Ghosted By A Girlfriend, Dumped Part 2
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 25 окт 2024
- Just a little more insight. When it happens you feel gobsmacked
#lifestyle #women #women_issues #advice #selflove #selfcare #over60
#retirement #retirementlifestyle #friendship
I had a close friend that I've known since i was 4 years old and he was a newborn baby. Seriously. I am in my mid 60's now. About 8 years ago, he stopped speaking to me over politics. Then several months later, he came back and acted like it never happened. I gave him grace. Then a couple years later, he did it again, and even blocked me on social media. We were Close friends for over 60 years! We went through our childhood together, marriages, divorces, careers, and even the death of our siblings and parents. And he ended it all over POLITICS! I was devastated at first, and I tried hard to fix it. Then one day it hit me: I deserve better. Way better. Now, i honestly wouldn't say hello to him if we ran into each other at the grocery store. At some point, we have to have enough dignity not to beg, or grieve, anymore.
Happened to me too. Ive lost three old, good friends because of politics. Im 65 and as a boomer growing up in Chicago, I remember as family and friends, we USED to be able to agree to disagree YET still be FRIENDS. NOT anymore. So sad.
It is shocking after years of friendship to see that someone will throw the relationship away for something so small. You are right about having dignity for ourselves.
Politics has cost so many people relationships of all types
@@laurahillauthor It not just the politics, but the ideals that they stand for!
@@laurahillauthor I think it's less about politics costing relationships and more about shallow people. But, yep, I wouldn't take him back if he begged.
Similar situations have resulted in finding truth in "the more I know people, the more I love my dog!" "Friends" that make you feel bad or doubt your worth are NOT friends!
I had a really good friend who I met through work. We worked at 3 different jobs together. I anonymously helped her financially, as she was a struggling single mom. I watched her devastated time and again in relationships with men, when she rushed into being very serious, very quickly, without regard for her own value. She met the fifth guy, got engaged. He seemed so different to what she really deserved.
I had a gentle, truthful conversation, trying to be a good friend looking out for her, asking if she should slow things down.
She abruptly stopped talking to me outside of work. I was invited to the wedding.
They are now divorced. After the divorce, she moved in with another guy, 2 states away. I never heard from her again. We were as close as sisters.
Lesson learned: People who don’t value themselves can never value others.
I’m sorry that happened to you
Desperate people do desperate things. I have learned that, too.
Facts
She displays the traits of a narcissist. They lovebomb a new target to get supply (attention/interest/ approval). Then when that person isn’t new or exciting anymore and they have discovered the target isn’t perfect, they discard the new “friend”. Or they start tearing down the target’s self esteem. I have experienced this with family and a few “friends”. I don’t trust overly friendly people who I have just met anymore.
I just said this same thing in a post under this video. I am happy you understand what narcissism is. If only I had that information 50 years ago, a lot of pain would have been spared me. That goodness for the internet.👍🏼👏🏼🙌
exactly - and she's not nice at the core, she's completely self absorbed, doesn't care that her behavior causes pain
@@hilltopvt Had a 'friend' that started out our final conversation with "you won't like this, but, I'm going to say it anyway" last conversation I hand with her. At 74 years old, I really don't feel a need to be coached on improving my personality or coping skills by non solicited unqualified amateur therapists! Move on and don't waste any more precious time!
@@susannehadden -- But shouldn't a true friend be able to speak the truth to another friend, even if you know they won't like it? I don't know -- I get both sides. We want it always to be nice -- but sometimes truth needs to be spoken. And if we can't take that truth from our friends who we know care about us, what is the point? Would you rather go through life with blinders on, not knowing? I had a friend with a serious problem, and I finally spoke the truth to her. All while telling her it was coming from a place of love.
@@reneegagnier3226exactly my thoughts too. Also age should have nothing to do with it. We don’t know everything or have it all figured out just because we are 50, 60, 70 or 90. There’s always something to learn of ourselves if we are open and receptive.
The person I considered my best friend since 7th grade (I’m 63) just ghosted me (for a second time). I’m done. This is so painful.
Oh I’m so sorry! I know how bad it hurts
Oh my word! SAME
Is her name Becky? Just kidding
A dear friend of many years declined to drop me off at work when my car was being repaired because it was inconvenient (it was on her way). It stung very badly. And now I know where I stand with her. She was dear to me. I am not dear to her.
That is an awful feeling. Sometimes I'm afraid to 'need" anything for fear they wont come through. Those are the relationships I move quietly by methodically away from. Thanks for sharing
Was it a complete shock to you, or did you get that small voice telling you she won’t come through?
@Elizabethnevers3 that’s not a lot to get hurt over. You can’t afford an Uber?
@@nancyroswell327 You sound like a great friend!
@@nancyroswell327 I think it was pretty significant.
Be your own friend. See your own self.
Yes, yes and yes. I have always been like that.
I have learned to have very little trust in anyone.
Me too, and that hurts. I would love to be able to trust my friends, and I do to a certain extent. But ride or die is a dream. I understand that someone(s) hurt you badly, because it happened to me.
