How to practice emotional first aid | Guy Winch | TED

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  • Опубликовано: 27 дек 2024

Комментарии • 3,3 тыс.

  • @dani1741
    @dani1741 5 лет назад +8412

    -Take action when feeling lonely
    -Change response to failures
    -Protect your self esteem
    -Battle negative thinking

    • @dani1741
      @dani1741 5 лет назад +48

      Catherine Murphy 🙄

    • @scaryshadow4690
      @scaryshadow4690 5 лет назад +184

      @Catherine Murphy This is exactly the kind of pessimistic mindset Guy was addressing

    • @DrHussainQasem
      @DrHussainQasem 5 лет назад +98

      @Catherine Murphy
      When I apply this theory the results are out there. The catch is being persistent about it until it become natural. Which is really hard but can't say impossible as I clearly saw the results !

    • @DrHussainQasem
      @DrHussainQasem 5 лет назад +79

      @Suffer No Fools
      All of us could go through this you are no exception my friend, just don't give up and take responsibility of working on your spiritual and mental abilities.
      Your brain and soul are like a living room it will turn into a mess if you don't clean it frequently.
      No one will clean your mess you need to do it yourself

    • @DrHussainQasem
      @DrHussainQasem 5 лет назад +17

      @Suffer No Fools
      Then you need to talk to him and ask for empowerment, patience, clarity, and guidance.
      "Allah" or God is the source of all the good in this world, some times he answers ur prays by changing your situation to a better one , or he may decide to keep you in it because he wants to get the good part of u out (hard times get strong men)
      It might be easy for me to say as you r the one who actually struggles but you don't have many options really:
      Either to surrender to the hardship thus declining further down OR decide to get stronger and use all your energy including mental and spiritual to improve the situation. Read about other people who had even tougher circumstances than you.
      Someone was told he will die after 6 months because of cancer so he could have chosen to consume the time crying and weeping about his bad luck but instead he used what left of his power putting a positive impact on his and others life.
      You need to take the decision to be happy "as much as u could" do stuff you like. Stay away from abusers no one could steal your laugh or small life pleasures from you.
      Get bigger , get stronger, get perspective ask others for advice or wisdom.

  • @isahjade1903
    @isahjade1903 5 лет назад +2964

    "It makes us really afraid to reach out because why setup yourself for heartache and rejection when your heart is already aching more than you can stand"
    this really cuts me deep..

    • @COVID--kf3tx
      @COVID--kf3tx 5 лет назад +29

      Yeah that was the quote that really struck me too.

    • @citruscomb
      @citruscomb 5 лет назад +25

      Yeah taht was basically my whole thought process 3 years ago. It was so bad taht I never held a single conversation longer than a minute for nearly an entire year.

    • @marketingcoordinator4247
      @marketingcoordinator4247 5 лет назад +20

      My own belief.. I always feel rejected as a middle child.. that is why I only reach out when I'm only at my lowest point.

    • @shesshee6614
      @shesshee6614 5 лет назад +7

      This one hit home hard!

    • @hazelsleep4264
      @hazelsleep4264 5 лет назад +2

      :',-(

  • @liamc7097
    @liamc7097 5 лет назад +1986

    This video is a perfect example of the good the internet can do. Imagine how many lives this man has touched with his words. How many lives he has saved. All thanks to the world wide web.

    • @jonhohensee3258
      @jonhohensee3258 5 лет назад +12

      At least 14, I think.

    • @woosh_police4018
      @woosh_police4018 4 года назад +4

      @@jonhohensee3258 it has over 3+ million views

    • @jonhohensee3258
      @jonhohensee3258 4 года назад +2

      @@woosh_police4018 - Yeah, but only about 14 or 15 lives saved.

    • @현셍
      @현셍 4 года назад +16

      @@jonhohensee3258 I don't think it's all about a number. Not only this video can safe someone's life but it could change non-suicidal person's perspective. As he said, many people don't know how to manage a emotinal damage.

    • @jonhohensee3258
      @jonhohensee3258 4 года назад

      @@현셍 - You're clueless.

  • @Manu-yw2nu
    @Manu-yw2nu 5 лет назад +3058

    He has such a calming, gentle voice. Makes you feel like everything will work out

    • @nadvic1797
      @nadvic1797 5 лет назад +5

      Feels are sth concrete though! In case of emotional health, what could matter more than feelings? It is about feelings in the first place!

    • @r011ing_thunder6
      @r011ing_thunder6 5 лет назад +1

      @@nadvic1797 yeah you're right i was wrong and deleted the comment

    • @Stereochemistry
      @Stereochemistry 4 года назад +5

      I find he rather sounds like a robot

    • @checkitoutlove
      @checkitoutlove 4 года назад +4

      @@Stereochemistry yes

    • @bea95
      @bea95 4 года назад +2

      @@Stereochemistry I know, right? It made me feel a little uneasy every time I noticed... Then I scrolled down to see if anyone else had the same impression

  • @haruhi_dayo
    @haruhi_dayo 5 лет назад +1500

    I clicked on this video for the purpose of helping my friends who have mental health problems but this guy made me realise that it was me who needed help. I really appreciate this video

    • @emmanieemma8996
      @emmanieemma8996 5 лет назад +26

      Wow, me too. Well, it has to start with yourself, right?

    • @MrLuiz110
      @MrLuiz110 5 лет назад +1

      Off topic, but I like your profile pic, honey works fan here😚

    • @angielynlaquian9519
      @angielynlaquian9519 5 лет назад +1

      Same rn..

    • @anown315
      @anown315 5 лет назад +4

      Like the saying, save yourself first, before saving other.

    • @sofia895
      @sofia895 5 лет назад

      okay but me too omg

  • @PerfumeCognac
    @PerfumeCognac 4 года назад +44

    Loneliness being purely subjective was such an eye opening statement. I feel like often when someone says they’re lonely someone else will point out all the “tangible” ways that they aren’t. But at the end of the day it doesn’t matter, you can be in a see of people but if you don’t have the specific connection you NEED then you will be lonely and it’s not for anyone else to perceive but you. That’s so powerful

  • @yongironi1367
    @yongironi1367 5 лет назад +3910

    I really love how he addresses the issue of emotional health without shoving his expertise in psychology to the audience, while still able to get everyone to hear what he says thanks to his narrative-ish speech-which I must say is really easy to understand. We really need more humble professionals like him.

