Try writing a letter to your dad but never send it. Write everything you are feeling even if it's angry or doesn't seem to make sense write it. Then when you are ready rip the letter up.
Wow! Her story is so similar to mine. I found out my parents were getting a divorce when I was 23. It later came out that my Dad was having a 10 year long affair with another woman. My Dad was never sorry, he completely justified what he did. Then, after only meeting the other woman once, he married her less than a year after the divorce. He expected my brother and I to shove down our feelings and pretend to be a happy family at the wedding (my Dad even made my brother give the Best Man’s speech). I’m 38 now, and I still have such deep hurts and unhealed wounds. It completely destroyed our family and completely changed the way I look at my Dad. He was always my hero that I looked up to. Now all I see is a narcissistic, manipulative, self-absorbed man. If you’re thinking of having an affair, I don’t care how old your children are, it’s going to ruin their lives. Please just don’t do it!
He mad your brother give the best mans speech?!?! The audacity. I’m sorry you and your brother had to deal with that on top of the rest of the betrayal.
What do I do? My father cheated on my mom with our maid who is younger than me for 2 years? My mom has sacrificed for him all this 28 years, dealing with his toxic mother and his siblings. My father is a hypocrite who is so nice to others, helping others but not his immediate families. I hate him so much. What do I do?
i'm so sorry. i know that's tough to handle. i would find an expert therapist and work through the anger and move towards forgiving your father. remember forgiveness is for you and a way to help you ease the pain and heal. i know it's awful but healing is vital for your own future, your own marriage one day and even your own parenting. if you can find a therapist you trust, i'm confident it will be life changing for you. i'm again so sorry.
It is easy for others to say forgive the mother or father who cheated and doesn't even feel any remorse. Take your time in forgiving. The anger and the pain you feel is not wrong, it is just. The key is to use it to improve your life. Find a psychologist and talk, or if you have a friend to confide in, please do that. Or talk to your siblings if you have any.
I'm in the same situation as you. but the thing is that my mom still thinks they can be together. She doesn't want to leave him. That is killing me. It destroys me. My brother doesn't care because my dad has money. So he still need from my dad. I get it. But they are just all pretending everything is ok. No one cares.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I went through the same thing. Please find a qualified counsellor to help you through this. Also joining groups that can support you during this time. After going through that I have learned you can't change what someone else has done or will do but you can change how you help yourself to heal and live your life.
Me and my dad had a strong relationship. I was the one who found out he was having an affair and told my mom. I am beyond broken words can’t describe how I feel right now.... not looking forward to the future
It’s 100% true. When daughters know their fathers are unfaithful, it damages our ability to trust in much of anything regarding love and relationships.
@@bobafetttea I just want to say I really value this comment. It hits so close to home with me. I grew up with a dad who had affairs all through my childhood and adulthood, and while I’ve been in a healthy relationship for 12 years I still struggle with trust on a daily basis. Anyway just wanted to say this comment resonates with me!
It’s heartbreaking that due to parental or spousal infidelity, many now think of being the side piece or affair partner as the preferable or viable option. Or they shop for spouses in other peoples relationships. 🤮
I’m sorry. Pastor, computer programmer, teacher, coach..... My husband was more active in Girl Scouts than me; he was their basketball coach, and their soccer coach. He was always there when they/we needed him. He thought because what he did did not involve “our hours“, and the time that he gave to us, that it wasn’t hurting us… And I guarantee you nobody who knows him would ever have in 1 million years said that he would do what he did. But he did, and he did it for five years. They’re finding it much easier to forgive him than me. But, they’re words, “he has his own box”.
This is so hard Bc he is the first Man U ever loved. I hope u can talk with him about healing. Cheating isn’t about sex, it’s emotional immaturity. Sadly, what he did cannot be changed. But how you forgive him, how you view men, your mental maturity, and making sure that you and your partner have a level of communication that was obviously missing can make a difference in the future. I truly hope that all these affairs help the future generations not hurt each other the way that we have.
Hi i found out not an hour ago i feel helpless and useless idk how im gonna tell my mother about this who just gave birth i have so many questions but cant find a right time for the confrontation
I found out about my father’s long-term infidelity when I was 15, a year after it ended. That was four years ago. My parents are still together. I am the only child who knows, and my mother made me promise never to tell my two older brothers. It only took a couple years for my mom to forgive my dad and for their marriage to go back to normal, and sometimes I feel like I was left alone to shoulder the entire burden of this relationship that I had no say in, while still a child. To make things worse, my parents are both Mormon and believe in eternal marriage, and I am now a sex-positive atheist. I often can’t help feeling indignation at their hypocrisy in shaming me for my decisions. The older I get, the more helpless I feel about the long-term effects that situation had on my psyche. As much as I try to avoid my parents’ mistakes and seek out healthy relationships, the only people who I experience lasting romantic and sexual attraction toward are narcissistic and emotionally unavailable men. I wish wanting to heal from my past was enough to break this cycle. Thanks Mom and Dad for your flawless example :/
Love between 2 person should not be something we care about. Wheter they abuse each other, or the one is cheating, and something worse than that should be their problem to solve, not us. Like, we are just kids. We should not bear the trauma. Let them carry it themselves. But I know, as a kid you have an angel heart, so you are being too soft and kind which you think it shouldn’t happen that way. You were trying to uphold a justice. But man, it’s not your job. You are just kids. I know you are maybe disappointed because you can’t handle that. You can’t resolve their problem. You can’t do anything. You can’t do justice while you see injustice. You can’t help them when you really want to but one more I said, you are just KIDS. It’s ok it’s not your fault.
Exmormon here. I relate to you. My father was a respected member of our ward. I looked up to him, and I trusted him with all my soul. He cheated on my mom when I was 13. It destroyed our family. My perspective on relationships changed, and developed serious trust issues. It hurts so much because you trusted and cared about that person so much. He was the last person I thought who would do such a thing. Thanks dad 😢
Wow, having to keep it all a secret from your brothers on top of the affair is really tough. I started a channel specifically for kids who go through parent infidelity. I would be really interested to hear what you think and what might help to break the cycle you are talking about. Stay well! ruclips.net/channel/UCA4HZiuJTRORdFb9ju-ZPOw
my father blamed my mom that's why he cheated. He said its her fault because she had no time for him (NOT TRUE), she was experiencing menopause, and he want someone's company instead of my mom. he said this without even a single remorse on his face. like he's talking to child. I never bought whatever he said that day. Take note he abondoned his father because he cheated and now he did what he hated about his father. I want to do the same thing but i still respect and love him even though he's the reason why we're broken family now.
Here after a year since my dad cheated. My mom forgave him for the kids, but the truth is me and my sister are so traumatized none of us wants to get married. My mom just brushed things off, forced me to forgive him, and here I am away from my parents. Sometimes when they fought, my mom would bring up his infidelity, and I wish they would have divorced instead of constantly bringing it up.
Its been 20 yrs since Ive found out about my dad's infedility and I still cry over it like it was just yesterday. It's so hard because it traumatized my sister and brother and the pain so brutal... I pray for him everyday but up until now he has not apologized for what he did and even calls me to ask for money while he's sleeping around...sometimes I could not believe someone like that is my father...
My dad had multiple affairs and I was the first one to find out when I was just 6 y'o when looking through his phone . He has just died on July 30 due to nose cancer. My mum still feels angry towards him even my entire family does. His older brother's family just revealed that they had guessed it out , just never thought the family problems happened that early. My cousin felt sympathetic towards my mum and said sorry. We have his phones with us and it grosses me out looking at the name " bae " and " the person who fell for me " stated on the contacts on his phone. I deleted his fake facebook accounts pretending to be girls and his wechat. " Why am I his child" is what i would ask myself. He was also abusing our family especially my mum. His narcissisms is something that stood out the most. He wanted someone to look at him in envy , to worship him and think he is perfect. Giving a lot of money to the women. When me , my mom and my siblings were and still facing financial crisis.
Even as a young child this pain is horrific and you wrestle with these emotions. If unfaithfuls think their children don’t know or they are hiding things from them, they are deluding themselves. Then, if that girl’s husband does the same thing later on, despite her being a faithful, loving, supportive, dedicated spouse; because THEY are a broken man, guess how massive the floodgates are that open? The trauma is severe. I can tell you that. To have the two men you should be able to trust and rely on most in this world destroy and devastate you and not keep you safe; it’s emotionally demoralizing. And men, who cheat with daughters, know what this does to them as they grow and find and seek men. It’s damaging.