Same here Mike. It’s a good thing I’m an introvert. I never get lonely and love going fishing by myself, love the peace and solitude.
You really have to be cautious. I prefer acquaintances that I share common interests with
@@laurahillauthorI'm sorry to hear this 🫤
Very few people are genuine.
It sure seems like that sometimes. That’s why I think a smaller circle is better
I love being alone. If I feel the need to conversate I got neighbors. I love my quiet time for just me.
This happened to me twice. The first time my "friend" not only stopped communication with me, but would awkwardly act like she didn't know me in the grocery store. This friendship was predicated on her wanting my husband to get her husband a job at his company. When he finally got employment there, that was the end.
The second time was when I was the jolly fat friend. I lost the weight, and my best friend dumped me.
I was so puzzled with the first and truly hurt with the second one. I grieved. Currently I have no friends outside of my family.
This really resonated with me. I have only the kids. I had several good friends that only wanted friends with lots of problems, the fat friend and/or they could use for favors and money. They wanted the drama fix I imagine. So I understand and sympathize.
Too much too soon;biggest red flag
I had a dear friend, whom I met at age 15. I am now 70. She ghosted me 2 years ago and I don't know why. I haven't had the courage to call and ask. It is one of the great sorrows of my life.
I'm sorry that happened to you. It hurts when we lose people 💔
I am so sorry, maybe drop her a card and let her know how you are felling and that you miss her friendship atleast that might give you some closure. Sorry, I know how bad it hurts.
SAME HERE AFTER SO MANY TIMES OF SUPPORTING ASND LISTENING NOT TO MENTION THE DRAMA SELF ENTITLEMENT I NO LONGER CARE IT IS WHAT IT IS A ND YOU MUST LOOK TO ANOTHER INTEREST AND NEVER FORGET HUMANS ARE VERY FICKLE🤗👌💗
Dear one, are you certain she is still alive? I had a friendship, shorter than yours, but still lengthy. I thought she might have died, but she responded to my son's text. Then 2 months later when I texted her to tell her of my mother's death, she never responded.
@@thatswhatisaid8908sometimes believe it or not people get new phones and lose their contacts. We don’t remember phone numbers anymore. Not every case I realize, I have been genuinely ghosted in the past.
My best friend is my first husband first wife. It turned out we like each other more than we liked him. We both divorced him then he passed away and she and I became good friends. I am lucky.
what are the chances of that! well glad you found each other, you are truly lucky to have a great friend now.
That’s a great story 👏🏻
Oddly enough, it makes sense.
That’s amazing!!
I have ghosted narcissistic family and friends after I figured them out and that is the only way to make a clean break.
Yes sometimes it’s the only way, thanks!
❤❤😂 Dump the evil 😈 😂
People who come on strong right away aren't reliable or stable. I think it has happened to all of us at some point.
I agree. And I know what to watch out for now
Yes, some are like Actors very superficial.😒
Sounds like she is a narcissist. She used you during gala event and dumped you when you were no longer useful.
Exactly. And 27 years later still refers to me as a ‘friend’ to others 😅
@@laurahillauthorthat is because she has an Image to maintain. To a narcissist, EVERY thing is just an Act, and they are the consummate Actor.😔
And also this person did not SEE you as a friend. She saw you as a PROP in her ‘show/life’.🙁😕. You were just a prop. An accessory. An appliance to be used. You were never a real person.
Perhaps now you have a youtube channel she wants to be associated with you. I bet she regrets dropping you now you are well known. Narcs value stuff like that.
@@julieanna8495 100% correct!
Nobody is going to honestly say "Hey, so I'm sorry but I'm moving on"; that is what a true friend would never do. They might fade out, come around less frequently, and the separation might happen organically due to changing interests. When someone cuts you out of their life in an instant, that person is usually someone who wants you to find everything about them to be interesting, fresh and new. They want to see the excitement of their life through your eyes. Once that passes and they've shown you all of it, the moment they stop seeing that dazzle radiate off you is the moment they walk away. They already scoped out a new bestie to shower with the amazement of themselves and struck the match to light a new all-about-me fire. They are narcissists, pure and simple. They never cared about you or they'd never even consider cutting you off in that fashion.
Correct it was her pattern and she’s done it to many more since me. I’m realistic about the whole thing.
There are more narcissists out there than we think. We can only be cautious and look for the red flags. Blessings.
I ignored all the red flags and then got so burned. She taught me so much, though. Adversaries are put in our lives to enlighten us.
Absolutely. Always trying to remind myself that the tough lessons are often the best
The former "friend" sounds like a shallow, opportunist..........
Something very similar happened to me years ago and when I was ghosted after longer than 3 months …it was several YEARS, it left me wondering what I had done wrong. I was under the impression we were close to soulmates. I tried to contact her several times and it was like a switch had been turned on and she shut me out. About 10 years later I saw her in a store and by then I was stronger and chose to go right up to say hello. She gave me the biggest hug and said she knew she’d ghosted me but was so afraid that we were getting too close and she had a pattern of this behaviour… afraid of being too close…she OWNED IT!
