For a more deep dives into these topics, here's one article that complements this video well: irenelyon.com/2019/07/25/mental-health-and-illness-explained/ Be sure to sign-up for all my updates when you are there too!
Lifelong skin picker and hair puller here. Since I started doing this work last year I’ve greatly reduced the frequency and severity of my episodes. Thank you for this.
I am sitting here watching this after picking. I stopped because my eyes felt tired of looking so close to my skin for hours. And after I stopped I feel the rest of the day is over for me, cause I have to hide from everyone for the hole day and have to isolate.
you’re so real for this. i tried today to go one day without and again failed like everyday, now i will hide myself for 3 days until it gets a little bit better (if i not skin pick everyday again😵)
😄🤦🏻♀️I was picking my skin when I got a RUclips notification of this video. I had a classmate who used to pick her scalp and "researching" it's content under her nails, I remember looking at her and wondering what she's doing and why. Many years later I noticed myself doing the same thing. That's a creepy feeling. I wish everyone to find their way to calm down the nervous system
I couldn't agree more, the only thing sometimes it can pass the limit of mild..I used to pick my skin and couldn't stop before it bled, on my cubicles, heels, soles, head..I remember after my mother passed..I wasn't able to process the grief at the time and I picked on my soles and heels till they both bled and I wasn't able to stand on them, they were so sore. Paradoxically, that was the first time in my life (at the age of 20) when I felt the earth under my feet as I had no choice but to walk very very gently while I was healing. Thank you so much Irene, your work is always a great inspiration! ❤️
Thank you for this! I have been picking for 50 years-since at least 5 years old. When I was little, before I realized there was something wrong with this, I listed it as my favorite activity. So self-soothing. Lately I have been treating it like an addiction with a support community around that, but deep down I know it’s trauma, so this helped a lot. Do this work to address the trauma and this will likely lessen. Thanks so much!
Great video. It was interesting to hear you describe skin picking as a mild form of self-harm. In my experience, not only is my skin picking manifestation of self-harm/OCD, but also body dysmorphia in which one obsesses over one aspect of their physical appearance, in this case the skin/face. Body dysmorphia is also a way of externalizing our anxiety to avoid dealing with the painful emotions within.
Honestly, just started this video and it explains so much. My trauma mostly is from growing up and living in an disfunctional family, where both kinda have/had aggression problems which makes me feel unsafe (one was schizophrenic and would break sometimes, the other one was overwhelmed by it and had to do all the money income, so it was like a bad circle which would repeat all over), especially showing your emotions could feel like annoying my parents a lot sometimes, so I always tried to hide them, which didn't really work, since I am pretty sensitive and probably overemotional/overdramatic. So it really makes sense that my skinpicking might came from that. I tried becoming clean multiple times now, but it never worked, but I will try to become clean now again. Also, this comment was just a little vent, rant, idk hahaha. And thank you very much for your video! 💗 I never thought that many would read and answer this comment, but honestly, it's kinda heartwarming and I just wanted to say, to everyone struggling, you got this! Don't loose hope and motivation, just because you pick once again, when you promised yourself you would stop instantly. I hope you all are doing well and that you can heal and grow from the experiences you all made. If anyone needs to talk, just write that in a comment, I try to always have a free ear when someone needs it. 💕
Was sitting here picking at a very light almost healed place on my chin, looking for credentials, then I saw this topic. WHEN THE UNIVERSE Speaks, I am smart enough to listen
This was super helpful. I’ve picked my scalp for as long as I can remember. I do know when my life is more stressful, I do it more. I hope to do more somatic experiencing and hopefully it will resolve itself thru that!
I just remembered doing this in my 6th grade class. I had a spot that I constantly would pick and pull out of my hair. I had a chaotic home life with an alcoholic and abusive father. Geez! I’m 66, and I feel bad for my 6th grade self!
42 years ago I started this. Three years ago I saw a man with this and it hit me I was not the only one. Along with everything else that people say I think having to deal with medical staff that are unaware has been a big issue in my case. I've had doctors tell me I have bed bugs, allergic reactions to soap, lotions, most just think I'm a drug addict. Once in the hospital they put a sign on my door infectious disease. I have no infectious disease. Living in Florida water activities have always have been an issue. Is just been a long journey and so happy to finally have information on this issue. Thank you
This is behavior that started 14 years ago for me. This was a response from growing up from a dysfunctional family that not only had alcoholic issues, physical, emotional and sexual violence but also had a clinical obsession with physical appearance since physical appearance meant status, beauty, perception of higher intelligence and belonging within the family dynamic with some regard to physical health. It had continued to go on through my early 20’s as I continued to reinforce skin picking along with other behaviors that related as a response to stress and general self loathing with a job I hated. It wasn’t until recently with the advent of a new job, a boyfriend I’m living with, college, a new car and a series of personal wins over the past year that I stopped skin picking, smoking and drinking in an effort to move into rational and a normal stance in my life and embracing that it’s certainly ok not to love your family and be ok with deciding not to reach out or support people who have held me back from accomplishments and or advancements. So far this process has been very uncomfortable but yet, it’s meant to be. Wounds or illnesses don’t heal without some degree of pain before it get’s better.
Been picking one area on my scalp for 14 years. Still doing it daily. Been really bad lately which led me to this video. I’m dx PTSD and it’s definitely related. Luckily dermatillomania and infrequent anxiety attacks are the worst of my issues after getting therapy! Stay strong you all. You’re not alone❤️❤️❤️
I’m so thankful for RUclips. I’m thankful it brought me to you as I’m at a breaking point. I have not worn shorts or a swimsuit in over a year. I cancel plans, I stay inside, I’m wasting my life. The insight on everything you said was so powerful and made total sense, it’s like I knew these things deep down but having someone with a better grasp on the situation explain it like this was just mind blowing!
I am 64 and have done this all my life. I grew up in a very stressful home. My dad was a narcissist and physically and mentally abused me. I started with pulling my eyebrows out. Luckily I stopped that. Then it led to just constant picking at my self. Maybe my childhood is the reason I do this. I still do it and try to stop when I catch myself.
I am 68 and like you have picked the skin around both thumbs for as long as I can remember. My dad was the problem too. My childhood and teenage years were so unhappy because of him and the unhappiness carried on into adulthood. He would always have a go at me for picking and biting my thumbs but I don’t think it ever crossed his mind that it was because of him that I did it 😡
Same same everybody. I am 32, my dad has done this to me since my mom left whn I was at school, he was admitted to a mental home. Thn accussed me of being a spy n all sorts of evil mental abuse every day all sorts constant rants at me callin me my moms name constantly yrs till now got worse n worse. Iv only just started looking into this properly after yrs of thinkin I l just had bad skin but I pluck my eyebrows n face hair. Constantly scanning for a sharp hair or scanning my whole body workin in pain my clothes stickin to my scabs at work, all over my body and face. This had really helped me understanding this properly n waking upto it properly . Love to you all experiencing this I hope you recover n reset ❤️
I have Trichotillomania and can’t stop pulling out my hair. Im 35 and have been doing this since about 7th grade. It affects my lashes and brows. I’ve tried so so many ways to try to heal my nervous system or to calm it when triggered. It’s beyond frustrating and affects my life and wellbeing in many ways. 😢
I feel the same as you❤️ I pray you get through this, you can. Since looking into this properly I can't believe these comments this is a thing. For yrs I thought I had bad skin. From 7th grade just likr you till now iv had this doin same as you. Its so mad to see ppl commenting this exact thing drove me mad all these yrs. Ive been through trauma with my dad for yrs never ending, iv gone to work in excruciating pain feelin on fire scabs sticking to my clothes all over body n face , havin to pull clothes of n pull all scabs of after work n shower feels like hell. I understand you, what ur goin through. Scanning face hair eyebrows skin at night constantly. Do you use steroid? Iv started lookin more into spiritual with this, we have to try so hard let go of trauma dont repeat it in our mind n get away from it (the person caused/still causing trauma). We have to tell the universe our skin is getting better ♥️ ✨️ our skin is feelin better looking better. But also not lookin at it at same time. What we speak into universe will come back n instead of sayin like I do n did loads, instead of sayin to ourselves y is my skin like this, its not gettin better, say the opposite even when it's healing. Try doin hand exercises . Breathin excercises. I pray we will be able to reset our minds n get our skin back n not hav to even think bout it again . All my love 💓 xxxxx
Wow. Thank you. It's like my body heard what you said and I just started sobbing from some place deep in my gut that felt like grief in childhood. I had no idea just understanding what was happening to me would be so impactful on my body. I know I have trauma. I pull my hair and pick my skin to the point of bleeding. It is self harm. I know my nervous system is dysregulated. But hearing you say so clearly that it's the body's way of coming back to stasis broke me. I knew this part was there. I've been talking to her for a few weeks. But I finally was able to really *feel* her just now, and feel that total powerlessness and deep grief and just be present with it. It feels like the grief of knowing I wpuld never be good enough for my parents to put the effort into properly loving me in the way I needed. Terrible isolation, deep loneliness, overarching loss of a nourishing relationship I never had. An experience I never got.
My entire life I have been a nail biter and cuticle picker. In elementary school I would chomp my pencils like a corn cob. I sucked my thumb until I was 11 and the only thing that got me to stop was a sleepover at a friend's house. 😏Still to this day I'm a bruxer according to my dentist. I've been on migraine medications since I was 11 and I'm now 59. I had two ischemic strokes on the left side of my brain and became disabled at 49. The doctor said they didn't know how in the world I survived them. But here I am.
EMDR hypnosis was amazing for me. One session. Two weeks later I realised I had stopped picking because I was not ruminating. I was able to think about my dead lover with out chest pain. I highly recommend attending a psychologist who is experienced in EMDR.
Thank you for this. It makes so much sense to me and I think having this information and understanding will help me in the process towards stopping pick my scalp and skin. It’s been a long and honestly embarrassing journey. It also makes it hard that it isn’t talked about or even heard of by a lot of professionals. So, I really appreciate you digging into this topic and in a way that is easy to grasp.
The strange rashes or bumps I would get in a previous 20 yr marriage were something I'd pick at. Gosh this now makes such sense. I don't get them anymore but occasionally. Today I occasionally fimd myself picking at the bumps I'll get on my legs and I honestly didn't associate it w trapped trauma. I also notice I constantly close my lips tight for years and thought it was a natural "tick" I had. I bet teeth clenching at nite is one too bc I wear a mouth guard since I escaped domestic violence. Thank you for this information. Its like a missing puzzle piece to some behavior we dont recognize as past trauma.
25 years ago at age 13 I started the habit of picking skin off my lips. I feel that I have a memory of it starting in my 8th grade English class but I've been unsure of the cause. I do it still, quite frequently. I was diagnosed with complex ptsd and OCD 1.5 years ago so this is all very interesting and helpful so thank you.
I have the same situation.. it comes and goes depending on my work load. My fingernail biting shifted to my lips 😂 I’m aware of the problem which helps me try to control it but… I doubt it will ever go away… perhaps just shift to another thing.