I’m struggling with PTSD because of exactly the scenario you laid out here. It is 100% real and it IS absolutely soul destroying. It makes you trust no one. I wound up in a behavioral health hospital and three years later I am finally in therapy with a trauma specialist... I’m just hoping I can have a normal life someday, instead of having panic attacks any time I see or hear something that reminds me of my father or husband.
I went through this. My dad cheated on my mom while she was pregnant. Till this day she still deals with the pain of it. Everyone around her knew and no one said anything. When my ex cheated I went into a deep depression, lost 30lbs, I was in a mess. I started trying to heal, I'm in therapy now and things seem to be getting better.
That is exactly what has happened in my own life, down to the exact same year. My father cheated and left us right after my parents 20th anniversary. Just discovered that my husband did the same with my sister two and a half months before our 21st anniversary. My faith in men has been irreversibly damaged and changed.
My dad cheated on my mum for many years since I was tiny but none knew other than me. I was aware of him doing it from the time when I was like a toddler. None knew it. My mum is the prettiest woman I've seen and I don't understand why someone would cheat on her. My dad is also very short tempered and kinda abusive. My mom found out a few times but she's kind and she forgave him each time. The last time she found out I was in sixth grade and now I'm giving my finals and I'll be in eighth grade after it. I went through a LOT when she found out in sixth grade and even tried to commit suicide but I knew that I did nothing to deserve this. So I eventually didn't. But I know that he is AGAIN cheating on my mom. I don't know what to do, I can't tell my mom because she will want a divorce but she's a housewife and if we gets divorce we will have nowhere to live and I can't see my mum go through all that. All I want is a happy childhood and to be independent enough when I grow up so that I don't need to go through what my mum is going through without being aware of and make my mom feel the real happiness because the happiness that she feels currently isn't the real one, she does not know the darkness behind it. Nothing else.
THIS IS SO MUCH RELATABLE TO ME. the same is happening to me. No one else knows about my dad's cheat but he has been hiding the thing. I only know this.
Been in the same situation, same pain. Ever since then, I started having trust issues.. I am no longer confident about love related, I view it negatively and I am no longer comfortable about commitment. What's funny is that my parents never really broke up and the traumas because of that was such a big impact to me and my sisters life. We (Mom & my sisters) have kept that pain for 11 years to our relatives. I have no courage to share it with anyone, not even with my friends. Recently I confronted Dad, I asked him why he never apologize to me and my siblings and He told me that he did nothing wrong to us, only to my Mom. and I broke down with the reply he gave me. I was at my breaking point, it's dissapointing.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this amount of pain. You are not alone. If you feel you are a threat to yourself, please reach out to the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255, please take care.
What an intelligent insightful young woman! Cheating affects everyone generations out..she is a strong person I hope she stays positive and completely accepts she is loved and appreciated!
just found out my dad has been flirting with a woman for months, and making fun of my mom with her. i personally think my life will never be the same. i have no idea what to do
God bless this young lady. She is portraying what happens when someone behave without thinking about collateral damage. People, please stop, think, then think again and then continue.
Being a child in such a household .I am so blessed to have this issue addressed. Many people who cheat think that their children are unaffected .Thank you for sharing !
My dad had an illegitimate child with a woman he cheated with. Until now, I still see him as two-faced, but I love my dad and would do anything for him. I just couldn’t accept what he’d done. I feel like me and brother weren’t enough for him - and until now, I fear that he might choose the outside child instead of us.
For me I just found out a couple months ago but the thing is I now have a little brother who I haven't met yet, and my parents are still together so I sometimes feel like I'm constantly reminded of what he did and the pain he put me through.
Praying for you. I'm experiencing the same thing, my relatives just expect me to accept my dad's other kid. But when I think about the kid, all I can see is a constant reminder of how he hurt the family.
What a great interview! Eye opening for both the betrayed and unfaithful to see through the eyes of our children and how we very much affect them both immediately and throughout the rest of their lives. I would love to see more interviews with the children affected by their parents affairs. I'd be interested to hear a sons point of view with and unfaithful father and then a daughter and son of an unfaithful mother.
Seriously today i feel like there is someone who feels like i am everyday. As much as i would hate to see this happening to anyone it gives so much strength to admit having been through this and stand with others like yourself.. thankyou so much for this its really helpful for many of us. My father has cheated on my mother for many years, he has owned up to it and is very guilty, i am trying to forget everything but my mom has broken down completely and abuses him everyday. I don't know what to do seeing them hitting each other and behaving so aggressively breaks me down to the core but i still wish that someday my mom would atleast try forgetting this. All of those who have faced the same i wish you guys stay strong and i am so sorry that this happened to us 😭😭
I found out my dad who is 48 and been married for 24 years to my mum has cheated on her with a 28 year old and denies it even after I’ve found all the evidence. He’s wiped his hands clean and left my mum in debt hundreds of thousands I am beyond angry. I can’t help the urge to get revenge for the pain he has put upon my father.
I wish I had this video years ago, when this happened to our family. She tells the truth and is wise. There is no playbook for these circumstances. All you can do is try and see the positives within the silver lining and make a commitment to your future self, that you will do whatever it takes, to never lay this type of pain and burden on to your kids and spouse. That’s what helped me.
I am going through the same…it destroyed my whole world and feelings,respect towards father and men,,i am going through a lot,like i am going crazy,it’s the worst feeling on the world
I'm recently discovered because of my husband's infidelity. Moved back with my parents, been a year now. Today I just found out my dad have been having an affair with his coworker. He doesn't know I know. I don't think my mom ever known. She's a stayed home mom, very dedicated and naive. I'm so broken and so angry. I don't know what to do.
I definitely can understand her so much. My father also was unfaithful and I found out at a very early age. It's such a difficult process but it does get easier. You become a peacekeeper and middle man in something that you had no control over. I hope things get easier for her but I think that something that is mentally healthy is understanding that forgiving someone doesn't mean you stop feeling hurt by what they did and you never forget, but it is realizing that the person who hurt you is not able to hurt you again. that you have now put them at arm's length and when you forgive them, its when you give them the trust they lost, even if only a little.
Bless her heart.The hurt in her eyes and spirit that will always weigh heavy in her heart and soul for as long as she lives.Like she said,if her Dad even tried a little to try and save his marriage would’ve helped in so many ways
What a lovely, intelligent young woman! This has inspired a lot of thought for me. I also was 17 when my mom cheated on my dad and left him for her AP. I am now married to the man that I was dating at the time, he was my support through it. Fast forward 20 years and we have 2 amazing children and a wonderful life together...except for his cheating and constant betrayals. I wonder how dealing with my parents relationship has effected how I now cope with my own pain as a BS.
I’m a third through this and this resonates so much, and I’m a man. It was really emotionally tough meeting my two half brother (both from different women). I met the first one when I was 16 and the second when I was 25. The hurt still felt the same. I also got asked by my mom if she should divorce my father. She came to me for comfort and understanding. Really tough question to answer since I was 15 years old. I’m actually happy that I gave the answer I did. “Do what you feel will make you happy”. Obviously there’s more depth and communication they could have done but that was not and is not in my control. Can’t control other people. I’m learning a lot about forgiving myself for the trauma they experienced. Getting better and better at it too. I will not use my parent’s marriage template for my own future. There’s a lot of strength and growth in acknowledging and sharing my wounds. For anyone reading this, thank you for listening.
Holly, Thank you so much for your bravery in this sometimes unfair and cruel world. Your words are a light to others and full of hope. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. My daughter (close to your age)was the one to discover my husbands lengthy affair ...oh how I would love to take that weight from her shoulders but it can’t be done. I pray daily for her healing. There is no way that something as devastating as infidelity can’t have an affect on perception of the Godly institution of marriage and trust in others. The hope though is that God can heal and can even create beauty from dust. I loved what you said about things you wished your father would do...any father reading these posts and watching the video should heed your words. I pray your father will pursue your forgiveness and love...no matter how hard that might be for him...these things can’t remain silent and swept under a rug...hard conversations have to be had. I am so sorry for your pain but also see God working through you to bring healing to others. You are full of beauty!
She's an amazing person 🤩. Fantastic communication skills. A wonderful and brave contribution to the conversation . "Excuses" are highlighted by her, as a detriment to healing.