I thanked her for her honesty and I walked away being appreciative… but never looked back.
Wow. How wonderful to get closure!
I miss having friends…the last close friends I had was in my thirties…I’m now in my 50’s and find making new friends very difficult…
For many women group settings seem to help. Taking classes, learning a new hobby or craft, library programs and even volunteering. It’s a chance to meet people who share the same interests. Looking for connections or acquaintances can sometimes lead to friendship but the connections are always good
I do, too. Maybe I should be like my neighbor who built a bar six feet from my bedroom window with free flowing kegs of beer. She and her husband have no shortage of “friends.” Yet she’s one of the most inconsiderate people I know.
Relationships are overrated.
Stay single.
Love YOU.
I'm doing this this last year.
Was in a long-term marriage.
Narcissist and dangerous.
I'm solo.
Safe❤
It took awhile, but I learned not to expect kindness from someone who was unkind to me in the beginning. Sometimes we just have to let people be and not let it get to us so much. Someone told me that the way people treat us has more to do with what is going on inside of them than anything about us, and that made me realize it is literally “not about me.” Blessings. 💕
Wow, this happened to me. It turned out that she was a Jehovah Witness. She was just trying to recruit me. When she saw I wasn't interested in joining that faith, she dropped me like a hot potato.
Religion, spiritual beliefs have ended many relationships. It sounds like she had an agenda, glad you stood up for yourself.
Yep.
My best friend in childhood became a Jehovah's Witness around the age of 20. She cut everyone out of her life that was part of her previous life. Have never experienced such a hard blow. I'll never forget the "break up" conversation. You expect romantic relationships may come and go at that age, but not your best friend. It's still devastating when I think about it.
It’s like gathering fb friends you can have hundreds of fb friends but are you really friends or just mere acquaintance. I noticed some people gather people in their lives as a validation that I have all these friends. I learned I’d rather have just a few good friends than hundreds of friends. And the best friend you’ll ever have is yourself. You have to love yourself and enjoy just being by yourself.
You and I agree totally. Thanks for sharing
So true. I say quality over quantity. I’ve learned this as I’ve aged. I’m 56 now and have way less friends than I used to but the ones I do have are tried and true.
Love bombing and then ghosting is some pretty awful classic narcissistic behaviour. I've finally figured it out at age 71 after being hurt by it many times.
Ya when we were making these mistakes there wasn’t a mainstream word for the personality types Things have come a long way
GOOD STORY HERE. I don't trust people and I have good reasons but sometimes you are pleasantly surprised. I was training a young woman at work. She was in her 20s and I in my 40s at the time. About one month in, she invited me to her birthday party that very day, last minute. I didn't want to go because i didn't feel comfortable especially because i did not know her very well. She seemed very nice and i liked her but I didn't know her ver well. I ended up going and it has been like 8 years now. She is a sweet and lovely person who has been a good friend. I love her dearly ❤
Thanks so much for sharing
There are friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends for life. You two were friends for a reason...the reason ended. An example of a friends for a season : I was best friends with a neighbor in NC...we moved to GA...that ended that friendship. On the other hand I have some life long friends..not many but some...We have to put things in perspective.
So true!
@@st6576 What's your point? (That's a rhetorical question?) ..To play the victim? Consider yourself discarded and label the person who stopped calling a narcissist? We are adults..we need to act like it.... People we become friends with for a time, for a season, for a reason, don't owe us an explanation if they stop calling....people have their own issues...things that impact their lives...if they are friendly, engaging and then they disappear, maybe they are suffering, depressed, there are a lot of reasons...IF a person who has been a friend for life drops you, the first consideration should be concern for them...if you find out they dumped you for no good reason, then good riddance...don't play the victim. We've got far too many victims today...everybody's a victim...everyone else owes us something. Wrong. That's the problem...we tend to think much to much about how we feel. We need to act like mature adults and put our big girl panties on.
Your response makes sense. It's not about being a victim. It's about learning and improving and not carrying excess baggage because you need closure. I'm not the best at keeping up friendships over long periods. I come from a big family and so I always have someone I can turn to... Even then, I have realized that you can't get along with everyone family or not and sometimes it's better to stop trying and just be civil (especially when I start feeling vengeful for being wronged). I used to say, "Maybe, if you keep finding yourself in this situation, it's not them... It's you." But when you've lived a long life, it may likely happen more than once. Karma is sometimes hard to swallow but you can learn from it. I've experienced it from both sides and can see how it hurts both ways.
Sometimes people ghost you because they simply just don’t enjoy spending time with you anymore .
Life is too short to think you are going to be besties forever , think of the good times & move on with your life . Enjoy your own company & get some enjoyable hobbies.
This happens to men too. We are all humans.
I’m sure it does! It’s tough either way
I think you are describing a personality disorder. ❤️
I think so too. It sounds like unmanaged bipolar disorder in my opinion.
Dismissive avoidant. Happens in friendship too.
Straight up narcissist.
@goldenretrievermom7945 I got that same vibe
Helpful. My situation was more awkward as the person who ghosted me was also a siblings friend. After ghosting me they continued to have a friendship with my sibling. My sibling still mentions her knowing she ghosted me. I would rather not hear about her. Wierd situation!
