This helped me so much, ive been struggling with this. I don't want to disappoint God. I married young( ignored my instincts), he became abusive so i took my kids and went to my mothers. He demanded i come back and i said only if your willing to change/get help and end his side relationships. After that, i was served divorce papers and he is now remarried to one of those side chicks. They try to make me believe im "unlovable" because im still single after 6 years. The enemy can no longer use this against me! Praise the Lord❣😊
@Loriane Thank you. I'm ok now and I know God will take care of everything. He is on my side. Plus, living through that allows me to understand and help others who are going through or trying to leave those kinds of toxic relationships. I learned everything I have experienced was for a reason. Sometimes, people don't know anything better than what was taught to them. I have no hard feelings.
@@overtonduncan378 Thank you. God has shown me that I can trust Him, no matter what is happening, my entire life. The divorce issue was making me feel condemned. People would say I'm going to hell because of it. It was a real struggle, but God's opinion is the only opinion that matters to me. God has truly been so very good to me.
he was cheating. according to Allen, that's biblical grounds to divorce and you can remarry. God will send you the right man. that new wife is probably getting cheated on right now.
Was thinking the same thing. Was in an emotionally, sexually, and mentally abusive marriage before giving my life to Christ and got divorced. what happens in that case?
Sweet Lady no I was listening and he mostly spoke on physical abuse. I didn’t really hear what to do about other abuses. So I guess those don’t really count and you just have to deal with those because it’s not as life threatening. I will listen again to be sure but do you have a time stamp where it’s spoken about?
He mentioned those things as well, and acknowledged that they too are forms of abuse. He also said that people who are being abused should get out and remove themselves from the situation. People are glossing over those statements he made because they have. told themselves that he said the abused one cannot divorce and remarry. But that's not completely accurate, either. He said that you CAN divorce the abusive spouse. He said the bible says that after the divorce, you cannot remarry unless your abusive ex dies or hooks up with somebody else. If your abuser starts dating someone else after you kick them out or leave, it is adultery on their part. He also said that most abusers lack self control and will eventually start dating somebody else, which then gives the one who was abused a biblically acceptable reason to marry again.
Exactly. There are so many sins that are committed by an abusive spouse BEFORE the divorce happens, but the church never focuses on those issues. Abusers should face church discipline and excommunication, but that rarely happens. Men want to point the fingers at women, but they don't want to face the abuse in their own ranks. Biblical manhood, servant leadership and church discipline never gets discussed. It's always the woman's fault for divorcing, not the man's fault for breaking her. Let's start heading off the divorces by teaching men their roles. Let's get abusers out of fellowship so Christian women don't marry them. Let's start being proactive about standing up for the oppressed and those with no voice so men actually know abuse is condemned by God. Telling abused women divorce is a sin is a little too late in the game.
@@TheHelenhunter They're out there taking care of their families while the ones in church leadership cower behind "quantifiable evidence" and thoughtless, one-dimensional videos.
@Eseercam Wretched Radio just put out a video on spousal abuse in the church, and that reconciliation with an abuser is not always the best solution. I wish every church leader or counsellor would watch it.
@@karenneri6292 Sis, I had to get a divorce. My marriage was toxic. I got a jaw that cannot close shut to remind me of it. He tried to kill me. The police threatened to get CPS involved. God was with my daughter and I because I know some situations where it's not a warning, they just take your child
@@karenneri6292 in my case, I got justice. He's serving time now and God has been blessing me. As matter of fact, even while going through my storm, I was still blessed. He is paying for it now. Doors are being open and I am in a different headspace. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I pray that things will work out for her.
As a woman who divorced her husband because of physical violence I am shocked. It may not be biblical but I would never encourage someone to stay with someone who is abusing them and/or their children. I didn't leave him to elevate my happiness, I left him because I was tired of the beatings.
Come on man, I think we all know what the definition of abuse is🙄 Counceling will not work on narcissistic people either. Most abusers will manipulate and pretend that they will change but they know they won't. You are sheltered. I've lived through abusive situations and know how these people think. And lastly, it's not always about " I want to be happy" Sometimes it's I just want to live, or want to be free from oppression.
Look, I asked my pastor straight up, who do you really serve, the God of Freedom or the god of bondage? I asked that because previously he advised me to promise to return to my abuser, which sadly only made the cycle of abuse worse. So many of these counselors would probably have told the Egyptians to reconcile with Pharoah. Mental abuse begins long before the vows... I mean if "Jesus" wants you to get married, who can argue with that? The mental abuser uses marriage as a form of psychological entrapment. That can not be ordained by God.
@@Kandinicolespeaks Your right. Lies and manipulation are a narcissist's bread and butter. They love to use counseling to make the counselor an unwitting accomplice to their evil.
What about Ephesians 5:28-30 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,30 because we are members of his body. Not sure if it's grounds for divorce, but an abusive husband is not playing the role God intended.
@Joyful n Blessed Exactly, a physical separation - so you aren't subjected to more, is NOT the same as Divorce - a SPIRITUAL separation. God doesn't allow for a Spiritual separation, he only allows the physical and requires celibacy.
4 года назад
@Joyful n Blessed --- (continued) --- Listen! -- And just to be very clear -- there is a *cause and effect* relationship/scenario between how a wife treats her husband and how the husband responds to the wife. . *A man's #1 emotional need is to be RESPECTED!* --- If men are disrespected and dishonored by their wife, that will, in most cases, *CAUSE* the husband to respond to the wife in an UNLOVING way. --- Yes, the wife can bring out the WORST in a man by being *disrespectful* towards him. *Disrespect* includes refusing to *SUBMIT* to him. . So, stop trying to play the "victim card." --- You trying to misdefine this *cause and effect* dynamic and labeling the husband being a "demonic monster " is nothing more than you simply trying to give women immunity for disobeying God's command that wives are to RESPECT and SUBMIT to their husband. --- Yes, a wife's refusal to RESPECT and SUBMIT to her husband, as GOD commands, can be the very CAUSE of her husband treating her in an unloving way. . So yes, the FIRST thing to look at when a wife is claiming that her husband is being an "abusive demonic monster," is to determine whether the wife has been OBEYING God's command that she is to RESPECT her husband and SUBMIT to her husband. --- If she hasn't, then SHE (not a "demonic monster ") is a major reason for her husband's unloving behavior towards her due to her own rebellion against God's command for wives to respect and submit to their husband. .
4 года назад
@Joyful n Blessed --- You have seriously got the wrong focus with your belittling, demeaning, condescending, self-exulting attacks against men -calling men “cowards,” “obstinate,” and other disparaging words. --- All you’re doing is trying to exalt yourself above men, and trying to take the focus off of the responsibility and accountability that WOMEN have in a marriage and to their husband. --- You are the one who’s deflecting here. . And to answer your question, *_“What woman in her right mind is not going to respect the man that is loving to her?”_* --- There are *MANY* women who disrespect men who love them. Some even divorce their loving husbands saying that they were *“too nice.”* . And why are you trying to excuse women’s toxic behaviors by attributing their behavior to be the result of her not being *_“in her right mind”?_* --- Some women, even many women, in their right mind, are simply *_“demonic monsters”_* just as you labeled some men to be. . So, you basically give lip service to what women need to do, and instead, you're focused 95% on men. *You've got it backward!* --- As a WOMAN, it is *NOT YOUR PLACE* to be instructing MEN, because that is PLACING YOURSELF IN AUTHORITY OVER MEN. And THAT IS NOT YOUR PLACE as a woman - as we see in the verse below; . >>> 1 Timothy 2:12 ~ “I do NOT ALLOW WOMEN TO TEACH MEN or have authority over them. Let them listen quietly.” . This problem (that you seem to be promoting and engaging in) of WOMEN TRYING TO TELL MEN WHAT TO DO only results in women *NOT* being LOVED because women trying to tell men what to do is seen as being DISRESPECTFUL by men. --- Women are to GET INSTRUCTIONS FROM MEN, not try to TELL MEN WHAT TO DO. That’s the job of GOD and other men. That is NOT the job of a woman! . As a woman, it is your job to tell OTHER WOMEN WHAT TO DO in order to be better women - NOT TRY TO TELL MEN WHAT TO DO - as we see in the verse below; . >>>Titus 2:4 ~ *_“Older women may TEACH THE YOUNGER WOMEN to be SENSIBLE, and to LOVE THEIR HUSBANDS, and TO LOVE THEIR CHILDREN.”_* . Also, you said, _“Men are to initiate. Leadership means initiate, not sit back, wait for the wife to do right, then respond.”_ ---- There you are trying to define men’s manhood. *But you can’t define anyone’s manhood.* That too *is not your place.* -- So, you’re being even more self-exalting and disrespectful. . The truth is that men (even those who are leaders) often DO _“wait for the wife to do right, then respond,”_ just as we see in the verse below; . >>>1 Peter 3:1,2 ~ *_“In the same way, you WIVES BE SUBMISSIVE to your own husbands_*_ so that _*_EVEN IF_*_ any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won _*_without a word_*_ by the behavior of their wives, _*_as they OBSERVE your chaste and RESPECTFUL behavior.”_* . So, a man waiting for the wife to do right before he responds to her has absolutely NOTHING to do with him not being a leader or not being a man. --- In fact, often time *JESUS even waited* until a person *“did right”* by showing faith in Him, before He responded to them. . So, you are grossly mistaken in your attempt at trying to define men’s manhood or leadership qualifications. --- Yes, it is more than normal for a man leader to WAIT until the woman does right before he will respond to her. Again, *Jesus Himself* often waited and acted *in response.* . So, your overall comment is way off base and you are *out of place* with your condescending, disparaging, self-exalting tone of trying to place yourself in authority over men. .
More churches need to stand up to abuse. Too often churches tell women that they must be doing something wrong or they're just not submitting enough. Christians love to remind women that the Bible says to submit to your husband while forgetting to remind the men TO LOVE THEIR WIVES LIKED CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH. Christ did not beat the church, sexually abuse them, or verbally abuse them. He was a humble man, not an arrogant man who beat people into listening to him. When will Christians stand up for their sisters in Christ and hold men accountable for their abuse? I find that too many in the church are cowards, afraid to confront anyone about anything.
A preacher told a woman in my town to go back to her abusive husband she never went back she left the church and dated another man. They got angry with her.
Divorce is a sin for those who just want out. But people mainly abused women and children should walk out. Bring it to the authorities. As a Christian a church anullment is sufficient. And a legal separation . Jesus did not agree with divorce an annulment however means there was never a marriage in the first place.
My prayers go those hurting from relationships breakdowns and/or divorce process. Please do pray for New Zealand as we deal with the sad events over the past few hours.
@John Murphy I'll be praying. New Zealand is such a beautiful and peaceful place. I was saddened by the news. We're standing with you all here in the states.
@Caribbean Ín The House I believe God has made relationship possible with ALL through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ to pay for ALL HUMAN SINS. Therefore whether someone is Jewish or from Israel or not God has made it POSSIBLE for ALL to enter into relationship with him.
Physical abuse to the point of death? I lost an aunt because her husband killed her to DEATH. When there is clear evidence that the person physical well being is endangered, get out. The abuser needs to get help, if the abuser doesn't get help, get out.
I must admit that I was brought to tears because NO way would I stay in an abusive relationship. Thank God Divorce is under the blood and if I am NOT mistaken. Don't the blood of Jesus covers all sins except blasphemy the Holy Spirit. Well i pray 4 those who is experiencing domestic violence. Get OUT!!
I think you have lived a very sheltered life, and that’s good for you as you haven’t seen or lived what I have. My dad was a drinker and when drunk he would threaten to shoot my mother. As kids we were terrified, he would get his guns from his wardrobe and terrorise the family. Every weekend when he was drinking we were on edge terrified if he would kill out mother. He never fired the guns but the terror was always there. My mother stayed with him and us kids have all sorts of anxiety and panic attacks as adults. My mum died at 65 from a heart attack, she also suffered anxiety and panic attacks, his terror destroyed us. And my own husband I stayed with for over 30 years until he strangled me and I ended up in hospital and could even yawn for days as he damaged my jaw and bruised it. I haven’t divorced him but we don’t live together but the other day he said he was going to come over and stab me in the heart. You clearly have no idea what levels of abuse in marriage there is.
Da Nhl1 some people just have no idea about domestic violence, they think it’s just people yelling at each other because they can’t agree on something. It is so much worse than that. I also had to live with my neighbors domestic violence. My bedroom was next to my neighbors kitchen and her husband was a drinker too, and there were times he would come home and beat the life out of her and wake me and my sister and we could hear her screaming and begging for her life and the house being smashed up. We would have to go to mums bed to get away from the horror. The poor women once I remember seeing her and one of her eyes was swollen shut and the drs was worried she might loose her eye sight. It’s so much worse than what this man in the video is making out it is.
Da Nhl1 thank you. My dad never touched us kids but the terror destroyed our mind. Panic attacks and phobias plague us. Even when the slightest thing happens to me I panic and think I’m going to die. I saw a psychiatrist about it and when he asked about my childhood and I told him he said that’s why I’m like this. He said the developing brain of a child takes in all sorts of things and a child needs to have a certain sense of security, when a child grows up in fear that part of the brain that responds to dangerous situations becomes under developed and that’s why I panic and fear so easily. Creating a strong and support environment for your children is the most important thing you can do for their development. I’m glad you have become strong from your childhood and determined to make a great life for your kids.
Here is a verse to show that God hates Abuse Psalm 11:5 Easy-to-Read Version (ERV) 5 The Lord examines those who are good and those who are wicked; he hates those who enjoy hurting others.
Sorry you went through this sista, I’m so glad God has started a healing process with you. You did the right thing by separating from him, if he hasn’t changed then I would say continue to stay away from him. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. If you know for a fact that he is committing adultery then seek spiritual guidance on whether you are able to finally divorce him.
I came across this article before I watched this video. I think we should compare. www.restoredrelationships.org/news/2016/01/11/domestic-abuse-divorce/
What is the PURPOSE of marriage? How is staying in an abusive marriage fulfilling the marriage purpose? What would be the benefit of staying in a marriage if s spouse is not doing their biblical duty in the marriage? I disagree with the measurably of infidelity vs abuse. Doesn’t the Word say if a man looks at another woman he’s committed that sin? Abuse can be clearly defined. Not trying to go against the Word in any way, just some thoughts that I’m struggling with.
Sister. Preach!!!! You speaking the absolute truth I guarantee you 100000% if the person is abusing you hes also already having sex with someone else or at the very least lusting about someone and as you well stated to lust is adultery so lusting is as if they did have sex with someone else therefore Divorce isn't out of the question
VibeCrafts Thank you so much for your comment and your question. As mentioned in the video, abuse is a horrible thing and I stand against it wholeheartedly. As much as I would love for abuse to be mentioned in the Bible as a grounds for divorce, I cannot find it anywhere and nor have any biblical scholars for the past 2000 years. And, to really understand what adultery is and what Jesus meant, you do have to know a little bit about the Greek word that are used. It is actually the word porneia which refers to physical adultery not lust. So unfortunately, simply lusting cannot be a reason why we seek a divorce. If that were the case then every single person who was unhappy in their marriage would have a reason to get out. Jesus would have never made it that easy.
I think you misunderstan what Jesus meant the hole point was to ot look with that way you won't even want to commit adultry besides he said in his heart said man or person has commited adultery. And if someone is in a physically abusive relashionship they ca just seprerate.
I hope you all understand that even Jesus said if he testifies of himself then his testimony is not valid. Therefore you can claim your abused, but anybody that would take your word for it would be out of line and therefore testifying of yourself is invalid because you should recognize there is no point claiming you went through abuse, claim that you would be dead from abuse if you hadn't escaped, and it's obvious how highly you are exaggerating by the fact you were not sharing The journey of love and suffering or love you had for this person, but instead offering a narrative that cannot be questioned because of its vagueness and how quickly you think using the word abuse exonerate you from any responsibility You neglected and lacking any testimony thereof on how you went to the Lord and came to the conclusion that divorce was the only option even though he hates it. People that love and suffer, genuinely through faith in Christ, and do the necessary things and put in the work far beyond the extra mile do not easily jump to the word abuse as if it's the only word in a one-word story. Only those who want to justify themselves would agree with you. Your testimony is invalid especially because it is one-sided and offers no information on the part you played or where you failed but places all of the blame on one individual that anybody who desires and has been given discernment can tell that your testimony is invalid, especially if Jesus said that about himself. You could not be any more transparently dishonest. I had seven dads, and five moms growing up. I was in multiple group homes. I was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused by both genders. I do watch my 5'2 mother be drug through the living room by her hair screaming while we were called into the room to sit on the dresser watching him beat her and we were terrified to run. Then I had to watch and listen to the cries of horror and terror because my older brother was getting the exact same abuse I got except he was mentally retarded. That's the word we used in that day so for emphasis I use it now. One thing I knew from the age of about 8 till I left home and I was 16, is that my mother could have left. She kept going back, leaving, going back, and leaving etc etc. After getting beaten up by my stepdad at 16 I ran out of the house with just a pair of pants on. Lived on a farm and the nearest town was 2 mi away and he went looking for me with his pistol. Needless to say that if you are being abused to the point where you fear for your life, at some point it's your fault for staying so long. That kind of abuse cannot be hidden and there is a 99% chance it does not just come out of nowhere like someone mugging you or murdering you in the night. So my mom could have left. So which point was she responsible and responsible for what my step dad was doing to us? Abuse as pastor Allen said is subjective and far more often than not, the person claiming abuse never speaks as to what they did to find themselves in that situation, how they cultivated or poisoned the marriage, or whether or not they entered into the marriage under the right circumstances. It's easy to call someone an abuser and claiming your life is in danger so that you can 100% excuse yourself from any problem and a problematic marriage and of course avoid the fact that you chose this person under the circumstances that you fail to critique or be accountable to. The exaggerations are also obvious because going back is not what pastor Allen said and therefore it's obvious whoever would use such ridiculous rebuttal was the problem in their marriage. So the winking of the eye and the shuffling of the feet in the words you choose to respond are easily discerned and you don't have to be someone that's been abused to do it. You just have to love the Lord, his word, and accept the fact that prior to salvation and after salvation we all commit sins that would still put him on the cross and none of us have been subjected to that kind of abuse and if anybody had the right to justify divorce because of abuse it would be Jesus. So as you justify abuse, and it's noticeable that the type of the abuse remains vague in general in order to avoid any questions, remember to thank Jesus for staying in the abusive relationship in spite of the abuse You are still putting Him through even after salvation as you think God that he is never left you or forsaken you. Don't you get it? Treating others the way you want to be treated has nothing to do with being nice, kind, and loving to the people that are nice, kind, and loving. That's the whole purpose of unconditional love, to give it to those who don't deserve it. Therefore at the very worst, claiming you are abused in order to justify divorce is only stating that you claimed you got married under God to this person and that God brought you two together, but God made a mistake, and you had to correct it through divorce because there's no possible way The Lord would have brought you two together due to the fact that you did not enter into marriage with 100% perfection and that abusive spouse, if you would have chosen Christ instead of yourself, may have been saved by your witness by leaving, causing them to leave, and do pretty much everything you'd have to do to get a divorce except spend the thousands upon thousands of dollars and years of your life justifying it when leaving and staying gone would have been much cheaper and God could have worked through your faith or at least allow you to stay where you staying or keep them out of the house for quite a while from the thousands upon thousands of dollars you would save avoiding the divorce and trusting the Lord. You can't even see the forest through the trees of your own reasoning.
My dear brother Allen, I was severely abused as a child and when I got married, I unfortunately shared those details with my wife. For the next 30 years I endured all sorts of emotional abuse and physical neglect from a spouse claiming to be a believer. It was I who sought the company of other women who were more nurturing and feminine than my own wife. I sought counseling of course, I even sought couples counseling but she refused. I knew in my heart and in my spirit that this was not what God wanted for me. Unfortunately, divorce was the only alternative in my case and I’ll never regret the decision I made.
what was that vow you made....better or worse.....what is the admonition, of the Bible....love your wife, as Christ loved the Church....the Bible seems to allow for seperation, but not divorce and remarriage....