I also have a message for you 'Holly'. It grabbed my attention when you said that now you find yourself to be much critical, cynical about love and 'expiry dates' and etc. and I would like to say that luckily there are a lot of different kinds of people out there, and some of them were hurt just as you have been (or in different ways but they DID indeed experience deep pain related to yours), and these people have already learned to value something. Not to do certain mistakes and be appreciative about what they have (or might have if they will be given the chance), and I think this is a very-very bright light in a dark room. In my personal life I have met a person like this, and he GAVE ME BACK THE ABILITY TO TRUST. To trust the world, to trust God, to trust that life is GOOD, and to trust that there are some guys out there who are trustworthy. I hope this will inspire you. Sending you lots of hugs!
My dad is a very good father, that i cannot lie...There's nothing he has ever failed to provide for me but his cheating is affecting me, i know he cheats and its just so painful because never in a million years did i ever think he was like most men. I don't lnow what to think, he is the man i always looked up to when it came to love, he broke that me...i'll never see him the same again
Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I've been in such turmoil at the pain my husband's infidelity has caused our four children, two of them newly married. We're almost 2 years in from first DD, and inspite of my prompting, he has yet to make this most important apology to our babies for the life he's disrupted by his choices. Holly, you're in my prayers for continued healing and thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. I can't wait to share this video with my kids and hope they gain some comfort from it.
I have a strong relationship with my father. I can see and I am sure in my heart that he cares for us, me, my brother, mom and the household. He is never mean to us, only very sweet and caring especially to me and I have little to no complain about him except the fact that he is secretly cheating on my mom. I found out months ago, I confronted him but he denied. I found out again today that he is talking to her again. She’s a wife of their (mom and dad’s) best friend. I can’t tell it to my mom because it would break her heart and might lead to divorce, I don’t want that to ever happen. What should I do? I love my dad, he’s my hero but I also hate him and find him disgusting all at the same time. If anyone reads this, please help
Dude this exactly the same thing happening. I don't know what to do. I came to know abt it 2 month ago still I can't forget and I think over it. But I guess if you want to keep the family happy just fool your heart. If your Indian then relate your story with jethalal how he loves Daya so much but still flirts with babita. This is the only way to console your heart.
I found out last night I think we all are the fools my dad was my hero 😭😭he did this to mom how I tell her he cheated on mom and it's been 20 year of marriage when I shifted to an apartment my dad go back to the house, in construction area and engage with a girl around my age 17 or 18 may be 18+ I found out through cctv footages 😭😭😭 what should I do
Thank you for being so brave Sharing such a painful story. Infidelity is the worst thing that can happen in a family. May God Our Healer Complete the healing process in your life and your family. Hope and pray the curse of Infidelity will be cut off in Your family.
Bless this girl 💕 I can relate having gone through this. Just wanting him to take accountability and heal instead of run. Faith is huge in getting through these times. Happy she is able to be a light and comfort for her mother.
This was so powerful. Overwhelming. Good. Thank you Holly. I was proud to hear you articulate things so well, and your words on God's love and forgiveness went straight to the heart.
The greatest tragedy of my husbands infidelity is the pain it has caused my daughters. He continues to hurt them by marrying the much younger affair partner and starting a new family with her. Their pain is unbearable. The man who is supposed to protect and love them lied, cheated and disposed all of us. I don’t think he will ever be able to repair that wound. It’s incredibly cruel. The responsible thing to do would have been to ask for a divorce. The lying and cheating make it do much worse
You are such an amazing brave girl! This was so heart sore to listen to your pain but I think you are amazing. I hope your dad sees this and you are able to restore the relationship to some extent. God bless you on your healing journey.
Recently I found out my father has a son from another woman. I was the one who spilled it to my mother because I thought she deserved to know this, and now this dad of mine hates me a lot because I embarassed him in front of his wife and parents. It's not like he was in bad terms with my mom. He just couldn't keep it in his pants. According to him, since he's a man any free women to him is an advantage to him and he can do whatever he wants to her, even if it means creating a living being you will never look after when he's born. I hate him now, because I never thought he would do this kind of thing. Everyone asked my mother -how can you trust your husband this much?- and she always said that she trusts him.
Thank you for sharing your story❤ I have a similar situation. This really encouraged me. Thank you for being so brave sharing your story. Stay Blessed!
I came across this video Im glad I did because it made me realized the reason I always have failed my relationships has being my father's infidelities but more so my mother taking all her anger out on me, when i was 15, without my knowledge she took me to his lover's house and told me she was my new mom....that really messed me up, i have trust issues big time...I trust no one, no friends, no boyfriends....no body!. Im in a beautiful relationship of five months but my trust issues are getting the best of me.
Affairs boil down to selfishness, not keeping a commitment to your family. Putting your needs above your families, it is very sad that when two people get married they will do whatever they can to keep each other happy. Then once they are married they take each other fro granted. My parents divorced and I got to see dysfunction and abuse first hand. At least they taught me what not to do 😃 My wife and I have been married 31 years and we are best friends. Dont let your parents mistakes ruin your lives 👌 Learn from it 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
My dad cheated on my mom, he doesn’t know the amount of pain and damage, and distrust that he caused. He’s still never apologized and swept it under the rug, tried to diminish when I told him and told me to get it over it. It makes me sick honestly to think about how dishonest he’s been. Because all the signs are pointing he’s still cheating on my mom. I don’t know what to do honestly, my dad acts as if nothing ever happened. He was my hero, my role model. All of that’s gone, no amount of gifts or whatever can bring that back. He’s said I’m the most important person in his life I don’t believe him I can’t TRUST him with anything that he’s said. I just don’t have the ability anymore, and I tried to pretend but physically I can’t anymore.
I am so happy that she is able to talk about this and her pain is acknowledged…I am and have always been told that this isn’t something I can blame on my parents and that the feelings I have I need to get over… the truth is this is earth shattering literally and we are sometimes just learning about life… i am not sure if it’s easier if it happens when you are younger or older it’s traumatic either way…thank you for showcasing that children are often lost bystanders…
Thank you so much for this video. My daughter and I have gone through this experience more than once and we can relate so much to this. What an amazing, beautiful soul. Thank you for your positivity, your faith. It’s giving us a great hope that this too shall pass.
The first man I loved lied to my mother then he cheated on her with a university student then left his 10 year marriage his 9year old and a two year old daughter😔and he has continued to hurt my sister and myself by showing us he has his family and we will never be apart of it🤗
This is my biggest fear. My hurt is bad enough. My kids are young now so I don’t think they’d ever really know unless we disclosed that. But if he relapses and cheats again I couldnt bear my kids being older and feeling that pain. Which makes trusting so much more difficult. The fear of the unknown and the leap of faith that he’s going to be the man he’s promising to be.
Wow. This is great. I’m so blessed that my husband instantly owned it. We also promised the girls we would be kind throughout this process. We’ve done well. Adults don’t think about the kids when they’re doing it... I’ll Nvr understand that part. That’s on him. But WoW. Fantastic job ♥️♥️♥️
This is a very uniqe video. Thanks for this collaboration! Super insightful content, thanks Holly for sharing your story! Thank you Samuel for bringing this to us!
I am experiencing the infidelity of my husband, I am sending to my kids to help them. We are all hurting 💔, he isn't remorseful...family is shattered, life is irrevocably changed. We are starting divorce proceedings
My Christian self righteous religious father cheated on my kind submissive mum, and to make it worse he came back home with HIV causing us to have to take care of him in the hospital, pay his hospital bill and live like nothing ever happened while nursing back to health. The trauma has changed me forever, even my mental and physical health was affected from the shock. But things get better, you move on and Trust God for strength. My mum stayed and forgave him but she's HIV negative. Thank God
Remember watching this 2 years ago when I was in the trenches of my father's infidelity and feeling completely hopeless, wondering if what this girl was saying was true. Watching this back again 2 years later, I can she was right. It does get better, you can heal and find hope.
After 20 years of marriage my dad started to have interest for other women, he didn’t even had a preference, he was ready to fall for anybody. He almost cheated on my mum 3 times but it was not anything even physical more like romantic cheating, bc he’s religious so he can’t do such physical thing or having an affair. But it doesn’t make the pain less that he caused. I know he doesn’t like my mum anymore and wants to divorce my mum and marry someone else. But he doesn’t have the balls. And my mom is also not getting a divorce because she thinks she’ll be even more miserable if she does that. It’s so fucked up rn. My mum is depressed crying and thinking about my dad’s infidelity all the time. My dad is not happy bc my mum is not giving him a chance. Divorce or not both of them is really hard for everyone. I feel anxious most of the time like something is gonna happen anytime. I used to count on my parents like I’d think they have my back. But now I just don’t wanna be a trouble for them. They’re dealing with their own shit and I just wanna be with my own because I’m not able to help them. I wish I could make my parents proud and happy. I just don’t wanna get affected by them anymore. I get depressed just being around them and feel lonely, I don’t believe in love anymore and don’t trust anybody. I’m just writing these stuff to get out of my head bc it feels good but don’t worry I’m fine 🙂
Im a man whos ex cheated. I have kids. I really struggle with it even 10 years later. I went deep into depression, lost the house , have to pay her for her immoral actions , lost my kids for a majority of the time when i was the one at home raising the kids while she was cheating with multiple men at her work. .i hate her with every fiber of my being .