Tell your sister that she dumped you and it hurts so please never mention her name again. I’m sorry and I understand. I was dumped too and it hurts.
Sorry
Hate those awkward situations where you just can’t get away from the person or the circles they travel in
Not a very loyal sister…
This sounds like a bad romance.
I had a friend of 20 yrs 'ghost' me several months ago. I ghosted her back, meaning after our last exchange, which was by text, I knew the friendship was over. She had gotten increasingly terse with me over the last couple months, then ignored my Bday and stopped calling me. I walked away (too) and never contacted her again. I don't want to hear her reasons because I know I didn't do anything to hurt her. I find floating away silently to actually be the better path, as I keep my dignity. Someone treating me rudely is reason enough for *me* to back away with no added drama.
Well said.
My problem is that this person who used to be my best friend ghosts me but keeps coming back. She’ll text me every 3-4 months.
Be careful not to upstage them in anyway, you’ll be on their shit list.
My ex friend could not stand me having anything she didn't. I am autistic and choose no to have some things just to make her happy. We don't talk and I am happiest
Thank you, Laura. Your story was very helpful to me. I'm so sorry you went through that painful experience.
Glad it helped!
My circle of friends growing up was small and to be truthful, probably smaller than even I thought. Right after high school we all went our separate ways. Around that time my manager at work targeted me with friendship and I fell for it. Over the next year, she turned my life upside down, spread rumors about me, pretended to be a concerned friend and interfered in real developing friendships with other people. It was humiliating. I forgave myself for being so trusting and ignoring the red flags, but I learned from it. My friend circle is still small 40 years later.
Your channel is so interesting and highlights a unique shared human experience we all seem to have as women. I genuinely thought I was alone in having these painful and confusing friendship (and more often almost-friendship experiences). Friendships totally confound me at this point!
Glad you found the channel.
Those kind of friendships made me extra cautious about people. Those that are so Fun, Charming, gregarious, outgoing…be careful.
Agee💯
Yes. I read somewhere, if someone is charismatic, you don’t want to date them or cultivate a friendship with them.
I am glad you expanded on this topic Laura. Sometimes I don't think they are aware of the impact their behaviour has on others. If they did then they would hopefully apologise. Some people don't have the emotional bandwidth for really deep relationships. I am not condoning their hurtful behaviour but perhaps we need to look at their previous relationship record before we commit. I had a "friend" who once said to me that she was blessed to have me in her life [the hook] and then "accidentally forget" to invite me and hubby to several events at her home including her birthday party. When I questioned her about it she blocked me on social media!! That was many years and I have seen her repeat the same pattern with different people. I see it as emotional immaturity.
I agree and it is absolutely emotional immaturity. If I hadn’t been new I think I would have had other reference points. I’ve since learned that she targets the ‘new’ girl. Which is smart because after it happened who was I going to tell? I still really didn’t know but a few ladies. I was no risk.
Flakey people rejecting us is protection in the long run. Well shot.
This happened to me 6 years ago, except the deserter was my now 32 year old daughter. No explanation so no closure, yet somehow I always knew that our "loving" relationship was one sided. My fault for spoiling her.
I had the same experience with my very spoiled adult daughter.
Me, too! It is heartbreaking. I lost a whole family. They will not even answer the phone.
I can not even find out why they are so upset. 2 years but I have stopped crying.
I have 2 sons haven’t talked to in 7 years. Divorced after 28 years and they turned on me. I’m 68 living alone talk to no one. I cry everyday because I don’t understand.
For some people, the chase is the good part. I've seen it more in women. They seem to be unable to be fulfilled with a relationship as it matures. Rough way to live.
She is not truly nice, I have know women like this is all about them and what they need and how they are precited. When you no longer suit their need they are done with you, that is not a good person.
Love what you had to say. I very recently was 'friend bombed' by a lovely woman. then dumped. I got lucky. I made the connection between 'love bombing' and how similar these traits were to my 'friends ' behaviour. We all get fooled at least once in life. I am not blaming myself. But I was terrible hurt. Now I see her with her 'fresh victims' and I feel sorry for her and for them.
You said it perfectly, I was fresh meat because I had no point of reference, she targeted the new girl
I ghosted, or rather, immediately cut off all ties with a woman who I was friends with for 10 years. I held her hand through her mother and sister’s deaths, and then through her man cheating on her with someone 20 years younger. How did she repay my friendship? She decided on a whim to befriend a woman who had been trying to hurt my career. She even had the audacity to call and ask me if I minded they were hanging out together. That she even had to ask me that was a slap in the face. I told her she was a grown woman, make her own decisions. I hung up the phone, blocked her on every online platform and walked away. She knew exactly what she was doing by befriending my enemy. Miserable, jealous people try to tear down others around them, even those who have loved and supported them when no one else is around. Some people you just have to cut them off and leave it at that.
I experienced the same thing with a "friend". I had a supervisor that was constantly on me and trying to get me fired for no reason, other than jealousy. My very close friend decided to become friends with her. Huge RED flag.
