Why I Don't Talk About DID Anymore (As Much)
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- Опубликовано: 5 июл 2024
- See you in 2024 my friends :)
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Oops omfg I uploaded an earlier edit of this that is missing a couple text notes and made the bracelet image last longer LOL UGHHHHH I am off my game this month 💀
Note one; if you find yourself relating to me describing alters talking me down from anxiety, do not freak out!!! That could be a pretty normal example of a singular internal monologue 🫡
Note two; Cliffe has informed me that I have a bad habit of saying “this is how we are!” when that is just my individual experience… he says they fully front more than I am aware and do wear their clothes etc. So anyway wtf oops my bad!!!!!!!!!!
@@Pixielocks we have the same discussion the other day, i'd alway use "us" and sometimes wasnt a feeling experienced by everyone, so now im paying more attention on that too :)
@@PixielocksI really like you your beautiful ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
As an aspiring STEM girlie, i’m so sorry the medical field has failed you so much when you wanted to rely on them :( you guys didn’t deserve that at all and I hope things get better in the future.
Disabled person here and I hope more ppl in STEM are compassionate like yourself! It’s so heartbreaking how much ableism is in the medical field
I'd say keeping yourself safe and protecting your peace is pretty punk rock 😌💜
🥺💗
@@Pixielocks 💜💜✨️😌
I’m still watching the video but i just wanted to say that i’m so sorry that you didn’t feel supported by not only general society, but your own subscribers? I’ve been watching you literally since the lolita days, and i found your growth and diagnosis incredibly informative and really interesting to watch, and have never once disliked you for your personal growth. As always, i’ll be quietly supporting you for as long as you make videos, no matter what direction you choose to take your channel!
Sending you the best wishes
🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 this is so kind, thank you 🫶🏻
Literally same!! Quiet subscriber since the start of her channel (I hardly ever comment on youtube channels in general) and always found everything she posted super interesting and I Iearned a lot from all the evolving mental health content over the years!! All the hate she received about her DID content has been heartwrenching 💔 It's cool to know there's more supportive quiet subscribers!! ♡
also I would like to say one of the reasons I appreciate your channel is because you do lifestyle and fashion content while also being open about your did bc it’s relatable to us and shows us that we can have a loving happy life with all of us together 🫶
Same! I can see why people would stop watching when content changes, not even in an ableist way, more in a topic way. When someone changes the games they play or whatever, there is always a drop in viewers who followed for 1 thing. I think there is a way to find a balance that will be found in time and that's ok. Safety and health comes first
@@hernameispekka_RebeccaI gonna go out on a limb & admit stopped watching. Mainly cuz I didn’t subscribe to a DID channel I subscribed to a crafty Kawaii fashiony channel. Not that I have anything against DID content.. it’s just not what I signed up for. Especially when you bring in tik tok drama & politics & everything else. RUclips is the only social media I use for a reason.. it’s nice to just relax & look at colourful things 🦋💘🍭
@@MissEddieBlueKawaiiKrafts Yeah, and depending on the life situation and free time you have, you end up being selective. And watching a short fashion video and an in depth learning video for me takes very different mindsets. So while there for sure were abelist people, some of it is just standard fall-off with a topic switch, I would say. It's way harder to build a variety channel than a one topic one for that reason.
@@MissEddieBlueKawaiiKrafts Tooootally understand all of this 😭💕 It’s like if I started making wood carving content or something people would have the same reaction lol hehe it definitely does not make u ableist 🫡💕🫶🏻💗
Sending you love my dear! I will admit when you started doing content on DID I was a little taken a back… but that’s a me problem and I remembered I need to learn more about it instead of shy away from it. I am glad I have stuck around so I can understand more about it and I’m here for you.
My system appreciates people like you like crazy, thank you for being so open minded. Hope you have an awesome 2024
i've been watching you since i was in middle school & i'm now in college. i've been coming to terms with possibly being a system & it's been so healing & reassuring to see you guys talk ab DID. do what makes you feel safe & comfortable
I’ve been following you for years and years and honestly I love so much how you’ve transitioned your content throughout and been open about it in a non-shock factor way. There’s something so calming about this pace and it’s like a little oasis from the super hyped up world in front page RUclips. ❤️
Awwww thank you I love that so much
Don't be offended but It would be good to see another youtube account with D.I.D content with your experiences so you can focus on your business here on this channel
I mean there are lots of DID youtubers ..
Check out the Rings System and the Alexandrite system, they both have OSDD-1 (very similar diagnosis to DID) and have a lot of informative videos!
@@LiEnbyi think they mean "you, pixie, should make a seperate channel for DID stuff"
I agree
Agreed!
this video is so important to us, we've been thinking a lot about this too! it's been 2 years since official diagnosis and im constantly battling between being open about DID and keeping it to ourselves, but it's so hard to do that without feeling like i'm suppressing other alters
Anyone accusing you of doing this for clout has no idea how stressful it is to be in the public eye talking about DID. I used to run a DID blog with way, way less followers than you and the constant pressure and harassment made me have a total breakdown and delete everything. You are so kind for everything you've shared and I have nothing but respect for you being more private. My therapist and people in the psych world will keep fighting for you, you have deserved so much better than the world gave you.