@@philipbuckley759 I don't think you understand marital vows. "For better or for worse" means "no matter what life throws at us", not "no matter what evil you do to me". Marital vows are not a License to Sin and Be Exempt from the Consequences.
Counceling together isn’t a good solution tbh. That’s what prison is for. We are talking about someone’s life being harmed. Sadly it seems as though oftentimes men that speak on abuse don’t talk about the spouse taking the matter to authorities. Abuse is a very good reason for someone to go to prison. If we in the church agree with rapists, murderers, thieves, etc to go to prison then why don’t we take physical abuse (which is measurable) as serious? Especially considering that many individuals never stop abusing? I think it’s sad that we don’t take this issue seriously enough
shan braz Most counselors don’t believe in marriage counseling with a known abuser. The abuser has serious issues and needs to address them head on first. The safety of the abused and that includes children is always first.
Should not keep company with a railer. 1 Corinthians 5:11 11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. Proverbs 13:20 20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Ephesians 5:11 11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them Psalm 26:4-5 4 I have not sat with vain persons, neither will I go in with dissemblers. 5 I have hated the congregation of evil doers; and will not sit with the wicked. Psalm 1:1 1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. Psalm 11:5 King James Version 5 The Lord trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth
I agree, for me there is no negotiating when your life is at risk. I feel as though too much is being covered up by the church and too many abusers are getting away with it. I also feel as though often it will be seen as the fault of the victim, almost as if abuse is justifiable which it never is.
I kept hearing this same thing from other people in my circle that emotional abuse isn't measurable. This might be true from a human pov. But it got me thinking... who is doing the measuring? Surely, God is capable of measuring it, right?
I was once told by a Christian that having a relationship with christ and being a Christian is liberating; however if I an told to stay in a marriage where I am abused in any way, I don't find this liberating. This is oppression.
Ricky,God doesn't want you to stay in an abusive marriage. If it cannot be salvaged, leave and divorce but try to avoid remarrying until your ex is with someone else that's all.God bless you and giving your life to Jesus is the best thing you'll ever do trust me and God bless you!!!
Ricky Jewett. Those people who told you that are legalists and are telling you to be bound by the law, because they are bound by the law. That's bondage. Do what you think is right, and God will guide you. He cares about you. He is love. If we love Him, we will keep His commandments. The commandments He put on our hearts as He interprets them, not as fallible man interprets them. I said all that to say, you're free in Christ, He is a good Father.
Black eyes and broken bones are measurable and documentable. I have seen leaders encourage a woman to stay in that situation and unfortunately he put her in a casket. Definitely get out and seek help!
Off The Kirb Ministries - Hey, I am a subscriber to your channel :D I didn't know you watched this channel that's pretty cool. What Christian RUclips channels are you subscribed to? I already know you are subscribed to Living Waters. I know of many different channels myself but am wanting even more. lol :P
@Caribbean Ín The House - Oh no I am not good. I am a sinner that needs Christ for salvation. Which commandments, laws, statutes should we obey? Also why does race matter?
@Caribbean Ín The House - What if I am white? Does that mean there is no hope for me? Could you explain who exactly are the isrealites chosen people of God?
@Caribbean Ín The House - Here is what I believe. For he is not a Jew, which is one outwardly; neither is that circumcision, which is outward in the flesh: But he is a Jew, which is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit, and not in the letter; whose praise is not of men, but of God. Romans 2:28-29 Not as though the word of God hath taken none effect. For they are not all Israel, which are of Israel: Romans 9:6 And they also, if they abide not still in unbelief, shall be grafted in: for God is able to graft them in again. For if thou wert cut out of the olive tree which is wild by nature, and wert grafted contrary to nature into a good olive tree: how much more shall these, which be the natural branches, be grafted into their own olive tree? For I would not, brethren, that ye should be ignorant of this mystery, lest ye should be wise in your own conceits; that blindness in part is happened to Israel, until the fulness of the Gentiles be come in. And so all Israel shall be saved: as it is written, There shall come out of Sion the Deliverer, and shall turn away ungodliness from Jacob: Romans 11:23-26 For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcision, but a new creature. And as many as walk according to this rule, peace be on them, and mercy, and upon the Israel of God. Galatians 6:15-16 You can be a true Jew when you have had circumcision of the heart. You can be a true Jew because of what God does for you inwardly and not by outward things, because not everyone who is from Israel is actually from Israel. Meaning not everyone who is literally from Israel is spiritual Israel, and anyone who is a new creature in Christ and has faith in him will be saved. God is merciful to who ever calls on His name. Whoever believes in Jesus is true Israel. It doesn't matter what race, color you are. What matters is what you are inwardly.
FINALLY!!! a pastor that sticks to the word of GOD... Abuse is a horrible situation for anyone to live in... But we have to look to the word of GOD, the final authority on everything... REALLY get to know the person you're considering marrying, before you marry them...
Sometimes it doesnt happen that way, sometimes you may get married and your partner tries to kill you twice so you leave him and find another man that's going through some trauma himself and you marry that good man & both of you help each other get back up and serve the lord through the midst of the storm......whoever is without sin cast that first stone.
Well, you can get to know someone for 50 years, and as soon as the vows get said and rings are on, all bets are off, then they act different. Not all people, but a lot of people, because they are going to be on their best behavior to nab a person.
@Eseercam I agree with you but on the other side many women make it impossible for a man to be a man in the relationship, especially americanized women(of any color...our culture has destroyed the marital roles and that's why theres so much divorce these days, if every woman was a proverbs 31 wife then tons of marriages would be saved but most women these days act like men and that destroys marriages and tons of men act like women or even pushovers for dominate jezebel's which is also causing divorces....imho our american culture is the exactly the opposite of what the bible asks of us.....sad days we are living in
I did... I was raped and beaten as a kid , I didn't realize but that was why I always got into fights with all my male friends growing up, I've always fought with everyone because of PTSD and defensiveness... so I've always hurt ppl at the first sign of threat, when I got married when my wife would raise her voice in the car I'd attack her viciously without even realizing what I was doing because inside the car, my mind went back to being raped and held down , claustrophobic... so my violence came from a subconscious need to end threats. I never attacked my wife outside the car or in an open space but in closed quarters if she'd even give me an attitude I'd attack her... this happened with men no matter what kind of room I was in ... We do change , once we identify what the heck is going in inside our fried brains from the all the trauma we do change... and many of us want to change... my wife never left me, cheated or gave up on me .. she knows how gentle I am with children, animals, the elderly, her ... how deeply I love but there was apart of my brain that was still broken from being raped and beaten so intensely.... Took me a few years but I'm at the point now, that no matter what situation I'm in, I can keep my cool with men and my wife sho behave aggressively towards me..... For me , It was triggered by aggression and need to feel safe .. idk all abusers I cannot speak for them but everyone told her to leave me, everyone told her I was a monster... But God was my councilor , u didn't even see a therapist , I just prayed daily, educated myself on trauma and I talked to my supporte system weekly.. My wife never gets hurt now, not even in the car when she's mad.. People can change, people do change ..... I promise you, we just need help uncovering the root of our 💔
@@setapartsanctuary2657 I completely understand and do believe in miracles but personally I will never put myself in a danger situation. There has been cases where woman keeps praying and praying and end up getting killed.
@@lali_sanchez_blog1 So many of us get ruined when we're young and don't even realize how broken we are until our mid twenties... I'm 30 this year.... the good ones find ways to heal.... the bad go darker
Christians, inquire of God for your spouse, be prepared for His answer whether yes or no for that particular person. Also, ask for Holy Spirit filled spouse. They're out there
Can I get a divorce if my spouse is abusing me? YES, YOU CAN!! There are people out there who love and support you and will help you through. The marriage contract has been breached when abuse comes into the picture.
@@philipbuckley759 didn't the person already broke the covenant when he or she abused you? Is that person a believer if he or she abused you? If you stayed with that person, you are just letting it have more sin by abusing you.
@@philipbuckley759 Contract / Covenant. Potato / Potahto. Covenants have terms and conditions just like a contract would. Covenants can be voided if one party fails to abide by the terms, just like a contract can.
Some people become abusive AFTER they get married. So, paying attention to sign of an abusive person BEFORE a Marriage, is not always a sure-fire way to tell that they are not going to become abusive, in a Marriage. 10:27
@ so if she's respectful and submissive and he's still abusive who's fault is it then?
4 года назад
@@TheLightShines ---- First of all, she needs to be more specific about what she is actually doing, and not doing, to justify her claim that she's respectful and submissive. Many women claim to be but are actually anything BUT respectful and submissive. --- Thanks to feminism, most women do not even accept that the husband is their HEAD and the HEAD of the household. Many women think it's the reverse.
You are so correct. In fact, most of the time, true abusers are extremely practiced and calculated enough to hide their abusive ways until they've hooked their prey. My advice to women is to look very closely at any potential spouse's home, - parents & siblings, to see if there are any red flags of potential abuse. Watch how he talkes about his mom and sisters (if he has any) and how his dad treats his mom!
This was a good video. I am thankful to God that I never married an abusive guy in a former relationship. I ask God to help me find the right Christian man or nothing at all. I'm older now and pay closer attention. I would appreciate prayers. (am trying not to use the word lucky anymore).
There is something worse than being single and that is being stuck with the wrong person. I am single also and I am very selective and want the right woman to be my wife. Don't rush it.
Amy P, a great verse to consider and trust is lsaiah 56:4-5. One of the beautiful things about God is that he has promises for every situation, including ones for those of us who are unmarried. The most important relationships l have are with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I used to think of being single as one would think of a bad rash. Singleness was something to be ashamed of and gotten rid of at all costs and as quickly as possible. I felt like a leper, an abnormal outsider for not being married. But with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit in my life l am never alone. I don't lack for love because They love me with steadfast love. They NEVER fail nor forsake me. But marriage apart from Christ is disastrous, whether it's between unbelievers, unequally yoked couples or people who know they should be but aren't obeying Christ as Lord. Being a believer is difficult enough as a single person but it has to be a nightmare to be married when one or both spouses are pulling away from Christ. I've seen some ugly behavior between husbands and wives who aren't reverencing Christ as the Lord individually and together. And when there are children involved the ugliness can be downright tragic. I am blessed to have friends in Christ who've been in long term marriages. They don't treat me like a loser freak because l'm single. They understand that, as Paul says, each of us has our own SPECIAL GIFT FROM GOD (1Corinthians 7:7). I marvel daily at how God delivers me from sin in a sickeningly immoral world. It's only the grace and mercy of God and the power of the Holy Spirit that keeps me (1Corinthians 10:12-13, Psalm 121:1-2, 2Timothy 4:18). The fact that God is helping me to overcome sin gives me all the more confidence that l'm one of His elect (Matthew 1:21). God is giving me freedom from sins that used to enslave me. I encourage you to continue to draw near to God in prayer and study of his word. Set your hope in the resurrection of the just. God bless you. And l will pray for you.
Separate- if there is abuse BUT you are still married. Or reconcile. Meaning obviously he or she has changed their ways. If they have not you can separate, from someone like that. But you will remain single. No Divorce, or Remarriage
My wife left her ex husband for trying to murder her 2 times! Let me tell you this, ALL of these high and mighty people who are saying you cant divorce that fool are not in that situation themselves or theyd know you could never go back.....noone is perfect and I always hated divorce and I still do but I met my wife at the worst moment of my life and we helped each other get up, if it easnt for her I'd be dead and if it wasnt for me she would be dead, these people talking dont even have more righteousness then the pharisees who actually walked away from stoning the woman caught in adultery......in conclusion, LIFE HAPPENS!
In terms of abandonment, we need to be honest about whose a believer. A good tree yields good fruit, just because they go to church every Sunday and bible study every Wednesday doesn't mean they are a believer. ”Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:8 therefore if you're abusive to your spouse, you neither know nor love God. You definitely don't even fear God.
So true thats exactly what God told me. I met my husband in church and he and his parents all believers, BUT!!!! Completely cruel, unforgiving. Dont care about anyone but themselves. My husband broke my ribs, tried to strangle me and they happy and tried to cover up. They still go to church but no love. No kindness. No care. Its crazy people can do this with no concious at all!!! Its mind blowing. But Gods people are known by their love for each other. Gods looking after me now his gone and I know God does not expect me to go back. 🙏🏻✝️
Allen Parr, I love your channel. I love your preaching style. I love your videos. You have been a blessing to me. I am a man who loves God and desires to be filled with the Holy Spirit. But you’re really gonna’ have to do better than that to convince me. My Christian mother was in a horrible marriage when I was in my early 20s. To the point where he was physical. Threw her against the wall (twice if I’m not mistaken). He claimed to be a Catholic man. Both my mother and this man lost their spouses at early age and he used that to woo her into thinking that he was this godsend to help her grieve her late husband. They attended marriage consultation relentlessly with ZERO success. He treated his daughters like queens and treated me and my brothers like peasants. He verbally abused her. Disrespected our family property. Took advantage of our house that was being rented out by having her move in with him. He had her by the jugular. He became so toxic to the point of kicking her out his house and left her with no place to go. After getting booted, she spent 20 minutes in a crummy hotel that our church paid for and she couldn’t handle it. She was destroyed. Life as she knew it was over. I can wholeheartedly profess to you that her quality of life improved once a divorce was finalized. Is sin capable of improving the quality of one’s life? Doubtful. Very very very doubtful. I want to obey God and his word, but you are skating on thin ice, my man... I would think long and hard before preaching on this topic if I were you.
I cant watch this video anymore. This is ridiculous Why is it even a question...if someone didn't write it in the bible, then all logic/ thinking goes out of the door. "What does the bible say" How about "I'm not trying to get abused, forget this" And for your info, most marriages that end up abusive didn't start that way. Mine didn't.
My sister don't give up on Jesus just because of one of our brothers or sisters interpretations that you may disagree with. By all means logic is needed and should be applied to scripture and staying with an abuser is not okay in God's sight. I hope all is well with you and God bless you in Jesus name!!
Stephanie Sykes-Davis, So true. Some "Christians" just take the Bible and quote it, without mercy and compassion. They don't know the heart of God. Really, what they're doing, is sinning. They need to humble themselves before God, and let Him show them His true nature.
@ please don’t tell people that mess. You refusing to “obey” isn’t grounds for a man or a woman to put their hands on you, to rape you or to call you out of your name and crush your spirit.
@ , two wrongs have NEVER made a right. Nothing in the Bible says that the husband of a domineering, unsubmissive wife has permission from God to abuse her. If he abuses her, he will be accountable for the sin of abuse when he faces God on the day of judgement. If she refuses to live in peace with him and is being mentally or physically abusive, he is no longer bound to her ( 1 Corinthians 7:15 ). If she is putting her hands on him, he as every right to press charges (just as an abused wife can press charges against an abusive husband). But he can NOT abuse her as retaliation for her being unsubmissive and disrespectful. Not only is it illegal, it's unbiblical.
@ , while state laws may vary somewhat, I'm not aware of any state in which the wife's disobedience to God translates into a legal right for the man to abuse her. If a man tries that in the states where I've lived, he will find himself on the wrong side of the bars of city lockup. Please be careful not to encourage men to do things that will get them locked up, thinking they will somehow get vindicated because they have wives who didn't want to submit. The same God who demands that husbands and wives submit to one other also calls us to obey the governing authorities. You can NOT break the laws that prohibit domestic violence and then try to justify it by hollering, "But I had an unsubmissive wife." The judge isn't buying it and neither is God.
I really like most of your videos, but your insensitivly and dismissive handling of abuse -not being "measurable " -are demeaning, and minimize a situation that often results in death. No, the Bible does not list abuse as a reason for divorce, but making the abuse many suffer seem like nothing, is inexcusable. And why address only physical abuse? I watched my sister endure literally unspeakable abuse of every type from her demon of a husband. Abuse that contributed to her death at only 43 years of age. Your comments really show a total lack of either knowledge, compassion, or both. I have unsubscribed, and rescinded my recommendation of you to my nephew-my sister's grandson-who is also in ministry. May God bless you with a heart of compassion and mercy. A heart that not only obeys the letter of the law, but also the spirit of the law.
The last part about taking back the recommendation is really weird tbh. He is preaching what the bible says and not telling you that you HAVE to do this. Someone apart of any religion will see their book as fact which is why I really cant sit here and be mad at this.
@@eliastta437 actually some of it is opinionated. He said it at the beginning, when he said "The Bible doesn't mention it". I find it very very hard to believe that the caring God I serve will allow someone to remain in a abusive situation. Just because it's not in The Bible doesn't mean he doesn't think it's not a good enough reason. At some point God expect you to use common sense. How can you Love Thy Neighbor and abusive your partner???
@@jayrayner7 I see your point but adultery could also be perceived as common sense as biblical grounds for divorce yet it is mentioned. Of course, Allen can be wrong but watching this video it looked as if it was approached from a Biblical standpoint.
Buddy what he's saying is complete facts in the Bible. If you were to marry someone who's abusive it's your fault. You knew what they were like to begin with and you.knew if it was God's will or not. Stop being ignorant acting like you know more than the Bible because you don't. What you did was a sin and you should've prayed for your husband or whatever that is being abusive to change.
1 Corinthians 5:11 11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. Proverbs 13:20 20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Ephesians 5:11 11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them Psalm 26:4-5 4 I have not sat with vain persons, neither will I go in with dissemblers. 5 I have hated the congregation of evil doers; and will not sit with the wicked. Psalm 1:1 1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. Psalm 11:5 King James Version 5 The Lord trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth
Brother, I feel if you have not experienced abuse (in all forms) in your relationships or even in your marriage, you are not able to fully understand the damage these situations cause. Now I'm not telling you this to shame you or put you down in any way. I am asking you to pray about how you speak about these kind of situations. It did come off as making light of the situation and it personally hurt my feelings since I am a survivor of abuse.
Delightful Dixie I am very sorry that you experienced that. That is a horrific thing to experience as I stated in the video. I could not imagine going through what you went through. I’m sorry that you did not hear my heart in this video. I was simply trying to remain true to the word of God as I understand it.
He said that you CAN divorce the abusive spouse. He said the bible says that after the divorce, you cannot remarry unless your abusive ex dies or hooks up with somebody else. If your abuser starts dating someone else after you kick them out or leave, it is adultery on their part. He also said that most abusers lack self control and will eventually start dating somebody else, which then gives the one who was abused a biblically acceptable reason to marry again.
Spoken like someone who's never experienced spousal abuse. Abuse IS measurable. It can be tallied in sleepless nights, in tears, in the racing beats of a panicking heart. It can be measured in pain, in blood, in the bodies of suicides. Just because you may lack the tools to measure it does not make it unquantifiable.
What if your spouse literally tries to kill you after you separate from them and they get sentenced to 25+ years for attempted murder? They never committed adultery, but they’re not getting out from prison anytime soon. Why can’t you divorce them in that situation? The justice system won’t let them out after you forgive them a couple years later, doesn’t work that way. It’s horrible to be married to someone in prison hundreds of miles away, let alone if they never changed and repented in Christ.
I truly can’t tell you how rare it is for someone to speak up and tell the pure truth of God’s word when it comes to re-marriage, adultery and divorce. Thank you for being a whistleblower and for telling gods word straight, despite all of the people that may not want to hear the truth when it comes to God and his word.
I grew up in an abusive household from my Dad. He wasn't a believer. Eventually my Mom divorced him after he threatened to take my life. And he was out cheating on my Mom. I don't wish abuse or adultery on any household. I don't think these scars will ever go away on top of always wondering why my Dad doesn't love me. I just wished my Mom divorced him much earlier so he wouldn't have tormented us for years.
Sorry to hear that brother. But it's over righteous unbalanced teachings such as this that promotes staying married to abusers that is being taught in the church.