Thank you for bringing the men’s perspective to this too. Too many posts about men cheating let’s not forget women and mothers are very capable of doing these kinds of things as well. Wishing you the best.
Hi I was wondering if I can talk to you if your still going through this and even if your not just to speak to each other maybe share our experiences, I’m a little younger than you and my dad has been texting ppl for the past yr and now got tinder and I’m shaking to death rn and I can’t sleep and my anxiety has grown sm. I’m just looking for advice or just anything yk!
Ever since I was little my dad would have child like tantrums I would call them. He would be outside in a different building and me and my sister would be helping him while he would call my mom so many names , that she was a nun and he should have never married her and he wished he could just divorce her and the tantrum would go on for the rest of the day sometimes a few days. He would make my mom cry and feel like she was worthless, all the while me and my sister would have to be mediators between them and comfort my mom. As I got into my 20s it got worse, leaving for college was a relief but only lasted so long. I came home from college and he started drinking a whole lot more and never coming home till late. Then it all came to a head when he came home drunk and I was trying to defend and protect my mom is when he beat me and my mom up for the first time, I was 28. He went to jail and I was so happy if only for a little bit. This was when I told my mom he was cheating on her and had been cheating on her for a couple of years now. I couldn't hold it in anymore. But my mom is to much of a pushover to do anything about it so since hes been sober for a little over a year hes back to cheating on my mom again and shes to stupid to see it. They will be married almost 31 years this coming month and my dad has been an asshole my whole life. My mom asks me why haven't you found someone yet and I guess its because I dont want someone like him and all I see around me are unfaithful men. It sucks I'm almost 30 and I've never been in but one relationship in my life 8 years ago and he was a liar to. I guess I'm destined to be alone.
My father never had a full-blown affair, but he was a porn and stripper user all throughout my childhood, and he treated my mom like trash. He was most likely a porn addict. She is 100% right, affairs of any kind teach children that love is disposable. As I got older, I avoided men and relationships like the plague because of this. I never wanted to get in a relationship with a man, because I knew I would always be competing with sex workers and the sex industry for my man’s sexual interest. I whole heartedly believed that men didn’t know how to love, and it led me to be terrified of intimacy and romantic relationships, because I knew a relationship just meant that I was agreeing to fight an uphill battle for love. My parents are still married. My relationship with my dad? Practically non-existent. He tried to be sweet and caring with me every once in a great while, but it’s a waste of his time, because I’m pretty much disgusted by him and men in general now.
This video was wonderful and very in formative. This young lady sounds wiser than her years. ♡ I have a video request about a topic I've never heard talked about and so desperately need help with. Can you do another Q and A video with a betrayed spouse who ended up having to co-parent with their ex spouse and their AP? And specifically an AP who was the betrayed spouses best friend??? I need to know how to overcome the challenges of sharing my child, as if I haven't lost enough, with 2 people whom I trusted but betrayed me. I can't be alone in this scenario.......Any insight on this topic at all....I would be so grateful. I am currently enrolled in a Harboring Hope course. Thank you.
I couldn't even look at my stepdad let alone be in the same room as him when we found out he was having an affair. My mom and him worked it out and stayed together up until he passed away 3 years ago
She has a very mature attitude going through all of this, much better than I could have expressed at that age. Would she say that trust and closeness would have been restored if her dad would have shown remorse and repented and attempted to hold the family together and fought for them?
Hi my name is Jyotika My father also a cheater. He cheated my mom with another woman. He have a son with this woman. Every night i feel depressed and alone
My father is currently talking to another woman from his job while he is Married and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want them to get a divorce I love them both and I would not be able to choose who to stay with. And my mom just lost her job so my father is the one with money and I would have to sell my animals and quit all my hobby’s to save money. My mom doesn’t deserve this but I love my dad so much. What should I do please help me!
Gosh. This is so painful. My 12 daughter is going thru such tough time due to my partner of 15 years cheated on me with 160 women. I am feeling better now but my daughter is having such hard time.
Guys my dad is cheating we r an arab family and we r muslims... but i found out my dad is cheating on my mom so i couldnt find a way to tell him that i know it cause im afraid of doing it and im also afraid of telling mom so they dont get divorced i rlly like my parents im 13 years old but who would help me without any problems😥
If you do tell your mom she will likely not leave your dad. Don’t blame yourself for His actions.. You’re the child. Your dad should be held accountable.
I give this young girl a hurray for being honest about her feelings which apparently her Father didn't take into consideration. She seems very grounded for the Lord! I hope that her siblings are close to Jesus 🙏. Maybe she can be an outreach speaker for other people.
so my dad died but i keep replaying this memory from when i was little. when i was 8 or 9 i remember my dad downloading this app called tango to talk to family etc. but i saw this picture of a women there, i also remember not sitting to dinner one day with my mom and dad, like i was all fussed over something, but i remember a dialogue with my mom talking about him talking to a women, yet this all feels so blurry at the same time. i want to talk to my mom and confirm but im scared. theres a piece of hope that this is just something im making up in my head and mixing up multiple memories together. currently im 18, i seem to have a trust problem with the boys i speak with. for instance i was talking to this boy and when i looked at his recent following and saw multiple girls it felt so triggering like i cant even explain that feeling
Ummm who here watching after you find out your dad cheated and you want to express how u feel 💔🤧
Me😔
Me.
Try writing a letter to your dad but never send it. Write everything you are feeling even if it's angry or doesn't seem to make sense write it. Then when you are ready rip the letter up.
same here:(
@@sarahhumphreys3980 This sounds really helpful, thank you for the suggestion!
Wow! Her story is so similar to mine.
I found out my parents were getting a divorce when I was 23. It later came out that my Dad was having a 10 year long affair with another woman. My Dad was never sorry, he completely justified what he did.
Then, after only meeting the other woman once, he married her less than a year after the divorce. He expected my brother and I to shove down our feelings and pretend to be a happy family at the wedding (my Dad even made my brother give the Best Man’s speech).
I’m 38 now, and I still have such deep hurts and unhealed wounds. It completely destroyed our family and completely changed the way I look at my Dad. He was always my hero that I looked up to. Now all I see is a narcissistic, manipulative, self-absorbed man.
If you’re thinking of having an affair, I don’t care how old your children are, it’s going to ruin their lives. Please just don’t do it!
I just found out the truth,what do I do?😢
He mad your brother give the best mans speech?!?! The audacity. I’m sorry you and your brother had to deal with that on top of the rest of the betrayal.
Gosh. I could have written this. Thank you for sharing.
What do I do? My father cheated on my mom with our maid who is younger than me for 2 years? My mom has sacrificed for him all this 28 years, dealing with his toxic mother and his siblings. My father is a hypocrite who is so nice to others, helping others but not his immediate families. I hate him so much. What do I do?
i'm so sorry. i know that's tough to handle. i would find an expert therapist and work through the anger and move towards forgiving your father. remember forgiveness is for you and a way to help you ease the pain and heal. i know it's awful but healing is vital for your own future, your own marriage one day and even your own parenting. if you can find a therapist you trust, i'm confident it will be life changing for you. i'm again so sorry.
It is easy for others to say forgive the mother or father who cheated and doesn't even feel any remorse. Take your time in forgiving. The anger and the pain you feel is not wrong, it is just. The key is to use it to improve your life. Find a psychologist and talk, or if you have a friend to confide in, please do that. Or talk to your siblings if you have any.
I'm in the same situation as you. but the thing is that my mom still thinks they can be together. She doesn't want to leave him. That is killing me. It destroys me. My brother doesn't care because my dad has money. So he still need from my dad. I get it. But they are just all pretending everything is ok. No one cares.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I went through the same thing. Please find a qualified counsellor to help you through this. Also joining groups that can support you during this time. After going through that I have learned you can't change what someone else has done or will do but you can change how you help yourself to heal and live your life.
@@ricenoodles8024 well said.