The same close friend also made a pass at the guy I was dating, (in front of me) The very last straw was when she went through my purse at work just to see what I had in there. That friendship ended and I quit that job. With friends like that who needs enemies.
I was young then so I didn't have a lot of experience with female friends. I'm 60 now, so Ive got some years under my belt.
I had just moved to a small town. Met a really nice lady. We had a lot in common then, it happened. I thought I had done something. I called another friend who knew this lady much longer. She said she had hoped she quit doing that and that she had a pattern of attacking her knee friend after a few months. I guess most of us have to deal with something similar in this lifetime
But the hardest one I dealt with was helping someone over and over for 30 years. So when I was called recently stating it’s so hard on her husband trying to keep up with house stuff before during after surgery. I kindly said I would pray for them. If we still talked, ii would have helped, but when you only hear from someone when they need something is hurtful. It seems these are normal problems.
Thank you for sharing your story
@@chellejack3480 man oh man! I saw a lady sexually harass another friend. I was shocked (it was that bad). Who needs friends like that! Good for you!!
Another sign: the "friend" plays games with flexing their control via telephone.
Have had this happen with social climbers who realized I wasn't going to benefit them!
Yes! I have lost girlfriends because their agenda is climbing and they like to gossip. I am an introvert and not a gossiper.
@@aliceshea1670 Same, also with coworkers. Ma'am, I'm here to WORK, that's why they pay me to be here. 👀
Getting dumped as soon as they climb above you💯
Only allow friendship to grow slowly.People can present as anything they want and when you realise they are not for you,it is so upsetting to have to withdraw.I have been caught in this trap and now I am very cautious with new friendships.Be careful when a new potential friend starts telling you all the terrible things that have happened in their lives.Usually they are unable to see that perhaps the choices they have made have lead to this litany of disasters.Such people really are looking for sympathy and self affirmation and can be draining and destructive of you.Avoid at all cost.
Hi, just found your channel through the magic of youtube suggestions. I've had similar situations with temporary friends, and I always wondered what I 'did' to cause it. Your comments and perspective are very helpful. Thank you!!
Thanks so much!!
I am really really really appreciating your transparency s d vulnerability in Shari g theses stories! You are an amazing person…and ITS THEIR LOSS, and quite frankly stupidity too😅
I don’t know why you came to my feeds but gosh , you’re describing what happened to me. More than once 👏. Thank you
Glad you found the channel!!!
I have had this happen to me so many times! I kind of expect it now. But I will never understand it. What is it about the people I come in contact with that just blank me out without a single thought or word of explanation? I could never do this to anyone. I have learned to like being by myself with hobbies and other interests. Having a good "friend" is rare and no matter how good a friend you are, it is the other person that has the problem. I have found that people use you as much as they can but do not feel the need to return your favors. I can't tell you how many times I have had people over, fed them and enjoyed them. But never have I ever even been offered a cup of coffee at their house. They only want to take advantage of my special hospitality but do not feel the least obligated to return the favor to me. Sadly, I don't even try anymore. Or shall I say if I meet someone I think I could be friends with, I reach out gently. If I get negative vibes, I have learned to walk away sooner. Some people just aren't interested and that fine. I move on. It can be lonely, but I happen to like my company and don't let it define me anymore.
I could have written what you just did no problem! I have hopefully stopped trying to help people that just want to gripe, I am not interested in listening to whining and griping. Sucker sign is off my forehead never to return (I hope)!
This happened to me a few years ago- she love-bombed me just to use me. I broke off the friendship once I realized she was narcissistic. Narcissists do this to get what they want.
Agree💯
You're describing what narcissists do. They are NOT nice at their core. They are evil and get off on hurting you. No contact is the remedy. They like to hoover former victims. Don't give them any chance.
Well I guess the AI can read my mind LOL as I am actually going through something right now with a dear friend where we may now be at a crossroads in our friendship. I love her dearly & I believe she loves me too but unfortunately what brought us together several years ago may also be what is now "breaking" us up as she has gone down one road & I took another. Thank you for being so open. You & lots of the comments here have helped me see things a bit more clearly and if our friendship ends then I will be very grateful we had each other for the time we did & move forward in my life wishing nothing but the best for her.
Good luck! I’m glad you found the channel
Same situation. Friend of 50 plus years. Unfortunately, distance has taken its toll on the friendship, and the other person's complete lack of interest in the others life. I've become just the place where she dumps mostly made up family gossip, gets her attention needs met, doesn't ask one question about my life, and then hangs up. She remembers everything thru rose-colored glasses, with her as the hero in every situation, regardless of the truth. Too many personal betrayals and a lack of empathy. She abuses her health and then wants to detail and discuss every health issue she has, even though she makes no personal effort to improve her health. Its difficult when you look back on a friendship and realize they weren't a very good friend to you. Its painful on both sides.
thanks for sharing. We have all had so many different kinds of experiences.