I’m so sorry for your pain. That’s why God does endorse divorce because of hardness of hearts. If abusing people you say you love isn’t hardness of hearts, than I don’t know what is
Here's something that I think people aren't thinking about. People have a tendency to jump into relationships for various reasons but if we follow the Godly principles for finding a husband or wife in the first place then we wouldn't have this issue. Problem is that people are stubborn and rebellious and they go against God's will to be with a person. Stop being a rebel and listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. Especially for young people who think they can do whatever they want to do and God will still bless them. Don't put yourself in that situation to begin with and it won't be an issue. Date a person for a long time before even thinking about marriage and ask for Godly advice from people older than you.
Christ the only hope you right. Some people's idea of finding out what their spouse will be like is jumping in bed with them. The next day they're married and they wonder why that person isn't who they thought they were because they never had time to figure out who they were to begin with.
Yes your totally right. I saw and experienced signs before. Knife to my neck in the first few months. But I was drawn by lust and sex and all the wrong things. We got married to get out of sin. Which makes me think it was not a God ordained marriage.
Wrong I know 20 year relationships with lies and abuse etc... length is mean less. No one's perfect so many will be in this situation like ot or not the simple solution is divorce period
Gets popcorn and takes a seat lolol! And once again ever learning but never coming to the knowledge of the truth. The law kills but the spirit gives life. I don’t usually give a response but I am compelled to respond to this. Physical Abuse is not subjective. DO NOT ...I REPEAT DO NOT STAY IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. Shalom.
I have to disagree with the counselling option. Coercive and non physical abuse doesn’t ever stop, it merely changes forms. It’s a bad bad idea to remain with someone like this; speaking first hand. It can lead to absolute controlling of you and everything you do including your decisions, AND in my experience your relationship with God. Best thing to do, is to ask God to guide you to a good wife or husband.
Emma Platt I continue to be amazed at how people are misinterpreting this video. Sister, I must ask did you watch the entire video or just look at the title? Not one time in this video did I say that Jesus wouldn’t care if somebody is getting abused. Now the question is would Jesus go ahead and tell her to divorce him? It seems as if he would’ve put that in his scriptures and teaching on divorce if that was his heart.
THE BEAT by Allen Parr yes I did watch the video and I’m sorry you’re so amazed at my misunderstanding. It was more a blanket statement in general, not a direct question to you regarding your video.
Should not keep company with a railer or even eat with them. 1 Corinthians 5:11 11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. Proverbs 13:20 20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Ephesians 5:11 11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them Psalm 26:4-5 4 I have not sat with vain persons, neither will I go in with dissemblers. 5 I have hated the congregation of evil doers; and will not sit with the wicked. Psalm 1:1 1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. Psalm 11:5 King James Version 5 The Lord trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth
I think teaching wives submit without always including the teachings on the man loving the same way Christ loves the church and the nurturing and honoring is Teaching it out of context completely. The context must be there. The man is the leader and should always be addressed about living godly as a godly leader and serving, loving and bearing the fruit of the Spirit. To leave those teachings out doesn't seem right at all. Also should verses about avoiding phony believers and abusive cruel individuals too. 1 Timothy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel Matthew 19 9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: Matthew 19 11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given 1 Corinthians 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife Malachi 2:14-16 King James Version 14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. 15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them 1 Peter 3:7 7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life I think teaching wives submit without always including the teachings on the man loving the same way Christ loves the church and the nurturing and honoring is Teaching it out of context completely. The context must be there. Also should verses about avoiding phony believers and abusive cruel individuals too.
This is a good word. 🙌🏻 After 12 years of abuse, multiple separations, many tears & much prayer, I chose to finally cut ties & divorce my narcissistic husband. However, I am bound by my commitment to the Lord to “remain unmarried...” as per His command in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11. Thank you for mentioning this verse & for covering a difficult topic. Stay true to the Word. ☝🏼
@@GerreLove I went by myself several times because he refused to go. Didn’t think he needed to. I did manage to get him into 2 appointments (2 diff times with diff counsellors, both as a result of me leaving), but he refused to accept any responsibility and basically blamed it all on me, then effectively “fired” the counsellors and refused to go back. After 2 years of separation he went with me to counselling with a couple, convinced us all that he’d had a change of heart, and I moved back in after 6 months. The very next day Dr. Jekyll was back and it took me a year to get out for good. I don’t know if that answers your question. 🤷🏼♀️
@@GerreLove counseling can just be another part of the show for a narc. My wife went to counseling, but all she did was put on her Dr. Jekyl side. Back at home though, she would punish me for outing her.
What do you do if the narcissist unbeliever wants to reconcile and come back ? I had to flee after 28 years of marriage with extreme verbal and emotional abuse, never physical, filed a restraining order for one year and then asked for a legal separation He begged me for marriage counseling and reconciliation to which I declined because this was never a marriage problem as I have learned through much counseling and other resources , it is a heart problem, HIS heart So he said then let’s just get a divorce I am totally ok with that at this point We’ve been separated going on 16 months and I have no desire to go back even though he said he has changed through his counseling and he wants to prove it to me I don’t think I can trust him, it won’t be the same and I keep coming back to the fact that he is not a believer and hates Christians I think he realizes how good he had it and now that he is on his own it sucks Any feedback appreciated Not to mention 2 out of our 4 children having emotional issues as a result of living through all the turmoil
The abuse itself is abandonment, especially emotional abuse. The spouse who uses sex and intimacy as a form of punishment and reward really hurts. Withholding it hurts the most
Agreed. Husbands are to love their wives as Jesus loves his church. If you are being abused, physically, emotionally or being neglected, etc then the marriage covenant has been broken.
I would also add that just because a serious sin (domestic violence, cruelty, drug use, financial recklessness, etc) is not explicitly named in Scripture as a valid ground for divorce does not by any means imply it isn't one.
- Because the poor are plundered and the needy groan, I will now arise,” says the LORD. “I will protect them from those who malign them.” (Psalm 12:5) - Deliver me from my enemies, O God; be my fortress against those who are attacking me. (Psalm 59:1) - Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You preserve my life. You stretch out Your Hand against the anger of my foes; with Your Right Hand You save me. (Psalm 138:7) - Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me, for in You I take refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of Your wings until the disaster has passed. (Psalm 57:1) - A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. (Psalm 91:7-13) - May God Himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it. (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24)
Please do not tell people to get couples therapy when they are in a physically abusive relationship. This is not wise advice. Domestic violence is a mental health issue and couples therapy is proven to put the victim in greater danger.
oh no, my father threatened to mu*der me, sorry mom you can’t permanently protect your children, but when it’s revealed he was seeing another woman then it’s ok to get divorced, but not when my life was threatened
Caribbean Ín The House let me tell you something from experience. You cannot Judge truth without Jesus Spirit inside of you. *It would be a good idea to use another picture rather than using one that already has a meaning and overshadows your reasons for using it*
Rayvon Ladawn Newsome if you are replying to me.. thank you 😊 everyone check out a small channel called *TRUMPET OF GRACE - Showers of Truth* Words truly come from God in that channel
My parents hated each other. And they divorced after thirty years. But the worst thing about it was that they took it out on us. There were many days when we didn't want to come home from school. I'm not going to go into details, but it was pretty bad at home. Thank God for his mercy and saving grace!!!!
Even if it's not Biblical, don't stay in a marriage where the other spouse is beating you (male or female). Allen, I hate to say it, but you appear to just be giving excuses for abusers.
Back in the days they would either stone a man to death or beat him for killing or abusing his wife. Even when a man rape a woman he was put to death imagine that. The way these so called Christians interpret the Bible is to die , that's the synagogue of satan for you. Soon it will be no more, can't wait for The Most High to destroy it all. They say the laws are done away with but yet they will put people in danger when comes to danger not understanding the consequences of that same law , death sentence to put away evil.
This was good and enlightening. I agree. My last husband abandoned me and divorced me, plus had an affair. I stuck with him after the affair but when he abandoned me, I let him go. Guarding my heart much more closely as a single lady. Just loving Jesus and wanting what He wants.
- God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early. (Psalm 46:5) - Keep me safe, LORD, from the hands of the wicked; protect me from the violent, who devise ways to trip my feet. (Psalm 140:4) - SO DO NOT FEAR, FOR I AM WITH YOU; DO NOT BE DISMAYED, FOR I AM YOUR GOD. I WILL STRENGTHEN YOU AND HELP YOU; I WILL UPHOLD YOU WITH MY RIGHTEOUS RIGHT HAND. (Isaiah 41:10) 🙌
Thank you for laying out God’s desire in marriage. Using our own feelings or logic, instead of adhering to God’s instruction, is like eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil instead of the Tree of Life.
Uhhhh abuse is wrong, it’s not debatable. If you are being abused you need to get out. It’s not personal feelings, you are invalidating survivors and have no real knowledge of the topic
You don't go back to abusers. God didn't intend for us to be abused that's why it may not be in the Bible. Emotional, physical, mental, Sexual abuse are a big NO, get your stuff and go. Divorce is a consequence of being outside of God's will in the first place. Read Deuteronomy 24 and Matthew 19:8-9
Any kind of assault is abuse period. Any shake, slap, choke, punch, or any aggressive physical act is abuse. Women and men please don’t stand for abuse.
Spoken from a man that is less likely to be overpowered and killed by his wife. This is a dangerous topic, and reading a couple versus before making a vid like this, doesnt cut. This is the type of vid you go on a 21 day fast before you make.
Fasting wont change the scriptures. Being less likely to be overpowered doesn't mean he misinterpreted the scriptures. I'm quite positive Pastor Parr hasn't just "[read] a couple versus" (sic). I would bet my life he's read the scriptures far more than you have.
Sadly women have harmed and even killed their husbands using baseball bats, knives, guns, hired shooters etc. So a woman can be abusive as well and abuse isn’t just physical but it’s the most common type to cause someone to want to leave a marriage. I think he’s talking whether either spouse is abusive and what to do in such cases according to the scriptures. I’ve read through the scriptures he’s talking about and he’s telling it like it is. Now whether we agree with them is a battle between God and the self.
As someone who's gone through abuse for over a decade, I'm a little hesitant to agree with what you’ve said. I can see that your target audience was the people who just want an excuse to leave their marriage so they can marry someone else that’s got the looks, so to speak, and that does need to be said. People shouldn't throw the "I'm being abused" card up like the ways you’ve mentioned. It’s not so much what you were trying to say that I disagree with, it’s the delivery that I disagree with. As much as the prideful people need to be addressed (or in this case the abusers), so do the the abused and those who are filled with shame. With the way that the message was delivered, it sounded like this: if you are already in an abusive relationship, you’re stuck there until the abuser wants to leave. You did say that if you are in an abusive relationship you need to leave, however with no given scriptural evidence (provided in the video) to back up the claim, it can be easily dismissed. And with the way you described 1 Corinthians 7:13-15 to back up why you should stay in a marriage, it makes the claim you said at the end of the video about leaving an abusive marriage seem controversial. No where in the bible does it say we should dwell with evil counsel, in fact it discourages it. Psalms 1:1 “Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful”. Another thing that needs to be pointed out is the interpretation of scripture. Not all verses should be heeded word for word. When Paul was talking about an unbeliever leaving the marriage, was he not referring to the spiritual leaving of the marriage covenant? Think about it this way: When David left Saul’s court, was the fault on David? No, he left because of Saul’s abuse/attempts to kill him. David physically left, but Saul left the covenant. In the context of domestic abuse, the abuser leaves the covenant when they use their influence in malicious ways. That’s a reason why I believe survivors from domestic abuse who have divorced a spouse are free to remarry. Another example of not taking a scripture so literally is Proverbs 22:24 “Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go”. The verse is basically telling us not to take counsel with those who purposely keep anger in their heart, not just anyone who is angry. I don’t mean to come out on the defensive or try to attack you with this comment. My concern for this video is that it won’t be clear for those who are still in the fog of the abuse and that this video is open to twisting/manipulation. Allen if you have anything you’d like to say, something to add on or something I missed, please let me know. If you’d like to see some of my sources, one is “Mending the Soul” by Steven Tracy, and another is this website: www.restoredrelationships.org/news/2016/01/11/domestic-abuse-divorce/
Yes. If a Man or Woman abuses you physically and mentally then get a divorce in order to survive and stay far away. People's these days should not have to witness such cruelty and then say to yourself "everything is fine". Praying doesn't always work on Abusers because you never what they could do next that's even worse than before.
@Caribbean Ín The House Lmao you're the type of man that got his ass kicked by a woman. Most arguments can happen from women but abuse can happen from men. It can also go the other way around which means no man or woman is worse than the other.
@Caribbean Ín The House Bahahaha hahaha omg I've never laughed so hard by some insensible douch. I have feeling you're mgtow boi which would probably explain the freemason symbol on your profile pic cuz u wanna freely walk away from problems ur not man enough to solve. Lol
When you're crippled or murdered by your abusive spouse, you can take comfort in the fact that this guy will be there for you, to glibly mutter that God works in mysterious ways.
separation, yes.....divorce, perhaps....remarriage, not according to the Bible...reconcilliation or remaining single....are the only two options..why do you think the disciples were shocked to here what Jesus had to say, on this issue...
As a divorced man that got out of a very very abusive marriage through divorce, you're telling me the Bible says I must remain single? I was 20 at the time and she was 53 at the time and no kids were present. Divorced July 2020. She abused me in every single way to where reconciliation would be total bullsh+t as we took counseling with her therapist and she never changed. I'm engaged to a woman close to my age that can bear children and that has a sound mind. You're telling me the Bible tells me I am to be mandatory single for the rest of my life?????
I can tell you why adultery and not abuse is grounds for divorce in the Bible. The Bible was written 2000 years ago when women were considered property. Was it illegal to beat your beasts of burden? Of course not. Of course, if your property is not fulfilling its purpose, you probably aren’t gonna keep it around.
I got divorce because of abuse. I just knew you were going to say it was not permitted. You go by motive and the advice of others who have witnessed the behavoir. He was seeing someone when we were separated.
The bible says that a leaving a marriage to someone who is not a Christian is fine. Someone who is abusive cannot also be a Christian as Jesus said that to fulfil the law you need to love your neighbour.
The issue with an abusive husbands is that they don't want to go to therapy. The problem with churches is that they do not recognize emotional abuse and the effect it has on the person. Repeated cheating is abuse, refusing to fulfill his/her duty as a spouse is also abuse. I experienced it all. I separated not because I want to be happy and marry someone else. I separated from him so that he can be accountable as a husband and not be a bad influence on our 3 boys.
I’m an Apostolic Christian. I believe in the close reading of the gospel and even I can stomach the idea that this does not constitute common sense. Please do not stay with an abusive person.
As someone who grew up in abuse (sexual, physical, emotional, and social), I struggle with intimacy with my husband, violent thoughts, general patience with others, unrealistic expectations, and isolation. And health problems. I isolate because of lack of trust, and I like to take long walks, but on them I constantly visualize I'm being attacked & how I would fight back & kill who is attacking me. I struggle to have a sweet, kind spirit; I can be nice, but it's like it's a survival facade. My mind is always tormented & fighting. Obviously I try to surrender to God, but this is semi subconscious & hard to stop. You gotta get outta that house! Not a couple, but David had to leave Saul when he was trying to kill him. He tried to make things work, but eventually he had to leave. It was wrong of him to serve under another king (when he went to the Philistines), and he refused to kill king Saul when presented the chance. But God took care of the situation eventually, and gave David favor along the (difficult) way, by bringing him allies that would be his band of men, and the priest gave them the holy bread. He finally got to have & rule the kingdom (the difficulties he encountered after were due to sin). Israel would not have had the great King David if he stayed with Saul (or devoted himself permanently to the Philistine king).
I know women who did separate and then he stalked her and found her and beat her even more and will continue to do so until as some real action is taken. What do you do then Kristina still try to hide tho he we continue to follow you and beat you. Yea real smart
@Marie G 777 instead of finding flaws in my comment talk to her and others who agree with being beat to death staying in marriage cus We all know that's Gods will for our lives
@@JayTheLordIsMySaviorJones I wasn't in on the conversation, but no matter what the reason was for divorce , if a person repents in their heart and lets God lead them, they can remarry, they haven't sinned. I've come to realize that Paul's letters sometimes dealt with a specific problem that that church had. Only took me 35 years to figure that out. I knew God wasn't a tyrant, but by scripture, legalists seemed to be right. I always knew they were wrong, because I knew God was good, and could forgive any sin, if we confessed, and repented, but there was no direct scripture to refute them. One has to know God to know His love and mercy. He reveals this by His Spirit.
This was an excellent video Mr. Parr! 1 in 7 men go through phyical abuse by women I read. I was one. Not that I let her, but it was random things she did and I could not hit her back because she is a woman. It has effected me ways I never thought I would experience. It has unleashed some passionate anger against this topic, it has made me bitter before also. I am currently going through separation and possible divorce. It is effecting my kids to see their dad spit on, hit on, frying panned in the face, cut etc. But man God has been faithful. I am still here. I am currently in a Christian therapy and looking for better days. Thanks for your videos and dilligence in breaking down the word brotha.
My brother I am SO sorry you are going thru that. My heart goes out to you and I will pray for you both. No 1 has the right 2 put their hands on you that way. I suggest you pray, but 2 be honest with you. I couldn't stay in a toxic bad unloving relationship like that...WOW!! That's NOT love.
If the abuse is so bad that you cant take it anymore divorce, that's not a sin(though God hates it Malachi 2v16) but never remarry cos you will be committing adultery of which is a sin. If you want to honour God with that marriage and stay in the presence of abuse then bear in mind that abuse isn't from God and you must use a perfect weapon to fight it...Prayer. I suggest you pray so hard the moment you enter into that marriage for protection so that you wont even have thoughts for divorce because devil hates marriages
In MY view on divorce and if God allows remarriage, I do beleive it is aloud BUT FIRST PRAY to the FATHER and LET GOD do what God wants for you. I do beleive that FORGIVENESS is a MUST and RECONCILLATION is PREFERD BUT GOD as ALL KNOWING MAY CHOSE to END the RELATIONSHIP.