Me and my dad had a strong relationship. I was the one who found out he was having an affair and told my mom. I am beyond broken words can’t describe how I feel right now.... not looking forward to the future
me too
Jup same, only person I truly loved isnt what I thought he was. I just want to get away from him
Same
Me too
How did he react when you told your mom?
Sad to hear her talk about how she struggles with love being disposable, or that is has an expiration date. Fathers, hear her pain please.
It’s 100% true. When daughters know their fathers are unfaithful, it damages our ability to trust in much of anything regarding love and relationships.
@@bobafetttea I just want to say I really value this comment. It hits so close to home with me. I grew up with a dad who had affairs all through my childhood and adulthood, and while I’ve been in a healthy relationship for 12 years I still struggle with trust on a daily basis. Anyway just wanted to say this comment resonates with me!
It’s heartbreaking that due to parental or spousal infidelity, many now think of being the side piece or affair partner as the preferable or viable option. Or they shop for spouses in other peoples relationships. 🤮
The first man I loved cheated on us, He was my Father and He is a Pastor.
🥺 I’m going through the same thing just found out my father’s affairs. He is a pastor i never thought he would
I’m sorry. Pastor, computer programmer, teacher, coach..... My husband was more active in Girl Scouts than me; he was their basketball coach, and their soccer coach. He was always there when they/we needed him. He thought because what he did did not involve “our hours“, and the time that he gave to us, that it wasn’t hurting us… And I guarantee you nobody who knows him would ever have in 1 million years said that he would do what he did. But he did, and he did it for five years. They’re finding it much easier to forgive him than me. But, they’re words, “he has his own box”.
This is so hard Bc he is the first Man U ever loved. I hope u can talk with him about healing. Cheating isn’t about sex, it’s emotional immaturity. Sadly, what he did cannot be changed. But how you forgive him, how you view men, your mental maturity, and making sure that you and your partner have a level of communication that was obviously missing can make a difference in the future. I truly hope that all these affairs help the future generations not hurt each other the way that we have.
@@sarahmarie9612 Praying for u!
relatable and heart breaking. will i tell anyone? no. i will just keep it in until i finish high school and move out for varsity.
Just found out tonight about my father’s affair…THIS is the bit of light I needed today. May God help me endure all this and heal. Thank you ♥
I found out yesterday I’m so lost i don’t want my mom to fall apart
The sad thing about betrayal is that it never comes from an enemy
Hi i found out not an hour ago i feel helpless and useless idk how im gonna tell my mother about this who just gave birth i have so many questions but cant find a right time for the confrontation
Same I just saw my mom fall apart piece by piece
Update guys
I found out about my father’s long-term infidelity when I was 15, a year after it ended. That was four years ago. My parents are still together. I am the only child who knows, and my mother made me promise never to tell my two older brothers. It only took a couple years for my mom to forgive my dad and for their marriage to go back to normal, and sometimes I feel like I was left alone to shoulder the entire burden of this relationship that I had no say in, while still a child. To make things worse, my parents are both Mormon and believe in eternal marriage, and I am now a sex-positive atheist. I often can’t help feeling indignation at their hypocrisy in shaming me for my decisions.
The older I get, the more helpless I feel about the long-term effects that situation had on my psyche. As much as I try to avoid my parents’ mistakes and seek out healthy relationships, the only people who I experience lasting romantic and sexual attraction toward are narcissistic and emotionally unavailable men. I wish wanting to heal from my past was enough to break this cycle. Thanks Mom and Dad for your flawless example :/
So sorry 😭😭
Love between 2 person should not be something we care about. Wheter they abuse each other, or the one is cheating, and something worse than that should be their problem to solve, not us. Like, we are just kids. We should not bear the trauma. Let them carry it themselves. But I know, as a kid you have an angel heart, so you are being too soft and kind which you think it shouldn’t happen that way. You were trying to uphold a justice. But man, it’s not your job. You are just kids.
I know you are maybe disappointed because you can’t handle that. You can’t resolve their problem. You can’t do anything. You can’t do justice while you see injustice. You can’t help them when you really want to but one more I said, you are just KIDS. It’s ok it’s not your fault.
Exmormon here. I relate to you. My father was a respected member of our ward. I looked up to him, and I trusted him with all my soul. He cheated on my mom when I was 13. It destroyed our family. My perspective on relationships changed, and developed serious trust issues. It hurts so much because you trusted and cared about that person so much. He was the last person I thought who would do such a thing. Thanks dad 😢
Wow, having to keep it all a secret from your brothers on top of the affair is really tough. I started a channel specifically for kids who go through parent infidelity. I would be really interested to hear what you think and what might help to break the cycle you are talking about. Stay well! ruclips.net/channel/UCA4HZiuJTRORdFb9ju-ZPOw
my father blamed my mom that's why he cheated. He said its her fault because she had no time for him (NOT TRUE), she was experiencing menopause, and he want someone's company instead of my mom. he said this without even a single remorse on his face. like he's talking to child. I never bought whatever he said that day. Take note he abondoned his father because he cheated and now he did what he hated about his father. I want to do the same thing but i still respect and love him even though he's the reason why we're broken family now.
Here after a year since my dad cheated. My mom forgave him for the kids, but the truth is me and my sister are so traumatized none of us wants to get married. My mom just brushed things off, forced me to forgive him, and here I am away from my parents. Sometimes when they fought, my mom would bring up his infidelity, and I wish they would have divorced instead of constantly bringing it up.
She's asking for full accountability and a fathers heart. Every little girl needs that from their daddy. 😢🙏🏽
She's so brave I'm going through same thing as well.
same with me, i hope you’re doing well
Me too I hope you both are doing well. 🙂
I found out about 10 years ago now, still going on, just remember you are more than enough, no matter how they make you feel stay strong
Hey can you reach out to me? I'm kinda in a bad place😅
@@riyazzrayn9668 going through this right now, do you want to talk, i'm in the same situation as you were rn
From a person experiencing the same thing, I can say that this girl is very strong. Praying for all of us who are experiencing this nightmare 🙏🏻
Its been 20 yrs since Ive found out about my dad's infedility and I still cry over it like it was just yesterday. It's so hard because it traumatized my sister and brother and the pain so brutal... I pray for him everyday but up until now he has not apologized for what he did and even calls me to ask for money while he's sleeping around...sometimes I could not believe someone like that is my father...
My dad had multiple affairs and I was the first one to find out when I was just 6 y'o when looking through his phone . He has just died on July 30 due to nose cancer. My mum still feels angry towards him even my entire family does. His older brother's family just revealed that they had guessed it out , just never thought the family problems happened that early. My cousin felt sympathetic towards my mum and said sorry. We have his phones with us and it grosses me out looking at the name " bae " and " the person who fell for me " stated on the contacts on his phone. I deleted his fake facebook accounts pretending to be girls and his wechat. " Why am I his child" is what i would ask myself. He was also abusing our family especially my mum.
His narcissisms is something that stood out the most. He wanted someone to look at him in envy , to worship him and think he is perfect. Giving a lot of money to the women. When me , my mom and my siblings were and still facing financial crisis.
Even as a young child this pain is horrific and you wrestle with these emotions. If unfaithfuls think their children don’t know or they are hiding things from them, they are deluding themselves. Then, if that girl’s husband does the same thing later on, despite her being a faithful, loving, supportive, dedicated spouse; because THEY are a broken man, guess how massive the floodgates are that open? The trauma is severe. I can tell you that. To have the two men you should be able to trust and rely on most in this world destroy and devastate you and not keep you safe; it’s emotionally demoralizing. And men, who cheat with daughters, know what this does to them as they grow and find and seek men. It’s damaging.
I’m struggling with PTSD because of exactly the scenario you laid out here. It is 100% real and it IS absolutely soul destroying. It makes you trust no one. I wound up in a behavioral health hospital and three years later I am finally in therapy with a trauma specialist... I’m just hoping I can have a normal life someday, instead of having panic attacks any time I see or hear something that reminds me of my father or husband.
I went through this. My dad cheated on my mom while she was pregnant. Till this day she still deals with the pain of it. Everyone around her knew and no one said anything. When my ex cheated I went into a deep depression, lost 30lbs, I was in a mess. I started trying to heal, I'm in therapy now and things seem to be getting better.
@@bobafetttea hope you're doing ok. Hugs
So real.
That is exactly what has happened in my own life, down to the exact same year. My father cheated and left us right after my parents 20th anniversary. Just discovered that my husband did the same with my sister two and a half months before our 21st anniversary. My faith in men has been irreversibly damaged and changed.