  • @aashishbhongade8042
    @aashishbhongade8042 5 лет назад +2815

    I appreciate how Ted Talks named this video "How to practice emotional aid" and not "How to practice emotional aid on yourself "
    Because we all came thinking how we could help others...and returned learning how we could help ourselves firt

    • @ΕυγενίαΤσιμούρη
      @ΕυγενίαΤσιμούρη 5 лет назад +78

      Sooo true! Its important for all of us to understand that we can't help anybody to be emotionally healthy unless we are too.

    • @MissJoaris
      @MissJoaris 5 лет назад +10

      Indeed👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

    • @katiebolmeyer3105
      @katiebolmeyer3105 5 лет назад +45

      That is why I came here! And I was about to click off when I realized it was a guide on how to help myself- until I saw your comment! I will now continue watching lol

    • @madsbuss4667
      @madsbuss4667 5 лет назад +11

      It's like you read my mind

    • @Selyidar
      @Selyidar 5 лет назад +12

      Um, no?.. I came here after a series of psychological self-awareness videos. So I never thought this video is about helping others

  • @juanandresagostoconrad4481
    @juanandresagostoconrad4481 4 года назад +112

    Hi Ted! I am a nurse. In my life I have to deal with many situations that mainly consists in loneliness and rejection even from my own family. It has been very sad that I barely had emotional support from my parents. This lack of happiness and a constant search for it corrupted by my surroundings has made me struggle all my life till today in my last semester for my Bachalor's. One thing that distinguishes me is that no matter what my situation is I will succeed. It has been extremely hard to deal with my father's and mother's divorce along with their rejection and cruelty to me. I know everything I just wrote is very personal but most people are scared of speaking about it, I am not because I know that the sun will rise again and I will be able to breathe and treat my patients with the love I never had. I am more than thankful for your studies, your effort and your determination to help people. Thank you!

    • @rod-j.y
      @rod-j.y 2 года назад

      fr

    • @billcastanedo4467
      @billcastanedo4467 2 года назад +4

      I hear ya but hang in there it sounds like you’re on the right track & God bless you!!!

    • @benjmainthompson1322
      @benjmainthompson1322 2 года назад +4

      Thank you for your honesty and transparency about your feelings and emotions surrounding your difficult upbringing. This Psychologist has helped me see past my failings and failed upbringing too. Your comment also gave me hope that the future can be brighter.

  • @a.m.arteaga8369
    @a.m.arteaga8369 9 лет назад +2582

    My sister sent me this because I've been struggling with depression for a couple of years and, to be honest, I really needed this. I really like the way he presents this issue, he seems so natural and passionate.

    • @Eyanlakhani
      @Eyanlakhani 9 лет назад +93

      +A.M. Arteaga : Quick tip: You should watch this video often for it to hammer into your head :)

    • @alexf4673
      @alexf4673 7 лет назад +25

      I strongly recommend his book. I got it on amazon for less than $20. It is more detailed than this lecture and it helps so much

    • @susanbehring3401
      @susanbehring3401 6 лет назад +9

      It helped me too

    • @gastruperstrasse
      @gastruperstrasse 6 лет назад +11

      Thank you for recommending his book. I bought it five minutes ago because of your hint.

    • @nellynavarretevalle
      @nellynavarretevalle 6 лет назад +23

      My ex recommended me this since he realized how badly I struggled with depression and a non-existent self-esteem, especially since he was majoring in psychology and still cared about me. The problem was I kept putting that off until now. I needed this too, and I really liked the way he presented the message.

  • @domo5227
    @domo5227 5 лет назад +653

    I teared when he he talked about how lonely he was when his brother "didn't" call

    • @jonhohensee3258
      @jonhohensee3258 5 лет назад +5

      No you didn't.

    • @akalixa
      @akalixa 4 года назад +17

      me too! I was so scared I thought he was going to say he died and thats why he didn't call!

    • @akalixa
      @akalixa 4 года назад

      Belle R. literally same :( everything in life is just so sad now

    • @mariyastoyanova31
      @mariyastoyanova31 3 года назад

      @@jonhohensee3258 bruh

    • @jonhohensee3258
      @jonhohensee3258 3 года назад

      @@mariyastoyanova31 - bra

  • @kristinet.3596
    @kristinet.3596 2 года назад +121

    I would watch this over and over again to remind myself about the harms of rumination. That I need to do something about this chronic anxiety and loneliness.

    • @Womer-i8b
      @Womer-i8b 2 года назад +6

      The world is bigger than the life we live in. The walls that block us, never pierced the skies or ever crossed the seas, but we ourselves can and have.

    • @hippieparents420
      @hippieparents420 2 года назад +1

      Asking Google Assistant to tell you the first 1000 digits of Pi will help with breaking the cycle of ruminating

    • @shaunnil8248
      @shaunnil8248 2 года назад

      so you're ruminating about the harms of rumination by rewatching this video over and over again?? .... sorry.

    • @kristinet.3596
      @kristinet.3596 2 года назад +3

      @@shaunnil8248 No.

  • @galaxyalexanderh5737
    @galaxyalexanderh5737 5 лет назад +934

    Best thing I got from this--- treat yourself like a good friend. That is amazing

    • @aishasaif7128
      @aishasaif7128 4 года назад +13

      Psychological issues were never our enemies, they just try to signal us for something that we are missing. So, we should know whats the core of the issue and fix it rather than fighting the issues off.

    • @johnlouiscaga8565
      @johnlouiscaga8565 3 года назад +2

      @@aishasaif7128 great point.

    • @Anon221BC
      @Anon221BC 2 года назад

      no it wasn't.

  • @downtoawhisper
    @downtoawhisper 6 лет назад +1477

    12:44 This is something I have never considered. He's so right that we would never make a physical injury worse. We would protect it and care for it so it can heal. Yet, we don't do that with emotional injuries. We often make them worse with negative thinking. What a revolutionary concept to treat our minds the same way we do our physical body. I only wish we were all taught how to do this. It makes me want to learn more about it.

    • @sd-xk7qr
      @sd-xk7qr 5 лет назад +19

      he has a very good book on it, Emotional first aid its called

    • @pedroapples1680
      @pedroapples1680 5 лет назад +11

      @Careful Icarus Ridiculously spoiled zoomers who grew up with actually competent adults.

    • @itaygavish6694
      @itaygavish6694 5 лет назад +4

      Thing is, I like physically hurting myself, so i guess I'm doomed...

    • @tagaway6173
      @tagaway6173 5 лет назад

      @@itaygavish6694 yeah and I let a keloid scar get big,
      That when I went to get it fix
      (When I actually started to care, like 4 years laters)
      It couldn't get fix with the injections, no only cuz of size but it has it's own fibers (don't know how to explain it, bad english, but you get the idea. I didn't cause something, but I didn't fix it and now is a bigger issue.)

    • @itaygavish6694
      @itaygavish6694 5 лет назад

      @@tagaway6173 oof, I try my best not to cut but it's kinda useless because I can't control myself when I do. My depression takes over and I'm just useless. I know not to go too far but please don't be like me...

  • @jwh0122
    @jwh0122 3 года назад +434

    5:40 Loneliness
    7:32 Pay attention to emotional pain
    7:42 Failure (toy-activation example)
    10:58 Stop emotional bleeding
    11:46 Rejection (divorcee example)
    13:34 Protect your self-esteem
    13:45 Rumination
    15:40 Battle negative thinking

  • @gargos25
    @gargos25 5 лет назад +432

    This was probably the best TED talk I've ever heard.

  • @PoopGuy-fz5lk
    @PoopGuy-fz5lk 5 лет назад +468

    "Break a negative cycle before it begins" Damn. That hit too hard.

  • @Olivia-pe5vf
    @Olivia-pe5vf 2 года назад +105

    No doubt. You are a "REAL"Doctor. Your speech brought tears to my eyes. We tend to be so hard on ourselves. Thank you so much

    • @irinasolomina1800
      @irinasolomina1800 2 года назад +1

      Only Jesus is the real doctor, so you’re lying

    • @ouuyou6584
      @ouuyou6584 Год назад

      @@irinasolomina1800🙄

  • @Jean980
    @Jean980 5 лет назад +922

    1. We value physical health more than psychological health. If we had a broken leg, we would not say walk it off. But we do that with loneliness, failure, depression.
    2. Take action when you're lonely. Loneliness makes us believe those around us care less than they actually do. It is based on your personal perception. Loneliness can be as harmful to your health as cigarette smoking.
    3. Don't let your mind be tricked by failure Are you aware how your mind deals with failure? People believe their setbacks means they're no longer capable and do not reach their potential. Our minds are hard to change once it's made up. We have to fight to stop feeling the failure.
    4. Be your own best friend and protect yourself against rejection. Rejection forces us to call ourselves names and damage our own self esteem. We wouldn't get a cut on our arm and dig at it and make it worse, but we do that with psychological. Instead, we need to protect our self esteem. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would treat others.
    5. Constantly battle negative thinking. Rumination is when you agonize over the same idea over and over. Study shows even a two minute distraction is enough! Battle negative thinking constantly will foster positive thinking.

    • @nooral4315
      @nooral4315 5 лет назад +5

      THANK YOU!

    • @yusufsolomon2737
      @yusufsolomon2737 4 года назад +27

      Not to be dramatic but I genuinely appreciate you as a human being thank you so much, I was just looking for a way to write everything down and this was such a concise summary. You indirectly supercharged my healing and I appreciate you so much.

    • @owenlee9474
      @owenlee9474 4 года назад +1

      Nice summary

    • @SubashGurung
      @SubashGurung 4 года назад +1

      thank you

    • @psilocylence
      @psilocylence 4 года назад +1

      Wow, thank you!

  • @poshko41
    @poshko41 5 лет назад +3335

    Listening to the guy's voice, he could have a successful second career narrating kids' shows on the BBC.

    • @lalakuma9
      @lalakuma9 5 лет назад +94

      He narrates his own audiobooks, and yes, it's great.

    • @clairek4523
      @clairek4523 5 лет назад +32

      @@lalakuma9 - Thanks so much for making me aware of his audiobooks - this talk really spoke to me and I want more of it!

    • @chermia97
      @chermia97 5 лет назад +16

      He is very easy to listen to.

    • @asilver50
      @asilver50 5 лет назад +22

      I was thinking how much I love his voice. He's also a very good speaker. He must have a lot of practice.

    • @carolinaarevalo7264
      @carolinaarevalo7264 5 лет назад +11

      My phonetics teacher would love to listen to this man

  • @moragmacgregor6792
    @moragmacgregor6792 5 лет назад +134

    I found myself close to tears a few times. That tells me that I have some emotional hygiene issues to work on. I'd like to watch this again with my whole family. I hope it would stimulate a positive, healing conversation.
    Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and insights, Dr Winch.

    • @sharonevelynmclaren6274
      @sharonevelynmclaren6274 2 года назад

      Thank You for this 'first aid' solution to help our very sick Hurting World .. it is an urgent need to ALL living in God's wonderful Creation 💕🙏

    • @roushnirafamajumder1578
      @roushnirafamajumder1578 2 года назад +2

      I've already opened a new playlist named "rewatch" section & put this video first on the list. I'll watch this again whenever I'll feel emotional pain.

    • @KatarinaS.
      @KatarinaS. 2 года назад +1

      Being close to tears listening to this talk doesn't mean that you have emotional issues, it means that you have empathy. That's a good thing.

    • @user5214
      @user5214 2 года назад

      @@roushnirafamajumder1578 reminder that this video exists if you are feeling in need of some emotional first aid ⛑️ ❤️

  • @Mrs.HatakeKakashi
    @Mrs.HatakeKakashi 8 лет назад +539

    The clarity he projected with the concepts were spectacular. one of the best TED videos so far.

    • @saveUyghurs
      @saveUyghurs 5 лет назад +4

      Agreed! A standing ovation was deserved!!

  • @puppibanana
    @puppibanana 8 лет назад +1847

    It's so difficult being compassionate to yourself...

    • @wewemcrhyne
      @wewemcrhyne 6 лет назад +66

      elm0505 you’re right. We are harder on ourselves than we would ever be on others

    • @pracowniaswiadomosci
      @pracowniaswiadomosci 5 лет назад +39

      that's why we have each other :)

    • @ricardobondocjr.3460
      @ricardobondocjr.3460 5 лет назад +7

      I couldn't agree with you more

    • @silog21
      @silog21 5 лет назад +19

      Oh yeah. It takes dedication to start shifting the horrible things we think about ourselves. But we can do it.

    • @mementomori502
      @mementomori502 5 лет назад +3

      So f4cking true

  • @aderiancreature8464
    @aderiancreature8464 4 года назад +18

    When he talked about him waiting for his brothers call, I started to cry. I know that feeling so good...

  • @wolfferoni
    @wolfferoni 7 лет назад +209

    Choosing to watch this video, despite the length, is probably the best thing I've done this week. How does this video not have more views? Everyone needs to watch this

  • @ilikecats9115
    @ilikecats9115 5 лет назад +2567

    "loneliness affects immune system"
    Me- *cough*

    • @Aethuviel
      @Aethuviel 5 лет назад +60

      I moved to my first apartment when I was 20. Between the age of 20-24, I was sick 3-4 times a year. I had no friends.
      Then I met my husband, now nearly four years ago. I'm barely sick once a year, and fight it off almost immediately when I do catch something.

    • @HeyPhonsi
      @HeyPhonsi 5 лет назад +22

      I agree. I am battling a life long disease and the minute I reached out for a shoulder to cry on, I started feeling healed and haven't had any physical complications for a month now. I started living again. In fact, my life is much better because a human very dear to me 'my mother' made me promise her that my primary goal in life should be 'to be happy'. I am honouring it and always will :-)

    • @muhammadsaadmansoor7777
      @muhammadsaadmansoor7777 5 лет назад +4

      @@HeyPhonsi you are lucky. My God bless you.

    • @lovepeaceisneverguaranteed7385
      @lovepeaceisneverguaranteed7385 5 лет назад

      Get well soon tho pal and take some panado for that cold u have going on cough don't be silly cough.

    • @poojashukla5640
      @poojashukla5640 5 лет назад

      Totally Agreed!

  • @prb16
    @prb16 5 лет назад +18

    After recovering from a traumatic event i churned over and over why it ate into me, why it left me hollow. And i realised that it was less the event and more of how i had hacked away at my mind and soul by negative thoughts that i collapsed into a nobody. I lost my confidence, pride, compassion, desire to live ; all because of what i did to my lonely self within the four walls of my empty house. I hate to discuss my personal life but i know what it is like, so anyone feeling the same, please know what this guy has said is true. It is just a state of mind not the reality. You can change your reality by changing your state of mind. Bless you x

  • @rkohlikool14
    @rkohlikool14 5 лет назад +490

    The reason he could talk with such conviction and also convince us is because he has been through it and shared the same honestly.
    Great Ted talk.! 👌✌️

    • @Jlong2o
      @Jlong2o 5 лет назад

      True! ! :)

  • @aliacka54
    @aliacka54 8 лет назад +1637

    One of the best Ted Talks I've ever watched

  • @LaysouKim
    @LaysouKim Месяц назад +1

    This is several books and wisdom in less than 20 minutes. Breaks down what we need in a witty humorous way while passing the message, enough for anyone to start some serious introspection. Thank you.

  • @niwe3631
    @niwe3631 6 лет назад +118

    Ruminating is what I’m doing right now. I can’t stop hearing all the negative stuff I heard in a recent disagreement with a loved one. It’s overwhelming and causing me anxiety. I keep thinking bad stuff about myself. I want to be better. This video is much needed and I’m on my way to getting better. Thank u.

    • @shafeequekottakkal5273
      @shafeequekottakkal5273 5 лет назад

      Well said....

    • @weekendmovie3793
      @weekendmovie3793 5 лет назад +2

      There are ways to help break the over thinking cycle. One expert I like is Reid Wilson. His RUclips channel under his name and his website, anxieties.com, have some great helps to understand the true nature of anxiety and how you feed it and gratefully how you can starve it. It is highly curable.

    • @aboutdawntoday
      @aboutdawntoday 5 лет назад

      Try to force your mind off it by thinking of something else for 2 minutes like he said or better yet do what you would tell a friend to do if they came to you hurting like that.

    • @IamKayneISO
      @IamKayneISO 5 лет назад

      I was this before and even worse than my present condition. Not until I had spent months to attend positive seminar, the negative thoughts slowly faded. And I can control it.

  • @monkiram
    @monkiram 6 лет назад +55

    I used to be the worst ruminator you could ever imagine. Especially during elementary school, I would spend the entire day stuck in my mind, regretting everything I've ever done and reliving the shame. As I got older, I started to notice how this bad habit was making my life miserable, and over the years I learned how to be mindful of it when it happens and remind myself that it's not healthy, that my brain makes everything more negative than it is, and more recently, I've also started stopping it with distractions. I don't know how healthy it is because usually I distract myself by watching RUclips videos lol, but at least when it's TED Talks, I learn something!

  • @takashiymatcha
    @takashiymatcha 2 года назад +17

    I have never related to a WHOLE video about what I have been struggling to since the pandemic and this video made me feel safe and that I am valid wherein a lot of times I do not feel that way in my life. In the past month, I worked as an intern here in our place and I started it with a whole different and new environment in my home/neighborhood and even all of the people I worked with were all complete strangers to me. I never let my guard down in that short amount of time I've been an intern so that the people there won't really know who I am, that I am a very vulnerable person and also have depression and anxiety. I couldn't even believe myself that whole time there, I was the strong person that I wish I could be in everyday, but I guess I really just have episodes in my life. Getting better everyday!

  • @RachRACHbaby
    @RachRACHbaby 5 лет назад +765

    Man. I always see the right random TedTalk at the right time :)

    • @feelalive649
      @feelalive649 5 лет назад

      Yeah me too

    • @dawnettsPOV
      @dawnettsPOV 5 лет назад +6

      Right? Thank God cause I needed this today and didn't know how much it would help. 🙂🙂🙂

    • @relaxingmuzics
      @relaxingmuzics 5 лет назад +2

      even i just thinking about it and it appeared on my recommendation. sorry for my bad engs

    • @alifarooqrajpoot
      @alifarooqrajpoot 5 лет назад +1

      May be these software algorithms are getting better and better at analysing our thinking and thus showing us relevant videos.

    • @shernielyn3046
      @shernielyn3046 5 лет назад

      Same.

  • @chickenskink1
    @chickenskink1 5 лет назад +357

    Maybe try journaling everyday for ten minutes, talking to yourself or about yourself, positively and compassionately. I've heard that it's a good way to slowly change the way you think.

    • @tinachilla5652
      @tinachilla5652 5 лет назад +20

      i confirm , personally it worked and i changed from a negative sad person to a positive and thankful one

    • @chickenskink1
      @chickenskink1 5 лет назад +7

      @@tinachilla5652 that's really good! congratulations!

    • @tinachilla5652
      @tinachilla5652 5 лет назад +3

      @@chickenskink1 thank you !

    • @chickenskink1
      @chickenskink1 5 лет назад +1

      @@tinachilla5652 you're welcome haha

    • @tagaway6173
      @tagaway6173 5 лет назад +12

      For people that might struggle at first with the writing or self positive talk,
      There's also visualization of what you want or how you want things to be.
      But even that one was a bit hard for me,
      There's also the
      "How will you feel if X,Y,Z, happened already?"
      So trying "to feel" has work a bit.
      I know there are names for these. My English is bad.
      A bit of all might work to;
      Writing
      Self talk
      Visualization
      Feeling
      In a way you are doing the same thing, you have to think about X subject.
      Is just that we are all so different, lol.
      I used to get discouraged when certain things worked on others and no me
      Now I understand I have to keep trying to I find "my thing".

  • @camandresjl
    @camandresjl 4 года назад +156

    "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”
    ― Henry Ford

  • @gamerN77
    @gamerN77 9 лет назад +488

    I've seen quite a few TED talks now, but this one is by far my favourite!
    Don't get me wrong, I love watching most of the other ones, but this one is really special in my opinion.

  • @squirrel36274
    @squirrel36274 9 лет назад +276

    holy crap.... he's absolutely RIGHT! I was on the verge of tears hearing him point out whats been the matter with me for the past 3years! I've been lonely, depressed, and have been nothing but negative to myself. But the moment he defined what loneliness is and does I knew b4 he started talking about how to change it. and my tears became of happiness. positmestic, hopeful, and encouraged! The encouragement that ive been searching for for years now. as simple as that, it was or is, like a slap in the face! how obvious! idk how long this joy of releif will last, however it doesn't matter anyway because I know now, what it is, and how to fix it. Thank you, thank you sooooo sooooooooo sooooooooooooooooo much! !!!

    • @anshnoorkaur5994
      @anshnoorkaur5994 6 лет назад +2

      I'm glad!

    • @sofifl
      @sofifl 6 лет назад +15

      How's it going now, 2 years later?

    • @ashishkovuri3572
      @ashishkovuri3572 6 лет назад +3

      Hey aerick how are you now

    • @englahimla9451
      @englahimla9451 6 лет назад +2

      Yeah, how're you doing now, Aerick? Feeling better and more positive? How did things turn out? I'm really curious! (Hope everything is good!)

    • @bendemare5270
      @bendemare5270 6 лет назад

      I'm happy you were happy
      Hope you're doing well

  • @debrasbarkle4896
    @debrasbarkle4896 2 года назад +11

    This was posted 7 years ago and I am just now seeing it. ❤ Sharing with my adult children and friends.

  • @Ludifant
    @Ludifant 5 лет назад +318

    what an incredibly powerful talk. Being your own best friend as an emotional band aid. I must remember that.

  • @LemonWedge123
    @LemonWedge123 10 лет назад +690

    Having any mental/emotional problems is considered weak and embarrassing, which discourages psychological "routine check-ups", among other things. Plus, letting yourself be vulnerable with a complete stranger is terrifying.

    • @DSBrekus
      @DSBrekus 10 лет назад +25

      nullins Top notch fear mongering dude.

    • @LemonWedge123
      @LemonWedge123 10 лет назад +5

      /

    • @MagnesiumEnterprise
      @MagnesiumEnterprise 10 лет назад +5

      nullins
      It's cool, bro.

    • @coldcube
      @coldcube 10 лет назад +11

      Agreed. When I would explode with anger it seems that it was very embarrassing and disrespectful. After its over its like I've wrecked my own reputation. And then, even after that...it turns out that the way I thought people would think of me, wasn't even how they thought and I screwed myself over. All because of the rumination and failure.

    • @coldcube
      @coldcube 10 лет назад +6

      LemonWedge123 Well if we are, then we know that what the doc said was true. Distractions work like a charm. It seems like I take failure too seriously. I guess certain people have to keep moving forward. Like myself. I used to be level headed, or a better description is **was seen** as level headed. But I think my reputation mattered most to me, and when I broke my own character I was disappointing myself. I can't depend on others to make me see myself how I want to be seen.

  • @carolinegreer7821
    @carolinegreer7821 5 лет назад +39

    2:10 "Walk it off, it's just in your leg."
    3:28 "My brother is also a psychologist, so he's not a real doctor either."
    4:13 "We decided to splurge and we talked for 10 minutes."
    10:03 "I said "In the front seat" but that made no sense to him whatsoever, so now he thought I was on drugs."

  • @sogghartha
    @sogghartha 10 лет назад +2473

    Loneliness, failure, rejection, rumination.. sounds like a checklist of my life.

    • @3dge--runner
      @3dge--runner 10 лет назад +70

      most of our lives my friend...

    • @TheLawrence05
      @TheLawrence05 10 лет назад +28

      at least you are not alone in this :D

    • @MyMasterController
      @MyMasterController 9 лет назад +14

      That's a step in the right direction then :D
      You have the check list and now you can go and isolate the triggers. Which one goes where at one moment and make strategies on how to turn that into positive force for you in your own way!

    • @SporkRevolution
      @SporkRevolution 9 лет назад +8

      +sogghartha I feel for you buddy. And I often feel the same way.

    • @spaghetti6155
      @spaghetti6155 7 лет назад +7

      There is still hope my friend. There is still hope. I used to be in that place as well.. Up until today. But we can make it..

  • @MakeEmSay4
    @MakeEmSay4 6 лет назад +25

    Dr. Winch speaks with great compassion and understanding. He seems like a good man.

  • @Jaykyi
    @Jaykyi 2 года назад +1

    This came in the perfectly right time Jesus Christ… nobody talks about rumination at all, knowing someone is doing worse and not knowing how to deal with not being to help them is such a painful feeling. Yeah they might say “I’ll deal with it” or “I’m positive that I’ll be fine” but you sometimes can’t help but sympathise how much their going through and feel bad for not sharing the same feeling… Bro I really needed this this thank you 13:44 btw

  • @harryshin3209
    @harryshin3209 8 лет назад +162

    A little fact literally a few hours ago.
    I texted my girlfriend at uni some useless rubbish like
    "Whatcha doin anyway?, Ru busy?, When are you finished for the day?, Sweet!, Cool!"
    Naturally, eventually the fb messaging stopped because the convo went nowhere.
    I saw that she saw my messages but she didn't reply.
    for the next hour I kept flicking on my phone to see if she replied anything back ANYTHING...
    I felt bad, started thinking all negative thoughts. Felt really bad and sad. I always had problems with my emotional security.
    I went to a library, and watched this first video, to hear this man say something along the lines of:
    "once you've convinced yourself that you're a failure, it's very hard to convince yourself otherwise, to the point where we believe we are a failure and we never even try"
    "Our mind is hard to change once we become convinced we're a failure... You cannot allow yourself to say you can't succeed. We have to fight feelings of helplessness, you have to gain control over the situation, and you have to break this kind of negative cycle before it begins"
    So I picked up my phone and asked her what I truly wanted to say
    "Lets get that mango snowthing tonight. Keen?"
    and she replied
    ":)"
    ":)"
    ":)"
    "keen".
    This man knows what the f**k he's talking about. Respect to you sir.

    • @carinamaren7779
      @carinamaren7779 8 лет назад +10

      thank u for sharing this! It contains very precious information to me!!!

    • @Yay_be
      @Yay_be 8 лет назад +6

      Thank you for sharing your experience! We really need reassurance and get a grip and step out of our own mind and be daring to reach out!

    • @nicksheerin6520
      @nicksheerin6520 7 лет назад +8

      Harry Shin Your usage of the word keen is keen.

    • @whatdoyoulivefor735
      @whatdoyoulivefor735 7 лет назад +3

      Flippin' adorable.

    • @lycheemyusic
      @lycheemyusic 5 лет назад

      thank you for sharing

  • @EuropeanQoheleth
    @EuropeanQoheleth 9 лет назад +268

    Rumination is horrible stuff indeed. I speak from experience.

    • @tuleybee2425
      @tuleybee2425 5 лет назад +3

      Complaining Qoheleth I’ve caught myself in the spiral of rumination ..

  • @jkdog3242
    @jkdog3242 2 года назад

    I watched this Ted talk years ago, and I didn't remember that I watched it based on the title, so I put it in my watch later, got around to it, and realized how significantly this video changed the way I speak to myself. If I wouldn't accept the way a friend spoke to me, why should I accept or believe it from myself? This idea fundamentally altered the course of my emotional health. Bless this man

  • @rachelw821
    @rachelw821 5 лет назад +546

    Wow. The story about rejection and calling the "friend"...🤯💯💯💯

    • @shoukifong
      @shoukifong 5 лет назад +18

      Me everytime.. Even as simple as forgeting some people's name
      I still remember some small mistake I made 10 years ago

    • @kiannasade
      @kiannasade 5 лет назад +2

      This part made my eyes water🥺

    • @hazelsleep4264
      @hazelsleep4264 5 лет назад +1

      It was his twin, not just a friend

    • @rojodivagante
      @rojodivagante 5 лет назад +1

      Hazel Sleep she talks about the story of the women who was rejected

  • @briankelly85
    @briankelly85 9 лет назад +389

    We take our kids for physical vaccinations, dental exams, eye checkups. When do we think to take our - our son or daughter for a mental health checkup?

    • @andeggbreaks
      @andeggbreaks 6 лет назад +65

      This should absolutely become common practice. Even someone who's generally mentally healthy would benefit from a psychologist session every year or so.

    • @BruhWhyDidTheyChangeThis
      @BruhWhyDidTheyChangeThis 5 лет назад +2

      True some health professionals say you should do both. Your mind and body are interconnected, if one is out of wack it will mess with the other. Your mind also is your consciousness so it’s arguably the most important part of your existence and the most complex. You should check it all of the time

    • @janpieterszooncoen2550
      @janpieterszooncoen2550 5 лет назад

      Actually I was never taken to a doctor.

  • @adneseljeset712
    @adneseljeset712 2 года назад +25

    A master in his field, making a difficult subject understandable and relatable.

  • @claudiap.6838
    @claudiap.6838 10 лет назад +86

    ''loneliness creates a deep psychological wund, one that distorts out percection and scrambles our thinking''
    OMG! SO WORTH WATCHING!
    I

  • @microbiologeest
    @microbiologeest 5 лет назад +184

    I just want to say that this Ted talk helped me a lot when I was in a dark place, thank you so much. Also, if you're going through something, life is hard but just keep moving forward and growing as a person.

  • @IceCream-t9w
    @IceCream-t9w 4 года назад +6

    This video made me that I wanna study psychology 4 years ago .... and now Im a college student of psychology in japan. When I get tired I come to here sometimes. Thank you so much doctor guy winch you makes my confidence always

  • @rachel.O-O
    @rachel.O-O 5 лет назад +45

    I’m a twin and I say that everything he said about twins is true. I love his storytelling.

  • @knowone1723
    @knowone1723 8 лет назад +365

    this guy gave me a boost and let me aspire to become a psychotherapist

    • @uim_Zalk
      @uim_Zalk 5 лет назад +17

      Is it working out?

    • @nihalmohammed6674
      @nihalmohammed6674 5 лет назад +9

      Hope everything's going smooth now

    • @syub2407
      @syub2407 5 лет назад +8

      hows it going now

    • @jenaprithviraj0433
      @jenaprithviraj0433 5 лет назад +1

      @Deligah Hawkins, hmmm, just a psychotherapist..... not a real doctor.
      Haha. Did you read some psychotherapy btw?

    • @limchenghao5750
      @limchenghao5750 5 лет назад +1

      All the best!

  • @qualitycrazy5516
    @qualitycrazy5516 4 года назад +30

    I discovered this on accident. It was NOT an accident. I needed to hear this & God knew it. Such an amazing 17 minutes. Thank you so much! I am in one of the loneliest seasons of my life. I understand the importance of positive thinking. I didn't used to know how negative my thinking was. Even when my outward communication was positive, my inner monolog & self talk were negative. I'm trying feel so down, but I struggle. I look forward to listening to the Emotional First Aid video💗

  • @lilacosmanthus
    @lilacosmanthus 10 лет назад +42

    Loneliness is a monster. It's so much of a monster I can't recognize it anymore. Am I alone or am I lonely... I no longer can differentiate. As soon as I am surrounded by people and overwhelmed by conversation, I want to be alone. But once I achieve it, I don't know what to do anymore and feel very awkward.

    • @E-plunksna
      @E-plunksna 5 лет назад +2

      oh i recognize it very well what your saying. i was in rhat state for decades.
      after years and years of work with myself i realized, being alone is beneficial too. we need both - to practice connection with others as well as to stay alone. we need to be alone for some time too. and we need to know how to be alone without feeling bad. it's programmed into us "oh it's so bad to be alone, if youre alone somethings wrong with you", brainwashing. and then we suddenly find ourselves in "oh somethings wrong with me"
      and the state while being alone depends on how healthy and balanced i am. when i was very negative, dependant, disbalanced, injured,btraumatized, unhealthy psychologically, i was feeling awfully in any situation - alone or with people or even used to have problems with the ones i felt a bond with.
      as soon as i worked over a part of my psychological health, i began feeling better and better in any situation too.
      there's a saying - even shoes hinder a bad dancer.
      even the most comfortable situation can become a problem, if i am not healthy minded. and even the most challemging situation can turn into a lesson or joy or positive change, if i am healthy minded.

  • @Lintlikr1
    @Lintlikr1 9 лет назад +166

    This guy's voice is incredible.

  • @MM-yi9zn
    @MM-yi9zn 2 года назад +11

    We should watch this every day! Brilliant, obvious but desperately needed!

  • @kalanyou3275
    @kalanyou3275 5 лет назад +132

    Thank you for sharing your decades of experience for no fee.

    • @MariChambers
      @MariChambers 4 года назад +5

      Pretty sure anyone who gives a TedTalk gets paid, but yes it's nice that Ted publishes these to watch for free

    • @mrkm8436
      @mrkm8436 4 года назад +4

      @@MariChambers I agree with you both, though i think the cost of withholding informations like these and not sharing comes at greater cost than any money could ever make up for. Good information and Knowledge is valueable, but also absolutely deserves to be shared. I'm really grateful for it too.

  • @autumnparadox
    @autumnparadox 6 лет назад +10

    after a chain of horrific events and losing my life companion (my cat) while being untreated for depression and anxiety; i absolutely needed to hear this lecture. I'm so glad I stumbled in here...

    • @MF-xp9tq
      @MF-xp9tq 3 года назад

      I hope that everything is much better for you today.
      May you be blessed.

  • @wanjingsim9685
    @wanjingsim9685 2 года назад +1

    i clicked on this video without thinking much and i completely froze when he talked about loneliness...i never realised how emotionally wounded i was until this video
    i think i speak for many people when i say thank you doctor, truly. your advice has saved many people from so much pain ❤

  • @Ernthir
    @Ernthir 8 лет назад +987

    I'm just 3 min in and already love this. "Just walk it off. It's all in your leg" XD

  • @harshajoshii
    @harshajoshii 5 лет назад +33

    I love his tone of voice. He can have a great career in recording audio-books if he wants a change from patients! Not to mention this is one of the best ted talks I have watched.

    • @Sinjinator
      @Sinjinator 5 лет назад

      I keep wondering, where is he from?

  • @Little_Nikah
    @Little_Nikah 5 лет назад +3

    In the past years I've been watching videos like this, and reading about things like these... But oh lord. This is the first one that actually reach my mind. It's like he broke a wall that I didn't know it existed. There are no words to describe how grateful I am now... And motivated to know myself better.

  • @dianamolnar1384
    @dianamolnar1384 5 лет назад +134

    This is literally going to change how I live my life

  • @emskowable
    @emskowable 5 лет назад +16

    BEST. SPEECH. I’VE. EVER. HEARD.
    I’m speechless.. and just learned more in those few minutes than in all my 40 years of life 👏

  • @sakshi8302
    @sakshi8302 2 года назад +33

    I absolutely loved your Ted-talk winch. Thank you so much for this amazing speech..this sentence helped me do much, "Treat yourself like you'd expect from a truly good friend." 💛

  • @libbyrichards5542
    @libbyrichards5542 5 лет назад +129

    WHY AM I CRYING, THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

  • @xiimarii4372
    @xiimarii4372 10 лет назад +382

    Perfect voice for voice acting, voice overs, audio book, etc.

    • @LazyOtaku
      @LazyOtaku 10 лет назад +15

      Yeah, and a twin no less. They could of been good actors in a different life.

  • @SuchethaKutty
    @SuchethaKutty 2 месяца назад

    I’m a psychologist and this was so beautifully explained! Hats off to you and your brother for understanding the nuances of mental health and how focusing on ‘actions’ everyday can create such an impact! ✨

  • @nili8888
    @nili8888 5 лет назад +46

    his voice and storytelling are a emotional first aid as it is!
    everyone should hear his good message! 👍🏼

  • @beebuenaflor
    @beebuenaflor 5 лет назад +92

    One of the best TED Talks I heard! 👏

  • @bluelly8516
    @bluelly8516 4 года назад +12

    This is gotta be one of my favorite TED talk. Thank you Dr. Guy Winch, your speech really saved my life. Stay strong everyone.

  • @deimanteganyte1904
    @deimanteganyte1904 6 лет назад +22

    Watching this again after having a really dark period of loneliness and suicidal thoughts makes a lot of sence.

  • @johndawhale3197
    @johndawhale3197 5 лет назад +9

    Whenever I feel lonely or depressed I always remind myself that there are wonderful caring people in Colombia and the Philippines that will always take care of me and make me feel happy again...

  • @Dinky-zv4hc
    @Dinky-zv4hc 5 лет назад +1

    I wanted this ted talk so badly! I cried when he talked about loneliness. You can be around people, friends, family and feel disconnected and that creates loneliness.

  • @johanispro4219
    @johanispro4219 8 лет назад +4

    I think this ted talk is truly one of the best out there. It completely changed my perspective on live and health. Mental hygiene is the next step to becoming an even more advanced society and could solve endless amounts of problems we currently struggle with.

  • @amandanavarro2465
    @amandanavarro2465 8 лет назад +38

    I love his thoughts on loneliness. Most people believe that loneliness is a choice, but it has a deeper meaning to it. Brilliant! 😬

  • @clareciolli6049
    @clareciolli6049 2 года назад +4

    Hearing him speak on failure was particularly eye opening for me. I am recently out of a serious period of depression because of a failure. This gives me hope I can tackle inevitable future failures more mindfully!

  • @patrickthomas3385
    @patrickthomas3385 5 лет назад +63

    This is exactly what I needed right now. I don't get to say this a lot, but thank you internet (and TED and Guy Winch of course).

  • @soundaryabaswarajsheher6574
    @soundaryabaswarajsheher6574 5 лет назад +57

    Man the timing of this coming on my feed...
    It's my birthday, n I'm crying.. n this video.. thanks RUclips

    • @allencarson4449
      @allencarson4449 4 года назад

      Happy almost Birthday!

    • @laqueenawarren8740
      @laqueenawarren8740 4 года назад

      @Soundarya Baswaraj Happy belated birthday! I pray what you were crying about is now history!! You are valued because God chose YOU on your special day!! Stay blessed!! 🤗🙏🏽🎁🎈🎂

    • @harikrishnaraghuraman3348
      @harikrishnaraghuraman3348 4 года назад

      Happy birthday

  • @rilikoizumi7664
    @rilikoizumi7664 4 года назад +1

    This is the most impressive speech that I've ever heard. I didn't realize protecting my own esteem can connect maintain mental health and not to enter the negative cycle.
    I wanna get this mindset and hope more people who are holding something negative can be saved by it.

  • @KainzyTV
    @KainzyTV 5 лет назад +58

    Thank god I watched this! Been emotionally damaged for years and never knew I wasn’t a good friend to myself to revive

    • @daralillyluchen3722
      @daralillyluchen3722 5 лет назад +1

      Kainzy TV ever adult should be s/his best friend

    • @daralillyluchen3722
      @daralillyluchen3722 5 лет назад +1

      Kainzy TV you're a sensitive soul

    • @daralillyluchen3722
      @daralillyluchen3722 5 лет назад +1

      Kainzy TV in a good way I mean😌

    • @von6413
      @von6413 4 года назад

      That’s how I’ve been and never really realized. I just completely gave up on taking care of myself, went from A student to failing almost every class, stopped wanting to socialize with people etc. It’s still the same right now but I’m trying to make it better somehow

  • @JulianAbreu
    @JulianAbreu 8 лет назад +269

    this was amazing.
    i had to clap at the end, i really loved it.

    • @YashpalKrishna
      @YashpalKrishna 8 лет назад +2

      me too

    • @byDora
      @byDora 8 лет назад +2

      try Augusto Cury work

    • @dylangoldberg6164
      @dylangoldberg6164 8 лет назад +3

      I think by mental hygiene he's talking about not thinking negitivly

  • @cloudaltair1314
    @cloudaltair1314 2 года назад +5

    Come acrossed this vid by accident, coincidentally I was having a bad day. I never knew I needed this to lighten up the burden I'm feeling. Thank you so much!

  • @trevorbaugh1335
    @trevorbaugh1335 9 лет назад +19

    I could listen to this man for ages. He's definitely got a future available (if he's interested) in narration or audio books.

  • @gonnahavemesomefun
    @gonnahavemesomefun 5 лет назад +21

    Speechless. Close to tears. Doctors should be psychologists like this first, then a doctor of the physical stuff. Bravo.

  • @oliviap.1370
    @oliviap.1370 4 года назад +3

    This has helped me so much. Its helped me recognize why I've been feeling so bad for the past three months, and now I'm going to try and take action and talk to the person causing me pain to tell them how they're hurting me. I can't thank this man enough :,)

  • @pipkin5287
    @pipkin5287 5 лет назад +17

    As someone struggling with mental health issues since childhood, it was so incredibly cathartic to watch this talk. Thank you so much for speaking for us, for everyone's health. Especially speaking on loneliness. It's interesting to know that those whose words should fall the heaviest - those who have experienced mental health issues and would be taken serious under many other circumstances - often does not bear much weight with healthy individuals.

  • @lolagrandebutera9345
    @lolagrandebutera9345 9 лет назад +8

    i saw this video in the sadness moment of my life and in 17 minutes i was full of energy and happyness

  • @susanfisher336
    @susanfisher336 3 года назад +1

    Once I was told we can become addicted to grief, negativity, etc but can actually rechannel our thinking, it made sense. As humans, we must remember it's all in the brain and only an individual has the power to change the way thoughts are processed. No one can do this for you. It's your unique brain.

  • @FurrySh0ck
    @FurrySh0ck 5 лет назад +56

    2:25
    "Why is it our physical health is so much more important to us than our psychological health?"
    That's the story of my life in a nutshell right there

  • @elianne5164
    @elianne5164 5 лет назад +12

    Ted talkings... I never seen so beautiful talking about psychology ever.. also his voice is sooo sweet

  • @awakenyourspirit2219
    @awakenyourspirit2219 4 года назад +9

    I never beat myself up when I fail or get rejected I'm so grateful I never do the bad self talk THANK YOU MOM u teached me the strongest thing In the world 💙

    • @khell2010
      @khell2010 3 года назад

      How did she do that?

  • @tanern1191
    @tanern1191 5 лет назад +75

    Looks like I just found the most important video of the century.

  • @MrYusraa
    @MrYusraa 6 лет назад +6

    "He no longer missed me the way i missed him..
    I knew he would calling in the morning..
    but that night was one of the saddest and longest nights of my life"

  • @Jokaanan
    @Jokaanan 3 года назад +2

    I am a student having a productivity crisis and acute stress for the past few days. I realized that every time I get excited about an assignment, and then fall short of expectations, it is a real heartbreak experience... I feel like I'm in a toxic state that snuck up on me. This talk is very helpful. I had no idea where to start with what I'm going through.

  • @spiritspace9926
    @spiritspace9926 5 лет назад +13

    Thank you so much for this. As a lone twin it touched me on so many levels. At my sisters funeral I had everyone read out the I love myself statement from Louise Hays book You can heal your life. I instinctively knew I would only survive her death by trying to love myself as much as she did. But the loneliness runs deep here on this physical plane even though I know spiritually we are still joined. So glad for you that you still have your twin and you are sharing the life lessons you came together for. Thanks for the tips I will definitely use the two minute distraction technique. God bless you both.