I’ve been watching your videos since 2017 and I’m usually just a silent lurker, but I wanted to say you have my support and I’m so sorry that people are so resistant to the things that they haven’t experienced/don’t understand. I don’t have DID, but I’m someone that deals with severe mental illness and I completely understand feeling unsafe by simply existing authentically. How much you choose to share is completely up to you and I look forward to the new content coming!
🩷✨ Sending love ✨🩷
This all sounds very normal, honestly. It sucks, but having partly a "customer service" front to put on is not only for "marketability" but a little bit of a safety shield and distance. Especially in such an "invasive" career like content creation. It makes total sense that you had to go through phases of acceptance and growing pains in how it all fit in your life. That's totally fine. It's all totally fine, honestly. Ofc it was a big part of your content back then because it was a big part of your life. It was a life altering and overbearing change. Big life stuff takes up big brain space. Totally reasonable. Buying a new house, having a baby, getting a divorce, getting ill, all those things will impact what we focus on.
Now you're in a phase where you're not in intense understanding and educating mode all the time. That coinciding with a very rude awakening with those SUPPOSED professionals, this seems like a wise and reasonable choice. I'll gladly watch the different facets you want to share!
This comment felt like a big warm hug. Thank you
VERY well put!!
I hope you know that we know you need to prioritize your well being. All of you deserve joy and to feel safe, and i think its sad that we live in a world where you cant both be openly present what you wish about you and your system and be a respected person/business person. I loved your content all the way through and i still do.
Also "my ameobas are gyrating" is a new part of my vocab i didnt know i needed
please consider make a separate channel for DID. i think the audience would be more accepting because they would be there specifically for DID. i understand if you can’t though because it is horrible how you’ve been treated online. i discovered i have DID in february and i feel so lost and alone. no one understands and i do not feel safe, but seeing someone i have watched for years describing the same things i’m going through has helped me not feel so alone. i hope you know you ARE helping people even if the awful ignorant people are louder sometimes.
Unless you love someone with DID or have it yourself you have no idea what it’s like. People what to say it’s fake or have their opinions on it when they have no idea what we go through and our loved ones go through. Sending you and your system a lot of love!
Hey, Sweet lady! Listen. People without DID will NEVER understand how weirdly in-your-face this disorder is when you suffer from it. It’s like you’re either dissociated from it altogether, or it’s right up in your mental grill. Literally, 95% of my time (when I’m not dissociated from my disorder) involves masking for other people and struggling to control my other parts’ behaviors. The pressure to behave in a completely socially acceptable way at all times is intense and traumatizing. I completely understand why you wanted to shout it from the roof tops. It affects every aspect of life, perception, and behavior, yet society thinks you should just stop talking about it or stop “seeking attention\clout” with it. These people do not have a clue the global impact this disorder has on a sufferer’s life. I cannot feel past my disorder, if you know what I mean? All of my feelings are bound up in trauma responses and fragmented parts. That’s what makes up our personality, so to ask a sufferer to act like their DID is not a thing is particularly cruel. It’s beyond ableism. It’s straight cruelty!
Just remember that we are on the front lines of this modern movement in psychiatry. This disorder is horribly under researched. There is a TON about DID that even the most learned experts in the field do not know, because they can’t. So much of DID is the sufferer’s internal experience, and that can’t be measured by science. Keep that in mind. Also, keep in mind that psychology is a field of trial and error, and they’ve gotten things wrong more often than they’ve gotten things right, historically speaking. That’s the nature of the field. Trust me. I lived it.
💜
🥺🥺🥺💗💗💗 thank you so much hatch. This really touched our heart. Appreciate u and all that u share 🫶🏻🌈💿💕🩵🌼
@@PixielocksAny time. Take care, lovely! 🫶😊
This is so true, as people with the disorders speak about their experiences and inform treatment more I hope things get better. ❤ DID awareness in the medical field needs to increase and more patients should be involved in creating that awareness.
Hi Pixie!
I first discovered your content in 2016, the year i had to move out of my dads house. I was 16, undiagnosed autistic, traumatised, dissociated out of my mind, and finally experiencing a life where i wasnt constantly expecting someone to hurt me. it was also the year our littlest alter started to make herself known, and she LOVED your content. looking back now, your influence on our life was also the first overt indication of our plurality.
As we went to uni we got diagnosed with PTSD, and moving away from our parents made us feel safer than we ever had, so the egg started to crack more and more until i hit rock bottom, mentally and physically. Just after we finally started to secretly accept to ourselves that we might be a system, your video reintroducing yourselves popped up in my youtube subscriptions.
I dont think I can explain how much your openness and vulnerability helped us come to terms with ourselves. I had watched dissociadid for years because I raised myself on social justice tumblr and awareness of marginalised experienes other than mine is kind of a big thing for me, but it was different. With your videos it felt like reconnecting with an old friend who was going through the same thing as me, and your openness about how you were still learning how this should work made me feel so much less alone.