Thank you for sharing this. I have passed this on to my daughters so they can realize they are not alone in this difficult situation.
Sena Jolliffi my dad has no shame at all and he blames my mom for all my behaviors. The fact that he believes that is still good 🙃
@@ellar.d1214 same.
My dad cheated on my mum for many years since I was tiny but none knew other than me. I was aware of him doing it from the time when I was like a toddler. None knew it. My mum is the prettiest woman I've seen and I don't understand why someone would cheat on her. My dad is also very short tempered and kinda abusive. My mom found out a few times but she's kind and she forgave him each time. The last time she found out I was in sixth grade and now I'm giving my finals and I'll be in eighth grade after it. I went through a LOT when she found out in sixth grade and even tried to commit suicide but I knew that I did nothing to deserve this. So I eventually didn't. But I know that he is AGAIN cheating on my mom. I don't know what to do, I can't tell my mom because she will want a divorce but she's a housewife and if we gets divorce we will have nowhere to live and I can't see my mum go through all that. All I want is a happy childhood and to be independent enough when I grow up so that I don't need to go through what my mum is going through without being aware of and make my mom feel the real happiness because the happiness that she feels currently isn't the real one, she does not know the darkness behind it. Nothing else.
Your mom is not doing this out of kindness it is called codependency to a narcissistic personality (your dad).
THIS IS SO MUCH RELATABLE TO ME.
the same is happening to me. No one else knows about my dad's cheat but he has been hiding the thing. I only know this.
For me, it’s best to cut off my father. I want nothing to do with him ever again.
Been in the same situation, same pain. Ever since then, I started having trust issues.. I am no longer confident about love related, I view it negatively and I am no longer comfortable about commitment. What's funny is that my parents never really broke up and the traumas because of that was such a big impact to me and my sisters life. We (Mom & my sisters) have kept that pain for 11 years to our relatives. I have no courage to share it with anyone, not even with my friends.
Recently I confronted Dad, I asked him why he never apologize to me and my siblings and He told me that he did nothing wrong to us, only to my Mom.
and I broke down with the reply he gave me. I was at my breaking point, it's dissapointing.
As a daughter who saw his father cheated, I nodded everything that she said. Therapy is the biggest help that guide me for healing.
Me right now. I am beyond disgusted and destroyed. I don't know what to do. I just wanna die so I don't carry this knowledge with me.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this amount of pain. You are not alone. If you feel you are a threat to yourself, please reach out to the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255, please take care.
It's not your fault and you don't have to carry his burden of cheating, just move on don't be like him it's not your fault it's his choice .
What an intelligent insightful young woman! Cheating affects everyone generations out..she is a strong person I hope she stays positive and completely accepts she is loved and appreciated!
just found out my dad has been flirting with a woman for months, and making fun of my mom with her. i personally think my life will never be the same. i have no idea what to do
If my husband hated me he could still had thought of he's children and the pain he caused to them.
Just found out he cheated on my mum for 8 months after a 35 year marriage. I am shattered right now.
God bless this young lady. She is portraying what happens when someone behave without thinking about collateral damage. People, please stop, think, then think again and then continue.
Being a child in such a household .I am so blessed to have this issue addressed. Many people who cheat think that their children are unaffected .Thank you for sharing !
My dad had an illegitimate child with a woman he cheated with. Until now, I still see him as two-faced, but I love my dad and would do anything for him. I just couldn’t accept what he’d done. I feel like me and brother weren’t enough for him - and until now, I fear that he might choose the outside child instead of us.
For me I just found out a couple months ago but the thing is I now have a little brother who I haven't met yet, and my parents are still together so I sometimes feel like I'm constantly reminded of what he did and the pain he put me through.
Praying for you. I'm experiencing the same thing, my relatives just expect me to accept my dad's other kid. But when I think about the kid, all I can see is a constant reminder of how he hurt the family.
@@pearlgeesrealtheaabao2441 Same girl! Mine even has 4 kids with that women! It's heartbreaking, we need to stay strong....
What a great interview! Eye opening for both the betrayed and unfaithful to see through the eyes of our children and how we very much affect them both immediately and throughout the rest of their lives. I would love to see more interviews with the children affected by their parents affairs. I'd be interested to hear a sons point of view with and unfaithful father and then a daughter and son of an unfaithful mother.
To me, what I took away from my dad’s affair is that men see women as disposable and replaceable once they sacrifice their youth for his family.
Seriously today i feel like there is someone who feels like i am everyday. As much as i would hate to see this happening to anyone it gives so much strength to admit having been through this and stand with others like yourself.. thankyou so much for this its really helpful for many of us.
My father has cheated on my mother for many years, he has owned up to it and is very guilty, i am trying to forget everything but my mom has broken down completely and abuses him everyday. I don't know what to do seeing them hitting each other and behaving so aggressively breaks me down to the core but i still wish that someday my mom would atleast try forgetting this.
All of those who have faced the same i wish you guys stay strong and i am so sorry that this happened to us 😭😭
How are you. ? I'm sad to hear but this is in every household I guess. It's just that no one reveal abt it
I found out my dad who is 48 and been married for 24 years to my mum has cheated on her with a 28 year old and denies it even after I’ve found all the evidence. He’s wiped his hands clean and left my mum in debt hundreds of thousands I am beyond angry. I can’t help the urge to get revenge for the pain he has put upon my father.
So sorry to hear that, did he go be with the 28 yr old?
Bless this beautiful young lady for sharing her heart. Thank you so much for making this interview.
I wish I had this video years ago, when this happened to our family. She tells the truth and is wise. There is no playbook for these circumstances. All you can do is try and see the positives within the silver lining and make a commitment to your future self, that you will do whatever it takes, to never lay this type of pain and burden on to your kids and spouse. That’s what helped me.
I am going through the same…it destroyed my whole world and feelings,respect towards father and men,,i am going through a lot,like i am going crazy,it’s the worst feeling on the world
I'm recently discovered because of my husband's infidelity. Moved back with my parents, been a year now. Today I just found out my dad have been having an affair with his coworker. He doesn't know I know. I don't think my mom ever known. She's a stayed home mom, very dedicated and naive. I'm so broken and so angry. I don't know what to do.
My dad cheated and did disgusting things and i found out to make sure i shut up he made my life hell and unliveable but im not the only one .
same :(
I definitely can understand her so much. My father also was unfaithful and I found out at a very early age. It's such a difficult process but it does get easier. You become a peacekeeper and middle man in something that you had no control over. I hope things get easier for her but I think that something that is mentally healthy is understanding that forgiving someone doesn't mean you stop feeling hurt by what they did and you never forget, but it is realizing that the person who hurt you is not able to hurt you again. that you have now put them at arm's length and when you forgive them, its when you give them the trust they lost, even if only a little.
Im experiencing the same problem and im still lost, its for 4 weeks now since this problem blew up, and i really dont know what to do now )):
Bless her heart.The hurt in her eyes and spirit that will always weigh heavy in her heart and soul for as long as she lives.Like she said,if her Dad even tried a little to try and save his marriage would’ve helped in so many ways
Totally agree - she’s absolutely handled her challenge with maturity and grace, and she just helped me a ton!
What a lovely, intelligent young woman! This has inspired a lot of thought for me. I also was 17 when my mom cheated on my dad and left him for her AP. I am now married to the man that I was dating at the time, he was my support through it. Fast forward 20 years and we have 2 amazing children and a wonderful life together...except for his cheating and constant betrayals. I wonder how dealing with my parents relationship has effected how I now cope with my own pain as a BS.
I’m a third through this and this resonates so much, and I’m a man.
It was really emotionally tough meeting my two half brother (both from different women). I met the first one when I was 16 and the second when I was 25. The hurt still felt the same.
I also got asked by my mom if she should divorce my father. She came to me for comfort and understanding. Really tough question to answer since I was 15 years old. I’m actually happy that I gave the answer I did. “Do what you feel will make you happy”. Obviously there’s more depth and communication they could have done but that was not and is not in my control. Can’t control other people.
I’m learning a lot about forgiving myself for the trauma they experienced. Getting better and better at it too. I will not use my parent’s marriage template for my own future. There’s a lot of strength and growth in acknowledging and sharing my wounds. For anyone reading this, thank you for listening.