When mine dumped me, she poisoned the entire friend group, so I lost ALL of my connections. It was devastating, but I survived and moved on, no more friends that are super tight, super time consuming. It’s been about 8 years, she actually reached out to me twice, but I didn’t respond. I’m so not interested in reconnecting. But in retrospect, I realized that during our friendship, she had ghosted me one previous summer, when I really needed her to be there as a friend, but I didn’t understand that was what she was doing, I just figured she was busy, and my problems were enough that I let that not bother me as much as it should have.
The second time it happened, I was actually aware that it was the ghosting/devaluing stage and she was forming a new friend right in front of me, and making fun of me with her new friend in my presence, such childish high school behavior for a 50 something y/o, I didn’t even engage, I just let go, but she took the friend group with her, since she had influence.
I’m 61 now, the friends I have are casual and I’m not too attached, even though I care about them.
She didn’t deserve your friendship. I’m sorry that happened to you. Thanks for sharing
@@laurahillauthor thank you!
I’m the ghost. I had a friend that I’ve known since fourth grade. We will lose contact here in there, but we always would have a good time when we saw each other two years ago we both found ourselves single after being married for more than 20 years, so I thought we would bond and help each other through our process, but we just had two different mindsets. She still wanted to party and go to bars, and I am on a spiritual journey, but I still try to meet her on a human level. We were living in the same apartment building and then I moved out and got another apartment somewhere else and she never came to visit me even though I am 10 minutes away from her she said I was too farand we never talk on the phone. We only would communicate by text message. So I changed my phone number and I deleted my social media accounts I’m done with everyone from my past. If you’re not bringing no positive in my life, there’s no point.
I think it sounds like you made the best decision for yourself and that to be admired. Thanks for sharing. We are all on different journeys and can’t fear standing up for ourselves even when it means walking away
I can relate about the letting your guard down. Loved bombed is a good description.
I stopped speaking to my “best” friend from high school in our early 30’s. After many occurrences of hurtful acts (when we turned 21, we had planned to spend the night together- she chose her terrible sister and another friend (probably because a guy we both liked, liked me), didn’t invite me to her wedding, didn’t show up at all when at 28 i had my tonsils out as a single mother to a 10 year old (I subsequently hemorrhaged twice and needed an additional surgery- literally no one helped me), amongst other events) another high school friend told me Shirl had been calling her to talk about me, my private decisions about my spirituality, and to LAUGH at me behind my back. That was it!!!!! Shirl was not my friend. She got the hint that I wasn’t speaking to her anymore eventually. The other friend begged me to keep talking to Shirl but why would I?? If Shirl couldn’t figure out what she did wrong- she’s not worth my time explaining it to her. Sometimes people are “ghosted” for a reason. If you got ghosted, be honest with yourself and try to figure out what your responsibilities are. But sometimes, it really isn’t your fault. 💖
Sorry about what happened to you. The gal I knew had the pattern she did it to many other women in our town after me. But word had gotten around. Most women steer clear now. I was just one of several. I’ve learned
My maid of Honor in my wedding just simply became wealthy by marriage and stopped speaking to me at all. In hindsight I could see this coming. She put on blue jeans before the photos were even taken. She didn’t really have time to be in the wedding. It went downhill after that. All efforts were on my part. We are 65. I haven’t seen her in probably 24 years. Meh.
I’m so sorry💔
Thank you. I have no time for any nonsense!!! Period!!!
I'm really enjoying your perspective on friendships. Thank you!
Thank you!
I kindof did this once. The gal was in a Bible study i joined for a time. She was in a somewhat unhappy marriage with young kids and her husband worked away for weeks on end. I was taken in by her sob stories and offered to help her several times in various ways. She never would accept the help but continued to complain about the weight of everything so i just stopped reaching out. She also had a minimalist IG account but constantly bought things, shared them on IG, then would go on massive decluttering purges and it just made me feel like she was so fake... a consumerist pretending to be minimal. It rubbed me wrong.
Time to move on! Thanks for sharing
I’ve both been ghosted and ghosted a few friends who acted as if they owned me and my time. I didn’t feel I owed them a conversation or explanation as their behavior had grown so overbearing I knew they would disagree and argue with me. If that makes me bad, so be it. I am tired of being disrespected in a friendship. One of them was in a group who took weekend getaways together. She always expected me to want to do exactly what she did, as if she was paying me as a companion rather than two people traveling together. That time when I said no and firmly said we could do our separate activities and meet up later, she stamped her foot like a toddler and said, “I want you to come with me!” 🙄
You always have to make the best decision for you, there are friendships that need to end. I think in this case the woman had a pattern of rushing to love bomb until she thought she had you, then she quickly moved on to someone new. Thanks for sharing
Some grow increasingly toxic as they age, subjecting others to their life disappointments over and over again. When they can’t let go ALL relationships suffer. As I’ve aged I don’t have the energy to counter repetitive rationalizations.
Look up to Jesus.....people are fickle.
❤️
It hurts, but don't waste your time ruminating over her anymore. She's not worth it. Let her go.
Absolutely!