I am so, so sorry that you have to pull back, and although your safety is absolutely the priority, I just really wanted to make sure you know that you helped someone. You helped us. So, thank you
Awe this video must have been so hard to make. Thanks for sharing this insight into the pixieverse. I wish we could take legal action against that doctor, he surely impacted your business with slander, and more importantly your mental well-being. I wish people would be nicer, there are so many actually problematic people to talk about, you're *literally* just a girl online.
I always loved your videos of different content Pixie. DID ones are so educational for people like me who like learning things. Your such a Kawaii gem. Keep staying strong. Sending positive vibes your way. 🎄☕🌈⭐🎂🎉🍨🎁
I’m kind of in love with the bracelet system you guys have going on that’s so cool…..
Idk how long I've been subscribed, but it's been since before your diagnosis and I've just loved watching your videos through all of it. I'm 24 so I feel like I've kind of grown up with you and it's been so cool to see all the different eras of your life. I may be, respectfully, a lil parasocial about it but watching your videos feels like just hanging out with a good friend and they always make me happy no matter what the content is. I liked your DID stuff bc I watched other DID creators before your diagnosis and your journey has only helped me further understand DID. Your videos being taken to discredit you and others experiences with DID was horrible and I hate to see how much you now suffer because of it. Please just post whatever you're comfortable posting and make whatever content you need to make. The long time fans like me will stick around for anything, but ofc I also want to see your channel grow and do well bc I want you to succeed 💕💖💕💖💕💖
I love your hair so much 🩷🧡💛💚🩵 it reminds me of the original rainbow dash pony I had when I was younger (it was my favorite pony btw) also thank you for opening up to us because I feel less alone with my struggles as well
I appreciate the explanations and I really liked the switches and fronting notifications. I understand where you're coming from and here to support you!
i’ve watched you since 2018 for the cute/colorful fashion, i kept watching for your personality, i’m the same age with similar interests so i relate a lot,.. i don’t ever mind you talking about did since it’s part of your life.. of course people online can be mean and lack curiiusity about things they don’t understand and instead jump to judgement…, however much you wanna share or keep personal is up to you, i will keep watching either way 💗
i'm very glad that you are taking the space you need in order to be safe and feel safe/maintain your livelihood through your business!!! i think its a feeling that a lot of people (including myself as a singlet regarding other issues of mine) get where we want to fight the good fight and be "punk rock", but we also want to simply live our lives in peace. you are a person, you don't have to always be an advocate/fighter. its ok to just live!!! while a part of me will miss the openness/more potent talks about your system/DID in 'normal' content, i COMPLETELY understand and agree that your safety and comfort come before anything else. discussion of mental health alongside fashion/blog/art content has always been a part of what made your channel special to me even long before your diagnosis. i hope that you can find a happy balance that makes all of your parts comfortable and allows you to make the content that you WANT to make while still profiting enough to support yourself. much love and sorry if any of this is worded confusingly/poorly! i am open to correction/criticisms always ❤❤❤
Pixie thank you sm, i’ve been watching your videos since middle school (for reference im about to be 20) and also have DID so when you came out about your diagnosis I was super excited to learn about your system and experience. The internet is so brutal to ppl w/DID do what is best for you
Unfortunately, we all have to be careful in this society. I'm done wanting people to understand me. I'm done with society = run by toxicity people. So I'm proud of you adapting to your environment. I'll application the videos you have done. 🥰
this is one of the most genuine things I've ever watched, I think so few people can actually speak from the heart like you do and explain their feelings/internal world so well. and so few people know themselves like that, or have spent the time even trying to. I've watched your videos since about 2018 - it was a little bit unexpected at first when your content changed, I don't tend to seek out more serious videos but I've still continued to watch most of your videos over the years. anyway I've learned so so much and I'm really thankful for that!
