchinite420 I agree with you. My parents have brought me nothing but pain and suffering. They blocked me off from my friends and other family members. They caused me sorrow. I never want to see them in my life. Their idea of parenting was constant physical and verbal abuse.
Your grammar on the other hand.....
Oh lord I thought the title was "sold my boys" and I was like "woah, she's hard core".
She is a control freak..I suspect that's why her marriage broke up
Well done, good luck!
We failed our two, 19&22. I overcompensated for my own childhood trauma. In raising mine not to be codependent, they’re ungrateful and selfish. We tried kind discipline, they ran over us. Now I just want them OUT of my house... 😢
I love your ideas!! When I have kids I will definitely be keeping your methods in mind.
This is the same place where am at with my 14 year old son. That's why I'm watching this... hoping I can learn some pointers
I only wish I’d have been so wise as a parent.
Hi Mayim! I just was wondering if there could be a chance for the show writers to continue the BBT as a comic book (or a cartoon)? It could probably generate a ton of money too and it would go well with the theme of the show. Might be a good way to be able to still enjoy the show even though we'll miss the actors. Just an idea... (Ps: Thanks for posting all your great videos)
Wow! Great advice, I will take notes for my little one.. thank you!
*#Ascociating** "Polite Elephant" with every day **#situations** is an effective way to teach children to behave. They can easily **#relate** to the elephant book **#character** and because they like the character, it will **#encourage** a good **#behavior**.*
Mam I LOVE the way you talk, using all those clever words! 💖
I just heard a mother screaming at her kids - also peppered with "I'm going to kick your ass". That always makes me sad when I hear it. No kid should ever have to experience that. There was never any yelling in my house growing up. I certainly never got a threat to kick my ass. I remember 3 spankings but I feel no ill results from it.
all 3 boys teens at one time...husband deployed, i lost it with eldest and slapped his cheek...he was well over 6 foot, 150, i was maybe 5 foot 100 soaking wet...i hated myself for losing control. a few years later, at his usmc graduation on parents day i told him i really needed to apologize for slapping his face that day, that i was sorry and it was wrong... he gave me a deer in the headlight stare for a few seconds and said...its been twenty years now but like yesterday.....mama, i dont recall you ever slapping my face, but if you did i must have deserved it..... mamas give yourselves a break..we are all just winging it doing the best we can...
Such an intelligent approach. Brava, Mayim, brava.
I wish my parents raised me like this in the 90s instead of yelling, manipulating and hitting.
Great video. I would love to know what the “prickly” is up with watching videos of other people playing video games. It’s my 14 year-olds favorite pastime. He even watches folks playing games he doesn’t even own or play!
Ive been cursing since I was 8 (unfortunately). Though Im trying to cut back..... (or stop). Funny story: Remember living in Canarsie and hearing kids age 2-5 using "black slang words" and curse words every other sentence. I was thinking these kids could barely read.....yet cursing.
I got the belt as a kid and it didn't damage me. I learned to respect authority. I also was taught to say please and thank you and excuse me. Proper etiquettcy
By this point in their rearing you are pretty much done teaching these kids. As long as they aren’t robbing people just sit back, congratulate yourself, and have a glass of wine.