Same. I started lip picking as a child. And then finger picking. I too had an OCD and PTSD diagnosis. It was a shameful secret. So good to see scientific info like this. Very validating and helpful to understand.
Hi i hope your doing well ❤️ This is so interesting, you was diagnosed by the GP. I have been goin to the doc n skin hospital since I was in school to now, im 32. The whole time I have suffered with this over my entire body n face, feet , hands, n they only give me immunosuppresants n steroids. They say u can't have kids on the medicine n it doesn't work anyway.
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve listened to several on the topic, but your information was the first that really made sense to me. From the reasons we do this to knowing that there are methods to stop. I took screenshots of many of the links I found in answers to comments. Looking forward to having time to explore these and start the free course! I first remember skin picking my face at age 13 immediately after my parents had me arrested for “incorrigibility.” I remember that after admittance and processing into the Detention Hall, I sat on my bed in the cell and picked every pimple on my already broken out adolescent face. It felt very soothing, but the bright red spots covering my face added to my already poor self-image. After this cleared up, I don’t remember having issues with it for many years. If I did, they were occasional and mild. At 27, I entered a stressful marriage. My face broke out and once again, the picking started. After several years this calmed down. I did have times when I picked the skin on my arms but not to a great degree. Now, I am 64, separated (but maintaining an amiable relationship with my husband) for the past 13 years. For the last 6 years, I have lived with an elderly couple until he passed away this past October. Now the wife (whom I’ve know for 15 years and thought was my friend) is kicking me out. I have 2 weeks left to find a storage unit and a place to live and have all of my belongings removed from her premises. During the most of the time I’ve lived here, I’ve had bouts of picking my forehead off and on, some leaving it quite raw and ugly. I’ve listened to Minds in Unison, a RUclips channel with subliminal recordings. That has helped a bit, but not enough. Even with the amount of stress I am currently under, my forehead does not look good, but it has looked much worse in the past. I’m sorry to have rambled on and on. That was not my intention, but maybe if someone else can relate, it might help them. Listening to this video has given me a lot of hope, and as soon as I get relocated, I intend to start the program. Thank you for what you are doing and especially for making so much information free. I just recently started receiving disability and my check is small because I barely met the work requirements. I know things are going to work out. God has allowed me to be tested, (what seems mightily at times), throughout my life, but He has never let me down. He always comes through.
I've grown up in complex trauma, forgave my parents, worked within my family . I've survived eating disorders, skin picking, running away from home at 15, etc etc etc...I've read self help books, get therapy on line, married & divorced twice, endured depression, being a Christian has helped, it's all made my faith stronger, more resilient. Survived recent attacks from Narcissist envious siblings still going on. Still I keep getting back up, have 2 grown children, 3 dogs, one big fat cat, gardening 🪴 is extremely therapeutic, hiking in nature with the dogs as well. Nice 2 learn origin of this terrible self harm.
Interesting.. I pick my face and I have no understanding how ugly I've caused my face to be. I now have scars all over it. I'm ashamed to be around people and am such loner. When I pick, my face becomes detached from my sense of self and I think I view it sorta like a science project. Also, the idea of doing the picking as a way to deescalate seems like it's a fit for me b/c after'entering the world of the mirror and that(my) face, I leave it calmer.
Sometimes we get into harmful relationships for the same reason- self harm delegated to someone else. Have you noticed this too with your students, Irene?
Hi Dr. Nima Rahmany, Jen here from Team Lyon. My experience is that the answer to this may be both/and. People often get into harmful relationships because it's what they know and/or on some level believe they deserve. In some ways this is similar to the management strategies and behaviors that Irene discussing, and it can be a bit different (and more complex) too.
I’m a pimple picker. I must get the core out. Mostly on my scalp. I find it soothing, and if I pull out a white core, it feels like a prize. I have picked as long as one year at the same pimple. My kids told me I have OCD. I eat the same foods all the time, rarely branching out. I’m on a bagel kick right now. If we run out of bagels I go from cupboard to cupboard, freezer, fridge and feel like there’s nothing to eat. It’s 100% psychological and I am fully aware. But I’m better as I’m growing older, there’s a self-love that happens when you look at yourself in the mirror and say ‘screw the world I’m just fine the way I am.’
After doing 7 days of the 21day Nervous System Tune Up, I'm beginning to realize I use skin picking as a way of "getting out" of freeze. For example, when I have been on social media too long, or when I have been ruminating over something. I'll be exploring new ways of getting back connection to my body.
I find this very interesting- I myself have a bad case of picking/biting my fingers for as long as i could recall. My family and others have always referred to it as a bad habit of nail biting and I would try various methods to stop myself from biting them (nail polish, chewing on something else) but I found whenever I got really stressed or overwhelmed with emotion, I'd pick at them again. I'd even argue it crossed the line a lot of times into a form of self harm where I'd continue to pick even if it hurt a lot or I knew it was going to bleed. Helped put a lot of things into perspective..thanks!
I have the same experience - biting my fingers, ripping my lips even (and my son does the same now, he sadly spent his young childhood in a very toxic environment with my now narc-ex), and picking my ears and scalp. In times of great distress I use to do it more, and sometimes I find myself doing it when I thought I was in no particular emotional stress at all... I have known for a while the two are linked - stress and the salf-harm - but I had not yet linked it to my childhood. Which is kind of weird, since so much of my current distress originates there. Anyhow, my parents would hit me or scold me when I was biting or picking. My mother used to bind my hands in washcloths at night, not only to prevent nail-biting but also thumb-sucking. I believe the latter was a more obvious way of self-soothing, which I did till I was 11. But my mother would punish me severely for it. Even at age 5 I was told I would never know love, and I was not lovable at all, and people would soon find out the truth about me. I have bitten my fingers for as long as can remember.
I used to pick my scalp really bad to the point where most of my head was littered with scabs and sores. It would hurt when I brushed my hair and stung when I took a shower. I would feel gross but would tell myself that I deserved the pain BECAUSE I was a gross person. A random tumblr post a few years ago claimed that skin picking could be seen as a form of self harm. I ended up crying because for me it really was the pain that I was after. I wanted the sting. Thankfully it was also the wake up call i needed to change habits. I will still scratch occasionally and if I get really stressed I may find a small scab every so often. But over the years I've been able to shift my habits in favor of rubbing/massaging my scalp instead of full on scratching.
This is me too. Right now my entire scalp is a scab, almost as if the original scab just rapidly spread. My scalp hurts when I brush it or wash my hair. I have a huge bald spot on my crown. I just can’t seem to stop picking :( But I never realized it’s self harm. It feels like soothing to me.
Thank you for sharing this. One of my sons, has a picking habit, he will alternately chew on this inside of his mouth and/or lips, finger and toe nails, he also scratches his arm or legs, which often end up as open sores, I have mostly put this down to his allergies and boredom but now I am thinking there maybe more to this. I often ask why he's doing it and he has no idea, so its made it hard to help him stop. Thanks again.
When I was taken away from my mom for 8 months I remember this one specific thing: when she was drunk and driving I remember picking at my skin trying to forget the fact that my mother was going to get arrested and me and my brother would be alone. After that it became habit to do that when I was nervous, scared, angry etc and it’s stuck with me my whole life since. My mom is always telling me to stop, your ruining yourself. I can’t really tell her this is all because of her wrong doing.
Hi .Nishioko., Jen here from Team Lyon. It sounds like you have a clear idea of when this started. As you may have learned in Irene's video, we often develop these habits and behaviors as a way to mange what feels like too much, overwhelming. As we develop nervous system regulation and capacity, we learn to work with these underlying feelings and experiences so that they no longer feel overwhelming. Instead, the feelings we hold inside and the associated energy becomes available to us as aliveness and creativity.
ugh i've had it all my life. it's awful when i really get at my face. i can't leave the house for a week! it's too embarrassing. i sorta loved the mask part of the covid crisis, because id have an excuse to cover my face on bad skin days. i've experienced some serious traumas during my formative years. so i'm not surprised i have this problem. ugh This is so interesting. Makes so much sense. Thank you.
Also, I've just this year done Irene's Smart Body Smart Mind program and also have worked with a somatic practitioner for two years now. Recently I had a bad accident with subsequent surgery and have been practically bed-ridden for six weeks now. In that time I've done a lot of emotional release and just this morning realized that I don't have bleeding sliced self-inflicted wounds on the pads of my thumbs or sides of my cuticles. I also notice now when I am triggered and become more aware of how I feel and respond. "Orienting" is probably my #1 resource now... I recommend the SBSM program or the 12-week nervous system tune-up. Lots of work still to do, but I recognize that I have a lifetime of unhealthy emotional dissociation that needs to be recognized and released.
I love this video. I am a long time picker, and I feel that this video has really helped me realize that I need help. I have been pulling my eyelashes out of my eyes for so long and it has made me feel very ugly but I ended up stop doing that for some quite time now, but after that I somehow felt the urge to pick at my chest area now and I really don't want to have to do it. It is just and urge for some reason and I don't want to have all these scars on my chest area. Even when I don't think about doing it I just occasionally do anyways. But I really liked this video will probably try to get help from a doctor so I can stop this urge of picking. Thank you so much!!!
I think my skin picking (cuticles) was due to feeling shame and overwhelming feelings as a child and it was my ‘downcast’ focus to try to bypass those feelings and avoid looking at people. I’m becoming more conscious of it even though I still do it unconsciously. Thank you Irene.
Hi Irene, My pulling has really decreased since being involved with 21 Day course. I have now become completely clear about when and why I do it: when trying to make big decisions about money or when my hair is dry. I think both situations aren't good. Your video has clarified what the original circumstances are. Thankyou. I have been pulling since age 13. I remember when and where it started.
Hello, Sophia from Team Lyon here. Thank you for your comment and for sharing your feedback about the 21 Day course, we're glad this has landed so well with you. Keep doing the work and please know you can reach out for support in the members' area all year round with any specific questions, where our trained team of moderators will offer insights and support.
One tip I give to skin pickers, specially females, is to wear long nail extensions. It works very well for me. Since 6 years old I have the uncontrolable habit to pick my lips' skin. But if I wear the extensions, I simply can't do it.
Interesting, I just cannot stop touching a place on my scalp. My trauma if I can call it that was that my mother wouldn't allow me to feel my feelings and my dad backed her up. It does feel more like soothing than harming to me. A redirection. Of what I don't know. I don't even know what I'm feeling when I do it.
I have a similar experience, with hair pulling from a very specific area on my scalp. It developed when I was about 10-11 years old, following a period when I felt very abandoned, unseen, unheard and alone. My mother wasn't interested on my feelings and didn't give me choices, it was always her way and she told me how I should feel.
@@TheCoffeeCat wow,that desctibes my mother too. There's a connection for sure. This helps me a bit. I feel less of an oddball for doing this. Ironically my mother has been shouting "stop that!" at me for about 20 years now. My hand jumps and comes back to my side but the anxiety makes it leap back up again involuntarily.