Oh boy, can I relate to your story.. new town, new people. Met a very "popular" lady in town, became close friends (keep in mind, i'm pretty shy). Her husband should have been the 1st clue, when he said it was going to be so nice that she had a friend in town. I went along with doing everything her way for YEARS. We were inseparable. I got tired of trying to keep her pace and pushed back. Graduall, I was phased out and uninvited to a party I was asked to organize for her. Then she had the nerve to call me and ask me to get my stuff out of her craft-shack. I dropped her like a hot rock. Then her husband left her and called me up to just talk to someone out of frustration. she spread rumors, I moved out of town and never looked back. Flying monkeys everywhere..
Wow what an ordeal. Glad you got away from it!
You were “supply” for this narcissistic lady. If you don’t know what supply is, please look it up. I think it will be very enlightening for you. All the new friends that she later dumps are just supply for her weak ego. What she did to you and others is classic narcissistic behavior. They are very damaging to others.
Thank you for sharing your story. It's very helpful to me 😊
Glad it was helpful!
There was a line in the movie Beaches, where she said to the other woman “you took away your friendship without added even discussing it with me”! That line has stuck with me all these years, and it’s relatable to most women!
Agree💯
To me it seems like the friend has a fear of abandonment. Wants to be the person who abandons rather than be abandoned.
I've been watching some of your videos. I just came across them recently. You sound like a really nice lady. I'm sorry this happened to you with this friend. I've had some very similar things happens to me. In fact, I'm going through one right now. Not quite sure what to do about it, but I'll figure it out. You're right, it can hurt when it looks like a new girl friend you've made decides to drop you and doesn't tell you.
Thanks for commenting. The hurt does go away
My picker was broken! With age and maturity I’ve gotten better.
Older and wiser!
Over the years, I have learned some people are friends for a reason and/or season. The hurt of being dumped and not knowing why is hard, but in the end it it not worth my time to ponder over. Their loss.
💯
I moved to a different city and started my life over in my early 60's. The first person whom I met in my new city invited me to be her friend. I was so happy because we are close in age and most women in my community are about 15 years older than me. She started texting me, I texted her back and then I wouldn't hear back. She would call me and ask me to call her and I could call her and then I would never hear back. To this day, I don't get it but I stopped trying. My rule is that I won't let a guy treat me like that so why would I let a girl friend treat me like a bad boy friend? I refused to be abused by anyone. I would rather be alone or be with my dog. I still try to make sense of the situation. Sometimes I think that she thinks I dumped her and has no idea what she did but can anyone be that stupid? Could she not look back at her texts and see that the ball was in her court? I don't think she was someone that was into finding new friends. But I don't see the motive in what she did. Crazy.
Very similar type of person I guess they are everywhere. They always seem to seek out the new gal
I look like the bad guy is the break up of my friend and I. But it started long before the break. She could never stand me having anything i had that she didn't. I am autistic and fawned a lot just to keep her.
She would not be nice to my son to a third party I didn't know that he worked with. That was it I was done. The her husband died suddenly and a was the last to know and not needed. I waited 6 months then I pushed her away so she ghosted me. I thought she would have asked why I was mad. She didn't and the relationship is done. I miss her but we r both better off
It often happens long before the ending!
Omg, wow, this just happened to me…a 3 three year friendship. And out of no where ghosted me with no explanation..I was devastated. She wouldn’t even give me the respect of telling me why…I found out later from another friend, it was some stupid trivial reason. The worst was the not knowing why….so mean and disrespectful, it hurt to the core….❤
Thanks for sharing !
Sooooo deep, a straight man aged 45 love- bombed me, no he wasnt a scammer but he was sort of a catfish, im ghosting him now. I cannot even begin to tell you what transpired. 🤷♂️👨❤️💋👨
Yikes!!
I had a much younger friend but we had a lot in common and she was very considerate. I knew she liked to accumulate friends but she was really just networking. She did this with one young woman and she’d make dates and appointments but break them. My friend called this young woman to schedule a lunch date and the reply was, no thanks I don’t want to be your friend because frankly you’re a crappy
friend. 😂 You make appointments that you never keep. I’ve been dying to say that to someone I’ve know for 38 years but my husband says that would be wrong.
I think he’s right but it might feel good🤣
Rejection is a part of life and the sooner we understand it the better off we will be.
I think it’s just hard keeping up with all the different types 🤷🏻♀️
I have often felt, when creating friendships with women, that they always have another pal who they like or value more than me! Tired of being second best, so done putting myself out there.
I stopped being friends with a married woman because she has no self development and no future plans her energy is so draining i just blocked her and i felt like she settled for the wrong man just to avoid her issues .
Some friends are exhausting and you aren’t doing yourself any favors by being around someone who drains you. Friendship should lift you up, not wear you out ❤️
I get what you mean. Some people really do suffer from “people addiction ”. A mutual friend of a friend commented to me that a woman we both knew was a “people collector”. Long story cut short, I thanked her for the fun times, but told her I was going back to my corporate career. She had a habit of gossiping about other people’s lives, whereas I didn’t.
I've had plenty of friends like this. In my situation, it's because they're bored and ready to move on to someone new.
