ADHD Social Skills: Socialize with Confidence by PreGaming!
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- Опубликовано: 14 май 2024
- Socializing can be difficult, if not downright painful, for a lot of us with ADHD… turns out there might be some ways to make it more enjoyable! Such as pre-gaming, a concept we learned from Caroline Maguire. What is a PreGame? We’ll let Jessica and Caroline tell ya!
Caroline Maguire has a handy exercise that you can download so you can figure out and build your own PreGame: carolinemaguireauthor.com/pre...
Check out Caroline's book, Why Will No One Play With Me?: carolinemaguireauthor.com/boo...
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Jessica McCabe is not a licensed mental health provider, but information presented on How to ADHD is reviewed by researchers and approved by licensed clinical psychologist Patrick LaCount, PhD (practicalpsychservices.com). While information presented on How to ADHD has historically been built in consultation with researchers and licensed providers, videos posted prior to April 2023 were not subjected to the same formal approval process required by the RUclips Health program.
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What's in this video:
00:00 - Introduction
00:47 - Strategies for Preparing for Social Engagements
01:10 - The Importance of a PreGame Plan
01:34 - Tailoring Social Preparation to Personal Needs
02:11 - How to Charge Your Emotional and Social Battery
02:33 - Setting a Positive Mindset for Social Interactions
03:04 - Choosing the Right Environment for Your Comfort
03:32 - Making Detailed Plans for Social Events
04:08 - Jessica's PreGame Shopping
05:11 - Budgeting and Decision-Making During Shopping
06:06 - Reflecting on the Benefits of PreGaming
07:02 - Extended Version on Patreon
07:23 - Join our Discord Community
Caroline Maguire has a handy exercise that you can download so you can figure out and build your own PreGame: carolinemaguireauthor.com/pregame-caroline-maguire-m-ed/
“I can have nice things, even if I lose them sometimes.” This hit home and was apparently something I needed to hear. ❤
Same here!
Having ADHD, social skills is something I’ve always struggled with as I would get distracted easily when having conversations and not remember major details about the conversation, hence it would lead to a lot of misunderstandings and miscommunication. I tend to forget people’s names easily and I’ve been accused of being insensitive. Having ADHD really makes it hard for me to connect with people and I also tend to be socially awkward and anxious. ADHD is truly something I wouldn’t even wish on my enemies. It’s a daily struggle.
Yeah the working memory issues in a social situation can be difficult... personally I find having a fidget can help me engage a little bit better which helps my memory out a little bit but in the end I still have to tell people that hey I'm going to forget things... and if I do just remind me. That if I say something weird it's probably cause I forgot some context. The right friends often are good at just reminding me of some additional context.... granted it's not always perfect. But yeah it's definitely a relatable struggle.
Exactly , same here 😢
"appears to not listen" was one of my traits as a kid. Still have to be mindful of that and medication helps. But I still have moments where I'll completely forget what I was about to say, saying or just said and it can really throw me off balance sometimes.
I think your comment describes what can cause our communication issues rather than social cues as opposed to what causes communication issues in asd. But one of the ways which it presents similarly, that's my theory?
oof i relate to this a lot!!
Yeah exactly. I’m personally good at making the conversation up as I go, but I tend to forget things as soon as I think of them.
I've done this with my son for years. We talk about the people who will be there, what we know about them & their lives & family, what current things we've done or accomplished, & other things we can discuss with people. We talk about the questions we have anxiety about hearing & what answers we can provide to help us feel confident or deter negative feedback. Lastly we establish social signals for each other. We discuss which people are monopolizers & how to signal to each other we need help getting out of a conversation, or how to avoid getting trapped by them in the first place. Lastly we discuss how long we want to stay, what we want to stay for, & what our goals are. Once we've figured that out we decide how to signal to each other that we're ready to leave or if we want to stay & how much longer (usually in 15-30 minute increments). We have discovered that if we do this it incredibly lessens our social anxiety, deepens conversations, & helps us feel comfortable about the timing & schedule of the event & we both have a much better & productive time.
AHHHH! Yes! This is so awesome!!
What a wonderful system!!! I would copy some of your ideas!!!