IF God wants the RELATIONSHIP to end (IE Unequally yoked, abuse in my view that continues and no change and death of partner) than God MAY allow for someone to REMARRY IF it is part of GODS PLAN for your life. I recomend this FREE PDF download from Michael Chriswell and his journey with Father whom Allowed him to Divorce his first wife AND get remarried in due course relentlessheart.com/store/book-god-hates-divorce-but-he-hates-some-marriages-even-more
@@LovePatience32 Spiritual death of the spouse who divorced (if your non believer spouse wants to leave or adultery-sexusl) and DOESN'T REPENT from the sin than as I understand it from Gods view. The Christian (now divorced) despite ex being physically alive is single and can re-marry. Divorce and remarriage is a complex and confusing area in the faith but I do believe that IF God allows the divorce and God promises a new spouse for the belevier than remarriage is ok
Narcissistic abuse is intentional and many abusers want to hurt you and you can’t change them. It’s dangerous to try to get someone who’s physically harmed you to change or stay with them
Psychological abuse is very painful. My Mom and I are still suffering in our minds from the trauma my dad has put us through emotionally through verbal abuse. Now I know the red flags of a Narcissist. Jesus, I pray for the women and children who are tormented in their minds at the hand of the man of the household. I pray for protection and supernatural healing and restoration of mental heal in Jesus Name. Almighty God send Your army of angels to protect women and children everywhere, especially those in abusive situations. May God rebuke the evil spirits who convict the man to commit abusive acts verbally and physically on his family, in the Mighty Name of Jesus I PLEAD THE BLOOD OF JESUS OVER EVERY VICTIM AND SURVIVOR OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE (mental, emotional, verbal abuse, physical violence, threats, etc) O LORD JESUS DEFEND YOUR CHILDREN COME TO OUR AID AGAINST THE ENEMY WHO SEEKS TO DESTROY FAMILIES. I PRAY FOR EVERY SINGLE PERSON SUFFERING IN THIS WORLD IN JESUS’ NAME, the NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES! Hallelujah and Amen. Praise be to Lord Jesus Christ. Father God lay Your Hands on every mother and child and uphold them with Your Righteousness, yes Lord we know how prevalent abuse is these days and I PLEAD THE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST TO COVER EVERY HOUSEHOLD, EVERY MAN WOMAN AND CHILDREN DEAR JESUS, BLIND ALL DEMONIC SPIRITS AND EVIL FORCES CAUSING CHAOS AND SUFFERING, LYING, ANGER, CHEATING, DEMEANING BEHAVIOR, YELLING SHOUTING AND EVERY ABUSIVE, HARSH AND CRUEL TACTICS BE REMOVED COMPLETELY FROM THE HEART AND SOUL OF ALL EVERYWHERE LORD RISE UP IN YOUR RIGHTEOUS WRATH AND CAST OUT EVERY SPIRIT OF ABUSE IN EVERY SINGLE HOME BY THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS WE PRAY FOR PEACE DEAR GOD I PRAY FOR CONTINUAL PROTECTION FROM ALL FORMS OF ABUSE IN EVERY FAMILY IN EVERY RESIDENCE BY CHRIST WE ARE HEALED PROTECTED AND DEFENDED FROM DANGER OF ANY KIND WASH US CLEAN OF ALL CURRENT AND RESIDUAL PAIN EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY FROM ANY ABUSE SUFFERED AND FOR ALL WHO STILL ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ABUSER MAY THE LORD REBUKE ALL ASPECTS OF THIS ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS!!!!!! AMEN GLORY TO GOD PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME FOR EVER AND EVER THANK YOU JESUS IN ADVANCE FOR THIS PRAYER IS ANSWERED IN YOUR PRECIOUS NAME I HUMBLY PRAY AMEN AMEN AMEN
I’m 42 still dealing with all the abuse I saw as a child . It’s sad but true. I have sooo much angry towards my mother for staying . People treat you how you allow them too .Kids suppose to learn and observe from their . parents . I only learn physical mental emotional and verbal abolish basically all my life til about 15 years ago . I’m sorry the abuser or the person that’s getting abuse are both at fault . I really believe that why my sisters and I first serious relationship was abusive because that’s all we knew . And you will attract the same type of people if you don’t understand or know anything about life . I pray any ..... women that’s being abuse Leave .... I don’t care if you don’t have a dime . Ask for help people are over willing to help other in those types of situation. I love you and I’m with you on your prayers ❤️❤️
I didn't want to comment, but I feel compelled to do so... 1. I've been reading a lot of comments about "REALLY getting to know the person you marry before marrying them". I agree with this, but I think to some people, this is quite a damaging statement as it suggests that people who are in abusive marriages failed to 'really get to know' the person they married, implying that some of the blame is on them for not seeing red flags. As human beings, when we're not personally in these tough situations, it's so easy to sit on a high-horse and assume it would or could never happen to you. People change and believe it or not, we have no power over who a person is going to be in the next 10 years. Yes, marrying a person that loves God with all their heart helps, but at the end of the day, even a godly person will still make mistakes and fail you. So please, before we make such comments, let's be guided. 2. Yes, the Bible doesn't explicitly say that abuse is grounds for divorce, but it also doesn't explicitly say that smoking weed is wrong. We infer a lot of things based on the nature of God and the God I serve is a loving and just God. Abuse is oppression and if God hates oppression enough to free the Israelites from Egypt and part the Red Sea in the process, surely, He hates it even within the confines of marriage. I saw this statement on someone's blog that said: "When it comes to this matter of suffering abuse - we, both men and women, actually model Christ when we suffer abuse from others taking it patiently as he did. And that is why God wants you to stay in an abusive relationship." After reading this horrific statement, my heart broke. This sounds similar to how people used the Bible to justify slavery!! We so-called Christians are unfortunately one of the least sensitive human beings on earth and we have a LOT of work to do as a community - ESPECIALLY when discussing issues like this. Are we, as the Church really called to value marriage above the life God has given us? Anyway, my ultimate prayer is that God helps us see things through His lens and not through ours in Jesus name. Amen. Also, if you're a victim of abuse, please please seek help - here is a list of hotlines you can call based on your location en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domestic_violence_hotlines and check out restoredrelationships.org God bless.
Exactly. The Bible doesn't call us to be slaves to our spouse. We are not more godly by suffering at the hands of our husband. That's insane. And yes, the Bible doesn't address a LOT of things. We have to look at Scripture and God's character as a whole. I mentioned above that God doesn't directly address polygamy in the Bible. Abortion is also not directly referenced. And yet we know how God feels about both of those topics.
I believe you shout take the scripture for what it is without adding in assumptions. “And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.” (Rev. ... 22:18-19.) don’t take anything or add from what’s clearly already there.
This is a question that I asked When I first started watching you Mr Parr. Thank you so much for Sharing some very helpful advice. It's where I'm at now... In the"meantime" I'll continue to pray for him (as he is facing very serious prison time) ; due to abusive behavior towards me (the wife). I'm a Survivor 💕🙏💕
Abandonment does not have to mean physically walking out of your home and not looking back. It can be financially, spiritually, mentally… especially when knowingly doing those things as a form of control & punishment. As a victim of ALL types of abuse (even if only one is present at first, all will usually show their face) this information is not just harmful, but could end someone’s life. Staying in an abusive marriage is not biblical. These standards and twisting of scripture to make believers think they have to endure such soul shattering behavior is nothing even close to what God calls us to do. There are many, many ways abusive behaviors break covenants over and over again. God does not call us to remain in situations where our entire reason for existence is questioned. Unless you’ve been a victim or personally know someone who has, I don’t believe anyone should have such a strong opinion. I have been strangled and told I “must submit” to my “Christian” husband. Or else I wasn’t a godly woman to him. I was held down and spit on told to “show respect” simply because I asked for him to stop. Body slammed and kicked. Called a whore before church because I was curling my hair and had a long dress on. This man of God would get stoned before church. Zero help in raising our children and being a present father. Forced abortion. The Jesus I know and serve would never encourage His child to remain in that situation and let children be brought up in that environment viewing violence and hear degrading words day in and day out. Abuse is never shown up front. It only appears once someone “has you” already. That is exactly why people are in abusive relationships. The mask stays on until it is safe to remove and it seems almost impossible to escape them.
I won’t disagree with remaining unmarried although I think Mike Winger gave a better breakdown but if a woman experienced anything near the abuse I did you are a fool to consider reconciliation. I say this in love for the victims of abuse because going back is incredibly dangerous. Frankly I’m glad my ex committed adultery now but I also think it’s sick to put this on the victim. The reality it that waiting around hoping to reconcile and getting your heart crushed when he does cheat just seems crazy. You’re convicting the innocent here.
To the saved person, God will always forgive you. There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. This is an excellent teaching of God’s word. One should not feel condemned for remarrying though. The Spirit of God will convict if conviction is warranted and bring you into the knowledge of truth. God is not the one putting many of these marriages together. There are many marriages of none believers.
If you are remarried and your first spouse is still alive according to the Word of God you are commiting adultery. If the Holy Spirit lives in you, you will be convicted and do whatever it takes to make it right with God. So yes you are condemned until you make it right with God.
If you stay married then you haven't repented. Repenting means I change and I turn from my ways. I would seriously ask the Lord should I end a marriage if I have a living spouse.
@@vannellssaaden7810 Right!! You can't stay married while your spouse is alive. It says if they are dead you are FREE to marry. Not if they beat you or left you
I'm divorced due to domestic violence. My ex husband brought me to the brink of death on more than one occasion, and physical and sexual violence was an every day occurence. After we separated we tried multiple time to reconcile, but he just would not accept help. He didnt want to change his ways. So I'm now divorced. I've been wondering why I havent been led to start dating again, and I finally got my answer. I guess I'm to remain single. I dont like it, but if that's what God wants me to do then so be it.
I think in many cases people hold on to these rules thinking they apply to any and all marriages. Not every marriage is brought together by God. Some marriage are brought together by people's free will. I'm sure there are times where God, in his infinite foreknowledge saw destruction in a marriage and told both parties before they got married that this union is not His will. A lot of these marriages are dysfunctional because they are not God's choice or His best. So the root to eradicating divorce would be to make sure these couples are actually brought together by God. Their purposes are linked. They are each other's help-meet for their calling etc. That should be the prerequisite requirement before marriage.
@@mdk2338 exactly. We have the free will to choose who we want to marry but it may not be God's choice for us. I beleive these Biblical laws apply to marriages that God joined together because He chooses couples that He sees will benefit His kingdom in their calling on earth. Which is why He made those laws so that they wouldnt separate because doing so will forfeit their purpose on earth. They need each other to fulfill their individual callings together. Because their callings sre aligned.
@@naturallymemarie9650 Just one problem with that is God does not verbally tell you who to marry, so you will marry who you think is right at that particular time. Remember we are all sinners and can pretend to be one way outwardly. Only God can see the heart.
@@XMP2K5 thats why you wait for his answer. Pray and ask if that person is the one and wait for Him to provide confirmation. If He doesnt speak, its because its not the right time. And usually if its the wrong person he will show you red flags. God always answers, but in His timing. Until then, make no decisions without Him.
@@naturallymemarie9650 That's why I mentioned verbally. He doesn't speak verbally anymore because we have the complete Bible. The red flags you see are based on what you see or choose not to see. God gives us what we need in His word. You will not get a verbal confirmation.
I don't even want 2 get married. I would rather stay single forever than have to put up with any kind of abuse. The bible never gave anyone the right to abuse anyone. The bible says women are supposed to submit to their husbands but it also says husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them. So I'm pretty sure smacking your wife around is not showing love to her 😊❤💘 marriage is supposed to be a beautiful thing and sex between married couples is supposed to be passionate and loving, it's not supposed to be boring, it's not supposed to be abusive, it's supposed to be beautiful 💖💖💋💋
If you are in danger, the Bible says only a fool would not hide himself for safety (Proverbs 22:3, Proverbs 27:12). Let’s not be fools; once safety has been compromised, that is clear evidence of a heart of stone that Ecclesiastes 8:11 says needs immediate consequences. This level of hardness of heart that returns good with evil may very well be biblical grounds for divorce... Consider the example set by David when Saul repeatedly both endangered David’s life (1 Samuel, ch 18 verses 9-11, 17, 20-21, 29; ch 19 verses 2, 10, 20-23; ch 20 verses 31 & 33, ch 22 verses 6 & 17; ch 23 verses 8, 14, 22, 25; ch 24 verses 2, 16; ch 26:2) AND repeatedly promised he would stop (1 Samuel 19:6, 22:6, 24:16, 26:21). Note that once it finally became clear to David that Saul had a hard a heart of stone towards him, HE FLED AND NEVER AGAIN SUBMITTED HIMSELF TO SAUL’S AUTHORITY (even though David had the right to raise an army to seize the kingdom from Saul). In fact, Saul never stopped pursing David until David completely left Saul’s domain (1 Samuel 27:4). Likewise, when there is abuse that endangers safety (particularly from a seat of authority such as the head of the house), a prudent believer should flee to safety without raising a legal battle for the assets of their kingdom & without subjecting herself to the authority of a hard heart again. Jesus said God gave us divorce for the express purpose of escaping a hard heart (Matthew 19:8). The Beat is right that we should not be looking for reasons to ditch marriage (especially for pursuit of happiness). But we absolutely should be pursuing God & wisdom (Proverbs 8:17 & Matthew 7:7) which does not call is to be one flesh with, or even worse, be subject to, a hard heart. Psalm 34:14 commands us to seek peace & pursue it. But let’s not declare peace where there is none (Jeremiah 6:14). GET YOURSELF TO SAFETY like the example set by David (Ecclesiastes 9:4) without allowing a hardness in your own heart to develop (Philippians 2:4) and return evil with good (Luke 6:35) just like David did (1 Samuel 20:15-16, 24:7 & 21-22, 26:16-18).
He said that you CAN divorce the abusive spouse. He said the bible says that after the divorce, you cannot remarry unless your abusive ex dies or hooks up with somebody else. If your abuser starts dating someone else after you kick them out or leave, it is adultery on their part. He also said that most abusers lack self control and will eventually start dating somebody else, which then gives the one who was abused a biblically acceptable reason to marry again.
Wow, brother, a lot of leaders out there advocating for divorce on this very unbiblical ground. You're the first person I've seen that really stands by the bible on this. I give this many thumbs up. Sometimes we tend to let our sympathies and emotions cloud what is really right or wrong in sensitive situations like this
You handled that question well brother. Sadly the law doesn't do much for victims of abuse, if you attack someone on the street you're in serious trouble, but if you're married to them they'll probably just tell you to sleep in differnt houses for the night. But like you said, an abusive spouse probably won't think twice about sleeping with someone else if they aren't already.
They are like that because in many cases, the victim tends to go back to the abuser. If you are taking action like getting a restraining order or calling law enforcement to get involved and they have records of it, then they will get involved to a certain extent. However, they do have resources to help you, every state is different. I live in Miami, so I was able to get assistance from relocation to counseling services.
I decided to divorce after we went to a Christian counselor and our therapist didn’t take mental abuse seriously. You cannot change a narcissist to feel empathy. It has been very hard to come to the decision because there’s a feeling that the person may actually love you the right way one day as they’re good at love moving and stringing you along. That’s just not healthy. I’d rather divorce even if it means I’ll be single for the rest of my life. Christian’s should speak more about this.
This is one of the single most misunderstood concepts EVER and personally I'm pretty tired of the hypocrisy involved in it. There is a distinction made between "putting away" and divorced. YHWH put Israel and Judah away AND gave them a divorce--Jeremiah 3:8. Putting away was men sending their wives away. Divorce was the legal means to ending that relationship. By some church's definition, YHWH HIMSELF couldn't be a member in their church since HE is a divorced person.
I was in very abusive marriage for 19 years. I was abused in every way daily, mostly physical. My ex-husband believes in God, however his thinking is very off, not godly etc. He thinks that the husband comes before God and I was to love him more than the Godhead. He doesn't acknowledge that everything that we had/have comes from God. He tried to kill me about 6 times. I divorced him due to the abuse and being unfaithful (adultery). The Holy Spirit told me not to marry him. To this day, he's still abusive but not physically. Before we broke up, we were "counselled" by a "senior" leader of my church. My ex-husband rarely went to church. We were unequally yoked. He's now a quadriplegic due to his lifestyle. I've forgiven myself, him and moved on with my life. Some people get "use to" being in abusive marriages or relationships due to fear, witchcraft and so many other reasons. God delivered me. I'm so grateful and thankful!!
Should not keep company with a railer or even ear with them. 1 Corinthians 5:11 11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. Proverbs 13:20 20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Ephesians 5:11 11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them Psalm 26:4-5 4 I have not sat with vain persons, neither will I go in with dissemblers. 5 I have hated the congregation of evil doers; and will not sit with the wicked. Psalm 1:1 1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. Psalm 11:5 King James Version 5 The Lord trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth
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Id rather be single till i die than have to be loyal to an abuser.
Yup, same
Sad thing is, abusers always show their colors when they dig their claws into their victims.
If you choose to never marry and live celibate then that is great. Most people lack the ability to do so.
Yes please!
Exactly.
This helped me so much, ive been struggling with this. I don't want to disappoint God. I married young( ignored my instincts), he became abusive so i took my kids and went to my mothers. He demanded i come back and i said only if your willing to change/get help and end his side relationships. After that, i was served divorce papers and he is now remarried to one of those side chicks. They try to make me believe im "unlovable" because im still single after 6 years. The enemy can no longer use this against me! Praise the Lord❣😊
@Eseercam I was. He abused me in every way.
@Loriane Thank you. I'm ok now and I know God will take care of everything. He is on my side. Plus, living through that allows me to understand and help others who are going through or trying to leave those kinds of toxic relationships. I learned everything I have experienced was for a reason. Sometimes, people don't know anything better than what was taught to them. I have no hard feelings.
It's good to see you stood on the word of God and trusted God despite how you felt.
@@overtonduncan378 Thank you. God has shown me that I can trust Him, no matter what is happening, my entire life. The divorce issue was making me feel condemned. People would say I'm going to hell because of it. It was a real struggle, but God's opinion is the only opinion that matters to me. God has truly been so very good to me.
he was cheating. according to Allen, that's biblical grounds to divorce and you can remarry. God will send you the right man. that new wife is probably getting cheated on right now.
I noticed that he only spoke about physical abuse. But he didn’t touch on mental and verbal abuse. Sometimes those abuses are worse than physical.
Was thinking the same thing. Was in an emotionally, sexually, and mentally abusive marriage before giving my life to Christ and got divorced. what happens in that case?
You wasn’t listening.
Sweet Lady no I was listening and he mostly spoke on physical abuse. I didn’t really hear what to do about other abuses. So I guess those don’t really count and you just have to deal with those because it’s not as life threatening. I will listen again to be sure but do you have a time stamp where it’s spoken about?
Lisa B. He said in the beginning of the video of any kind of abuse
He mentioned those things as well, and acknowledged that they too are forms of abuse. He also said that people who are being abused should get out and remove themselves from the situation. People are glossing over those statements he made because they have. told themselves that he said the abused one cannot divorce and remarry. But that's not completely accurate, either. He said that you CAN divorce the abusive spouse. He said the bible says that after the divorce, you cannot remarry unless your abusive ex dies or hooks up with somebody else. If your abuser starts dating someone else after you kick them out or leave, it is adultery on their part. He also said that most abusers lack self control and will eventually start dating somebody else, which then gives the one who was abused a biblically acceptable reason to marry again.
colosians 3:19 Husbands loves your wives, do not be harsh with them.
Cherry pickin' :)
Exactly. There are so many sins that are committed by an abusive spouse BEFORE the divorce happens, but the church never focuses on those issues. Abusers should face church discipline and excommunication, but that rarely happens. Men want to point the fingers at women, but they don't want to face the abuse in their own ranks. Biblical manhood, servant leadership and church discipline never gets discussed. It's always the woman's fault for divorcing, not the man's fault for breaking her.
Let's start heading off the divorces by teaching men their roles. Let's get abusers out of fellowship so Christian women don't marry them. Let's start being proactive about standing up for the oppressed and those with no voice so men actually know abuse is condemned by God. Telling abused women divorce is a sin is a little too late in the game.
@@andreah.5962 Exactly sis 🔥 where are the real men at?!
@@TheHelenhunter They're out there taking care of their families while the ones in church leadership cower behind "quantifiable evidence" and thoughtless, one-dimensional videos.
@Eseercam Wretched Radio just put out a video on spousal abuse in the church, and that reconciliation with an abuser is not always the best solution. I wish every church leader or counsellor would watch it.
Stay in a abusive marriage and CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES will take your children!
KeTwanna Walker so true ! Happened to my friend
@@karenneri6292 Sis, I had to get a divorce. My marriage was toxic. I got a jaw that cannot close shut to remind me of it. He tried to kill me. The police threatened to get CPS involved. God was with my daughter and I because I know some situations where it's not a warning, they just take your child
KeTwanna Walker yes it’s so messed up they seem to protect the abuse more. Sorry you went through this
@@karenneri6292 in my case, I got justice. He's serving time now and God has been blessing me. As matter of fact, even while going through my storm, I was still blessed. He is paying for it now. Doors are being open and I am in a different headspace. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I pray that things will work out for her.
@@karenneri6292 Is she still with him?
As a woman who divorced her husband because of physical violence I am shocked. It may not be biblical but I would never encourage someone to stay with someone who is abusing them and/or their children. I didn't leave him to elevate my happiness, I left him because I was tired of the beatings.
Come on man, I think we all know what the definition of abuse is🙄 Counceling will not work on narcissistic people either. Most abusers will manipulate and pretend that they will change but they know they won't. You are sheltered. I've lived through abusive situations and know how these people think. And lastly, it's not always about " I want to be happy" Sometimes it's I just want to live, or want to be free from oppression.