I just think it is natural to want to understand, and it's not hard to listen and learn. I hate that many people are unwilling to do that and so much of your journey has been up and down. you have always come across as open and honest and sharing, so people taking that in bad faith have a lot to learn
I remember one of your old videos from Japan where you apologised that your voice was different because you were excited.. as soon as you explained more about DID I understood that maybe that was Berry showing up C: I know the doubters can be loud, but please know that there are many people who are watching and listening and do not doubt you for a second
i won't lie, when you announced your did diagnosis i was a bit taken aback. i had heard, from people in the psychiatric field even, that did wasn't real or that if it was, it was extremely rare. then i was diagnosed with asd earlier this year. as i began to explore the autistic community online, i saw accusations of people faking autism, claims that getting an autism diagnosis was becoming a "trend," people saying women and girls can't have autism, and all kinds of other ableist bs -- the same ableist bs that gets levelled at people with did. i realized that it was my own internalized ableism that caused me to doubt you, and i sincerely apologize for that. i think it's cool that you tried to be your authentic self despite the backlash -- that takes strength! also, i relate to what you said about not feeling safe being yourself. since my diagnosis, i've been trying to unmask, but unfortunately there are certain situations where it likely won't ever be safe for me to fully unmask. :/ i also relate to the feeling of pressure to be Productive™ under capitalism because my disabilities make working sooo hard for me
Aww this is amazing amazing. Thank u so much. Sending u all the best 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
"My amoebas are gyrating" 😂 But no, totally totally do whats safest for you. I really appreciate everything youve shared, you taught us a lot about DID! Theres a lot of things out there that have heavy stigmatization surrounding it so truly thank you for the information youve shared with us and for shedding light onto it all. I was diagnosed with adhd early this year and im going to seek diagnosis for autism as well as i suspect i am possibly audhd. Theres a lot out there that is incredibly misunderstood and stigmatized. And society can be quite unsafe to be super open about those things that are so stigmatized. Whether thats letting the mask down or stomping those negative assumptions/myths down and informing people on it. I cant begin to imagine how it is for someone with DID, it truly saddens me how okay people are with treating people who have it disgustingly. You all are very brave and you have such a wonderfully bright soul. I love all of your content and your journey honestly has truly inspired me as someone trying to get a hold back on their life again. I hope one day things are safer to be more open. We'll always be here supporting you all 💖❤
Hey, pixie. Really really sorry to hear about everything you've been put through. One of my siblings was diagnosed with severe autism way waaayyyyy back in like 2000-2003ish? And nearly every single hardship that was caused by that was caused by abusive people within the institution of psychiatry. I just want you to know that nothing about their credentials makes these people inherently knowledgeable about someone else's inner life, and the field unfortunately attracts a lot of folks with very poor ability to empathize with others. Far too many neurodivergent people are first traumatized by the school system and then filter into psychs who proceed to gaslight them. It's genuinely difficult to find people within psych who will give you unconditional respect as a human being and not punish individuals for presenting symptoms that are not immediately identifiable for them. when you add med and accommodation access into the equation, the power disparity that exists between psychs and patients is way too easy to abuse and makes it really hard to have mutual trust with them. these people have made the lives of countless people hell and you are incredibly brave for speaking out. I would not be surprised if your treatment was partially motivated by a punitive desire to punish those who question the institution of psych. I have loved learning about DID from your videos and no matter what you do with your future content, what you have already made has been incredible. It sucks that neurodivergency content is genuinely difficult to coexist with mass appeal--far too many people are uncomfortable with disability as a concept and are unwilling to change. I will always be here watching whatever you choose to make, and I hope that you can find a good balance in making content in a way that is healthy and sustainable for you. Wishing you strength for the process of working with institution of psych, know that no matter what you do or say, it is justified in the name of getting you care and nobody who has not been through a clash against the system has any leg to stand on in judging you.
Pixie i love and admire how much you want to be fully yourself- we seriously need to end mental health stigma!! You are so valid for putting your needs first, it sucks that we live in a world where money is so necessary to survive and we have to make sacrifices that go against our true selves, but I’m glad you are taking care of yourselves. I am always rooting for you all!!!❤
I actually started watching you when you came out with DID (then immediately watched all your videos from when you started) because I wanted to learn about DID from as many people with it as possible (I will be a therapist soon) and your video was one of the first that popped up and I just fell in love with your videos, and the way you are just brings so much joy into my life so thank you!
Sending a lot of love ♡♡ Y'all are amazing!! Don't worry about what people say who don't understand stuff like that! You have such a positive vibe and i love it! I hope Y'all feel more comfortable and confident soon! ♡☆
Please take care Pixie. I have been watching you for years and I support you. Sending happy vibes frim Minnesota!
🌈❤🧡💛💚💙💜
I appreciate everything you share pixie 💕 I hope you're safe and that you can still express yourself with the new chapter of professional business gorl
im really sorry part of the reception you got to being open about your DID was so harsh but im proud of you for setting up the boundaries you need to stay safe
I’m about halfway through this video and I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to go through, but I also LOVE your DID content. I totally get wanting to be more private about it going forward, but you’ve educated me a lot. I’m so glad that now when I meet other folks with DID in the future I can better understand how to interact with them and support them
i've never really paid attention to your channel beyond seeing videos in my recs- whether made by you or about you- but i'm glad i decided to watch this because it’s refreshing to hear someone sit down and talk about these kinds of issues for longer than a few minutes
your style is so pretty- and i think a lot of people tend to find bright, alt, and fun styles as indicators that their wearers are less mature- which is stupid of course- because it takes a lot of work, money, and understanding of the self (or selves) to express such a developed style
additionally- the people who view those they consider immature or childlike as being less trustworthy in expressing their experiences, regarding mental health or otherwise, probably don’t respect the autonomy or needs of actual children either- so their opinions are worth jack shit
you have my respect for being able to withstand such unjustified scrutiny
(also- the fronting bracelets are such a good idea! i have pronoun bracelets that i use similarly since i’m genderfluid- though i don’t wear them out much since it makes me a little nervous)
(also also! i love that your bangs make a little upside-down heart! very cute)
Know that your videos provide so much joy for so many people.💝 For me, many years ago, your content helped expose me to the wide kawaii world that i so dearly love and you openness about mental health has been kinda therapeutic because I know I'm not alone out there. Keep doing what you need to do for your health and your business knowing your stans will keep on stanning (And for the record if you feel like its not gonna be mentally harmful I hope you sue the heckin heckers out of those guys for defamation because you didn't deserve that and as a whole professional that was really irresponsible.)