@@SusanaXpeace2u Yes, you are not alone at all! My mother did the same whenever she saw me touching my scalp. I leaned to hide it well, but then she would find heaps of hair around the house and scold me. The thing I needed most (and asked for), which was therapy, she never gave me - "it's just a bunch of nonsense". Hang in there, we are survivors, in a sense! *hug*
@@TheCoffeeCat damn that hits. i only really started at like 20 or something. and i really dont know why. its usually the back of my head on my crown. my barber said it didnt look great when he cut my hair. sometimes when i catch myself my whole body feels like its embarresed or something. a weird feeling that i really dont like
I remember being in preschool and impulsively picking my mosquito bites. Then I'd get scared because they were bleeding so I'd cover them all in dirt. I'd do this over and over again. Then around 1st grade I started intensely biting my nails and the skin around my index and thumb. Now I'm 25 and I have a major issue with ear picking and have had many ear infections because of it. I still bite my nails and pick my mosquito bites, but the ear picking is by far the worst. People have always offered quick, easy solutions to my BFRBs but they last maybe a day, or a week at most. I've never heard of these issues being a form of self harm backed by a nervous system response to trauma. This video was very helpful and I'm going to look deeper into the issue. I hope to stop this horrible cycle asap.
Hi Maia Papaya, Jen here from Team Lyon. It's great to hear that the video was helpful. I'll link to Irene's free Healing Trauma video raining and to some of her free resources in case you'd like to learn more. If you decide you'd like to go further, you might check out the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up. The 'Tune Up' is a self-study course where you can learn the basics related to nervous system education and practice. I'll link to that too in case you want to check that out. free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/ 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com
I really hope you have updated your understanding on these behaviours. An enormous amount of BFRBs are natural responses to common infections of the skin that become systemic. Some immune systems are less able to processes environmental toxins. Please look into all this for your own unique body and history. This survival mode we go into can't be fixed psychologically or behaviourally when our systems are overrun with stuff we cannot process and in many cases, cannot escape from the environments causing our illness long enough to heal. It's like expecting a soldier to recover from PTSD while they refuse to take them off the battlefield.
There’s a girl who suffered from many different issues and mental illness and more but she picked so much she had picked her legs down to LITERAL BONE!!! I’m not kidding and I’m not being dramatic at all she picked until they had to do skin grafts and then she picked those as well…eventually HAD TO HAVE ABOVE THE KNEE AMP…(REMOVAL) now her case isn’t just about OCD or even just about a mental illness but she became very known online for her “medical issues” that she told her viewers & up until a point she even convinced doctors she had health issues and had blood transfusions…so because she got so much attention she kept creating these fake “medical conditions” to suffer from one after another until ppl caught on so a lot of people were calling it “munchausen by internet” and I would have to agree there but she gets a lot of hate for it but it just makes me think of something a close friend told me…She said she used to make fun of a girl at school because she self (HURT) herself and she thought it was just “all for attention” and her counselor told her (If she’s hurting herself just to have attention then something must truly be hurting her inside) & that stuck with her forever…anyway I’m not here to say what’s right or wrong or what I agree with or don’t … luckily this woman is still alive and I’m hoping doing much better now…just wanted to mention her because when I heard you say skin picking is a “mild form” of self HURT I thought about her …& I do know of many others who take it way to far, either not on purpose, or purposefully. whether it’s a person with DFD, OCD, or even more specific OCD disorders like trichotillomania & dermotillomania …I do realize that as you’re correct in MOST the time it’s a more mild form of self hurt sometimes it can be just as harmful as others. The woman I’m talking about in this comment is named Kelly Ronahan.
I pick until there’s no scab. No matter how deep that scab is. I have bad scaring. Pain from it won’t stop me. Blood won’t stop me. Not if there’s scabs left. I wish I could stop but have done it since a small child, from before I can remember.
JackieRabbit, Jen here from Team Lyon. I hope Irene's video helped you to understand the reasons behind these habits. In short, we don't have the inner support we need to manage our experience (because we weren't taught how) and so we need to find ways to manage what we feel inside. As learn to work with the nervous system, we learn to relate to our experience in new ways and the need for habits such as picking tend to dissipate with time. I encourage you to keep learning more and consider checking our Irene's resources and offerings.
My mother is a skin picker for a long time. My earliest memories are of her using a knife to go after “pimples” on her arms, face and breast. She had one area on her breast for over 20 years that only healed when she had a stroke and was in a rehab where she couldn’t pick it. Over the last 3 years she has started picking again causing abscesses in her skin that require antibiotics to clear up. She doesn’t think she has a problem and says things like “It’s my face what do you care” or “I don’t bother you when you do things”. The PCP said unless she agrees to therapy and that she has a problem there isn’t much they can do to help. Is there anything I can do to help at home? This is a constant problem but one that she will not do around strangers or her caregiver. Short having 24/7 care which I can’t afford, I am at a loss.
Hi Laura - Mara here with Team Lyon. I hear your deep care and concern for your mother. These behaviors can be hard to shift even when one wants to shift them. The comments from your mother may indicate some combination of denial, shame, or apathy. I wonder if you might help introduce loving skin care without saying anything negative, maybe with some new lotion to apply after bathing along with a gentle massage. If you can offer some warmth and caring, she might receive that, especially where she's been resistant to direct approaches.
I hope your momma is doing well. For future viewers, I find things like crocheting help. Puzzles. Coloring. Stuff you can do with your hands, repeat motions, mind wanders. You get the same feeling without the harm. Crochet really helps me.
I had no idea that skin picking was thing, I always that I was some random thing I did but after realizing it had to to with trauma (which happened many times in my childhood) then it made sense...but I'm still in shock. Wow...thanks for this info
I did this to my scalp in 6th grade and had a chaotic household with an abusive alcoholic father. Now, my son, who is 35 and has had a lot of brain traumas, picks at one knuckle until it was infected. He now has mold toxicity and Lyme, and his brain is inflamed terribly. This has been the worst year because I had him come to live with me, and it’s hard!
I hear you Kathryn Willette! Hopefully some of the information you're finding here and that I linked to in response to your other post will be helpful to you and to your son. - Jen from Team Lyon
Well I have slight ocd I think it hasn’t been diagnosed but for a few years it was really bad it would take hours of my night but I also pick my nails haven’t cut them since 3 and pick my lips till they bleed I can’t stop it’s very hard and when there’s dead skin I pick it anyways is there a connection with those I don’t have trauma
How do you get some thing like this diagnosed/ treatment for this? I've only started thinking it might be something like this recently. I've been doing a few of the scratching, picking at nails and hair and skin and scalp for several years and never realized it might be a problem.
I assume this is the same with hair pulling. I started pulling out my eyelashes when I was five. BUT it never became a destructive, continuous, compulsive thing until after I experienced a violent assualt and developed PTSD. It was like my mild way of coping, and cutting was the more extreme way of coping. I just found your channel and I have watched at least a handful of videos, but I'm rather annoyed we were never taught about this whole theory and technique in college inPsychology. Thank you for your work. I'll be digesting your videos and Playlists for a while, I'm sure.
Kistin Light, Jen here from Team Lyon. It's great to hear that Irene's teachings are resonating with you. I hear your frustration about not being taught this in college. I also wanted to confirm that yes, this does apply to hair pulling too. And since you're new around here, here's a link to Irene's New Here page: irenelyon.com/new-here/
It's interesting that some people can remember when they started. I could never tell when, so it makes it difficult to find the underlying issue that's deriving it. as long as I remember my thumb cuticles were red or bleeding, I scratched my scalp or pulled hair. Everyone told me to stop, that I get sick because of doing this, like some kind of threat! that was total nonsense to me. there's no logic involved, I don't make a decision to pick my skin. if I try to stop, I immediately notice that I'm clenching my jaw, biting my tongue or lips. I have chipped teeth because of that, and only when I was 30 I heard that all of this is a kind of compulsive disorder
My daughter has been doing this since a young age toes and fingers. We were told it is ADHD. We paid for OT weekly for years - age 3.5 till 13. OT did not help. Recently found out that it is related to trauma. She’s 14 now and is stuck wearing the same clothes for 12 weeks. Lots of anger so also working through your videos related to anger.
I have picked this picking up the past few years. Not a coincidence. My life has been chaotic and uncertain. It's sweet my body is trying to calm me down .
Does biting nails falls into the same/similar category than skin picking? I'm 36 years old now and it seems to me a life long habit, I have no memories when I didn't bite my nails. (I'm not actually biting them but they are very short, I sort of ripping them off but it's not painful.)
I don’t remember anyone commenting this, so I’m just gonna put this out there. Yes I pick at bumps on my skin, whatever, and yes I am aiming for control. The biggest thing though, is that when I pick, _I don’t feel anxious._ I don’t feel the constant ball of anxiety that has lived in my stomach, just below my ribs for basically my entire life. And that’s a really big deal-it’s one of the few things I can do to stop that feeling. (Or one of the few things I know to do)
Hi penny candy, Jen here from Team Lyon. Thanks for your comment. You captured the essence of why people pick, or drink, or work or exercise a lot - to help them to put their attention on something other than what they are feeling inside.
@@IreneLyon Hi Jen, thanks for answering. That's funny, it never occurred to me that people who do the things you listed would feel the same (temporary) relief that I feel when I pick. And just to hazard a guess, I bet that people are having increased issues lately from stress due to the state of the world.
There is a biology to stored trauma, which is held in specific structures in the brain. We refer to this biological aspect as traumatic injury. There is a medical procedure called stellate ganglion block which can blunt the effects of stored trauma in the fear centers of the brain, allowing it to go back to a more normal level of self-protection. The effects are often long lasting (months) and can be repeated. Lots of videos around about this procedure, but a recent patient of mine helped me connect the dots between trauma, trichotillomania and dermatillomania.
Used to pick my hair out when I was a child one by one.. picked my scalp for a year, then tweezing, eating disorder, nail biting, I am free of them all, I don’t know what changed. Then a year ago I developed hormonal acne and I am day one not destroying my face. I pray god will heal me of whatever has caused this and thank him that I know there will come a time when I am free of this and have learnt a great deal along the journey.
guys.... if your biting your fingers...... USE A GLOVE...... trust me... it works..... will power sometimes may not be enough...... and physical means help alot..... LIKE ALOT... thx
Thanks for the video! It helped me gain new insight on why I pick. I'm on a journey to start recovering from skin picking and am working on learning more about the disorder
Marie M, Jen here from Team Lyon. Great to hear this was helpful! This work that Irene teaches can often be very powerful in growing the nervous system capacity and regulation that allows these coping mechanisms to gradually fall away. You might check out Irene's free Healing Trauma Training and introductory course, the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up if you haven't already done so. free Healing Trauma Training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com
I am 51 and just started obsessively popping my fingers. It is extremely painful at this point. It isn't trauma based. I am trying to figure it out but right now i think it is multiple factors: too much screen time, dopamine addiction, copper deficiency from zinc sunscreen and a supplement that has zinc but no copper. Those are my current theories and if i rule those out I'll move to new ones. The one thing i know it isn't is trauma. I had a good childhood and have a great marriage and life. Please look for biological issues for your clients and not just trauma talk.