You're right. When it comes to abuse, the "I know it when I see it" standard should suffice. We don't need a legal definition.
Look, I asked my pastor straight up, who do you really serve, the God of Freedom or the god of bondage? I asked that because previously he advised me to promise to return to my abuser, which sadly only made the cycle of abuse worse.
So many of these counselors would probably have told the Egyptians to reconcile with Pharoah. Mental abuse begins long before the vows... I mean if "Jesus" wants you to get married, who can argue with that?
The mental abuser uses marriage as a form of psychological entrapment. That can not be ordained by God.
@@riada4996 That sort of behavior by your pastor is what I consider an Act Discrediable to the Faith.
Thank you, counseling doesn't work with these narcissistic spouses. They lie and manipulate!
@@Kandinicolespeaks Your right. Lies and manipulation are a narcissist's bread and butter. They love to use counseling to make the counselor an unwitting accomplice to their evil.
What about Ephesians 5:28-30
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,30 because we are members of his body.
Not sure if it's grounds for divorce, but an abusive husband is not playing the role God intended.
He never said abuse is ok, it is obviously wrong. But Jesus was pretty straightforward about divorce
You can get divorced but you shouldn't remarry as long as that person lives.
@Joyful n Blessed Exactly, a physical separation - so you aren't subjected to more, is NOT the same as Divorce - a SPIRITUAL separation. God doesn't allow for a Spiritual separation, he only allows the physical and requires celibacy.
@Joyful n Blessed --- (continued) --- Listen! -- And just to be very clear -- there is a *cause and effect* relationship/scenario between how a wife treats her husband and how the husband responds to the wife.
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*A man's #1 emotional need is to be RESPECTED!* --- If men are disrespected and dishonored by their wife, that will, in most cases, *CAUSE* the husband to respond to the wife in an UNLOVING way.
--- Yes, the wife can bring out the WORST in a man by being *disrespectful* towards him. *Disrespect* includes refusing to *SUBMIT* to him.
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So, stop trying to play the "victim card." --- You trying to misdefine this *cause and effect* dynamic and labeling the husband being a "demonic monster " is nothing more than you simply trying to give women immunity for disobeying God's command that wives are to RESPECT and SUBMIT to their husband.
--- Yes, a wife's refusal to RESPECT and SUBMIT to her husband, as GOD commands, can be the very CAUSE of her husband treating her in an unloving way.
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So yes, the FIRST thing to look at when a wife is claiming that her husband is being an "abusive demonic monster," is to determine whether the wife has been OBEYING God's command that she is to RESPECT her husband and SUBMIT to her husband.
--- If she hasn't, then SHE (not a "demonic monster ") is a major reason for her husband's unloving behavior towards her due to her own rebellion against God's command for wives to respect and submit to their husband.
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@Joyful n Blessed --- You have seriously got the wrong focus with your belittling, demeaning, condescending, self-exulting attacks against men -calling men “cowards,” “obstinate,” and other disparaging words.
--- All you’re doing is trying to exalt yourself above men, and trying to take the focus off of the responsibility and accountability that WOMEN have in a marriage and to their husband.
--- You are the one who’s deflecting here.
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And to answer your question, *_“What woman in her right mind is not going to respect the man that is loving to her?”_*
--- There are *MANY* women who disrespect men who love them. Some even divorce their loving husbands saying that they were *“too nice.”*
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And why are you trying to excuse women’s toxic behaviors by attributing their behavior to be the result of her not being *_“in her right mind”?_*
--- Some women, even many women, in their right mind, are simply *_“demonic monsters”_* just as you labeled some men to be.
.
So, you basically give lip service to what women need to do, and instead, you're focused 95% on men.
*You've got it backward!*
--- As a WOMAN, it is *NOT YOUR PLACE* to be instructing MEN, because that is PLACING YOURSELF IN AUTHORITY OVER MEN. And THAT IS NOT YOUR PLACE as a woman - as we see in the verse below;
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>>> 1 Timothy 2:12 ~ “I do NOT ALLOW WOMEN TO TEACH MEN or have authority over them. Let them listen quietly.”
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This problem (that you seem to be promoting and engaging in) of WOMEN TRYING TO TELL MEN WHAT TO DO only results in women *NOT* being LOVED because women trying to tell men what to do is seen as being DISRESPECTFUL by men.
--- Women are to GET INSTRUCTIONS FROM MEN, not try to TELL MEN WHAT TO DO. That’s the job of GOD and other men. That is NOT the job of a woman!
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As a woman, it is your job to tell OTHER WOMEN WHAT TO DO in order to be better women - NOT TRY TO TELL MEN WHAT TO DO - as we see in the verse below;
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>>>Titus 2:4 ~ *_“Older women may TEACH THE YOUNGER WOMEN to be SENSIBLE, and to LOVE THEIR HUSBANDS, and TO LOVE THEIR CHILDREN.”_*
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Also, you said, _“Men are to initiate. Leadership means initiate, not sit back, wait for the wife to do right, then respond.”_
---- There you are trying to define men’s manhood. *But you can’t define anyone’s manhood.* That too *is not your place.* -- So, you’re being even more self-exalting and disrespectful.
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The truth is that men (even those who are leaders) often DO _“wait for the wife to do right, then respond,”_ just as we see in the verse below;
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>>>1 Peter 3:1,2 ~ *_“In the same way, you WIVES BE SUBMISSIVE to your own husbands_*_ so that _*_EVEN IF_*_ any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won _*_without a word_*_ by the behavior of their wives, _*_as they OBSERVE your chaste and RESPECTFUL behavior.”_*
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So, a man waiting for the wife to do right before he responds to her has absolutely NOTHING to do with him not being a leader or not being a man.
--- In fact, often time *JESUS even waited* until a person *“did right”* by showing faith in Him, before He responded to them.
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So, you are grossly mistaken in your attempt at trying to define men’s manhood or leadership qualifications.
--- Yes, it is more than normal for a man leader to WAIT until the woman does right before he will respond to her. Again, *Jesus Himself* often waited and acted *in response.*
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So, your overall comment is way off base and you are *out of place* with your condescending, disparaging, self-exalting tone of trying to place yourself in authority over men.
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More churches need to stand up to abuse. Too often churches tell women that they must be doing something wrong or they're just not submitting enough. Christians love to remind women that the Bible says to submit to your husband while forgetting to remind the men TO LOVE THEIR WIVES LIKED CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH. Christ did not beat the church, sexually abuse them, or verbally abuse them. He was a humble man, not an arrogant man who beat people into listening to him. When will Christians stand up for their sisters in Christ and hold men accountable for their abuse? I find that too many in the church are cowards, afraid to confront anyone about anything.
And this is where church discipline comes into play. Praise God that I have been able to be a part of a church that practices church discipline.
Yes! It is so freaking annoying no wonder people hate going to church!
Not just women
A preacher told a woman in my town to go back to her abusive husband she never went back she left the church and dated another man. They got angry with her.
Divorce is a sin for those who just want out. But people mainly abused women and children should walk out. Bring it to the authorities. As a Christian a church anullment is sufficient. And a legal separation . Jesus did not agree with divorce an annulment however means there was never a marriage in the first place.
My prayers go those hurting from relationships breakdowns and/or divorce process.
Please do pray for New Zealand as we deal with the sad events over the past few hours.
@John Murphy I'll be praying. New Zealand is such a beautiful and peaceful place. I was saddened by the news. We're standing with you all here in the states.
@Caribbean Ín The House I believe God has made relationship possible with ALL through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ to pay for ALL HUMAN SINS. Therefore whether someone is Jewish or from Israel or not God has made it POSSIBLE for ALL to enter into relationship with him.
@@goosebumpsk
The New Testament after Jesus died on the cross was mainly about Paul the Jew reaching out to Gentiles, so....
Are you a freemason?
'Cause you have that freemason symbol in your thumb pic
Physical abuse to the point of death? I lost an aunt because her husband killed her to DEATH. When there is clear evidence that the person physical well being is endangered, get out. The abuser needs to get help, if the abuser doesn't get help, get out.
Amen
Exactly, and sorry for your tragedy!!
I do not think the majority of Christans are educated enough on the effects of mental abuse.
I must admit that I was brought to tears because NO way would I stay in an abusive relationship. Thank God Divorce is under the blood and if I am NOT mistaken. Don't the blood of Jesus covers all sins except blasphemy the Holy Spirit. Well i pray 4 those who is experiencing domestic violence. Get OUT!!
But now you’re telling people to go against the word of God.
There a thing called prayer and fasting and also separation... or she can leave and stay single forever.
Actually i agree with you.
He said the abused person can get out to a safe place. Seek counseling, restoration, or stay single
Pam Scott Amen. God doesn’t expect you to stay with any type of abuser. Many abusers are narcissistic and they fool everyone.
I think you have lived a very sheltered life, and that’s good for you as you haven’t seen or lived what I have. My dad was a drinker and when drunk he would threaten to shoot my mother. As kids we were terrified, he would get his guns from his wardrobe and terrorise the family. Every weekend when he was drinking we were on edge terrified if he would kill out mother. He never fired the guns but the terror was always there. My mother stayed with him and us kids have all sorts of anxiety and panic attacks as adults. My mum died at 65 from a heart attack, she also suffered anxiety and panic attacks, his terror destroyed us. And my own husband I stayed with for over 30 years until he strangled me and I ended up in hospital and could even yawn for days as he damaged my jaw and bruised it. I haven’t divorced him but we don’t live together but the other day he said he was going to come over and stab me in the heart. You clearly have no idea what levels of abuse in marriage there is.
Da Nhl1 some people just have no idea about domestic violence, they think it’s just people yelling at each other because they can’t agree on something. It is so much worse than that. I also had to live with my neighbors domestic violence. My bedroom was next to my neighbors kitchen and her husband was a drinker too, and there were times he would come home and beat the life out of her and wake me and my sister and we could hear her screaming and begging for her life and the house being smashed up. We would have to go to mums bed to get away from the horror. The poor women once I remember seeing her and one of her eyes was swollen shut and the drs was worried she might loose her eye sight. It’s so much worse than what this man in the video is making out it is.
Da Nhl1 thank you. My dad never touched us kids but the terror destroyed our mind. Panic attacks and phobias plague us. Even when the slightest thing happens to me I panic and think I’m going to die. I saw a psychiatrist about it and when he asked about my childhood and I told him he said that’s why I’m like this. He said the developing brain of a child takes in all sorts of things and a child needs to have a certain sense of security, when a child grows up in fear that part of the brain that responds to dangerous situations becomes under developed and that’s why I panic and fear so easily. Creating a strong and support environment for your children is the most important thing you can do for their development. I’m glad you have become strong from your childhood and determined to make a great life for your kids.
Here is a verse to show that God hates Abuse
Psalm 11:5 Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)
5 The Lord examines those who are good and those who are wicked;
he hates those who enjoy hurting others.
Sorry you went through this sista, I’m so glad God has started a healing process with you. You did the right thing by separating from him, if he hasn’t changed then I would say continue to stay away from him. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. If you know for a fact that he is committing adultery then seek spiritual guidance on whether you are able to finally divorce him.
I came across this article before I watched this video. I think we should compare. www.restoredrelationships.org/news/2016/01/11/domestic-abuse-divorce/
What is the PURPOSE of marriage? How is staying in an abusive marriage fulfilling the marriage purpose? What would be the benefit of staying in a marriage if s spouse is not doing their biblical duty in the marriage?
I disagree with the measurably of infidelity vs abuse. Doesn’t the Word say if a man looks at another woman he’s committed that sin? Abuse can be clearly defined. Not trying to go against the Word in any way, just some thoughts that I’m struggling with.
Sister. Preach!!!! You speaking the absolute truth I guarantee you 100000% if the person is abusing you hes also already having sex with someone else or at the very least lusting about someone and as you well stated to lust is adultery so lusting is as if they did have sex with someone else therefore Divorce isn't out of the question
VibeCrafts Thank you so much for your comment and your question. As mentioned in the video, abuse is a horrible thing and I stand against it wholeheartedly. As much as I would love for abuse to be mentioned in the Bible as a grounds for divorce, I cannot find it anywhere and nor have any biblical scholars for the past 2000 years. And, to really understand what adultery is and what Jesus meant, you do have to know a little bit about the Greek word that are used. It is actually the word porneia which refers to physical adultery not lust. So unfortunately, simply lusting cannot be a reason why we seek a divorce. If that were the case then every single person who was unhappy in their marriage would have a reason to get out. Jesus would have never made it that easy.
@@thebeatagp why doesnt anyone seek the living God on this He speaks and will reveal revelation on this ..Jesus bless you all!
@@abideinchrist1673 AMEN AMEN
I think you misunderstan what Jesus meant the hole point was to ot look with that way you won't even want to commit adultry besides he said in his heart said man or person has commited adultery. And if someone is in a physically abusive relashionship they ca just seprerate.
I'm terrified for the people who heard this and got back together with their abusive partner
I agree. Abusers don’t advertise their awful traits during the dating and pre-marriage phase. That’s why it’s so devastating.
@mobmaniac
If someone is endangering your life, why don't you go to the police?
yeah that wjat i was thin king God wants us to use our mind also about things i was abused if i wouldnt have escaped i would be dead
I hope you all understand that even Jesus said if he testifies of himself then his testimony is not valid. Therefore you can claim your abused, but anybody that would take your word for it would be out of line and therefore testifying of yourself is invalid because you should recognize there is no point claiming you went through abuse, claim that you would be dead from abuse if you hadn't escaped, and it's obvious how highly you are exaggerating by the fact you were not sharing The journey of love and suffering or love you had for this person, but instead offering a narrative that cannot be questioned because of its vagueness and how quickly you think using the word abuse exonerate you from any responsibility You neglected and lacking any testimony thereof on how you went to the Lord and came to the conclusion that divorce was the only option even though he hates it. People that love and suffer, genuinely through faith in Christ, and do the necessary things and put in the work far beyond the extra mile do not easily jump to the word abuse as if it's the only word in a one-word story. Only those who want to justify themselves would agree with you. Your testimony is invalid especially because it is one-sided and offers no information on the part you played or where you failed but places all of the blame on one individual that anybody who desires and has been given discernment can tell that your testimony is invalid, especially if Jesus said that about himself. You could not be any more transparently dishonest.
I had seven dads, and five moms growing up. I was in multiple group homes. I was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused by both genders. I do watch my 5'2 mother be drug through the living room by her hair screaming while we were called into the room to sit on the dresser watching him beat her and we were terrified to run. Then I had to watch and listen to the cries of horror and terror because my older brother was getting the exact same abuse I got except he was mentally retarded. That's the word we used in that day so for emphasis I use it now. One thing I knew from the age of about 8 till I left home and I was 16, is that my mother could have left. She kept going back, leaving, going back, and leaving etc etc.
After getting beaten up by my stepdad at 16 I ran out of the house with just a pair of pants on. Lived on a farm and the nearest town was 2 mi away and he went looking for me with his pistol. Needless to say that if you are being abused to the point where you fear for your life, at some point it's your fault for staying so long. That kind of abuse cannot be hidden and there is a 99% chance it does not just come out of nowhere like someone mugging you or murdering you in the night. So my mom could have left. So which point was she responsible and responsible for what my step dad was doing to us?
Abuse as pastor Allen said is subjective and far more often than not, the person claiming abuse never speaks as to what they did to find themselves in that situation, how they cultivated or poisoned the marriage, or whether or not they entered into the marriage under the right circumstances.
It's easy to call someone an abuser and claiming your life is in danger so that you can 100% excuse yourself from any problem and a problematic marriage and of course avoid the fact that you chose this person under the circumstances that you fail to critique or be accountable to.
The exaggerations are also obvious because going back is not what pastor Allen said and therefore it's obvious whoever would use such ridiculous rebuttal was the problem in their marriage. So the winking of the eye and the shuffling of the feet in the words you choose to respond are easily discerned and you don't have to be someone that's been abused to do it. You just have to love the Lord, his word, and accept the fact that prior to salvation and after salvation we all commit sins that would still put him on the cross and none of us have been subjected to that kind of abuse and if anybody had the right to justify divorce because of abuse it would be Jesus. So as you justify abuse, and it's noticeable that the type of the abuse remains vague in general in order to avoid any questions, remember to thank Jesus for staying in the abusive relationship in spite of the abuse You are still putting Him through even after salvation as you think God that he is never left you or forsaken you.
Don't you get it? Treating others the way you want to be treated has nothing to do with being nice, kind, and loving to the people that are nice, kind, and loving. That's the whole purpose of unconditional love, to give it to those who don't deserve it. Therefore at the very worst, claiming you are abused in order to justify divorce is only stating that you claimed you got married under God to this person and that God brought you two together, but God made a mistake, and you had to correct it through divorce because there's no possible way The Lord would have brought you two together due to the fact that you did not enter into marriage with 100% perfection and that abusive spouse, if you would have chosen Christ instead of yourself, may have been saved by your witness by leaving, causing them to leave, and do pretty much everything you'd have to do to get a divorce except spend the thousands upon thousands of dollars and years of your life justifying it when leaving and staying gone would have been much cheaper and God could have worked through your faith or at least allow you to stay where you staying or keep them out of the house for quite a while from the thousands upon thousands of dollars you would save avoiding the divorce and trusting the Lord.
You can't even see the forest through the trees of your own reasoning.
@@markdalton3900 You are wrong. Victims should separate, but divorce for it is unbiblical. At least it seems so as of now
My dear brother Allen, I was severely abused as a child and when I got married, I unfortunately shared those details with my wife. For the next 30 years I endured all sorts of emotional abuse and physical neglect from a spouse claiming to be a believer. It was I who sought the company of other women who were more nurturing and feminine than my own wife. I sought counseling of course, I even sought couples counseling but she refused. I knew in my heart and in my spirit that this was not what God wanted for me. Unfortunately, divorce was the only alternative in my case and I’ll never regret the decision I made.
Based on this, I would say you made the right call.
what was that vow you made....better or worse.....what is the admonition, of the Bible....love your wife, as Christ loved the Church....the Bible seems to allow for seperation, but not divorce and remarriage....
@@philipbuckley759 I don't think you understand marital vows. "For better or for worse" means "no matter what life throws at us", not "no matter what evil you do to me". Marital vows are not a License to Sin and Be Exempt from the Consequences.
@@dh605x check 1 Cor 7.11 one can separate, but the options are to remain single or reconcile.....no remarriage, here....
@@philipbuckley759 What do 1 Cor 7:28 and 1 Cor 7:36 say?
Counceling together isn’t a good solution tbh. That’s what prison is for. We are talking about someone’s life being harmed. Sadly it seems as though oftentimes men that speak on abuse don’t talk about the spouse taking the matter to authorities. Abuse is a very good reason for someone to go to prison. If we in the church agree with rapists, murderers, thieves, etc to go to prison then why don’t we take physical abuse (which is measurable) as serious? Especially considering that many individuals never stop abusing? I think it’s sad that we don’t take this issue seriously enough
shan braz Most counselors don’t believe in marriage counseling with a known abuser. The abuser has serious issues and needs to address them head on first. The safety of the abused and that includes children is always first.
Should not keep company with a railer.
1 Corinthians 5:11
11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
Proverbs 13:20
20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.
Ephesians 5:11
11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them
Psalm 26:4-5
4 I have not sat with vain persons, neither will I go in with dissemblers.
5 I have hated the congregation of evil doers; and will not sit with the wicked.
Psalm 1:1
1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
Psalm 11:5
King James Version
5 The Lord trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth
I agree, for me there is no negotiating when your life is at risk. I feel as though too much is being covered up by the church and too many abusers are getting away with it. I also feel as though often it will be seen as the fault of the victim, almost as if abuse is justifiable which it never is.
This is true
I kept hearing this same thing from other people in my circle that emotional abuse isn't measurable. This might be true from a human pov. But it got me thinking... who is doing the measuring? Surely, God is capable of measuring it, right?