I'm so sorry things have been hard for you Pixie you're literally so sweet and such a beautiful soul!! I hope this year is better for you ❤ I've been watching for several years now (you're one of the reasons I learned how to sew!) and I love your content so so much. The DID content always felt educational and deeply personal for you to share and I always enjoyed it :) Keep up the good work!!
We're so sorry that you feel this way/going through this. We all love you, and we'll be here for you no matter how you want to open up. Not everyone is as lucky to be able to be diagnosed , so your perspective is sooo important to those who can't get the same resources.
Learning how to stop the negative thought patterns and just sleep is such an incredible showcase of growth and i’m proud!!!
Just wanted to say that as someone who has DID too seeing you talk about it really helped me feel less like a monster etc. We watched your content for a long time before you got diagnosed. Totally get the whole not really feeling safe to talk about it openly thing as I tend to delete all my accounts like clockwork and move cities pretty regularly.
First off, thank you for sharing so much of your story and journey with this disorder. For me personally I have learned so much! I am studying to become a trauma counselor. Please don't blame yourself for sharing with honesty. I have read about this and other disorders but seeing your videos helped break down all that I read. Again thank you! And I'm excited for your continued journey with healing. 😊
i'm about halfway through the video right now, but we had to pause to say this: Pixie, you helped us settle into our own osdd diagnosis. Your content brought to light something I didn't know was real. And I'm forever grateful that you have been so open, because without that I would have never sought help. I assumed every Autistic Person was like I am lol.
With that said- we absolutely *absolutely* understand the need for you to protect yourselves. very few people in our real life know about the true extent of our own mind, if they know at all. (I'm a system that never fully switches, which makes that easier), so please be safe. Seeing what happened to you broke my heart and tore our soul out. You didn't deserve it. I hope you all have peace in the future.
We have been watching since you were still living in the basement bedroom at your parents home, and we will continue to watch through all of your evolutions and fashions
Ps. We love the hair!
firstly I wanna say I'm really grateful for how open you are about your content and its changes thru the years. Just watching your journey through DID diagnosis and stuff was super educational for me... Personally at first years ago I came mostly for your crafting and pastel lifestyle content but like i found I really enjoyed all your vids, because its you!!
I’ve watched you for YEARS now and remember realizing I had bpd when I watched your video on that. I understand the safety issue tho because with my other shit not being online people in my life just say the worst things to you when you’ve finally figured out what’s going on. I love you and your content stay safe 💕
I'm happy you're going back to your lifestyle content.
I can't wait to see what clothes you make too.
I’ve been watching your videos since way back when you worked at Claire’s ( and shared my art as a featured confetti club member once 🥰) and I’ve never commented much but I just wanted to say I’m so sorry you have had so many people coming at you from all different angles. Having no one place where people understand you as a whole must be so exhausting and frustrating. You seem like such a kind patient soul and I have enjoyed everything you’ve put forward throughout the years even if they weren’t the best decisions for you personally they obviously helped you realize who you want to be on social media and I’m so proud of you for working your ass off to be the best version of you not only for yourself but your audience. Sparkle on pixie!!!!!!!
Hi Pixie 🌈 I believe you ❤
I'm an elder millennial, and I've been watching you grow and change all these years like a real human being does. At the risk of sounding parasocial as hell, I feel like kind of an unseen online big sis 😅 Trauma is extremely misunderstood as it is, let alone DID. It's easier for folks to write off something they don't understand as fake than to take the time to learn and understand, or at least admit that life is more complicated than they believe. And for medical "professionals" in the mental health world, well, they definitely have their idea of a "perfect patient" and often we don't fit that paternalistic idea. But the vulnerable way you describe your experiences over the year is completely understandable for me as someone living with C-PTSD. No, I don't have the exact same experiences bc I don't have a DID diagnosis, but the way you describe your experiences just makes sense to me.
Keep your head up ❤️ you're doing great. And as someone else commented, you will always do best in the long run when you are your most authentic self, no matter what.
longtime watcher here!!!! to be honest it’s been really interesting to watching these like .. reflection videos. i completely empathize with your eagerness to share about your diagnosis and i’m glad you’re not blaming yourself for that. 💖💖💖 a DID diagnosis must be worldshaking!!!
that said .. i also completely understand the feeling of needing to be marketable ;-; i’m glad you’re not going to STOP talking about it but i also respect and understand your decision to pull back in that area.
navigating social media and content creation is probably so SOOOOO difficult and confusion. you are still punk rock to me!!! having these discussions IS still punk rock!! you are doing amazing!!!!
i really really like the way you went into this. you introduced us to your parts and we got to know them over the last twoish years, and it doesn’t feel like you HAVE to put your DID into as many videos because it’s just you now. your mental health is YOUR OWN and i have so much respect for you and your maturity!! love you pixie💕
I’ve been a fan of yours for YEARS! Nothing will change that ❤
I’ve appreciated a couple of your videos to learn about DID - my partner recently told me (confirmed?) that he has a milder form of DID and suggested I do some RUclips binging. Your vid with Stevie was an early search result hit and I appreciated hearing both perspectives. I have more to watch/learn but certainly wanted to drop a note of appreciation for being vulnerable and putting this content out there to help new allies like myself learn and do better.