Hi @brandinshaeffer8970, Seth here with Team Lyon. Thanks for sharing about your experience. I'm very glad to hear about your positive upbringing and healthy marriage, that's definitely rare in today's world! Our clients and students generally did not, and often do not, have these things, as they are people who have been traumatized and are living with that unresolved trauma in their system, otherwise they would not be our clients. As such, our content is focused on that lens. It is true that there are a great many bodily experiences and symptoms out there that can have multiple factors as a cause, including environmental, chemical, pharmaceutical, dietary, lifestyle, and more. However, since we are somatic trauma specialists, we tend to focus here on the causes that are trauma related, so we can stay within our scope of practice. Irene does bring in different guest speakers from time to time who are experts in these other matters. One thing important to note - unresolved trauma IS a biological issue. Fundamentally it is a dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system, which governs all of the body's automatic processes, so unresolved trauma does affect us biologically in a great many ways.
Hi Irene. Thank you for great explanation, as always ❤️ I have a question about OCD. There is lots of information around behaviour in OCD but not much about intrusive thoughts. Would you be able to talk about it? Because I know people who would benefit from it.
Hi Basia Barbara, Jen here from Team Lyon. From a nervous system perspective, OCD manifesting behaviorally is very similar to OCD manifesting as intrusive thoughts. In one manifestation, the OCD is focused on the external environment, in the other it shows up more in the internal environment (and sometimes it's a mix of both). In both cases, there are typically high sympathetic activation and unexpressed survival responses present. Doing the work to grow nervous system regulation and capacity and heal trauma the way Irene teaches can often help to shift this over time. If you haven't yet seen Irene's free Healing Trauma training, it can be well worth the watch. I'll link to another related resource of Irene's too and will pass your request along. free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma-freeresources/ Q&A with Irene Lyon. OCD, ADD, the faux window of healing... - ruclips.net/video/2g4C0LZfA-A/видео.html
@@teamlyon3109 Hello Jen. Thank you so much for taking time to write back to me. Much appreciate it❤️ I know the mechanisms of OCD. I only thought of those who I know and struggle with this type of ocd that would benefit from the video specifically talking about harm OCD. I often send Irene’s videos to my friends, because they are so informative and supportive😊
@@basiabarbara3365, thanks for clarifying and adding a bit of context. People who post here have widely varying backgrounds and levels of understanding about the concepts discussed here. I hear you about harm OCD and too think it could be helpful to have some related dedicated resources. And thank you for passing the videos along!
I would like to know HOW to treat, not just to “work with a therapist.” You are the first professional I’ve heard that even understands what this is, as a condition. So many just gave a blank look…
Hey Suzanne, Seth here with Team Lyon. Thanks for your comments! I'll encourage you to keep watching and learning. For more specifics on HOW to treat trauma in general (which can include resolving things like skin picking etc..) I recommend this free, three-part video training from Irene... irenelyon.com/healing-trauma-training-2022/
So who wants to quite cuticle picking once and for all? Cause I’ve been telling myself I’m gonna stop for good multiple times and I have yet to truly stick to it so who wants to join me🙏🙂
OCD is also partly genetic… so, while some kind of trauma can exacerbate one’s tendency to skin pick, etc, it can also come from a genetic inclination. I say that b/c my kids each have a unique way to deal with stress since toddler days; one is an intense nail biter type, another pokes his tongue into his cheek and can at times pick his cuticles, and the last cries or smiles. They each process stress differently.
It's nice to see this talked about from the side of underlying causes versus behaviorally focused (doing tricks -- hahaha, look at that pun! -- to stop the acts). So, thank you.
I watch pimple popping videos and it helps me cope a little. I still pick but I also use this spot correcting serum made by differin. It smells horrible but it works very well!
When my spouse left, I picked up a nasty habit of picking my gums with my fingers. I rock back and forth all day while periodically crying. Between episodes of crying, I pick my gums so hard they hurt. My therapist can't figure out a program to get me off this. I think so much of it has to do with Trauma that can't be fixed, a feeling of hopelessness, and constant boredom.
Hi Scott Lewis, Jen here from Team Lyon. In this nervous system work, we call habits like these management strategies, or defensive accommodations. We need these to help us to deal with feelings that may otherwise feel like too much. When we do this nervous system work that Irene teaches and/or work with a trained nervous system practitoner, we learn to grow nervous system capacity and regulation and heal trauma. As we do, these strategies an habits tend to fall away. There is definitely hope!
I've been doing this exact thing for years now..dont know what triggered it. I have mainly been doing it on my arms and chest area. I've also managed to avoid my face because I cannot hide it there. Could I ask...could this be brought on by an inner chaos of..for instance...thinking you need to make some sort of massive change in your life? I suppose it's similar to boredom.
My hair pulling is triggered by feeling like I need to "change" drastic or small. The feeling is rooted in childhood emotional abandonment. My child self thinks "maybe if I change I will get the love I need". I hope this helps.
Hi Goose 1302, Seth here with Team Lyon. Yes! This kind of behavior is essentially a way to manage and soothe stress, so anything that bumps up the level of stress in the system, such as a situation like you describe, could stimulate this behaviour.
I'd say it depends on WHY you are doing this. To me, it makes sense to clear clogged pores. I get these 'bumps' occasionally in the groin area and they exude the same sort of thick white gunk you describe. One that I left alone turned into a raised white cyst. I have to ask though, how do you manage to squeeze them on your back? :-)
@@helenwhills9828 its very easy to squeeze on your back lol you learn one handed and get more flexible. The problem is when you have a lot of them it is very damaging and spreads when you pop them. Same for acne on the face.
Hi D1visor, Jen here from Team Lyon. As Helen said, it depends. Squeezing rashes (or pimples) isn't in itself a management/coping strategy, and if you feel like you don't have a choice whether to do it or not, if it helps you to numb out/disconnect, then those are signs that it likely is. It's not the behavior so much as what's driving it and the way it effects us.
Excoriation Disorder is NOT self harm. It's mindless and the harm results indirectly. It's actually within OCD. You are repeating until completion, true. I've never thought of it attached to trauma though and I've never even heard of that... makes sense but I don't know there are actual studies. Please educate yourself more about this.
I have stopped hair pulling for over 6 weeks now and I'm a few days addiction free of food but now I've reverted back to picking the dry scaly skin on my feet and pick scabs on my head. These were easy ones to quit so how do I relieve the stress to stop?
I started this when I was 9, I've been violated a few times (not the worst of the worst but still in a way I think was uncomfortable and probably made me detach from my body) as a result I've probably developed anxiety. It's crazy how little traumas can stick with us
@cornpopisabaddude, yes, for sure little traumas can have a big impact on us. We sometimes call these "little T's". I'll share a link to a related video in case you want to check it out. Why there is no such thing as as little "T" - irenelyon.com/2023/02/19/why-there-is-no-such-thing-as-little-t/ - Jen from Team Lyon
For me it started as a teenager, I was subject to parental neglect, trauma, physical abuse and bullying. It was so relaxing doing that. Now i a. 29, and i still do it under stress. Makes me hate myself
@xy4669 Hello, Sophia here from Team Lyon. Thank you for your comment and sharing about what's on for you. We really appreciate it. In connection to what Irene is talking about in this video, if you wish to learn more about your nervous system and how to work with it, we highly recomment Irene's free resources and free mini-training, all housed under this link: irenelyon.com/free-resources/
I have these grooves on some of my fingernails because I rub at my cuticles when I’m feeling extra stressed. I used to bite my nails and pick at my cuticles but the damage it did was painful, so this is where I wound up.
I started pulling/twirling my hair in 4th grade and in the last three years have been picking my skin. I think it is due to internal stress that I just don’t know how to deal with. The only help I have heard of is from people who want to stop the habit only. Where do I start to learn how to deal with whatever (stress?) is causing these habit? Thank you!!
@sstarschlonegar - Start here: irenelyon.com/new-here/ Truly, anywhere you start with building regulation and capacity will help you notice what comes before the picking and what other choices you have in that moment. -Mara with Team Lyon
I specifically searched out a video that addresses skin picking (and found you) because I recently started picking dead skin off of my feet. I had sawba video on elderly people who's feet were seriously neglected. I was left seriously stunned that stuff like this happens in to people America. I began doing whatever to make sure there's no dead skin on the bottom of MY feet. I'm full on obsessing,tearing myself at times (bleeding). I have zero desire to hurt myself like I occasionally do. This is not good.
Michelle Moore, I'm glad your search led you to Irene's YT channel, and to this nervous system work that she teaches. I hope you heard in the video that there is much hope for change when people learn about and engage in this work. Since it sounds like you're new around here, you might check out Irene's New Here page - irenelyon.com/new-here/
For a more deep dives into these topics, here's one article that complements this video well: irenelyon.com/2019/07/25/mental-health-and-illness-explained/
Be sure to sign-up for all my updates when you are there too!
The urge to not pick while watching this is real.
I'm damn near rubbing the spikes off of my fidget bracelet
I felt my skin crawling while watching I’ve def been dealing with OCD & Dermatillomania for years
Watching and digging my scalp, while hoping for helpful advice.
trust me
This makes me angry at myself.
Lifelong skin picker and hair puller here. Since I started doing this work last year I’ve greatly reduced the frequency and severity of my episodes. Thank you for this.
Started doing what work?
what work?
How do we get help for this? I can't stop on my own.
I am sitting here watching this after picking. I stopped because my eyes felt tired of looking so close to my skin for hours. And after I stopped I feel the rest of the day is over for me, cause I have to hide from everyone for the hole day and have to isolate.
you’re so real for this. i tried today to go one day without and again failed like everyday, now i will hide myself for 3 days until it gets a little bit better (if i not skin pick everyday again😵)
😄🤦🏻♀️I was picking my skin when I got a RUclips notification of this video. I had a classmate who used to pick her scalp and "researching" it's content under her nails, I remember looking at her and wondering what she's doing and why. Many years later I noticed myself doing the same thing. That's a creepy feeling. I wish everyone to find their way to calm down the nervous system
Omg I do this and I pick my skin. I don’t want to but it’s soo hard to stop
I’m a 7 year recovered cut self harmer and never realized that picking/hair pulling has become my substitute to it all this time.
Same like tf?
I couldn't agree more, the only thing sometimes it can pass the limit of mild..I used to pick my skin and couldn't stop before it bled, on my cubicles, heels, soles, head..I remember after my mother passed..I wasn't able to process the grief at the time and I picked on my soles and heels till they both bled and I wasn't able to stand on them, they were so sore. Paradoxically, that was the first time in my life (at the age of 20) when I felt the earth under my feet as I had no choice but to walk very very gently while I was healing.
Thank you so much Irene, your work is always a great inspiration! ❤️
Wow thank you for sharing ♥️
Me looking this up whilst picking at my scalp and realising I'm struggling to process my grief. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing I do the same - wishing you well
Thank you for this! I have been picking for 50 years-since at least 5 years old. When I was little, before I realized there was something wrong with this, I listed it as my favorite activity. So self-soothing. Lately I have been treating it like an addiction with a support community around that, but deep down I know it’s trauma, so this helped a lot. Do this work to address the trauma and this will likely lessen. Thanks so much!