I was once told by a Christian that having a relationship with christ and being a Christian is liberating; however if I an told to stay in a marriage where I am abused in any way, I don't find this liberating. This is oppression.
Ricky,God doesn't want you to stay in an abusive marriage. If it cannot be salvaged, leave and divorce but try to avoid remarrying until your ex is with someone else that's all.God bless you and giving your life to Jesus is the best thing you'll ever do trust me and God bless you!!!
Ricky Jewett. Those people who told you that are legalists and are telling you to be bound by the law, because they are bound by the law. That's bondage. Do what you think is right, and God will guide you. He cares about you. He is love. If we love Him, we will keep His commandments. The commandments He put on our hearts as He interprets them, not as fallible man interprets them. I said all that to say, you're free in Christ, He is a good Father.
@@cochisecarter6298 Let her remarry, no matter what the ex spouse does. I think that's what God would say. She's free.
@@michaelalbertson7457 I agree. Let Ricky remarry, gosh some people dunno Jesus at all
@@bbysaywah any scriptures to back this up?
Black eyes and broken bones are measurable and documentable. I have seen leaders encourage a woman to stay in that situation and unfortunately he put her in a casket. Definitely get out and seek help!
Wow interesting question and content! I also appreciate your communication style very easy to listen to
Off The Kirb Ministries - Hey, I am a subscriber to your channel :D I didn't know you watched this channel that's pretty cool. What Christian RUclips channels are you subscribed to? I already know you are subscribed to Living Waters. I know of many different channels myself but am wanting even more. lol :P
@Caribbean Ín The House - How do you stand with God? Are you good?
@Caribbean Ín The House - Oh no I am not good. I am a sinner that needs Christ for salvation. Which commandments, laws, statutes should we obey? Also why does race matter?
@Caribbean Ín The House - What if I am white? Does that mean there is no hope for me? Could you explain who exactly are the isrealites chosen people of God?
@Caribbean Ín The House - Here is what I believe.
For he is not a Jew, which is one outwardly; neither is that circumcision, which is outward in the flesh:
But he is a Jew, which is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit, and not in the letter; whose praise is not of men, but of God. Romans 2:28-29
Not as though the word of God hath taken none effect. For they are not all Israel, which are of Israel: Romans 9:6
And they also, if they abide not still in unbelief, shall be grafted in: for God is able to graft them in again.
For if thou wert cut out of the olive tree which is wild by nature, and wert grafted contrary to nature into a good olive tree: how much more shall these, which be the natural branches, be grafted into their own olive tree?
For I would not, brethren, that ye should be ignorant of this mystery, lest ye should be wise in your own conceits; that blindness in part is happened to Israel, until the fulness of the Gentiles be come in.
And so all Israel shall be saved: as it is written, There shall come out of Sion the Deliverer, and shall turn away ungodliness from Jacob: Romans 11:23-26
For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcision, but a new creature.
And as many as walk according to this rule, peace be on them, and mercy, and upon the Israel of God. Galatians 6:15-16
You can be a true Jew when you have had circumcision of the heart. You can be a true Jew because of what God does for you inwardly and not by outward things, because not everyone who is from Israel is actually from Israel. Meaning not everyone who is literally from Israel is spiritual Israel, and anyone who is a new creature in Christ and has faith in him will be saved. God is merciful to who ever calls on His name. Whoever believes in Jesus is true Israel. It doesn't matter what race, color you are. What matters is what you are inwardly.
FINALLY!!! a pastor that sticks to the word of GOD...
Abuse is a horrible situation for anyone to live in...
But we have to look to the word of GOD, the final authority on everything...
REALLY get to know the person you're considering marrying, before you marry them...
Sometimes it doesnt happen that way, sometimes you may get married and your partner tries to kill you twice so you leave him and find another man that's going through some trauma himself and you marry that good man & both of you help each other get back up and serve the lord through the midst of the storm......whoever is without sin cast that first stone.
Well, you can get to know someone for 50 years, and as soon as the vows get said and rings are on, all bets are off, then they act different. Not all people, but a lot of people, because they are going to be on their best behavior to nab a person.
Most people be in a hurry to say I do. Ask God for his will. I am Learning to be Spirit lead and to be still until God speaks to me.
Right and as someone who've been through this, I say do not dismiss those red flags !!
@Eseercam I agree with you but on the other side many women make it impossible for a man to be a man in the relationship, especially americanized women(of any color...our culture has destroyed the marital roles and that's why theres so much divorce these days, if every woman was a proverbs 31 wife then tons of marriages would be saved but most women these days act like men and that destroys marriages and tons of men act like women or even pushovers for dominate jezebel's which is also causing divorces....imho our american culture is the exactly the opposite of what the bible asks of us.....sad days we are living in
Dude, if someone is abusing you, i doubt they’re gonna go to therapy or couples therapy. 🤦🏻♀️ if they do.. they need a LOT of time and help.
Usually they don't change either...
I did...
I was raped and beaten as a kid , I didn't realize but that was why I always got into fights with all my male friends growing up, I've always fought with everyone because of PTSD and defensiveness...
so I've always hurt ppl at the first sign of threat, when I got married when my wife would raise her voice in the car I'd attack her viciously without even realizing what I was doing because inside the car, my mind went back to being raped and held down , claustrophobic... so my violence came from a subconscious need to end threats. I never attacked my wife outside the car or in an open space but in closed quarters if she'd even give me an attitude I'd attack her...
this happened with men no matter what kind of room I was in ...
We do change , once we identify what the heck is going in inside our fried brains from the all the trauma we do change... and many of us want to change...
my wife never left me, cheated or gave up on me ..
she knows how gentle I am with children, animals, the elderly, her ...
how deeply I love but there was apart of my brain that was still broken from being raped and beaten so intensely....
Took me a few years but I'm at the point now, that no matter what situation I'm in, I can keep my cool with men and my wife sho behave aggressively towards me.....
For me , It was triggered by aggression and need to feel safe ..
idk all abusers I cannot speak for them but everyone told her to leave me, everyone told her I was a monster...
But God was my councilor , u didn't even see a therapist , I just prayed daily, educated myself on trauma and I talked to my supporte system weekly..
My wife never gets hurt now, not even in the car when she's mad..
People can change, people do change ..... I promise you, we just need help uncovering the root of our 💔
@@setapartsanctuary2657 I completely understand and do believe in miracles but personally I will never put myself in a danger situation. There has been cases where woman keeps praying and praying and end up getting killed.
@@lali_sanchez_blog1 I feel you , I get it and I understand...
@@lali_sanchez_blog1 So many of us get ruined when we're young and don't even realize how broken we are until our mid twenties...
I'm 30 this year.... the good ones find ways to heal.... the bad go darker
Christians, inquire of God for your spouse, be prepared for His answer whether yes or no for that particular person. Also, ask for Holy Spirit filled spouse. They're out there
Love it!!!!!
Please say this again !
Amen.
If someone is beating you and/ or your children don't let them do it to another person and possibly their children. Call the police.
Can I get a divorce if my spouse is abusing me? YES, YOU CAN!! There are people out there who love and support you and will help you through. The marriage contract has been breached when abuse comes into the picture.
you make a mistake calling marriage a contract, instead of a covenant....something completely different...
@@philipbuckley759 ok, but whatever you call it, I think the point still stands.
@@philipbuckley759 didn't the person already broke the covenant when he or she abused you? Is that person a believer if he or she abused you? If you stayed with that person, you are just letting it have more sin by abusing you.
@@philipbuckley759 Contract / Covenant. Potato / Potahto. Covenants have terms and conditions just like a contract would. Covenants can be voided if one party fails to abide by the terms, just like a contract can.
@@dh605x but if it wasn’t expressly stated in the Bible when other grounds for divorce were, is it still biblical?
Some people become abusive AFTER they get married. So, paying attention to sign of an abusive person BEFORE a Marriage, is not always a sure-fire way to tell that they are not going to become abusive, in a Marriage. 10:27
@ so if she's respectful and submissive and he's still abusive who's fault is it then?
@@TheLightShines ---- First of all, she needs to be more specific about what she is actually doing, and not doing, to justify her claim that she's respectful and submissive. Many women claim to be but are actually anything BUT respectful and submissive. --- Thanks to feminism, most women do not even accept that the husband is their HEAD and the HEAD of the household. Many women think it's the reverse.
@ and if her claim is correct, again, who's fault is it?
You are so correct. In fact, most of the time, true abusers are extremely practiced and calculated enough to hide their abusive ways until they've hooked their prey. My advice to women is to look very closely at any potential spouse's home, - parents & siblings, to see if there are any red flags of potential abuse. Watch how he talkes about his mom and sisters (if he has any) and how his dad treats his mom!
This was a good video. I am thankful to God that I never married an abusive guy in a former relationship. I ask God to help me find the right Christian man or nothing at all. I'm older now and pay closer attention. I would appreciate prayers. (am trying not to use the word lucky anymore).
Better to be single and at peace than married to the wrong person.
@@thebeatagp Very true!
There is something worse than being single and that is being stuck with the wrong person. I am single also and I am very selective and want the right woman to be my wife. Don't rush it.
Watch Allen's video on 7 things Christians should never say. I was convicted. "Lucky" is one of them.
Amy P, a great verse to consider and trust is lsaiah 56:4-5. One of the beautiful things about God is that he has promises for every situation, including ones for those of us who are unmarried. The most important relationships l have are with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I used to think of being single as one would think of a bad rash. Singleness was something to be ashamed of and gotten rid of at all costs and as quickly as possible. I felt like a leper, an abnormal outsider for not being married. But with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit in my life l am never alone. I don't lack for love because They love me with steadfast love. They NEVER fail nor forsake me.
But marriage apart from Christ is disastrous, whether it's between unbelievers, unequally yoked couples or people who know they should be but aren't obeying Christ as Lord. Being a believer is difficult enough as a single person but it has to be a nightmare to be married when one or both spouses are pulling away from Christ. I've seen some ugly behavior between husbands and wives who aren't reverencing Christ as the Lord individually and together. And when there are children involved the ugliness can be downright tragic.
I am blessed to have friends in Christ who've been in long term marriages. They don't treat me like a loser freak because l'm single. They understand that, as Paul says, each of us has our own SPECIAL GIFT FROM GOD (1Corinthians 7:7). I marvel daily at how God delivers me from sin in a sickeningly immoral world. It's only the grace and mercy of God and the power of the Holy Spirit that keeps me (1Corinthians 10:12-13, Psalm 121:1-2, 2Timothy 4:18). The fact that God is helping me to overcome sin gives me all the more confidence that l'm one of His elect (Matthew 1:21). God is giving me freedom from sins that used to enslave me.
I encourage you to continue to draw near to God in prayer and study of his word. Set your hope in the resurrection of the just. God bless you. And l will pray for you.
I would have to be out of my ever lovin' mind to stay with a man that beat the crap out of me or my kids.
exactly150 You are NOT to physically stay with him, but abuse is NOT grounds for divorce.
Separate- if there is abuse BUT you are still married. Or reconcile. Meaning obviously he or she has changed their ways. If they have not you can separate, from someone like that. But you will remain single. No Divorce, or Remarriage
t.c Exactly. Separation
My wife left her ex husband for trying to murder her 2 times! Let me tell you this, ALL of these high and mighty people who are saying you cant divorce that fool are not in that situation themselves or theyd know you could never go back.....noone is perfect and I always hated divorce and I still do but I met my wife at the worst moment of my life and we helped each other get up, if it easnt for her I'd be dead and if it wasnt for me she would be dead, these people talking dont even have more righteousness then the pharisees who actually walked away from stoning the woman caught in adultery......in conclusion, LIFE HAPPENS!
@@CaldwellApologetics so what if you divorce anyway then what? Are you no longer saved are you going to hell now? Is that the end game?
In terms of abandonment, we need to be honest about whose a believer. A good tree yields good fruit, just because they go to church every Sunday and bible study every Wednesday doesn't mean they are a believer.
”Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:8 therefore if you're abusive to your spouse, you neither know nor love God. You definitely don't even fear God.
Factz💯💯💪💪
So true thats exactly what God told me. I met my husband in church and he and his parents all believers, BUT!!!! Completely cruel, unforgiving. Dont care about anyone but themselves. My husband broke my ribs, tried to strangle me and they happy and tried to cover up. They still go to church but no love. No kindness. No care. Its crazy people can do this with no concious at all!!! Its mind blowing. But Gods people are known by their love for each other. Gods looking after me now his gone and I know God does not expect me to go back. 🙏🏻✝️
"This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?"
@Laugh Riot so you'll fight fire with more fire..
Have nothing to do with believers who are abusive Paul's letters.
Allen Parr,
I love your channel. I love your preaching style. I love your videos. You have been a blessing to me. I am a man who loves God and desires to be filled with the Holy Spirit.
But you’re really gonna’ have to do better than that to convince me.
My Christian mother was in a horrible marriage when I was in my early 20s. To the point where he was physical. Threw her against the wall (twice if I’m not mistaken). He claimed to be a Catholic man. Both my mother and this man lost their spouses at early age and he used that to woo her into thinking that he was this godsend to help her grieve her late husband. They attended marriage consultation relentlessly with ZERO success. He treated his daughters like queens and treated me and my brothers like peasants. He verbally abused her. Disrespected our family property. Took advantage of our house that was being rented out by having her move in with him. He had her by the jugular. He became so toxic to the point of kicking her out his house and left her with no place to go. After getting booted, she spent 20 minutes in a crummy hotel that our church paid for and she couldn’t handle it. She was destroyed. Life as she knew it was over.
I can wholeheartedly profess to you that her quality of life improved once a divorce was finalized. Is sin capable of improving the quality of one’s life? Doubtful. Very very very doubtful. I want to obey God and his word, but you are skating on thin ice, my man...
I would think long and hard before preaching on this topic if I were you.
Abuse is abandonment, abandonment of the vowels, abandonment of love, it is a broken covenant.
I cant watch this video anymore. This is ridiculous
Why is it even a question...if someone didn't write it in the bible, then all logic/ thinking goes out of the door. "What does the bible say" How about "I'm not trying to get abused, forget this"
And for your info, most marriages that end up abusive didn't start that way. Mine didn't.
My sister don't give up on Jesus just because of one of our brothers or sisters interpretations that you may disagree with. By all means logic is needed and should be applied to scripture and staying with an abuser is not okay in God's sight. I hope all is well with you and God bless you in Jesus name!!
Stephanie Sykes-Davis, So true. Some "Christians" just take the Bible and quote it, without mercy and compassion. They don't know the heart of God. Really, what they're doing, is sinning. They need to humble themselves before God, and let Him show them His true nature.
@ please don’t tell people that mess. You refusing to “obey” isn’t grounds for a man or a woman to put their hands on you, to rape you or to call you out of your name and crush your spirit.
@ , two wrongs have NEVER made a right. Nothing in the Bible says that the husband of a domineering, unsubmissive wife has permission from God to abuse her. If he abuses her, he will be accountable for the sin of abuse when he faces God on the day of judgement. If she refuses to live in peace with him and is being mentally or physically abusive, he is no longer bound to her (
1 Corinthians 7:15 ). If she is putting her hands on him, he as every right to press charges (just as an abused wife can press charges against an abusive husband). But he can NOT abuse her as retaliation for her being unsubmissive and disrespectful. Not only is it illegal, it's unbiblical.
@ , while state laws may vary somewhat, I'm not aware of any state in which the wife's disobedience to God translates into a legal right for the man to abuse her. If a man tries that in the states where I've lived, he will find himself on the wrong side of the bars of city lockup. Please be careful not to encourage men to do things that will get them locked up, thinking they will somehow get vindicated because they have wives who didn't want to submit. The same God who demands that husbands and wives submit to one other also calls us to obey the governing authorities. You can NOT break the laws that prohibit domestic violence and then try to justify it by hollering, "But I had an unsubmissive wife." The judge isn't buying it and neither is God.
Thanks for the biblical perspective on this. God bless you brother.
I really like most of your videos, but your insensitivly and dismissive handling of abuse -not being "measurable " -are demeaning, and minimize a situation that often results in death. No, the Bible does not list abuse as a reason for divorce, but making the abuse many suffer seem like nothing, is inexcusable. And why address only physical abuse? I watched my sister endure literally unspeakable abuse of every type from her demon of a husband. Abuse that contributed to her death at only 43 years of age. Your comments really show a total lack of either knowledge, compassion, or both. I have unsubscribed, and rescinded my recommendation of you to my nephew-my sister's grandson-who is also in ministry. May God bless you with a heart of compassion and mercy. A heart that not only obeys the letter of the law, but also the spirit of the law.
The last part about taking back the recommendation is really weird tbh. He is preaching what the bible says and not telling you that you HAVE to do this. Someone apart of any religion will see their book as fact which is why I really cant sit here and be mad at this.
@@eliastta437 actually some of it is opinionated. He said it at the beginning, when he said "The Bible doesn't mention it". I find it very very hard to believe that the caring God I serve will allow someone to remain in a abusive situation. Just because it's not in The Bible doesn't mean he doesn't think it's not a good enough reason. At some point God expect you to use common sense. How can you Love Thy Neighbor and abusive your partner???
@@jayrayner7 I see your point but adultery could also be perceived as common sense as biblical grounds for divorce yet it is mentioned. Of course, Allen can be wrong but watching this video it looked as if it was approached from a Biblical standpoint.
Buddy what he's saying is complete facts in the Bible. If you were to marry someone who's abusive it's your fault. You knew what they were like to begin with and you.knew if it was God's will or not. Stop being ignorant acting like you know more than the Bible because you don't. What you did was a sin and you should've prayed for your husband or whatever that is being abusive to change.
1 Corinthians 5:11
11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
Proverbs 13:20
20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.
Ephesians 5:11
11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them
Psalm 26:4-5
4 I have not sat with vain persons, neither will I go in with dissemblers.
5 I have hated the congregation of evil doers; and will not sit with the wicked.
Psalm 1:1
1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
Psalm 11:5
King James Version
5 The Lord trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth
Brother, I feel if you have not experienced abuse (in all forms) in your relationships or even in your marriage, you are not able to fully understand the damage these situations cause. Now I'm not telling you this to shame you or put you down in any way. I am asking you to pray about how you speak about these kind of situations. It did come off as making light of the situation and it personally hurt my feelings since I am a survivor of abuse.
Delightful Dixie I am very sorry that you experienced that. That is a horrific thing to experience as I stated in the video. I could not imagine going through what you went through. I’m sorry that you did not hear my heart in this video. I was simply trying to remain true to the word of God as I understand it.
Abuse is horrible and devastating, but it does not change the truth of the Word of God. EVER. And don't lecture me. I HAVE been there.
Delightful Dixie It’s always that one person🙄🙄🙄 Obviously you wasn’t listening or watching the video. He wasn’t making light of the situation.
He said that you CAN divorce the abusive spouse. He said the bible says that after the divorce, you cannot remarry unless your abusive ex dies or hooks up with somebody else. If your abuser starts dating someone else after you kick them out or leave, it is adultery on their part. He also said that most abusers lack self control and will eventually start dating somebody else, which then gives the one who was abused a biblically acceptable reason to marry again.
Spoken like someone who's never experienced spousal abuse. Abuse IS measurable. It can be tallied in sleepless nights, in tears, in the racing beats of a panicking heart. It can be measured in pain, in blood, in the bodies of suicides. Just because you may lack the tools to measure it does not make it unquantifiable.
What if your spouse literally tries to kill you after you separate from them and they get sentenced to 25+ years for attempted murder? They never committed adultery, but they’re not getting out from prison anytime soon. Why can’t you divorce them in that situation? The justice system won’t let them out after you forgive them a couple years later, doesn’t work that way. It’s horrible to be married to someone in prison hundreds of miles away, let alone if they never changed and repented in Christ.