I'm a big google map stalker!! I get very stressed out if I don't know where there will be parking, what I'm looking for, what the roads are like etc. It helps me a ton to take 10-15 minutes to google the location, see the route I'll be taking and what it looks like from the outside. Sometimes there are even pictures of the inside which is even better! doing this the night before or the morning of also helps me to get there on time because I know how long it'll take to get there and if there are issues that might come up (like finding parking, wait times, road work). I can start the social time relaxed and in control rather than rushed and flustered.
YESSSSSSS!! I do the SAME thing!!! It just helps to be able to SEE things ahead of time instead of trying to process it all in the moment once I get there.
I ask if there will be parking on pretty much every where I go.
I didn't even think of it, but I do this too!
I didn't realize I did this until seeing your comment! I went to a new place last week and wasn't sure about parking, you bet I stalked Google map to prepare myself beforehand! And having the exterior photos, so I knew exactly where I was going before I even left home, dang. Not everyone does this? 😂
Oh boy!!! I thought it was only me! I even wondered if I had OCD. 😊❤ thanks for sharing!!!
How funny, this was exactly the topic I spoke about with my therapist this morning, down to the "I'm worried I'm too much for a normal person"
What coincidental timing!!
One of my ex's told me "you're just... too much sometimes. Sometimes it's great, but other times, it's... too much."
I didn't understand at the time, but I do now. 🤣
@@pvtpain66kif they think you’re “too much” then tell them to go find less!!!
This came at the PERFECT time! I am going to an event this evening where I know no one. My boyfriend asked me what I was going to do today and I said, "get ready for the event." Between self talk, 1000 yard stares, and time blindness, it will literally take me all day to prepare. I'm just glad I have the time. I found this video so encouraging and helpful. Thank you!
Awwwwww it's so awesome that you gave yourself time to prepare for the event. I know that feeling... just going out for therapy sometimes takes me half the day because I need time to get ready to get ready... then to get ready then to prepare to leave... then to actually leave... I totally feel this. We're so glad you found the video uplifting!!
I would love to see a 'go shopping with me' episode!
Having someone model / body double the decision making, the budgeting and maybe even tough rejecting of items, would be fantastic!
If we get enough interest, maybe!! We will have the full shopping trip on our patreon sometime today that will have some of this, at the very least! (Though understandable if you cannot afford or simply do not want a patreon subscription!)
Best way to go shopping as a man is ask some cute girl to help you decide. You get good clothes and potentially who knows.
The first step feels so important. I just found out that the majority of my social issues come from a place of distrust due to my childhood (being bullied, being told constantly never to trust anyone, being exposed to consistent lying, etc.) I am unable to feel comfortable in so many social environments. Once I know I am in an environment/ with people I can trust, then the rest comes easy
"I can have nice things, even if I sometimes lose them" - this hit me so hard. This should be a mantra especially for women w ADHD. I often feel that I don't deserve new, nice, expensive things, because I'm gonna loose them anyway.
I think the "going out into nature beforehand" really helps. As well as making a back up plan if the social interaction doesn't go well so that it feels like there is less pressure on the whole thing. But going out into nature is definitely something I will try to do on a regular basis. Especially if you can go out to the woods and its quiet there, just nature noises.
Yeah, whatever ends up working for you will be the key! I LOOVE the back up plan idea too!!
agreed, going for a walk in bushland is quite literally one of my "happy places" . Not sure why, maybe its because there is an underlying rhythm to all the sounds, like nature is alive, but also there is enough discordant noises to make it both peaceful, and intriguing..
I've learned that our eyes focusing on distant and close can help balance brain activity to help with feeling over stimulated
I agree! Or at least going on a walk if I can. Getting moving helps calm down the nerves, but sitting still and waiting always seems to make them worse.
A lot of these tips could help autistic people to 😊thanks
Yessss!! Totally agree!!
I love this idea of pre-gaming. Prepping with my water bottle, a snack, some happy thoughts/victories in my life can really go a long way. People tend to be surprised when they hear that I’m an introvert or sometimes have a hard time going out. The tips in this video help. -kb
Jessica, I would just like to say, firstly congratulations on your contribution to the human species, because of your compassion to the ADHD community I am sure you have the (only) real requirement/quality required to be a great mum, boundless love and empathy. So enjoy your time to ( although mums are never *just* mums, but I digress) bond with the little one.