Sometimes, I used to deliberately fall over just to pick at my scabs!
Great video. It was interesting to hear you describe skin picking as a mild form of self-harm. In my experience, not only is my skin picking manifestation of self-harm/OCD, but also body dysmorphia in which one obsesses over one aspect of their physical appearance, in this case the skin/face. Body dysmorphia is also a way of externalizing our anxiety to avoid dealing with the painful emotions within.
Honestly, just started this video and it explains so much. My trauma mostly is from growing up and living in an disfunctional family, where both kinda have/had aggression problems which makes me feel unsafe (one was schizophrenic and would break sometimes, the other one was overwhelmed by it and had to do all the money income, so it was like a bad circle which would repeat all over), especially showing your emotions could feel like annoying my parents a lot sometimes, so I always tried to hide them, which didn't really work, since I am pretty sensitive and probably overemotional/overdramatic. So it really makes sense that my skinpicking might came from that. I tried becoming clean multiple times now, but it never worked, but I will try to become clean now again. Also, this comment was just a little vent, rant, idk hahaha. And thank you very much for your video! 💗
I never thought that many would read and answer this comment, but honestly, it's kinda heartwarming and I just wanted to say, to everyone struggling, you got this! Don't loose hope and motivation, just because you pick once again, when you promised yourself you would stop instantly. I hope you all are doing well and that you can heal and grow from the experiences you all made. If anyone needs to talk, just write that in a comment, I try to always have a free ear when someone needs it. 💕
I had the same feeling growing up. And now I have the same struggle
@@Erinleigh116 oh i wish you much luck and positive energy with healing and getting better again, it's a long and hard way but it will be worth it!
I felt like you described me as well. It is always nice to know I am not alone. Thank you for sharing 😊.
@@NoOne-di5nv ayy, now I am glad I shared this and I am glad to let you know that you're not alone with this 💗
Same guys, good luck! 💗
Was sitting here picking at a very light almost healed place on my chin, looking for credentials, then I saw this topic.
WHEN THE UNIVERSE Speaks, I am smart enough to listen
This was super helpful. I’ve picked my scalp for as long as I can remember. I do know when my life is more stressful, I do it more. I hope to do more somatic experiencing and hopefully it will resolve itself thru that!
I just remembered doing this in my 6th grade class. I had a spot that I constantly would pick and pull out of my hair. I had a chaotic home life with an alcoholic and abusive father. Geez! I’m 66, and I feel bad for my 6th grade self!
Couldn't help but cry when being brought up in an unsafe environment was mentioned
42 years ago I started this. Three years ago I saw a man with this and it hit me I was not the only one. Along with everything else that people say I think having to deal with medical staff that are unaware has been a big issue in my case. I've had doctors tell me I have bed bugs, allergic reactions to soap, lotions, most just think I'm a drug addict. Once in the hospital they put a sign on my door infectious disease. I have no infectious disease. Living in Florida water activities have always have been an issue. Is just been a long journey and so happy to finally have information on this issue. Thank you
This is behavior that started 14 years ago for me. This was a response from growing up from a dysfunctional family that not only had alcoholic issues, physical, emotional and sexual violence but also had a clinical obsession with physical appearance since physical appearance meant status, beauty, perception of higher intelligence and belonging within the family dynamic with some regard to physical health. It had continued to go on through my early 20’s as I continued to reinforce skin picking along with other behaviors that related as a response to stress and general self loathing with a job I hated. It wasn’t until recently with the advent of a new job, a boyfriend I’m living with, college, a new car and a series of personal wins over the past year that I stopped skin picking, smoking and drinking in an effort to move into rational and a normal stance in my life and embracing that it’s certainly ok not to love your family and be ok with deciding not to reach out or support people who have held me back from accomplishments and or advancements. So far this process has been very uncomfortable but yet, it’s meant to be. Wounds or illnesses don’t heal without some degree of pain before it get’s better.
Been picking one area on my scalp for 14 years. Still doing it daily. Been really bad lately which led me to this video. I’m dx PTSD and it’s definitely related. Luckily dermatillomania and infrequent anxiety attacks are the worst of my issues after getting therapy! Stay strong you all. You’re not alone❤️❤️❤️
same, not dx, but one spot in the scalp, it's maddening
@@dblrainbow_omg Absolutely :(
I’m so thankful for RUclips. I’m thankful it brought me to you as I’m at a breaking point. I have not worn shorts or a swimsuit in over a year. I cancel plans, I stay inside, I’m wasting my life. The insight on everything you said was so powerful and made total sense, it’s like I knew these things deep down but having someone with a better grasp on the situation explain it like this was just mind blowing!
I am 64 and have done this all my life. I grew up in a very stressful home. My dad was a narcissist and physically and mentally abused me. I started with pulling my eyebrows out. Luckily I stopped that. Then it led to just constant picking at my self. Maybe my childhood is the reason I do this. I still do it and try to stop when I catch myself.
I am 68 and like you have picked the skin around both thumbs for as long as I can remember. My dad was the problem too. My childhood and teenage years were so unhappy because of him and the unhappiness carried on into adulthood. He would always have a go at me for picking and biting my thumbs but I don’t think it ever crossed his mind that it was because of him that I did it 😡
Same . Same . Same . Same .
Same same everybody. I am 32, my dad has done this to me since my mom left whn I was at school, he was admitted to a mental home. Thn accussed me of being a spy n all sorts of evil mental abuse every day all sorts constant rants at me callin me my moms name constantly yrs till now got worse n worse. Iv only just started looking into this properly after yrs of thinkin I l just had bad skin but I pluck my eyebrows n face hair. Constantly scanning for a sharp hair or scanning my whole body workin in pain my clothes stickin to my scabs at work, all over my body and face. This had really helped me understanding this properly n waking upto it properly . Love to you all experiencing this I hope you recover n reset ❤️
I have Trichotillomania and can’t stop pulling out my hair. Im 35 and have been doing this since about 7th grade. It affects my lashes and brows. I’ve tried so so many ways to try to heal my nervous system or to calm it when triggered. It’s beyond frustrating and affects my life and wellbeing in many ways. 😢
I feel the same as you❤️ I pray you get through this, you can. Since looking into this properly I can't believe these comments this is a thing. For yrs I thought I had bad skin. From 7th grade just likr you till now iv had this doin same as you. Its so mad to see ppl commenting this exact thing drove me mad all these yrs. Ive been through trauma with my dad for yrs never ending, iv gone to work in excruciating pain feelin on fire scabs sticking to my clothes all over body n face , havin to pull clothes of n pull all scabs of after work n shower feels like hell. I understand you, what ur goin through. Scanning face hair eyebrows skin at night constantly. Do you use steroid? Iv started lookin more into spiritual with this, we have to try so hard let go of trauma dont repeat it in our mind n get away from it (the person caused/still causing trauma). We have to tell the universe our skin is getting better ♥️ ✨️ our skin is feelin better looking better. But also not lookin at it at same time. What we speak into universe will come back n instead of sayin like I do n did loads, instead of sayin to ourselves y is my skin like this, its not gettin better, say the opposite even when it's healing. Try doin hand exercises . Breathin excercises. I pray we will be able to reset our minds n get our skin back n not hav to even think bout it again . All my love 💓 xxxxx
Have you ever considered hypnosis?! Might help
I have the same. I hope for cure or medication for that in the future.
Wow. Thank you. It's like my body heard what you said and I just started sobbing from some place deep in my gut that felt like grief in childhood. I had no idea just understanding what was happening to me would be so impactful on my body.
I know I have trauma. I pull my hair and pick my skin to the point of bleeding. It is self harm. I know my nervous system is dysregulated. But hearing you say so clearly that it's the body's way of coming back to stasis broke me.
I knew this part was there. I've been talking to her for a few weeks. But I finally was able to really *feel* her just now, and feel that total powerlessness and deep grief and just be present with it.
It feels like the grief of knowing I wpuld never be good enough for my parents to put the effort into properly loving me in the way I needed. Terrible isolation, deep loneliness, overarching loss of a nourishing relationship I never had. An experience I never got.
Oh honey 😢 Are you ok? I just want to hug you
Absolutely . Same .
My entire life I have been a nail biter and cuticle picker. In elementary school I would chomp my pencils like a corn cob. I sucked my thumb until I was 11 and the only thing that got me to stop was a sleepover at a friend's house. 😏Still to this day I'm a bruxer according to my dentist. I've been on migraine medications since I was 11 and I'm now 59. I had two ischemic strokes on the left side of my brain and became disabled at 49. The doctor said they didn't know how in the world I survived them. But here I am.
EMDR hypnosis was amazing for me. One session. Two weeks later I realised I had stopped picking because I was not ruminating. I was able to think about my dead lover with out chest pain. I highly recommend attending a psychologist who is experienced in EMDR.
Thank you for this…I am literally looking into this!
Hypnosis is demonic unfortunately. Be careful!
Thank you for this. It makes so much sense to me and I think having this information and understanding will help me in the process towards stopping pick my scalp and skin. It’s been a long and honestly embarrassing journey. It also makes it hard that it isn’t talked about or even heard of by a lot of professionals. So, I really appreciate you digging into this topic and in a way that is easy to grasp.
The strange rashes or bumps I would get in a previous 20 yr marriage were something I'd pick at. Gosh this now makes such sense. I don't get them anymore but occasionally.
Today I occasionally fimd myself picking at the bumps I'll get on my legs and I honestly didn't associate it w trapped trauma.
I also notice I constantly close my lips tight for years and thought it was a natural "tick" I had.
I bet teeth clenching at nite is one too bc I wear a mouth guard since I escaped domestic violence.
Thank you for this information.
Its like a missing puzzle piece to some behavior we dont recognize as past trauma.
Been searching RUclips all night .. this video has made the most sense.
Thank you!
25 years ago at age 13 I started the habit of picking skin off my lips. I feel that I have a memory of it starting in my 8th grade English class but I've been unsure of the cause. I do it still, quite frequently. I was diagnosed with complex ptsd and OCD 1.5 years ago so this is all very interesting and helpful so thank you.
Thank you for sharing. We're not alone
I started in 10th grade (14 yrs ago) and diagnosed PTSD 4 yrs ago. Thanks for sharing your story!
I have the same situation.. it comes and goes depending on my work load. My fingernail biting shifted to my lips 😂 I’m aware of the problem which helps me try to control it but… I doubt it will ever go away… perhaps just shift to another thing.
Same. I started lip picking as a child. And then finger picking. I too had an OCD and PTSD diagnosis. It was a shameful secret. So good to see scientific info like this. Very validating and helpful to understand.
Hi i hope your doing well ❤️ This is so interesting, you was diagnosed by the GP. I have been goin to the doc n skin hospital since I was in school to now, im 32. The whole time I have suffered with this over my entire body n face, feet , hands, n they only give me immunosuppresants n steroids. They say u can't have kids on the medicine n it doesn't work anyway.
This makes a lot of sense. I don’t believe I’ve ever heard someone explain it the way you do. Thank you so much from a new sub!