I truly can’t tell you how rare it is for someone to speak up and tell the pure truth of God’s word when it comes to re-marriage, adultery and divorce. Thank you for being a whistleblower and for telling gods word straight, despite all of the people that may not want to hear the truth when it comes to God and his word.
I grew up in an abusive household from my Dad. He wasn't a believer. Eventually my Mom divorced him after he threatened to take my life. And he was out cheating on my Mom. I don't wish abuse or adultery on any household. I don't think these scars will ever go away on top of always wondering why my Dad doesn't love me. I just wished my Mom divorced him much earlier so he wouldn't have tormented us for years.
Sorry to hear that brother. But it's over righteous unbalanced teachings such as this that promotes staying married to abusers that is being taught in the church.
I’m so sorry for your pain. That’s why God does endorse divorce because of hardness of hearts. If abusing people you say you love isn’t hardness of hearts, than I don’t know what is
Here's something that I think people aren't thinking about. People have a tendency to jump into relationships for various reasons but if we follow the Godly principles for finding a husband or wife in the first place then we wouldn't have this issue. Problem is that people are stubborn and rebellious and they go against God's will to be with a person. Stop being a rebel and listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. Especially for young people who think they can do whatever they want to do and God will still bless them. Don't put yourself in that situation to begin with and it won't be an issue. Date a person for a long time before even thinking about marriage and ask for Godly advice from people older than you.
Christ the only hope you right. Some people's idea of finding out what their spouse will be like is jumping in bed with them. The next day they're married and they wonder why that person isn't who they thought they were because they never had time to figure out who they were to begin with.
Christ the only hope better to be single until your 30 than abused until your 30.
Christ the only hope oooooo some u da peeps ain't gonna like dis. Dey love that sin.
Yes your totally right. I saw and experienced signs before. Knife to my neck in the first few months. But I was drawn by lust and sex and all the wrong things. We got married to get out of sin. Which makes me think it was not a God ordained marriage.
Wrong I know 20 year relationships with lies and abuse etc... length is mean less. No one's perfect so many will be in this situation like ot or not the simple solution is divorce period
Didn't Jesus say if you lust in your heart for another you've already committed adultery. That's not physically committing an act.
Yeah, it isn't. But it's a sin as well
@@bean7496 Goes for women as well as men.
@@michaelalbertson7457 yeah
I was thinking the same thing. This whole thing is depressing.
@@Nulifenaction65 what is depressing?
Gets popcorn and takes a seat lolol! And once again ever learning but never coming to the knowledge of the truth. The law kills but the spirit gives life. I don’t usually give a response but I am compelled to respond to this. Physical Abuse is not subjective. DO NOT ...I REPEAT DO NOT STAY IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. Shalom.
Amen.
There is NOTHING at all subjective about physical abuse. I can’t believe what I just heard this man say
I very strongly disagree with you on this one. If someone is being abusive, that person broke the covenant of marriage.
Factz💯💯💯
I wouldn't stay in abusive marriage but I won't go looking for a new man for a new marriage.
I have to disagree with the counselling option. Coercive and non physical abuse doesn’t ever stop, it merely changes forms. It’s a bad bad idea to remain with someone like this; speaking first hand. It can lead to absolute controlling of you and everything you do including your decisions, AND in my experience your relationship with God. Best thing to do, is to ask God to guide you to a good wife or husband.
Can you seriously imagine Jesus walking past a man beating his wife and him just turning a blind eye. I cant
He wouldn't he'd rebuke and correct the man.
Emma Platt I continue to be amazed at how people are misinterpreting this video. Sister, I must ask did you watch the entire video or just look at the title? Not one time in this video did I say that Jesus wouldn’t care if somebody is getting abused. Now the question is would Jesus go ahead and tell her to divorce him? It seems as if he would’ve put that in his scriptures and teaching on divorce if that was his heart.
THE BEAT by Allen Parr yes I did watch the video and I’m sorry you’re so amazed at my misunderstanding. It was more a blanket statement in general, not a direct question to you regarding your video.
Should not keep company with a railer or even eat with them.
1 Corinthians 5:11
11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
Proverbs 13:20
20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.
Ephesians 5:11
11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them
Psalm 26:4-5
4 I have not sat with vain persons, neither will I go in with dissemblers.
5 I have hated the congregation of evil doers; and will not sit with the wicked.
Psalm 1:1
1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
Psalm 11:5
King James Version
5 The Lord trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth
I think teaching wives submit without always including the teachings on the man loving the same way Christ loves the church and the nurturing and honoring is
Teaching it out of context completely.
The context must be there.
The man is the leader and should always be addressed about living godly as a godly leader and serving, loving and bearing the fruit of the Spirit.
To leave those teachings out doesn't seem right at all.
Also should verses about avoiding phony believers and abusive cruel individuals too.
1 Timothy 5:8
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel
Matthew 19
9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery:
Matthew 19
11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given
1 Corinthians 7:11
But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife
Malachi 2:14-16
King James Version
14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Colossians 3:19
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them
1 Peter 3:7
7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life
I think teaching wives submit without always including the teachings on the man loving the same way Christ loves the church and the nurturing and honoring is
Teaching it out of context completely.
The context must be there.
Also should verses about avoiding phony believers and abusive cruel individuals too.
If you are being abused, please leave and never return. Let him/her get therapy to make them better for their next spouse.
This is a good word. 🙌🏻 After 12 years of abuse, multiple separations, many tears & much prayer, I chose to finally cut ties & divorce my narcissistic husband. However, I am bound by my commitment to the Lord to “remain unmarried...” as per His command in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11. Thank you for mentioning this verse & for covering a difficult topic. Stay true to the Word. ☝🏼
Oh please help me..did you go to counseling first with your husband or alone?Would that be safe to do?
@@GerreLove I went by myself several times because he refused to go. Didn’t think he needed to. I did manage to get him into 2 appointments (2 diff times with diff counsellors, both as a result of me leaving), but he refused to accept any responsibility and basically blamed it all on me, then effectively “fired” the counsellors and refused to go back. After 2 years of separation he went with me to counselling with a couple, convinced us all that he’d had a change of heart, and I moved back in after 6 months. The very next day Dr. Jekyll was back and it took me a year to get out for good.
I don’t know if that answers your question. 🤷🏼♀️
@@GerreLove counseling can just be another part of the show for a narc. My wife went to counseling, but all she did was put on her Dr. Jekyl side. Back at home though, she would punish me for outing her.
@@BelovedOne21 I totally relate. Sounds like your spouse was a covert narc, like mine is.
What do you do if the narcissist unbeliever wants to reconcile and come back ? I had to flee after 28 years of marriage with extreme verbal and emotional abuse, never physical, filed a restraining order for one year and then asked for a legal separation
He begged me for marriage counseling and reconciliation to which I declined because this was never a marriage problem as I have learned through much counseling and other resources , it is a heart problem, HIS heart
So he said then let’s just get a divorce
I am totally ok with that at this point
We’ve been separated going on 16 months and I have no desire to go back even though he said he has changed through his counseling and he wants to prove it to me
I don’t think I can trust him, it won’t be the same and I keep coming back to the fact that he is not a believer and hates Christians
I think he realizes how good he had it and now that he is on his own it sucks
Any feedback appreciated
Not to mention 2 out of our 4 children having emotional issues as a result of living through all the turmoil
Your lack of empathy astounds me.
Ikr it is disgusting
The abuse itself is abandonment, especially emotional abuse. The spouse who uses sex and intimacy as a form of punishment and reward really hurts. Withholding it hurts the most
Lol you reaching
@Ms Pretty Kawaii. You're not reaching at all. You make good points.
Agreed. Husbands are to love their wives as Jesus loves his church. If you are being abused, physically, emotionally or being neglected, etc then the marriage covenant has been broken.
Staying in an abusive marriage does not honor God.
I would also add that just because a serious sin (domestic violence, cruelty, drug use, financial recklessness, etc) is not explicitly named in Scripture as a valid ground for divorce does not by any means imply it isn't one.
- Because the poor are plundered and the needy groan, I will now arise,” says the LORD. “I will protect them from those who malign them.” (Psalm 12:5)
- Deliver me from my enemies, O God; be my fortress against those who are attacking me. (Psalm 59:1)
- Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You preserve my life. You stretch out Your Hand against the anger of my foes; with Your Right Hand You save me. (Psalm 138:7)
- Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me, for in You I take refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of Your wings until the disaster has passed. (Psalm 57:1)
- A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. (Psalm 91:7-13)
- May God Himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it. (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24)
Please do not tell people to get couples therapy when they are in a physically abusive relationship. This is not wise advice. Domestic violence is a mental health issue and couples therapy is proven to put the victim in greater danger.
oh no, my father threatened to mu*der me, sorry mom you can’t permanently protect your children, but when it’s revealed he was seeing another woman then it’s ok to get divorced, but not when my life was threatened
God richly bless you for talking about this topic💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
@Caribbean Ín The House What the hell is your problem?
Caribbean Ín The House why is that your chosen profile picture???
@Jesustina Amen! I totally love your name as well💝🙌
Caribbean Ín The House let me tell you something from experience. You cannot Judge truth without Jesus Spirit inside of you. *It would be a good idea to use another picture rather than using one that already has a meaning and overshadows your reasons for using it*
Rayvon Ladawn Newsome if you are replying to me.. thank you 😊 everyone check out a small channel called *TRUMPET OF GRACE - Showers of Truth* Words truly come from God in that channel
My parents divorced, and I don't plan on that happening to my marriage.
Sometimes we end up learning more from our parents mistakes so we don't have to repeat them.
You never know what will happen to you....but anyways, keep.hope.alive
HappiestSadGuy fer real do
HappiestSadGuy mine did too. I don’t plan on it either.
My parents hated each other. And they divorced after thirty years. But the worst thing about it was that they took it out on us.
There were many days when we didn't want to come home from school. I'm not going to go into details, but it was pretty bad at home. Thank God for his mercy and saving grace!!!!
Even if it's not Biblical, don't stay in a marriage where the other spouse is beating you (male or female). Allen, I hate to say it, but you appear to just be giving excuses for abusers.
Allen is upholding the over righteous view. And that is in itself unbiblical. I still love him but too much of anything will harm you
Back in the days they would either stone a man to death or beat him for killing or abusing his wife. Even when a man rape a woman he was put to death imagine that. The way these so called Christians interpret the Bible is to die , that's the synagogue of satan for you. Soon it will be no more, can't wait for The Most High to destroy it all. They say the laws are done away with but yet they will put people in danger when comes to danger not understanding the consequences of that same law , death sentence to put away evil.
This was good and enlightening. I agree. My last husband abandoned me and divorced me, plus had an affair. I stuck with him after the affair but when he abandoned me, I let him go.
Guarding my heart much more closely as a single lady. Just loving Jesus and wanting what He wants.
Just got out of this
- God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early. (Psalm 46:5)
- Keep me safe, LORD, from the hands of the wicked; protect me from the violent, who devise ways to trip my feet. (Psalm 140:4)
- SO DO NOT FEAR, FOR I AM WITH YOU; DO NOT BE DISMAYED, FOR I AM YOUR GOD. I WILL STRENGTHEN YOU AND HELP YOU; I WILL UPHOLD YOU WITH MY RIGHTEOUS RIGHT HAND. (Isaiah 41:10) 🙌
Thank you for laying out God’s desire in marriage. Using our own feelings or logic, instead of adhering to God’s instruction, is like eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil instead of the Tree of Life.
Uhhhh abuse is wrong, it’s not debatable. If you are being abused you need to get out. It’s not personal feelings, you are invalidating survivors and have no real knowledge of the topic
You don't go back to abusers. God didn't intend for us to be abused that's why it may not be in the Bible. Emotional, physical, mental, Sexual abuse are a big NO, get your stuff and go. Divorce is a consequence of being outside of God's will in the first place.
Read Deuteronomy 24 and Matthew 19:8-9
Tough subject to take on pastor. I respect you for taking it on. I agree with you.
Any kind of assault is abuse period. Any shake, slap, choke, punch, or any aggressive physical act is abuse. Women and men please don’t stand for abuse.
Spoken from a man that is less likely to be overpowered and killed by his wife. This is a dangerous topic, and reading a couple versus before making a vid like this, doesnt cut. This is the type of vid you go on a 21 day fast before you make.
Fasting wont change the scriptures. Being less likely to be overpowered doesn't mean he misinterpreted the scriptures. I'm quite positive Pastor Parr hasn't just "[read] a couple versus" (sic). I would bet my life he's read the scriptures far more than you have.
Sadly women have harmed and even killed their husbands using baseball bats, knives, guns, hired shooters etc. So a woman can be abusive as well and abuse isn’t just physical but it’s the most common type to cause someone to want to leave a marriage. I think he’s talking whether either spouse is abusive and what to do in such cases according to the scriptures. I’ve read through the scriptures he’s talking about and he’s telling it like it is. Now whether we agree with them is a battle between God and the self.
As someone who's gone through abuse for over a decade, I'm a little hesitant to agree with what you’ve said. I can see that your target audience was the people who just want an excuse to leave their marriage so they can marry someone else that’s got the looks, so to speak, and that does need to be said. People shouldn't throw the "I'm being abused" card up like the ways you’ve mentioned. It’s not so much what you were trying to say that I disagree with, it’s the delivery that I disagree with.
As much as the prideful people need to be addressed (or in this case the abusers), so do the the abused and those who are filled with shame. With the way that the message was delivered, it sounded like this: if you are already in an abusive relationship, you’re stuck there until the abuser wants to leave. You did say that if you are in an abusive relationship you need to leave, however with no given scriptural evidence (provided in the video) to back up the claim, it can be easily dismissed. And with the way you described 1 Corinthians 7:13-15 to back up why you should stay in a marriage, it makes the claim you said at the end of the video about leaving an abusive marriage seem controversial. No where in the bible does it say we should dwell with evil counsel, in fact it discourages it. Psalms 1:1 “Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful”.
Another thing that needs to be pointed out is the interpretation of scripture. Not all verses should be heeded word for word. When Paul was talking about an unbeliever leaving the marriage, was he not referring to the spiritual leaving of the marriage covenant? Think about it this way: When David left Saul’s court, was the fault on David? No, he left because of Saul’s abuse/attempts to kill him. David physically left, but Saul left the covenant. In the context of domestic abuse, the abuser leaves the covenant when they use their influence in malicious ways. That’s a reason why I believe survivors from domestic abuse who have divorced a spouse are free to remarry. Another example of not taking a scripture so literally is Proverbs 22:24 “Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go”. The verse is basically telling us not to take counsel with those who purposely keep anger in their heart, not just anyone who is angry.
I don’t mean to come out on the defensive or try to attack you with this comment. My concern for this video is that it won’t be clear for those who are still in the fog of the abuse and that this video is open to twisting/manipulation. Allen if you have anything you’d like to say, something to add on or something I missed, please let me know. If you’d like to see some of my sources, one is “Mending the Soul” by Steven Tracy, and another is this website: www.restoredrelationships.org/news/2016/01/11/domestic-abuse-divorce/
Thank you for your reply:)
Thank you for sharing and for the link!
The scars I had and still have is measurable, the amount of times he hurt me physically, mentally, spiritually is measurable
Yes. If a Man or Woman abuses you physically and mentally then get a divorce in order to survive and stay far away. People's these days should not have to witness such cruelty and then say to yourself "everything is fine". Praying doesn't always work on Abusers because you never what they could do next that's even worse than before.
@Caribbean Ín The House Lmao you're the type of man that got his ass kicked by a woman. Most arguments can happen from women but abuse can happen from men. It can also go the other way around which means no man or woman is worse than the other.
@Caribbean Ín The House Bahahaha hahaha omg I've never laughed so hard by some insensible douch. I have feeling you're mgtow boi which would probably explain the freemason symbol on your profile pic cuz u wanna freely walk away from problems ur not man enough to solve. Lol
@Caribbean Ín The House I'm going to screenshot your comment to remember how much of an incel you are. See ya round.
@Caribbean Ín The House ahh yes, the juvenile "they started it first!" logic. Get out of here freemason, your foolish mind doesn't belong here.
@Mr. R Wanting to stay in abusive relationship is cruel and wrong. #BritishChristianlogic
When you're crippled or murdered by your abusive spouse, you can take comfort in the fact that this guy will be there for you, to glibly mutter that God works in mysterious ways.
separation, yes.....divorce, perhaps....remarriage, not according to the Bible...reconcilliation or remaining single....are the only two options..why do you think the disciples were shocked to here what Jesus had to say, on this issue...
Don't listen to Phillip B on this one. God does not impose unjust restrictions on abuse victims. That is man's teaching, not God's.
As a divorced man that got out of a very very abusive marriage through divorce, you're telling me the Bible says I must remain single? I was 20 at the time and she was 53 at the time and no kids were present. Divorced July 2020.
She abused me in every single way to where reconciliation would be total bullsh+t as we took counseling with her therapist and she never changed.
I'm engaged to a woman close to my age that can bear children and that has a sound mind. You're telling me the Bible tells me I am to be mandatory single for the rest of my life?????
I can tell you why adultery and not abuse is grounds for divorce in the Bible. The Bible was written 2000 years ago when women were considered property. Was it illegal to beat your beasts of burden? Of course not. Of course, if your property is not fulfilling its purpose, you probably aren’t gonna keep it around.
God wouldn't want any woman or man to be abused with violence. I couldn't love a man like that.
I got divorce because of abuse. I just knew you were going to say it was not permitted. You go by motive and the advice of others who have witnessed the behavoir. He was seeing someone when we were separated.
You did the right thing Sister don't be confused by this over righteous view.
Tracy Zimmerman I’m glad you got out, Tracy. You’re peace is with God first. He knows what happened
The bible says that a leaving a marriage to someone who is not a Christian is fine. Someone who is abusive cannot also be a Christian as Jesus said that to fulfil the law you need to love your neighbour.
The issue with an abusive husbands is that they don't want to go to therapy. The problem with churches is that they do not recognize emotional abuse and the effect it has on the person. Repeated cheating is abuse, refusing to fulfill his/her duty as a spouse is also abuse. I experienced it all. I separated not because I want to be happy and marry someone else. I separated from him so that he can be accountable as a husband and not be a bad influence on our 3 boys.
I’m an Apostolic Christian. I believe in the close reading of the gospel and even I can stomach the idea that this does not constitute common sense.
Please do not stay with an abusive person.
As someone who grew up in abuse (sexual, physical, emotional, and social), I struggle with intimacy with my husband, violent thoughts, general patience with others, unrealistic expectations, and isolation. And health problems. I isolate because of lack of trust, and I like to take long walks, but on them I constantly visualize I'm being attacked & how I would fight back & kill who is attacking me. I struggle to have a sweet, kind spirit; I can be nice, but it's like it's a survival facade. My mind is always tormented & fighting. Obviously I try to surrender to God, but this is semi subconscious & hard to stop. You gotta get outta that house! Not a couple, but David had to leave Saul when he was trying to kill him. He tried to make things work, but eventually he had to leave. It was wrong of him to serve under another king (when he went to the Philistines), and he refused to kill king Saul when presented the chance. But God took care of the situation eventually, and gave David favor along the (difficult) way, by bringing him allies that would be his band of men, and the priest gave them the holy bread. He finally got to have & rule the kingdom (the difficulties he encountered after were due to sin). Israel would not have had the great King David if he stayed with Saul (or devoted himself permanently to the Philistine king).
As a child of divorce I agree with this 100%. This is the WORD.
I know women who did separate and then he stalked her and found her and beat her even more and will continue to do so until as some real action is taken. What do you do then Kristina still try to hide tho he we continue to follow you and beat you. Yea real smart
@Marie G 777 instead of finding flaws in my comment talk to her and others who agree with being beat to death staying in marriage cus We all know that's Gods will for our lives
@Marie G 777 do you believe divorcing for this reason will send one to hell yes or no
@Marie G 777 what a joke. Good day marie
@@JayTheLordIsMySaviorJones I wasn't in on the conversation, but no matter what the reason was for divorce , if a person repents in their heart and lets God lead them, they can remarry, they haven't sinned. I've come to realize that Paul's letters sometimes dealt with a specific problem that that church had. Only took me 35 years to figure that out. I knew God wasn't a tyrant, but by scripture, legalists seemed to be right. I always knew they were wrong, because I knew God was good, and could forgive any sin, if we confessed, and repented, but there was no direct scripture to refute them. One has to know God to know His love and mercy. He reveals this by His Spirit.