Hi Pixie! First, I want to say I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this. I've been a confetti club member almost since the beginning of your account and I remember how awful I felt when you were being attacked for having DID when you first revealed you had it. It is too bad people are not accepting but I wanted to say your content helps me so much!! Earlier this year I started dating someone with DID and I had literally no background information on DID at all except that it entailed having headmates/alters. But having you talk about it so openly on RUclips and Twitter helped me learn a lot. Whenever you post something about DID I always tune in because I want to learn more for my partner. So i just wanted to say thanks for being so transparent about it. I feel like hearing how DID is experienced by systems is more accurate than relying on informational articles written by professionals who do not have it. So I hold you in high regards I guess??? /lhj. But anyway, thanks again for being yourself. You help a lot more people than you know :)
Absolutely do what makes you feel safe and comfortable, I can't imagine going through what you have and not wanting to withdraw at least a bit. I have always admired how open you were about mental health stuff, even back in the day, but neither I nor anyone else is entitled to that. Protect yourself! I look forward to the content you put out, whatever form that may take. And thank you for everything you have shared, it’s been enlightening and helped me understand something I may not have otherwise been exposed to!
As a person who came at lgbtq and recloseted, i relate to this. People dont want to admit it on the internet but sometimes it isnt safe to speak your turth and safety is most important
I'm sorry to hear you've had such a terrible experience being open about your DID. :( I'm more of a casual viewer (mainly here for the occasional Precure), but I've really enjoyed learning more about the diagnosis through your videos. I've learned a whole lot and gotten a much better understanding, but I fully support your choice to do what you need to do to keep yourself safe. Sending good vibes to everyone!
I have a couple of friends who have DID, so when it came out that you, one of my favorite creators, had DID, I was honestly excited because it meant I could learn more the disorder. I can't believe a doctor is really coming out here disproving your diagnosis without even knowing you. People really are awful.
this really is the saddest video ever pixie :(( I'm so so sorry that you can't be open and honest about this anymore. I've been watching you since 2017, maybe earlier, thank you for giving us this cozy space and I hope it remains a comfort for you
full disclusior i joined bacuase of your DID content.
and i got to know you and really like you and all that you make
so im gonna be following you regardless
and no matter how you are gonna talk about your DID REALLY helped me, i was really stressed about how the community handles the rules who needs to be out and in what way, and it was sp refreshing to hear you talk about alters blending and flowing in and out, because it thougt me that it was ok, i dont know just the way you talked about it really help so thank you
im a looooong time pixie fan, since the lolita days probably back in 2014 or whenever! i got into your content bc of a mutual love of fashion and kawaii culture, but stayed for you as a person and creator! as someone who also struggles with mental health, its always refreshing to see someone be open about it, and I've really appreciated learning more about DID, but you don't owe it to anyone to give every detail on your struggles, and it breaks my heart that your openness and willingness to share was met with such hatred. long comment to say I will always love & support! hope you're well pixie, take care of yourself ^__^
I love all the mental health stuff and all the fun stuff u make! Protecting ur peace is so important ❤
i totally understand how you feel Pixie, the world is scary and there are parts of myself (not DID related) that I feel I need to keep private for my own security. it is a bit sad but I want to feel safe above all else. sending you love and hugs
Healing is a winding road, whatever work for you ❤, im loving this makeup and bangs 💅🔥
I've watched your RUclips videos since 2016 and I have stuck with your content, even though It wasn't "the same". The fans that love you for you and not just for one niche are the ones that matter most!! I hope you're surrounded by sweet cheery love and happiness this holiday season! You're the best and you've got this pixie!!!