Oh wow! You’re based in Vancouver too!
🧍♀️me watching this realizing I’ve been picking my head the whole time
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve listened to several on the topic, but your information was the first that really made sense to me. From the reasons we do this to knowing that there are methods to stop. I took screenshots of many of the links I found in answers to comments. Looking forward to having time to explore these and start the free course!
I first remember skin picking my face at age 13 immediately after my parents had me arrested for “incorrigibility.”
I remember that after admittance and processing into the Detention Hall, I sat on my bed in the cell and picked every pimple on my already broken out adolescent face.
It felt very soothing, but the bright red spots covering my face added to my already poor self-image.
After this cleared up, I don’t remember having issues with it for many years. If I did, they were occasional and mild.
At 27, I entered a stressful marriage. My face broke out and once again, the picking started.
After several years this calmed down. I did have times when I picked the skin on my arms but not to a great degree.
Now, I am 64, separated (but maintaining an amiable relationship with my husband) for the past 13 years.
For the last 6 years, I
have lived with an elderly couple until he passed away this past October.
Now the wife (whom I’ve know for 15 years and thought was my friend) is kicking me out.
I have 2 weeks left to find a storage unit and a place to live and have all of my belongings removed from her premises.
During the most of the time I’ve lived here, I’ve had bouts of picking my forehead off and on, some leaving it quite raw and ugly.
I’ve listened to Minds in Unison, a RUclips channel with subliminal recordings. That has helped a bit, but not enough.
Even with the amount of stress I am currently under, my forehead does not look good, but it has looked much worse in the past.
I’m sorry to have rambled on and on. That was not my intention, but maybe if someone else can relate, it might help them.
Listening to this video has given me a lot of hope, and as soon as I get relocated, I intend to start the program.
Thank you for what you are doing and especially for making so much information free. I just recently started receiving disability and my check is small because I
barely met the work requirements.
I know things are going to work out. God has allowed me to be tested, (what seems mightily at times), throughout my life, but He has never let me down. He always comes through.
OMG how are you doing today, how did your situation resolved and how's picking or not picking today? Sending you hugs and greetings ❣️
Trichotillomania > dissociative trance state me and my cumulative PTSD + Dissociaties mixed symptoms (amnesia + fugue and more)..
I've grown up in complex trauma, forgave my parents, worked within my family . I've survived eating disorders, skin picking, running away from home at 15, etc etc etc...I've read self help books, get therapy on line, married & divorced twice, endured depression, being a Christian has helped, it's all made my faith stronger, more resilient. Survived recent attacks from Narcissist envious siblings still going on. Still I keep getting back up, have 2 grown children, 3 dogs, one big fat cat, gardening 🪴 is extremely therapeutic, hiking in nature with the dogs as well. Nice 2 learn origin of this terrible self harm.
Interesting.. I pick my face and I have no understanding how ugly I've caused my face to be. I now have scars all over it. I'm ashamed to be around people and am such loner. When I pick, my face becomes detached from my sense of self and I think I view it sorta like a science project. Also, the idea of doing the picking as a way to deescalate seems like it's a fit for me b/c after'entering the world of the mirror and that(my) face, I leave it calmer.
Sometimes we get into harmful relationships for the same reason- self harm delegated to someone else. Have you noticed this too with your students, Irene?
Hi Dr. Nima Rahmany, Jen here from Team Lyon. My experience is that the answer to this may be both/and. People often get into harmful relationships because it's what they know and/or on some level believe they deserve. In some ways this is similar to the management strategies and behaviors that Irene discussing, and it can be a bit different (and more complex) too.
I’m a pimple picker. I must get the core out. Mostly on my scalp. I find it soothing, and if I pull out a white core, it feels like a prize. I have picked as long as one year at the same pimple. My kids told me I have OCD. I eat the same foods all the time, rarely branching out. I’m on a bagel kick right now. If we run out of bagels I go from cupboard to cupboard, freezer, fridge and feel like there’s nothing to eat. It’s 100% psychological and I am fully aware. But I’m better as I’m growing older, there’s a self-love that happens when you look at yourself in the mirror and say ‘screw the world I’m just fine the way I am.’
Check out Autism as well. High functioning autism (Aspergers) in women plassen out entree differently than in men.
Plays*
After doing 7 days of the 21day Nervous System Tune Up, I'm beginning to realize I use skin picking as a way of "getting out" of freeze. For example, when I have been on social media too long, or when I have been ruminating over something. I'll be exploring new ways of getting back connection to my body.
omg
I can tell this is true, I do not feel at ease completely EVER. I pick less when I’m with my gf, but alone it’s all day every day.
I find this very interesting- I myself have a bad case of picking/biting my fingers for as long as i could recall. My family and others have always referred to it as a bad habit of nail biting and I would try various methods to stop myself from biting them (nail polish, chewing on something else) but I found whenever I got really stressed or overwhelmed with emotion, I'd pick at them again. I'd even argue it crossed the line a lot of times into a form of self harm where I'd continue to pick even if it hurt a lot or I knew it was going to bleed.
Helped put a lot of things into perspective..thanks!
I have the same experience - biting my fingers, ripping my lips even (and my son does the same now, he sadly spent his young childhood in a very toxic environment with my now narc-ex), and picking my ears and scalp. In times of great distress I use to do it more, and sometimes I find myself doing it when I thought I was in no particular emotional stress at all... I have known for a while the two are linked - stress and the salf-harm - but I had not yet linked it to my childhood. Which is kind of weird, since so much of my current distress originates there. Anyhow, my parents would hit me or scold me when I was biting or picking. My mother used to bind my hands in washcloths at night, not only to prevent nail-biting but also thumb-sucking. I believe the latter was a more obvious way of self-soothing, which I did till I was 11. But my mother would punish me severely for it. Even at age 5 I was told I would never know love, and I was not lovable at all, and people would soon find out the truth about me. I have bitten my fingers for as long as can remember.
I used to pick my scalp really bad to the point where most of my head was littered with scabs and sores. It would hurt when I brushed my hair and stung when I took a shower.
I would feel gross but would tell myself that I deserved the pain BECAUSE I was a gross person.
A random tumblr post a few years ago claimed that skin picking could be seen as a form of self harm.
I ended up crying because for me it really was the pain that I was after. I wanted the sting.
Thankfully it was also the wake up call i needed to change habits.
I will still scratch occasionally and if I get really stressed I may find a small scab every so often.
But over the years I've been able to shift my habits in favor of rubbing/massaging my scalp instead of full on scratching.
This is me too. Right now my entire scalp is a scab, almost as if the original scab just rapidly spread. My scalp hurts when I brush it or wash my hair. I have a huge bald spot on my crown. I just can’t seem to stop picking :(
But I never realized it’s self harm. It feels like soothing to me.
Thank you for sharing this. One of my sons, has a picking habit, he will alternately chew on this inside of his mouth and/or lips, finger and toe nails, he also scratches his arm or legs, which often end up as open sores, I have mostly put this down to his allergies and boredom but now I am thinking there maybe more to this. I often ask why he's doing it and he has no idea, so its made it hard to help him stop. Thanks again.
When I was taken away from my mom for 8 months I remember this one specific thing: when she was drunk and driving I remember picking at my skin trying to forget the fact that my mother was going to get arrested and me and my brother would be alone. After that it became habit to do that when I was nervous, scared, angry etc and it’s stuck with me my whole life since. My mom is always telling me to stop, your ruining yourself. I can’t really tell her this is all because of her wrong doing.
Hi .Nishioko., Jen here from Team Lyon. It sounds like you have a clear idea of when this started. As you may have learned in Irene's video, we often develop these habits and behaviors as a way to mange what feels like too much, overwhelming.
As we develop nervous system regulation and capacity, we learn to work with these underlying feelings and experiences so that they no longer feel overwhelming. Instead, the feelings we hold inside and the associated energy becomes available to us as aliveness and creativity.
ugh i've had it all my life. it's awful when i really get at my face. i can't leave the house for a week! it's too embarrassing. i sorta loved the mask part of the covid crisis, because id have an excuse to cover my face on bad skin days. i've experienced some serious traumas during my formative years. so i'm not surprised i have this problem. ugh This is so interesting. Makes so much sense. Thank you.
Also, I've just this year done Irene's Smart Body Smart Mind program and also have worked with a somatic practitioner for two years now. Recently I had a bad accident with subsequent surgery and have been practically bed-ridden for six weeks now. In that time I've done a lot of emotional release and just this morning realized that I don't have bleeding sliced self-inflicted wounds on the pads of my thumbs or sides of my cuticles. I also notice now when I am triggered and become more aware of how I feel and respond. "Orienting" is probably my #1 resource now... I recommend the SBSM program or the 12-week nervous system tune-up. Lots of work still to do, but I recognize that I have a lifetime of unhealthy emotional dissociation that needs to be recognized and released.
I love this video. I am a long time picker, and I feel that this video has really helped me realize that I need help. I have been pulling my eyelashes out of my eyes for so long and it has made me feel very ugly but I ended up stop doing that for some quite time now, but after that I somehow felt the urge to pick at my chest area now and I really don't want to have to do it. It is just and urge for some reason and I don't want to have all these scars on my chest area. Even when I don't think about doing it I just occasionally do anyways. But I really liked this video will probably try to get help from a doctor so I can stop this urge of picking. Thank you so much!!!
been trying to reassure myself that reducing day by day is doing good
I think my skin picking (cuticles) was due to feeling shame and overwhelming feelings as a child and it was my ‘downcast’ focus to try to bypass those feelings and avoid looking at people. I’m becoming more conscious of it even though I still do it unconsciously. Thank you Irene.
Hi Irene,
My pulling has really decreased since being involved with 21 Day course. I have now become completely clear about when and why I do it: when trying to make big decisions about money or when my hair is dry. I think both situations aren't good. Your video has clarified what the original circumstances are. Thankyou. I have been pulling since age 13. I remember when and where it started.
Hello, Sophia from Team Lyon here. Thank you for your comment and for sharing your feedback about the 21 Day course, we're glad this has landed so well with you. Keep doing the work and please know you can reach out for support in the members' area all year round with any specific questions, where our trained team of moderators will offer insights and support.
One tip I give to skin pickers, specially females, is to wear long nail extensions. It works very well for me. Since 6 years old I have the uncontrolable habit to pick my lips' skin. But if I wear the extensions, I simply can't do it.
Thank you for this
Put simply scratching releases endorphins which is relaxing so it's a coping mechanism
not exactly
Dont agree
I used to pick my lips till they bled and chew up the inside of my cheek, off & on for years... somehow over the years of yoga etc it stopped 🤗
This encourages me to keep up with the yoga routine!
Interesting, I just cannot stop touching a place on my scalp. My trauma if I can call it that was that my mother wouldn't allow me to feel my feelings and my dad backed her up. It does feel more like soothing than harming to me. A redirection. Of what I don't know. I don't even know what I'm feeling when I do it.
I have a similar experience, with hair pulling from a very specific area on my scalp. It developed when I was about 10-11 years old, following a period when I felt very abandoned, unseen, unheard and alone. My mother wasn't interested on my feelings and didn't give me choices, it was always her way and she told me how I should feel.