I had a friend for a short time that wanted to date my brother. She wanted me to set her up with him. Eventually I did and he took her out on a date. He went out with her once but wasn't interested in seeing her again. A few weeks later I got a letter from her in the mail saying that she didn't want to spend time with me any more because I was too negative and she only wanted to be surrounded by positive people. (To be honest, I had a boyfriend that had broken up with me a few months before and I, definitely, was depressed about it and expressed my sorrow with her.) It was a pretty cowardly way to break up with me especially when I, personally, believe that the real reason why she didn't want to see me was because she was angry with my brother.
I think you’re probably right!
I cut ties with a woman I considered my "best friend" after she lied & manipulated a situation regarding the sale of my deceased Mom's house. At the root of the problem was the fact that she's married to an alcoholic who is a narcissist. She has lost other friends due to his influence. Strangely, I felt a lot better after learning that another mutual friend was no longer friends with her due to narcissist husband's actions. I have a number of other really good friends who are not like her. She continues to reach out to another mutual friend trying to meet up with her & me. I have made it plain that a friendship is not possible. I also live in a small town & can run into her & have. I'm pleasant & nice but it's all surface stuff. She knows what she did & why the friendship is over. I really have no guilt about being done with her. It was kind of the last straw as some other things had happened in the past. She has to live with what she did & said.
💔💔
i recently shared my true feelings with a friend. i did it as kindly as i could. i believe a strong friendship should have honest communication. i would not have minded if she had done the same with me.
When i was a teenager, I had two friends i considered my best friends. I went through alot as a teenager. My Dad paased away when I was 16. My Mom moved around alot after that. Well, out of nowhere, they decided they no longer wanted to be my friend. There was no fight, we didn't have an argument, just poof. Never called or anything ever again. I was hurting for awhile. But I realized some people just don't want to be bothered.
There’s no explaining it sometimes, but it’s their issue we can only take the lessons learned going forward. But it still hurts
I think we all want that Norman Rockwell image of friendship, family, neighbors, etc. But I think the reality is that people are so complex that it makes some, if not all, of those things difficult...or even impossible. I'm really sorry you experienced this with someone you thought was a friend. Makes it hard to trust anyone again. The woman you described could be hiding something. That could be why she is a serial friendship maker...but doesn't stick around. Maybe she's afraid to let people get too close to her and has a fear of disappointing people if they get to know her too intimately; that they won't think she's fabulous anymore. I say that because I knew someone like this.
Thanks for sharing this!
I enjoy your Utube and watched you first - there is another utube that has copied you and also, doing the one friend or best friend issues - I have been fortunate, I have an old friend that we have been at least 50 years - totally different personalities., I am blessed to have her.
I take it as a compliment if someone did a similar video. It’s an important topic and so nice to have other viewpoints. Glad you found my channel
8:15 in the course of a reasonably long life, i have never met anyone with the courage to say that. Including myself.
A bit humbling. But I realize that the message resonates with so many. We often think it’s just us, we are flawed somehow.
My guess is that if the woman had called you and said "I don't want to be your friend anymore," it would have still hurt, you would have still doubted yourself, and you would have still walked away from the relationship without any satisfaction how it played out. Further, you couldn't have made her the villian if she'd had the character to come and say it to your face.
And is that really even showing character? Seriously. Saying to someone's face "I just don't like you any more" or "I'm not interested in you any longer," or "I want to move on to someone else more exciting?" That actually sounds kind of callous to me.
I also think you had your warning. The love bombing. Not that you were to blame. But nothing good ever comes when it comes as a race to the finish.
I like your honesty
Thanks!
I have just done this with a 2 year old very close friend. There was something about her that made me uncomfortable. I did not trust her. She just started getting on my nerves. She was too needy and constantly texted me all day every day. There is a reason why people are ghosted.
Oh absolutely. It can go both ways. Each situation is different but you have to do what’s right for you
I have to admit, when I was ghosted by my friend my first reaction was, have I done something wrong? I wanted to mend whatever had gone wrong in the friendship and was even ready to apologise for having brown hair or blue eyes or whatever. I think until it happens to you then you really can't understand it from someone else's viewpoint.
Thanks for sharing and I agree💯you have to experience it to believe it
I had the friend dropper. The other one is the one who needs you to need them. Once you don’t them anymore they drop you. That sounds like your former friend.
My best friend became my sister in law and then systematically turned every one of my immediate family members against me....she "single white femaled" me (remember the movie with Bridget Fonda?)...and even turned my parents against me. Crazy.
❤
Family members can be the absolute worst
This woman’s behavior almost seems like ADHD or bipolar traits, in a way.
If you’ve ever met someone with unmanaged bipolar disorder, this kind of behavior is common. It’s like you are almost the tool for the “high” or the dopamine chase when you’re the “new thing.” It’s always very intense from the get-go and then suddenly “poof”…gone.
Unmanaged ADHD can present as “flakiness”-a lot of no-shows or chronically late, for example. And there can be a lot of shame around that for the ADHD person, so they simply never address it, and so they find it easier to just disappear.
Not making excuses for the behavior at all, but a lot of folks didn’t even grow up with the language to describe this behavior and certainly don’t have the skills to cope.