Holly,
Thank you so much for your bravery in this sometimes unfair and cruel world. Your words are a light to others and full of hope. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. My daughter (close to your age)was the one to discover my husbands lengthy affair ...oh how I would love to take that weight from her shoulders but it can’t be done. I pray daily for her healing. There is no way that something as devastating as infidelity can’t have an affect on perception of the Godly institution of marriage and trust in others. The hope though is that God can heal and can even create beauty from dust. I loved what you said about things you wished your father would do...any father reading these posts and watching the video should heed your words. I pray your father will pursue your forgiveness and love...no matter how hard that might be for him...these things can’t remain silent and swept under a rug...hard conversations have to be had.
I am so sorry for your pain but also see God working through you to bring healing to others. You are full of beauty!
She's an amazing person 🤩.
Fantastic communication skills.
A wonderful and brave contribution to the conversation . "Excuses" are highlighted by her, as a detriment to healing.
I also have a message for you 'Holly'. It grabbed my attention when you said that now you find yourself to be much critical, cynical about love and 'expiry dates' and etc. and I would like to say that luckily there are a lot of different kinds of people out there, and some of them were hurt just as you have been (or in different ways but they DID indeed experience deep pain related to yours), and these people have already learned to value something. Not to do certain mistakes and be appreciative about what they have (or might have if they will be given the chance), and I think this is a very-very bright light in a dark room. In my personal life I have met a person like this, and he GAVE ME BACK THE ABILITY TO TRUST. To trust the world, to trust God, to trust that life is GOOD, and to trust that there are some guys out there who are trustworthy. I hope this will inspire you. Sending you lots of hugs!
I hope she meets a partner like yours. A lot of women like her aren’t that lucky. I’m one of the unlucky ones.
thankyou so much for this comment these words were what i really needed to hear
My dad is a very good father, that i cannot lie...There's nothing he has ever failed to provide for me but his cheating is affecting me, i know he cheats and its just so painful because never in a million years did i ever think he was like most men. I don't lnow what to think, he is the man i always looked up to when it came to love, he broke that me...i'll never see him the same again
Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I've been in such turmoil at the pain my husband's infidelity has caused our four children, two of them newly married. We're almost 2 years in from first DD, and inspite of my prompting, he has yet to make this most important apology to our babies for the life he's disrupted by his choices. Holly, you're in my prayers for continued healing and thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. I can't wait to share this video with my kids and hope they gain some comfort from it.
My daughter and sons are going thru this and it breaks my heart for them. I am the betrayed. 😔
I have a strong relationship with my father. I can see and I am sure in my heart that he cares for us, me, my brother, mom and the household. He is never mean to us, only very sweet and caring especially to me and I have little to no complain about him except the fact that he is secretly cheating on my mom.
I found out months ago, I confronted him but he denied. I found out again today that he is talking to her again. She’s a wife of their (mom and dad’s) best friend. I can’t tell it to my mom because it would break her heart and might lead to divorce, I don’t want that to ever happen. What should I do?
I love my dad, he’s my hero but I also hate him and find him disgusting all at the same time. If anyone reads this, please help
Dude this exactly the same thing happening. I don't know what to do. I came to know abt it 2 month ago still I can't forget and I think over it. But I guess if you want to keep the family happy just fool your heart. If your Indian then relate your story with jethalal how he loves Daya so much but still flirts with babita. This is the only way to console your heart.
Update
I find out the truth just now😢and I barely can’t breath…what do i do?I’m asking the same question…😊
I found out last night I think we all are the fools my dad was my hero 😭😭he did this to mom how I tell her he cheated on mom and it's been 20 year of marriage when I shifted to an apartment my dad go back to the house, in construction area and engage with a girl around my age 17 or 18 may be 18+ I found out through cctv footages 😭😭😭 what should I do
Thank you for being so brave Sharing such a painful story. Infidelity is the worst thing that can happen in a family. May God Our Healer Complete the healing process in your life and your family. Hope and pray the curse of Infidelity will be cut off in Your family.
Please do more videos like this! If you have older only children as well that would be great. She is so mature and articulate.
She’s got a beautiful soul, despite the pain❤
Bless this girl 💕 I can relate having gone through this. Just wanting him to take accountability and heal instead of run. Faith is huge in getting through these times. Happy she is able to be a light and comfort for her mother.
This was so powerful. Overwhelming. Good.
Thank you Holly. I was proud to hear you articulate things so well, and your words on God's love and forgiveness went straight to the heart.
The greatest tragedy of my husbands infidelity is the pain it has caused my daughters. He continues to hurt them by marrying the much younger affair partner and starting a new family with her. Their pain is unbearable. The man who is supposed to protect and love them lied, cheated and disposed all of us. I don’t think he will ever be able to repair that wound. It’s incredibly cruel. The responsible thing to do would have been to ask for a divorce. The lying and cheating make it do much worse
If I were you I would try to ruin his life. Those people in my opinion don't deserve happiness they are selfish monsters. "You get what you give".
You are such an amazing brave girl! This was so heart sore to listen to your pain but I think you are amazing. I hope your dad sees this and you are able to restore the relationship to some extent. God bless you on your healing journey.
Recently I found out my father has a son from another woman. I was the one who spilled it to my mother because I thought she deserved to know this, and now this dad of mine hates me a lot because I embarassed him in front of his wife and parents.
It's not like he was in bad terms with my mom. He just couldn't keep it in his pants. According to him, since he's a man any free women to him is an advantage to him and he can do whatever he wants to her, even if it means creating a living being you will never look after when he's born.
I hate him now, because I never thought he would do this kind of thing. Everyone asked my mother -how can you trust your husband this much?- and she always said that she trusts him.
Thank you for sharing your story❤ I have a similar situation. This really encouraged me. Thank you for being so brave sharing your story. Stay Blessed!
This was very helpful to see the kids perspective. I'm very grateful for this video.
I came across this video Im glad I did because it made me realized the reason I always have failed my relationships has being my father's infidelities but more so my mother taking all her anger out on me, when i was 15, without my knowledge she took me to his lover's house and told me she was my new mom....that really messed me up, i have trust issues big time...I trust no one, no friends, no boyfriends....no body!. Im in a beautiful relationship of five months but my trust issues are getting the best of me.
Affairs boil down to selfishness, not keeping a commitment to your family. Putting your needs above your families, it is very sad that when two people get married they will do whatever they can to keep each other happy. Then once they are married they take each other fro granted. My parents divorced and I got to see dysfunction and abuse first hand. At least they taught me what not to do 😃 My wife and I have been married 31 years and we are best friends. Dont let your parents mistakes ruin your lives 👌 Learn from it 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
this comment gives me hope, i just found out about my dad’s affair and my mom might not know about it nor have i confronted him about it.
💛💛
My dad cheated on my mom, he doesn’t know the amount of pain and damage, and distrust that he caused. He’s still never apologized and swept it under the rug, tried to diminish when I told him and told me to get it over it. It makes me sick honestly to think about how dishonest he’s been. Because all the signs are pointing he’s still cheating on my mom. I don’t know what to do honestly, my dad acts as if nothing ever happened. He was my hero, my role model. All of that’s gone, no amount of gifts or whatever can bring that back. He’s said I’m the most important person in his life I don’t believe him I can’t TRUST him with anything that he’s said. I just don’t have the ability anymore, and I tried to pretend but physically I can’t anymore.
I am so happy that she is able to talk about this and her pain is acknowledged…I am and have always been told that this isn’t something I can blame on my parents and that the feelings I have I need to get over… the truth is this is earth shattering literally and we are sometimes just learning about life… i am not sure if it’s easier if it happens when you are younger or older it’s traumatic either way…thank you for showcasing that children are often lost bystanders…
Thank you so much for this video. My daughter and I have gone through this experience more than once and we can relate so much to this. What an amazing, beautiful soul. Thank you for your positivity, your faith. It’s giving us a great hope that this too shall pass.
Sending prayers for her to keep strong and continue to be the light in her moms life..She’s an amazing young lady God bless her🙏🏼
The first man I loved lied to my mother then he cheated on her with a university student then left his 10 year marriage his 9year old and a two year old daughter😔and he has continued to hurt my sister and myself by showing us he has his family and we will never be apart of it🤗
This is my biggest fear. My hurt is bad enough. My kids are young now so I don’t think they’d ever really know unless we disclosed that. But if he relapses and cheats again I couldnt bear my kids being older and feeling that pain. Which makes trusting so much more difficult. The fear of the unknown and the leap of faith that he’s going to be the man he’s promising to be.
Wow. This is great. I’m so blessed that my husband instantly owned it. We also promised the girls we would be kind throughout this process. We’ve done well. Adults don’t think about the kids when they’re doing it... I’ll Nvr understand that part. That’s on him. But WoW. Fantastic job ♥️♥️♥️
Can totally relate! It was crazy how much our stories are similar... Thanks for sharing ... praying all is better... God Bless!