Secondly , a personal thank you, yours was the first ADHD channel I found when I started down a path of diagnosis and self awareness and self acceptance. Your videos helped a lot.
You helped me understand that I was not the failure I had thought myself to be for close to the last 45-50 years.
Its amazing how, when new facts and personal truths come to light, the model that you use to explain your world then logically has to change. The scientific method at work.🤠
Anyway enjoy your leave, we will still be here if you choose to return, and If you choose to set your feet on another path, then "fair winds and clear skies ".
Oh and as to how I pregame, I never used to at all, would normally just curl up into a ball. not sure if that was my ADHD or anxiety, but it wasn't fun.
but over the last couple of months I have started to define a sense of self.
Cheers from Aus.
Ohhh she's coming back don't you worry. But thank you so much for the kind words!
I can get overstimulated and get a headache when I'm in a large group of people. My Pre-Game is to make sure I have my pain killers and a pair of ear plugs on hand. These items live in my purse so I can never forget them.
Large groups of friends... or just like large groups of people in general (like a busy restaurant)? (Both are very relatable!)
Yes loops has helped me a lot!
@@HowtoADHD Large groups of friends mostly
@Martina_E Heck yeah! I love my Loops!
So after 3 or 4 years that i have found you online. I think i might have a mix of autism and ADHD (more the first one). And you make me feel good about being ME , because i feel so embarrassed that im 24 of my socializing because im just so smart but do not do small talk or, for instance on the job's zoom calls i just don't like unmuting myself and talk cuz WHY SHOULD I.
So ty. Ty ty for yhese videos and just for your personality, i feel so calm.
Hi Jessica! I received your book this morning and I am so so excited to read it. I got diagnosed with ADHD at the end of last year, at 24, and your channel has really helped me understand my brain better. The content you create really helps me to make my life better. Thank you for everything!
For anyone who can't seem to decide on what clothes to buy quickly and need to try (almost) everything out (because it just might suit you!) I have a tip: Try to figure out what your seasonal colour and/or your kibbe body type is. I've been on this journey since about a year and I've been pretty sure about my kibbe body type for a while now but only recently (think I have) found out what seasonal colour I am. My hyperfocus is over but while I was really really into it I learned so much about which colours and types of clothes suit me (and others). Now I go into a shop and only look at the colours which suit me (and I like of course) and if there are any then I look for whether they have the "right" shape. While I've spent hours upon hours in only one shop in the past now I only need max half an hour (with trying on) and only a few minutes if they don't have anything I like on me. This has been a life changer for me! 😊
(You could of course just try to figure out what colours YOU like. But don't be surprised if you end up with seasonal colours anyway. 😁)
But don't be fooled: It's much more complicated than it might seem at first glance. So yes, it normally takes a very long time until you have figured out what seasonal colour and/or kibbe body type you are but if you are interested in it and finally have figured it out it's SO worth it. There are also some studios and experts who offer analysis like these.
I agree, feel good. I also have learned to regulate my emotions.
I rly like the shopping/having clothe you feel confident in idea. I think I kinda did that lately and had a nice side effect. I have a few stuffs I rly like wearing so If they are ready for a wash I begin a wash cycle and don't forget about it bc I want to were that stuff asap again
Congrats to you and your family with the new bundle of joy! I wish you all the best! I'm reading your book How to ADHD and I love it as well as your content! Keep up the great work!
We're glad you're enjoying the book!! Definitely hope it helps
So helpful, thanks. When shopping for clothes I look for clothes that have the tag printed instead of a physical tag, it makes a huge difference and they are a lot more common than they were decades ago.
Yeesssssss! I can't tell you how many tags I've ripped off because they were driving me absolutely mad.........
@@HowtoADHD I just plan to remove them because I know it will bother me, but sometimes even the stub left behind causes an issue.
Oh yeah if I have to cut the tag it doesn't work... thankfully 90% of the tags I've torn off... just... rip right out cleanly. I don't remember them being so easy to rip off in my childhood 🤣
We have ripped out seams too many times doing this. I'm glad I can (passably) sew.
Thank you for everything you are doing for this community, its been so helpful!!