This breaks my heart. I’m so sorry for people treating you poorly. Just know your core audience will always be here cheering you on!!! ✨🥰🌙👒🧚🏼♀️♥️
Finding out or having confirmed something big about yourself is going to have an affect on anyone, and everyone deserves the space and care to be able to go through that in the ways that they need without judgement, but that often isn't the reality. It's a hard thing for *anyone" to go through, but especially so when you exist so publicly!! I wish the world had been able to give you more grace, as you deserved, but I'm proud of you for getting through and setting the boundaries you need to continue 💖
Pixie, I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that. I've seen some of those videos of people using your image as a 'bad example' (they all could be easily disproved by using basic logic btw) and I don't think I'd ever be able to fully comprehend the amount of damage this has done to your health, but please know we'll always be here for you. I hope you continue to make content that makes you happy and feel at least somewhat secure on the internet. Take breaks when your health calls for it, and try to find small things that make you happy. Life is always better when you enjoy the little things :D (at least for me). As someone who is also really self-aware of how I present myself, I hope that you can learn to feel confident and not care about what people have to say eventually, since this mindset really sucks and I feel you completely 😞. Hope you and the rest of the system get plenty of time to spend with your loved ones on Christmas and these next few days/weeks, and I hope 2024 brings more fun and excitement in your life, which I believe is heavily overdue🌻💗
I love that yall can summarize battles im also facing as a system, thanks for making us feel a lil less 🤪🤪 and alone ❤️
I don't have DID, but I loved your DID videos. I find it so fascinating how the brain functions and how DID can affect people differently. You keep on doing you, and I'll kept watching cause i enjoy your content
Unfortunately every time someone i follow has come out as being plural online, especially people who make video content, they've always eventually stated that they regret it somewhat because of all the harassment it has brought. There is SO much stigma, and anyone who polices who 'really' has a disorder is ALWAYS in the wrong no matter how much they think they are 'helping', because it ALWAYS results in real disabled people being targeted and hurt. It also sucks that so many disabled people themselves have so much internalised ableism that they still do this to people with their same disorders, when everyone, even with the exact same disorder, presents differently, and like you say, social media is not representative of how you present in real life either! As for institutions like McLean hospital, well let's just say i'm furious on your behalf lol. I also wanna add that you being so open online has helped many systems though, i'm just sorry it has brought so much bs!
I know I am a very rare vendiagram of someone who has loved all your content, BUT, you have been my favorite content creator since I was 14 years old (you’re like 8 months older than me). Every step of your journey has been an inspiration to me. Every person in my life knows your name. And when you started making DID content it also struck home with me! My best friend has DID, and I was consuming DID content regularly to educate myself. Having such a positive voice I already looked up to discussing DID was so exciting, especially after the community here on YT had blown up so negatively. Some how I feel like you are always here to inform my life some how. And none of this is for me, but has changed and motivated me so much!
You get your bag. There are certain things we can’t change about capitalism, and you have worked so hard to build this brand and launch your fashion line. Stay safe! We’ll always be here.
You don't sound dramatic, I relate. It does suck that people have been so shitty though, like people often are 😢
we're sending you so much safe love, pixie; we see you and are so grateful that you're you.
that space of wanting to be authentic while knowing and dealing with how fucked up some people are is an absolute nightmare. different situation, but we went no-contact with our parents a couple of years after moving out so our younger sister could safely finish high school. we acted nothing like ourselves, and whatever we told them when asked was completely made up. we already had and still have struggles with the whole sense of reality thing, so it deeply messed our brain up in that sense, but it was still a million times better than the outcomes of being authentic with them.
we're immensely proud of you for not getting drawn into those feelings of shame and judgement for those past parts of you, that can sometimes happen. they hoped they would be met with the curiosity, understanding, and kindness that they give to others. they are so beautiful for that, and all of you deserve to do what you need to do to stay safe.
also our damien wanted to let jerr know that when you set boundaries, the energy that used to go towards managing the aftermath of interactions with terrible people can go towards being even more authentic with yourselves and people you love and connect with. you're still punk rock.
Before I watch any of this very important video of your mental health and privacy involving it I just want to say, the heart bangs are THE CUTEST THING EVER. 😭❤️
Okay. Now that's out of my system, I will focus on this serious(ish?) subject matter ❤❤
And yep. This is why I leave comments like this before watching any of the content. I'm so sorry you went through all of that and that it still affects you to the point where talking about it is that hard. 😔 No one deserves that. Ever.
Oh I definitely acknowledged Veronica in that video lmfaoooo I'm pretty sure I left a comment about that ahahaha
we were disgnosed shortly after you were. a few other alters and i have been watching your content since you first started and your content really has helped me personally develop a lot of useful artistic skills ! we are so thankful for you both as an artist and as an open system and it's absolutely heartbreaking to hear how you have been treated by sime since your diagnosis !
( ps some of your did related videos have been really useful tools for our littles who love watching your videos with me but don't know much about our disorder itself ! )
I get very nervous about telling people about my DID. Most of the time, it’s been okay, and I only tell people that are very close to me. I know that as an influencer, it might be a little less easy for you to just mask it all the time and it’s probably exhausting. Our alters must of the time want to speak and be (mostly) friendly, but sometimes we have to just pretend we’re all just one person when we aren’t. One of my main alters is very supportive, the other might be a bit harsh but that’s who she is.
I’m spreading good vibes to you and I hope things get easier for you. 🩵 I know things are very difficult out there. You aren’t alone. Happy holidays!
I am so so sorry to hear that you feel you can't be your authentic self and continue on in your career. The bracelets are such a cute idea though! They're subtle but it's nice to know who's helping out with a video 💖 Do what you have to in order to feel safe and secure. We love you all very much and will be excited to see the upcoming videos!
We watched your BPD videos ages ago when we grappled with a possible BPD diagnosis. Finding out that you have DID, when we also just figured out that we're a DID system, definitely affected us a lot!