This is a very uniqe video. Thanks for this collaboration! Super insightful content, thanks Holly for sharing your story! Thank you Samuel for bringing this to us!
I am experiencing the infidelity of my husband, I am sending to my kids to help them. We are all hurting 💔, he isn't remorseful...family is shattered, life is irrevocably changed. We are starting divorce proceedings
Be careful when addressing people privately . It's important to keep others silent .
Outstanding Holly! So proud and wish you a loving, faithful marriage , when your time comes!!!
My Christian self righteous religious father cheated on my kind submissive mum, and to make it worse he came back home with HIV causing us to have to take care of him in the hospital, pay his hospital bill and live like nothing ever happened while nursing back to health. The trauma has changed me forever, even my mental and physical health was affected from the shock. But things get better, you move on and Trust God for strength. My mum stayed and forgave him but she's HIV negative. Thank God
Remember watching this 2 years ago when I was in the trenches of my father's infidelity and feeling completely hopeless, wondering if what this girl was saying was true. Watching this back again 2 years later, I can she was right. It does get better, you can heal and find hope.
Update
PLEASE make French subtitles 🙏🙏🙏
I need to show this to my mom
I really need it ...
After 20 years of marriage my dad started to have interest for other women, he didn’t even had a preference, he was ready to fall for anybody. He almost cheated on my mum 3 times but it was not anything even physical more like romantic cheating, bc he’s religious so he can’t do such physical thing or having an affair. But it doesn’t make the pain less that he caused. I know he doesn’t like my mum anymore and wants to divorce my mum and marry someone else. But he doesn’t have the balls. And my mom is also not getting a divorce because she thinks she’ll be even more miserable if she does that. It’s so fucked up rn. My mum is depressed crying and thinking about my dad’s infidelity all the time. My dad is not happy bc my mum is not giving him a chance. Divorce or not both of them is really hard for everyone. I feel anxious most of the time like something is gonna happen anytime. I used to count on my parents like I’d think they have my back. But now I just don’t wanna be a trouble for them. They’re dealing with their own shit and I just wanna be with my own because I’m not able to help them. I wish I could make my parents proud and happy. I just don’t wanna get affected by them anymore. I get depressed just being around them and feel lonely, I don’t believe in love anymore and don’t trust anybody. I’m just writing these stuff to get out of my head bc it feels good but don’t worry I’m fine 🙂
I'm sorry to hear that.. sometimes the things men do irritate me..so how are you holding up now ?
Im a man whos ex cheated. I have kids. I really struggle with it even 10 years later. I went deep into depression, lost the house , have to pay her for her immoral actions , lost my kids for a majority of the time when i was the one at home raising the kids while she was cheating with multiple men at her work. .i hate her with every fiber of my being .
Thank you for bringing the men’s perspective to this too. Too many posts about men cheating let’s not forget women and mothers are very capable of doing these kinds of things as well. Wishing you the best.
God Bless You! What a brave young woman. I’m sorry you had to go through this😢
As the Mom I really appreciate this daughter.
Hi I was wondering if I can talk to you if your still going through this and even if your not just to speak to each other maybe share our experiences, I’m a little younger than you and my dad has been texting ppl for the past yr and now got tinder and I’m shaking to death rn and I can’t sleep and my anxiety has grown sm. I’m just looking for advice or just anything yk!
Ever since I was little my dad would have child like tantrums I would call them. He would be outside in a different building and me and my sister would be helping him while he would call my mom so many names , that she was a nun and he should have never married her and he wished he could just divorce her and the tantrum would go on for the rest of the day sometimes a few days. He would make my mom cry and feel like she was worthless, all the while me and my sister would have to be mediators between them and comfort my mom. As I got into my 20s it got worse, leaving for college was a relief but only lasted so long. I came home from college and he started drinking a whole lot more and never coming home till late. Then it all came to a head when he came home drunk and I was trying to defend and protect my mom is when he beat me and my mom up for the first time, I was 28. He went to jail and I was so happy if only for a little bit. This was when I told my mom he was cheating on her and had been cheating on her for a couple of years now. I couldn't hold it in anymore. But my mom is to much of a pushover to do anything about it so since hes been sober for a little over a year hes back to cheating on my mom again and shes to stupid to see it. They will be married almost 31 years this coming month and my dad has been an asshole my whole life. My mom asks me why haven't you found someone yet and I guess its because I dont want someone like him and all I see around me are unfaithful men. It sucks I'm almost 30 and I've never been in but one relationship in my life 8 years ago and he was a liar to. I guess I'm destined to be alone.
My father never had a full-blown affair, but he was a porn and stripper user all throughout my childhood, and he treated my mom like trash. He was most likely a porn addict. She is 100% right, affairs of any kind teach children that love is disposable. As I got older, I avoided men and relationships like the plague because of this. I never wanted to get in a relationship with a man, because I knew I would always be competing with sex workers and the sex industry for my man’s sexual interest. I whole heartedly believed that men didn’t know how to love, and it led me to be terrified of intimacy and romantic relationships, because I knew a relationship just meant that I was agreeing to fight an uphill battle for love. My parents are still married. My relationship with my dad? Practically non-existent. He tried to be sweet and caring with me every once in a great while, but it’s a waste of his time, because I’m pretty much disgusted by him and men in general now.
I have always felt very much the same way.
This video was wonderful and very in formative. This young lady sounds wiser than her years. ♡
I have a video request about a topic I've never heard talked about and so desperately need help with. Can you do another Q and A video with a betrayed spouse who ended up having to co-parent with their ex spouse and their AP? And specifically an AP who was the betrayed spouses best friend???
I need to know how to overcome the challenges of sharing my child, as if I haven't lost enough, with 2 people whom I trusted but betrayed me. I can't be alone in this scenario.......Any insight on this topic at all....I would be so grateful. I am currently enrolled in a Harboring Hope course. Thank you.
I’m sad for people that had to refer to this video including me as well
Thank you for this program. 🙏
I couldn't even look at my stepdad let alone be in the same room as him when we found out he was having an affair. My mom and him worked it out and stayed together up until he passed away 3 years ago
She has a very mature attitude going through all of this, much better than I could have expressed at that age.
Would she say that trust and closeness would have been restored if her dad would have shown remorse and repented and attempted to hold the family together and fought for them?
Hi my name is Jyotika
My father also a cheater. He cheated my mom with another woman. He have a son with this woman. Every night i feel depressed and alone
My father is currently talking to another woman from his job while he is Married and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want them to get a divorce I love them both and I would not be able to choose who to stay with. And my mom just lost her job so my father is the one with money and I would have to sell my animals and quit all my hobby’s to save money. My mom doesn’t deserve this but I love my dad so much. What should I do please help me!
Gosh. This is so painful. My 12 daughter is going thru such tough time due to my partner of 15 years cheated on me with 160 women. I am feeling better now but my daughter is having such hard time.
Guys my dad is cheating we r an arab family and we r muslims... but i found out my dad is cheating on my mom so i couldnt find a way to tell him that i know it cause im afraid of doing it and im also afraid of telling mom so they dont get divorced i rlly like my parents im 13 years old but who would help me without any problems😥
If you do tell your mom she will likely not leave your dad. Don’t blame yourself for His actions.. You’re the child. Your dad should be held accountable.
I give this young girl a hurray for being honest about her feelings which apparently her Father didn't take into consideration. She seems very grounded for the Lord! I hope that her siblings are close to Jesus 🙏. Maybe she can be an outreach speaker for other people.
It's true that it's completely uncomfortable. So hard to communicate. And even harder when the parent isn't initiating to fix the problem.
Thanks this video really helped me 🙏🙏🙏
so my dad died but i keep replaying this memory from when i was little. when i was 8 or 9 i remember my dad downloading this app called tango to talk to family etc. but i saw this picture of a women there, i also remember not sitting to dinner one day with my mom and dad, like i was all fussed over something, but i remember a dialogue with my mom talking about him talking to a women, yet this all feels so blurry at the same time. i want to talk to my mom and confirm but im scared. theres a piece of hope that this is just something im making up in my head and mixing up multiple memories together. currently im 18, i seem to have a trust problem with the boys i speak with. for instance i was talking to this boy and when i looked at his recent following and saw multiple girls it felt so triggering like i cant even explain that feeling
My father did the same , and he is a pastor. It hurts fuc....gg hard,