This was an excellent video Mr. Parr! 1 in 7 men go through phyical abuse by women I read. I was one. Not that I let her, but it was random things she did and I could not hit her back because she is a woman. It has effected me ways I never thought I would experience. It has unleashed some passionate anger against this topic, it has made me bitter before also. I am currently going through separation and possible divorce. It is effecting my kids to see their dad spit on, hit on, frying panned in the face, cut etc. But man God has been faithful. I am still here. I am currently in a Christian therapy and looking for better days. Thanks for your videos and dilligence in breaking down the word brotha.
My brother I am SO sorry you are going thru that. My heart goes out to you and I will pray for you both. No 1 has the right 2 put their hands on you that way. I suggest you pray, but 2 be honest with you. I couldn't stay in a toxic bad unloving relationship like that...WOW!! That's NOT love.
@@pamscott7430 thanks so much. I appreciate that. It's been tough but I've endured.
That's awful for her to do to you! God bless you!
If the abuse is so bad that you cant take it anymore divorce, that's not a sin(though God hates it Malachi 2v16) but never remarry cos you will be committing adultery of which is a sin. If you want to honour God with that marriage and stay in the presence of abuse then bear in mind that abuse isn't from God and you must use a perfect weapon to fight it...Prayer. I suggest you pray so hard the moment you enter into that marriage for protection so that you wont even have thoughts for divorce because devil hates marriages
In MY view on divorce and if God allows remarriage, I do beleive it is aloud BUT FIRST PRAY to the FATHER and LET GOD do what God wants for you. I do beleive that FORGIVENESS is a MUST and RECONCILLATION is PREFERD BUT GOD as ALL KNOWING MAY CHOSE to END the RELATIONSHIP.
But, who said remarriage is okay when Jesus spoke against it?
IF God wants the RELATIONSHIP to end (IE Unequally yoked, abuse in my view that continues and no change and death of partner) than God MAY allow for someone to REMARRY IF it is part of GODS PLAN for your life. I recomend this FREE PDF download from Michael Chriswell and his journey with Father whom Allowed him to Divorce his first wife AND get remarried in due course relentlessheart.com/store/book-god-hates-divorce-but-he-hates-some-marriages-even-more
@@goosebumpsk scripture that supports remarriage other than widower?
@@LovePatience32 Spiritual death of the spouse who divorced (if your non believer spouse wants to leave or adultery-sexusl) and DOESN'T REPENT from the sin than as I understand it from Gods view. The Christian (now divorced) despite ex being physically alive is single and can re-marry.
Divorce and remarriage is a complex and confusing area in the faith but I do believe that IF God allows the divorce and God promises a new spouse for the belevier than remarriage is ok
@@goosebumpskYour opinion is based on your emotion Not Scripture No remarriage You will be in adultery .
Narcissistic abuse is intentional and many abusers want to hurt you and you can’t change them. It’s dangerous to try to get someone who’s physically harmed you to change or stay with them
Psychological abuse is very painful. My Mom and I are still suffering in our minds from the trauma my dad has put us through emotionally through verbal abuse. Now I know the red flags of a Narcissist. Jesus, I pray for the women and children who are tormented in their minds at the hand of the man of the household. I pray for protection and supernatural healing and restoration of mental heal in Jesus Name. Almighty God send Your army of angels to protect women and children everywhere, especially those in abusive situations. May God rebuke the evil spirits who convict the man to commit abusive acts verbally and physically on his family, in the Mighty Name of Jesus I PLEAD THE BLOOD OF JESUS OVER EVERY VICTIM AND SURVIVOR OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE (mental, emotional, verbal abuse, physical violence, threats, etc) O LORD JESUS DEFEND YOUR CHILDREN COME TO OUR AID AGAINST THE ENEMY WHO SEEKS TO DESTROY FAMILIES. I PRAY FOR EVERY SINGLE PERSON SUFFERING IN THIS WORLD IN JESUS’ NAME, the NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES! Hallelujah and Amen. Praise be to Lord Jesus Christ. Father God lay Your Hands on every mother and child and uphold them with Your Righteousness, yes Lord we know how prevalent abuse is these days and I PLEAD THE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST TO COVER EVERY HOUSEHOLD, EVERY MAN WOMAN AND CHILDREN DEAR JESUS, BLIND ALL DEMONIC SPIRITS AND EVIL FORCES CAUSING CHAOS AND SUFFERING, LYING, ANGER, CHEATING, DEMEANING BEHAVIOR, YELLING SHOUTING AND EVERY ABUSIVE, HARSH AND CRUEL TACTICS BE REMOVED COMPLETELY FROM THE HEART AND SOUL OF ALL EVERYWHERE LORD RISE UP IN YOUR RIGHTEOUS WRATH AND CAST OUT EVERY SPIRIT OF ABUSE IN EVERY SINGLE HOME BY THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS WE PRAY FOR PEACE DEAR GOD I PRAY FOR CONTINUAL PROTECTION FROM ALL FORMS OF ABUSE IN EVERY FAMILY IN EVERY RESIDENCE BY CHRIST WE ARE HEALED PROTECTED AND DEFENDED FROM DANGER OF ANY KIND WASH US CLEAN OF ALL CURRENT AND RESIDUAL PAIN EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY FROM ANY ABUSE SUFFERED AND FOR ALL WHO STILL ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ABUSER MAY THE LORD REBUKE ALL ASPECTS OF THIS ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS!!!!!! AMEN GLORY TO GOD PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME FOR EVER AND EVER THANK YOU JESUS IN ADVANCE FOR THIS PRAYER IS ANSWERED IN YOUR PRECIOUS NAME I HUMBLY PRAY AMEN AMEN AMEN
maestro22121 Amen! Praise Jesus! Thank you for sharing this beautiful prayer! God bless you! ❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Mary Dylan God bless you!
I’m 42 still dealing with all the abuse I saw as a child . It’s sad but true. I have sooo much angry towards my mother for staying . People treat you how you allow them too .Kids suppose to learn and observe from their . parents . I only learn physical mental emotional and verbal abolish basically all my life til about 15 years ago . I’m sorry the abuser or the person that’s getting abuse are both at fault . I really believe that why my sisters and I first serious relationship was abusive because that’s all we knew . And you will attract the same type of people if you don’t understand or know anything about life . I pray any ..... women that’s being abuse Leave .... I don’t care if you don’t have a dime . Ask for help people are over willing to help other in those types of situation. I love you and I’m with you on your prayers ❤️❤️
I didn't want to comment, but I feel compelled to do so...
1. I've been reading a lot of comments about "REALLY getting to know the person you marry before marrying them". I agree with this, but I think to some people, this is quite a damaging statement as it suggests that people who are in abusive marriages failed to 'really get to know' the person they married, implying that some of the blame is on them for not seeing red flags. As human beings, when we're not personally in these tough situations, it's so easy to sit on a high-horse and assume it would or could never happen to you. People change and believe it or not, we have no power over who a person is going to be in the next 10 years. Yes, marrying a person that loves God with all their heart helps, but at the end of the day, even a godly person will still make mistakes and fail you. So please, before we make such comments, let's be guided.
2. Yes, the Bible doesn't explicitly say that abuse is grounds for divorce, but it also doesn't explicitly say that smoking weed is wrong. We infer a lot of things based on the nature of God and the God I serve is a loving and just God. Abuse is oppression and if God hates oppression enough to free the Israelites from Egypt and part the Red Sea in the process, surely, He hates it even within the confines of marriage. I saw this statement on someone's blog that said:
"When it comes to this matter of suffering abuse - we, both men and women, actually model Christ when we suffer abuse from others taking it patiently as he did. And that is why God wants you to stay in an abusive relationship."
After reading this horrific statement, my heart broke. This sounds similar to how people used the Bible to justify slavery!!
We so-called Christians are unfortunately one of the least sensitive human beings on earth and we have a LOT of work to do as a community - ESPECIALLY when discussing issues like this. Are we, as the Church really called to value marriage above the life God has given us?
Anyway, my ultimate prayer is that God helps us see things through His lens and not through ours in Jesus name. Amen. Also, if you're a victim of abuse, please please seek help - here is a list of hotlines you can call based on your location en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domestic_violence_hotlines and check out restoredrelationships.org
God bless.
Exactly. The Bible doesn't call us to be slaves to our spouse. We are not more godly by suffering at the hands of our husband. That's insane. And yes, the Bible doesn't address a LOT of things. We have to look at Scripture and God's character as a whole. I mentioned above that God doesn't directly address polygamy in the Bible. Abortion is also not directly referenced. And yet we know how God feels about both of those topics.
I believe you shout take the scripture for what it is without adding in assumptions. “And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.” (Rev. ... 22:18-19.) don’t take anything or add from what’s clearly already there.
This is a question that I asked When I first started watching you Mr Parr. Thank you so much for Sharing some very helpful advice. It's where I'm at now... In the"meantime" I'll continue to pray for him (as he is facing very serious prison time) ; due to abusive behavior towards me (the wife). I'm a Survivor 💕🙏💕
Abandonment does not have to mean physically walking out of your home and not looking back.
It can be financially, spiritually, mentally… especially when knowingly doing those things as a form of control & punishment.
As a victim of ALL types of abuse (even if only one is present at first, all will usually show their face) this information is not just harmful, but could end someone’s life. Staying in an abusive marriage is not biblical. These standards and twisting of scripture to make believers think they have to endure such soul shattering behavior is nothing even close to what God calls us to do. There are many, many ways abusive behaviors break covenants over and over again.
God does not call us to remain in situations where our entire reason for existence is questioned. Unless you’ve been a victim or personally know someone who has, I don’t believe anyone should have such a strong opinion.
I have been strangled and told I “must submit” to my “Christian” husband. Or else I wasn’t a godly woman to him.
I was held down and spit on told to “show respect” simply because I asked for him to stop.
Body slammed and kicked.
Called a whore before church because I was curling my hair and had a long dress on.
This man of God would get stoned before church.
Zero help in raising our children and being a present father.
Forced abortion.
The Jesus I know and serve would never encourage His child to remain in that situation and let children be brought up in that environment viewing violence and hear degrading words day in and day out.
Abuse is never shown up front. It only appears once someone “has you” already. That is exactly why people are in abusive relationships. The mask stays on until it is safe to remove and it seems almost impossible to escape them.
I won’t disagree with remaining unmarried although I think Mike Winger gave a better breakdown but if a woman experienced anything near the abuse I did you are a fool to consider reconciliation. I say this in love for the victims of abuse because going back is incredibly dangerous. Frankly I’m glad my ex committed adultery now but I also think it’s sick to put this on the victim. The reality it that waiting around hoping to reconcile and getting your heart crushed when he does cheat just seems crazy. You’re convicting the innocent here.
To the saved person, God will always forgive you. There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. This is an excellent teaching of God’s word. One should not feel condemned for remarrying though. The Spirit of God will convict if conviction is warranted and bring you into the knowledge of truth. God is not the one putting many of these marriages together. There are many marriages of none believers.
The best answer I've ever heard ty
If you are remarried and your first spouse is still alive according to the Word of God you are commiting adultery. If the Holy Spirit lives in you, you will be convicted and do whatever it takes to make it right with God. So yes you are condemned until you make it right with God.
If you stay married then you haven't repented. Repenting means I change and I turn from my ways. I would seriously ask the Lord should I end a marriage if I have a living spouse.
@@vannellssaaden7810 Right!! You can't stay married while your spouse is alive. It says if they are dead you are FREE to marry. Not if they beat you or left you
I'm divorced due to domestic violence. My ex husband brought me to the brink of death on more than one occasion, and physical and sexual violence was an every day occurence. After we separated we tried multiple time to reconcile, but he just would not accept help. He didnt want to change his ways. So I'm now divorced. I've been wondering why I havent been led to start dating again, and I finally got my answer. I guess I'm to remain single. I dont like it, but if that's what God wants me to do then so be it.
1CORINTHIANS 7 DOES NOT GIVE PERMISSION TO DIVORCE BUT TO SEPARATE THOSE TWO THINGS ARE VERY DIFFERENT.
Excatly. People dont know this
Him acting like he doesn't know what abuse is and it's an excuse to leave a marriage is kinda Makin me nauseous
I think in many cases people hold on to these rules thinking they apply to any and all marriages. Not every marriage is brought together by God. Some marriage are brought together by people's free will. I'm sure there are times where God, in his infinite foreknowledge saw destruction in a marriage and told both parties before they got married that this union is not His will. A lot of these marriages are dysfunctional because they are not God's choice or His best. So the root to eradicating divorce would be to make sure these couples are actually brought together by God. Their purposes are linked. They are each other's help-meet for their calling etc. That should be the prerequisite requirement before marriage.
I agree with you many married as per their will but after marriage they speak as if married Bcz it happened Bcz it's God's will....
@@mdk2338 exactly. We have the free will to choose who we want to marry but it may not be God's choice for us. I beleive these Biblical laws apply to marriages that God joined together because He chooses couples that He sees will benefit His kingdom in their calling on earth. Which is why He made those laws so that they wouldnt separate because doing so will forfeit their purpose on earth. They need each other to fulfill their individual callings together. Because their callings sre aligned.
@@naturallymemarie9650 Just one problem with that is God does not verbally tell you who to marry, so you will marry who you think is right at that particular time. Remember we are all sinners and can pretend to be one way outwardly. Only God can see the heart.
@@XMP2K5 thats why you wait for his answer. Pray and ask if that person is the one and wait for Him to provide confirmation. If He doesnt speak, its because its not the right time. And usually if its the wrong person he will show you red flags. God always answers, but in His timing. Until then, make no decisions without Him.
@@naturallymemarie9650 That's why I mentioned verbally. He doesn't speak verbally anymore because we have the complete Bible. The red flags you see are based on what you see or choose not to see. God gives us what we need in His word. You will not get a verbal confirmation.
I don't even want 2 get married. I would rather stay single forever than have to put up with any kind of abuse. The bible never gave anyone the right to abuse anyone. The bible says women are supposed to submit to their husbands but it also says husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them. So I'm pretty sure smacking your wife around is not showing love to her 😊❤💘 marriage is supposed to be a beautiful thing and sex between married couples is supposed to be passionate and loving, it's not supposed to be boring, it's not supposed to be abusive, it's supposed to be beautiful 💖💖💋💋
Short answer: No.
If you are in danger, the Bible says only a fool would not hide himself for safety (Proverbs 22:3, Proverbs 27:12). Let’s not be fools; once safety has been compromised, that is clear evidence of a heart of stone that Ecclesiastes 8:11 says needs immediate consequences. This level of hardness of heart that returns good with evil may very well be biblical grounds for divorce...
Consider the example set by David when Saul repeatedly both endangered David’s life (1 Samuel, ch 18 verses 9-11, 17, 20-21, 29; ch 19 verses 2, 10, 20-23; ch 20 verses 31 & 33, ch 22 verses 6 & 17; ch 23 verses 8, 14, 22, 25; ch 24 verses 2, 16; ch 26:2) AND repeatedly promised he would stop (1 Samuel 19:6, 22:6, 24:16, 26:21).
Note that once it finally became clear to David that Saul had a hard a heart of stone towards him, HE FLED AND NEVER AGAIN SUBMITTED HIMSELF TO SAUL’S AUTHORITY (even though David had the right to raise an army to seize the kingdom from Saul). In fact, Saul never stopped pursing David until David completely left Saul’s domain (1 Samuel 27:4).
Likewise, when there is abuse that endangers safety (particularly from a seat of authority such as the head of the house), a prudent believer should flee to safety without raising a legal battle for the assets of their kingdom & without subjecting herself to the authority of a hard heart again.
Jesus said God gave us divorce for the express purpose of escaping a hard heart (Matthew 19:8). The Beat is right that we should not be looking for reasons to ditch marriage (especially for pursuit of happiness). But we absolutely should be pursuing God & wisdom (Proverbs 8:17 & Matthew 7:7) which does not call is to be one flesh with, or even worse, be subject to, a hard heart.
Psalm 34:14 commands us to seek peace & pursue it. But let’s not declare peace where there is none (Jeremiah 6:14). GET YOURSELF TO SAFETY like the example set by David (Ecclesiastes 9:4) without allowing a hardness in your own heart to develop (Philippians 2:4) and return evil with good (Luke 6:35) just like David did (1 Samuel 20:15-16, 24:7 & 21-22, 26:16-18).
Thank you for your reply:)
He said that you CAN divorce the abusive spouse. He said the bible says that after the divorce, you cannot remarry unless your abusive ex dies or hooks up with somebody else. If your abuser starts dating someone else after you kick them out or leave, it is adultery on their part. He also said that most abusers lack self control and will eventually start dating somebody else, which then gives the one who was abused a biblically acceptable reason to marry again.
Wow, brother, a lot of leaders out there advocating for divorce on this very unbiblical ground. You're the first person I've seen that really stands by the bible on this. I give this many thumbs up. Sometimes we tend to let our sympathies and emotions cloud what is really right or wrong in sensitive situations like this
You handled that question well brother.
Sadly the law doesn't do much for victims of abuse, if you attack someone on the street you're in serious trouble, but if you're married to them they'll probably just tell you to sleep in differnt houses for the night.
But like you said, an abusive spouse probably won't think twice about sleeping with someone else if they aren't already.
They are like that because in many cases, the victim tends to go back to the abuser. If you are taking action like getting a restraining order or calling law enforcement to get involved and they have records of it, then they will get involved to a certain extent. However, they do have resources to help you, every state is different. I live in Miami, so I was able to get assistance from relocation to counseling services.
I decided to divorce after we went to a Christian counselor and our therapist didn’t take mental abuse seriously. You cannot change a narcissist to feel empathy. It has been very hard to come to the decision because there’s a feeling that the person may actually love you the right way one day as they’re good at love moving and stringing you along. That’s just not healthy. I’d rather divorce even if it means I’ll be single for the rest of my life. Christian’s should speak more about this.
This is one of the single most misunderstood concepts EVER and personally I'm pretty tired of the hypocrisy involved in it. There is a distinction made between "putting away" and divorced. YHWH put Israel and Judah away AND gave them a divorce--Jeremiah 3:8. Putting away was men sending their wives away. Divorce was the legal means to ending that relationship. By some church's definition, YHWH HIMSELF couldn't be a member in their church since HE is a divorced person.
I was in very abusive marriage for 19 years. I was abused in every way daily, mostly physical. My ex-husband believes in God, however his thinking is very off, not godly etc. He thinks that the husband comes before God and I was to love him more than the Godhead. He doesn't acknowledge that everything that we had/have comes from God. He tried to kill me about 6 times. I divorced him due to the abuse and being unfaithful (adultery). The Holy Spirit told me not to marry him. To this day, he's still abusive but not physically. Before we broke up, we were "counselled" by a "senior" leader of my church. My ex-husband rarely went to church. We were unequally yoked. He's now a quadriplegic due to his lifestyle. I've forgiven myself, him and moved on with my life. Some people get "use to" being in abusive marriages or relationships due to fear, witchcraft and so many other reasons. God delivered me. I'm so grateful and thankful!!
Should not keep company with a railer or even ear with them.
1 Corinthians 5:11
11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
Proverbs 13:20
20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.
Ephesians 5:11
11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them
Psalm 26:4-5
4 I have not sat with vain persons, neither will I go in with dissemblers.
5 I have hated the congregation of evil doers; and will not sit with the wicked.
Psalm 1:1
1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
Psalm 11:5
King James Version
5 The Lord trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth