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DID stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder. My channel is dedicated to debunking the stigma surrounding the disorder and spreading education on what it’s really like! This was one of the videos I made very early in my RUclips adventure so I didn’t think to explain that in the video. Please check out my other videos if you’d like to learn more!
I’ve only watched 6 mins of your video so far (will finish). I don’t know you, your experience, or spirituality at all and do not wish to speak out of line. However, this sounds like tapping into multiple dimensions. Check out my video on Dimensions if it calls to you. Sending love.
@@jennifercleland4852 I actually am a psychic and medium and no it's different. For me I never have met alters but have lost half my life. (I'm 50) I can remember things from a really young age like 3 years old. Like her I remember some traumas but much of my life has disappeared. People tell me about things we did or memories they have that I don't carry. - none bad but I don't remember them. I've learned to do things that keep me safe because I don't want to lose time. But even after someone tells me certain things I have no memory of it. I've never known an alter though. I have had guidance from "voices" that I can put a face too, but am pretty sure it's an actual person I'm trying to remember. But don't. For me though I'm not even aware and don't remember the dissociation other than to notice hours, or days are missing. I've even "woke up" at a horse track after being gone all day and had no idea how I got there. I really wish more would talk about this aspect of it. But I think the amnesia is how many know there's something wrong.
Scorpio Moon I’ve been down many roads I don’t feel safe being open here but trust me I understand what you’re saying and going through. You can have Dissociative Disorder It’s very similar but without alters or you May have DID but just have not met your others yet. Can you find a therapist that you can talk to about this? Stay safe and know you are also not alone.
@@brendabee5944 I was just trying to explain how DID is different than hearing spirit. I've actually wondered the same thing from time to time. I was diagnosed more than 20 years ago. I think it's an incredibly hard journey. It wouldn't have been diagnosed without amnesia which I think is the scariest part of it. That's just my opinion I think once they get to the point of knowing the alters it's a very healing place. It's nice to see them at this point where they can get beyond it all. It is different than spirit though.
Comparing "DID is fun because you're never lonely" to "being trafficked is fun because you get to travel" is so spot on. A good analogy to get people to understand how messed up it is to say that.
I dont think it's a good comparison because people who speak that way about trafficking are just disgusting individuals. On the contrary, someone who says they want D.I.D. are just misinformed about what it means
The fact that you were married before you were diagnosed and he stayed with you thru this journey is just so wonderful and heart warming. Thanks for sharing your story!!
When you said "how could so many people hurt one little girl"... that hit me hard. I understand that. Thank you so much for this video and for helping me and so many other people feel not so alone ❤
We cried hearing that because we know our old host was saying basically the same stuff before They went dormant and we really feel for them. It really hit home for us
Hearing "good girl" always creeps me out unless in reference to a female animal. Ie:a dog, ferret, cat, etc. Is that just the coin phrase every pedophile knows?
@@AshleyJ123 as far as I'm aware I haven't been abused (especially not in any way that would relate to that) but the phrase still creeps me out a bit. Idk it just makes me a little uncomfortable unless it's directed towards an animal
I have narcolepsy (a sleeping disorder where I get horrible sleep so I keep having to nap) which has demolished my life, and people constantly tell me they wish they had narcolepsy so they had an excuse to nap. Beyond annoying. Thanks for being so open :)
God, I'm so sorry people have said that to you. My partner has narcolepsy and it's been a nightmare for him, it caused him to get fired multiple times and his body is falling apart because he's been constantly sleep-deprived for 20+ years. I'd never wish it on anyone. It blows my mind that people can hear the word "narcolepsy" and think "That sounds like fun!" Ignorance is a hell of a drug...
Omg, people actually say that??? Do they know that people with narcolepsy are literally not allowed to get a driver’s license? Bet they wouldn’t be a fan of that…
I'm the same way although I haven't been diagnosed with narcolepsy. I microsleep while sitting at my computer and can't lie down and watch a movie or something without falling asleep. There are several disorders that I feel are related to DID, such as sleepwalking and various dissociative states. My girlfriends claimed that they would have conversations with me that I had no memory of and that I seemed to be awake at the time. This is also true of hypnosis, and when one of my girlfriends would attempt to overdose, I'd have conversations with a very basic part of her. We all have subpersonalities, and when a person appears in our dreams, it's part of ourselves. Everything's symbolic, it's a part of our unconscious trying to communicate with us through the subconscious. We're limited in our communication through words and linear thought while the unconscious is nonlinear and the ego is like a window, sort of like a Magic 8-ball. I have all of this knowledge that I can't tell anyone because of that. It becomes fractured and limited through language. People in general live in a continuous hypnotic state created and bound to mainstream consciousness. Anything that deviates from that causes cognitive dissonance and an emotional reaction. "That's not normal." In short, the average person is functionally insane. My unofficial diagnosis is "too smart for your own good" which simultaneously means that other people are too stupid for my own good and therefore dangerous. I must beware of having unpopular thoughts lest I become "canceled."
It was hard for me to believe this was real, and this video helped me understand. Im so sorry for your trauma, but thank you so much for educating those of us who dont understand
For me, as a transsexual person, my DID worked to hide my true self till I cam out at the age of 20 or something. So I experienced my DID quite early. But I interpreted it as me being very spontaneous and lacking of any real personality. It was as if I changed personality drastically when ever I talked to anyone. When I came out as transsexual I was forced to somehow start to communicate with the rest of me/us.
It wasn't until I heard the testimonies of Multiplicity And Me and DissociaId that I was absolutely convinced that DID is real. I didn't doubt it, just heard conflicting opinions and wanted to find out for myself.
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Oh my gosh I was diagnosed 2 months before split came out and I worked at a cinema so it was terrifying to be at work knowing that everyone was talking about DID in such a way.
I was excited for the movie and it was such a disappointment. It was so gross the way they portrayed people with did???? I felt so uncomfortable watching it
Or the “wait, are these experiences normal…? Does everyone experience the same thing or is this something specific?” OH OR THE “is it truly just ptsd or is it actually DID?” (I have a therapist, but I’m afraid of being like “I think I have this” bc I don’t want to be accused of faking something if I don’t know if I have it, yknow?)
I know this is an old video, but I wanted to say this now. I just found out that it is very likely that I have a dissociative disorder, which might be DID. I have no memory of any trauma, but I have no memory of my childhood at all. The Entropy System, DissociaDID, and Multiplicity and Me have helped me come to terms with this, and so much more, as my life crumbles around me. Thank you so, so much for what you do. You helped to save me when I needed it most. Thank you.
Omg same! Litrally my mom was with me during pretty much every traumatic event I've been through so I just belive what she tells me and litrally have no memory from the age of like 5-8.
I think people don't understand that having DID often isolates you from people and most time alters don't even communicate a lot so like if anything, you're even more lonely... Especially cos it's hard to make friends when you have it
I am picking up my cousin from a mental health facility today who just recently was diagnosed with DID. I appreciate your honesty and for shedding light on this. Ive been helping my cousin through his transition to a man since hes trans but DID is whole different ball park of obstacles for me. He lacks support at home so im all he has. Its challenging but thanks for showing me theres a light at the end of the tunnel. That we can find a new normal for him and he wont always be suffering is reassuring. Youve lowered my anxiety about bringing him home.
this is really good of you but you might want to delete this, since it would be rather easy for someone to identify your cousin in this way, and share this knowledge without his consent
Our former host actually discovered that we have DID through a horror movie. They were so shocked and terrified of us. They actually blocked us off from having any contact with them for about eight months. Then they eventually found the youtube channels of a couple systems, that helped a lot. Horror movies really do promote a stigma, though. -Derek
I went through a phase of watching a bunch of DID creators when I was younger. No real reason, mental health just interested me. It’s been 4 or so years since I regularly watched, and my friend told me they have OSDD. You all are the reason I could meet them in stride and keep being the friend they need
Your psychiatrist was doing the right thing by letting you work things out on your own / let yourself learn more about yourself(selves). I'm honestly incredibly proud of you all. I'm glad to see more and more people with DID coming out and telling their stories and being so unabashedly ready and willing to tell them. I'm a future psychologist whose main focus is on DID, and I can only hope to make the same impact this lovely person had on you and your system. You all are so strong, and you have a lot of people who care and love you all.
@Non Applicable Honestly, no idea. Both dissociating regularly or having it due to DID, it's a really shitty thing to deal with that can interrupt memories and make it hard to remember things/focus on things, to the point where it could be a detriment to a job or school. I can't understand why anyone would tell a trauma victim to dissociate as a coping mechanism
@Non Applicable how do you mean. sometimes people will try tell someone to dissociate to get away from the trauma. but it's not cool to do or get someone to do it. i had thousands of alters.
@@ourfamily3570 sounds like you are. are you "awake" do you know about the rings and children in cages. i share my story how Hillary had a hand in my trafficking and mk ultra and burnt me at Montauk and with the power of God broke all that and got saved
@@ourfamily3570 oh oops that was revel. i share on my channel how faith has helped me heal from thousands of personalities being split off. that's why when you asked if she had faith interested me. because that's what healed me and i didn't even believe before i got supernaturally awoke
I discovered my did after I had children. I knew nothing about alters or anything of the like. I came to walking down the middle of the street in the turn lane with my kids in a stroller. It broke me as a mom. The understanding of DID has come a long way since I was diagnosed. Never thought we would have an outlet like this though.
I hate abuse so much. Everytime I hear the stories that people have behind their DID or any disorders from trauma just make me so so angry I legitimately love you and people that struggle with this. You deserve the world. Thank you for sharing your story and your life. Keep hanging in there you guys!
For real like what the fuck right did they have to steal someone’s entire future? To inflict unending trauma and life-long mental issues on a CHILD? Abusers literally shift the entire trajectory of someone’s life and cause irreparable damage. What gives them the right???
"How could so many people hurt one little girl?" I'm wordless. I felt that so many times. I've hated myself for being so broken and for having so many things that I know happened, I know they did, yet it seemed like, "alright, yeah, there was *that trauma*, and the other one, and that seems like, yeah, that's a fair amount of trauma, but just... No... How can that person have done THAT... just, like, 'no, that's too much to have happened. Nope.' I know the memories are just as real as my other memories, I accept them, but then I have so many times when it's like, "alright, this just seems like too much to have happened to one person, I must just be imaginative and... Idk... Cause I don't want the terror the memories bring, I don't want things to be so messed up that the world can be like that, and I guess living in the compartmentalized way that allowed me to survive and to break into parts of myself in order to remain my true self... I'm not sure how much sense I'm making now, I just... I relate so much to that statement. And thank you, for all that you've shared in your videos. I just watched the one about mistletoe integrating and that was... I related with a lot of what you described, though in my own way,which makes sense since we all have our own unique minds. I wanted to so so much in reply to that video, but it's like... Sometimes I think in ways that are hard to translate to words. My heart goes out to you, though... I know it sounds silly, but I also... I'm sorry for your loss, though I'm also so happy for what it means towards becoming more peaceful and unified as your true self... I just wanted to say that from the similar experience I've had with that, I think it's ok to grieve some... I know overall and logically, it's a great thing... It is a loss, though, and I guess you could see it how it would be if you move from one place to another... It's sad to say goodbye to your old city and cozy place, but it's exciting to see where new opportunities will lead... Not the best analogy, just the best I could think of for the moment. I don't know if it would help you or not, but I feel like, imagining from my perspective, especially since you never really got good closure with mistletoe, maybe there's something you can do to honor her memory (I know that sounds weird, so feel free to veto me haha)... I admit that your experience sounded very similar to when I had a part integrate, though it surprised me that she would so quickly just be... Gone? I don't doubt your experience, I honestly really feel for you because that would be REALLY shocking to me... My experience was more of being co conscience and then kinda just... Becoming one.... Not that simply at all, and good golly, it IS exhausting haha... I guess the main difference in my experience vs yours was that I was as active a participant as she was, and it was kinda like... She and I just shared all of her memory "files" etc and downloaded them into my mind, and then it was just like... I didn't know she would be gone, but it's good, but that was a very small part of myself that was created for just a handful of memories... Idk, I'm not really making sense I'm sure.
Sorry for the length... I primarily wanted to say thank you, because those words, "how could so many people hurt one little girl?" resonated so strongly with me. When you said it, though, I felt so much compassion toward you, but also towards myself, which was surprising, but honestly very validating and healing for me. So many people hurt that one little girl. Yet, we both found a way to survive and remain kind, compassionate, strong people. You're amazing. :)
It makes a lot more sense than you might think. I get what you're saying here. As I've said to others, keep sharing. And to you: You're not alone in this journey. None of us is alone.
i think i have DID or OSDD and this and other videos like it have been really helpful. i feel like i'm starting to get to the point where i'm less scared to bring this up to my therapist. thank you!
It’s 2am where I am, in the middle of the RUclips rabbit hole. I’m stunned at the incredible lessons learned tonight. Thank you for teaching me something new. I know nothing but I love to learn and am honoured to hear your story.
When you said "how could that many people hurt one little girl?" That just hit me deep. I dont have D.I.D. but you saying that hit me in two ways, one I could relate and two brought out my maternal feelings and I just wanted to hug you, comfort you and travel back in time and stop those people from hurting you. Thank you so much for your bravery in sharing, you are amazing, ALL OF YOU. Also please tell Daniel when he is "out" I dont see the body as female at all, it's really odd I've never experienced it before but it's like I see his for lack of a better description I see his essence not the body. Just thought hed like to know hes not always percieved as female.
"they all showed themselves when they felt safe enough to do so" IS E X A C T L Y how it went with my alters, i had the few that had stuck with me the longest, but when recent trauma was finally over and everything calmed down, it was like everyone poked their heads around the corner. i adore all my alters as well, we're with a total of 12 at the moment. Thank you so much for your content, it's nice to not be alone :)
Thank you so much for sharing and I am so honored we were able to help you! You all are an amazing addition to this community of voices and we are glad to know you!
It makes my heart so happy to know that your daughter is going through this journey with parents who love and support her and her whole system. I wish you all the best on your journey and I'm happy that my videos have helped. -Wyn
Im so sorry that your daughter had to go through all that but I'm very happy she has loving and supportive parents. I only ask this question because I do not fully understand how someone "gets" "becomes" DID and if you don't want to answer I fully understand but did your daughters go through extreme trauma as a child or can this just happen to anyone?? Or does anyone really know at all what causes this, is just random or do you have to have been traumatized at a young age?? I'm very confused. Thank you
I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter went through the kind of trauma that can cause DID, but I'm so glad she has supportive parents who genuinely care about her. One of the most important things is having a good support system, and parents who love and support you can honestly make all of the difference.
im so pleased to see all the positive comments on this video. every time I watch a video of somebody talking about their mental illness I have to brace myself to look at the comment section because people can just be so awful to others about this topic, and it makes me so glad to know that you have a supportive community behind you
"Part of my brain believed I had been hit by the truck".... I had to stop the video and cry. This happens to me so much. Thank you. My husband has DID and I'm starting to think I do too. Thank you.
see i’ve always had 3 voices in my head and i made like, images of them? about 3 days ago. one of them (who 3 days ago i called “spooky boy”) absolutely HATED his. he really went off about “that’s not what i look like. i don’t look like that! and my name is Baron, not spooky boy.” this was like really weird to me but i accepted it. well two days later, Baron came out. He was here for a while but i was also sort of there, and then the other two “voices” came out for a bit, who i now know are named Emilia and Anabel. However, i got so overwhelmed that i think my brain must have shut down, and then it went from the 3 who have been there for years who i was told were just Auditory Verbal Hallucinations due to my BPD were joined by 4 more people, of which only one has a name. In reference to me writing this currently, all of this took place yesterday, and i still feel like a truck has sort of just slammed into my brain and i’m completely denying it whilst also trying not to. Doing the whole “it’s just voices like we’ve always been told.” But like even as I write i can feel that /someone/ is tugging(?) on my brain and on other parts of my body, like my left hand and my jaw. don’t get me wrong, i’m not diagnosed with DID but Baron, Anabel, Liz, and someone unnamed spoke to my friend who /does/ have DID, and my sister who was with me is suggesting i get it checked out. sorry for the rant, it’s just that watching this has sort of shed some light on the whole situation. it’s very overbearing and scary, especially having that many people show themselves in one night but we got this
hope you all are doing well! you're all beautiful and valid, hope this gets easier to deal with and you find peace, comfort and happiness. also, Taemin is an actual KING, stream Act 2 and support SHINee's comeback.
I think it’s also possible you just have a big imagination. As well as we all probably use some sort of dissociation from childhood when we don’t want to experience certain things. Someone who writes books is making up many many characters for their story or even universe. So they have to put themselves in the headspace and life of each character. Are all novel or story writers DID? No they are not. I was homeschooled until 5th grade. So I was very bored and unstimulated for years. And was at home with my emotionally unstable Mom. I didn’t connect with allot of the kids I was allowed to be around. So I had a very vivid imagination. And was always imagining how my life would be in this or that situation. Or if I had a twin, or different siblings or parents. But I always knew reality. I also was out in a treatment center for an eating disorder at 13. Don’t get me wrong, I had issues. But when you meet kids who really have uncontrollable mental issues, you know how uncool it is to try to make yourself fit into a diagnosis for attention. An inner voice it completely normal. We all have it. Just because you can ask yourself a question does not mean you have another personality in your head. If your sitting their thinking of what you would name your kid or animal even. You will go through names that you think, “na that doesn’t seem right.”, or “that doesn’t resonate with me”. There will probably be certain names that you always stuck with. And then you get to a certain age and you don’t like it so much any more. The human mind is so suggestible. So just by watching things on DID will make people wonder if they have it too. But that does not mean you do. You might just be indulging in escapism and have a really good imagination and creative mind.
My name is Marissa. I have four other sisters who live in the same body as me. Seeing systems like you reminds us that we're not some freak accident or something, so, thanks.
I don't suffer with D.I.D but I do have PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I found this video very real and empowering. You clearly have endured a lot of suffering and even though that must have been awful for you, you have still managed to find a way to see a light. There is nothing more powerful or strong than a once broken person who has then found their true calling and power. You are amazing and a born warrior and survivor! Thankyou for making this
What a powerful video this was. You are so, so brave for sharing your story as openly as this and we can’t thank you enough for it. We might be oceans-away folks on the internet but we’re always here for you 💚 •Adam
This shows that we are NOT alone in the world and that DID is real and terrifying not matter what "normal" people say. Your alters might have different names and memories but OUR pain is the same and we need each other to learn. Spread the word and your stories, communicate and maybe one day the world will be a bit more aware of how powerful the mind can be in its fragility.
I want to thank you For me, you've been the voice you said you wished you had. I've rewatched every video of yours three times already, and it's helped me process
I don't have a system to me that is too impersonal. I have My Crew of 11 and 5 are" littles" , and they have been with me undercover for decades ( i am 64) They did not appear or emerge until about 8 months ago after a series of traumatic events. I am still learning about them as they gradually share their stories. Since i was aware of "the parts of me" since my middle 20's and have been fortunate that there has only been one that has ever wanted to harm me. They are in the process of finding their Voices for the outside world, which is an interesting process. My trauma was not from one source, it was several people and several types of abuse starting at age 3 and ending just before i was 10 years old. I am better, more stable as i am now, when i find emotional upset i can sort out who it is and resolve the problem before it gets out of hand. What you said in the last few minutes is so true. It takes time.
I think I might have did I’m gonna spill it all out 😖😣 My dad who had an arrangement to marry my mum when she was 14 and he was 23 had abused my mum for over 2 years before I was born (I’m the oldest mum mum has also had a few miscarriages from-) it stopped for a year and when I was 3 my dad started to abuse me as well and started abusing my mum I thought this was normal for 3 years when I was 4 my little brother was born he wasn’t abused as much but my dad continued to drink and abuse me and my mum keep in mind I thought this was normal when he’d punch us strangle us make my lip bleed. One night we had a severe incident where my mum and dad got in a fight and my dad strangled my mum and she dropped to the floor I still remember me and my brother screaming and crying 2 mins later the police knocked on the door and talked to my dad then my grandma , all my aunties , my grandad and my uncle came to our house but then my dad was gonna be arrested and my mum stopped it and threw a huge toy boat at his head this was after she came up and my grandma and the rest of my dads side took him home. I had night mares hallucinations and voices in my head all the time after taht I was frightened of my dad. A week later he came back but as normal he was never home he was only home for abt 4 days a week and only for an hour or so my mum and dad divorced then when I was 6 but still lived to together till I was eight we had the same severe arguments abt once every 2 weeks finally my dad just left I’m 12 now and I show all symptoms of bipolar disorder but I feel like I have did bc it just clicks
I’m glad you’re finally able to figure yourself out, and hope things have gone well for you this past year. I believe that I’ve lost support when it comes to my alters from my own mom since one of them said something that basically “ruined everything” so she doesn’t listen to any of my alters anymore. It’s sad, but I have my system, the internet, and my friends. I’m still learning too.
@@lcaibby8568 Oh I am so sorry for all that you went through!! :-( It sounds like pure hell. It is wonderful that you educate yourself on mental health - it is so important to find the truth, the root of the problem so that everything then can heal. Have you got a therapist already? Can you talk to somebody about your mental health? It is vitally important to seek and find help and to never give up until one has found the help one needs! Of course normally it is very hard to trust somebody with the horrible things that happen on one´s life - especially when one was abused - but it is sooo necessary to overcome shame and fear and to open up. One often thinks that all other people are happy and alright but they are NOT - there are sooo many many people with severe traumata around, one would not believe it! Being severely traumatised you cannot cure yourself - not with all the psychological knowledge in the world - you need a professional help at your side. Believe me - being severely traumatised and abused as a child myself I know what I am talking about..... You are a precious human being and you deserve to be happy! And reading your lines I can feel how brave and strong you are. No matter what the circumstances in the past or even now - it is possible for you to heal and to live a happy life. Never give up seeking for help and never give up believing in healing! The most important thing is to reach out for help - until you find exactly the type of therapy that works for you, because every person is different. I wish you the best with all my heart! God bless you.
After dissociating for periods of time I started doing some research and became intrigued by DID and hungry to learn more about it. You’re extremely articulate and very easy to follow. I wish you well on your journey and look forward to following it 😊
I don't have DID, nor does anyone I know personally, but I do have intense dissociation that I've been trying to figure out for a while. DID initially intrigued me due to its dissociative aspect, and I remember telling my therapist how I was scared my dissociation was either a sign of or would lead to a bigger 'issue'. (I also catastrophise like nobody's business. Go anxiety) But, I'm now very interested in the community online because everyone I've watched has been extremely welcoming and loving and just wants to show that DID is not something to be feared. It's really helped calm down my fears of something greater going on in my head because I've seen so many amazing, brave, and kind people living their lives and choosing to do their best to spread positivity. You are so amazing and thank you for sharing your story with all of us, I think I speak for every viewer when I say we're extremely thankful that you have found enough trust in us to share such an intimate life event, and I hope you continue spreading so much positivity cause it's even helping people like me who don't even have DID. Anyways, Idk if this comment makes sense haha, I'm a bit out of it right now. But i hope you have a wonderful day! Much love x
What you said about realizing that your alters had showed up in your past made me realize something. I write a lot of fiction. And I've noticed that a lot of my characters look similar. Specifically one who shows up a lot is a teenage boy with black hair and bangs with bright blue eyes. I know now, this was my alter Simon. There was always the girl who was very confident and just a little wild who I now know was based off Alex. There has always been the ginger boy with a cheeky grin who loves puns and I now know that's based off Kyle. For many of my alters I discovered their names by looking through my old stories and waiting for a name to connect. It feels... surreal. The fact that they've been here the whole time.
Thank you for sharing! I found very little online when I went looking 5 years ago! I lived over 50 years of my life before I realized I had alters.....talk about unbelief! Denial was very strong!
I discovered you, DissociaDID and Team Piñata pretty recently and you have all helped us realize that we can be ok. We might not be alright as of now, but there is so much hope and that is thanks to you - Cas
I’m so lucky that I had jess (multiplicityandme), and now you guys, to not make me feel so alone. I’ve strayed away from many systems online and news docos because like people in my real life I want to share something genuine, and not saying they aren’t but your system and Jess’s has made me feel like you are some sort of mentors, idols. Unlike both your systems, because we all know how weird and wonderful dissociate disorders can be😂, I am 99.9% of the time co conscious and the dominant one. So when Jess’s headmates would come out so strongly, I’d be so confused as to why I didn’t fit the same kind of description- now I know it’s nothing like depression or anxiety or eating disorders that I’ve dealt with and can have a very predictable effect. So that lead to me thinking I was just trying to personify emotions, because when I was really bad certain alters only carried certain emotions- and barely had anything to “flesh them out”. This was the most insane experience ever because I felt like I truly lost it, I felt like I was trying to hard to label the anomalies. But anyway so this continued and i continued to watch Jess constantly, and the more I learnt the more comfortable I felt, well as comfortable as you can feel with only having specific emotions held with fragments inside your head. As much as my therapist was supportive he wasn’t much help, so I had only online and thankfully another system that I found out was in my inner circle of friends. As time passed my fragments “fleshed out”. I realised that my constant self hatred, want to not exist, self harm, and a lot of my self destructive behaviours were because of thoughts and compulsions from my alter Persephone. Although I had depression, and still do the severity was linked to her feelings, and I think she carried the emotional responses to the trauma we went through, due to me being in denial and then still keeping my abuser in my life for years. Then there was sammy, the one that I think preserves my childlike innocence, the wonder; the simplicity, she’s very very little (about six) and is the complete opposite to me. She loves cartoons and colours and putting her long blonde hair up into pig tails, and wearing vans with her dresses and omg she loves parks and hates pants. (UPDATE: I commented about a week ago on your ask an alter trailer about alters going dormant and she’s back! I’m so happy ). Then there’s me, I love horror movies, very cynical and sometimes morbid, I love dark humour and clothes and creepy things, I have very short brown hair ( buzzed on the sides and Long ish on top). And then there’s Charlie, she honestly scares the crap out of me. Because our trauma was of a sexual nature, she’s very very very sexual. She’s almost disrespectful to the idea of sexuality and just wants to make the people that we are with fear her and be submissive. Just yeah luckily she’s only come out fully once. Anyway still working out what to do with her. After that long winded comment I just wanted to tell you thank you so much, and also wanted to show others that DID/dissociative disorders aren’t always the same even though you say that but idk I though maybe my story might help. Before I delete this outta anxiety Ima finish real quick, love you guys and I’m really happy you guys are doing so much better than before.
Moose Potato just wanted to say I read and related to much of what your comment said, and I've had several parts of me that I really did fear... My best suggestion is to just try and remember that there was a reason your mind coped that way, so I think you said it was Charlie (I'm not really with it entirely right now and not good at remembering names)...but that sounds similar to my part, Stacy, who I've come to understand and accept better, because she was created to keep me from being raped, by being overly sexual and flirtatious, etc, so that if we felt we were going to be raped, Stacy would come out and generally "come onto" whoever was perceived as a likely threat... So now I understand her and am grateful that she was able to mitigate a lot of fear and loss of control when I was going to be forced to do things... Instead, she protected me from being so terrified by seeking out that kind of thing, so it would happen on our terms (at least in my mind) vs being a forced thing. I don't know if that helps at all, just thought it might give you some insight or at least let you know that you're heard and not alone in your struggles! Hang in the there!
Thank you so much for sharing part of your story. DID is a spectrum, as many things are. I, like you, am largely co-conscious. With medication, it's hard to tell who's who sometimes, or what's going ion in my head. But the alternative is a sort of chaos that ruled my life. It's not that we never know who we are, just that a lot of the time we're not clear on who's doing/feeling what. We form "huddles" of alters sometimes. Only when really bad things are happening do we become more pronounced. Also if something upsets us. Just wanted to reach out and say i get it. We're all so different, person to person, system to system. One thing I've been learning on this journey of mine is this: there is no one "right' way to be when you have DID. Just because you aren't relating inside to each other the way a friend of yours might, for instance, doesn't mean it's wrong or that you're somehow lesser. Keep sharing. Awareness of DID and other mental disorders is so desperately needed. I'm so grateful people are starting to be open with this. It's bravery on a level some of us can't stomach.
I love the way you navigated your story. You were concise, well thought out. You didn't ramble. Kudos to a very informative video. It was very well put together and relatable. I love how you shared that you felt unsure and lost in the beginning. I am feel lost, unsure of what is what. Now you have a language, now you have a community. I hope I can keep an open mind and see where it goes. Thank you.
I totally get that feeling that the doctors are missing something. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and 2 therapists have suggested I have depression but I keep rejecting the depression because I know it’s something deeper because all my symptoms can’t be explained just by depression and ADHD
Chinta K for me it took understanding what “trauma informed counseling” is, and seeking out a therapist as such. Currently being evaluated for dissociative disorders - something none of my other countless therapists ever even thought of! With this therapist, she clued in on it by the 2nd session and I was like “whoa”. Still trying to figure out what type of dissociation it is...
Update. So I've been in therapy for 10 months. My therapy didn't think I had DID, but I was recently diagnosed. I understand when how it's lonely. I get it, and I'm sorry Wyn.
I found this video two years ago in late 2019. Something about it spooked me out, so I forgot about it and didn't return to it until a year later in 2020. Then I realized why it spooked me; it felt sooo familiar. Now a year later, in 2021, I've been diagnosed with DID. I still don't know how to wrap my head around that, but I have so much to thank you and your system for. Y'all made this disorder feel manageable and livable. Y'all broke down all it's complicated mechanisms into a language I could understand. Thank you so much for all you did on this channel; I hope y'all are doing well.
Thank you my dear. I am a 49 year old man. I avoided phychological/ psychiatric assistance for the first 46 years of my life. Eventually I ended up in a VA psych ward. It was suggested that I might have DID. I have a disturbing childhood history and have experienced lost time. Mostly it came to the forefront because I had untreated third degree burns on my back and zero recollection of having been burned. I do recall a couple of violent incidents when I felt that I was not in control of my body. For instance I once called the police on myself afraid that I might kill my ex wife. I have never met an alter, but I have had people I know claim having conversations that I have no recollection of. I really feel lost, but still have a healthy fear of psych wards. I have a history of attempted suicide, depression, anxiety, ptsd, and self mutilation. I am a bit confused though. If I do suffer from DID, why have I not been able to talk to/summon/ or in any way communicate with my alter (s)? Any light you could shed on how you began communicating with your alters?
Thank you so much. You are so strong putting this out here, for people to see. Its inspiring for others with DID to talk about this and accept their condition. Right after i watched you, i started recording my experience. So thank you
Thank you so much for this inspiring story. I’ve recently been diagnosed with DID, PTSD and OCD. And I was so scared but you and the DISSOCIADID system really helped me see that it’s not that scary. I’m still a little frightened but thank you xxx
I don't have DID, but I have had dreams where I am a different person. My thoughts are on the inside and I can see through the eyes of another person. I just intrinsically understand that while I'm dreaming. It's fascinating that I can relate to the way you experience your reality.
Katie Stevens Story of my life.😆 I have a lot of dreams of being a male( I’m female) And seeing through the eyes of other people. It’s fascinating. I also lucid dream.. then things get fun.
Thank you so much for sharing this. It takes so much bravery and courage. You're so strong. Thank you so very much for every single video you've made and will make in the future, you've helped us and I'm sure you've helped many other systems. Here for you if you ever need a friendly shoulder. Best wishes. -Dani
I stumble across DissociaDID as well as yours channel first as a headmate was in control of my body. As a spiritual person I was wondering why my ancestor were telling me different and what things really are. So far I been crying and the body experiencing every trauma as I try to heal myself. Ourselves. Your channel has helped me so much. I can be thankful enough. From us to y'all. Xoxo
Watching this video makes me so so so comforted. The way you described meeting your alters and how they reacted when you cut people out is very similar to how we were. You inspire me to embrace my system, I’m not ashamed or scared of myself anymore. Seeing how much you’ve progressed gives me hope. Thank you for making these videos.
This was amazing, thank you for being so brave in telling your story. I personally do not have DID, however three years ago when I discovered/was diagnosed with autism (high functioning asperger’s syndrom) I became fascinated with mental disorders and wanted to learn more about the mind (especially my disorder) which eventually lead me to this disorder. (Due to MutiplicityandMe) When I learned about it, I just wanted to learn more and keep learning (because the thought of the brain being able to do this was remarkable.) which as I type, I am currently working on an I-Search project (a project for freshmen to learn and show a whole project based on what they are passionate about) on DID and I promise to you I will try my best as someone who doesn’t have this disorder can on trying to explain this disorder and show that it’s not as monsterous as some would assume. (Also I’m sorry if I sounded like a mad scientist talking about how interesting this disorder is, I understand how the people with this disorder have to struggle though hardships and I don’t want to seem as if I’m analyzing any of you like lab rats or saying how “cool” it is to have this disorder. It’s not that at all. I just want to learn and I find this disorder interesting.) I give you all my love and support as well as I, wishing you a good day.
I understand when people say the disorder is interesting. Even I am regularly pausing to appreciate how complex the brain is. The limits of the mind are fascinating to explore. I thank you deeply for helping to tear down stigma and i hope your project goes well. -Wyn
My boyfriend is high functioning autistic and is my other favorite disorder to study, I hope my theories will help with autistism as well as DID, I may be in over my head a bit but everything about abnormal psychology is just so fascinating. Hell, my best friend is diagnosed with sociopathy and we've figured out means of communication and I'm not even half way into my schooling yet. I'm so excited to be able to help people in this way :D
I'm on the aspergers spectrum but not sure where, my counsellor said unless its particularly affecting my life there isnt need for a diagnosis, my mum was always pushing for one telling me I'm weird and odd etc. And kept giving me books on what its like dealing with a child with aspergers, I was like thanks for the support mum.... nice to know I'm a burden to you xD
My boyfriend also has aspergers. We're both interested in psychology. He mostly researches the psychology of fear (because fear was a part of his life growing up autistic). I like learning about psychological disorders and about memory as well (mine is too good, he forgets too easily!).
I just want you all to know that we've recently been diagnosed with DID and I was exactly where you are now before I found this video. Thank you. Thank you so much.
Thank you for sharing your story. DID is something I don't hear much about, mostly from pop culture, and in my journey to be a more understanding and compassionate person, your videos which I have just discovered are really eye opening. This video was posted over a year ago, and it seems you've gained over 30k subs since then, and I'd say you deserve it. Keep up the good work, spreading compassion, education, and your experience. ❤️❤️
Even though I’m a guy, our brains work so similarly with DID, also our stories have so many parallels.. Nowdays I am almost always co-conscious with the different parts now.
Hi, I don’t know if you’ll see this since this is an older video. But I was just recently diagnosed with DID and your experience is soooo relatable. This video was lovely. Thank you.
I've been watching your channel for a couple weeks now. I decided to go back over your older videos, this one was great - i so much relate. You're absolutely helping me, as is Multiplicity and Me (and others). I'm so glad to have found this community, i'm so glad to have found my people and to not be alone!
You did a phenomenal job of telling your story. I do not have DID but I find it fascinating. I am a writer and I have drawn many unique characters from within myself. It is far from DID, but in some strange way I can relate to the stories of those with DID. I feel great compassion for you and them. I am also struck by how amazingly different alters are in their own right. They truly are fascinating. Thank you for sharing your story and I wish your system love, joy, support and peace. Oh, and here is a big hug. Please take good care! 🕊❤️🕊
I have PTSD from a childhood trauma I don't remember and I think I may have DID. I'm not sure, I might just be dissociated, but I've definitely had times where I don't feel like... myself. Sometimes I'm perfectly content with my name, other times I want to be called a different name, particularly Kai or Kyle. Sometimes I feel more masculine or feminine. Sometimes certain things scare me a lot, and other times they barely affect me. I'm not sure if this is just because of PTSD or if it's something more. At first the thought really really scared me. But watching your videos has honestly made me much less afraid of the possibility that I might have DID. Thank you all ❤️ Edit: Update, I have been diagnosed with DID. I’m now in therapy with a therapist who knows about DID. This little video helped us more than words can describe.
Julie Sprik Thank you for your words and your prayers. I’m not particularly religious, but someone praying for me honestly makes me feel very comforted. You’ll be in my thoughts as well, I wish you luck and happiness.
I am so sorry horrible people hurt you. I hope you find peace and that you are abundantly blessed to help the rest of your life be full of beautiful memories for the system. God bless you.
My experience was a little different. I had been in therapy for a few years, and my therapist and I realized that there were many times when I didn't remember the previous session. My therapist knew that I kept a journal and asked if she could see it. She looked at it for a while, and then asked "How many people do you think are writing in this journal?" I told her that it was just me, and she opened it, and showed it to me, and said "most people only have one style of handwriting, but there seem to be quite a few here." That was the start of the discussion, but I didn't really understand what it meant right away. That was around twenty years ago. As of today, I've had that diagnosis confirmed by a separate therapist, and the folks at McLean hospital. And though I'm mostly used to it, at this point, I still get a bit troubled by the amnesia that comes along with it. Anyway, thanks so much for what you do. Hitting the stigma straight on is so helpful. --Dee, et.al
I know this is an old video but thank you so much for sharing with such vulnerability and honesty. I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Just want to give you a hug
I don’t have DID or anything of the sort and watching this was very helpful. I watched split when it first came out and I genuinely thought that that’s what these people were like. Just recently I came across your channel and AlexMax Han and it’s really changed my perspective. Thank you for making videos like this, keep it up❤️
I was just curious when I first searched DID but you educated me so much more than I knew I needed. I can't believe you had to go through all of this and I can't imagine how difficult all of this must have been for you. But I truly wish everything gets better and better in the future and you and all other identities live a beautiful happy life. If I am correct I read that DID is formed to protect you when you felt scared or helpless so I believe all your identities meant well and helped you become this wonderful adult that you are. Don't be scared. All of us here in the comments support you.
It is us who should be thanking you, you are a most beautiful person. It is such an honour and a privilege to be hear your incredible story. Your strength, courage and hope are absolutely so encouraging and contagious. You are so loveable. Peace.
As someone with other mental illnesses, thank you. I am not a monster. You are not a monster. As someone old enough to be your mother, the trying to figure it all out part is just life. You speak so well, and when you spoke about remembering childhood trauma, it was hard to keep the tears back. It's so cool to hear about DID in today's world, and it's nice to meet you =).
You are so brave and strong! Thank you for sharing your story. I don't have DID, but I have no memory of my childhood at all before my teenage years. Your videos help more than just DID, but anyone who has PTSD.
You have helped our system so so much. The home run of video was the "Bad Alter" video. I literally sobbed after it because I had found a way to "Punish" those alters. Which I now see was so wrong and now have started to talk to them through it. It has helped so so much. You are amazing and so brave. Im on wattpad, but that's as far as I'll probably be able to go for a long long time because Im not brave enough to put my face online.
I think it's very beautiful that a tightly knit family of systems with DID are forming on the internet. It's doing great things for people that are unfortunate enough to have it, and you're a part of this beautiful thing that's happening! I'm also thankful that you were able to find a therapist THAT good for you-- a great fitting therapist is EVERYTHING for someone who needs help. I'm still searching for mine unfortunately but I'll get there :) you all are amazing! Cheers
This was so interesting and well-presented. Probably one of the best videos on this disorder I have seen. So glad you had the courage to make it. Thank you! :)
Thank you for sharing. My counselor told me two years ago I have DID. Shortly after that I had to quit counseling due to finances and haven't been back. I've struggled with believing it, struggled with believing my memories that have surfaced, and trying to find any information out there that is credible and helpful. I appreciate you sharing.
Thank you for being so candid! I don’t have DID, but for some reason I’m drawn to learn more. I think it’s great you’re using this platform to educate and help others!!
This was painful, yet beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story. I love the hopeful note at the end, because you are right. As long as you can make a difference...that's the most powerful thing there is. But you're such a fighter for getting this far. You're so brave, and that's why this is beautiful. I have a friend I've known for only four months, and they recently discovered they have DID, so I came here looking to understand. You have such a kind and beautiful soul, The Entropy System.
Thank you for being so brave. This video made me cry. The process of becoming aware of your others is scary and exhausting. But I understand the physical symptoms you described when someone else comes to the front, how you described the distance of the repressed memories. It makes me feel sick, but I keep telling mysel(ves) that knowledge is power. Thank you for sharing your story. This has helped me immensely.
I don't know if you guys even read the comments here anymore, but I felt the need to say; this video has changed my life in so many ways. In summer '18 my then therapist had asked me if it was possible that I had "autonomous inner parts". I had no idea what he was on about and after that session I started browsing the internet. Your channel was one of the first I came across and this video made me cry...because it almost exactly mirrored my experiences. Earlier this year I got diagnosed with DID. I've been to the same outpatient care facility for 4 years (specializing in cptsd and dissociative symptoms) and initially I got the ICD equivalent of OSDD1b. They have taken so much time and care to adequadly diagnose me, all the while working with our system to strengthen communication and stability. I'm so glad your videos are still here for people like me.
"How could some many people hurt this one girl", I know that feeling all to well. I try to explain to my therapist that its like as a child and even as a young adult I had a flashing light on my head that would attract all these persons to me who wanted to do things to me, to hurt me. If I didn't qoute you correctly I appologize but that statment rang so true to me. It was like a flash of everything in my life hitting me in one second. I know what you are saying. I still struggle with thoughts of how did I feed that light, what could I have done to put it out. I do not remember everything and some things I do recall are like looking from the back of brain if that makes any sense to you. Hope you are well, thanks for sharing.
JUST FPUND YOU! omg i feel like im watching and hearing me... every time i hear my own experiences eched back by others with DID i just feel so much love go through us.
Sending you all our love! This feels so familiar. I have a part very similar to mistletoe who can turn aggressive. I’m so happy to have found you here. I’ve gotten some nasty comments on my videos on DID so I still haven’t introduced my parts to my audience. As always we’re here.
Acacia Ives I’m so sorry that internet cruelty has found its way to your videos :( please never forget that you are valid no matter what those trolls say
I was diagnosed with DID a few years ago and I really resonate with your experiences! Thank you so much for your courage to share, it helps systems like mine exist with less stigma!
I'm so sorry to hear you went through such trauma. I admire your courage in sharing this. I've no doubt it will help so many people. Love and light 🌟🙏🏻❤
That’s SO interesting about the drawing. I found a picture of what I thought an alter might look like and I kept hearing “no that’s not right I don’t look like that.” And then I was making one of the picrew things of the same alter and clearly he’s very opinionated bc I kept trying to make aesthetic choices that /I/ would make and he was upset because it was too “girly” or something so I made it more plain. It feels like a constant battle not to tell myself I’m faking but hearing that someone had that same experience makes me feel so much better
I am at a strange point in life right now. There is a voice in my head. He showed up when I was 15/16, but went quiet when I was 17. I'm 20 now, and he's back. I don't understand what's going on. On one hand, I feel like it's some dissociative disorder, because he has taken over the body. But I have no amnesia. And I have no idea what trauma I would have experienced that would have kept me from growing into one being (I heard voices as a child, but grew out of it, and I'm told that's normal). But I can't deny the experiences. I can't deny the conversations. I can't deny the switching. But I keep flip flopping between, "Yes, this is a valid thing that you're going through," and, "This isn't real. You're making it up. Your imagination is getting away from you." I told my psychiatrist about hearing the voice last session, but so much has happened since then, and my next session is later next month. It's agonizing not knowing what's going on in my own head, but it's harmful to my headmate to try and repress it. Thank you for your video, for it demonstrates a similar confusion.
I’m recently diagnosed with DID, also married before my diagnosis. And I’ve had a hard time finding someone that I had a similar experience too. Then I came across this video and I felt so understood by this video, thank you
This video had me in tears. A lot of what you said, about trauma and not remembering it, really made me think about how I remember my own trauma. I thought I remembered it, but I know there's chunks missing out of at least six years of my life. I can see a possibility for me to have DID and while I don't want it, this video has honestly helped me see that even if I do have it, it's okay. I'm okay. Thank you
I related to this video in more ways than I expected... I have a lot of things to come to terms with... Thank you so much for your bravery & for telling your story. 😊
Thank you so much for making and sharing your story. Your video has given hope. For years my daughter has struggled with mental health, but never diagnose because they said she was to young. Less than a year ago she up and walked away from life. I have kept as close an eye on her since then. She is an adult now, so very difficult to get her help. I saw her today and approached, but claimed not to be my daughter by name, but the young lady was. I now strongly believe she has DID. She has had major trauma. I just want to thank you for the video.
Honestly thank you. I'm too scared to even begin to start a youtube channel specifically for us, because of family and my fear of our privacy being broken down...maybe some day i will
I had a memory pop up in a therapy session. My therapist said I was safe now and I just cried and cried. Such powerful words at the right time. Figuring out who I am has been a lifelong journey. Your doing good work.
DID stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder. My channel is dedicated to debunking the stigma surrounding the disorder and spreading education on what it’s really like!
This was one of the videos I made very early in my RUclips adventure so I didn’t think to explain that in the video. Please check out my other videos if you’d like to learn more!
I’ve only watched 6 mins of your video so far (will finish). I don’t know you, your experience, or spirituality at all and do not wish to speak out of line.
However, this sounds like tapping into multiple dimensions. Check out my video on Dimensions if it calls to you. Sending love.
Angelica Grace Souleye Exactly what I was thinking. Are these ppl sure they are not speaking with Spirit
@@jennifercleland4852 I actually am a psychic and medium and no it's different. For me I never have met alters but have lost half my life. (I'm 50) I can remember things from a really young age like 3 years old. Like her I remember some traumas but much of my life has disappeared. People tell me about things we did or memories they have that I don't carry. - none bad but I don't remember them. I've learned to do things that keep me safe because I don't want to lose time. But even after someone tells me certain things I have no memory of it. I've never known an alter though. I have had guidance from "voices" that I can put a face too, but am pretty sure it's an actual person I'm trying to remember. But don't. For me though I'm not even aware and don't remember the dissociation other than to notice hours, or days are missing. I've even "woke up" at a horse track after being gone all day and had no idea how I got there. I really wish more would talk about this aspect of it. But I think the amnesia is how many know there's something wrong.
Scorpio Moon I’ve been down many roads I don’t feel safe being open here but trust me I understand what you’re saying and going through. You can have Dissociative Disorder It’s very similar but without alters or you May have DID but just have not met your others yet. Can you find a therapist that you can talk to about this? Stay safe and know you are also not alone.
@@brendabee5944 I was just trying to explain how DID is different than hearing spirit. I've actually wondered the same thing from time to time. I was diagnosed more than 20 years ago. I think it's an incredibly hard journey. It wouldn't have been diagnosed without amnesia which I think is the scariest part of it. That's just my opinion I think once they get to the point of knowing the alters it's a very healing place. It's nice to see them at this point where they can get beyond it all. It is different than spirit though.
Comparing "DID is fun because you're never lonely" to "being trafficked is fun because you get to travel" is so spot on. A good analogy to get people to understand how messed up it is to say that.
also we still get lonely LOL, i so wish it worked like that though.
Then y’all to yourselfsssss
@@snwy347 billy, you're drunk go home
For real. Like, if anything having DID makes you MORE lonely
I dont think it's a good comparison because people who speak that way about trafficking are just disgusting individuals. On the contrary, someone who says they want D.I.D. are just misinformed about what it means
The fact that you were married before you were diagnosed and he stayed with you thru this journey is just so wonderful and heart warming. Thanks for sharing your story!!
hey, name twins! lol
Honestly her husband sounds amazing, omg! It's so precious!
@@DrDeuteron best wishes
@@DrDeuteron I'm sorry to hear. The only constant is change.
He’s not the only one I got diagnosed two months ago and my fiancé has been right next to… well all of us
When you said "how could so many people hurt one little girl"... that hit me hard. I understand that. Thank you so much for this video and for helping me and so many other people feel not so alone ❤
Same cuz my abuser was family close family so for her to decide to let men hurt me is beyond comprehension
We cried hearing that because we know our old host was saying basically the same stuff before They went dormant and we really feel for them. It really hit home for us
Yeah that part hit me, too..
Same..
Bcz the world isn’t sunshine and rainbows wake tf up people
Hearing "good girl" always creeps me out unless in reference to a female animal. Ie:a dog, ferret, cat, etc.
Is that just the coin phrase every pedophile knows?
Same
Lissia Phillips yes
I automatically think “good girl “ means I want to take control over you. I can’t.
It creeps me out even when it is said to a dog, as well as to a human.
@@AshleyJ123 as far as I'm aware I haven't been abused (especially not in any way that would relate to that) but the phrase still creeps me out a bit. Idk it just makes me a little uncomfortable unless it's directed towards an animal
I have narcolepsy (a sleeping disorder where I get horrible sleep so I keep having to nap) which has demolished my life, and people constantly tell me they wish they had narcolepsy so they had an excuse to nap. Beyond annoying. Thanks for being so open :)
God, I'm so sorry people have said that to you. My partner has narcolepsy and it's been a nightmare for him, it caused him to get fired multiple times and his body is falling apart because he's been constantly sleep-deprived for 20+ years. I'd never wish it on anyone. It blows my mind that people can hear the word "narcolepsy" and think "That sounds like fun!"
Ignorance is a hell of a drug...
I think I have the same
Omg, people actually say that??? Do they know that people with narcolepsy are literally not allowed to get a driver’s license? Bet they wouldn’t be a fan of that…
I'm the same way although I haven't been diagnosed with narcolepsy. I microsleep while sitting at my computer and can't lie down and watch a movie or something without falling asleep. There are several disorders that I feel are related to DID, such as sleepwalking and various dissociative states. My girlfriends claimed that they would have conversations with me that I had no memory of and that I seemed to be awake at the time. This is also true of hypnosis, and when one of my girlfriends would attempt to overdose, I'd have conversations with a very basic part of her.
We all have subpersonalities, and when a person appears in our dreams, it's part of ourselves. Everything's symbolic, it's a part of our unconscious trying to communicate with us through the subconscious.
We're limited in our communication through words and linear thought while the unconscious is nonlinear and the ego is like a window, sort of like a Magic 8-ball. I have all of this knowledge that I can't tell anyone because of that. It becomes fractured and limited through language. People in general live in a continuous hypnotic state created and bound to mainstream consciousness. Anything that deviates from that causes cognitive dissonance and an emotional reaction. "That's not normal." In short, the average person is functionally insane.
My unofficial diagnosis is "too smart for your own good" which simultaneously means that other people are too stupid for my own good and therefore dangerous. I must beware of having unpopular thoughts lest I become "canceled."
It was hard for me to believe this was real, and this video helped me understand. Im so sorry for your trauma, but thank you so much for educating those of us who dont understand
For me, as a transsexual person, my DID worked to hide my true self till I cam out at the age of 20 or something. So I experienced my DID quite early. But I interpreted it as me being very spontaneous and lacking of any real personality. It was as if I changed personality drastically when ever I talked to anyone.
When I came out as transsexual I was forced to somehow start to communicate with the rest of me/us.
It wasn't until I heard the testimonies of Multiplicity And Me and DissociaId that I was absolutely convinced that DID is real. I didn't doubt it, just heard conflicting opinions and wanted to find out for myself.
Dissociation saved our life when we were head deep in inescapable severe childhood abuse.
Anyone with symptoms of mental health issues , autoimmune or other health issues should check out the Andrew Cutler protocol. Google «andy cutler rebecca rust lee» for a great article explaining the protocol, and search for the success stories, and «what not to do» as there are things that you might be taking that is hurting you, like cilantro and chlorella. Please join the Facebook group for incredible support Wish you all the best
Absolutely, that’s how the mind copes. It serves us in childhood.
That’s exactly right
Saved our life.
wait so your system was like woah let's let this cooldown and than we'll go out
Oh my gosh I was diagnosed 2 months before split came out and I worked at a cinema so it was terrifying to be at work knowing that everyone was talking about DID in such a way.
That’s awful. I’m so sorry. -Wyn
@@TheEntropySystem can somebody tell me,do people feel any hallucination and delusion as well?...because I know nothing about DID PROBLEM....
I was excited for the movie and it was such a disappointment. It was so gross the way they portrayed people with did???? I felt so uncomfortable watching it
Hello ! We are new. ruclips.net/video/Wb_4ZpFH4Yo/видео.html
I’m sorry but mistletoe is an adorable name for a fairy 🧚♂️
Ikr lol
Mistletoe is a parasite, grows off other plants.
Sometimes there are clues.
@@powernumpty It's also poisonous.
I love "I think I'm a fairy can you meet me after class" lol 😂 (I'm not mocking her I legitimately find it adorable lol)
I was thinking the same thing.
I’m not thinking “I wish I had DID” it’s more of a “do I have it? Are these occasional things I’m feeling real or not?”
Or the “wait, are these experiences normal…? Does everyone experience the same thing or is this something specific?” OH OR THE “is it truly just ptsd or is it actually DID?” (I have a therapist, but I’m afraid of being like “I think I have this” bc I don’t want to be accused of faking something if I don’t know if I have it, yknow?)
I get you... Both of you. I'm always just thinking if I'm just overthinking...
@@jelly6077 SAME
@@xela-p7654 BESTIE I TALKED TO MY THERAPIST, ITS A FORM OF DID ☠️ sometimes I still think I’m faking it tho :/
@@jelly6077 I definitely don’t have did tho
I know this is an old video, but I wanted to say this now. I just found out that it is very likely that I have a dissociative disorder, which might be DID. I have no memory of any trauma, but I have no memory of my childhood at all. The Entropy System, DissociaDID, and Multiplicity and Me have helped me come to terms with this, and so much more, as my life crumbles around me. Thank you so, so much for what you do. You helped to save me when I needed it most.
Thank you.
i feel this way too i can’t remember anything until around 6/7 years old
Omg same! Litrally my mom was with me during pretty much every traumatic event I've been through so I just belive what she tells me and litrally have no memory from the age of like 5-8.
Well, I don't remember my childhood too. But i guess i didn't had any traumatic events. Does Indian have DID?😂
With me it's that I remember but it's like very small bits of it but even those bits are damaging.
@@aimankhurshid9413 Anyone around the world can have D.I.D
I think people don't understand that having DID often isolates you from people and most time alters don't even communicate a lot so like if anything, you're even more lonely... Especially cos it's hard to make friends when you have it
ruclips.net/video/Wb_4ZpFH4Yo/видео.html
I am picking up my cousin from a mental health facility today who just recently was diagnosed with DID. I appreciate your honesty and for shedding light on this. Ive been helping my cousin through his transition to a man since hes trans but DID is whole different ball park of obstacles for me. He lacks support at home so im all he has. Its challenging but thanks for showing me theres a light at the end of the tunnel. That we can find a new normal for him and he wont always be suffering is reassuring. Youve lowered my anxiety about bringing him home.
Thank you for being there for your cousin. I'm a trans man with DID, it's a hard intersection
Edit; autocorrect
Wow really!? I am a trans woman and have DID as well. I always thought I was alone!
What a wonderful cousin not everyone is lucky to have a cousin who cares I'n there lives god bless u
You're a great person and I'm sure that him and his alters are too.
this is really good of you but you might want to delete this, since it would be rather easy for someone to identify your cousin in this way, and share this knowledge without his consent
Our former host actually discovered that we have DID through a horror movie. They were so shocked and terrified of us. They actually blocked us off from having any contact with them for about eight months. Then they eventually found the youtube channels of a couple systems, that helped a lot. Horror movies really do promote a stigma, though. -Derek
I went through a phase of watching a bunch of DID creators when I was younger. No real reason, mental health just interested me. It’s been 4 or so years since I regularly watched, and my friend told me they have OSDD. You all are the reason I could meet them in stride and keep being the friend they need
Your psychiatrist was doing the right thing by letting you work things out on your own / let yourself learn more about yourself(selves). I'm honestly incredibly proud of you all. I'm glad to see more and more people with DID coming out and telling their stories and being so unabashedly ready and willing to tell them. I'm a future psychologist whose main focus is on DID, and I can only hope to make the same impact this lovely person had on you and your system. You all are so strong, and you have a lot of people who care and love you all.
@Non Applicable Honestly, no idea. Both dissociating regularly or having it due to DID, it's a really shitty thing to deal with that can interrupt memories and make it hard to remember things/focus on things, to the point where it could be a detriment to a job or school. I can't understand why anyone would tell a trauma victim to dissociate as a coping mechanism
@Non Applicable how do you mean. sometimes people will try tell someone to dissociate to get away from the trauma. but it's not cool to do or get someone to do it. i had thousands of alters.
@@ourfamily3570 sounds like you are. are you "awake" do you know about the rings and children in cages. i share my story how Hillary had a hand in my trafficking and mk ultra and burnt me at Montauk and with the power of God broke all that and got saved
@@ourfamily3570 no who's that he added me on here yesterday i think
@@ourfamily3570 oh oops that was revel. i share on my channel how faith has helped me heal from thousands of personalities being split off. that's why when you asked if she had faith interested me. because that's what healed me and i didn't even believe before i got supernaturally awoke
I discovered my did after I had children. I knew nothing about alters or anything of the like. I came to walking down the middle of the street in the turn lane with my kids in a stroller. It broke me as a mom. The understanding of DID has come a long way since I was diagnosed. Never thought we would have an outlet like this though.
"How could so many people hurt one little girl?" I started crying when you said that... I felt the urge to just hug you...
I hate abuse so much. Everytime I hear the stories that people have behind their DID or any disorders from trauma just make me so so angry I legitimately love you and people that struggle with this. You deserve the world. Thank you for sharing your story and your life. Keep hanging in there you guys!
For real like what the fuck right did they have to steal someone’s entire future? To inflict unending trauma and life-long mental issues on a CHILD? Abusers literally shift the entire trajectory of someone’s life and cause irreparable damage. What gives them the right???
@@Alexxxxxxxxxx3577 there are bad people, they are untreated people probably, have no ethics, have no morals, they just be animals.
@@Alexxxxxxxxxx3577themself....
@@Alexxxxxxxxxx3577 I appreciate that. I suffered abuse as a child. I'll never be the same
"How could so many people hurt one little girl?"
I'm wordless. I felt that so many times. I've hated myself for being so broken and for having so many things that I know happened, I know they did, yet it seemed like, "alright, yeah, there was *that trauma*, and the other one, and that seems like, yeah, that's a fair amount of trauma, but just... No... How can that person have done THAT... just, like, 'no, that's too much to have happened. Nope.'
I know the memories are just as real as my other memories, I accept them, but then I have so many times when it's like, "alright, this just seems like too much to have happened to one person, I must just be imaginative and... Idk... Cause I don't want the terror the memories bring, I don't want things to be so messed up that the world can be like that, and I guess living in the compartmentalized way that allowed me to survive and to break into parts of myself in order to remain my true self... I'm not sure how much sense I'm making now, I just... I relate so much to that statement.
And thank you, for all that you've shared in your videos. I just watched the one about mistletoe integrating and that was... I related with a lot of what you described, though in my own way,which makes sense since we all have our own unique minds. I wanted to so so much in reply to that video, but it's like... Sometimes I think in ways that are hard to translate to words. My heart goes out to you, though... I know it sounds silly, but I also... I'm sorry for your loss, though I'm also so happy for what it means towards becoming more peaceful and unified as your true self... I just wanted to say that from the similar experience I've had with that, I think it's ok to grieve some...
I know overall and logically, it's a great thing... It is a loss, though, and I guess you could see it how it would be if you move from one place to another... It's sad to say goodbye to your old city and cozy place, but it's exciting to see where new opportunities will lead... Not the best analogy, just the best I could think of for the moment.
I don't know if it would help you or not, but I feel like, imagining from my perspective, especially since you never really got good closure with mistletoe, maybe there's something you can do to honor her memory (I know that sounds weird, so feel free to veto me haha)...
I admit that your experience sounded very similar to when I had a part integrate, though it surprised me that she would so quickly just be... Gone? I don't doubt your experience, I honestly really feel for you because that would be REALLY shocking to me... My experience was more of being co conscience and then kinda just... Becoming one.... Not that simply at all, and good golly, it IS exhausting haha... I guess the main difference in my experience vs yours was that I was as active a participant as she was, and it was kinda like... She and I just shared all of her memory "files" etc and downloaded them into my mind, and then it was just like... I didn't know she would be gone, but it's good, but that was a very small part of myself that was created for just a handful of memories... Idk, I'm not really making sense I'm sure.
Sorry for the length... I primarily wanted to say thank you, because those words, "how could so many people hurt one little girl?" resonated so strongly with me.
When you said it, though, I felt so much compassion toward you, but also towards myself, which was surprising, but honestly very validating and healing for me.
So many people hurt that one little girl.
Yet, we both found a way to survive and remain kind, compassionate, strong people.
You're amazing. :)
It makes a lot more sense than you might think. I get what you're saying here. As I've said to others, keep sharing. And to you: You're not alone in this journey. None of us is alone.
the poem below maybe - do you have a friends? we all need friends friends. Yous no what i mean, or do you? ruclips.net/video/Wb_4ZpFH4Yo/видео.html
REPRESSION
i think i have DID or OSDD and this and other videos like it have been really helpful. i feel like i'm starting to get to the point where i'm less scared to bring this up to my therapist. thank you!
I hope it went well for you 🖤
It’s 2am where I am, in the middle of the RUclips rabbit hole. I’m stunned at the incredible lessons learned tonight. Thank you for teaching me something new. I know nothing but I love to learn and am honoured to hear your story.
"How could so many people hurt one little girl?"
Out here dropping deep emotional bombs.
As someone with PTSD-based dissociation, and having a friend with DID, I find this helpful. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. I can only imagine...
When you said "how could that many people hurt one little girl?" That just hit me deep. I dont have D.I.D. but you saying that hit me in two ways, one I could relate and two brought out my maternal feelings and I just wanted to hug you, comfort you and travel back in time and stop those people from hurting you. Thank you so much for your bravery in sharing, you are amazing, ALL OF YOU. Also please tell Daniel when he is "out" I dont see the body as female at all, it's really odd I've never experienced it before but it's like I see his for lack of a better description I see his essence not the body. Just thought hed like to know hes not always percieved as female.
"they all showed themselves when they felt safe enough to do so" IS E X A C T L Y how it went with my alters, i had the few that had stuck with me the longest, but when recent trauma was finally over and everything calmed down, it was like everyone poked their heads around the corner. i adore all my alters as well, we're with a total of 12 at the moment. Thank you so much for your content, it's nice to not be alone :)
Thank you so much for sharing and I am so honored we were able to help you! You all are an amazing addition to this community of voices and we are glad to know you!
Thank you so much for sharing your story!
It makes my heart so happy to know that your daughter is going through this journey with parents who love and support her and her whole system. I wish you all the best on your journey and I'm happy that my videos have helped. -Wyn
thank you :)
God bless you for being so supportive.
Im so sorry that your daughter had to go through all that but I'm very happy she has loving and supportive parents. I only ask this question because I do not fully understand how someone "gets" "becomes" DID and if you don't want to answer I fully understand but did your daughters go through extreme trauma as a child or can this just happen to anyone?? Or does anyone really know at all what causes this, is just random or do you have to have been traumatized at a young age?? I'm very confused. Thank you
I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter went through the kind of trauma that can cause DID, but I'm so glad she has supportive parents who genuinely care about her. One of the most important things is having a good support system, and parents who love and support you can honestly make all of the difference.
im so pleased to see all the positive comments on this video. every time I watch a video of somebody talking about their mental illness I have to brace myself to look at the comment section because people can just be so awful to others about this topic, and it makes me so glad to know that you have a supportive community behind you
"Part of my brain believed I had been hit by the truck".... I had to stop the video and cry. This happens to me so much. Thank you. My husband has DID and I'm starting to think I do too. Thank you.
hello hello,how are you two's are you finding frineds? we hope yous do. ruclips.net/video/Wb_4ZpFH4Yo/видео.html
see i’ve always had 3 voices in my head and i made like, images of them? about 3 days ago. one of them (who 3 days ago i called “spooky boy”) absolutely HATED his. he really went off about “that’s not what i look like. i don’t look like that! and my name is Baron, not spooky boy.”
this was like really weird to me but i accepted it. well two days later, Baron came out. He was here for a while but i was also sort of there, and then the other two “voices” came out for a bit, who i now know are named Emilia and Anabel. However, i got so overwhelmed that i think my brain must have shut down, and then it went from the 3 who have been there for years who i was told were just Auditory Verbal Hallucinations due to my BPD were joined by 4 more people, of which only one has a name.
In reference to me writing this currently, all of this took place yesterday, and i still feel like a truck has sort of just slammed into my brain and i’m completely denying it whilst also trying not to. Doing the whole “it’s just voices like we’ve always been told.” But like even as I write i can feel that /someone/ is tugging(?) on my brain and on other parts of my body, like my left hand and my jaw.
don’t get me wrong, i’m not diagnosed with DID but Baron, Anabel, Liz, and someone unnamed spoke to my friend who /does/ have DID, and my sister who was with me is suggesting i get it checked out.
sorry for the rant, it’s just that watching this has sort of shed some light on the whole situation. it’s very overbearing and scary, especially having that many people show themselves in one night but
we got this
hope you all are doing well! you're all beautiful and valid, hope this gets easier to deal with and you find peace, comfort and happiness.
also, Taemin is an actual KING, stream Act 2 and support SHINee's comeback.
I think it’s also possible you just have a big imagination. As well as we all probably use some sort of dissociation from childhood when we don’t want to experience certain things. Someone who writes books is making up many many characters for their story or even universe. So they have to put themselves in the headspace and life of each character. Are all novel or story writers DID? No they are not. I was homeschooled until 5th grade. So I was very bored and unstimulated for years. And was at home with my emotionally unstable Mom. I didn’t connect with allot of the kids I was allowed to be around. So I had a very vivid imagination. And was always imagining how my life would be in this or that situation. Or if I had a twin, or different siblings or parents. But I always knew reality. I also was out in a treatment center for an eating disorder at 13. Don’t get me wrong, I had issues. But when you meet kids who really have uncontrollable mental issues, you know how uncool it is to try to make yourself fit into a diagnosis for attention. An inner voice it completely normal. We all have it. Just because you can ask yourself a question does not mean you have another personality in your head. If your sitting their thinking of what you would name your kid or animal even. You will go through names that you think, “na that doesn’t seem right.”, or “that doesn’t resonate with me”. There will probably be certain names that you always stuck with. And then you get to a certain age and you don’t like it so much any more. The human mind is so suggestible. So just by watching things on DID will make people wonder if they have it too. But that does not mean you do. You might just be indulging in escapism and have a really good imagination and creative mind.
My name is Marissa. I have four other sisters who live in the same body as me. Seeing systems like you reminds us that we're not some freak accident or something, so, thanks.
I don't suffer with D.I.D but I do have PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I found this video very real and empowering. You clearly have endured a lot of suffering and even though that must have been awful for you, you have still managed to find a way to see a light. There is nothing more powerful or strong than a once broken person who has then found their true calling and power. You are amazing and a born warrior and survivor! Thankyou for making this
What a powerful video this was. You are so, so brave for sharing your story as openly as this and we can’t thank you enough for it. We might be oceans-away folks on the internet but we’re always here for you 💚 •Adam
This shows that we are NOT alone in the world and that DID is real and terrifying not matter what "normal" people say. Your alters might have different names and memories but OUR pain is the same and we need each other to learn. Spread the word and your stories, communicate and maybe one day the world will be a bit more aware of how powerful the mind can be in its fragility.
I want to thank you
For me, you've been the voice you said you wished you had.
I've rewatched every video of yours three times already, and it's helped me process
I don't have a system to me that is too impersonal. I have My Crew of 11 and 5 are" littles" , and they have been with me undercover for decades ( i am 64) They did not appear or emerge until about 8 months ago after a series of traumatic events. I am still learning about them as they gradually share their stories. Since i was aware of "the parts of me" since my middle 20's and have been fortunate that there has only been one that has ever wanted to harm me. They are in the process of finding their Voices for the outside world, which is an interesting process.
My trauma was not from one source, it was several people and several types of abuse starting at age 3 and ending just before i was 10 years old. I am better, more stable as i am now, when i find emotional upset i can sort out who it is and resolve the problem before it gets out of hand. What you said in the last few minutes is so true. It takes time.
How are your alters and littles?
I think I might have did I’m gonna spill it all out 😖😣
My dad who had an arrangement to marry my mum when she was 14 and he was 23 had abused my mum for over 2 years before I was born (I’m the oldest mum mum has also had a few miscarriages from-) it stopped for a year and when I was 3 my dad started to abuse me as well and started abusing my mum I thought this was normal for 3 years when I was 4 my little brother was born he wasn’t abused as much but my dad continued to drink and abuse me and my mum keep in mind I thought this was normal when he’d punch us strangle us make my lip bleed. One night we had a severe incident where my mum and dad got in a fight and my dad strangled my mum and she dropped to the floor I still remember me and my brother screaming and crying 2 mins later the police knocked on the door and talked to my dad then my grandma , all my aunties , my grandad and my uncle came to our house but then my dad was gonna be arrested and my mum stopped it and threw a huge toy boat at his head this was after she came up and my grandma and the rest of my dads side took him home. I had night mares hallucinations and voices in my head all the time after taht I was frightened of my dad. A week later he came back but as normal he was never home he was only home for abt 4 days a week and only for an hour or so my mum and dad divorced then when I was 6 but still lived to together till I was eight we had the same severe arguments abt once every 2 weeks finally my dad just left
I’m 12 now and I show all symptoms of bipolar disorder but I feel like I have did bc it just clicks
I’m glad you’re finally able to figure yourself out, and hope things have gone well for you this past year.
I believe that I’ve lost support when it comes to my alters from my own mom since one of them said something that basically “ruined everything” so she doesn’t listen to any of my alters anymore.
It’s sad, but I have my system, the internet, and my friends. I’m still learning too.
@@lcaibby8568 Oh I am so sorry for all that you went through!! :-( It sounds like pure hell. It is wonderful that you educate yourself on mental health - it is so important to find the truth, the root of the problem so that everything then can heal. Have you got a therapist already? Can you talk to somebody about your mental health? It is vitally important to seek and find help and to never give up until one has found the help one needs! Of course normally it is very hard to trust somebody with the horrible things that happen on one´s life - especially when one was abused - but it is sooo necessary to overcome shame and fear and to open up. One often thinks that all other people are happy and alright but they are NOT - there are sooo many many people with severe traumata around, one would not believe it! Being severely traumatised you cannot cure yourself - not with all the psychological knowledge in the world - you need a professional help at your side. Believe me - being severely traumatised and abused as a child myself I know what I am talking about.....
You are a precious human being and you deserve to be happy! And reading your lines I can feel how brave and strong you are. No matter what the circumstances in the past or even now - it is possible for you to heal and to live a happy life. Never give up seeking for help and never give up believing in healing! The most important thing is to reach out for help - until you find exactly the type of therapy that works for you, because every person is different. I wish you the best with all my heart! God bless you.
Hope you're managing alright and are getting lots of support & help to deal with this trauma.💓
"How could so many people hurt one little girl" and the way you said it really hit me, shit.
After dissociating for periods of time I started doing some research and became intrigued by DID and hungry to learn more about it. You’re extremely articulate and very easy to follow. I wish you well on your journey and look forward to following it 😊
when you said "how could how many people hurt one little girl" made me hurt. i could never understand why either. :(
I don't have DID, nor does anyone I know personally, but I do have intense dissociation that I've been trying to figure out for a while. DID initially intrigued me due to its dissociative aspect, and I remember telling my therapist how I was scared my dissociation was either a sign of or would lead to a bigger 'issue'. (I also catastrophise like nobody's business. Go anxiety) But, I'm now very interested in the community online because everyone I've watched has been extremely welcoming and loving and just wants to show that DID is not something to be feared. It's really helped calm down my fears of something greater going on in my head because I've seen so many amazing, brave, and kind people living their lives and choosing to do their best to spread positivity. You are so amazing and thank you for sharing your story with all of us, I think I speak for every viewer when I say we're extremely thankful that you have found enough trust in us to share such an intimate life event, and I hope you continue spreading so much positivity cause it's even helping people like me who don't even have DID. Anyways, Idk if this comment makes sense haha, I'm a bit out of it right now. But i hope you have a wonderful day! Much love x
What you said about realizing that your alters had showed up in your past made me realize something. I write a lot of fiction. And I've noticed that a lot of my characters look similar. Specifically one who shows up a lot is a teenage boy with black hair and bangs with bright blue eyes. I know now, this was my alter Simon. There was always the girl who was very confident and just a little wild who I now know was based off Alex. There has always been the ginger boy with a cheeky grin who loves puns and I now know that's based off Kyle. For many of my alters I discovered their names by looking through my old stories and waiting for a name to connect. It feels... surreal. The fact that they've been here the whole time.
Thank you for sharing! I found very little online when I went looking 5 years ago! I lived over 50 years of my life before I realized I had alters.....talk about unbelief! Denial was very strong!
Wow how did that happen?? Sorry if that's a little nosey but 50 years is a long time!
Diagnosed at 66. After my mother died. I knew but denied it for many years. The wheels fell of the bus when the mother died.
I discovered you, DissociaDID and Team Piñata pretty recently and you have all helped us realize that we can be ok.
We might not be alright as of now, but there is so much hope and that is thanks to you
- Cas
I’m so lucky that I had jess (multiplicityandme), and now you guys, to not make me feel so alone. I’ve strayed away from many systems online and news docos because like people in my real life I want to share something genuine, and not saying they aren’t but your system and Jess’s has made me feel like you are some sort of mentors, idols.
Unlike both your systems, because we all know how weird and wonderful dissociate disorders can be😂, I am 99.9% of the time co conscious and the dominant one. So when Jess’s headmates would come out so strongly, I’d be so confused as to why I didn’t fit the same kind of description- now I know it’s nothing like depression or anxiety or eating disorders that I’ve dealt with and can have a very predictable effect. So that lead to me thinking I was just trying to personify emotions, because when I was really bad certain alters only carried certain emotions- and barely had anything to “flesh them out”. This was the most insane experience ever because I felt like I truly lost it, I felt like I was trying to hard to label the anomalies. But anyway so this continued and i continued to watch Jess constantly, and the more I learnt the more comfortable I felt, well as comfortable as you can feel with only having specific emotions held with fragments inside your head.
As much as my therapist was supportive he wasn’t much help, so I had only online and thankfully another system that I found out was in my inner circle of friends. As time passed my fragments “fleshed out”. I realised that my constant self hatred, want to not exist, self harm, and a lot of my self destructive behaviours were because of thoughts and compulsions from my alter Persephone. Although I had depression, and still do the severity was linked to her feelings, and I think she carried the emotional responses to the trauma we went through, due to me being in denial and then still keeping my abuser in my life for years.
Then there was sammy, the one that I think preserves my childlike innocence, the wonder; the simplicity, she’s very very little (about six) and is the complete opposite to me. She loves cartoons and colours and putting her long blonde hair up into pig tails, and wearing vans with her dresses and omg she loves parks and hates pants. (UPDATE: I commented about a week ago on your ask an alter trailer about alters going dormant and she’s back! I’m so happy ).
Then there’s me, I love horror movies, very cynical and sometimes morbid, I love dark humour and clothes and creepy things, I have very short brown hair ( buzzed on the sides and Long ish on top). And then there’s Charlie, she honestly scares the crap out of me. Because our trauma was of a sexual nature, she’s very very very sexual. She’s almost disrespectful to the idea of sexuality and just wants to make the people that we are with fear her and be submissive. Just yeah luckily she’s only come out fully once. Anyway still working out what to do with her.
After that long winded comment I just wanted to tell you thank you so much, and also wanted to show others that DID/dissociative disorders aren’t always the same even though you say that but idk I though maybe my story might help. Before I delete this outta anxiety Ima finish real quick, love you guys and I’m really happy you guys are doing so much better than before.
Moose Potato just wanted to say I read and related to much of what your comment said, and I've had several parts of me that I really did fear... My best suggestion is to just try and remember that there was a reason your mind coped that way, so I think you said it was Charlie (I'm not really with it entirely right now and not good at remembering names)...but that sounds similar to my part, Stacy, who I've come to understand and accept better, because she was created to keep me from being raped, by being overly sexual and flirtatious, etc, so that if we felt we were going to be raped, Stacy would come out and generally "come onto" whoever was perceived as a likely threat... So now I understand her and am grateful that she was able to mitigate a lot of fear and loss of control when I was going to be forced to do things... Instead, she protected me from being so terrified by seeking out that kind of thing, so it would happen on our terms (at least in my mind) vs being a forced thing.
I don't know if that helps at all, just thought it might give you some insight or at least let you know that you're heard and not alone in your struggles! Hang in the there!
I like teampinata and dissiodid
You all are so brave for sharing your stories and living through such complex things! It helps people understand. Wishing you all a peaceful week.
Thank you so much for sharing part of your story.
DID is a spectrum, as many things are. I, like you, am largely co-conscious. With medication, it's hard to tell who's who sometimes, or what's going ion in my head. But the alternative is a sort of chaos that ruled my life. It's not that we never know who we are, just that a lot of the time we're not clear on who's doing/feeling what. We form "huddles" of alters sometimes. Only when really bad things are happening do we become more pronounced. Also if something upsets us.
Just wanted to reach out and say i get it. We're all so different, person to person, system to system. One thing I've been learning on this journey of mine is this: there is no one "right' way to be when you have DID. Just because you aren't relating inside to each other the way a friend of yours might, for instance, doesn't mean it's wrong or that you're somehow lesser.
Keep sharing. Awareness of DID and other mental disorders is so desperately needed. I'm so grateful people are starting to be open with this. It's bravery on a level some of us can't stomach.
I love the way you navigated your story. You were concise, well thought out. You didn't ramble. Kudos to a very informative video. It was very well put together and relatable. I love how you shared that you felt unsure and lost in the beginning. I am feel lost, unsure of what is what. Now you have a language, now you have a community. I hope I can keep an open mind and see where it goes. Thank you.
I totally get that feeling that the doctors are missing something. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and 2 therapists have suggested I have depression but I keep rejecting the depression because I know it’s something deeper because all my symptoms can’t be explained just by depression and ADHD
Chinta K for me it took understanding what “trauma informed counseling” is, and seeking out a therapist as such. Currently being evaluated for dissociative disorders - something none of my other countless therapists ever even thought of! With this therapist, she clued in on it by the 2nd session and I was like “whoa”. Still trying to figure out what type of dissociation it is...
COOLkid123 goodForLife_103 .... by being able to say you’re ‘significantly emotionally repressed,’. that’s half the battle. Kudos !!
“How could so many people hurt one little girl?”
I’m done. Stop the plant I don’t want to ride anymore.
That statement did me in.
Update. So I've been in therapy for 10 months. My therapy didn't think I had DID, but I was recently diagnosed. I understand when how it's lonely. I get it, and I'm sorry Wyn.
I found this video two years ago in late 2019. Something about it spooked me out, so I forgot about it and didn't return to it until a year later in 2020. Then I realized why it spooked me; it felt sooo familiar. Now a year later, in 2021, I've been diagnosed with DID. I still don't know how to wrap my head around that, but I have so much to thank you and your system for. Y'all made this disorder feel manageable and livable. Y'all broke down all it's complicated mechanisms into a language I could understand. Thank you so much for all you did on this channel; I hope y'all are doing well.
Thank you my dear. I am a 49 year old man. I avoided phychological/ psychiatric assistance for the first 46 years of my life. Eventually I ended up in a VA psych ward. It was suggested that I might have DID. I have a disturbing childhood history and have experienced lost time. Mostly it came to the forefront because I had untreated third degree burns on my back and zero recollection of having been burned. I do recall a couple of violent incidents when I felt that I was not in control of my body. For instance I once called the police on myself afraid that I might kill my ex wife. I have never met an alter, but I have had people I know claim having conversations that I have no recollection of. I really feel lost, but still have a healthy fear of psych wards. I have a history of attempted suicide, depression, anxiety, ptsd, and self mutilation. I am a bit confused though. If I do suffer from DID, why have I not been able to talk to/summon/ or in any way communicate with my alter (s)? Any light you could shed on how you began communicating with your alters?
Thank you so much. You are so strong putting this out here, for people to see. Its inspiring for others with DID to talk about this and accept their condition. Right after i watched you, i started recording my experience. So thank you
Thank you so much for this inspiring story. I’ve recently been diagnosed with DID, PTSD and OCD. And I was so scared but you and the DISSOCIADID system really helped me see that it’s not that scary. I’m still a little frightened but thank you xxx
I don't have DID, but I have had dreams where I am a different person. My thoughts are on the inside and I can see through the eyes of another person. I just intrinsically understand that while I'm dreaming. It's fascinating that I can relate to the way you experience your reality.
Katie Stevens Story of my life.😆 I have a lot of dreams of being a male( I’m female) And seeing through the eyes of other people. It’s fascinating. I also lucid dream.. then things get fun.
Thank you so much for sharing this. It takes so much bravery and courage. You're so strong. Thank you so very much for every single video you've made and will make in the future, you've helped us and I'm sure you've helped many other systems. Here for you if you ever need a friendly shoulder. Best wishes. -Dani
I stumble across DissociaDID as well as yours channel first as a headmate was in control of my body. As a spiritual person I was wondering why my ancestor were telling me different and what things really are. So far I been crying and the body experiencing every trauma as I try to heal myself. Ourselves. Your channel has helped me so much. I can be thankful enough. From us to y'all. Xoxo
I actually don’t have DID but this is very informational and interesting
Watching this video makes me so so so comforted. The way you described meeting your alters and how they reacted when you cut people out is very similar to how we were. You inspire me to embrace my system, I’m not ashamed or scared of myself anymore. Seeing how much you’ve progressed gives me hope. Thank you for making these videos.
This was amazing, thank you for being so brave in telling your story. I personally do not have DID, however three years ago when I discovered/was diagnosed with autism (high functioning asperger’s syndrom) I became fascinated with mental disorders and wanted to learn more about the mind (especially my disorder) which eventually lead me to this disorder. (Due to MutiplicityandMe) When I learned about it, I just wanted to learn more and keep learning (because the thought of the brain being able to do this was remarkable.) which as I type, I am currently working on an I-Search project (a project for freshmen to learn and show a whole project based on what they are passionate about) on DID and I promise to you I will try my best as someone who doesn’t have this disorder can on trying to explain this disorder and show that it’s not as monsterous as some would assume. (Also I’m sorry if I sounded like a mad scientist talking about how interesting this disorder is, I understand how the people with this disorder have to struggle though hardships and I don’t want to seem as if I’m analyzing any of you like lab rats or saying how “cool” it is to have this disorder. It’s not that at all. I just want to learn and I find this disorder interesting.) I give you all my love and support as well as I, wishing you a good day.
I understand when people say the disorder is interesting. Even I am regularly pausing to appreciate how complex the brain is. The limits of the mind are fascinating to explore. I thank you deeply for helping to tear down stigma and i hope your project goes well. -Wyn
My boyfriend is high functioning autistic and is my other favorite disorder to study, I hope my theories will help with autistism as well as DID, I may be in over my head a bit but everything about abnormal psychology is just so fascinating. Hell, my best friend is diagnosed with sociopathy and we've figured out means of communication and I'm not even half way into my schooling yet. I'm so excited to be able to help people in this way :D
I'm on the aspergers spectrum but not sure where, my counsellor said unless its particularly affecting my life there isnt need for a diagnosis, my mum was always pushing for one telling me I'm weird and odd etc. And kept giving me books on what its like dealing with a child with aspergers, I was like thanks for the support mum.... nice to know I'm a burden to you xD
My boyfriend also has aspergers.
We're both interested in psychology. He mostly researches the psychology of fear (because fear was a part of his life growing up autistic). I like learning about psychological disorders and about memory as well (mine is too good, he forgets too easily!).
I just want you all to know that we've recently been diagnosed with DID and I was exactly where you are now before I found this video. Thank you. Thank you so much.
Thank you for sharing your story. DID is something I don't hear much about, mostly from pop culture, and in my journey to be a more understanding and compassionate person, your videos which I have just discovered are really eye opening. This video was posted over a year ago, and it seems you've gained over 30k subs since then, and I'd say you deserve it. Keep up the good work, spreading compassion, education, and your experience. ❤️❤️
Even though I’m a guy, our brains work so similarly with DID, also our stories have so many parallels.. Nowdays I am almost always co-conscious with the different parts now.
Hi, I don’t know if you’ll see this since this is an older video. But I was just recently diagnosed with DID and your experience is soooo relatable. This video was lovely. Thank you.
I've been watching your channel for a couple weeks now. I decided to go back over your older videos, this one was great - i so much relate. You're absolutely helping me, as is Multiplicity and Me (and others). I'm so glad to have found this community, i'm so glad to have found my people and to not be alone!
As a young person with (most likely) DID, I just wanted to thank you for uploading this.
You did a phenomenal job of telling your story. I do not have DID but I find it fascinating. I am a writer and I have drawn many unique characters from within myself. It is far from DID, but in some strange way I can relate to the stories of those with DID. I feel great compassion for you and them. I am also struck by how amazingly different alters are in their own right. They truly are fascinating. Thank you for sharing your story and I wish your system love, joy, support and peace. Oh, and here is a big hug. Please take good care! 🕊❤️🕊
I have PTSD from a childhood trauma I don't remember and I think I may have DID. I'm not sure, I might just be dissociated, but I've definitely had times where I don't feel like... myself. Sometimes I'm perfectly content with my name, other times I want to be called a different name, particularly Kai or Kyle. Sometimes I feel more masculine or feminine. Sometimes certain things scare me a lot, and other times they barely affect me.
I'm not sure if this is just because of PTSD or if it's something more. At first the thought really really scared me. But watching your videos has honestly made me much less afraid of the possibility that I might have DID. Thank you all ❤️
Edit: Update, I have been diagnosed with DID. I’m now in therapy with a therapist who knows about DID. This little video helped us more than words can describe.
Stay 💪
Susan
Thank you
Julie Sprik
Thank you for your words and your prayers. I’m not particularly religious, but someone praying for me honestly makes me feel very comforted. You’ll be in my thoughts as well, I wish you luck and happiness.
I can relate to those feelings.
@Julie Sprik the amount or intensity of dissociation doesn't tell you how much or what type of trauma the person experienced.
I am so sorry horrible people hurt you. I hope you find peace and that you are abundantly blessed to help the rest of your life be full of beautiful memories for the system. God bless you.
My experience was a little different. I had been in therapy for a few years, and my therapist and I realized that there were many times when I didn't remember the previous session. My therapist knew that I kept a journal and asked if she could see it.
She looked at it for a while, and then asked "How many people do you think are writing in this journal?" I told her that it was just me, and she opened it, and showed it to me, and said "most people only have one style of handwriting, but there seem to be quite a few here."
That was the start of the discussion, but I didn't really understand what it meant right away. That was around twenty years ago. As of today, I've had that diagnosis confirmed by a separate therapist, and the folks at McLean hospital. And though I'm mostly used to it, at this point, I still get a bit troubled by the amnesia that comes along with it.
Anyway, thanks so much for what you do. Hitting the stigma straight on is so helpful.
--Dee, et.al
I know this is an old video but thank you so much for sharing with such vulnerability and honesty. I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Just want to give you a hug
I don’t have DID or anything of the sort and watching this was very helpful. I watched split when it first came out and I genuinely thought that that’s what these people were like. Just recently I came across your channel and AlexMax Han and it’s really changed my perspective. Thank you for making videos like this, keep it up❤️
We are a system. I and many of my alts like you...thankyou for raising awareness and understanding
I was just curious when I first searched DID but you educated me so much more than I knew I needed. I can't believe you had to go through all of this and I can't imagine how difficult all of this must have been for you. But I truly wish everything gets better and better in the future and you and all other identities live a beautiful happy life. If I am correct I read that DID is formed to protect you when you felt scared or helpless so I believe all your identities meant well and helped you become this wonderful adult that you are. Don't be scared. All of us here in the comments support you.
It is us who should be thanking you, you are a most beautiful person. It is such an honour and a privilege to be hear your incredible story. Your strength, courage and hope are absolutely so encouraging and contagious. You are so loveable. Peace.
As someone with other mental illnesses, thank you. I am not a monster. You are not a monster. As someone old enough to be your mother, the trying to figure it all out part is just life. You speak so well, and when you spoke about remembering childhood trauma, it was hard to keep the tears back. It's so cool to hear about DID in today's world, and it's nice to meet you =).
You are so brave and strong! Thank you for sharing your story. I don't have DID, but I have no memory of my childhood at all before my teenage years. Your videos help more than just DID, but anyone who has PTSD.
You have helped our system so so much. The home run of video was the "Bad Alter" video. I literally sobbed after it because I had found a way to "Punish" those alters. Which I now see was so wrong and now have started to talk to them through it. It has helped so so much.
You are amazing and so brave. Im on wattpad, but that's as far as I'll probably be able to go for a long long time because Im not brave enough to put my face online.
Hope Freedom you have a bad alter? Text me please! I do too!
I think it's very beautiful that a tightly knit family of systems with DID are forming on the internet. It's doing great things for people that are unfortunate enough to have it, and you're a part of this beautiful thing that's happening!
I'm also thankful that you were able to find a therapist THAT good for you-- a great fitting therapist is EVERYTHING for someone who needs help. I'm still searching for mine unfortunately but I'll get there :)
you all are amazing! Cheers
This was so interesting and well-presented. Probably one of the best videos on this disorder I have seen. So glad you had the courage to make it. Thank you! :)
Thank you for sharing. My counselor told me two years ago I have DID. Shortly after that I had to quit counseling due to finances and haven't been back. I've struggled with believing it, struggled with believing my memories that have surfaced, and trying to find any information out there that is credible and helpful. I appreciate you sharing.
Thank you for being so candid! I don’t have DID, but for some reason I’m drawn to learn more. I think it’s great you’re using this platform to educate and help others!!
This was painful, yet beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story. I love the hopeful note at the end, because you are right. As long as you can make a difference...that's the most powerful thing there is. But you're such a fighter for getting this far. You're so brave, and that's why this is beautiful. I have a friend I've known for only four months, and they recently discovered they have DID, so I came here looking to understand. You have such a kind and beautiful soul, The Entropy System.
Thank you for being so brave. This video made me cry. The process of becoming aware of your others is scary and exhausting. But I understand the physical symptoms you described when someone else comes to the front, how you described the distance of the repressed memories. It makes me feel sick, but I keep telling mysel(ves) that knowledge is power. Thank you for sharing your story. This has helped me immensely.
I don't know if you guys even read the comments here anymore, but I felt the need to say;
this video has changed my life in so many ways. In summer '18 my then therapist had asked me if it was possible that I had "autonomous inner parts". I had no idea what he was on about and after that session I started browsing the internet. Your channel was one of the first I came across and this video made me cry...because it almost exactly mirrored my experiences. Earlier this year I got diagnosed with DID. I've been to the same outpatient care facility for 4 years (specializing in cptsd and dissociative symptoms) and initially I got the ICD equivalent of OSDD1b. They have taken so much time and care to adequadly diagnose me, all the while working with our system to strengthen communication and stability.
I'm so glad your videos are still here for people like me.
"How could some many people hurt this one girl", I know that feeling all to well. I try to explain to my therapist that its like as a child and even as a young adult I had a flashing light on my head that would attract all these persons to me who wanted to do things to me, to hurt me. If I didn't qoute you correctly I appologize but that statment rang so true to me. It was like a flash of everything in my life hitting me in one second. I know what you are saying. I still struggle with thoughts of how did I feed that light, what could I have done to put it out. I do not remember everything and some things I do recall are like looking from the back of brain if that makes any sense to you. Hope you are well, thanks for sharing.
JUST FPUND YOU! omg i feel like im watching and hearing me... every time i hear my own experiences eched back by others with DID i just feel so much love go through us.
Sending you all our love! This feels so familiar. I have a part very similar to mistletoe who can turn aggressive. I’m so happy to have found you here.
I’ve gotten some nasty comments on my videos on DID so I still haven’t introduced my parts to my audience.
As always we’re here.
Acacia Ives I’m so sorry that internet cruelty has found its way to your videos :( please never forget that you are valid no matter what those trolls say
I was diagnosed with DID a few years ago and I really resonate with your experiences! Thank you so much for your courage to share, it helps systems like mine exist with less stigma!
I'm so sorry to hear you went through such trauma. I admire your courage in sharing this. I've no doubt it will help so many people. Love and light 🌟🙏🏻❤
That’s SO interesting about the drawing. I found a picture of what I thought an alter might look like and I kept hearing “no that’s not right I don’t look like that.” And then I was making one of the picrew things of the same alter and clearly he’s very opinionated bc I kept trying to make aesthetic choices that /I/ would make and he was upset because it was too “girly” or something so I made it more plain. It feels like a constant battle not to tell myself I’m faking but hearing that someone had that same experience makes me feel so much better
I am at a strange point in life right now. There is a voice in my head. He showed up when I was 15/16, but went quiet when I was 17. I'm 20 now, and he's back. I don't understand what's going on. On one hand, I feel like it's some dissociative disorder, because he has taken over the body. But I have no amnesia. And I have no idea what trauma I would have experienced that would have kept me from growing into one being (I heard voices as a child, but grew out of it, and I'm told that's normal).
But I can't deny the experiences. I can't deny the conversations. I can't deny the switching. But I keep flip flopping between, "Yes, this is a valid thing that you're going through," and, "This isn't real. You're making it up. Your imagination is getting away from you." I told my psychiatrist about hearing the voice last session, but so much has happened since then, and my next session is later next month. It's agonizing not knowing what's going on in my own head, but it's harmful to my headmate to try and repress it.
Thank you for your video, for it demonstrates a similar confusion.
I’m recently diagnosed with DID, also married before my diagnosis. And I’ve had a hard time finding someone that I had a similar experience too. Then I came across this video and I felt so understood by this video, thank you
I don't have DID, but I feel so much for you. It must have been terrifiyng to go what you went through. I really hope it only gets better!
This video had me in tears. A lot of what you said, about trauma and not remembering it, really made me think about how I remember my own trauma. I thought I remembered it, but I know there's chunks missing out of at least six years of my life. I can see a possibility for me to have DID and while I don't want it, this video has honestly helped me see that even if I do have it, it's okay. I'm okay. Thank you
This was so heartbreaking but weirdly relatable to watch
Oh dang, this is, really similar to my experience. Right down to the "good girl" comment (wasnt my therapist, it was a friend that said it as a joke)
I related to this video in more ways than I expected... I have a lot of things to come to terms with... Thank you so much for your bravery & for telling your story. 😊
Thank you so much for making and sharing your story. Your video has given hope. For years my daughter has struggled with mental health, but never diagnose because they said she was to young. Less than a year ago she up and walked away from life. I have kept as close an eye on her since then. She is an adult now, so very difficult to get her help. I saw her today and approached, but claimed not to be my daughter by name, but the young lady was. I now strongly believe she has DID. She has had major trauma. I just want to thank you for the video.
Honestly thank you. I'm too scared to even begin to start a youtube channel specifically for us, because of family and my fear of our privacy being broken down...maybe some day i will
I had a memory pop up in a therapy session. My therapist said I was safe now and I just cried and cried. Such powerful words at the right time. Figuring out who I am has been a lifelong journey. Your doing good work.