@@TheCoffeeCat wow,that desctibes my mother too. There's a connection for sure. This helps me a bit. I feel less of an oddball for doing this. Ironically my mother has been shouting "stop that!" at me for about 20 years now. My hand jumps and comes back to my side but the anxiety makes it leap back up again involuntarily.
@@SusanaXpeace2u Yes, you are not alone at all! My mother did the same whenever she saw me touching my scalp. I leaned to hide it well, but then she would find heaps of hair around the house and scold me. The thing I needed most (and asked for), which was therapy, she never gave me - "it's just a bunch of nonsense". Hang in there, we are survivors, in a sense! *hug*
Me too, the places varies, but it's kind of very annoying, so i look here for ways to be able to stop this
@@TheCoffeeCat damn that hits. i only really started at like 20 or something. and i really dont know why. its usually the back of my head on my crown. my barber said it didnt look great when he cut my hair. sometimes when i catch myself my whole body feels like its embarresed or something. a weird feeling that i really dont like
I remember being in preschool and impulsively picking my mosquito bites. Then I'd get scared because they were bleeding so I'd cover them all in dirt. I'd do this over and over again. Then around 1st grade I started intensely biting my nails and the skin around my index and thumb. Now I'm 25 and I have a major issue with ear picking and have had many ear infections because of it. I still bite my nails and pick my mosquito bites, but the ear picking is by far the worst. People have always offered quick, easy solutions to my BFRBs but they last maybe a day, or a week at most. I've never heard of these issues being a form of self harm backed by a nervous system response to trauma. This video was very helpful and I'm going to look deeper into the issue. I hope to stop this horrible cycle asap.
Hi Maia Papaya, Jen here from Team Lyon. It's great to hear that the video was helpful. I'll link to Irene's free Healing Trauma video raining and to some of her free resources in case you'd like to learn more. If you decide you'd like to go further, you might check out the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up. The 'Tune Up' is a self-study course where you can learn the basics related to nervous system education and practice. I'll link to that too in case you want to check that out.
free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com
I really hope you have updated your understanding on these behaviours. An enormous amount of BFRBs are natural responses to common infections of the skin that become systemic. Some immune systems are less able to processes environmental toxins. Please look into all this for your own unique body and history. This survival mode we go into can't be fixed psychologically or behaviourally when our systems are overrun with stuff we cannot process and in many cases, cannot escape from the environments causing our illness long enough to heal. It's like expecting a soldier to recover from PTSD while they refuse to take them off the battlefield.
Thanks for this comment.
@@loverainthunder You are welcome 🙏🏻
Reading so many of these comments is helpful…. I’m not alone.
There’s a girl who suffered from many different issues and mental illness and more but she picked so much she had picked her legs down to LITERAL BONE!!! I’m not kidding and I’m not being dramatic at all she picked until they had to do skin grafts and then she picked those as well…eventually HAD TO HAVE ABOVE THE KNEE AMP…(REMOVAL) now her case isn’t just about OCD or even just about a mental illness but she became very known online for her “medical issues” that she told her viewers & up until a point she even convinced doctors she had health issues and had blood transfusions…so because she got so much attention she kept creating these fake “medical conditions” to suffer from one after another until ppl caught on so a lot of people were calling it “munchausen by internet” and I would have to agree there but she gets a lot of hate for it but it just makes me think of something a close friend told me…She said she used to make fun of a girl at school because she self (HURT) herself and she thought it was just “all for attention” and her counselor told her (If she’s hurting herself just to have attention then something must truly be hurting her inside) & that stuck with her forever…anyway I’m not here to say what’s right or wrong or what I agree with or don’t … luckily this woman is still alive and I’m hoping doing much better now…just wanted to mention her because when I heard you say skin picking is a “mild form” of self HURT I thought about her …& I do know of many others who take it way to far, either not on purpose, or purposefully. whether it’s a person with DFD, OCD, or even more specific OCD disorders like trichotillomania & dermotillomania …I do realize that as you’re correct in MOST the time it’s a more mild form of self hurt sometimes it can be just as harmful as others. The woman I’m talking about in this comment is named Kelly Ronahan.
Been picking at my thumbs and scabs and bumps on my body since before I can remember. 😢
I pick until there’s no scab. No matter how deep that scab is. I have bad scaring. Pain from it won’t stop me. Blood won’t stop me. Not if there’s scabs left. I wish I could stop but have done it since a small child, from before I can remember.
JackieRabbit, Jen here from Team Lyon. I hope Irene's video helped you to understand the reasons behind these habits. In short, we don't have the inner support we need to manage our experience (because we weren't taught how) and so we need to find ways to manage what we feel inside.
As learn to work with the nervous system, we learn to relate to our experience in new ways and the need for habits such as picking tend to dissipate with time. I encourage you to keep learning more and consider checking our Irene's resources and offerings.
My mother is a skin picker for a long time. My earliest memories are of her using a knife to go after “pimples” on her arms, face and breast. She had one area on her breast for over 20 years that only healed when she had a stroke and was in a rehab where she couldn’t pick it. Over the last 3 years she has started picking again causing abscesses in her skin that require antibiotics to clear up. She doesn’t think she has a problem and says things like “It’s my face what do you care” or “I don’t bother you when you do things”. The PCP said unless she agrees to therapy and that she has a problem there isn’t much they can do to help. Is there anything I can do to help at home? This is a constant problem but one that she will not do around strangers or her caregiver. Short having 24/7 care which I can’t afford, I am at a loss.
Hi Laura - Mara here with Team Lyon. I hear your deep care and concern for your mother. These behaviors can be hard to shift even when one wants to shift them. The comments from your mother may indicate some combination of denial, shame, or apathy. I wonder if you might help introduce loving skin care without saying anything negative, maybe with some new lotion to apply after bathing along with a gentle massage. If you can offer some warmth and caring, she might receive that, especially where she's been resistant to direct approaches.
I hope your momma is doing well. For future viewers, I find things like crocheting help. Puzzles. Coloring. Stuff you can do with your hands, repeat motions, mind wanders. You get the same feeling without the harm. Crochet really helps me.
Omg. ! Thats me. Traumatic violent childhood . Its with anxiety . History of dissociation
I had no idea that skin picking was thing, I always that I was some random thing I did but after realizing it had to to with trauma (which happened many times in my childhood) then it made sense...but I'm still in shock. Wow...thanks for this info
I did this to my scalp in 6th grade and had a chaotic household with an abusive alcoholic father. Now, my son, who is 35 and has had a lot of brain traumas, picks at one knuckle until it was infected. He now has mold toxicity and Lyme, and his brain is inflamed terribly. This has been the worst year because I had him come to live with me, and it’s hard!
I hear you Kathryn Willette! Hopefully some of the information you're finding here and that I linked to in response to your other post will be helpful to you and to your son. - Jen from Team Lyon
Thank you so much for this video
Been biting/picking fingers/nails, feet, lips, inner cheeks, scalp. Since I was 4yrs old.
Well I have slight ocd I think it hasn’t been diagnosed but for a few years it was really bad it would take hours of my night but I also pick my nails haven’t cut them since 3 and pick my lips till they bleed I can’t stop it’s very hard and when there’s dead skin I pick it anyways is there a connection with those I don’t have trauma
How do you get some thing like this diagnosed/ treatment for this? I've only started thinking it might be something like this recently. I've been doing a few of the scratching, picking at nails and hair and skin and scalp for several years and never realized it might be a problem.
I assume this is the same with hair pulling. I started pulling out my eyelashes when I was five. BUT it never became a destructive, continuous, compulsive thing until after I experienced a violent assualt and developed PTSD. It was like my mild way of coping, and cutting was the more extreme way of coping.
I just found your channel and I have watched at least a handful of videos, but I'm rather annoyed we were never taught about this whole theory and technique in college inPsychology.
Thank you for your work. I'll be digesting your videos and Playlists for a while, I'm sure.
Kistin Light, Jen here from Team Lyon. It's great to hear that Irene's teachings are resonating with you. I hear your frustration about not being taught this in college. I also wanted to confirm that yes, this does apply to hair pulling too.
And since you're new around here, here's a link to Irene's New Here page: irenelyon.com/new-here/
i use to always tell my mom to stop, and now i often catch myself going to town on my scalp
Heyy, when you were talking about a boy in the beginning, were you talking about Ian from Shameless when he started mediaction for his bpd?
Yup!
It's interesting that some people can remember when they started. I could never tell when, so it makes it difficult to find the underlying issue that's deriving it. as long as I remember my thumb cuticles were red or bleeding, I scratched my scalp or pulled hair. Everyone told me to stop, that I get sick because of doing this, like some kind of threat! that was total nonsense to me. there's no logic involved, I don't make a decision to pick my skin.
if I try to stop, I immediately notice that I'm clenching my jaw, biting my tongue or lips. I have chipped teeth because of that, and only when I was 30 I heard that all of this is a kind of compulsive disorder
My daughter has been doing this since a young age toes and fingers. We were told it is ADHD. We paid for OT weekly for years - age 3.5 till 13. OT did not help.
Recently found out that it is related to trauma.
She’s 14 now and is stuck wearing the same clothes for 12 weeks.
Lots of anger so also working through your videos related to anger.
I have picked this picking up the past few years. Not a coincidence.
My life has been chaotic and uncertain. It's sweet my body is trying to calm me down .
Does biting nails falls into the same/similar category than skin picking? I'm 36 years old now and it seems to me a life long habit, I have no memories when I didn't bite my nails. (I'm not actually biting them but they are very short, I sort of ripping them off but it's not painful.)
Same! Nails and cuticles. I make myself bleed!
Hi Dori Jo, Jen here from Team Lyon. Yes, biting nails can fall into this category too.
I don’t remember anyone commenting this, so I’m just gonna put this out there. Yes I pick at bumps on my skin, whatever, and yes I am aiming for control. The biggest thing though, is that when I pick,
_I don’t feel anxious._
I don’t feel the constant ball of anxiety that has lived in my stomach, just below my ribs for basically my entire life. And that’s a really big deal-it’s one of the few things I can do to stop that feeling. (Or one of the few things I know to do)
Hi penny candy, Jen here from Team Lyon. Thanks for your comment. You captured the essence of why people pick, or drink, or work or exercise a lot - to help them to put their attention on something other than what they are feeling inside.
@@IreneLyon Hi Jen, thanks for answering. That's funny, it never occurred to me that people who do the things you listed would feel the same (temporary) relief that I feel when I pick.
And just to hazard a guess, I bet that people are having increased issues lately from stress due to the state of the world.
There is a biology to stored trauma, which is held in specific structures in the brain. We refer to this biological aspect as traumatic injury. There is a medical procedure called stellate ganglion block which can blunt the effects of stored trauma in the fear centers of the brain, allowing it to go back to a more normal level of self-protection. The effects are often long lasting (months) and can be repeated. Lots of videos around about this procedure, but a recent patient of mine helped me connect the dots between trauma, trichotillomania and dermatillomania.