I've seen so many of your videos but never been lucky enough to catch one so close to when it came out.
Anyway I'm recently redisgnosed ADHD (first in childhood then thought I was 'cured'). Your book has been so helpful. The fact that it was written in such an ADHD friendly way has been so amazing. I struggle with focusing long enough to read and I can read chapters at time of your book no problem which is just insane for me.
Hello!! Glad you like the book and that it was ADHD-friendly enough for you too!!!
Happy baby! You are helping a lot of people and deserve your joy.
On 2.2.2022 I went to the psychiatrist for the 1st time, partially because of this channel and the community on Patreon.
Now, over 2 years later I am finally closer to getting propper treatment for my ADHD
I just wanted to add that I love these videos. It's like a warm hug 😊
Hello there, Brains! 🧠
Between you and the RUclips channel "A To Zen Life", I have made such progress with changing my wardrobe to what looks okay to what is mentally, physically and sensory good. I'm sending so many hugs right now.
awwwww glad we could help
This is so helpful! Clothing is a huge thing for me and once I changed my clothing it helped me a lot with a lot of many thing. Thanks for these tips!
“I CAN have nice things, even if I lose them sometimes” yess sometimes I don’t get it in fear of it. Thank yoy
This was incredibly good. Such high energy this whole episode and one thing I learned was environment is so important and how your dressed is a lot to do with how you feel and that makes you feel a lot more social and makes you a lot more successful, especially in what I do which is sales, well thank you again for another great topic and another great piece of quality content!! 😁
Thank you for teaching us pregaming!!! I had such a great time at my friends' gathering tonight. I prepared by taking a nap. I have been working six days, and today was a difficult day at work so I was just exhausted and even thought of not going to the event. But I decided to put your advice into practice. And it worked!!! After a couple of hours nap I had my battery with enough energy to have an awesome time. I also followed your advice in choosing an outfit that I loved. Thank you Jessica and Caroline!!!❤❤ after pregaming I felt very confident and had an awesome time socializing 😊 thank you ❤
This was very helpful. I think I was already doing some of this but not naming it. This year I was reflecting that maybe how stressed I was throughout the workday was because I stretch my flex hours and am still a bit late and can't shake guilt. I have been working towards being on time and reflecting on the parts of the morning that trip me up and fixing it. It is inches for us ADHD folks. Thanks for this--it truly is the little things spelled out for us that puts us in the problems solving mode instead of feeling stuck.
I relate to so much of this. And it's reminded me that I currently don't feel good in any of my clothes and it's affecting my mood a lot. I need a shopping buddy day.
Thank you for this video. It reminded me that I need to be *intentional* about my pre-gaming, rather than just letting my mind go where it wants to go. If I just let it be, then I'll spend hours thinking about how to respond if this one not-okay thing gets brought up, etc, and just feel more anxious rather than actually prepared.
Have to start doing this again. I've used it in the past, but stopped after switching jobs. I interact with others on almost a daily basis so it can be incredibly draining at times especially with sensory overload, when that happens out come the flare ear plugs. 😊
Ty for this Jessica, I've been following you almost since you started and its great to see the advancement and progress you've made over those yrs.
I did a drama degree and started acting, which helped me. I didn't find out about my adhd until I was in my late 30s. I then became a comedian but over the years I've realised I'm playing a character of a nerotypical to fit in with society. But I've also realised everyone does to a certain degree. Even if they don't know it.
This was nice. I enjoyed it. Clothing shopping is always so stressful.
I had a counseling session the other day, and we talked about how most of my issues with adhd arise in social settings. I told her I felt like I had no idea what to say or where to look as I talked, that everything I did was a conscious effort. She asked how I felt in comparison to other people my age.
I said “When DNA mutates, it’s possible for the protein it ends up making to still work, though just not as efficiently or as good as what the normal protein can do. It’s called a leaky mutation. That’s how I feel whenever I’m around other people, like a protein that came from a leaky mutation.”
Wish you the best of luck with maternity etc, I'm 30, a father of 2 children, it's not easy but the most amazing thing ever. You'll be amazing, remember don't beat yourself up, you will be absolutely incredible!