That said. Just because you have a marginalized life experience doesn't mean you have to make content about it. It is your collective choice! You get to just exist as yourselves and make fashion content or whatever you want. Some of our favorite OSDD youtubers, the Alexandrites, switched from OSDD education to making videos about their interests - and it is so cool to see systems being happy, cooperating on projects, being nerds, having a life. Because life isn't about constantly being focused on recovery. It's also everything that happens while and after you recover.
I'm sorry that you were pushed to this decision. I'm just saying I think you can do a lot of good without DID-specific content. ❤
We're going to be open about our DID on your behalf because it's absolutely unfair that people's abuse of you for being a system is keeping you from being wholly yourself. We respect your decision. You're not being a coward for prioritizing your safety above all else. But we will speak up about our story for people like you that struggle to. We love you, and we hope you're OK now.
I rarely comment on videos but I just wanted to say I love u & ur content. Please pursue ur dreams & thank you so much for spreading positivity in general but also about mental illness💖
You've probably heard this or read it before , but ... the mean, unkind, nasty things people say and do, says more about them as a person, then who they are directing it to. ( learning that helped me a lot when I was dealing with bullying and verbal abuse )
Im a silent watcher thats been around since about 2017
I got diagnosed with did personally about a year ago and you being open has helped me so much. But i fully understand the taking a step back. I love seeing people live their life and shits just apart of them.
❤
Do what you gotta do to feel as good as you can!! We support yall❤❤❤
Sending lots of love ❤ whatever makes you most comfortable ✨🌈☁️
even without the explanation, i frankly thought it was understandable considering the onslaught of horrific harassment solicited by people in the medical field that happened, and outside of it
thank u for being u pixie, in all these years i’ve been around i’ve always appreciated how u expressed urself
i really get the fear and sadness that comes with not being accepted by "alternative" spaces that are meant to be accepting as they to are outcasted. some people will just never ever understand and i feel so incredibly sorry that people like you guys and me and whoever else may be experiencing this because it sucks so so so much. being punk rock in a world that is so not punk rock is evil. whenever like me and friends talk abt the root of all evil in society and we get to capitalism i just like feel so dejected cause what are we supposed to do. but people like you always make me feel better, even doing little indicators is brave. im so proud of you guys. anyways ramble over.
I don't think you need to tone it down. I've been a viewer of yours since the beginning and you've educated me so much. I had no idea what DID was before your videos and now I feel like I have a basic understanding and would be able to interact with someone in a system with some understanding and not needing to ask questions. I think that's really important. But I understand why you'd think otherwise - the world and capitalism is scary to put it very lightly and briefly. All the love Pixie
i’ve been around since pre diagnosis and i just. idk. in the least parasocial way possible i felt a vibe so this video unfortunately didn’t absolutely floor me w shock. being someone who also can’t scream everything abt me from the rooftops as much as i would like to i feel this so much. sometimes it’s not even the ability to be LOUD that’s lost, sometimes it’s just the ability to exist without tweaking myself. i feel yall sm im sorry things r like this. i hope you find a happy medium with this and i hope you find a way to be comfortable. what we need evolves and this is an evolution, not necessarily a step back. ilysmmmmm
Suuuuuper early!! looking forward to this one :)) x
Its so sad that this sounds like an apology video even though you are talking about yourself/ your mental health. I am sorry that you have to even post a video about this :/ ily pixie
I’ve been watching you for 8 years now, and I will say I have loved every phase of your content!
I truly love your content. I have for almost a decade. As a system it has been invaluable for me, seeing you doing both life style content and mental health content. It’s truly made it so much easier for me to understand and accept the situation. But I and I don’t think anyone who likes your content, wants you to ever feel unsafe, in any way. You truly didn’t deserve any of the vitriol you got at any point. I’m so glad you are doing whatever feels best for you.
I'm so sorry things have been so awful and unsafe. You do not deserve this and have made so many other people with difficult disorders feel heard, seen, validated and not alone. Do what you need to heal and protect yourself 💞 would be vvvvvvvv interested in a "why I left tiktok" vid especially from the lens of someone who makes a living online and tiktok being the biggest social media platform rn, choosing not to use it feels punk rock tbh
I started watching your videos around 2017. My family life imploded. My friend group abandoned me. I was less alone when watching your content. I’ve since learned about my own neurodivergence. You became a valuable example to me of how to stay true to yourself. Your safety is the priority. Whatever changes you make to your content I’ll be here regardless just like your content was there for me.
I will watch almost all your videos because you are someone who helps me chill out. I’m fine with all of it. Thanks for explaining your thought process though.
I hope that shitty McLean hospital are happy that they've made traumatised people feel like they can't be more open about their experiences 🤬🤬🤬 that makes me so angry
I think all of your arguments make complete sense. I mean, you're trying to curate a brand and an image and negotiate all of that while still being deeply personal, so it makes sense that you'll want to make changes and pivots. And I'm here for all of that! Love you Pixie! 💖