Used to pick my hair out when I was a child one by one.. picked my scalp for a year, then tweezing, eating disorder, nail biting, I am free of them all, I don’t know what changed. Then a year ago I developed hormonal acne and I am day one not destroying my face. I pray god will heal me of whatever has caused this and thank him that I know there will come a time when I am free of this and have learnt a great deal along the journey.
guys.... if your biting your fingers...... USE A GLOVE...... trust me... it works..... will power sometimes may not be enough...... and physical means help alot..... LIKE ALOT... thx
Thanks for the video! It helped me gain new insight on why I pick.
I'm on a journey to start recovering from skin picking and am working on learning more about the disorder
Marie M, Jen here from Team Lyon. Great to hear this was helpful! This work that Irene teaches can often be very powerful in growing the nervous system capacity and regulation that allows these coping mechanisms to gradually fall away. You might check out Irene's free Healing Trauma Training and introductory course, the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up if you haven't already done so.
free Healing Trauma Training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com
I am 51 and just started obsessively popping my fingers. It is extremely painful at this point.
It isn't trauma based. I am trying to figure it out but right now i think it is multiple factors: too much screen time, dopamine addiction, copper deficiency from zinc sunscreen and a supplement that has zinc but no copper.
Those are my current theories and if i rule those out I'll move to new ones.
The one thing i know it isn't is trauma. I had a good childhood and have a great marriage and life.
Please look for biological issues for your clients and not just trauma talk.
Hi @brandinshaeffer8970, Seth here with Team Lyon. Thanks for sharing about your experience. I'm very glad to hear about your positive upbringing and healthy marriage, that's definitely rare in today's world!
Our clients and students generally did not, and often do not, have these things, as they are people who have been traumatized and are living with that unresolved trauma in their system, otherwise they would not be our clients. As such, our content is focused on that lens.
It is true that there are a great many bodily experiences and symptoms out there that can have multiple factors as a cause, including environmental, chemical, pharmaceutical, dietary, lifestyle, and more. However, since we are somatic trauma specialists, we tend to focus here on the causes that are trauma related, so we can stay within our scope of practice. Irene does bring in different guest speakers from time to time who are experts in these other matters.
One thing important to note - unresolved trauma IS a biological issue. Fundamentally it is a dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system, which governs all of the body's automatic processes, so unresolved trauma does affect us biologically in a great many ways.
this was very helpful, thank you.
Hi Irene. Thank you for great explanation, as always ❤️ I have a question about OCD. There is lots of information around behaviour in OCD but not much about intrusive thoughts. Would you be able to talk about it? Because I know people who would benefit from it.
Agree with Barbara, how vagus nerve therapy could help OCD’s sufferers?
Hi Basia Barbara, Jen here from Team Lyon. From a nervous system perspective, OCD manifesting behaviorally is very similar to OCD manifesting as intrusive thoughts. In one manifestation, the OCD is focused on the external environment, in the other it shows up more in the internal environment (and sometimes it's a mix of both).
In both cases, there are typically high sympathetic activation and unexpressed survival responses present. Doing the work to grow nervous system regulation and capacity and heal trauma the way Irene teaches can often help to shift this over time. If you haven't yet seen Irene's free Healing Trauma training, it can be well worth the watch. I'll link to another related resource of Irene's too and will pass your request along.
free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma-freeresources/
Q&A with Irene Lyon. OCD, ADD, the faux window of healing... - ruclips.net/video/2g4C0LZfA-A/видео.html
@@teamlyon3109 Hello Jen. Thank you so much for taking time to write back to me. Much appreciate it❤️ I know the mechanisms of OCD. I only thought of those who I know and struggle with this type of ocd that would benefit from the video specifically talking about harm OCD. I often send Irene’s videos to my friends, because they are so informative and supportive😊
Thank you for your help 🙏
@@basiabarbara3365, thanks for clarifying and adding a bit of context. People who post here have widely varying backgrounds and levels of understanding about the concepts discussed here. I hear you about harm OCD and too think it could be helpful to have some related dedicated resources. And thank you for passing the videos along!
I would like to know HOW to treat, not just to “work with a therapist.” You are the first professional I’ve heard that even understands what this is, as a condition. So many just gave a blank look…
Hey Suzanne, Seth here with Team Lyon. Thanks for your comments! I'll encourage you to keep watching and learning. For more specifics on HOW to treat trauma in general (which can include resolving things like skin picking etc..) I recommend this free, three-part video training from Irene... irenelyon.com/healing-trauma-training-2022/
So who wants to quite cuticle picking once and for all? Cause I’ve been telling myself I’m gonna stop for good multiple times and I have yet to truly stick to it so who wants to join me🙏🙂
OCD is also partly genetic… so, while some kind of trauma can exacerbate one’s tendency to skin pick, etc, it can also come from a genetic inclination. I say that b/c my kids each have a unique way to deal with stress since toddler days; one is an intense nail biter type, another pokes his tongue into his cheek and can at times pick his cuticles, and the last cries or smiles. They each process stress differently.
oh ok I see you have posted links to further links on this subject. Hopefully they address how to stop!
thank you
The hand episode. Thats from shameless, Ian who is bipolar… that show saved me♥️ loved this video
Wow, this is so very helpful. Thank you!!!
It's nice to see this talked about from the side of underlying causes versus behaviorally focused (doing tricks -- hahaha, look at that pun! -- to stop the acts).
So, thank you.
I watch pimple popping videos and it helps me cope a little. I still pick but I also use this spot correcting serum made by differin. It smells horrible but it works very well!
When my spouse left, I picked up a nasty habit of picking my gums with my fingers. I rock back and forth all day while periodically crying. Between episodes of crying, I pick my gums so hard they hurt. My therapist can't figure out a program to get me off this. I think so much of it has to do with Trauma that can't be fixed, a feeling of hopelessness, and constant boredom.
Hi Scott Lewis, Jen here from Team Lyon. In this nervous system work, we call habits like these management strategies, or defensive accommodations. We need these to help us to deal with feelings that may otherwise feel like too much. When we do this nervous system work that Irene teaches and/or work with a trained nervous system practitoner, we learn to grow nervous system capacity and regulation and heal trauma. As we do, these strategies an habits tend to fall away. There is definitely hope!
I've been doing this exact thing for years now..dont know what triggered it. I have mainly been doing it on my arms and chest area. I've also managed to avoid my face because I cannot hide it there. Could I ask...could this be brought on by an inner chaos of..for instance...thinking you need to make some sort of massive change in your life? I suppose it's similar to boredom.
My hair pulling is triggered by feeling like I need to "change" drastic or small. The feeling is rooted in childhood emotional abandonment. My child self thinks "maybe if I change I will get the love I need". I hope this helps.
@@queengoblin holy sh$@...this does help. Oh my gosh..thank you
Hi Goose 1302, Seth here with Team Lyon. Yes! This kind of behavior is essentially a way to manage and soothe stress, so anything that bumps up the level of stress in the system, such as a situation like you describe, could stimulate this behaviour.
Would squeezing arm and back "rashes" (small bumps that ooze a material of thick white consistency) that otherwise don't hurt count?
Yes
I'd say it depends on WHY you are doing this. To me, it makes sense to clear clogged pores. I get these 'bumps' occasionally in the groin area and they exude the same sort of thick white gunk you describe. One that I left alone turned into a raised white cyst. I have to ask though, how do you manage to squeeze them on your back? :-)
@@helenwhills9828 its very easy to squeeze on your back lol you learn one handed and get more flexible. The problem is when you have a lot of them it is very damaging and spreads when you pop them. Same for acne on the face.
Hi D1visor, Jen here from Team Lyon. As Helen said, it depends. Squeezing rashes (or pimples) isn't in itself a management/coping strategy, and if you feel like you don't have a choice whether to do it or not, if it helps you to numb out/disconnect, then those are signs that it likely is. It's not the behavior so much as what's driving it and the way it effects us.
@@helenwhills9828 I only ever did it on my arms.
Excoriation Disorder is NOT self harm. It's mindless and the harm results indirectly. It's actually within OCD. You are repeating until completion, true. I've never thought of it attached to trauma though and I've never even heard of that... makes sense but I don't know there are actual studies. Please educate yourself more about this.
This was very helpful.
I have stopped hair pulling for over 6 weeks now and I'm a few days addiction free of food but now I've reverted back to picking the dry scaly skin on my feet and pick scabs on my head. These were easy ones to quit so how do I relieve the stress to stop?
I've been in somatic experiencing therapy for 6 years, but it hasn't helped me to get rid of this 'bad habit'.
Thanks for the insight, have been thinking about going into SE therapy. Has it helped with other things?
So you didn't really address how to stop picking in this video. Do you have another video that shows how to stop??
I started this when I was 9, I've been violated a few times (not the worst of the worst but still in a way I think was uncomfortable and probably made me detach from my body) as a result I've probably developed anxiety. It's crazy how little traumas can stick with us
@cornpopisabaddude, yes, for sure little traumas can have a big impact on us. We sometimes call these "little T's". I'll share a link to a related video in case you want to check it out.
Why there is no such thing as as little "T" - irenelyon.com/2023/02/19/why-there-is-no-such-thing-as-little-t/
- Jen from Team Lyon
For me it started as a teenager, I was subject to parental neglect, trauma, physical abuse and bullying. It was so relaxing doing that. Now i a. 29, and i still do it under stress. Makes me hate myself
@xy4669 Hello, Sophia here from Team Lyon. Thank you for your comment and sharing about what's on for you. We really appreciate it. In connection to what Irene is talking about in this video, if you wish to learn more about your nervous system and how to work with it, we highly recomment Irene's free resources and free mini-training, all housed under this link: irenelyon.com/free-resources/
I have these grooves on some of my fingernails because I rub at my cuticles when I’m feeling extra stressed. I used to bite my nails and pick at my cuticles but the damage it did was painful, so this is where I wound up.
I started pulling/twirling my hair in 4th grade and in the last three years have been picking my skin. I think it is due to internal stress that I just don’t know how to deal with. The only help I have heard of is from people who want to stop the habit only. Where do I start to learn how to deal with whatever (stress?) is causing these habit? Thank you!!
@sstarschlonegar - Start here: irenelyon.com/new-here/
Truly, anywhere you start with building regulation and capacity will help you notice what comes before the picking and what other choices you have in that moment.
-Mara with Team Lyon
I specifically searched out a video that addresses skin picking (and found you) because I recently started picking dead skin off of my feet. I had sawba video on elderly people who's feet were seriously neglected. I was left seriously stunned that stuff like this happens in to people America.
I began doing whatever to make sure there's no dead skin on the bottom of MY feet. I'm full on obsessing,tearing myself at times (bleeding). I have zero desire to hurt myself like I occasionally do.
This is not good.
Michelle Moore, I'm glad your search led you to Irene's YT channel, and to this nervous system work that she teaches. I hope you heard in the video that there is much hope for change when people learn about and engage in this work. Since it sounds like you're new around here, you might check out Irene's New Here page - irenelyon.com/new-here/
@@IreneLyon thank you so much. :)