Really enjoying your book on Audible RN! Thank you! 🙏
Awesome!! You're welccome! How are you enjoying it?
@@HowtoADHD You sound really different on the audible, but I still know it's you. I was listening to it in the background while I was doing work and it helped me get over the barrier that was holding me back from being able to do it. I guess listening to something about the struggle, and outing the ADHD lets my brain up its game. I'm trying not to rush through it so that I can pull it out when I really need a motivational push!
I'd love to listen to it right now! but I'm waiting for my order of a paperback, I feel like I'll keep getting distracted but if it's the paper one it's more tangible and I'll feel like reading and holding it would be easier to retain for me, and I'm interested to do some ADHD friendly reading, lol!
I had a goal to finish reading the next chapter of a book when my friend's son was born. He's now in grade 1.
I truly admire the skill some people have of being able to read a book within a day or two, and regularly read different ones.
I have started reading several books in my life but I think I've only ever finished under 10 in my life and had read them twice.
I looking forward to reading it so much, and congratulations on it 😊
This video couldn't have come at a better timing for me 😂
I took some time off social events due to burnout and I'm starting to reintroduce myself back in but Im dreading it so much!!! I love spending time with friends but a lot of times is so hectic and overwhelming that my batteries run out so fast!
So I've never thought of doing some pregame or even think about the right locations for me, or ones that are less overwhelming
Thank you for all the tips!!! Now Im really excited and cant wait to try them out!! ❤❤❤
I just wanted to say. Your book was delivered yesterday and I’ve read the ENTIRE THING in a hyperfocus (ironic i know 🤣). I haven’t had much help from my college so I decided to do something about it. I learned so much about myself and my feelings finally feel rationalised. Thank you :)
A major one for me is make up;
The creative part is extremely good for charging, and it serves the same purpose as the clothes obviously 💖
In 2022, I attended *Star Wars Celebration Anaheim.* It was my first time attending a Comic Con or anything of that nature, so I was quite nervous about the 11-hour drive and being surrounded by many people. To break up the journey, I decided to stay at my parents' house halfway there. I brought someone along with me, but unfortunately, I had to buy their ticket at the last minute, which resulted in them only being able to attend for two days. They were upset with me the second day, so they stayed at the motel. It was helpful to have someone on the first day break the ice for me. I was looking for RUclips creators I could recognize and found Alex and Mollie on the last day as everyone was leaving.
I learned a lot on that trip.
Never take an ex-friend (or troubled relationship), even if you have some things in common. It could turn out differently.
Wear comfortable shoes! Never stand in one place (in the audience at the Live Stage) for too long.
People are just people and most of them are nice. Relax and have appropriate fun.
Getting to work late because I got lost in playing guitar used to stress me out big time. But I found a way to handle it. I just remind myself that I made the choice to jam out, and it's my life,I'm not gonna let guilt ruin it. It might seem a bit reckless to some, but I've learned to own my decisions and their outcomes. That mindset helps me stay cool and in control.
I’ll have to add this. I’ve been working to also develop a personal troubleshooting guide to help me get through when things aren’t going great too. I’ve noticed specific ways I describe how I physically feel, or how I physically feel that I can recognize as needing water or feeling overwhelmed in retrospect, but not in the moment. So pre-game, game-plan, troubleshoot feel like handy me cheat sheet things for life. Thank you!
turns out it wasnt adhd, it was major depression. i guess i cant really stay because im not part of this community, but ive learned so much about adhd along the way. im happy
one of the best things my mom ever did for me growing up was if i felt sick before it was time to go somewhere, shed tell me to get ready anyway and if i still felt sick when it was time to leave, i could stay home. 95% of the time, i was just anxious about going somewhere and I'd feel better after getting ready. (the other times, I'd actually be sick and stay home). now i have my husband do the same thing and more often than not, he just needed the push to get comfortable with going somewhere
I have quite a few strategies to get ready for social events, but the one that has changed my life the most is to take care of my health before going to the event! If I know I have something big coming up, I'll do my best to eat well for a few meals before, make sure I am showered and drink plenty of water, and try to get a good night's sleep the night before. But eating what makes me feel good is the biggest strategy - for me, my body likes fruit and veg, nuts, bread, and light foods like sandwiches. It helps me not feel nervous, and keeps me from embarrassing myself by being super gassy, running out of energy, or feeling sick from eating tons of snacks.
The funny story part of this is that when I was in college, dating my now spouse, we went on a date once where I gorged on tons of cheese pizza early on, and then by the end of the night, threw up in front of him because I was so nervous and full of cheese and bread. EMBARASSING! But, he still loves me! And now I know how important it is to me to be in a healthy state when I'm socializing!
One new thing I learned recently from two separate incidents. When with a friend of your close friend, don't joke like your old/good friends with them. Both times not only did i get no response, but a bit of a negative facial expression kind of like "Who the hell is this guy?". Which is understandable b/c I hadn't grown any rapport with them so I was taking a new acquaintance and acting like a good friend, so yeah that'd feel weird lol.
I can definitely backup the "presentation" confidence boost. If you know you're looking good with a dope outfit and with nice self-grooming/hygiene, it's a lot easier to just have a natural confidence boost. If you don't those little things can keep nagging you during convos and throw you off.
So feel great about your whole look/outfit when going out
Omg shes so cute when shes trying out the different outfits 😭 💕
I got diagnosed recently and have been listening to your book! It’s almost too relatable ( I have never had an original experience ever, lol 😂 )
I think there are very few people who have an original experience!! Though now I wonder what it was like being the FIRST person to experience something like social issues..... 🤔
My best pre-gaming involves preparing the night before so I have less stress the day of the event. I'm definitely the kind of person who ends up rushing at the last minute to get ready, so I like to lessen the load in advance by getting my outift ready and doing my favorite overnight hair curling method
I don't have the time to watch the video right now so I'll have to go by the title alone - alright, I'll remember to pregame before everything social now! 🍻 I can't wait to confirm that I understood the meaning of the video when I actually watch it after a week of pregaming :D
Woooo! Congratulations on your little one! Best of luck, I hope it goes really well :)
I cant wait for the next chapter
Clothes: I've always thought of clothes as my armour. I need to be comfortable, confident and appropriate. It's the appropriate bit I sometimes struggle with as lots of people don't understand why I ask them what I should wear. How formal? Are other people wearing dresses? Is it going to be indoors, outdoors, hot, cold? How long will I need to stand (shoes)? Or sit (how tight are my trousers or skirt)?
Google maps and street view are amazing. With just an address I can visit the place online before leaving the house.
I have to plan transport, parking, menu (if eating is even a possibility). I check the weather. Plan multiple outfits that I will narrow down depending on changes in the plan or weather.
My pregame can be exhausting but if I go somewhere familiar with someone I know at a time of day I have been there before that can reduce my pregame. I could even be "spontaneous"!
This is very timely as I have a big work event that I'm going to next month
It’s nice to see someone else that is efficient in shopping. I’ve always felt like a weirdo because I don’t enjoy shopping as a big, prolonged social event 😅 I’m in and out, efficient and if I’m not sure about an item, it gets left. Comfort (material/shape) is king, compatibility with other items is second, colour is third, nothing else matters! 😂
I needed a video from you today :-)
awwwww
I am getting better, but really struggled socially in the past (and still sometimes now). Love this video 🙌 Great contet :)
awwww thank you! glad you liked it- and hope it helps!
This trip to Toronto a couple months was an emotional disaster for me so thanks for these tips, hopefully it goes better next time!
awwwwwww I'm so sorry to hear that! Definitely hope pregaming can help in the future
I also dont like boring grownup clothing! I make most of mine cuz the cool stuff is out of my barely employed ADHD budget xD
You videos have actually helped me IMMENSELY when it comes to making more money btw. I have been able to accommodate my ADHD symptoms through many tools you've shared.
Its a breath of fresh air from trying to muscle through and "learn" how to not feel the way I used to when I didn't accommodate my needs.
I definitely find that a new top or outfit gives me a boost when I’m headed into a more uncomfortable setting, like an outing with colleagues who normally see me in scrubs. Having a go-to store that carries brands or sizes that work well for me is important, as nothing kills a pregame more effectively than feeling dumpy in everything you try on. (Torrid is a must-try if you struggle with finding women’s apparel that fits across the bust or around thick upper arms!)
I also try to make sure I have my concert earbuds (I use MusicPro) to reduce the ambient noise if I am in a party situation, at a sporting event, or in a noisy restaurant for a prolonged period of time. They help me stay engaged in conversation and reduce the fatigue that comes with prolonged overstimulation.
Finally, I have really become quite vocal about my diagnosis in the past year, so when I find myself butting in, zoning out, or introducing something totally tangential, I just say something like “Ope, squirrel moment!” I feel better knowing that my friends/family/colleagues know that it’s brain chemistry, not rudeness.
I think my biggest issue when I try to have social interactions is feeling comfortable in my clothes (it makes the world of difference) and having something specific to do in a social situation, for example if it's going to an art gallery I like to take pictures, if it's a large group and I'm unsure if I can socialize I'll bring a book. I really need to work on strategies when I'm in the place though...
Blasting some favourite music before hand can do wonders for my mental state.
Self-care, making a cup or two of my favorite tea so I can relax...but also so I won't grab a soda...which has a lot more sugar than my tea. It also helps me with my anxiety because I'm allergic to citrus and citric acid and when I'm in a social situation, most of the drinks don't have labels... that's definitely a part of my preplanning so I can stay hydrated.
My pre-game looks like making sure I have a plan to make sure I stay fed and have a plan for leaving not just when the event is over but when I need to leave
Yessss! I love that!
I'm just enough for the right people is my new mantra.
This is actually very good advise, IF you have the time. I have a toddler and a baby coming and most of the times I don't have that time. Last week we had a social event with people I'm not so comfortable with and it went pretty well, prior to the event I went on a bike ride with my friends which helped me go in with a fully charged battery. But this is an exception to what I am able to do pre-game wise
edit: Also, I also use my toddler to avoid social interactions. It is a lot more rewarding to spend time with her than socializing, but at the end of the day I feel bad that I didn't socialize even with people I consider friends :(
Excellent advice for folks on the autism spectrum as well! Good vid :)
I put on my make-up and cat ears. 2 great conversation starters that are relatively "safe" and make me feel confident. Also I have my safetybag with me (earphones, hand sanitizer & teabags for a quick smell change and as a bonus a nice drink).
I absolutely understand the tactile issue. I like a “nice” feel on my fingertips, but “bad” sensations means I have to find a “nice” feeling to run my fingers on to kinda erase the “bad” feeling.
"D&D Tonight?" Woah! Right outta the gate with the personal attacks!
This is great ! Thanks .. my pregame is currently last minute rush to get ready.. and sometimes a good 'disco kip' b4 I go out.
Yeaaaahhhhh... that's relatable! Hope the pre-game helps ya!
@HowtoADHD ah, thanks for taking time to reply to my comment. Yes indeed! Your channel has been helpful over the years.
We do our best! We're so glad our content has helped you for so long
I love that one of your examples is about a D&D game.. My group who I am running an adventure is 80% neurodiverse. .we call ourselves ADHD&D.. we've stuck with this one campaign for four years!
Love that!!
My main way of pre-gaming is picking out the clothes I'm going to wear before I go to bed, so I can just put them on and go if I oversleep or lose track of time. If I wear clothes that I feel comfortable in, my battery lasts longer.
That green leather jacket is 🔥🔥🔥!
Right?!
The tism be wild
Thanks for the advises!!. In my case, i don't have problem leading with people in the supermarket, feels like a children park, maybe is because in my mind is "Welp, i don't have to lead with this people again anymore!!". But for social compromise like parties, reunion with friends, or job interview, i can't, i just can't and my anxiety kicks.
I hope you have a great maternity leave Jessica. It's a different content but I'll take it as bonus content!
She's been on maternity leave for a while (yay pre-recorded videos lol) but you can catch a couple updates on our twitter about it!
@@HowtoADHD Already followed and I hope both the parents and the baby are doing well
I am going to need to Hink about this some. I never thought about this, so I gotta do some homework! 😅
Wow, now I now why is it so important to me, to have the right clothes for an event, despite that I'm not especcially interested in clothes othervise.
For me the most difficult thing these days, that I'm almost always feeling myself on the edge of a burn out. My workplace and job is not really ADHD friendly, so that not helps. So when program is coming quite often I don't feel the energy to go and socialize, even if I was looking forward to previously.
I have a plan to change my life and job and make a much more ADHD friendly lifestíle, but it takes time to get there.
Really helpful video. I forget US places list prices without the tax - ugh!
good video Helpful. Kind of reminder!! I am not sure to have ADHD; but recognize much here. Thank you
If a strategy helps whether you have ADHD or not, then that's what is important! :D You're welcome!
i usually plan conversation topics. and know where to park and who's going to be there.
I do better when I nap before a social event, and review the past week's happenings with myself (to prepare for the "How was your week?" question).
Yay top 165 and top 42 likes and comments. Best to you and your family. Thanks for making this video.
I struggle with the planning side of the pre-gaming. I used to always think of who's going to be there and plan how it's going to go based on that, but almost every time, there'd be a big shift in the dynamics or people would just be in different moods from how I'd expected which just makes it hard to navigate and I feel like I've been tripped up.
I had the most horribly embarrassing thing happen yesterday which I can't get over, because I was with a friend in the city and his other friend saw us and came to say hello and after seeing him give a fistbump, assumed he would do the same to me, but he went to shake my hand instead. Just that and being caught off-guard by an unexpected interaction really slipped me up and after that I felt to awkward and had nothing to say bc my brain went blank.
Im struggling so much with social interactions and my friends dont seem to get it, because after that he said to me 'you're so awkward' and another one of my friends never tells me who's going to be at her parties so I can't prepare. She usually just says 'a bunch of people' and I feel annoying for prying any further.
I don't ever think that I'm 'too much'- its really the opposite for me. I feel awkward and quiet. I always have a bunch of stuff to talk about and can never remember once I actually see people. I think also I just don't flow with most people. The people I can actually have a good conversation with, where it doesnt feel like a struggle, have ADHD, depression and/or anxiety qualities. Most people aside from that I feel have no interest when we talk and don't ever ask questions or talk about anything worthwhile- just what's popular on the internet or gossip or things we've talked about so many times before.
I didn’t know until this video but I was unconsciously pre gaming before I left my room in the morning. I would stay in my room until I had to leave because my family that I love is very loud and I need in best case scenario an equal amount of quiet or at least low volume.
Remember the 7P's - Prior Preparation and Planning Prevent Poor Performance
TSYMMM just the video i needed atm
Hope it helps!
@@HowtoADHD i love your videos sm
Whenever I guy a new shirt or sweater the first thing I do I tear out those damn tags :p
Awesomeness, good luck with the baby! What do you know about revenge bedtime procrastination and delayed circadian rhythm?
I get to dress like a pirate this weekend, I'm so excited!!! Going to a pirate event 😂
Omg that sounds like fun!!
Caroline is so intelligent.
Hi fidelity earplugs do wonders for making loud, crowded places more enjoyable.
The last few weekly alternating Dungeons & Dragons and Star Wars campaigns have been especially rough to attend.
We carpool in my buddy's new minivan, and his wife already has the stereo cranked up before I even get in the car.
And it really doesn't matter if I ask for them to turn it down because practically every song she says, *_I love this song! Can you turn it up?_*
But if anyone even talks too loudly at the game she goes into a non-epileptic seizure.
If anyone out of our group should understand to not blast music... 🤷♂️
I didn't grow up gaming and I find them to be mentally and physically exhausting a lot of the time, so I'm not a gamer. However! I noticed I'll feel more confident or talkative/flow better with conversations and be out and about is if I've just listened to some favourite music and done karaoke to it or even humming, and moving even if not dancing to it.
I wonder if the engagement of it helps my energy or hyperactivity sort of balance out... So then after some kind of discharge of energy it's less likely to turn into a social anxiety
hope your doing good. When i go to get togethers for work i usually don't like showing up in work cloths again. so i run home and change into pregame/civilian clothes that i have hanging up ready to ware for going out. and just like you i need someone to help at least see if it won't clash with other cloths or my body type which i'm not good at. this is from always having to ware the same type of clothes to work and not go out that often and not having alot of friends.
I fr thought the title meant playing video games before a social interaction 💀 😂
I bet there's a way to gameify your pre-game! hehehe